Flula Borg Returns

WEBVTT
1
00:00:00.490 --> 00:00:00.790
Thank you.
2
00:00:06.710 --> 00:00:10.470
Good nights are about the people, the laughs, the real
3
00:00:10.509 --> 00:00:13.669
moments you don't want to miss. So why step outside?
4
00:00:14.599 --> 00:00:18.640
Velo tobacco-free nicotine pouches fits seamlessly into your night. Convenient
5
00:00:18.839 --> 00:00:23.059
and full of flavor. No breaks, no interruptions. Velo anytime,
6
00:00:23.179 --> 00:00:27.070
anywhere nicotine pouches. 18 and over contains tobacco-free nicotine and
7
00:00:27.109 --> 00:00:29.309
addictive substance. If you're new to Velo, start with Mellow.
8
00:00:29.390 --> 00:00:30.910
You should not use this product if you do not
9
00:00:31.010 --> 00:00:31.809
already use nicotine.
10
00:00:33.509 --> 00:00:37.390
Loyalty has its rewards. Just ask the faithful. Cadbury Large
11
00:00:37.429 --> 00:00:40.689
Bars and Nestle Kit Kat 8-pack selected range, $ 2.
12
00:00:39.850 --> 00:00:40.450
50 each.
13
00:00:40.750 --> 00:00:43.590
And plot your favorite snack selection with the limited edition
14
00:00:43.689 --> 00:00:46.789
Trader's Treat Box. See in store for details. Grab your
15
00:00:46.829 --> 00:00:50.829
roundtable refreshments with Centra, proud food sponsor of the Trader's Ireland.
16
00:00:51.229 --> 00:00:51.750
Centra.
17
00:00:52.009 --> 00:00:53.070
Live every day.
18
00:00:56.710 --> 00:00:58.170
Can I short circuit this a little bit?
19
00:00:58.250 --> 00:00:58.490
Please.
20
00:00:58.630 --> 00:01:00.590
Everyone does this all the time. I really want to
21
00:01:00.630 --> 00:01:05.790
know what you have to say about this question.
22
00:01:06.030 --> 00:01:08.189
You mean, how do I feel about you being my friend?
23
00:01:08.280 --> 00:01:09.099
My name is Conan.
24
00:01:09.140 --> 00:01:13.989
Oh, I see. My name is Conan O'Brien and I.
25
00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:15.739
And I feel, you know.
26
00:01:21.329 --> 00:01:23.390
okay about being Flula Borg's friend.
27
00:01:23.510 --> 00:01:26.480
This is wonderful news. Thank you very much, Conan. Auf Wiedersehen.
28
00:01:26.659 --> 00:01:27.040
Hey there.
29
00:01:27.079 --> 00:01:31.620
Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
30
00:01:49.939 --> 00:01:52.329
Joined, as always, by Sona Mofessian. How are you, Sona?
31
00:01:52.390 --> 00:01:53.719
I'm all right. Yeah, I'm all right. Okay.
32
00:01:53.750 --> 00:01:53.890
Nice.
33
00:01:53.989 --> 00:01:59.069
I'm good. Right. Okay. That's weird. Matt Gurley, how are you?
34
00:01:59.189 --> 00:02:00.530
I'm okay, but I'm worried about Sona.
35
00:02:00.569 --> 00:02:01.790
Yeah, what is that? What did I say?
36
00:02:01.810 --> 00:02:05.250
Because if I say a one-word answer, it's like not enough.
37
00:02:05.390 --> 00:02:08.009
So I thought I'd zhuzh it up a little.
38
00:02:08.569 --> 00:02:09.979
Oh, that's you zhuzhing it up?
39
00:02:10.009 --> 00:02:10.430
Yeah.
40
00:02:10.469 --> 00:02:11.889
That's with zhuzh?
41
00:02:12.110 --> 00:02:14.469
How is it if every time the podcast started, I
42
00:02:14.509 --> 00:02:15.990
was like, hey, Conan, how are you doing?
43
00:02:16.409 --> 00:02:17.960
I'm doing really well. Thank you very much.
44
00:02:18.349 --> 00:02:19.000
Okay.
45
00:02:19.439 --> 00:02:23.000
Appreciate it. I really do appreciate it. You're not going
46
00:02:23.020 --> 00:02:27.319
to be that cordial. You have a very powerful, sophisticated
47
00:02:27.919 --> 00:02:31.360
microphone inches from your mouth, and you're constantly yelling. Eduardo,
48
00:02:31.419 --> 00:02:34.599
is her volume an issue? No, I wouldn't say so.
49
00:02:34.740 --> 00:02:35.120
Be honest.
50
00:02:35.189 --> 00:02:38.509
He's married to an Armenian girl, so he knows what's up.
51
00:02:38.830 --> 00:02:41.590
So it's an Armenian thing? I have the filter on.
52
00:02:41.629 --> 00:02:43.150
You guys speak very loudly.
53
00:02:42.870 --> 00:02:43.650
To each other.
54
00:02:49.710 --> 00:02:50.659
Yes, we do.
55
00:02:51.000 --> 00:02:51.939
Now you've got me all.
56
00:02:52.240 --> 00:02:54.219
Now you've got me all.
57
00:02:54.240 --> 00:02:55.009
You can't even do it.
58
00:02:55.240 --> 00:02:56.189
You can't even do it.
59
00:02:56.219 --> 00:02:58.860
You can't even whisper. You know what would be so funny?
60
00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:01.060
If you were in any kind of job that required
61
00:03:01.099 --> 00:03:03.969
you to whisper and you couldn't do it. Librarian.
62
00:03:03.990 --> 00:03:07.650
You guys, welcome to the library.
63
00:03:10.870 --> 00:03:16.159
Hey, welcome to the neonatal ward. Now we do try
64
00:03:16.180 --> 00:03:20.449
to use softer voices here. I'm telling people to be
65
00:03:20.490 --> 00:03:22.610
quiet and I can't do it. You can't do it. Okay.
66
00:03:22.689 --> 00:03:24.090
I'm also leaning into the mic.
67
00:03:24.129 --> 00:03:25.250
I don't need to do that.
68
00:03:25.270 --> 00:03:25.689
No, you don't.
69
00:03:26.310 --> 00:03:28.419
No, I mean, I'm surprised. Eduardo, I'm always looking over
70
00:03:28.439 --> 00:03:31.080
at Eduardo and thinking that small fires are breaking out
71
00:03:31.159 --> 00:03:34.419
on his control board. Because, I mean, that is a lot.
72
00:03:34.479 --> 00:03:35.860
Well, you know, you're pretty loud too.
73
00:03:35.900 --> 00:03:39.199
In fact, I've got my headphones turned down really low
74
00:03:39.300 --> 00:03:41.219
to the point where it's mostly like a mix of
75
00:03:41.539 --> 00:03:43.789
the outside sound and then both of you.
76
00:03:43.810 --> 00:03:44.969
Because you yell a lot too.
77
00:03:45.830 --> 00:03:47.150
Okay.
78
00:03:47.169 --> 00:03:49.629
The term we like to use, Conan, you're very dynamic.
79
00:03:50.289 --> 00:03:55.810
Okay. I think I have a great performance energy that
80
00:03:55.889 --> 00:03:59.599
has been a hallmark of my career. Yeah. Well, I
81
00:03:59.639 --> 00:04:02.780
don't have a real performance energy. It's been a whole
82
00:04:02.819 --> 00:04:03.830
lot of my career.
83
00:04:03.949 --> 00:04:04.550
Yeah.
84
00:04:04.990 --> 00:04:05.389
Oh, wow.
85
00:04:05.449 --> 00:04:08.909
That's pretty good. You got me pretty good. You did.
86
00:04:08.949 --> 00:04:10.909
You got me pretty good. I liked it. No, no.
87
00:04:10.969 --> 00:04:13.009
And you know what? To be fair, that was pretty good.
88
00:04:13.030 --> 00:04:13.669
Yeah, yeah.
89
00:04:13.689 --> 00:04:15.949
You really, you took me down a notch. I'm dynamic.
90
00:04:15.969 --> 00:04:19.740
I didn't see that coming. I didn't see that character coming.
91
00:04:22.300 --> 00:04:24.939
But I mean, do you, when you've put your children
92
00:04:24.980 --> 00:04:28.160
to sleep, Is it a problem when you then lean
93
00:04:28.199 --> 00:04:31.009
in and go, night, night, guys? Is it a problem?
94
00:04:32.110 --> 00:04:34.449
You're not asking for reels. No, I'm having fun.
95
00:04:34.649 --> 00:04:35.370
I know you are.
96
00:04:35.490 --> 00:04:36.050
Yeah, yeah.
97
00:04:36.149 --> 00:04:38.750
No, I'm a loud person. I come from a loud house.
98
00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:41.560
How do you say goodnight to them? She said potty. Oh,
99
00:04:41.620 --> 00:04:42.620
come on. Come on.
100
00:04:42.750 --> 00:04:42.930
What?
101
00:04:42.939 --> 00:04:44.790
They've got to learn. They've got to learn. What do
102
00:04:44.810 --> 00:04:45.769
you mean? I want them to be able to get
103
00:04:45.829 --> 00:04:48.850
jobs in America. They're going to learn good night. Now
104
00:04:48.870 --> 00:04:52.009
they're going to be bilingual. It's cool to be bilingual.
105
00:04:52.120 --> 00:04:53.459
When are you going to teach them? What's the one
106
00:04:53.500 --> 00:04:55.819
you say? Quichette party. Okay. But when are you going
107
00:04:55.839 --> 00:04:58.399
to teach them? When are they going to learn good night?
108
00:04:58.519 --> 00:05:02.170
They learn good night from shit they watch. The TV
109
00:05:02.209 --> 00:05:03.629
they watch. You let them watch shit?
110
00:05:03.829 --> 00:05:06.490
Yeah, they watch shit.
111
00:05:07.629 --> 00:05:08.800
What are they watching?
112
00:05:08.839 --> 00:05:11.160
I mean, like they learn English, but you know, we,
113
00:05:11.519 --> 00:05:14.019
we mostly speak to them Armenian and then they watch
114
00:05:14.439 --> 00:05:15.350
TV and stuff.
115
00:05:15.550 --> 00:05:15.750
Right.
116
00:05:16.029 --> 00:05:16.230
Yeah.
117
00:05:16.629 --> 00:05:18.790
So what are they watching? Are they watching kids shows
118
00:05:18.829 --> 00:05:20.470
or do you have them watching? What are they watching?
119
00:05:20.490 --> 00:05:23.730
They watch like their favorite movies, right? My Neighbor Totoro
120
00:05:23.829 --> 00:05:27.670
and the Fantastic Mr. Fox and Ratatouille and Nemo are like,
121
00:05:27.790 --> 00:05:28.790
what's what's up.
122
00:05:28.769 --> 00:05:29.170
In our house?
123
00:05:29.189 --> 00:05:29.949
That's what's happening.
124
00:05:30.430 --> 00:05:32.509
Yeah, I'm trying to get them into the Iron Giant,
125
00:05:32.550 --> 00:05:34.750
but they're just like scared of the robot.
126
00:05:34.769 --> 00:05:41.300
I'm like, come on, grow a pair. Who tells their
127
00:05:41.329 --> 00:05:44.519
little boys to grow a pair? First of all, they
128
00:05:44.540 --> 00:05:49.300
need to grow two pair. They don't each get one testicle. Hey, guys,
129
00:05:49.339 --> 00:05:50.040
grow a pair.
130
00:05:50.220 --> 00:05:50.660
What?
131
00:05:52.240 --> 00:05:57.220
We only get one? Don't speak English or you'll get
132
00:05:57.300 --> 00:06:01.879
a beating. Oh, God. All right. All right. Well, we
133
00:06:01.899 --> 00:06:03.769
just got to peek into your world. Did no one
134
00:06:03.829 --> 00:06:10.230
speak Gaelic in your house? Yes. All Irish people speak Gaelic.
135
00:06:10.509 --> 00:06:13.370
I don't know. I don't know. I don't even honestly
136
00:06:13.389 --> 00:06:15.129
know what Gaelic sounds like. Is it?
137
00:06:15.660 --> 00:06:17.939
Irish, old Irish just called Irish, right?
138
00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:18.759
Am I wrong?
139
00:06:18.860 --> 00:06:19.779
Is Gaelic Scottish?
140
00:06:20.220 --> 00:06:23.079
No, Gaelic is. It is? Yeah. Oh, then I'll cut that.
141
00:06:23.100 --> 00:06:23.879
I look like a fool.
142
00:06:23.939 --> 00:06:25.129
No, you have to keep that in.
143
00:06:25.170 --> 00:06:26.910
No, I don't. I'm the editor. Because you are Irish.
144
00:06:27.029 --> 00:06:28.730
And a fool. Yeah, but no, you got to keep
145
00:06:28.769 --> 00:06:32.370
that in. No, Gaelic is the old, you know, language
146
00:06:33.689 --> 00:06:35.449
of that island, of that particular island.
147
00:06:35.529 --> 00:06:36.740
Does your family speak Gaelic?
148
00:06:36.810 --> 00:06:41.459
Of course not. We. The only way that the only
149
00:06:41.620 --> 00:06:43.579
Irish thing about us is that I grew up hearing
150
00:06:43.600 --> 00:06:47.360
a lot of Jesus, Mary and Joseph and Jesus Christ, Jesus,
151
00:06:47.399 --> 00:06:49.879
Mary and Joseph. And it was constantly the response to everything.
152
00:06:50.110 --> 00:06:52.230
And I think that that's I thought that that was
153
00:06:52.290 --> 00:06:56.850
a Catholic thing. And then I knew that when I
154
00:06:56.930 --> 00:06:59.649
first started working with Robert Smigel, he'd be like, oh,
155
00:06:59.790 --> 00:07:02.009
Jesus Christ, what are we going to do? And I'm like, oh, OK.
156
00:07:02.329 --> 00:07:04.569
Jewish people say Jesus. Yeah, everyone.
157
00:07:04.610 --> 00:07:06.709
I think I think it's something that a lot of
158
00:07:06.730 --> 00:07:07.870
people say. Yeah.
159
00:07:08.199 --> 00:07:09.980
I didn't realize. I thought it was just Catholics that
160
00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:13.490
said that. It's all behind us. My guest today, a
161
00:07:13.850 --> 00:07:15.790
friend of mine, traveled to Germany with me for an
162
00:07:15.829 --> 00:07:18.449
episode of Conan Without Borders. You know him from such
163
00:07:18.550 --> 00:07:21.910
movies and shows as Pitch Perfect 2, Trolls World Tour,
164
00:07:22.029 --> 00:07:25.000
and Curb Your Enthusiasm. I do love this man. I
165
00:07:25.040 --> 00:07:26.240
really do. I do too. He's hilarious.
166
00:07:26.360 --> 00:07:26.709
I love him.
167
00:07:26.720 --> 00:07:30.139
He's wonderful. And he's a really good fellow and delightfully funny.
168
00:07:30.180 --> 00:07:36.949
I'm excited to talk to him today. Flula Borg, welcome.
169
00:07:41.589 --> 00:07:44.029
You are, you're the fool of fools. Yeah, hello. The
170
00:07:44.050 --> 00:07:45.110
greatest fool of all time.
171
00:07:45.209 --> 00:07:46.110
Okay.
172
00:07:46.129 --> 00:07:49.009
You bring me constant joy and you're a tonic. I
173
00:07:49.089 --> 00:07:52.509
bring you, this is like, they must have this in
174
00:07:52.649 --> 00:07:55.889
Germany or in Austria, some sort of hot- Vodka. Is
175
00:07:55.930 --> 00:07:57.589
it a vodka? No, it's like a hot bath you
176
00:07:57.649 --> 00:08:00.170
sit in. Or some kind of a sauna.
177
00:08:00.250 --> 00:08:01.889
Oh, you wanted to say a German word. Say it.
178
00:08:02.000 --> 00:08:04.100
A sauna. A Schleisenshauser.
179
00:08:04.120 --> 00:08:04.839
Yeah, that's a delicious one.
180
00:08:04.860 --> 00:08:06.779
That you sit in and it's a tonic, right?
181
00:08:06.800 --> 00:08:06.899
Yeah.
182
00:08:07.240 --> 00:08:09.480
You just soak it up. You ingest it. It enters
183
00:08:09.500 --> 00:08:11.199
into all of your pores. And then you just want
184
00:08:11.240 --> 00:08:12.279
to shake. Yes, yes.
185
00:08:12.819 --> 00:08:15.060
So that is what you are for me. Because whenever
186
00:08:15.079 --> 00:08:17.279
you're around, I'm instantly happy. I came in. I was
187
00:08:17.319 --> 00:08:18.300
in a bad mood today.
188
00:08:18.319 --> 00:08:18.660
I saw it.
189
00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:20.399
Yes, I saw it. Yeah, I was thinking, oh, I've
190
00:08:20.420 --> 00:08:25.000
got to go. The world's in bad shape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh,
191
00:08:25.040 --> 00:08:27.310
my God. Look at this body I've been cursed with.
192
00:08:27.639 --> 00:08:30.740
Oh, stop it, Conan. It's on fire. It's delicious.
193
00:08:30.759 --> 00:08:33.000
So many nipples. I meant it's a curse to have
194
00:08:33.039 --> 00:08:33.580
this body.
195
00:08:33.659 --> 00:08:35.220
I agree. Everyone's like, why not me?
196
00:08:35.320 --> 00:08:37.679
Men want to be me. Women want to be with me.
197
00:08:37.700 --> 00:08:38.240
Yes.
198
00:08:39.460 --> 00:08:43.269
And so I was depressed. And feeling the burden of
199
00:08:43.330 --> 00:08:45.909
all that. And then I remember, oh, Flew is on today.
200
00:08:45.929 --> 00:08:48.539
He exists. And I was so happy because you make
201
00:08:48.580 --> 00:08:49.000
me happy.
202
00:08:49.100 --> 00:08:51.039
Thank you as well, Conan. You make me also happy.
203
00:08:51.139 --> 00:08:53.620
And I'm saying to you also, you're welcome for not
204
00:08:53.659 --> 00:08:56.460
having to play the Jack White music as I provided
205
00:08:56.500 --> 00:08:57.350
it for you with my mouth.
206
00:08:57.539 --> 00:09:00.110
That's right. I think from now on, we would save
207
00:09:00.149 --> 00:09:02.899
a lot of money. if we didn't play the Jack
208
00:09:02.940 --> 00:09:05.179
White song and we had you do it instead.
209
00:09:24.950 --> 00:09:25.570
Sorry, Jack.
210
00:09:26.429 --> 00:09:28.269
Which I think we're actually going to cost us more
211
00:09:28.309 --> 00:09:31.529
money because now there's an extra usage of the music
212
00:09:31.710 --> 00:09:32.190
in the episode.
213
00:09:32.230 --> 00:09:37.110
Oh, right. Ass cap. Because you're using the same tune.
214
00:09:37.509 --> 00:09:40.379
That's the problem, you German fool.
215
00:09:40.580 --> 00:09:41.600
I apologize.
216
00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:43.440
No, what we need to do is change the lyrics
217
00:09:43.600 --> 00:09:47.960
and the tune. Klaben schlied, leiben glad. Ja, gruben schladen,
218
00:09:47.980 --> 00:09:50.980
schliden gein, dann dumm, dann schlad. Ratz, zitt, bau.
219
00:09:51.000 --> 00:09:51.500
Ratz, zitt, bau.
