Ep 55 - Small Town Comedy shows, Jeff Loves Jesus, Favorite Sobriety Song

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Welcome to Die Hard. Sorry, I just shouted in the
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microphone like that, but I'm trying to wake you up, baby.
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I'm trying to wake up all the people listening. What up?
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It's another week. Another episode of the yammerings of the
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great Jeff Dye. What a week I've had. I was
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in North Carolina. And you know what's funny is a
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lot of comics will scoff, you know, the kind of
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comics who are looking for reasons to not like me.
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They kind of go, oh, God, look, he's going to
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all these little hillbilly fucking terrible tiny towns. Of course,
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it's his little MAGA tour. He's going in these little
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areas nobody would ever perform in. They don't even have
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comedy clubs. He's doing shit. Who cares? Right? I think
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some of the people that are saying that they've kind
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of lost touch a little bit. It's like, Do you
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believe you're better than these small towns? Like, I went
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to Wilson, North Carolina, right? They've never had comedy there.
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This was a bar who just decided, like, hey, we
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would love to try to do stand-up here. We'll put
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a bunch of chairs in this, like, bar. We would
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love to have comedy there if you can do it.
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And so, since I was already coming to Charlotte, I said, hey,
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let's do this. I'm happy to do it. If they
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think they can get people in there from Wilson, North Carolina...
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And they set up a bunch of chairs, and we
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did a gig in Wilson, North Carolina, called Neighbors. That
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was the name of the bar. And then from Wilson,
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I went to Charlotte, which is the big city that's
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four hours away from Wilson. But there was nothing wrong
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with those people of Wilson. It was awesome. Everyone was
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so grateful. They kept doing the same thing I talked
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about last week on the episode of being like, thank
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you so much for coming here. There's a tremendous amount
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of gratitude in these small little towns when you give
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them a show. They're happy to have comedy. They're happy
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to have music. They're happy to have whatever. Also, it's
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not as conservative or MAGA as you're profiling them because
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in those kind of towns, it's still punk rock to
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be like a liberal or a progressive. So almost everyone
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that's under a certain age is like this walking cliche
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of what a liberal looks like. So like every young
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person is trying to get out of their small town
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and they're like, they have these kind of, you know,
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crazy tattoos, and they're like, they're really trying to show
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you how not small town or conservative they are. But anyways,
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I challenge any of my haters to kind of rethink
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these small towns. If you're a comic, go play these towns.
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Go add a Thursday or a Sunday or do a
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weekday show, or hell, do a whole weekend in one
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of these places. There's so many people that want to
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consume comedy... that don't want to drive four hours or
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get on an airplane to see comedians. So I was very, very,
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very taken aback and humbled by Wilson, North Carolina. It
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was awesome. Sold out show, obviously. Yeah, got to hang
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out with Don Zolo, my friends, Nikki and Andrew, shout
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out to them. I had some people come that were
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Patreon subscribers to Wilson, which was good to see them there.
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I'm trying to think why I brought this up. Oh,
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and then I went to Charlotte, which was awesome. The
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old home of Michael Jordan. He's everywhere in Charlotte, allegedly,
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and I don't know. I've never seen him everywhere, but
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that's all people talk about. Hey, you know, Jordan comes
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in here. I go to the cigar lounge. Hey, you know,
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Jordan comes in here. I go to the restaurant. Hey,
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you know, Jordan comes in here. Hey, well, you know,
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talk to me when Jordan's here. So it was great
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to have a bunch of shows in Charlotte, North Carolina.
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I want to give a shout-out to a couple of
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my Patreon subscribers. I've talked about her before on this,
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but Valerie, one of my Patreon subscribers, Valerie Horbachevsky, and
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her husband are like... The nicest, coolest people. They brought
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me all these pins. They brought me all this stuff.
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In fact, he brought me this toy. Her husband or boyfriend.
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I'm not sure what their relation is. But he's a
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cool-ass guy. He's like the nicest dude in the world.
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And he said this was his favorite toy growing up.
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I don't know if it's this one specifically or just
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Batman in general or whatever. But he brought me his
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favorite toy from childhood. And I said, hell yeah. Actually,
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let's see if there's a date on it. wouldn't that
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say how old it is, usually they put like a
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little copyright thing on it, doesn't matter, but shout out
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to you, thank you for bringing this, it's gonna go
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right up here, shout out to my boy Will Williamson,
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and Hef, and Ted from the Comedy Zone, and then also,
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trying to think who else, but just got to see
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so many great people this week, it was very, very fun,
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let's get into this week, That's the review of where
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I was this weekend. I posted a photo on my
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Instagram stories of me just putting one hand over my eye.
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And I've gotten like 70 DMs that are like, that's
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an Illuminati pose. Are you an Illuminati? Oh, did they
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get you? Are you one of them? Right? I don't.
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Do you think if I was in the Illuminati, I'd
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be posting a bunch of photos like that? Also, how
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do you even get into the Illuminati? What does it mean?
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What does it pay? Maybe I'm interested. Maybe I'm fine
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with it. I don't understand how many people were going, oh, Jeff,
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look it, he's got his hand over. It's just like
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a thing I saw in a picture. That specific image
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was taken by a guy up in Canada. He came
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to my show and he's like, do you want to
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take some pictures of you? And I was like, sure.
