How to Make Difficult Decisions, with Angela Williams Gorrell

What do you do when you don't know what to do? Angela Williams Gorrell joins Mark Labberton to discuss her latest book, Braving Difficult Decisions. With poignant storytelling and theological depth, Gorrell shares how this book was born out of personal crucibles and a yearning to make sense of liminal, paralyzing spaces we all encounter—individually and communally. Together they explore how discernment is not just about decision-making but also about cultivating a life of wisdom, attentiveness, and spiritual depth.

Rooted in Christian tradition yet capacious across communities and contexts, Gorrell invites listeners to slow down, ask deeper questions, and consider the spiritual, emotional, and communal terrain that shapes every meaningful decision.

Episode Highlights

1. "To not make a decision is to make one as well."
2. "This journey is about an inward journey that says, how do I look at the state of my own soul?"
3. "Sometimes good decisions don't feel good."
4. "What if the best idea isn't the good idea? And what if the data can't tell us that?"
5. "Lady Wisdom invites us to dine—to sit at a table with God and others, and not rush the meal."

Helpful Links and Resources

• Braving Difficult Decisions, by Angela Williams Gorrell
• The Gravity of Joy, by Angela Williams Gorrell
• Life Worth Living course at Yale
• www.angelagorrell.com
• @angelagorrell on Instagram

Show Notes

• The "liminal space" of facing a difficult decision, arriving at a crossroads
• Defining discernment as "a practice, not a single moment of choice"
• The book stems from her decision to leave a tenured-track faculty position, and a painful personal choice about marriage
• Perpetua and Felicity—early Christian martyrs
• Individual discernment and soul work
• Life Worth Living at Yale
• "Can I be suffering and my life still be good?"
• The deeply heartbreaking experience of grappling with the question of divorce
• "I really struggled to find a book that was like, you can be deeply Christian, deeply spiritual, and make this very difficult choice."
• "You have to put them in your own heart and soul. You have to grapple with these ideas, and then you write them."
• Should we avoid difficult decisions?
• Discerning, then acting
• "To not make a decision is to make one as well."
• "I wanted to write a book that spoke to that liminal space where we feel paralyzed."
• "Good decisions don't always feel good—they might still break your heart"
• Discusses difference between chronic pain and acute pain in decision-making
• Discernment helps identify not just what is "right," but what leads toward peace
• Michaela O'Donnell and chronic pain
• Discernment is about "looking at the state of your own soul and becoming a steward of it"
• "This story that God is nurturing in the world—that story doesn't hinge on like this decision in your life."
• Self-examination, and feeling alone in the decision
• Community-based decision-making
• "There are all these false binaries."
• "What baggage do you have from the past? And how do you make sure that you're not seeing the present moment through the past?"
• Being as gracious as possible
• " What is a way that we can create space to really hear from God?—to hear from each other, and to move forward in a way that we're doing change together and not to each other."
• "They need to figure out something together that matters deeply."
• The book offers a pathway for congregations and organizations discerning together
• "How do we do change with people?"
• Encourages communities to take time, name past wounds, and define who makes decisions
• Identifies the importance of setting clear expectations, timelines, and spiritual framing
• "Listening to everyone takes time, but it leads to deeper collective ownership."
• Invites communities to ask: What values do we want to embody in this moment?
• "Sometimes the most valuable part of the process is the slowness."
• Wisdom, complexity, and culture
• Decision-making in our polarized society must account for nuance, empathy, and complexity
• "What if the data tells us one thing, but the Spirit tells us something else?"
• Resist "data-driven" decisions as totalizing; discernment includes emotion, history, and spirituality.
• "Sometimes good decisions don't feel good, you know? Sometimes a life worth living is not about pursuing happiness."
• "Lady Wisdom invites us to come and to dine at her house and to sit at a table together."
• Names systemic fatigue: "Organizations optimize while their people starve."
• Decision-making is affected by race, gender, trauma, context—"there is no one-size-fits-all path"
• Discernment as a practice, not a moment
• Braving Difficult Decisions includes exercises and frameworks, such as the "iceberg model"
• "Most big questions are like an iceberg. There's all this ice beneath the surface that you don't see. That's really the stuff that people are grappling with."
• Encourages ongoing wisdom practices: surrender, self-reflection, value-alignment
• The book is not just a guide for one hard moment, but a long-term companion
• Ideal for pastors, therapists, educators, spiritual directors, and leaders

About Angela Williams Gorrell

Rev. Dr. Angela Williams Gorrell is an author, speaker, and consultant. Gorrell speaks and writes about finding the life worth living, joy, meaning, and purpose, and the intersection of spiritual and mental health. She is the author of Always On, The Gravity of Joy, and Braving Difficult Decisions: What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do. Angela's research has been highlighted in media sources such as the New York Times, the Washington Post, and NPR. Gorrell has taught at several schools including Yale University and Baylor University. She has provided thought leadership and consulting for numerous organizations including the US Army and the NBA. You can find her at her website www.angelagorrell.com or on instagram @angelagorrell.

Production Credits

Conversing is produced and distributed in partnership with Comment magazine and Fuller Seminary.