220
00:09:51.539 --> 00:09:55.539
Ratz, zitt, bau. See that, no one, there's no way
221
00:09:55.580 --> 00:09:57.299
in court anyone's going to say that that's we are
222
00:09:57.320 --> 00:09:57.879
going to be friends.
223
00:09:57.940 --> 00:09:59.799
No, that's Conan O'Brien braucht ein Freund.
224
00:10:01.470 --> 00:10:03.450
That's very good. One of the great marching tunes of
225
00:10:03.529 --> 00:10:08.539
all time. Everyone, all the Susers love that. Papa Sousa?
226
00:10:08.580 --> 00:10:09.279
Mama Sousa?
227
00:10:09.320 --> 00:10:10.539
Daddy Sousa, of course.
228
00:10:10.679 --> 00:10:11.059
Yes.
229
00:10:11.279 --> 00:10:12.360
But not cousin Sousa.
230
00:10:12.419 --> 00:10:14.490
Oh my God, you missed out. What? A couple of
231
00:10:14.500 --> 00:10:16.909
weeks ago, sitting in the very chair you're sitting in now,
232
00:10:17.429 --> 00:10:19.090
Arnold Schwarzenegger was here.
233
00:10:19.110 --> 00:10:21.490
Stop. Why did you not notify me via telegram?
234
00:10:21.789 --> 00:10:24.190
Well, I sent you a sausage gram. Oh, I never
235
00:10:24.250 --> 00:10:29.710
received those. My neighbor Charles always eats those. No, he
236
00:10:29.750 --> 00:10:32.769
was sitting in the very chair, and it's so funny because...
237
00:10:33.000 --> 00:10:34.759
I would think he'd be one of your heroes.
238
00:10:34.879 --> 00:10:35.220
You know?
239
00:10:35.440 --> 00:10:35.840
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
240
00:10:36.110 --> 00:10:38.590
He's my carbohydrates, fitness, protein hero. Yes, Corley.
241
00:10:38.669 --> 00:10:40.730
And Werner Herzog was here as well.
242
00:10:40.830 --> 00:10:42.470
At the same time they were setting piggyback?
243
00:10:42.629 --> 00:10:45.220
No, no, no, no, no. Yes, see, Herzog sat on
244
00:10:45.259 --> 00:10:48.519
Schwarzenegger's lap and acted like his ventriloquist dummy. Oh, okay.
245
00:10:48.600 --> 00:10:51.379
So Arnold was saying things like, values seem to be happening.
246
00:10:51.600 --> 00:10:54.789
Pretty happy today, Werner. And then the little, he worked
247
00:10:54.830 --> 00:10:56.850
his mouth as if he were a dummy, but he
248
00:10:56.889 --> 00:10:59.509
was real. And Werner was going, it is very good
249
00:10:59.529 --> 00:11:03.289
to be here. The bear has brought madness into society.
250
00:11:03.629 --> 00:11:04.970
And it was just a really fun routine.
251
00:11:05.090 --> 00:11:07.980
How did they control each other's mandibles? Where were the
252
00:11:08.100 --> 00:11:08.519
hands inserted?
253
00:11:08.620 --> 00:11:11.159
You don't want to know. I think Arnold had his
254
00:11:11.179 --> 00:11:12.759
hand right up Werner Herzog's ass.
255
00:11:12.860 --> 00:11:15.039
Oh, is it the anus? Yeah. Yeah, that's the most natural.
256
00:11:15.120 --> 00:11:16.820
Ass is fine. You don't have to go to anus.
257
00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:17.659
We can say, okay.
258
00:11:17.940 --> 00:11:20.909
My point is- What is it? That we've had these-
259
00:11:22.259 --> 00:11:26.759
We've had these gentlemen here who are beloved fixtures in
260
00:11:26.799 --> 00:11:27.320
your culture.
261
00:11:27.440 --> 00:11:29.860
That's very true. Yes, both of those guys are legends.
262
00:11:30.120 --> 00:11:33.399
Yeah. And now you complete the trifecta.
263
00:11:33.480 --> 00:11:34.279
Oh, it's the three of us.
264
00:11:34.519 --> 00:11:34.720
Yeah.
265
00:11:34.759 --> 00:11:35.820
We can make it if we try.
266
00:11:35.840 --> 00:11:38.919
Well, I'm just saying there's Schwarzenegger, there's Herzog, and then
267
00:11:38.960 --> 00:11:39.679
there's Borg.
268
00:11:39.899 --> 00:11:43.860
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Expendables Deutsche Version. Yes.
269
00:11:46.799 --> 00:11:47.980
Brought to you by Porsche.
270
00:11:48.159 --> 00:11:48.799
Natürlich.
271
00:11:48.860 --> 00:11:50.120
The greatest machine.
272
00:11:50.139 --> 00:11:51.779
Hello.
273
00:11:51.840 --> 00:11:54.500
You and I, I want to let our listeners know
274
00:11:54.580 --> 00:11:56.870
that you and I have been friends for a long time.
275
00:11:56.899 --> 00:11:57.919
It's absolutely accurate.
276
00:11:58.490 --> 00:12:00.789
You would come on my show and bring me absolute delight.
277
00:12:00.889 --> 00:12:03.230
You would make me laugh like a schoolchild.
278
00:12:03.330 --> 00:12:04.950
I love the schoolchildren giggle a lot.
279
00:12:05.070 --> 00:12:08.289
Yes, they giggle. I was a little, you would reduce
280
00:12:08.330 --> 00:12:11.860
me to a little Bavarian schoolboy chuckling as I licked
281
00:12:11.919 --> 00:12:12.779
my marzipan.
282
00:12:12.899 --> 00:12:14.200
I knew you would say marzipan.
283
00:12:14.320 --> 00:12:14.649
I knew you.
284
00:12:16.529 --> 00:12:18.059
And I was so happy when you were on the show.
285
00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:20.019
And then when you come on the podcast, you just
286
00:12:20.059 --> 00:12:22.679
bring me, you bring me absolute joy. Like I've just
287
00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:26.220
had a brisk walk in my leather shorts in the Alps.
288
00:12:26.440 --> 00:12:30.509
Oh, that's like a Lipton iced tea poured over your eyebrows.
289
00:12:30.809 --> 00:12:32.769
Well, okay. That's just stupid. It is.
290
00:12:33.029 --> 00:12:33.230
Yeah.
291
00:12:33.470 --> 00:12:35.429
Welcome to me, Colin.
292
00:12:35.789 --> 00:12:38.529
Welcome to you. How have you been? First of all, Flula,
293
00:12:38.570 --> 00:12:41.419
I did embrace you out in the hallway and you
294
00:12:41.480 --> 00:12:45.370
are made of pure mahogany. You must work out constantly.
295
00:12:45.429 --> 00:12:47.710
Lots of pledge being sprayed all over my shoulders.
296
00:12:47.889 --> 00:12:50.409
No, no, I didn't mean you're being waxed down like mahogany.
297
00:12:50.509 --> 00:12:54.529
I mean, you are rock hard. Oh, okay. No, no, no.
298
00:12:54.549 --> 00:12:57.509
I didn't mean anything dirty or sexual. Oh. I know
299
00:12:57.529 --> 00:13:01.809
that you're still impotent, but you... Absolutely. I'm saying your shoulders. Yes.
300
00:13:01.860 --> 00:13:03.769
Your lats. Oh. Your pecs.
301
00:13:03.879 --> 00:13:04.269
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
302
00:13:04.289 --> 00:13:07.039
I just... It was like hugging an armoire. Like an
303
00:13:07.159 --> 00:13:09.159
awkward Lego. Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
304
00:13:10.240 --> 00:13:12.980
Conan, I am bored. Have you heard of boredom?
305
00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:14.019
Yes, I have.
306
00:13:14.200 --> 00:13:16.159
So when this occurs, I just take things that weigh
307
00:13:16.220 --> 00:13:17.820
more than me and I put them up and down
308
00:13:17.919 --> 00:13:18.519
and up and down.
309
00:13:18.820 --> 00:13:19.720
Up and down and up and down.
310
00:13:19.740 --> 00:13:20.500
Yeah, the gravity.
311
00:13:20.720 --> 00:13:20.950
Yes.
312
00:13:21.120 --> 00:13:24.149
And so you do a lot of working out. I
313
00:13:24.169 --> 00:13:25.730
know you have a trainer. We've talked about this before.
314
00:13:25.750 --> 00:13:28.429
I've trained Paolo. He's Italian. I don't understand him. He
315
00:13:28.450 --> 00:13:31.090
doesn't understand me. It's a very confusing United Nations.
316
00:13:31.409 --> 00:13:34.299
Well, the important thing is you and your Italian trainer
317
00:13:35.039 --> 00:13:35.500
get along.
318
00:13:35.940 --> 00:13:36.179
We do.
319
00:13:36.500 --> 00:13:39.440
And is he really responsible for you being in this shape?
320
00:13:39.559 --> 00:13:41.659
Absolutely. I'm an idiot, Conan, as you have learned. I
321
00:13:41.679 --> 00:13:43.860
don't know what to ingest and what to outgest. I
322
00:13:43.879 --> 00:13:46.639
heard that you also like bicycles. I like bicycles.
323
00:13:46.700 --> 00:13:48.509
Yes. Yes. Yes. I like to look at them. I
324
00:13:48.529 --> 00:13:49.929
don't like to. I've never gotten on one.
325
00:13:50.129 --> 00:13:50.929
Is this a fact?
326
00:13:51.090 --> 00:13:52.830
No, it's a lie. I was making what we in
327
00:13:52.850 --> 00:13:56.750
America call a joke. I think you call it a laubenschliff.
328
00:13:56.769 --> 00:14:01.330
So I know I like to ride a bicycle. I do. Yes.
329
00:14:01.610 --> 00:14:02.960
Great. Just like the Queen song.
330
00:14:03.100 --> 00:14:04.039
Yeah. Yes. I like to.
331
00:14:04.100 --> 00:14:04.279
Yeah.
332
00:14:05.559 --> 00:14:07.600
Just like the Queen song, yes. I like to get
333
00:14:07.659 --> 00:14:11.139
on a bicycle and I like to ride it. A
334
00:14:11.159 --> 00:14:13.710
friend of mine, a shout out to my friend Brad,
335
00:14:13.759 --> 00:14:15.950
told me no one's ever had a bad day on
336
00:14:15.990 --> 00:14:18.850
a bicycle. And it's right. I'm always happy when I'm
337
00:14:18.889 --> 00:14:19.470
riding a bicycle.
338
00:14:19.490 --> 00:14:22.289
What about the people that have been inadvertently struck by trucks?
339
00:14:22.830 --> 00:14:26.820
Oh, yes. He did say... I remember Brad saying this,
340
00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:30.639
with the exception of those who've been killed riding a bike.
341
00:14:30.700 --> 00:14:31.460
He did say that.
342
00:14:31.539 --> 00:14:34.179
It's a small exception. Other than this Brad Pitt, it
343
00:14:34.220 --> 00:14:35.200
was Brad Pitt, correct?
344
00:14:35.360 --> 00:14:36.820
Yeah. I don't like to get it out there that
345
00:14:36.860 --> 00:14:38.320
I ride regularly with Brad Pitt.
346
00:14:38.340 --> 00:14:38.860
Yes, yes.
347
00:14:39.100 --> 00:14:42.259
But I ride regularly with Brad Pitt. Wow, yes, yes.
348
00:14:42.600 --> 00:14:44.120
Not just a couple of us. A couple of us
349
00:14:44.360 --> 00:14:48.750
triple A-listers. You've heard of A-listers. Brad Pitt, Leo DiCaprio,
350
00:14:49.710 --> 00:14:58.649
Conan O'Brien, Eve Plum. Well, she was on the original
351
00:14:58.669 --> 00:14:59.190
Brady Bunch.
352
00:14:59.269 --> 00:14:59.789
Oh, wonderful.
353
00:14:59.809 --> 00:15:01.580
I just said original like there has been another one.
354
00:15:01.769 --> 00:15:02.649
Has there been a reboot?
355
00:15:02.669 --> 00:15:03.940
No, there was not a reboot. It's the only thing
356
00:15:03.960 --> 00:15:06.450
they haven't rebooted. No, they made a movie.
357
00:15:06.529 --> 00:15:07.769
Yeah, they made a couple movies.
358
00:15:08.049 --> 00:15:10.889
Anyway, what I'm saying is someone like me who's in
359
00:15:10.929 --> 00:15:14.110
the highest, highest, highest echelons of celebrityhood.
360
00:15:14.129 --> 00:15:15.190
Single digit IMDB.
361
00:15:15.350 --> 00:15:21.509
Yes. When I start to ride my bicycle, other triple
362
00:15:21.690 --> 00:15:23.490
A celebrities show up alongside me.
363
00:15:23.629 --> 00:15:25.889
It's like Forrest Gump, except you're riding a bicycle and
364
00:15:25.929 --> 00:15:28.620
the people following are also celebrities.
365
00:15:28.700 --> 00:15:31.279
Yes. Thank you. You're welcome. That's a very good image.
366
00:15:31.320 --> 00:15:32.639
That's exactly what it's right.
367
00:15:32.679 --> 00:15:34.379
Are you wearing a shirt that says, have a nice day?
368
00:15:35.500 --> 00:15:37.059
No, I'm not. No, you took it too far.
369
00:15:37.120 --> 00:15:37.940
That was far enough.
370
00:15:38.159 --> 00:15:40.740
Yeah. What is your diet like? Because you're one of
371
00:15:40.759 --> 00:15:43.740
the healthiest men I know. This morning, what did you have?
372
00:15:44.000 --> 00:15:47.000
I had some chicken and then also had some mashy potatoes.
373
00:15:47.899 --> 00:15:49.299
Why do you call them mashy potatoes?
374
00:15:49.379 --> 00:15:50.679
What do you name those?
375
00:15:50.700 --> 00:15:53.299
We call them mashy mashy mush mushes.
376
00:15:53.600 --> 00:15:56.120
Well, see, it's more, I would say, efficient. As a German,
377
00:15:56.139 --> 00:15:59.000
we just say mashy potatoes as opposed to mashy mashy
378
00:15:59.039 --> 00:15:59.899
mush mush potatoes.
379
00:15:59.980 --> 00:16:00.200
Okay.
380
00:16:00.610 --> 00:16:01.590
No, we just call them.
381
00:16:01.610 --> 00:16:04.029
I was pulling your leg.
382
00:16:04.529 --> 00:16:05.110
Stop it.
383
00:16:09.100 --> 00:16:13.279
Down, boys! No, we just say mashed potatoes here.
384
00:16:13.559 --> 00:16:13.860
Okay.
385
00:16:13.879 --> 00:16:14.659
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
386
00:16:14.840 --> 00:16:17.039
Have you heard of the song Mashed Potato by The Wiggles?
387
00:16:18.179 --> 00:16:18.720
No, I haven't.
388
00:16:18.740 --> 00:16:20.139
Mashed potato, mashed potato.
389
00:16:20.440 --> 00:16:22.889
No, my children are grown, so I haven't listened to
390
00:16:22.899 --> 00:16:23.950
The Wiggles in a very long time.
391
00:16:23.970 --> 00:16:25.429
Adults can also listen to The Wiggles.
392
00:16:26.610 --> 00:16:28.850
There's actually a warning on the label that says no.
393
00:16:29.129 --> 00:16:29.590
Oh, I didn't know.
394
00:16:29.610 --> 00:16:30.470
Not for anyone over four.
395
00:16:30.490 --> 00:16:31.250
I don't follow those.
396
00:16:31.289 --> 00:16:32.669
You'll go into a blind rage.
397
00:16:32.970 --> 00:16:36.789
Oh, perfect. Just start hitting bicyclists.
398
00:16:36.850 --> 00:16:37.970
So you get up in the morning. I want to
399
00:16:37.990 --> 00:16:39.529
hear about your regimen.
400
00:16:39.750 --> 00:16:42.360
Oh, I wake up. I ingest calories. I move very quickly.
401
00:16:42.500 --> 00:16:46.019
I ingest more calories. I think about Conan O'Brien, WWCBD.
402
00:16:46.100 --> 00:16:49.000
What would Conan O'Brien do? And then I do those things.
403
00:16:49.320 --> 00:16:51.360
Okay. So I know you've been a huge fan of
404
00:16:51.379 --> 00:16:52.059
mine for a long time.
405
00:16:52.080 --> 00:16:53.679
A very large fan. I once wrote a song about
406
00:16:53.700 --> 00:16:54.960
you and Andy called Conan Andy.
407
00:16:55.399 --> 00:16:55.919
Oh, really?
408
00:16:55.960 --> 00:16:56.179
I did.
409
00:16:56.840 --> 00:16:57.600
You did or you didn't?
410
00:16:57.779 --> 00:16:58.039
I did.
411
00:16:58.299 --> 00:16:58.539
Okay.
412
00:16:58.759 --> 00:16:59.159
Yeah.
413
00:17:03.500 --> 00:17:05.220
And how does that song go? Can I hear any
414
00:17:05.240 --> 00:17:05.390
of it?
415
00:17:05.420 --> 00:17:07.400
I need to clear it with, what's it called? Cap ass?
416
00:17:07.500 --> 00:17:09.490
Ass cap. Yeah. And then I will send it to you.
417
00:17:09.700 --> 00:17:10.579
But you wrote it. Yes.
418
00:17:10.859 --> 00:17:13.160
But now we have to pay more money to Flula.
419
00:17:13.180 --> 00:17:14.019
I think we have to pay money.
420
00:17:14.039 --> 00:17:15.789
I refuse money. I don't work for dollars.
421
00:17:16.029 --> 00:17:16.309
Really?
422
00:17:16.369 --> 00:17:17.309
I get paid in biscuits.
423
00:17:18.180 --> 00:17:20.670
Biscuits? Little biscuits?
424
00:17:20.710 --> 00:17:20.849
Yeah.
425
00:17:20.869 --> 00:17:23.210
Have you had Bojangles in North Carolina? A chain that
426
00:17:23.250 --> 00:17:24.890
sells very delicious southern biscuits.
427
00:17:25.509 --> 00:17:28.390
Okay, it's just biscuit. It's not bisquit. It's just biscuit.
428
00:17:28.559 --> 00:17:29.799
There's a you inside this, Conan.
429
00:17:29.940 --> 00:17:31.640
Yes, I know, but we call it a silent you.
430
00:17:31.720 --> 00:17:34.039
A you that has been bullied into silence.
431
00:17:34.059 --> 00:17:35.359
I will never be silent. Okay.
432
00:17:38.519 --> 00:17:41.029
So you get up in the morning. You eat, I
433
00:17:41.069 --> 00:17:41.930
think it's chicken.
434
00:17:42.130 --> 00:17:42.849
Yes, no biscuits.
435
00:17:43.049 --> 00:17:45.170
No biscuits. You don't eat any carbs.
436
00:17:45.410 --> 00:17:45.990
Who does that?
437
00:17:46.269 --> 00:17:47.670
Well, I'll eat carbs all the time.
438
00:17:47.730 --> 00:17:49.410
I eat them sometimes, but when I have a photo
439
00:17:49.430 --> 00:17:52.059
shoot with Paolo Maschiti coming up, then I cannot eat
440
00:17:52.099 --> 00:17:53.019
those carbohydrates.