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And he had all these like images of other photo shoots,
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like another, like images of like, I don't know, Keanu
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Reeves or Ryan, whoever the fuck was in the images.
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And we were just imitating the pictures that he had
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in his like notebook of like, hey, try one like this.
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Try one like this. Try one with your, like we
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were just literally imitating other photo shoots. We were literally
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ripping off other poses from photographers. Other members of the Illuminati. Probably,
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but who knows? Um, so for me, just a stupid
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photo of doing a stupid thing. Literally everything you do
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in one of those images is worth criticizing. Everyone makes
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fun of you. I remember I used to have a
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photo like this where I went like that or something
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like that.
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I don't know.
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I can't remember. Dude, the fucking internet lit me up
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about it. Like, what the fuck is this pose? What
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is that sweater? Why are you doing that? It was
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just me trying to show off my watch. That's all
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it was. I liked my watch and I did a
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little thing and fucking everyone hated it. So don't worry.
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I'm not in the Illuminati, but my phone is open
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for calls. If the Illuminati wants to call, make me
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a sweet-ass offer. Also, what would be the problem? What's
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so bad about the Illuminati? What's the problem? Is the
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Illuminati bad because you're not in it? What's the problem
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with it? You're not a New York Yankee. You don't
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have to hate the Yankees. You're not a Chicago Cub.
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Do you hate the Cubs? What is so bad about
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being in the Illuminati? The real problem, this is according
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to the internet, according to Googies, the real problem with
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the Illuminati is that the historical group was short-lived, but
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modern conspiracy theories about it promote the dangerous falsehoods, anti-Semitic tropes,
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and groundless paranoia. All right, so that's groundless paranoia. They're
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even saying that the anti-Semitic stuff is a trope, right?
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They're calling them tropes. Also, don't people accuse the rich,
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powerful Jews of being in the Illuminati? How could it
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be anti-Semitic and be Jewish in nature? Because people always go,
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these Jews, they run all this stuff, they're the Illuminati. Well,
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it can't be anti-Semitic and ran by Jews, so that's
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a bad guess by Google here. Uh... I don't see
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the problem. You tell me. You comment to me what
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is so bad about being the Illuminati. Oh, they do rituals. Okay.
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What's wrong with the ritual? Oh, at the ritual, they
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all dance around in goat's blood. All right. It's kind
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of weird. Kind of creepy. I don't see the problem.
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But if they say it's satanic, now I get it.
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Now I get why it's wrong. If it's a satanic cult...
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I get why that would be bad. But I haven't
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seen any links on this saying that, like, oh, the
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Illuminati's satanic. I haven't seen anything like that. I'm starting
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to get the impression that people just don't like the
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Illuminati because they're not in it. They see them as
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an elite group, and they're hating on them. A secret
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society with... Yeah, see? Sorry, I'm trying to read while
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also talk to you guys about this, so that's why
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it sounds like I'm an idiot. What I wanted to
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talk about this week on this episode of The Thing
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is that I'm not an Illuminati, I wanted you to
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know that, but I do often post cryptic passages or
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quotes or sometimes even Bible scripture. If you're following my Twitter,
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if you're following my Instagram, if you're following any of
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my social media, you might be thinking, not everybody, but
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you might be going, what's with all the Jesus stuff?
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Why is all of a sudden there Jesus stuff on
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Jeff's page? Oh, did he just find Jesus? Is this
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going to be some sort of grift? Is he now
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trying to lean into the God stuff? When did this start?
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Why is it happening? What's going on? So I thought
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I'd give you some answers to all these questions. Listen,
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it's not a grift, and I don't care if you
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like it or not. Sometimes people go, oh my God,
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don't post shit like this, or like this is awkward,
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or they'll say, Hey Jeff, don't post this and then
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the next post you have is about sex or is
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a joke with the F word in it a bunch
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of times. Listen, I see all those criticisms and I
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don't care. I don't care what you think it is.
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I'm going to tell you what it is for me
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and that will be that. I'm not listening to your
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criticisms about me posting about Jesus or posting about God. Here's...
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The origin of this. I have been a Christian since
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I was very, very young. I remember in school, the
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nicest kids were Christian kids. Just where I went to school,
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at least. Like, you had the kids doing drugs. You
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had the kids doing sports. You had the kids who
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were really in academics. You had the kids doing whatever.
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And out of all those groups, I didn't fit in
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very quickly or seamlessly. So the group that I found
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was just the kids that were the nicest, and those
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kids happened to be the church kids. Also in the church,
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they're always going on a ski trip. They're always going camping.
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They're always going to play dodgeball, or they have a
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lock-in at the gym, or they're going, oh, we're having
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a pizza party. And so those are things I wanted
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to be a part of, and they were always free
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because the church was just paying for it. So I
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got to go do free things with the nicest kids
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that were fun. So I was, you know, around them
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always talking about Jesus and doing whatever. Also, they had answers.
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That's what I liked. When I'd ask my stoner friends, like,
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what's the point of the world? Why are we on earth?
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What are we doing here? They didn't care or have
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an answer. They're like, who gives a shit? Smoke this joint.
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You know, let's go skateboard. Which is fine when you're
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a young person. That's probably a more normal thing. But
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I was kind of like a more sensitive kid. I
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wanted to know what the world was about. And at
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least my Christian friends had an answer. Whether anybody believed
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it or not. At least they said, hey, listen, life's
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a test. God wants you to love him and be good.
