このエピソードについて
Emotion and money are not opposites. This episode is about the skill almost no one is taught: how to feel your emotions and then direct them.
In this solo session, David Shaft makes the case that emotion and money run hand in hand. Drawing on years of closing deals, a hostage negotiator's view of what a great negotiation feels like, and what goes wrong when feelings run loose, David lays out how emotional regulation becomes trust, value, referrals, and money, for the people you serve and for you.
Try this: next time a decision has you emotional, name the feeling out loud, then ask one question, where do I want to point this energy? Direct it instead of spilling it.
CHAPTERS
0:00 Why emotion and money are not opposites
2:15 It is never just business
3:23 Emotion and money run hand in hand
3:54 When I felt the most, I made the most
6:06 Direct your emotions, do not spill them
8:28 The partners who make you feel something
10:47 Control them, then aim them
12:09 The close
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- (00:00) - Why emotion and money are not opposites
- (02:15) - It is never just business
- (03:23) - Emotion and money run hand in hand
- (03:54) - When I felt the most, I made the most
- (06:06) - Direct your emotions, do not spill them
- (08:28) - The partners who make you feel something
- (10:47) - Control them, then aim them
- (12:09) - The close
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David Shaft: When I felt the most emotion was usually when I made the most money.
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Hello everyone. Welcome back to Conversations That Count.
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As your host once again, David Shaft, and today I'm going to bring you a concept that I think
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we're all going to love. And it's the idea that you can turn your emotions into money.
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Now, I know a lot of us have been taught. For example, most studies show men are actually worse
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at regulating their emotions than women. We all believe that we should be making way more money
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and doing more and trying harder. And the beauty is women were raised to understand that emotions
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are good. You should feel them. You're an emotional being. And in turn, ladies, you can actually use
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that control of your emotions to make more money as well. So keeping that in mind, men
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listen up because you'll be able to learn how to better regulate your emotions, which we're not
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taught, we're taught not to feel them, which is the worst thing ever because we actually feel
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them very strongly. And that's why it's more likely that men are violent offenders because they have
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no way to regulate their emotions. And they don't know how to direct it correctly. So it goes everywhere.
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Women, on the other hand, no one taught you that because you are so much better at regulating
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your emotions, because you were taught to regulate your emotions, that actually if you directed where
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you want it, you can conquer and have anything you want. So we're all going to learn that together,
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both male and female. And here's how it starts, right? Starts with the money. That's embarrassing.
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That's not how you spell money. But it does start with money. And it also starts
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with emotion. We're going to use pink because sometimes pink gets a bad rap. And no one's going
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to judge me for anyone who's watching and not just listening. No one's going to judge me
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on how I write because I know it's not good. It doesn't have to be. I'm great at other things.
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So speaking of which, also just making it clear, my gram is very proud of my handwriting. So
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again, that's not why we're here. But money and emotion, right? We've always been taught
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that to have one means you cannot have the other, or we've been taught that business is
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emotionless, that it's been taught that saying, Oh, it's just business. It's never just business.
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Everyone has feelings about the transaction. There's actually a book I read.
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Can't remember what it's called for the life of me. Everyone's probably heard of it. It's
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probably on this shelf actually. Let me see which one is it? It is. It's not on this shelf today.
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It's not. It does heartbreaking. And I can't remember what it's called. But everyone knows the guy,
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more or less. You'll be able to Google it after this. But it's by a hostage negotiator.
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He used to work for the CIA. And he talked about that in any great negotiation,
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everyone should kind of feel like they're getting, I was just going to use a word I shouldn't. But
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everyone should feel like they're kind of getting a raw deal, right? Everyone should feel like they're
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both winning and losing in the best negotiation possible. And if that doesn't make you feel emotional,
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you probably are psychopath. So because of that, it's keeping in mind emotion and money actually
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run hand in hand. So the idea that you can't have one without the other is completely false.
