00:00:00When Progress Is Hard To See
00:01:22A Parenting Moment That Reveals Change
00:06:30From Dread To One Present Breath
00:09:04Expanded Capacity In Life And Love
00:11:02One Step Invitation And Farewell
このエピソードについて
What if one of the clearest signs that you're healing isn't a huge breakthrough, but realizing that something that used to feel hard... just doesn't feel as hard anymore?
Growth doesn't always make itself known with a big announcement.
There aren't always fireworks or one life-changing moment when everything suddenly shifts. Sometimes meaningful change happens so gradually that we don't recognize it while it's happening.
Until one day, we do.
In this deeply personal episode, Trish explores the concept of Expanded Capacity™ and what it can look like when years of growth begin changing our everyday experience in ways we may not immediately notice.
Through reflections on her own life, parenting, neurodivergence, and decades of personal growth, Trish considers why healing can be so difficult to recognize from the inside. When we're still aware of everything that feels hard, it's easy to overlook the things that have quietly become easier.
This episode isn't about reaching a place where life is always easy or where our nervous system is perfectly regulated.
It's about noticing when more becomes available.
Through personal storytelling, practical neuroscience, and the lens of The Road to Reconnection™, Trish explores how greater safety, self-understanding, and nervous system regulation can gradually expand our capacity, changing not only how we experience ourselves, but how we're able to participate in our lives and relationships.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why meaningful growth doesn't always arrive through a giant breakthrough.
- How gradual changes can be easy to miss while they're happening.
- What Expanded Capacity™ can look and feel like in everyday life.
- How overwhelm, executive functioning, neurodivergence, and nervous system capacity can influence what feels genuinely available to us.
- Why expanded capacity isn't about becoming more productive or perfectly regulated.
- How repeated experiences of greater safety and self-understanding can gradually change what becomes available to us.
- Why our own expanded capacity can influence how we're able to show up for the people we love.
- How looking at what isn't as hard as it used to be can help us recognize growth we might otherwise overlook.
When we're in the middle of growth, it's easy to focus on how far we still have to go.
But sometimes there's value in looking back.
What feels different than it once did?
What takes a little less effort?
Where do you have a little more room than you used to?
The answers may reveal changes you didn't even realize were happening.
Because growth isn't always about finally arriving somewhere new.
Sometimes it's recognizing that you're already living differently than you used to.
If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!
For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.
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WEBVTT
00:00:00.800 --> 00:00:03.839
Hello and welcome to the When Depression is in Your Bed podcast.
00:00:04.000 --> 00:00:10.320
One of the things I've been thinking about lately is how we actually know when healing is working and growth is happening.
00:00:10.560 --> 00:00:12.880
Because progress doesn't always announce itself.
00:00:13.039 --> 00:00:15.839
There isn't always a giant breakthrough or fireworks.
00:00:16.000 --> 00:00:24.559
And even when we do have one of those big, exciting breakthrough moments, it doesn't necessarily mean that lasting change has or will immediately happen.
00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:28.800
Sometimes a breakthrough just gives us a glimpse of what's possible.
00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:40.240
But the deeper change we're looking for often happens much more gradually as new experiences of growth become something that we can access over and over again in our everyday lives.
00:00:40.479 --> 00:00:47.200
Sometimes we work on ourselves for months and months or even years and years and wonder if anything is really changing at all.
00:00:47.359 --> 00:00:49.439
And then something very ordinary happens.
00:00:49.679 --> 00:00:56.159
We wake up one morning and we face something that used to overwhelm us, and we notice, wait, something feels different.
00:00:56.320 --> 00:01:00.159
That thing that used to be a thing just doesn't feel like a thing anymore.
00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:08.400
I've been reflecting on one of those very moments in my own life, and it helped me recognize just how much my capacity has expanded over time.
00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:10.400
I'm your host, Trish Sanders.
