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00:00:01.145What's going on, guys?
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00:00:03.148Welcome to the Evolve Mastery Podcast.
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00:00:08.868I'm excited to be sitting down with a new friend of mine and we had an amazing conversation.
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00:00:20.626Today I'm sitting down with Kristen Lee Mancerian and she's a published author, consultant, speaker, the founder of the Elysian Retreat in Sedona, Arizona, who's known for her raw storytelling and transformational lens on love.
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00:00:27.993Kristen also creates intimate weddings and family retreats that help to break generational cycles and rebuild trust, connection and legacy.
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00:00:37.088So, guys, you know I'm all about connection, I'm all about trust, I'm all about legacy and living in the integrity of your power, potential and purpose in every area of your life.
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00:00:54.273But Kristen is also a former Peace Corps volunteer and she draws from her own journey through postpartum psychosis, cross-cultural marriage and motherhood to help guide others towards healing that sticks, Because a lot of the times when we're growing, we'll take a few steps and then we go backwards.
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00:00:55.807We'll take a few steps and we go backwards.
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00:01:07.162But she really helps to guide people in a way that it helps them to stick and lock into that growth and that evolution, into that growth and that evolution.
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00:01:10.093But she does this through different ways through sacred space, holding, somatic practices and honest conversation.
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00:01:16.775Kristen helps families and couples reimagine what's possible when love becomes the starting point.
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00:01:20.602But, guys, I'm excited to move into this next phase with you guys.
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00:01:30.155But without further ado, we're going to go ahead and dive right into this segment and I hope you guys enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed having this conversation.
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00:01:36.825Again, welcome to the Evolve Mastery Podcast, Cause I know that it's worth it.
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00:01:52.412These affirmations Let me know that I'm already perfect.
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00:01:58.165Are you that one Say, yes, I am Hundred miles up?
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00:01:59.429Say, yes, I can.
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00:02:00.683Is it our love?
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00:02:01.868Say, yes, I am.
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00:02:04.448Yes, I am, yes, I am.
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00:02:05.484Are you that one?
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00:02:06.590Say, yes, I am, yes, I am.
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00:02:09.683I said yes, I am A hundred miles up, yes, I can.
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00:02:10.647Is it all?
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00:02:16.347Yes, I am, yes, I am, yes, I am, it's my life.
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00:02:25.943So I tell me I'm alright, and it helps me Realize that I'm wealthy, rich in passion, rich in magic, it's my life.
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00:02:33.314So I tell me Hello and welcome to this episode of the Evolve Mastery Podcast.
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00:02:43.748I'm your host, princeton Clark, and today I have another very special guest with me, Mrs Kristen Mansourian, and I'm really excited about this guest, guys.
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00:02:53.891I actually connected to her through her husband, who I'm a part of a men's group with, and he just talked about just how special she was and the journey that she's been taking.
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00:03:00.370But, guys, you guys know I sit down and I talk with different people from different walks of life who are taking that journey of self-mastery.
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00:03:19.233And, as we know, with self-mastery comes a lot of opportunities for growth, comes a lot of challenges, and many people who choose this path, who choose to show up in the world as a light, as powerful beings who want to assist others, have also traversed their own path through the darkness to find that light within themselves.
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00:03:21.543And Kristen is one of those people.
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00:03:24.867So, kristen, welcome, I'm so glad to have you here today.
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00:03:25.528How are you doing?
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00:03:26.830Good.
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00:03:29.593Thank you so much for such a warm introduction.
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00:03:30.900I'm so excited to be here.
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00:03:32.604I love what you said about self-mastery.
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00:03:52.493I think that's the whole purpose of human beings, right, like we are here to master ourselves and we are given so many life lessons along the way for us to really learn what we are here to learn, and so I'm so excited to talk today about my journey as well as maybe in yours together, and yeah, I'm excited, thank you.
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00:03:54.525Yeah, we're going to have a great conversation.
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00:03:56.128I'm really excited about this one.
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00:04:05.729Now we know that together you and your husband host a retreat space and you also cater to a lot of different people within that space, but your main focus professionally within that space.
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00:04:13.263You also cater to a lot of different people within that space, but your main focus professionally within that space you've catered to intimate weddings, and I know there's so much more to it than that.
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00:04:37.605But I want to give you some space because you are also a returning thought leader after having a baby and growing through different phases in your life, and so the people in podcast land they don't know you, they don't know anything about you, and so this is the moment where I just want to give you some space to kind of tell us a little bit about who you are now and then, if you feel free, open up and share a little bit about your journey and what has brought you to this point.
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00:04:40.853I'm a mom right, I'm also a daughter.
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00:05:11.627I am a creator, I'm an author, I'm a speaker there's so many facets of me that I wish I could say I can literally write a whole long list and I think that people listening in sometimes they group themselves as one role, but we actually fall into so many, and so currently I'm actually really focused on building a retreat space, continuing that journey, but later on I really see myself speaking again on stages, writing another book, and when it comes to our retreat space, I'm so in love with it because we don't just serve intimate weddings.
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00:05:16.766I think when people think about weddings, they think about the wedding industry, and it's a very performative space.
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00:05:29.560I actually used to be a wedding planner in LA and I planned 300 person weddings and that was very stressful, and that experience taught me that a lot of weddings are based purely on performance.
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00:05:38.730People are paying so much money just to have that feeling of like wow, so many people came to my wedding and the aspect of love is really lost.
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00:05:47.639So we basically created a space where it's focused more so on the love itself and then legacy building, created a space where it's focused more so on the love itself and then legacy building.
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00:05:59.531So I'm really excited to not just host weddings for people, but also have family retreats as well as something I call the embodied facilitator, which is where retreat facilitators actually get to host their own retreats and we create that retreat package for them.
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00:06:17.526So there's a lot to come, but essentially, I would like to say that our space is really meant for the person that's becoming I love that Now we often say you see the version of the person today and you hear the stories of why they got into the current work that they're doing.
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00:06:28.685But we all know that the journey didn't start there and I know you just recently went through a very challenging experience and there's other experiences that you've grown through.
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00:06:49.995But talk about major dark night of the soul experience I'd love for you to kind of share, because I know there's a lot of people out in podcast land saying and they're experiencing different things and they're saying how can I get to this point where I can share my message, how can I get to a point where I can start adding more light to the world by adding more light to my life?
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00:06:53.067Because right now I just I feel kind of stuck.
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00:06:58.459Right now I feel like I've been through so much and I have so much potential.
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00:07:02.511I know my soul is calling me higher, but how do I navigate through it?
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00:07:22.944But just so they can connect more deeply to you and who you are and what's brought you to this point, I'd love to talk a little bit about what you just recently experienced, because I know there's a lot that we have in common as far as my story and your story, but you just recently came out of something very challenging and I'd love for you to share a little bit about that, if you would.
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00:07:28.434Yeah, so I really do think that darkness you need darkness in order to have light right.
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00:07:35.887So I actually recently experienced something called postpartum psychosis, something that I never imagined would happen to me.
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00:07:37.565I didn't even know that existed.
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00:07:40.348I knew that postpartum depression was a thing.
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00:07:47.947I knew that postpartum anxiety was a thing, but I did not ever think or believe that I would be someone that went through postpartum psychosis.
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00:07:52.483But basically, what happened was a year ago I gave birth to my baby.
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00:08:00.166I had a home birth in Sedona at our retreat space, and after the home birth I actually had a retained placenta.
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00:08:10.370So basically, what that is is that after you give birth to your baby, you also have to give birth to your placenta, and essentially, when my placenta came out, it looked completely intact.
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00:08:24.370I mean, I spoke to a friend of mine who also had retained placenta, but she had her baby in the hospital and mine was so small it was only half a centimeter that it was undetectable to the eye, so my midwife who delivered my baby didn't notice it.
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00:08:40.524I didn't notice it, obviously, as a new mom, and so essentially, this retained placenta stayed inside of me and developed an infection that I did not know that I had, and so that infection alone caused a snowball effect of me having reoccurring infections.
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00:08:55.952It caused me to bleed out, it caused me to go to the hospital to get it removed and then on that process or in that process, the surgeon that removed my retained placenta actually lacerated my cervix and I ended up actually bleeding out.
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00:09:00.187And that's when I kind of like the psychotic break kind of started to happen.
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00:09:09.841I didn't notice it at the time, and my husband didn't either, because we were just dealing with so many new things as parents, right like on top of all of that, we also had a new baby to take care of.
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00:09:17.283So, um, as a parent yourself, princeton, you totally get it right like babies require a lot of work, a lot of sleepless nights.
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00:09:42.832So it's often very great to understand, like, what's really happening with me, right like I'm a new mom, navigating like sleepless nights and breastfeeding, and then I'm also navigating this infection that was in my body and on top of that, because of the surgeon messing up and like accidentally lacerating my cervix, it kind of prolonged my healing and I actually continue to have reoccurring infections for many months.
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00:09:56.692It probably took me around four months for all the infections to completely clear and the most important thing I want people to gather is that reoccurring infections, especially for women in the uterus, can cause psychosis.
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00:09:59.566So that was like the main culprit of what happened.
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00:10:07.413And what was really scary is that in the state of Arizona, and in any state, we treat mental health separately than your physical health.
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00:10:12.871So I guess my symptoms were showing that I was having depression or anxiety.