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Or as good as you can be. And he wants
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you to choose that. It's up to you. You have
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free will. So you can be naughty or nice. He
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wants you to be nice. because if he was just
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forcing to be nice, it wouldn't be honorable. You've got
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to make the choice, blah, blah, blah. And if you
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do good, you go to heaven. If you do bad,
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you go to hell. But it's all about just having
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a relationship with Jesus Christ. And that worked for me.
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I go, that's a good enough answer. That's simple enough.
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I'll take it. So at a very young age, I
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gave my life to Jesus. But I was a regular kid,
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screwing up things and jerking off and judging people and
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making inappropriate jokes and cussing and, uh, you know, eventually
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got to an age where I could cuss and drink
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and have sex. I'm a, I'm a regular person. I
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think that's where the biggest misconception comes with being a Christian.
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All these people, like anytime you post a thing about whatever,
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they'll go, Oh, you bunch of fake Christians or they're
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not real Christians or, or how can Jeff Say he's Christian,
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but then clearly do something that is so unchristian. He's
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a hypocrite. It's like, yeah, because being a Christian doesn't
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mean you're perfect. It doesn't mean, oh, now that I'm
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a Christian, that means everything I do is great and
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everything I do is wholesome. and I don't cuss no more,
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and I don't have premarital sex, and I don't look
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at porn or whack off. That's not what that means.
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I mean, those things probably, you probably shouldn't be doing
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those things. Maybe, I don't know, but like having a
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relationship with Jesus Christ and being a good and doing
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your best to be a good person doesn't mean you're
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not still flawed and very complicated and struggling and tempted
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and seduced and And weak and flawed and full of sin.
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We all are. It just means that I believe in God.
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I believe in Jesus. I believe in the Holy Spirit.
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I read the Bible. I try to encourage people. I
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try to be kind. I try to be good. But
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that doesn't mean I'm going to be perfect. So just
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because I say I'm a Christian, that doesn't mean you
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need to point out all the little flaws that I'm doing.
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You go, well, if you say you're Christian, why do
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you do that? Because I'm not perfect. I did that
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because being Christian doesn't immediately mean I'm some sort of
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robotic angel that just does everything correctly. I'm trying my
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best like I imagine you are trying to be a
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good person. I'm just trying to be a good person
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with my own little rule book, which is the Bible.
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That's my little rule book. That's the one I'm trying
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to follow the closest. So I find it strange. I
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think that people just don't really understand... I think it's
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kind of a complex thing when people learn what your
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religion is. You see it a lot in church. When
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I was a young life leader in college age, like
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in my early 20s, there was the pastor of a
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church and the head of the youth group, a guy,
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and he got caught looking at porn at his office
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or something like that. And people were mortified. Everyone in
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the church was like, can you believe so-and-so was looking
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at porn in his office? And even then I remember thinking, yeah,
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who cares? Not that it's okay. Not that it's good.
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Not that we encourage it. Not that we, you know,
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let everybody do what they want at all times. But
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I couldn't believe their shock at it. It's like they
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were going, can you believe this guy's not perfect? It's like,
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of course he's not perfect. He's a human man. We
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have flaws. We screw up. And just because you run
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a church or just because you run a youth group
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or just because you claim the name of Jesus, that
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doesn't mean you're immediately absolved of all of Earth's issues
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and Earth's things. They'll get you. They'll grab you. That's
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part of it. And we don't need people out there going,
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you did the nitpicking, all the stuff. Excuse me. One
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of the things I get the most, and I just
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talked about it a second ago briefly, but the thing
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I get the most is like, hey, Jeff, if you're
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going to talk about Jesus and you're going to claim
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his name and you're going to say you're a Christian,
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what's with all the F-bombs? What's with all the sexual jokes?
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What's with all this kind of stuff? Even just me
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covering my eye in that photo, they were like, whoa,
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you're going to post a photo like this after you
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say that you're Christian, after you post like a Jesus post?
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And I just think it's very comedic to me. I
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find it very humorous. Is that, like, I'm a regular,
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everyday man who loves Jesus. I don't think, at least
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the way I translate the Bible, right? You might throw
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James 3 at me and say, Look, Jeff, you've got
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to guard your words and you can't talk like that. Well,
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let's break that down a little bit. First of all,
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who says fuck's a bad word? I didn't get to vote.
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Who says we can't say bitch and twat and cunt
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and shit? Why? Who says those words are bad?
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Why?
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How do we determine this? How do we get to
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some words that are bad? Now, my next thing is,
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what if you're using the words in a fun way
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to get people to laugh, which makes them feel better
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about their day? Isn't that a great way to use
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those kind of words? Also, couldn't there be, because English language,
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actually all the languages are so complex, couldn't there be
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a wholesome way to use those words? Can't we be
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a little bit more Dynamic with this subject. Couldn't we
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be a little bit more. Think about it a little
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bit more. Complexly. Like think about this. I imagine if
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I said. Fuck you. Jesus don't like that. That's my take.
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I guarantee Jesus doesn't like you going. Fuck you to somebody.
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That's mean. That's a bad thing to say to someone.
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And I'd be sorry if I said that to someone.
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That's not what Jesus had in mind. But what if.