00:01:10.480 --> 00:01:18.000
I'm a licensed clinical social worker, a certified Imago relationship therapist, relationship coach, and creator of The Road to Reconnection.
00:01:18.079 --> 00:01:20.000
And I am delighted that you are here.
00:01:20.159 --> 00:01:21.519
Let's get started.
00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:26.480
My realization about my expanded capacity started in a conversation with my son.
00:01:26.640 --> 00:01:35.359
It's summer, he's 14, he has a few things to do during the week, but he has a lot of free time, and not surprisingly, a lot of that free time easily becomes screen time.
00:01:35.439 --> 00:01:40.480
So we've been continuing to have conversations about what he can do with some of those hours outside of screen time.
00:01:40.719 --> 00:01:45.680
Reading, getting outside, moving his body, seeing friends, doing chores, things like that.
00:01:45.840 --> 00:01:49.840
A very typical parent teen conversation about how to spend your time during the summer.
00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:55.280
And I've also been actively trying to help support him in understanding his own neurodivergent brain.
00:01:55.439 --> 00:02:00.000
I'm trying to support him in noticing what actually feels available to him.
00:02:00.239 --> 00:02:02.879
What capacity does he have in any given moment?
00:02:03.040 --> 00:02:08.000
Like, does he have enough capacity to practice his bass, but not quite enough capacity to empty the dishwasher?
00:02:08.080 --> 00:02:13.439
And I want to help him learn how to make things that feel overwhelming become more manageable.
00:02:13.599 --> 00:02:22.800
And as I was talking, I shared with him a story from when I was a little girl trying to clean my room, which at the time, and even still sometimes now, feels like an overwhelming task.
00:02:22.960 --> 00:02:30.560
And my aunt used to sit on the bed and tell me one thing to do at a time: pick up that toy, now put those clothes away, where do those books go?
00:02:30.719 --> 00:02:36.639
And she never did it for me, but she helped me break down the task so I felt like I was able to complete it.
00:02:36.800 --> 00:02:43.680
She was helping me access my capacity by making the next step small enough so that I felt capable of taking it.
00:02:43.840 --> 00:02:53.199
And as I was telling my son this story, I started to reflect, as I often do, and really noticed how overwhelmed I used to feel for so much of my life.
00:02:53.360 --> 00:02:59.919
I started thinking about how I used to wake up almost every morning for decades before I would even open my eyes.
00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:03.520
On most days, I would have a subtle sense of dread.
00:03:03.680 --> 00:03:08.080
It wasn't this huge, suffocating thing that I was worried that something terrible was going to happen.
00:03:08.240 --> 00:03:10.000
It was more like, here we go.
00:03:10.159 --> 00:03:18.159
I have a lot to do, I have to get moving, I need to start my day, and I have to gather my energy to feel like I can just get out of bed.
00:03:18.319 --> 00:03:24.479
And I want to be very clear, this did not just happen during times that could be described as a depressive episode.
00:03:24.639 --> 00:03:26.960
This is just how I woke up most days of my life.
00:03:27.120 --> 00:03:38.400
Even when I had a job as a therapist that I loved and I enjoyed seeing my clients, even when I had a day planned with fun activities with my son, and even during times in my relationship with Ben when things were going really well.
00:03:38.639 --> 00:03:44.960
Despite all the wonderful things happening in my life, my day so often started with a feeling of heaviness.
00:03:45.120 --> 00:03:48.639
Just thinking about everything that I had to do felt overwhelming.
00:03:48.800 --> 00:04:02.000
My days were often fully booked from morning until night, and there was a persistent feeling that life was too full and moving too fast, and I somehow had to figure out how to generate enough energy to be able to get through every single day.
00:04:02.159 --> 00:04:06.560
And in truth, once I got started, things were usually more or less okay on most days.
00:04:06.719 --> 00:04:07.759
I got through the day.
00:04:07.840 --> 00:04:14.000
I took care of my kids, I saw my clients, I did what needed to be done, often supported by a fair amount of caffeine.