441
00:17:53.039 --> 00:17:54.980
I see, yes. You know, I have to tell you,
442
00:17:55.690 --> 00:17:59.819
You put out a calendar every year, Flula Borg's calendar,
443
00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:02.359
and they're available, I believe, online, but you always send
444
00:18:02.380 --> 00:18:04.450
me one. And you always find a way to be,
445
00:18:05.029 --> 00:18:06.829
I would say, shirtless for most months.
446
00:18:07.109 --> 00:18:07.970
Nipples are exposed.
447
00:18:08.230 --> 00:18:10.660
Even like December, January, February, shirtless.
448
00:18:10.980 --> 00:18:11.460
Extra hot.
449
00:18:11.940 --> 00:18:12.319
Yeah.
450
00:18:12.740 --> 00:18:13.240
No, no.
451
00:18:13.420 --> 00:18:16.039
I use the nipples come out of the calendar and
452
00:18:16.079 --> 00:18:17.039
I hang my shirts on.
453
00:18:17.140 --> 00:18:18.980
Oh, you can also use them to squeeze lemons.
454
00:18:19.099 --> 00:18:21.160
Yes. And adjust your radio dial.
455
00:18:21.200 --> 00:18:22.079
If you have some radio.
456
00:18:22.119 --> 00:18:25.480
Yes. Serious. My point is you're very proud of your body.
457
00:18:25.500 --> 00:18:27.930
Are you not? No. Why? Is this self-loathing? Because some
458
00:18:27.950 --> 00:18:29.950
people that have a body like yours are very self-loathing.
459
00:18:29.970 --> 00:18:32.130
Listen, you have a delicious voice. And so you use
460
00:18:32.190 --> 00:18:34.450
it to make dollars and to make many, many podcasts.
461
00:18:34.789 --> 00:18:36.190
I have a body that someone gave to me. I
462
00:18:36.190 --> 00:18:37.650
have zero credit. So I have to use, I have
463
00:18:37.670 --> 00:18:39.390
to utilize it. I have to prostitute myself.
464
00:18:39.410 --> 00:18:39.789
Okay. Okay.
465
00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:41.880
How is your love life going, Flula?
466
00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:44.839
It's non-existent. I once dated a hole note, a techno
467
00:18:44.880 --> 00:18:45.279
hole note.
468
00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:46.109
A what?
469
00:18:46.680 --> 00:18:50.009
A techno hole note? Hole notes of four beats of music.
470
00:18:50.210 --> 00:18:51.750
You've dated four beats of music.
471
00:18:51.789 --> 00:18:53.970
Yes. Oh, by the way, I will send you my Flander,
472
00:18:53.990 --> 00:18:54.970
my next one, if you want.
473
00:18:55.009 --> 00:18:57.589
Oh, thank you very much. Of course. Yes, I treasure them.
474
00:18:57.829 --> 00:18:58.309
I treasure them.
475
00:18:58.390 --> 00:18:59.809
I want to hear more about this hole note.
476
00:18:59.950 --> 00:19:00.170
Yeah.
477
00:19:00.309 --> 00:19:00.549
Yeah.
478
00:19:00.650 --> 00:19:04.529
Yeah. Thank you, Mr. Gorley. This is a... That's exactly...
479
00:19:04.430 --> 00:19:06.930
You always get me off track, but Matt's here to say,
480
00:19:06.970 --> 00:19:08.390
wait a minute, let's double down.
481
00:19:08.450 --> 00:19:10.299
Return to the... It's Gourley?
482
00:19:10.339 --> 00:19:12.420
Gourley. I know there's a U in there.
483
00:19:12.440 --> 00:19:14.500
Yeah, why is that? Once again. It would be Gourley.
484
00:19:14.599 --> 00:19:15.079
Gourley.
485
00:19:15.400 --> 00:19:15.849
Go for it.
486
00:19:16.200 --> 00:19:16.900
Matthew Gourley?
487
00:19:16.940 --> 00:19:19.359
I'll take it. Okay, great. Matthias Gourley.
488
00:19:19.380 --> 00:19:20.160
Matthias Gourley.
489
00:19:20.180 --> 00:19:20.740
Yeah, Matthias.
490
00:19:20.779 --> 00:19:21.819
Yes, on the ones and twos.
491
00:19:22.680 --> 00:19:25.609
So you dated a whole note. Yes. Explain how that works.
492
00:19:26.180 --> 00:19:30.150
We established a romantic connection, and then we lasted for
493
00:19:30.250 --> 00:19:31.529
four measures, and then I said.
494
00:19:35.400 --> 00:19:38.819
And then I moved on.
495
00:19:39.299 --> 00:19:40.720
What note was it?
496
00:19:40.960 --> 00:19:42.400
Oh, I see what you're saying. Yes, an E flat.
497
00:19:42.680 --> 00:19:43.609
Yeah, yeah.
498
00:19:43.680 --> 00:19:44.930
Third position on the trombone.
499
00:19:45.170 --> 00:19:45.349
Yes.
500
00:19:45.369 --> 00:19:45.789
Treble clef.
501
00:19:46.109 --> 00:19:47.359
I could have warned you against an E-flat.
502
00:19:47.380 --> 00:19:48.200
Base clef, excuse me.
503
00:19:48.619 --> 00:19:53.140
Okay, you are a monastic. You are celibate. You are not.
504
00:19:53.279 --> 00:19:54.940
I'm Heloise, not Abelard, correct.
505
00:19:55.240 --> 00:19:59.670
Okay. So what do you do for fun? After your workout,
506
00:19:59.710 --> 00:20:01.259
what do you do? What does Fuleborg do?
507
00:20:01.559 --> 00:20:03.779
I like to do Klimtzüge, which are push-ups, and then
508
00:20:03.799 --> 00:20:05.980
I also like to make jogging. Have you ever made jogging?
509
00:20:06.000 --> 00:20:08.839
Listen, I just said after your workout. After your workout,
510
00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:11.799
you do push-ups and jogging. That's not after your workout.
511
00:20:11.960 --> 00:20:14.380
Oh, you have never followed David Goggins on Instagram.
512
00:20:14.420 --> 00:20:15.220
Stay hard, Conan.
513
00:20:15.910 --> 00:20:16.490
Oh, okay.
514
00:20:16.569 --> 00:20:18.890
So you do even after your workout, you do more exercise?
515
00:20:18.930 --> 00:20:20.049
I do minor workouts, yes.
516
00:20:20.329 --> 00:20:23.420
Okay. Yes. What do you do when you're not working out? That's,
517
00:20:23.480 --> 00:20:24.299
I guess, the right question.
518
00:20:24.339 --> 00:20:26.400
Oh, I like to sleep. I also like to look
519
00:20:26.480 --> 00:20:28.859
at the sky and also at other items in the world.
520
00:20:29.430 --> 00:20:32.720
Okay. So looking at sky, have you noticed anything about
521
00:20:32.740 --> 00:20:33.500
the sky recently?
522
00:20:33.720 --> 00:20:36.960
It contains clouds on occasion and on times, other occasions,
523
00:20:37.099 --> 00:20:37.680
has no clouds.
524
00:20:37.900 --> 00:20:39.740
Okay. Yeah.
525
00:20:39.980 --> 00:20:41.180
Cumulonimbus clouds.
526
00:20:41.220 --> 00:20:44.349
Writing this down and I will send this to Scientific American.
527
00:20:44.430 --> 00:20:45.289
It's good to know.
528
00:20:45.309 --> 00:20:49.369
Neil deGrasse Tyson. Also strato, cumulus, cumulonimbus. Also very nice cloud. Cirrus,
529
00:20:49.410 --> 00:20:51.190
a little too wavy for my taste. Oh.
530
00:20:51.410 --> 00:20:53.500
Okay. So you're a cloud critic, as they say.
531
00:20:53.759 --> 00:20:54.240
Sometimes, yes.
532
00:20:54.279 --> 00:20:57.279
Okay. And then you notice other objects. What objects have
533
00:20:57.299 --> 00:20:58.099
you been noticing lately?
534
00:20:58.160 --> 00:21:01.619
I've noticed your delicious smile and wonderful haircut, Conan O'Brien.
535
00:21:01.680 --> 00:21:03.559
Well, you know, look, a lot of people are in
536
00:21:03.579 --> 00:21:04.619
love with my hair. Yes.
537
00:21:05.390 --> 00:21:06.829
How do you style it? Do you wake up and
538
00:21:06.869 --> 00:21:08.509
it is like this, or is there a man and
539
00:21:08.670 --> 00:21:10.029
or woman that arranges it?
540
00:21:10.390 --> 00:21:12.289
No one else does it. I figured this out myself
541
00:21:12.329 --> 00:21:15.400
a long time ago. I use various oils and resins,
542
00:21:15.839 --> 00:21:18.799
plus a little bit of mayonnaise. Oh. And then I
543
00:21:18.839 --> 00:21:20.440
work it in there, and then I cook it in
544
00:21:20.480 --> 00:21:24.490
a little kiln that just bakes my hair. For 40 minutes.
545
00:21:24.710 --> 00:21:26.869
For zero? Yes. Helmings or craft?
546
00:21:27.029 --> 00:21:28.089
Well, I don't like to name.
547
00:21:29.039 --> 00:21:29.440
Thank you.
548
00:21:29.519 --> 00:21:29.700
Yeah.
549
00:21:29.720 --> 00:21:30.660
Sponsor shout out.
550
00:21:30.920 --> 00:21:32.539
No, it's definitely Helmets.
551
00:21:32.640 --> 00:21:33.279
Obviously Helmets.
552
00:21:33.299 --> 00:21:35.559
You really want whole eggs in there. But then I
553
00:21:35.599 --> 00:21:38.640
get this delicious pastry on top of my head. It
554
00:21:38.660 --> 00:21:40.980
seems to give people delight. And so it's a small
555
00:21:41.089 --> 00:21:42.920
price for me to pay to give other people joy.
556
00:21:43.089 --> 00:21:45.029
It sounds like a large price depending on the amounts
557
00:21:45.069 --> 00:21:47.309
of mayonnaise and croissants you purchase. It's true.
558
00:21:48.029 --> 00:21:50.269
But, you know, I do it. I also think I
559
00:21:50.309 --> 00:21:52.490
maybe do it to draw attention away from parts of
560
00:21:52.529 --> 00:21:54.170
my body that maybe I'm not thrilled with.
561
00:21:54.250 --> 00:21:54.660
Speak to me.
562
00:21:54.970 --> 00:21:57.930
Well, I'm just saying I have beady little rat eyes.
563
00:21:57.950 --> 00:21:58.710
That's incorrect.
564
00:21:58.849 --> 00:22:00.630
Look, it is true. Look, look at me looking around.
565
00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:02.319
Beady little rat eyes.
566
00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:02.940
Delicious.
567
00:22:03.019 --> 00:22:06.279
And I've got this eye vein under my eye. And
568
00:22:06.299 --> 00:22:08.039
then I've got these thin lips.
569
00:22:08.480 --> 00:22:09.380
Like, what happened?
570
00:22:09.660 --> 00:22:11.779
What happened to that guy? Did he chew on a
571
00:22:11.799 --> 00:22:14.660
grenade to save his regiment? And his lips blew off?
572
00:22:14.819 --> 00:22:16.579
Oh, yes. Episode two, Band of Brothers.
573
00:22:16.640 --> 00:22:19.559
Yes. And so I'm... We hate to tell you, what
574
00:22:19.599 --> 00:22:21.460
happened to me? Your lips are gone.
575
00:22:21.559 --> 00:22:22.359
No!
576
00:22:22.660 --> 00:22:24.640
And so I think the hair is a way to
577
00:22:24.700 --> 00:22:27.480
draw people away from my features that I'm not as
578
00:22:27.519 --> 00:22:27.859
proud of.
579
00:22:27.980 --> 00:22:30.160
Very confusing. You are a beautiful man. I love all
580
00:22:30.180 --> 00:22:32.640
of the items you have described in a fully platonic,
581
00:22:32.700 --> 00:22:33.509
non-sexual way.
582
00:22:33.890 --> 00:22:36.250
Oh, well, maybe we can nudge that over to sexual.
583
00:22:36.349 --> 00:22:37.569
Let's give it a try.
584
00:22:50.299 --> 00:22:54.059
Good nights are about the people the laughs the real
585
00:22:54.099 --> 00:22:57.279
moments you don't want to miss so why step outside
586
00:22:58.180 --> 00:23:02.230
velo tobacco-free nicotine pouches fits seamlessly into your night convenient
587
00:23:02.430 --> 00:23:06.650
and full of flavor no breaks no interruptions velo anytime
588
00:23:06.769 --> 00:23:10.650
anywhere nicotine pouches 18 and over contains tobacco-free nicotine and
589
00:23:10.690 --> 00:23:12.890
addictive substance if you're new to velo start with mellow
590
00:23:12.970 --> 00:23:14.500
you should not use this product if you do not
591
00:23:14.599 --> 00:23:15.759
already use nicotine.
592
00:23:17.960 --> 00:23:21.640
Batteries, tech, toys and tools. They power our everyday lives.
593
00:23:22.180 --> 00:23:25.230
And inside them are materials like aluminium, cobalt, copper and
594
00:23:25.269 --> 00:23:27.990
lithium that can be used again and again. So when
595
00:23:28.009 --> 00:23:31.029
they're finished, don't let them go to waste. Recycle them
596
00:23:31.349 --> 00:23:34.799
for free. It's easy. Just return your old batteries and
597
00:23:34.859 --> 00:23:38.619
electricals for free recycling to your nearest participating retailer or
598
00:23:38.640 --> 00:23:42.140
your local recycling centre. Find your nearest free drop-off point
599
00:23:42.319 --> 00:23:43.799
at weireland.ie today.
600
00:23:46.579 --> 00:23:49.220
You offer them a cuppa when they saw yours. That's
601
00:23:49.339 --> 00:23:53.170
definitely enough for a little treat. Cadbury Delights. With 91
602
00:23:53.170 --> 00:23:56.410
calories of milk chocolate, nougat and caramel in every bar.
603
00:24:03.049 --> 00:24:04.799
Once I was walking in the neighborhood where we make
604
00:24:04.819 --> 00:24:08.119
this podcast, and I heard someone shout out a window,
605
00:24:08.599 --> 00:24:10.160
as fans sometimes do.
606
00:24:10.279 --> 00:24:10.460
Yeah.
607
00:24:10.599 --> 00:24:13.190
And I looked around. Get off my property. Yeah, exactly.
608
00:24:13.670 --> 00:24:16.549
And get a real job. And so glad you're off television.
609
00:24:16.569 --> 00:24:18.759
I get that a lot. Someone will shout at me,
610
00:24:18.880 --> 00:24:20.880
and then I heard someone shout at me out a window,
611
00:24:20.900 --> 00:24:22.240
and I looked around. I couldn't see who it was.
612
00:24:22.339 --> 00:24:24.660
And then I get a text, and Flula said, that
613
00:24:24.700 --> 00:24:26.680
was me that just shouted at you out the window.
614
00:24:26.799 --> 00:24:29.380
I said, hello, sorry for screaming. It's me, your friend,
615
00:24:29.440 --> 00:24:30.740
Flula Borg. Good to see you.
616
00:24:31.200 --> 00:24:33.910
Yeah, but it all came out as, I don't have it!
617
00:24:33.920 --> 00:24:36.359
You know, it's that Doppler effect. The Doppler effect. You
618
00:24:36.380 --> 00:24:37.920
were going by so quickly. Oh, yeah.
619
00:24:37.960 --> 00:24:39.609
Doppler plus Deutsch, unintelligible.
620
00:24:39.650 --> 00:24:42.410
Yes. So it was nice of you to yell out
621
00:24:42.450 --> 00:24:42.650
at me.
622
00:24:42.789 --> 00:24:46.509
Thank you. I thought you had a baggie of delicious calories.
623
00:24:46.589 --> 00:24:47.289
Is that accurate?
624
00:24:48.170 --> 00:24:50.269
Probably not accurate. I don't think I walk around much
625
00:24:50.309 --> 00:24:52.450
with food. And if I did have some food, I'd
626
00:24:52.470 --> 00:24:53.890
probably make David Hopping hold it.
627
00:24:54.109 --> 00:24:54.589
Oh, David.
628
00:24:54.750 --> 00:24:57.990
David is still alive. Well, yes, despite my best efforts.
629
00:24:58.009 --> 00:24:59.559
He's being kept alive. He's being kept alive.
630
00:24:59.650 --> 00:25:00.140
Oh, wonderful.
631
00:25:00.900 --> 00:25:03.779
He's on a saline drip that's keeping him alive right now. Oh, excellent.
632
00:25:03.839 --> 00:25:05.400
Like in seven. May I say hello?
633
00:25:05.539 --> 00:25:07.680
Oh, perfect.
634
00:25:07.759 --> 00:25:07.980
Thanks.
635
00:25:08.500 --> 00:25:09.930
Bringing Brad Pitt back. I like it.
636
00:25:09.940 --> 00:25:14.680
Well, my bicycle pal. Okay, so I'm getting this image
637
00:25:14.700 --> 00:25:17.160
of your life, but you're also very enterprising. You've been
638
00:25:17.200 --> 00:25:22.299
in movies. You've been in television. You're always on the go.
639
00:25:22.680 --> 00:25:25.119
Flula is slowly but surely taking over the world, yes?
640
00:25:25.440 --> 00:25:27.839
Well, as a German, that's illegal, and I would never
641
00:25:27.900 --> 00:25:28.400
admit to this.
642
00:25:29.420 --> 00:25:31.250
What I meant, I didn't mean to imply anything. I'm
643
00:25:31.269 --> 00:25:31.849
saying you are.
644
00:25:32.049 --> 00:25:32.430
Invading.
645
00:25:32.470 --> 00:25:35.509
Yeah, you are invading media with your....
646
00:25:37.009 --> 00:25:40.910
I'm subtly gathering stamps on my passport, fully legally and
647
00:25:40.950 --> 00:25:41.940
with everyone's consent.
648
00:25:42.240 --> 00:25:45.099
You are blitzkrieging Hollywood with your talent.
649
00:25:45.700 --> 00:25:47.839
I am just very subtly showing up with a cake
650
00:25:47.880 --> 00:25:48.380
and a smile.
651
00:25:48.400 --> 00:25:52.650
A massive air show of talent. No, no, no. You are.
652
00:25:52.809 --> 00:25:54.109
Daintily prancing around.
653
00:25:57.549 --> 00:26:00.589
Now, I had the pleasure of going to Berlin with you.
654
00:26:00.650 --> 00:26:01.809
Remember when we were in Berlin together?
655
00:26:01.829 --> 00:26:02.549
I remember this, yes.
656
00:26:02.650 --> 00:26:04.450
And this was fascinating for me because I got to
657
00:26:04.529 --> 00:26:07.609
see you in your home environment. And I noticed that
658
00:26:07.730 --> 00:26:10.589
a lot of the German people are very comfortable with nudity.
659
00:26:10.650 --> 00:26:11.279
Oh, very much, yes.
660
00:26:11.450 --> 00:26:13.529
And you seemed very comfortable with nudity too.
661
00:26:13.650 --> 00:26:15.970
I'm also German, so I'm part of this Venn diagram
662
00:26:15.990 --> 00:26:16.819
you have just described.
663
00:26:17.130 --> 00:26:20.529
Now, I, for example, not comfortable with my nudity at
664
00:26:20.609 --> 00:26:21.009
any time.
665
00:26:21.089 --> 00:26:23.569
You did not enjoy having your penis exposed on the beach.
