In Memory of Bald Bryan (Carolla Classics)

WEBVTT
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Welcome to Corolla Classics.
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I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where
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we play the best moments, highlights, and fan-selected clips from
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all 17 years of The Adam Corolla Show. If you'd
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like to listen to the ad-free archives of The Adam
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Corolla Show, The Adam and Dr. True Show, as well
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as the newer podcast, Beat It Out, make sure to
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check out Adam Corolla's sub-stack, adamcorolla.substack.com. Sign up, get access,
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and listen ad-free. And if you'd like to request a clip,
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please email us, classics at adamcorolla.com.
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All right, let's get to the clips.
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We're continuing our remembrance of Brian Bishop, Paul Bryan, the
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baldest one, Integral cast member of the show. Founding cast
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member of the show on the majority of the episodes.
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He's on over 3,000.
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There's so many moments to choose from. Just trying to
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give a chronological representation of his contributions.
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Throughout the years.
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He'll forever be missed. Coming up first today, we have
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Adam Kulishow, 735. Featuring Dr. Bruce, Alison Rosen, and Brian Bishop.
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This one's from January of 2012.
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Oh, you guys, please imagine being me for just one second.
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I am going to leave for Laguna Seca, which is
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up north, which is about a five, five and a
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half hour drive from from where I live. And I'm
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racing that day all day on Thursday and I got
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to get a full day in over there. So we're
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going to need, when I say we, I mean, Matt
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and Jeff, we're going to need to leave my house
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on Thursday at like before 6 a.m. And, um, which
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is perfect because I have a radio tour lined up
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to promote Rich Man, Poor Man, my e-book, on that morning.
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And it's from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. So I say,
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fuck it. Let's leave at 5.55. I'm getting up anyway.
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I'll be on the road, and I'll do this thing
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from 5.55 or 6 o'clock till 8 a.m. So everyone
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meets over my house. It's still dark outside. Everyone takes
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the equipment, the cameras and all that shit. We all
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pile it into my car and we all head out
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up the 101 at 6 a.m. And at 6 a.m.
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I call in the number. It's like this. It's like
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a nine, 10 digit number that you call in. that
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is the number of the operator of the company that
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rolls these things. They set up a roster, and they
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print it out, and they usually go east to west
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in the time zone. And they give you like 23
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stations you're going to be talking to.
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And they start at 6 a.m.
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And it goes all the way down to whatever you're done.
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And so at 6 a.m., I call into the chick. Now,
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I get a piece of paper that says, here's the
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chick's number. And her name is A-L-I-S-Y-N.
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Allison. Yes.
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That's what I would think.
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That's what you would think, except for you're an Allison. Right.
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Who probably knows some alternative spellings. Yeah.
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Oh.
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I don't know any Allison's with a Y. I only
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know the ones with an O. You're an O, aren't you?
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I'm an O.
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Do you know any Y's?
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I know of.
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Her tail of a Y.
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Yes, I have, and I'm not in favor of it. Oftentimes,
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the Y will be where the I is. So this
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is some newfangled other thing.
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Well, right.
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First off, they're names that traditionally are spelled three different ways,
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like Kathy with a K or with a C or
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something like that, or Brian with a Y or an
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I or whatever it is. But Allison, to me, was
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never really up for debate. I just knew the old
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school Allison. It's an old name, and there's just one
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way to go. But evidently, there's not. But when you're
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looking at the piece of paper with no last name
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that just has the A-L-I-S-Y-N, and you understand we're living
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in a society where everyone has a fucked up name.
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There's a lot of Jermichels and stuff like that. You
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don't know anyone's name anymore because of a ton of
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different ethnicities and just a ton of different assholes who
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like to spell their name just a little bit different
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and pronounce it just a little bit different. So when
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I'm looking at this piece of paper, I don't know
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if it's Allison or Allison. Right.
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I don't know where anyone's from anymore. You got to
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realize it.
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Calling into an urban station.
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Well, you live in the United States. People are from
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fucking Pakistan here and shit. Like, you don't know where
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people are from. I mean, you meet people from all
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over the place. I mean, you ever dial a wrong
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number and have someone pick.
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Up the phone?
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Take a little time to be quiet.
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This is Kelsey Grammer. You know what I mean?
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Like, you don't get that on the other side. You
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get crazy accent, right? So I don't know what it is.
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So I call the number. And I get the, of course,
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because it has to be confusing and it has to
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be at 6 a.m.
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I get the chick who picks up the phone.
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Hello?
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You know, so-and-so radio network, whatever. And I said. Is Alice, Alice-ine? Alice-ine? Alice-ine?
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Of course, there's no last name.
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So we could, because that would make, that'd be too
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difficult to put the last name on the fucking piece
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of paper.
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So I'm like, is Alice-ine? Alice-ine and Alice-ine in? Alice-ine?
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And of course, because they're them, no, we don't, there's nobody,
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you know, there's nobody, they can't do the math of, yes,
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there is a cunt named Alice and who spells her
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name like a nut job. I wonder if they hang
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up and.
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They're like, why do people keep calling here for Alice-ine?
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Right.
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I'm sure this is not the first time.
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So I said, no, Allison, Allison, Allison, Allison. And she's like, no,
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nobody buy it. Nobody buy that. Again, they could never go, well,
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there's an Allison.
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Right.
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They'd never do that.
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Sitting across the way from me, staring at me.
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They'd never do that. Never do that.
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Waiting for your call.
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Never do that. Never do that. So they go, no, no.
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No.
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And I'm like, well, this is the number they told
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me to call. You guys do the radio. You do
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the radio rolling things you do. You set up the
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radio interviews.
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Yep. That's what we do. And there's no Alice scene.
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Alice saying outside. Wow. No, no, there is not. No,
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there's not. So I said. A-L-I-S-Y-N?
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No.
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Well, the reason she said no at that point is
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because she was on what I like to refer to
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as the no roll that we have in this fucking
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horrible society we've crafted.
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Once you get three no's on your belt, you're on
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a fucking roll, man.
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A hot streak.
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You can hear Sinatra playing behind you. Luck be a
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lady tonight. Scorsese's filming the dice.
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She's blowing into her hand.
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The no roll.
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Woo!
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Oh, I'm hot. Guys cheering around her. No roll. No roll.
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No roll.
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Not paying any attention.
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Yeah, at that point, I've got three good no's under
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my belt. I'm going for fucking four, man. So I'm like, A-L-I-S-Y-N.
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Nope.
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All right.
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Hang up the phone. Now I'm just driving along. It's
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like six oh eight in the morning. And I'm like,
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it's fucking dark outside. I'm tired. I'm fucking went to
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bed late last night. I packed all my fucking race
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gear and everything. It got all wet and got all
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mildew and fucked up like I told you before. And
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we're driving along and I'm like, all right, so what
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do I got? Two hours of shows lined up for
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me to talk to. I got this phone number. I'm
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getting through to the place that does it, but I
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can't find the chick who's the contact name. God forbid
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you put a last name on there so we could
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cut through this. Yeah, I'm on my no roll, baby.
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No be a lady.
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Yeah, go on.
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Keep it going.
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No.
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Yeah. No.
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No.
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No.
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No.
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No.
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No.
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A lady doesn't leave her escort.
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No.
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It isn't fair. I want to know your percentages of
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the fourth no versus the first no. Because the first
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no is a coin toss. The fourth no is 90-10. Like, hey,
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can I fill my mouth with cougarons, spit them in
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your underpants, and then suck you off? No, no, no.
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I don't think so. Not today. Not on my watch. No, no. Now,
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I would like to pay for your kids' college. Could
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I do that? Would that be okay? I'd like to
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pay them full fare to go to college. Yes, your triplets.
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I'd like to pay for them.
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No?
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No, can't do that. Not going to happen.
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I got a sack of money here.
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No.
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Not going to happen. I would like to stretch you
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so that you were two inches taller and I'd like
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to remove 10 years from your age. Could I do that? No. No.
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Not on the fourth one. No. So I called back
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and I said, hey, listen, it's me again. A-L-I-S-Y-N. Is
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there a person there with that spelling of their name?
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And she was like, oh, yeah. Of course, because I've
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given it a break. I broke up the nose again.
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I always want to know whether it's trying to get
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on the lot or calling the person up. Do you
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think I'm just some maniac who gets up at five
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forty five in the morning and calls places that tells
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them I have a radio tour to do and then
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comes up with names that are sort of like coworkers and.
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Then keeps asking.
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Right.
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That's how I got my fucking Lamborghini. That's how I
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got all my cars, because I amassed a fucking.
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Fortune by just setting my alarm and wasting my time
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mispronouncing fucking idiots' names in the morning.
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So then I called back, and I had— and by the way, you.
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Know when you take the dumbest person— and really, this is
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what a lot of these businesses do. She had that
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kind— of block-headed kind of she was born here but
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her parents were born in mexico kind of thing and
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she had that fucking thing where you take the dumbest
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person you take the dumbest person that works for your
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500 person company and you make them the tip of
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the spear like that's the person who picks up the
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phone Nobody gets past me to get to the boss
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or get to anything. They all have to get past
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this fucking lump head. So I called up and then
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I spell it out. I said, A-L-I-S-Y-N. And she goes, oh, yeah, Allison,
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let me ring her desk. And then she rings the desk. But,
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of course, Allison's not at the desk. But now I'm
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not so sure. Is it Allison still? Do you have
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another Allison? Is there an Allison that spells her name normally? Again,
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why would you include a last name in this mix
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of 23 fucking radio stations I have to call? So
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that's insane. So, all right, not going to happen. I
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call back again. She puts me through to the desk again.
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And then I notice at the bottom of the page
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there's like an emergency number. So I call that number,
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and that's Allison's. That's her cell phone. And she picks
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up the phone. And I said, yeah, I called the
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other number. And I went over the number.
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Now I fucking have to go over the number with her.
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And the last digit should have been a nine, but
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it was a seven. Because who the fuck can remember
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all these digits these days? So, of course, the number
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I called. It was one digit off, but it was
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the last digit. And it still got you through to
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00:11:30.139 --> 00:11:31.799
the company, but the wrong desk.
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00:11:31.879 --> 00:11:32.000
Right.
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00:11:32.059 --> 00:11:33.220
Yeah. Right.
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So the last digit off made for wild confusion because
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00:11:37.240 --> 00:11:40.659
first digit off means you're not talking to anybody. You
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00:11:40.700 --> 00:11:42.360
just get some guy with a crazy accent doesn't know
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00:11:42.379 --> 00:11:45.779
what the fuck you're talking about. Last digit means confusion. Like, yeah,
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00:11:45.820 --> 00:11:47.360
this is the company, but I don't know what you're
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00:11:47.379 --> 00:11:51.759
talking about. So I got Allison on her cell phone
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00:11:51.840 --> 00:11:53.659
and I said, yeah, I got hold of the desk
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00:11:53.740 --> 00:11:56.740
and she she kept ringing your desk.
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00:11:56.779 --> 00:11:59.259
And then, of course, she gave the well, she probably
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00:11:59.279 --> 00:12:01.909
should have just called me like. Of course. Of course,
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that's the person at the front desk hoping I'll just
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00:12:04.090 --> 00:12:05.919
have a fucking heart attack and just go.
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00:12:06.379 --> 00:12:09.659
This whole thing of... Why do you want me to
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00:12:09.720 --> 00:12:12.480
go away so badly? What are you doing?
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00:12:12.740 --> 00:12:14.940
Are you in the middle of a fucking online Connect
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00:12:14.980 --> 00:12:17.500
Four tournament and I've just fucking rang your phone and
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00:12:17.539 --> 00:12:19.059
you're like right in the middle of a move? Like,
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what is going on at that desk? Who's eating your pussy, bitch?
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What's going on that you can't fucking try to help?
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You know what I mean?
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Like, huh, you want to talk to someone named Allison.
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00:12:31.190 --> 00:12:33.730
Let me get her cell phone out. I mean, evidently
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00:12:33.870 --> 00:12:36.529
it's six in the morning. You're doing a radio. We
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00:12:36.549 --> 00:12:39.360
do radio tours here. It's not the kind of thing
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00:12:39.379 --> 00:12:41.360
where I'm just fucking sitting at a pizza parlor and
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you're making a prank phone call or something.
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Aren't they hired? Like, didn't someone hire them to do this?
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Yes.
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But the person at the desk gets $ 8 an hour
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and her dream is for the phone never to ring.
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00:12:52.750 --> 00:12:52.990
Yeah.
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00:12:53.289 --> 00:12:55.389
And then if the phone does ring, she's got to
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do whatever, whatever small lateral move she can do just
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to get you to get the fucking go away.
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00:13:00.809 --> 00:13:02.500
Just get you to go away. That's that's her.
283
00:13:02.860 --> 00:13:04.419
Her greatest goal in life is to get you to
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00:13:04.519 --> 00:13:07.059
go away and not call back. Not to get you
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00:13:07.120 --> 00:13:09.559
hooked up with the 23 radio stations you're supposed to
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00:13:09.600 --> 00:13:13.139
talk to or Allison, just to get you to go away.
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00:13:13.419 --> 00:13:15.590
And if she can do it on a technicality, that's fine.
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00:13:15.830 --> 00:13:18.529
She's going to ring Allison's desk, even though we all
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00:13:18.549 --> 00:13:21.350
know Allison is not sitting at her desk at 6 a.m.
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00:13:22.929 --> 00:13:25.669
But that's all right. I'll ring her desk because that
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00:13:25.730 --> 00:13:28.450
way I can say I rang your desk. And it's
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00:13:28.490 --> 00:13:31.899
basically I'll ring her desk means fuck off in about
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00:13:31.899 --> 00:13:37.029
18 seconds. So she gave the, of course, the thing
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00:13:37.049 --> 00:13:39.059
to me, which is, well, why didn't she call me?
295
00:13:39.139 --> 00:13:39.799
She should have called.
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00:13:39.879 --> 00:13:43.159
And I was like, because everyone's fucking horrible at their job.
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00:13:43.200 --> 00:13:46.399
They're horrible at their job. And nobody gets fired. No
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00:13:46.460 --> 00:13:48.620
one gets yelled at. And she did give a little,
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00:13:49.220 --> 00:13:50.799
I'm going to talk to her. Because I'm like, yeah,
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00:13:50.879 --> 00:13:53.330
fucking yell at her, would you? And just for the
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00:13:53.389 --> 00:13:56.129
next fucking poor schlub who's probably just given the fucking
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00:13:56.169 --> 00:13:59.769
wrong phone number. Anyway, I didn't know where to begin
303
00:13:59.889 --> 00:14:02.269
with the Allison and the Allison.
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00:14:02.429 --> 00:14:03.909
And I just realized, look.
305
00:14:05.350 --> 00:14:08.110
I've said it 250 times. When you're sending me an
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00:14:08.250 --> 00:14:11.470
email and the person's name is Allison, just write it
307
00:14:11.529 --> 00:14:12.090
as Allison.
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00:14:12.389 --> 00:14:14.009
It has to be a word. It has to be
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00:14:14.029 --> 00:14:15.570
a fucking word. That's the bottom line to all this.
310
00:14:15.590 --> 00:14:17.710
This all could have been avoided if they're just, this is.
311
00:14:17.690 --> 00:14:20.149
Not for Allison. I'm not printing up jerseys. This is
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00:14:20.190 --> 00:14:22.379
not for her. This is for me. I just want
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00:14:22.389 --> 00:14:24.080
to ask. And then, you know, do you know the
314
00:14:24.139 --> 00:14:27.059
answer you're going to get? That's how she spells it. Yeah,
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00:14:27.080 --> 00:14:29.039
I know. I know it's how she spells it.
316
00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:33.379
Well, did you give Allison any shit for the way
317
00:14:33.419 --> 00:14:36.429
she spells her name? Which, as someone who gets shit
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00:14:36.450 --> 00:14:37.950
for the way I spell my name, it's never the
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00:14:37.990 --> 00:14:38.570
person's fault.
320
00:14:38.590 --> 00:14:39.309
It's their parents' fault.
321
00:14:39.450 --> 00:14:45.870
At that point, we were 18 minutes into the two-hour thing.
322
00:14:46.750 --> 00:14:50.529
And then number two came around, which is I did
323
00:14:50.549 --> 00:14:51.129
my first.
324
00:14:52.809 --> 00:14:55.549
I did my first radio call, and all we did
325
00:14:55.590 --> 00:14:59.750
was talk about Celebrity Apprentice. And then in between calls,
326
00:14:59.850 --> 00:15:03.759
I said to Allison, I'm plugging my e-book, Rich Man,
327
00:15:03.840 --> 00:15:04.460
Poor Man.
328
00:15:04.539 --> 00:15:08.419
And she said, I don't have anything on that.
329
00:15:08.779 --> 00:15:08.850
Oh.
330
00:15:09.600 --> 00:15:11.299
And I was like, all right, I want to grab
331
00:15:11.340 --> 00:15:13.320
the wheel out of Matt's hand and just steer into
332
00:15:13.440 --> 00:15:15.980
oncoming traffic. But all I ever said to Matt and
333
00:15:16.019 --> 00:15:18.279
Jeff the whole time, I go, you want this? Is
334
00:15:18.299 --> 00:15:20.059
this what you want? Do you want to get rich?
335
00:15:20.700 --> 00:15:22.710
Is this what you want? Because this will be your life.
336
00:15:23.259 --> 00:15:25.450
We get up at fucking 6 a.m. talking to Alicine
337
00:15:25.470 --> 00:15:26.549
about nothing.
338
00:15:27.590 --> 00:15:28.629
This is what you want. Don't ever.
339
00:15:29.129 --> 00:15:31.250
I say to my assistant, Jay, every 10 seconds, don't
340
00:15:31.370 --> 00:15:33.309
ever make a fucking penny. Don't ever do it.
341
00:15:33.330 --> 00:15:34.090
You'll be punished.
342
00:15:34.730 --> 00:15:38.720
Be fucking ritualistically punished every second. I said to Jeff
343
00:15:38.750 --> 00:15:39.559
and Matt, this is what?
344
00:15:39.620 --> 00:15:41.259
This is what you want. This is what you want, right?
345
00:15:41.559 --> 00:15:43.740
She never had no idea what I was talking about.
346
00:15:43.980 --> 00:15:46.100
The whole idea was I was supposed to do a
347
00:15:46.159 --> 00:15:51.809
promotional tour for the e-book, Rich Man, Poor Man. Allison
348
00:15:52.389 --> 00:15:54.210
had no idea what I was talking about, had no
349
00:15:54.370 --> 00:15:57.090
information what I was talking about, had already forwarded all
350
00:15:57.129 --> 00:16:00.549
the information days before to all the radio stations.
351
00:16:00.649 --> 00:16:00.710
Oh.
352
00:16:01.330 --> 00:16:06.549
About Celebrity Apprentice, which is in a month or more.
353
00:16:06.960 --> 00:16:09.820
And I don't care about it. And I already did
354
00:16:09.860 --> 00:16:11.840
that promotional tour last Friday.
355
00:16:11.860 --> 00:16:16.340
If someone made Allison, I feel responsible.
356
00:16:16.399 --> 00:16:20.340
I just want to fucking kill myself. Thank God we
357
00:16:20.379 --> 00:16:25.299
stopped at the Madonna Inn for some breakfast. Welcome to
358
00:16:25.350 --> 00:16:26.929
my goddamn world, everybody.
359
00:16:27.509 --> 00:16:30.769
And I know. Everyone thinks I'm retarded. They go, oh, Allison.
360
00:16:30.870 --> 00:16:33.490
But I'm telling you, in a world where everyone has
361
00:16:33.529 --> 00:16:35.909
a fucked up name and you're looking at it, it
362
00:16:35.980 --> 00:16:36.639
doesn't mean.
363
00:16:38.299 --> 00:16:41.700
Allison, to me, I've only seen it spelled one way.
364
00:16:42.299 --> 00:16:43.720
And that's... Wait, how do you spell it?
365
00:16:44.669 --> 00:16:46.110
A-L-B-Q.
366
00:16:46.230 --> 00:16:46.850
Yeah, right.
367
00:16:46.870 --> 00:16:47.330
Silent.
368
00:16:47.409 --> 00:16:50.730
I've never seen the Y in front of the N
369
00:16:50.970 --> 00:16:51.870
on the Allison.
370
00:16:52.129 --> 00:16:52.389
Yeah.
371
00:16:52.509 --> 00:16:53.129
That's me.
372
00:16:53.210 --> 00:16:56.419
And again, there's like bunches of little things that always
373
00:16:56.440 --> 00:16:59.299
drive me nuts. Like I tell everybody, it says 9 a.m.
374
00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:01.659
and then it says Eastern time. It's like, just put
375
00:17:01.659 --> 00:17:05.500
6 a.m. Put my time. Put the person's name the
376
00:17:05.559 --> 00:17:08.960
way they the way I would read it, the way
377
00:17:09.079 --> 00:17:11.160
it would be read, the way it would be pronounced
378
00:17:11.200 --> 00:17:13.900
by normal fucking Americans. If they're trying to reach the
379
00:17:13.940 --> 00:17:16.869
person on the phone, not making a card out to them.
380
00:17:16.880 --> 00:17:19.940
I just want to get them on the phone. And then,
381
00:17:19.960 --> 00:17:21.509
of course, the little thing about having the right phone
382
00:17:21.529 --> 00:17:27.089
number being always, always a plus, always a plus. So anyway,
383
00:17:27.390 --> 00:17:30.309
that's that's me. That's that was my. All right. What
384
00:17:30.329 --> 00:17:32.589
do you got? What do you got, Dr. Bruce? You
385
00:17:32.609 --> 00:17:36.180
got something? Something. I'm angry now. I have a wealth
386
00:17:36.220 --> 00:17:36.869
of information.
387
00:17:37.289 --> 00:17:37.470
Mm-hmm.
388
00:17:37.509 --> 00:17:38.410
Well, where should we start?
389
00:17:38.549 --> 00:17:42.690
Ace Broadcasting presents Health Watch with Dr.
390
00:17:42.730 --> 00:17:43.309
Spaz.
391
00:17:44.250 --> 00:17:47.690
Hey, guys in the other room, can you go look at...
392
00:17:48.490 --> 00:17:51.910
I think they had the Miss America pageant on, like, Friday.
393
00:17:51.930 --> 00:17:54.829
I just flipped it on. I just flipped on Miss
394
00:17:54.890 --> 00:18:00.140
America just for a second. And they were doing the
395
00:18:00.400 --> 00:18:05.460
thing where they... tell them where they're from and like, ah, Alabama,
396
00:18:05.519 --> 00:18:07.880
home of the Crimson Tide. You know, they do that thing.
397
00:18:09.130 --> 00:18:11.509
I swear to God, the one chick was from like,
398
00:18:12.200 --> 00:18:16.670
North Carolina or something. She said like, we invented miniature golf.
399
00:18:17.009 --> 00:18:20.069
And the next chick was, I swear to God, I
400
00:18:20.109 --> 00:18:21.329
just turned on for 10 seconds.
401
00:18:21.369 --> 00:18:23.230
I just turned the TV on. It was on that show.
402
00:18:23.250 --> 00:18:26.430
And she's like, ha, I'm from North Carolina, home of
403
00:18:26.519 --> 00:18:29.680
miniature golf. Like we invented miniature golf. And then the next,
404
00:18:30.500 --> 00:18:33.759
and the ultimate, don't be a one-upper, the next chick,
405
00:18:35.029 --> 00:18:38.670
chick who got up there was from, I don't, you know, Florida,
406
00:18:38.769 --> 00:18:40.069
Cape Canaveral or something.
407
00:18:40.730 --> 00:18:42.809
And, and it was, we put a man on the moon.
408
00:18:43.109 --> 00:18:46.569
Like it was like literally what from we invented miniature
409
00:18:46.609 --> 00:18:50.329
golf to we put a man on the moon.
410
00:18:50.349 --> 00:18:54.549
There wasn't one in between. There was not one in
411
00:18:54.789 --> 00:18:56.109
between miniature.
412
00:18:55.730 --> 00:18:57.230
Golf and we put a man on the.
413
00:18:57.170 --> 00:18:58.849
Moon, which has affected your life more.
414
00:18:58.970 --> 00:18:59.839
I'll try to find it.
415
00:19:00.890 --> 00:19:01.470
Think about that.
416
00:19:06.460 --> 00:19:09.819
Hello, and welcome to PlutoFo. If you know the name
417
00:19:09.900 --> 00:19:12.059
of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it
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423
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Welcome to the real world.
424
00:19:23.180 --> 00:19:23.940
Mean Girls.
425
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Shut up.
426
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Titanic.
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I'm the king of the world.
428
00:19:27.160 --> 00:19:31.099
And so much more. For showtimes, press nothing. They're free 24-7.
429
00:19:31.210 --> 00:19:35.670
That is so fetch. On Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never.
430
00:19:39.710 --> 00:19:41.819
That was Adam Kurla Show 735.
431
00:19:41.819 --> 00:19:43.160
Coming up next, we have Adam.
432
00:19:43.000 --> 00:19:47.690
Kurla Show 1431, featuring David Cho, Alison Rosen, and Brian Bishop.
433
00:19:48.109 --> 00:19:49.029
This one's from October of 2014.
434
00:19:49.359 --> 00:19:58.339
From Carolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is the
435
00:19:58.420 --> 00:19:59.500
Adam Carolla Show.
436
00:20:00.039 --> 00:20:02.119
Adam's guest tonight, artist.
437
00:20:01.960 --> 00:20:05.880
David Cho, plus Alison Rosen on news, and Paul Bryan
438
00:20:05.980 --> 00:20:06.920
on sound effects.
439
00:20:07.769 --> 00:20:08.069
And now.
440
00:20:08.890 --> 00:20:12.950
still hungover from his annual Canadian Thanksgiving bender.
441
00:20:14.529 --> 00:20:18.829
Adam Carolla. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on.
442
00:20:18.849 --> 00:20:22.259
No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
443
00:20:22.319 --> 00:20:25.460
Thank you guys so much for joining us. Thanks for
444
00:20:25.480 --> 00:20:28.160
spreading the good word, man. Thanks for doing all the
445
00:20:28.400 --> 00:20:31.299
things you've done over the last few years that enable
446
00:20:31.359 --> 00:20:34.180
us to continue doing this. I'd say the number one
447
00:20:34.220 --> 00:20:36.680
thing is just getting the word out, sharing it with
448
00:20:36.700 --> 00:20:40.079
a friend. I don't know if you guys have experienced this.
449
00:20:40.319 --> 00:20:43.180
I'm sure you have. But I was doing Catch a
450
00:20:43.220 --> 00:20:47.200
Contractor last week. That part maybe you didn't. But standing
451
00:20:47.220 --> 00:20:50.019
in the parking lot of a Starbucks in Huntington Beach
452
00:20:50.089 --> 00:20:51.549
and a guy just pulled up in his car.
453
00:20:51.660 --> 00:20:54.150
He's like, hey, I'm listening to you right now.
454
00:20:54.170 --> 00:20:56.029
I get that a lot. I do get that once
455
00:20:56.089 --> 00:20:57.990
in a while. I was in Bay City. It's the
456
00:20:58.009 --> 00:21:00.569
great Italian deli that has the sandwiches in Santa Monica.
457
00:21:00.609 --> 00:21:03.190
I'm waiting in line. You wait at the counter, like
458
00:21:03.230 --> 00:21:05.150
a normal deli. I'm there for the counter. A guy
459
00:21:05.170 --> 00:21:07.190
looks at me. He looks again. He has headphones in.
460
00:21:07.509 --> 00:21:09.900
Holds up his phone, just shows Adam Carolla shows. Listen
461
00:21:09.940 --> 00:21:10.170
right now.
462
00:21:10.180 --> 00:21:11.869
That's nice. Alison Rosen?
463
00:21:12.730 --> 00:21:14.559
I feel like I haven't had that one exactly.
464
00:21:14.579 --> 00:21:15.619
At Bay City?
465
00:21:16.869 --> 00:21:17.430
Getting a sub.
466
00:21:17.450 --> 00:21:18.470
Other sandwich joints?
467
00:21:18.529 --> 00:21:20.910
Yeah, I was at Primanti's.
468
00:21:21.390 --> 00:21:22.559
Primanti's.
469
00:21:22.579 --> 00:21:23.460
Well, I was at Primanti's.
470
00:21:23.500 --> 00:21:25.079
It's a different one.
471
00:21:25.119 --> 00:21:27.559
It's confusing when people head to the wrong one.
472
00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:28.440
Shut up.
473
00:21:28.500 --> 00:21:30.839
You ever had the person come up who does the
474
00:21:30.920 --> 00:21:33.720
I'm a fan? Well, not like they were. I've had
475
00:21:33.740 --> 00:21:36.849
the mid-listen person all the time or a few times.
476
00:21:36.990 --> 00:21:39.049
But I've had the person that held up their phone
477
00:21:39.069 --> 00:21:41.190
and went, I have them all on the phone.
478
00:21:41.670 --> 00:21:44.069
Not running to that person? I feel like.
479
00:21:44.509 --> 00:21:46.250
I feel like I have. That one's not jumping out
480
00:21:46.269 --> 00:21:46.420
to me.
481
00:21:46.430 --> 00:21:48.480
What I have is I'll get out of my car
482
00:21:48.519 --> 00:21:50.599
and there'll be someone standing there who saw me pull
483
00:21:50.619 --> 00:21:52.500
into the lot and just had to wait to say hi.
484
00:21:52.519 --> 00:21:54.440
I'm like, fuck, what did I do while I sat
485
00:21:54.460 --> 00:21:54.960
there in my car?
486
00:21:54.980 --> 00:21:57.799
That's sexually motivated. That doesn't have to do with the show.
487
00:21:57.839 --> 00:21:59.420
Late at night under a well-lit sun.
488
00:21:59.440 --> 00:21:59.980
That's right.
489
00:22:00.900 --> 00:22:05.960
All right. And good day, Bold Brian. Hey, hey, hey.
490
00:22:06.390 --> 00:22:08.670
Normally I take the top drops with the hashtag top
491
00:22:08.710 --> 00:22:11.049
drop on Twitter, but that's from a listener named Josh
492
00:22:11.069 --> 00:22:13.970
who emailed me a month ago. exactly today and was like,
493
00:22:14.029 --> 00:22:17.069
my girlfriend, Teresa is going, just got diagnosed with a
494
00:22:17.069 --> 00:22:20.190
brain tumor. She's going for surgery tomorrow. And he emailed
495
00:22:20.210 --> 00:22:22.690
me yesterday with an update. A lot of times people
496
00:22:22.730 --> 00:22:25.059
update me and they're just, here's what happened. And he said,
497
00:22:25.339 --> 00:22:27.759
she had a nine hour surgery. They got 95% of
498
00:22:27.779 --> 00:22:30.619
the tumor and recovery has been slow. She had the
499
00:22:30.660 --> 00:22:33.039
left side of her body was paralyzed, but they expected
500
00:22:33.059 --> 00:22:35.230
to come back and she's working hard. And Got a
501
00:22:35.259 --> 00:22:36.930
lot of inspiration with the book and she loves the
502
00:22:36.970 --> 00:22:39.240
show and everything. And her favorite drop is this.
503
00:22:39.359 --> 00:22:40.019
Hey, hey, hey.
504
00:22:40.039 --> 00:22:41.079
So that's her top drop today.
505
00:22:41.319 --> 00:22:42.579
So nice of you.
506
00:22:42.859 --> 00:22:44.960
I emailed back and said, please lose this email.
507
00:22:45.140 --> 00:22:48.420
We were talking last week about getting an update from
508
00:22:48.519 --> 00:22:52.339
you medically for those who may be newer listeners.
509
00:22:52.740 --> 00:22:55.900
Why don't you give the whole sort of thumbnail sketch?
510
00:22:56.119 --> 00:22:58.819
Yeah, it's chapter three in the book. I was diagnosed
511
00:22:58.839 --> 00:23:02.720
with a brain tumor 2009, early 2009. Wait, you wrote
512
00:23:02.740 --> 00:23:02.980
a book?
513
00:23:03.119 --> 00:23:03.420
I did.
514
00:23:04.069 --> 00:23:07.460
It was a mildly successful book. And it's about the
515
00:23:07.480 --> 00:23:11.240
first year with the brain tumor. And I've just celebrated
516
00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:13.660
five years of my diagnosis, which is a big year
517
00:23:13.680 --> 00:23:14.880
in the cancer community.
518
00:23:14.980 --> 00:23:16.180
Five is the big one.
519
00:23:16.279 --> 00:23:18.630
Five is if your past five years, it's a good sign.
520
00:23:18.670 --> 00:23:21.910
It's a really solid, solid thing. Allison probably knows from
521
00:23:21.950 --> 00:23:24.549
your history, not yourself, but people you know.
522
00:23:24.849 --> 00:23:25.109
Yes.
523
00:23:25.170 --> 00:23:27.089
Well, the whole thing, my understanding of cancer is the
524
00:23:27.109 --> 00:23:29.279
whole thing is just, get as much time as you
525
00:23:29.319 --> 00:23:32.380
can because with all the research and everything, just the
526
00:23:32.420 --> 00:23:34.240
longer you stay alive, the longer you can stay alive.
527
00:23:34.380 --> 00:23:36.779
And I was initially given six months, you know, to
528
00:23:36.819 --> 00:23:39.000
a year, literally the first doctor I saw. So it
529
00:23:39.039 --> 00:23:43.039
was looking pretty bleak at the time and just powered through, man. Just,
530
00:23:43.059 --> 00:23:44.400
you know, very fortunate.
531
00:23:44.500 --> 00:23:47.519
When is your next MRI or whatever procedure you're going
532
00:23:47.539 --> 00:23:47.720
to get?
533
00:23:48.019 --> 00:23:50.680
I get MRIs every three months. I just had one
534
00:23:50.720 --> 00:23:53.240
last month and it looks great. The doctor compares it to,
535
00:23:53.259 --> 00:23:55.500
you know, the last MRI to a year ago's MRI
536
00:23:55.519 --> 00:23:58.519
to four year ago MRI. And it looks great. You know,
537
00:23:58.539 --> 00:24:01.119
tumor hasn't moved in a couple of years. It's the
538
00:24:01.160 --> 00:24:03.940
same size, which is a victory in the cancer world.
539
00:24:04.539 --> 00:24:06.029
And I get this every three months just to sort
540
00:24:06.049 --> 00:24:07.170
of check up and see how I'm doing.
541
00:24:07.589 --> 00:24:11.849
Well, it's inoperable. So if it starts growing, that's big trouble. Yes.
542
00:24:11.950 --> 00:24:14.190
So the idea is to keep it from not growing.
543
00:24:14.210 --> 00:24:16.230
Correct. If they can keep it at bay, keep it
544
00:24:16.289 --> 00:24:19.130
literally the same size forever, I'll live hopefully for many,
545
00:24:19.150 --> 00:24:20.079
many years. Knock on wood.
546
00:24:20.660 --> 00:24:21.400
Right.
547
00:24:21.859 --> 00:24:23.420
Something you can live with if it doesn't move.
548
00:24:23.769 --> 00:24:27.049
Right. And it hasn't been moving. Why mainly, do you think?
549
00:24:27.369 --> 00:24:29.509
I think the main reason is because of the drug
550
00:24:29.529 --> 00:24:33.009
they put me on, Avastin. Some people respond to it
551
00:24:33.130 --> 00:24:35.529
really well. Some people respond to it mildly well. And
552
00:24:35.549 --> 00:24:37.289
some people don't respond to it at all. And I
553
00:24:37.410 --> 00:24:39.230
happened to fall in the first group that responds to
554
00:24:39.269 --> 00:24:42.170
it really well. And they put me on it about
555
00:24:42.250 --> 00:24:44.890
six months after I was diagnosed. You remember how bad
556
00:24:44.910 --> 00:24:46.589
I was doing. I was coming here on a walker
557
00:24:46.670 --> 00:24:49.309
and slurring my words pretty badly. Old listeners of the
558
00:24:49.329 --> 00:24:52.769
podcast will know. Because muscles in my tongue and my
559
00:24:52.809 --> 00:24:54.670
lips were going numb. It was worse than it is now.
560
00:24:54.910 --> 00:24:57.210
Yeah, Matt and Dawson Allison want to cut you loose.
561
00:24:57.269 --> 00:24:58.440
But I said, come on, give the.
562
00:24:58.410 --> 00:24:58.930
Kid a break.
563
00:24:59.359 --> 00:25:01.079
That's really nice of you to stand up. And whoever
564
00:25:01.099 --> 00:25:03.539
else is in the building. Kalen was in high school,
565
00:25:03.559 --> 00:25:05.460
but he sent me an email saying, I know you
566
00:25:05.500 --> 00:25:05.940
don't know me.
567
00:25:06.700 --> 00:25:07.799
But I have strong opinions.
568
00:25:07.900 --> 00:25:09.799
Cut that drunk guy loose. On your show. He's holding
569
00:25:09.819 --> 00:25:11.839
you back. But I said no. But anyway.
570
00:25:11.859 --> 00:25:12.579
That's really nice of you.
571
00:25:12.599 --> 00:25:12.779
Go ahead.
572
00:25:13.769 --> 00:25:16.970
I was put on this drug that really turned the
573
00:25:16.990 --> 00:25:18.589
corner for me. I mean, a lot of other things,
574
00:25:18.630 --> 00:25:21.150
I think, as well, but this did at least half
575
00:25:21.190 --> 00:25:21.490
the work.
576
00:25:21.950 --> 00:25:25.630
And this was an experimental drug that was for something
577
00:25:25.799 --> 00:25:28.720
else but turned out to be effective in this world
578
00:25:28.799 --> 00:25:32.640
because the old school guys like Drew and Bruce said
579
00:25:32.680 --> 00:25:35.140
they don't have anything for those kind of tumors. And
580
00:25:35.180 --> 00:25:37.160
if you can't operate on them and they're growing, there's
581
00:25:37.180 --> 00:25:38.220
really not much you can do.
582
00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:40.500
And at the time, they were right because this was
583
00:25:40.539 --> 00:25:40.960
a new drug.
584
00:25:40.980 --> 00:25:41.240
You're right.
585
00:25:41.259 --> 00:25:44.150
It wasn't experimental, but it was– had just been approved
586
00:25:44.190 --> 00:25:46.450
within a month or so of me getting diagnosed. So
587
00:25:46.509 --> 00:25:48.509
it was only on the market for a couple months
588
00:25:48.549 --> 00:25:49.970
when I was put on it. So it was a
589
00:25:50.009 --> 00:25:52.690
real like, let's hope this works because nothing else has
590
00:25:52.730 --> 00:25:53.250
worked so far.