00:04:14.080 --> 00:04:15.840
And sometimes I even had some fun.
00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:21.360
But just getting started required so much effort almost every day.
00:04:21.519 --> 00:04:24.800
And for years I understood that experience through the lens of depression.
00:04:24.959 --> 00:04:31.279
And I'm not saying that depression wasn't a part of my experience because it definitely was, but now I see it through a wider lens.
00:04:31.439 --> 00:04:43.519
I now can see how much my overwhelm was connected to my neurodivergence, to my executive functioning, to my nervous system capacity, to the amount of energy it took for me to be able to get myself to the point where I was able to begin.
00:04:43.680 --> 00:04:50.480
And as I was standing there talking to my son and thinking about all of these things, it occurred to me, huh, I don't wake up that way anymore.
00:04:50.639 --> 00:04:56.879
And when I realized that, I have to say, it gave me pause because I can't even tell you exactly when that stopped.
00:04:57.040 --> 00:05:04.639
I just know that I can't remember the last time that I woke up with that same sense of dread that I used to know almost every day.
00:05:04.879 --> 00:05:09.360
Instead, at some point, I replaced my morning ritual of dread with something new.
00:05:09.600 --> 00:05:20.240
Before I even open my eyes, and before I even start thinking about my day, which used to be the moment that the overwhelm and dread set in, I just take one conscious, full breath.
00:05:20.399 --> 00:05:23.199
And the interesting thing is that it's not a calming breath.
00:05:23.279 --> 00:05:27.199
Like it's not something I do in response to the potential dread or overwhelm.
00:05:27.360 --> 00:05:29.600
It's not like, okay, Trish, breathe.
00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:34.079
You got this, which I can tell you I have had many mornings where I did exactly that.
00:05:34.240 --> 00:05:36.639
It's more of a breath of presence.
00:05:37.040 --> 00:05:38.959
Like, okay, I'm awake.
00:05:39.120 --> 00:05:39.839
Here I am.
00:05:40.000 --> 00:05:41.120
I get another day.
00:05:41.199 --> 00:05:42.560
It's not a structured moment.
00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:47.279
I don't name three things that I'm grateful for, and I don't take 60 seconds to do a meditation.
00:05:47.439 --> 00:05:52.959
It's just a single breath, a brief moment that feels like a mix of presence and gratitude.
00:05:53.040 --> 00:05:58.480
And consciously realizing the shift in my morning ritual felt huge because it wasn't planned.
00:05:58.560 --> 00:06:05.279
It's not like I woke up at some point and I said, I need to start waking up differently in the morning because this sense of dread is not a great way to start the day.
00:06:05.439 --> 00:06:07.439
Because the change didn't happen all at once.
00:06:07.600 --> 00:06:13.600
It wasn't from one decision to wake up differently in the morning or from one therapy session or from one breakthrough.
00:06:13.759 --> 00:06:19.360
It was truly the accumulation of so many choices over so many years.
00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:23.920
So much healing work, so much nervous system work, so much self-understanding.
00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:26.639
And somewhere along the journey, my capacity changed.
00:06:26.800 --> 00:06:31.439
And when I made that connection, it reminded me of another story from early in my social work career.
00:06:31.600 --> 00:06:41.439
I was in graduate school, and at the time you had to do what's called process recordings, where you basically write down everything that happened in a session between you and a client, and then you go over it with your supervisor.
00:06:41.600 --> 00:06:52.959
In that process recording, I had written something about a conversation I had with one of my teenage clients, where I had said something along the lines of, it can be hard to identify exactly what is working in therapy.
00:06:53.120 --> 00:06:57.519
It's more like sometimes you just wake up one day and you notice that something's different.
00:06:57.680 --> 00:07:00.720
And then you kind of just know something in therapy has been working.
00:07:00.879 --> 00:07:09.600
And I remember my supervisor at the time commenting that based on my understanding of that, she could tell that I had done my own therapeutic work, which was definitely true.