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I go hey. I fucking love you. That seems right
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up Jesus' alley, doesn't it? The whole sentence, the whole intent,
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the whole structure of that is completely different, but they
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both have the word fuck in it. I think that's
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how I'm trying to treat language and words and life,
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is that instead of getting lost in the words or
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lost in the actions or lost in the sins, let's
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focus on the big picture. Let's focus on the intent. Hey,
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that guy's trying to be a good guy. But he
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falls short of the glory of God. Don't we all?
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Same with me. I love Jesus. I love making people laugh.
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I'm a stand-up comedian. That doesn't mean you get to go, well,
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he said shit. And that makes him naughty. It's like,
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I don't know when you decided the word shit is bad,
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but I've never decided that. I use words as tools.
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And I've got all my tools sharpened to tell a story.
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All my tools are sharpened to tell a joke. All
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my tools are sharpened for this podcast, and I'm going
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to use all the words to my advantage and to
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my leisure and to my art form. So, sorry, I
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keep clearing my throat. I just find it... it, I
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find it fascinating how many people think that once you
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can know what someone's religion is, you'll try to hold
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them accountable, whether you're a Christian or not. Like, doesn't
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your religion say, you're like, why are you, why are
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you trying to challenge me On what my religion is
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or what I believe about my religion. Um, yeah. So,
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that's what I kind of wanted to cover today on
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the podcast. Is just because as I've gotten more verbal
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in the last few years. As all of my social
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media content and stuff has grown. I feel like it's
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also important to be, um... more open about all the
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things going on. Uh, I've got, I've kind of reined
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it in as being a little bit more private about
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my home and my dating life and things like that
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in the last few years. But as I've gotten more
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outspoken about what's going on in politics or what's going
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on in America or what's going on in our government,
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I figure, well, why wouldn't I be honest and out
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there and open about what's going on in my heart
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and mind with, uh, with my creator? And ask yourself, actually,
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this would be an interesting little exercise. I'd like you
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to ask yourself what you believe. What do you think?
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You know, as you're sitting there going, well, what do
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I think about God? Or what do I think about
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these subjects? In AA, I often, this is the hardest
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part of the program for a lot of the people.
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These people are recovering from a tremendous amount of alcohol
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and drug abuse. And the thing they're struggling with more
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than the drugs and alcohol is the God part. Because
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in AA, there's the men who, Bill and the guys
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that created AA, there's a tremendous amount of God and
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religion in it. And that is the hardest part for
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most of the people in AA. They're like, I don't
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know how to do all the God stuff. I don't
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like the God stuff. I don't like that part. That's
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the part I struggle with the most. And it's like,
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that's the part that I was fine with the fastest.
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I had problems with the alcohol. How do I not
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reach for the bottle every time I'm stressed out or whatever?
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So for me, I think it's fascinating that the devil
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is working in these ways, making people just like when
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they hear God, they get all cringed out. Even right now,
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you might be going, oh, God, I can't believe Jeff
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keeps saying the name of Jesus. Well, ask yourself why
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you're having that reaction to that. Why does it bother
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you so much when someone talks about Jesus or their faith?
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What is that cringy, what is that knee-jerk reaction when
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someone talks about what they believe? Because if a bunch
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of terrorists take over your airplane and they say, all right,
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we're fucking crashing this thing as soon as possible, you're
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going to realize pretty quick that you might believe in God.
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You know how quickly when something bad happens, people start going, God,
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I'm sorry. Please, if you can get me out of this.
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Why is that the default reaction from people who have
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never in their day-to-day life ever even thought about Jesus
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or God or any of these kind of subjects? Why
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is it when shit gets super bad, when you hit
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your rock bottom, when you're in rehab, when your girl's
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about to leave you, when you're... Mom's about to die.
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Why is that always kind of this, like, please, Lord, like,
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what is that about us that we're, like, we're drawn
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to it, it seems. I don't think that's a coincidence.
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I've never wrestled with it, and I've never fought it,
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and I've always just kind of accepted it right away.
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But I know that that's unique, because most people wrestle
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with it, and most people fight with it, and they
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challenge it. I challenge pretty much every stupid thing in
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my life. I am the most annoyingly challenged. I don't
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want to use the term contrarian, but I feel like
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I'm always going, well, why is that happening? What's that
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going on? What's this? With God, I never did that.
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Just right away, the second I heard it, I was like, yes,
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that makes sense. I just really never wrestled with him.
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There's been times where I wrestled with my own demons
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and wrestled with my own life. And there was times
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where I even kind of lost God in a lot
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of ways. You know, like I started, I just went
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dormant on him, stopped praying, stopped thinking about him, stopped
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reading my Bible, stopped doing those things. There's been times
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of that, but that's not God's fault. That was Jeffy's fault,
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you know, getting lost in the drugs and pussy and
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just trying to like kind of go, I hope he doesn't.
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You know, it's in the back of my mind. It's
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in the back of my heart, in the back of
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my spirit. But I went dormant, not God. That's not
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God's fault. It's not Jesus' fault. That was Jeff's fault.
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But I'm back on the right track now in these
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kind of things, walking with my creator and walking with
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my God. And so I'm going to be verbal about it.