591
00:25:53.410 --> 00:25:55.470
If you had gone to a different doctor, would your
592
00:25:55.509 --> 00:25:56.589
outcome be different, do you think?
593
00:25:56.609 --> 00:26:00.230
It's a really good question. I think it would have
594
00:26:00.309 --> 00:26:04.980
because my doctor is– He's aggressive but not reckless. You
595
00:26:05.000 --> 00:26:06.849
know what I mean? Like I feel like he's a–
596
00:26:07.440 --> 00:26:10.119
as I mentioned in the book, I liked him because
597
00:26:10.200 --> 00:26:12.779
he was a– not a can-do guy but he was
598
00:26:12.799 --> 00:26:14.799
a this can be done and here's how we're going
599
00:26:14.819 --> 00:26:20.349
to try to do it. In anything, in contracting, in
600
00:26:20.490 --> 00:26:23.609
auto mechanics, all you want is someone to say– in healthcare,
601
00:26:23.670 --> 00:26:25.490
your doctors, all you want is someone to say we
602
00:26:25.509 --> 00:26:27.349
can do this and here's how we can do it.
603
00:26:27.990 --> 00:26:29.930
It's not for sure going to get done but if
604
00:26:29.970 --> 00:26:31.549
it's going to get done, this is how it's going
605
00:26:31.569 --> 00:26:31.930
to get done.
606
00:26:32.180 --> 00:26:36.740
I don't know why more people don't adopt that versus
607
00:26:36.769 --> 00:26:42.049
the manage everyone's expectations. Like, oh, you know, don't, you know,
608
00:26:42.470 --> 00:26:46.630
I mean, this is literally life or death. But there's attorneys,
609
00:26:46.670 --> 00:26:49.630
there's contractors, there's ever mechanics. Like you said, there's everyone
610
00:26:49.650 --> 00:26:52.119
you deal with in life. And it's so you feel
611
00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:55.660
so much better when they go away. Well, your transmission
612
00:26:55.720 --> 00:26:58.289
is shot, but you know what? I've seen worse. We'll
613
00:26:58.329 --> 00:26:58.910
take care of it.
614
00:26:58.930 --> 00:26:59.390
We can do this.
615
00:26:59.470 --> 00:27:01.170
It won't be free, but it's going to be done
616
00:27:01.369 --> 00:27:03.269
and we'll be done right. Like just whatever.
617
00:27:03.289 --> 00:27:05.089
If it's your kitchen or.
618
00:27:05.009 --> 00:27:07.109
A lawsuit or your brain or whatever it is, it's
619
00:27:07.150 --> 00:27:08.950
just nice to have. I feel like there's so many
620
00:27:09.049 --> 00:27:13.529
people whose default setting is manage expectations. So we don't
621
00:27:13.589 --> 00:27:16.089
build them up and then turns out we can't fix
622
00:27:16.150 --> 00:27:18.309
it or we lose or whatever it is. So they
623
00:27:18.329 --> 00:27:21.950
give you the, I've had it. I had, um, I
624
00:27:21.990 --> 00:27:25.410
had my last movie, the guy who repped it, just
625
00:27:25.430 --> 00:27:26.809
sort of the first thing out of the gate was,
626
00:27:27.289 --> 00:27:28.150
you got a tweener.
627
00:27:29.009 --> 00:27:32.509
It's a tweener. Like, it's like, don't expect too much.
628
00:27:33.089 --> 00:27:36.450
And don't worry, he didn't deliver. But it's weird.
629
00:27:36.529 --> 00:27:36.970
Don't worry.
630
00:27:37.089 --> 00:27:41.160
It's weird how far it goes and how we're so
631
00:27:41.579 --> 00:27:46.579
all insanely attracted. To the person that says, wow, this
632
00:27:46.640 --> 00:27:49.640
is great. I'm going to make this happen. Even if
633
00:27:49.680 --> 00:27:51.720
they don't make it happen, I still think we're much
634
00:27:51.779 --> 00:27:55.319
more attracted to that person. Especially when you're scared. As
635
00:27:55.339 --> 00:27:59.000
long as their perception was that they tried. They did
636
00:27:59.039 --> 00:28:01.039
what they could do. They felt great about it. And
637
00:28:01.059 --> 00:28:03.089
if it didn't work out, it's because of the others,
638
00:28:03.660 --> 00:28:06.509
not themselves. And it's why I always feel like, first off,
639
00:28:06.549 --> 00:28:09.170
I feel like those guys get laid 10 times more often.
640
00:28:09.210 --> 00:28:11.990
Like you find the guy that sort of looks like
641
00:28:12.029 --> 00:28:14.369
Jack Black, but is buried pussy all the time.
642
00:28:14.930 --> 00:28:16.630
Those are those guys who do that.
643
00:28:16.710 --> 00:28:20.089
We're all male and female, just like insanely attracted to
644
00:28:20.130 --> 00:28:20.650
people go.
645
00:28:20.710 --> 00:28:21.990
We're going to take care of this. We're going to
646
00:28:22.009 --> 00:28:22.230
do it.
647
00:28:22.349 --> 00:28:23.410
I select my doctor's dick.
648
00:28:23.849 --> 00:28:24.089
Yeah.
649
00:28:24.289 --> 00:28:26.369
I mean, it was justified after he saved my life.
650
00:28:27.380 --> 00:28:30.619
I'm saying I don't know why there's I know everything
651
00:28:30.680 --> 00:28:32.880
is managed expectation because you're going to get sued.
652
00:28:33.490 --> 00:28:34.789
Like, if you tell somebody, don't.
653
00:28:34.650 --> 00:28:37.369
Worry, I'm going to handle this, and you don't handle it,
654
00:28:37.430 --> 00:28:42.309
now there's just a lawsuit. So everyone's first blush or
655
00:28:42.329 --> 00:28:46.099
first mode is just that kind of, hmm, hmm, hmm.
656
00:28:46.619 --> 00:28:49.119
Keep your fingers crossed, but don't plan on anything, and
657
00:28:49.160 --> 00:28:50.730
don't start cashing those checks yet.
658
00:28:50.779 --> 00:28:53.140
I've seen a weird thing dealing with health care, and
659
00:28:53.160 --> 00:28:56.039
this would more be a question, I think, for Brian's
660
00:28:56.079 --> 00:28:59.470
loved one, but... In those touch and go moments, what
661
00:28:59.490 --> 00:29:01.589
you're really wondering is, is the person going to make it?
662
00:29:02.049 --> 00:29:05.009
And they somehow make you feel like that's a completely
663
00:29:05.109 --> 00:29:08.430
inappropriate question. When how could you have any other? I mean,
664
00:29:08.450 --> 00:29:10.960
you have a question, right? It's the question, but they
665
00:29:11.019 --> 00:29:15.339
won't ever answer that. They'll just be like, we're doing
666
00:29:15.359 --> 00:29:17.759
it step by step, taking it one day at a time,
667
00:29:17.839 --> 00:29:21.680
doing everything we can. And it's just weird how you
668
00:29:21.700 --> 00:29:24.140
begin to feel so disenfranchised from even having a right
669
00:29:24.200 --> 00:29:26.599
to know things that you would naturally wonder about.
670
00:29:26.680 --> 00:29:31.920
What would be the great harm, really, much like you
671
00:29:31.960 --> 00:29:37.410
do with kids and Christmas and their pets and blah, blah, blah?
672
00:29:37.450 --> 00:29:41.200
What would be the great harm, say? to the family, like,
673
00:29:41.599 --> 00:29:44.869
we're optimistic, you know, don't don't go home and sob
674
00:29:45.210 --> 00:29:46.190
yourself to sleep.
675
00:29:46.230 --> 00:29:49.230
You know, we we feel like we can we can
676
00:29:49.269 --> 00:29:51.569
beat this one. We're feeling good about it, you know.
677
00:29:51.670 --> 00:29:53.869
And then six months later, you get the phone call
678
00:29:53.890 --> 00:29:56.170
that goes, you know, come in and make your peace
679
00:29:56.190 --> 00:29:56.990
because he's gone.
680
00:29:57.339 --> 00:29:58.480
All right. But at least you had that.
681
00:29:58.339 --> 00:30:01.559
Six months of feeling optimistic versus the hand wringing and
682
00:30:01.579 --> 00:30:02.160
the crying.
683
00:30:01.940 --> 00:30:02.779
Yourself to sleep.
684
00:30:02.839 --> 00:30:03.059
Yeah.
685
00:30:03.099 --> 00:30:03.299
And then.
686
00:30:04.119 --> 00:30:07.400
Look, either way, you have a dead son or dead
687
00:30:07.480 --> 00:30:09.500
whomever your relationship is.
688
00:30:09.740 --> 00:30:12.900
One, at least you cobble together six months of hopefulness.
689
00:30:13.420 --> 00:30:16.569
I don't feel like I know people say it's like, well,
690
00:30:16.609 --> 00:30:18.150
I don't want to build the person up only to
691
00:30:18.190 --> 00:30:19.769
have them disappointed.
692
00:30:19.789 --> 00:30:23.450
I don't feel it that way. I want six months
693
00:30:23.470 --> 00:30:25.470
of agony. And then then they bury the kid.
694
00:30:26.130 --> 00:30:28.069
There's many ways to say the same thing. You could
695
00:30:28.130 --> 00:30:30.690
say they could have said to me, well, you know,
696
00:30:30.730 --> 00:30:33.259
only one. A patient out of five lives past three years.
697
00:30:33.380 --> 00:30:34.480
That's one way to say it, and that would have
698
00:30:34.500 --> 00:30:37.099
been accurate. Another way to say it is I've seen
699
00:30:37.140 --> 00:30:39.200
people do very well. We've had patients who have done
700
00:30:39.240 --> 00:30:42.940
very well. There's a fighting chance. There's ways of saying
701
00:30:42.960 --> 00:30:44.809
the same thing in many very different ways.
702
00:30:45.609 --> 00:30:50.670
I agree, and I just feel like we, as a society,
703
00:30:50.710 --> 00:30:55.950
we need a little tune-up on the EQ part of life,
704
00:30:56.029 --> 00:30:59.069
you know, the way you express these things to people.
705
00:30:59.089 --> 00:30:59.730
That emotional.
706
00:31:00.140 --> 00:31:03.119
quotient or whatever it is yeah it's the part where
707
00:31:03.960 --> 00:31:07.680
people come up to you and go you know love.
708
00:31:07.490 --> 00:31:09.910
The podcast not as much as the old radio show
709
00:31:09.950 --> 00:31:10.609
but still.
710
00:31:10.410 --> 00:31:13.009
Like the you know i get people yeah that part
711
00:31:13.069 --> 00:31:14.269
of life i didn't like.
712
00:31:14.130 --> 00:31:16.279
You when you started but i've really come around yeah
713
00:31:16.299 --> 00:31:16.880
thank you.
714
00:31:16.740 --> 00:31:20.799
Yeah And that's not even as bad as a lot
715
00:31:20.819 --> 00:31:22.319
of it can get.
716
00:31:22.500 --> 00:31:22.700
Yeah.
717
00:31:22.819 --> 00:31:23.680
That's a rosy version.
718
00:31:23.920 --> 00:31:24.180
Yeah.
719
00:31:24.460 --> 00:31:27.099
Yeah. But people need that, right? I agree.
720
00:31:27.400 --> 00:31:27.660
Okay.
721
00:31:27.799 --> 00:31:30.640
But to finish answering your question, you know, when I
722
00:31:30.700 --> 00:31:33.900
was first put on this newer drug called Avastin, I
723
00:31:34.180 --> 00:31:37.059
was getting infusions, you know, IV infusions once every two weeks.
724
00:31:37.119 --> 00:31:38.390
It was a, let's get it in as fast as
725
00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:38.569
we can.
726
00:31:38.609 --> 00:31:39.240
Passion fruit.
727
00:31:39.369 --> 00:31:39.720
That's right.
728
00:31:39.740 --> 00:31:39.829
Yeah.
729
00:31:40.519 --> 00:31:42.160
Very tolerable, actually. No, of course not.
730
00:31:42.180 --> 00:31:45.180
The Vastin is the last substance known to man that's
731
00:31:45.220 --> 00:31:48.000
not been infused with passion fruit.
732
00:31:48.039 --> 00:31:50.480
It's on the top of the fucking list. Big passion.
733
00:31:50.900 --> 00:31:54.990
Right on the top of that fucking dry erase board. Bullseye.
734
00:31:55.309 --> 00:31:56.589
Why not?
735
00:31:56.609 --> 00:31:59.170
They permeated the fucking yogurt and hand soap and all
736
00:31:59.190 --> 00:31:59.990
the things I used to.
737
00:32:00.009 --> 00:32:00.349
Medicines.
738
00:32:00.369 --> 00:32:01.529
They're in the dental world.
739
00:32:01.769 --> 00:32:05.029
I used to make fun of... I have important thoughts,
740
00:32:05.049 --> 00:32:05.910
so hold that. Yeah, yeah.
741
00:32:06.009 --> 00:32:06.930
All my life and death stuff.
742
00:32:07.009 --> 00:32:08.529
When I used to do.
743
00:32:08.369 --> 00:32:14.069
My 25 minutes on passion fruit iced tea back in 1999,
744
00:32:14.069 --> 00:32:17.809
I would say, why do we want passion fruit iced tea?
745
00:32:17.849 --> 00:32:20.970
There's no passion fruit soap. There's no passion fruit yogurt.
746
00:32:20.990 --> 00:32:24.690
There's no passion fruit ice cream. There's no passion fruit anything.
747
00:32:25.009 --> 00:32:28.319
Why the fuck do we want... Who comes in with
748
00:32:28.359 --> 00:32:31.700
a craving for passion fruit because no one's ever tasted
749
00:32:31.740 --> 00:32:32.500
passion fruit?
750
00:32:32.740 --> 00:32:35.900
And you blink your eyes... And someone tweets me every day.
751
00:32:36.380 --> 00:32:40.960
It's literally in doggy treats and shampoo and in contact lenses.
752
00:32:41.400 --> 00:32:45.519
Like it's fucking every, it's, it's in everything now. Didn't
753
00:32:45.599 --> 00:32:47.339
exist 10.
754
00:32:46.799 --> 00:32:48.640
Years ago when I, all the examples.
755
00:32:49.049 --> 00:32:49.230
Yes.
756
00:32:49.349 --> 00:32:51.430
All the examples of the stuff I used to say,
757
00:32:51.470 --> 00:32:53.390
it's not in like yogurt.
758
00:32:53.809 --> 00:32:55.089
It's now it's not permeated.
759
00:32:55.970 --> 00:33:00.349
What does anyone want that in their yogurt? Does that
760
00:33:00.369 --> 00:33:01.829
just taste like red and sweet?
761
00:33:01.970 --> 00:33:02.170
Yeah.
762
00:33:02.430 --> 00:33:03.670
Just generically sugary.
763
00:33:03.730 --> 00:33:04.549
Semi-tropical.
764
00:33:04.569 --> 00:33:06.970
Why don't we get lemon instead or some flavor that
765
00:33:06.990 --> 00:33:08.309
you could identify.
766
00:33:08.710 --> 00:33:10.750
Yes, you could identify. All right. So anyway.
767
00:33:10.849 --> 00:33:13.819
So I started getting the not passion fruit of Aston,
768
00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:18.940
the original flavor, every two weeks via IV infusion. And
769
00:33:19.279 --> 00:33:21.900
I started doing well or responding to the treatment and
770
00:33:21.940 --> 00:33:24.000
they eventually dropped me down to once a month. And
771
00:33:24.039 --> 00:33:26.529
then they eventually dropped me down to once every six weeks.
772
00:33:26.589 --> 00:33:28.650
And I'm now getting it once every eight weeks, which
773
00:33:28.710 --> 00:33:30.710
is great news because the more time you put between
774
00:33:30.759 --> 00:33:33.759
your infusions, the better you're doing, frankly. And I'm tolerating
775
00:33:33.779 --> 00:33:35.759
it really well. I'm very fortunate in that respect. I'm
776
00:33:35.779 --> 00:33:37.869
very aware of how lucky I am that I'm one
777
00:33:37.880 --> 00:33:39.730
of these people who responds to it well. I tolerate
778
00:33:39.750 --> 00:33:41.970
it well. And there's even talk they're like, oh, soon
779
00:33:41.990 --> 00:33:43.329
we're going to get you down to every six months,
780
00:33:43.509 --> 00:33:44.410
which would be huge.
781
00:33:44.609 --> 00:33:48.569
Would they even have this treatment five years, not ago,
782
00:33:48.690 --> 00:33:50.789
but five years before you received it?
783
00:33:50.930 --> 00:33:51.390
Oh, no.
784
00:33:51.490 --> 00:33:53.430
They wouldn't have had it five months before I was diagnosed.
785
00:33:53.589 --> 00:33:55.230
I mean, it was really around the time I was
786
00:33:55.250 --> 00:33:57.920
diagnosed that it was cleared for market. I may have
787
00:33:57.940 --> 00:34:01.289
been an experimental patient. you know, trial study, but that's, that's,
788
00:34:01.410 --> 00:34:03.220
you know, you could have been the placebo group. So,
789
00:34:03.279 --> 00:34:04.500
you know, that's not a treatment.
790
00:34:05.380 --> 00:34:05.640
All right.
791
00:34:05.720 --> 00:34:07.740
But there's a, you know, the doctor, like bringing it
792
00:34:07.779 --> 00:34:09.780
back to the doctor with a good attitude. I love
793
00:34:09.800 --> 00:34:12.480
my doctor because every time, every other, every third time
794
00:34:12.519 --> 00:34:14.650
I go in, I'm like, Hey doc, what's a, what's
795
00:34:14.730 --> 00:34:16.269
new out there in the world of brain tumor treatment?
796
00:34:16.289 --> 00:34:17.889
What are we looking at? What's on the horizon? He's like,
797
00:34:17.969 --> 00:34:19.449
Oh man, there's so much good stuff. We're doing a
798
00:34:19.489 --> 00:34:21.929
trial now, which you might be a good candidate for,
799
00:34:21.949 --> 00:34:23.409
because this is a new thing where we do this.
800
00:34:23.449 --> 00:34:25.619
And it's, you know, it's, it's, It's, you know, they
801
00:34:25.659 --> 00:34:27.320
take this out and they do this and it's all
802
00:34:27.360 --> 00:34:29.519
sorts of medical stuff. But he's like, there's lots of
803
00:34:29.539 --> 00:34:31.639
cool stuff. And it just gives you hope for the future.
804
00:34:31.659 --> 00:34:33.260
You know, it's just a very cool thing to hear
805
00:34:33.280 --> 00:34:34.719
your doctor say is that he's hopeful.
806
00:34:35.099 --> 00:34:35.300
Yes.
807
00:34:35.420 --> 00:34:35.940
That's awesome.
808
00:34:36.800 --> 00:34:38.840
Look, I want that out of the doctor. I want
809
00:34:38.860 --> 00:34:42.369
it out of the fucking gardener, too. Like, just everybody goes.
810
00:34:42.409 --> 00:34:44.929
Take care of that. Done and done. It's nice.
811
00:34:45.090 --> 00:34:46.750
And if it's a tall order, say, all right, I
812
00:34:46.769 --> 00:34:48.269
think we have a plan. This is how we're going
813
00:34:48.289 --> 00:34:49.090
to try and do this.
814
00:34:49.489 --> 00:34:53.289
All right. Well, if you'd like to, fuck Big Pharma,
815
00:34:53.329 --> 00:34:53.710
by the way.
816
00:34:54.489 --> 00:34:56.869
That's a hell of them.
817
00:34:57.090 --> 00:34:59.210
Yes. All right.
818
00:34:59.690 --> 00:35:03.389
Us, Portland and Seattle doing some live shows coming up.
819
00:35:03.429 --> 00:35:06.179
You can go online and check out when we're coming
820
00:35:06.219 --> 00:35:09.920
to a town near you. Me doing some stand up
821
00:35:10.059 --> 00:35:13.920
in Sacramento. You can go online once again, Adam Corolla
822
00:35:13.940 --> 00:35:16.019
dot com and you can go to Corolla drinks. Get
823
00:35:16.059 --> 00:35:19.780
the three pack, man. The red, red, white and rosé.
824
00:35:19.820 --> 00:35:23.320
Good for the tailgate, the parties, football season. Change it
825
00:35:23.400 --> 00:35:27.909
up this year. Shipping included now. So take care of that.
826
00:35:27.949 --> 00:35:30.340
Get the three-pack. And we got the new twist top
827
00:35:30.380 --> 00:35:33.639
and all the good stuff. So let's see. We got
828
00:35:33.659 --> 00:35:36.300
a couple of phone calls. Our guests will be here
829
00:35:36.599 --> 00:35:38.239
soon enough.
830
00:35:39.300 --> 00:35:44.400
Let's see. Subscription on a podcast. All right. That's a
831
00:35:44.429 --> 00:35:45.570
good question at the top.
832
00:35:46.090 --> 00:35:46.469
Matt.
833
00:35:48.570 --> 00:35:51.050
Let's see. Matt, 45, St.
834
00:35:51.090 --> 00:35:51.349
Louis.
835
00:35:51.369 --> 00:35:52.190
What's going on, Matt?
836
00:35:53.340 --> 00:35:53.639
Not much.
837
00:35:53.699 --> 00:35:54.360
How are you guys doing?
838
00:35:54.519 --> 00:35:54.739
Good.
839
00:35:55.920 --> 00:35:59.079
Hey, Bob, congrats on five years, man. I'm nine years in,
840
00:35:59.420 --> 00:36:00.579
and that's great to hear.
841
00:36:01.139 --> 00:36:04.960
I get so many people at live shows or emailing
842
00:36:05.039 --> 00:36:07.059
or tweeting or whatever saying, hey, I've gone through the
843
00:36:07.099 --> 00:36:09.019
same thing or I'm about to go through this. Thanks
844
00:36:09.059 --> 00:36:10.079
for telling your story.
845
00:36:10.119 --> 00:36:11.699
He's in prison for spousal abuse.
846
00:36:11.780 --> 00:36:14.139
That's what I meant. It wasn't clear?
847
00:36:14.179 --> 00:36:16.239
I thought you thought he was a survivor of cancer.
848
00:36:16.300 --> 00:36:17.360
No, I knew what you were talking about.
849
00:36:17.380 --> 00:36:18.199
You've got to read the screen.
850
00:36:18.219 --> 00:36:18.739
Good for you, Matt.
851
00:36:19.070 --> 00:36:22.059
All right. What's going on, Matt? Nine years into which,
852
00:36:22.780 --> 00:36:26.099
what cancer? Testicular.
853
00:36:26.619 --> 00:36:26.860
Oh.
854
00:36:26.900 --> 00:36:29.800
Cyclob. Wow. So they removed one, huh?
855
00:36:30.760 --> 00:36:31.150
They did.
856
00:36:31.389 --> 00:36:31.710
They did.
857
00:36:31.750 --> 00:36:34.889
They offered me a freebie prosthetic.
858
00:36:34.949 --> 00:36:35.530
I declined.
859
00:36:35.550 --> 00:36:37.469
Just wanted to hang like a bowling ball.
860
00:36:38.369 --> 00:36:42.289
Yeah. Yeah, the nudicle, the hem for dogs.
861
00:36:42.510 --> 00:36:43.369
Fondler, I like that one.
862
00:36:43.389 --> 00:36:44.070
That's right.
863
00:36:44.409 --> 00:36:44.849
Yeah.
864
00:36:44.969 --> 00:36:46.449
Oh, Molly's a girl, so never mind.
865
00:36:46.650 --> 00:36:46.909
Yeah.
866
00:36:47.429 --> 00:36:51.280
Hey, I wanted to ask you. You know, you're a
867
00:36:51.320 --> 00:36:52.750
guy that does the math every day.
868
00:36:52.769 --> 00:36:54.829
You just slay the patent troll. It costs you a
869
00:36:54.829 --> 00:36:55.829
big chunk of change.
870
00:36:56.730 --> 00:36:58.829
You know you've got the content of second.
871
00:36:58.550 --> 00:37:00.949
To none on the net as far as podcast goes.
872
00:37:00.969 --> 00:37:05.110
How come you're not doing the math and monetizing your podcast?
873
00:37:05.369 --> 00:37:07.710
You know you have legions of fans out there that would,
874
00:37:08.340 --> 00:37:10.900
if you said, you know, PayPal's not optional, now you're
875
00:37:10.920 --> 00:37:12.239
going to have to give me $ 10 a month.
876
00:37:13.000 --> 00:37:15.139
You know, I think you'd have a lot. You could
877
00:37:15.159 --> 00:37:17.619
blow away your ad revenues. You could get off the road.
878
00:37:18.389 --> 00:37:19.780
I know it's gone through your head. How come you
879
00:37:19.800 --> 00:37:20.250
haven't done it?
880
00:37:21.639 --> 00:37:27.099
Well, honestly, I come from a background in radio and
881
00:37:27.119 --> 00:37:30.829
I've always just wanted, I've always just thought in terms
882
00:37:30.869 --> 00:37:36.170
of following the radio format, which is build an audience and.
883
00:37:36.530 --> 00:37:37.789
Sell commercial space.
884
00:37:38.449 --> 00:37:43.039
But I have thought about, um, and, and, you know,
885
00:37:43.099 --> 00:37:45.809
and I'm, I'm, I have thought about some sort of
886
00:37:46.050 --> 00:37:49.659
premium subscription thing or something like that, and I've been
887
00:37:49.719 --> 00:37:51.639
thinking about it a little bit. I don't think it
888
00:37:51.679 --> 00:37:55.659
would be about making this show a subscription, but it
889
00:37:55.719 --> 00:37:58.059
might be about some additional.
890
00:37:59.260 --> 00:38:00.159
Archives or something.
891
00:38:00.860 --> 00:38:04.889
Well, maybe let's say I was thinking about, and you
892
00:38:04.929 --> 00:38:07.949
guys can tweet me and tell me, but I've been
893
00:38:07.969 --> 00:38:11.449
really thinking a lot about motivational stuff and about how
894
00:38:11.530 --> 00:38:13.789
people sort of dig motivational stuff.
895
00:38:13.590 --> 00:38:16.230
And also how there's a sort of tangible.
896
00:38:17.329 --> 00:38:20.210
There's almost a straight line you can draw through motivational
897
00:38:20.230 --> 00:38:23.190
stuff like this show's entertaining and maybe once in a
898
00:38:23.190 --> 00:38:28.070
while motivational but good pieces of information with people who
899
00:38:28.110 --> 00:38:30.300
are good at what they do and good in business
900
00:38:30.360 --> 00:38:33.739
and so on and so forth can translate into you
901
00:38:34.440 --> 00:38:36.699
doing quite well, making more money in whatever it is
902
00:38:36.860 --> 00:38:42.269
you're doing. Thus, you could justify $ 6 a month subscription
903
00:38:42.329 --> 00:38:44.329
to something that theoretically made.
904
00:38:44.150 --> 00:38:45.670
You $ 100 a month or whatever it is.
905
00:38:45.750 --> 00:38:45.909
Right.
906
00:38:48.380 --> 00:38:52.039
So I've sort of been thinking about doing some sort
907
00:38:52.079 --> 00:38:55.260
of motivational thing that was a sort of subscription thing
908
00:38:55.300 --> 00:38:58.650
that didn't include this. So basically, like, if you want
909
00:38:58.670 --> 00:39:00.710
to do this, you can do this. This will be free.
910
00:39:00.769 --> 00:39:04.329
But if you'd like to subscribe to that, we'll do that.
911
00:39:05.070 --> 00:39:07.360
I've been giving it some thought, but really what's been
912
00:39:07.380 --> 00:39:10.039
going on is I've been so busy that And the
913
00:39:10.079 --> 00:39:12.590
catch a contractor stuff and everything like that. I'm just
914
00:39:12.619 --> 00:39:14.349
about wrapped up with that. And when it went to
915
00:39:14.429 --> 00:39:17.309
end these two movies and, you know, you're doing these
916
00:39:17.429 --> 00:39:20.449
ADR sessions and it's like you're looking at all this
917
00:39:20.570 --> 00:39:23.329
post stuff. It's crazy what they do in post now
918
00:39:23.349 --> 00:39:27.409
and how much is involved. Everything from your logo needs
919
00:39:27.469 --> 00:39:29.969
to be illustrated to we got the picture of Krantz.
920
00:39:30.219 --> 00:39:31.519
but we got to get the picture of your kids
921
00:39:31.559 --> 00:39:33.579
and slug them together and you got to look at
922
00:39:33.599 --> 00:39:37.280
the opening credits and it's just it really doing a
923
00:39:37.340 --> 00:39:41.360
movie sort of never ends in that until it ends
924
00:39:41.500 --> 00:39:44.530
but when it's going it's ongoing you It's a whole
925
00:39:44.570 --> 00:39:46.670
bunch of pre and then a whole bunch of shooting.
926
00:39:46.809 --> 00:39:49.750
And then the post just turns into its own animal
927
00:39:49.909 --> 00:39:50.550
as well.
928
00:39:50.869 --> 00:39:51.530
Promotional.
929
00:39:52.050 --> 00:39:54.639
And it's like, oh, we're trying to get the Newman
930
00:39:54.659 --> 00:39:57.019
doc into Sundance. You got to get it on Blu-ray.
931
00:39:57.059 --> 00:40:01.159
And then you send them. And just when you finish
932
00:40:01.320 --> 00:40:03.900
one part, the next part opens up.
933
00:40:03.900 --> 00:40:05.900
There's no definitive end in beginning to parts.
934
00:40:06.159 --> 00:40:07.900
Wrangling Jules Dash is difficult.
935
00:40:07.920 --> 00:40:08.480
That's right.
936
00:40:08.500 --> 00:40:09.480
Good luck. Yeah.
937
00:40:09.820 --> 00:40:14.730
You've got to go scarf shopping with Jules Dash. So, Matt,
938
00:40:14.789 --> 00:40:18.489
we'll put it out to the Twittersphere, see what people think. And, yeah,
939
00:40:18.690 --> 00:40:22.130
I'll probably do something of that nature that's like a
940
00:40:22.170 --> 00:40:27.539
little bit of a premium subscription. And I agree with you, Matt.
941
00:40:27.559 --> 00:40:28.559
One last thought for you? Yes.
942
00:40:30.219 --> 00:40:32.059
You know, I think the riffs you do off the
943
00:40:32.099 --> 00:40:34.340
top of your head during the daily podcast versus if
944
00:40:34.380 --> 00:40:36.280
you went into the booth and tried to think of
945
00:40:36.320 --> 00:40:39.800
something motivational in charge of that, I think everyone would prefer...
946
00:40:40.150 --> 00:40:42.849
the daily stuff, especially when you bounce stuff off Allison
947
00:40:42.909 --> 00:40:44.840
and Bob. You know, I just think, you know, how
948
00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:47.599
many downloads did you get last month? You know, a million,
949
00:40:47.639 --> 00:40:48.699
something like that, maybe?
950
00:40:49.159 --> 00:40:50.639
Yeah, I don't know.
951
00:40:50.699 --> 00:40:54.139
I mean, this wouldn't be go into the booth and
952
00:40:54.679 --> 00:41:00.409
record a, you know, read a motivational book out loud.
953
00:41:00.469 --> 00:41:04.829
This would be a one-on-one conversation maybe a couple times
954
00:41:04.889 --> 00:41:05.769
a week.
955
00:41:06.010 --> 00:41:08.690
With guys that were like industry guys.
956
00:41:09.130 --> 00:41:10.699
Like successful people, not like guys.
957
00:41:10.760 --> 00:41:11.239
Yeah, right.
958
00:41:11.260 --> 00:41:12.360
People who have achieved stuff.
959
00:41:12.380 --> 00:41:15.579
Losers and tumors and stuff like that. Yeah. Think buoys,
960
00:41:15.639 --> 00:41:17.300
not anchors. You know what I mean?
961
00:41:17.320 --> 00:41:18.679
What if you want to do an episode about losers
962
00:41:18.739 --> 00:41:19.139
and tumors?
963
00:41:19.360 --> 00:41:21.480
Well, then we'd have you guys. Yeah, you guys could
964
00:41:21.519 --> 00:41:26.199
pop up. No, but, you know, like finding– Like Tony Robbins.
965
00:41:26.460 --> 00:41:29.780
Yeah, finding a guy or a girl or somebody who
966
00:41:29.820 --> 00:41:32.949
started a– Anyone named Tony. Someone who started a business
967
00:41:32.989 --> 00:41:34.769
and just kind of going through it with them and
968
00:41:34.809 --> 00:41:36.070
finding out how they did.
969
00:41:35.949 --> 00:41:38.170
It or whatever, whatever it was.
970
00:41:38.269 --> 00:41:40.369
I haven't really thought it out too much, but I
971
00:41:40.409 --> 00:41:45.110
thought I've always thought maybe something in the not this show.
972
00:41:45.809 --> 00:41:48.670
This show will be free, but a sort of premium
973
00:41:48.730 --> 00:41:52.409
subscription if you want some more, whatever. And I thought
974
00:41:52.550 --> 00:41:59.460
motivation would be the theme, not versus comedy jokes and news,
975
00:41:59.639 --> 00:42:03.230
whatever's going on. That feels like a daily show. This
976
00:42:03.250 --> 00:42:05.070
would be something that would be different.
977
00:42:05.389 --> 00:42:07.829
This show is like that Bible the Gideons give away
978
00:42:08.050 --> 00:42:09.690
in a hotel room.
979
00:42:09.170 --> 00:42:10.429
To get you into I don't know what.
980
00:42:10.630 --> 00:42:12.139
Something nice is what I'm saying.
981
00:42:12.530 --> 00:42:14.380
Here's your title. Get Off Your Ace.
982
00:42:15.760 --> 00:42:16.260
I like that.
983
00:42:16.280 --> 00:42:16.840
That's motivational.
984
00:42:17.460 --> 00:42:20.079
I already sort of came up with Grab a Knee.
985
00:42:22.239 --> 00:42:23.400
Well, I guess if you're not going to go with
986
00:42:23.420 --> 00:42:24.380
Get Off Your Ace.
987
00:42:25.610 --> 00:42:26.949
But I don't know yet.
988
00:42:27.969 --> 00:42:33.639
As I get older and as I raise my kids,
989
00:42:33.900 --> 00:42:38.480
I start thinking more about motivation. How do you get motivation?
990
00:42:39.909 --> 00:42:45.070
whomever to do whatever, whether it's macro or micro. That's
991
00:42:45.110 --> 00:42:47.210
all you really do. When you have kids, you just go,
992
00:42:47.630 --> 00:42:50.570
how do I get you to do this without you
993
00:42:50.650 --> 00:42:53.809
hating me and without you hating what it is I'm
994
00:42:53.909 --> 00:42:54.690
asking you to do?
995
00:42:54.929 --> 00:42:55.760
Have you figured it out?
996
00:42:55.800 --> 00:42:55.969
No.
997
00:42:56.429 --> 00:42:58.940
Nobody's figured it out. But for six bucks a month,
998
00:42:59.079 --> 00:42:59.719
we could try.
999
00:42:59.739 --> 00:43:00.480
We'll get together.
1000
00:43:00.500 --> 00:43:02.059
Keep doing what you're doing, man.
1001
00:43:02.079 --> 00:43:02.510
We love it.
1002
00:43:02.679 --> 00:43:03.159
Thanks, Matt.
1003
00:43:04.039 --> 00:43:04.320
All right.
1004
00:43:04.539 --> 00:43:08.639
Let's see. I don't know what that is. Pink Floyd.
1005
00:43:08.659 --> 00:43:11.980
Pink Floyd. All right, that's a good question. Let's see.
1006
00:43:12.679 --> 00:43:15.550
Somebody wants to know what I think about Pink Floyd.
1007
00:43:16.309 --> 00:43:16.969
Hey, Michael.
1008
00:43:18.309 --> 00:43:21.510
Adam, it's a pleasure to hear your voice, man.
1009
00:43:21.570 --> 00:43:23.329
It's great to speak to you, Mike.
1010
00:43:24.269 --> 00:43:28.000
Thank you, sir. Allison Bald, great to hear from you guys, too.
1011
00:43:28.440 --> 00:43:30.079
Hey, hey, hey.
1012
00:43:30.380 --> 00:43:34.539
Hey, I've heard you talk about musicians. I've heard you
1013
00:43:34.579 --> 00:43:36.159
talk about, you.
1014
00:43:36.119 --> 00:43:36.420
Know, who.
1015
00:43:37.139 --> 00:43:39.780
who's up there on the pedestal, but I haven't heard
1016
00:43:39.820 --> 00:43:44.300
you talk about Pink Floyd. I was just wondering, I mean,
1017
00:43:44.360 --> 00:43:46.960
where are they in the track of your mixtape of life?
1018
00:43:48.659 --> 00:43:51.420
Well, they're not on it.
1019
00:43:53.059 --> 00:43:57.280
My problem with Pink Floyd, while I appreciate them as artists,
1020
00:43:58.099 --> 00:44:01.300
I am a little bit of a lightweight, and I
1021
00:44:01.340 --> 00:44:02.059
like a hook.
1022
00:44:02.639 --> 00:44:05.179
I like a song with a hook. I don't care
1023
00:44:05.199 --> 00:44:07.719
if it's eight minutes long. I just need a little.
1024
00:44:07.860 --> 00:44:12.590
Hook to it. A little pop hook. Pink Floyd's not
1025
00:44:12.650 --> 00:44:16.889
that band. When I was in high school or in
1026
00:44:16.929 --> 00:44:19.710
the ninth grade, I think the wall came out and
1027
00:44:19.769 --> 00:44:22.050
everyone was making a big deal about it and everything.
1028
00:44:22.170 --> 00:44:26.070
And I've always liked Comfortably Numb. But I never got the.
1029
00:44:29.469 --> 00:44:32.460
Wait, first off, they sing Money, right? Yeah. I hate
1030
00:44:32.519 --> 00:44:35.840
that song. God, do I hate that song. That song
1031
00:44:35.980 --> 00:44:36.619
angers me.
1032
00:44:36.760 --> 00:44:39.469
If you want to see Lynette angry, put the Pink
1033
00:44:39.510 --> 00:44:41.110
Floyd song Money on.
1034
00:44:42.159 --> 00:44:44.210
All songs about money suck.
