Purpose Is Alignment

WEBVTT
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:05.919
Hello and welcome back to Hell in Becoming Into Your Power.
00:00:06.160 --> 00:00:11.439
I am Michelle Gorman and this is episode nine purpose.
00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:29.199
Held in Becoming Into Your Power is a space where you can hold yourself in love, in accountability, in grace, in compassion.
00:00:29.920 --> 00:00:38.159
It's a space of becoming and a space of fully stepping into your power.
00:00:39.039 --> 00:00:54.079
Today is our last episode of season one, and I am so incredibly grateful that you chose to walk alongside me in this journey.
00:00:54.880 --> 00:01:14.560
Sharing these reflections and poems and the stories of what's underneath the poems, a tool that I used during the most active phase of my healing process, has just been so incredibly meaningful.
00:01:15.680 --> 00:01:21.680
And over these nine episodes, we've really looked at quite the story.
00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:26.239
We began by meeting ourselves exactly where we are.
00:01:27.200 --> 00:01:46.959
We explored the nervous system and how the amygdala, shaped by our earliest attachment experiences, learns to protect us sometimes longer after the damage has passed or the danger is gone, if you will.
00:01:47.680 --> 00:02:02.640
We talked about the attachment theory, the invisible blueprint that shapes how we experience love, trust, and connection.
00:02:03.680 --> 00:02:17.919
We name the survival identities many of us developed, the overachiever, the perfectionist, the caretaker, not as flaws, but as adaptations.
00:02:19.360 --> 00:02:32.159
We explored trust, self-love, forgiveness, and the slow, courageous work of reclaiming our voice.
00:02:34.000 --> 00:02:50.560
And in the last episode, we talked about becoming the stage where the healing stops being something that we're working on and starts becoming something that we're living.
00:02:51.199 --> 00:02:57.199
Today we arrive at the final stage of this season's journey.
00:02:57.759 --> 00:03:05.840
And for many of us, this is the question that naturally follows healing.
00:03:07.039 --> 00:03:08.080
Purpose.
00:03:08.479 --> 00:03:10.800
What does purpose really mean?
00:03:11.039 --> 00:03:22.960
Not purpose as a title, not something we chase, but purpose as something that reveals itself through healing.
00:03:23.439 --> 00:03:30.639
For most of my life, I believed I was a writer, but only in one way.
00:03:31.919 --> 00:03:51.039
In college and graduate school, I did very well with structured writing, technical writing, scientific papers, and I learned to believe, or so I thought, that I was a technical writer.
00:03:51.439 --> 00:03:53.360
But creative writing?
00:03:53.919 --> 00:03:58.639
No, I once failed a creative writing class in high school.
00:03:59.039 --> 00:04:05.919
And I decided at that time that I I guess I wasn't creative.
00:04:06.400 --> 00:04:12.479
And that belief stayed with me for much of my adult life.
00:04:13.199 --> 00:04:25.279
It wasn't until only recently when I began doing deeper healing work that something internally shifted in me.
00:04:26.160 --> 00:04:30.720
I attended a retreat that was led by my therapist.
00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:36.639
And during that retreat, she offered a session on creative writing.
00:04:37.120 --> 00:04:43.920
And the very next day, something drastically changed.
00:04:44.240 --> 00:04:52.000
My journaling, which was a tool that I was using for a long time at that point, I would journal almost every day.
00:04:52.160 --> 00:04:54.160
My journaling changed.
00:04:54.480 --> 00:05:00.160
Words became very rhythmic, almost childlike.
00:05:00.560 --> 00:05:04.480
And my words started flowing like poetry.
00:05:05.199 --> 00:05:14.959
These poems became the way that I processed everything that had lived inside of me.
00:05:16.079 --> 00:05:25.759
Because writing for me was a way to process feelings and thoughts that had been buried for years.
00:05:26.879 --> 00:05:38.720
My nervous system finally had found a language and a way to express what had been inside for so long.
