Virtuous Procrastination: When ‘Doing Good’ Becomes an Avoidance Tactic

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Last episode, I talked about the quiet cost of things are fine when we let our desire for comfort lull us into inaction.
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Today I want to explore a similar thread.
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I call it virtuous procrastination.
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Virtuous procrastination is the act of avoiding discomfort, uncertainty, or purposeful risk by busying yourself with work that appears responsible, generous, or admirable.
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Or at least it feels like you're not doing anything wrong.
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And it might be something that you're not even conscious of.
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For example, when I have to pack in the past, that was the last thing I wanted to do.
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So maybe I will start to clean, or who I'm I'm kidding, I would probably be more likely to start making a lasagna, even though I'm about to leave for a week or a month or something like that.
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But I wasn't doing anything bad per se.
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I was being productive.
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Just not the kind of productive that I wanted to be.
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This came up with a client, we'll call her Julie, who was telling me about her new volunteer work at a food pantry.
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And as she's as she's telling me this, I'm thinking, oh wow, that's very kind of you.
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I even said that's what a generous way to spend your time.
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But as we're talking, Julie said, you know what?
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I think I'm volunteering right now, so I don't have to work on my business.
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And this was great awareness on her part.
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She recognized her avoidance tendencies, and that's a big thing we were working on together.
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She recognized that her avoidance was at play and keeping her stuck and stressed.
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Virtuous procrastination is the sneakiest type of avoidance because it doesn't look like avoidance.
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You're not binge watching or doom scrolling.
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You are helping or doing something good, you're contributing.
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And doing good is important.
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Being useful, being of service, giving back.
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That's part of what it means to be a decent human being.
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A good stoic.
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But it's also important to recognize when doing good has become a way to avoid doing the thing that matters most to you.
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And that's what I want to talk about today.
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When is being good just procrastination in disguise?
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And how can you shift out of this?
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What looks like selflessness, diligence, or leadership can become an excuse to ignore what you say are your priorities.
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Especially the life-changing things like buying a house, changing careers, moving countries.
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Lately I've been hearing from a lot of people who say they want to start a business.
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They are sick of company layoffs, change transformations that are happening.
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There's a lot of uncertainty, and people are feeling like maybe I can take charge of my life and start my own thing.
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Or maybe they're just simply tired of what they've been doing for years and they want to try something new.
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Take Amelia.
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She is a corporate professional and she has been talking about starting a side hustle for over a year, but she says she's too overstretched to make space for it.
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Even though it's one of her top priorities.
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She doesn't make it a priority.
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She spends her time saying yes to every project, and she herself will say, I want to be seen as somebody who can handle it all.
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I want to be seen as somebody who is really clever.
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And from the outside, Amelia looks ambitious and helpful, and she is, but her actions are classic virtuous procrastination.
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Because her real goal is to go out on her own to do her own thing.
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But her desire for praise is keeping her tethered to her current job.
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And this external motivation is a nice distraction from the internal discomfort that is arising out of her uncertainty around building something of her own.
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So she doesn't want to feel those unpleasant feelings.
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So she'll just focus on this external praise that is completely dragging her away from the life that she says she wants.
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Amelia says she values autonomy, creativity, making an impact, but her actions don't reflect that.
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She overcommits, she struggles to let go when things aren't working, and she fills her calendar with tasks that make her feel needed but not fulfilled.
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Again, she is allowing herself to get pulled into other people's urgencies, and then she tells herself she's too busy to focus on her dream.
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Can you relate to any of this?
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Maybe you're more like Helen, who over-prepares for meetings to the point of panic, memorizing scripts, trying to anticipate every question.
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And from the outside, it looks like diligence or being proactive.
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But again, this is virtuous procrastination because underneath it is fear, it is not virtue that is driving her.
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Or maybe you have pulled a Pam at some point in your life.
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Pam decides to skip her friend's party because she has to watch the kids.
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Even though the party's been on the calendar for a month and she could have found a sitter, but she didn't feel like going, and instead of rallying for her friend, she made herself feel better by convincing herself that staying home was the responsible choice.
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Each of these behaviors that I talked about can be rationalized as the right thing to do.
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And this is something that helps us feel better in the short term, but has serious long-term consequences.
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Virtuous procrastination feels productive, praiseworthy.
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It keeps you in motion, but not in the direction you want to go.
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So how can you tell when something virtuous is really avoidance?
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Try this three-step check-in.
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One, start with a pause.
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If your default is saying yes, build in some space before you commit.
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So ask, why do I want to do this?
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How does this move me closer to my or our goal?
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Two, understand your motivation.
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Ask, is this something I genuinely want or something I feel I should do?
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Would I be saying yes to avoid certain emotions or situations like guilt or conflict?
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And three, get clear on your priorities.
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Every task takes time, energy, and attention.
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So ask yourself: if I take this on, what will I have to say no to?
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What's important to me right now?
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Sometimes virtuous procrastination only affects us as an individual.
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And then there are times when we use it to avoid discomfort in relationships, dodging conflict, skipping out on commitments, telling ourselves we're being responsible when really we're just choosing what feels better in the moment.
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We use virtuous procrastination to try and control outcomes, over-preparing, over-committing, overhelping.
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But if your good behavior isn't aligned with what matters most to you, it's probably not virtue.
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It's avoidance.
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And just because something is noble or interesting, it doesn't mean that it's right for you or maybe just not right now.
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And even if it is, it doesn't mean that it needs your full capacity.
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So ask yourself, am I doing this because it aligns with my values or because it helps me avoid discomfort?
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You don't need to stop being good.
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You just need to stop hiding behind it.
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That's all for now.
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Thank you so much for listening.
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And if you are ready to finally take action on those dreams you've been thinking about for years and you would like my help, let's have a chat.
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Click on the link in the episode notes and let's work together to move you forward on your dreams.