1035
00:44:44.389 --> 00:44:47.769
Rush Big Money sucks. Is there any good money song? Oh, sure,
1036
00:44:47.789 --> 00:44:48.550
it's hard for the money.
1037
00:44:48.670 --> 00:44:49.150
That's okay.
1038
00:44:49.929 --> 00:44:52.309
Yeah, even that will grind you down eventually.
1039
00:44:52.349 --> 00:44:54.650
That's maybe the only part of the movie Print the
1040
00:44:54.690 --> 00:44:56.789
Legend that I didn't like when they were doing how
1041
00:44:56.809 --> 00:44:59.530
they raised all their Kickstarter money and they played this song.
1042
00:44:59.570 --> 00:45:02.780
It's like, oh, you played this song, huh? It's about money.
1043
00:45:02.820 --> 00:45:04.079
It's a sequence about money.
1044
00:45:04.380 --> 00:45:07.119
Yeah, it's a little on the nose. Yeah, it's not
1045
00:45:07.199 --> 00:45:12.119
finger popping music. I want something that's got a little drive.
1046
00:45:11.679 --> 00:45:12.460
To it, you know?
1047
00:45:12.480 --> 00:45:13.719
Focus, focus by focus.
1048
00:45:13.860 --> 00:45:16.679
Yeah, something that's got some yodeling groove.
1049
00:45:18.519 --> 00:45:19.280
You're a yodeler.
1050
00:45:19.550 --> 00:45:21.059
So it's like Pink.
1051
00:45:20.670 --> 00:45:22.889
Floyd for me has always been that band where I've went, wow,
1052
00:45:22.929 --> 00:45:24.650
those guys are really interesting artists.
1053
00:45:24.829 --> 00:45:25.590
What's next?
1054
00:45:26.690 --> 00:45:28.769
Pink Floyd makes me feel cold and sad.
1055
00:45:28.789 --> 00:45:31.449
Yeah, that's the plan. I appreciate them. That's the plan.
1056
00:45:31.469 --> 00:45:34.250
It seems to be the plan. I never got all
1057
00:45:34.309 --> 00:45:38.260
the sort of weird pigs and stuff. How are we
1058
00:45:38.280 --> 00:45:41.159
going to feed these kids pudding? You have to eat
1059
00:45:41.179 --> 00:45:45.079
your meat without your pudding. It's like, all right.
1060
00:45:45.159 --> 00:45:49.250
It's weird, scary English people yelling stuff at us. And look,
1061
00:45:49.269 --> 00:45:53.449
you take someone... Now, weird, scary in English, well, you
1062
00:45:53.469 --> 00:45:59.550
have Jethro Tull, but Jethro Tull's songs moved. Like, they
1063
00:45:59.670 --> 00:46:04.320
moved along. The Pink Floyd stuff seemed to be stuff
1064
00:46:04.360 --> 00:46:07.719
that if you're rolling on some mushrooms, you could really
1065
00:46:07.760 --> 00:46:12.940
just sit back and listen to. Actually, Brian's right, without
1066
00:46:13.019 --> 00:46:17.199
knowing it, in that it is more film score music
1067
00:46:17.260 --> 00:46:17.860
than sit music.
1068
00:46:18.480 --> 00:46:21.079
Than road trip music.
1069
00:46:21.400 --> 00:46:22.059
Right, right.
1070
00:46:22.119 --> 00:46:24.400
I mean, Dark Side of the Moon, basically, if you
1071
00:46:24.420 --> 00:46:27.489
have to listen to the entire album there, and it
1072
00:46:27.530 --> 00:46:29.989
does get you into it, yeah, it's kind of like
1073
00:46:30.030 --> 00:46:32.610
a score. It kind of follows a sort of like
1074
00:46:32.650 --> 00:46:33.210
a flow.
1075
00:46:33.809 --> 00:46:34.070
All right.
1076
00:46:34.110 --> 00:46:35.360
But, you know, here's my feeling.
1077
00:46:35.489 --> 00:46:37.059
I don't want to go to a restaurant where someone
1078
00:46:37.079 --> 00:46:39.159
says you have to eat everything on the menu in
1079
00:46:39.199 --> 00:46:41.780
order to enjoy it and understand it. I'm like, how
1080
00:46:41.800 --> 00:46:43.579
about I just get some mac and cheese? Well, that's
1081
00:46:43.619 --> 00:46:44.300
not going to be good.
1082
00:46:44.760 --> 00:46:47.619
Not on its own. But if you order everything on
1083
00:46:47.639 --> 00:46:49.119
the menu, then it'll make sense.
1084
00:46:49.300 --> 00:46:50.989
And if you eat it while watching the beginning of
1085
00:46:51.030 --> 00:46:51.570
Wizard of Oz.
1086
00:46:51.610 --> 00:46:51.909
Right.
1087
00:46:52.010 --> 00:46:54.070
Then it'll make sense. It'll line up perfectly.
1088
00:46:54.090 --> 00:46:56.869
And my thing is like, I don't know, just give
1089
00:46:56.909 --> 00:46:59.210
me something I can enjoy a la carte.
1090
00:46:59.619 --> 00:47:03.949
Pink Floyd's like a football team that has some good plays,
1091
00:47:03.989 --> 00:47:05.789
but then they'll have a bunch of holding penalties in
1092
00:47:05.809 --> 00:47:07.840
between all those plays, and they can't get a drive together.
1093
00:47:07.860 --> 00:47:10.000
It's like, that was a good play, and they just
1094
00:47:10.019 --> 00:47:10.719
committed a holding penalty.
1095
00:47:10.739 --> 00:47:15.070
I think they're good... If you're in the right state,
1096
00:47:15.389 --> 00:47:18.949
like if you're in the right stage of life, if
1097
00:47:19.010 --> 00:47:24.289
you're high enough or angry enough or disenfranchised enough or whatever, enough.
1098
00:47:24.429 --> 00:47:26.650
I actually have the same feeling about Radiohead that I
1099
00:47:26.670 --> 00:47:29.210
have about Pink Floyd, which is that I recognize how
1100
00:47:29.250 --> 00:47:32.110
good they are, but the feeling inside is one of
1101
00:47:32.210 --> 00:47:34.650
just cold, melancholy sadness that I don't want to feel.
1102
00:47:35.530 --> 00:47:36.650
Right. Right.
1103
00:47:36.670 --> 00:47:37.570
Yeah.
1104
00:47:37.590 --> 00:47:40.659
And again, good for a movie, but not to sit
1105
00:47:40.679 --> 00:47:41.610
around and listen to.
1106
00:47:41.909 --> 00:47:42.090
Yes.
1107
00:47:43.190 --> 00:47:47.050
All right, but we can agree, like, I do, you know,
1108
00:47:47.969 --> 00:47:51.289
I always want to make sure that people understand this.
1109
00:47:52.789 --> 00:47:56.219
I look at Yoko as a complete waste. I don't
1110
00:47:56.280 --> 00:47:58.579
look at Pink Floyd as that at all. I look
1111
00:47:58.599 --> 00:48:04.159
at them as genuine artists who mastered their musicians, their instruments,
1112
00:48:04.460 --> 00:48:07.400
and have gobs of talent that I'm not interested in.
1113
00:48:08.199 --> 00:48:10.840
But let's not lump them in with the fucking hacks.
1114
00:48:11.460 --> 00:48:12.199
Do you know what I'm saying?
1115
00:48:12.260 --> 00:48:14.940
Yes. By any stretch of the imagination. Yeah, they're really good.
1116
00:48:14.960 --> 00:48:15.659
Just not your cup of tea.
1117
00:48:15.800 --> 00:48:18.480
Yeah. I think that's fine.
1118
00:48:18.559 --> 00:48:21.760
It's almost like seeing a guy who's a great athlete
1119
00:48:21.780 --> 00:48:24.409
in a sport that just doesn't interest you, but you
1120
00:48:24.449 --> 00:48:27.909
can appreciate how good that person might be at that
1121
00:48:28.050 --> 00:48:30.789
sport or whatever, architecture.
1122
00:48:30.829 --> 00:48:33.849
Painting, whatever. You just go, that person's a very talented person.
1123
00:48:33.869 --> 00:48:34.590
That's not my bag.
1124
00:48:34.909 --> 00:48:37.150
Or like how you might not be sexually attracted to
1125
00:48:37.250 --> 00:48:39.230
Annie Lennox, but you think she should breed anyway because
1126
00:48:39.269 --> 00:48:39.989
of her bone structure.
1127
00:48:40.630 --> 00:48:41.050
Yes.
1128
00:48:41.150 --> 00:48:41.469
Wow.
1129
00:48:41.849 --> 00:48:42.429
That's right.
1130
00:48:43.429 --> 00:48:46.570
That's a very good point. I'm not attracted to her
1131
00:48:47.289 --> 00:48:50.090
at all, but she's very attractive.
1132
00:48:51.320 --> 00:48:51.610
Right?
1133
00:48:52.010 --> 00:48:52.260
Yes.
1134
00:48:52.500 --> 00:48:52.739
Okay.
1135
00:48:52.760 --> 00:48:53.340
She's striking.
1136
00:48:54.000 --> 00:48:54.820
She's striking. Right?
1137
00:48:54.920 --> 00:48:56.780
Well, there's a young Annie Lennox.
1138
00:48:57.940 --> 00:49:02.340
Tell me if there's anyone who's better looking that most
1139
00:49:02.380 --> 00:49:03.960
of America doesn't want to have sex with.
1140
00:49:04.900 --> 00:49:07.610
Ooh, that's good. A sexless, sexy person.
1141
00:49:07.619 --> 00:49:10.110
I don't think you're going to find, you know, we
1142
00:49:10.150 --> 00:49:13.670
were talking about this the other night off the podcast,
1143
00:49:13.710 --> 00:49:18.849
but like Annie Lennox in her prime, much better looking
1144
00:49:18.869 --> 00:49:22.449
than like to me than like. Miley Cyrus. But yet
1145
00:49:22.769 --> 00:49:25.429
many more people rather have sex with Miley Cyrus than
1146
00:49:25.889 --> 00:49:26.489
Annie Lennox.
1147
00:49:26.679 --> 00:49:27.679
Right. Okay.
1148
00:49:28.050 --> 00:49:28.659
I think it's right.
1149
00:49:28.699 --> 00:49:31.900
It's that striking versus attainable thing.
1150
00:49:32.539 --> 00:49:36.179
Yeah. Or it's not even necessarily attainable.
1151
00:49:36.260 --> 00:49:40.119
It's a sort of a, Sexy in your face versus
1152
00:49:40.139 --> 00:49:44.780
a weird, cold, sort of brooding sexuality.
1153
00:49:45.400 --> 00:49:47.400
I don't know whoever. I don't know how any of
1154
00:49:47.420 --> 00:49:47.900
that works.
1155
00:49:47.960 --> 00:49:51.920
But she is easily the best looking person that nobody
1156
00:49:51.960 --> 00:49:53.000
wants to have sex with.
1157
00:49:53.039 --> 00:49:54.420
Where does Nicole Kidman rate?
1158
00:49:54.820 --> 00:49:55.579
She's up there.
1159
00:49:56.139 --> 00:49:57.659
In terms of people don't want to have sex with her?
1160
00:49:58.119 --> 00:49:58.260
Yes.
1161
00:49:58.280 --> 00:49:59.719
But attractive? In terms of.
1162
00:50:02.579 --> 00:50:06.079
All right. Remember the In Her Prime discussion, Matt?
1163
00:50:06.719 --> 00:50:07.440
That's her tomorrow.
1164
00:50:11.340 --> 00:50:13.320
Well, it'd be the next day if we tape when
1165
00:50:13.340 --> 00:50:14.420
people hear this. Yeah.
1166
00:50:15.679 --> 00:50:17.619
And I know there's probably no color pictures of her
1167
00:50:17.679 --> 00:50:18.239
that exist.
1168
00:50:18.969 --> 00:50:19.590
Not on the alternate.
1169
00:50:19.610 --> 00:50:20.989
She wasn't part of the MTV generation.
1170
00:50:21.409 --> 00:50:23.630
There she is.
1171
00:50:23.670 --> 00:50:24.469
Just like David Bowie.
1172
00:50:24.710 --> 00:50:24.989
Yep.
1173
00:50:26.250 --> 00:50:30.429
Nicole Kidman is a fine example of do not want
1174
00:50:30.449 --> 00:50:33.590
to have sex with her, but yet fantastic looking.
1175
00:50:33.710 --> 00:50:34.219
Kate Moss?
1176
00:50:35.280 --> 00:50:36.159
Yep. She's up there.
1177
00:50:37.380 --> 00:50:39.800
Fantastic looking, but not sexy, I guess you would say?
1178
00:50:40.739 --> 00:50:41.190
Yeah.
1179
00:50:41.909 --> 00:50:47.630
I'm with you. I mean, we can try to break
1180
00:50:47.670 --> 00:50:48.929
it down all day long.
1181
00:50:49.230 --> 00:50:49.809
Posh Spice?
1182
00:50:50.530 --> 00:50:51.590
But, yeah.
1183
00:50:51.710 --> 00:50:52.409
Victoria Beckham?
1184
00:50:52.909 --> 00:50:53.130
Yeah.
1185
00:50:53.309 --> 00:50:54.190
Is it all British women?
1186
00:50:54.610 --> 00:50:57.429
Victoria Beckham, once from Australia, I think, isn't she?
1187
00:50:57.570 --> 00:50:58.420
Oh, Nicole came from Australia.
1188
00:50:58.480 --> 00:51:02.420
I didn't... Yes, yes. Beckham's that way, too. I feel
1189
00:51:02.440 --> 00:51:06.010
the exact way with Posh. Like, it just... Okay, just
1190
00:51:06.030 --> 00:51:09.789
because you're tan and skinny doesn't– there's just– yeah, I'd
1191
00:51:09.829 --> 00:51:13.210
like to get a– so far I've agreed with all these.
1192
00:51:13.289 --> 00:51:15.030
I don't think Paris Hilton did that top ten, but
1193
00:51:15.050 --> 00:51:15.909
she might be number 11 or 12.
1194
00:51:15.889 --> 00:51:16.610
She's up there.
1195
00:51:16.869 --> 00:51:17.150
Yeah.
1196
00:51:17.969 --> 00:51:19.800
There's something– Grace Jones.
1197
00:51:20.519 --> 00:51:21.519
But this is scary.
1198
00:51:21.619 --> 00:51:23.179
Yeah. Yeah.
1199
00:51:23.300 --> 00:51:23.719
Terrifying.
1200
00:51:23.760 --> 00:51:26.840
But that would be just like your dick would plant
1201
00:51:26.880 --> 00:51:29.179
itself in your asshole like an ostrich.
1202
00:51:29.199 --> 00:51:31.849
You know what I mean? Like no way. And you'd
1203
00:51:31.889 --> 00:51:33.889
have to talk your dick out of your ass. Come on,
1204
00:51:33.909 --> 00:51:36.130
we're going in. No, no.
1205
00:51:36.190 --> 00:51:38.090
You can do this. I've seen you do this.
1206
00:51:38.110 --> 00:51:39.230
You bust your own behind.
1207
00:51:39.329 --> 00:51:43.780
Yeah, I saw that Bond movie. No fucking way. Yeah,
1208
00:51:44.079 --> 00:51:46.699
she scares me. And by the way, all you got
1209
00:51:46.719 --> 00:51:48.179
to do is see if you can look as good
1210
00:51:48.219 --> 00:51:51.179
as Dolph Lundgren did when he was banging her. It's
1211
00:51:51.199 --> 00:51:53.000
not going to work. You know what I mean? You
1212
00:51:53.019 --> 00:51:55.559
don't want Dolph sloppy seconds either. That's not going to
1213
00:51:55.599 --> 00:51:56.440
be a good day for you.
1214
00:51:56.559 --> 00:51:57.239
Glenn Close.
1215
00:51:57.420 --> 00:52:00.500
Brigitte Nielsen? Although in her prime, she was pretty. Yeah.
1216
00:52:00.519 --> 00:52:01.960
I think what we know about her now affects how.
1217
00:52:01.860 --> 00:52:04.659
We think about her then. She does. Yeah. But Glenn
1218
00:52:04.699 --> 00:52:06.219
Close right up there with the.
1219
00:52:06.440 --> 00:52:09.019
So these are all masculine looking women, basically.
1220
00:52:09.039 --> 00:52:10.460
Not Nicole Kidman, though.
1221
00:52:10.619 --> 00:52:14.739
But it's sort of just great lines, but there's something
1222
00:52:14.840 --> 00:52:19.090
missing where you just want. You just want to say, look,
1223
00:52:19.159 --> 00:52:21.150
you must breed, just not with me.
1224
00:52:21.519 --> 00:52:23.400
Right, like I'd rather sleep with a Lhasa Opsa than
1225
00:52:23.420 --> 00:52:24.099
a Weimaraner.
1226
00:52:24.159 --> 00:52:24.559
Stop it.
1227
00:52:24.659 --> 00:52:25.780
That's what I was about to say.
1228
00:52:26.860 --> 00:52:27.519
Sigourney Weaver.
1229
00:52:29.039 --> 00:52:31.500
It's tough. And you're right.
1230
00:52:32.989 --> 00:52:38.090
Circa Ghostbusters, when she got kind of dolled up. But
1231
00:52:38.110 --> 00:52:39.710
I think there's an element. I think there's a few
1232
00:52:39.750 --> 00:52:43.989
things working here. Here's what I think we can agree on.
1233
00:52:44.869 --> 00:52:47.949
We can agree on... A cup, B cup, sort of
1234
00:52:48.010 --> 00:52:48.780
sharp edges.
1235
00:52:49.090 --> 00:52:51.780
A lot of elbows and knees. You know what I mean?
1236
00:52:51.820 --> 00:52:52.670
Could go without a bra.
1237
00:52:52.719 --> 00:52:58.320
Right. Tall, angular, and a little bit intimidating. Like, no
1238
00:52:58.360 --> 00:53:00.619
might not mean no halfway into this. And that's on
1239
00:53:00.639 --> 00:53:04.960
my end. You know what I'm saying? You know what
1240
00:53:04.980 --> 00:53:05.500
I'm saying?
1241
00:53:05.519 --> 00:53:07.039
Like, yeah, they could overpower you.
1242
00:53:07.239 --> 00:53:11.340
Yeah. Yep. All right. We've worked it out. You guys
1243
00:53:11.360 --> 00:53:14.429
can tweet us some of these. We'll see. We'll see
1244
00:53:14.449 --> 00:53:15.690
if we agree. Yes means yes.
1245
00:53:16.570 --> 00:53:20.090
And we can work on who the opposite of this
1246
00:53:20.250 --> 00:53:23.070
is as well. And to me, it's like, who were
1247
00:53:23.110 --> 00:53:25.230
you talking about the other night? Miley Cyrus?
1248
00:53:25.250 --> 00:53:27.010
Yes means yes. Amanda Bynes.
1249
00:53:27.219 --> 00:53:31.420
Amanda Bynes is the antithesis of this, which is a
1250
00:53:31.460 --> 00:53:35.820
lot of guys found her hot. And I find Annie
1251
00:53:35.880 --> 00:53:38.679
Lennox is much more striking than Amanda Bynes. But Amanda
1252
00:53:38.719 --> 00:53:41.179
Bynes might get the nod in the sex department.
1253
00:53:41.320 --> 00:53:42.019
I'm with you.
1254
00:53:42.280 --> 00:53:45.079
But you guys like Hilary Duff, young Hilary Duff.
1255
00:53:45.179 --> 00:53:45.460
Yes.
1256
00:53:45.900 --> 00:53:46.360
Yes, we do.
1257
00:53:47.250 --> 00:53:47.889
Don't dislike her.
1258
00:53:48.170 --> 00:53:49.250
That's right. All right.
1259
00:53:49.469 --> 00:53:50.289
But not Mandy Moore.
1260
00:53:50.309 --> 00:53:51.550
No.
1261
00:53:51.949 --> 00:53:53.070
I'm not from Mandy Moore.
1262
00:53:53.090 --> 00:53:55.769
We don't not like Mandy Moore. We wouldn't not fuck
1263
00:53:55.849 --> 00:53:57.809
Mandy Moore. Michael.
1264
00:53:57.829 --> 00:53:58.550
You hear that, Mandy?
1265
00:53:59.570 --> 00:53:59.929
Yeah, Adam.
1266
00:53:59.949 --> 00:54:00.789
All right. You good?
1267
00:54:00.809 --> 00:54:03.530
I am good, man. Thank you so much.
1268
00:54:03.750 --> 00:54:03.969
All right.
1269
00:54:04.110 --> 00:54:07.510
Let's see. Our guest is here, so let's power along here.
1270
00:54:08.989 --> 00:54:13.610
Is it Audrey, 22, Coachella Valley? Yes. What's going on?
1271
00:54:13.610 --> 00:54:13.780
Hi, Adam.
1272
00:54:13.820 --> 00:54:14.179
How are you?
1273
00:54:14.449 --> 00:54:14.909
Doing well.
1274
00:54:15.639 --> 00:54:15.780
Okay.
1275
00:54:16.309 --> 00:54:18.610
Well, I have a situation, and I wanted to see
1276
00:54:18.710 --> 00:54:19.730
what would Adam do.
1277
00:54:19.750 --> 00:54:22.250
All right. I'm 22.
1278
00:54:22.250 --> 00:54:25.170
I've been with my husband for eight years and two months.
1279
00:54:26.309 --> 00:54:30.610
We've been married for almost a year. Well, we have
1280
00:54:30.630 --> 00:54:30.969
a daughter.
1281
00:54:30.989 --> 00:54:31.570
She's two.
1282
00:54:31.590 --> 00:54:34.530
I have a good job. We own our own house.
1283
00:54:34.570 --> 00:54:38.070
We own three cars. We have everything going well for us. Well,
1284
00:54:38.190 --> 00:54:42.079
I had baby fever for a while. And then I
1285
00:54:42.119 --> 00:54:43.699
realized I'm young.
1286
00:54:43.840 --> 00:54:47.389
You say boogie fever or baby fever? I wasn't listening.
1287
00:54:47.449 --> 00:54:48.389
Oh, baby fever.
1288
00:54:49.309 --> 00:54:49.849
Now you don't.
1289
00:54:50.090 --> 00:54:50.570
Yeah.
1290
00:54:51.130 --> 00:54:53.789
I was considering having a second child, and then I realized, well,
1291
00:54:53.809 --> 00:54:55.670
I need to work on myself. I'm still young. I
1292
00:54:55.710 --> 00:54:58.329
need to have a good time, things like that. So
1293
00:54:58.610 --> 00:55:00.909
I started working out. I lost a lot of weight.
1294
00:55:01.199 --> 00:55:02.960
I have, you know, a lot of good things going
1295
00:55:02.980 --> 00:55:05.139
for me at work and starting to make really good
1296
00:55:05.179 --> 00:55:07.519
friends out here because I have no family here except
1297
00:55:07.559 --> 00:55:08.400
for in Pennsylvania.
1298
00:55:08.420 --> 00:55:08.519
Yeah.
1299
00:55:08.949 --> 00:55:09.369
Mm-hmm.
1300
00:55:09.489 --> 00:55:11.090
And all of a sudden and out of nowhere, now
1301
00:55:11.110 --> 00:55:13.429
that I lost all this weight, he wants another baby
1302
00:55:13.449 --> 00:55:14.030
and I don't.
1303
00:55:14.800 --> 00:55:15.059
Mm-hmm.
1304
00:55:16.059 --> 00:55:16.320
So.
1305
00:55:16.920 --> 00:55:18.079
Well, you're 20. I'm wondering.
1306
00:55:18.099 --> 00:55:23.059
You're 22. And he's that age as well?
1307
00:55:24.219 --> 00:55:25.110
He's actually 26.
1308
00:55:25.110 --> 00:55:28.889
Okay. And is it the kind of thing where he
1309
00:55:28.929 --> 00:55:29.570
wants a boy?
1310
00:55:29.590 --> 00:55:29.789
Well....
1311
00:55:32.300 --> 00:55:34.889
He doesn't care what the gender is. He just thinks
1312
00:55:34.969 --> 00:55:36.469
it'd be nice for my daughter to have somebody to
1313
00:55:36.510 --> 00:55:38.949
play with since we live so far. We live about
1314
00:55:38.949 --> 00:55:42.329
45 minutes away from his family. So we're by ourselves
1315
00:55:42.670 --> 00:55:44.070
when we bought a house.
1316
00:55:44.090 --> 00:55:47.969
Get her one of those tablets, you know, that Apple makes.
1317
00:55:47.989 --> 00:55:49.110
That's all she needs.
1318
00:55:49.130 --> 00:55:49.469
Giddy up.
1319
00:55:50.269 --> 00:55:51.690
Yeah, I don't know.
1320
00:55:51.710 --> 00:55:53.949
Oh, I know you're going to say don't bring more kids.
1321
00:55:53.969 --> 00:55:55.289
In general, let's not.
1322
00:55:55.179 --> 00:55:57.460
Bring more kids in the world. No, I don't like kids.
1323
00:55:57.480 --> 00:55:59.099
Let's not bring only kids into the world either.
1324
00:55:59.119 --> 00:56:01.099
I don't like kids. Don't get me wrong.
1325
00:56:01.219 --> 00:56:04.699
But what I'm saying is I wonder if he wants
1326
00:56:04.739 --> 00:56:08.289
a boy. A lot of 26-year-old guys might be thinking
1327
00:56:08.329 --> 00:56:12.130
that way. But I also do understand the not wanting
1328
00:56:12.150 --> 00:56:15.710
to have the huge gap between siblings because.
1329
00:56:16.710 --> 00:56:19.380
I don't know who. I was just talking about, I
1330
00:56:19.400 --> 00:56:20.480
think James.
1331
00:56:20.239 --> 00:56:23.119
Babydoll Dixon, my agent, he has a big gap between
1332
00:56:23.159 --> 00:56:25.260
his brother and his sister, maybe 10 years or something.
1333
00:56:25.280 --> 00:56:28.739
So it's really, it's not really like having siblings when
1334
00:56:28.760 --> 00:56:31.000
you have that big gap. You know, I mean, imagine
1335
00:56:31.079 --> 00:56:36.190
here is somebody, you know, entering high school. and you're
1336
00:56:36.829 --> 00:56:39.489
six years old or five years old, they want nothing
1337
00:56:39.530 --> 00:56:42.070
to do with you. It's a weird relationship. There's just
1338
00:56:42.210 --> 00:56:44.760
someone with zits living in the house with you that
1339
00:56:44.780 --> 00:56:48.320
you barely even know. Later on, they can hit you
1340
00:56:48.360 --> 00:56:52.010
up for money if things go right, but it's kind
1341
00:56:52.050 --> 00:56:55.349
of weird when there's that big gap. I'm happy that
1342
00:56:55.389 --> 00:56:57.789
I have twins because they're just right there with each
1343
00:56:57.849 --> 00:57:00.760
other At the same time, doing the same thing, just
1344
00:57:00.800 --> 00:57:04.059
sort of like literally the same size, eating the same thing,
1345
00:57:04.099 --> 00:57:06.320
you know, sort of a lot of the same interests
1346
00:57:06.389 --> 00:57:10.010
and friends and things. You know, it's very convenient for
1347
00:57:10.090 --> 00:57:11.590
us and but for them as well.
1348
00:57:12.309 --> 00:57:14.730
So I'm with you.
1349
00:57:15.429 --> 00:57:19.050
But on the other hand, man, more than five years
1350
00:57:19.300 --> 00:57:22.920
gap wise with the siblings seems tough, right?
1351
00:57:23.460 --> 00:57:23.920
Tall order.
1352
00:57:24.719 --> 00:57:24.960
Yes.
1353
00:57:25.429 --> 00:57:28.510
Yeah, that's the thing is we've discussed this before, and
1354
00:57:29.070 --> 00:57:33.230
it's not the gap thing. He actually doesn't want them,
1355
00:57:34.630 --> 00:57:37.469
like he doesn't want them too close but not too far.
1356
00:57:37.489 --> 00:57:40.039
And with the gender.
1357
00:57:40.059 --> 00:57:41.599
He's doing a lot of thinking.
1358
00:57:41.619 --> 00:57:42.539
Yeah.
1359
00:57:42.619 --> 00:57:45.739
He honestly, he doesn't mind. He said that he'd be
1360
00:57:45.780 --> 00:57:46.920
happy with another girl.
1361
00:57:48.039 --> 00:57:49.119
What does this have.
1362
00:57:48.980 --> 00:57:49.900
To do with the weight loss, though?
1363
00:57:49.920 --> 00:57:52.440
Because remember, she didn't, and now that she's lost weight,
1364
00:57:52.500 --> 00:57:54.000
he does. What's up with that, I'm wondering?
1365
00:57:54.679 --> 00:57:57.590
I don't know. Does he have a little extra weight
1366
00:57:57.699 --> 00:57:57.949
on him?
1367
00:57:59.570 --> 00:58:01.849
That's the thing is, since he's been working graveyard, he
1368
00:58:01.889 --> 00:58:03.769
has gained a little bit.
1369
00:58:04.469 --> 00:58:05.250
Graveyard.
1370
00:58:05.429 --> 00:58:07.789
I've gained weight, and I want.
1371
00:58:07.670 --> 00:58:08.289
To lose weight, too.
1372
00:58:08.329 --> 00:58:10.150
I'm like, okay, well, go for a run with me. No,
1373
00:58:10.269 --> 00:58:11.780
I'd rather go for a ride on the quad. Okay, well,
1374
00:58:11.820 --> 00:58:12.550
I'm going to go run then.
1375
00:58:12.570 --> 00:58:18.079
Go for a ride in the quad? The RV? I mean,
1376
00:58:18.099 --> 00:58:18.329
the ATV?
1377
00:58:19.400 --> 00:58:22.699
Yeah, we recently got an ATV, so that's a big thing.
1378
00:58:25.219 --> 00:58:27.239
This is why you're not supposed to get married when
1379
00:58:27.260 --> 00:58:27.579
you're 20.
1380
00:58:27.579 --> 00:58:27.860
Yeah.
1381
00:58:28.340 --> 00:58:30.260
Because the big thing becomes the quad.
1382
00:58:30.340 --> 00:58:30.969
I'll take the baby.
1383
00:58:30.989 --> 00:58:34.869
All right. Put him on the lap. Hey. All right.
1384
00:58:34.909 --> 00:58:36.809
Look, I can't hold the beer and the baby. So
1385
00:58:36.929 --> 00:58:38.329
I have to tuck the baby in. I'll put the
1386
00:58:38.349 --> 00:58:39.190
beer between her legs.
1387
00:58:39.329 --> 00:58:40.949
I'll swaddle the beer with the baby.
1388
00:58:41.730 --> 00:58:42.869
Baby koozie.
1389
00:58:42.889 --> 00:58:45.409
The thing is, since he's working graveyard, he likes to
1390
00:58:45.449 --> 00:58:49.909
go out in the morning. And I work a regular
1391
00:58:49.929 --> 00:58:52.989
eight to six. All right.
1392
00:58:53.289 --> 00:58:54.639
Audrey, here's what I can say.
1393
00:58:56.809 --> 00:59:00.960
Making women do things they don't want to do long-term,
1394
00:59:01.039 --> 00:59:02.900
not great for guys.
1395
00:59:03.480 --> 00:59:05.920
And he needs to understand that. Whatever it is.
1396
00:59:05.929 --> 00:59:08.579
Hal is almost dislocated her jaw, nodding.
1397
00:59:08.960 --> 00:59:13.559
Baby, anal, what have you. It may be great in
1398
00:59:13.579 --> 00:59:15.579
the moment, but big picture.
1399
00:59:15.599 --> 00:59:17.340
This is why I try to talk Daniel out of
1400
00:59:17.400 --> 00:59:20.550
compromising about anything. It's better if I'm happy is what
1401
00:59:20.590 --> 00:59:22.769
I explain. And it's not going so well when I
1402
00:59:22.829 --> 00:59:24.590
explain that, but I hope one day he realizes.
1403
00:59:25.030 --> 00:59:30.130
Well, bigger picture, they have the memories of orca whales
1404
00:59:30.349 --> 00:59:31.650
and they never let it go.
1405
00:59:31.969 --> 00:59:33.989
And they end up resenting you.
1406
00:59:34.250 --> 00:59:36.449
And if you got pregnant when you didn't want to
1407
00:59:36.469 --> 00:59:38.769
become pregnant, you would resent the shit out of him.
1408
00:59:38.869 --> 00:59:41.699
And then you'd have someone who resented the shit out
1409
00:59:41.739 --> 00:59:44.659
of him living with him. But I think here's what
1410
00:59:44.739 --> 00:59:47.400
I would do. I would work on his weight. I
1411
00:59:47.440 --> 00:59:50.559
feel like his weight, you losing the weight, he's feeling insecure.
1412
00:59:50.619 --> 00:59:52.059
He wants to plump you back up.
1413
00:59:52.079 --> 00:59:52.440
Oh, yeah.
1414
00:59:53.119 --> 00:59:53.320
Yeah.
1415
00:59:53.860 --> 00:59:56.820
It's a lot of stuff going through guys when they're
1416
00:59:58.139 --> 01:00:01.510
in their 20s. A lot of jealousy, a lot of
1417
01:00:01.590 --> 01:00:03.409
who you've been talking to, a lot of you're looking
1418
01:00:03.449 --> 01:00:05.949
good and I'm not looking too good. And don't make
1419
01:00:05.989 --> 01:00:07.789
me take this ATV and drive it over to that
1420
01:00:07.829 --> 01:00:09.670
guy's house because I know you've been cheating on me.
1421
01:00:10.190 --> 01:00:10.809
And a lot of that.
1422
01:00:11.070 --> 01:00:15.840
So I would say focus on his weight, feeling better
1423
01:00:15.860 --> 01:00:17.840
about himself and his weight.
1424
01:00:18.019 --> 01:00:19.860
And then you can get a clear look at the
1425
01:00:19.900 --> 01:00:21.400
baby picture and it will be unfettered.
1426
01:00:22.639 --> 01:00:24.179
Yeah, my advice is go back in time and do
1427
01:00:24.219 --> 01:00:24.980
everything when you're older.
1428
01:00:25.480 --> 01:00:29.179
That's right. All right. Let's see. One last one, then
1429
01:00:29.219 --> 01:00:32.119
we'll bring David Cho out. Josh?
1430
01:00:33.800 --> 01:00:34.389
Hey, everybody.
1431
01:00:34.389 --> 01:00:35.889
37, San Diego.
1432
01:00:35.989 --> 01:00:36.150
Yeah.
1433
01:00:36.289 --> 01:00:38.369
What's going on?
1434
01:00:38.389 --> 01:00:43.309
I was wondering if you've heard about the Georgia State
1435
01:00:43.610 --> 01:00:48.590
passed a law about slowpokes and highway patrols issuing them tickets.
1436
01:00:48.610 --> 01:00:50.570
I was wondering if you ever saw it in California.
1437
01:00:55.829 --> 01:00:59.849
Somebody tweeted to me today that I think they said
1438
01:00:59.889 --> 01:01:04.610
that traffic costs like $ 90 billion a year.
1439
01:01:04.989 --> 01:01:06.139
In America or here?
1440
01:01:06.579 --> 01:01:09.739
I think in America. It makes more sense.
1441
01:01:10.760 --> 01:01:15.599
Imagine if we had, let's say, one-tenth the interest in
1442
01:01:16.019 --> 01:01:17.880
traffic as we do in breast cancer.
1443
01:01:19.099 --> 01:01:21.659
You know what I mean? Just something, just somebody wanted
1444
01:01:21.679 --> 01:01:24.159
to do like my whole thing.
1445
01:01:24.420 --> 01:01:28.119
What I don't understand, and it's why I think this
1446
01:01:28.179 --> 01:01:33.150
government and California, especially Los Angeles, especially, but even just
1447
01:01:33.170 --> 01:01:35.699
the United States almost has disdain for its citizens, which is.
1448
01:01:37.079 --> 01:01:39.480
There is something you can do to help all of us.
1449
01:01:39.559 --> 01:01:43.599
There's one thing that's like universal. Whatever your skin color
1450
01:01:43.699 --> 01:01:46.079
is and whatever your pay grade is, it's sitting on
1451
01:01:46.139 --> 01:01:50.300
that fucking freeway, just watching your life just go away.
1452
01:01:50.480 --> 01:01:54.449
And in terms of- Melt away. Yeah, just, you know, look,
1453
01:01:54.670 --> 01:01:58.010
if you guys have invented third-hand smoke, that's bad for you.
1454
01:01:58.070 --> 01:02:02.090
Sitting in the middle of the 110 freeway, just surrounded
1455
01:02:02.150 --> 01:02:07.210
by internal combustion vehicles with motorcycles flying past you. inching
1456
01:02:07.250 --> 01:02:10.030
along at two miles an hour, that can't be great
1457
01:02:10.070 --> 01:02:13.469
for whatever's coming into your lungs as well. It's probably
1458
01:02:13.530 --> 01:02:15.429
not good for your health. It's certainly not good for
1459
01:02:15.449 --> 01:02:19.780
your head. It's not good for your pocketbook. Why not
1460
01:02:20.159 --> 01:02:24.280
address it as the problem that it actually is? How
1461
01:02:24.360 --> 01:02:29.050
come there's zero attention given to it? How come Every
1462
01:02:29.210 --> 01:02:35.090
municipal vehicle talks about senior abuse or stopping human trafficking
1463
01:02:35.170 --> 01:02:38.289
or click it or ticket or third-hand smoke or second-hand smoke,
1464
01:02:38.309 --> 01:02:39.210
whatever the fuck it is.
1465
01:02:39.269 --> 01:02:40.429
How come there's no traffic?
1466
01:02:41.010 --> 01:02:45.909
How come it's a non-conversation when yet, in terms of
1467
01:02:46.050 --> 01:02:50.489
impacting people's lives, I would say it would be in
1468
01:02:50.570 --> 01:02:53.659
everyone's top five who lived in a major metropolitan city.
1469
01:02:54.400 --> 01:02:57.059
And it's not controversial. You can just talk about it
1470
01:02:57.099 --> 01:02:58.199
like it's the enemy. We all agree.
1471
01:02:58.909 --> 01:03:01.670
Yes. Yeah. I know. It's not like, you know, these
1472
01:03:01.690 --> 01:03:05.019
Jews causing all the traffic out there with their gay friends.
1473
01:03:05.039 --> 01:03:06.880
That might get you into trouble.
1474
01:03:07.059 --> 01:03:10.599
But it's everyone all the time. Everyone could use this.