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00:10:24.291So when I went to the doctor they were treating my mental illness not knowing that I had a reoccurring infection, and that was kind of tying into my delusional thoughts.
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00:10:37.693I just have to take a moment and just be present with that and breathe with you on that, because I can only imagine, as a man who doesn't have to go through any of what you experienced.
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00:11:06.743I can only imagine the weight, the pressure, the confusion, the fear, the worry being a new mom and having this baby that's depending on you, and having a husband that you want to show up for, and all while trying to figure out what the heck is happening to me right now, and then, of course, having people in the medical space who don't really understand, they can't, they're not really treating it correctly, and so it goes a lot longer than it should.
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00:11:13.946I imagine that that felt like such a lonely time because you're experiencing this but nobody can really understand.
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00:11:22.287What do you think it is, as now, clearly you're on the other side of that what do you think was?
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00:11:40.410I always say there's a gift in every challenge, there's something that happens that comes for us, or comes to us, rather, when we experience tough moments like that in life, and sometimes we don't really know what that is, but I believe, just from our conversations, you found a lot of yourself returning after this experience.
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00:11:51.941So what was that like, coming out of it and facing those fears and still processing through being a mom, being a wife, but more than that, just being an individual, a spirit on this journey.
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00:11:55.849What was that transition like, as you began to heal?
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00:12:00.280oh my gosh, like the transition was not black and white.
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00:12:02.947It took a while in my healing journey.
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00:12:05.471It took so much, not just.
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00:12:08.707What I learned from this experience is obviously trust.
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00:12:10.774I think trust is the forefront of everything.
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00:12:16.008I came from a family that was very scarce, like my scarcity mindset, I would say.
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00:12:17.390I grew up middle class.
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00:12:19.822I didn't come from a very poor family.
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00:12:25.974However, my ancestors were poor, and what I mean by that is my dad actually grew up in South Central.
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00:12:54.230His experience of life was of scarcity right, and so even though he like kind of broke that mold with his own family meaning he went to USC and he got a good degree and like he got a good job, like a lot of my childhood was, through his lens, of scarcity right, and so I really was brought up thinking that the world was untrustworthy, people who are untrustworthy, and so my experience added to that right.
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00:12:56.727I was like, oh my gosh, like I can't trust nobody.
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00:13:12.471I can't trust the doctor, I can't trust my husband, and I really think that the postpartum period is such a huge initiation, not just for mothers but for fathers as well, more so, maybe on the mother's front in the beginning, because we're the ones actually giving birth.
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00:13:14.969Maybe for fathers it's a little bit later in life.
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00:13:19.230But essentially, what it taught me was that I really needed to go through this initiation.
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00:13:29.043It was very dark, so dark where maybe I don't wish it upon anyone because it has brought me to a, to a place where it was like I almost died.
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00:13:34.134Essentially, I was so lost in my thoughts that I were.
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00:13:36.745I have thoughts that my husband was drugging my daughter.
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00:13:53.768I had thoughts that my husband was part of the Illuminati, like really, really crazy thoughts, and it's funny to think back on it now, but at the time I really believed it and as someone that's like part of the spiritual world, like when you really believe your thoughts, it can become like a really scary thing.
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00:14:06.802And so, to answer your question, what I learned from this whole experience is that any big change either it's birth, whether it's getting married Marriage is a huge one too that people don't realize.
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00:14:14.991It's a portal, it's an initiation, it's a new chapter and we really need to look at those emotions behind our behaviors.
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00:14:25.148And that's also why I'm so passionate about what we're doing now with the Retreat Center, because most people bypass these big initiations and then it kind of like comes out sideways later.
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00:14:29.489So, to answer your question, that's what I basically learned from my whole experience.
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00:14:32.923Learning to lean in and trust the process.
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00:14:34.527Also, don't try to escape.
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00:14:36.510I love the word initiation.
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00:14:41.809One of my favorite quotes is if you change the way you see things, the things you see will change.
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00:14:54.385Imagine if everyone saw challenging moments, or those quote unquote dark night of the soul moments, as initiations into a new version of you, initiations into a new reality.
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00:15:03.427And they begin to introspectively ask the question what is this teaching me about how I get to show up now?
00:15:03.427 -->
00:15:07.554What is this teaching me about where I get to heal now?
00:15:07.554 -->
00:15:18.149What is this teaching me about what I must let go of now in order to step into this reality, to be this next version of myself?
00:15:18.149 -->
00:15:22.009And it's so huge because you have to trust yourself.
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00:15:24.668And a lot of the times this is what's happening.
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00:15:32.648Ultimately, our spirit is trying to bring us back to ourselves, back to that inner child, back to that freedom of expression, back to the fullness of what we are.
00:15:32.648 -->
00:15:45.485And with all the things that are in the way situations, circumstances, emotional trauma, mental trauma, physical trauma, the things that can happen there's a multitude of things that can happen in our life.
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00:15:54.072I love that word initiation because it's initiating a process, it's bringing you back to yourself and that's so beautiful.
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00:16:13.743Now we know that that's a recent experience that you had, but when we first spoke, you said you heard my story and, of course, for my podcast listeners, you guys have heard me talk about what I've experienced, as far as the abuse, the molestation, the deep depression and even being an alcoholic and all those different things.
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00:16:17.283If you've been here long enough, if you haven't go back, check out previous episodes.
00:16:17.283 -->
00:16:30.692But I know that's something that we also connected on and you definitely had a journey, just like I've had, leading up to that, because, again, we have people from every walk of life that listen to this podcast.
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00:16:33.705What were some other experiences that you had?
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00:16:50.433That because you are a thought leader and a speaker and you're returning back to that space, and so I know you speak a lot about healing, a lot about owning your power, a lot about really taking this life and honoring each breath, honoring the moment, getting present with yourself.
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00:17:08.790But we also know that gaining that wisdom does not come without many initiations, and so give us a little bit of your background, how you were raised, some of the things that you experienced that opened the door for you to be that thought leader, that guide, as I say for so many others.
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00:17:16.522Yeah, I love that you say that and I loved our conversation beforehand because it really opened the window of the possibility of what we could talk about today.
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00:17:46.090And to answer your question, I grew up I think on the outside people see it like, oh, she had a really normal childhood, right Like her parents were middle class, she went to college, but there was so much underneath that no one saw, and I think that is the part that's the hardest for me that the trauma that I went through was so different, because so, for example, right when I was, when I went through my postpartum psychosis, I had to go inpatient to an inpatient hospital.
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00:17:55.693I was amongst other people that had mental health issues, and a lot of them came from families of like substance abuse, molestation, like very similar walks of life.
00:17:55.693 -->
00:18:00.951For example, like you, I didn't go through like any like.
00:18:00.951 -->
00:18:04.849I didn't have any history of like substance abuse because my parents didn't believe in that.
00:18:04.849 -->
00:18:06.964Like, we're Asian and we're allergic to alcohol.
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00:18:12.546So, in a way, I almost feel like God blessed me in that sense, because I never got to experience that.
00:18:12.546 -->
00:18:27.539However, what I've learned recently is that you don't have to have substance abuse to experience trauma because something that I used to cope for many years without realizing that was super unhealthy, was actually like my toxic thoughts about myself.
00:18:27.780 -->
00:18:36.688So, as an Asian American, I grew up with a dad that was very critical, so nothing was ever good enough for him, and I actually was abused as a child.
00:18:36.688 -->
00:18:41.048My dad didn't drink right, so he didn't even have a coping mechanism.
00:18:41.048 -->
00:18:42.665Imagine if you didn't get to drink.
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00:18:49.633You just bottled up all your emotions and of course, you're going to lash out on your family, right?
00:18:49.633 -->
00:18:51.721So I was like on the receiving end of that.
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00:18:55.468Like my whole dad's line was abusive.
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00:18:58.614And again, it was from a lot of struggle.
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00:19:05.345It was from a lot of just coming from a place where they didn't know how to express their emotions, and so a lot of it came from abuse.
00:19:05.345 -->
00:19:06.804And I didn't know how to express their emotions, and so a lot of it came from abuse.
00:19:07.865 -->
00:19:12.922And I want to talk about the substance abuse part too, because I didn't grow up with alcohol.
00:19:12.922 -->
00:19:15.307I didn't have any place to cope.
00:19:15.307 -->
00:19:17.413For me, it was just all in my mind.
00:19:17.413 -->
00:19:22.089I was just in my mind all the time and it came out in so many different ways.
00:19:22.089 -->
00:19:24.806It came out in anger, it came out from criticism.
00:19:24.806 -->
00:19:32.492I remember when my husband and I first started dating, I was just criticizing him all the time, thinking that that was like super normal.
00:19:32.492 -->
00:19:35.724But it was from a lot of trauma, like it was a trauma response.
00:19:35.724 -->
00:19:44.019And so I think that because of so much mental trauma growing up, I also experienced depression.
00:19:44.019 -->
00:19:47.502I also experienced anxiety, but it was masked.
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00:19:52.012It was masked because, as an Asian American, I had to look the part.
00:19:52.012 -->
00:19:53.664I had to be a good girl.
00:19:53.664 -->
00:20:03.721We're often seen as very like silent and we don't really express our emotions, but all of that was bottled up and I really do think part of it was released during my postpartum.
00:20:03.721 -->
00:20:05.762It kind of like it has to come out some way.