00:07:09.759 --> 00:07:14.319
I was in my early 20s at the time, and already by then I'd been in therapy for over 10 years.
00:07:14.480 --> 00:07:18.480
And I believed deeply in the transformation that could come from deep work.
00:07:18.639 --> 00:07:20.319
I wouldn't have become a therapist if I didn't.
00:07:20.480 --> 00:07:27.680
But along with all the growth that happened over all of those years in therapy and all the years since, there was also so much stuckness.
00:07:27.839 --> 00:07:35.120
There were so many things that I understood intellectually that I still couldn't quite figure out how to consistently change in my life.
00:07:35.279 --> 00:07:40.319
That's one of the reasons why the last several years of my growth process have felt so profound to me.
00:07:40.480 --> 00:07:45.360
My work and training in Imago helped me understand myself and relationships in a completely new way.
00:07:45.439 --> 00:07:48.639
And then Polyviegel came along and helped me connect even more dots.
00:07:48.800 --> 00:07:58.160
I finally began understanding not just what made something feel hard, but also what I could change to help something totally new become available to me.
00:07:58.319 --> 00:08:00.959
And that's what I really noticed in my conversation with my son.
00:08:01.199 --> 00:08:05.759
Something that had been present in my life for decades had quietly shifted.
00:08:05.920 --> 00:08:08.959
There was no big breakthrough, no fanfare at all.
00:08:09.120 --> 00:08:14.000
Just an ordinary moment where I realized that my everyday life had changed.
00:08:14.160 --> 00:08:18.160
And when I talk about expanded capacity, this is exactly what I'm talking about.
00:08:18.240 --> 00:08:22.639
It's not about becoming endlessly productive or being perfectly regulated every day.
00:08:22.720 --> 00:08:27.360
And it's certainly not about waking up every morning, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready for the day.
00:08:27.519 --> 00:08:29.199
I'm totally still human.
00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:33.279
My capacity still changes from day to day, and sometimes moment to moment.
00:08:33.440 --> 00:08:38.639
I get tired, I get overwhelmed, and sometimes my capacity is definitely more narrowed.
00:08:38.799 --> 00:08:42.399
But the larger pattern in my life has definitely changed.
00:08:42.559 --> 00:08:45.679
I now have an experience of having more room.
00:08:45.840 --> 00:08:56.799
I have more room to respond to whatever comes, more room to rest and recover, more room to be present, more room to be joyful, more room for myself and to be myself.
00:08:57.120 --> 00:08:59.600
Honestly, I have more room for my whole life.
00:08:59.759 --> 00:09:07.519
And another reason that that conversation with my son felt so deeply meaningful is because my expanded capacity doesn't just affect me.
00:09:07.679 --> 00:09:08.799
It affects him too.
00:09:08.960 --> 00:09:10.559
I can be with him differently.
00:09:10.799 --> 00:09:14.080
I can help him break down tasks so they feel more manageable.
00:09:14.240 --> 00:09:24.399
I can support him in ways that help expand his capacity rather than reacting to things that he may not be doing exactly as I wished he would, which only further narrows his capacity.
00:09:24.639 --> 00:09:28.720
And that's one of the things that I find so powerful about this work.
00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:35.360
As our capacity expands, it allows more of us to show up in our lives and in our relationships.
00:09:35.519 --> 00:09:40.960
And I know that being in the middle of growth can be hard sometimes because we can't quite see the progress that we're making.
00:09:41.039 --> 00:09:45.440
And we're still so focused on everything we haven't done and everything that still feels so hard.
00:09:45.679 --> 00:09:51.600
Sometimes we're so focused on how far we have left to go that we don't stop to take a moment to see how far we've come.
00:09:51.759 --> 00:09:56.240
So maybe every once in a while, instead of asking yourself, how come I'm not there yet?