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In fact, you know, just to make it more clear, completely false thinking you can't have one
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without the other. Actually, to turn it around, the entire thing on its head to feel emotion
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is so important that it will turn in to money. I don't know. I stopped using my green. Yes,
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I'm very big on color coding sometimes to get used to it. So to feel emotion, you can actually
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turn into money. When I think back on some of the best deals I've closed, best clients I've worked
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with, chances are at some point on the phone, they were crying. And at some point on the phone,
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I was trying not to cry or on the zoom call. I was trying to hold it in. However, I met them,
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right? They've been doing deals a long time. So either way, when I felt the most emotion
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was usually when I made the most money. And it wasn't just about making money off of them.
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It was about creating a better future with them. And usually that didn't just equal me making more
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money, equal them making more money, saving more money, having more money at some time in the future.
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That's how the best deals were made every single time. But to get there, they made me feel a lot
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of feelings. They made me go through a lot of emotions. And I went through my own emotional roller
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coaster. The difference is I took that emotion, I guided it and told it where it needs to go. I
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controlled that emotion. I said, you know what, right now my heart is crying out for this person.
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I have to help them. I can't do it for free because people don't take anything you do for free
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seriously. And I have to feed my family the same way they have to feed theirs. But I have to provide
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them the most amount of value because they made me feel the most amount of feelings. I have to
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make sure value is provided through this, whatever we're doing here. And because I made sure that
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the value was above and beyond anything someone could pay for, they always wanted to pay me a lot
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of money. And sometimes they felt like they were ripping me off. And in a way, I didn't even want
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them to pay me. I almost felt like I was ripping them off. Because I'm like, man,
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I would do this for free because they need my help. And they were like, man, I would pay you more
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because you helped me so much. And that emotion turned into more money. And then before I know
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what I'm helping their family, I'm helping their friends and referrals are through the roof without
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me even asking because my emotions were so strong. And I felt them, but I directed them. And that's
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where we make the mistake. We don't direct our emotions. What actually happens a lot of the time
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is we let our emotions go all over the place, right? I start feeling a feeling and I let that
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feeling loose into the world. I let that energy go because emotion is the greatest energy that
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we can generate. It's the thing we can all feel. And because you let that emotion just go all over
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the place, what ends up happening is you never end up making money. Because what money does is as
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the emotion is going all over the place. And a little bit of that emotion is chasing just the
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money, right? Because you're everywhere, right? You're happy, you're sad, you're whatever, you're
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angry. The money is like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I can't do that because you can't control yourself. You
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can't regulate yourself. I can regulate me. If you can't control your own emotions,
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you can't manage me. You can't manage yourself. It's important that we have those emotions under
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control. Because if we don't control those emotions, we can't manage our money. And in turn, we end
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up with none of both. Sorry, that's actually untrue. We end up with a lot more of this. We
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end up with a lot less of this. And we end up we never get a relief from those negative emotions.
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Instead, they just spiral because I never learn to control them. But once I learn how to control
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the negative emotions, the sadness, the pain, the anger, I can then guide it towards things
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that provide me money. And a lot of the time for me, what makes me feel better when I'm angry
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is if I make someone else's life better, they get a lot more of what they want. And I end up with
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a lot more of what I want. And you know what? For some reason, lo and behold, I end up feeling
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a lot less negative emotions. They end up all over the place a lot less. And instead,
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I end up making more money. And when I do get sad, I can go buy myself some candy,
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some chocolate, ideally some Reese's saying, if you're not crazy, they aren't sponsored by the
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way, I just really like Reese's. But I end up turning my emotions into a lot more money.
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So, remember emotions are a great thing. Emotions are one of the greatest gifts that God could
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have given us. And a lot of people, they think that money and business, emotion and business
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don't mix. My favorite business partners and people to work with are people that made me like
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them, that made me feel really good. They made me feel really great emotions. And in turn,
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I want to keep working with them. Even when a deal doesn't go well, because they made me feel
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great emotions, I still want to work with them anyway. I still want to try again. I'm okay with a
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bad deal as long as it wasn't on purpose, right? You don't want people to screw you over because
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you like them. But I'm okay if a deal didn't work out for me and a partner, as long as I know I can
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still trust them on the other side of it. Because sometimes business isn't going to go our way.