00:20:05.762 -->
00:20:07.564So there you go, yeah.
00:20:10.767 -->
00:20:21.520Well, one thing we know is you can't hold it down for long, especially when you have a calling, when you have a purpose, even if you aren't even aware of any of any of those things.
00:20:21.520 -->
00:20:26.296The more you push down, it's eventually got to find a way to come out.
00:20:26.296 -->
00:20:34.740And it's those moments where we get hit, we get blindsided by life or by an experience, that a lot of that stuff begins to come up.
00:20:34.740 -->
00:20:44.111And it's so crazy how you can really deceive yourself into thinking you're okay, because, again, the masks we were.
00:20:44.111 -->
00:20:44.834I was a prof.
00:20:44.953 -->
00:20:51.005I learned how to create masks really well when I was in high school because of my deep depression.
00:20:51.005 -->
00:20:53.113I was the person that made everybody laugh.
00:20:53.113 -->
00:20:59.787I was the person that showed up, I defended people and I would cry myself to sleep at night and nobody saw that.
00:20:59.787 -->
00:21:01.332Nobody saw that version of me.
00:21:01.332 -->
00:21:02.295And I did that for years.
00:21:02.355 -->
00:21:21.194But, unlike you, alcohol, drugs those were my coping mechanisms because I was trying to find an escape, and so, in a way, it's kind of a blessing that you didn't have that coping mechanism, because it's so easy to get lost in it, because, at the end of the day, if all I have is my masks when I'm at home or when I'm by myself.
00:21:21.194 -->
00:21:26.019It doesn't matter if I have a mask, because the masks are not for me, it's for everybody that I'm experiencing.
00:21:26.019 -->
00:21:35.105But when I'm by myself, the only thing I can do is face myself self.
00:21:35.105 -->
00:21:41.948So when the awakening point comes for someone who doesn't have those other coping mechanisms, it can be a massive awakening, a massive shift at once, because they don't have anything else to turn to.
00:21:41.948 -->
00:21:48.446And so, yeah, and so I know that you experienced a lot of that, but go ahead, continue.
00:21:48.467 -->
00:21:59.720I was going to say that mass can also come in the form of hustle, or like to like constantly doing things right Because I didn't drink, like basically, drinking made me break up out into hives.
00:21:59.720 -->
00:22:02.107In a way, it's a blessing and again, I'm still.
00:22:02.107 -->
00:22:10.955I still feel very blessed that I don't turn to alcohol, but turning to like an obsession over working or work, like being a workaholic.
00:22:10.955 -->
00:22:21.057Again, people might think, oh, that's such a good thing, but we're human beings, we burn out and, just like what you said, it's going to come out one way or another.
00:22:21.057 -->
00:22:26.655And in my case, I really think that my postpartum was not just the retained placenta.
00:22:26.655 -->
00:22:33.415In a way, yes, that happened, but when I look at it from a spiritual lens, it was almost like I couldn't avoid it.
00:22:33.415 -->
00:22:39.396It was part of my karma, it was part of what I had to go through in order to be where I am today.
00:22:40.644 -->
00:22:41.125Wow.
00:22:41.125 -->
00:22:49.971Talk about not only having a higher level of awareness, but also taking a high level of accountability through the experience.
00:22:49.971 -->
00:22:52.897I think that's something that we often run from.
00:22:52.897 -->
00:22:56.688Is that accountability and also that responsibility?
00:22:56.688 -->
00:23:06.828I was recently talking about this and I said, if you break that word, responsibility, if we say my life is my responsibility, that means my life is based on my ability to respond.
00:23:06.828 -->
00:23:11.597How I choose to respond to it is creating my reality.
00:23:11.597 -->
00:23:15.294And a lot of people you hear they say I know I create my own reality.
00:23:15.294 -->
00:23:20.737I create my own reality, but do you understand the magnitude of what that means?
00:23:20.737 -->
00:23:29.971How you think, how you speak, how you respond to your life in every single now moment is creating the reality of the next now moment and the future now moment.
00:23:29.971 -->
00:23:33.077And so when you're able to take that, look at it.
00:23:33.077 -->
00:23:40.814Of course, hindsight is 20-20 also and there's a lot of wisdom and downloads we get as we're coming out of it.
00:23:40.814 -->
00:23:50.526But even if during it, as you begin to heal, you can say, wow, these things happened, it's a part of the process, this has been my journey.
00:23:50.526 -->
00:23:54.528But you start looking at OK, how am I choosing to respond?
00:23:54.528 -->
00:24:10.079You start looking at how am I choosing to think you start taking accountability for your actions, because it's in that space of accountability that you begin to honor and respond differently to the life that you've of.
00:24:10.140 -->
00:24:11.161My clients are women.
00:24:11.161 -->
00:24:19.616I'd say 95% of the people that I work with are women, and so I know listeners out there right now that are listening to this, and also men.
00:24:19.616 -->
00:24:20.931We all grow through things.
00:24:20.931 -->
00:24:33.825I know men don't often talk about things, but I'd love for you to lean a bit more into as you begin to acknowledge and become more aware of the opportunity that you have been given.
00:24:33.825 -->
00:24:35.846Going back to that word you used initiated.
00:24:35.846 -->
00:24:38.351It initiated a process of awareness.
00:24:38.351 -->
00:24:44.895What was something that you began to learn about yourself through this process?
00:24:44.895 -->
00:24:54.419That maybe someone else out there, another woman or another man who is going through a dark night, or maybe they're playing the victim, they're pointing the finger at everything external.
00:24:54.419 -->
00:25:09.707What would be a piece of advice that you would give them, based on what you've learned and how you handled the trauma and how you handled the I guess we could say the initiation of what you experienced?
00:25:10.508 -->
00:25:11.851Yeah, that's a great question.
00:25:11.851 -->
00:25:18.877When I was going through my initiation and through my dark night of the soul, I was not taking any responsibility.
00:25:18.877 -->
00:25:24.693I think that what I would like to say is that everything that's hard in life will pass.
00:25:24.693 -->
00:25:26.819Life is cyclical, right.
00:25:26.819 -->
00:25:30.752If you're going through a hard time right now, just know that it's not going to be forever.
00:25:30.752 -->
00:25:35.732I will say that when I was going through what I was going through, it feels like forever.
00:25:35.732 -->
00:25:56.548When you're in it, it definitely feels like forever, and the thing is that what's really hard is that, when you're in it, I remember that, even when I was going through my postpartum psychosis and I was like literally having delusional thoughts, I was still asking myself, okay, like, what is this trying to teach me?
00:25:56.548 -->
00:25:57.935What is this trying to teach me?
00:25:57.935 -->
00:26:00.145And like like continuing to ask these questions.
00:26:00.446 -->
00:26:14.473But what's really crazy to me, though, is is not just self-trust, it's also the trust in God, trust in the universe, trust in whoever you believe in, because self-trust can only, in my opinion, take you so far right.
00:26:14.473 -->
00:26:26.707Like that, to me, is like the ego, but when you're able to trust something outside of you and just really trust in life itself, I really do think that life is speaking to you Right now.
00:26:26.707 -->
00:26:29.134I'm in the process of going through a course in miracles.
00:26:29.134 -->
00:26:31.051I don't know if you're familiar with that book.
00:26:31.051 -->
00:26:34.794I'm on day 10 right now, still in the very beginning.
00:26:34.794 -->
00:26:45.936But when I start to really play with life and be open to what life has to give me, there are literally teeny mini miracles happening in my life every day.
00:26:45.936 -->
00:26:52.535I swear I feel like the universe is just talking to me all the time and I think that most of the time people miss that.
00:26:52.535 -->
00:26:58.834They're so busy in their everyday life that they're not realizing that there are signs everywhere.
00:26:58.834 -->
00:27:02.810There's a quote that says if you are looking for flowers, you'll always find them.
00:27:03.653 -->
00:27:09.315I really believe that when you're going through the dark night of the soul, moment that is really meant for you.
00:27:09.315 -->
00:27:17.719I like to say that my postpartum psychosis was the best thing that happened to me, because if it wasn't for that, I would never be able to see life the way that I see it now.
00:27:17.719 -->
00:27:19.587Granted, it sucks.
00:27:19.587 -->
00:27:26.509At the time, like I said, I almost faced death, but I do think that if you are going through a dark night of soul, just know that it's not forever.
00:27:26.509 -->
00:27:34.798It's a season of your life that you need to tend to tend to it, whether it's just staying in it, staying in those emotions.
00:27:34.798 -->
00:27:39.391Maybe the lesson for you is learning how to just be with your emotions.
00:27:39.391 -->
00:27:40.835That alone is really.
00:27:40.835 -->
00:27:44.309It's like challenging work right and know that it will.
00:27:44.309 -->
00:27:45.532Just, it will never last.
00:27:45.532 -->
00:27:47.017It's there for a reason.
00:27:49.845 -->
00:27:55.269Oh man, so much that, so much that I want to say to that that was good.
00:27:55.269 -->
00:28:04.476But I specifically loved how you spoke about having that divine connection to the external, realizing that there is something greater than you.
00:28:04.476 -->
00:28:06.998Before you had a name, you had a purpose.
00:28:06.998 -->
00:28:15.769Before you came, you didn't come from nothingness, your soul didn't come from nothingness, nothingness, your soul didn't come from nothingness.
00:28:15.769 -->
00:28:18.375And personally that's something that I realized as well when I failed to commit suicide.
00:28:18.414 -->
00:28:31.207That moment, after that experience, I realized that something greater than me life source, universe, god, whatever pronoun people want to use, I believe the finite mind can't even begin to comprehend the infinite, but we're experiencing it every day.
00:28:31.207 -->
00:28:40.160It's moving in every experience and our spirit I firmly believe this knows and understands every challenge before we ever even face it.
00:28:40.160 -->
00:28:46.577And if you are given, there's a passage biblically that says God will not put more on you than you can bear.
00:28:46.577 -->
00:28:51.570So when I think about that, I say spiritually everything that I am experiencing.
00:28:51.570 -->
00:29:06.313If I've experienced these challenging times, it was because something greater than me knew that I was strong enough to make it through it, every negative thing or perceived negative thing that I have experienced.
00:29:06.313 -->
00:29:10.906There's at least a million people out there struggling with just one of those things that my spirit knew it was strong enough to make it through.
00:29:10.906 -->
00:29:17.920It's like the quote you've made it through a hundred percent of the things that you didn't think you would make it through and you're still here now.
00:29:17.920 -->
00:29:28.355You're still here now, and so people like you and I who have traversed these dark paths, we now, because we found our light in the darkness, we get to help other people.
00:29:28.636 -->
00:29:46.077And one thing that I want to say to the podcast listeners out there today is, if you are experiencing challenges in your life be it relational, spiritual, mental, emotional, financial, whatever that challenge is your spirit is completely able to handle it.
00:29:46.077 -->
00:29:49.055But you got to disconnect from the ego.
00:29:49.055 -->
00:29:54.671You got to disconnect from this idea that something's wrong with me my life sucks.
00:29:54.671 -->
00:29:55.502You got to disconnect from this idea that something's wrong with me, my life sucks.
00:29:55.502 -->
00:29:57.230You got to disconnect from playing the victim.
00:29:57.230 -->
00:29:58.228You don't understand.
00:29:58.228 -->
00:30:00.315This person did this and this happened to me.
00:30:00.846 -->
00:30:06.490Understand that everything you've experienced, I always say for myself my pain was preparation for my purpose.
00:30:06.490 -->
00:30:12.911There is something being called out of you, something being called out of you.
00:30:12.911 -->
00:30:19.971It's something being called out of you, and I like the analogy of the vessel that breaks and all the cracks are filled with gold.
00:30:19.971 -->
00:30:28.017You are going to be better for what you've experienced and I know, just like Kristen said, it doesn't feel like it when you're in it.
00:30:28.017 -->
00:30:42.098It didn't feel like it when I was struggling with deep depression, couldn't sleep at night, having to drink myself into oblivion just to be able to function, having to stay high just to feel like I was still alive.
00:30:42.098 -->
00:30:44.811It didn't feel great in that experience.
00:30:44.811 -->
00:30:47.178It didn't feel great when I tried to take my life.
00:30:47.178 -->
00:30:51.112It didn't feel great overcoming the abuse and the molestation.
00:30:51.112 -->
00:31:11.396But on the other side, coming the abuse and the molestation, but on the other side, I realize and, just like you said, I am grateful for every experience that I've had, because if it were not for those things, the person that you guys get to hear, the light you get to see, the smile, the passion, the inspiration I get to share and that Kristen gets to share, it wouldn't be there.
00:31:12.467 -->
00:31:23.028And so what I want to challenge everyone listening to do today is ask yourself, as we've said before, what is this challenge offering me the opportunity to evolve into?
00:31:23.750 -->
00:31:26.614What wisdom is it gaining or am I gaining?
00:31:26.614 -->
00:31:30.246What truth is being spoken to my soul right now.
00:31:30.246 -->
00:31:41.118How have I been neglecting myself, how have I been putting other people or circumstances before me, how have I been neglecting and not honoring each breath in my life?
00:31:41.118 -->
00:31:44.550Because it's something you get one.
00:31:44.550 -->
00:31:55.179You get one life to be this version of you, and it's so easy to get caught up in the process of survival that we forget how to live.
00:31:55.179 -->
00:32:01.498And what we want for you guys is for you to live, for you to understand that you are special.
00:32:01.498 -->
00:32:02.830You are divinely unique.
00:32:02.830 -->
00:32:12.414There never has been, nor will there ever be, another version of you on this planet, you know, and so we just want to encourage you to be the best version of you.
00:32:12.414 -->
00:32:28.521And again, kristen, coming back to you, I know you there's a lot that you have to share, but what do you feel your purpose is in this season of your life, as far as the impact that you want to have and the space that life currently has you in?
00:32:48.845 -->
00:32:48.924Yeah.
00:32:48.924 -->
00:32:51.648So right now, I'm definitely in a season of reaching people that want to end the cycle, whatever that cycle may look like for them.
00:32:51.648 -->
00:33:01.672Right, because the thing is that when it comes to either marriage relationships, we often take so much stronger because I do not want to see my daughter repeat what happened to me in my childhood, and that means that I need to do the work right.
00:33:01.672 -->
00:33:09.894It has nothing to do with her or my husband yes, my husband is half of the equation, but I can't force him to do something that he doesn't want to do.
00:33:09.894 -->
00:33:20.998So really, my main goal is to make sure that I'm mastering myself in terms of healing a lot of my family trauma and creating a space where other people can do the same.
00:33:20.998 -->
00:33:25.974So that's also why the Elysian Retreat has evolved so much after postpartum.
00:33:25.974 -->
00:33:35.507It's no longer a space for just intimate gatherings I think that was the whole intention before I became a mom but now it's a place of legacy building.
00:33:35.507 -->
00:33:38.953It's a place of healing a lot of generational trauma.
00:33:38.953 -->
00:33:43.209Starting from your wedding day, it may seem really heavy.
00:33:43.209 -->
00:33:52.023That's also why, with our weddings, it's much more lighter and it's much more focused on, like the couple itself and like what kind of legacy you want moving forward.
00:33:52.023 -->
00:33:59.000But we also have family retreats where we actually unwind a lot of generational trauma through modalities like CFT.
00:33:59.000 -->
00:34:19.268But, most importantly, I think that when it comes to our embodied facilitators, the facilitators that choose our space to run their retreats, they need to understand that any big life initiation, so to speak, is a way for them to be able to show up very greatly for their people right?
00:34:19.268 -->
00:34:26.211So, again, it's just, it's amazing, because I really do feel very lucky that my life has turned out this way.
00:34:26.211 -->
00:34:46.179But the fact that I had to go through such a hard thing not just physically, right, but mentally I do think sometimes what you said about how, like God doesn't give you much more than you can handle when I was going through that I really really felt, okay, there must be no God because I'm handling so much, I can't bear it.
00:34:46.179 -->
00:34:50.376And when you talk about suicide, that was actually something that I contemplated as well.
00:34:50.376 -->
00:34:51.065I was.
00:34:51.065 -->
00:34:53.697I went through such a dark hole, my thoughts became so delusional that I contemplated as well.
00:34:53.697 -->
00:35:10.748I went through such a dark hole, my thoughts became so delusional that I contemplated that and I really think that God really put me in that position because it's such an extreme level of things that I kind of like didn't get to navigate, I didn't get to sit with my emotions growing up.
00:35:10.748 -->
00:35:13.875All of these things pushed me to be still.
00:35:13.875 -->
00:35:17.911It pushed me to look at myself versus hustling.
00:35:17.951 -->
00:35:21.585During that time, when I was in postpartum, I was not working at all.
00:35:21.585 -->
00:35:32.809My husband carried most of the things like the baby stuff, my team carried everything when it came to work, and there were many times where I felt so ashamed of myself I'm like there's no way I can have this retreat center.
00:35:32.809 -->
00:35:36.378I literally told my husband I'm like we need to close our business down.
00:35:36.378 -->
00:35:43.454I don't feel like I'm an integrity to like have people come to our retreat space and heal when I'm like in the middle of my crisis.
00:35:43.454 -->
00:35:53.056And so I guess, to kind of wrap everything up, whatever stage you are in, just know that you are worthy of healing right.
00:35:53.056 -->
00:36:07.617You are worthy of healing not just yourself, but all of your family, generational trauma, because in order for you to really make a difference in the world, you need to heal that part of you, not just yourself, but your family.
00:36:07.617 -->
00:36:19.021Most people want to just focus on teaching what they know without healing the parts of themselves that are still keeping them back, and that's where I really want to help people with.
00:36:20.485 -->
00:36:36.032I love that and I love that you shared that bit about judging yourself and critiquing yourself because you weren't able to work, you weren't able to show up, you started questioning your worthiness, your capacity or your capability and showing up for others.
00:36:36.032 -->
00:36:37.393And this is something that I often say it's okay.
00:36:37.393 -->
00:36:39.514We have to get to a point where we're okay not being okay sometimes.
00:36:39.514 -->
00:37:09.139Ok, we have to get to a point where we're OK not being OK sometimes where we understand that life is going to have certain ebbs and flows on this growth journey and sometimes you need to pause because there's power in the pause, there's power in the pause, there's presence in the pause, and when these things come and it feels like life just kind of halts everything, that's life saying I love you so much that I need you to focus on you right now.
00:37:09.139 -->
00:37:14.565I need you to be still, I need you to just grow through this process.