00:09:56.399 --> 00:10:00.960
Or how much further do I have to go, you can try asking yourself a different question.
00:10:01.120 --> 00:10:06.399
Maybe what isn't as hard as it used to be, or what feels a little bit different now than before.
00:10:06.559 --> 00:10:09.360
Maybe sometimes you speak to yourself a little bit differently.
00:10:09.519 --> 00:10:12.960
Maybe now you have moments of rest without feeling guilty.
00:10:13.120 --> 00:10:20.320
Maybe sometimes you find yourself asking for help, or you notice that you have moments where you're not overwhelmed as much as you used to be.
00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:26.320
Or maybe like me, you notice that you've been waking up feeling lighter and more present than you ever have before.
00:10:26.480 --> 00:10:29.759
And that's one of the clear indicators that capacity has expanded.
00:10:29.919 --> 00:10:35.279
Not that life has become perfect, but that more of you is genuinely available to live it.
00:10:35.360 --> 00:10:38.320
And to me, there's something incredibly hopeful about that.
00:10:38.399 --> 00:10:42.480
And I hope that in today's conversation, there's something hopeful for you too.
00:10:42.879 --> 00:10:50.159
As our time comes to a close, I ask you to keep listening for just a few more moments because I want to thank you for showing up today.
00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:57.519
And I want to leave you with an invitation as you hit stop and move back out into the world on your own unique wellness journey.
00:10:57.679 --> 00:11:05.919
In order to move from where you are today to the place where you want to be, the path may seem long or unclear or unknown.
00:11:06.000 --> 00:11:14.720
And I want you to know that if that seems scary or daunting or downright terrifying or anything else, that is totally okay.
00:11:15.039 --> 00:11:18.799
Know that you do not have to create the whole way all at once.
00:11:18.960 --> 00:11:22.240
We don't travel a whole journey in one stride.
00:11:22.399 --> 00:11:27.279
And that is why my invitation to you today is to take a step, just one.
00:11:27.600 --> 00:11:30.480
Any type, any size, in any direction.
00:11:30.639 --> 00:11:37.360
It can be an external step that can be observed or measured, or it could be a step you visualize taking in your mind.
00:11:37.519 --> 00:11:45.519
It can be a step towards action or towards rest or connection or self-care or whatever step makes sense to you.
00:11:45.759 --> 00:12:00.559
I invite you to take a step today because getting to a place that feels better, more joyful, more connected than the place where you are today is possible for everyone, including you, and even when depression is in your bed.
00:12:00.879 --> 00:12:07.360
If today's episode resonated with you, please subscribe so you can be notified when each weekly episode gets released.
00:12:07.519 --> 00:12:13.759
I encourage you to leave a review and reach out to me on social media at trish.sanders.lcsw.
00:12:13.919 --> 00:12:18.559
Your feedback will help guide future episodes, and I love hearing from you.
00:12:18.720 --> 00:12:25.120
Also, please share this podcast with anyone who you think may be interested or who may get something from what I have shared.
00:12:25.279 --> 00:12:30.159
Until the next time we connect, take care of yourself and take a step.
00:00:00.800 --> 00:00:03.839
Hello and welcome to the When Depression is in Your Bed podcast.
00:00:04.000 --> 00:00:10.320
One of the things I've been thinking about lately is how we actually know when healing is working and growth is happening.
00:00:10.560 --> 00:00:12.880
Because progress doesn't always announce itself.
00:00:13.039 --> 00:00:15.839
There isn't always a giant breakthrough or fireworks.
00:00:16.000 --> 00:00:24.559
And even when we do have one of those big, exciting breakthrough moments, it doesn't necessarily mean that lasting change has or will immediately happen.
00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:28.800
Sometimes a breakthrough just gives us a glimpse of what's possible.
00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:40.240
But the deeper change we're looking for often happens much more gradually as new experiences of growth become something that we can access over and over again in our everyday lives.
