WEBVTT
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Hi, Amy.
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Thank you so much for joining us today.
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I really, really appreciate taking the time and love the massive time difference trying to work that out.
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I think it's worse for you than it is for me.
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Yeah, you get to, you've definitely got the uh glamorous end of the deal here.
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I've got a lovely sunset behind me, and you've got a sunrise.
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So I think I've had a better end of this.
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Yeah, you definitely, absolutely did.
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So um, what does it um what does it feel like hearing that the bio that we um that I just read out?
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I often have to supply my my bio to people in my line of work, and every time it gets read out, I I wonder if they're reading the right thing.
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I cannot believe um that all those things are true and that I've got to live this life.
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When I think of myself as, you know, 18, 19, 20-year-old Amy, if she had known what was coming and that that this was all possible, then um she would have been a very happy and maybe slightly more confident young woman.
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Yeah, I mean, this is this is like the truth, right?
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We look back now and it's like all these, uh we were just saying, all these places were it's just so true, and you think, oh my god, like why did I ever not think that?
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Why didn't I appreciate myself in that way?
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I mean it's craziness.
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Yeah, I mean, it's what an incredible career, what an incredible life that you've been living in so so many different contrasting uh countries and experiences.
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It's it's mind-blowing.
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Yeah, no, I'm very lucky.
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I've also worked very hard to get where I I am.
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And many of those experiences have been delightful and wonderful, and some of them have been horrifically hard.
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So a real mix bag.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Well, I guess also in that way is like when life is really linear and nothing is moving and changing, it feels, I think, really stuck.
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Also, there is that, um, there is something that goes with the cycles, right?
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I mean, I dream of linear.
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Linear sounds sounds really cool.
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Like that sounds so nice and predictable and controllable and and easy.
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So something about that that that sounds really appealing, but I know that that's not that's not what my life has been.
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It's it's highly likely that's not what my life will be.
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So you've just got to ride those ups and downs, I think.
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Yeah, you are you are you're a a a lot of series of threes.
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So like every posting would be a three.
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Yes, yes.
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The number three does uh permeate my life many times.
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And the fact that we we go on it, we've gone on posting for three years, it's like that's my measure.
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So everything is in three-year instalment, and that's how I plan my life.
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Yeah.
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Oh, there must be something numerology-wise in a three years well.
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I don't know that I'll have to have to look that one up.
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Yeah.
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But thank you again, thank you so much for joining us today.
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And if you in entirely also up to you as we as we were talking, but thinking about the the journey that we were we were that we were discussing.
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Yeah.
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Feel free to share or not share whatever you like.
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Um but what do you think was what's the one proof that you have come to know on the other side of that journey?
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And is there a word or a metaphor or a cliche that's some too?
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I think it is probably important to talk a little bit about the particular event because I think unfortunately for me, uh, it's not the your sort of singular, horrible, traumatic thing that's happened to me.
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There have been many in my life.
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But the response that I've had to this one has been slightly different.
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And so I think it's important to just articulate that story a little bit.
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So about a year ago, I had a serious accident while I was on a holiday with my family on the south coast of Australia.
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I um was hit by a very large rogue wave in a swimming pool that was an ocean pool, and it sucked me out of the pool and threw me onto the rocks and um very rough ocean below, and I broke some vertebrae um and some ribs and um was paralyzed from the chest down.
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My family were with me that day.
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Um, my sister, my partner, my brother-in-law, my two nieces who were all on the beach and watched the whole thing unfold.
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Um, and uh my my partner and my brother-in-law, and some some very brave strangers from the beach ran in and yanked me out of the water because I um could not move.
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Um, all I could do was take a breath every time a wave hit me.
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I was rushed to hospital.
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I had surgery very, very quickly.
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Um, and I had some very impressive hardware installed in my back.
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I've got two metal, two metal poles and about 20 metal screws up the length of my spine.
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Um, but fortunately, my spinal cord was not severed.
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It was only compressed.
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So they were able to relieve that pressure pretty quickly.
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And then within a couple of days of being in the intensive care unit, the doctors told me that they thought I'd make a full recovery and that that I would would walk again and would have a normal life.
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So that was the accident.
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Um, and when I think about something that I would use to summarize that experience, and it's it's it's so interesting that you actually mentioned this word before.
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Um, and I was like, okay, this is going to be interesting that that you already talked about this.
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For me, the sentiment that sums up my experience is that things that felt impossible have become possible.
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Oh god, it's good as shivers.
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And I yeah, I mean that in the the most basic sort of sense in that um when I was under the water, when I was in the waves and I couldn't move my body, and my brain told me, all you can do right now is breathe.
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And so that's all I did was was breathe.
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When I was sitting in the hospital, there's this image that often comes back to me.
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I was lying in the ICU when I had a hundred cords coming out of me.
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I couldn't move.
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I was in tremendous pain.
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My back had just been opened up.
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And um, there were glass walls everywhere in the ICU, and across the hall from me, there was a woman who was about, I'm guessing, 60, 70 years old.
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She had long gray hair, and she was sitting there, um, sitting upright in bed with her legs crossed, drinking a cup of tea.
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And I remember lying there completely immobile and wrapped with pain and just thinking, how is she doing that?
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How is she sitting up?
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That's amazing.
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I'm never going to be able to do that.
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I'm never going to be able to sit up myself.
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I'm never going to be able to like hold a cup of tea and drink it.
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Like that's sort of the level of the physical limit I was under.
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Yeah.
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But then, you know, within two walks, two weeks, I was doing laps around the ward.
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Like, if someone had told me that that was possible, I probably wouldn't have believed them.
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But turns out it was.
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And I can apply that metaphor to so many points of the journey that I've gone through, from being able to just sit up and have a cup of tea in bed to being able to move to the Solomon Islands less than a year, six months after I had my accident and resume my life and resume my job.
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Like all of these things were impossible to me.
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They have become possible with the the passing of time.
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So that's that's what I think about when I think about this particular journey is that you can overcome it.
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Yeah.
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And I don't want to sound like polyannery about it.
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I don't want to be like, you know, the cliche thing, like anything is possible.
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Like, you know, some things aren't.
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Um, my life is different.
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Um, you know, I live with chronic pain.
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I I live with a ladder in between me and any surface that's behind me.
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Like there are some things I will never be able to do again.
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But I can sit up in bed and I can have a cup of tea.
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So oh my god, Amy, there's literally so many questions that are now just racing through my racing through my mind there.
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But one thing that really struck me, you said that when you were lying there and your brain said the one thing you can do is keep breathing.
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And sometimes that's it, isn't it?
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It's just focusing on what is the one thing that I could what is the one thing that I can can do right now in in my life that's oh it's exactly like Anna says in Frozen 2, the next right thing.
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Many, many nieces in my life.
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Uh yeah, no, it absolutely is okay.
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What's next?
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In that moment it was breathing, the next week it was sitting, the next week it was taking a step, the next week it was having a bowel movement, the next week it was and so on and so on.
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And it's like this this pebble that you know it it gets larger and larger the more it sort of expands out in that body of water, and over time they were suddenly doing things that you never thought you'd be able to.
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Yeah, I mean that's amazing, but I don't think it is a cliche, like literally the anything is possible is the driver for why I do what I do now, because I truly I do truly believe that the life that we always want.
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I mean, obviously there's both an accident, etc., there's different things that go with that, but in general, the life that we want is always there if we are willing to take action and and move towards it.
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But I guess in oh gosh, sorry, I've lost my bluming train of thought now.
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There was a question in there.
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Um there was a question in there for you.
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And but I do really love that as a sentiment to to hold that anything is possible.
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And if I when you were talking in several points of that, I just felt feel really struck by this almost like a micro moment in time that changes everything, but then also somehow times again to you in a in an adjusted way, in a different way, give you your life back also.
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It it's a process and it's a framework you can apply.
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So in that moment, take the breath, take the step, it's the next thing.
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But if you actually use that as a a way to sort of govern and guardrail your life, it actually gives you a pretty clear pathway for how you can choose to respond and react to certain things and the way you carry yourself and the way you make decisions and uh where you summon your courage.
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And if you just agree to maybe just do one thing extra or one thing new, or maybe consider that even though it is impossible today, it might be possible tomorrow, then I think that's that's a good approach.
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Yeah.
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And it's simple as well, isn't it?
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Because it cuts away all the nonsense, it cuts away all the bullshit, and it's like, what's the one thing that I can do now?
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What is that one, what's that one thing, and just keep moving from.
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I mean, it obviously also sounds incredibly simple.
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It must have been very hard at that point to believe that there was another one thing that you could keep doing and moving with.
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Well, I don't think if if you sort of line up all the things that I knew I had to do, i.e., learn to walk again, get out of hospital, somehow find the energy to go back to work, to do a job that's physically demanding, to be a good partner, to be a good aunt, to be a good sister, all those things together, that's too that was too much.
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When I thought about the the massive journey that was ahead of me, that was overwhelming.
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And I think, yeah, breaking it up into sort of more consumable bite sizes is a little bit more, a little bit more pragmatic.
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Yeah, but it also makes it feel durable, doesn't it, when it's literally it's not, it's not like you say like the whole process that goes one, two, three, four, five.
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It's like, okay, one, where are we at?
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What am I doing?
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How does that look and what's what's going what's going on there?
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And how long do you think at that at that point, how long do you think it took to sort of really feel believable that anything is possible?
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I still don't I'm still coming to terms with what happened to me, I think.
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And it does sound a little like even when I say it out loud, even when I just said it to you, it sounds it sounds way too chilly to me.
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I don't know.
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I think I'm still working through that.
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I think it was just it was it was micro moments.
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It wasn't like a a sudden reckoning or a sudden revelation.
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Oh, anything's possible.
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It was like tiny little bullets of proof, like like those first few steps I took.
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I was like, oh, okay, okay, I will accept that I might be able to walk again.
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I will accept that that's possible.
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But there's no way in hell I'm ever going to be able to do this and this and this and this and this, and then catastrophize everything and feel very sad and depressed and angry about it.
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But it was like continuous little micro reminders of that possibility.
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And it sort of built over time and collectivized over time.
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And I found myself believing it and buying into it more and more.
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And I think it's only in hindsight that I, when you asked that question and I thought about it, that that's where I landed, that things that felt impossible have become possible.
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Because I don't think that was something that I felt at the time.
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And it was only after having gone through all of those things that I started to feel that way.
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And I guess, yeah, sorry the skew, sorry, the punning that way, but it's like at that point, it literally is putting one foot in front of the other.
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And if it's one step today, it's two tomorrow, it's three, maybe it goes back to one, but it keeps you you keep going and you keep you keep moving.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Now, as you said, you're you're already a year, um, a year later.
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What did that what did that middle part look like and and feel like at that time?
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How did you keep going?
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Well, I mean, I I don't think I'm a poster child for a healthy way of dealing with trauma.
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My particular brand of dealing with trauma is to squash it down to the furthest recess of my soul, pretend like it didn't happen, nothing to see here, everything's fine, we're moving on, okay?
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Yeah, like I was just so determined to get over it as quickly as I possibly could and get back to my life because I loved my life.
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I was perfectly happy and the happiest that I had been in in such a long time.
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I was so annoyed that this happened because, you know, things were finally really clicking and falling into place, and I was genuinely content.
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So I was so pissed off that this happened.
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I didn't need any reminders of what my sister calls, you know, she always says, we didn't need any reminders of how precious our lives are.
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We we've had plenty.
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And so my my approach was just like, okay, we're done.
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I'm fine, everything's fine, and now we can just move forward and be completely happy again.
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Yeah.
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So I don't think I really allowed myself to fully feel um the pain, the anger, and the unfairness of that whole thing and the randomness of that whole thing, because I was just so determined to move on.
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So when I when I said before that I I said I'm I'm still coming to terms with what happened to me, I think that's what I'm coming to terms with.
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It's yeah, I've had this wonderful physical um recovery.
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I'm walking, I'm running, I'm jumping, I'm dancing.
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Um, people look at me, they have no idea.
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Tell them my story and they are flabbergasted because you wouldn't tell there was anything wrong with me.
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And then they see this scar on my back and they're like, holy crap, what happened to you?
