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Concluding their five-week study of Tony and Lauren Dungy’s New York Times bestseller Uncommon Marriage, Pastors Stan and Cynthia Shelby address the ultimate crucible of relational stewardship: Going Through Trials.
Anchored in their daily broadcast on Restoring the Family’s Radio Ministry, the Shelbys dismantle the secular myth that a “good” marriage is one free from conflict, grief, or financial strain. Modern culture often views adversity as a valid reason to break covenant vows—encouraging partners to cut ties when career setbacks, physical illness, or deep personal loss occur.
An uncommon marriage, however, relies on an unshakeable foundation: recognizing that trials are inevitable, treating hardship as a joint battle rather than a solo struggle, and anchoring the home in Jesus Christ.
3 Core Pillars of Navigating HardshipsEnduring relational trials requires establishing three practical, scriptural anchors:
=== COVENANT ENDURANCE vs. CULTURAL DRIFT ===
CULTURAL DRIFT (HALF-IN / HALF-OUT) KINGDOM ENDURANCE (UNCOMMON BLUEPRINT)
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• Treating Hardship as an Exit Strategy • Viewing Setbacks as a Joint Battle
• Blaming Spouse for External Stress • Offering Unilateral Grace & Support
• Operating Independently in Pain • Anchoring in Shared Prayer & Scripture
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[ RELATIONAL STRAIN & DIVORCE ] [ UNBROKEN COVENANT STABILITY & PEACE ]
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Scripture guarantees that hardship will come. Living in a fallen world means every couple will face grief, professional disruptions, and unexpected physical trials:
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Hard-Pressed, But Not Crushed: “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4:8–9)
2. Relationship Tests (1 Corinthians 13:7–8)The “Weebles” Toy Metaphor: “When I was a kid, there was a popular toy line called Weebles,” Pastor Stan laughs. *”The commercial slogan was: ‘Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down.’ You could push them or knock them over, but they always stood right back up.
That is a picture of an uncommon marriage. Life may push you, grief may knock you down, and external stress may cause you to wobble—but when your home is rooted in Jesus Christ, you always stand back up.”*
Adversity reveals the true strength of a relationship’s foundation. Hard times test whether a couple will communicate, support each other, and operate as an aligned team—or fracture under pressure. True covenant love always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres because divine love never fails.
3. Spiritual Dependence and Suffering (Romans 5:3–4)“…we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
Hardships provide a distinct opportunity to lean on God together. Walking side-by-side through pain produces patience, refines character, and builds unshakeable hope that unites a couple for a lifetime.
Real Talk: “In Sickness and in Health” Is Not OptionalPastors Stan and Cynthia address a troubling trend in modern relationships:
[ PHYSICAL ILLNESS / TRIALS ] ──► COVENANT VOW FILTER ──► [ UNWAVERING CARE & STEWARDSHIP ]
4 Practical Steps to Handle Trials Uncommonly60 Years of Caregiving: “I watched my father serve as a faithful caregiver for my mother through severe health struggles,” Pastor Stan shares. *”They were married for 60 years. Today, it is becoming uncommon to see that level of commitment.
When you stand at an altar, your vow before God is ‘for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.’ Leaving a spouse because caregiving feels exhausting breaks the very vow that sealed the covenant. True love stands firm through every season.”*
1.Maintain Unwavering Commitment:Mark 10:9.
Refuse to allow external pressure or grief to break your covenant vows. Treat every trial as a joint battle rather than a reason to separate.
2.Rely on Shared Daily Prayer:1 Peter 3:7.
Pray together regularly during distress to maintain spiritual alignment, keep communication clear, and invite divine peace into your home.
3.Practice Mutual Support and Submission:Ephesians 5:21.
Offer encouragement rather than placing blame when outside pressures mount. Submit your ego to Christ and put your partner’s emotional needs first.
4.Walk Through Grief Together:Galatians 6:2.
When one partner is hurting, the other steps in to lift them up. As a single flesh, what impacts one spouse impacts the entire household.
An uncommon marriage does not run from trials. It is built by two partners who stand firm on God’s Word, support each other through grief, and honor their covenant vows for a lifetime.
Evaluate your marital baseline today. Refuse to let pressure pull you apart, anchor your home in shared prayer, support your spouse through seasons of illness or grief, align your life with scripture, and walk in the fullness of your covenant!