1475
01:03:10.719 --> 01:03:14.980
And, like, I have to be in Huntington Beach this
1476
01:03:15.099 --> 01:03:20.019
week for Catch a Contractor. I am in– I have–
1477
01:03:20.159 --> 01:03:23.019
I'm in pre-dread mode. Do you guys know what I'm
1478
01:03:23.059 --> 01:03:23.699
talking about?
1479
01:03:23.739 --> 01:03:23.940
Yes.
1480
01:03:24.119 --> 01:03:30.150
Okay. When's the call time? It's 8 a.m. Okay. Fucking– oh, Jesus.
1481
01:03:30.250 --> 01:03:33.110
Matt, is there any way to get to Huntington Beach
1482
01:03:33.130 --> 01:03:35.550
from where I live without going down the 5 and
1483
01:03:35.610 --> 01:03:38.880
down the 110 and through the– Yeah.
1484
01:03:38.920 --> 01:03:40.139
Helicopter. Mr.
1485
01:03:40.199 --> 01:03:40.519
Trump.
1486
01:03:40.920 --> 01:03:41.219
No.
1487
01:03:41.460 --> 01:03:45.139
So I start I literally start going into pre dread
1488
01:03:45.340 --> 01:03:46.179
the day before.
1489
01:03:46.260 --> 01:03:49.389
Like, all right. Fucking 8 a.m. call time. So what's
1490
01:03:49.449 --> 01:03:49.849
that mean?
1491
01:03:49.889 --> 01:03:52.309
Was that could be an hour, hour and 15 minutes.
1492
01:03:52.349 --> 01:03:55.969
And then what time's the podcast? Well, that's at 530. OK,
1493
01:03:56.010 --> 01:03:58.389
so they're going to cut me loose at four. OK,
1494
01:03:58.480 --> 01:03:59.880
so it's going to be about an hour and a half.
1495
01:04:00.699 --> 01:04:04.539
I'm in fucking pre-bummer mode because of this problem.
1496
01:04:04.800 --> 01:04:06.239
And pre-bummer is bummer mode.
1497
01:04:06.480 --> 01:04:07.000
Thank you.
1498
01:04:07.579 --> 01:04:11.539
Put that on a fucking highway sign, you dickheads. And
1499
01:04:11.579 --> 01:04:13.440
it's not like, well, we could have never seen this
1500
01:04:13.559 --> 01:04:17.829
one coming. It's been coming for 30 years, moving like
1501
01:04:17.869 --> 01:04:19.530
a fucking glacier, getting.
1502
01:04:19.309 --> 01:04:23.730
Worse year after year after year. And yet we do nothing.
1503
01:04:24.489 --> 01:04:27.130
And I have. OK, so you go. All right.
1504
01:04:28.010 --> 01:04:30.309
Well, we can't put a second story on the 405
1505
01:04:30.309 --> 01:04:32.349
or whatever your freeway is.
1506
01:04:32.710 --> 01:04:33.050
All right.
1507
01:04:33.250 --> 01:04:36.949
But we can alert people to the fact that it's
1508
01:04:37.449 --> 01:04:39.969
legal to turn right when it's red. Many people are
1509
01:04:39.989 --> 01:04:42.429
from out of town, for instance, out here and don't
1510
01:04:42.510 --> 01:04:44.710
know that they have to honk at people all the time.
1511
01:04:45.289 --> 01:04:48.789
I see guys getting onto the freeway with four fucking
1512
01:04:48.809 --> 01:04:51.699
bald tires and just looking at four belts. They're going
1513
01:04:51.719 --> 01:04:54.719
to blow that tire out. They're going to at the
1514
01:04:54.840 --> 01:04:58.199
least just get stuck in the second lane. That's at
1515
01:04:58.260 --> 01:05:00.139
the least the worst. The tire is going to blow out.
1516
01:05:00.159 --> 01:05:02.500
They're going to smack another car and then they're going
1517
01:05:02.519 --> 01:05:03.860
to be two cars sitting there.
1518
01:05:04.300 --> 01:05:07.579
I mean, all those times the injury fatality is whatever.
1519
01:05:07.880 --> 01:05:08.579
Why are.
1520
01:05:10.159 --> 01:05:15.320
We so fucking just steeped in and in everything but this?
1521
01:05:15.360 --> 01:05:19.090
There have the cars in Los Angeles, especially because what
1522
01:05:19.130 --> 01:05:23.369
we have. Here's what we have in Los Angeles. We
1523
01:05:23.449 --> 01:05:29.139
have no transit. There's no mass transit really to speak of.
1524
01:05:29.309 --> 01:05:30.489
I mean, nothing that's really effective.
1525
01:05:30.530 --> 01:05:31.110
Massively underused.
1526
01:05:31.659 --> 01:05:31.909
Right.
1527
01:05:32.559 --> 01:05:36.519
What we do have is a large segment of Los
1528
01:05:36.639 --> 01:05:40.679
Angeles that must own a car, but they really are
1529
01:05:40.739 --> 01:05:44.079
not in the position to own a car, financially or otherwise.
1530
01:05:44.159 --> 01:05:47.659
So what they have is they have a car that's uninsured.
1531
01:05:48.110 --> 01:05:50.730
with four bald tires on it and a radiator that's
1532
01:05:50.750 --> 01:05:53.809
going to give out any fucking second now. And in
1533
01:05:53.929 --> 01:05:57.329
any other society, they would be on a bus. And
1534
01:05:57.489 --> 01:05:59.690
that would be good for them and good for me
1535
01:05:59.769 --> 01:06:01.769
because there'd be one last piece of shit breaking down
1536
01:06:01.809 --> 01:06:05.289
on the freeway. And for them, it'd be a safer,
1537
01:06:05.389 --> 01:06:08.590
more economic way that money could be saved, what have you.
1538
01:06:08.849 --> 01:06:10.409
Not to mention the fact that when they do get
1539
01:06:10.449 --> 01:06:12.389
pulled over, they don't have insurance and then they get
1540
01:06:12.429 --> 01:06:14.489
fucked up and blah, blah, blah. Or when the tire
1541
01:06:14.530 --> 01:06:16.510
does blow out and they do careen into the whatever
1542
01:06:16.530 --> 01:06:19.320
and they fucking kill their kids. It is a very
1543
01:06:19.440 --> 01:06:23.239
solvable problem if in you gave a shit or focus
1544
01:06:23.239 --> 01:06:24.989
10 fucking seconds on it.
1545
01:06:25.019 --> 01:06:28.639
But there's nothing. There's nothing. There's nothing.
1546
01:06:29.039 --> 01:06:31.909
No, it's just it doesn't exist. It's just we all
1547
01:06:31.949 --> 01:06:37.059
just sit in traffic. It's never plank in any politician's platform.
1548
01:06:37.400 --> 01:06:40.739
It's always about, you know, education, kids left behind, there's
1549
01:06:40.760 --> 01:06:43.139
a lot of hardworking single moms out there. No one
1550
01:06:43.159 --> 01:06:44.840
ever says anything about fucking traffic.
1551
01:06:44.960 --> 01:06:47.420
It's weird. I don't know why it's taboo.
1552
01:06:47.500 --> 01:06:50.360
I understand the, hey, poor people, stop shitting out kids
1553
01:06:50.380 --> 01:06:52.519
you can't take care of and fucking everything up.
1554
01:06:52.860 --> 01:06:55.800
That I understand. Let's not get into that. We need
1555
01:06:55.820 --> 01:06:58.050
to get elected. We don't want to get into that subject.
1556
01:06:58.320 --> 01:07:02.909
But traffic seems like something we could all get behind.
1557
01:07:04.679 --> 01:07:08.260
Never discussed. I mean, I had to tell the fucking
1558
01:07:08.300 --> 01:07:11.329
mayor of Los Angeles, don't need the clicker ticket signs.
1559
01:07:11.889 --> 01:07:13.730
Could use a pull it over when you get in
1560
01:07:13.750 --> 01:07:19.389
a minor accident. And he was like, California Highway Patrol
1561
01:07:19.409 --> 01:07:22.530
guys and the mayor, first off, it's news to them.
1562
01:07:22.820 --> 01:07:25.510
It's like, what? I said, they're doing it in Montana.
1563
01:07:25.570 --> 01:07:26.360
We should do it here.
1564
01:07:26.420 --> 01:07:29.320
We have slightly more traffic, maybe even double what they
1565
01:07:29.360 --> 01:07:33.119
have in Bozeman. So maybe we should implement this thing
1566
01:07:33.139 --> 01:07:34.920
that would alleviate traffic.
1567
01:07:34.980 --> 01:07:40.079
And he was like, they have it in Montana, huh? Really? Really?
1568
01:07:40.840 --> 01:07:41.119
Why?
1569
01:07:41.840 --> 01:07:45.539
Why? Why nothing? Why is this zero? Why zero effort
1570
01:07:45.619 --> 01:07:50.559
in this department? And as I've said, It shows a
1571
01:07:50.619 --> 01:07:51.380
degree of.
1572
01:07:51.360 --> 01:07:55.880
Disdain for the citizens because this is something you could
1573
01:07:55.960 --> 01:07:59.989
do to help out everyone. And you're not doing it.
1574
01:08:00.119 --> 01:08:03.800
And it would not necessarily under wouldn't be a whole bunch. Oh,
1575
01:08:03.840 --> 01:08:06.320
we need a whole bunch of federal dollars to rebuild this.
1576
01:08:06.380 --> 01:08:10.960
And no, no. There's a whole education. There's an approach.
1577
01:08:11.380 --> 01:08:12.440
It's kind of a no brainer.
1578
01:08:12.880 --> 01:08:13.099
Yes.
1579
01:08:13.239 --> 01:08:15.440
Nobody knows it's legal to turn right on a red.
1580
01:08:15.480 --> 01:08:17.479
So we all just sit there bottled up and then
1581
01:08:17.520 --> 01:08:20.239
you honk the verse. How much would it cost to
1582
01:08:20.619 --> 01:08:24.279
educate the populace and that it's legal to turn red? Well,
1583
01:08:24.300 --> 01:08:25.859
you just fucking treat it like one of your other
1584
01:08:25.899 --> 01:08:30.189
worthless campaigns. Where's the fucking bumper stickers? And again, the,
1585
01:08:30.390 --> 01:08:33.470
you know, human trafficking.
1586
01:08:32.829 --> 01:08:35.569
Or the senior abuse or the clicker ticket.
1587
01:08:35.670 --> 01:08:35.869
What?
1588
01:08:36.789 --> 01:08:40.310
Is it putting a dent in any of that shit? No,
1589
01:08:40.329 --> 01:08:42.399
it doesn't do a fucking thing. Just do something that
1590
01:08:42.439 --> 01:08:43.479
makes some fucking sense.
1591
01:08:43.500 --> 01:08:46.760
Would you please maybe use Georgia's slow poke law? Like,
1592
01:08:47.569 --> 01:08:48.170
Josh brought up.
1593
01:08:48.149 --> 01:08:51.439
Oh, poor Josh. Just got tired. No, here there's no such.
1594
01:08:51.460 --> 01:08:52.479
He went out to call his congressman.
1595
01:08:52.500 --> 01:08:55.699
All right, I'll put it to you this way. Who here,
1596
01:08:56.489 --> 01:09:01.159
who amongst us, has gotten a ticket for. I talk
1597
01:09:01.180 --> 01:09:04.560
to people all the time, a legal tint, that illegal
1598
01:09:04.659 --> 01:09:07.710
tint on their window. They had no front license plate.
1599
01:09:08.449 --> 01:09:12.010
They rolled through a four-way stop sign. They were going
1600
01:09:12.649 --> 01:09:16.270
nine miles an hour faster than the posted speed limit.
1601
01:09:16.630 --> 01:09:19.289
in a very safe environment. They didn't have their wheels
1602
01:09:19.390 --> 01:09:22.060
turned in toward the curb on a slight grade, even
1603
01:09:22.069 --> 01:09:25.199
though the fucking car's an automatic. Who amongst us has
1604
01:09:25.239 --> 01:09:26.539
not gotten all those tickets?
1605
01:09:26.600 --> 01:09:27.340
Okay, fine.
1606
01:09:28.060 --> 01:09:31.680
Now, who's been pulled over for going too slow? Who's
1607
01:09:31.840 --> 01:09:34.319
received a citation for not turning right when it was
1608
01:09:34.399 --> 01:09:36.960
red and clear to turn red? Who's been pulled over
1609
01:09:36.979 --> 01:09:40.340
and said, hey, your front right tire, it's showing you
1610
01:09:40.380 --> 01:09:41.680
got no tread left on that thing.
1611
01:09:41.699 --> 01:09:43.220
That's dangerous. That thing could blow out.
1612
01:09:43.720 --> 01:09:47.119
Who has received a ticket when their car did overheat
1613
01:09:47.199 --> 01:09:48.810
and they were pulled off by the side of the
1614
01:09:48.850 --> 01:09:52.029
freeway and the fucking radiator had been flushed out in
1615
01:09:52.069 --> 01:09:54.369
five years and someone went, well, here's a citation because
1616
01:09:54.390 --> 01:09:56.949
you're not maintaining your vehicle properly.
1617
01:09:56.970 --> 01:10:00.000
You're putting other people in jeopardy. Who's gotten that ticket?
1618
01:10:00.180 --> 01:10:00.920
I'm guessing no one here.
1619
01:10:01.020 --> 01:10:04.819
Nobody. Nobody. But the illegal tint.
1620
01:10:05.979 --> 01:10:07.770
I had a fucking chick I work with who just
1621
01:10:07.840 --> 01:10:10.859
got the illegal tint fucking ticket or the no front
1622
01:10:10.939 --> 01:10:14.680
license plate fucking ticket. That goes on all fucking day long.
1623
01:10:14.699 --> 01:10:16.640
I was driving down to the man show, got the
1624
01:10:16.680 --> 01:10:20.020
no front license plate, pulled over on Vine, taking up
1625
01:10:20.079 --> 01:10:23.920
a lane. People like slowing down and bottlenecking and having
1626
01:10:23.960 --> 01:10:24.800
to go around me.
1627
01:10:24.739 --> 01:10:25.380
Because I had to.
1628
01:10:26.140 --> 01:10:28.659
We slowed everyone else's shit down because of no fucking
1629
01:10:28.960 --> 01:10:30.359
front license plate on a Z car.
1630
01:10:31.119 --> 01:10:32.720
Jesus fucking Christ.
1631
01:10:32.739 --> 01:10:33.319
Well, they showed you.
1632
01:10:34.020 --> 01:10:35.760
Oh, God. It's just it is.
1633
01:10:38.149 --> 01:10:42.329
It is disdain, because what it is, it's this. We
1634
01:10:42.409 --> 01:10:44.130
can't figure out a way to make money off it,
1635
01:10:44.250 --> 01:10:46.939
so fuck you guys. We'll focus on the shit we
1636
01:10:46.979 --> 01:10:49.579
can make money off of, and that'll be no front
1637
01:10:49.619 --> 01:10:50.880
license plate and illegal tint.
1638
01:10:51.439 --> 01:10:51.859
All right.
1639
01:10:56.460 --> 01:10:58.079
That was Adam Carolla Show 1431. Coming up next, we
1640
01:10:58.100 --> 01:11:00.159
have Adam Carolla Show 1682, featuring Adam Ray, John Demko,
1641
01:11:04.220 --> 01:11:07.420
Gina Gratton, Brian Bishop. This one's from 2015.
1642
01:11:07.420 --> 01:11:12.439
Oh, oh, oh, O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, they're in the
1643
01:11:12.479 --> 01:11:13.800
business of keeping your car on the road.
1644
01:11:13.840 --> 01:11:17.220
You know that. They offer friendly, helpful service and the
1645
01:11:17.279 --> 01:11:21.880
parts knowledge you need to maintain and repair your car.
1646
01:11:22.800 --> 01:11:25.779
Ah, I got race cars. Race cars are funny. They're
1647
01:11:25.810 --> 01:11:28.510
high performance, but they're simple. So you can work on
1648
01:11:28.550 --> 01:11:30.409
a lot of the stuff yourself, and that's why I
1649
01:11:30.710 --> 01:11:33.539
always go to O'Reilly. They've got thousands of parts and
1650
01:11:33.579 --> 01:11:37.939
accessories in stock, either in-store or online, so you never
1651
01:11:38.340 --> 01:11:41.039
have to worry if you're in a jam. Their team
1652
01:11:41.520 --> 01:11:44.100
can test your battery for free in or out of
1653
01:11:44.119 --> 01:11:46.550
the car. So if it needs to be replaced, they'll
1654
01:11:46.590 --> 01:11:50.310
help you find the right one. And if you need windshield.
1655
01:11:49.789 --> 01:11:54.970
Wipers replaced, brake light fixed, or a quick service, they've
1656
01:11:55.090 --> 01:11:57.069
got you covered as well.
1657
01:11:58.350 --> 01:12:01.569
I've come in there scrambling before. and been astonished at
1658
01:12:01.590 --> 01:12:04.890
how friendly and helpful everyone is there, and they know
1659
01:12:04.949 --> 01:12:06.949
their stuff. They even held the door for me last
1660
01:12:06.970 --> 01:12:09.350
time I was at the one in Glendale. The professional
1661
01:12:09.409 --> 01:12:12.569
parts people at O'Reilly Auto Parts are your one-stop shop
1662
01:12:12.590 --> 01:12:16.270
for all things auto, do-it-yourself, and you can find what
1663
01:12:16.310 --> 01:12:18.699
you need either in-store or online.
1664
01:12:19.159 --> 01:12:20.539
It's O'Reilly, right, Dawson?
1665
01:12:21.060 --> 01:12:26.930
Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit them. At O'ReillyAuto.com
1666
01:12:26.970 --> 01:12:31.100
slash Adam. That's O'ReillyAuto.com slash Adam.
1667
01:12:32.029 --> 01:12:35.409
Hello, and welcome to PlutoFo. If you know the name
1668
01:12:35.489 --> 01:12:37.649
of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it
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The Matrix Trilogy.
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Mean Girls.
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Shut up.
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01:12:50.430 --> 01:12:51.109
Titanic.
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01:12:51.229 --> 01:12:52.369
I'm the king of the world.
1679
01:12:52.750 --> 01:12:56.680
And so much more. For showtimes, press nothing. They're free 24-7.
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01:12:56.800 --> 01:12:57.640
That is so fetch.
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On Pluto TV.
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01:13:00.020 --> 01:13:01.239
Stream now. Pay never.
1683
01:13:05.520 --> 01:13:10.649
John, got a hard-hitting question for you. What percentage is
1684
01:13:11.229 --> 01:13:18.449
just pure old-school dinosaur oil versus pure synthetic versus mixed
1685
01:13:18.569 --> 01:13:19.649
in 2015? Castor or sales?
1686
01:13:19.670 --> 01:13:20.770
Oh, castor or sales.
1687
01:13:21.010 --> 01:13:24.850
Oh, you thought it was real softball questions.
1688
01:13:25.270 --> 01:13:26.829
You didn't know I was coming with hard stuff.
1689
01:13:27.170 --> 01:13:29.270
So I'm the technical guy. That's why you're asking me
1690
01:13:29.310 --> 01:13:30.010
sales questions.
1691
01:13:30.100 --> 01:13:33.359
Well, I'm just kind of curious. Like, when I was
1692
01:13:33.399 --> 01:13:35.819
a kid... It was like it didn't exist.
1693
01:13:35.840 --> 01:13:36.140
Right, right.
1694
01:13:36.199 --> 01:13:39.380
And then about 10 years ago, it started going. But
1695
01:13:39.420 --> 01:13:40.420
you would talk. It's funny.
1696
01:13:40.439 --> 01:13:42.239
You'd talk to the old school guys. They're like, yeah,
1697
01:13:42.260 --> 01:13:44.039
I don't go with that. I don't go with that
1698
01:13:44.060 --> 01:13:47.399
synthetic stuff. Engine builders, like the high-end guys. They were
1699
01:13:47.460 --> 01:13:49.680
old school. Now I feel like it's ubiquitous.
1700
01:13:49.739 --> 01:13:52.350
So let me answer your question without giving you numbers.
1701
01:13:52.630 --> 01:13:52.949
All right.
1702
01:13:52.970 --> 01:13:56.350
Since I don't know the numbers, to be honest, precisely.
1703
01:13:56.369 --> 01:13:58.489
I'll get them from Lynette after the show, but keep going.
1704
01:13:58.810 --> 01:13:58.970
Okay.
1705
01:13:59.819 --> 01:14:04.260
But conventional oils are still the primary oil sold in
1706
01:14:04.279 --> 01:14:04.760
the U.S.
1707
01:14:04.800 --> 01:14:05.899
Marketplace. Really?
1708
01:14:05.920 --> 01:14:09.840
The GTXs, absolutely. You have to realize that in the U.S.,
1709
01:14:10.199 --> 01:14:12.300
the average age of a car is over 11 years old.
1710
01:14:12.899 --> 01:14:13.300
Really?
1711
01:14:13.520 --> 01:14:13.760
Yes.
1712
01:14:14.149 --> 01:14:14.359
Wow.
1713
01:14:14.729 --> 01:14:17.489
And so with that, obviously, there's going to be still
1714
01:14:17.510 --> 01:14:22.710
a lot of conventional oils recommended for vehicles. However, when
1715
01:14:22.750 --> 01:14:26.670
you look at how things are trending, how viscosity grades,
1716
01:14:26.810 --> 01:14:29.180
oil grades are getting thinner. I mean, we started from
1717
01:14:29.180 --> 01:14:31.899
1040 to 1030 to 530, 520, 020.
1718
01:14:31.899 --> 01:14:35.039
Now, this is all part of the cafe thing.
1719
01:14:35.079 --> 01:14:36.199
That's exactly right.
1720
01:14:36.239 --> 01:14:37.859
Think about, Brian.
1721
01:14:38.239 --> 01:14:38.649
I'm thinking.
1722
01:14:38.859 --> 01:14:39.659
You're not a gearhead.
1723
01:14:39.689 --> 01:14:41.159
No, but I understand things.
1724
01:14:41.430 --> 01:14:41.689
I know.
1725
01:14:41.729 --> 01:14:43.689
Yeah, back over here. Brian, take a powder.
1726
01:14:43.710 --> 01:14:45.989
All right. You take this.
1727
01:14:46.590 --> 01:14:48.050
I was going to make it the crank and the
1728
01:14:48.109 --> 01:14:49.770
rods and stuff like that, but let's just make it
1729
01:14:49.810 --> 01:14:50.329
a spoon.
1730
01:14:50.550 --> 01:14:51.829
Okay. A wooden spoon.
1731
01:14:51.890 --> 01:14:52.369
All right.
1732
01:14:52.609 --> 01:14:54.750
All right. You're making some fudge brownies.
1733
01:14:55.010 --> 01:14:55.899
I love everything you do.
1734
01:14:55.909 --> 01:14:58.869
Okay, little girl. Kick those shoes off. All right, so
1735
01:14:58.890 --> 01:15:01.989
you're in the kitchen. Where I belong, yeah. And you're
1736
01:15:02.010 --> 01:15:06.640
making yourself a bowl of delicious— you' re making up something from scratch, too.
1737
01:15:06.649 --> 01:15:07.069
Whipping it up.
1738
01:15:07.109 --> 01:15:09.510
No Betty Crocker in the house. You're going scratch.
1739
01:15:09.529 --> 01:15:11.550
You're wearing her apron. Duh. Nothing else.
1740
01:15:11.689 --> 01:15:15.979
Sure. Your man is in the next room. He's with
1741
01:15:16.029 --> 01:15:19.060
his beer and his other lady friend.
1742
01:15:19.180 --> 01:15:19.840
Oh, damn it.
1743
01:15:20.619 --> 01:15:22.979
She does things that you either won't do or don't
1744
01:15:23.020 --> 01:15:23.579
do so well.
1745
01:15:23.680 --> 01:15:24.300
That's probably true.
1746
01:15:24.319 --> 01:15:27.220
But either way, you've decided to make some fudge brownies
1747
01:15:27.260 --> 01:15:27.420
for me.
1748
01:15:27.420 --> 01:15:27.619
Okay.
1749
01:15:27.899 --> 01:15:28.119
Yeah.
1750
01:15:28.140 --> 01:15:28.340
Okay?
1751
01:15:28.899 --> 01:15:30.260
Now, you got that mixing bowl.
1752
01:15:30.380 --> 01:15:30.539
Yeah.
1753
01:15:31.140 --> 01:15:32.699
And it's under your right arm.
1754
01:15:33.430 --> 01:15:36.010
And in your left hand, you're holding a wooden spoon.
1755
01:15:36.390 --> 01:15:37.470
Thanks for knowing I'm left-handed.
1756
01:15:37.510 --> 01:15:37.689
Yeah.
1757
01:15:38.029 --> 01:15:40.750
And you're stirring. Okay. You're stirring that bowl.
1758
01:15:40.869 --> 01:15:41.069
Uh-huh.
1759
01:15:41.489 --> 01:15:45.649
Well, the thicker that fudge brownie mix is, the harder.
1760
01:15:45.829 --> 01:15:46.409
Elbow grease.
1761
01:15:46.510 --> 01:15:49.310
Harder. You're sweating hard. You're working now. You have to think.
1762
01:15:49.819 --> 01:15:54.260
But imagine if it was thin, how easy it'd be
1763
01:15:54.300 --> 01:15:56.770
for you to take that wooden spoon and mix it up.
1764
01:15:56.779 --> 01:15:57.859
Shave like 10 minutes off.
1765
01:15:57.899 --> 01:16:00.399
Then, of course, you're going to say, well, yeah, but
1766
01:16:00.439 --> 01:16:03.810
if it's watery thin, those brownies are going to taste
1767
01:16:03.869 --> 01:16:07.510
like ass. What if I said guys like John over
1768
01:16:07.550 --> 01:16:10.449
here have figured out a way to make it easy
1769
01:16:10.510 --> 01:16:13.409
to turn and still make a delightful pan of brownies?
1770
01:16:13.439 --> 01:16:14.439
John fixed my brownies?
1771
01:16:14.500 --> 01:16:15.680
He absolutely did.
1772
01:16:16.130 --> 01:16:17.149
Thank you, John.
1773
01:16:17.229 --> 01:16:19.890
Anytime. He may put some nuts in them at some point, too.
1774
01:16:20.050 --> 01:16:20.390
Okay.
1775
01:16:20.510 --> 01:16:21.649
Well, I deserve it.
1776
01:16:21.710 --> 01:16:22.930
Is that a good description?
1777
01:16:22.970 --> 01:16:27.189
Those are those special performance differentiating additives.
1778
01:16:27.350 --> 01:16:27.869
Absolutely. That's right.
1779
01:16:27.909 --> 01:16:31.939
By the way, no shit. I actually understand oil now.
1780
01:16:32.060 --> 01:16:35.460
Well, it used to just be super thick and gooey
1781
01:16:35.479 --> 01:16:38.539
and molasses-y and honey-y, and it was like... So all
1782
01:16:38.560 --> 01:16:39.159
the parts in the.
1783
01:16:39.140 --> 01:16:40.420
Car are like.
1784
01:16:40.560 --> 01:16:42.260
And then it would warm up and thin out a little,
1785
01:16:42.279 --> 01:16:46.069
but it was still like... And now we need... Better mileage.
1786
01:16:46.289 --> 01:16:48.029
So it's got to turn easier.
1787
01:16:48.329 --> 01:16:50.670
I have a stupid, potentially stupid question for you. Speaking
1788
01:16:50.689 --> 01:16:54.260
of better mileage, electric cars, Teslas and whatnot, they still
1789
01:16:54.380 --> 01:16:56.420
use motor oil, obviously, because they have the moving parts, right?
1790
01:16:56.760 --> 01:16:57.539
They don't use motor oil.
1791
01:16:57.760 --> 01:16:58.880
They don't use any motor oil.
1792
01:16:58.899 --> 01:16:59.420
They're electric.
1793
01:16:59.960 --> 01:17:01.319
Well, I know they don't use gas.
1794
01:17:01.380 --> 01:17:03.720
Hold on, John. I am so sorry. But they have
1795
01:17:03.760 --> 01:17:05.579
working parts. John, please.
1796
01:17:06.100 --> 01:17:10.279
Well, there are things turning there, but there's no combustion engine.
1797
01:17:10.319 --> 01:17:13.390
Something turns in your brain. While we get that turning,
1798
01:17:13.430 --> 01:17:14.670
just a minute, John, I'm so sorry.
1799
01:17:14.850 --> 01:17:15.350
That's okay.
1800
01:17:15.409 --> 01:17:22.949
I'm so sorry. I can't explain what went on. I
1801
01:17:22.989 --> 01:17:28.520
don't know. We have a working relationship. We don't have
1802
01:17:28.539 --> 01:17:31.939
a friendly relationship. I would say we're civil outside of
1803
01:17:31.979 --> 01:17:32.560
the studio.
1804
01:17:32.640 --> 01:17:33.890
I don't speak for everyone here.
1805
01:17:33.949 --> 01:17:36.869
He does not certainly speak for me or the staff.
1806
01:17:37.569 --> 01:17:38.369
Or me and my brownies.
1807
01:17:38.529 --> 01:17:39.170
That's right.
1808
01:17:39.229 --> 01:17:40.170
It's got a big battery.
1809
01:17:40.670 --> 01:17:41.310
Oh, I know that.
1810
01:17:41.489 --> 01:17:43.810
I just assume there are other moving parts that need
1811
01:17:43.829 --> 01:17:44.310
a lubrication.
1812
01:17:44.329 --> 01:17:47.970
You would need to... But not motor oil. You would repack...
1813
01:17:47.350 --> 01:17:51.399
They do lubricate them. Yeah, you would pack... Bearings. Bearings
1814
01:17:51.640 --> 01:17:54.659
and things like that. Castrol actually does make some.
1815
01:17:54.779 --> 01:17:56.460
I don't know if it's lithium or what it is.
1816
01:17:56.460 --> 01:17:56.960
Get ahead of that curve.
1817
01:17:56.979 --> 01:17:59.739
We make grease. We make grease for cars.
1818
01:17:59.960 --> 01:18:00.279
Grease?
1819
01:18:00.520 --> 01:18:03.020
Don't fucking talk to me like I'm an idiot.
1820
01:18:07.829 --> 01:18:10.029
All right, that was Adam Krola Show 1682 with John
1821
01:18:10.069 --> 01:18:12.890
Demko from 2015. Coming up next, we have Adam Krola
1822
01:18:12.930 --> 01:18:16.260
Show 1747 with UCB legend Matt Besser, Gina Grad, and
1823
01:18:16.300 --> 01:18:19.680
Brian Bishop from 2016.
1824
01:18:22.960 --> 01:18:25.579
Anyway, Jance. Yeah, yeah.
1825
01:18:25.600 --> 01:18:26.640
What's going on?
1826
01:18:26.659 --> 01:18:31.770
All right, he's from California, Paramount High. My coach used
1827
01:18:31.779 --> 01:18:33.930
to grab us by our face mask. We used to
1828
01:18:33.949 --> 01:18:35.590
get real pissed off at us and, like, try to
1829
01:18:35.630 --> 01:18:38.930
jerk us to the ground. Anyway, my question was about
1830
01:18:38.949 --> 01:18:41.470
that O.J. movie with Cuba Gooding Jr.
1831
01:18:41.649 --> 01:18:41.890
Yeah.
1832
01:18:42.149 --> 01:18:45.850
And John Travolta. Like I said, I'm from California, and
1833
01:18:45.869 --> 01:18:48.390
I don't know if it's just being from L.A.
1834
01:18:48.409 --> 01:18:48.590
Thing.
1835
01:18:48.630 --> 01:18:49.750
I'm just so sick of.
1836
01:18:50.170 --> 01:18:50.449
O.J.
1837
01:18:50.510 --> 01:18:52.609
Okay, he freaking did it. It's like they have to
1838
01:18:52.649 --> 01:18:55.250
keep dredging it up, dredging it up, and it pisses
1839
01:18:55.310 --> 01:18:58.220
everybody off, and it doesn't really do any good. It's
1840
01:18:58.229 --> 01:19:00.520
like they're just trying to squeeze every nickel out of
1841
01:19:00.529 --> 01:19:02.680
a story that's done.
1842
01:19:03.029 --> 01:19:06.819
Well, is there more information that, it's going to come
1843
01:19:06.960 --> 01:19:09.720
out in this or is it all just dramatic? Whatever.
1844
01:19:09.880 --> 01:19:11.180
It's like a made for TV movie.
1845
01:19:11.199 --> 01:19:13.300
It's a series. All right.
1846
01:19:13.579 --> 01:19:16.739
I seriously doubt it. I mean, big in California. I mean,
1847
01:19:16.920 --> 01:19:18.649
you saw, I mean, like it was just, we were
1848
01:19:18.659 --> 01:19:20.729
just choked to death with the OJ Simpson trial.
1849
01:19:20.750 --> 01:19:20.949
Okay.
1850
01:19:21.069 --> 01:19:23.789
It was interesting then, but now it's like, it's old
1851
01:19:23.850 --> 01:19:25.609
and it's like, it just feels like we want to
1852
01:19:25.630 --> 01:19:28.050
bring it up just to put, you know, this back
1853
01:19:28.090 --> 01:19:28.770
in the atmosphere.
1854
01:19:28.789 --> 01:19:32.149
I mean, it looks pretty schlock. Well, as, uh, I'm
1855
01:19:32.189 --> 01:19:32.649
not bad.
1856
01:19:32.789 --> 01:19:33.350
It's Mark.
1857
01:19:33.510 --> 01:19:36.479
Derek has said, uh, They should have tried him in
1858
01:19:36.500 --> 01:19:39.399
Santa Monica. He was tried civilly in Santa Monica. He
1859
01:19:39.430 --> 01:19:40.210
was found guilty in.
1860
01:19:40.189 --> 01:19:43.350
Santa Monica, but they moved it downtown and they lost
1861
01:19:43.390 --> 01:19:46.220
the case, which I always found interesting because once they
1862
01:19:46.260 --> 01:19:49.159
moved it downtown, all the DNA evidence and all the
1863
01:19:49.180 --> 01:19:51.079
putting the glove on and all that kind of shit,
1864
01:19:51.609 --> 01:19:53.039
It didn't matter. It was done.
1865
01:19:53.279 --> 01:19:55.619
The jury didn't understand a lot of the DNA evidence,
1866
01:19:55.640 --> 01:19:56.760
just what it was.
1867
01:19:56.500 --> 01:19:57.020
Or how it worked.
1868
01:19:57.380 --> 01:20:01.020
And also, I think they just did what the thing
1869
01:20:01.100 --> 01:20:03.359
I hate the most about anything.
1870
01:20:03.420 --> 01:20:05.739
I think they were enamored with Johnny Cochran.
1871
01:20:05.760 --> 01:20:08.340
It's the same thing I always yap about where it's like,
1872
01:20:09.199 --> 01:20:11.340
you know, when we do the, you know, L.A. 's
1873
01:20:11.380 --> 01:20:14.149
half Hispanic, we need a mayor that represents, like, even
1874
01:20:14.189 --> 01:20:17.029
if he's a fucking asshole, even if he's horrible, even
1875
01:20:17.050 --> 01:20:19.750
if he's an imbecile, like, yeah, no, that guy looks
1876
01:20:19.810 --> 01:20:23.670
like me, so I'm going to even though whatever be damned,
1877
01:20:23.729 --> 01:20:27.289
I'm just going to, I hate that. It drives me nuts.
1878
01:20:28.069 --> 01:20:30.590
Somehow it's looked at as noble. I mean, not if
1879
01:20:30.630 --> 01:20:33.069
you're white, obviously, but if you're anything else, there's sort
1880
01:20:33.090 --> 01:20:37.289
of some nobility to it. It fucking bothers me. I
1881
01:20:37.350 --> 01:20:42.220
just heard, I think it was the fire chief of
1882
01:20:42.340 --> 01:20:46.460
San Francisco or whatever, that only 3% of the firemen
1883
01:20:46.500 --> 01:20:48.239
are women and he's appalled and.
1884
01:20:48.180 --> 01:20:50.300
This has to change. And it's like, why?
1885
01:20:50.319 --> 01:20:50.390
Why?
1886
01:20:51.029 --> 01:20:53.590
Why does it have to change? Why? Maybe guys I
1887
01:20:54.689 --> 01:20:58.069
think are probably better at lifting heavy shit. Maybe I'm
1888
01:20:58.090 --> 01:20:59.409
going to go out on a fucking limb.
1889
01:21:00.050 --> 01:21:02.850
And they're trying to do these like outreach things where
1890
01:21:02.869 --> 01:21:04.189
it's like, come on, ladies.
1891
01:21:04.560 --> 01:21:09.000
Come on down. Come on and sign up. Why? They're
1892
01:21:09.020 --> 01:21:14.229
not interested. That's their fucking prerogative. There's differences. Is that okay?
1893
01:21:14.949 --> 01:21:18.430
Why does this need to represent everything all the time,
1894
01:21:18.510 --> 01:21:20.250
especially something like the fire department?
1895
01:21:20.270 --> 01:21:22.670
I'll do you one better and say, as a fire department,
1896
01:21:23.430 --> 01:21:25.609
you probably would rather have the people that sought you out,
1897
01:21:25.630 --> 01:21:27.550
the people that really wanted to do it, regardless of
1898
01:21:27.649 --> 01:21:29.649
gender or color or whatever, people that came rather than
1899
01:21:29.689 --> 01:21:32.489
doing an outreach thing. Like, please, the people that want to.
1900
01:21:32.409 --> 01:21:34.289
Do this life-threatening thing. It's a very dangerous job, yes.
1901
01:21:35.960 --> 01:21:37.619
I don't want to have to sell anyone on being
1902
01:21:37.640 --> 01:21:38.979
a firefighter.
1903
01:21:39.020 --> 01:21:44.310
I completely fucking agree because when the house is ablaze
1904
01:21:44.369 --> 01:21:46.989
and you can hear the kid crying from the upstairs bedroom,
1905
01:21:47.729 --> 01:21:51.989
that's a certain kind of wiring that transcends training. Either
1906
01:21:52.029 --> 01:21:54.770
you're going in or you're going back to the rig
1907
01:21:54.829 --> 01:21:56.989
to get on the blower and call for some backup.
1908
01:21:57.189 --> 01:21:58.670
I want the going in person.
1909
01:21:58.710 --> 01:22:01.760
And as it turns out, yes, imagine if we just
1910
01:22:01.800 --> 01:22:05.739
went with the aforementioned UFC training. Imagine what the fight
1911
01:22:05.760 --> 01:22:08.380
should be like if we just recruited people.