00:37:14.565 -->
00:37:22.014Allow yourself to feel what's happening, what's coming up for you, and don't judge yourself for being human.
00:37:22.014 -->
00:37:29.896You are a spirit on a journey, having this human experience, and there is a plethora of things that you're going to experience, positively or negatively.
00:37:29.896 -->
00:37:36.650However you want to quote, unquote, label them, but there are so many different human experiences that we're going to have and all of them are not going to be favorable.
00:37:36.650 -->
00:37:51.280All of them are not going to feel good, and so you have to get to this place where, on the spiritual journey, you understand that anything that does not serve you, doesn't deserve you, is going to be brought up.
00:37:51.280 -->
00:37:57.177It's going to be brought up for you to feel through, for you to address and for you to heal.
00:37:57.177 -->
00:38:02.657And that's such a beautiful opportunity, but we have to change our perspective around it.
00:38:02.657 -->
00:38:12.677And also what I want to say and podcast listeners you've probably heard me say this before true awakening and true healing is waking up and realizing there was nothing wrong with you.
00:38:12.677 -->
00:38:27.510Because I think a lot of the times we grow through these experiences and because we have a human experience that's not favorable, we start believing that something's wrong with us, that something's not right, or that something's not right or that I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy enough.
00:38:27.510 -->
00:38:28.871No, there's nothing wrong with you.
00:38:28.871 -->
00:38:30.409It's just an experience.
00:38:30.811 -->
00:38:35.856It's a season and, just like naturally in nature, there are seasons.
00:38:35.856 -->
00:38:39.596There's a season for things to be born and for things to grow.
00:38:39.596 -->
00:38:45.018There's a season for things to die to make room for the new growth of the next season, so on and so forth.
00:38:45.018 -->
00:38:54.773There's a season of showers that come to water the seeds that have been sown prior so that in the next season things can grow, and so you're growing through seasons as well.
00:38:54.773 -->
00:39:01.545So when these challenging moments come, lean into the season, you are not broken, you are not unworthy.
00:39:01.545 -->
00:39:05.597You're being given an opportunity to pause, rest in the season.
00:39:05.597 -->
00:39:07.809It's okay not to be okay.
00:39:07.809 -->
00:39:10.476It's okay not to be perfectionist.
00:39:10.476 -->
00:39:16.507Be a perfectionist and to feel like things have to be a certain way, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on that as well, kristen.
00:39:16.827 -->
00:39:18.396Yeah, I love that you say that.
00:39:18.396 -->
00:39:18.978Here's the thing.
00:39:18.978 -->
00:39:20.826That's something that I recently learned as well.
00:39:20.826 -->
00:39:22.829I used to really judge myself.
00:39:22.829 -->
00:39:25.994For example, I really do think that I have undiagnosed ADHD.
00:39:25.994 -->
00:39:27.117I think my husband does too.
00:39:27.117 -->
00:39:29.246We both kind of was like I think we both have it.
00:39:29.246 -->
00:39:31.672But here's the thing like, so what?
00:39:31.672 -->
00:39:33.617Like sometimes I like judge ourselves.
00:39:33.657 -->
00:39:47.934I'm like we're like messy people or like we're not as organized, like we need to be like X, y and Z, and then, like I, when I learned this concept, it really freed us and it really freed me, because I'm like okay, so what if we have ADHD?
00:39:47.934 -->
00:39:50.661Okay, and so what if we let our daughter like play in the mud?
00:39:50.661 -->
00:39:51.987And it's not like perfect.
00:39:51.987 -->
00:39:53.891Once I really sat with that.
00:39:53.891 -->
00:40:10.869It's like these are just judgments that we have on ourselves, that we need to be a certain way, we need to be organized, our car needs to be spotless, our room needs to look like this right, what if we're just easy on ourselves?
00:40:10.869 -->
00:40:11.512And what if we're just gentle?
00:40:11.512 -->
00:40:12.396And what if those are our greatest powers?
00:40:12.416 -->
00:40:23.213Sometimes I look at my mess and I'm like that's the whole reason why I can be creative and I can think the way I think it's because of my creative mess, and so oftentimes, I think that we often are way too hard on ourselves.
00:40:23.213 -->
00:40:34.432Instead of saying, like I should be more like this, or I should be more like so-and-so, just relax into like this is who you are and that's why you're such an amazing human being.
00:40:34.432 -->
00:40:41.434This is what makes who you are and that's the most beautiful thing, because someone like me is different than my husband.
00:40:41.434 -->
00:40:49.211Like, my husband can do things that I can never do, and vice versa, and once we are able to own that, that's when magic happens.
00:40:51.838 -->
00:40:52.398It's amazing.
00:40:52.398 -->
00:40:57.797It's so awesome that you bring up the ADD, adhd, the labels that they've put on us in society.
00:40:57.797 -->
00:41:02.831But because I was medicated for that, I was the same way so hard on myself.
00:41:02.831 -->
00:41:06.106Oh, because I was constantly told you have a learning disability.
00:41:06.106 -->
00:41:09.175You're not, you're all over the place and coming up.
00:41:09.275 -->
00:41:18.992I was on medication for ADD, adhd, hyperactivity, from the time I was in first grade up until the eighth grade and during that time like I felt like a zombie.
00:41:18.992 -->
00:41:21.336On that medication I did not feel like myself.
00:41:21.336 -->
00:41:24.070My hands would get really cold, my feet would get really cold.
00:41:24.070 -->
00:41:30.271Even my family would recognize it when my parents would make me take it They'd be like you put that boy on those pills today, didn't you?
00:41:30.271 -->
00:41:33.547He doesn't even look like himself, he doesn't sound like himself.
00:41:34.391 -->
00:41:44.949And one day in my pre-algebra class, my aunt was my teacher in my pre-algebra class and so I'm sitting sideways in my desk, I'm drawing and I'm just kind of humming to myself.
00:41:44.949 -->
00:41:48.692And then in between my friend Mike was sitting behind me and we're having a conversation.
00:41:48.692 -->
00:41:56.476Well, she tries to call me out in front of the class and make an example of me, and she calls me up to the board to answer a problem.
00:41:56.476 -->
00:42:04.603Not only did I answer the problem, I showed the class a different way to do it that was faster to get the same answer, she wrote up a referral and sent me to the office.
00:42:04.603 -->
00:42:10.771But as I sat in that office and I didn't understand the magnitude of this download until after, my life changed.
00:42:10.771 -->
00:42:20.096But I realized I didn't have a disorder, I didn't have a problem, I actually had a gift I was able to tune into multiple things at once.
00:42:20.096 -->
00:42:23.949I had extrasensory perception, and so I was really sensitive.
00:42:23.949 -->
00:42:34.469I was a deep empath, and so the linear system of education wasn't favorable for someone like me To the system that wanted me to focus on one thing.
00:42:34.811 -->
00:42:42.474When I had the capacity to see a much bigger picture and to tune into my environment in its entirety, I looked like a problem.
00:42:42.474 -->
00:42:44.623They told me I had an issue and I bought into it.
00:42:44.623 -->
00:42:45.445My parents bought into it, but I realized that, look, I'm a a problem.
00:42:45.445 -->
00:42:45.509They told me I had an issue and I bought into it.
00:42:45.509 -->
00:43:04.860My parents bought into it, but I realized that, look, I'm a divine creator and I'm so connected to my creative prowess that I'm less focused on the minute things that so many other people say, makes you productive or makes you a good student or a good employee, that I automatically would rebel from it.
00:43:04.860 -->
00:43:15.965I was never a great employee because I was so connected to the environment and if other people were hurting or not being as productive and then supervisors or managers were coming down on them, I would speak up every single time.
00:43:15.965 -->
00:43:22.507I lost a few jobs because of it, because I've always been an intercessor, I've always been someone who stood in the gap for others.
00:43:23.266 -->
00:43:37.177But yeah, that thing, there's so many people who are taking on that label and it's like no, you're just a deep empath who has a high level of extrasensory perception and it's very easy for things to pull your attention.
00:43:37.177 -->
00:43:39.617But what helped me was meditation.
00:43:39.617 -->
00:43:41.840I meditated a lot.
00:43:41.840 -->
00:43:43.380I got silent and I wasn't.
00:43:43.460 -->
00:43:45.983In the beginning I thought, oh man, I got to stop all these negative thoughts.
00:43:45.983 -->
00:43:47.431My mind is wondering.
00:43:47.431 -->
00:43:52.436And then I realized that in meditation, it's not about stopping the thoughts.
00:43:52.436 -->
00:44:05.846It's actually about stepping out of the thoughts, becoming aware of the thoughts and observing them, just like you would a movie playing in your mind, in your mind.
00:44:05.846 -->
00:44:09.942And I recognize that, as I actually taught meditation for six and a half years once I started learning these different things, but just really how we start our day.
00:44:09.942 -->
00:44:24.152When we are these sensitive beings, it's very important for us to pause at the beginning of the day to really sit with, okay, what's coming up for me, what thoughts are processing, what are the fear-based thoughts, what are the thoughts of worry, what are the thoughts of unforgiveness or resentment?
00:44:24.152 -->
00:44:27.018What are the thoughts that are processing in my brain right now?
00:44:27.018 -->
00:44:42.851Because the brain, like this computer, is just a system and when we become observant and we can look at what's happening, what we allow ourselves to do is to take back control from the brain and we can really start putting our attention to what serves us.