00:00:40.479 --> 00:00:47.200
Sometimes we work on ourselves for months and months or even years and years and wonder if anything is really changing at all.
00:00:47.359 --> 00:00:49.439
And then something very ordinary happens.
00:00:49.679 --> 00:00:56.159
We wake up one morning and we face something that used to overwhelm us, and we notice, wait, something feels different.
00:00:56.320 --> 00:01:00.159
That thing that used to be a thing just doesn't feel like a thing anymore.
00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:08.400
I've been reflecting on one of those very moments in my own life, and it helped me recognize just how much my capacity has expanded over time.
00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:10.400
I'm your host, Trish Sanders.
00:01:10.480 --> 00:01:18.000
I'm a licensed clinical social worker, a certified Imago relationship therapist, relationship coach, and creator of The Road to Reconnection.
00:01:18.079 --> 00:01:20.000
And I am delighted that you are here.
00:01:20.159 --> 00:01:21.519
Let's get started.
00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:26.480
My realization about my expanded capacity started in a conversation with my son.
00:01:26.640 --> 00:01:35.359
It's summer, he's 14, he has a few things to do during the week, but he has a lot of free time, and not surprisingly, a lot of that free time easily becomes screen time.
00:01:35.439 --> 00:01:40.480
So we've been continuing to have conversations about what he can do with some of those hours outside of screen time.
00:01:40.719 --> 00:01:45.680
Reading, getting outside, moving his body, seeing friends, doing chores, things like that.
00:01:45.840 --> 00:01:49.840
A very typical parent teen conversation about how to spend your time during the summer.
00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:55.280
And I've also been actively trying to help support him in understanding his own neurodivergent brain.
00:01:55.439 --> 00:02:00.000
I'm trying to support him in noticing what actually feels available to him.
00:02:00.239 --> 00:02:02.879
What capacity does he have in any given moment?
00:02:03.040 --> 00:02:08.000
Like, does he have enough capacity to practice his bass, but not quite enough capacity to empty the dishwasher?
00:02:08.080 --> 00:02:13.439
And I want to help him learn how to make things that feel overwhelming become more manageable.
00:02:13.599 --> 00:02:22.800
And as I was talking, I shared with him a story from when I was a little girl trying to clean my room, which at the time, and even still sometimes now, feels like an overwhelming task.
00:02:22.960 --> 00:02:30.560
And my aunt used to sit on the bed and tell me one thing to do at a time: pick up that toy, now put those clothes away, where do those books go?
00:02:30.719 --> 00:02:36.639
And she never did it for me, but she helped me break down the task so I felt like I was able to complete it.
00:02:36.800 --> 00:02:43.680
She was helping me access my capacity by making the next step small enough so that I felt capable of taking it.
00:02:43.840 --> 00:02:53.199
And as I was telling my son this story, I started to reflect, as I often do, and really noticed how overwhelmed I used to feel for so much of my life.
00:02:53.360 --> 00:02:59.919
I started thinking about how I used to wake up almost every morning for decades before I would even open my eyes.
00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:03.520
On most days, I would have a subtle sense of dread.
00:03:03.680 --> 00:03:08.080
It wasn't this huge, suffocating thing that I was worried that something terrible was going to happen.
00:03:08.240 --> 00:03:10.000
It was more like, here we go.
00:03:10.159 --> 00:03:18.159
I have a lot to do, I have to get moving, I need to start my day, and I have to gather my energy to feel like I can just get out of bed.
00:03:18.319 --> 00:03:24.479
And I want to be very clear, this did not just happen during times that could be described as a depressive episode.
00:03:24.639 --> 00:03:26.960
This is just how I woke up most days of my life.
00:03:27.120 --> 00:03:38.400
Even when I had a job as a therapist that I loved and I enjoyed seeing my clients, even when I had a day planned with fun activities with my son, and even during times in my relationship with Ben when things were going really well.