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Sometimes we're going to lose money, even if all of our emotions are in the right place. But
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if you guide your emotions and you control them, that's the other good news is even when you lose
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that money, you never double down on the loss because you controlled the emotion. You knew
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where I was going. Instead, you're like, man, I took that loss. That's okay. I'm going to get
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back up and I'm going to go make more money. And then you end up always on the plus side. You
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always end up better off than where you were before. So with that being said, emotion is the greatest
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way to make money. And I want to leave you with this last thought, right? If we think of some of the
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most influential, most powerful people, maybe just in your life, right? Don't even think like
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on TV. Think of your boss when they walk into a room. And just about everyone feels a lot of
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emotion. He has a little bit of anxiety. The best boss is that you probably might feel excited to
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see them. Chaos is happening. You're the right person walks in the right leader. There's a little
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relief that washes over us. Because we know that they're going to inject a positive emotion, a calm
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emotion. And they have a lot of feelings inside. Guaranteed. I've let a lot of people. When I was
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working on being the calmest I could be, when I was working on trying to maintain everything
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outside, I was a storm in here. I was feeling all types of feelings. But I was like, you know what,
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working to direct those emotions at the problem. So ladies, use that beautiful gift you have
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that you were taught that emotions are a great thing and direct them. Keep using them. Keep
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feeling them. They're great. Emotions are the best thing ever. The difference is,
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remember that you were gifted with the ability to control them. Now direct them towards what you
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want. It doesn't have to be money. But money is what this video is about. And money is what we all
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always want more of. Guaranteed. So you can turn those emotions into money and men. Anyone who
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told you not to feel emotions to numb yourself. They don't know what they're talking about.
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Truly look at their life and ask, would I ever want to trade places with that person? Not just
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because they have nice things. Look at their entire life and ask yourself, would you want to trade
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places with them? Nine times out of 10, probably not. A lot is falling apart even if the money looks
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good. There's a lot more behind it. Instead, take those emotions, feel them. Truly embrace them.
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And granted, it'll hurt sometimes. It'll hurt a lot. But also, the highs will be amazing.
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The best dopamine you'll ever have without doing drugs or having sex, I promise.
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All because you felt some emotions. And then you controlled those emotions and you guided them
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to what you wanted. You guided them to what you wanted and you got it. All because you controlled
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them. You didn't let the rage control you. You know, let the sadness or the pain. You said,
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you know what? I feel this. Where can I direct all of this energy I have at? Because again,
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emotion directed is just energy. So thank you all for joining. Go out there now,
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feel a lot of feelings and then go direct it at what you want. Go direct it at money.
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Make more of it. Go out there and win. Go have fun. Again, remember, we're on Apple. We're on
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Spotify. We're on YouTube. We're anywhere that you can stream and that you can listen to someone talk,
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which make it me. And thank you all. Talk to you soon. Thank you everyone for watching another
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episode of Conversations That Count. Sometimes what we find is YouTube will unsubscribe us
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from our favorite channels. As well as when we finish an episode, we'll have enjoyed it so much.
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We'll forget to hit the subscribe button because we'll be so caught up with it. My ask is so that
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we can keep the channel free so that I continue bringing you amazing guests,
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continue bringing you amazing practices that improve all of our skills as we go into every day
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long way to again, keeping the channel free, allowing us to continue providing you amazing
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content. And my promise is I will only continue to improve the content, improve the guests,
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and improve the best practices every single time. I will make sure every week and every month
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that it only gets better for you. So again, thank you all for tuning in. Thank you for watching.
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And I look forward to seeing you in the next episode.