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Which um, yeah, it's hot in the Solomon Islands and people aren't as polite as they are back home.
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And but I um yeah, I think um how I dealt with it was just to run through it as quickly as I could.
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And maybe I should have slowed down a bit more and let myself really heal in a much more healthy and kind of way.
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And there's also somehow going back to that one thing, it's almost like was that a point where it's like actually first I need to physically heal, and then maybe that's something that that comes that comes later.
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There's one thing, what can I do right now?
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I need to physically rebuild my life.
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Yeah, I I hundred percent agree.
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Um, and I think at the time and this sort of very, very acute period, those first few months, I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to be dealing with that side of it.
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All I had the energy to do was have physical recovery.
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But I was very aware of that.
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And I my sister is a clinical psychologist, so she was on this from you know the moment it happened, and she was like, you have to feel it, you have to talk about it.
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I'm like, I know, but that's just gonna go in a box over there until we're ready to open that box because right now I'm dealing with this problem.
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Um yes, that that physical problem rather than that emotional problem, yeah, which kind of fed that whole approach I was taking with just like, let's just get through this as fast as we possibly can.
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I kept waiting for that box to um to open itself.
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It didn't really, I mean, apart from the apparently I was having some panic attacks and the very Early days in the ICU, I would start shaking uncontrollably and couldn't breathe properly.
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And it tended to happen every time a medical professional came in the room.
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And I'm like, I don't know why this is happening.
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This is very strange.
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And my sister was like, You're having a panic attack.
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I'm like, I don't do that.
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I don't, my body doesn't do that.
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And my brain is smart enough to tell my body not to do that.
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Um, but to open itself, it didn't really.
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I mean, apart from a apparently I was having some panic attacks in the very early days in the ICU.
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I would start shaking uncontrollably and couldn't breathe properly.
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And it tended to happen every time a medical professional came in the room.
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And I'm like, I don't know why this is happening.
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This is very strange.
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And my sister was like, You're having a panic attack.
00:22:42.720 --> 00:22:44.160
I'm like, no, I don't do that.
00:22:44.720 --> 00:22:46.240
I don't, my body doesn't do that.
00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:49.119
And my brain is smart enough to tell my body not to do that.
00:22:49.279 --> 00:22:52.960
Um, but I'm pretty certain that's what was actually happening.
00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:57.440
But that only lasted a few days and then they went away.
00:22:57.759 --> 00:23:11.759
As I said, I think it's only really been around that sort of one-year anniversary where I've let myself feel a little more open to talking about the emotional trauma of that, not just the physical.
00:23:12.720 --> 00:23:14.559
Yeah, and I mean that that's the thing, isn't it?
00:23:14.640 --> 00:23:16.079
It's like everything is.
00:23:16.319 --> 00:23:17.039
I don't know why.
00:23:17.119 --> 00:23:20.079
I always kind of come to a Harry Potter.
00:23:20.319 --> 00:23:30.480
I'm not even a massive fan, but when you look at Baltimore and he starts off all of himself with these whore crookses, I don't know if you know Harry Potter.
00:23:31.680 --> 00:23:33.920
Um, I'm following you, yep, keep going.
00:23:34.960 --> 00:23:41.200
But he separates himself off into all of these whore crookses and he he throws them as far apart as possible.
00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:46.960
And that's what he's evil and he's the body, but that's what gives him the strength.
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:54.799
And actually, when all Harry Potter, his um his journey is finding all of those and destroying them.
00:23:55.119 --> 00:24:05.680
Because when they when he comes back together as a as a whole somehow, that's when he's vulnerable, and actually that's part of our journey as well, isn't it?
00:24:05.759 --> 00:24:13.920
That's coming back as that whole, being vulnerable and being open and feeling whole again.
00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:22.799
Yeah, I I guess that's I love that we're talking about Harry Potter and Frozen in his context in this conversation, and I think that is highly appropriate.
00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:30.720
I think for me, I didn't really see it as like separate parts of myself and gathering them all up at the end.
00:24:30.799 --> 00:24:43.119
I I kind of felt like it was just a Maslow's hierarchy of needs, it was just like survival, yeah, shelter food, and then at the the very bottom of that pyramid is emotional well-being.
00:24:43.599 --> 00:24:50.319
Um but I think what I'm learning is perhaps we need to flip that that triangle upside down a little bit.
00:24:51.279 --> 00:25:01.599
And yeah, sort of just not be quite so focused on the I'm fine, everything's fine, I'm perfect.
00:25:01.839 --> 00:25:05.039
Um it's okay to say that you aren't.
00:25:05.359 --> 00:25:21.839
Um that part of yourself is allowed to be made public, and that when you do that, Hamani and I don't know, the other characters will come around you and um and help you and love you and and support you.
00:25:21.920 --> 00:25:24.160
And right, right, right, is that isn't that right?
00:25:24.240 --> 00:25:26.079
Okay, yeah, yeah.
00:25:27.119 --> 00:25:27.440
Exactly.
00:25:27.599 --> 00:25:28.240
Yes, exactly.
00:25:28.400 --> 00:25:30.720
You your dream team are gonna be there with you.
00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:32.079
Yeah.
00:25:32.400 --> 00:25:36.079
And and actually that's a really good point in that way.
00:25:36.640 --> 00:25:42.640
Who obviously you had acute things that you were going through at that time.
00:25:43.279 --> 00:25:53.039
And how did the people who were around you, like for them also, who were with you on the day, and obviously with you on your your recovery?
00:25:53.759 --> 00:25:57.119
It's it's a huge life-changing part for all of you.
00:25:57.440 --> 00:25:58.400
Um, absolutely.
00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:03.279
This did not happen to me, this happened to so many people.
00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:10.799
And it's funny because I feel like, in a way, it has affected those that love me more.
00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:16.079
Sorry, it affected those who love me the most more than it affected me.
00:26:17.359 --> 00:26:28.480
Because they saw it happen and they witnessed my pain and were scared that they would lose me.
00:26:28.880 --> 00:26:29.279
Yeah.
00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:32.880
I didn't see this happen.
00:26:34.640 --> 00:26:41.200
I never thought for a second that you know I wouldn't walk, even though there was that possibility.
00:26:41.279 --> 00:26:45.119
I was like, no, this actually is not conceivable to me.
00:26:45.440 --> 00:26:50.319
But I think in some ways it was harder for the people that loved me than it was for me.
00:26:51.759 --> 00:26:58.160
And I think that's partly also because I'm like, okay, we're fine, we're moving on.
00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:02.000
That might have something to do with that.
00:27:03.759 --> 00:27:08.160
If I back up a little second here, I mean there's uh there's some things that have gone on.
00:27:08.319 --> 00:27:08.640
Yeah.
00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:14.319
No, my family um have struggled and in their own ways.
00:27:15.119 --> 00:27:18.400
My brother-in-law and my partner had their own injuries.
00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:28.640
My sisters and my extended family, my my close friends, my Canberra family that I call them.
00:27:29.519 --> 00:27:34.400
Yeah, they all went through this with me in some ways far worse than I did.
00:27:35.440 --> 00:27:35.680
Yeah.
00:27:36.240 --> 00:27:52.480
I guess in that way it's almost like you, you had a focus, um, whereas they were like almost they got the helicopter view of everything, the the initial witness, and then witnessing your journey on the on the other side of it.
00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:55.519
And I guess obviously probably wanting to be swung for you.
00:27:55.680 --> 00:27:59.279
And I think for them it was it was outward.
00:27:59.359 --> 00:28:12.640
It was like you could see the body, you could see me, you could see the pain, you could see the hospital building, the drives every day, the the food collection, the the letters to family, like it was a very external experience.
00:28:12.720 --> 00:28:14.799
But for me, it was entirely internal.
00:28:15.680 --> 00:28:30.720
I was living inside my brain mostly, I would say, during that period, and just like constantly thinking about how I'm gonna get better and what I need to do to fix this.
00:28:30.880 --> 00:28:34.480
And um the very internal experience for me.
00:28:34.880 --> 00:28:53.119
Yeah, and I don't know why, and maybe this is not relevant for for you, when you were saying that, it just struck me something you were saying about when you were when you were in Baghdad, being in those compounds and it's very insular, everything looks the same.
00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:57.680
Was there any yeah, did that any draws or parallels between that?
00:28:58.240 --> 00:28:58.880
Absolutely.
00:28:59.039 --> 00:29:00.319
It's really interesting you say that.
00:29:00.480 --> 00:29:16.559
Yeah, I think for you to be able to be happy in a place like Baghdad and living on compounds, you have to have a very rich internal life and a vivid imagination that takes you out and above and far, far away.
00:29:16.720 --> 00:29:39.279
Um and I think I I think that's a real skill of mine is to be able to sit in some, you know, pretty horrible and challenging parts of the world, um, and be able to sort of yeah, use my brain and my creativity and my imagination to to create joy in life in those sorts of places.
00:29:40.720 --> 00:29:45.680
Yeah, because I mean it's almost like there's always a green shoe of something somewhere.
00:29:46.480 --> 00:29:46.880
Yeah.
00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:47.920
Yeah.
00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:55.680
And I and that may be part of that why that metaphor of what feels impossible becomes possible.
00:29:56.079 --> 00:29:57.599
That's imagination.
00:29:58.880 --> 00:29:59.920
That's what that is.
00:30:00.079 --> 00:30:03.039
That's that's creativity, that's that's hope.
00:30:03.279 --> 00:30:11.839
That is taking yourself out of your current situation by the power of your brain to something else.
00:30:12.319 --> 00:30:17.839
Yeah, daring to believe, daring to believe that there is something, there is another possibility.
00:30:18.160 --> 00:30:23.920
And was there was there a point, any point where you were just like, this is just not working?
00:30:24.079 --> 00:30:26.960
Like this is just not, this is just not gonna happen.
00:30:27.279 --> 00:30:27.599
No.
00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:38.880
Um, no, as I said, like um, even like in those first few days when we weren't actually sure if I was going to walk again, I didn't believe that.
00:30:39.359 --> 00:30:46.160
Like, even though I was deeply concerned about it, I still there was something in the back of my mind that didn't quite let me believe that.
00:30:46.400 --> 00:30:59.759
Now, whether that is absolute pure denial and a complete detachment from reality, or whether that is my intrinsic ability to be hopeful, I don't know.
00:30:59.920 --> 00:31:09.119
Maybe it's maybe it's the combination of the two, but there was no point in my journey in the last 12 months where I didn't think I was gonna be okay.
00:31:09.359 --> 00:31:09.839
Yeah.
00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:11.119
Oh, I love that.
00:31:11.279 --> 00:31:13.119
Well, I also see that in a different way.
00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:24.079
That is that also that an inner connection to yourself that you you felt that actually, no, this is this isn't this isn't it.
00:31:24.240 --> 00:31:25.279
I am not having it.
00:31:25.440 --> 00:31:28.799
Maybe it's just maybe it I think that yeah, that's definitely part of it.
00:31:28.880 --> 00:31:32.160
I'm like, I'm not having this, this is unacceptable to me, this is not what I ordered.
00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:37.519
Um but I also think it was probably just honed at a home skill.
00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:42.000
Um I've been through some other sort of pretty horrible things in my life.
00:31:42.079 --> 00:31:54.640
And there were times previously where I was not that confident, where I didn't feel that I was gonna make it, where I did feel like I didn't have hope, and where I did feel hopeless.
00:31:55.440 --> 00:32:02.960
And they were different contexts, and they weren't necessarily about a physical um recovery, which is what very much what this was about.
00:32:03.680 --> 00:32:09.359
So I have had those feelings before where I have like thought, no, I I don't think I can get through this.
00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:21.039
But I didn't have those feelings for this one, and I'm I'm sort of I'm wondering now what what it was about me or my life um then to allow me to have that different reaction this time.
00:32:21.359 --> 00:32:22.000
Yeah.
00:32:22.319 --> 00:32:24.240
I think everything shapes us, doesn't it?
00:32:24.400 --> 00:32:34.880
Like the way where we are, it takes us to one place and we learn something different, we evolve and we move change to allow me to have that different reaction this time.
00:32:35.200 --> 00:32:35.839
Yeah.