1912
01:22:08.739 --> 01:22:12.180
Hey, you. You and the cardigan. Yes? Where are you
1913
01:22:12.220 --> 01:22:15.739
coming from? The market? All right, get in here. Get
1914
01:22:15.770 --> 01:22:17.439
these board shorts on and get in here.
1915
01:22:17.479 --> 01:22:18.949
What is this octagonal cage?
1916
01:22:19.270 --> 01:22:21.090
Just get in there and start duking it out.
1917
01:22:21.149 --> 01:22:23.989
Now, if by chance you get the guy on his back,
1918
01:22:24.409 --> 01:22:26.270
I want you to just keep throwing a balled up
1919
01:22:26.390 --> 01:22:29.029
fist at his orbital socket until he stops moving.
1920
01:22:29.050 --> 01:22:33.170
Can you do that? No! I can't. I can't do that.
1921
01:22:33.189 --> 01:22:34.609
What if per chance he gets me on my back?
1922
01:22:35.479 --> 01:22:37.670
I mean, just saying, it's a 50-50.
1923
01:22:37.659 --> 01:22:38.659
It sure works.
1924
01:22:38.760 --> 01:22:42.979
Hey, stranger in the pastel cardigan, don't even think that way.
1925
01:22:43.140 --> 01:22:45.479
Okay. That's the surefire way to get on your back.
1926
01:22:45.520 --> 01:22:46.739
So do not have a plan for if I end
1927
01:22:46.760 --> 01:22:48.600
up on my back. Only focus on getting him on
1928
01:22:48.640 --> 01:22:48.960
his back.
1929
01:22:49.239 --> 01:22:52.859
Well, you need to do something called sprawling. Are you
1930
01:22:52.899 --> 01:22:54.149
familiar with sprawling?
1931
01:22:54.159 --> 01:22:54.949
What is sprawling?
1932
01:22:55.109 --> 01:22:56.979
Well, this is going to sound very....
1933
01:22:59.800 --> 01:23:01.979
This is going to sound very homoerotic, but he's going
1934
01:23:02.000 --> 01:23:03.640
to do something called shoot on you.
1935
01:23:03.760 --> 01:23:04.880
Okay. Okay?
1936
01:23:05.600 --> 01:23:09.859
When he shoots on you, you sprawl. That way you
1937
01:23:10.010 --> 01:23:12.609
won't end up on your back eating fists.
1938
01:23:12.630 --> 01:23:13.149
Okay, yeah.
1939
01:23:13.390 --> 01:23:13.909
Okay?
1940
01:23:13.970 --> 01:23:15.649
You're using a lot of advanced terminology.
1941
01:23:15.710 --> 01:23:16.090
Yeah.
1942
01:23:16.109 --> 01:23:18.609
Again, I'm just coming from the market. Is this advice
1943
01:23:18.649 --> 01:23:19.710
for when I'm on top of him?
1944
01:23:19.729 --> 01:23:20.890
You know what?
1945
01:23:20.949 --> 01:23:22.270
I'm not supposed to think about him on top of me.
1946
01:23:22.270 --> 01:23:24.189
You know what? Let's save the talk for once we
1947
01:23:24.229 --> 01:23:24.909
lock the cage.
1948
01:23:25.130 --> 01:23:26.130
Oh, the cage is locked.
1949
01:23:26.550 --> 01:23:28.189
Well, you go in, then we lock it.
1950
01:23:28.170 --> 01:23:29.729
Well, I'm of the impression I could leave any time.
1951
01:23:30.689 --> 01:23:34.710
Well, you can, but either after you either tap out
1952
01:23:35.029 --> 01:23:38.380
or pass out or you.
1953
01:23:38.279 --> 01:23:41.000
Could have the other guy. You know, you could knock
1954
01:23:41.039 --> 01:23:41.439
him out.
1955
01:23:41.560 --> 01:23:43.420
Why would I pass out? Is this an elevated thing? Like,
1956
01:23:43.460 --> 01:23:45.119
are we doing this in Denver? Like, why am I
1957
01:23:45.140 --> 01:23:46.600
going to be short of oxygen? Why on earth would
1958
01:23:46.619 --> 01:23:47.180
I pass out?
1959
01:23:47.619 --> 01:23:50.060
Well, it's probably going to be more like Pomona.
1960
01:23:50.899 --> 01:23:52.020
Okay, that's about sea level.
1961
01:23:52.159 --> 01:23:55.090
Yeah. Ooh, he's going to be trying to choke you out.
1962
01:23:55.670 --> 01:23:58.210
Oh, hence the passage. Okay, so I can leave at
1963
01:23:58.229 --> 01:23:59.869
any time, though, so it's really kind of a moot point.
1964
01:24:00.670 --> 01:24:02.649
Well, after it's done, yeah, you can leave.
1965
01:24:04.649 --> 01:24:05.550
What makes it done?
1966
01:24:06.489 --> 01:24:09.180
Well, when you sort of turn into sort of a
1967
01:24:09.260 --> 01:24:11.039
rag doll and then he drops you.
1968
01:24:11.260 --> 01:24:12.199
But now here's the deal.
1969
01:24:12.539 --> 01:24:12.680
Yep.
1970
01:24:13.250 --> 01:24:15.670
I haven't went down to the Costco where they do
1971
01:24:15.710 --> 01:24:18.130
the samples of the cheese and found your opponent.
1972
01:24:18.649 --> 01:24:18.750
Oh.
1973
01:24:19.090 --> 01:24:21.149
So maybe there's somebody there. Can I go with you?
1974
01:24:21.229 --> 01:24:23.859
I'd love to choose the guy or girl.
1975
01:24:23.880 --> 01:24:25.460
I really don't want to be influenced.
1976
01:24:25.819 --> 01:24:25.939
Oh.
1977
01:24:26.520 --> 01:24:26.779
Okay.
1978
01:24:26.800 --> 01:24:28.619
Can I make some notes, just some bullet points on
1979
01:24:28.640 --> 01:24:29.359
people to look for?
1980
01:24:29.439 --> 01:24:33.640
You can Google Joe Rogan's name and see what comes up.
1981
01:24:34.060 --> 01:24:35.560
I'm going to head down to the Costco and fight.
1982
01:24:35.699 --> 01:24:37.659
Okay. How good would that or how bad would that
1983
01:24:37.699 --> 01:24:38.539
fucking fight be?
1984
01:24:38.680 --> 01:24:42.529
Well, it might be awesome actually. Probably bad.
1985
01:24:42.989 --> 01:24:46.170
I agree with Brian 100% in that I want people
1986
01:24:46.210 --> 01:24:48.710
that are dying to be firemen, like literally dying to
1987
01:24:48.750 --> 01:24:53.399
be firemen, not us out trying to get fucking single
1988
01:24:53.439 --> 01:24:56.979
moms in there as a gig for a super dangerous
1989
01:24:57.039 --> 01:24:58.760
job with guys with huge broad shoulders.
1990
01:24:59.199 --> 01:24:59.520
Okay.
1991
01:25:00.140 --> 01:25:00.279
And.
1992
01:25:01.069 --> 01:25:02.069
I'll tell you something else.
1993
01:25:02.550 --> 01:25:04.670
I don't want to tweak it so that the gals
1994
01:25:04.729 --> 01:25:07.500
can get in or that weaker guys could get in.
1995
01:25:07.539 --> 01:25:09.279
Forget about gals. I don't want to tweak it.
1996
01:25:09.319 --> 01:25:11.359
So, well, it used to be a 50 pound hose
1997
01:25:11.399 --> 01:25:12.880
pack and you had to go up and down the
1998
01:25:12.939 --> 01:25:15.840
stairs 20 times. Now it's a 20 pound hose pack
1999
01:25:15.880 --> 01:25:17.000
and you do it 10 times. I don't want to
2000
01:25:17.020 --> 01:25:17.760
tweak for anybody.
2001
01:25:17.779 --> 01:25:21.500
Standards are the standards, regardless of any other demographic information.
2002
01:25:22.100 --> 01:25:22.399
Yes.
2003
01:25:22.699 --> 01:25:25.810
And if that precludes a certain group or certain amount
2004
01:25:25.850 --> 01:25:28.939
of people, by the way, It cuts out a lot
2005
01:25:28.960 --> 01:25:29.579
of dudes from.
2006
01:25:29.479 --> 01:25:30.579
Being firemen, too.
2007
01:25:30.640 --> 01:25:33.060
It should cut out 85% of the population, regardless of
2008
01:25:33.100 --> 01:25:35.600
any demographic factor. I was just watching Naked and Afraid
2009
01:25:35.640 --> 01:25:36.899
with Christy, and there was a woman on there who
2010
01:25:36.930 --> 01:25:38.470
was an ass-kicker, and I was like, let her be
2011
01:25:38.510 --> 01:25:40.750
a firefighter. She could rescue anybody.
2012
01:25:40.850 --> 01:25:43.069
Just fucking when the mayors get on there, and they're like,
2013
01:25:43.130 --> 01:25:45.829
we're really appalled, and this is sad, and.
2014
01:25:47.789 --> 01:25:50.350
We want them to reflect. I just want to fucking
2015
01:25:50.390 --> 01:25:52.989
never stop kneeing them in the groin. I want some
2016
01:25:53.050 --> 01:25:55.010
fucking reporters, got some fucking balls.
2017
01:25:54.789 --> 01:25:57.859
To raise their hand and go, why? Well, because it
2018
01:25:57.930 --> 01:26:01.210
should reflect the community. Well, what are you suggesting? I'm
2019
01:26:01.250 --> 01:26:04.409
not suggesting anything. I'm suggesting it should reflect the community
2020
01:26:04.470 --> 01:26:04.930
it serves.
2021
01:26:05.090 --> 01:26:05.449
Why?
2022
01:26:05.489 --> 01:26:08.220
Are you suggesting they wouldn't go into the house? Are
2023
01:26:08.229 --> 01:26:08.569
they going to.
2024
01:26:08.600 --> 01:26:13.220
Find out in advance? Hey, what is that, a Caprice classic?
2025
01:26:13.279 --> 01:26:15.159
Looks like there's some rims on that thing. I ain't
2026
01:26:15.199 --> 01:26:18.840
going in there. What is it? What are you suggesting?
2027
01:26:19.220 --> 01:26:21.920
Explain yourself. They'll never get to that fucking point. No
2028
01:26:21.939 --> 01:26:23.659
one will ever answer that question, and no one will
2029
01:26:23.739 --> 01:26:25.279
ask that question. It'll just be a lot of fucking
2030
01:26:25.319 --> 01:26:25.859
head nodding.
2031
01:26:26.060 --> 01:26:30.050
Oh, you're right. Is this true for all jobs? What
2032
01:26:30.109 --> 01:26:32.649
about fishermen? Should they represent?
2033
01:26:33.630 --> 01:26:35.300
Don't tip all of our tongues.
2034
01:26:35.449 --> 01:26:38.359
Well, what about fucking the guys who are on the crab?
2035
01:26:39.500 --> 01:26:42.180
Black folk like crab. I don't see a lot of
2036
01:26:42.460 --> 01:26:45.619
colored faces out there in the Bering Straits in Alaska
2037
01:26:45.659 --> 01:26:48.140
out there pulling up the crab. So should those folks
2038
01:26:48.380 --> 01:26:51.250
represent the people who go to Red Lobster?
2039
01:26:52.409 --> 01:26:54.829
Why not? Why shouldn't we?
2040
01:26:55.430 --> 01:26:59.949
What about the wicked tuna guy? There's no people of
2041
01:27:00.010 --> 01:27:01.090
color who eat tuna?
2042
01:27:01.329 --> 01:27:02.250
Or what about me?
2043
01:27:02.270 --> 01:27:05.449
Who the fuck cares is the answer, right? Just go
2044
01:27:05.489 --> 01:27:07.520
fucking catch your tuna and then I'll eat it if
2045
01:27:07.579 --> 01:27:08.000
I want.
2046
01:27:09.300 --> 01:27:10.060
God damn.
2047
01:27:10.819 --> 01:27:12.380
The only part that drives me nuts is when the
2048
01:27:12.420 --> 01:27:14.920
mayor and the fire chief like to fucking finger each
2049
01:27:14.960 --> 01:27:16.100
other like we're both heroes.
2050
01:27:16.399 --> 01:27:19.520
We're both heroes because we're appalled at this 3% women. Okay. Okay.
2051
01:27:22.399 --> 01:27:23.600
I ask everybody this.
2052
01:27:24.520 --> 01:27:27.100
All you asswipes at Huffington Post, would you like a
2053
01:27:27.149 --> 01:27:31.350
fire department in your city that is 50% female?
2054
01:27:31.810 --> 01:27:34.189
Is that what you would like? Because that's, oh, or whatever, 51%.
2055
01:27:34.189 --> 01:27:36.289
What are you guys?
2056
01:27:36.289 --> 01:27:36.350
51%?
2057
01:27:36.350 --> 01:27:39.970
Whatever is too much. Would everyone love that? Would we
2058
01:27:40.010 --> 01:27:40.390
love that?
2059
01:27:40.470 --> 01:27:42.109
It sounds very noble, but I think we all know,
2060
01:27:42.130 --> 01:27:45.140
we'd all be more comfortable with the standards being what
2061
01:27:45.159 --> 01:27:47.199
they are. Whoever rises above those standards, welcome to the
2062
01:27:47.239 --> 01:27:47.899
firefighter club.
2063
01:27:48.460 --> 01:27:48.720
Yes.
2064
01:27:48.899 --> 01:27:53.359
So shut the fuck up, heroes. Assholes. All right, Matt's here.
2065
01:27:53.520 --> 01:27:57.199
We'll bring him up. Matt Besser's entered the studio. Good
2066
01:27:57.229 --> 01:27:57.779
to see you, Matt.
2067
01:27:57.970 --> 01:27:58.609
Hey, guys.
2068
01:27:58.909 --> 01:28:02.430
Thanks for having me back. I really enjoyed your stand-up special,
2069
01:28:02.489 --> 01:28:04.229
which I watched earlier today.
2070
01:28:04.250 --> 01:28:04.710
All right.
2071
01:28:04.729 --> 01:28:08.810
At the UCB Theater. A little unorthodox, but fun.
2072
01:28:09.189 --> 01:28:09.430
Oh, yeah.
2073
01:28:09.449 --> 01:28:14.109
Doing complaint letters and punk rock songs. It's a whole
2074
01:28:14.180 --> 01:28:16.479
new world out there. It was really fun. Thanks, man.
2075
01:28:17.560 --> 01:28:20.659
The new episodes, by the way, and there's a couple things.
2076
01:28:20.699 --> 01:28:24.939
There's the UCB show, which is on CISO. Now explain
2077
01:28:24.960 --> 01:28:25.720
CISO to us.
2078
01:28:26.859 --> 01:28:32.250
Well, they want to be the comedy Netflix, basically. There
2079
01:28:32.270 --> 01:28:35.750
are all these new platforms out there, and they're focusing
2080
01:28:35.810 --> 01:28:38.649
on the comedy nerds. And they sold me on We
2081
01:28:38.689 --> 01:28:42.090
Got All the Monty Python. and Kids in the Hall hostage.
2082
01:28:42.149 --> 01:28:43.909
So if you want to see them, you got to
2083
01:28:43.930 --> 01:28:48.279
get on this one. Which makes sense to me. Because
2084
01:28:49.739 --> 01:28:52.500
all the real supposed networks are just saying no to
2085
01:28:52.539 --> 01:28:54.779
me all the time. So let's go to a place
2086
01:28:54.840 --> 01:28:57.899
that just focuses on comedy nerds. Does it mind if
2087
01:28:57.920 --> 01:28:58.939
you're doing weird shit?
2088
01:28:59.430 --> 01:28:59.670
Well.
2089
01:29:00.380 --> 01:29:02.659
You and comedy, when did you start? When did you
2090
01:29:02.729 --> 01:29:06.310
realize this was going to be your path? Who inspired you?
2091
01:29:06.369 --> 01:29:07.270
How did it all go down?
2092
01:29:09.470 --> 01:29:12.550
My first time I did stand-up, I was just trying
2093
01:29:12.569 --> 01:29:20.060
to get to Jamaica for a win-the-trip-to-Jamaica-for-spring-break sponsored by Doritos,
2094
01:29:20.279 --> 01:29:23.279
Cool Ranch, and Sticklets or something like that.
2095
01:29:24.039 --> 01:29:25.260
Was that in college?
2096
01:29:25.279 --> 01:29:26.399
Yeah, I was in college.
2097
01:29:26.439 --> 01:29:27.420
Where were you going to college?
2098
01:29:27.640 --> 01:29:31.630
I was at Amherst College, the contest. Contest was at UMass.
2099
01:29:31.949 --> 01:29:34.069
I went up on stage. Still maybe one of the
2100
01:29:34.109 --> 01:29:35.939
bigger audiences I was ever in front of. It was
2101
01:29:36.020 --> 01:29:39.000
like over 2,000 people. And I was so fucking nervous.
2102
01:29:39.140 --> 01:29:42.680
My hands were shaking. I was stuttering. I don't know
2103
01:29:43.020 --> 01:29:44.880
if you did this when you started doing stand-up. You
2104
01:29:44.920 --> 01:29:48.859
kind of have this script memorized in your head. But
2105
01:29:48.939 --> 01:29:51.500
once you get up there, you're just kind of skipping
2106
01:29:51.539 --> 01:29:54.100
around in the script. And you don't have it memorized.
2107
01:29:54.140 --> 01:29:56.859
And I was just... And people thought... And I killed.
2108
01:29:57.859 --> 01:30:01.850
And afterwards... But I wasn't doing anything right. And afterwards,
2109
01:30:02.010 --> 01:30:05.550
people were like, you're doing a great Bobcat Goldthwait impression
2110
01:30:05.569 --> 01:30:06.890
because I was stuttering so hard.
2111
01:30:06.949 --> 01:30:10.810
I'm like, oh, that's what you thought it was? Awesome. Well,
2112
01:30:10.850 --> 01:30:12.010
what happens is.
2113
01:30:13.569 --> 01:30:18.399
Whenever there's an audience, and even if you're not nervous,
2114
01:30:19.199 --> 01:30:23.159
watch any live band. Listen to them playing their song
2115
01:30:23.560 --> 01:30:25.380
on the CD or wherever you get it.
2116
01:30:25.859 --> 01:30:26.670
And then when you.
2117
01:30:26.560 --> 01:30:30.630
Hear the live version, it's always a little faster. Everything
2118
01:30:30.670 --> 01:30:34.140
gets sped up live because the audience sort of requires
2119
01:30:34.180 --> 01:30:35.850
you to speed it up. They don't ask for it.
2120
01:30:36.000 --> 01:30:39.949
It's a human condition. So when you're doing stand up,
2121
01:30:40.670 --> 01:30:44.550
it's all about nuance, taking your time, hitting those things.
2122
01:30:44.649 --> 01:30:47.090
And you get this script in your head. You memorize
2123
01:30:47.109 --> 01:30:48.810
the script and then you get up there and the
2124
01:30:48.939 --> 01:30:50.880
energy kicks in and you shotgun it.
2125
01:30:51.279 --> 01:30:54.239
You just blast through. You just mow through your act.
2126
01:30:54.920 --> 01:30:56.800
You're not used to people laughing.
2127
01:30:57.140 --> 01:31:00.220
You're not pausing for that when you're rehearsing it to yourself.
2128
01:31:01.600 --> 01:31:05.130
I just saw the Quiet Riot documentary.
2129
01:31:05.250 --> 01:31:06.289
Do you guys see that? No.
2130
01:31:06.329 --> 01:31:08.409
I don't know what it's called, but I guess they
2131
01:31:08.729 --> 01:31:14.250
lost the main guy, Kevin, and then they auditioned new guys.
2132
01:31:15.289 --> 01:31:18.800
I never appreciated how hard it is to be a–
2133
01:31:18.949 --> 01:31:21.189
because I always thought it's easier to do music. Like
2134
01:31:21.289 --> 01:31:21.989
once you know the.
2135
01:31:21.949 --> 01:31:25.600
Song, it seems like– Now this is the weird– there's
2136
01:31:25.640 --> 01:31:27.479
a weird– come on, feel the noise.
2137
01:31:27.539 --> 01:31:27.739
Yeah.
2138
01:31:27.920 --> 01:31:30.220
Is there anything more shaming than when you say to someone,
2139
01:31:30.319 --> 01:31:32.600
you like that song? Come on, feel the noise. And
2140
01:31:32.619 --> 01:31:34.029
they go, you mean feel the noise?
2141
01:31:35.229 --> 01:31:36.930
You ever get that thing where– They chop it off?
2142
01:31:37.130 --> 01:31:37.350
No.
2143
01:31:37.609 --> 01:31:39.529
You fucked it up because you didn't know where to
2144
01:31:39.569 --> 01:31:42.350
start and where to stop. But I don't know why
2145
01:31:42.399 --> 01:31:44.939
it's insanely shaming to me because I don't know where
2146
01:31:44.979 --> 01:31:48.579
the song– the title starts and the– You know what
2147
01:31:48.619 --> 01:31:48.960
I'm saying.
2148
01:31:49.020 --> 01:31:49.220
It is.
2149
01:31:49.260 --> 01:31:50.060
Come on, feel the noise.
2150
01:31:50.079 --> 01:31:50.220
It is.
2151
01:31:50.239 --> 01:31:50.500
Good.
2152
01:31:50.520 --> 01:31:53.270
All right. But then they had this. Oh, come on,
2153
01:31:53.279 --> 01:31:57.050
feel the noise. You know that song? Sorry. Quiet ride.
2154
01:31:57.810 --> 01:31:59.989
But they had this new guy do it, and he
2155
01:32:00.130 --> 01:32:05.010
bombed so fucking bad. Because he did great in his audition.
2156
01:32:05.369 --> 01:32:09.050
He just nailed it, and he had that specific metal voice.
2157
01:32:09.710 --> 01:32:11.880
But then you've got to still be a personality. You've
2158
01:32:11.899 --> 01:32:13.859
still got to know how to sell it and be confident.
2159
01:32:13.880 --> 01:32:16.949
He had no confidence. He stood in one spot. He
2160
01:32:16.970 --> 01:32:18.670
didn't know how to work the mic. That's another thing
2161
01:32:18.689 --> 01:32:20.590
you never know until you start doing it. It's just
2162
01:32:20.949 --> 01:32:23.109
how to get that fucking mic out of the stand
2163
01:32:23.170 --> 01:32:25.149
and put it behind you and all that kind of shit.
2164
01:32:25.689 --> 01:32:28.310
And he looked. He just didn't have that confidence, and
2165
01:32:28.329 --> 01:32:30.729
the whole audience could feel it. So even though he
2166
01:32:30.770 --> 01:32:33.449
could fucking nail the voice, he did not have the
2167
01:32:33.510 --> 01:32:36.310
persona for it yet. And I was like, dude, that's
2168
01:32:36.350 --> 01:32:38.840
why you got to do the coke and the booze
2169
01:32:38.880 --> 01:32:41.159
that kills you to get that confidence, I guess.
2170
01:32:42.060 --> 01:32:43.880
It's a weird thing. It'd be interesting.
2171
01:32:44.000 --> 01:32:45.739
I wonder if you could go to one of those
2172
01:32:45.800 --> 01:32:51.859
functional MRI things, which is some people go out on
2173
01:32:52.739 --> 01:32:55.060
the Super Bowl or on that big stage or in
2174
01:32:55.119 --> 01:32:59.239
front of all those people, and it fucks them up royally.
2175
01:32:59.739 --> 01:33:01.619
They draw blanks. I can't think.
2176
01:33:01.659 --> 01:33:04.489
The stuff that was formerly super easy for them is
2177
01:33:04.529 --> 01:33:05.470
super difficult now.
2178
01:33:05.489 --> 01:33:06.090
You go into shock.
2179
01:33:06.449 --> 01:33:07.710
And other people.
2180
01:33:08.560 --> 01:33:11.329
hit some sort of weird stride with some sort of
2181
01:33:11.390 --> 01:33:13.939
adrenaline thing that actually brings them up.
2182
01:33:14.029 --> 01:33:15.710
Like an equilibrium kind of thing with the audience.
2183
01:33:16.329 --> 01:33:19.909
Yeah, I don't know what it is, but there's no middle.
2184
01:33:20.470 --> 01:33:22.989
I don't think there's a middle. I go up there,
2185
01:33:23.010 --> 01:33:24.989
I get a dry mouth, I start stuttering, I can't
2186
01:33:25.020 --> 01:33:26.819
figure out what to say, or I go out there
2187
01:33:26.859 --> 01:33:29.199
in front of the audience and somehow feel that ride,
2188
01:33:29.239 --> 01:33:31.060
that wave. I don't think there's anyone who's just in
2189
01:33:31.100 --> 01:33:32.500
the middle and goes, eh, it doesn't matter if there's
2190
01:33:32.520 --> 01:33:33.119
an audience or not.
2191
01:33:33.930 --> 01:33:34.430
An audience.
2192
01:33:34.930 --> 01:33:38.869
But it'd be interesting if you could figure out whether
2193
01:33:38.890 --> 01:33:42.210
your kid had that or not. You know, that sort
2194
01:33:42.229 --> 01:33:45.920
of Michael Jordan big game sort of ability.
2195
01:33:45.939 --> 01:33:47.520
You'll find it out at the first choir concert.
2196
01:33:47.739 --> 01:33:49.039
I guess so. Have you done, like, gone from a 2,000
2197
01:33:49.039 --> 01:33:49.560
to a 10,000 kind of venue?
2198
01:33:50.060 --> 01:33:52.020
Have you done, like, a super huge venue?
2199
01:33:52.039 --> 01:33:52.380
I had to do.
2200
01:33:52.399 --> 01:33:52.640
I remember.
2201
01:34:03.170 --> 01:34:07.090
I rode my unicycle on Dancing with the Stars, and
2202
01:34:07.270 --> 01:34:09.909
I knew there was an audience of about 20 million people.
2203
01:34:09.979 --> 01:34:11.739
So that hits you, the unseen audience.
2204
01:34:12.159 --> 01:34:14.380
Well, that place kind of has both going for it
2205
01:34:14.399 --> 01:34:17.380
because there's a good thousand people that are up and about.
2206
01:34:17.500 --> 01:34:21.199
It's very scaled up, but there's a good thousand people there,
2207
01:34:21.600 --> 01:34:24.640
and then there's another 20 million people that are at home.
2208
01:34:25.239 --> 01:34:28.319
And I remember sort of thinking– I had to sit
2209
01:34:28.420 --> 01:34:30.560
off in the wings and it was dark and there
2210
01:34:30.579 --> 01:34:31.979
were some cables and stuff.
2211
01:34:32.020 --> 01:34:33.840
I had to run over on my unicycle.
2212
01:34:33.880 --> 01:34:36.579
I had to start riding on this, sit there and
2213
01:34:36.640 --> 01:34:39.539
hold this big camera jib on my unicycle. And then
2214
01:34:39.560 --> 01:34:41.619
I had to ride over these cables and then ride
2215
01:34:41.810 --> 01:34:44.649
up onto the floor. The floor's on a slab. So
2216
01:34:44.670 --> 01:34:47.210
the parquet is like raised a couple inches. It's got
2217
01:34:47.250 --> 01:34:49.869
a little slope to it. And then I was going
2218
01:34:49.890 --> 01:34:51.590
to ride past the whole thing. And I remember just
2219
01:34:51.649 --> 01:34:53.350
sort of thinking, well, this.
2220
01:34:53.270 --> 01:34:55.229
Would be shitty to fall off of this thing.
2221
01:34:55.890 --> 01:34:59.350
This this thing right now yeah you know like inner
2222
01:34:59.409 --> 01:35:01.850
gyroscope don't fail me now i know it's an old
2223
01:35:01.890 --> 01:35:06.460
cliche but um i don't really have that nerves thing
2224
01:35:06.640 --> 01:35:09.039
i i actually have the nerves before but then when
2225
01:35:09.079 --> 01:35:12.359
i go out i don't experience kicks in something something
2226
01:35:12.399 --> 01:35:14.600
kicks in but that has to be with experience because
2227
01:35:15.039 --> 01:35:17.399
i used to be a mess up on stage doing
2228
01:35:17.460 --> 01:35:18.899
open mics too.
2229
01:35:19.640 --> 01:35:22.399
Yeah i i guess it's all about stakes with me
2230
01:35:22.460 --> 01:35:24.850
i'm rarely nervous but if i feel there's something at
2231
01:35:24.909 --> 01:35:27.789
stake Sometimes I can get nervous still.
2232
01:35:27.989 --> 01:35:34.260
Do you want people, familiar faces in the audience? Because
2233
01:35:34.399 --> 01:35:34.739
I don't.
2234
01:35:35.739 --> 01:35:39.800
Interesting. I don't like preaching to the converted sometimes. I
2235
01:35:40.520 --> 01:35:42.920
perform in my theater a lot. And if I feel
2236
01:35:42.960 --> 01:35:46.029
like there's a lot of improv students or something like that,
2237
01:35:46.869 --> 01:35:49.229
I'd rather not have that. So I do like the
2238
01:35:49.310 --> 01:35:53.079
challenge of this is just a real audience. Uh, if
2239
01:35:53.119 --> 01:35:54.079
that's what you're asking.
2240
01:35:54.300 --> 01:35:55.699
Well, I mean like that thing where it's like a
2241
01:35:55.739 --> 01:35:58.439
lot of people, I don't get it, but it's cause
2242
01:35:58.479 --> 01:36:02.189
I fucked up wiring, but they go like, well, people
2243
01:36:02.289 --> 01:36:04.310
say like, well, I had my mom and my dad
2244
01:36:04.369 --> 01:36:05.970
there and my wife was there.
2245
01:36:06.050 --> 01:36:07.909
So they're all there to support me. So I really
2246
01:36:07.970 --> 01:36:10.590
felt support. And it's like, That would fucking freak me
2247
01:36:10.659 --> 01:36:13.409
out where I like looked out and saw my mom
2248
01:36:13.449 --> 01:36:13.930
sitting there.
2249
01:36:13.970 --> 01:36:15.750
Like I feel like it would pull me right out
2250
01:36:15.890 --> 01:36:18.170
of the game. Like Tom Hanks' dad in Punchline. He
2251
01:36:18.329 --> 01:36:21.170
starts flipping out. His doctor dad's there. Yeah.
2252
01:36:21.590 --> 01:36:25.289
Yeah, I am. Yeah, I wouldn't want that at all.
2253
01:36:26.149 --> 01:36:26.350
No.
2254
01:36:27.180 --> 01:36:28.760
That familiar? Definitely not.
2255
01:36:28.880 --> 01:36:31.279
I thought you meant just like fans, but like people
2256
01:36:31.319 --> 01:36:34.500
you actually know personally. I definitely don't. Because you see
2257
01:36:34.600 --> 01:36:37.560
their face and then all you're like, how's their face reacting?
2258
01:36:38.270 --> 01:36:41.670
And then to watch your dad texting while you're sitting
2259
01:36:41.689 --> 01:36:44.529
there trying to get through your little letterman set.
2260
01:36:44.670 --> 01:36:47.310
My dad being able to text just surprised me.
2261
01:36:47.350 --> 01:36:50.270
Well, that's what I'm saying. It really freaked you out.
2262
01:36:50.310 --> 01:36:53.229
So the stand-up special is out as we speak and
2263
01:36:53.250 --> 01:36:58.220
you can also then See the UCB show as well Thursday, right?
2264
01:36:58.439 --> 01:37:03.819
New episodes every on C, like S-E-E. So, CISO. And
2265
01:37:04.520 --> 01:37:05.960
it's cool. I love all the venues.
2266
01:37:06.000 --> 01:37:09.199
I love the fact that guys like you can just
2267
01:37:09.279 --> 01:37:11.560
go out and find a place.
2268
01:37:11.819 --> 01:37:15.159
Like, just go. Maybe it's not a traditional network, but
2269
01:37:15.840 --> 01:37:17.630
your audience can find you.
2270
01:37:17.939 --> 01:37:20.520
Yeah, and that is what's so great now, and that's
2271
01:37:20.560 --> 01:37:23.039
what's so great about podcasts, too. It used to be,
2272
01:37:23.340 --> 01:37:25.739
I've got to wait for Comedy Central to say yes
2273
01:37:25.800 --> 01:37:30.460
to me, or perhaps one of the three networks during
2274
01:37:30.500 --> 01:37:33.039
pilot season. But now it does seem even the weirdest
2275
01:37:33.079 --> 01:37:34.180
ideas can find a home.
2276
01:37:34.319 --> 01:37:37.800
So you went to Amherst, like Lord Jeff Amherst?
2277
01:37:37.880 --> 01:37:42.390
Yeah, and they just banned that name. When I went there,
2278
01:37:42.409 --> 01:37:43.029
I was like.
2279
01:37:43.109 --> 01:37:45.010
Well, they banned the mascot, right?
2280
01:37:45.069 --> 01:37:47.510
The mascot. Lord Jeffrey Amherst, yeah.
2281
01:37:47.729 --> 01:37:50.829
Yukon. That's Dr. Drew. Who also went there.
2282
01:37:51.069 --> 01:37:51.430
Did he?
2283
01:37:51.670 --> 01:37:52.930
How did I not know that?
2284
01:37:52.949 --> 01:37:55.310
The guy's a white guy with blonde hair, which is weird,
2285
01:37:55.350 --> 01:37:58.979
because normally you ban the Indian mascot. This is banning
2286
01:37:59.020 --> 01:38:00.640
the white guy who poisoned the Indians.
2287
01:38:00.699 --> 01:38:02.180
Finally, you've got opportunity banning.
2288
01:38:02.300 --> 01:38:02.560
Yeah.
2289
01:38:03.000 --> 01:38:05.720
But I grew up an Arkansas Razorback fan, and that's
2290
01:38:05.760 --> 01:38:09.119
probably one of the coolest mascots, the hog. But then
2291
01:38:09.140 --> 01:38:12.600
when I went there, I was like, Lord, Jeffrey. That's
2292
01:38:12.659 --> 01:38:13.840
even a lame name.
2293
01:38:14.039 --> 01:38:14.880
Jeffrey. So foppish.
2294
01:38:14.920 --> 01:38:20.600
Can be a must-fem name. And everyone in Division III,
2295
01:38:20.920 --> 01:38:24.050
the Eif men were our rival. Like, what kind of
2296
01:38:24.350 --> 01:38:25.649
mascot names are those?
2297
01:38:25.670 --> 01:38:28.789
But that's a good school. I mean, scholastically. So you
2298
01:38:28.850 --> 01:38:31.859
must have your parents' money. must have had some dreams
2299
01:38:31.920 --> 01:38:32.399
for you.
2300
01:38:32.260 --> 01:38:35.960
Other than this they did what did they think you
2301
01:38:35.979 --> 01:38:38.590
were going to do funny enough they thought I was
2302
01:38:38.600 --> 01:38:41.430
going to be an investment banker like my dad I
2303
01:38:41.510 --> 01:38:45.310
took econ 101 the first semester there and I fucking
2304
01:38:45.350 --> 01:38:48.029
did so horribly I was like I cannot fucking do
2305
01:38:48.109 --> 01:38:51.439
this All I was good at was smoking pot and
2306
01:38:51.739 --> 01:38:53.840
collecting CDs at that point pretty much.
2307
01:38:53.979 --> 01:38:57.119
But you were able to get good grades and do
2308
01:38:57.180 --> 01:38:58.359
well on your SATs.
2309
01:38:58.460 --> 01:38:59.399
Up until that point, yeah.
2310
01:38:59.420 --> 01:39:01.579
Is that the kind of thing where your parents can
2311
01:39:01.619 --> 01:39:04.239
just sort of wheel you through it? Like get you
2312
01:39:04.260 --> 01:39:07.899
a tutor, get you a SAT study class and all
2313
01:39:07.920 --> 01:39:09.399
the kit and the whole thing. And just kind of
2314
01:39:09.439 --> 01:39:10.819
they can push you through it. And then once you
2315
01:39:10.840 --> 01:39:12.600
get out of the nest, you're on your own with
2316
01:39:12.640 --> 01:39:15.449
the weed and you go, fuck it. It is that way.
2317
01:39:15.569 --> 01:39:19.689
My mom was so instrumental. Like you're saying, she– not
2318
01:39:19.710 --> 01:39:23.550
my dad as much, but my mom was from a
2319
01:39:23.829 --> 01:39:26.680
very early age pushing me, pushing me. When we got
2320
01:39:26.760 --> 01:39:30.100
the letter of acceptance, she was crying. It was her
2321
01:39:30.159 --> 01:39:34.420
Super Bowl. And then I just completely fucked it all
2322
01:39:34.579 --> 01:39:36.640
up because I was a terrible student once I went
2323
01:39:36.659 --> 01:39:38.760
to college. And I thought I was smart until I
2324
01:39:38.819 --> 01:39:41.000
got there too. I'm like, oh, these people are smart
2325
01:39:41.020 --> 01:39:41.779
and I'm not smart.
2326
01:39:41.859 --> 01:39:45.329
Did you have to– Explain to them at some point
2327
01:39:45.390 --> 01:39:47.449
that you're going to drop out?
2328
01:39:47.489 --> 01:39:49.409
Did you graduate? I did graduate. Were you going to
2329
01:39:49.430 --> 01:39:50.310
tell them about comedy?
2330
01:39:50.409 --> 01:39:52.930
Those kind of colleges, they don't let you fail. It's
2331
01:39:52.989 --> 01:39:56.470
like you either get an A or you get a C.
2332
01:39:56.729 --> 01:40:00.470
There's no Fs or Ds. They don't let you do that.
2333
01:40:00.590 --> 01:40:02.909
So I didn't fail out. They never really knew. When
2334
01:40:02.949 --> 01:40:05.529
I did say I was going to do comedy, they
2335
01:40:05.550 --> 01:40:09.810
were pretty supportive actually. But I do remember people from
2336
01:40:09.840 --> 01:40:13.260
my hometown laughing and going– You wasted your parent, the
2337
01:40:13.579 --> 01:40:18.739
education that you got from your parents on doing comedy.
2338
01:40:18.880 --> 01:40:20.819
You had a pretty good one, but it's still kind of,
2339
01:40:20.939 --> 01:40:23.970
I mean, I know it's, I don't know, it's not
2340
01:40:24.029 --> 01:40:26.430
hip anymore, but it's kind of nice to pull that
2341
01:40:26.550 --> 01:40:27.329
out every once.
