I'm functioning. Why do I still feel like I need help?

You organize the family gathering, check on everyone else, and show up when you're needed. But when someone asks what you need, you aren't sure how to answer.

In this episode of Unparented, Robert DelFave explores the gap between managing your responsibilities and feeling supported after losing a parent. Through a hypothetical anniversary gathering, he considers what might be happening beneath “I'm fine” and how asking for help can begin with one specific difficulty.

Robert also shares his experience with therapy and explains what grief coaching can involve, where coaching and therapy overlap, and why a provider's qualifications matter more than a simple “past versus future” distinction.

In this episode:

• Why getting through the day doesn't tell the whole story of how you're doing.
• How family gatherings can become responsibilities you feel unable to step away from.
• What a practical Grief Day Plan might include.
• What lived experience can bring to a helping relationship, and what it cannot replace.
• Questions to ask when choosing a coach or therapist.

A question to take with you: “I want help with…”

You don't need your whole story organized before you begin that conversation.

Connect with Robert

Robert DelFave is a grief coach, David Kessler Certified Grief Educator, QPR-trained Gatekeeper, and author of The Other Side of This: The Messy Truth About Grief for Teens. His father died when he was fourteen, and his mother died in his mid-twenties.

Learn about his work and the complimentary 45-minute Grief Map Session at robertdelfave.com.

Follow Unparented for conversations about losing a parent and how that experience continues shaping adult life. If this episode brought someone to mind, consider sharing it with them.

Resources mentioned

• National Institute of Mental Health: Psychotherapies
• National Institute of Mental Health: Caring for Your Mental Health
• QPR Institute: About QPR

A note about support

The anniversary scenario is hypothetical, not a client story. This episode is educational and is not a clinical assessment or mental-health treatment. Robert is not a therapist; grief coaching does not replace care from a qualified licensed mental-health professional.

In the United States, call or text 988 for suicide or crisis support. In immediate life-threatening danger, call 911.