00:32:36.240 --> 00:32:38.160
I think everything shapes us, doesn't it?
00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:45.680
Like the way where we are, it takes us to one place and we learn something different, we evolve and we move on.
00:32:45.839 --> 00:33:03.920
And it's almost like that sometimes we we keep building that, we keep pouring into that emotional resilience that we have so that I think sometimes that every time something happens, we don't fall as far because we've built up that emotional resilience and our our cup is fuller.
00:33:04.079 --> 00:33:06.000
That it's like, okay, what do I do with this?
00:33:06.079 --> 00:33:09.200
How do in your like you like, no, this is not happening.
00:33:09.359 --> 00:33:12.079
I um I am not accepting this.
00:33:12.799 --> 00:33:19.279
Yeah, no, I I definitely think emotional resilience is a skill, and I think it's something you can practice.
00:33:19.519 --> 00:33:25.359
I think some people might be better at it than others um and might not have to try as hard.
00:33:25.519 --> 00:33:29.680
Um, but I still think it's something you can build and develop over time.
00:33:29.839 --> 00:33:32.960
I mean, I will you don't want to be tested too much, do you?
00:33:33.039 --> 00:33:49.440
You don't want to become a super expert, a super resilient um person, because that's kind of maybe maybe what I've been doing the last year is becoming a little bit too resilient and not like and keeping keep keeping a bit of that soft underbelly, I think is also um useful as well.
00:33:49.680 --> 00:33:51.440
Or maybe it was just turning 40.
00:33:51.519 --> 00:33:52.160
I don't know.
00:33:53.680 --> 00:33:56.400
I mean, you know, magical number.
00:33:56.720 --> 00:34:02.240
Yeah, I don't think, yeah, a lot of people really with 40 think, oh no, this is terrible.
00:34:02.319 --> 00:34:04.480
I it's a number, isn't it?
00:34:04.559 --> 00:34:09.199
Um yeah, 40's the new 30 is um is where I go with that.
00:34:09.360 --> 00:34:10.559
Yeah, yeah.
00:34:11.119 --> 00:34:20.639
Um it was interesting what you were saying there about the everybody else who was coming along on that who has come along on that journey with you.
00:34:21.519 --> 00:34:25.199
And do you think uh has that changed any of those relations?
00:34:27.039 --> 00:34:28.719
With my brother-in-law, I think.
00:34:29.840 --> 00:34:34.639
He has been in our family um for as long as I can remember.
00:34:35.440 --> 00:34:41.119
He he and my sister started dating when they were like, I don't know, 12 or something ridiculous, I don't know.
00:34:41.360 --> 00:34:46.800
And so he's always been in my life as a as a boy, as a teenager, as a young man.
00:34:47.119 --> 00:34:54.159
He jumped into that water and put his own life at risk in front of his wife and two girls.
00:34:54.639 --> 00:35:05.199
Feel tethered physically and emotionally to him because he was the first one to get to me.
00:35:07.039 --> 00:35:11.519
So funny that word just came into my head, tethered, and he tethered himself to me.
00:35:12.159 --> 00:35:17.920
And then my partner got to me, and both of them somehow managed to get me.
00:35:18.320 --> 00:35:24.400
My my gratitude and my love for my brother-in-law has increased.
00:35:25.440 --> 00:35:39.440
And I think the love I have for um my partner and my two sisters very loved them very much, and I was already as close as I could be to those people.
00:35:39.679 --> 00:35:46.320
I don't think that has changed, it has just reconfirmed that love and that they are in my life.
00:35:46.559 --> 00:35:59.199
But I think the unexpected uptake and love has been for my brother-in-law because even though we, you know, we were very close, and he's as I said, he's my brother-in-law and he's been part of my family so long.
00:35:59.519 --> 00:36:00.079
Well, isn't it?
00:36:00.159 --> 00:36:15.519
And I guess it's things that nobody ever wishes to know how you would respond or how we how you would react that somebody did that, and that's a connection that you will you will have for life.
00:36:16.719 --> 00:36:26.000
My brother-in-law and my partner, they um they saved my life that day, and um that's a that's a factor you never quite uh forget.
00:36:26.559 --> 00:36:36.639
It's literally, as you said earlier, it's like things don't happen to one person in I'm paraphrasing now, but in isolation, it's it's a whole collective, isn't it?
00:36:36.800 --> 00:36:43.840
That it makes us realize more that we are not alone, we are part of something bigger.
00:36:44.480 --> 00:36:48.880
Well, the the beauty of of crisis and trauma is that it illuminates.
00:36:49.119 --> 00:36:50.400
Oh, this sounds so hicky.
00:36:50.719 --> 00:36:53.920
When you go through something like this, you're like, holy shit.
00:36:54.400 --> 00:37:00.480
Oh, so much low a horrible way to spend a minute alone in that hospital.
00:37:00.559 --> 00:37:01.679
I was there for six weeks.
00:37:01.840 --> 00:37:08.000
It's just a line of people inside the door to come and spend time with me and comfort me and tell me that they love me.
00:37:08.320 --> 00:37:24.000
All over the world that I hadn't seen for you, didn't think, you know, people have thought of me that much, but like the messages that I got from you know, the far corners of the world was just that was such a lovely thing, I think.
00:37:24.320 --> 00:37:27.679
Being reminded of of the fact that you were loved.
00:37:28.159 --> 00:37:28.719
Yeah.
00:37:29.039 --> 00:37:29.920
Absolutely.
00:37:30.159 --> 00:37:45.920
I mean, I remember something that I was thinking when you were talking that that's one of my that's one of my lasting sort of memories, the uh memories or something that I knew about you in DACA was you were always very close to your family.
00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:54.239
You spoke about them a lot, you were always, especially with your nieces, there was lots of things that you were always planning to do and go, and that always sticks in my mind.
00:37:54.400 --> 00:37:58.159
So it's Amy say, ah, family, Amy, family.
00:37:58.639 --> 00:38:02.559
Yeah, well, one thing that is not in my bio is world's greatest auntie.
00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:03.920
So um maybe we should add that.
00:38:04.079 --> 00:38:05.920
We'll just cut we'll just correct that right there.
00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:11.360
We'll put that in because you really always went that extra mile.
00:38:11.440 --> 00:38:15.360
Like you were so you are so involved, invested, and present.
00:38:15.519 --> 00:38:35.199
Yeah, it was always clear that it was such a huge, such a huge part of um I remember I don't go on Facebook very often, and I remember your um post was at the top of my feed, and I remember just thinking, my God, like this is unbelievable, like how yeah.
00:38:35.360 --> 00:38:48.639
So even as a very far distant bystander, outstander, whatever you want to call it, it was it felt so visceral to to to see and yeah, read about that news.
00:38:48.719 --> 00:38:52.079
It felt really shocking that yeah, yeah.
00:38:52.960 --> 00:38:54.719
Because it's not supposed to happen, right?
00:38:55.039 --> 00:38:55.920
Yeah, yeah.
00:38:56.239 --> 00:39:04.719
Yeah, that's not supposed to happen close to me and love me and and have been involved in my life, know that there have been many sad things that have happened.
00:39:04.880 --> 00:39:14.000
Um again, seriously, like you you've had your three, you're done your three, like you you're done, like now the rest of your life is gonna be pure joy and happiness.
00:39:14.159 --> 00:39:17.679
And the fact that that's not true for people.
00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:31.360
I think that happens every time something bad happens to someone, they're like, no, no, this was not part of the plan, and this is so unfair, and and it did we sign anything that said that life would be fair, and that's a that's a bit of pill to swallow.
00:39:31.519 --> 00:39:32.639
It's true.
00:39:33.039 --> 00:39:33.679
Yeah.
00:39:34.159 --> 00:39:42.320
And what's now, obviously, a year um a year later, what's the what's the taking?
00:39:42.480 --> 00:39:49.119
What do you take from it that you're like that this is a learning for me and this is for my life moving forward?
00:39:50.239 --> 00:39:53.360
Yeah, it's it's funny how often I get asked that question.
00:39:53.519 --> 00:39:59.360
It's like when something bad happens to you, you have to have some sort of revelatory.
00:40:01.039 --> 00:40:07.199
What I'm slowly getting my head around is that and and just like white knuckling it.
00:40:08.480 --> 00:40:19.039
Maybe it's okay to stop, maybe it's okay to be slow, be a bit more present, be a bit more vulnerable, be a bit more in pain, ask for a bit more help.
00:40:19.199 --> 00:40:21.599
I'm slowly coming to terms with it.
00:40:21.679 --> 00:40:24.960
I'm slowly formulating some views around that.
00:40:25.199 --> 00:40:36.079
Once you get through that, that sort of immediate acute phase of trauma, it's like, okay, well, what's the lesson and how do I improve and and how do I go forward and be happier and healthier?
00:40:36.159 --> 00:40:46.480
And I haven't quite figured that out yet, but I think it has something to do with um and being a little less perfect or broken.
00:40:48.960 --> 00:40:50.079
Because I am.
00:40:50.559 --> 00:40:50.880
Yeah.
00:40:51.119 --> 00:40:53.280
I'm broken in half, and they too.
00:40:53.360 --> 00:41:03.199
Yeah, there has been much pain in my life, and you can't just be expected to be glistening and sparkly and and everything's fine.
00:41:03.280 --> 00:41:08.159
So I think maybe it's around some of those words that I just ineloquently kind of wrote.
00:41:08.639 --> 00:41:09.679
No, I like it.
00:41:09.760 --> 00:41:14.079
I think there's so much in that that there are a lot of life lessons, right?
00:41:14.239 --> 00:41:19.119
Just learning to accept, learning to accept the all of those different things.
00:41:19.360 --> 00:41:25.679
It's that's yeah, that's a huge, that's a huge life lesson right there.
00:41:27.519 --> 00:41:35.440
Now, obviously, being on the other side of it, now you're in the beautiful Solomon Islands with permanent sunshine.
00:41:35.760 --> 00:41:37.920
Um what's different for you now?
00:41:38.079 --> 00:41:42.880
What's what's the what's the next, what's the forward motion?
00:41:43.360 --> 00:41:44.639
What context are you talking about?
00:41:44.800 --> 00:41:49.679
I think physically, um, not live the physical life that I used to live.
00:41:49.840 --> 00:41:52.320
There are some things I I can't do anymore.
00:41:53.039 --> 00:42:01.840
Things about living in in the Solomon Islands is sort of get on a banana boat and go island hopping because jostling around up and down on a tiny boat.
00:42:02.159 --> 00:42:06.880
So there's there's a lot of limitations on what I can do physically with my body.
00:42:07.599 --> 00:42:14.239
There's a lot of limitations in what I how I choose to to walk around the world as well.
00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:28.159
I I really do feel like with this accident, I played my Joker card times when I cross the road now instead of once, because I just can't move around the world with that same level of carefreeness that I used to.
00:42:28.400 --> 00:42:30.239
So that's a little different.
00:42:30.880 --> 00:42:52.800
I am trying to be more slow and to feel things a bit more, not too much, rather than just continually focusing on getting to the next thing, doing the next thing, making the next achievement, getting that promotion, getting that posting, um trying to sort of sit with some of those uncomfortable.
00:42:53.119 --> 00:43:02.079
Being linear, like I said to you before, like being linear would be lovely, um, instead of these peaks and troughs, which are really inconvenient.
00:43:02.239 --> 00:43:15.920
Yeah, so I think it's it's it's the knowing that there's restrictions on my body, knowing that there's sort of more um risk mitigance that that I have um through this experience and through all of the experiences.
00:43:16.320 --> 00:43:16.960
Yeah.
00:43:17.679 --> 00:43:21.920
Yeah, I love that because I guess it goes back again to that slowing down, isn't it?
00:43:22.079 --> 00:43:31.599
The slowing down, being more present, and keep coming back to where you are and where you are are able to be right now.
00:43:31.920 --> 00:43:34.159
Yeah, and not be quite so forward-looking.
00:43:34.239 --> 00:43:40.880
I'm I was always so I still am, I'm working on it, but so focused on the future and what was next.
00:43:40.960 --> 00:43:46.960
And I think I was just perpetually always moving towards something and could never enjoy where I was.