2342
01:40:27.210 --> 01:40:30.949
In a while and tell people you went to Amherst, right? Yeah.
2343
01:40:31.029 --> 01:40:32.430
I think I'd feel pretty good about that.
2344
01:40:32.869 --> 01:40:35.510
Pretty good, pretty good. I did feel like that. Another
2345
01:40:35.550 --> 01:40:37.720
thing I thought I was, I thought I was an athlete.
2346
01:40:37.800 --> 01:40:41.300
I played soccer in high school. And this is in
2347
01:40:41.340 --> 01:40:47.000
Little Rock, Arkansas. And back then, soccer was kind of new,
2348
01:40:47.300 --> 01:40:51.100
like in the 80s. And especially in the South, the
2349
01:40:51.159 --> 01:40:54.829
sports were football and basketball. And if you were too
2350
01:40:54.909 --> 01:40:58.390
skinny like me to play those, you played this new sport, soccer.
2351
01:40:59.029 --> 01:41:02.130
And I was... Since the athletes weren't in soccer, I
2352
01:41:02.149 --> 01:41:04.909
was one of the best soccer players. We went to state.
2353
01:41:04.989 --> 01:41:07.949
We were the best in Little Rock. I was being...
2354
01:41:08.659 --> 01:41:11.140
And there wasn't YouTube, so there was no proof of
2355
01:41:11.220 --> 01:41:13.579
how bad or good you were online that a coach
2356
01:41:13.600 --> 01:41:15.500
could look at. So I went up to these Division
2357
01:41:15.539 --> 01:41:18.720
III schools, and the coach would walk me around campus
2358
01:41:18.739 --> 01:41:20.520
and treat me like I was a stud. And I
2359
01:41:20.560 --> 01:41:22.800
was actually considering, I don't know if I want to
2360
01:41:22.840 --> 01:41:26.430
go to Williams. Their program's not as good as Amherst.
2361
01:41:26.510 --> 01:41:30.630
And first day of Amherst, I'm on a floor with
2362
01:41:30.670 --> 01:41:33.550
a bunch of other guys. We're like, let's go. Let's
2363
01:41:33.590 --> 01:41:35.130
go down the field and play some soccer. And we're
2364
01:41:35.149 --> 01:41:37.069
all running down there. I'm like, why are these football
2365
01:41:37.109 --> 01:41:39.130
players all running down there to play soccer? And then
2366
01:41:39.149 --> 01:41:41.829
I realized, oh, they're the soccer players. They have muscles.
2367
01:41:42.310 --> 01:41:45.329
And when we start playing, they're fucking checking me. And
2368
01:41:45.369 --> 01:41:48.300
I'm like, oh, my God. I didn't know soccer could
2369
01:41:48.310 --> 01:41:52.380
be physical. And then I wasn't even good enough to
2370
01:41:52.960 --> 01:41:54.659
sit on the bench in varsity. I was sitting on
2371
01:41:54.680 --> 01:41:56.960
the bench in JV. And then I was like, all right,
2372
01:41:57.060 --> 01:41:59.880
I just suck at soccer. Where's that bong that I've
2373
01:41:59.899 --> 01:42:02.420
been hearing about? Almost the exact same thing with football.
2374
01:42:02.899 --> 01:42:05.789
Which, again, is what we talk about, the purity of sports. Like,
2375
01:42:05.810 --> 01:42:07.970
it doesn't matter who your dad is. It doesn't matter
2376
01:42:08.109 --> 01:42:10.090
what you do or what color your skin is. Like,
2377
01:42:10.109 --> 01:42:12.329
if you're no good, they'll just toss you.
2378
01:42:12.529 --> 01:42:14.989
They'll just weed your ass right out.
2379
01:42:15.170 --> 01:42:18.270
And it weeds you out with no– everyone I know
2380
01:42:18.649 --> 01:42:22.159
who's into music and or into comedy and in their
2381
01:42:22.300 --> 01:42:25.380
40s and hasn't made a penny doing either one still talks.
2382
01:42:25.079 --> 01:42:27.199
About, you know, I'm thinking about moving to Nashville.
2383
01:42:27.220 --> 01:42:27.300
Yeah.
2384
01:42:27.739 --> 01:42:29.500
Because I met a dude.
2385
01:42:29.720 --> 01:42:31.600
It's always some dude they met, and he saw a
2386
01:42:31.640 --> 01:42:35.310
lot in me, and I'm thinking about. But you never
2387
01:42:35.390 --> 01:42:38.770
sit around and go, think about taking another run at soccer.
2388
01:42:39.289 --> 01:42:43.710
I might start on an international level. And then maybe
2389
01:42:43.750 --> 01:42:45.529
work my way back to L.A.
2390
01:42:45.569 --> 01:42:46.149
Yeah.
2391
01:42:46.170 --> 01:42:47.689
You know, I might start out.
2392
01:42:48.050 --> 01:42:51.539
Maybe I'll pick a smaller European country to play for
2393
01:42:51.560 --> 01:42:51.960
or something.
2394
01:42:52.180 --> 01:42:54.199
I'll do Premier League first. I'll save that for maybe
2395
01:42:54.220 --> 01:42:54.680
year two.
2396
01:42:54.739 --> 01:42:55.420
Yeah.
2397
01:42:56.079 --> 01:43:00.220
Once you stop playing soccer at that level, you have
2398
01:43:00.239 --> 01:43:02.939
these little dreams, these little thoughts that last for about
2399
01:43:02.979 --> 01:43:03.300
a year.
2400
01:43:03.359 --> 01:43:05.359
It's you coasting to a stop. Like, man, I'll really
2401
01:43:05.380 --> 01:43:06.479
get in shape, make a comeback.
2402
01:43:06.520 --> 01:43:06.619
Yeah.
2403
01:43:06.619 --> 01:43:10.250
18 months after you played, you laced up your cleats
2404
01:43:10.270 --> 01:43:11.850
on something, you're fucking on to the next thing. The
2405
01:43:11.869 --> 01:43:14.229
door's closed. There's never any discussion of making a comeback.
2406
01:43:14.850 --> 01:43:19.050
And now, this makes me think of Peyton, who we'll
2407
01:43:19.069 --> 01:43:24.520
be watching this Sunday, how every time they're talking about him,
2408
01:43:24.560 --> 01:43:26.300
he's the old man of football.
2409
01:43:26.359 --> 01:43:27.439
He's so old. What?
2410
01:43:27.479 --> 01:43:30.920
He's like, what, 39 or something? I'm like, he's fucking old?
2411
01:43:31.279 --> 01:43:31.359
Yeah.
2412
01:43:31.380 --> 01:43:33.930
How does that make me, man? Yeah, dead.
2413
01:43:34.119 --> 01:43:34.829
He's not even 40.
2414
01:43:34.829 --> 01:43:38.140
He makes us dead. Yeah. No, it's weird. There's a
2415
01:43:38.180 --> 01:43:41.359
weird thing when you become old. First thing is the
2416
01:43:41.500 --> 01:43:44.819
first time you get pulled over by a 23-year-old cop
2417
01:43:46.189 --> 01:43:49.829
and you're like 46 and you just go, what? And
2418
01:43:49.850 --> 01:43:55.069
you're like, listen. Yeah, like it's also weird when he's
2419
01:43:55.140 --> 01:43:57.979
barking out orders to you and his voice is still changing.
2420
01:43:58.060 --> 01:44:00.359
And it's like kind of weird. He looks so funny.
2421
01:44:00.550 --> 01:44:03.109
Fucking young, and especially in L.A. because they'll have an
2422
01:44:03.350 --> 01:44:07.079
Asian or Hispanic guy who I don't– 23 could mean 14.
2423
01:44:07.079 --> 01:44:11.859
You know, like I don't know. The first realization is
2424
01:44:11.880 --> 01:44:14.319
getting pulled over by a super young cop.
2425
01:44:14.460 --> 01:44:16.819
Have you guys ever had a doctor or a nurse
2426
01:44:16.840 --> 01:44:17.810
who was way younger than you?
2427
01:44:17.819 --> 01:44:18.850
A nurse, yeah.
2428
01:44:18.859 --> 01:44:21.649
That's like– Are you licensed?
2429
01:44:21.689 --> 01:44:25.470
How can you be– Now, at a certain point, you
2430
01:44:25.529 --> 01:44:28.369
pass the players, and then you start passing the coaches.
2431
01:44:28.829 --> 01:44:32.890
Maybe not head coach. I'm not Norv Levy.
2432
01:44:33.770 --> 01:44:35.750
Norv Turner or Marv Levy.
2433
01:44:35.789 --> 01:44:38.310
I took two old guys and turned them into one
2434
01:44:38.350 --> 01:44:42.649
super mummy coach. But the assistant coaches and stuff, the
2435
01:44:42.710 --> 01:44:45.489
fucking full head of black hair. Yeah, I hate that.
2436
01:44:45.510 --> 01:44:48.760
How about pitching people in comedy who are in their 20s?
2437
01:44:48.770 --> 01:44:50.720
That drives me fucking crazy.
2438
01:44:51.140 --> 01:44:51.350
Yeah.
2439
01:44:51.380 --> 01:44:51.460
Yeah.
2440
01:44:52.300 --> 01:44:59.439
What? You're going to judge me? Yeah. Yeah. You're pitching. Yeah.
2441
01:44:59.600 --> 01:45:02.300
You just graduated from Brown two years ago and all
2442
01:45:02.319 --> 01:45:04.250
of a sudden you're an expert in comedy?
2443
01:45:04.489 --> 01:45:08.250
You're really– comedy is one of those things where you–
2444
01:45:09.250 --> 01:45:13.829
there's occasional phenoms who are 23, but really you shouldn't
2445
01:45:13.869 --> 01:45:19.560
know shit at 23. You could have some ability and
2446
01:45:19.600 --> 01:45:24.229
some potential and some whatever– But you really have no
2447
01:45:24.449 --> 01:45:25.390
seasoning at all.
2448
01:45:25.489 --> 01:45:28.229
You have no life experience to talk about. So your
2449
01:45:28.289 --> 01:45:32.659
comedy just runs out of pop culture references at some point.
2450
01:45:32.760 --> 01:45:34.420
And it's like you've got to live life now. You've
2451
01:45:34.439 --> 01:45:35.380
got to have some tragedy.
2452
01:45:35.840 --> 01:45:38.039
Well, speaking of that, should we do a little news,
2453
01:45:38.100 --> 01:45:38.600
Gina Grant?
2454
01:45:38.619 --> 01:45:39.109
Let's do it.
2455
01:45:39.560 --> 01:45:42.760
Let's do that. Yeah, go ahead. Give me the news
2456
01:45:42.800 --> 01:45:45.460
with Grad. News with Gina Grad.
2457
01:45:45.800 --> 01:45:49.920
Showbiz, Congress, tech news, sports news, world news. Give me
2458
01:45:49.960 --> 01:45:51.359
news with Gina Grad.
2459
01:45:51.439 --> 01:45:53.079
Weird shit out of Florida.
2460
01:45:53.319 --> 01:45:55.149
Sex surveys, Obama.
2461
01:45:55.430 --> 01:45:57.569
Meet news with Gina, Gina Grad.
2462
01:45:57.590 --> 01:46:00.390
The News with Gina Grad.
2463
01:46:01.789 --> 01:46:05.430
Well, all three Orange County jail escapees are back in
2464
01:46:05.529 --> 01:46:09.869
custody after Bach Duong turned himself in in Santa Ana, California.
2465
01:46:10.279 --> 01:46:13.239
And Jonathan, too, and Jose Nayeri were caught in San
2466
01:46:13.279 --> 01:46:15.819
Francisco after someone recognized their van.
2467
01:46:16.380 --> 01:46:17.890
Meanwhile, a woman named.
2468
01:46:19.279 --> 01:46:23.310
Nushafarin Ravagi, who was an English as a second language
2469
01:46:23.329 --> 01:46:26.510
teacher at the jail, she's now under arrest for allegedly
2470
01:46:26.569 --> 01:46:28.670
giving the men tools to plan their escape, like a
2471
01:46:28.810 --> 01:46:32.010
Google image of the jail's roof. Authorities say she and
2472
01:46:32.069 --> 01:46:36.029
escapee Jose Nayeri became very close the past several months,
2473
01:46:36.130 --> 01:46:37.869
even though Nayeri already speaks English.
2474
01:46:38.319 --> 01:46:39.220
They're not saying.
2475
01:46:39.000 --> 01:46:41.420
Whether there was a relationship there, if it was romantic,
2476
01:46:41.460 --> 01:46:44.579
but the two were very close and shared an Iranian heritage.
2477
01:46:44.939 --> 01:46:46.260
So they are looking into that.
2478
01:46:47.920 --> 01:46:51.380
She was visiting– like she was working in the prison?
2479
01:46:51.560 --> 01:46:51.779
Yes.
2480
01:46:52.060 --> 01:46:52.840
She was a teacher, yeah.
2481
01:46:52.859 --> 01:46:53.539
She was an ESL teacher.
2482
01:46:53.920 --> 01:46:58.279
And he was trying to learn English, although he spoke English. Yes.
2483
01:46:58.539 --> 01:46:59.260
Probably had a plan.
2484
01:46:59.699 --> 01:47:02.640
Probably had a plan. And then he was asking her
2485
01:47:02.659 --> 01:47:02.819
for help.
2486
01:47:02.840 --> 01:47:04.979
He was looking to learn geography apparently.
2487
01:47:05.000 --> 01:47:05.079
Yeah.
2488
01:47:06.390 --> 01:47:08.130
Yeah, really, really local.
2489
01:47:08.170 --> 01:47:11.750
Really interested in this mile radius.
2490
01:47:12.170 --> 01:47:19.289
How how vulnerable? Look, you know, here's my what do
2491
01:47:19.310 --> 01:47:20.810
you guys think of this? Because it's not the first
2492
01:47:20.829 --> 01:47:24.989
time this happened. When the chick when the single chick says, yeah,
2493
01:47:25.090 --> 01:47:27.189
I'd like to go into the prison three days a
2494
01:47:27.250 --> 01:47:28.880
week and spend some time with the fellas.
2495
01:47:29.520 --> 01:47:30.930
She's out. I don't want her.
2496
01:47:31.510 --> 01:47:33.789
It's like I said, who wants to take the kids camping?
2497
01:47:33.850 --> 01:47:37.390
The dude's hand flies up, you're out.
2498
01:47:37.609 --> 01:47:40.720
No fucking woman that has a good relationship or a
2499
01:47:40.760 --> 01:47:43.819
great self-image or is comfortable with her body or whatever doesn't.
2500
01:47:44.220 --> 01:47:46.279
Have a collection of clogs and cats.
2501
01:47:47.060 --> 01:47:49.819
Should ever even want to go into that place. Only
2502
01:47:49.939 --> 01:47:54.840
super emotionally vulnerable women. And so for the first time ever,
2503
01:47:55.420 --> 01:47:58.689
they're going into a place and a guy's going, wow,
2504
01:47:58.729 --> 01:48:01.130
you really have caring eyes. Has anyone ever?
2505
01:48:01.409 --> 01:48:01.810
No.
2506
01:48:01.869 --> 01:48:02.949
No one's ever told you that?
2507
01:48:02.970 --> 01:48:03.890
No one's ever told you that?
2508
01:48:04.310 --> 01:48:06.909
Really? You're so beautiful. And all your 22.
2509
01:48:06.869 --> 01:48:08.210
Years on this are for you.
2510
01:48:08.489 --> 01:48:08.770
Wow.
2511
01:48:08.789 --> 01:48:10.199
You're so beautiful.
2512
01:48:10.220 --> 01:48:10.340
Really?
2513
01:48:10.359 --> 01:48:13.180
Because I'm supposed to just wear these state-issued khakis.
2514
01:48:13.199 --> 01:48:16.329
No, but I can see they fit your shape. I mean,
2515
01:48:16.409 --> 01:48:19.729
while a lot of people would call it robust, here
2516
01:48:19.750 --> 01:48:22.779
it's robust. a very sought-after build. Oh, thank you. Are
2517
01:48:22.800 --> 01:48:27.449
you on the internet? Yeah. Okay. Because you... You look
2518
01:48:27.489 --> 01:48:31.050
so amazing. Did you say you're single? I am. Well,
2519
01:48:31.310 --> 01:48:35.970
I got to tell you, that is their loss. Oh, you.
2520
01:48:36.010 --> 01:48:39.680
They're between 3,500 and 3,700 fellas, including the guards. I
2521
01:48:39.720 --> 01:48:42.939
include the guards and the warden in here that would love.
2522
01:48:43.000 --> 01:48:45.000
To take you out to a nice dinner.
2523
01:48:45.279 --> 01:48:46.079
I'm so flush.
2524
01:48:46.140 --> 01:48:48.140
Have you ever been on Google Earth?
2525
01:48:49.100 --> 01:48:51.409
Yeah, once or twice. I've Googled some things.
2526
01:48:51.430 --> 01:48:51.609
Huh.
2527
01:48:52.420 --> 01:48:54.779
I hear you could even see the roof of the
2528
01:48:54.840 --> 01:48:56.020
prison from outer space.
2529
01:48:56.100 --> 01:48:56.970
You don't say.
2530
01:48:56.979 --> 01:48:57.060
Yeah.
2531
01:48:57.750 --> 01:48:59.750
Oh, wow. Kind of weird, right?
2532
01:48:59.949 --> 01:49:00.229
Yeah.
2533
01:49:00.369 --> 01:49:03.750
Those are some firm breasts. Can you fit a saw
2534
01:49:03.789 --> 01:49:06.340
beneath them? Can you hold a saw between those?
2535
01:49:06.649 --> 01:49:08.159
I don't know if I believe you. Let me Google
2536
01:49:08.180 --> 01:49:08.800
that and check.
2537
01:49:09.020 --> 01:49:10.479
Yeah, go ahead and check that.
2538
01:49:11.060 --> 01:49:11.880
I'll be damned.
2539
01:49:11.899 --> 01:49:14.079
It's right here. Can I? Take a look at that.
2540
01:49:14.100 --> 01:49:15.239
Yeah, see if you don't believe me. Why do you
2541
01:49:15.279 --> 01:49:16.180
not believe me here?
2542
01:49:16.239 --> 01:49:16.659
Yeah.
2543
01:49:16.939 --> 01:49:19.109
Look at that. Look at the ducting vent over there
2544
01:49:19.130 --> 01:49:20.210
right by the parapet.
2545
01:49:20.430 --> 01:49:22.550
See, I know how to Google. You didn't think I
2546
01:49:22.590 --> 01:49:23.729
knew how to Google, but I.
2547
01:49:23.689 --> 01:49:26.109
Know how to Google. Well, gals as pretty as you
2548
01:49:26.130 --> 01:49:31.180
usually are pretty useless around the computer. Oh, you. Oh,
2549
01:49:32.119 --> 01:49:35.180
you know, this is the only English I speak. Ha, ha, ha.
2550
01:49:35.590 --> 01:49:37.750
I know I'm enrolled in Google questions.
2551
01:49:37.970 --> 01:49:41.529
Yeah, it's only complimentary English. I can't ask where the
2552
01:49:41.569 --> 01:49:45.270
bathroom is. I can say, that sure is a fancy bathroom.
2553
01:49:45.439 --> 01:49:46.579
Uh-huh. You see what I'm saying?
2554
01:49:46.600 --> 01:49:46.720
I do.
2555
01:49:46.760 --> 01:49:49.180
Well, you should probably come twice a week then.
2556
01:49:49.199 --> 01:49:49.659
All right.
2557
01:49:49.800 --> 01:49:50.720
Make it three times.
2558
01:49:51.000 --> 01:49:53.500
So all women who either work in a prison or
2559
01:49:53.579 --> 01:49:56.680
volunteer in a prison are super vulnerable, right?
2560
01:49:56.720 --> 01:49:59.300
I mean, they do that all the time. Who do
2561
01:49:59.319 --> 01:50:03.020
they who does ISIS recruit? Not super happy teens that
2562
01:50:03.140 --> 01:50:05.180
on their way to an Ivy League school. No, it's
2563
01:50:05.199 --> 01:50:09.140
like disgruntled, angry young men get into the gang, get
2564
01:50:09.239 --> 01:50:12.119
into the. So they prey on that.
2565
01:50:12.140 --> 01:50:16.069
I don't know. Maybe we maybe we should only have
2566
01:50:16.170 --> 01:50:17.569
women who are happily married.
2567
01:50:17.590 --> 01:50:18.210
High confidence.
2568
01:50:18.960 --> 01:50:20.560
Feeling really good about themselves.
2569
01:50:20.579 --> 01:50:21.479
CFOs only?
2570
01:50:22.100 --> 01:50:26.539
Only who are in very committed relationships. Can't have the
2571
01:50:26.579 --> 01:50:27.479
single cat lady.
2572
01:50:27.539 --> 01:50:29.420
Remember the one woman in the previous story from maybe
2573
01:50:29.439 --> 01:50:30.060
six months ago?
2574
01:50:30.119 --> 01:50:30.819
She was married.
2575
01:50:31.479 --> 01:50:33.859
I don't know how well the relationship was doing, but
2576
01:50:33.880 --> 01:50:34.439
she was married.
2577
01:50:34.479 --> 01:50:36.239
Working in the seamstress shop?
2578
01:50:36.260 --> 01:50:39.319
I would say blowing the convict in the laundry would
2579
01:50:39.359 --> 01:50:42.529
suggest that her relationship was past the honeymoon phase.
2580
01:50:42.550 --> 01:50:44.250
That's a check in the con category.
2581
01:50:44.390 --> 01:50:46.449
That's literally a con category, yes.
2582
01:50:46.470 --> 01:50:51.789
So- We need to do a little psychological profiling because
2583
01:50:52.010 --> 01:50:53.050
they're vulnerable.
2584
01:50:53.149 --> 01:50:53.270
Yeah.
2585
01:50:53.289 --> 01:50:56.109
They're going to start giving away information and hacksaw blades.
2586
01:50:56.560 --> 01:50:58.000
Now she's going to be in prison, so it's not
2587
01:50:58.020 --> 01:50:58.439
going to matter.
2588
01:50:58.979 --> 01:51:00.600
But she'll know what the top of the jail looks like.
2589
01:51:01.380 --> 01:51:04.659
The aspect that hits me is I feel like I
2590
01:51:04.680 --> 01:51:07.539
would never be able to figure out how to escape
2591
01:51:07.579 --> 01:51:09.960
from jail. But I also feel like once I was escaped,
2592
01:51:10.000 --> 01:51:12.050
you would never catch me. Don't you feel like you
2593
01:51:12.060 --> 01:51:13.989
could find a place to get away?
2594
01:51:14.010 --> 01:51:15.930
Well, that's the funny thing about these guys is one
2595
01:51:15.949 --> 01:51:17.529
of them was picked up in Santa Ana.
2596
01:51:17.590 --> 01:51:18.729
I mean, they didn't get very far.
2597
01:51:20.569 --> 01:51:22.630
I can figure out a way to not be found.
2598
01:51:23.109 --> 01:51:23.710
Do you feel like that?
2599
01:51:23.729 --> 01:51:24.350
That was so creepy.
2600
01:51:24.770 --> 01:51:25.220
Yeah.
2601
01:51:25.520 --> 01:51:29.579
Well, it's always the vehicle that gives it away because
2602
01:51:29.640 --> 01:51:34.020
it's not like we're sitting around going, hey, that 28-year-old
2603
01:51:34.119 --> 01:51:35.979
Vietnamese guy, you know who he looks like?
2604
01:51:36.840 --> 01:51:39.899
Everyone else from Vietnam? Well, it's true.
2605
01:51:39.979 --> 01:51:43.779
We couldn't really identify the guy, but we can identify
2606
01:51:43.840 --> 01:51:47.000
that there's a Ford Aerostar that was stolen in white,
2607
01:51:47.060 --> 01:51:49.420
and that's the van. It's always the van that gives
2608
01:51:49.460 --> 01:51:53.310
it away. These guys were on mountain bikes. You'd never
2609
01:51:53.390 --> 01:51:58.350
suspect it. All you need is mountain bikes and the
2610
01:51:58.449 --> 01:52:02.699
right apparel. Like some cargo shorts and some of those
2611
01:52:02.840 --> 01:52:08.710
off-road boots or whatever. Just looking right, like a fanny pack.
2612
01:52:08.829 --> 01:52:10.390
All you have to do is steal a mountain bike
2613
01:52:10.430 --> 01:52:13.510
and you're fucking home free. You steal a van, everyone's
2614
01:52:13.529 --> 01:52:14.090
looking for you.
2615
01:52:15.270 --> 01:52:15.909
That's a good tip.
2616
01:52:16.170 --> 01:52:16.449
Thank you.
2617
01:52:16.859 --> 01:52:20.130
Well, meanwhile, Fox News reports that a Southern California patrol
2618
01:52:20.170 --> 01:52:24.050
deputy lost an AR-15 Tuesday after placing it on the
2619
01:52:24.130 --> 01:52:27.729
trunk of a patrol vehicle and driving away before realizing
2620
01:52:27.770 --> 01:52:30.880
his weapon was missing and apparently they still haven't found it.
2621
01:52:31.340 --> 01:52:33.619
The deputy was getting ready to start his shift at
2622
01:52:33.659 --> 01:52:36.909
the Aliso Viejo station and placed the rifle in a
2623
01:52:36.949 --> 01:52:39.890
black nylon bag with three loaded magazines on the trunk.
2624
01:52:40.270 --> 01:52:42.770
He got distracted and drove off with the weapon still
2625
01:52:42.829 --> 01:52:46.390
on the car. The department is urging whoever finds it,
2626
01:52:46.470 --> 01:52:48.989
please turn it in. They didn't specify whether the cop
2627
01:52:49.020 --> 01:52:50.760
was going to be punished or not, but they are
2628
01:52:50.880 --> 01:52:51.960
still looking for the rifle.
2629
01:52:52.460 --> 01:52:55.279
I've tried to explain to people that they're not that
2630
01:52:55.340 --> 01:52:57.039
good and they're not that smart.
2631
01:52:57.180 --> 01:53:01.270
And the car and or car bumper... Is the worst. Yep.
2632
01:53:01.399 --> 01:53:02.560
You fucking come out.
2633
01:53:02.979 --> 01:53:03.979
How many cups of coffee?
2634
01:53:04.180 --> 01:53:06.270
I used to have a truck. that had like the
2635
01:53:06.369 --> 01:53:08.909
step bumper on it where you could just set it down.
2636
01:53:08.970 --> 01:53:11.350
Like it was now everything's streamlined and everything, but you'd
2637
01:53:11.430 --> 01:53:14.039
set that mug down on there and then something, then
2638
01:53:14.060 --> 01:53:17.159
there's always just, there's always something that happens. And that's
2639
01:53:17.220 --> 01:53:20.500
why you're not that good because this guy will tell you, no,
2640
01:53:20.520 --> 01:53:23.239
I put the AR-15 on the trunk. I was going
2641
01:53:23.260 --> 01:53:25.319
to go get it and get the car. Then I
2642
01:53:25.340 --> 01:53:27.789
get the phone call, get the phone call from the wife.
2643
01:53:28.050 --> 01:53:30.210
The wife wants to know what I need from the Costco.
2644
01:53:30.329 --> 01:53:31.829
And the next thing you know, I'm getting into the
2645
01:53:31.890 --> 01:53:35.149
car with the AR-15 on the trunk of the Crown Vic. Yes,
2646
01:53:35.350 --> 01:53:40.949
you're not that good. Don't ever set anything on your car. Also,
2647
01:53:41.020 --> 01:53:44.439
it's insane how much stuff stays on your car when
2648
01:53:44.479 --> 01:53:44.899
you get.
2649
01:53:44.800 --> 01:53:47.659
To your place. Groceries.
2650
01:53:49.000 --> 01:53:51.100
Oh, just because it's fun, Gary, and we'll see if
2651
01:53:51.119 --> 01:53:55.000
we can ever find this, but it's probably on CarCast.
2652
01:53:56.020 --> 01:54:00.189
I had a— maybe Chris can find it. So I'm up
2653
01:54:00.289 --> 01:54:04.470
at Laguna Seca. up north, right around where they captured
2654
01:54:04.510 --> 01:54:08.989
these fugitives. And I'm doing a race, but it's not
2655
01:54:09.100 --> 01:54:12.560
a real race. It's a come on out, bring your
2656
01:54:12.619 --> 01:54:15.659
race car, and get some track time at the Laguna
2657
01:54:15.720 --> 01:54:16.640
Seca race.
2658
01:54:17.180 --> 01:54:18.699
So there are guys there with.
2659
01:54:20.100 --> 01:54:27.060
Crazy, crazy race cars, brand-new race cars. Mercedes-Benz, like a
2660
01:54:27.039 --> 01:54:30.590
$ 40 million race car, like on loan from the Mercedes
2661
01:54:30.649 --> 01:54:33.170
Museum and shit like that. Everyone's just got all their
2662
01:54:33.210 --> 01:54:37.970
crazy shit out there. And everyone's doing their testing, trying
2663
01:54:37.989 --> 01:54:40.510
to get some track time, get some seat time in
2664
01:54:40.529 --> 01:54:44.430
your car, dial the thing in. And I go out
2665
01:54:44.449 --> 01:54:46.640
there with my group of idiots. Everyone else is out
2666
01:54:46.649 --> 01:54:49.449
there with a semi-truck with an elevator and shit in it,
2667
01:54:49.460 --> 01:54:53.970
and they're driving their Cobras and their— Bugattis and their crazy,
2668
01:54:54.189 --> 01:54:57.180
you know, Ferrari GTOs, like, multi-million. And I'm out there
2669
01:54:57.189 --> 01:55:00.659
in my Datsuns with my band of idiots who, they're
2670
01:55:00.680 --> 01:55:02.300
not that good at what they do, but I like
2671
01:55:02.359 --> 01:55:03.300
traveling with them.
2672
01:55:03.319 --> 01:55:05.420
You know, you have to travel with these people. It's
2673
01:55:05.439 --> 01:55:08.060
like traveling with an opening act that's not really that funny,
2674
01:55:08.079 --> 01:55:10.619
but a great hang. You know, you have to decide.
2675
01:55:10.640 --> 01:55:12.539
It's going to be a lot more time with us
2676
01:55:12.619 --> 01:55:15.140
in airports and us hanging out at diners and strip
2677
01:55:15.180 --> 01:55:17.359
clubs than it's going to be he or she doing
2678
01:55:17.359 --> 01:55:19.189
20 minutes up on stage. I'll put up with it.
2679
01:55:20.289 --> 01:55:24.619
So, I go out onto the track, and I do
2680
01:55:24.659 --> 01:55:28.819
a lap, and I'm going around turn five, I think,
2681
01:55:28.880 --> 01:55:30.500
and coming up the hill for turn.
2682
01:55:30.319 --> 01:55:35.359
Six, and I see this huge tire pressure gauge. It's
2683
01:55:35.399 --> 01:55:37.840
a big round. It's an expensive one. It's a nice one.
2684
01:55:37.859 --> 01:55:41.460
It's a huge one with a long hose on it.
2685
01:55:42.170 --> 01:55:45.869
And it's sitting directly in the middle of the track.
2686
01:55:46.229 --> 01:55:48.710
And my first thing is, is always like, how do
2687
01:55:48.750 --> 01:55:50.859
we fuck this up? This must be us because my
2688
01:55:50.880 --> 01:55:54.340
guys are fuck ups. And then my next thought is, well,
2689
01:55:54.380 --> 01:55:57.159
I've already done a lap and that wasn't there when
2690
01:55:57.180 --> 01:55:58.359
I did my first lap.
2691
01:55:58.739 --> 01:56:00.640
So how could it be for me? I couldn't, I
2692
01:56:00.859 --> 01:56:02.850
couldn't have been stuck halfway in the tire and I
2693
01:56:02.899 --> 01:56:04.710
took off or sitting on the roof of the car
2694
01:56:04.750 --> 01:56:07.949
as a fucking race car. I'm sliding all over the track.
2695
01:56:07.989 --> 01:56:12.029
This can't, this can't be. Then it was directly in
2696
01:56:12.050 --> 01:56:14.409
the middle of the track. And then the next lap,
2697
01:56:14.489 --> 01:56:16.829
it was destroyed when somebody ran it over. And then,
2698
01:56:16.869 --> 01:56:18.710
of course, when I got back into the pits, I
2699
01:56:18.729 --> 01:56:22.390
was like, man, turns out there's somebody dumber than us
2700
01:56:22.470 --> 01:56:24.970
at this racetrack in amongst all these guys that are
2701
01:56:25.029 --> 01:56:29.279
super millionaires who drive these super well-kept cars that they
2702
01:56:29.319 --> 01:56:31.399
don't even prep their own cars. They're kept at a
2703
01:56:31.460 --> 01:56:33.880
super expensive garage where the guys do all the prepping
2704
01:56:33.939 --> 01:56:35.600
and bring them out there in the semi trucks and
2705
01:56:35.619 --> 01:56:38.550
everything like that. Then I get back. And I talked
2706
01:56:38.590 --> 01:56:41.420
to Les with the big gut, slopping over shorts, wearing
2707
01:56:41.439 --> 01:56:44.859
the 5'10 shirt. And he's like, ah, that was my
2708
01:56:45.100 --> 01:56:48.520
new tire pressure gauge. And I was like. How was
2709
01:56:48.569 --> 01:56:49.979
it your new tire pressure gauge?
2710
01:56:50.000 --> 01:56:52.920
He's like, I set it on the back of your
2711
01:56:53.000 --> 01:56:56.199
Datsun race car, Z car, but the thing has like
2712
01:56:56.239 --> 01:56:59.430
a whale tail that like comes up and wraps around.
2713
01:56:59.789 --> 01:57:01.850
So as he sat it there, it actually had like
2714
01:57:01.890 --> 01:57:03.829
a weird cove around it.
2715
01:57:03.869 --> 01:57:04.470
Did its own lap.
2716
01:57:04.569 --> 01:57:07.229
And when you accelerate, it just pushed up against the
2717
01:57:07.329 --> 01:57:08.609
rim of the whale tail.
2718
01:57:08.630 --> 01:57:09.380
So it was good for a few laps.
2719
01:57:09.399 --> 01:57:09.569
Yeah.
2720
01:57:10.399 --> 01:57:11.979
Yeah, and then I.
2721
01:57:12.060 --> 01:57:15.720
Slid on that corner and did a weird fishtail-y whatever,
2722
01:57:15.819 --> 01:57:17.500
and that's when I shook it loose. But it was
2723
01:57:17.539 --> 01:57:19.989
a weird thing where I was, like, driving up the
2724
01:57:20.010 --> 01:57:22.789
middle of the track, looking at this huge tire pressure
2725
01:57:22.850 --> 01:57:25.210
checker going, who's this stupid?
2726
01:57:25.649 --> 01:57:27.329
And then I thought, only us.
2727
01:57:27.770 --> 01:57:30.609
And then I thought, but impossible, because it was not
2728
01:57:30.670 --> 01:57:32.050
there the previous lap.
2729
01:57:32.489 --> 01:57:33.430
Well, you were right.
2730
01:57:33.449 --> 01:57:36.000
The coffee still made it all the way around.
2731
01:57:36.039 --> 01:57:39.430
The coffee was still on the roof of the car. Chris, Gary,
2732
01:57:39.470 --> 01:57:42.090
Chris can find that. I don't know. Yeah, I'm looking.
2733
01:57:42.750 --> 01:57:46.100
It's probably. We're both looking. It's, let's see.
2734
01:57:46.109 --> 01:57:48.800
It would have been rich white guy race, as we
2735
01:57:48.859 --> 01:57:52.680
call it. And it probably would have been like 2011,
2736
01:57:52.680 --> 01:57:53.939
maybe 12.
2737
01:57:53.939 --> 01:57:56.220
Figure it out. We're going to say we'll figure it out.
2738
01:57:56.239 --> 01:57:57.859
You guys have a laugh. All right. What else?
2739
01:57:58.239 --> 01:57:59.880
And you know how you didn't realize it for a
2740
01:57:59.939 --> 01:58:00.520
couple of laps?
2741
01:58:00.560 --> 01:58:03.079
This guy didn't realize his rifle was missing for seven hours.
2742
01:58:04.869 --> 01:58:08.850
You didn't have to shoot someone in seven hours. That's irresponsible.
2743
01:58:08.930 --> 01:58:09.890
Quiet day in Aliso.
2744
01:58:09.909 --> 01:58:16.500
Viejo. Wow. Yeah. The policy and also shouldn't. I don't know.
2745
01:58:16.600 --> 01:58:20.859
Should you know that the case is black? I'm guessing
2746
01:58:20.899 --> 01:58:24.520
the deck lid of the trunk is black. No, let's
2747
01:58:24.560 --> 01:58:27.409
just be bright orange. Yeah. Like we talked about.
2748
01:58:27.430 --> 01:58:28.329
At least I'm part of it.
2749
01:58:28.970 --> 01:58:32.710
Every leather key fob is black and every carpet and
2750
01:58:33.130 --> 01:58:35.369
seat and every car is black. And when it falls
2751
01:58:35.430 --> 01:58:38.189
down in between the seat and the transmission tunnel, it's
2752
01:58:38.210 --> 01:58:40.149
just this weird leather black thing in a sea of
2753
01:58:40.210 --> 01:58:40.829
black leather.
2754
01:58:41.609 --> 01:58:41.810
All right.
2755
01:58:42.409 --> 01:58:46.649
Well, in SAG Award news, NBC reports that the journalism
2756
01:58:46.710 --> 01:58:52.189
drama Spotlight won the SAG Ensemble Cast Award over the weekend. Meanwhile,
2757
01:58:52.229 --> 01:58:55.350
Leonardo DiCaprio won for Outstanding Male Lead in The Revenant.
2758
01:58:55.640 --> 01:58:59.779
Brie Larson won for Outstanding Female Lead in Room. Orange
2759
01:58:59.819 --> 01:59:02.539
is the New Black won for Ensemble Comedy Series. Idris
2760
01:59:02.680 --> 01:59:06.979
Elba won for both– for TV miniseries for Luther as
2761
01:59:07.020 --> 01:59:09.220
well as supporting role in a motion picture for Beasts
2762
01:59:09.279 --> 01:59:09.840
of No Nation.
2763
01:59:10.220 --> 01:59:12.500
I have a clip of Michael Keaton speaking on behalf
2764
01:59:12.600 --> 01:59:16.020
of the Spotlight cast. Had to say a few things
2765
01:59:16.079 --> 01:59:17.159
about a few other things.
2766
01:59:17.180 --> 01:59:19.439
Anyone see Beasts of No Nation? I did. Is that good?
2767
01:59:19.760 --> 01:59:22.350
Yes, but it's very hard to watch. It's about child soldiers.
2768
01:59:23.069 --> 01:59:24.039
Yeah.
2769
01:59:24.180 --> 01:59:25.859
It's a— Like Hunger Games?
2770
01:59:26.279 --> 01:59:27.899
No, it's about recruiting kids.
2771
01:59:27.920 --> 01:59:28.199
Yeah.
2772
01:59:28.399 --> 01:59:28.640
I'm out.
2773
01:59:28.699 --> 01:59:29.649
Exactly. I'm out.
2774
01:59:29.680 --> 01:59:30.960
Recruiting kids to fight your war.
2775
01:59:30.979 --> 01:59:31.500
All right.
2776
01:59:33.739 --> 01:59:36.800
This is really for the disenfranchised everywhere. This is for
2777
01:59:36.899 --> 01:59:40.359
every Flint, Michigan in the world. This is for the powerless.
2778
01:59:41.560 --> 01:59:44.260
This is for the powerful who take advantage of the powerless.
2779
01:59:45.300 --> 01:59:47.760
And you can hang me for that. I don't really care.
2780
01:59:47.859 --> 01:59:49.449
That's why I'm proud to be part of this.
2781
01:59:49.550 --> 01:59:50.090
He's a hero.
2782
01:59:50.130 --> 01:59:52.229
Thank you very much. It comes down to two things.
2783
01:59:52.350 --> 01:59:55.270
There's fair and there's unfair. And I'm always going to
2784
01:59:55.289 --> 01:59:57.270
vote for the fair. I'm always going to pull for.
2785
01:59:57.189 --> 02:00:00.310
The good guys. Thanks for this. This means a lot. Sorry, Keaton,
2786
02:00:00.350 --> 02:00:02.340
but that is colossally blowhardy.
2787
02:00:02.569 --> 02:00:04.680
It's weird that he found a receptive audience at the saga.
2788
02:00:04.819 --> 02:00:06.479
Well, I love when he said, you can hang me
2789
02:00:06.539 --> 02:00:06.779
for that.
2790
02:00:06.800 --> 02:00:07.760
Yeah, why are we hanging him?
2791
02:00:07.899 --> 02:00:09.420
Because he said he was a hero.
2792
02:00:09.439 --> 02:00:10.039
He's righteous.
2793
02:00:10.060 --> 02:00:10.399
Get him.
2794
02:00:10.420 --> 02:00:15.579
Get him. So he comes down on the side of
2795
02:00:15.600 --> 02:00:16.260
the powerless.
2796
02:00:16.380 --> 02:00:16.680
Right.
2797
02:00:17.039 --> 02:00:17.619
And the poor.
2798
02:00:18.140 --> 02:00:19.340
And the good.
2799
02:00:19.460 --> 02:00:22.319
He wants the franchisees or the disenfranchised?
2800
02:00:22.340 --> 02:00:23.729
I'm pretty sure, guys, we checked that again.
2801
02:00:23.739 --> 02:00:24.729
I'm going to have to watch that again.
2802
02:00:24.750 --> 02:00:26.369
I think he said disenfranchised.
2803
02:00:26.449 --> 02:00:28.470
I'll show you the camera, and you can see it
2804
02:00:28.489 --> 02:00:33.970
at amcrawl.com or carcast.com. But if you see, you will
2805
02:00:34.510 --> 02:00:39.760
see this huge thing sitting in the middle of the track,
2806
02:00:39.979 --> 02:00:42.630
or maybe that's– Oh, there it is.
2807
02:00:42.789 --> 02:00:45.369
Yeah. By the way, when I say middle of the track,
2808
02:00:46.069 --> 02:00:48.989
I mean the middle. Dead center. It's not eight inches
2809
02:00:49.050 --> 02:00:51.449
to the right or eight inches to the left.
2810
02:00:52.029 --> 02:00:53.210
At that speed, did you know what it was?
2811
02:00:53.529 --> 02:00:53.770
Yeah.
2812
02:00:53.789 --> 02:00:54.789
How did you see it, though?
2813
02:00:54.970 --> 02:00:56.329
I have hyper.
2814
02:00:56.350 --> 02:00:58.340
I mean, if you're in that world, you probably... I.
2815
02:00:58.310 --> 02:01:00.000
Have hypervigilance disorder.
2816
02:01:00.500 --> 02:01:03.220
I knew there was something on the track, and I
2817
02:01:03.479 --> 02:01:07.060
assumed there's not too many things it.
2818
02:01:07.060 --> 02:01:11.460
Would have been. Somebody's belt. I narrowed down... Yeah.
2819
02:01:11.500 --> 02:01:12.079
Yeah.
2820
02:01:12.720 --> 02:01:14.500
I knew it was something and maybe it was the
2821
02:01:14.560 --> 02:01:17.640
second lap that I had to sort of digest.
2822
02:01:17.140 --> 02:01:19.100
It, but then, uh, this is how you knocked it loose.
2823
02:01:19.159 --> 02:01:21.850
If you want to, Oh, this is me knocking it loose.
2824
02:01:21.869 --> 02:01:25.260
That's me going sideways, sideways and more, more side. That's, uh,
2825
02:01:25.930 --> 02:01:28.729
They call them tank slappers. That's you getting loose.
2826
02:01:28.750 --> 02:01:30.329
Do you do that on purpose?
2827
02:01:30.729 --> 02:01:33.250
No, no, I don't do that on purpose. I try
2828
02:01:33.270 --> 02:01:36.170
to not try to avoid that. But but I saved it.
2829
02:01:36.340 --> 02:01:38.619
It didn't I didn't didn't come all the way around.
2830
02:01:38.880 --> 02:01:41.100
So you might be the only person on Earth that
2831
02:01:41.180 --> 02:01:43.739
doesn't assume something sitting in the middle of the road
2832
02:01:43.819 --> 02:01:45.539
is alive or some sort of animal.
2833
02:01:45.579 --> 02:01:47.520
You see a plastic bag. You immediately think it's a
2834
02:01:47.579 --> 02:01:48.149
dog or.
2835
02:01:48.390 --> 02:01:51.569
Well, if I see a piece of carpet remnant rolled
2836
02:01:51.630 --> 02:01:54.310
up in the distance, I always assume that's a homeless
2837
02:01:54.350 --> 02:01:55.710
guy got run over.
2838
02:01:55.729 --> 02:01:58.149
I always do that negative math.
2839
02:01:58.210 --> 02:02:04.739
But on the racetrack, there's almost nothing ever. I've never
2840
02:02:04.779 --> 02:02:09.760
seen any debris that hasn't been tool or car related.
2841
02:02:09.920 --> 02:02:12.880
Once in a while, somebody will throw a rod or something,
2842
02:02:12.899 --> 02:02:15.270
like something will blow up and there'll be some parts
2843
02:02:15.350 --> 02:02:17.109
or something will hit your windshield or something like that,
2844
02:02:17.170 --> 02:02:20.550
but I got a good look at that, that thing.
2845
02:02:20.590 --> 02:02:22.869
But yeah, I probably if I didn't do the crazy
2846
02:02:22.970 --> 02:02:25.869
slide out tank slapper, probably could have made it back
2847
02:02:25.930 --> 02:02:29.439
in the pit with less is brand new. But it
2848
02:02:29.520 --> 02:02:31.640
is one of those funny things where I just went, hey,
2849
02:02:31.779 --> 02:02:33.640
there's somebody dumber than us here.
2850
02:02:33.659 --> 02:02:35.939
And then I was like, no, there isn't.
2851
02:02:36.079 --> 02:02:36.680
No, there isn't.
2852
02:02:36.699 --> 02:02:37.539
Turns out there's not.
2853
02:02:38.100 --> 02:02:41.149
Well, the latest Republican debate went on last Thursday night
2854
02:02:41.189 --> 02:02:45.090
without Donald Trump. And with Trump boycotting Senator Ted Cruz
2855
02:02:45.130 --> 02:02:47.170
slid into the frontrunner spot and took most of the
2856
02:02:47.210 --> 02:02:50.710
fire from his rivals. Senator Marco Rubio blasted Cruz, saying
2857
02:02:50.729 --> 02:02:53.029
his campaign is a lie because he wasn't being truthful
2858
02:02:53.069 --> 02:02:56.779
about his flip-flops on immigration. Senator Rand Paul piled on,
2859
02:02:56.840 --> 02:02:58.739
saying Cruz had an authenticity problem.
2860
02:02:59.079 --> 02:03:00.699
Ted was not happy.
2861
02:03:00.380 --> 02:03:02.720
With the idea that everyone was picking on him and
2862
02:03:02.819 --> 02:03:04.189
said so during the broadcast.
2863
02:03:04.199 --> 02:03:04.689
Here's a clip.
2864
02:03:05.340 --> 02:03:08.680
Chris, I would note that the last four questions have been, Rand,
2865
02:03:08.739 --> 02:03:12.479
please attack Ted. Marco, please attack Ted. Chris, please attack Ted. Jeb,
2866
02:03:12.520 --> 02:03:13.460
please attack Ted.
2867
02:03:14.380 --> 02:03:15.659
What are they doing?
2868
02:03:15.680 --> 02:03:19.180
Let me just say this. It is a debate, sir. Well, no, no.
2869
02:03:19.239 --> 02:03:21.619
A debate actually is a policy issue, but I will
2870
02:03:21.680 --> 02:03:25.220
say this. Gosh, if you guys ask one more mean question,
2871
02:03:25.520 --> 02:03:26.859
I may have to leave the stage.
2872
02:03:28.760 --> 02:03:31.739
You know what? It's starting to strike me. I was
2873
02:03:31.779 --> 02:03:36.020
sort of thinking about this. Like, In the future, every
2874
02:03:36.100 --> 02:03:38.630
president is going to be like, they will have graduated
2875
02:03:38.689 --> 02:03:42.229
from the groundlings, not, not Harvard. Like, like Jeff Ross
2876
02:03:42.270 --> 02:03:45.720
for president. For UCB, Adam. Sorry, sorry, UCB.
2877
02:03:46.119 --> 02:03:47.979
It is more like a snap battle these days.
2878
02:03:48.260 --> 02:03:49.880
Trump's taking it that way.
2879
02:03:49.920 --> 02:03:52.600
Look, we don't, you can sit around and talk about
2880
02:03:52.640 --> 02:03:55.100
the deficit till everyone's fucking blue in the face and
2881
02:03:55.140 --> 02:03:56.619
everyone just sits there and goes, yeah, I don't know.
2882
02:03:56.899 --> 02:03:59.149
I don't care. Like, but when the other guy snaps,
2883
02:03:59.159 --> 02:04:02.750
the other guy's jockstrap, we want that guy. I was like,
2884
02:04:02.810 --> 02:04:06.670
I was literally thinking, I know this sounds insanely pompous,
2885
02:04:06.710 --> 02:04:07.090
but I was like.
2886
02:04:07.680 --> 02:04:10.399
Oh, I'd kick all these guys' asses. I'd have no
2887
02:04:10.840 --> 02:04:13.680
foreign policy or anything. I'd just be up there working
2888
02:04:13.739 --> 02:04:16.729
the room, busting everyone's chops. And I swear to God,
2889
02:04:16.770 --> 02:04:20.510
it's just like Trump. Look, Trump is mildly amusing.
2890
02:04:20.529 --> 02:04:22.649
That's kind of what he's doing. That's all he's doing.
2891
02:04:22.770 --> 02:04:27.869
Trump is one of those guys who's– it's a funny four.
2892
02:04:27.930 --> 02:04:32.369
It's like she's hot for a fill-in-the-blank.
2893
02:04:32.409 --> 02:04:33.310
Newsgirl, podcaster.
2894
02:04:33.329 --> 02:04:35.529
Yeah, someone who visits someone at a prison. But what
2895
02:04:35.550 --> 02:04:42.109
I'm saying– He is Trump is not funny, but he's
2896
02:04:42.369 --> 02:04:48.090
funny for a rich politician, you know, developer guy developed
2897
02:04:48.109 --> 02:04:52.859
for guys, guys who develop golf courses traditionally were class
2898
02:04:52.939 --> 02:04:55.880
clown of their high school. I feel pretty safe in
2899
02:04:55.920 --> 02:04:56.560
that statement.
2900
02:04:57.159 --> 02:04:57.420
But.
2901
02:04:58.119 --> 02:05:02.859
Compared to Jeb Bush and even Obama and everybody else
2902
02:05:02.899 --> 02:05:05.539
who started, Obama's loose at least, but I mean, all
2903
02:05:05.600 --> 02:05:09.300
these guys who've come before him, he's a fucking nonstop
2904
02:05:09.340 --> 02:05:13.720
laugh riot. And he's just riding that because evidently we
2905
02:05:13.739 --> 02:05:14.920
don't have any substance.
2906
02:05:14.979 --> 02:05:17.859
We don't care anymore. We're just all here to see
2907
02:05:17.899 --> 02:05:18.319
the show.
2908
02:05:18.840 --> 02:05:22.119
So it strikes me that if you had a guy
2909
02:05:22.539 --> 02:05:25.909
and you took a dude like Baldwin and And he went, Baldwin,
2910
02:05:25.930 --> 02:05:30.010
just back off on the fucking environment and the ozone.
2911
02:05:29.489 --> 02:05:31.850
And what's going on. The stuff no one understands. And
2912
02:05:31.869 --> 02:05:34.689
the fucking deficit and leaving your children a better.
2913
02:05:35.090 --> 02:05:36.270
Make a well-timed crack.
2914
02:05:36.609 --> 02:05:39.850
Go out there and do De Niro. When you're answering
2915
02:05:39.890 --> 02:05:42.260
the guy, threaten him in your De Niro. A little bit.
2916
02:05:42.350 --> 02:05:43.220
Yeah, do that.
2917
02:05:43.420 --> 02:05:44.439
You'd get everyone's vote.
2918
02:05:44.500 --> 02:05:45.100
This goes nuts.
2919
02:05:45.220 --> 02:05:47.779
It used to be people would think... You can't be
2920
02:05:47.840 --> 02:05:49.579
that– you can't be off the cuff because you might
2921
02:05:49.619 --> 02:05:52.100
offend people and he's proven people like that.
2922
02:05:52.199 --> 02:05:54.729
People want you to offend people. They'll get on board.
2923
02:05:54.750 --> 02:06:00.069
I think if you're grooming your next politician, it's a
2924
02:06:00.130 --> 02:06:03.189
little less on the talking points and a little more
2925
02:06:03.210 --> 02:06:05.810
on the take the UCB class.
2926
02:06:05.890 --> 02:06:08.210
If you can think at your feet, I think you're
2927
02:06:08.229 --> 02:06:11.510
perceived to be intelligent because you can think quickly and react.
2928
02:06:11.569 --> 02:06:14.060
And at the very least sort of evolve your charisma.
2929
02:06:14.079 --> 02:06:14.359
Yeah.
2930
02:06:15.000 --> 02:06:19.140
Ultimately, we're all just voting for the person we kind
2931
02:06:19.199 --> 02:06:22.619
of like or want to hang with or something like
2932
02:06:22.920 --> 02:06:26.510
we can't help it. So, yeah, just fucking get in
2933
02:06:26.529 --> 02:06:27.770
there and start cracking wise.
2934
02:06:28.189 --> 02:06:28.710
But in the.
2935
02:06:28.710 --> 02:06:32.829
Future, it used to be whatever was it's like it's
2936
02:06:32.850 --> 02:06:38.720
like sports announcers, ESPN, whatever in the past. Any sense
2937
02:06:38.760 --> 02:06:42.539
of humor was considered strike one. Like we don't– you
2938
02:06:42.600 --> 02:06:45.000
deliver that sport. You do it in a very earnest
2939
02:06:45.079 --> 02:06:48.810
way with a lot of gravitas. We don't need any wisecrack. Well,
2940
02:06:48.869 --> 02:06:51.869
now having a sense– now they're all climbing all over
2941
02:06:51.890 --> 02:06:54.050
each other to do funny things and be funny and
2942
02:06:54.069 --> 02:06:54.909
do little bits and.
2943
02:06:54.869 --> 02:06:55.710
Sketches and whatever.
2944
02:06:56.329 --> 02:07:00.710
Formerly had no place in the broadcast booth at all.
2945
02:07:01.409 --> 02:07:04.489
And just like that's probably going to go the way
2946
02:07:04.520 --> 02:07:07.680
of the dodo. Troy Aikman and Joe Bucks. I don't
2947
02:07:07.699 --> 02:07:08.340
feel like.
2948
02:07:08.380 --> 02:07:11.020
The booth is the last bastion. SportsCenter, you know, Kenny
2949
02:07:11.039 --> 02:07:14.279
Mayne and Keith Olbermann. These guys were hilarious for sportscasters.
2950
02:07:14.800 --> 02:07:17.699
Right. I think when it comes to politicians, this is
2951
02:07:17.770 --> 02:07:20.210
going to be a new thing. And we don't care
2952
02:07:20.289 --> 02:07:25.270
what Hillary Clinton knows about foreign policy anymore. She seems uptight. Yeah,
2953
02:07:25.340 --> 02:07:25.899
it's not funny.
2954
02:07:25.920 --> 02:07:27.840
Don't want to hang with her. And this guy seems
2955
02:07:27.880 --> 02:07:29.300
like a guy who's going to bust some chops.
2956
02:07:29.560 --> 02:07:31.840
We need to get Jesse Ventura to take him on.
2957
02:07:32.020 --> 02:07:33.680
That's the type of guy who could hang or like
2958
02:07:33.859 --> 02:07:36.229
Dee Snider from Twisted Sister or something.
2959
02:07:36.390 --> 02:07:40.609
Yes, Dee Snider, please. I'd like me some Dee Snider.
2960
02:07:40.710 --> 02:07:42.710
Well, and speaking of that, I'll have it for tomorrow
2961
02:07:42.750 --> 02:07:44.880
because I totally forgot about it until this moment.
2962
02:07:45.520 --> 02:07:47.739
Did you hear about Bernie Sanders' folk album?
2963
02:07:48.890 --> 02:07:50.989
I have heard about it. Yeah, it's old.
2964
02:07:51.109 --> 02:07:51.350
Yeah.
2965
02:07:51.899 --> 02:07:54.739
And like, it's just now coming to light and it's amazing.
2966
02:07:54.960 --> 02:07:56.659
Like he does, this land is your land and it
2967
02:07:56.750 --> 02:07:57.989
is excruciating.
2968
02:07:58.529 --> 02:08:01.659
But, but. for comic effect.
2969
02:08:01.239 --> 02:08:03.899
Right i don't know if he knew that i think
2970
02:08:03.920 --> 02:08:06.100
this guy the guy who produced the album said wouldn't
2971
02:08:06.140 --> 02:08:08.760
it be super weird if we got bernie to do
2972
02:08:08.800 --> 02:08:09.199
this and.
2973
02:08:09.180 --> 02:08:11.420
Bernie said this land is your land it kind of
2974
02:08:11.479 --> 02:08:13.199
talks it and it's Really.
2975
02:08:13.220 --> 02:08:13.760
Really amazing.
2976
02:08:13.779 --> 02:08:16.439
But I guess that, I don't know, Shatner maybe doesn't
2977
02:08:16.500 --> 02:08:19.659
know it. But like Leonard Nimoy, when he would sing.
2978
02:08:20.319 --> 02:08:20.970
Don't you know?
2979
02:08:20.979 --> 02:08:26.390
Like, I feel like, I don't know why, but the
2980
02:08:26.470 --> 02:08:28.930
sound is physically leaving your face.
2981
02:08:31.289 --> 02:08:33.369
Aren't you the first person who knows?
2982
02:08:33.510 --> 02:08:34.649
Aren't you literally the first?
2983
02:08:34.710 --> 02:08:38.029
Why? Max Apata. Hey, you're in a band.
2984
02:08:38.390 --> 02:08:39.250
Sure. Sure.
2985
02:08:39.270 --> 02:08:39.449
Sure.
2986
02:08:40.750 --> 02:08:45.770
Why are people so insanely delusional that they don't know
2987
02:08:45.829 --> 02:08:46.770
that they can sing?
2988
02:08:47.850 --> 02:08:48.939
Like, I get it.
2989
02:08:49.090 --> 02:08:52.529
You're Yoko Ono. You just want to fucking annoy the world. Like,
2990
02:08:52.590 --> 02:08:55.130
I get you're some sort of annoying ambassador. Like, your
2991
02:08:55.170 --> 02:08:57.510
job is just to roam the earth annoying the fuck
2992
02:08:57.569 --> 02:08:58.109
out of everyone.
2993
02:08:58.149 --> 02:09:00.529
But there are people that just can't sing worth a
2994
02:09:00.630 --> 02:09:03.020
shit who actually think they can sing. I think it
2995
02:09:03.029 --> 02:09:04.020
just takes one person.
2996
02:09:04.060 --> 02:09:05.939
Like, if you sing in front of someone and they said, hey,
2997
02:09:05.960 --> 02:09:08.020
you have a pretty good voice, then it just clicks
2998
02:09:08.079 --> 02:09:08.460
right there.
2999
02:09:08.500 --> 02:09:09.020
Oh, my God.
3000
02:09:09.239 --> 02:09:09.979
I'm going to be a star.
3001
02:09:10.489 --> 02:09:12.409
Well, and you see that on American Idol. You see
3002
02:09:12.439 --> 02:09:13.680
that on all those shows, too.
3003
02:09:14.020 --> 02:09:15.600
It's always their lying parents.
3004
02:09:16.819 --> 02:09:21.640
I feel like Bernie Sanders is smart enough to know
3005
02:09:21.800 --> 02:09:24.560
that that was a goof or at least his own
3006
02:09:24.619 --> 02:09:27.449
weird version of it. And I think the guy who
3007
02:09:27.489 --> 02:09:30.250
produced it would do that. He'd find politicians and people
3008
02:09:30.289 --> 02:09:32.829
that were out of the industry, per se, and have
3009
02:09:32.850 --> 02:09:33.199
them do it.
3010
02:09:33.210 --> 02:09:34.210
I don't know. Do we have some?
3011
02:09:34.409 --> 02:09:36.960
Gary, do you happen to have– Why don't you find it?
3012
02:09:36.989 --> 02:09:38.340
I'll tell you what.
3013
02:09:38.529 --> 02:09:41.930
I'll look for– He made this while he was a politician?
3014
02:09:42.130 --> 02:09:45.630
Yeah, he was a mayor somewhere. All right, we'll try
3015
02:09:45.670 --> 02:09:48.149
to find that song. We'll do one more story.
3016
02:09:48.170 --> 02:09:48.569
What do you got?
3017
02:09:48.649 --> 02:09:51.810
Well, Michael Phelps stole the show at Thursday night's Arizona
3018
02:09:51.880 --> 02:09:54.739
State basketball game when he joined the student section for
3019
02:09:54.779 --> 02:09:58.420
its famous Curtain of Distraction, which I can't believe they're allowed.
3020
02:09:58.239 --> 02:09:58.619
To do, by the way.
3021
02:09:58.659 --> 02:10:00.020
Are you familiar with this album and what that is?
3022
02:10:00.100 --> 02:10:00.800
Do you know about this?
3023
02:10:01.340 --> 02:10:05.060
Instead of waving stuff and distracting.
3024
02:10:03.979 --> 02:10:06.199
The free-throw guy. Oh, I thought it had something to
3025
02:10:06.220 --> 02:10:07.680
do with vaginal rejuvenation.
3026
02:10:08.119 --> 02:10:09.840
Yes, and it's also this.
3027
02:10:10.439 --> 02:10:12.500
They open up a curtain and there'll be some sort
3028
02:10:12.539 --> 02:10:14.819
of absurd skit or crazy.
3029
02:10:14.539 --> 02:10:15.199
Person running around.
3030
02:10:15.220 --> 02:10:18.340
Well, this time it was Michael Phelps, the 18-time Olympic
3031
02:10:18.399 --> 02:10:19.239
gold medal swimmer.
3032
02:10:19.539 --> 02:10:20.600
He now lives in Tempe.
3033
02:10:20.619 --> 02:10:22.659
Hold on. I still say that's a fluke.
3034
02:10:23.659 --> 02:10:24.840
The 18-time gold medal swimmer?
3035
02:10:24.859 --> 02:10:26.060
I feel like I could have done that.
3036
02:10:26.079 --> 02:10:29.260
Yeah, you can accidentally win at least a baker's dozen.
3037
02:10:29.479 --> 02:10:29.640
Right.
3038
02:10:29.659 --> 02:10:30.159
Yeah.
3039
02:10:30.479 --> 02:10:32.760
I feel like at least.
3040
02:10:32.220 --> 02:10:35.319
14 or 15 of those were just kind of lucky golds.
3041
02:10:35.340 --> 02:10:36.619
I don't think he even knew he was a swimmer
3042
02:10:36.659 --> 02:10:37.979
for the first six or seven gold medals.
3043
02:10:38.000 --> 02:10:41.199
It's just stretching in the water. That's why we love sports.
3044
02:10:41.579 --> 02:10:44.000
He appeared behind the curtain of distraction as a visiting
3045
02:10:44.020 --> 02:10:47.180
player was at the foul line, wearing only a Speedo,
3046
02:10:47.300 --> 02:10:49.460
a swim cap, and all of his gold medals.
3047
02:10:49.800 --> 02:10:51.640
He came out, did a little dance. He was flanked
3048
02:10:51.659 --> 02:10:52.939
by two doughy.
3049
02:10:52.680 --> 02:10:56.100
Shirtless guys, a la Chris Farley in the bow tie.
3050
02:10:56.479 --> 02:10:57.010
Here's a clip.
3051
02:10:57.729 --> 02:10:59.279
Using Tempe as his home.
3052
02:10:59.710 --> 02:11:01.029
The curtain of distraction.
3053
02:11:01.050 --> 02:11:02.609
See, he lines up to the free throw, and they
3054
02:11:02.890 --> 02:11:08.189
open it up. Gary, I know there's your rivals, but
3055
02:11:08.210 --> 02:11:10.350
this is pretty great. This is good stuff. I will
3056
02:11:10.369 --> 02:11:12.149
absolutely admit that. This is very fun.
3057
02:11:12.229 --> 02:11:13.810
Missed the free throw. And it worked.
3058
02:11:14.229 --> 02:11:15.029
And one more.
3059
02:11:15.810 --> 02:11:18.640
It's crazy they're allowed to do this.
3060
02:11:18.800 --> 02:11:19.880
You know why this is great?
3061
02:11:19.899 --> 02:11:21.920
Because Michael was such a good swimmer, he didn't go
3062
02:11:21.939 --> 02:11:24.520
to college. So he's getting his college experience.
3063
02:11:25.579 --> 02:11:26.819
Out there again with a little speedo.
3064
02:11:29.699 --> 02:11:34.079
Let's see if he makes a second. It's so perfect.
3065
02:11:34.140 --> 02:11:36.539
It's perfect that he missed the most.
3066
02:11:36.659 --> 02:11:39.510
And if you're the guy at the stripe, you're a
3067
02:11:39.510 --> 02:11:43.149
little disappointed in the moment, but historically good that you
3068
02:11:43.170 --> 02:11:45.890
missed them both. It'll be something you'll look back on
3069
02:11:45.890 --> 02:11:47.350
20 years from now.
3070
02:11:47.430 --> 02:11:49.430
Otherwise, no one will have ever heard of you. Missing
3071
02:11:49.449 --> 02:11:50.829
them both. Perfect.
3072
02:11:51.010 --> 02:11:53.489
And by the way, an additional one to two point
3073
02:11:53.590 --> 02:11:55.409
advantage per home game with the curtains.
3074
02:11:56.560 --> 02:11:57.710
Can you believe they're allowed to do that?
3075
02:11:57.729 --> 02:12:00.229
The percentages on the road of opponents' free throws is
3076
02:12:00.369 --> 02:12:02.789
something like a 20-point differential. Like, it's significant.
3077
02:12:02.909 --> 02:12:05.989
Well, you know, what I don't get is, like, in golf,
3078
02:12:06.010 --> 02:12:07.930
you have to shut the fuck up. The guy's putting.
3079
02:12:07.970 --> 02:12:09.189
Right.
3080
02:12:09.229 --> 02:12:12.479
What's the difference between a 6-foot putt and a 13-foot
3081
02:12:12.520 --> 02:12:13.319
free throw?
3082
02:12:13.460 --> 02:12:15.060
I can't believe this is legal. I think it's funny,
3083
02:12:15.100 --> 02:12:16.739
but I'm totally shocked they get away with it.
3084
02:12:17.079 --> 02:12:18.659
Yeah, maybe it's 12-foot and 10-foot.
3085
02:12:18.680 --> 02:12:19.079
It's 10 feet.
3086
02:12:19.079 --> 02:12:19.439
10 feet.
3087
02:12:19.439 --> 02:12:20.300
10 feet up, 10 feet up.
3088
02:12:20.520 --> 02:12:22.000
Yeah, I was doing it metrically.
3089
02:12:22.140 --> 02:12:23.180
Okay, that makes sense.
3090
02:12:23.260 --> 02:12:23.779
Either way.
3091
02:12:24.810 --> 02:12:27.689
It should either be legal or not, but let's have
3092
02:12:27.770 --> 02:12:28.289
more of this.
3093
02:12:28.449 --> 02:12:29.270
Absolutely.
3094
02:12:29.670 --> 02:12:33.289
And then at some point... This is what the internet's for, people.
3095
02:12:33.850 --> 02:12:37.680
Somebody's going to... The good news about this is, I'll
3096
02:12:37.699 --> 02:12:41.079
tell you how it's going to go away. Somebody is
3097
02:12:41.119 --> 02:12:45.119
going to come out and they're going to be doing
3098
02:12:45.220 --> 02:12:49.310
their version of Obama... and they're going to have blackface
3099
02:12:49.390 --> 02:12:53.069
or something, and that's all going to go. Somebody's going
3100
02:12:53.090 --> 02:12:55.369
to do something that has to do with Caitlyn Jenner
3101
02:12:55.689 --> 02:12:56.770
or something like that.
3102
02:12:56.789 --> 02:13:00.529
The Kaylee Anthony curtain distractions could be awful.
3103
02:13:00.609 --> 02:13:04.270
It's all, it'll be one, it'll be just a, they're
3104
02:13:04.289 --> 02:13:05.109
going to ratchet it.
3105
02:13:05.210 --> 02:13:07.170
Up and ratchet it up and ratchet it up.
3106
02:13:07.409 --> 02:13:11.399
Whatever it is, we'll be having that conversation where somebody goes,
3107
02:13:12.619 --> 02:13:15.729
I can't believe, this was passed by 20 people and
3108
02:13:15.750 --> 02:13:18.409
they thought it was a good idea. Like, how come nobody,
3109
02:13:18.510 --> 02:13:20.229
or it'll be like, in this day and age, how
3110
02:13:20.250 --> 02:13:22.010
come no one said, there'll just be one.
3111
02:13:22.029 --> 02:13:22.689
It'll just keep it.
3112
02:13:23.090 --> 02:13:26.449
It'll ratchet up. They'll cross the line. It'll be something
3113
02:13:26.770 --> 02:13:31.800
racially driven or something. It'll be completely misconstrued, but either way,
3114
02:13:31.840 --> 02:13:32.739
that'll be the end of that. Yep.
3115
02:13:32.939 --> 02:13:33.119
Yep.
3116
02:13:33.380 --> 02:13:34.539
That's exactly how it's going to end.
3117
02:13:34.800 --> 02:13:35.060
Okay.
3118
02:13:35.659 --> 02:13:37.760
So I think we have a little taste of Bernie singing,
3119
02:13:37.800 --> 02:13:38.340
if you like.
3120
02:13:38.359 --> 02:13:41.260
All right. Come on, feel free.
3121
02:13:48.760 --> 02:13:50.359
He could at least have fish.
3122
02:13:50.539 --> 02:13:56.550
As I went walking that ribbon of highway, I saw
3123
02:13:56.630 --> 02:14:00.050
above me that endless skyway.
3124
02:14:01.369 --> 02:14:08.229
I saw below me that golden valley. This land was
3125
02:14:08.310 --> 02:14:13.689
made for you and me. This land is your land.
3126
02:14:14.189 --> 02:14:21.829
This land is my land. From California to New York Island.
3127
02:14:22.050 --> 02:14:26.029
From the Redwood Forest. He knows he can't sing. He's
3128
02:14:26.060 --> 02:14:29.939
just talking. There's more. Yeah, there's more.
3129
02:14:30.819 --> 02:14:32.960
He didn't look like he was in on the joke.
3130
02:14:33.840 --> 02:14:36.859
Oh, he's– first off, he's Jewish, so they invented comedy.
3131
02:14:37.060 --> 02:14:41.680
That's true. Number one. He's not dumb, and he's just talking.
3132
02:14:41.800 --> 02:14:44.199
I don't think– I think he knows. That's a goof.
3133
02:14:45.039 --> 02:14:49.180
Well, I don't think– if he had then done subsequent
3134
02:14:49.300 --> 02:14:51.920
albums or arranged a tour or something, then I would
3135
02:14:51.939 --> 02:14:53.800
think that's a guy thought he could sing.
3136
02:14:53.880 --> 02:14:57.810
Somebody roped him. It wasn't his idea. And he looks
3137
02:14:57.869 --> 02:15:01.020
like he's 53 to 60 at the time. So you
3138
02:15:01.060 --> 02:15:02.800
don't just go, oh, I can sing now.
3139
02:15:02.840 --> 02:15:03.420
Now's my time.
3140
02:15:03.899 --> 02:15:06.460
Yeah, I think somebody grabbed him and he just walked
3141
02:15:06.500 --> 02:15:08.520
his way through it. He doesn't strike me as a
3142
02:15:08.539 --> 02:15:10.479
guy who got a ton of pussy in high school.
3143
02:15:11.239 --> 02:15:12.100
No, I've never thought that.
3144
02:15:12.380 --> 02:15:14.579
Yeah, I wouldn't bet on that.
3145
02:15:15.180 --> 02:15:18.329
Do you think we could find guys that were in
3146
02:15:18.350 --> 02:15:23.350
their early 70s and go, that guy, fucking dick, never
3147
02:15:23.409 --> 02:15:24.170
saw sunlight.
3148
02:15:24.350 --> 02:15:26.270
And that guy never got laid.
3149
02:15:28.359 --> 02:15:29.399
I feel like Bernie.
3150
02:15:29.619 --> 02:15:30.539
I feel like Bill Clinton.
3151
02:15:30.560 --> 02:15:32.000
He's probably about 70 by now, isn't he?
3152
02:15:32.319 --> 02:15:32.859
Yeah.
3153
02:15:32.899 --> 02:15:33.979
Bill Clinton probably did pretty well.
3154
02:15:34.279 --> 02:15:34.439
Yeah.
3155
02:15:34.560 --> 02:15:35.880
He's a personality guy. You know what I mean? I'm
3156
02:15:35.899 --> 02:15:38.859
sure he was a very charming, good-looking guy. But Bernie,
3157
02:15:38.899 --> 02:15:40.619
I think you're right. He's a guy who probably was.
3158
02:15:40.619 --> 02:15:41.050
On the other end.
3159
02:15:41.060 --> 02:15:41.260
Oh, Bernie.
3160
02:15:41.279 --> 02:15:43.050
Who's got more influence than Clinton?
3161
02:15:43.159 --> 02:15:46.020
There's a yearbook picture of Bernie. I'm not feeling it.
3162
02:15:47.289 --> 02:15:48.970
No. And he probably had the same.
3163
02:15:48.989 --> 02:15:50.869
Oh, but he was captain of the track team.
3164
02:15:52.390 --> 02:15:52.930
That's not nothing.
3165
02:15:52.949 --> 02:15:55.560
I'll bet you it was a long distance. Yeah, cross-country also.
3166
02:15:55.569 --> 02:15:56.220
He had to run long distance.
3167
02:15:56.229 --> 02:15:59.279
Keep running, Bernie. Keep running. All right, let's bring it home.
3168
02:15:59.319 --> 02:15:59.789
You got it.
3169
02:15:59.939 --> 02:16:01.640
I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news.
3170
02:16:01.880 --> 02:16:03.939
Gina, Gina.
3171
02:16:03.979 --> 02:16:06.229
That was the news with Gina Grad.
3172
02:16:06.250 --> 02:16:10.050
So, until next time, Adam Kroll for Matt Besser, Gina Grad,
3173
02:16:10.090 --> 02:16:12.550
and Bald Brian saying mahalo.
3174
02:16:14.029 --> 02:16:17.140
I didn't have a dog, and I didn't need my cock.
3175
02:16:24.710 --> 02:16:27.569
All right, that's Adam Carolla's show, 1747. Coming up next,
3176
02:16:27.609 --> 02:16:30.449
we have Adam Carolla's show, 1980. This one's from January
3177
02:16:30.470 --> 02:16:33.389
of 2017, and we have another improv scene between Adam
3178
02:16:33.409 --> 02:16:37.069
and Bob Ryan. Brian was amazing at improv. He went
3179
02:16:37.110 --> 02:16:40.149
and actually got better at it. He was naturally gifted
3180
02:16:40.190 --> 02:16:42.610
from the start, but he actually went to classes and
3181
02:16:43.290 --> 02:16:46.409
honed up his skills and got really precise with his improv.
3182
02:16:46.799 --> 02:16:50.299
In addition to his interesting takes and talking on air and,
3183
02:16:50.500 --> 02:16:53.370
of course, his drop work, He became a really loyal
3184
02:16:53.690 --> 02:16:55.989
and key comedic partner for.
3185
02:16:55.969 --> 02:16:56.780
Adam to rely on.
3186
02:16:56.790 --> 02:16:59.729
This is Adam Perlow Showups of 1980 with Derek Rael,
3187
02:16:59.889 --> 02:17:04.549
Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop. January of 2017.
3188
02:17:06.850 --> 02:17:10.209
Good day, Gina Grad. Good day to you. And Bald Brian. Yeah, well,
3189
02:17:10.229 --> 02:17:15.209
there you go. Your favorite. How, let me say this.
3190
02:17:15.229 --> 02:17:19.510
I've been accused of, you know, being in a mood
3191
02:17:19.579 --> 02:17:20.139
a time or two.