00:44:42.851 -->
00:44:45.617And that's really what helped me.
00:44:45.925 -->
00:45:06.032When there's some days where I would wake up and my bed wasn't made, there was a mess in the kitchen and instead of saying your house is so messy like, you need to do this, you need to do that, I would really get connected to myself, you know, and really just observe those negative thoughts, that negative programming, and then I'll just ask myself okay, this is my life.
00:45:06.032 -->
00:45:10.887Nobody else is in my house right now, but the question I would ask is but does it feel good to me?
00:45:10.887 -->
00:45:17.186Does it feel good for this not to be done, okay, no, no, it doesn't.
00:45:17.186 -->
00:45:18.931My environment feels a little cluttered.
00:45:18.931 -->
00:45:27.114Yeah, I can be creative in my office and I can do these different things, but how can I position myself so that this doesn't happen as much?
00:45:27.175 -->
00:45:36.233But it became more of a much more conscious process, because there would be some days where I'd say, okay, I'm going to worry about that tonight, because right now I'm in flow and I'm just going to be in flow.
00:45:36.233 -->
00:45:38.565I'm not going to be put so much pressure on myself.
00:45:38.565 -->
00:45:47.378Oh, I got to get this done, or I got to get this done, or I'm productive, or I'm not a good dad, or I'm not a good well, I'm not a woman, so but in your case I'm not a good mom.
00:45:47.378 -->
00:46:07.887And so it's really the more we become aware of that and we begin to honor the gift of that extrasensory perception, the gift of that higher state of connection to the world around us, we then start making more intentional decisions, energetically to be in that space and how to honor that space.
00:46:07.887 -->
00:46:23.773Of any experience, whether it be our homes, our relationships or our emotional state, our mental state, we become highly aware, but more in tune with who we are and where we are at any phase in our life and we have a powerful capacity to do that.
00:46:24.355 -->
00:46:30.036As to where people who are very by the book, they're very rigid when life says it's time to move or it's time to shift.
00:46:30.036 -->
00:46:37.449It's much harder for them to shift because they're so in that and growing up, asian A-type personalities, things got to be perfect.
00:46:37.449 -->
00:46:41.327That's why you think I might be undiagnosed, I might have a problem.
00:46:41.327 -->
00:46:43.512No, you're really actually very gifted.
00:46:43.512 -->
00:46:48.012You're very gifted and it's a reason you have the heart that you have.
00:46:48.012 -->
00:46:55.655And even with Roger, your husband, he's such an amazing person but he's also a very deep empath.
00:46:55.655 -->
00:47:19.461He feels things deeply and he and I related on several levels as men because he's actually experienced some of the same things that I've experienced and I'm like, wow, this dude is so sensitive Emotionally, he processes things very deeply, and so you guys are both very special individuals.
00:47:19.521 -->
00:47:26.704But what I know about two very special individuals is that life can present some obstacles, especially when you're both very sensitive.
00:47:26.704 -->
00:47:31.313You're both traversing the same path and, like you said, marriage is an initiation.
00:47:31.313 -->
00:47:42.875It's two worlds coming together, colliding, two people who see the world and who have experienced the world in two completely different ways and you have to enter into that space, not rigid.
00:47:42.875 -->
00:47:47.577You have to enter into that space not being a perfectionist or thinking your way is right.
00:47:47.577 -->
00:48:11.576I'm really building the bond of communication that creates and facilitates a space for both of you to heal and be able to communicate what you're growing through, because initially, what will happen is, if people are growing through that phase and they come together and those worlds collide, it's very easy for the ego to take root and then you're just butting heads, you're just constantly against each other, and it's even outside of marriage.
00:48:11.684 -->
00:48:18.628Close relationships in general are your greatest mirror, you know, and so I'd love for you as as a wife.
00:48:18.628 -->
00:48:24.831What do you think are some of the greatest mirrors you've experienced in relationships, cause I know that there's a lot of women out there right now.
00:48:24.831 -->
00:48:27.016Like girl, you've been through a lot.
00:48:27.016 -->
00:48:28.826You're married, you just had a baby.
00:48:28.826 -->
00:48:30.431You went through all these experiences.
00:48:30.431 -->
00:48:36.195What are some lessons that you've learned from being a wife that you believe you wouldn't have learned any other way?
00:48:36.324 -->
00:48:38.646My gosh, where do I begin?
00:48:38.646 -->
00:48:44.170Okay, first of all, yes, my husband is also deeply empathic.
00:48:44.170 -->
00:48:52.157We both are right, and it's so funny because we put into chat to beat you the other day how to navigate a neurodivergent relationship.
00:48:52.157 -->
00:48:53.398I get it.
00:48:53.398 -->
00:48:57.240We shouldn't be putting labels, but in a way, labels systemize things right.
00:48:57.240 -->
00:48:59.663It helps us, like, understand things from our logical mind.
00:49:05.985 -->
00:49:07.789Anyway, to answer your point about mirrors, my husband is completely opposite than I am.
00:49:07.789 -->
00:49:15.755First of all, not only are we female and male, we come from two different cultures that are extremely different Asian Americans or just Asians in general.
00:49:15.755 -->
00:49:18.059We're very critical by nature.
00:49:18.059 -->
00:49:32.132I think it's like we struggled for so many decades or not just decades, but lifetimes and our ancestors that we just really think that, like it's all about perfectionism, that's how we show our love, right.
00:49:32.132 -->
00:49:39.338We think that by criticizing you, by feeding you more, doing your laundry, like that's how we show you love, right.
00:49:39.338 -->
00:49:53.597And then, on the other hand, we have my husband, who is an Armenian, and Armenians are very I don't know if anyone knows much about the Armenian culture, but you know there's the genocide, and then there's also, like Armenians like to how would I say this?
00:49:53.597 -->
00:50:07.679They're very prideful and I would say that they're very like emotional and like family oriented, and there's some similarities across our cultures, but I would say that he has mirrored the parts of myself that I'm still getting to know.
00:50:08.224 -->
00:50:16.159So, for example, he's, I would say, much more softer, in the sense that he's less critical of himself.
00:50:16.159 -->
00:50:18.512He's much more like go with the flow.
00:50:18.512 -->
00:50:29.512And again, I have like grown, I feel like a lot with him, but when we first started dating, I was just so hard and he was so soft and we were constantly just like.
00:50:29.512 -->
00:50:35.393I was just like criticizing him all the time and he was just like getting really like sensitive with my criticism.
00:50:35.976 -->
00:51:16.148And I would just say that I think that when we're able to see our partners as really just like deep parts of ourselves, then we can actually be a lot kinder to them, because he is basically the part of me that has not been expressed, right Like he has really taught me how to be much more softer, how to be more graceful, and I have taught him how to be maybe like a little bit more self responsible or like a little bit self constructive criticism, right, like so, so, and then whenever he gets like I feels attacked by me or he feels like, oh, like my wife is like so annoying, it's the part of him that needs to like rise up and kind of like correct himself Right.
00:51:16.148 -->
00:51:23.112And whenever I'm annoyed at him for not taking more action, or whatever the case may be, it's the part of me that needs to soften.
00:51:23.112 -->
00:51:35.057So I don't know if that makes sense, but whatever relationship you're in, whether you're married or you're dating someone, that person is really just a mirror to the parts of yourself that needs the most love.
00:51:35.925 -->
00:51:56.987I love that and it's awesome how you share this is where I typically dive deep and my partner and I we talk a lot about the masculine and the feminine dance as a mirror because, as men, what I've realized because I used to be very reactionary, because I was super sensitive, but I was never, as a man, given a space to really operate in my emotions.
00:51:56.987 -->
00:52:25.619If I felt down or felt upset, typically it would come out as anger or as ego, like I felt like I had to fight for myself all the time, and so I never really had a space to show myself and, as a result, I didn't really develop into my masculine, because a lot of men think that being hard is masculine but actually being vulnerable is masculine, being in your vulnerability, being able to take the mask of strength off, to lean into that because that's where you meet yourself.
00:52:25.619 -->
00:53:06.235And what I realized is that as a man, I evolved so much, and one thing that you know my partner often says is the way that you hold space, the way you are so solid when I come and something comes up for me and you create space for me to talk about it and have the hard conversations she's like I just love that because I can lean into it, and I know that if it had not been for me learning how to be vulnerable, learning how to hear my partner, it was so important because I realized this person, who I'm now saying I want to dedicate my life to, she's going to see things in me that nobody else sees.
00:53:06.235 -->
00:53:15.572She's going to feel things from me that nobody else feels, and vice versa, and so I really had to learn not to take it personally in my past relationships.
00:53:15.572 -->
00:53:18.166But what that taught me is to be more present.
00:53:18.867 -->
00:53:44.960If my partner comes to me and this is for all the couples or those who want to get married out there If your partner comes to you as a man and women be aware of this as well but if your partner comes to you men and they're expressing something that is mirroring to them, or maybe they're seeing the potential in you and they see the capacity that you have to be so much more.
00:53:44.960 -->
00:54:06.733It's not to challenge that, but really what I started seeing is, wow, like you really love me enough to address the things that I don't see, you really love me enough to address the things that I don't see, and what that allowed me to do now in my new relationship is when something comes up, even for me, that I would typically try to be strong and navigate through.