00:03:38.639 --> 00:03:44.960
Despite all the wonderful things happening in my life, my day so often started with a feeling of heaviness.
00:03:45.120 --> 00:03:48.639
Just thinking about everything that I had to do felt overwhelming.
00:03:48.800 --> 00:04:02.000
My days were often fully booked from morning until night, and there was a persistent feeling that life was too full and moving too fast, and I somehow had to figure out how to generate enough energy to be able to get through every single day.
00:04:02.159 --> 00:04:06.560
And in truth, once I got started, things were usually more or less okay on most days.
00:04:06.719 --> 00:04:07.759
I got through the day.
00:04:07.840 --> 00:04:14.000
I took care of my kids, I saw my clients, I did what needed to be done, often supported by a fair amount of caffeine.
00:04:14.080 --> 00:04:15.840
And sometimes I even had some fun.
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But just getting started required so much effort almost every day.
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And for years I understood that experience through the lens of depression.
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And I'm not saying that depression wasn't a part of my experience because it definitely was, but now I see it through a wider lens.
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I now can see how much my overwhelm was connected to my neurodivergence, to my executive functioning, to my nervous system capacity, to the amount of energy it took for me to be able to get myself to the point where I was able to begin.
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And as I was standing there talking to my son and thinking about all of these things, it occurred to me, huh, I don't wake up that way anymore.
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And when I realized that, I have to say, it gave me pause because I can't even tell you exactly when that stopped.
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I just know that I can't remember the last time that I woke up with that same sense of dread that I used to know almost every day.
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Instead, at some point, I replaced my morning ritual of dread with something new.
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Before I even open my eyes, and before I even start thinking about my day, which used to be the moment that the overwhelm and dread set in, I just take one conscious, full breath.
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And the interesting thing is that it's not a calming breath.
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Like it's not something I do in response to the potential dread or overwhelm.
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It's not like, okay, Trish, breathe.
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You got this, which I can tell you I have had many mornings where I did exactly that.
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It's more of a breath of presence.
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Like, okay, I'm awake.
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Here I am.
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I get another day.
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It's not a structured moment.
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I don't name three things that I'm grateful for, and I don't take 60 seconds to do a meditation.
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It's just a single breath, a brief moment that feels like a mix of presence and gratitude.
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And consciously realizing the shift in my morning ritual felt huge because it wasn't planned.
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It's not like I woke up at some point and I said, I need to start waking up differently in the morning because this sense of dread is not a great way to start the day.
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Because the change didn't happen all at once.
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It wasn't from one decision to wake up differently in the morning or from one therapy session or from one breakthrough.
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It was truly the accumulation of so many choices over so many years.
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So much healing work, so much nervous system work, so much self-understanding.
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And somewhere along the journey, my capacity changed.
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And when I made that connection, it reminded me of another story from early in my social work career.
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I was in graduate school, and at the time you had to do what's called process recordings, where you basically write down everything that happened in a session between you and a client, and then you go over it with your supervisor.
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In that process recording, I had written something about a conversation I had with one of my teenage clients, where I had said something along the lines of, it can be hard to identify exactly what is working in therapy.
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It's more like sometimes you just wake up one day and you notice that something's different.
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And then you kind of just know something in therapy has been working.
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And I remember my supervisor at the time commenting that based on my understanding of that, she could tell that I had done my own therapeutic work, which was definitely true.
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I was in my early 20s at the time, and already by then I'd been in therapy for over 10 years.
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And I believed deeply in the transformation that could come from deep work.
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I wouldn't have become a therapist if I didn't.
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But along with all the growth that happened over all of those years in therapy and all the years since, there was also so much stuckness.
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There were so many things that I understood intellectually that I still couldn't quite figure out how to consistently change in my life.
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That's one of the reasons why the last several years of my growth process have felt so profound to me.
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My work and training in Imago helped me understand myself and relationships in a completely new way.
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And then Polyviegel came along and helped me connect even more dots.