00:43:47.360 --> 00:43:48.639
Because I was always so focused.
00:43:48.960 --> 00:43:54.800
One thing I one thing I've been doing the last few years is I've I keep a happy thoughts book.
00:43:55.840 --> 00:43:57.199
Continuing the movie theme.
00:43:57.280 --> 00:43:59.840
Did you ever watch Hook when you were a kid?
00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:00.880
Uh yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:44:01.119 --> 00:44:01.360
Yeah.
00:44:02.559 --> 00:44:09.840
One of my favorite movies and um the happy thought, the thing that makes them float, the thing that makes them fly.
00:44:10.079 --> 00:44:14.400
And so I thought, okay, every day I'm gonna write something down that is my happy thought for the day.
00:44:14.960 --> 00:44:15.199
Yeah.
00:44:15.440 --> 00:44:18.719
Um I've found that to be a really, really useful practice.
00:44:18.800 --> 00:44:21.840
And I tell all my family and friends to do the same thing.
00:44:22.000 --> 00:44:31.440
Um journaling, um, sort of not an exploration of feelings and um process, but it's it's just uh this thing happened today and it was really cool.
00:44:31.599 --> 00:44:33.519
And I just want to clock that.
00:44:33.920 --> 00:44:34.320
Yeah.
00:44:35.280 --> 00:44:37.599
I think that encourages presence.
00:44:38.159 --> 00:44:39.920
Yeah, and that's the thing, isn't it?
00:44:40.079 --> 00:44:52.000
We we get so we get so stuck moving between the past and the future that we forget about the present, we forget about what's going on right now because actually that's where life is being lived.
00:44:52.159 --> 00:44:55.039
Life is being lived right here, right now, we're talking.
00:44:55.199 --> 00:45:01.360
It's not about you know, in an hour's time, maybe you're gonna go for dinner, I'm gonna have my first coffee.
00:45:01.519 --> 00:45:06.800
Um, there's there's these different things, but it's it's literally what what is happening now.
00:45:07.760 --> 00:45:15.760
Yes, because you could be literally hit by a wave and sucked through an ocean wall and end up in hospital for three months.
00:45:15.920 --> 00:45:32.320
So yeah, you may as well try and be a little bit more present and enjoy yeah, what's around you, have your sense of perspective, have your sense of gratefulness and yeah, just be yeah, just be.
00:45:32.480 --> 00:45:40.800
And what are you what are you most proud of yourself for in the journey that you have well are still in?
00:45:41.119 --> 00:45:43.920
What would you give yourself for?
00:45:45.440 --> 00:46:00.800
Oh god, that is such awful quite proud of the fact that I never lost my sense of humor or my sense of joy, even in my really, really dark moments.
00:46:01.840 --> 00:46:12.000
I remember being wheeled off to surgery and I think I'd put my hand up in the air and said bye Felicia or something stupid like that.
00:46:12.079 --> 00:46:26.480
I my girlfriends sneak champagne into the spinal ward so I could illegally drink alcohol within vowed that my relationships have become stronger through this.
00:46:26.559 --> 00:46:45.519
I'm really proud of my partner and I for getting through a deeply horrible time that are stronger and more in love than we ever have been because that was hard, and to see him um watch me go through that pain and to to never leave.
00:46:45.599 --> 00:47:06.559
I'm so grateful that he'd never left because of my sisters and me, because we do this all without a mother to you know continually get hit by life's waves, um, and for us to still love and support each other the way we do, I'm so proud of us as well.
00:47:07.360 --> 00:47:12.480
So yeah, that's called humour, joy, love, and disability.
00:47:13.039 --> 00:47:14.320
Oh, I love that, Amy.
00:47:14.480 --> 00:47:15.199
That's amazing.
00:47:15.440 --> 00:47:20.639
And I feel really do you know the um the Japanese art of Kisuki?
00:47:21.840 --> 00:47:23.119
Yes, I've heard of that.
00:47:23.599 --> 00:47:24.000
Yeah.
00:47:24.239 --> 00:47:40.239
And I don't know why, just I was thinking of that when when you were talking, and it's life breaks, it changes, and we can put it back together, and there's a gold thread that runs through things that it's beautiful again, but it's different, but it's whole again.
00:47:41.440 --> 00:47:42.719
Well, there's your word.
00:47:42.960 --> 00:47:43.280
Okay.
00:47:43.599 --> 00:47:57.440
So the very first question you asked me, you asked me to identify a metaphor or a sort of sentiment or a word, and I very easily could identify some sentences and some some coming up for a word was was nearly impossible.
00:47:57.519 --> 00:48:00.079
I couldn't think of a word, but there you go, there's that, that'll do.
00:48:00.320 --> 00:48:02.079
Yes, okay, we'll go with that.
00:48:03.039 --> 00:48:05.760
Oh my god, Amy, thank you so much.
00:48:05.920 --> 00:48:17.440
Like I can't imagine uh a fraction of of what you have been through in the last year, but you, your strength and your resilience is is incredible.
00:48:17.519 --> 00:48:21.679
That at no point did you doubt that anything was going to be any different.
00:48:21.920 --> 00:48:29.440
And yeah, you are thriving and living to tell the tale and basking in the eternal sunshine.
00:48:29.920 --> 00:48:32.320
Yes, and the sweaty sunshine.
00:48:33.840 --> 00:48:40.159
Yeah, but I really, really appreciate you taking the time to share and share your journey with us today.
00:48:40.960 --> 00:48:42.400
Thank you for having me.
00:48:45.119 --> 00:48:48.320
There's something beautifully simple about Amy's story.
00:48:48.480 --> 00:48:51.840
Not because what happened was simple, of course it absolutely wasn't.
00:48:52.079 --> 00:48:55.199
A rogue wave changed her life in a matter of seconds.
00:48:55.360 --> 00:49:01.360
One minute she was on holiday with her family, the next she was lying in intensive care, wondering if she'd ever walk again.
00:49:01.519 --> 00:49:08.880
What's really struck me wasn't just her recovery, which is incredibly remarkable, but it was how she recovered.
00:49:09.039 --> 00:49:13.840
She didn't try to solve the next year, she didn't try to figure out the rest of her life.
00:49:14.000 --> 00:49:17.599
She just kept asking herself, what's the next thing?
00:49:17.920 --> 00:49:21.840
One breath, one movement, one step, then another.
00:49:22.079 --> 00:49:29.199
I think that's such a powerful reminder because it's so easy to get overwhelmed by the size of what sits in front of us.
00:49:29.360 --> 00:49:35.679
We jump into the future, imagining everything that could go wrong, or we look backwards wishing things had been different.
00:49:35.920 --> 00:49:38.159
Meanwhile, life is just a life thing.
00:49:38.239 --> 00:49:40.639
It's happening right here, right now.
00:49:40.800 --> 00:49:44.639
Sometimes the bravest thing we can do isn't having all the answers.
00:49:44.800 --> 00:49:47.840
It's just asking, what's that next thing I can do?
00:49:48.000 --> 00:49:50.400
Amy also reminded me of something else.
00:49:50.719 --> 00:49:57.760
We spend so much time wanting life to be neat and predictable, but it isn't and we don't have that control.
00:49:58.079 --> 00:50:00.239
It never was, it never will be.
00:50:00.400 --> 00:50:02.880
And none of us are promised a straight line.
00:50:03.039 --> 00:50:07.519
I mean, how boring if it was just a straight linear line.
00:50:09.199 --> 00:50:13.199
Which is why I love the Japanese philosophy of Kintsuki.
00:50:13.360 --> 00:50:20.079
When a piece of pottery breaks, they don't try to hide the cracks, they repair them with gold.
00:50:20.400 --> 00:50:23.840
Making the history of that object part of its beauty.
00:50:24.079 --> 00:50:29.360
That feels like such a fitting metaphor for Amy's journey, and she loved it when I shared that with her too.
00:50:29.519 --> 00:50:33.760
She isn't the same person she was before that day, and she wouldn't pretend to be.
00:50:34.079 --> 00:50:41.599
But she has put herself back together with honesty, humour, resilience, love and appreciation for the people who stood beside her.
00:50:41.760 --> 00:50:48.639
Sometimes the most beautiful version of ourselves isn't the one before life happened, it's the one we've rebuilt afterwards.
00:50:49.119 --> 00:50:53.280
Amy, thank you so much for sharing your story so openly.
00:50:53.519 --> 00:50:57.199
I know it will stay with so many people, it has stayed with me.
00:02:58.719 --> 00:02:59.680
Hi, Amy.
00:02:59.919 --> 00:03:02.159
Thank you so much for joining us today.
00:03:02.479 --> 00:03:08.960
I really, really appreciate taking the time and love the massive time difference trying to work that out.
00:03:10.319 --> 00:03:12.639
I think it's worse for you than it is for me.
00:03:13.120 --> 00:03:17.360
Yeah, you get to, you've definitely got the uh glamorous end of the deal here.
00:03:18.319 --> 00:03:21.120
I've got a lovely sunset behind me, and you've got a sunrise.
00:03:21.199 --> 00:03:22.560
So I think I've had a better end of this.
00:03:23.360 --> 00:03:25.680
Yeah, you definitely, absolutely did.
00:03:26.080 --> 00:03:34.240
So um, what does it um what does it feel like hearing that the bio that we um that I just read out?
00:03:36.240 --> 00:03:44.879
I often have to supply my my bio to people in my line of work, and every time it gets read out, I I wonder if they're reading the right thing.
00:03:45.759 --> 00:03:52.000
I cannot believe um that all those things are true and that I've got to live this life.
00:03:52.159 --> 00:04:05.520
When I think of myself as, you know, 18, 19, 20-year-old Amy, if she had known what was coming and that that this was all possible, then um she would have been a very happy and maybe slightly more confident young woman.
00:04:06.400 --> 00:04:09.759
Yeah, I mean, this is this is like the truth, right?
00:04:10.159 --> 00:04:19.360
We look back now and it's like all these, uh we were just saying, all these places were it's just so true, and you think, oh my god, like why did I ever not think that?
00:04:19.519 --> 00:04:21.279
Why didn't I appreciate myself in that way?
00:04:21.600 --> 00:04:23.439
I mean it's craziness.
00:04:23.680 --> 00:04:37.439
Yeah, I mean, it's what an incredible career, what an incredible life that you've been living in so so many different contrasting uh countries and experiences.
00:04:37.600 --> 00:04:40.160
It's it's mind-blowing.
00:04:40.720 --> 00:04:42.720
Yeah, no, I'm very lucky.
00:04:43.120 --> 00:04:46.160
I've also worked very hard to get where I I am.
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And many of those experiences have been delightful and wonderful, and some of them have been horrifically hard.
00:04:53.439 --> 00:04:55.439
So a real mix bag.
00:04:55.759 --> 00:04:56.720
Yeah, yeah.
00:04:56.959 --> 00:05:05.199
Well, I guess also in that way is like when life is really linear and nothing is moving and changing, it feels, I think, really stuck.
00:05:05.360 --> 00:05:10.000
Also, there is that, um, there is something that goes with the cycles, right?
00:05:10.639 --> 00:05:12.399
I mean, I dream of linear.
00:05:13.279 --> 00:05:16.879
Linear sounds sounds really cool.
00:05:16.959 --> 00:05:22.160
Like that sounds so nice and predictable and controllable and and easy.
00:05:22.800 --> 00:05:28.800
So something about that that that sounds really appealing, but I know that that's not that's not what my life has been.
00:05:28.879 --> 00:05:31.279
It's it's highly likely that's not what my life will be.
00:05:31.360 --> 00:05:34.800
So you've just got to ride those ups and downs, I think.
00:05:35.040 --> 00:05:39.759
Yeah, you are you are you're a a a lot of series of threes.
00:05:40.639 --> 00:05:42.959
So like every posting would be a three.
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Yes, yes.
00:05:44.879 --> 00:05:47.759
The number three does uh permeate my life many times.
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And the fact that we we go on it, we've gone on posting for three years, it's like that's my measure.
00:05:53.199 --> 00:05:57.519
So everything is in three-year instalment, and that's how I plan my life.