666
00:26:23.789 --> 00:26:24.009
No, no.
667
00:26:24.150 --> 00:26:27.279
I wear a full-on formal tuxedo when I take a shower.
668
00:26:27.519 --> 00:26:31.180
But you, you on the other hand, I noticed, very
669
00:26:31.240 --> 00:26:33.009
comfortable with it. Have you tried that here in the
670
00:26:33.069 --> 00:26:35.329
States and... And what's the reaction been?
671
00:26:35.470 --> 00:26:37.089
Oh, exposing my genitalia in public?
672
00:26:37.109 --> 00:26:39.150
Well, just walking, yeah. I don't mean just genitalia, but
673
00:26:39.190 --> 00:26:41.589
I mean letting your body be free of all clothing.
674
00:26:41.609 --> 00:26:43.690
Have you been nude in America and how has that
675
00:26:43.730 --> 00:26:44.329
gone over for you?
676
00:26:44.390 --> 00:26:46.650
It has gone in awkward ways. I try to, have
677
00:26:46.670 --> 00:26:50.430
you seen the show Austin Powers and the Murder Mystery Man? Oh,
678
00:26:50.529 --> 00:26:52.119
I don't know the name, International Murder.
679
00:26:52.490 --> 00:26:53.500
International man of mystery.
680
00:26:53.519 --> 00:26:53.660
Yeah.
681
00:26:53.759 --> 00:26:56.220
In the beginnings, it is the credits. He's always like
682
00:26:56.279 --> 00:26:58.480
turning around. Oh, maybe we will see his pee pee.
683
00:26:58.700 --> 00:27:01.099
But no, it's a broccoli. And then he turns around
684
00:27:01.180 --> 00:27:03.180
and he's like, what is that? Oh, it's a it's
685
00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:06.240
an M1 Abrams tank or something. And so this is
686
00:27:06.289 --> 00:27:08.849
how I try to present it to myself in America,
687
00:27:08.869 --> 00:27:11.289
because I know everyone is terrified of nudity here.
688
00:27:11.490 --> 00:27:13.200
OK, well, I don't know if they're terrified of it,
689
00:27:13.210 --> 00:27:15.470
but it can be inappropriate quickly. I'm told you boarded
690
00:27:15.490 --> 00:27:18.160
an American Airlines flight completely nude. That's the kind of
691
00:27:18.180 --> 00:27:19.759
thing that's not cool. I was wearing flip-flops.
692
00:27:19.839 --> 00:27:26.079
So that's inaccurate.
693
00:27:26.319 --> 00:27:29.920
Okay. Well, the news accounts I read did not mention
694
00:27:29.940 --> 00:27:30.519
the flip-flops.
695
00:27:30.599 --> 00:27:33.180
Well, you didn't read deep enough or they are terrible reporters.
696
00:27:33.359 --> 00:27:35.240
Okay. Well, this was the New York Times and the
697
00:27:35.269 --> 00:27:36.549
Wall Street Journal. These are fine papers.
698
00:27:36.569 --> 00:27:37.369
Oh, Nicholas Kristof.
699
00:27:37.420 --> 00:27:37.619
Okay.
700
00:27:37.640 --> 00:27:37.900
Yeah.
701
00:27:38.109 --> 00:27:41.829
Okay. He apparently was sitting in the row opposite you. Yeah.
702
00:27:41.869 --> 00:27:43.470
Well, we are no longer on speaking terms.
703
00:27:43.509 --> 00:27:43.710
Okay.
704
00:27:45.420 --> 00:27:46.980
You weren't friends until you boarded his flight.
705
00:27:47.180 --> 00:27:49.720
Until I just heard this news of my flip-flops being omitted.
706
00:27:50.599 --> 00:27:52.740
In general, you're doing well? Life is good?
707
00:27:52.819 --> 00:27:54.299
Oh, I am absolutely terrible, Conan.
708
00:27:54.700 --> 00:27:54.960
Why?
709
00:27:55.079 --> 00:27:56.279
Well, the world is on fire.
710
00:27:56.559 --> 00:27:58.079
Oh, people always say that. Really?
711
00:27:58.200 --> 00:28:00.660
Mathematically, no one that is now alive will be alive
712
00:28:00.700 --> 00:28:01.880
in 222 years. Oh, my God.
713
00:28:02.259 --> 00:28:03.579
I didn't realize that.
714
00:28:03.599 --> 00:28:04.400
Just think about this.
715
00:28:04.579 --> 00:28:06.160
I made all these plans. I know.
716
00:28:06.220 --> 00:28:08.400
So now you have to execute those plans immediately. Do
717
00:28:08.440 --> 00:28:10.599
it all tomorrow. You know, don't wait. What they say,
718
00:28:10.980 --> 00:28:13.289
wait tomorrow. And it's too late for today to make it.
719
00:28:13.319 --> 00:28:14.099
So you should have it.
720
00:28:14.279 --> 00:28:14.559
You should.
721
00:28:15.039 --> 00:28:15.519
Do it now.
722
00:28:17.369 --> 00:28:19.109
I can't believe that hasn't been a poster.
723
00:28:19.210 --> 00:28:20.569
I think Benjamin Franklin, no?
724
00:28:20.750 --> 00:28:23.529
Yeah, Benjamin Franklin, as he was stroking out, said that.
725
00:28:24.269 --> 00:28:26.690
Don't put to tomorrow what today can be done the
726
00:28:26.730 --> 00:28:29.990
other day. If you go forward another day. It's too late.
727
00:28:30.309 --> 00:28:33.700
And then please relight my stove and there's some lightning.
728
00:28:35.819 --> 00:28:38.599
There's a storm coming. Someone tie a key to a kite.
729
00:28:38.640 --> 00:28:40.119
Tie a key and make me an omelet.
730
00:28:40.279 --> 00:28:42.609
Let me ask you something. How familiar are you with
731
00:28:42.670 --> 00:28:46.589
American history? Do you consider yourself... I mean, you've come
732
00:28:46.630 --> 00:28:49.460
to this country. We welcome you with open arms, as
733
00:28:49.539 --> 00:28:51.680
America does sometimes.
734
00:28:51.900 --> 00:28:52.059
But.
735
00:28:52.400 --> 00:28:55.349
Do you consider yourself an American citizen now? Do you
736
00:28:55.369 --> 00:28:56.569
think you're comfortable in these ways?
737
00:28:56.829 --> 00:28:59.309
I am very confused every time about everything, but I'm
738
00:28:59.470 --> 00:29:01.910
also very excited. I love to learn. I'm like a sponge.
739
00:29:02.150 --> 00:29:04.119
You can just dump things into me, Conan.
740
00:29:04.140 --> 00:29:06.480
You don't dump things into a sponge. A sponge sort
741
00:29:06.519 --> 00:29:09.619
of goes over the It's an inaccurate metaphor.
742
00:29:09.640 --> 00:29:11.950
Yeah, and you added a U to the sponge just now.
743
00:29:12.009 --> 00:29:12.950
I'm sorry about Gourley.
744
00:29:13.150 --> 00:29:13.650
Oh, see?
745
00:29:14.049 --> 00:29:14.509
Jesus.
746
00:29:14.569 --> 00:29:17.069
I took your U and added it to sponge.
747
00:29:17.569 --> 00:29:18.349
So I'm Gourley again.
748
00:29:18.369 --> 00:29:19.690
Okay, it's Gourley and sponge.
749
00:29:19.869 --> 00:29:20.549
Okay, so.
750
00:29:20.970 --> 00:29:24.559
A wonderful tag team detective show. Gourley and sponge.
751
00:29:24.579 --> 00:29:27.700
They took the U from Gourley and added it to sponge. Yeah.
752
00:29:27.720 --> 00:29:28.799
So it's Gourley and sponge.
753
00:29:29.000 --> 00:29:30.359
Better than Thelma and Louise.
754
00:29:31.160 --> 00:29:31.920
You, uh.
755
00:29:33.279 --> 00:29:35.319
Whenever I'm done speaking to you, I'm very stupid at
756
00:29:35.339 --> 00:29:37.670
the end. Also, also. And you don't, so you don't
757
00:29:37.690 --> 00:29:38.329
get smarter.
758
00:29:38.589 --> 00:29:39.940
By speaking to myself, never, no.
759
00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:40.259
No.
760
00:29:40.319 --> 00:29:42.740
To me, when I'm done speaking to you, I'm very
761
00:29:42.839 --> 00:29:45.200
dumb always. I'm going to go home. I'll probably have
762
00:29:45.240 --> 00:29:47.240
to be driven home because I'm not safe to drive
763
00:29:47.279 --> 00:29:48.880
after speaking to you because I'm so stupid.
764
00:29:49.009 --> 00:29:51.769
Yes, I get it. So, Conan, when other people speak
765
00:29:51.809 --> 00:29:53.200
to me, it's like, you know, people are like, oh,
766
00:29:53.210 --> 00:29:55.470
you should have your teapot open and ready to receive
767
00:29:55.529 --> 00:29:57.490
more tea. But I have the top is on.
768
00:29:57.509 --> 00:30:01.710
What? So if you put- I don't understand at all.
769
00:30:01.819 --> 00:30:02.779
Imagine a submarine.
770
00:30:02.950 --> 00:30:05.400
Yeah. How do we get to a submarine?
771
00:30:05.460 --> 00:30:08.660
Imagine how many liquids and waters and airs enter a submarine. Yes.
772
00:30:08.859 --> 00:30:10.119
That is my brain when we speak.
773
00:30:10.359 --> 00:30:12.579
Okay. Very good. Yes. I'm going to change the topic.
774
00:30:12.680 --> 00:30:12.940
Okay.
775
00:30:13.259 --> 00:30:15.839
To your topic I was trying to talk about, which
776
00:30:15.880 --> 00:30:18.759
is you and America. What about this country confuses you?
777
00:30:19.359 --> 00:30:21.779
A lot of this, there's much driving, not much. Do
778
00:30:21.799 --> 00:30:22.900
you have a burp? Is that a thought?
779
00:30:23.359 --> 00:30:24.380
I just burped. Oh, okay.
780
00:30:24.400 --> 00:30:24.509
Okay.
781
00:30:25.630 --> 00:30:27.589
I just quietly burped. I'm drinking a lot of water,
782
00:30:27.609 --> 00:30:29.130
and I just burped into the little microphone.
783
00:30:29.150 --> 00:30:31.349
But you also leaned up a bit, so I didn't.
784
00:30:31.180 --> 00:30:32.759
Know if you were- Well, I wanted you to see
785
00:30:32.819 --> 00:30:34.039
that I was burping.
786
00:30:34.799 --> 00:30:36.880
So that was purely burped. That was not a toot burp.
787
00:30:36.920 --> 00:30:38.359
I can't do the both at the same time.
788
00:30:38.380 --> 00:30:39.000
You can't?
789
00:30:39.039 --> 00:30:40.700
I'd be in the almanac if I could do that.
790
00:30:40.720 --> 00:30:41.210
That's a flurp.
791
00:30:41.230 --> 00:30:42.210
Yes. What's that?
792
00:30:42.650 --> 00:30:43.630
A flaut and a blurb.
793
00:30:43.789 --> 00:30:47.289
Okay. Now I'm so stupid, my heart's not beating. You've
794
00:30:47.309 --> 00:30:52.150
just taken me down to- Baseline activities that are run
795
00:30:52.170 --> 00:30:53.829
by the cortex are gone.
796
00:30:53.890 --> 00:30:56.009
Yes, you're in the seventh level of the Titanic. You're
797
00:30:56.029 --> 00:30:59.230
just shoveling that coal, but no cuisines are being cooked.
798
00:31:00.430 --> 00:31:02.779
Do you like America? It is very enjoyable to me.
799
00:31:02.900 --> 00:31:05.920
I feel very lucky. I have received a career thanks
800
00:31:06.259 --> 00:31:08.700
to you and also other Americans who have employed me.
801
00:31:08.759 --> 00:31:11.960
So vielen Dank and thank you, Conan. Christopher, is it correct?
802
00:31:12.319 --> 00:31:14.559
O'Brien. Conan Christopher O'Brien. Very good. That is my name.
803
00:31:14.660 --> 00:31:15.200
I Googled you.
804
00:31:15.400 --> 00:31:15.619
Yes.
805
00:31:16.119 --> 00:31:16.640
Oh, you have?
806
00:31:16.740 --> 00:31:16.940
Yes.
807
00:31:17.160 --> 00:31:17.240
Wow.
808
00:31:17.759 --> 00:31:19.960
Yeah, you are a comedian and also a host.
809
00:31:21.220 --> 00:31:21.849
A host.
810
00:31:21.980 --> 00:31:22.789
Yeah.
811
00:31:23.029 --> 00:31:24.589
Do you also say ghost?
812
00:31:24.690 --> 00:31:25.190
Ja, ghost.
813
00:31:25.529 --> 00:31:26.329
Ghost and host.
814
00:31:26.410 --> 00:31:26.809
A ghost.
815
00:31:26.970 --> 00:31:27.609
Ja, ja, ja.
816
00:31:27.650 --> 00:31:28.029
Ein Geist.
817
00:31:28.109 --> 00:31:30.430
Ein Geist, ein Gespenst. Ja, ja, ja. Geist is like
818
00:31:30.450 --> 00:31:32.650
your spirits. Gespenst is an actual small.
819
00:31:33.069 --> 00:31:35.130
Kannst wir sprechen auf Deutsch?
820
00:31:35.150 --> 00:31:36.069
Ja, wenn du willst.
821
00:31:36.109 --> 00:31:36.410
Na klar.
822
00:31:36.430 --> 00:31:39.430
So, roter Kopf. kann nicht verstehen.
823
00:31:39.450 --> 00:31:40.819
Der versteht nichts, überhaupt nichts.
824
00:31:40.950 --> 00:31:43.500
Okay, guys, guys, guys. I feel like I'm the odd
825
00:31:43.519 --> 00:31:45.559
man out at the UN. What's going on here?
826
00:31:45.700 --> 00:31:47.819
We were saying, can we talk so that you can understand?
827
00:31:47.839 --> 00:31:51.960
Oh, very nice. Well, that's really, that's some real hospitality there.
828
00:31:52.039 --> 00:31:53.619
Das war nicht nett. Sorry, Bangladesh.
829
00:31:53.920 --> 00:31:56.599
Now, how much German do you speak?
830
00:31:56.619 --> 00:31:59.549
Nur ein bisschen Deutsch, aber nicht sehr gut.
831
00:31:59.589 --> 00:32:02.269
Kleben, kleben. I'm joining in.
832
00:32:02.309 --> 00:32:03.130
Also nicht verstanden.
833
00:32:03.309 --> 00:32:04.250
Nein, nicht verstehen Sie mich.
834
00:32:04.390 --> 00:32:05.049
Oh, in Griebel.
835
00:32:05.390 --> 00:32:05.890
It's a shame.
836
00:32:05.930 --> 00:32:08.799
I don't know if it's because of the BMW or
837
00:32:09.019 --> 00:32:13.680
the BMW National. It's because of the Falco. And the Gredion.
838
00:32:13.940 --> 00:32:15.000
It's because of the Gredion.
839
00:32:30.940 --> 00:32:32.619
So that's how it's done, Gorley. And the next time
840
00:32:32.640 --> 00:32:33.200
you feel... You know what?
841
00:32:33.220 --> 00:32:56.160
I don't think we can even... I don't think we
842
00:32:56.180 --> 00:32:57.819
can put ads on this episode.
843
00:32:57.539 --> 00:32:59.609
Because no one's listening anymore.
844
00:32:59.650 --> 00:33:03.410
No, no. I think we have to contact all the
845
00:33:03.529 --> 00:33:07.849
advertisers and say, you don't want to waste your money
846
00:33:07.869 --> 00:33:11.519
on this episode because absolutely nothing is happening.
847
00:33:13.140 --> 00:33:15.369
I'm very sorry, Conan. I know this is our first,
848
00:33:15.410 --> 00:33:17.190
not first, but this will be our last time together.
849
00:33:17.210 --> 00:33:19.349
This is the last. This can't happen again. I'm being
850
00:33:19.490 --> 00:33:23.279
signaled right now by, oh, Jesus. Jesus Christ. He's back.
851
00:33:23.500 --> 00:33:25.519
He's looking in through a window saying no more of these.
852
00:33:25.640 --> 00:33:27.519
Oh, wonderful. He has spoken to you. Oh, yeah.
853
00:33:27.700 --> 00:33:28.619
Regularly, yes.
854
00:33:29.160 --> 00:33:29.359
Great.
855
00:33:29.440 --> 00:33:30.160
Congratulations.
856
00:33:30.200 --> 00:33:31.180
Well, I am the chosen.
857
00:33:31.200 --> 00:33:32.460
I look forward to reading your book.
858
00:33:33.980 --> 00:33:34.849
I want things for you.
859
00:33:35.069 --> 00:33:35.529
Me as well.
860
00:33:35.710 --> 00:33:40.009
I want you to enjoy your time here, and I
861
00:33:40.049 --> 00:33:41.670
want you someday maybe to have a family. Do you
862
00:33:41.690 --> 00:33:42.349
think that's possible?
863
00:33:42.710 --> 00:33:45.910
I'll have, well, a musical family, maybe a family of animals,
864
00:33:45.950 --> 00:33:46.509
of animals.
865
00:33:47.170 --> 00:33:47.750
Would you ever.
866
00:33:47.769 --> 00:33:50.150
Do you trust me with children? I do. Can you
867
00:33:50.190 --> 00:33:51.390
imagine me with babies?
868
00:33:51.619 --> 00:33:53.680
I think you'd be a great dad. Yeah. Oh. You
869
00:33:53.700 --> 00:33:54.900
know what I did, as a matter of fact, I
870
00:33:54.940 --> 00:33:56.500
know you've mentioned this before. Say it to me. But
871
00:33:56.539 --> 00:33:58.759
I gave you once for fun when we were on
872
00:33:58.799 --> 00:34:01.740
tour together, I gave you an American girl doll.
873
00:34:01.779 --> 00:34:01.960
Yeah.
874
00:34:02.359 --> 00:34:02.569
And you.
875
00:34:04.089 --> 00:34:06.170
I thought just for fun, I gave you one.
876
00:34:06.369 --> 00:34:06.670
Thank you.
877
00:34:06.769 --> 00:34:10.369
And I thought that would be it. And this tour
878
00:34:10.389 --> 00:34:14.769
lasted a while and you bought a baby holder. Baby Bjorn.
879
00:34:14.789 --> 00:34:17.469
Baby Bjorn. No relation to Flula, yeah.
880
00:34:17.929 --> 00:34:19.949
You bought a baby Bjorn and you took care of
881
00:34:19.989 --> 00:34:21.780
this baby beautifully.
882
00:34:21.969 --> 00:34:22.219
Thank you.
883
00:34:22.239 --> 00:34:25.619
You brought the baby everywhere. Yes. And I thought he'd
884
00:34:25.639 --> 00:34:26.400
be a great dad.
885
00:34:26.780 --> 00:34:30.380
Well, I'm very good with an inanimate object with legs
886
00:34:30.460 --> 00:34:32.519
and arms that cannot pee, pee, poo, poo or be fed.
887
00:34:32.860 --> 00:34:33.570
Okay. All right.
888
00:34:33.800 --> 00:34:37.449
But an actual live being, I would say be very
889
00:34:37.489 --> 00:34:38.230
careful about it.
