Get Comfortable With Conflict w/ Scilla Elworthy

We reflect on how the world has changed since our original 2018 conversation (Ep. 31 of the Peacebuilding Podcast), and consider the intensifying global challenges we face alongside powerful reasons for hope: the growing influence of Indigenous wisdom, deeper understanding of trauma, the rise of renewable energy, and increasing awareness of the systems of patriarchy that shape our lives and institutions.

Drawing on decades of experience negotiating with political leaders, military officials, and communities affected by violence, Scilla shares practical tools for navigating conflict with clarity and presence. She explains why staying grounded through the breath and listening deeply enough to truly reflect what others are saying can transform even the most difficult conversations. A remarkable story from a meeting with a Chinese military general in Beijing reveals the surprising power of empathic listening to shift hostility into genuine dialogue.

We also explore the difference between collaborative and competitive negotiation, why listening for underlying needs is more effective than arguing over positions, how anger can reveal what we care most about, and the essential role women have played in peacebuilding—from Northern Ireland to the Greenham Common peace movement. This conversation is an invitation to see conflict not as something to avoid, but as an opportunity for connection, creativity, and lasting change.

More from Scilla: 

Website: https://scillaelworthy.com/ 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/scilla-elworthy-b79244161/ 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/scilla_elworthy/ 

TED Talks: https://www.ted.com/speakers/scilla_elworthy 

More from Susan Coleman: 

Website: https://www.susancoleman.global/ 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/susanwcoleman/ 

Substack: https://substack.com/@susancolemanglobal 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/susanwcoleman 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/susancolemanglobal 

Purchase the book, Collaborative Hardball: Using the Power of a New Negotiation as Women to Change the World https://a.co/d/08AWQWsC

Episode Chapters:

00:00 Welcome and Setup

00:51 Why Conflict Matters

02:53 Meet Scilla Elworthy

04:27 Host Background and Roots

07:54 Eight Years Later

09:08 Bleak Trends and Patriarchy

11:03 Signs of Hope and Change

13:53 Women and Conflict Skills

16:29 Breathe for Authority

17:25 Listen to Disarm Bullying

18:39 Beijing General Story

21:49 Great Hall Arrival Twist

23:01 Embodied Presence in Conflict

23:50 Cake and Aftermath

24:14 Humanizing the Other

24:38 Listening Without Overlistening

25:26 Reflecting Back in Conflict

27:18 Needs Over Positions

29:45 Women as Peacebuilders

30:59 Stories of Women Stopping Wars

34:09 Courage to Speak Up

36:31 Sisterhood and Self Belief

41:35 Heart Led Courage Practice

42:56 Closing and Next Steps

Produced by: Rome Esmaili

https://www.lumen-vision-sound.com/podcasts