00:05:40.639 --> 00:05:43.279
So I'd like to read you North Star.
00:05:44.000 --> 00:05:48.800
This is a poem that is out of finding my journey.
00:05:50.480 --> 00:06:06.000
North Star Push it away, push it away is what I used to say about my life and circumstance before I embraced my beautiful face.
00:06:07.839 --> 00:06:34.240
So ashamed of not having enough, so ashamed of not having parents, so ashamed of all the rough, assimilated quickly, smiled and faked, faked a calmness unknown to me, faked a happiness clearly not jolly, faked a security not close to my reality.
00:06:35.920 --> 00:06:48.319
I was articulate and sharp, presented well, thanks to my perfectionism and fear developed by my trauma hell.
00:06:49.920 --> 00:06:53.600
Do well in school yep, check.
00:06:54.000 --> 00:06:56.160
Never question authority.
00:06:56.639 --> 00:06:58.399
Nope, never did.
00:06:58.959 --> 00:07:01.680
Work hard and don't make mistakes.
00:07:02.079 --> 00:07:04.720
Perfectionism is not fun.
00:07:06.079 --> 00:07:07.680
Make me proud.
00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:11.360
Gulp I just want to run.
00:07:12.319 --> 00:07:19.120
Assimilating was my survival, never exposed to the holy Bible.
00:07:20.079 --> 00:07:22.959
Assimilating is what I learned.
00:07:23.199 --> 00:07:26.639
A prodigy of Darwin is what I churned.
00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:37.519
Impressive, impressive for such a little kid, six years old and starving, taking care of self and kin.
00:07:38.959 --> 00:07:48.560
So far off the normal grid, no guidance, no teacher, no support, no preacher.
00:07:49.279 --> 00:07:52.800
How did I make it make it this far?
00:07:53.759 --> 00:07:58.319
Me I am my own North Star.
00:08:03.279 --> 00:08:09.279
For much of my life, survival meant assimilating.
00:08:10.800 --> 00:08:25.439
Learning how to adapt, learning how to perform very well, learning how to present a version of myself the world could accept.
00:08:26.959 --> 00:08:38.080
This is the nervous system at work, adapting, conforming, finding safety through assimilation.
00:08:39.519 --> 00:08:42.000
But healing changes something.
00:08:42.799 --> 00:08:51.600
Healing brings you back to your true self, your true authentic self.
00:08:52.240 --> 00:09:02.320
And when you return to yourself, you begin to recognize what always was there.
00:09:03.600 --> 00:09:14.240
And somewhere along the way you begin to realize that purpose isn't something external.
00:09:15.200 --> 00:09:18.000
Purpose is alignment.
00:09:19.039 --> 00:09:24.559
It's the moment your life starts to feel like it belongs to you.
00:09:24.799 --> 00:09:57.200
When the nervous system is no longer in survival mode, when the attachment wounds begin to heal, when we begin to trust ourselves again, there is space for something new to emerge, something new to blossom, something that is uniquely and authentically ours.
00:09:57.840 --> 00:10:05.759
The next poem I'm reading is called Soul Responsibility Out of Finding My Journey.
00:10:07.120 --> 00:10:20.320
Soul Responsibility Strong belief we are responsible for our soul, the deeper part of us yearning for whole.
00:10:21.440 --> 00:10:30.399
Easy to get lost by distracting thoughts, easy to get lost by superficial knots.
00:10:31.679 --> 00:10:35.360
Skill must be learned to connect inside.
00:10:36.240 --> 00:10:40.639
Healers and therapists stand by our side.
00:10:41.519 --> 00:10:51.440
It is our duty to our maker, gifted this beautiful life, don't just be a taker.
00:10:54.639 --> 00:10:58.480
Something I believe deeply is this.
00:10:59.200 --> 00:11:05.279
We all have a responsibility to care for our soul.
00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:09.279
It is part of being a human.
00:11:10.720 --> 00:11:25.840
Healing past wounds, taking ownership of our own struggles, and really working through the old beliefs, the old patterns that have shaped us.
00:11:27.440 --> 00:11:31.120
But something important must also be said.
00:11:32.240 --> 00:11:34.960
And that is you are not alone.
00:11:37.200 --> 00:11:43.759
There are therapists, there are healers, there are communities.
00:11:44.720 --> 00:11:52.240
And sometimes there are simply other people walking the same path beside you.
00:11:52.639 --> 00:11:59.759
I'd like to read a poem called Embrace Also from Finding My Journey.
00:12:01.840 --> 00:12:12.240
Embrace Found a White Feather Walking Today, seeing a good friend, the universe played.
00:12:13.279 --> 00:12:22.159
Bravery, hope, and new beginnings, it says, symbolized in this message today.
00:12:23.840 --> 00:12:26.960
New beginnings, new beginnings.
00:12:27.519 --> 00:12:38.320
I fully embraced this transformative shift from survival to living, a really big lift.
00:12:39.519 --> 00:12:42.960
Thank you, thank you for this time.
00:12:44.080 --> 00:12:48.320
Spirit's guiding, God's light shining.
00:12:49.440 --> 00:12:53.120
This is the way, the way for me.
00:12:53.919 --> 00:12:57.279
Welcome, soul's journey.
00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:00.960
I embrace thee.
00:13:03.840 --> 00:13:15.120
From survival to living, that line captures so much of what healing really is.
00:13:16.799 --> 00:13:26.320
When we are surviving, we are constantly protecting ourselves, adapting, pushing forward.
00:13:27.679 --> 00:13:36.879
We don't show up in our truest form, but when healing shifts, it's something magnificent.
00:13:38.240 --> 00:13:45.919
We begin to live, not just exist, we live with intention.
00:13:48.080 --> 00:13:56.480
And sometimes that is when our purpose begins to reveal itself.
00:13:57.440 --> 00:14:09.519
A few years ago I began writing poetry that is a reflection of where I was in my healing process.
00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:24.559
Those poems eventually became four books, and now I am taking another step, sharing my story with the world through this podcast.
00:14:24.879 --> 00:14:29.360
Purpose doesn't always arrive at once.
00:14:30.559 --> 00:14:34.639
Sometimes it unfolds slowly.
00:14:35.039 --> 00:14:47.519
Sometimes it shows up through things we love, through things that bring us peace, and through the ways we help others along the path.
00:14:47.759 --> 00:14:51.200
And my final poem is titled Awe.
00:14:52.559 --> 00:14:56.559
And this is from my book Finding My Connection.
00:14:58.799 --> 00:14:59.440
Awe.
00:15:43.919 --> 00:15:56.480
What matters is giving yourself the space to notice it, the space to cultivate it, the space to nurture it.
00:15:56.960 --> 00:16:01.120
Sometimes purpose begins in something very simple.
00:16:03.039 --> 00:16:17.759
Finding a space where you can hear your own thoughts, a space so safe, so sacred, so treasured.
00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:22.480
For me that space became writing.
00:16:24.080 --> 00:16:36.000
A notebook, a quiet moment, and letting the words come without any judgment.
00:16:36.559 --> 00:16:54.320
Maybe for you it's writing, maybe it's walking in nature, maybe it's sitting quietly and allowing yourself to notice what's then waiting to be heard.
00:16:55.039 --> 00:17:12.480
Whatever that space looks like for you, I encourage you to give yourself permission to find it, even if it feels very unfamiliar at first.
00:17:13.279 --> 00:17:25.359
Because sometimes the path forward begins with simply just listening, with your hand over your heart and your ears wide open.
00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:35.759
You might discover that the North Star you've been searching for has been with you all along.
00:17:39.440 --> 00:17:40.720
What a season.
00:17:41.039 --> 00:17:56.480
Thank you for listening to Held and Becoming a space for reflection, healing, and the courage to become who you truly, truly are.
00:17:58.960 --> 00:18:04.799
Until next time, so much, so much love.