3192
02:17:20.850 --> 02:17:21.350
By who?
3193
02:17:21.690 --> 02:17:22.069
Come on.
3194
02:17:22.090 --> 02:17:24.149
What monster? It happens.
3195
02:17:26.090 --> 02:17:30.549
But this guy, you tell me who this guy is,
3196
02:17:30.610 --> 02:17:34.370
and then you tell me what he could be like
3197
02:17:35.569 --> 02:17:41.170
in a situation that was more adverse. I was walking
3198
02:17:41.209 --> 02:17:46.129
Philly cheesesteak yesterday. I was doing what I always do,
3199
02:17:46.250 --> 02:17:49.030
which is I had my buck slip, I had my dog,
3200
02:17:49.290 --> 02:17:51.510
and I had my phone. And what I was going
3201
02:17:51.530 --> 02:17:56.020
to do is take this, you know, people say, uh, well, you,
3202
02:17:56.040 --> 02:17:58.559
you write a book, you're doing a documentary, doing TV show,
3203
02:17:58.579 --> 02:18:00.120
you do a podcast, how you do all that stuff.
3204
02:18:00.180 --> 02:18:01.479
I go, well, here's how you do it. You get
3205
02:18:01.500 --> 02:18:03.540
a buck slip. You make a whole big, long list
3206
02:18:03.579 --> 02:18:05.819
of stuff you need to do. And then you delegate
3207
02:18:06.420 --> 02:18:09.229
as you walk your dog. So, um, A lot of
3208
02:18:09.889 --> 02:18:15.100
me and the porcelain punisher on the phone walking Philly cheesesteak.
3209
02:18:15.659 --> 02:18:18.260
Window of negligence. At a certain point.
3210
02:18:19.139 --> 02:18:24.889
And there's certain things where I will just literally say
3211
02:18:24.920 --> 02:18:28.790
to him, I'll put out a word. I'll just go
3212
02:18:28.829 --> 02:18:30.229
like end table.
3213
02:18:30.430 --> 02:18:30.829
And he'll go.
3214
02:18:31.420 --> 02:18:32.799
What does that mean? What do you want to do?
3215
02:18:32.899 --> 02:18:34.860
And I'll go, just remind me. Just say it and
3216
02:18:34.899 --> 02:18:36.639
table when I see you later on today. And then
3217
02:18:36.659 --> 02:18:39.100
there's other stuff will be more specific. Call this guy.
3218
02:18:39.159 --> 02:18:39.799
Call that guy.
3219
02:18:40.680 --> 02:18:41.000
All right.
3220
02:18:41.500 --> 02:18:45.200
So I'm walking Philly down and you guys tell me
3221
02:18:45.219 --> 02:18:48.229
and everybody tell me because it's an interesting thing. And
3222
02:18:48.260 --> 02:18:50.360
tell me if it hasn't changed or how you roll.
3223
02:18:51.049 --> 02:18:54.629
I'm walking through my neighborhood. My neighborhood is not a windy,
3224
02:18:54.989 --> 02:18:59.030
hilly neighborhood, but it's a little bit hilly and it's
3225
02:18:59.069 --> 02:19:03.290
got a couple of turns to it. And when I
3226
02:19:03.350 --> 02:19:09.879
walk Philly cheesesteak, I alternate. Sometimes I'm walking the direction
3227
02:19:09.940 --> 02:19:13.940
traffic is going, but sometimes I'm walking toward traffic. And
3228
02:19:13.959 --> 02:19:17.459
the reason I walk toward traffic on these narrow-ish streets
3229
02:19:17.719 --> 02:19:21.479
oftentimes is because I realized, Everyone is texting now or
3230
02:19:21.520 --> 02:19:23.870
they're doing I don't know what. And it was always
3231
02:19:23.950 --> 02:19:25.610
a thing in the past where it's like, hey, the
3232
02:19:25.670 --> 02:19:27.030
safe direction is to go.
3233
02:19:27.049 --> 02:19:29.129
But I mean, it's always like that.
3234
02:19:29.610 --> 02:19:31.649
What you should do when you have a grizzly bear
3235
02:19:31.709 --> 02:19:35.049
behind you is turn your back. Just slowly turn and
3236
02:19:35.090 --> 02:19:37.899
don't look at it and then walk super slowly and
3237
02:19:37.920 --> 02:19:42.940
hope things work out like. Hey, there's a Denali. It's 6,700 pounds.
3238
02:19:43.440 --> 02:19:46.969
There's a wife who's on a little cocktail of meds
3239
02:19:47.569 --> 02:19:50.930
that Dr. Drew has prescribed for anxiety and sleep apnea
3240
02:19:51.250 --> 02:19:54.690
and seasonal allergies. And she's getting a text from her
3241
02:19:54.709 --> 02:19:57.930
daughter that's explaining she's dropping out of her lesbian college.
3242
02:19:58.450 --> 02:20:02.010
And we're all going the same direction, except for... Me
3243
02:20:02.049 --> 02:20:08.100
and Philly's combined weight is 355. I'm 200. And their
3244
02:20:08.159 --> 02:20:13.819
combined weight is 6,900 pounds, and we're moving 4 miles
3245
02:20:13.860 --> 02:20:15.700
an hour, and they're moving 41 miles an hour, and
3246
02:20:15.719 --> 02:20:17.280
I feel like this could not turn out.
3247
02:20:17.239 --> 02:20:17.780
Well for me.
3248
02:20:17.879 --> 02:20:18.620
You're at a disadvantage.
3249
02:20:19.000 --> 02:20:20.370
I'd rather be the guy with.
3250
02:20:20.309 --> 02:20:25.049
His head on a swivel seeing that person starting to
3251
02:20:25.170 --> 02:20:28.010
list over toward the curb and be able to hop
3252
02:20:28.129 --> 02:20:30.879
up on the curb or slip in behind the parked car.
3253
02:20:30.920 --> 02:20:32.680
And you can push Philly in front of the car
3254
02:20:33.059 --> 02:20:34.059
to absorb some of the impact.
3255
02:20:34.299 --> 02:20:38.840
This is basically those trash trucks that they filled with
3256
02:20:38.909 --> 02:20:40.930
sand that they used in Times Square.
3257
02:20:41.430 --> 02:20:45.569
For the big New Year's, Rockin' Eve. They blocked off
3258
02:20:45.610 --> 02:20:48.010
a lot of arteries by taking trash cans and filling
3259
02:20:48.030 --> 02:20:49.670
them so we didn't have something that went on in.
3260
02:20:49.709 --> 02:20:52.170
Europe over here. That's what Philly is.
3261
02:20:52.690 --> 02:20:55.129
He's the canine version of one of those trash trucks
3262
02:20:55.190 --> 02:20:56.639
filled with sand.
3263
02:20:57.110 --> 02:20:59.500
So he would protect you. And it's the way he
3264
02:20:59.520 --> 02:21:01.120
would have wanted it as well.
3265
02:21:01.479 --> 02:21:06.700
So I was walking down the street and I was
3266
02:21:06.760 --> 02:21:10.979
walking with the oncoming traffic coming toward me. And I
3267
02:21:11.040 --> 02:21:14.209
came to that patch where there's three or four cars
3268
02:21:14.270 --> 02:21:16.670
parked in this case, trucks, because they were like working
3269
02:21:16.770 --> 02:21:20.040
on a house. And I saw like an SUV coming
3270
02:21:20.159 --> 02:21:22.860
toward me and I did the move. where me and
3271
02:21:22.959 --> 02:21:26.500
Phil slid in between the two bumpers, the rear bumper
3272
02:21:26.520 --> 02:21:29.000
and the front bumper of the two trucks, and tell
3273
02:21:29.040 --> 02:21:32.979
the car, pass us by. But as the car passed
3274
02:21:33.079 --> 02:21:37.860
us by, the 50-year-old dude shook his fist and like,
3275
02:21:38.239 --> 02:21:42.649
other side, other side! It was like frantically waving other side.
3276
02:21:42.750 --> 02:21:45.649
And at first I was a little confused, like, what
3277
02:21:45.690 --> 02:21:46.229
did I do?
3278
02:21:46.370 --> 02:21:47.870
Or what's he talk? I don't know what he means.
3279
02:21:47.969 --> 02:21:50.530
And then the second thing I realized is, He wants
3280
02:21:50.590 --> 02:21:54.409
me walking with traffic on the other side of the road. Again,
3281
02:21:54.590 --> 02:21:58.030
like I said, with a lot of teens texting and
3282
02:21:58.170 --> 02:22:01.409
literally your margin of error is 31 inches.
3283
02:22:01.510 --> 02:22:01.709
Yeah.
3284
02:22:01.870 --> 02:22:05.190
When you're on one of those streets and the person's driving,
3285
02:22:05.209 --> 02:22:08.350
you know, the speed limit is 25 or 35.
3286
02:22:08.350 --> 02:22:09.569
The person's doing 41.
3287
02:22:09.569 --> 02:22:13.229
And again, if another car is coming by at the
3288
02:22:13.270 --> 02:22:15.909
same time or something, your margin error is about three
3289
02:22:15.989 --> 02:22:16.670
foot there.
3290
02:22:17.250 --> 02:22:19.190
And I don't like that margin of error.
3291
02:22:19.290 --> 02:22:19.409
No.
3292
02:22:20.030 --> 02:22:23.559
And what's it to him? Different states have different rules.
3293
02:22:24.040 --> 02:22:24.940
I don't know.
3294
02:22:25.079 --> 02:22:25.760
I don't know.
3295
02:22:25.879 --> 02:22:29.399
But what I see just in my house on a
3296
02:22:29.459 --> 02:22:32.819
daily basis is enough to make most men want to
3297
02:22:32.860 --> 02:22:33.520
kill themselves.
3298
02:22:34.120 --> 02:22:34.920
I can't imagine.
3299
02:22:35.100 --> 02:22:38.959
This guy was at this guy was at about 11
3300
02:22:38.959 --> 02:22:42.899
with me. I always do this one, too. And I
3301
02:22:43.479 --> 02:22:45.000
swear there's not enough of this made.
3302
02:22:45.469 --> 02:22:53.120
Context. Context. First off. Fifty two year old whitey walking
3303
02:22:53.219 --> 02:22:58.440
his purebred dog through the neighborhood. Not escaped mental patient
3304
02:22:58.579 --> 02:23:04.389
gangbanger rappelling in from from from a fucking Huey with
3305
02:23:04.430 --> 02:23:09.329
a machete stuffed in my underpants. This is I must
3306
02:23:09.370 --> 02:23:10.829
be someone who lives in the neighborhood.
3307
02:23:10.870 --> 02:23:11.290
Yes.
3308
02:23:11.629 --> 02:23:11.989
Unlikely.
3309
02:23:12.010 --> 02:23:12.629
You're up to no good.
3310
02:23:12.750 --> 02:23:12.870
Yeah.
3311
02:23:13.620 --> 02:23:17.790
I almost unless I started my trek in Canoga Park,
3312
02:23:18.590 --> 02:23:23.209
there's a very high likelihood that I live within. I
3313
02:23:23.989 --> 02:23:26.600
would say the over under is an eighth to a
3314
02:23:26.639 --> 02:23:28.840
quarter of a mile from where we stand right now.
3315
02:23:28.860 --> 02:23:29.440
A few blocks.
3316
02:23:29.780 --> 02:23:33.840
Yes. Walking a dog on a leash. In the middle
3317
02:23:33.860 --> 02:23:36.479
of the— on a Wednesday morning.
3318
02:23:36.500 --> 02:23:37.340
You don't have a bindle.
3319
02:23:37.639 --> 02:23:42.750
Right. I don't have the Hamburglar's mask or the bindle. Yes. So,
3320
02:23:42.909 --> 02:23:45.950
first off, let's do context. Like, I may be two
3321
02:23:45.989 --> 02:23:48.690
houses from you, or I may see you at the
3322
02:23:48.729 --> 02:23:52.090
Trader Joe's later on today. Like, number one. Number two—
3323
02:23:52.190 --> 02:23:55.850
I said paper! What is— what.
3324
02:23:56.600 --> 02:23:59.500
What threat does this pose to you and then also
3325
02:23:59.889 --> 02:24:00.549
whoever you are?
3326
02:24:00.600 --> 02:24:02.729
Maybe it's Ralph Nader or something. And he says he's
3327
02:24:02.790 --> 02:24:04.030
super stickler for safety.
3328
02:24:06.280 --> 02:24:09.639
If this is where you're at, simply driving down the street,
3329
02:24:10.399 --> 02:24:13.159
I believe on a Tuesday morning at 10 a.m. with
3330
02:24:13.200 --> 02:24:15.850
a guy who's walking his lovable Labrador.
3331
02:24:15.870 --> 02:24:17.090
Where do you go from there?
3332
02:24:17.129 --> 02:24:20.129
Where do we go when we find out your wife's
3333
02:24:20.209 --> 02:24:24.590
cheating or someone's an alcoholic or your son comes.
3334
02:24:24.510 --> 02:24:26.379
Out to you at Thanksgiving?
3335
02:24:26.459 --> 02:24:28.280
Or somebody actually does.
3336
02:24:28.299 --> 02:24:29.129
No, he said your son comes out.
3337
02:24:29.219 --> 02:24:29.420
Okay.
3338
02:24:30.760 --> 02:24:34.639
Something actually does happen to you? Where were we at then?
3339
02:24:34.700 --> 02:24:38.909
Because this was hands flailing in the air, frantic semi-four.
3340
02:24:39.229 --> 02:24:42.209
Get it over to the other side! With a horn honk.
3341
02:24:43.049 --> 02:24:43.870
That's insane.
3342
02:24:43.930 --> 02:24:46.250
What if he goes the other way? Hey, you really
3343
02:24:46.270 --> 02:24:49.010
did some damage to my car there, man. Kid's in
3344
02:24:49.030 --> 02:24:51.840
the hospital. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Hey, look, I understand
3345
02:24:51.879 --> 02:24:52.280
it was a mistake.
3346
02:24:52.340 --> 02:24:53.379
Oh, no, no, he shows up.
3347
02:24:53.399 --> 02:24:55.239
You're on your phone. It's probably important.
3348
02:24:55.520 --> 02:25:00.590
No, he's... Yeah, he's being cuckolded, duct taped to a
3349
02:25:00.629 --> 02:25:02.950
rocking chair while his wife takes in the keys to her.
3350
02:25:02.889 --> 02:25:05.370
And he's like going, all right, if we could get
3351
02:25:05.409 --> 02:25:07.090
this over before Jeopardy starts.
3352
02:25:07.270 --> 02:25:09.409
I'm giving it to your wife right now.
3353
02:25:10.270 --> 02:25:11.409
I understand that.
3354
02:25:11.670 --> 02:25:14.829
She's loving it like she's never loved loving in many years.
3355
02:25:14.969 --> 02:25:15.569
Maybe ever.
3356
02:25:15.770 --> 02:25:20.719
Julianne's a wonderful individual. We've had 26 years of fabulous marriage.
3357
02:25:20.739 --> 02:25:22.799
You call her Julianne, I call her that dirty bitch.
3358
02:25:22.940 --> 02:25:23.120
Yeah.
3359
02:25:24.629 --> 02:25:27.190
Well, again, that's language you would choose. I wouldn't.
3360
02:25:27.370 --> 02:25:29.610
It's crazy enough she chose it. She said, my old
3361
02:25:29.629 --> 02:25:30.790
man never talked to me that way.
3362
02:25:31.270 --> 02:25:35.850
You know, not to get back to Jeopardy again, but
3363
02:25:36.670 --> 02:25:40.930
it does start in 20, now 26 minutes.
3364
02:25:41.069 --> 02:25:41.510
Oh, yeah.
3365
02:25:41.790 --> 02:25:42.049
Yeah.
3366
02:25:42.290 --> 02:25:44.739
Ironically, the number of years Julianne and I have been married.
3367
02:25:45.479 --> 02:25:47.399
If you could just go ahead and drop a load
3368
02:25:47.420 --> 02:25:48.020
in her hair.
3369
02:25:48.120 --> 02:25:49.940
I'll be done soon. We'll be on session number two
3370
02:25:49.979 --> 02:25:50.479
by then.
3371
02:25:51.280 --> 02:25:54.600
Oh, that's right. You fellas can go multi rounds. Can't you?
3372
02:25:55.500 --> 02:25:59.780
I call it warming up. Oh, okay. Geez. I wonder
3373
02:25:59.819 --> 02:26:01.399
if I could, you know, I wonder if I could
3374
02:26:01.420 --> 02:26:05.020
bring the TV set in here. Uh, would you mind?
3375
02:26:05.200 --> 02:26:05.979
Hold on a second.
3376
02:26:06.520 --> 02:26:07.159
I suppose you could.
3377
02:26:07.639 --> 02:26:10.440
You wouldn't mind if I watched a little jeopardy while
3378
02:26:10.469 --> 02:26:12.790
your balls deep and my wife at 26 years, would
3379
02:26:12.809 --> 02:26:13.629
that be all right, sir?
3380
02:26:14.280 --> 02:26:16.059
Uh, I guess if I kept the volume down?
3381
02:26:16.340 --> 02:26:18.899
Oh, well, hold on. I don't know why this reminded
3382
02:26:18.920 --> 02:26:23.430
me of it, but... Don't pull out or anything yet.
3383
02:26:23.729 --> 02:26:24.659
No, but will not do. I.
3384
02:26:27.420 --> 02:26:33.120
I'm driving my Cherokee down Berkshire today, right? Yeah. The
3385
02:26:33.139 --> 02:26:35.379
street runs parallel on the back side here.
3386
02:26:35.399 --> 02:26:37.379
It's the Cherokee sport of the Cherokee standard.
3387
02:26:37.399 --> 02:26:38.649
It doesn't matter.
3388
02:26:38.909 --> 02:26:42.149
I see some guy wearing mismatched sweatpants and a top,
3389
02:26:42.889 --> 02:26:44.209
walking a huge dog.
3390
02:26:44.590 --> 02:26:47.649
He gets what side of the street he's on. Does
3391
02:26:47.670 --> 02:26:49.559
it matter? Don't pull out on the way. I'm still going.
3392
02:26:49.579 --> 02:26:53.659
I'm still going. Subtle movements. I'm throbbing my... He's walking.
3393
02:26:54.000 --> 02:26:57.129
He's coming at me. He's not going the direction of
3394
02:26:57.170 --> 02:26:59.969
the traffic that everyone else would go. He's coming at
3395
02:27:00.069 --> 02:27:02.069
me with his dog.
3396
02:27:02.090 --> 02:27:03.190
He's on the wrong side of the street.
3397
02:27:03.430 --> 02:27:05.700
Yeah, you should. She's starting to chafe. You should roll
3398
02:27:05.739 --> 02:27:06.079
her into.
3399
02:27:06.299 --> 02:27:08.600
No, she's good. She likes it. You're kind of losing
3400
02:27:08.639 --> 02:27:09.299
your rhythm.
3401
02:27:09.360 --> 02:27:10.040
If you could get back.
3402
02:27:10.059 --> 02:27:10.940
Now we're going to listen.
3403
02:27:11.139 --> 02:27:12.139
Shut up, dirty bitch.
3404
02:27:12.159 --> 02:27:12.680
I'm sorry.
3405
02:27:13.120 --> 02:27:16.569
I've never done any of these positions. I couldn't. Anyway,
3406
02:27:16.889 --> 02:27:21.129
I'm sorry. This guy's walking at me with his dog
3407
02:27:21.350 --> 02:27:23.450
while he's talking on his phone.
3408
02:27:23.790 --> 02:27:26.629
He was in the middle of the street or he's off.
3409
02:27:26.510 --> 02:27:27.270
To the side.
3410
02:27:27.309 --> 02:27:29.559
Well, he pulled in between two truck drivers, but he's
3411
02:27:29.610 --> 02:27:31.040
standing there going.
3412
02:27:30.840 --> 02:27:31.760
The wrong direction.
3413
02:27:31.799 --> 02:27:34.340
There was almost no chance you could get him. That's
3414
02:27:34.399 --> 02:27:35.280
where we got upset about that.
3415
02:27:35.299 --> 02:27:37.020
All right.
3416
02:27:37.079 --> 02:27:40.780
Could you please tell my one watch Jeopardy and say, yeah,
3417
02:27:40.909 --> 02:27:44.329
I don't know what this guy does do or will
3418
02:27:44.409 --> 02:27:48.639
do or can do. I don't know, but obviously I
3419
02:27:48.680 --> 02:27:50.620
didn't catch him on a good day for the rules.
3420
02:27:51.159 --> 02:27:53.840
I didn't catch him on a day, but give me
3421
02:27:53.860 --> 02:27:55.819
a worst case scenario. I get run over.
3422
02:27:55.840 --> 02:27:58.559
You know what I mean? This is not me.
3423
02:27:58.760 --> 02:28:02.020
Dented fender. Blood spot on it.
3424
02:28:02.299 --> 02:28:06.069
Yeah. You, you getting a high Kelly blue book for
3425
02:28:06.690 --> 02:28:09.610
a Cherokee with 250,000 miles on it. That's a worst
3426
02:28:09.649 --> 02:28:10.209
case scenario.
3427
02:28:10.870 --> 02:28:11.270
All right.
3428
02:28:12.170 --> 02:28:17.340
Let's see. Speaking of black voices. I don't know why,
3429
02:28:18.200 --> 02:28:21.750
but this is something that jumped into my head.
3430
02:28:21.860 --> 02:28:22.870
Were we speaking to black voices?
3431
02:28:23.930 --> 02:28:27.489
Well, I did. Keep going.
3432
02:28:28.229 --> 02:28:32.629
And Gary, you tell me. But the starting defense of
3433
02:28:32.690 --> 02:28:38.940
the Pittsburgh Steelers is 11 blackfellas. Once in a while,
3434
02:28:38.989 --> 02:28:43.030
you get that scrappy, hard-hitting, little undersized free safety.
3435
02:28:43.209 --> 02:28:44.750
Middle linebacker, Luke Keekly type.
3436
02:28:44.770 --> 02:28:47.370
Yeah. This is not... Or the run stopper. Big fat
3437
02:28:47.409 --> 02:28:49.670
nose tackle. Nose tackle. This is not that.
3438
02:28:49.889 --> 02:28:52.209
I do believe, as they ran through it, you know,
3439
02:28:52.270 --> 02:28:53.629
they're high from the University of.
3440
02:28:53.629 --> 02:28:54.090
It's the best.
3441
02:28:54.819 --> 02:28:58.739
It is the best, especially when they give their high school.
3442
02:28:58.959 --> 02:29:05.739
They are all African-American defensive squad. Okay. Can I tell you,
3443
02:29:05.860 --> 02:29:10.180
for the blackest... And in the NFL. And I don't
3444
02:29:10.219 --> 02:29:15.719
know what percentage of defenses are all black. Like I said,
3445
02:29:15.739 --> 02:29:17.860
there's usually Luke Kuechly that gets run in there.
3446
02:29:17.889 --> 02:29:18.989
Oftentimes a middle linebacker.
3447
02:29:19.069 --> 02:29:22.690
All right, right. I would say it's less than 20%.
3448
02:29:22.690 --> 02:29:27.030
Not one blue-eyed devil in there.
3449
02:29:27.090 --> 02:29:28.590
But all black.
3450
02:29:29.590 --> 02:29:33.760
And in a time with some of the craziest black
3451
02:29:33.819 --> 02:29:38.000
names on the planet, the Bricashaws and the The Damians
3452
02:29:38.079 --> 02:29:39.139
and all that kind of stuff.
3453
02:29:39.420 --> 02:29:41.850
Leave it at Jester Halls. Leave it at Jester Halls.
3454
02:29:42.670 --> 02:29:47.149
I will give you... I will give you... There are
3455
02:29:47.170 --> 02:29:47.610
two names.
3456
02:29:48.229 --> 02:29:51.010
I did not bat a thousand here, but there's 11
3457
02:29:51.010 --> 02:29:54.670
guys on it. There is a Javon and there is
3458
02:29:54.729 --> 02:29:56.510
a Jarvis, which is sort of.
3459
02:29:56.969 --> 02:29:59.819
Old school white guy in a weird way. But.
3460
02:30:00.250 --> 02:30:01.840
That's Iron Man's suit.
3461
02:30:02.479 --> 02:30:13.989
Sean, Mike, Artie, Bud... Ryan, Stefan, Lawrence, and Ricardo. Wow.
3462
02:30:14.010 --> 02:30:17.129
I mean, are these the un-blackest? There's a Bud and
3463
02:30:17.170 --> 02:30:21.129
an Artie and a Ross? There's a black guy named Ross?
3464
02:30:21.450 --> 02:30:22.090
We found him.
3465
02:30:22.809 --> 02:30:25.319
It sounds like you're doing the Mickey Mouse Club roll call.
3466
02:30:26.200 --> 02:30:34.340
It really does. Sean, Mike, Artie, Ross, Bud, Ryan, Lawrence, Jarvis, Ricardo, Javon,
3467
02:30:34.459 --> 02:30:35.200
and Stefan.
3468
02:30:35.500 --> 02:30:35.649
Wow.
3469
02:30:36.739 --> 02:30:38.520
I don't think anything gets much... I'm going Jarvis as an.
3470
02:30:38.500 --> 02:30:40.280
Old white guy. I'm going Jarvis as an old white
3471
02:30:40.299 --> 02:30:40.680
guy's name.
3472
02:30:40.760 --> 02:30:44.280
Yeah, it could be the politician from the South or whatever.
3473
02:30:45.270 --> 02:30:47.489
But it's also a black name. But still, out of
3474
02:30:47.489 --> 02:30:51.030
11 brothers, the idea that you even have an Artie,
3475
02:30:51.149 --> 02:30:54.469
a Ross, and a Bud on the same squad.
3476
02:30:54.489 --> 02:30:57.370
Sounds like the 1950s. The second string is not much different.
3477
02:30:57.930 --> 02:30:59.889
Oh, the second string? There is a white guy on there,
3478
02:30:59.930 --> 02:31:02.629
but as far as the black guys with names you
3479
02:31:02.649 --> 02:31:04.110
might not think, Daniel, Arthur.
3480
02:31:05.010 --> 02:31:06.739
Vince, William, and Robert.
3481
02:31:07.340 --> 02:31:07.600
What?
3482
02:31:08.219 --> 02:31:09.280
Sounds like the crew team.
3483
02:31:09.620 --> 02:31:12.110
Everybody else has a Pac-Man.
3484
02:31:12.729 --> 02:31:13.590
A Pac-Man.
3485
02:31:15.399 --> 02:31:17.139
Ha-ha. And a centipede.
3486
02:31:17.180 --> 02:31:17.520
Ha-ha.
3487
02:31:17.879 --> 02:31:20.200
And he hate me. They have the.
3488
02:31:20.200 --> 02:31:24.709
Greatest names in the world, especially the DBs. Yeah, there's
3489
02:31:24.729 --> 02:31:27.430
some great defensive back names.
3490
02:31:27.629 --> 02:31:28.790
I feel let down by this.
3491
02:31:28.809 --> 02:31:34.559
Bud and Ross. Artie. Disappointing. Jesus Christ. All black, right?
3492
02:31:36.690 --> 02:31:37.049
All right.
3493
02:31:37.069 --> 02:31:38.829
This is why it takes me a long time to
3494
02:31:38.870 --> 02:31:41.879
get through a football game. A lot of pausing. A
3495
02:31:41.899 --> 02:31:44.739
lot of pausing and going through all these crazy names.
3496
02:31:49.239 --> 02:31:50.639
All right. That was Adam Carolla Show 1980.
3497
02:31:50.620 --> 02:31:53.299
Coming up for our final clip today is Adam Carolla
3498
02:31:53.319 --> 02:31:57.489
Show 2122 featuring Brett Rand Paul, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop.
3499
02:31:57.729 --> 02:32:01.610
No Brett in this portion. From July of 2017.
3500
02:32:05.079 --> 02:32:08.200
Adam Carolla. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on.
3501
02:32:08.219 --> 02:32:10.059
No turns, but I'm going to mandate get it on.
3502
02:32:10.100 --> 02:32:13.500
Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling a friend. We
3503
02:32:13.520 --> 02:32:16.940
love that about you. Good day, Gina Graham. Good day
3504
02:32:17.000 --> 02:32:23.479
to you. Handball run. Don't hunt gay men. Simple, short
3505
02:32:23.620 --> 02:32:27.129
and simple. It's like a long list of things I
3506
02:32:27.149 --> 02:32:29.510
could come up with, which as a nation, if you
3507
02:32:29.549 --> 02:32:33.149
have to deny... Like if you have to deny ethnic cleansing.
3508
02:32:33.409 --> 02:32:35.209
They're very existent.
3509
02:32:35.270 --> 02:32:37.819
Is this your international Foxworthy bit? If you have to
3510
02:32:37.850 --> 02:32:38.510
deny genocide.
3511
02:32:38.530 --> 02:32:40.299
You might be a war criminal.
3512
02:32:40.319 --> 02:32:44.340
You might be. I've always said like. Guilty of war crimes.
3513
02:32:44.399 --> 02:32:49.100
Because Mark Garagas is Armenian.
3514
02:32:49.459 --> 02:32:49.700
What?
3515
02:32:50.459 --> 02:32:54.120
Armenians, they want the Turks to admit the genocide. The
3516
02:32:54.139 --> 02:32:54.979
Turks won't give an inch.
3517
02:32:55.670 --> 02:32:57.469
Just say you're sorry.
3518
02:32:57.530 --> 02:33:01.870
I've always said denying a genocide is like denying you're
3519
02:33:01.930 --> 02:33:03.950
snoring when the person next to you wakes you up
3520
02:33:03.989 --> 02:33:05.530
in the middle of the night and goes, you were snoring.
3521
02:33:06.270 --> 02:33:08.909
You were snoring. I've dealt with a lot of human
3522
02:33:08.930 --> 02:33:11.420
beings in my life where they just go, I don't snore.
3523
02:33:11.430 --> 02:33:15.479
It's like... You may not be a snorer, but you're
3524
02:33:15.500 --> 02:33:16.579
snoring now.
3525
02:33:17.440 --> 02:33:19.399
You'd literally be the last person who would know, so
3526
02:33:19.420 --> 02:33:19.840
why are you waiting?
3527
02:33:19.959 --> 02:33:23.600
Also, wouldn't it make me an insane person? I don't
3528
02:33:23.620 --> 02:33:26.309
think people do enough of this. Wouldn't I be not
3529
02:33:26.389 --> 02:33:29.670
only insane, but one of the worst people you know
3530
02:33:30.209 --> 02:33:35.770
if my M.O. was while you silently and blissfully sleep
3531
02:33:35.829 --> 02:33:41.909
in slumber in peace? At 4.37 in the a.m., I
3532
02:33:42.010 --> 02:33:44.729
shake you violently and tell you to stop doing something
3533
02:33:44.750 --> 02:33:45.850
that you're not doing.
3534
02:33:45.870 --> 02:33:48.340
That would be the worst.
3535
02:33:48.360 --> 02:33:50.159
Can we reverse engineer this?
3536
02:33:50.540 --> 02:33:53.159
When you say to me, I don't snore and I
3537
02:33:53.200 --> 02:33:55.760
wasn't snoring, what does that make me?
3538
02:33:56.239 --> 02:33:59.469
That makes me super bored in the wee hours of
3539
02:33:59.489 --> 02:33:59.920
the night?
3540
02:33:59.940 --> 02:34:00.950
It makes you a sadist.
3541
02:34:01.950 --> 02:34:05.690
It makes me a sadist, but it also makes me insane. Correct.
3542
02:34:06.670 --> 02:34:09.930
I kind of say the same thing about genocide, which
3543
02:34:10.030 --> 02:34:13.729
is if a whole nation accuses your nation of genocide
3544
02:34:14.329 --> 02:34:17.090
and you have nothing to do with it, that's a
3545
02:34:17.149 --> 02:34:19.569
pretty insane assertion, right?
3546
02:34:19.809 --> 02:34:22.090
Hey, bro. We've been friends for a long time, right?
3547
02:34:22.250 --> 02:34:22.649
Yep.
3548
02:34:23.129 --> 02:34:26.069
Years, I would say. And this roommate thing's working out.
3549
02:34:26.079 --> 02:34:27.780
When I asked you to move in six months ago
3550
02:34:27.899 --> 02:34:30.100
and you said, all right, I was nervous, of course.
3551
02:34:30.120 --> 02:34:32.940
You have friendships and all that stuff. But last night,
3552
02:34:33.579 --> 02:34:35.719
middle of the night, you committed genocide.
3553
02:34:36.879 --> 02:34:38.020
I don't genocide, dude.
3554
02:34:38.659 --> 02:34:41.059
Well, it would be weird of me to make that up.
3555
02:34:41.620 --> 02:34:44.600
But I'm telling you, as your friend, I don't think
3556
02:34:44.620 --> 02:34:46.180
anyone's going to tell you this. You probably know this
3557
02:34:46.239 --> 02:34:48.719
before in your life. You committed genocide last night.
3558
02:34:49.299 --> 02:34:52.680
I may have killed an extreme number of a certain people,
3559
02:34:52.739 --> 02:34:55.149
but I don't think that falls under the heading of genocide.
3560
02:34:55.229 --> 02:34:57.909
Well, we're surrounded by bodies, and they're all of the
3561
02:34:57.950 --> 02:35:01.909
same race, and you definitely seem single-minded in purpose.
3562
02:35:02.370 --> 02:35:04.790
Yeah, I may confuse these metaphors, but next time just
3563
02:35:04.829 --> 02:35:06.850
turn on the ceiling fan and mellow out.
3564
02:35:07.129 --> 02:35:08.010
I've got to drown it out?
3565
02:35:08.270 --> 02:35:09.870
Yeah, drown out the genocide.
3566
02:35:09.950 --> 02:35:10.510
I'll try that.
3567
02:35:10.729 --> 02:35:15.920
With a slow white noise. The noise of the ceiling fan.
3568
02:35:15.950 --> 02:35:16.670
I'm not judging.
3569
02:35:17.059 --> 02:35:21.719
I'm just saying if somebody is accusing you of ethnic cleansing, genocide,
3570
02:35:21.959 --> 02:35:25.639
snoring or cleansing your lands of gays.
3571
02:35:27.139 --> 02:35:29.059
First off, what I would call a tell is you
3572
02:35:29.100 --> 02:35:31.940
saying there is no gay here like that. Oh, OK.
3573
02:35:31.979 --> 02:35:37.069
Maybe there is. No, I do not do that. Right.
3574
02:35:37.629 --> 02:35:38.469
One road you can go down.
3575
02:35:38.569 --> 02:35:41.750
Yeah. The proper answer is not that there is no
3576
02:35:41.809 --> 02:35:46.809
gays or that all of it not allow gays or
3577
02:35:46.829 --> 02:35:48.329
that the gay should move to Canada.
3578
02:35:48.750 --> 02:35:52.469
The proper answer for. Well, let's just go to Trudeau
3579
02:35:52.530 --> 02:35:58.850
in Canada. I hear you've been rounding up, persecuting, torturing
3580
02:35:58.930 --> 02:36:00.389
and driving off gay people.
3581
02:36:01.569 --> 02:36:03.959
What? That's what he's talking about.
3582
02:36:03.979 --> 02:36:05.139
Where would you have heard something like that?
3583
02:36:05.159 --> 02:36:06.840
I don't even know what that means. That's the answer.
3584
02:36:06.899 --> 02:36:07.860
Not that we have no gay.
3585
02:36:07.940 --> 02:36:09.239
Frankly, I'm afraid he would bring it up.
3586
02:36:09.340 --> 02:36:10.239
If nobody's gay.
3587
02:36:10.280 --> 02:36:10.879
When they asked R.
3588
02:36:10.909 --> 02:36:13.569
Kelly if he's interested in teenage girls, instead of saying, what?
3589
02:36:13.629 --> 02:36:13.770
No.
3590
02:36:13.790 --> 02:36:16.190
He goes, well, how old is teenage?
3591
02:36:16.510 --> 02:36:16.950
Right.
3592
02:36:16.969 --> 02:36:19.229
Teenage covers six, seven years. White swath.
3593
02:36:20.069 --> 02:36:20.510
Yeah.
3594
02:36:20.649 --> 02:36:21.569
She could be 19.
3595
02:36:21.549 --> 02:36:24.750
Yeah. In many cultures, by the way, whenever there's in
3596
02:36:24.799 --> 02:36:28.860
many cultures, that's like when the scientists go, when they
3597
02:36:28.879 --> 02:36:34.459
do that experiment. Well, now, there's a bear that's indigenous
3598
02:36:34.479 --> 02:36:38.200
to the Galapagos Islands who likes to spit on their
3599
02:36:38.219 --> 02:36:40.600
partner when they have sex. So don't tell me it
3600
02:36:40.659 --> 02:36:43.549
doesn't exist. It's in nature. Yeah, okay. Thank you.
3601
02:36:47.889 --> 02:36:48.729
Rest in peace, Brian.
3602
02:36:49.229 --> 02:36:52.409
I'll archive your work forever. I'll never stop thinking about you.
3603
02:36:52.889 --> 02:36:55.079
We all love you. Mahalo, and get it on.
3604
02:37:16.799 --> 02:37:20.170
Hello, and welcome to PlutoFo. If you know the name
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02:37:20.250 --> 02:37:22.389
of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it
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are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman, The Legend of
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Welcome to the real world.
3612
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Shut up.
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Titanic.
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I'm the king of the world.
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And so much more. For showtimes, press nothing. They're free 24-7.
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That is so fetch. On Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never.
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Hello, and welcome to PlutoFo. If you know the name
3630
02:38:48.069 --> 02:38:50.229
of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it
3631
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for free on Pluto TV, where all your blockbuster favorites
3632
02:38:53.290 --> 02:38:56.450
are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman, The Legend of
3633
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Ron Burgundy.
3634
02:38:57.290 --> 02:38:58.190
Fantastic.
3635
02:38:58.469 --> 02:38:59.610
The Matrix Trilogy.
3636
02:38:59.649 --> 02:39:01.059
Welcome to the real world.
3637
02:39:01.360 --> 02:39:02.100
Mean Girls.
3638
02:39:02.280 --> 02:39:02.920
Shut up.
3639
02:39:03.040 --> 02:39:03.680
Titanic.
3640
02:39:03.819 --> 02:39:04.979
I'm the king of the world.
3641
02:39:05.340 --> 02:39:09.270
And so much more. For showtimes, press nothing. They're free 24-7.
3642
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That is so fetch. On Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never.