00:54:06.733 -->
00:54:07.414And I got it.
00:54:07.414 -->
00:54:09.106I'll figure it out Now.
00:54:09.266 -->
00:54:50.184I found early in our relationship her mirror to me allowed me to share things emotionally that I had never shared with anyone, and vice versa, my mirror to her allowed her to do the same thing without judgment, no-transcript.
00:54:50.184 -->
00:55:09.213The more deeply I can connect to her and as deep empaths, this is the gift that you guys bring, and so I imagine that just being married, having a kid there's a lot of things that are coming up and yeah, I'd say marriage and any really close relationship is going to mirror a lot of different things to you, for both of you to heal.
00:55:09.213 -->
00:55:15.378I don't think you'll heal as much as you can as you can with someone, because they are your greatest mirror.
00:55:15.525 -->
00:55:25.197Yeah, I was going to respond and say that when you say how you used to react like very like kind of you react your reaction is like almost like defensiveness right, so to speak.
00:55:25.197 -->
00:55:33.811My husband also displayed some of that too in the earlier days, and what I realized is that comes from a lot of like survival mentality.
00:55:33.811 -->
00:55:48.293You need to defend yourself when you're trying to survive, and so once we're able to shift from survival to thriving, then you're no longer needing to defend yourself because you're realizing that the other person is really just projecting what's going on with them.
00:55:48.293 -->
00:55:58.885Most of the time, like when I'm annoyed at my husband, it's like my own thing or his own thing, right, we're just bouncing back from each other, and that's something that I really learned from A Course in Miracles, too.
00:55:59.067 -->
00:56:01.851A lot of our thoughts are not even present thoughts.
00:56:01.851 -->
00:56:04.818They're thoughts from the past that are echoing.
00:56:04.818 -->
00:56:13.052I can be annoyed about this cup, for example, and it has nothing to do with what's like the cup itself, but my perception of the cup from the past.
00:56:13.052 -->
00:56:15.358It's all just coming up now from the future.
00:56:15.358 -->
00:56:23.514So a lot of the times when people are thinking that they're having a specific thought or they're angry at their spouse for a specific reason or they're annoyed at them.
00:56:23.514 -->
00:56:26.427It has nothing to do with what's actually happening.
00:56:26.427 -->
00:56:32.710It's actually from the past that's coming up, whether it's a childhood wound or whether it's something that happened last week.
00:56:32.710 -->
00:56:42.364So, anyways, I wanted to touch on that because a lot of people don't realize that when they're coming from a place of defensiveness, it's really like a survival thing.
00:56:42.364 -->
00:56:44.884Right, they're wanting to protect themselves from a place of defensiveness.
00:56:44.903 -->
00:56:45.726It's really like a survival thing, right?
00:56:45.726 -->
00:56:46.447The wanting to protect themselves.
00:56:46.447 -->
00:56:51.097Yeah, I know, I created a framework for myself and I now apply it to my relationships.
00:56:51.097 -->
00:57:10.849When it comes to growing like, I know I want to be a better, wiser, more connected, more conscious, more aware version of myself, and so I started asking myself when I would face challenges or life brought something my way that wasn't favorable, I would ask myself how is this challenging me to be more loving, how is it challenging me to find more peace?
00:57:10.849 -->
00:57:13.295How is it challenging me to be more grateful?
00:57:13.295 -->
00:57:21.246Is this situation presenting an opportunity for me to be better or is it a distraction from what I truly desire?
00:57:21.809 -->
00:57:37.052And now I bring that into our relation, my partners in our relationship, where I always say if something comes up, if we feel ourselves getting pulled into ego or doing this, the first question we ask is is this making us better?
00:57:37.052 -->
00:57:41.588Is this bringing us deeper into love or disconnecting us from it?
00:57:41.588 -->
00:57:43.632Is this creating more peace for us?
00:57:43.632 -->
00:57:48.112Is it enhancing the vision that we have together or is it hindering it?
00:57:48.112 -->
00:58:00.911And if it's anything coming up that's going to hinder us loving more deeply, connecting more deeply, having more gratitude for the experience of this engagement, this relationship, then it's not worthy of us.
00:58:00.911 -->
00:58:01.532It's not.
00:58:01.532 -->
00:58:06.554And immediately we stop and we ask the question what can we do right now to go deeper?
00:58:06.554 -->
00:58:09.393What can we do right now to love on each other?
00:58:09.393 -->
00:58:11.893What can we do right now to bring more peace?
00:58:11.893 -->
00:58:16.833Because at this point, it's not about me, my and I, it's about us, we and our.
00:58:16.833 -->
00:58:17.909It's about oneness.
00:58:17.909 -->
00:58:21.164How can we become one in this moment?
00:58:21.626 -->
00:58:24.695And sometimes, man, it's not about fixing anything.
00:58:24.695 -->
00:58:28.108One in this moment and sometimes, man, it's not about fixing anything.
00:58:28.108 -->
00:58:30.414It's about just being present, holding space and being quiet.
00:58:30.414 -->
00:58:31.195Just be quiet.
00:58:31.195 -->
00:58:33.887Sometimes they just want you to listen, not fix.
00:58:33.887 -->
00:58:37.876They need the space to release what's in them, those emotions.
00:58:37.876 -->
00:58:47.213As they get closer to you, they don't want to carry a lot of the negative feelings and negative emotions, but you become a mirror that gives them a space where they feel safe enough to release it.
00:58:47.655 -->
00:58:49.666And that's what we have to pay attention to as men.
00:58:49.666 -->
00:58:54.076When women feel safe with us, they feel safe unloading everything.
00:58:54.076 -->
00:59:10.255And as men, we must now learn how to love ourselves, love them, understand that spiritually they're on a journey just like us and ultimately, for them, it's about creating a space where they can release that and then we can ask the deeper questions.
00:59:10.255 -->
00:59:11.938What do you think that's coming up from?
00:59:11.938 -->
00:59:18.086Because, like you said, it's not most of the time, it never has anything to do with what's happening right now.
00:59:18.086 -->
00:59:27.289It's something that's happened in the past that's now coming up and showing itself, and so it's like, really, I now get to be a partner to take that journey with her Babe.
00:59:27.289 -->
00:59:29.135What do you feel that's coming up from?
00:59:29.135 -->
00:59:30.965How can I be of support?
00:59:30.965 -->
00:59:32.369Do you just need me to?
00:59:32.409 -->
00:59:33.411listen.
00:59:33.411 -->
00:59:34.273Yeah, exactly.
00:59:34.273 -->
00:59:42.327I mean like our emotions are like it's like the weather, right, it can change, like anytime, like sometimes it's raining, sometimes it's sunshine.
00:59:42.327 -->
00:59:53.496I think when they're able to just like see it that way, then they could just pull out an umbrella right and be like okay, Emily, it's raining, and that there's just no, there's nothing attacking you.
00:59:53.496 -->
00:59:55.050And it is hard.
00:59:55.050 -->
01:00:05.739I get it Like I think I try to put myself in my husband's shoes and it's definitely probably hard for him sometimes when I'm going through one of my emotional moments, right, and he has to hold space for it.
01:00:06.324 -->
01:00:22.335And in a way, I think that that God designed us in that way, to for women to be highly emotional, or and sometimes women can feel like, oh, I don't want to be emotional, or like but this is who we are right, Like we are capable of things that men are not capable, or vice versa.
01:00:22.335 -->
01:00:42.992And I think what you shared about how men holding space for women, I really do think that it's so needed because we do feel safe with you guys, and being like feeling safe with you also means that you would have to see the parts of us that don't, that are not very happy or are not very joyful, so to speak.
01:00:42.992 -->
01:00:47.641You can't get all of the good stuff and not get right, Right.
01:00:49.804 -->
01:00:55.373That's where the work is, and I tell anybody you want a serious relationship, you want to get married, get ready to do the work.
01:00:55.373 -->
01:01:00.730I feel like people nowadays jump from one person to the next person the moment something gets hard.
01:01:00.730 -->
01:01:06.291And I'm like you do realize that that's a gift, like you get to spend your life with this person, and I'm like you do realize that that's a gift, like you get to spend your life with this person.
01:01:06.291 -->
01:01:16.637And that means you get to see the depth of this person and, instead of labeling it good, bad, challenging, ugly, whatever, you imagine that it's a beautiful journey.
01:01:16.637 -->
01:01:29.387If I'm taking a journey and I'm traversing a mountainous experience, there may be some smooth points, there may be some major peaks that I got to work a little harder to get over, but once I make it to the top and start to come down, it becomes a little easier.
01:01:29.387 -->
01:01:32.253And in the beginning you're climbing a steep mountain.
01:01:32.253 -->
01:01:43.753In a lot of cases, when those emotions start coming up and the terrain gets a little rocky, you better have on the right boots to travel that terrain or traverse that terrain, because you're well-equipped to do it.
01:01:43.753 -->
01:01:50.492But man, I personally I'm so in love with love and I'm so in love with my life.
01:01:50.492 -->
01:01:58.653I'm so in love with the journey of this life that, no matter what I experience, it's always about what I'm getting to learn.
01:01:58.653 -->
01:02:08.150It's always about what I'm getting to step into and the opportunity that I get to be a light in my life and in my partner's life and in other people's lives.