00:05:57.839 --> 00:05:58.240
Yeah.
00:05:58.560 --> 00:06:01.360
Oh, there must be something numerology-wise in a three years well.
00:06:01.519 --> 00:06:04.240
I don't know that I'll have to have to look that one up.
00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:04.959
Yeah.
00:06:05.279 --> 00:06:08.720
But thank you again, thank you so much for joining us today.
00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:20.800
And if you in entirely also up to you as we as we were talking, but thinking about the the journey that we were we were that we were discussing.
00:06:21.199 --> 00:06:21.279
Yeah.
00:06:21.600 --> 00:06:23.839
Feel free to share or not share whatever you like.
00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:31.680
Um but what do you think was what's the one proof that you have come to know on the other side of that journey?
00:06:31.759 --> 00:06:36.480
And is there a word or a metaphor or a cliche that's some too?
00:06:37.920 --> 00:06:38.560
Yeah.
00:06:39.439 --> 00:06:53.759
Yeah, I think it is probably important to talk a little bit about the particular event because I think unfortunately for me, uh, it's not the your sort of singular, horrible, traumatic thing that's happened to me.
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There have been many in my life.
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But the response that I've had to this one has been slightly different.
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And so I think it's important to just articulate that story a little bit.
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So about a year ago, I had a serious accident while I was on a holiday with my family on the south coast of Australia.
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I um was hit by a very large rogue wave in a swimming pool that was an ocean pool, and it sucked me out of the pool and threw me onto the rocks and um very rough ocean below, and I broke some vertebrae um and some ribs and um was paralyzed from the chest down.
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My family were with me that day.
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Um, my sister, my partner, my brother-in-law, my two nieces who were all on the beach and watched the whole thing unfold.
00:07:41.920 --> 00:07:52.639
Um, and uh my my partner and my brother-in-law, and some some very brave strangers from the beach ran in and yanked me out of the water because I um could not move.
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Um, all I could do was take a breath every time a wave hit me.
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I was rushed to hospital.
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I had surgery very, very quickly.
00:08:01.920 --> 00:08:06.240
Um, and I had some very impressive hardware installed in my back.
00:08:06.639 --> 00:08:13.120
I've got two metal, two metal poles and about 20 metal screws up the length of my spine.
00:08:13.279 --> 00:08:16.000
Um, but fortunately, my spinal cord was not severed.
00:08:16.319 --> 00:08:17.519
It was only compressed.
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So they were able to relieve that pressure pretty quickly.
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And then within a couple of days of being in the intensive care unit, the doctors told me that they thought I'd make a full recovery and that that I would would walk again and would have a normal life.
00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:37.360
So that was the accident.
00:08:38.080 --> 00:08:49.840
Um, and when I think about something that I would use to summarize that experience, and it's it's it's so interesting that you actually mentioned this word before.
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Um, and I was like, okay, this is going to be interesting that that you already talked about this.
00:08:55.039 --> 00:09:04.480
For me, the sentiment that sums up my experience is that things that felt impossible have become possible.
00:09:04.799 --> 00:09:08.799
Oh god, it's good as shivers.
00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:24.799
And I yeah, I mean that in the the most basic sort of sense in that um when I was under the water, when I was in the waves and I couldn't move my body, and my brain told me, all you can do right now is breathe.
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And so that's all I did was was breathe.
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When I was sitting in the hospital, there's this image that often comes back to me.
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I was lying in the ICU when I had a hundred cords coming out of me.
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I couldn't move.
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I was in tremendous pain.
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My back had just been opened up.
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And um, there were glass walls everywhere in the ICU, and across the hall from me, there was a woman who was about, I'm guessing, 60, 70 years old.
00:09:51.919 --> 00:09:58.159
She had long gray hair, and she was sitting there, um, sitting upright in bed with her legs crossed, drinking a cup of tea.
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And I remember lying there completely immobile and wrapped with pain and just thinking, how is she doing that?
00:10:06.080 --> 00:10:07.840
How is she sitting up?
00:10:08.000 --> 00:10:08.720
That's amazing.
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I'm never going to be able to do that.
00:10:10.399 --> 00:10:13.279
I'm never going to be able to sit up myself.
00:10:13.360 --> 00:10:15.840
I'm never going to be able to like hold a cup of tea and drink it.
00:10:16.000 --> 00:10:21.600
Like that's sort of the level of the physical limit I was under.
00:10:22.240 --> 00:10:22.559
Yeah.
00:10:23.279 --> 00:10:28.000
But then, you know, within two walks, two weeks, I was doing laps around the ward.
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Like, if someone had told me that that was possible, I probably wouldn't have believed them.
00:10:35.279 --> 00:10:37.440
But turns out it was.
00:10:38.320 --> 00:10:57.759
And I can apply that metaphor to so many points of the journey that I've gone through, from being able to just sit up and have a cup of tea in bed to being able to move to the Solomon Islands less than a year, six months after I had my accident and resume my life and resume my job.
00:10:57.919 --> 00:11:01.600
Like all of these things were impossible to me.
00:11:01.679 --> 00:11:05.039
They have become possible with the the passing of time.
00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:12.639
So that's that's what I think about when I think about this particular journey is that you can overcome it.
00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:13.440
Yeah.
00:11:13.600 --> 00:11:15.919
And I don't want to sound like polyannery about it.
00:11:16.000 --> 00:11:20.639
I don't want to be like, you know, the cliche thing, like anything is possible.
00:11:20.799 --> 00:11:22.320
Like, you know, some things aren't.
00:11:22.399 --> 00:11:24.080
Um, my life is different.
00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:26.480
Um, you know, I live with chronic pain.
00:11:26.559 --> 00:11:29.919
I I live with a ladder in between me and any surface that's behind me.
00:11:30.080 --> 00:11:33.600
Like there are some things I will never be able to do again.
00:11:34.320 --> 00:11:37.200
But I can sit up in bed and I can have a cup of tea.
00:11:37.360 --> 00:11:45.679
So oh my god, Amy, there's literally so many questions that are now just racing through my racing through my mind there.
00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:57.679
But one thing that really struck me, you said that when you were lying there and your brain said the one thing you can do is keep breathing.
00:11:58.000 --> 00:12:00.240
And sometimes that's it, isn't it?
00:12:00.320 --> 00:12:12.320
It's just focusing on what is the one thing that I could what is the one thing that I can can do right now in in my life that's oh it's exactly like Anna says in Frozen 2, the next right thing.
00:12:12.799 --> 00:12:14.639
Many, many nieces in my life.
00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:17.440
Uh yeah, no, it absolutely is okay.
00:12:17.679 --> 00:12:18.559
What's next?
00:12:18.720 --> 00:12:30.639
In that moment it was breathing, the next week it was sitting, the next week it was taking a step, the next week it was having a bowel movement, the next week it was and so on and so on.
00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:44.080
And it's like this this pebble that you know it it gets larger and larger the more it sort of expands out in that body of water, and over time they were suddenly doing things that you never thought you'd be able to.
00:12:44.480 --> 00:12:59.840
Yeah, I mean that's amazing, but I don't think it is a cliche, like literally the anything is possible is the driver for why I do what I do now, because I truly I do truly believe that the life that we always want.
00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:11.919
I mean, obviously there's both an accident, etc., there's different things that go with that, but in general, the life that we want is always there if we are willing to take action and and move towards it.
00:13:12.159 --> 00:13:18.080
But I guess in oh gosh, sorry, I've lost my bluming train of thought now.
00:13:18.240 --> 00:13:19.200
There was a question in there.
00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:21.679
Um there was a question in there for you.
00:13:22.000 --> 00:13:28.720
And but I do really love that as a sentiment to to hold that anything is possible.
00:13:29.200 --> 00:13:50.799
And if I when you were talking in several points of that, I just felt feel really struck by this almost like a micro moment in time that changes everything, but then also somehow times again to you in a in an adjusted way, in a different way, give you your life back also.
00:13:52.559 --> 00:13:56.080
It it's a process and it's a framework you can apply.
00:13:56.399 --> 00:14:01.279
So in that moment, take the breath, take the step, it's the next thing.
00:14:01.519 --> 00:14:19.840
But if you actually use that as a a way to sort of govern and guardrail your life, it actually gives you a pretty clear pathway for how you can choose to respond and react to certain things and the way you carry yourself and the way you make decisions and uh where you summon your courage.
00:14:20.080 --> 00:14:36.559
And if you just agree to maybe just do one thing extra or one thing new, or maybe consider that even though it is impossible today, it might be possible tomorrow, then I think that's that's a good approach.
00:14:37.840 --> 00:14:38.480
Yeah.
00:14:38.960 --> 00:14:40.559
And it's simple as well, isn't it?
00:14:40.639 --> 00:14:47.360
Because it cuts away all the nonsense, it cuts away all the bullshit, and it's like, what's the one thing that I can do now?
00:14:47.519 --> 00:14:52.159
What is that one, what's that one thing, and just keep moving from.
00:14:52.480 --> 00:14:55.440
I mean, it obviously also sounds incredibly simple.
00:14:55.519 --> 00:15:03.279
It must have been very hard at that point to believe that there was another one thing that you could keep doing and moving with.
00:15:04.240 --> 00:15:26.720
Well, I don't think if if you sort of line up all the things that I knew I had to do, i.e., learn to walk again, get out of hospital, somehow find the energy to go back to work, to do a job that's physically demanding, to be a good partner, to be a good aunt, to be a good sister, all those things together, that's too that was too much.
00:15:27.759 --> 00:15:33.039
When I thought about the the massive journey that was ahead of me, that was overwhelming.
00:15:34.399 --> 00:15:42.559
And I think, yeah, breaking it up into sort of more consumable bite sizes is a little bit more, a little bit more pragmatic.
00:15:43.440 --> 00:15:52.720
Yeah, but it also makes it feel durable, doesn't it, when it's literally it's not, it's not like you say like the whole process that goes one, two, three, four, five.
00:15:52.799 --> 00:15:54.639
It's like, okay, one, where are we at?
00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:55.440
What am I doing?
00:15:55.600 --> 00:15:59.759
How does that look and what's what's going what's going on there?
00:16:01.200 --> 00:16:01.679
Yeah.
00:16:01.840 --> 00:16:02.000
Yeah.
00:16:02.240 --> 00:16:15.279
And how long do you think at that at that point, how long do you think it took to sort of really feel believable that anything is possible?
00:16:18.879 --> 00:16:23.919
I still don't I'm still coming to terms with what happened to me, I think.
00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:31.440
And it does sound a little like even when I say it out loud, even when I just said it to you, it sounds it sounds way too chilly to me.
00:16:31.840 --> 00:16:32.399
I don't know.
00:16:32.480 --> 00:16:34.799
I think I'm still working through that.
00:16:35.279 --> 00:16:40.639
I think it was just it was it was micro moments.
00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:46.000
It wasn't like a a sudden reckoning or a sudden revelation.
00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:47.840
Oh, anything's possible.
00:16:48.080 --> 00:16:54.960
It was like tiny little bullets of proof, like like those first few steps I took.
00:16:55.120 --> 00:17:01.360
I was like, oh, okay, okay, I will accept that I might be able to walk again.
00:17:01.440 --> 00:17:03.279
I will accept that that's possible.
00:17:03.600 --> 00:17:10.640
But there's no way in hell I'm ever going to be able to do this and this and this and this and this, and then catastrophize everything and feel very sad and depressed and angry about it.
00:17:10.880 --> 00:17:15.119
But it was like continuous little micro reminders of that possibility.
00:17:15.279 --> 00:17:19.200
And it sort of built over time and collectivized over time.
00:17:19.279 --> 00:17:23.039
And I found myself believing it and buying into it more and more.
00:17:23.200 --> 00:17:32.720
And I think it's only in hindsight that I, when you asked that question and I thought about it, that that's where I landed, that things that felt impossible have become possible.
00:17:32.960 --> 00:17:36.559
Because I don't think that was something that I felt at the time.
00:17:36.960 --> 00:17:43.119
And it was only after having gone through all of those things that I started to feel that way.
00:17:44.480 --> 00:17:53.200
And I guess, yeah, sorry the skew, sorry, the punning that way, but it's like at that point, it literally is putting one foot in front of the other.
00:17:53.279 --> 00:18:01.359
And if it's one step today, it's two tomorrow, it's three, maybe it goes back to one, but it keeps you you keep going and you keep you keep moving.
00:18:01.839 --> 00:18:02.799
Yeah, yeah.
00:18:04.079 --> 00:18:10.319
Now, as you said, you're you're already a year, um, a year later.
00:18:10.880 --> 00:18:16.079
What did that what did that middle part look like and and feel like at that time?
00:18:17.200 --> 00:18:18.720
How did you keep going?
00:18:19.839 --> 00:18:27.759
Well, I mean, I I don't think I'm a poster child for a healthy way of dealing with trauma.
00:18:28.319 --> 00:18:39.119
My particular brand of dealing with trauma is to squash it down to the furthest recess of my soul, pretend like it didn't happen, nothing to see here, everything's fine, we're moving on, okay?
00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:49.680
Yeah, like I was just so determined to get over it as quickly as I possibly could and get back to my life because I loved my life.
00:18:49.920 --> 00:18:54.799
I was perfectly happy and the happiest that I had been in in such a long time.
00:18:55.119 --> 00:19:03.039
I was so annoyed that this happened because, you know, things were finally really clicking and falling into place, and I was genuinely content.
00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:06.799
So I was so pissed off that this happened.
00:19:07.039 --> 00:19:13.839
I didn't need any reminders of what my sister calls, you know, she always says, we didn't need any reminders of how precious our lives are.
00:19:13.920 --> 00:19:15.359
We we've had plenty.
00:19:16.640 --> 00:19:19.599
And so my my approach was just like, okay, we're done.
00:19:19.759 --> 00:19:24.480
I'm fine, everything's fine, and now we can just move forward and be completely happy again.
00:19:24.720 --> 00:19:25.039
Yeah.
00:19:25.200 --> 00:19:44.960
So I don't think I really allowed myself to fully feel um the pain, the anger, and the unfairness of that whole thing and the randomness of that whole thing, because I was just so determined to move on.
00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:52.480
So when I when I said before that I I said I'm I'm still coming to terms with what happened to me, I think that's what I'm coming to terms with.
00:19:52.640 --> 00:19:57.519
It's yeah, I've had this wonderful physical um recovery.
00:19:57.920 --> 00:20:00.960
I'm walking, I'm running, I'm jumping, I'm dancing.
00:20:01.119 --> 00:20:03.359
Um, people look at me, they have no idea.
00:20:03.759 --> 00:20:09.440
Tell them my story and they are flabbergasted because you wouldn't tell there was anything wrong with me.
00:20:09.519 --> 00:20:12.799
And then they see this scar on my back and they're like, holy crap, what happened to you?
00:20:13.599 --> 00:20:18.559
Which um, yeah, it's hot in the Solomon Islands and people aren't as polite as they are back home.
00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:25.680
And but I um yeah, I think um how I dealt with it was just to run through it as quickly as I could.
00:20:25.839 --> 00:20:35.039
And maybe I should have slowed down a bit more and let myself really heal in a much more healthy and kind of way.
00:20:36.559 --> 00:20:51.440
And there's also somehow going back to that one thing, it's almost like was that a point where it's like actually first I need to physically heal, and then maybe that's something that that comes that comes later.
00:20:51.599 --> 00:20:54.880
There's one thing, what can I do right now?
00:20:55.200 --> 00:20:59.920
I need to physically rebuild my life.
00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:02.880
Yeah, I I hundred percent agree.
00:21:02.960 --> 00:21:14.400
Um, and I think at the time and this sort of very, very acute period, those first few months, I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to be dealing with that side of it.
00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:17.839
All I had the energy to do was have physical recovery.
00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:19.599
But I was very aware of that.
00:21:19.680 --> 00:21:27.039
And I my sister is a clinical psychologist, so she was on this from you know the moment it happened, and she was like, you have to feel it, you have to talk about it.
00:21:27.200 --> 00:21:37.359
I'm like, I know, but that's just gonna go in a box over there until we're ready to open that box because right now I'm dealing with this problem.
00:21:37.839 --> 00:21:49.839
Um yes, that that physical problem rather than that emotional problem, yeah, which kind of fed that whole approach I was taking with just like, let's just get through this as fast as we possibly can.
00:21:50.079 --> 00:21:54.319
I kept waiting for that box to um to open itself.
00:21:54.640 --> 00:22:04.880
It didn't really, I mean, apart from the apparently I was having some panic attacks and the very Early days in the ICU, I would start shaking uncontrollably and couldn't breathe properly.
00:22:05.039 --> 00:22:08.880
And it tended to happen every time a medical professional came in the room.
00:22:08.960 --> 00:22:11.279
And I'm like, I don't know why this is happening.
00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:12.000
This is very strange.
00:22:12.079 --> 00:22:14.079
And my sister was like, You're having a panic attack.
00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:15.680
I'm like, I don't do that.
00:22:16.319 --> 00:22:17.839
I don't, my body doesn't do that.
00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:20.720
And my brain is smart enough to tell my body not to do that.
00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:23.920
Um, but to open itself, it didn't really.
00:22:24.000 --> 00:22:29.839
I mean, apart from a apparently I was having some panic attacks in the very early days in the ICU.
00:22:29.920 --> 00:22:33.359
I would start shaking uncontrollably and couldn't breathe properly.
00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:37.359
And it tended to happen every time a medical professional came in the room.
00:22:37.440 --> 00:22:39.680
And I'm like, I don't know why this is happening.
00:22:39.759 --> 00:22:40.480
This is very strange.
00:22:40.559 --> 00:22:42.559
And my sister was like, You're having a panic attack.
00:22:42.720 --> 00:22:44.160
I'm like, no, I don't do that.
00:22:44.720 --> 00:22:46.240
I don't, my body doesn't do that.
00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:49.119
And my brain is smart enough to tell my body not to do that.
00:22:49.279 --> 00:22:52.960
Um, but I'm pretty certain that's what was actually happening.
00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:57.440
But that only lasted a few days and then they went away.
00:22:57.759 --> 00:23:11.759
As I said, I think it's only really been around that sort of one-year anniversary where I've let myself feel a little more open to talking about the emotional trauma of that, not just the physical.
00:23:12.720 --> 00:23:14.559
Yeah, and I mean that that's the thing, isn't it?
00:23:14.640 --> 00:23:16.079
It's like everything is.
00:23:16.319 --> 00:23:17.039
I don't know why.
00:23:17.119 --> 00:23:20.079
I always kind of come to a Harry Potter.
00:23:20.319 --> 00:23:30.480
I'm not even a massive fan, but when you look at Baltimore and he starts off all of himself with these whore crookses, I don't know if you know Harry Potter.
00:23:31.680 --> 00:23:33.920
Um, I'm following you, yep, keep going.
00:23:34.960 --> 00:23:41.200
But he separates himself off into all of these whore crookses and he he throws them as far apart as possible.
00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:46.960
And that's what he's evil and he's the body, but that's what gives him the strength.
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:54.799
And actually, when all Harry Potter, his um his journey is finding all of those and destroying them.
00:23:55.119 --> 00:24:05.680
Because when they when he comes back together as a as a whole somehow, that's when he's vulnerable, and actually that's part of our journey as well, isn't it?
00:24:05.759 --> 00:24:13.920
That's coming back as that whole, being vulnerable and being open and feeling whole again.
00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:22.799
Yeah, I I guess that's I love that we're talking about Harry Potter and Frozen in his context in this conversation, and I think that is highly appropriate.
00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:30.720
I think for me, I didn't really see it as like separate parts of myself and gathering them all up at the end.
00:24:30.799 --> 00:24:43.119
I I kind of felt like it was just a Maslow's hierarchy of needs, it was just like survival, yeah, shelter food, and then at the the very bottom of that pyramid is emotional well-being.
00:24:43.599 --> 00:24:50.319
Um but I think what I'm learning is perhaps we need to flip that that triangle upside down a little bit.
00:24:51.279 --> 00:25:01.599
And yeah, sort of just not be quite so focused on the I'm fine, everything's fine, I'm perfect.
00:25:01.839 --> 00:25:05.039
Um it's okay to say that you aren't.
00:25:05.359 --> 00:25:21.839
Um that part of yourself is allowed to be made public, and that when you do that, Hamani and I don't know, the other characters will come around you and um and help you and love you and and support you.
00:25:21.920 --> 00:25:24.160
And right, right, right, is that isn't that right?
00:25:24.240 --> 00:25:26.079
Okay, yeah, yeah.
00:25:27.119 --> 00:25:27.440
Exactly.
00:25:27.599 --> 00:25:28.240
Yes, exactly.
00:25:28.400 --> 00:25:30.720
You your dream team are gonna be there with you.
00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:32.079
Yeah.
00:25:32.400 --> 00:25:36.079
And and actually that's a really good point in that way.
00:25:36.640 --> 00:25:42.640
Who obviously you had acute things that you were going through at that time.
00:25:43.279 --> 00:25:53.039
And how did the people who were around you, like for them also, who were with you on the day, and obviously with you on your your recovery?
00:25:53.759 --> 00:25:57.119
It's it's a huge life-changing part for all of you.
00:25:57.440 --> 00:25:58.400
Um, absolutely.
00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:03.279
This did not happen to me, this happened to so many people.
00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:10.799
And it's funny because I feel like, in a way, it has affected those that love me more.
00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:16.079
Sorry, it affected those who love me the most more than it affected me.
00:26:17.359 --> 00:26:28.480
Because they saw it happen and they witnessed my pain and were scared that they would lose me.
00:26:28.880 --> 00:26:29.279
Yeah.
00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:32.880
I didn't see this happen.
00:26:34.640 --> 00:26:41.200
I never thought for a second that you know I wouldn't walk, even though there was that possibility.
00:26:41.279 --> 00:26:45.119
I was like, no, this actually is not conceivable to me.
00:26:45.440 --> 00:26:50.319
But I think in some ways it was harder for the people that loved me than it was for me.
00:26:51.759 --> 00:26:58.160
And I think that's partly also because I'm like, okay, we're fine, we're moving on.
00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:02.000
That might have something to do with that.
00:27:03.759 --> 00:27:08.160
If I back up a little second here, I mean there's uh there's some things that have gone on.
00:27:08.319 --> 00:27:08.640
Yeah.
00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:14.319
No, my family um have struggled and in their own ways.
00:27:15.119 --> 00:27:18.400
My brother-in-law and my partner had their own injuries.
00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:28.640
My sisters and my extended family, my my close friends, my Canberra family that I call them.
00:27:29.519 --> 00:27:34.400
Yeah, they all went through this with me in some ways far worse than I did.
00:27:35.440 --> 00:27:35.680
Yeah.
00:27:36.240 --> 00:27:52.480
I guess in that way it's almost like you, you had a focus, um, whereas they were like almost they got the helicopter view of everything, the the initial witness, and then witnessing your journey on the on the other side of it.
00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:55.519
And I guess obviously probably wanting to be swung for you.
00:27:55.680 --> 00:27:59.279
And I think for them it was it was outward.
00:27:59.359 --> 00:28:12.640
It was like you could see the body, you could see me, you could see the pain, you could see the hospital building, the drives every day, the the food collection, the the letters to family, like it was a very external experience.
00:28:12.720 --> 00:28:14.799
But for me, it was entirely internal.
00:28:15.680 --> 00:28:30.720
I was living inside my brain mostly, I would say, during that period, and just like constantly thinking about how I'm gonna get better and what I need to do to fix this.
00:28:30.880 --> 00:28:34.480
And um the very internal experience for me.
00:28:34.880 --> 00:28:53.119
Yeah, and I don't know why, and maybe this is not relevant for for you, when you were saying that, it just struck me something you were saying about when you were when you were in Baghdad, being in those compounds and it's very insular, everything looks the same.
00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:57.680
Was there any yeah, did that any draws or parallels between that?
00:28:58.240 --> 00:28:58.880
Absolutely.
00:28:59.039 --> 00:29:00.319
It's really interesting you say that.