890
00:34:38.409 --> 00:34:40.949
Yes. Would you be tempted if you had seven children
891
00:34:41.809 --> 00:34:44.949
to make them sing, you know, before they went to
892
00:34:44.969 --> 00:34:46.110
bed at night?
893
00:34:46.210 --> 00:34:48.530
If I had seven children, I would be tempted to say, hey,
894
00:34:48.750 --> 00:34:51.170
I'll be right back. I'm running some errands, everyone.
895
00:34:52.309 --> 00:34:53.630
Oh, and then you take off.
896
00:34:54.170 --> 00:34:54.369
Yeah.
897
00:34:54.690 --> 00:34:56.980
I think. I think the minute they heard you say that,
898
00:34:57.039 --> 00:34:58.059
they'd know you're not coming back.
899
00:34:58.099 --> 00:34:59.989
He doesn't know how to run and does not understand
900
00:35:00.010 --> 00:35:05.389
the word errands. Conan, you have offsprings.
901
00:35:05.719 --> 00:35:06.320
Yeah, I do.
902
00:35:06.780 --> 00:35:08.909
Do you plan on more, five to six more of
903
00:35:08.949 --> 00:35:09.650
these offsprings?
904
00:35:09.769 --> 00:35:12.130
Well, I think no.
905
00:35:12.250 --> 00:35:13.110
You're very virile.
906
00:35:13.449 --> 00:35:16.110
Well, I know I am. I think that's understood when
907
00:35:16.130 --> 00:35:18.530
you just hear the podcast.
908
00:35:18.550 --> 00:35:19.489
It's a delicious voice.
909
00:35:19.710 --> 00:35:23.610
My sexual exploits are legendary. No, I think I have
910
00:35:23.650 --> 00:35:27.010
two children and they're beautiful and I love them. And
911
00:35:27.429 --> 00:35:31.210
I think You know, I'm very happy in my marriage. So, no,
912
00:35:31.250 --> 00:35:32.820
I think that's it. I think that's it for me,
913
00:35:33.039 --> 00:35:34.519
you know. Oh, okay. I think that's it. I think
914
00:35:34.539 --> 00:35:35.980
there'll be no more Conan children.
915
00:35:36.059 --> 00:35:36.820
What finality?
916
00:35:37.119 --> 00:35:38.800
Okay. Well, I just say, I mean, I love these
917
00:35:38.840 --> 00:35:39.500
two kids.
918
00:35:39.760 --> 00:35:40.480
That's enough for you.
919
00:35:40.659 --> 00:35:40.880
Yeah.
920
00:35:40.980 --> 00:35:43.760
So you're not like Constantine or Alexander. You don't need to.
921
00:35:43.949 --> 00:35:46.429
Well, in some ways I am. Oh, yeah. A conqueror,
922
00:35:46.650 --> 00:35:50.619
a legendary figure whose name will resonate through history. Yes. Reverberate,
923
00:35:50.699 --> 00:35:51.079
if you will.
924
00:35:51.199 --> 00:35:51.630
I will do it.
925
00:35:52.579 --> 00:35:55.400
But no, I will. I will. I'll be happy to.
926
00:35:55.619 --> 00:35:57.039
If you had a child, I would adopt it.
927
00:35:57.239 --> 00:35:58.309
You would adopt my child?
928
00:35:58.510 --> 00:36:00.090
Yeah. If you have a child and you want to
929
00:36:00.110 --> 00:36:01.150
take care of it, I will adopt your child.
930
00:36:01.170 --> 00:36:02.909
I will commence with the procreation process.
931
00:36:03.610 --> 00:36:05.650
Well, what a man. You know how to... Get a
932
00:36:05.690 --> 00:36:08.230
lady into bed. Yes, yes. We will now commence.
933
00:36:08.309 --> 00:36:09.150
Yes, now it happens.
934
00:36:09.230 --> 00:36:15.219
Yeah, play the Falco. Are you hitting the clubs much recently?
935
00:36:15.380 --> 00:36:17.699
I don't hit any of the clubs at all. I
936
00:36:17.760 --> 00:36:20.559
am doing a lot of nighttime playing of music by myself.
937
00:36:20.860 --> 00:36:23.300
And then I also play trombone in the mornings to
938
00:36:23.400 --> 00:36:25.139
awaken my neighbors and also the world.
939
00:36:25.440 --> 00:36:28.679
And that goes over well with them? No. Okay. Wouldn't
940
00:36:28.699 --> 00:36:29.139
think it would.
941
00:36:29.320 --> 00:36:32.380
No, I received many complaints. But a glissando, there's no
942
00:36:32.420 --> 00:36:35.300
better way to wake up Conan. than with the glissando.
943
00:36:35.380 --> 00:36:35.840
Very nice.
944
00:36:35.900 --> 00:36:39.030
That's a sliding of the trombone as you play a toot.
945
00:36:40.090 --> 00:36:43.429
A toot. You play a toot. You are a musical maestro.
946
00:36:43.570 --> 00:36:50.239
Thank you. Give us a toot. Have you ever been
947
00:36:50.280 --> 00:36:51.460
in an umpapa band?
948
00:36:51.699 --> 00:36:54.219
No, I have observed umpapa bands. I have been in
949
00:36:54.239 --> 00:36:55.860
a Schuhplattler band before.
950
00:36:56.699 --> 00:36:56.860
Yes.
951
00:36:57.139 --> 00:37:00.329
I Schuhplattler and the umpasumpa. And then we will join you.
952
00:37:00.349 --> 00:37:02.809
Shoe plattlers when you slap yourself. And you slap other
953
00:37:02.829 --> 00:37:03.429
people as well.
954
00:37:03.610 --> 00:37:06.190
There's a lot of slapping. Yes, that was chimpanzee as
955
00:37:06.230 --> 00:37:09.239
you did. But there will be other items that you
956
00:37:09.280 --> 00:37:12.320
will slap like buttocks and also knees and also toes.
957
00:37:12.340 --> 00:37:16.179
It's like that song. Yeah, it's crazy. I got to
958
00:37:16.219 --> 00:37:18.420
do it with Andy Richter once. There's a remote you
959
00:37:18.460 --> 00:37:21.500
can see online where Andy Richter and I, a shoe plattler.
960
00:37:21.519 --> 00:37:24.869
It's one of my favorite remotes we ever did. Because
961
00:37:24.969 --> 00:37:26.590
it's insane. You were there for that, actually.
962
00:37:26.610 --> 00:37:27.289
I observed it, yes.
963
00:37:27.309 --> 00:37:29.050
You observed it. It was absolute madness.
964
00:37:29.150 --> 00:37:33.630
It was the most German people observing you with absolute Germanity. Yeah,
965
00:37:33.809 --> 00:37:36.449
it was very great. They refused to giggle or laugh
966
00:37:36.469 --> 00:37:37.469
at anything you said.
967
00:37:37.550 --> 00:37:39.409
No, and I loved it. It's one of my... Look
968
00:37:39.429 --> 00:37:41.090
it up. It's online. Go check that out.
969
00:37:41.250 --> 00:37:43.760
I saw you be excited at people not enjoying you.
970
00:37:43.840 --> 00:37:46.599
Oh, that's my favorite thing. When people aren't enjoying me,
971
00:37:47.039 --> 00:37:51.630
there's a delight, I feel... When some people describe going
972
00:37:51.670 --> 00:37:53.590
towards the light when they die and they feel this
973
00:37:53.809 --> 00:37:55.800
peace and this calm and they know they're going towards
974
00:37:55.840 --> 00:37:58.570
their loved ones, that's how I feel when people When
975
00:37:58.590 --> 00:38:01.449
I'm going too far in one direction and people around
976
00:38:01.469 --> 00:38:04.710
me don't like it, I'm in nirvana. I'm as happy
977
00:38:04.730 --> 00:38:05.269
as I can be.
978
00:38:05.730 --> 00:38:08.010
I feel this as well when I do things. Conan,
979
00:38:08.210 --> 00:38:10.530
I don't understand this, but it is a delicious time.
980
00:38:10.590 --> 00:38:13.119
It's like, oh, everyone thinks this is terrible, but I'm
981
00:38:13.159 --> 00:38:14.239
still enjoying this snack.
982
00:38:14.460 --> 00:38:21.119
Yes. And I love sometimes that, oh, we are born
983
00:38:21.179 --> 00:38:24.420
alone and we die alone. And this is this moment,
984
00:38:24.800 --> 00:38:26.920
this pure moment where I'm on stage in front of
985
00:38:26.940 --> 00:38:31.590
all these people And I'm so delighted with myself. No
986
00:38:31.650 --> 00:38:34.309
one's following me on this. And I don't know how
987
00:38:34.329 --> 00:38:37.300
to describe it, but I feel effervescent.
988
00:38:37.519 --> 00:38:39.800
Yeah, this is a metaphor for my entire life. And
989
00:38:39.820 --> 00:38:42.530
I'm very excited about this. Conan, do you find that
990
00:38:42.590 --> 00:38:44.889
this is more fun or less fun than people are
991
00:38:44.929 --> 00:38:47.610
like giggling and laughing and clapping at you? Which feeling is.
992
00:38:47.610 --> 00:38:49.659
I always hear laughter and giggling in my head. Oh,
993
00:38:49.690 --> 00:38:51.210
it's your... Yeah, right now I'm killing.
994
00:38:51.489 --> 00:38:53.610
Crush, crush, crush, crush, crush, yeah.
995
00:38:53.710 --> 00:38:56.210
Yeah, when I order in a restaurant, I hear huge applause.
996
00:38:56.230 --> 00:38:58.030
When you hit order on the Postmates, you.
997
00:38:58.110 --> 00:39:01.420
Oh, I'm like, whoa, standing ovation, seven minutes, Chicago Theater.
998
00:39:01.420 --> 00:39:01.619
10% tip.
999
00:39:01.639 --> 00:39:01.710
Uh.
1000
00:39:01.699 --> 00:39:05.889
8% is as high as I will go.
1001
00:39:05.949 --> 00:39:06.489
That's the most?
1002
00:39:06.659 --> 00:39:06.900
Yeah.
1003
00:39:06.940 --> 00:39:07.559
Single digits.
1004
00:39:07.739 --> 00:39:09.440
Yeah. Keep it in the singles, I always say. Yeah,
1005
00:39:09.460 --> 00:39:13.760
of course. Yeah, yeah. Buy this whole chip a lot. Why?
1006
00:39:13.780 --> 00:39:14.980
What's the point of that?
1007
00:39:15.119 --> 00:39:15.699
Exactly.
1008
00:39:15.719 --> 00:39:16.500
Why do we do it?
1009
00:39:16.639 --> 00:39:21.139
He's such a good improv partner. Yes, yes. Why do
1010
00:39:21.159 --> 00:39:21.610
we do it?
1011
00:39:21.659 --> 00:39:22.150
Yes, and.
1012
00:39:22.250 --> 00:39:23.130
Yeah.
1013
00:39:23.250 --> 00:39:24.650
Let's play a quick improv game right now.
1014
00:39:24.690 --> 00:39:25.050
Yes, and.
1015
00:39:25.289 --> 00:39:26.809
Okay. Let's try it right now.
1016
00:39:26.829 --> 00:39:26.929
Okay.
1017
00:39:26.969 --> 00:39:29.269
Well, this is pretty hard work, isn't it, Joe? Oh,
1018
00:39:29.309 --> 00:39:30.639
that's right. Johnson.
1019
00:39:30.780 --> 00:39:33.260
I am also hurting from my back and also hips.
1020
00:39:33.739 --> 00:39:35.760
Oh, man, I can't believe we have to dig so
1021
00:39:35.780 --> 00:39:36.400
many holes.
1022
00:39:36.579 --> 00:39:40.219
Oh, this is so sad. Look at this hole. It's
1023
00:39:40.260 --> 00:39:41.139
not deep enough.
1024
00:39:41.440 --> 00:39:44.599
Yeah, well, time to fill it with marshmallow because this is.
1025
00:39:44.960 --> 00:39:46.380
Marshmallow University.
1026
00:39:52.369 --> 00:39:53.969
I thought that was a terrific improv.
1027
00:39:54.090 --> 00:39:54.630
Oh, is that it?
1028
00:39:54.929 --> 00:39:57.530
Well, okay, we'll keep going. Yes, yes, I sure love
1029
00:39:57.570 --> 00:39:58.989
it here at Marshmallow University.
1030
00:39:59.150 --> 00:40:01.880
Me as well. Good thing we have enough chocolate, otherwise
1031
00:40:01.920 --> 00:40:03.400
we would be making some lessers.
1032
00:40:05.219 --> 00:40:07.079
Some what? S'mores, lessers.
1033
00:40:07.559 --> 00:40:07.920
Lesser?
1034
00:40:07.940 --> 00:40:10.469
I didn't know what lesser was! It's the opposite.
1035
00:40:10.489 --> 00:40:12.949
Some lessons, a joke to compare with s'mores.
1036
00:40:13.110 --> 00:40:14.219
Oh, you got that?
1037
00:40:14.300 --> 00:40:14.820
Yeah.
1038
00:40:14.940 --> 00:40:17.820
I didn't, Adam, did you get that? Did you get that? No,
1039
00:40:17.840 --> 00:40:20.960
I did not. Eduardo, did you get that play? Okay, one, two, three, four.
1040
00:40:21.119 --> 00:40:22.320
I declare a thumb war.
1041
00:40:22.360 --> 00:40:25.599
Okay, stop it. Stop it. And a pinky piece.
1042
00:40:25.639 --> 00:40:26.559
Yes, see?
1043
00:40:26.800 --> 00:40:29.280
I won't have it. I will not have it. I agree.
1044
00:40:29.739 --> 00:40:30.860
I thought that was terrible.
1045
00:40:30.960 --> 00:40:31.880
I agree with you, Cumberbatch.
1046
00:40:31.900 --> 00:40:34.440
You just blew up the improv. And of course, Gowley
1047
00:40:34.500 --> 00:40:35.400
goes with you on it.
1048
00:40:35.420 --> 00:40:37.440
Yes, but my inside brain was also laughing.
1049
00:40:37.800 --> 00:40:37.969
Um....
1050
00:40:39.510 --> 00:40:41.260
I think you and I work very well together. We
1051
00:40:41.900 --> 00:40:44.019
did some improv on stage. And then when I would
1052
00:40:44.039 --> 00:40:45.380
do Q & A with the audience, you would run
1053
00:40:45.420 --> 00:40:47.559
around with the microphone. And my favorite thing is you
1054
00:40:47.579 --> 00:40:50.860
would trip or bump into someone and say shit in German,
1055
00:40:50.880 --> 00:40:51.170
which is.
1056
00:40:51.260 --> 00:40:51.940
Scheiße.
1057
00:40:52.019 --> 00:40:54.519
Scheiße. Until you'd be running around the microphone and you'd
1058
00:40:54.539 --> 00:40:56.179
be going, Scheiße. Scheiße.
1059
00:40:56.260 --> 00:40:56.440
Scheiße.
1060
00:40:56.500 --> 00:40:59.840
I don't know why. That made me laugh really hard.
1061
00:40:59.929 --> 00:41:00.909
It was accurate. Yeah.
1062
00:41:00.949 --> 00:41:03.690
I was receiving a lot of pinches. People are pinching,
1063
00:41:03.730 --> 00:41:05.809
you know, pinch me if this is a real thing happening.
1064
00:41:05.829 --> 00:41:07.070
So I received lots of pinches.
1065
00:41:07.170 --> 00:41:09.190
A lot of, would you say people were coming on
1066
00:41:09.210 --> 00:41:09.369
to you?
1067
00:41:09.929 --> 00:41:12.829
I don't really know how to read these things. Like,
1068
00:41:12.949 --> 00:41:15.940
is someone attracted to me? Usually, if someone's giving you
1069
00:41:15.960 --> 00:41:18.139
a pinch, where? Where on your body? It was usually
1070
00:41:18.239 --> 00:41:20.119
buttock region and also between the buttocks.
1071
00:41:20.340 --> 00:41:24.079
Well, that is someone actually molesting you. That's someone molesting you.
1072
00:41:24.699 --> 00:41:25.000
Tant.
1073
00:41:25.699 --> 00:41:25.909
What?
1074
00:41:26.199 --> 00:41:26.670
The tant.
1075
00:41:26.949 --> 00:41:30.510
No, it's the taint. Taint, not tant. Tant is, that's
1076
00:41:30.550 --> 00:41:36.409
just wrong. Tant is, that's just, don't ever say tant again.
1077
00:41:37.090 --> 00:41:39.730
Tunt is the weird... Yeah. It just sounds so wrong.
1078
00:41:39.750 --> 00:41:42.130
Because already the taint is the in-between of something, so
1079
00:41:42.170 --> 00:41:43.750
the tunt feels like even more in-between.
1080
00:41:43.769 --> 00:41:45.679
Don't even talk about it. You know what? You're not
1081
00:41:45.719 --> 00:41:47.219
allowed to talk about it. Gourley.
1082
00:41:47.300 --> 00:41:49.139
All right. The tunt is inside the taint, you're saying.
1083
00:41:49.159 --> 00:41:50.599
Okay, don't, don't, don't.
1084
00:41:50.960 --> 00:41:51.699
I'm not saying that.
1085
00:41:51.760 --> 00:41:53.139
Hey, I'm outlawing this word.
1086
00:41:53.199 --> 00:41:53.559
I love it.
1087
00:41:53.699 --> 00:41:54.280
No more tunt.
1088
00:41:54.400 --> 00:41:55.099
I'm good at this, yes.
1089
00:41:55.320 --> 00:41:55.679
Okay.
1090
00:41:55.739 --> 00:41:56.380
Yeah, no more tunt.
1091
00:41:56.579 --> 00:41:56.860
Okay.
1092
00:41:56.880 --> 00:41:57.699
It's a tunt-free zone.
1093
00:41:57.889 --> 00:41:58.199
Okay.
1094
00:41:58.679 --> 00:41:59.969
Taints only in this biatch.
1095
00:42:05.300 --> 00:42:06.309
You know what my favorite musical is?
1096
00:42:06.449 --> 00:42:06.909
Tell me more.
1097
00:42:07.090 --> 00:42:10.409
Tunt Misbehavin'. Listen. Yes.
1098
00:42:10.510 --> 00:42:13.250
Do you know what my favorite baseball hit is?
1099
00:42:13.469 --> 00:42:17.769
What's that? Tunt. Oh, yes, of course. It's really, yeah,
1100
00:42:17.789 --> 00:42:18.110
the bunt.
1101
00:42:18.510 --> 00:42:20.070
It's when they hit the ball very slowly.
1102
00:42:20.090 --> 00:42:22.679
Worst improv ever. This is terrible. They don't hit the, whatever.
1103
00:42:23.289 --> 00:42:24.369
Do you follow American sports?
1104
00:42:24.389 --> 00:42:26.590
I love that you hated this. Yes, I follow it.
1105
00:42:26.690 --> 00:42:28.469
I like your basketball, your hoops, and your swishes.
1106
00:42:28.489 --> 00:42:29.610
You love basketball.
1107
00:42:29.630 --> 00:42:29.769
Yes.
1108
00:42:30.110 --> 00:42:32.539
And I made your dream come true once. You did?
1109
00:42:32.559 --> 00:42:35.199
You let me meet a very nice man named Charles Barkley.
1110
00:42:35.300 --> 00:42:37.440
Yes. We were in a bar together.
1111
00:42:37.500 --> 00:42:38.420
We were, yeah.