01:02:08.150 -->
01:02:19.275But it takes a lot of work self-mastery, creating that space where you have the self-awareness, the self-discipline, the self-love and the capacity to meet other people in that same space.
01:02:19.275 -->
01:02:25.114But also learning how to be patient with other people, because your speed is not their speed.
01:02:25.114 -->
01:02:28.710I don't care how much you love each other, your journey is not their journey.
01:02:28.710 -->
01:02:31.476And when you can create that space to say OK.
01:02:31.476 -->
01:02:45.838I have some things that I want to discuss and I don't know how it's going to be received, but I just want to preface what I'm about to say with I love you so much and I'm just at a phase in this journey where I don't know if any of this makes sense.
01:02:45.838 -->
01:02:49.849But I'm so grateful that I get to take this journey with you and I want us to grow.
01:02:49.849 -->
01:02:51.391I want us to go deeper.
01:02:51.391 -->
01:02:56.494Right now we may be facing some challenges, but I'm so glad that I get to face this with you.
01:02:56.494 -->
01:03:07.974But, with that being said, there's some things that have been happening lately and it's coming up, and in some cases, because we know, we know when it's more us than them, and that's something that I ask.
01:03:08.405 -->
01:03:17.130If emotion is energy in motion, which means it's based on my thought, whatever my focus goes to, that's where my energy is going to flow from, and so that's another thing.
01:03:17.130 -->
01:03:21.690Before we communicate things, really ask ourselves okay, what am I focusing on right now?
01:03:21.690 -->
01:03:23.528What am I judging?
01:03:23.528 -->
01:03:23.889What am I judging?
01:03:23.889 -->
01:03:24.853What am I critiquing?
01:03:24.853 -->
01:03:37.286Is this a product of old programming or is this a product of something that I've been experiencing and I haven't opened my mouth to communicate, because it's going to change the way we respond to it.
01:03:37.286 -->
01:03:39.875And this is all emotional intelligence 101.
01:03:39.875 -->
01:03:52.420Because I know, for me it was very important to have a partner that was very emotionally intelligent, not reactive, but who could slow down process and then come to me from a space of.
01:03:52.420 -->
01:04:01.590This is what's coming up for me, this is what I'm feeling, and in some cases she would say well, when you did this, I felt this way.
01:04:01.590 -->
01:04:04.157And again, man, don't take that personally.
01:04:04.157 -->
01:04:05.851Really assess yourself.
01:04:05.851 -->
01:04:07.527Could I have shown up differently.
01:04:07.527 -->
01:04:09.192Could I have said this differently?
01:04:09.192 -->
01:04:11.538Is this a valid concern?
01:04:11.538 -->
01:04:22.806Because how I've responded in the past, this wasn't an issue, but this is a new experience, so how I respond with my partner now may not be in alignment with who I've been and how I've showed up.
01:04:22.865 -->
01:04:24.027It's an opportunity to grow.
01:04:24.027 -->
01:04:31.572It's an opportunity again to look into the mirror, self-reflect and step forward, and I know you and Roger are doing a lot of that.
01:04:31.572 -->
01:04:45.257I've had chances to have conversations with him and now getting to meet you you both are such a beautiful couple and the work that you guys are going to do together I know it's early in this baby, the baby, oh man, that's another mirror.
01:04:45.257 -->
01:04:58.815That's probably going to be the greatest mirror either of you ever experienced, especially as they get older and start expressing themselves and you start seeing the mirror of how you respond to things through them and it's like, oh, wait a minute.
01:04:59.277 -->
01:05:01.585I often say my kids are my greatest teachers.
01:05:01.585 -->
01:05:06.806I've learned so much from my children because I saw so much of myself.
01:05:06.806 -->
01:05:11.536But what I can say is because I continue to grow with each one of my kids.
01:05:11.536 -->
01:05:21.635Each one of them reflects now the best parts of me and so, yeah, there's definitely a journey ahead and I'm just excited to stay connected to you guys.
01:05:21.635 -->
01:05:25.132Maybe we'll have to host a retreat together or something at some point.
01:05:25.132 -->
01:05:26.851That would be awesome.
01:05:27.626 -->
01:05:35.876I was going to say that it's funny that you say that your kids are your greatest teachers, because one of my friends asked me, like why do you want to become a mom so bad?
01:05:35.876 -->
01:05:39.896Because, basically, to make it short, we had trouble conceiving.
01:05:39.896 -->
01:05:46.889So we were trying to conceive for a year and I started having these questions of like, why do I want a baby so bad?
01:05:46.889 -->
01:05:54.396And I thought about it and I contemplated on it and my answer to that was because I wanted to meet my greatest teacher.
01:05:55.135 -->
01:06:01.760And so I met my greatest teacher and when, I was going through my postpartum, my husband's like do you remember?
01:06:01.760 -->
01:06:03.182You wanted to meet your greatest teacher.
01:06:09.570 -->
01:06:10.192She's here.
01:06:10.192 -->
01:06:11.954Well, listen.
01:06:11.954 -->
01:06:27.032I look so forward to seeing what you guys give birth to and what you give birth to the women that you help, the men that he helps and, collectively, the relationships that you guys help other people to forge, moving forward.
01:06:27.032 -->
01:06:31.929And I know there's people who are listening right now and they're like how can I reach out to you, Kristen?
01:06:31.929 -->
01:06:33.414How can I connect with her?
01:06:33.414 -->
01:06:34.898What resources are available?
01:06:34.898 -->
01:06:37.954What would be the best way for them to currently reach out to you?
01:06:38.824 -->
01:06:40.509Yeah, so you can follow me on Instagram.
01:06:40.509 -->
01:06:45.278It's at Leigh Mansourian it's both my last name, my husband's last name.
01:06:45.278 -->
01:06:49.976I believe that I'm really building a legacy on both of our sides.
01:06:49.976 -->
01:07:03.335And then you can also find me at the Elysian Retreat that's our retreat space, and both on Instagram you can visit our website at theelysianretreatcom, and I'm sure Princeton will drop all of those in the show notes.
01:07:03.335 -->
01:07:05.608I'm excited.
01:07:05.608 -->
01:07:07.108We are definitely evolving.
01:07:07.108 -->
01:07:09.614There's so many exciting projects that are being born.
01:07:09.614 -->
01:07:30.838We're opening up a shop in our retreat space literally next month where I'm curating very intentional wellness products, both for men and women, to the version of them that they're becoming, and so I'm very picky, so I know that these products will really be not just a product itself, but an extension of whoever is using it.
01:07:30.838 -->
01:07:33.125So I'm excited, thank you for having me.
01:07:33.144 -->
01:07:34.652Awesome, Awesome, Awesome.
01:07:34.652 -->
01:07:36.862There you have it Evolve Mastery Family.
01:07:36.862 -->
01:07:51.795Kristen, I could literally sit here and talk to you all day, but if you've been tuning in today, as I always say, share the wealth of wisdom, share the experience, promote it to the people in your life, Share with those who maybe are experiencing some of what we've discussed.
01:07:51.795 -->
01:07:54.655Help us shine our light more extensively in the world.
01:07:54.655 -->
01:08:00.056And, as Kristen shared her information, everything will be in the show notes.
01:08:00.056 -->
01:08:05.664So reach out to her, ask questions, connect notes.
01:08:05.664 -->
01:08:06.568So reach out to her, ask questions, connect.
01:08:06.568 -->
01:08:09.153If you want to host a retreat or you want to be a part of an upcoming retreat, make sure you connect with her.
01:08:09.153 -->
01:08:12.248All her links will be on her socials and you'll be able to find everything.
01:08:12.248 -->
01:08:14.092And, again, they will also be in the show notes.
01:08:14.614 -->
01:08:37.914But, as you guys know, if you're out there the Evolve Mastery family, every step we take, every opportunity for growth we receive, we're all evolving and so the more we learn to love ourselves, the more we learn to honor the experiences, the more we learn to pause, the more we learn to give ourselves space and grace in the opportunities that are presented for us to love, for us, to create more joy for us, to create more peace.
01:08:37.914 -->
01:08:40.726The more we can evolve, the more we can grow.
01:08:40.726 -->
01:08:42.511Don't be hard on yourself.
01:08:42.511 -->
01:08:45.018We're all facing and experiencing something.
01:08:45.018 -->
01:09:05.981It's like the quote says everybody's fighting a battle you know nothing about and when we can see those battles as again opportunities for growth and we can learn to honor the experiences of those around us while also have to throw this in there creating healthy boundaries to understand when and when they're not able to be in our space.
01:09:05.981 -->
01:09:08.453We create those boundaries but still honor the journey.
01:09:08.625 -->
01:09:13.773Obviously I love everybody, but some people I got to love from a distance because they just are where they are and I honor their journey.
01:09:13.773 -->
01:09:25.886Guys, we're evolving together and the more of us that choose love, the more of us to choose to connect, the more of us to choose to do the work of self-mastery, the more light we can add to the world.
01:09:25.886 -->
01:09:31.596But thank you guys for tuning into this episode of Evolved Mastery.
01:09:31.596 -->
01:09:44.256More to come and if you have any questions for me, reach out to me at princetonclarkcom or across social media at princetonclark, on Instagram, TikTok and also on Facebook.
01:09:44.256 -->
01:09:48.811But thank you guys for tuning in, sending you guys lots of loves and I'll be talking to you guys again soon.
