98: What Change Does Not Look Like & How to Test Them

How do you know when an abuser’s “change” is actually just another form of control?

In this episode, I break down the clear signs that an abusive person is not truly changing, including real text messaging examples and behaviors you may see after leaving.

I also talk about how you can respond in a way that gives you greater clarity and helps you recognize a stream of clues that the change is performative or temporary. We’ll talk about using boundary setting as a tool for yourself (not because you expect a coercive controller to respect your boundary indefinitely), but because a boundary can create a marker for YOU to refer back to.

Their response to that boundary can give you a stream of new evidence to help you remain focused while you are away from them.

If you’re struggling to determine whether someone is truly changing or simply changing tactics, this episode is for you.

Aimee Says AI Tool: https://www.aimeesays.com/en/plan/select - use code GRACE for a discount.

Abusive Men Describe the Benefits of Violence Article: https://www.bwss.org/abusive-men-describe-the-benefits-of-violence/

Quotes used from the book "Why Does He Do That"

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