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And if it makes you uncomfortable, I'm really, excuse me,
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if it makes you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. But that is,
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that's where I'm at. And so if my social media
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is going to be all about being honest and keeping
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it real and saying what I think, you're going to
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see a lot of Jesus. You're going to see a
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lot of that kind of stuff. Speaking of sobriety, I
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am almost at three years of sobriety. Hit a button.
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I got to get one of those sound boards. What
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are those? What is it? Well, what is the one
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that all the young guys use, you know? They'll say
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a thing and then they hit the sound and it goes,
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or whatever. I can't do a good impression. You need
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a stream deck or whatever. Yeah, those fucking lame things. Yeah,
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almost three years. I think it's October 23rd, so it'll
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be like, what, almost a month from now, I think. Yeah,
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about a month and a couple days. And it's been
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going great. So for anyone who wants to know or
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has been asking or thinking about their own sobriety, I
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get messages about it every single day. If you're thinking
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about giving up the bottle, if you're thinking about giving
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up drugs, just know that it's a much more rewarding life.
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I can't say that enough. The money I saved by
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not drinking or by ending drinking, stop drinking, Uh, the
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vanity part. My skin is better. My eyes aren't all
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puffy all the fucking time. My sleep is better. Uh,
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the sex is better. So, all those kind of, like, earthly, vanity,
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sexual things. It's all better by not drinking or doing drugs.
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And then my career got better. My clear... My mind
463
00:26:47.900 --> 00:26:50.309
got more clear. So, like, that helped my thinking and
464
00:26:50.329 --> 00:26:53.809
my joke writing and my whatever. So, if you're listening
465
00:26:53.849 --> 00:26:58.140
to this... Also, like, you're gonna affect... positively your relationships
466
00:26:58.839 --> 00:27:01.019
you know if you're if you're sitting there like i
467
00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:05.740
bet my partner wife or husband or girlfriend or boyfriend
468
00:27:06.119 --> 00:27:09.420
would probably be really excited to hear that i'm gonna
469
00:27:09.480 --> 00:27:13.920
stop drinking uh then maybe you should do it if
470
00:27:13.960 --> 00:27:16.430
you think to yourself man anyone in my life would
471
00:27:16.450 --> 00:27:19.450
be happy to find out that i quit drinking do
472
00:27:19.509 --> 00:27:22.210
it for them do it because it'd make them happy
473
00:27:23.150 --> 00:27:27.509
Sacrifice a little piece of yourself. Sacrifice what you think
474
00:27:27.589 --> 00:27:32.150
is comfortable or fun or your interest and just quit.
475
00:27:33.079 --> 00:27:35.960
I am all aboard the abstinent train when it comes
476
00:27:36.039 --> 00:27:39.720
to alcohol and drugs. I've never seen it make someone's
477
00:27:39.759 --> 00:27:45.039
life worse. I've only seen it make people embrace life
478
00:27:45.200 --> 00:27:52.170
more and be better. And so in that way, you know,
479
00:27:53.210 --> 00:27:56.170
I want to encourage you. There's a song that anytime
480
00:27:56.230 --> 00:27:59.410
I post my sobriety on my Instagram story, I always
481
00:27:59.509 --> 00:28:04.170
pick the same song. And, um, it's by a young
482
00:28:04.210 --> 00:28:08.759
guy named Fabrizio and he's from Peru. I assumed he
483
00:28:08.799 --> 00:28:13.680
was native American. Cause he just has like this very, um, his,
484
00:28:13.779 --> 00:28:16.539
his voice sounds like someone doing the impression of a
485
00:28:16.579 --> 00:28:19.170
native American, like in a movie or something. But it
486
00:28:19.210 --> 00:28:22.410
doesn't matter. He's from Peru. He's a young guy, and
487
00:28:22.450 --> 00:28:25.910
he has this beautiful, booming voice. But I want to
488
00:28:25.950 --> 00:28:27.890
play for you this song, which might be weird for
489
00:28:27.930 --> 00:28:32.259
you guys. Will this get us in trouble on... Probably
490
00:28:32.279 --> 00:28:34.400
not if it's already on social media and stuff a lot.
491
00:28:34.500 --> 00:28:34.720
Okay.
492
00:28:35.380 --> 00:28:38.160
Yeah, I just want to play you this song because
493
00:28:38.279 --> 00:28:43.720
the lyrics of it are so stinking good. that I
494
00:28:43.740 --> 00:28:46.380
just want you to play the, or I'll play the song,
495
00:28:46.420 --> 00:28:48.579
and then we'll discuss the lyrics a little bit. I
496
00:28:48.579 --> 00:28:50.680
just think it's such a beautiful song.
497
00:28:50.700 --> 00:29:08.869
I was young and fragile when the liquor took hold
498
00:29:10.109 --> 00:29:14.869
Came as a friend, but it left us a fall.
499
00:29:15.750 --> 00:29:21.029
If I could go back to the very first sip,
500
00:29:22.150 --> 00:29:26.759
I'd clean up the wound that the booze bandaged.
501
00:29:27.099 --> 00:29:31.880
I'm going to pause it right there. If I could
502
00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:35.640
go back to the very first sip, I'd clean up
503
00:29:35.700 --> 00:29:42.819
the wound that the booze bandaged. What a fucking brilliant...
