250 Relationship Re‑Imagination: The Framework

To celebrate hitting 250 episodes of Playing With Fire, we’re diving deep into something we've been asked about constantly since our first episode on it over a year ago: Relationship Re-Imagination.

We introduced this concept back in episode 194, and the response was immediate and intense; people wanted steps, phases, a roadmap—something they could follow to Re-Imagine their relationships. But this is not a linear process you can follow off a checklist. This is soul-making work. It's the kind of deep, transformative process that asks you to see yourself, your partner(s), and your relationship with fresh eyes—and then co-create something new from that place of awareness. It's messy, non-linear, and profoundly worthwhile, and we're finally ready to share what we've learned from years of doing this work, both in our own relationship and with hundreds of clients and students.

This episode is different from our usual format. Ken interviews Joli about her framework for Relationship Re-Imagination, and we get into the complexity of what this work actually requires.

In this episode, we talk about:

— What Relationship Re-Imagination actually is (and what it isn't)

— Why this isn't the same as couples counseling, de-escalation, or conscious uncoupling

— The essential conditions required before you even begin this work

— Why you absolutely cannot do this work in three months (or even six), and what a realistic timeline might look like

— The four ongoing conditions of a Re-Imagination

— The threads you'll weave together during the process, including nervous system, grief, shadow, repair, and becoming work

— How to know when you've crossed a threshold and why ritual matters so much

— The three potential outcomes of discernment work, and why conscious uncoupling isn't a failure

— How to celebrate the hell out of your transformation

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Episode 194 of Playing With Fire: Our first conversation about relationship re-imagination

— ⁠The Wild Edge of Sorrow⁠ by Francis Weller

— Two free weeks of Brain-Based Wellness

— Our Neuro-Somatic Intelligence Essentials playlist

— Individuation Alchemy, our nine-month container for depth psychological practice

— Our Sexual Shadow Masterclass

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions