People-Pleasing, Codependency & Breaking Free from Porn | Wesley Farnsworth | EP. 174

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Yeah, you know, codependency.
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And for me, it was it it's essentially uh caring more about what other people think about me than what I think about myself, and more importantly, what God thinks about me.
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And I'm gonna talk to not only the men but the women out there too, because this is a not a gender-specific uh issue.
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Absolutely.
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Um, but you know, if you're out there right now and you're you're you it has its hook its hooks in you.
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I don't need to go into specifics because you know if you're listening, you know exactly who you are.
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The fair the if you truly, truly want to change, you have to stop trying to play God.
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This episode is sponsored by Arsenal RX.
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Again, that's Arsenal RX.
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Get ready for your transformation.
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Welcome back to another episode of Faith and Failures.
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Uh, I have a very special guest with me, uh, Wesley Fawnsworth.
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So um he has so you're an author, you now have your second book out.
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You are a public speaker, a U.S.
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Air Force veteran, Air Force veteran, uh creative professional with a background in photography and communications.
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We're going to talk about that a lot because you can see my shirt.
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I also have a media company.
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We're gonna have some things to talk about.
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I'm very excited about that.
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Um, he's the author of The Blueprint of Becoming and the host of Unmasked with Wesley Fawnsworth.
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Um, he has openly shared about his journey through addiction, through shame, through his struggles with identity, which I think applies big time in the world we live in today, and how faith has shaped his recovery and sense of purpose.
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Um so, Wesley, thank you so much for for coming on the show.
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And um so let's start from the beginning.
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So, what who were you as a child?
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How did you grow up?
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Yeah, grew up like any other kid, one day at a time.
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Uh no, I grew up uh in Michigan as a pastor's kid.
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Uh my dad was uh was called a full-time evangelist.
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Uh so he uh was a pastor, but not a pastor of a church.
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Uh he would he would travel and uh speak anywhere that would have him.
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Uh and so that's how I grew up.
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I grew up um with my dad on the road um for the first part of my my uh youth years, if I if you will.
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Um my mom was also in ministry, uh serving in a lot of different capacities over the years, um everything from the church secretary to running children's church to Sunday school, like you name it.
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I think she did it at some point in her life, uh, and is still doing it today.
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I she she's like the energizer by me, she never stops.
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Um but so I grew up in the church.
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You know, if if the church was open, I like to say we were there.
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Uh it was uh family business, if you will.
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Yeah.
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Um I I sometimes I joke that if the if the janitor was there cleaning, we were there watching or helping.
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Um it's funny you say that.
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I literally like the whole thing you just said was almost my story growing up.
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Uh I was a preacher's kid, but when um when I was born, my my parents were actually evangelists and they traveled around and preached.
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Um and I think I was two or three years old, and an RV wasn't as big as it used to be.
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And so having a bassinet in there, and then they wanted to have more kids, so they actually ended up taking their first church because they had me and they wanted to be more established and stay in one spot.
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So uh yeah, and that was my mom did all the jobs in the church, you know.
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We were the ones vacuuming and cleaning and mowing the yards and everything like that.
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But it it really uh it really instilled in me the the burden and the duty and the responsibility of serving in the church.
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Uh that I actually I circled back to I hated it as a kid because I'm like, oh everybody else is doing this, and but but when I got older and now I'm like trying to teach my kids like that's what you need to do, you need to be a servant, and so that's pretty awesome.
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I'm sorry, I didn't mean to rept go ahead.
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Yeah.
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No, I was just gonna let you do the episode for me because we have the same story.
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No one's kidding.
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Just kidding, just kidding.
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Um no, so yeah, look I grew so I grew up in the church, you know, and a lot of people are like, Oh, you poor thing, and I'm like, man, you I had the pr I had the privilege of seeing my seeing my parents' faith play it out and lived out on a day-to-day basis, yeah, in scenarios and times that a lot of people probably would never have experienced.
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Yeah.
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Um, and so that that's made a huge impact into who I am today.
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Um, at the time I didn't know it.
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At the time, I was just like, oh, here we go again, you know.
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Um and and I just didn't understand the importance of what I was seeing.
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Um and then on top of that, as a pastor's kid, you know, sometimes there are some unwritten rules that come with being a pastor's kid.
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You have to act a certain way, do certain things, um, so that you reflect positively on your parents and on the church and on God.
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Uh you're just held to a different standard than other kids.
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Now when you other people admit it or not.
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When you were growing up and you felt did you actually was it later in life that you looked back and realized that you had that burden on you, or was what did you feel that as you were growing up?
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Like did you feel that weight on you to be different?
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It's all hindsight's 2020.
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Uh, as I've kind of gone back and looked over um my life, I kind of have realized that you know some of those some of those things.
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Um and you're you you were always known by who you belong to.
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Oh, you're so-and-so's kid.
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Yeah.
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Right?
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You're you're not you're not Wesley, you're so-and-so's kid.
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Right.
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Um, and it's just part of being a pastor's kid and being, you know, in our environment.
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Um but because of that unwritten pro the unrented unwritten rule of making sure that you fit in and reflect positively and all that stuff, um, I began to have that desire to fit in and please people uh at a deeper level.
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And eventually it it's led to what I now know know as codependency, um, where I care more about what other people think um about me than what I think about myself.
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Uh, and that's led to a lot of issues in my life, including the addiction that you reflect referred to earlier, because I wanted so so desperately to fit in with the people that I was hanging out with that I got into uh pornography um because somebody said something that spurred uh curiosity because I didn't know what it was they were talking about.
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So I went home and looked it up because I didn't want to be unprepared next time because remember I want to fit in.
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Right.
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Uh and so I got home, looked it up, and but you know, the addiction was started.
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Um, and that lasted for 20 years.
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It took me a long time to be able to kick it, no matter how much I tried.
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Um yeah, so that's kind of where I came from.
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I I I could just keep going, so I guess I'll pause there and what questions do you have?
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And well, how how old were you when you when you started?
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Um, I know you said that um was it younger friends, or was it kind of high school age, kind of when you go into puberty, all that crazy stuff that we all go through and you you didn't really know much, so you go exploring.
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Is that kind of the age bracket, or was it later in life?
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For for the addiction, yeah.
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Uh it was later in life.
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Uh I was working, uh, it was people from work that I was hanging out with.
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So I was I was let's see, with that job, I I would have been probably 15 or so.
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Um, but again, I mean we we didn't live a very I I wouldn't say that I was sheltered, but I didn't live a secular lifestyle, if that makes sense.
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Um I was homeschooled, uh, so there was not a whole lot of exposure to secular terminology, uh things like that, unless I heard it in the workplace or while I was out about doing things, whatever.
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Um, and so when this term came up while I was hanging out with these people from work, uh I didn't know what it was, but apparently it was funny because everybody was joking and laughing and stupid and hollering and all and whatever.
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And so that's kind of where I was like, well, what in the world are they talking about?
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So on that, like you kind of um and we'll go we'll touch on that in a minute, but uh the photography stuff.
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So you tell me about the photography thing.
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When did you start that?
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Like, how did you fall in love with that?
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Was that from an early age or something later in life?
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And how does that go?
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How does that uh swing into your story?
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Yeah, you know, it's funny.
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Uh growing up, I was not a fan of photography at all.
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My I had uh uh some family members that it seemed like every time you turned around they were taking your picture.
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Um, and so I kind of got a little tired of it.
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Um, but it wasn't until I joined the Air Force in 2007 uh that photography kind of entered the scene because I was I was enlisting and was at uh the processing station kind of picking what job I wanted, uh, and it was one of the jobs that was available for me to pick.
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And the recruiter at the station was like, Don't pick that.
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I was like, why?
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He's like, if you pick it, you're gonna waste a slot because you only get like five slots to pick your jobs that you would like to do.
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And he said, That is such a small career field that if you pick it, you're gonna be wasting a slot because you will not get it.
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Wow.
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And so I was I was gonna put it as my number one, but I didn't want to waste my number one, so I put it as my number two.
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Uh and so it was a few days later that the the the monthly job drop happened, uh, and my recruiter calls me and calls me up and he says, Hey Farnsworth, uh, need to come in.
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You've you've been uh we've got a job match for you.
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It's like all right, I'm coming.
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So I get into the get in the recruiter's office and I am at the door and he looked at me and he's like, All right.
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He's like, who do you know and how much did you have to pay him?
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And I said, What do you I said, what are you talking about?
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He said, Who do you know and what how much did you have to pay him?
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And I just kind of looked at him.
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He's like, You have a job, here's your job, and it's the photographer, he said, in my time doing recruiting, which for a average recruiter, they only are a recruiter for two or three years, so that's not a long period of time.
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He's like, But in my time as a recruiter, and all the time of the guy up at the MEP station, the processing station, who'd been doing it a lot longer, like over ten years, I think it's what he said.
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Well, he's like, We've never seen this job job come available, and it came available and you got it.
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So, again, who do you know and how much did you pay him?
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I was like, I don't know anybody and I didn't pay him anything, but awesome.
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Now, to get the job, did you have to display some sort of knowledge or ability or anything like that?
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Or it just kind of happened when you enlist, you have to take a whole bunch of different at the ASVAB test, which measures all kinds of different areas, uh, and then based on your score is the jobs that you can qualify for.
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Um then after that they train you.
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Uh so I picked it, uh, enlisted enough, and we ended up going uh all the photographers um for the Department of Now War, um, they all go to the same schoolhouse.
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Uh it's at Fort Meade, Maryland, uh, and it's called the Defense Information School, and you go through an intense training.
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Uh, they say it's equivalent to two years of college in about two to three months.
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Um, and you learn the ins and outs of photography from everything to location to uncontrolled action to standard, you know, grip and grin photos to you know just award presentations, you know, whatever it is, um crime scenes.
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Uh you you learn how to photograph pretty much anything and everything that you could possibly be called on to photograph um in your official capacity for the for the uh Department of War or Department of Defense at the time.
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Um and so yeah, it's a very uh intense job.
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Uh you get to you get to see and do a lot of cool things.
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Um do you get to keep the pictures you take?
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Or is that ever a problem?
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Um actually every photograph that a photographer takes for the Department of War um is public domain.
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So and you can go out to Divid's Hub, um, which is a defense um video imagery distribution system, you can go out there and you can see all the photos that have been published.
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Um you don't you don't you don't see all every photo because obviously, just like if you go to shoot a wedding or something like that, um you know you you're gonna take 500 photos and you're not gonna publish all 500 photos.
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It's the same thing.
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We they go through and they pick the best of the best that tells the story of whatever it is that they were covering, and that's what gets published.
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Um but yeah, it's all public domain, so I have copies of almost all the jobs that I took photos of.
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That's pretty cool.
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Um at least the cool ones that I wanted to remember.
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I mean, I I got to do a lot of really cool things.
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Um, I photographed uh sporting events at pretty much every level.
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Um I did uh presidential inauguration for uh Barack Obama.
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It was at his second one.
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Wow uh deployment to Afghanistan.
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Um I flew with the Army Golden Knights.
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Uh I got to do a lot of really cool stuff.
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I was very blessed in my career.
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So that was kind of a in my personal opinion, that was kind of a God thing and a blessing that you were able to get that and be able to experience all that.
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That's really cool.
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100%.
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It it gave me a passion for something that was in a creative outlet that I didn't know I had, uh, and I love it to this day.
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Now, you mentioned at 15, and you're how old when you went into the Air Force?
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I was 22.
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22.
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So in this gap, what what does your story sound like?
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Are you are you staying in church this entire time?
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Is God a part of your life?
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Because I know in my personal story, the more I got into sin, the less I really in my heart belonged to God.
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And so there was like a schism that began to happen to where I played church and I did the church thing and I showed up and did what I was supposed to do and made sure mom and daddy were happy.
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And then in private, I was somebody else, or around my friends, I was somebody else.
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Does did that same fracture happen inside of you and in your mind?
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It did to a point.
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Uh, I've always attended church.
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Um, I knew how important it was.
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I knew you know that I wanted it in my life.
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Um, for a long time I was riding mommy and daddy's coattail, you know, with faith, like a like a lot of kids were.
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Um but yeah, throughout my entire life, I've always been in church, but there was a difference between who I was on Sunday and who I was at home because I was having this internal battle going on.
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I wanted to follow Christ with everything I was, and I was doing everything I could to do that, but I was still also trying to deal with this this uh sin um that was going on in my life.
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And so it was a constant battle.
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So I wouldn't say that I I I never walked away from God, um, but I was never uh I I can't say that I was a hundred percent all in either because I was still dealing with things in the background and trying trying to become the person that I knew he wanted me to be.
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Now let's pause here for a second because I think this is very important, and I think it's oftentimes overlooked and not really talked about.
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There's a lot of people that you hear you end up hearing their story on the other side after they've gone through addiction, after this and that.
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What would you say to somebody that right now that that period of time that you were talking about when you first were introduced to it and then when you got free, they're trying to serve God, like you just mentioned, you described it very well, like you're you're trying to serve God, but there's just it's it has its hooks in you.
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And it's even like how Paul would say, like, I want to do good, I want to do this, but yet I don't.
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It's like all of a sudden you just you you don't even mean to, and all of a sudden you just like come to yourself and you're awakened and you realize what you've done, and it's too late, it's already done.
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And then you've you have that damnation on yourself and that shame, and you just you you feel like a piece of junk, and then you're then you put that shame on top of you, even though it's not what the father does, but it's what we do to ourselves, which keeps us from going and actually getting clean.
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It's this over and over again cycle that I'm sure you've dealt with, and I I've dealt with porn myself over and over again.
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So to a young man or even older men, every man has an issue.
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Um, some deal with it and then some try to pretend like it doesn't exist.
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But those who love God, they care about God, yet they're struggling and they don't know what to do.
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What would you say to them right now in that moment?
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Yeah, you know, I'm gonna and I'm I'm gonna even take what you just said a step further, and I'm gonna talk to not only the men but the women out there too, because this is a not a gender-specific uh issue.
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Absolutely.
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Um, but you know, if you're out there right now and you're you're you it has its hook, it's hooks in you.
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I don't need to go into specifics because you know if you're listening, you know exactly who you are.
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The fair the if you truly, truly want to change, you have to stop trying to play God.
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And what do I mean by that?
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For the longest time I was trying to quit.
00:18:45.440 --> 00:18:53.200
And I would try and I'd say, okay, I'm gonna do it this way, and I would try to quit and I would have a little success, and then I would end up going back to it.
00:18:53.599 --> 00:18:56.480
And so, okay, that didn't work, so I would try something different.
00:18:57.440 --> 00:19:00.400
And it would work for a little while and I would go back to it.
00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:06.079
The problem was I was trying to play God and to be myself at the same time.
00:19:06.319 --> 00:19:09.200
I was trying to play both roles, but you can't do that.
00:19:09.440 --> 00:19:09.920
That's right.
00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:13.759
The first thing that you have to do is number one, admit that you have a problem.
00:19:14.480 --> 00:19:16.880
Admit that it's something that you can't control.
00:19:17.680 --> 00:19:26.400
That's very hard for somebody to do because if you're into it and it's an addiction, you're probably telling yourself I can quit anytime I want to.
00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:28.160
It's not that big of a deal.
00:19:28.480 --> 00:19:30.720
I'm not hurting anybody else but me.
00:19:31.759 --> 00:19:37.039
And I know I can I know that's true because those are things that I went through, but those are things I was telling myself.
00:19:37.440 --> 00:19:39.359
So you have to admit that there's a problem.
00:19:40.319 --> 00:19:43.680
Number two, you have to take it before God and say, God, this is a problem.
00:19:44.160 --> 00:19:45.200
Remove it from me.
00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:55.279
And then you have to do what the Bible tells you to do, which is probably the hardest thing that you're going to do.
00:19:55.599 --> 00:19:55.839
Yeah.
00:19:57.200 --> 00:20:04.000
And that is you have to go to another human being and admit the exact nature of your wrongs.
00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:04.319
Yeah.
00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:14.000
You have to find somebody that you can talk to that's that can be in your life, and I I would encourage you not to do not have it be your spouse.
00:20:14.400 --> 00:20:14.559
Yeah.
00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:17.119
That that's her later down the road.
00:20:18.319 --> 00:20:30.720
But go and find somebody that can be your accountability partner and find somebody you can trust and go to them and say, hey, I'm having an issue with this, this, this.
00:20:32.319 --> 00:20:34.400
I'm having an issue with pornography.
00:20:34.960 --> 00:20:37.759
I've tried to quit, I'm not able to do it.
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:39.119
I need help.
00:20:41.279 --> 00:20:42.799
And then be honest with them.
00:20:43.279 --> 00:20:43.680
Yeah.
00:20:44.799 --> 00:20:48.240
And invite them into the situation.
00:20:49.359 --> 00:20:55.920
Put a blocker on your phone, something along the lines of Covenant Eyes, or the other pro there's several apps out there for it.
00:20:56.640 --> 00:20:58.319
And it make them your accountability partner.
00:20:58.559 --> 00:21:03.599
So if you look at something that you're not supposed to, they get notified, and then they can call you on it.
00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:10.480
And it makes a difference when when you have somebody that can see in the window of what's going on.
00:21:11.359 --> 00:21:12.000
You change it.
00:21:12.799 --> 00:21:13.200
Yeah.
00:21:14.240 --> 00:21:18.400
Because you start to second guess, do I really need to go to this website?
00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:25.440
And then likewise they have to be they have to be able to have the ability to s to ask you at any time, hey, how's it going?
00:21:25.599 --> 00:21:25.920
Yeah.
00:21:26.160 --> 00:21:28.160
What what's going on right now?
00:21:29.440 --> 00:21:31.839
And you should be honest with them.
00:21:32.079 --> 00:21:37.200
And that in and of itself would put you in check a little bit because you never know when they're gonna ask, how you doing?
00:21:37.440 --> 00:21:38.160
What's going on?
00:21:38.319 --> 00:21:39.599
What'd you do last night?
00:21:40.720 --> 00:21:49.680
But those three those are the first three steps to taking the to taking and beginning your journey out outside of uh the addiction.
00:21:50.240 --> 00:21:55.440
Now it's it's very hard to do because you get scared that for that third step.
00:21:55.599 --> 00:21:59.519
Yeah, you get scared because you don't know how that other person's going to react.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:02.799
You don't know what they're gonna think or say or do.
00:22:03.039 --> 00:22:10.160
And so because it's so scary, everything inside of you is gonna tell you not to do it.
00:22:10.400 --> 00:22:15.279
You're gonna you're gonna think of a million different reasons why you shouldn't do it.
00:22:16.480 --> 00:22:20.240
Because you don't know what you don't know.
00:22:20.400 --> 00:22:21.920
You don't know how they're gonna react.
00:22:22.240 --> 00:22:24.160
So for somebody can tell you it's worth it.
00:22:24.400 --> 00:22:45.839
So for somebody who's on that tipping point to where they know they have an issue, they're bringing it to God, they know it's wrong, they know, but yet they're having that like it's shame, it's embarrassing, it's it's being vulnerable to somebody else, and accountability is a must if you want to be successful in being a Christian.
00:22:45.920 --> 00:22:46.960
It is a must.
00:22:47.200 --> 00:22:58.160
Um, so what was what was your journey like to where you finally got to that step three, to where you actually could be bold enough and strong enough and have the courage to say something to somebody?
00:22:58.720 --> 00:23:00.400
I was tired of it.
00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:05.920
It got to the point that I knew I couldn't do it by myself and something had to change.
00:23:06.720 --> 00:23:09.599
And my church started this amazing program.
00:23:09.680 --> 00:23:13.119
Um, it's called Celebrate Recovery, and it is a Christ.
00:23:13.279 --> 00:23:14.880
It's a excuse me.
00:23:31.039 --> 00:23:35.599
Um my church started this amazing program called Celebrate Recovery.
00:23:35.680 --> 00:23:38.160
It's a Christ-centered recovery program.
00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:42.319
Um, that is for any kind of a hurt, have a hang-up addiction.
00:23:42.480 --> 00:23:47.200
Um, you know, only one in three people that go there are first there for something like drugs or alcohol.
00:23:47.279 --> 00:24:03.200
The rest of us are there for life issues, broken relationships, pornography addiction, overeating, self-body images, uh, self uh um self uh uh self-esteem issues, um, you you name it, uh anything.
00:24:03.519 --> 00:24:16.319
Um and it was there that I was finally able to find somebody that I could be honest with because I knew that there was uh anonymity and there was confidentiality.
00:24:16.480 --> 00:24:19.680
So I knew that the person that I was talking to was going to be safe.
00:24:20.000 --> 00:24:24.319
Uh, and that's if you don't have anybody in your life, check it out.
00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:30.960
There's there's more meetings held every month and or every week in the US than there are Starbucks locations.
00:24:31.200 --> 00:24:37.599
So, and this is why I really wanted to talk about this topic, and I know we're spending a little time here, but I think it's very important and overlooked in the church.
00:24:37.680 --> 00:24:46.720
I think it's an epidemic in the church that people don't want to talk about because they're afraid, well, if people know, then they're gonna they're gonna cast me out.
00:24:47.279 --> 00:24:51.359
And if they're a true church, they will not cast out, they will bring them in.
00:24:51.519 --> 00:24:55.119
Um, because I I want people, I I see this a lot.
00:24:55.279 --> 00:25:01.279
People say, Yeah, I have struggles, I have struggles, but yet they don't want to open up and receive that accountability.
00:25:01.519 --> 00:25:13.759
And and so what I heard from your story is one of the things that helped you open up was to realize, and this is why I wanted to talk about it, you realized that other people were just as messed up and hurt as you were.
00:25:14.319 --> 00:25:21.920
Yeah, you know, the the number one thing the enemy wants you to think is that you are unique and that nobody is going to understand.
00:25:22.079 --> 00:25:22.720
Yeah.
00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:27.519
Those are the lies that I heard day in and day out throughout my addiction.
00:25:27.839 --> 00:25:31.599
And because I believed it, it kept me in sin.
00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:34.480
It kept me from talking about it.
00:25:35.119 --> 00:25:45.920
And so the the church has to be a place where anybody can come in and feel welcome.
00:25:46.160 --> 00:25:46.480
Yeah.
00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:52.319
No matter how they're dressed, no matter how they smell, no matter what their background is, no matter what.
00:25:53.039 --> 00:25:58.240
They have to those doors have to be open and they have to be welcomed with open arms and loved.
00:25:58.799 --> 00:26:05.039
Because if if we don't have that kind of environment, then they're gonna go elsewhere to find it.
00:26:05.279 --> 00:26:05.680
Yeah.
00:26:05.839 --> 00:26:06.799
And they do.
00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:12.799
They go to the streets and they find the drug dealer that's gonna love them with open arms while they take their money and get them hooked.
00:26:13.119 --> 00:26:15.359
I say from the pulpit all the time.
00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:19.519
Like the bar down the street should not be more welcoming than the church.
00:26:19.839 --> 00:26:20.640
Absolutely.
00:26:20.799 --> 00:26:23.440
And that's I I say from the pulpit all the time.
00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:38.240
I mean, I I'm actually preaching here in the next couple weeks, and I'm talking about the very same thing because it's so important because I have talked to people that say I don't come to church because I won't feel welcome.
00:26:38.640 --> 00:26:49.680
I went out actually, uh, one of my favorite uh examples of this is as a teenager, I went out on a missions uh uh missions trip in the city that I was living in.
00:26:49.920 --> 00:26:50.160
Right?
00:26:50.240 --> 00:26:56.720
We were having this big uh end of week like conference festival thing, you know, big big celebration at the church.
00:26:56.880 --> 00:26:58.960
And uh we went out all over town.
00:26:59.039 --> 00:27:01.359
We were inviting anybody and everybody to it.
00:27:02.240 --> 00:27:10.240
And I was at the mall, and there was a there was a group of I think it was like four bikers uh that pulled in and I was like, well, let's go invite them.
00:27:10.400 --> 00:27:11.680
I'm a you know, I'm a teenager.
00:27:11.759 --> 00:27:19.200
I don't and I I I go up to him and I'm like, hey guys, I was like, hey, come to this thing, you know what we're gonna have is there's gonna be free food, you know, blah blah blah.
00:27:19.359 --> 00:27:20.480
Come out and check it out.
00:27:20.640 --> 00:27:24.400
And he looked at the one of the bikers, looked at me, and I'll never never forget it.
00:27:24.480 --> 00:27:30.799
He had uh sleeves of tattoos now, both arms, leather jacket, beard, like traditional biker.
00:27:30.880 --> 00:27:32.640
When you think biker, that was him.
00:27:32.799 --> 00:27:39.599
Uh and he looked at me and he looked at the he looked at the flyer and he looked back at me and he said, We won't be there.
00:27:39.680 --> 00:27:40.799
And I said, Why not?
00:27:41.119 --> 00:27:42.799
He said, Look at me.
00:27:43.039 --> 00:27:44.799
I'm not gonna be welcomed there.
00:27:44.960 --> 00:27:48.240
I wouldn't be accepted, so we're not even gonna come.
00:27:48.480 --> 00:27:49.920
And they walked in.
00:27:50.640 --> 00:27:54.559
That's sad that that that's what people think the church about the church.
00:27:54.880 --> 00:27:57.119
Absolutely, because that's the way that it is.
00:27:57.759 --> 00:28:01.039
I have seen it played out though, and that's the sad part.
00:28:01.119 --> 00:28:08.960
And as even as I've gotten into recovery, I've talked to people that are like, I don't feel like I can talk like I talk at with this recovery group.
00:28:09.039 --> 00:28:10.960
I can't talk the same way at church.
00:28:11.119 --> 00:28:26.079
Yeah, I can't go to the person across the aisle and say, How you do, or and tell them how I'm doing and what I'm struggling with, because they're not gonna keep it confidential, yeah, and they're not gonna support me the same way that I get here in a recovery program, and that's sad.
00:28:26.640 --> 00:28:29.119
It's definitely important who you tell your business to.
00:28:30.160 --> 00:28:43.440
The church should be the safest place in the world to come to when you are struggling with something and and find community of people that are gonna love you and keep your business private.
00:28:43.759 --> 00:28:54.640
Um, but now we we talked about the uh the person that was understanding that that addiction is wrong.
00:28:55.279 --> 00:29:06.880
What can you say to warn against someone who has just started dabbling in porn or they have not yet so a lot of times we'll stay in sin because we haven't yet felt the effects of sin.
00:29:07.519 --> 00:29:13.119
So what would you say to someone who is just starting out or has just begun to be curious?
00:29:13.279 --> 00:29:20.720
Um what can you speak on the damage of what it does to not only your mind but relationships and and everything that touches it?
00:29:21.039 --> 00:29:25.920
Yeah, I would say if if you if you're just starting to dabble in it, run.
00:29:26.160 --> 00:29:28.720
Run as fast as you can away from it.
00:29:28.960 --> 00:29:33.759
Um it messes with your mind in so many different ways.
00:29:34.079 --> 00:29:41.440
It will completely change the way that you think and look uh at the opposite sex.
00:29:41.599 --> 00:29:57.920
Yeah, it will completely change the way you view intimacy, it will change so many things, and it is a very long road to get back to a healthy spot in your mind.
00:29:58.160 --> 00:30:01.759
It's possible, but it is a long and hard road.
00:30:02.079 --> 00:30:08.240
So if you're out there and you're you're just starting to dabble in, you're like, well, that's not me, that's never gonna happen, I can control it.
00:30:08.400 --> 00:30:14.640
Yeah, that is the enemy speaking a hundred percent to you right now, trying to keep you right where he's got it.
00:30:14.799 --> 00:30:32.079
Because as long as you're watching that garbage, he has his hooks in you and he has control over you, especially if you're a man, because if the devil has control of you, if the enemy has control over you in the bedroom, then he has control over you in all of your life.
00:30:32.799 --> 00:30:47.920
And so if we if you're just even thinking about running and dabbling in it, or you're just starting in it, or whatever whatever stage you're at in it, I would just say run and find help and kick into the curb as fast as you possibly can.
00:30:48.240 --> 00:30:52.480
Now, one of the things I know we talked about pornography, we talked about the addiction.
00:30:52.720 --> 00:31:02.720
Um the main thing that I think we land that we need to land on and and and in with that part is find somebody that's trustworthy.
00:31:03.119 --> 00:31:13.039
And the Bible does say confess your sins one to another, because it purges your soul when you let that stuff come out and you're not holding on to it anymore.
00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:19.119
Um, and that's where the damage really comes in when you try to hold it in, suppress it, and and keep it.
00:31:19.359 --> 00:31:22.640
Um now you mentioned codependency.
00:31:23.119 --> 00:31:23.519
Yeah.
00:31:23.839 --> 00:31:24.480
Explain that.
00:31:24.640 --> 00:31:30.799
Like what what exactly, how did that shape your life from a young child being a people pleaser?
00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:36.079
I've been there myself, I'm a people person, and so if I was if I was somewhere, I was the life of the party.
00:31:36.240 --> 00:31:39.039
I was being stupid or whatever, just trying to make people laugh.
00:31:39.119 --> 00:31:41.680
It didn't really matter, and that bled into my adulthood.
00:31:41.759 --> 00:31:47.680
Well, then you introduced drugs and alcohol, and then everything else just is magnified and it just life blew up.
00:31:47.759 --> 00:31:57.359
So on codependency for you, what did that look like for you, and how did that start uh manipulating not only you but your relationships as you got older?
00:31:57.920 --> 00:31:59.920
Yeah, you know, codependency.
00:32:00.240 --> 00:32:08.720
And for me, it was it's essentially uh carrying more about what other people think about me than what I think about myself, and more importantly, what God thinks about me.
00:32:09.599 --> 00:32:14.160
And so for a lot of people, it's also known as just being a people pleaser.
00:32:14.319 --> 00:32:16.480
You say yes to everybody because you want to please them.
00:32:16.640 --> 00:32:20.079
Yeah, uh, you're you're the yes man or yes woman.
00:32:20.319 --> 00:32:30.880
Um and the problem with that is you start saying yes to so many things, and you start becoming so focused on what is it that they want me to think?
00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:40.720
What is it that they want me to say or do right now that you you if you if you're like me, you became very good at starting to be able to identify that.
00:32:40.960 --> 00:32:46.319
And over time, I just completely I honestly I lost track of who I was.
00:32:47.039 --> 00:32:55.920
I had somebody ask me um a hand just less than 10 years ago, they asked me, What does Wes think about this?
00:32:56.240 --> 00:32:57.920
Like, Wes, what do you think about this?
00:32:58.079 --> 00:33:00.799
And immediately I was like, Oh, I think blah blah blah blah blah.
00:33:01.039 --> 00:33:03.039
And it was what I thought they wanted me to say.
00:33:03.200 --> 00:33:03.839
Yeah.
00:33:04.160 --> 00:33:10.640
And then they were like, they knew me well enough, and they were like, Okay, now what do you really think of this?
00:33:11.279 --> 00:33:18.400
Now what you want me to hear, what I think you what you think you want me to hear, what is it that you truly think about it?
00:33:19.039 --> 00:33:20.559
And that set me off.
00:33:20.799 --> 00:33:21.759
That set me back.
00:33:21.839 --> 00:33:22.720
I had to stop and think.
00:33:22.799 --> 00:33:24.480
I'm like, what do you mean?
00:33:25.039 --> 00:33:34.720
And it took me a while, and I I wasn't able to give them an answer because I couldn't differentiate what I thought versus what I thought that they wanted me to think.
00:33:35.039 --> 00:33:35.200
Right.
00:33:35.359 --> 00:33:37.359
You just wanted to be whoever they wanted you to be.
00:33:38.240 --> 00:33:43.279
Exactly, because I wanted to be accepted, I wanted to be liked, I wanted to be a part of the in crowd.
00:33:43.440 --> 00:33:56.480
Um and it took me a long time in counseling to be able to to kind of work through that and begin to find myself again and and begin to identify, okay, is this we you know when I'm answering somebody now?
00:33:56.559 --> 00:33:58.079
I I tend to stop them.
00:33:58.240 --> 00:34:04.720
Okay, am I saying this because it's what I think they want me to say, or am I saying this because it's truly what I think and what I feel?
00:34:05.039 --> 00:34:16.079
Um so that's essentially, I mean, that that's played a role in my entire life and in every capacity from the workplace to the personal life to you name it.
00:34:16.400 --> 00:34:26.559
Now, is this all of what you're talking about right now, what we've kind of touched on as we went along, is that kind of what inspired you to write your first book, uh The Blueprint of Becoming?
00:34:27.519 --> 00:34:38.159
Yeah, so my first book, The Blueprint of Becoming, actually was uh born out of my um my participation in Celebrate Recovery.
00:34:38.320 --> 00:34:43.920
Um so the first two to three chapters is my personal testimony, my celebrate recovery testimony.
00:34:44.000 --> 00:34:50.880
Um the very first draft that I first wrote um as I would after about a year of being in the program.
00:34:51.599 --> 00:35:02.159
Um and after I wrote it and gave it a few times, I really just felt like God was saying, You now you're gonna start sharing this outside of celebrate recovery.
00:35:03.440 --> 00:35:05.199
And I was like, I'm gonna do what?
00:35:05.280 --> 00:35:05.599
Uh-uh.
00:35:05.840 --> 00:35:07.280
No, uh no, no, no, no.
00:35:07.840 --> 00:35:10.079
I've told one person and maybe a few people.
00:35:10.159 --> 00:35:11.360
I'm not telling the world.
00:35:12.079 --> 00:35:18.320
Oh, I've t I've told groups of people because you know, I've I would share with in a mixed um in the large groups.
00:35:18.559 --> 00:35:22.239
Oh, so you would you were actually willing to share it beyond just a small group that you were in.
00:35:22.320 --> 00:35:22.480
Yeah.
00:35:22.639 --> 00:35:22.880
Okay.
00:35:23.119 --> 00:35:30.960
Yeah, because well, some people they they break, you know, they kind of say a little bit and that, but they don't want it to be outside of the the little bubble that they feel safe and you know, not judge.
00:35:31.199 --> 00:35:34.320
So that's awesome that you were able to have the courage to do that.
00:35:34.639 --> 00:35:40.400
Yeah, but I had but I had safety still because even though I was there, I still had anonymity confidentiality.
00:35:40.559 --> 00:35:44.719
So I knew I could share within celery recovery and it wouldn't go outside celibate recovery.
00:35:44.880 --> 00:35:45.440
Gotcha.
00:35:45.840 --> 00:35:51.599
So uh when he's like you're gonna share it outside, I was like, uh let's talk about this.
00:35:52.559 --> 00:36:04.400
Um, so I that kind of started the book, and then uh over time I I would write a little bit and then I would stop and I'd write a little bit and I'd stop, and then it just kind of would go back and forth.
00:36:04.639 --> 00:36:10.800
Um and it was about 20, I say this is 26, so but 24, 2024.
00:36:10.880 --> 00:36:13.679
Uh I found myself unemployed for about five months.
00:36:14.639 --> 00:36:20.800
Been there and God's like, hey, God's like, hey uh, let's go ahead and finish that thing up.
00:36:21.039 --> 00:36:22.400
Now that I have your full attention.
00:36:24.079 --> 00:36:28.559
Uh so I I worked on it for a little bit and not as much as I should.
00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:39.519
Um and so it it got to 26 now, and uh I found myself unemployed again, this time for nine and a half months.
00:36:39.679 --> 00:36:44.320
Oh, and he's like, he's like, hey, hey, uh remember that book?
00:36:45.119 --> 00:36:48.880
He's like, I should have did it the first five months and I wouldn't be suffering now.
00:36:49.519 --> 00:36:57.440
Uh so um so that's kind of the the so the essentially the first book blueprint of becoming is my personal testimony to begin with.
00:36:57.519 --> 00:37:06.960
Um, but then we walk through what it means to walk in the blueprint that God has for your life uh and what that looks like.
00:37:07.119 --> 00:37:15.519
Um I use the analogy in the book of uh sailors and they're navigating the waters of by stars, right?
00:37:15.760 --> 00:37:22.159
Um and they always look to their north star as their compass to make sure that they're going the direction they're supposed to go.
00:37:22.480 --> 00:37:24.239
Well, the same is true in our life.
00:37:24.480 --> 00:37:36.480
God has very clearly laid this out for me, and he said, If I'm if I am your true North Star, then everything else is gonna fall into place.
00:37:37.280 --> 00:37:45.440
As long as I'm this as long as I am the center and you're making all of your decisions around me, then you're gonna be okay.
00:37:45.519 --> 00:37:48.880
You're gonna be walking in the blueprint that I have for your life.
00:37:49.199 --> 00:38:07.039
But when you allow your job or your relationship or your children, or your favorite TV show, or your video game, or whatever it is, your sports, when you allow that to overcome and become your new North Star that you navigate everything by.
00:38:07.199 --> 00:38:10.400
Well, I can't go to church Sunday because Jimmy's got a soccer game.
00:38:10.559 --> 00:38:15.119
Yeah, I can't go to church Sunday because the the Chiefs are playing on on CPS.
00:38:15.440 --> 00:38:17.119
I can't and that's just a random team.
00:38:17.199 --> 00:38:18.320
I'm not a Chiefs fan.
00:38:18.800 --> 00:38:21.840
But uh I I you get the idea.
00:38:22.000 --> 00:38:22.239
Yeah.
00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:33.039
When when you allow something else to become the North Star, then you're no longer walking in true alignment to what's what God has, and that becomes your compass.
00:38:33.679 --> 00:38:45.840
And so we look through, okay, if if you truly are have allowed something else to become your North Star, what are some ways that you can number one figure out what that thing is, and number two, how do you eliminate it?
00:38:46.079 --> 00:38:47.760
And it doesn't need to be eliminated.
00:38:47.920 --> 00:38:51.760
Maybe it just needs to be uh your priorities need to shift.
00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:55.360
Uh, and so that's what we talk about throughout the first book.
00:38:55.679 --> 00:38:59.360
Uh, and I am such a huge believer in community.
00:38:59.440 --> 00:39:07.840
Um, I've seen it play out in my own life and the importance of it, that I actually encourage people to go through the book with another person.
00:39:08.239 --> 00:39:17.119
So much so that I actually wrote a participant's guide and a leader's guide for it, and I offer those free of charge on my website.
00:39:17.280 --> 00:39:27.280
Uh that actually takes the book and it turns it into a 10-week study where you can go through and as you begin to identify things in your life that maybe you need to change.
00:39:27.599 --> 00:39:55.760
Now, hey, you have a community right here with you that you can be open and honest with, and then they can be that accountability to you just as you can be the accountability to them, as they share what they're learning and identifying from the book, uh, and their own reflection of their own life, because every chapter has um discussion questions and journal prompts and stuff like that at the end of it for you to to uh go through and apply what you just learned to your own life.
00:39:56.079 --> 00:40:05.280
Um so we get through the we finally get the first book published, and God says, Hey, uh, you're not done yet.
00:40:06.079 --> 00:40:07.039
Of course.
00:40:08.960 --> 00:40:12.400
He's like, uh uh, now I want you to start this podcast.
00:40:12.639 --> 00:40:16.000
And I said, I'm like, God, like, okay.
00:40:16.239 --> 00:40:20.719
I'm like, if you want me to do this, I I'm game, but remember, I'm unemployed.
00:40:20.960 --> 00:40:24.400
I said, so if if you want me to do this, you have to provide.
00:40:24.480 --> 00:40:26.639
Because there's a cost with starting a podcast.
00:40:26.800 --> 00:40:27.360
Yeah.
00:40:27.679 --> 00:40:31.599
And I said, I'm in, but you have to provide.
00:40:32.400 --> 00:40:33.840
Don't challenge God.
00:40:36.719 --> 00:40:46.000
The next day, I kid you not, I was handed an envelope that said from an anonymous source, and in the money, in the envelope was the money to start the podcast.
00:40:46.480 --> 00:40:47.119
Wow.
00:40:48.079 --> 00:40:49.519
So I was I just started laughing.
00:40:49.599 --> 00:40:50.800
I was like, okay, God.
00:40:51.360 --> 00:40:51.920
All right.
00:40:52.159 --> 00:40:55.440
So I went home and I I the the podcast was born.
00:40:55.519 --> 00:40:58.480
And so it's called Unmasked with Wesley Farnsworth.
00:40:58.639 --> 00:41:02.800
Uh we talk faith, we talk uh religion, and we talk recovery.
00:41:02.960 --> 00:41:05.360
Uh, and every week there's two episodes that come out.
00:41:05.519 --> 00:41:09.199
Tuesday is a solo episode where I talk something faith and recovery related.
00:41:09.280 --> 00:41:26.559
Uh, and then Thursdays is an episode, uh guest episode, uh, where somebody comes on and they share just as I'm doing uh their journey, uh, what things that they have gone through and how God met them in the middle of their mess, uh, and how the what the what life's like for them now on the other side.
00:41:26.880 --> 00:41:33.679
So the podcast is born, and I'm like, okay, I can breathe.
00:41:34.000 --> 00:41:35.840
And he said, You're not done yet.
00:41:38.079 --> 00:41:40.480
And I'm like, what else is there to do?
00:41:41.119 --> 00:41:46.320
And he's he's like, um, now I want you to start speaking.
00:41:48.079 --> 00:41:50.239
And I'm like, You want me to do what?
00:41:50.800 --> 00:41:58.880
He's like, I want you to start speaking, and so for a week I wrestled with this, and I threw a little temper tantrum like a teenager being told to take out the trash.
00:41:59.119 --> 00:41:59.599
Of course.
00:41:59.920 --> 00:42:07.039
And and I'm like, uh no, you you must have meant the person behind me in the in the in the pew behind me, because that's not me.
00:42:07.280 --> 00:42:11.840
My dad was a pastor, my dad's dad was a pastor, I can take this one out.
00:42:12.320 --> 00:42:16.480
And he he he made it pretty clear, no, I I want you.
00:42:16.800 --> 00:42:19.039
Uh, and so after a week I finally gave in.
00:42:19.199 --> 00:42:23.199
I was like, fine, if this is what you want, I'm in.
00:42:24.559 --> 00:42:28.559
So then he says, Okay, if you're true, I want you to.
00:42:28.960 --> 00:42:38.880
This is a Sunday morning, he says, if that's true, I want you to go up front and I want you to tell your pastor exactly what I've told you to do and offer to speak for him.
00:42:40.559 --> 00:42:42.960
And I'm like, You want me to do what?
00:42:44.719 --> 00:42:46.719
I already said yes, isn't that enough?
00:42:46.880 --> 00:42:49.440
Uh yeah, where's the envelope of money this time?
00:42:51.599 --> 00:42:53.840
So I went up front and I did as he told.
00:42:53.920 --> 00:43:01.920
Uh, I still haven't spoken in my church, but uh he has begun to you know walk with me, and I'm doing a lot of different things now.
00:43:02.159 --> 00:43:08.639
Um, but the next morning my phone rang and a church contacted me about doing some pulpit fill form.
00:43:10.639 --> 00:43:19.199
And and then another church reached out to me to do pulpit fill form, and now I'm doing pulpit fill for three different churches, and I'm preaching once or twice a month.
00:43:19.280 --> 00:43:21.519
Uh, and I have been since I said yes.
00:43:21.760 --> 00:43:26.960
Um, and so it's just crazy how God is opening doors and using me to do different things.
00:43:27.199 --> 00:43:27.679
It's awesome.
00:43:27.840 --> 00:43:34.880
And now I've got a workshop that I did a few months, uh a few weeks ago, and now that's starting to take off, and I've got more requests to do workshops.
00:43:35.119 --> 00:43:38.159
Um so finally I thought I was done.
00:43:39.519 --> 00:43:52.639
And he's like and then I started getting these questions over and over and over again in different put slightly different ways, um, throughout that nine and a half month unemployment season.
00:43:52.960 --> 00:43:56.960
And they were all where does your faith come from?
00:43:57.199 --> 00:43:59.360
How is your faith so strong?
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:05.679
That you're not losing your ever loving mind during this unemployment season.
00:44:06.880 --> 00:44:13.840
And as I began to really wrestle with that and think about that, I realized it was from my upbringing.
00:44:14.079 --> 00:44:23.360
The lessons and the things that I learned growing up and how I saw faith playing out and the little ways that I saw God provide and show up in my life.
00:44:23.599 --> 00:44:27.599
And so that's what led to my second book, When Faith Meets Fire.
00:44:27.840 --> 00:44:39.280
In that book, we explore how to build your faith, how to walk in faith, and what it looks like to have faith when you're in the middle of the fire and life isn't going like you expected it to go.
00:44:39.519 --> 00:44:52.800
You know, when when you find yourself unexpectedly on the unemployment line, when you find yourself with your with your marriage ending, when you find yourself, you know, with whatever the issues might be.
00:44:53.039 --> 00:44:58.639
Um there's a lot of different fires that somebody can go through in their life.
00:44:59.119 --> 00:45:01.519
But what does faith look like in the middle of it?
00:45:01.760 --> 00:45:07.679
And so that's what we explore in uh my second book on Faith Mage Fire, which is which just released.
00:45:08.159 --> 00:45:24.239
So how when you were going through this process, okay, you talked about how you kind of you you introduced people to be a um hold you accountable in that space that would um that was vulnerable to other people.
00:45:24.800 --> 00:45:32.800
How did you in that how did you in the codependency how did you get out of the codependency mode?
00:45:32.960 --> 00:45:41.920
Like, how did you not just know you had a problem without just pretending to be something else just to feel like you don't have a problem anymore?
00:45:42.000 --> 00:45:43.119
Does that make sense?
00:45:43.440 --> 00:45:45.119
Yeah, I didn't.
00:45:45.440 --> 00:45:48.239
Codependency, I think, is a human nature issue.
00:45:49.039 --> 00:45:52.719
The problem is is when you start letting it run your life.
00:45:52.960 --> 00:45:58.559
When you when you when you have to learn to say no, there's probably a problem.
00:45:59.440 --> 00:46:01.760
And so I had to learn how to tell people no.
00:46:01.920 --> 00:46:04.000
Hey, can you come help me out this weekend?
00:46:04.239 --> 00:46:07.679
Man, you know, I have a full calendar, but sure, I can come help you out.
00:46:07.920 --> 00:46:09.039
I'll figure it out.
00:46:09.280 --> 00:46:13.039
You know, I had to learn to say, you know what, I'd love to, but I really can't.
00:46:13.119 --> 00:46:15.440
I've just I'm I'm so packed, you know.
00:46:15.760 --> 00:46:17.280
It's not the right time for me.
00:46:17.360 --> 00:46:19.039
I'm I I'm sorry.
00:46:19.280 --> 00:46:23.519
Um and I had to be okay with disappointing somebody.
00:46:23.760 --> 00:46:24.320
That's dude.
00:46:24.559 --> 00:46:29.119
Because the old the old me would have been like, oh no, I'm gonna disappoint them.
00:46:29.199 --> 00:46:31.440
They're never gonna want to talk to me again.
00:46:31.679 --> 00:46:45.599
I'm not gonna be invited over to to Sunday dinner, or I'm not gonna be invited off to eat next time they go, or or or you know, the world's gonna end if I tell them if I if I tell them no, they're not gonna have any help because I'm the linchpin that makes everything happen.
00:46:45.760 --> 00:46:47.199
You know, the world remote.
00:46:50.320 --> 00:46:56.960
So I had you you I joke and it sounds funny, but it's exactly the mindset a lot of people think.
00:46:57.280 --> 00:47:12.559
And so I had to be I had to learn to be able to say no and to be okay with saying no and doing what was right for me uh in those times, and that took a long time to be able to get, and then eventually as you begin to do it, it gets a little bit easier.
00:47:12.880 --> 00:47:22.079
Now, did you ever hit walls where you where you were trying to do the right thing, yet it kept seeming like it was just not working?
00:47:22.880 --> 00:47:23.679
All the time.
00:47:23.840 --> 00:47:28.480
It's uh how do you push through how do you push through that to where you don't feel defeated?
00:47:28.639 --> 00:47:42.559
Because especially somebody starting out to where they're just trying to do the right thing, and and you know it's the right thing, but yet you can get so discouraged because you you just feel like you're not making any progress, and you feel like you're you're failing and you're failing.
00:47:42.639 --> 00:47:54.000
Like we talked about that endless cycle earlier, where it's like I'm doing good for a couple weeks, and then all of a sudden I look again or something pops up on social media and it reminds me of this, and then I go down the rabbit hole, and then it's all and then here I am again.
00:47:54.159 --> 00:48:01.280
So, how do you keep from from we're our we are our best and worst discourager?
00:48:01.440 --> 00:48:05.440
Like we will beat ourselves up and nobody will ever even know we're suffering in silence.
00:48:05.599 --> 00:48:08.639
So, how did you how did you wrestle with that?
00:48:08.719 --> 00:48:09.760
How did you get past that?
00:48:09.840 --> 00:48:15.039
Or how are you maybe still, if it's a part of your makeup, how are you still dealing with that today?
00:48:15.360 --> 00:48:18.159
Yeah, you know, it comes down to the accountability teams.
00:48:18.400 --> 00:48:26.320
You have to have somebody in your life that you can be honest with and not have a fear over what they might think, say, or do.
00:48:26.559 --> 00:48:34.320
I have people in my life, I have men in my life that I can go to and be like, yo, life sucks right now.
00:48:34.559 --> 00:48:36.800
Here's what's here here's what just happened.
00:48:36.960 --> 00:48:37.840
Can I quit?
00:48:38.079 --> 00:48:41.440
You know, I I have a I have a buddy that I call one of my accountability partners.
00:48:41.599 --> 00:48:50.159
I call him probably well, we talk just about every day now because we're bit we're best friends, but I will often call and be like, I quit.
00:48:50.320 --> 00:48:51.760
I quit life, I'm just done.
00:48:51.920 --> 00:48:55.599
Like it's it is what it is, and we're like, okay, what's going on?
00:48:55.679 --> 00:49:06.960
And we just talk about what's going on, like that's what we're so stressed over because it's natural, and that's where a lot of people are they feel like they have to hide everything.
00:49:07.360 --> 00:49:14.880
But if you don't hide, if you don't talk about it, it's just gonna eat you up on the inside and it's gonna just continue to build and fester.
00:49:15.360 --> 00:49:18.320
And so you have to be able to talk about the things you're going through.
00:49:18.559 --> 00:49:23.840
But the problem is you don't want to do it.
00:49:24.079 --> 00:49:28.719
Yeah, it's easier to keep things in the darkness and not talk about it.
00:49:28.960 --> 00:49:33.760
I often I often get asked, Wes, how can you talk so freely about your addiction?
00:49:34.719 --> 00:49:40.079
And I tell people, you know, the addiction is a part of my life.
00:49:40.719 --> 00:49:44.079
It has a role and it played a role in my life.
00:49:44.320 --> 00:49:45.679
Am I proud of it?
00:49:45.920 --> 00:49:47.199
Absolutely not.
00:49:48.000 --> 00:49:49.360
Can I change it?
00:49:49.599 --> 00:49:50.960
Absolutely not.
00:49:51.360 --> 00:49:55.840
Can I control what role it plays in my life moving forward?
00:49:56.079 --> 00:49:57.039
Absolutely.
00:49:57.280 --> 00:50:37.360
Yeah, I would rather talk about it now and keep it in the light and potentially help somebody else with my story, whether it be the addiction or the codependency or whatever it is that we've talked about today, I would rather talk about that stuff and keep it in the light where other people can see it, and my the men that I've chosen as my my accountability partners can keep me and keep me accountable than to stop talking about it, to allow it to s to slowly move into the background and back into the darkness, into the shadows, where then it can begin to grow and fester.
00:50:38.000 --> 00:50:47.519
Because when it gets back into the darkness, yeah, now now the enemy has a way to be able to get a hold of it again, and he has a way to be able to get his hooks back in you.
00:50:47.679 --> 00:50:57.519
And and those all those lies that you've believed for so long that you were you were unique, that nobody else is gonna understand, all those things are gonna start resurfacing again.
00:50:57.760 --> 00:51:00.719
And now you have to start back from almost ground zero.
00:51:00.960 --> 00:51:01.519
Yeah.
00:51:01.760 --> 00:51:12.880
And now when as far as your question goes about what happens if you if you have the urge to do this again or you do do it again, you know, what happens?
00:51:13.360 --> 00:51:21.920
You know, recovery and change is not a linear journey, and that's what I think people get mixed up.
00:51:22.239 --> 00:51:29.920
They say, okay, I'm gonna start here, I'm gonna be here by tomorrow, and I'm gonna wake up and where I'm gonna be all better, hallelujah! God did it, I'm good.
00:51:30.000 --> 00:51:33.840
Yeah, that's not the truth, that's not how it works for most people.
00:51:34.000 --> 00:51:39.199
It does work for some people, but that's not the traditional that's how we want all of us want it to work that way.
00:51:39.599 --> 00:51:40.960
Absolutely.
00:51:41.840 --> 00:51:48.639
But you know, it's it's a hill and valley, you know, and you have to kind of and you have to accept that.
00:51:48.800 --> 00:51:57.679
And the one thing I tell people is you know what, if you're gonna struggle, at least make it a struggle when you're that you're gonna learn from it.
00:51:58.159 --> 00:52:06.079
Yeah, you know, if if if you go back and you tell people yes, okay, Lord's, we'll use people pleasing for for this example.
00:52:06.320 --> 00:52:10.320
You know, you're you're a formal people pleaser, you're trying to stop doing it.
00:52:10.480 --> 00:52:12.480
Somebody comes and says, Hey, can you do this?
00:52:12.559 --> 00:52:17.599
and you say yes, and then you stop and you think, Oh, I should have said no.
00:52:18.559 --> 00:52:22.880
Now you can take that and figure, okay, what was I thinking beforehand?
00:52:23.039 --> 00:52:37.519
What was going on when I said yes, what was in my head, what was all this, and you can kind of you can decipher and kind of unpack what was going on internally, what was going on in your environment, all those different things.
00:52:37.760 --> 00:52:46.800
Uh, and then you kind of I tell people to like write them down or to take mental notes about those things, and then when it happens again, you do the same thing.
00:52:46.960 --> 00:53:02.000
Yeah, and then as you do that, you can begin to figure out, oh, okay, so if somebody asks me to say yes, and I they if somebody asks me to say yes or something and they ask me when I first come out of the gym, I'm most likely gonna say yes.
00:53:02.320 --> 00:53:07.760
Because you you're identifying a common denominator between all the times that you've done it recently.
00:53:08.079 --> 00:53:12.719
And so you know if I'm just coming out of the gym, I just need to not answer my phone.
00:53:14.159 --> 00:53:29.760
You know, uh, or you know, if maybe you're in the middle of a high stress environment and somebody asks you to do something, then you know when you're in the middle of a high stress environment, maybe you should not commit to anything because you're gonna regret it later.
00:53:30.000 --> 00:53:45.920
Um we talked a little bit about um and I think I think it's just as important as the part of where you admit that you have an issue, you find wise counsel, um, you know, you open up to somebody.
00:53:46.880 --> 00:53:59.440
What what was the process or good markers that you used to be able to know that you found the person that you can confide in?
00:53:59.599 --> 00:54:00.480
You know what I mean?
00:54:00.639 --> 00:54:07.119
Like that that's that in itself is a process because you got to choose wisely or it can make things a lot worse.
00:54:07.280 --> 00:54:22.000
Like, did you go through a process or even realize that you were going through a process, and maybe you could assess it after what would be some qualities that somebody could look for, be like, okay, how do I know if I can trust this person with one of the darkest things about me?
00:54:22.480 --> 00:54:25.440
Yeah, for me, it was totally a god thing.
00:54:25.599 --> 00:54:32.400
Uh, the person that I first opened up to, I already knew prior to going to the meeting for the first time.
00:54:32.719 --> 00:54:38.159
Um, and so when I it it just kind of naturally happened.
00:54:38.320 --> 00:54:44.000
Um I I I won't give the full story because I I don't want to um eat up the rest of the time.
00:54:44.159 --> 00:54:46.079
I know we're we're probably getting close.
00:54:46.320 --> 00:54:51.039
Um, but I talk about that in my book, uh, my first book, The Blueprint of Becoming.
00:54:51.360 --> 00:54:59.360
Um but as far as like markers, I would just say find somebody that you already have a relationship with.
00:55:00.480 --> 00:55:12.639
Somebody that you have already established a friendship with, and that you see on a regular basis, and you you have something started, and then just ask them, take them out to dinner.
00:55:12.719 --> 00:55:14.480
Like, hey, you want to go grab a burger?
00:55:14.639 --> 00:55:19.599
Like, and just if you don't already do it, you know, just get to know them on a little bit more of a personal level.
00:55:19.760 --> 00:55:22.400
Yeah, that community that you've been talking about.
00:55:22.719 --> 00:55:30.639
Absolutely, but then slowly, if you don't know them really well, you can slowly start to open up.
00:55:31.039 --> 00:55:33.920
Don't just talk about a first conversation.
00:55:34.400 --> 00:55:38.079
Just don't go up to some random stranger and be like, hey, you want to go grab a burger?
00:55:39.920 --> 00:55:41.360
I've got all these problems.
00:55:42.159 --> 00:55:54.639
Um, but get find your buddy that you you haven't gone, you know, and go up grab a burger and and talk about something that isn't life-ending, you know, and it's a little bit deeper and see how they handle it.
00:55:54.880 --> 00:55:58.960
And then next time go a little bit deeper, and then a little bit deeper, a little bit deeper.
00:55:59.119 --> 00:56:01.280
Well, the whole time we're you're praying about it.
00:56:01.360 --> 00:56:12.320
God, put the person in my life that you want me to have as my my person, my my person that I can talk to about anything, my accountability partner, and he'll provide the person for you.
00:56:12.400 --> 00:56:19.679
Yeah, but then you have to make the choice to take the step, the scary step, yeah, to be open and honest with the person.
00:56:19.920 --> 00:56:30.239
Now, a little nugget of wisdom from your experience because you've gone through all of this, and community is a must to be successful in this area.
00:56:30.559 --> 00:56:35.039
Matter of fact, community is a must to be successful in any area of life.
00:56:35.199 --> 00:56:37.280
You have to have we are built to be together.
00:56:37.440 --> 00:56:42.880
Like even in the beginning, Adam was by himself and God saw that he needed somebody, he was lonely.
00:56:43.280 --> 00:56:56.880
Uh, so how somebody who is going through recovery, going through uh that transformation of being free from that, how do they know when they are ready to do what you do?
00:56:57.039 --> 00:56:59.039
I know God called you, he told you to do it.
00:56:59.280 --> 00:57:05.519
Sometimes that happens, but sometimes it's just kind of God it kind of slowly elevates you into a position to where you just end up doing things.
00:57:05.599 --> 00:57:07.119
That's actually how I became a pastor.
00:57:07.199 --> 00:57:13.039
I never wanted to be on a stage and never wanted to do anything, but like all I did was serve and God did the elevation.
00:57:13.280 --> 00:57:30.480
And so, how can what are some markers or wisdom, uh nuggets of wisdom that you have for somebody who is walking through when do when can they know, or when would they know, maybe, of when they should share it publicly with other people or when they need to stop and just keep working privately?
00:57:30.719 --> 00:57:32.079
Does that make sense?
00:57:32.400 --> 00:57:36.639
Yeah, that would be your where your community comes in.
00:57:37.440 --> 00:57:40.400
And if you're married, that's where your spouse comes in.
00:57:40.960 --> 00:57:49.039
Eventually you're gonna get to a point where you've got it a little under control and you're willing, you can start talking about a little bit easier with people around you.
00:57:49.280 --> 00:58:04.559
You've talked to your spouse about what the area that you're struggling with, and then the sneeze is coming back to me, and then you can you can start to think about going outside of your uh outside.
00:58:04.800 --> 00:58:05.760
So kind of work your way out.
00:58:05.920 --> 00:58:10.800
Start small, keep your your numbers small, close, and then kind of work your way out.
00:58:11.119 --> 00:58:11.440
Yep.
00:58:11.599 --> 00:58:21.280
Don't don't go from telling telling your best friend Jimmy at the dinner one night to sit standing on the stage the next day and confessing everything to the world.
00:58:21.440 --> 00:58:23.119
That's not gonna work in your favor.
00:58:23.440 --> 00:58:25.360
You're not ready to do that.
00:58:25.840 --> 00:58:42.320
Um, but then as far as like how do you know like to where I am today with the speaking and the podcast and everything that I'm doing, you know, I struggled with that a lot, and I'm like, God, how do how do I know this is what you really want me to do?
00:58:43.280 --> 00:58:52.000
And for me, he actually gave me like a three-point checklist that I I run everything through to know that it's him talking to me.
00:58:55.039 --> 00:58:56.000
Absolutely.
00:58:57.199 --> 00:59:07.519
So he he said, number one, if you think I'm telling you to do something, the first question you should ask yourself is will it further the kingdom?
00:59:08.000 --> 00:59:08.400
Yeah.
00:59:09.920 --> 00:59:12.639
If the answer to that is yes, move to number two.
00:59:13.599 --> 00:59:20.400
Number number two, is it something the enemy wants you to do, would want you to do?
00:59:21.199 --> 00:59:25.679
Well, chances are if the answer to number one is yes, the answer to question number two is no.
00:59:25.920 --> 00:59:28.960
Yeah, congratulations, you can move to question number three.
00:59:29.199 --> 00:59:32.880
So kind of a double filter to see if it actually passes the first two.
00:59:33.280 --> 00:59:33.760
Got it.
00:59:34.320 --> 00:59:40.239
And then the third one is is it something that you would be comfortable doing?
00:59:42.559 --> 00:59:49.599
And the reason that one is so important is because it's very easy for us to do things that we're comfortable with.
00:59:50.079 --> 00:59:55.599
Oh, yeah, I can go up and say this from the stage because it's gonna make me look all high and mighty and blah blah blah.
00:59:55.679 --> 01:00:00.320
And and so, yeah, I'm just gonna go up and I'm gonna share it, and it's gonna be awesome.
01:00:00.719 --> 01:00:03.920
For me, that terrified the ever-living daylights out of me.
01:00:04.079 --> 01:00:07.440
You want me to go up front, you want me to talk about what, and you want me to do what?
01:00:08.400 --> 01:00:15.519
And so the answer to that was very clearly uh, no, that's not something I would choose to do.
01:00:15.760 --> 01:00:18.079
My dad was a preacher, my dad's dad was a preacher.
01:00:18.239 --> 01:00:19.280
That's not me.
01:00:19.519 --> 01:00:37.599
Yeah, and so he's like, Well, then if if so, if if it further furthers the kingdom, it's not something the enemy would want you to do, and it's not something that you would choose for yourself, chances are it's probably a good chance that I'm calling you to do something.
01:00:38.000 --> 01:00:39.440
Yeah, I like that.
01:00:40.559 --> 01:00:45.440
And so that's what I've run everything through, and it's not steered me wrong yet.
01:00:45.760 --> 01:00:51.119
In our men's Bible study right now, we're going through a um a Bible study called Experiencing God.
01:00:51.360 --> 01:01:17.039
And so a lot of the topics end up being like, and and I love the way it made us think about a lot of times we want to we want to have agendas, we want to have our ideas and what we want to do, and then we want God to come along and stamp his approval on it instead of come alongside of what God is doing and just be a part of and say, Can I, can I just be here?
01:01:17.199 --> 01:01:24.000
Can I, you know, instead of trying to make strong arm God to fit in our box, we are following him.
01:01:24.320 --> 01:01:34.239
And I'm like, that's just you don't think in those terms sometimes because we we have agendas, we have checklists, we have this and that we want to do, and we're like, oh God bless this, bless that, bless that.
01:01:34.400 --> 01:01:36.719
We never stop to say, God, do you even want to bless it?
01:01:36.800 --> 01:01:38.480
Is this something you're wanting to do?
01:01:38.639 --> 01:01:44.639
Because the blessing may not be something that I actually am ready to handle yet, and I may mess it up.
01:01:45.280 --> 01:01:49.519
That's what I get asked time and time again, Wes, what's next for you?
01:01:50.719 --> 01:01:54.000
And it's to the point now where I say, I have no idea.
01:01:54.320 --> 01:02:00.079
I said, I and I tell him, I said, every time I've tried to drive the car, I've gotten myself lost.
01:02:01.119 --> 01:02:04.320
And so now I'm just in the passenger seat and I'm along for the ride.
01:02:04.480 --> 01:02:05.679
God's the one at the wheel.
01:02:05.840 --> 01:02:15.840
I'm driving along, I'm cruising along, he's he's driving, and if he tells me we're we're going for a pit stop, well then I'm going for a pit stop and I'll see what there is there for me to do.
01:02:16.320 --> 01:02:18.159
Because I don't know what's next.
01:02:18.400 --> 01:02:21.760
I I have people right now that are speaking pastorship over me.
01:02:22.000 --> 01:02:22.320
Yeah.
01:02:22.559 --> 01:02:24.400
Does that mean I'm gonna be a pastor?
01:02:24.559 --> 01:02:25.360
I don't know.
01:02:25.599 --> 01:02:28.159
Does it mean I'm gonna lead some kind of a ministry?
01:02:28.480 --> 01:02:29.119
I don't know.
01:02:29.360 --> 01:02:31.039
Do I have my own ministry going on?
01:02:31.199 --> 01:02:31.679
Yep.
01:02:31.840 --> 01:02:35.280
I know I know that between my podcast and my speaking, you know.
01:02:35.360 --> 01:02:37.679
My I'm basically an evangelist now, just like my dad.
01:02:40.400 --> 01:02:45.679
There's a lot of there's a lot of scary correlation there that I I won't get into now.
01:02:46.159 --> 01:02:50.159
But um so I just tell people I don't know.
01:02:50.239 --> 01:02:51.519
I'm just too long for the ride.
01:02:51.679 --> 01:02:58.639
I've given up trying to drive because I just get myself lost, and and so I'm just we'll see where it takes me.
01:02:58.800 --> 01:03:00.400
I heard the other day on a podcast.
01:03:00.559 --> 01:03:01.440
What was it?
01:03:02.000 --> 01:03:02.960
Was it plan?
01:03:04.880 --> 01:03:05.679
I can't remember.
01:03:05.840 --> 01:03:11.360
Something about planning like you're in control, do something like God's in control.
01:03:11.440 --> 01:03:13.760
Anyways, I can't remember what it was, but it was so good when I heard it.
01:03:13.840 --> 01:03:15.360
I w I should have written it down.
01:03:15.679 --> 01:03:21.039
But yeah, sometimes we just gotta let God do what God wants to do with our lives.
01:03:21.119 --> 01:03:35.920
I tell my people all the time, if we fully belong to God, it doesn't matter if he's called us to a life of suffering or a life of great wealth or a life of poverty, it doesn't matter because as Paul wrote, I can be content.
01:03:36.000 --> 01:03:53.280
I've had much, I've had little, because I don't serve God or uh praise him because of what he is doing or what he has done, but because of who he is, and it it makes it where it's not a um I do this, you do that, I do this, you do that.
01:03:53.360 --> 01:03:56.880
It's just you are who you are, so I'm gonna be yours.
01:03:57.119 --> 01:04:02.400
And uh so uh you have anything else you want to add?
01:04:02.480 --> 01:04:05.920
We pretty much touched on everything I I think I wanted to talk to you about.
01:04:06.239 --> 01:04:12.159
Yeah, you know, I would just add, you know, you said something there that just kind of spurred this thing on in my head.
01:04:12.239 --> 01:04:16.960
So let's just explore this real quick because I think somebody out there is gonna need to hear this.
01:04:18.559 --> 01:04:29.360
There's somebody out there right now and they're listening to this podcast and they're saying everything that you've said is great, but I can't go to God and be honest with him about what I'm feeling.
01:04:29.599 --> 01:04:30.400
Oh, that's good.
01:04:30.559 --> 01:04:35.760
I can't I can't go to God because uh and tell him I'm angry with him.
01:04:37.199 --> 01:04:41.280
If that's you, I want you to know that is not the truth.
01:04:41.519 --> 01:04:46.400
I think of the story of the in the book of Job and of Job.
01:04:46.880 --> 01:04:53.760
Job was a was this awesome believer with super strong faith.
01:04:54.880 --> 01:04:59.760
And everything that could go wrong in his life went wrong.
01:05:00.960 --> 01:05:04.400
He got hurt in so many ways, he lost so much.
01:05:05.519 --> 01:05:10.480
But throughout the entire thing, he was raw and honest with God.
01:05:11.679 --> 01:05:16.400
And he told him how much he was hurting, but he never gave up gave up his faith.
01:05:16.559 --> 01:05:16.960
Yeah.
01:05:18.480 --> 01:05:22.639
And God called him his servant.
01:05:22.800 --> 01:05:27.360
He called he he he said, I am pleased with this man and his faith.
01:05:27.760 --> 01:05:31.280
I the exact words escape me off the top of my head.
01:05:31.519 --> 01:05:36.400
Um so if if if Job can do it, why can't you?
01:05:37.039 --> 01:05:40.079
And you but yeah, yeah, but but that's j that's Job.
01:05:40.159 --> 01:05:41.280
That's just another human being.
01:05:41.440 --> 01:05:41.760
Okay.
01:05:42.000 --> 01:05:45.199
Well then let's just take Jesus as as the example.
01:05:47.119 --> 01:05:54.400
Jesus before he was crucified, he went to God and he said, I don't want to do this.
01:05:54.559 --> 01:05:56.239
Please don't make me do this.
01:05:57.760 --> 01:05:59.039
But your will be done.
01:05:59.360 --> 01:05:59.599
Yeah.
01:06:00.320 --> 01:06:02.159
Can you imagine that conversation?
01:06:03.360 --> 01:06:07.679
Jesus was the only the only perfect person to walk the face of the planet.
01:06:09.280 --> 01:06:15.519
And he had this conversation, this raw conversation with God, because he was a human being just like us.
01:06:15.679 --> 01:06:18.960
He knew what he was about to go through was going to be excruciating.
01:06:20.079 --> 01:06:23.519
And he said and he pleaded, God, why do I have to go through this?
01:06:24.559 --> 01:06:33.840
If he can be honest and raw and angry and plead with God for his own life, but ultimately say, Your will be done, then we can too.
01:06:34.559 --> 01:06:41.360
The emotions that you're feeling, the thoughts that you're feeling, the things that you're going through right now, God already knows them.
01:06:42.239 --> 01:06:45.599
He just wants you to be honest with him and to bring it to him.
01:06:45.920 --> 01:06:46.239
Yeah.
01:06:46.800 --> 01:06:48.000
And he'll be there for you.
01:06:48.159 --> 01:06:49.280
He'll meet you there.
01:06:49.840 --> 01:06:52.079
But you have to take that first step.
01:06:53.280 --> 01:07:00.000
And I don't know who needs to hear that, but I just I feel like somebody out there is gonna listen to this episode and they need to hear that.
01:07:01.039 --> 01:07:03.039
You can be honest with God.
01:07:04.320 --> 01:07:05.920
He's there and he's waiting.
01:07:07.119 --> 01:07:08.320
I really appreciate that.
01:07:08.480 --> 01:07:10.719
And thank you so much for your heart and being able to share.
01:07:10.800 --> 01:07:13.920
And I'm excited to see what is next for you.
01:07:14.079 --> 01:07:22.800
Uh it seems like God just in a very short time has kind of pushed you into a place and made you it pulled things out of you that you didn't even know were there.
01:07:22.960 --> 01:07:33.360
And that's pretty awesome to see, especially from a uh a ministry side of uh you kind of carrying on a generational uh what do you call it?
01:07:33.519 --> 01:07:36.800
Generational uh not curse, but the other thing.
01:07:37.199 --> 01:07:37.920
What is it called?
01:07:38.159 --> 01:07:42.159
Mantle, mantle, generation of mantle, mantle, yeah, not curse.
01:07:43.039 --> 01:07:43.840
Oh man.
01:07:44.079 --> 01:07:46.960
Because my dad wasn't yeah, it depends on how you look at it.
01:07:47.039 --> 01:07:48.079
My dad was a pastor too.
01:07:48.239 --> 01:07:53.599
So it's like I I never wanted to be a pastor, never never even thought about being a pastor.
01:07:53.920 --> 01:08:03.440
But once I stopped being an idiot and decided to do it God's way, he said, okay, now that I'm in control, let's do this thing the way I want to do it.
01:08:03.679 --> 01:08:09.440
And he broke me, and uh every day he keeps breaking me in a good way.
01:08:09.679 --> 01:08:12.559
Yeah, he can use you, yeah.
01:08:12.960 --> 01:08:17.840
So um I'm very thankful for you, man, and thank you for taking the time to come on the podcast.
01:08:18.079 --> 01:08:21.279
And so uh, why don't you tell everybody where they can find you?
01:08:21.359 --> 01:08:26.560
I know you I think you kind of have everything on your website, every book that we've mentioned, uh his website.
01:08:26.720 --> 01:08:28.880
Your new book's not on your website yet, correct?
01:08:29.119 --> 01:08:29.439
It is.
01:08:29.600 --> 01:08:30.479
Oh, it is okay.
01:08:30.640 --> 01:08:31.279
I didn't see it.
01:08:31.439 --> 01:08:40.239
Yeah, the best the best way to get to it and to find everything that I'm doing is go to Wesleyfarnsworth.com forward slash start.
01:08:41.199 --> 01:08:46.479
That's a name page that I have developed specifically for people that find me via podcasts.
01:08:46.640 --> 01:08:50.399
Uh, I have a link to my books there, I have a link to my podcast there.
01:08:50.560 --> 01:08:53.680
Uh, I have a place where you can sign up for a newsletter.
01:08:53.760 --> 01:09:00.079
Uh, and if you sign up for my newsletter there, I have some gifts that I've developed that are specifically for you as a thank you for signing up.
01:09:00.159 --> 01:09:01.760
I'll email those over to you.
01:09:01.920 --> 01:09:06.800
One of which is the three-part checklist that I uh mentioned that God gave me.
01:09:06.880 --> 01:09:08.880
Uh I put that in a PDF form.
01:09:09.600 --> 01:09:10.319
Yeah, so you can see that.
01:09:10.479 --> 01:09:11.760
So that you can have that.
01:09:12.079 --> 01:09:12.399
Excuse me.
01:09:12.479 --> 01:09:16.800
You heard him, Wesleyfarnsworth.com forward slash start.
01:09:16.880 --> 01:09:18.560
It has his photo right there.
01:09:18.720 --> 01:09:21.600
Uh, gives a little uh bio of who he is.
01:09:21.680 --> 01:09:22.800
You can sign up for his stuff.
01:09:22.880 --> 01:09:23.920
I'm looking at it right now.
01:09:24.079 --> 01:09:30.000
Everything will be in the show notes of how you can reach out to him and how you can get a hold of his books and listen to his podcast.
01:09:30.159 --> 01:09:31.039
Go support him.
01:09:31.119 --> 01:09:34.079
Uh, do you have do you put your podcast on YouTube as well?
01:09:34.399 --> 01:09:39.119
Uh it's on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, anywhere you listen to podcasts or watch content.
01:09:39.359 --> 01:09:40.159
All right, awesome.
01:09:40.239 --> 01:09:47.359
So make sure you go follow him, subscribe to his stuff so you can stay up to date on what he's got doing next so you can see what God is doing in his life.
01:09:47.520 --> 01:09:52.319
Uh, Wesley, thank you so much for joining me on another episode of Faith and Failures.
01:09:52.399 --> 01:09:54.960
Make sure that you like and subscribe, share this with a friend.
01:09:55.119 --> 01:10:05.199
Maybe you have somebody that you love that is um going through some serious things right now, and they need courage to actually step out and do something about the sin that they're in.
01:10:05.359 --> 01:10:07.119
Uh God is about redemption.
01:10:07.279 --> 01:10:08.720
God is about restoration.
01:10:08.800 --> 01:10:17.359
Uh, he wants to, he, he, he has in his character, he is one that comes down to us and pulls us out of the jaws of hell and out of our sin.
01:10:17.439 --> 01:10:28.239
And so that's that was the whole point of the podcast tonight, so that you can see if you have the issue or someone you love um can see that we all struggle with sin.
01:10:28.399 --> 01:10:33.760
And God is the God of redemption, and He wants to um He wants to set us free.
01:10:34.079 --> 01:10:37.920
Uh and the Bible says that who the Son sets free is free indeed.
01:10:38.079 --> 01:10:41.279
So uh you can have that freedom available to you as well.
01:10:41.520 --> 01:10:42.319
So we love you.
01:10:42.399 --> 01:10:46.800
We're praying for you, and God bless you all, and we will see you on the next episode.
01:10:46.960 --> 01:10:47.520
Bye bye.