504
00:29:43.240 --> 00:29:46.900
We keep drinking as like this band-aid for our problem
505
00:29:46.920 --> 00:29:51.440
and instead maybe heal the wound. Maybe stop going back
506
00:29:51.509 --> 00:29:54.690
to the bandage or what we feel like numbs it
507
00:29:54.750 --> 00:30:01.269
or treats it. It's such a beautiful lyric. And I
508
00:30:01.309 --> 00:30:03.829
also like that he said that alcohol started as a
509
00:30:03.890 --> 00:30:06.529
friend but ended up as a foe. Because a lot
510
00:30:06.549 --> 00:30:08.559
of you might be listening to this, you're not 43
511
00:30:08.559 --> 00:30:10.759
and you don't have a drinking problem. And so you're like,
512
00:30:10.779 --> 00:30:13.460
alcohol's my friend. I like having a beer. And I
513
00:30:13.500 --> 00:30:16.579
like drinking. And I like smoking a joint or doing
514
00:30:16.619 --> 00:30:18.539
a line every once in a while or a bump
515
00:30:18.619 --> 00:30:23.789
as they call it. I like popping some Adderall. You might.
516
00:30:24.970 --> 00:30:30.289
It starts as a friend. For me, also. It was
517
00:30:30.390 --> 00:30:33.730
so fucking fun to get drunk and like goof around
518
00:30:33.789 --> 00:30:36.410
and like do drugs here and there and like blah, blah, blah.
519
00:30:36.750 --> 00:30:41.319
It starts as a friend and then it slowly turns
520
00:30:41.390 --> 00:30:45.200
into this like thing you're leaning on. It slowly turns
521
00:30:45.279 --> 00:30:49.859
into this, this demonic devil you dance with, you know,
522
00:30:49.900 --> 00:30:53.069
where you go, fuck her. I'm going to fucking go
523
00:30:53.089 --> 00:30:55.750
get some whiskey and I'm going to like just sit
524
00:30:55.809 --> 00:30:59.359
with strangers. Or sometimes you sit under the moonlight. I
525
00:30:59.380 --> 00:31:01.000
can't tell you how many times I was just sitting
526
00:31:01.079 --> 00:31:05.180
under the moon and the stars fucking hammered. And how
527
00:31:05.200 --> 00:31:07.640
did I get there? I got in my car and
528
00:31:07.660 --> 00:31:11.400
I drove there drunk to go into like some area
529
00:31:11.420 --> 00:31:13.589
to be by myself. And it was like the alcohol
530
00:31:13.630 --> 00:31:16.589
was making it seem like it was this romantic thing
531
00:31:16.630 --> 00:31:19.869
where I'm just drinking whiskey, looking at The stars. Feeling
532
00:31:19.910 --> 00:31:23.190
so sorry for myself. Blaming my problems on some girl.
533
00:31:23.650 --> 00:31:29.099
Or some government. Or some comedian. Or some booker. Or
534
00:31:29.180 --> 00:31:32.880
some fucking parent or sister. That's what I would do.
535
00:31:33.160 --> 00:31:37.160
Drink and blame. Just drink and blame my problems on
536
00:31:37.319 --> 00:31:41.369
some other fucking bullshit. Instead of taking responsibility. So I
537
00:31:41.589 --> 00:31:44.029
love that line. That if I could go back to
538
00:31:44.069 --> 00:31:48.130
the very first zip. I'd clean up the wound. That booze.
539
00:31:48.900 --> 00:31:51.759
That the booze bandaged. So fucking good. It sounds better
540
00:31:51.779 --> 00:31:53.160
when he says it. It doesn't even rhyme when I
541
00:31:53.200 --> 00:31:54.730
say it. So let's listen to that part again.
542
00:31:54.750 --> 00:32:02.650
Go back to the very first sip. I'd clean up
543
00:32:02.730 --> 00:32:22.569
the wound that the booze bandaged. Two fifths of whiskey
544
00:32:23.089 --> 00:32:32.700
to start the night off. with the sun next morning
545
00:32:32.759 --> 00:32:41.000
the taste of familiar regret you zip on the poison
546
00:32:41.019 --> 00:32:48.089
slow death's what you get but the craving is worse
547
00:32:48.150 --> 00:32:55.509
than last night if I won't quit soon it'll claim
548
00:32:55.549 --> 00:33:03.150
me for life I'm scared Try one more time. Cause
549
00:33:03.329 --> 00:33:07.490
when I relapse, it feels like a crime.
550
00:33:07.519 --> 00:33:20.660
I'm gonna skip to this next line that I really like.
551
00:33:21.460 --> 00:33:26.910
I don't trust the bottle or its intentions for my life.
552
00:33:28.089 --> 00:33:35.329
That is the part that I always post when I
553
00:33:35.390 --> 00:33:40.059
post my sobriety things.
554
00:33:55.099 --> 00:33:58.119
I don't trust the bottle or its intentions for my life.
555
00:33:58.779 --> 00:34:03.779
It wakes up the ghosts that my father left behind.
556
00:34:04.220 --> 00:34:08.329
And if you can't relate with that, that's okay. But
557
00:34:08.409 --> 00:34:11.409
holy shit, if you had an alcoholic parent or an
558
00:34:11.489 --> 00:34:19.030
alcoholic guardian or if you've ever seen the dark side
559
00:34:19.090 --> 00:34:23.340
of these fun drugs and alcohol, man, that will resonate
560
00:34:23.380 --> 00:34:25.739
with you a lot. If you come from a long
561
00:34:25.820 --> 00:34:29.480
line of alcoholics, you know, people that have either died
562
00:34:29.559 --> 00:34:32.280
from it or caused a lot of hurt from it,
563
00:34:33.420 --> 00:34:36.650
you say, why am I letting this live on? Why
564
00:34:36.730 --> 00:34:41.710
am I letting this, you know, why am I waking
565
00:34:41.769 --> 00:34:45.630
up these ghosts that my father left behind? Such a
566
00:34:45.670 --> 00:34:50.710
beautiful song. So thank you to Fabrizio. For being somewhat
567
00:34:50.750 --> 00:34:54.880
of the anthem or the soundtrack to my years of sobriety.
568
00:34:55.469 --> 00:34:58.920
I'm early in it. I'm still a new boy. I
569
00:34:58.940 --> 00:35:00.739
get a bunch of people after the shows all the
570
00:35:00.780 --> 00:35:02.719
time shaking my hand and going, Hey, thank you so
571
00:35:02.760 --> 00:35:06.340
much for your sobriety stuff and your sobriety jokes. And
572
00:35:06.360 --> 00:35:08.780
thank you for being vocal about it. I also get
573
00:35:08.800 --> 00:35:11.739
people that are just curious. Some people hear this and
574
00:35:11.780 --> 00:35:14.239
they cringe the way when I talk about Jesus. They go,
575
00:35:14.239 --> 00:35:17.150
I'm not giving up this life. I'm not, shut up.
576
00:35:17.190 --> 00:35:19.750
You're thinking about it wrong. This is just my reality.
577
00:35:20.250 --> 00:35:23.210
This is just my story. It's not true for everyone else.
578
00:35:24.070 --> 00:35:26.809
But I can speak to how it affected me. You
579
00:35:26.849 --> 00:35:29.610
want your life to slide down a weird thing? It
580
00:35:29.690 --> 00:35:32.969
could happen. Might not. Maybe you're fine. But it did
581
00:35:33.010 --> 00:35:35.429
happen to me, so it's important to me. And I'd
582
00:35:35.449 --> 00:35:38.860
like to help anyone else maybe avoid that. And if
583
00:35:38.900 --> 00:35:42.579
you know you have a problem, let's start dealing with it, right?
584
00:35:43.099 --> 00:35:46.679
Only you'd know. Maybe you don't even know. But ask yourself, hey,
585
00:35:46.739 --> 00:35:49.760
maybe I could be better about this. And the reason
586
00:35:49.780 --> 00:35:51.639
I'm saying all that is because I'm here. If you
587
00:35:51.659 --> 00:35:53.679
want to reach out to me, you want to talk
588
00:35:53.699 --> 00:35:56.820
to me about it, you want to whatever, there's plenty
589
00:35:56.840 --> 00:35:59.809
of people who are willing to help you. There's tons
590
00:35:59.889 --> 00:36:04.869
of different little grubby, grimy ways that people make money
591
00:36:04.949 --> 00:36:07.090
off of you getting your life better and getting clean.
592
00:36:07.510 --> 00:36:09.409
And so you could lean on those. Or you could
593
00:36:09.429 --> 00:36:11.760
lean on me for free. Or you could lean on
594
00:36:11.840 --> 00:36:14.360
someone else. But if you're thinking about needing help or
595
00:36:14.420 --> 00:36:20.510
getting help, I'm here for you, big doggie. What else
596
00:36:20.530 --> 00:36:23.570
do we got? I had a thing that I was
597
00:36:23.610 --> 00:36:26.369
going to talk about, but I'll probably just do it
598
00:36:26.449 --> 00:36:33.280
on a different format. Because I feel like on this podcast,
599
00:36:33.340 --> 00:36:37.119
I'm getting a little too lost in the sauce talking
600
00:36:37.139 --> 00:36:41.260
about the same stuff. So I'll save that for a
601
00:36:41.300 --> 00:36:48.590
different format. If you are in New York. This week,
602
00:36:48.889 --> 00:36:52.210
I'm gonna be all the fuck around. I will be
603
00:36:52.269 --> 00:36:55.739
on Gutfeld this week. I will be on, uh, I
604
00:36:55.780 --> 00:36:59.260
will be at The Stand in New York City. All weekend,
605
00:36:59.719 --> 00:37:06.139
I'm in, uh, I'm in, uh, Levittown, New York, which is, uh,
606
00:37:06.420 --> 00:37:10.889
Governor's Comedy Club. Uh, I guess September 24th, I'm at
607
00:37:10.989 --> 00:37:15.530
Soul Joel's in Sunnybrook in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. I don't know
608
00:37:15.550 --> 00:37:18.570
what the fuck that is. Soul Joles. Oh, I've done that.
609
00:37:18.610 --> 00:37:18.849
Yeah.
610
00:37:19.530 --> 00:37:23.349
Okay. Did not. Sorry. So I'll be in New York City.
611
00:37:23.789 --> 00:37:28.309
Then I'm going to Pottstown, Pennsylvania, which is a great club.
612
00:37:28.449 --> 00:37:31.449
That little, it's a little place called Soul Joles. I
613
00:37:31.489 --> 00:37:33.570
did it about a year ago, maybe a little less,
614
00:37:33.630 --> 00:37:37.030
and it was awesome. Then I go to Long Island
615
00:37:37.130 --> 00:37:40.610
for the weekend, September 25th and 26th, that Governor's Comedy Club.
616
00:37:41.090 --> 00:37:45.760
Then on Sunday, September 27th, I'm at the Sugarloaf Performing
617
00:37:45.820 --> 00:37:52.630
Arts Center Pavilion with Greg Gutfeld. So that'll be fun.
618
00:37:52.650 --> 00:37:57.130
I think that's why I'm there. And then October 2nd
619
00:37:57.150 --> 00:38:00.070
and 3rd, I'm at Riot Comedy Club in Conroe, Texas.
620
00:38:01.030 --> 00:38:04.110
Then I go to Atlantic City, New Jersey at the
621
00:38:04.170 --> 00:38:06.659
Royce Social Hall. And that's October 9th, 10th, and 11th.
622
00:38:08.559 --> 00:38:14.480
Then I go to Grand Rapids, Michigan, Niles, Michigan, Holland, Michigan, Peoria, St. Charles, Missouri, Naples, Florida.
623
00:38:14.820 --> 00:38:18.239
I'm all over the joint. And then it just keeps
624
00:38:18.280 --> 00:38:21.000
going and keeps going. So if you want to see
625
00:38:21.039 --> 00:38:22.800
any of those dates or figure out those dates or
626
00:38:22.880 --> 00:38:26.380
come to any of those dates, just go to jeffdye.com
627
00:38:26.440 --> 00:38:30.130
and buy tickets. You need to be wary of secondary sites.
628
00:38:30.570 --> 00:38:32.909
I've gotten to a level of success where people are
629
00:38:32.929 --> 00:38:35.349
getting scammed. They're going to the wrong things. They're thinking
630
00:38:35.369 --> 00:38:37.789
they're getting a cheaper ticket somewhere else. They think they're
631
00:38:37.809 --> 00:38:39.750
getting a better ticket somewhere else. And then they get
632
00:38:39.769 --> 00:38:42.289
to the club and the club says, we don't recognize
633
00:38:42.329 --> 00:38:47.909
these tickets and we can't honor them. 55 different people
634
00:38:48.110 --> 00:38:52.449
this weekend in Charlotte were scammed by a website saying
635
00:38:52.469 --> 00:38:55.389
they were selling Jeff Dye tickets. So you need to
636
00:38:55.449 --> 00:38:58.440
make sure that the link that is on jeffdye.com is
637
00:38:58.480 --> 00:39:01.159
what you buy it from. Or go to the actual
638
00:39:01.239 --> 00:39:05.239
website of the comedy club or event center. Don't look
639
00:39:05.300 --> 00:39:09.989
at any kind of secondary things. Only go through these
640
00:39:10.570 --> 00:39:15.570
specific links. I mean, 55 people in a weekend, that's
641
00:39:15.690 --> 00:39:18.590
money that I could have made. That is shows you
642
00:39:18.650 --> 00:39:22.869
could have seen. So that's not nothing. These scammers are
643
00:39:22.929 --> 00:39:25.610
out there. And with the internet being in the current
644
00:39:25.650 --> 00:39:29.369
state that it is, it happens. Also, what are you
645
00:39:29.429 --> 00:39:33.199
doing for... New Year's Eve? I would like to plant
646
00:39:33.260 --> 00:39:37.619
a seed in your mind. If you don't have any plans,
647
00:39:37.929 --> 00:39:42.730
that entire weekend I will be in Nashville, Tennessee at
648
00:39:42.789 --> 00:39:45.949
the Zany's Comedy Club. It was one of my favorite
649
00:39:45.969 --> 00:39:47.760
comedy clubs in the world. Then I had a couple
650
00:39:47.820 --> 00:39:50.059
bad experiences and I thought it was my least favorite
651
00:39:50.099 --> 00:39:52.440
comedy club and I was sour grapes. And now it's
652
00:39:52.500 --> 00:39:55.079
right back to being my favorite comedy club. I love
653
00:39:55.119 --> 00:39:57.880
Zany's in Nashville. So we are doing all of New
654
00:39:57.900 --> 00:40:02.079
Year's Eve in Nashville. Come spend your New Year's Eve
655
00:40:02.260 --> 00:40:06.340
with me at the Nashville Zany's. It'll be a good time.
656
00:40:06.460 --> 00:40:08.380
I hope to see you there. And if you don't
657
00:40:08.400 --> 00:40:10.239
want to come to Nashville and you want to see
658
00:40:10.280 --> 00:40:13.219
me somewhere a little closer like Boston or Springfield, Missouri
659
00:40:13.260 --> 00:40:16.019
or Louisville, Kentucky, go to my website. Go to jeff.com.
660
00:40:16.820 --> 00:40:18.480
See when I'm going to be there and where I'm
661
00:40:18.519 --> 00:40:21.280
going to be and buy tickets. I love you guys
662
00:40:21.380 --> 00:40:24.769
so much. Follow me on YouTube. Follow me on Patreon
663
00:40:24.809 --> 00:40:26.690
if you guys want to support my career and what
664
00:40:26.710 --> 00:40:30.469
I got going on. That way we can correspond back
665
00:40:30.510 --> 00:40:33.980
and forth. Yeah. Love you guys. Thanks for being here.