1112
00:42:38.440 --> 00:42:39.380
And we were in Atlanta.
1113
00:42:39.519 --> 00:42:39.639
Yeah.
1114
00:42:40.070 --> 00:42:42.889
And suddenly I hear a gentleman call my name, and
1115
00:42:42.929 --> 00:42:44.690
it's none other than one of the great basketball players
1116
00:42:44.710 --> 00:42:44.949
of all time.
1117
00:42:44.969 --> 00:42:45.849
The round amount of rebounds.
1118
00:42:46.170 --> 00:42:48.690
Yes, Charles Barkley. And I happen to know that you
1119
00:42:48.730 --> 00:42:51.630
were a massive fan of the 1980s NBA. Oh, yes.
1120
00:42:52.030 --> 00:42:56.650
Because that's all you could see on VHS tapes when
1121
00:42:57.210 --> 00:42:58.090
you were living in Germany.
1122
00:42:58.150 --> 00:43:00.409
Yeah, up to 93. So the last thing I saw
1123
00:43:00.489 --> 00:43:05.090
was the Suns-Bulls finals featuring Charles Barkley, Dan Molle, Michael Jordan.
1124
00:43:05.429 --> 00:43:06.170
And a Scottie Pippen.
1125
00:43:06.380 --> 00:43:06.550
Right.
1126
00:43:06.639 --> 00:43:08.360
And then you had no knowledge of anything that happened
1127
00:43:08.380 --> 00:43:09.380
in the world after that.
1128
00:43:09.460 --> 00:43:11.820
Oh, it's like that Will Smith Men in Black pen
1129
00:43:12.039 --> 00:43:13.900
was just shot in my face in 1994. Yeah.
1130
00:43:13.920 --> 00:43:15.420
So you knew nothing.
1131
00:43:15.699 --> 00:43:15.800
No.
1132
00:43:15.840 --> 00:43:19.599
So I remember bringing you over and introducing you to
1133
00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:25.530
Charles Barkley and you were just filled with wondrous joy.
1134
00:43:25.610 --> 00:43:26.309
Yes, I giggled.
1135
00:43:26.590 --> 00:43:28.090
He didn't understand a word you said.
1136
00:43:28.110 --> 00:43:30.530
Zero words. He did not make eye contact with me.
1137
00:43:30.570 --> 00:43:32.769
He could see the excitement was too high for just
1138
00:43:32.989 --> 00:43:35.510
a meeting of a man. Also, the fanny pack, I think, was.
1139
00:43:35.570 --> 00:43:38.449
You were wearing a really bizarre European fanny pack.
1140
00:43:38.469 --> 00:43:38.849
Sparkles.
1141
00:43:39.110 --> 00:43:41.429
And you got nervous, and you went into, I think,
1142
00:43:41.570 --> 00:43:43.070
complete German. I did.
1143
00:43:43.250 --> 00:43:46.699
And I also misremembered. He went to Auburn, but I
1144
00:43:46.739 --> 00:43:48.570
said Alabama, and this is a big no-no.
1145
00:43:49.239 --> 00:43:51.429
Yeah, you pissed him off, but he was a gentleman.
1146
00:43:51.510 --> 00:43:53.469
He was a real gentleman about it. And he gave
1147
00:43:53.530 --> 00:43:55.809
me and security a signal, and then we got you
1148
00:43:55.849 --> 00:43:56.130
out of there.
1149
00:43:56.170 --> 00:43:57.710
You carried me away. I felt like I had won
1150
00:43:57.769 --> 00:44:00.630
a championship.
1151
00:44:01.369 --> 00:44:01.969
That was nice.
1152
00:44:02.090 --> 00:44:04.269
Yes, thank you again, Conan, for this. I have still
1153
00:44:04.309 --> 00:44:05.590
yet to repay you for this.
1154
00:44:05.750 --> 00:44:08.969
Please, maybe someday you'll introduce me to one of my heroes.
1155
00:44:09.860 --> 00:44:11.659
And please list those heroes for me now.
1156
00:44:11.920 --> 00:44:14.099
All you'll need is a mirror. All the notes, yeah?
1157
00:44:14.179 --> 00:44:14.880
That'll cost us.
1158
00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:15.639
Yeah, we just lost.
1159
00:44:15.719 --> 00:44:18.800
How many subscribers? It says right here.
1160
00:44:18.900 --> 00:44:21.000
Oh, that's a fast-moving number.
1161
00:44:21.079 --> 00:44:22.079
No, no, no.
1162
00:44:22.099 --> 00:44:24.539
We just lost the BetterHelp people.
1163
00:44:24.559 --> 00:44:24.619
Oh.
1164
00:44:36.570 --> 00:44:38.070
We lost Casper Mattresses.
1165
00:44:38.090 --> 00:44:39.550
What about Zip Recruiter?
1166
00:44:39.849 --> 00:44:41.150
We gained Duolingo.
1167
00:44:41.170 --> 00:44:43.230
You gained Duolingo. Duolingo and Babbel won in.
1168
00:44:43.269 --> 00:44:44.949
Babbel won in. Rosetta Stone.
1169
00:44:44.969 --> 00:44:47.269
Rosetta Stone wants in. Listen. All of them want people
1170
00:44:47.289 --> 00:44:51.690
to learn how to speak correct German. So in a way,
1171
00:44:51.730 --> 00:44:52.409
we're winning, yeah.
1172
00:44:52.590 --> 00:44:52.750
Yeah.
1173
00:44:52.969 --> 00:44:53.849
This is very exciting.
1174
00:44:53.969 --> 00:44:55.829
Yeah. Do you.
1175
00:44:57.690 --> 00:44:59.989
Do you have big plans for the coming year, you know?
1176
00:45:00.130 --> 00:45:02.369
Yes, I plan to go on tour and learn how
1177
00:45:02.449 --> 00:45:06.460
comedy functions, and then I will prepare a 60-minute presentation
1178
00:45:06.500 --> 00:45:06.690
of it.
1179
00:45:06.800 --> 00:45:09.219
So you're going to go on tour to learn how
1180
00:45:09.260 --> 00:45:09.860
comedy works.
1181
00:45:09.940 --> 00:45:11.639
You know how they say, if you want to land
1182
00:45:11.679 --> 00:45:13.619
on the ground, jump out of a plane and then
1183
00:45:13.659 --> 00:45:15.469
build your parachute. Okay.
1184
00:45:18.019 --> 00:45:19.800
I am going to... Here's what I'm going to do.
1185
00:45:19.940 --> 00:45:22.039
I'm going to sign you up for a six-week course
1186
00:45:22.079 --> 00:45:24.940
where they teach you common aphorisms.
1187
00:45:25.019 --> 00:45:25.360
Yes.
1188
00:45:25.619 --> 00:45:27.980
Okay? And you can learn them. You can learn because
1189
00:45:28.000 --> 00:45:30.659
you don't seem to know the simple things, you know?
1190
00:45:30.719 --> 00:45:32.130
Yeah, yeah. You have to cherish those.
1191
00:45:32.210 --> 00:45:34.210
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a.
1192
00:45:34.329 --> 00:45:38.869
With shoes, hopefully, if it's that long.
1193
00:45:38.889 --> 00:45:40.530
When life gives you lemons, make.
1194
00:45:40.730 --> 00:45:46.059
Oh, throw those away and purchase limes as they are better. More, more, more.
1195
00:45:47.369 --> 00:45:48.869
Help me here. I got to come up with more.
1196
00:45:48.889 --> 00:45:51.449
A stitch in time is worth 42 cents.
1197
00:45:51.530 --> 00:45:56.369
Okay. When at first you don't succeed... Oh, give it
1198
00:45:56.429 --> 00:45:57.110
up immediately.
1199
00:45:57.929 --> 00:46:02.059
The early bird gets probably eaten by the even earlier bird.
1200
00:46:02.199 --> 00:46:02.519
Yes.
1201
00:46:02.639 --> 00:46:03.860
Who is usually larger.
1202
00:46:03.980 --> 00:46:05.900
Yeah. The larger birds usually get up earlier.
1203
00:46:05.940 --> 00:46:06.539
Larger birds are.
1204
00:46:06.559 --> 00:46:09.380
And they lie on the ground with their mouths open. Waiting. Yeah.
1205
00:46:09.460 --> 00:46:11.659
And then they just... Yeah, they wait for the early bird.
1206
00:46:11.699 --> 00:46:13.019
To land and then get chewed.
1207
00:46:13.139 --> 00:46:18.750
Yeah. You are, like I say... You're like a vacuum. Yeah.
1208
00:46:19.070 --> 00:46:20.710
Do you feel that your intelligence is dropping?
1209
00:46:21.309 --> 00:46:23.469
In a way, I feel like my mind is expanding.
1210
00:46:23.610 --> 00:46:24.309
Oh, I love that.
1211
00:46:24.449 --> 00:46:27.260
No, I agree. My mind is expanding, but my brain
1212
00:46:27.320 --> 00:46:27.780
is shrinking.
1213
00:46:27.800 --> 00:46:28.920
That's what happens after a sprained ankle.
1214
00:46:28.940 --> 00:46:29.579
My skull is getting bigger.
1215
00:46:29.679 --> 00:46:29.820
Right.
1216
00:46:29.940 --> 00:46:33.019
I'm losing book smarts, but I'm gaining cosmic awareness.
1217
00:46:33.059 --> 00:46:33.300
Yes.
1218
00:46:33.380 --> 00:46:34.119
You know what I mean?
1219
00:46:34.159 --> 00:46:35.840
Yeah, I'm like Neil de Lassie Tyson.
1220
00:46:36.539 --> 00:46:36.719
Yes.
1221
00:46:37.659 --> 00:46:39.309
Okay. Do you get it?
1222
00:46:40.019 --> 00:46:40.119
Yes.
1223
00:46:40.159 --> 00:46:42.619
It's a reference to a canine who is less intelligent
1224
00:46:42.800 --> 00:46:43.719
than a scientist.
1225
00:46:43.739 --> 00:46:43.809
Yes.
1226
00:46:44.599 --> 00:46:46.760
You know what you're going to have to do?
1227
00:46:46.820 --> 00:46:49.280
Several things. Defecate, probably sleep.
1228
00:46:49.539 --> 00:46:54.969
Yes. And also, before you take this comedy tour, you
1229
00:46:55.030 --> 00:46:56.769
must learn as a comedian, you're not supposed to say
1230
00:46:56.909 --> 00:46:59.010
get it over and over. You know, every time you
1231
00:46:59.030 --> 00:47:00.550
make a joke, you shouldn't say get it.
1232
00:47:00.570 --> 00:47:02.050
How do you not know? You need to.
1233
00:47:02.349 --> 00:47:04.489
You just have to hope they get it. And if
1234
00:47:04.530 --> 00:47:07.110
they don't, it's too bad. But you can't keep saying
1235
00:47:07.489 --> 00:47:07.730
get it.
1236
00:47:07.730 --> 00:47:10.409
So I will say like, oh, look at those donuts.
1237
00:47:10.710 --> 00:47:12.679
I hope you get it. But if you didn't get it,
1238
00:47:12.719 --> 00:47:13.210
that's too bad.
1239
00:47:13.219 --> 00:47:15.039
No, don't even say that. Don't bring up the concept
1240
00:47:15.079 --> 00:47:17.579
of getting it or not. Just be confident. That's all.
1241
00:47:18.119 --> 00:47:20.860
Okay. That's a very fun lesson to teach to me.
1242
00:47:20.900 --> 00:47:21.539
Thank you, Conan.
1243
00:47:21.860 --> 00:47:24.190
Listen, some people call me an icon.
1244
00:47:24.429 --> 00:47:25.130
Space cowboy.
1245
00:47:25.630 --> 00:47:27.630
Space cowboy. Gangster of love. Gangster of love.
1246
00:47:27.670 --> 00:47:29.610
You've got some of the aphorisms down.
1247
00:47:30.849 --> 00:47:32.269
You love American music, don't you?
1248
00:47:32.329 --> 00:47:36.389
I love music and Americans make a lot of it. Okay.
1249
00:47:36.409 --> 00:47:38.510
A lot of you make or the Americans just make
1250
00:47:38.550 --> 00:47:40.289
a lot. You're not under oath.
1251
00:47:40.449 --> 00:47:42.690
Oh, sorry. It's just I've seen a lot of indictments
1252
00:47:42.889 --> 00:47:45.130
these days. Yes, I love all the musics. I love
1253
00:47:45.170 --> 00:47:47.690
American music very much. Hall and Oates is very nice.
1254
00:47:47.710 --> 00:47:48.030
Technotronic.
1255
00:47:48.050 --> 00:47:48.989
They were terrific, yeah.
1256
00:47:49.150 --> 00:47:53.880
Technotronic is also very fun. Snap, snap, exclamation point. I
1257
00:47:53.889 --> 00:47:54.500
got the power.
1258
00:47:55.219 --> 00:47:57.159
That's an old one. You like some old music.
1259
00:47:57.519 --> 00:47:58.400
I got the power.
1260
00:47:58.440 --> 00:47:58.619
Yeah.
1261
00:47:58.820 --> 00:48:00.159
Da, da, da, da, da.
1262
00:48:00.750 --> 00:48:03.309
Yeah, but that's, what is that, like 25 years old?
1263
00:48:03.869 --> 00:48:04.550
Early 90s.
1264
00:48:04.610 --> 00:48:06.449
So you're a creature really of the early 90s.
1265
00:48:06.570 --> 00:48:08.650
I think so because we just didn't receive many things
1266
00:48:08.789 --> 00:48:10.750
after this. I just kind of turned my brains off
1267
00:48:10.789 --> 00:48:12.510
and just kept absorbing the same things.
1268
00:48:12.590 --> 00:48:14.519
I feel like you got all the pop culture you
1269
00:48:14.579 --> 00:48:16.800
needed probably between 1986 and 1994. Yeah, that's right. And
1270
00:48:17.019 --> 00:48:19.039
then you said, that's all I need.
1271
00:48:19.099 --> 00:48:25.380
And you didn't... No, 1994, Dream Team 2. And then
1272
00:48:25.420 --> 00:48:27.179
you move on. And then now I've watched Game of
1273
00:48:27.219 --> 00:48:30.309
Thrones six times in a row. And this is the
1274
00:48:30.389 --> 00:48:31.369
fullness of my experience.
1275
00:48:31.389 --> 00:48:32.929
So you think Friends is a show that was on
1276
00:48:32.969 --> 00:48:33.750
for one season?
1277
00:48:33.969 --> 00:48:35.670
I assume Friends is a thing I would love to
1278
00:48:35.730 --> 00:48:36.650
have some of.
1279
00:48:36.789 --> 00:48:37.070
Okay.
1280
00:48:37.269 --> 00:48:42.250
All right. Yeah. Do you have questions for Flula? I mean,
1281
00:48:42.289 --> 00:48:43.190
I'm opening the floor.
1282
00:48:43.210 --> 00:48:46.630
I mean, I guess I just have maybe more advice.
1283
00:48:47.190 --> 00:48:47.590
To me? Yeah.
1284
00:48:47.909 --> 00:48:48.670
Oh, I would love this.
1285
00:48:48.730 --> 00:48:50.349
No, not to give you advice, but I would like
1286
00:48:50.369 --> 00:48:51.030
to get advice.
1287
00:48:51.409 --> 00:48:52.409
Oh, okay.
1288
00:48:52.469 --> 00:48:54.260
I just feel like you've kind of got it figured
1289
00:48:54.340 --> 00:48:56.179
out in some sort of cosmic way.
1290
00:48:56.619 --> 00:49:00.599
Well, I would disagree only on his clothing choices. I
1291
00:49:01.679 --> 00:49:04.300
don't always agree with. Flula today is dressed. What are
1292
00:49:04.320 --> 00:49:08.440
you wearing? You're wearing a fleece. that has, oh, and
1293
00:49:08.460 --> 00:49:12.070
you have- Duct tape. Duct tape on your green pants.
1294
00:49:12.150 --> 00:49:13.989
Yes, and these are like chroma key green.
1295
00:49:14.030 --> 00:49:16.269
You could do green screen on them. Yeah, it's like
1296
00:49:16.289 --> 00:49:18.210
you took a weatherman set and made pants.
1297
00:49:18.300 --> 00:49:19.719
I'm like a reverse Ichabod Crane.
1298
00:49:19.900 --> 00:49:20.139
Yeah.
1299
00:49:20.980 --> 00:49:26.119
And then you've got a fanny pack that's very strange.
1300
00:49:26.159 --> 00:49:26.440
Is that.
1301
00:49:27.320 --> 00:49:29.099
Well, Conan, you will not remember this as you have
1302
00:49:29.139 --> 00:49:32.619
gifted so many things to so many people. Which is
1303
00:49:32.659 --> 00:49:33.300
to include this.
1304
00:49:33.960 --> 00:49:34.980
Did I get that for you?
1305
00:49:35.199 --> 00:49:38.659
During Comic Con of 2018, I joined you and we
1306
00:49:38.699 --> 00:49:41.010
ate donuts and you gave me several fanny packs.
1307
00:49:41.030 --> 00:49:42.409
That's very nice of me. It was.
1308
00:49:43.690 --> 00:49:45.929
Thank you very much. And I very much appreciate this.
1309
00:49:46.010 --> 00:49:48.010
I didn't even realize I gave that to you.
1310
00:49:48.050 --> 00:49:48.409
You did.
1311
00:49:48.590 --> 00:49:49.349
That's a nice one.
1312
00:49:49.590 --> 00:49:51.289
Like a more elegant fanny pack.
1313
00:49:51.309 --> 00:49:52.489
That's a nice one. You know, and I was going
1314
00:49:52.510 --> 00:49:54.849
to say that's, Because you have some bad fanny packs.
1315
00:49:54.869 --> 00:49:55.849
I'm just going to be honest.
1316
00:49:55.949 --> 00:49:56.309
Oh, yes.
1317
00:49:56.570 --> 00:49:58.289
Like they have tigers on them and stuff. And that's
1318
00:49:58.349 --> 00:49:59.869
actually quite tasteful and nice.
1319
00:49:59.989 --> 00:50:02.449
This is very nice. Yes. I very much agree with you.
1320
00:50:02.489 --> 00:50:05.139
And I'm very grateful to you, Conan, once more. Thank you.
1321
00:50:05.159 --> 00:50:06.920
All right. You're being very formal about this. We didn't
1322
00:50:06.940 --> 00:50:08.340
just sign a peace treaty. It's okay.
1323
00:50:08.559 --> 00:50:08.800
Sorry.
1324
00:50:09.159 --> 00:50:11.440
Well, look. Okay. All right.
1325
00:50:11.539 --> 00:50:13.460
I apologize. Conan.
1326
00:50:13.760 --> 00:50:13.920
Yes.
1327
00:50:14.199 --> 00:50:17.050
I'm wanting to make 60 minutes of ha-ha. and I'm
1328
00:50:17.070 --> 00:50:19.510
going to tour around the country, I would like one
1329
00:50:19.550 --> 00:50:22.230
more piece of advice before you delete and format the
1330
00:50:22.250 --> 00:50:23.849
hard drives of this podcast.
1331
00:50:23.869 --> 00:50:25.349
Well, that wouldn't be me. That would be Gowerly.
1332
00:50:25.409 --> 00:50:26.690
Gowerly, okay.
1333
00:50:26.809 --> 00:50:27.789
This is one of my favorites.