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I finally began understanding not just what made something feel hard, but also what I could change to help something totally new become available to me.
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And that's what I really noticed in my conversation with my son.
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Something that had been present in my life for decades had quietly shifted.
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There was no big breakthrough, no fanfare at all.
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Just an ordinary moment where I realized that my everyday life had changed.
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And when I talk about expanded capacity, this is exactly what I'm talking about.
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It's not about becoming endlessly productive or being perfectly regulated every day.
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And it's certainly not about waking up every morning, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready for the day.
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I'm totally still human.
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My capacity still changes from day to day, and sometimes moment to moment.
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I get tired, I get overwhelmed, and sometimes my capacity is definitely more narrowed.
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But the larger pattern in my life has definitely changed.
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I now have an experience of having more room.
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I have more room to respond to whatever comes, more room to rest and recover, more room to be present, more room to be joyful, more room for myself and to be myself.
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Honestly, I have more room for my whole life.
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And another reason that that conversation with my son felt so deeply meaningful is because my expanded capacity doesn't just affect me.
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It affects him too.
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I can be with him differently.
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I can help him break down tasks so they feel more manageable.
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I can support him in ways that help expand his capacity rather than reacting to things that he may not be doing exactly as I wished he would, which only further narrows his capacity.
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And that's one of the things that I find so powerful about this work.
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As our capacity expands, it allows more of us to show up in our lives and in our relationships.
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And I know that being in the middle of growth can be hard sometimes because we can't quite see the progress that we're making.
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And we're still so focused on everything we haven't done and everything that still feels so hard.
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Sometimes we're so focused on how far we have left to go that we don't stop to take a moment to see how far we've come.
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So maybe every once in a while, instead of asking yourself, how come I'm not there yet?
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Or how much further do I have to go, you can try asking yourself a different question.
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Maybe what isn't as hard as it used to be, or what feels a little bit different now than before.
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Maybe sometimes you speak to yourself a little bit differently.
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Maybe now you have moments of rest without feeling guilty.
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Maybe sometimes you find yourself asking for help, or you notice that you have moments where you're not overwhelmed as much as you used to be.
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Or maybe like me, you notice that you've been waking up feeling lighter and more present than you ever have before.
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And that's one of the clear indicators that capacity has expanded.
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Not that life has become perfect, but that more of you is genuinely available to live it.
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And to me, there's something incredibly hopeful about that.
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And I hope that in today's conversation, there's something hopeful for you too.
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As our time comes to a close, I ask you to keep listening for just a few more moments because I want to thank you for showing up today.
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And I want to leave you with an invitation as you hit stop and move back out into the world on your own unique wellness journey.
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In order to move from where you are today to the place where you want to be, the path may seem long or unclear or unknown.
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And I want you to know that if that seems scary or daunting or downright terrifying or anything else, that is totally okay.
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Know that you do not have to create the whole way all at once.
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We don't travel a whole journey in one stride.
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And that is why my invitation to you today is to take a step, just one.
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Any type, any size, in any direction.
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It can be an external step that can be observed or measured, or it could be a step you visualize taking in your mind.
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It can be a step towards action or towards rest or connection or self-care or whatever step makes sense to you.
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I invite you to take a step today because getting to a place that feels better, more joyful, more connected than the place where you are today is possible for everyone, including you, and even when depression is in your bed.
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If today's episode resonated with you, please subscribe so you can be notified when each weekly episode gets released.
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I encourage you to leave a review and reach out to me on social media at trish.sanders.lcsw.
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Your feedback will help guide future episodes, and I love hearing from you.
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Also, please share this podcast with anyone who you think may be interested or who may get something from what I have shared.
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Until the next time we connect, take care of yourself and take a step.
免責: このページに埋め込まれているポッドキャストとアートワークは Trish Sanders, LCSW からのものであり、その所有者の所有物であり、Listen Notes, Inc. と提携または承認されていません。