00:29:00.480 --> 00:29:16.559
Yeah, I think for you to be able to be happy in a place like Baghdad and living on compounds, you have to have a very rich internal life and a vivid imagination that takes you out and above and far, far away.
00:29:16.720 --> 00:29:39.279
Um and I think I I think that's a real skill of mine is to be able to sit in some, you know, pretty horrible and challenging parts of the world, um, and be able to sort of yeah, use my brain and my creativity and my imagination to to create joy in life in those sorts of places.
00:29:40.720 --> 00:29:45.680
Yeah, because I mean it's almost like there's always a green shoe of something somewhere.
00:29:46.480 --> 00:29:46.880
Yeah.
00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:47.920
Yeah.
00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:55.680
And I and that may be part of that why that metaphor of what feels impossible becomes possible.
00:29:56.079 --> 00:29:57.599
That's imagination.
00:29:58.880 --> 00:29:59.920
That's what that is.
00:30:00.079 --> 00:30:03.039
That's that's creativity, that's that's hope.
00:30:03.279 --> 00:30:11.839
That is taking yourself out of your current situation by the power of your brain to something else.
00:30:12.319 --> 00:30:17.839
Yeah, daring to believe, daring to believe that there is something, there is another possibility.
00:30:18.160 --> 00:30:23.920
And was there was there a point, any point where you were just like, this is just not working?
00:30:24.079 --> 00:30:26.960
Like this is just not, this is just not gonna happen.
00:30:27.279 --> 00:30:27.599
No.
00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:38.880
Um, no, as I said, like um, even like in those first few days when we weren't actually sure if I was going to walk again, I didn't believe that.
00:30:39.359 --> 00:30:46.160
Like, even though I was deeply concerned about it, I still there was something in the back of my mind that didn't quite let me believe that.
00:30:46.400 --> 00:30:59.759
Now, whether that is absolute pure denial and a complete detachment from reality, or whether that is my intrinsic ability to be hopeful, I don't know.
00:30:59.920 --> 00:31:09.119
Maybe it's maybe it's the combination of the two, but there was no point in my journey in the last 12 months where I didn't think I was gonna be okay.
00:31:09.359 --> 00:31:09.839
Yeah.
00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:11.119
Oh, I love that.
00:31:11.279 --> 00:31:13.119
Well, I also see that in a different way.
00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:24.079
That is that also that an inner connection to yourself that you you felt that actually, no, this is this isn't this isn't it.
00:31:24.240 --> 00:31:25.279
I am not having it.
00:31:25.440 --> 00:31:28.799
Maybe it's just maybe it I think that yeah, that's definitely part of it.
00:31:28.880 --> 00:31:32.160
I'm like, I'm not having this, this is unacceptable to me, this is not what I ordered.
00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:37.519
Um but I also think it was probably just honed at a home skill.
00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:42.000
Um I've been through some other sort of pretty horrible things in my life.
00:31:42.079 --> 00:31:54.640
And there were times previously where I was not that confident, where I didn't feel that I was gonna make it, where I did feel like I didn't have hope, and where I did feel hopeless.
00:31:55.440 --> 00:32:02.960
And they were different contexts, and they weren't necessarily about a physical um recovery, which is what very much what this was about.
00:32:03.680 --> 00:32:09.359
So I have had those feelings before where I have like thought, no, I I don't think I can get through this.
00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:21.039
But I didn't have those feelings for this one, and I'm I'm sort of I'm wondering now what what it was about me or my life um then to allow me to have that different reaction this time.
00:32:21.359 --> 00:32:22.000
Yeah.
00:32:22.319 --> 00:32:24.240
I think everything shapes us, doesn't it?
00:32:24.400 --> 00:32:34.880
Like the way where we are, it takes us to one place and we learn something different, we evolve and we move change to allow me to have that different reaction this time.
00:32:35.200 --> 00:32:35.839
Yeah.
00:32:36.240 --> 00:32:38.160
I think everything shapes us, doesn't it?
00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:45.680
Like the way where we are, it takes us to one place and we learn something different, we evolve and we move on.
00:32:45.839 --> 00:33:03.920
And it's almost like that sometimes we we keep building that, we keep pouring into that emotional resilience that we have so that I think sometimes that every time something happens, we don't fall as far because we've built up that emotional resilience and our our cup is fuller.
00:33:04.079 --> 00:33:06.000
That it's like, okay, what do I do with this?
00:33:06.079 --> 00:33:09.200
How do in your like you like, no, this is not happening.
00:33:09.359 --> 00:33:12.079
I um I am not accepting this.
00:33:12.799 --> 00:33:19.279
Yeah, no, I I definitely think emotional resilience is a skill, and I think it's something you can practice.
00:33:19.519 --> 00:33:25.359
I think some people might be better at it than others um and might not have to try as hard.
00:33:25.519 --> 00:33:29.680
Um, but I still think it's something you can build and develop over time.
00:33:29.839 --> 00:33:32.960
I mean, I will you don't want to be tested too much, do you?
00:33:33.039 --> 00:33:49.440
You don't want to become a super expert, a super resilient um person, because that's kind of maybe maybe what I've been doing the last year is becoming a little bit too resilient and not like and keeping keep keeping a bit of that soft underbelly, I think is also um useful as well.
00:33:49.680 --> 00:33:51.440
Or maybe it was just turning 40.
00:33:51.519 --> 00:33:52.160
I don't know.
00:33:53.680 --> 00:33:56.400
I mean, you know, magical number.
00:33:56.720 --> 00:34:02.240
Yeah, I don't think, yeah, a lot of people really with 40 think, oh no, this is terrible.
00:34:02.319 --> 00:34:04.480
I it's a number, isn't it?
00:34:04.559 --> 00:34:09.199
Um yeah, 40's the new 30 is um is where I go with that.
00:34:09.360 --> 00:34:10.559
Yeah, yeah.
00:34:11.119 --> 00:34:20.639
Um it was interesting what you were saying there about the everybody else who was coming along on that who has come along on that journey with you.
00:34:21.519 --> 00:34:25.199
And do you think uh has that changed any of those relations?
00:34:27.039 --> 00:34:28.719
With my brother-in-law, I think.
00:34:29.840 --> 00:34:34.639
He has been in our family um for as long as I can remember.
00:34:35.440 --> 00:34:41.119
He he and my sister started dating when they were like, I don't know, 12 or something ridiculous, I don't know.
00:34:41.360 --> 00:34:46.800
And so he's always been in my life as a as a boy, as a teenager, as a young man.
00:34:47.119 --> 00:34:54.159
He jumped into that water and put his own life at risk in front of his wife and two girls.
00:34:54.639 --> 00:35:05.199
Feel tethered physically and emotionally to him because he was the first one to get to me.
00:35:07.039 --> 00:35:11.519
So funny that word just came into my head, tethered, and he tethered himself to me.
00:35:12.159 --> 00:35:17.920
And then my partner got to me, and both of them somehow managed to get me.
00:35:18.320 --> 00:35:24.400
My my gratitude and my love for my brother-in-law has increased.
00:35:25.440 --> 00:35:39.440
And I think the love I have for um my partner and my two sisters very loved them very much, and I was already as close as I could be to those people.
00:35:39.679 --> 00:35:46.320
I don't think that has changed, it has just reconfirmed that love and that they are in my life.
00:35:46.559 --> 00:35:59.199
But I think the unexpected uptake and love has been for my brother-in-law because even though we, you know, we were very close, and he's as I said, he's my brother-in-law and he's been part of my family so long.
00:35:59.519 --> 00:36:00.079
Well, isn't it?
00:36:00.159 --> 00:36:15.519
And I guess it's things that nobody ever wishes to know how you would respond or how we how you would react that somebody did that, and that's a connection that you will you will have for life.
00:36:16.719 --> 00:36:26.000
My brother-in-law and my partner, they um they saved my life that day, and um that's a that's a factor you never quite uh forget.
00:36:26.559 --> 00:36:36.639
It's literally, as you said earlier, it's like things don't happen to one person in I'm paraphrasing now, but in isolation, it's it's a whole collective, isn't it?
00:36:36.800 --> 00:36:43.840
That it makes us realize more that we are not alone, we are part of something bigger.
00:36:44.480 --> 00:36:48.880
Well, the the beauty of of crisis and trauma is that it illuminates.
00:36:49.119 --> 00:36:50.400
Oh, this sounds so hicky.
00:36:50.719 --> 00:36:53.920
When you go through something like this, you're like, holy shit.
00:36:54.400 --> 00:37:00.480
Oh, so much low a horrible way to spend a minute alone in that hospital.
00:37:00.559 --> 00:37:01.679
I was there for six weeks.
00:37:01.840 --> 00:37:08.000
It's just a line of people inside the door to come and spend time with me and comfort me and tell me that they love me.
00:37:08.320 --> 00:37:24.000
All over the world that I hadn't seen for you, didn't think, you know, people have thought of me that much, but like the messages that I got from you know, the far corners of the world was just that was such a lovely thing, I think.
00:37:24.320 --> 00:37:27.679
Being reminded of of the fact that you were loved.
00:37:28.159 --> 00:37:28.719
Yeah.
00:37:29.039 --> 00:37:29.920
Absolutely.
00:37:30.159 --> 00:37:45.920
I mean, I remember something that I was thinking when you were talking that that's one of my that's one of my lasting sort of memories, the uh memories or something that I knew about you in DACA was you were always very close to your family.
00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:54.239
You spoke about them a lot, you were always, especially with your nieces, there was lots of things that you were always planning to do and go, and that always sticks in my mind.
00:37:54.400 --> 00:37:58.159
So it's Amy say, ah, family, Amy, family.
00:37:58.639 --> 00:38:02.559
Yeah, well, one thing that is not in my bio is world's greatest auntie.
00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:03.920
So um maybe we should add that.
00:38:04.079 --> 00:38:05.920
We'll just cut we'll just correct that right there.
00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:11.360
We'll put that in because you really always went that extra mile.
00:38:11.440 --> 00:38:15.360
Like you were so you are so involved, invested, and present.
00:38:15.519 --> 00:38:35.199
Yeah, it was always clear that it was such a huge, such a huge part of um I remember I don't go on Facebook very often, and I remember your um post was at the top of my feed, and I remember just thinking, my God, like this is unbelievable, like how yeah.
00:38:35.360 --> 00:38:48.639
So even as a very far distant bystander, outstander, whatever you want to call it, it was it felt so visceral to to to see and yeah, read about that news.
00:38:48.719 --> 00:38:52.079
It felt really shocking that yeah, yeah.
00:38:52.960 --> 00:38:54.719
Because it's not supposed to happen, right?
00:38:55.039 --> 00:38:55.920
Yeah, yeah.
00:38:56.239 --> 00:39:04.719
Yeah, that's not supposed to happen close to me and love me and and have been involved in my life, know that there have been many sad things that have happened.
00:39:04.880 --> 00:39:14.000
Um again, seriously, like you you've had your three, you're done your three, like you you're done, like now the rest of your life is gonna be pure joy and happiness.
00:39:14.159 --> 00:39:17.679
And the fact that that's not true for people.
00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:31.360
I think that happens every time something bad happens to someone, they're like, no, no, this was not part of the plan, and this is so unfair, and and it did we sign anything that said that life would be fair, and that's a that's a bit of pill to swallow.
00:39:31.519 --> 00:39:32.639
It's true.
00:39:33.039 --> 00:39:33.679
Yeah.
00:39:34.159 --> 00:39:42.320
And what's now, obviously, a year um a year later, what's the what's the taking?
00:39:42.480 --> 00:39:49.119
What do you take from it that you're like that this is a learning for me and this is for my life moving forward?
00:39:50.239 --> 00:39:53.360
Yeah, it's it's funny how often I get asked that question.
00:39:53.519 --> 00:39:59.360
It's like when something bad happens to you, you have to have some sort of revelatory.
00:40:01.039 --> 00:40:07.199
What I'm slowly getting my head around is that and and just like white knuckling it.
00:40:08.480 --> 00:40:19.039
Maybe it's okay to stop, maybe it's okay to be slow, be a bit more present, be a bit more vulnerable, be a bit more in pain, ask for a bit more help.
00:40:19.199 --> 00:40:21.599
I'm slowly coming to terms with it.
00:40:21.679 --> 00:40:24.960
I'm slowly formulating some views around that.
00:40:25.199 --> 00:40:36.079
Once you get through that, that sort of immediate acute phase of trauma, it's like, okay, well, what's the lesson and how do I improve and and how do I go forward and be happier and healthier?
00:40:36.159 --> 00:40:46.480
And I haven't quite figured that out yet, but I think it has something to do with um and being a little less perfect or broken.
00:40:48.960 --> 00:40:50.079
Because I am.
00:40:50.559 --> 00:40:50.880
Yeah.
00:40:51.119 --> 00:40:53.280
I'm broken in half, and they too.
00:40:53.360 --> 00:41:03.199
Yeah, there has been much pain in my life, and you can't just be expected to be glistening and sparkly and and everything's fine.
00:41:03.280 --> 00:41:08.159
So I think maybe it's around some of those words that I just ineloquently kind of wrote.
00:41:08.639 --> 00:41:09.679
No, I like it.
00:41:09.760 --> 00:41:14.079
I think there's so much in that that there are a lot of life lessons, right?
00:41:14.239 --> 00:41:19.119
Just learning to accept, learning to accept the all of those different things.
00:41:19.360 --> 00:41:25.679
It's that's yeah, that's a huge, that's a huge life lesson right there.
00:41:27.519 --> 00:41:35.440
Now, obviously, being on the other side of it, now you're in the beautiful Solomon Islands with permanent sunshine.
00:41:35.760 --> 00:41:37.920
Um what's different for you now?
00:41:38.079 --> 00:41:42.880
What's what's the what's the next, what's the forward motion?
00:41:43.360 --> 00:41:44.639
What context are you talking about?
00:41:44.800 --> 00:41:49.679
I think physically, um, not live the physical life that I used to live.
00:41:49.840 --> 00:41:52.320
There are some things I I can't do anymore.
00:41:53.039 --> 00:42:01.840
Things about living in in the Solomon Islands is sort of get on a banana boat and go island hopping because jostling around up and down on a tiny boat.
00:42:02.159 --> 00:42:06.880
So there's there's a lot of limitations on what I can do physically with my body.
00:42:07.599 --> 00:42:14.239
There's a lot of limitations in what I how I choose to to walk around the world as well.
00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:28.159
I I really do feel like with this accident, I played my Joker card times when I cross the road now instead of once, because I just can't move around the world with that same level of carefreeness that I used to.
00:42:28.400 --> 00:42:30.239
So that's a little different.
00:42:30.880 --> 00:42:52.800
I am trying to be more slow and to feel things a bit more, not too much, rather than just continually focusing on getting to the next thing, doing the next thing, making the next achievement, getting that promotion, getting that posting, um trying to sort of sit with some of those uncomfortable.
00:42:53.119 --> 00:43:02.079
Being linear, like I said to you before, like being linear would be lovely, um, instead of these peaks and troughs, which are really inconvenient.
00:43:02.239 --> 00:43:15.920
Yeah, so I think it's it's it's the knowing that there's restrictions on my body, knowing that there's sort of more um risk mitigance that that I have um through this experience and through all of the experiences.
00:43:16.320 --> 00:43:16.960
Yeah.
00:43:17.679 --> 00:43:21.920
Yeah, I love that because I guess it goes back again to that slowing down, isn't it?
00:43:22.079 --> 00:43:31.599
The slowing down, being more present, and keep coming back to where you are and where you are are able to be right now.
00:43:31.920 --> 00:43:34.159
Yeah, and not be quite so forward-looking.
00:43:34.239 --> 00:43:40.880
I'm I was always so I still am, I'm working on it, but so focused on the future and what was next.
00:43:40.960 --> 00:43:46.960
And I think I was just perpetually always moving towards something and could never enjoy where I was.
00:43:47.360 --> 00:43:48.639
Because I was always so focused.
00:43:48.960 --> 00:43:54.800
One thing I one thing I've been doing the last few years is I've I keep a happy thoughts book.
00:43:55.840 --> 00:43:57.199
Continuing the movie theme.
00:43:57.280 --> 00:43:59.840
Did you ever watch Hook when you were a kid?
00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:00.880
Uh yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:44:01.119 --> 00:44:01.360
Yeah.
00:44:02.559 --> 00:44:09.840
One of my favorite movies and um the happy thought, the thing that makes them float, the thing that makes them fly.
00:44:10.079 --> 00:44:14.400
And so I thought, okay, every day I'm gonna write something down that is my happy thought for the day.
00:44:14.960 --> 00:44:15.199
Yeah.
00:44:15.440 --> 00:44:18.719
Um I've found that to be a really, really useful practice.
00:44:18.800 --> 00:44:21.840
And I tell all my family and friends to do the same thing.
00:44:22.000 --> 00:44:31.440
Um journaling, um, sort of not an exploration of feelings and um process, but it's it's just uh this thing happened today and it was really cool.
00:44:31.599 --> 00:44:33.519
And I just want to clock that.
00:44:33.920 --> 00:44:34.320
Yeah.
00:44:35.280 --> 00:44:37.599
I think that encourages presence.
00:44:38.159 --> 00:44:39.920
Yeah, and that's the thing, isn't it?
00:44:40.079 --> 00:44:52.000
We we get so we get so stuck moving between the past and the future that we forget about the present, we forget about what's going on right now because actually that's where life is being lived.
00:44:52.159 --> 00:44:55.039
Life is being lived right here, right now, we're talking.
00:44:55.199 --> 00:45:01.360
It's not about you know, in an hour's time, maybe you're gonna go for dinner, I'm gonna have my first coffee.
00:45:01.519 --> 00:45:06.800
Um, there's there's these different things, but it's it's literally what what is happening now.
00:45:07.760 --> 00:45:15.760
Yes, because you could be literally hit by a wave and sucked through an ocean wall and end up in hospital for three months.
00:45:15.920 --> 00:45:32.320
So yeah, you may as well try and be a little bit more present and enjoy yeah, what's around you, have your sense of perspective, have your sense of gratefulness and yeah, just be yeah, just be.
00:45:32.480 --> 00:45:40.800
And what are you what are you most proud of yourself for in the journey that you have well are still in?
00:45:41.119 --> 00:45:43.920
What would you give yourself for?
00:45:45.440 --> 00:46:00.800
Oh god, that is such awful quite proud of the fact that I never lost my sense of humor or my sense of joy, even in my really, really dark moments.
00:46:01.840 --> 00:46:12.000
I remember being wheeled off to surgery and I think I'd put my hand up in the air and said bye Felicia or something stupid like that.
00:46:12.079 --> 00:46:26.480
I my girlfriends sneak champagne into the spinal ward so I could illegally drink alcohol within vowed that my relationships have become stronger through this.
00:46:26.559 --> 00:46:45.519
I'm really proud of my partner and I for getting through a deeply horrible time that are stronger and more in love than we ever have been because that was hard, and to see him um watch me go through that pain and to to never leave.
00:46:45.599 --> 00:47:06.559
I'm so grateful that he'd never left because of my sisters and me, because we do this all without a mother to you know continually get hit by life's waves, um, and for us to still love and support each other the way we do, I'm so proud of us as well.
00:47:07.360 --> 00:47:12.480
So yeah, that's called humour, joy, love, and disability.
00:47:13.039 --> 00:47:14.320
Oh, I love that, Amy.
00:47:14.480 --> 00:47:15.199
That's amazing.
00:47:15.440 --> 00:47:20.639
And I feel really do you know the um the Japanese art of Kisuki?
00:47:21.840 --> 00:47:23.119
Yes, I've heard of that.
00:47:23.599 --> 00:47:24.000
Yeah.
00:47:24.239 --> 00:47:40.239
And I don't know why, just I was thinking of that when when you were talking, and it's life breaks, it changes, and we can put it back together, and there's a gold thread that runs through things that it's beautiful again, but it's different, but it's whole again.
00:47:41.440 --> 00:47:42.719
Well, there's your word.
00:47:42.960 --> 00:47:43.280
Okay.
00:47:43.599 --> 00:47:57.440
So the very first question you asked me, you asked me to identify a metaphor or a sort of sentiment or a word, and I very easily could identify some sentences and some some coming up for a word was was nearly impossible.
00:47:57.519 --> 00:48:00.079
I couldn't think of a word, but there you go, there's that, that'll do.
00:48:00.320 --> 00:48:02.079
Yes, okay, we'll go with that.
00:48:03.039 --> 00:48:05.760
Oh my god, Amy, thank you so much.
00:48:05.920 --> 00:48:17.440
Like I can't imagine uh a fraction of of what you have been through in the last year, but you, your strength and your resilience is is incredible.
00:48:17.519 --> 00:48:21.679
That at no point did you doubt that anything was going to be any different.
00:48:21.920 --> 00:48:29.440
And yeah, you are thriving and living to tell the tale and basking in the eternal sunshine.
00:48:29.920 --> 00:48:32.320
Yes, and the sweaty sunshine.
00:48:33.840 --> 00:48:40.159
Yeah, but I really, really appreciate you taking the time to share and share your journey with us today.
00:48:40.960 --> 00:48:42.400
Thank you for having me.
00:48:45.119 --> 00:48:48.320
There's something beautifully simple about Amy's story.
00:48:48.480 --> 00:48:51.840
Not because what happened was simple, of course it absolutely wasn't.
00:48:52.079 --> 00:48:55.199
A rogue wave changed her life in a matter of seconds.
00:48:55.360 --> 00:49:01.360
One minute she was on holiday with her family, the next she was lying in intensive care, wondering if she'd ever walk again.
00:49:01.519 --> 00:49:08.880
What's really struck me wasn't just her recovery, which is incredibly remarkable, but it was how she recovered.
00:49:09.039 --> 00:49:13.840
She didn't try to solve the next year, she didn't try to figure out the rest of her life.
00:49:14.000 --> 00:49:17.599
She just kept asking herself, what's the next thing?
00:49:17.920 --> 00:49:21.840
One breath, one movement, one step, then another.
00:49:22.079 --> 00:49:29.199
I think that's such a powerful reminder because it's so easy to get overwhelmed by the size of what sits in front of us.
00:49:29.360 --> 00:49:35.679
We jump into the future, imagining everything that could go wrong, or we look backwards wishing things had been different.
00:49:35.920 --> 00:49:38.159
Meanwhile, life is just a life thing.
00:49:38.239 --> 00:49:40.639
It's happening right here, right now.
00:49:40.800 --> 00:49:44.639
Sometimes the bravest thing we can do isn't having all the answers.
00:49:44.800 --> 00:49:47.840
It's just asking, what's that next thing I can do?
00:49:48.000 --> 00:49:50.400
Amy also reminded me of something else.
00:49:50.719 --> 00:49:57.760
We spend so much time wanting life to be neat and predictable, but it isn't and we don't have that control.
00:49:58.079 --> 00:50:00.239
It never was, it never will be.
00:50:00.400 --> 00:50:02.880
And none of us are promised a straight line.
00:50:03.039 --> 00:50:07.519
I mean, how boring if it was just a straight linear line.
00:50:09.199 --> 00:50:13.199
Which is why I love the Japanese philosophy of Kintsuki.
00:50:13.360 --> 00:50:20.079
When a piece of pottery breaks, they don't try to hide the cracks, they repair them with gold.
00:50:20.400 --> 00:50:23.840
Making the history of that object part of its beauty.
00:50:24.079 --> 00:50:29.360
That feels like such a fitting metaphor for Amy's journey, and she loved it when I shared that with her too.
00:50:29.519 --> 00:50:33.760
She isn't the same person she was before that day, and she wouldn't pretend to be.
00:50:34.079 --> 00:50:41.599
But she has put herself back together with honesty, humour, resilience, love and appreciation for the people who stood beside her.
00:50:41.760 --> 00:50:48.639
Sometimes the most beautiful version of ourselves isn't the one before life happened, it's the one we've rebuilt afterwards.
00:50:49.119 --> 00:50:53.280
Amy, thank you so much for sharing your story so openly.
00:50:53.519 --> 00:50:57.199
I know it will stay with so many people, it has stayed with me.