1334
00:50:28.989 --> 00:50:33.510
I think it's important for you to maybe get outside
1335
00:50:34.530 --> 00:50:36.989
because you spend so much time working out that I
1336
00:50:37.030 --> 00:50:40.230
don't think you're, you know, comedy is all about observations,
1337
00:50:40.250 --> 00:50:43.670
you know? You look at Seinfeld. He walks around, you know,
1338
00:50:44.329 --> 00:50:46.050
look at that guy. What's he doing? You know, it's
1339
00:50:46.070 --> 00:50:50.360
that kind of thing. You know, what you want to
1340
00:50:50.420 --> 00:50:52.639
do is you want to notice things and say, hey,
1341
00:50:52.659 --> 00:50:54.619
have you noticed when, you know, the other day I
1342
00:50:54.659 --> 00:50:58.210
was over there, you know, buying an ice cream pop.
1343
00:50:58.690 --> 00:51:01.110
over at the ice cream store. And then I noticed this,
1344
00:51:01.150 --> 00:51:03.010
don't you hate it when they do blank and blank?
1345
00:51:03.030 --> 00:51:04.309
And then the audience is like, oh my God, he's
1346
00:51:04.349 --> 00:51:07.199
just like me. I don't think you can do that. No.
1347
00:51:07.280 --> 00:51:10.340
Because you don't go outside. You're just inside working out,
1348
00:51:10.380 --> 00:51:11.739
listening to music from 1991. Yeah.
1349
00:51:11.860 --> 00:51:14.559
I just like, don't you hate it when they play
1350
00:51:14.599 --> 00:51:21.420
songs from 1997? That's your opening bit? Well, I'm attempting.
1351
00:51:21.719 --> 00:51:27.769
Yeah. You can't do observational humor outside. If you haven't
1352
00:51:27.809 --> 00:51:29.869
gone outside your apartment. If I'm not observing. If you're
1353
00:51:29.889 --> 00:51:34.260
a strange German man and you're inside your apartment lifting
1354
00:51:34.300 --> 00:51:38.000
weights and occasionally blowing into a horn. What?
1355
00:51:38.239 --> 00:51:39.500
Oh, you meant. Sorry, I didn't.
1356
00:51:39.780 --> 00:51:42.739
Yeah. You're not going to be able to do good
1357
00:51:42.820 --> 00:51:45.090
observational comedy. Okay. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
1358
00:51:45.110 --> 00:51:47.030
So I will now go outside. We have plenty of
1359
00:51:47.070 --> 00:51:50.150
the screens. and just observe things, and then say what
1360
00:51:50.219 --> 00:51:53.019
I have observed to people who are sitting in chairs.
1361
00:51:53.239 --> 00:51:55.440
Yeah, and try and make it like a joke. Don't
1362
00:51:55.599 --> 00:51:57.840
just say, you know, I was, have you noticed when
1363
00:51:57.860 --> 00:52:01.800
you go outside, you know, there's the parking meter, and
1364
00:52:01.860 --> 00:52:04.440
it actually, you put the money in, and it gives
1365
00:52:04.599 --> 00:52:07.210
you two minutes, then you get the... It's got to
1366
00:52:07.230 --> 00:52:11.389
be a real observation. Oh, I thought, okay, that was, yeah.
1367
00:52:11.530 --> 00:52:13.489
That was just describing what a parking meter does.
1368
00:52:13.550 --> 00:52:14.489
And then you say you get it.
1369
00:52:14.510 --> 00:52:18.119
No, don't say you get it. Don't say you get it.
1370
00:52:18.260 --> 00:52:21.679
I'm very excited. Conan, I feel prepared. I see an
1371
00:52:21.699 --> 00:52:24.639
intense outline of questions that you guys wanted to ask me.
1372
00:52:24.880 --> 00:52:27.489
What else? I don't think we got to any of them.
1373
00:52:27.530 --> 00:52:29.929
You know what's so funny? Usually I have notes here
1374
00:52:30.030 --> 00:52:31.949
about things to talk about, but with you, I think
1375
00:52:31.989 --> 00:52:34.630
that's a waste of time. So I threw the notes away.
1376
00:52:34.809 --> 00:52:35.409
I do as well.
1377
00:52:37.590 --> 00:52:40.159
What is there? I mean, it's ridiculous. Why would I
1378
00:52:40.199 --> 00:52:41.800
look at notes to talk to Flula Borg?
1379
00:52:41.820 --> 00:52:42.460
What is the purpose?
1380
00:52:42.679 --> 00:52:43.800
Yeah. What is the purpose?
1381
00:52:43.820 --> 00:52:44.599
What is the purpose?
1382
00:52:44.860 --> 00:52:45.780
Yeah. You know?
1383
00:52:46.320 --> 00:52:46.619
I agree.
1384
00:52:46.639 --> 00:52:47.039
I don't know.
1385
00:52:47.099 --> 00:52:48.659
We'll be right back after these massages.
1386
00:52:48.679 --> 00:52:52.340
No, no. We're not getting massages. Do you ever get massages,
1387
00:52:52.420 --> 00:52:52.719
by the way?
1388
00:52:52.880 --> 00:52:55.300
I receive no. It's not a pleasure to me.
1389
00:52:55.320 --> 00:52:57.380
It's not a pleasure to have your body rubbed?
1390
00:52:57.679 --> 00:53:00.280
No, no. I like a light tickle as if a
1391
00:53:00.340 --> 00:53:04.730
feather has perhaps, you know, again from Forrest Gump, a doodly-dee-doo-doo-dee-doo-doo,
1392
00:53:04.809 --> 00:53:06.349
and it lands on your leg. I like this.
1393
00:53:07.179 --> 00:53:08.699
How many times have you watched Forrest Gump?
1394
00:53:08.699 --> 00:53:10.000
14 times last year.
1395
00:53:10.599 --> 00:53:11.179
Oh, last year alone.
1396
00:53:11.199 --> 00:53:14.369
The Forrest Gump soundtrack. Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow.
1397
00:53:14.730 --> 00:53:15.030
Okay.
1398
00:53:15.130 --> 00:53:16.380
Bow, bow, bow. You know it.
1399
00:53:16.389 --> 00:53:17.150
Bow, bow, bow, bow.
1400
00:53:17.190 --> 00:53:18.190
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1401
00:53:18.309 --> 00:53:19.550
A couple hundred bucks.
1402
00:53:19.610 --> 00:53:20.469
Sorry about that, everyone.
1403
00:53:20.489 --> 00:53:22.670
You keep costing us money every time you sing a song.
1404
00:53:22.710 --> 00:53:24.449
Do me a favor. Do not sing any Led Zeppelin.
1405
00:53:24.469 --> 00:53:25.210
We can't afford that.
1406
00:53:25.369 --> 00:53:27.599
Oh, so no cash.
1407
00:53:27.960 --> 00:53:29.679
Okay, don't. Okay? Yep.
1408
00:53:29.699 --> 00:53:29.840
Sorry.
1409
00:53:29.860 --> 00:53:30.039
All right.
1410
00:53:31.130 --> 00:53:34.150
What are you doing tonight? Would you and I ever
1411
00:53:34.190 --> 00:53:35.429
go out together, the two of us?
1412
00:53:35.449 --> 00:53:37.429
Do you go outside and enjoy things in the evening?
1413
00:53:37.449 --> 00:53:39.199
Well, that's an insulting question. Of course I do.
1414
00:53:39.239 --> 00:53:39.840
Oh, it is a curiosity.
1415
00:53:39.860 --> 00:53:41.099
Don't I look like a man of the world?
1416
00:53:41.179 --> 00:53:41.599
Yes, of course.
1417
00:53:41.619 --> 00:53:43.119
Don't I look like I get outside a lot?
1418
00:53:43.159 --> 00:53:45.300
You are 6'5, 6'9, with the hair. Yes, of course.
1419
00:53:45.420 --> 00:53:47.480
Okay, so yes, I go outside. I like to go
1420
00:53:47.500 --> 00:53:48.599
to a restaurant occasionally.
1421
00:53:48.659 --> 00:53:50.619
I would join you at restaurants. I would enjoy your
1422
00:53:50.699 --> 00:53:53.829
outside in a place where clubbing is occurring or dancing
1423
00:53:54.010 --> 00:53:54.769
or also staring.
1424
00:53:55.269 --> 00:53:57.409
Okay. Do you like sushi? Yes. Yes.
1425
00:53:57.849 --> 00:54:00.690
Okay. Yeah. I enjoy sushi. I enjoy other things also.
1426
00:54:01.190 --> 00:54:01.409
Okay.
1427
00:54:01.869 --> 00:54:03.230
Matt Gowley. Do you enjoy sushi?
1428
00:54:03.449 --> 00:54:04.550
I love sushi.
1429
00:54:04.719 --> 00:54:04.940
Great.
1430
00:54:05.000 --> 00:54:07.159
I'm trying to incorporate everyone into this. Oh, thank you.
1431
00:54:07.500 --> 00:54:09.000
I think we should go with everybody. Adam, do you
1432
00:54:09.019 --> 00:54:12.230
like sushi? Eduardo? Don't care for it. You don't like it?
1433
00:54:12.320 --> 00:54:13.730
Then it's not, then we can't happen.
1434
00:54:14.550 --> 00:54:14.650
Wow.
1435
00:54:15.389 --> 00:54:17.760
If Eduardo, I mean, sorry, that's how I roll. If
1436
00:54:17.880 --> 00:54:20.260
Eduardo can't be there, I need to bring everybody here.
1437
00:54:20.480 --> 00:54:21.179
Just hates it.
1438
00:54:21.219 --> 00:54:23.099
Unanimous. Really? You don't like sushi?
1439
00:54:23.219 --> 00:54:25.440
I just, it's something about the texture.
1440
00:54:25.599 --> 00:54:26.860
The texture's the best part.
1441
00:54:26.880 --> 00:54:28.000
The texture's like butter.
1442
00:54:28.059 --> 00:54:30.559
It's fantastic. Maybe I haven't had the right one. Is
1443
00:54:30.579 --> 00:54:32.110
there one you recommend?
1444
00:54:32.239 --> 00:54:33.030
Yes, it's boop.
1445
00:54:36.139 --> 00:54:36.760
Fuck sushi?
1446
00:54:36.820 --> 00:54:37.320
See you there.
1447
00:54:37.639 --> 00:54:39.170
I love fuck sushi. You do.
1448
00:54:39.199 --> 00:54:42.039
It's with a PH, okay? It's right around the corner
1449
00:54:42.059 --> 00:54:42.940
from Tunt Center.
1450
00:54:46.599 --> 00:54:48.519
The Tunt Center for Humanitarian Causes.
1451
00:54:48.539 --> 00:54:49.079
Yes, of course.
1452
00:54:49.139 --> 00:54:52.599
It's just a wonderful, wonderful... You know what? I'm going
1453
00:54:52.619 --> 00:54:55.519
to make that my cause. Yes. Please donate money to
1454
00:54:55.539 --> 00:54:56.159
the Tunt Center.
1455
00:54:56.179 --> 00:54:59.070
Tunt Center, yes. That's going to be mine. Wherever you want,
1456
00:54:59.110 --> 00:54:59.610
I will be there.
1457
00:54:59.739 --> 00:55:01.360
You'll be there for Tunt Center?
1458
00:55:01.389 --> 00:55:02.320
Yes, I will cut all those ribbons.
1459
00:55:02.610 --> 00:55:02.739
Okay.
1460
00:55:02.760 --> 00:55:04.550
There's going to be no ribbons at the Tunt Center.
1461
00:55:04.610 --> 00:55:04.849
Why not?
1462
00:55:05.340 --> 00:55:06.539
Just, yeah.
1463
00:55:06.800 --> 00:55:09.360
Okay.
1464
00:55:10.000 --> 00:55:11.579
That's my improv style. It's just when I don't have
1465
00:55:11.599 --> 00:55:11.960
something to go.
1466
00:55:12.179 --> 00:55:15.599
Yeah, I like that. Yeah, I do it as well.
1467
00:55:16.719 --> 00:55:18.820
I hope you're not deported. I think you will be soon.
1468
00:55:19.079 --> 00:55:20.519
Oh, it's a matter of just a few days?
1469
00:55:20.579 --> 00:55:23.420
No, I honestly think when this hits, the government's going
1470
00:55:23.440 --> 00:55:25.260
to be on you immediately. Why is this man here?
1471
00:55:26.030 --> 00:55:27.949
I wrote a techno song when I was first deported,
1472
00:55:27.969 --> 00:55:29.389
so I will just write a second one. That's how
1473
00:55:29.409 --> 00:55:29.730
you do it.
1474
00:55:29.750 --> 00:55:32.409
Okay. And how do you keep getting back into the country?
1475
00:55:32.429 --> 00:55:33.840
Because you've been deported several times.
1476
00:55:34.079 --> 00:55:37.739
I know I may look as this, but I'm very flexible.
1477
00:55:38.519 --> 00:55:40.320
So you've just FedExed yourself into the country?
1478
00:55:40.760 --> 00:55:43.380
Well, yeah, you FedEx, mainly DHL, though, just to be
1479
00:55:43.420 --> 00:55:43.719
on brand.
1480
00:55:47.440 --> 00:55:49.300
Flula, do you have any projects that are coming up
1481
00:55:49.340 --> 00:55:50.739
that I can promote? Do you have anything?
1482
00:55:51.280 --> 00:55:54.179
I inadvertently forgot to remove the lens caps from an
1483
00:55:54.260 --> 00:55:59.340
entire sitcom and recorded an entire season of this. It's
1484
00:55:59.380 --> 00:56:01.949
called Flula Makes Five. And so now we've turned it
1485
00:56:01.989 --> 00:56:05.570
into a podcast. I hired my cousin Heinz to run
1486
00:56:05.610 --> 00:56:08.889
the cameras. He's an idiot. So we have... We have
1487
00:56:08.929 --> 00:56:12.269
eight episodes of a full-length sitcom called Flula Makes Five.
1488
00:56:12.309 --> 00:56:15.000
The premise is I am living in the basement of
1489
00:56:15.039 --> 00:56:16.800
a house and a family of four does not read
1490
00:56:16.820 --> 00:56:19.320
the fine print and purchase the house. So Flula Makes
1491
00:56:19.380 --> 00:56:20.760
Five is Alf meets Mr.
1492
00:56:20.800 --> 00:56:25.750
Belvedere. Okay. That sounds... What's the word? Dreadful. It sounds dreadful.
1493
00:56:25.769 --> 00:56:31.429
Oh, Dreadfort. You love Game of Thrones. Ramsay Bolton. Yes. Oh,
1494
00:56:31.469 --> 00:56:32.429
he tortured Rick.
1495
00:56:32.909 --> 00:56:33.530
Yes, he sure did.
1496
00:56:33.550 --> 00:56:34.340
That's where he did it.
1497
00:56:34.420 --> 00:56:36.780
That's where he did it. Why don't we say goodbye
1498
00:56:36.800 --> 00:56:37.280
to Flula?
1499
00:56:37.480 --> 00:56:37.679
Okay.
1500
00:56:37.820 --> 00:56:38.260
Flula.
1501
00:56:38.400 --> 00:56:38.800
Bye-bye, everyone.
1502
00:56:38.940 --> 00:56:40.360
I can't say it's been a pleasure. I don't know
1503
00:56:40.400 --> 00:56:43.079
what it's been, but I do honestly love it when
1504
00:56:43.099 --> 00:56:43.900
you walk through the door.
1505
00:56:44.139 --> 00:56:46.199
Also, you as well. Thank you for the deep hugs.
1506
00:56:46.389 --> 00:56:50.429
It's nice to meet everyone. And hello, Matt. Yeah, I
1507
00:56:50.449 --> 00:56:50.670
get it.
1508
00:56:50.960 --> 00:56:54.239
Very good. Maybe just a quick hello to America, too. Hello, America.
1509
00:56:54.280 --> 00:56:56.360
Thank you very much for not deportating me. I look
1510
00:56:56.389 --> 00:56:58.309
forward to several days inside your borders.
1511
00:56:58.809 --> 00:57:01.230
Okay. Very good. Full of Borg, everyone.
1512
00:57:01.289 --> 00:57:01.590
Bye-bye.
1513
00:57:12.429 --> 00:57:16.199
Good nights are about the people, the laughs, the real
1514
00:57:16.239 --> 00:57:19.420
moments you don't want to miss. So why step outside?
1515
00:57:20.320 --> 00:57:24.360
Velo tobacco-free nicotine pouches fits seamlessly into your night. Convenient
1516
00:57:24.559 --> 00:57:28.789
and full of flavor. No breaks, no interruptions. Velo anytime,
1517
00:57:28.909 --> 00:57:32.789
anywhere nicotine pouches. 18 and over contains tobacco-free nicotine and
1518
00:57:32.829 --> 00:57:35.030
addictive substance. If you're new to Velo, start with Mellow.
1519
00:57:35.110 --> 00:57:36.630
You should not use this product if you do not
1520
00:57:36.730 --> 00:57:37.530
already use nicotine.
1521
00:57:40.079 --> 00:57:43.769
Batteries, tech, toys and tools. They power our everyday lives.
1522
00:57:44.329 --> 00:57:47.349
And inside them are materials like aluminium, cobalt, copper and
1523
00:57:47.389 --> 00:57:50.130
lithium that can be used again and again. So when
1524
00:57:50.150 --> 00:57:53.170
they're finished, don't let them go to waste. Recycle them
1525
00:57:53.489 --> 00:57:53.909
for free.
1526
00:57:54.639 --> 00:57:55.030
It's easy.
1527
00:57:55.539 --> 00:57:58.500
Just return your old batteries and electricals for free recycling
1528
00:57:58.539 --> 00:58:02.099
to your nearest participating retailer or your local recycling centre.
1529
00:58:02.679 --> 00:58:05.920
Find your nearest free drop-off point at weireland.ie today.
1530
00:58:08.719 --> 00:58:11.360
You offer them a cuppa when they saw yours. That's
1531
00:58:11.480 --> 00:58:15.300
definitely enough for a little treat. Cadbury Delights, with 91
1532
00:58:15.300 --> 00:58:18.659
calories of milk chocolate, nougat, and caramel in every bar.
1533
00:58:25.219 --> 00:58:26.860
Hey, boss, do you want to take a voicemail or two?
1534
00:58:26.869 --> 00:58:28.150
Well, actually, this is awkward.
1535
00:58:28.190 --> 00:58:29.210
Yeah, I noticed something.
1536
00:58:30.210 --> 00:58:31.369
Flula hasn't left.
1537
00:58:31.750 --> 00:58:31.869
Oh.
1538
00:58:32.210 --> 00:58:36.349
Usually when the interview's over, Flula, you know, people... Mingo.
1539
00:58:36.630 --> 00:58:37.070
Hang out.
1540
00:58:37.110 --> 00:58:37.179
No.
1541
00:58:38.090 --> 00:58:42.159
No, they have things to do. They're big stars, and
1542
00:58:42.570 --> 00:58:44.539
they say, you know, I've got to go. Oh, no.
1543
00:58:44.599 --> 00:58:47.480
You did this last time, too.
1544
00:58:47.500 --> 00:58:48.440
I don't know if you remember.
1545
00:58:48.480 --> 00:58:48.639
I know.
1546
00:58:48.659 --> 00:58:50.579
Do you remember this? I've done this podcast before.
1547
00:58:50.659 --> 00:58:54.340
You've done this podcast before, and you didn't leave then either. Oh, wonderful.
1548
00:58:54.539 --> 00:58:57.980
Socialize it. I mean, you must have something you've got
1549
00:58:58.000 --> 00:58:59.239
to do right now.
1550
00:58:59.360 --> 00:59:01.269
Not in this moment. In about two to three hours,
1551
00:59:01.369 --> 00:59:05.210
I will need to urinate and then also... Have a snack.
1552
00:59:05.469 --> 00:59:07.239
Do you schedule everything in your life?
1553
00:59:07.340 --> 00:59:08.889
Yes, it's all on my timers.
1554
00:59:10.780 --> 00:59:13.059
So you don't even go by bladder pressure for urine?
1555
00:59:13.300 --> 00:59:15.070
No, I have a Pomodoro. Do you know the Pomodoro?
1556
00:59:16.409 --> 00:59:16.599
No.
1557
00:59:16.699 --> 00:59:18.920
You set a timer every 28 minutes, and that's when
1558
00:59:18.940 --> 00:59:20.239
you do a new thing.
1559
00:59:20.260 --> 00:59:22.420
Oh, okay. What do you mean?
1560
00:59:22.739 --> 00:59:25.300
Well, in 28 minutes, will we be finished at that moment?
1561
00:59:25.320 --> 00:59:25.719
Yes, definitely.
1562
00:59:25.820 --> 00:59:27.920
Then I will return to my automobile, and then I
1563
00:59:27.940 --> 00:59:30.349
will stare at the sky, aforementioned callback.
1564
00:59:30.590 --> 00:59:33.809
Okay. Listen, I'm just saying that what you're doing right
1565
00:59:33.849 --> 00:59:35.969
now is probably not great for your career.
1566
00:59:35.989 --> 00:59:37.119
Did you get it, though? Did you get it?
1567
00:59:37.309 --> 00:59:39.769
No. I don't even listen to you anymore. I don't
1568
00:59:39.809 --> 00:59:41.969
listen to you. I just look at your powerful mandibles
1569
00:59:42.369 --> 00:59:47.789
and your fierce, wolf-like eyes. and listen to your voice.
1570
00:59:47.989 --> 00:59:48.610
Thank you.
1571
00:59:48.789 --> 00:59:50.849
Yeah. It sounds like a chocolate maker yelling at me.
1572
00:59:51.349 --> 00:59:54.789
And what I'm trying to say is that It creates
1573
00:59:54.829 --> 00:59:57.050
a good impression when I say, okay, thanks a lot
1574
00:59:57.070 --> 01:00:00.179
for being here, President Obama. And then he has to
1575
01:00:00.219 --> 01:00:02.420
get up and go because everyone imagines him having big
1576
01:00:02.440 --> 01:00:05.320
things to do. Thank you so much, Jane Fonda. And
1577
01:00:05.400 --> 01:00:07.480
she gets up and she runs out because she's Jane Fonda.
1578
01:00:07.500 --> 01:00:11.860
She has a lot to do. You, by sticking around- Yes,
1579
01:00:12.809 --> 01:00:20.380
like a fungus. You're creating this illusion, and maybe it's
1580
01:00:20.420 --> 01:00:22.300
not an illusion, that you really have nothing to do.
1581
01:00:22.400 --> 01:00:26.039
No, it's an illusion of staying power, of consistency, of
1582
01:00:26.219 --> 01:00:29.750
always there, can't stop, won't stop. You know, 1960s Celtics.
1583
01:00:29.969 --> 01:00:30.570
You know what I mean?
1584
01:00:31.190 --> 01:00:32.030
Wow. Okay.
1585
01:00:32.190 --> 01:00:32.489
Yes.
1586
01:00:32.610 --> 01:00:35.130
Well, we were all just thinking about the 1960s Celtics.
1587
01:00:35.309 --> 01:00:36.730
Shout out to Drew Heinzen.
1588
01:00:39.489 --> 01:00:41.349
You're making my brothers very happy right now.
1589
01:00:41.409 --> 01:00:41.789
Oh, nice.
1590
01:00:42.050 --> 01:00:43.550
Yeah. Hey, Red Auerbach, huh?
1591
01:00:43.670 --> 01:00:44.130
Oh, nice.
1592
01:00:44.329 --> 01:00:45.429
Are they mass holes?
1593
01:00:45.690 --> 01:00:46.030
Okay.
1594
01:00:47.699 --> 01:00:49.260
Yes. I was recently taught this word.
1595
01:00:49.440 --> 01:00:51.940
Okay. Yes, they are. They are mass holes, my brothers.
1596
01:00:51.960 --> 01:00:52.659
Oh, nice. Great.
1597
01:00:53.219 --> 01:00:53.969
Have you been to Boston?
1598
01:00:54.630 --> 01:00:57.030
Yes, I've been to Boston. I've been to, where are
1599
01:00:57.070 --> 01:00:57.389
you from?
1600
01:00:57.409 --> 01:00:59.289
It's just Boston. It's not Bauston.
1601
01:00:59.530 --> 01:00:59.909
Boston.
1602
01:00:59.929 --> 01:01:01.909
Yeah, yeah. Did you like it there?
1603
01:01:02.050 --> 01:01:03.789
I did like it very much. I enjoyed it. I
1604
01:01:03.829 --> 01:01:07.269
liked to, the Fleet Center was very enjoyable to see.
1605
01:01:07.369 --> 01:01:08.610
And you are from Boston?
1606
01:01:08.929 --> 01:01:10.590
Right outside Brookline, Massachusetts.
1607
01:01:10.610 --> 01:01:13.360
Oh, I thought that's the tunt of Massachusetts. Is that correct?
1608
01:01:15.840 --> 01:01:18.480
It's not the taunt of Massachusetts. It's a lovely little
1609
01:01:18.519 --> 01:01:20.900
town that's right on the Boston line. You can walk
1610
01:01:20.940 --> 01:01:22.880
into Boston in seconds, or if you get in trouble,
1611
01:01:22.920 --> 01:01:24.719
you can quickly leave Boston and get into Brooklyn.
1612
01:01:24.739 --> 01:01:25.679
Oh, you can tiptoe, yeah, in and out.
1613
01:01:25.699 --> 01:01:26.980
Tiptoe out. I used to do that a lot when
1614
01:01:27.019 --> 01:01:29.659
I'd get in trouble. Oh, cute. Yeah, back in the day.
1615
01:01:29.679 --> 01:01:32.300
I was quite a naughty boy.
1616
01:01:32.320 --> 01:01:34.719
I like it. What did you do?
1617
01:01:34.800 --> 01:01:36.320
Oh, I'd stay late at the library.
1618
01:01:36.340 --> 01:01:36.409
Oh!
1619
01:01:36.409 --> 01:01:39.530
Yeah, and sometimes I'd check out a book and I'd
1620
01:01:39.590 --> 01:01:40.550
turn it in a day late.
1621
01:01:40.929 --> 01:01:42.369
Oh, overdue baby.
1622
01:01:42.389 --> 01:01:42.829
Yeah.
1623
01:01:42.849 --> 01:01:42.969
Yeah.
1624
01:01:43.889 --> 01:01:46.329
Every now and then I get a free sample of
1625
01:01:46.550 --> 01:01:48.849
an ice cream that I didn't intend to buy in
1626
01:01:48.869 --> 01:01:49.670
the first place.
1627
01:01:49.710 --> 01:01:51.590
Oh, you sneaky suck a small spoon.
1628
01:01:54.659 --> 01:01:56.280
So, yeah, I was a real wild man back in
1629
01:01:56.300 --> 01:01:58.900
the day. But what is nice to have you here.
1630
01:01:59.119 --> 01:01:59.900
Thank you.
1631
01:02:00.460 --> 01:02:01.639
And awkward as well.
1632
01:02:01.719 --> 01:02:04.380
Yeah, it's because no guest has ever... been in the
1633
01:02:04.420 --> 01:02:06.780
third act segment and you somehow have done it twice,
1634
01:02:06.860 --> 01:02:07.909
both times you were on.
1635
01:02:07.949 --> 01:02:08.119
Right.
1636
01:02:08.199 --> 01:02:10.309
I'm like that villain that was murdered in act two,
1637
01:02:10.369 --> 01:02:12.269
but then maybe not murdered hard enough.
1638
01:02:12.369 --> 01:02:12.750
Right.
1639
01:02:12.789 --> 01:02:13.829
So then he's back.
1640
01:02:14.170 --> 01:02:14.469
Yeah.
1641
01:02:14.530 --> 01:02:15.789
Slasher that gets back up.
1642
01:02:15.829 --> 01:02:16.269
Yes.
1643
01:02:16.329 --> 01:02:16.590
Yes.
1644
01:02:16.670 --> 01:02:17.269
Sorry again.
1645
01:02:17.289 --> 01:02:17.369
Yeah.
1646
01:02:18.050 --> 01:02:20.170
So it's funny that we're bringing this up and you're
1647
01:02:20.190 --> 01:02:24.010
not even becoming self-conscious and leaving now. You're still sticking around.
1648
01:02:24.030 --> 01:02:24.769
Why don't we try.
1649
01:02:24.710 --> 01:02:25.349
Asking him to leave?
1650
01:02:25.389 --> 01:02:26.889
Oh, if you just said this, I would leave. Yes,
1651
01:02:26.929 --> 01:02:27.190
of course.
1652
01:02:27.230 --> 01:02:29.010
Flula, I think you should go. OK, great.
1653
01:02:29.090 --> 01:02:30.739
Everyone, great to meet you. Bye bye.
1654
01:02:31.110 --> 01:02:32.760
Oh, I didn't really think he'd go. It was that simple. No,
1655
01:02:32.860 --> 01:02:33.880
I didn't either. Oh, wow.
1656
01:02:34.000 --> 01:02:34.820
He really is leaving.
1657
01:02:34.960 --> 01:02:37.440
Wow, he's getting his... Wait, why is he getting separate shirts?
1658
01:02:37.780 --> 01:02:38.280
Yeah, why does he.
1659
01:02:38.280 --> 01:02:40.320
Oh, this is a sun... Wait, you've asked a question?
1660
01:02:40.480 --> 01:02:41.360
Yes. Oh, he's back.
1661
01:02:43.519 --> 01:02:46.500
He's back. Shirts are important to cover your body because
1662
01:02:46.539 --> 01:02:48.760
no matter how many creams you wipe on your face
1663
01:02:48.920 --> 01:02:51.260
and arms, you can still receive sunburns.
1664
01:02:51.579 --> 01:02:52.320
Okay.
1665
01:02:52.539 --> 01:02:53.579
But you already have a shirt.
1666
01:02:54.000 --> 01:02:55.719
Layers. Layers are for players, Matt.
1667
01:02:55.760 --> 01:02:56.239
Oh, okay.
1668
01:02:56.320 --> 01:02:57.159
Oh, that's long sleeve?
1669
01:02:57.500 --> 01:02:57.840
Long sleeve.
1670
01:02:57.980 --> 01:02:58.139
I see.
1671
01:02:58.380 --> 01:02:58.860
And a hood.
1672
01:02:59.340 --> 01:03:00.400
Oh, okay. It's a hood.
1673
01:03:00.699 --> 01:03:00.949
Yes.
1674
01:03:01.309 --> 01:03:02.409
A hoot is something else.
1675
01:03:02.489 --> 01:03:03.030
No, hoot.
1676
01:03:03.230 --> 01:03:03.429
Hood.
1677
01:03:04.010 --> 01:03:04.360
Hood.
1678
01:03:04.530 --> 01:03:04.699
Hood.
1679
01:03:05.199 --> 01:03:06.300
Hood. Hood.
1680
01:03:06.360 --> 01:03:07.139
Hood lets the dogs out.
1681
01:03:07.380 --> 01:03:10.320
Okay, don't. No, a hood did not let the dogs out.
1682
01:03:10.659 --> 01:03:10.739
Oh.
1683
01:03:10.760 --> 01:03:11.500
Okay.
1684
01:03:11.619 --> 01:03:12.539
Where are you going?
1685
01:03:13.719 --> 01:03:16.059
Okay. Well, now you have to stay because we were
1686
01:03:16.099 --> 01:03:17.400
going to do something, but we don't have time to
1687
01:03:17.460 --> 01:03:19.010
do that now, so you might as well stick around
1688
01:03:19.030 --> 01:03:19.489
until the end.
1689
01:03:19.610 --> 01:03:21.670
Oh, maybe we could take a voicemail from you.
1690
01:03:21.809 --> 01:03:22.250
I would love it.
1691
01:03:22.250 --> 01:03:25.889
Okay. Send in a voicemail. Hey, let's check. There's a
1692
01:03:25.909 --> 01:03:29.010
voicemail now I'm told from a Flula Borg. Is that right?
1693
01:03:29.090 --> 01:03:29.269
Yeah.
1694
01:03:29.409 --> 01:03:30.010
Yes, that's correct.
1695
01:03:30.349 --> 01:03:32.989
And he has a question for us. Let's talk to him.
1696
01:03:33.110 --> 01:03:34.010
Eduardo, play it for us.
1697
01:03:34.280 --> 01:03:37.440
Hey everyone, it's me, Flula Borg. How are you doing today?
1698
01:03:37.460 --> 01:03:40.099
Okay, that doesn't seem like there's any other sound waves.
1699
01:03:40.119 --> 01:03:42.639
That's a shitty voicemail. That is a terrible voicemail. Usually
1700
01:03:42.659 --> 01:03:44.719
they ask a question. Let's see if Flula Borg left
1701
01:03:44.780 --> 01:03:45.179
another one.
1702
01:03:45.679 --> 01:03:49.239
Hey everyone, it's my second message. Apologies for the first message,
1703
01:03:49.340 --> 01:03:53.280
which was a question. I wanted to see how everyone
1704
01:03:53.320 --> 01:03:55.380
is doing today and also tonight.
1705
01:03:55.400 --> 01:03:59.519
Oh, for God's sake! He didn't learn from the first voicemail!
1706
01:03:59.619 --> 01:04:00.929
There's a third. Oh, there's a third.
1707
01:04:00.989 --> 01:04:01.699
Let's check it out.
1708
01:04:01.929 --> 01:04:05.230
Hello, Conan. It's me, Flula. I just wanted to confirm
1709
01:04:05.389 --> 01:04:09.429
our recording of the podcast tomorrow at 1300 hours and
1710
01:04:09.510 --> 01:04:13.329
to just confirm the payment, which is 13 biscuits. Do
1711
01:04:13.349 --> 01:04:13.889
you have those?
1712
01:04:13.909 --> 01:04:17.820
Okay. Yes, we'll give him biscuits. Hey, it's me.
1713
01:04:17.860 --> 01:04:20.300
I'm still on the, I forgot. I have one more question.
1714
01:04:21.539 --> 01:04:23.659
Oh, he's still on. I can't believe I spoke. There
1715
01:04:23.679 --> 01:04:25.639
was a long gap in that voicemail. And guess what?
1716
01:04:25.860 --> 01:04:28.019
There's a gap every time I talk, which is weird.
1717
01:04:28.260 --> 01:04:31.440
Just wanted to say everyone bye-bye to you and have
1718
01:04:31.480 --> 01:04:32.840
a very nice day. Do you get it?
1719
01:04:35.469 --> 01:04:36.969
Is that the end of it? It is.
1720
01:04:37.309 --> 01:04:39.510
And then what's so weird is that he's still here.
1721
01:04:39.690 --> 01:04:43.170
No, he's still here. I asked you to do a
1722
01:04:43.210 --> 01:04:43.989
simple improv.
1723
01:04:44.130 --> 01:04:44.590
What was it?
1724
01:04:46.409 --> 01:04:49.989
Where you leave a voicemail that's like, oh, Conan, tell
1725
01:04:50.030 --> 01:04:51.809
us what's your favorite pet. And it allows us to
1726
01:04:51.829 --> 01:04:54.050
fill out the segment. But you couldn't even do that.
1727
01:04:54.190 --> 01:04:54.510
Oh, sorry.
1728
01:04:54.769 --> 01:04:57.380
No, no, it's too late. It's ridiculous.
1729
01:04:57.719 --> 01:05:00.420
Hello, Conan. It's me, Flula. I would like to know
1730
01:05:00.519 --> 01:05:02.579
what is your favorite pet so you can fill out
1731
01:05:02.599 --> 01:05:03.079
the segment.
1732
01:05:03.900 --> 01:05:06.059
I guess it would be my dog. I love my dog.
1733
01:05:06.079 --> 01:05:06.380
I love that.
1734
01:05:06.400 --> 01:05:08.219
You also have cats, so you play favorites?
1735
01:05:08.519 --> 01:05:09.599
Yeah, I like dogs better.
1736
01:05:09.619 --> 01:05:11.440
Flula, where do you come down on cats or dogs?
1737
01:05:11.679 --> 01:05:13.360
On neither one. I pet them.
1738
01:05:18.260 --> 01:05:19.059
Thank you, Flula.
1739
01:05:19.199 --> 01:05:20.900
Thank you as well. Auf Wiedersehen.
1740
01:05:20.920 --> 01:05:21.699
Auf Wiedersehen. Bye-bye.
1741
01:05:23.260 --> 01:05:27.179
Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian,
1742
01:05:27.429 --> 01:05:31.119
and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced
1743
01:05:31.159 --> 01:05:34.489
by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco,
1744
01:05:34.730 --> 01:05:38.329
and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song
1745
01:05:38.349 --> 01:05:41.530
by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
1746
01:05:41.849 --> 01:05:42.590
Take it away, Jimmy.
1747
01:05:45.670 --> 01:05:48.670
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent
1748
01:05:48.690 --> 01:05:53.170
producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production
1749
01:05:53.190 --> 01:05:57.280
support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista,
1750
01:05:57.530 --> 01:06:00.099
and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show
1751
01:06:00.179 --> 01:06:02.820
on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read
1752
01:06:02.920 --> 01:06:05.590
on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call
1753
01:06:05.610 --> 01:06:10.530
the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message.
1754
01:06:10.849 --> 01:06:13.110
It too could be featured on a future episode. And
1755
01:06:13.150 --> 01:06:15.949
if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs
1756
01:06:15.989 --> 01:06:18.599
a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
1757
01:06:34.650 --> 01:06:36.219
Good nights are about the people.
1758
01:06:37.050 --> 01:06:37.530
The laughs.
1759
01:06:38.050 --> 01:06:40.820
The real moments you don't want to miss. So why
1760
01:06:40.880 --> 01:06:45.860
step outside? Velo tobacco-free nicotine pouches fit seamlessly into your night.
1761
01:06:46.099 --> 01:06:49.440
Convenient and full of flavour. No breaks. No interruptions.
1762
01:06:49.980 --> 01:06:50.280
Velo.
1763
01:06:50.559 --> 01:06:54.880
Anytime, anywhere nicotine pouches. 18 and over. Contains tobacco-free nicotine
1764
01:06:54.920 --> 01:06:57.260
and addictive substance. If you're new to Velo, start with Mellow.
1765
01:06:57.320 --> 01:06:58.860
You should not use this product if you do not
1766
01:06:58.960 --> 01:06:59.739
already use nicotine.
1767
01:07:01.360 --> 01:07:04.000
You offer them a cuppa when they saw yours. That's
1768
01:07:04.119 --> 01:07:07.929
definitely enough for a little treat. Cadbury Delights. With 91
1769
01:07:07.929 --> 01:07:11.190
calories of milk chocolate, nougat and caramel in every bar.