Blind How Basics

Blind How Basics

 

Blind How (https://BlindHow.net) is
produced by Gary Crow, Ph.D. who has been blind since birth and has extensive
experience in mental health and child welfare administration, has spoken and trained
internationally, and has written numerous articles, books for adults and
children, and training guides. Most significantly, Gary knows how to succeed
without being able to see and values the chance to share his experience and
insights with you.

 

The
Social Context

 

Why might Blind
How … The Basics interest you?

 

• You
can't see and are looking for some tips and suggestions for how to do what you
want to do.

 

• You
spend time with someone who can't see and want some tips and suggestions for
how to be more helpful.

 

• You
are curious about how people who can't see are able to do what they do.

 

• You
want to know more about what people who can't see can do to succeed in a world
where most everyone else can see.

 

• You
want to start with the basics, tips for folks who don't know much of anything
about how to live a full life without being able to see.

 

• You
want to expand your understanding gradually to include more opportunities and
options for doing whatever you hope to do, when you can't see.

 

If I
tell you that I am blind, what comes to mind? Now if I simply tell you that I
can't see, how does the picture in your mind's eye change? Likely the change is
significant.

 

The
point is that telling someone that I'm blind seems to bring to mind a mixed bag
of ideas and emotions about what that means in general and about me
specifically. For the most part, people think about what I can't do, causing
them to feel sorry for me. Of course, not everyone is so limited in their
understanding, but most are.

 

If
instead I tell them that I can't see, people are frequently not sure what to do
or what to say. This is good news for me. They are then focused on what they
should say or do next and not on ideas and notions they have about blind people
that may be true, but often aren't true for me - or for most blind people for
that matter.

 

In
Blind How … The Basics, I share tips about things I have done and can do. If
you or someone you know can't see, the tips may be helpful. If you can see,
they may help you get a better handle when hanging out with people who can't
see. I hope the tips and discussion also help you be slower to pre-judge what
people can and cannot do just because they can't see.

 

If
that has us in sync with the purpose of Blind How … The Basics and how it
works, let's get on with it.

 

 

 

Communication
Matters

 

Look Up

 

When I
was young, my mother told me and then told me again to look at her when she was
talking to me. One time I responded by saying, "I'm blind so what makes
the difference?" Her response? "Yes, you are blind, but that's never
an excuse for being rood or lazy."

 

I
suspect that you get my point. For my mom, not being able to see was never an
excuse for not doing what I was able to do. Even if I couldn't see her, I
definitely could turn my head in her direction when she was talking and at
least act like I was paying attention.

 

I
could look up and in her direction. That was at least the place to start.
Success required feedback though. The problem was learning not to look too high
or too low, too far left or right. I needed to focus on her voice and where it
was coming from. The technique I developed is to focus a little below where I
think the voice is located. It helps to shift my head and shoulders, so my
shoulders are squared with the person talking.

 

The
best way to get this right is to ask someone who you are around a lot and you
are comfortable with to coach you when you are seeming not to be paying
attention or are just getting lazy. Let them know that too much coaching gets
irritating and not to coach when others can observe what's happening. With
practice, all of us who can't see can get better at looking at people when they
are talking to us.

 

As the
skill improves, we can learn to look at anyone who is talking whether he or she
is talking to us or to someone else. (Although I don't know how it works for
others who can't see, I tend to look too far up and slightly to the right when
someone is talking to me.)

 

• Even
though I can't see, I'll look at you when you're talking to me.

 

Speak Up

 

Let me
just assume that you are looking at me when I'm talking. You are looking,
aren't you? If you aren't managing that skill, speaking up will still
help, but not so much.

 

Although
this may not be a problem for you, it is for me. If I get a little lazy and
don't pay attention, I tend to look down and mumble or at least talk too
quietly for others to hear without needing to make a special effort to hear.
I'll bet you see where my problem starts. Sure, it's tending to look down.

 

Speaking
up definitely hooks up with looking at people when they are talking. It's
important to also look at people when you are talking. It's pretty easy for me
to slip into not looking up, not looking at the person to whom I'm talking.

 

People
who can see are much more comfortable when they and those with whom they are
talking can look at each other. Face-to-Face is most always the preferred mode.
If they are having a Zoom call, they want the cameras on. In-person is
preferable to telephone calls. But here's the clincher. Those of us who can't
see can usually hear when people who are talking to us aren't looking at us.

 

• Even
though I can't see, here's what I'll do, I'll look your way, when I'm talking
to you.

 

When
having a conversation, look at the other person, whether you or the other
person is talking. When you are talking, speak up, clearly and loudly enough
for the other person to hear without any special effort. Look up and speak up.

 

That's
definitely good advice for anyone, whether or not he or she can see. But for
those of us who can't see, it's particularly important, since we may tend not
to look at people when in a conversation and may not talk loudly enough or
clearly enough to be easily understood. If you can't see but don't have any
issues with always looking up and speaking up, way to go. I'm just mentioning
it since I sometimes forget and thought reminding you can't hurt.

 

Straighten Up

 

Now
for the third element to remember when talking with other people. Who knew that
a simple conversation could be so complicated?

 

Don't
slouch. Stand up or sit up straight. Okay, if it's a casual conversation with a
friend, not slouching is less important, but still makes a difference. For all
other conversations or social situations, standing or sitting up straight and
keeping your shoulders back matters a lot. It lets others know that you are
interested, are engaged and are someone to be taken seriously. It also lets
other people know that you are taking them seriously.

 

There
is an additional element that I'll get to shortly, but for now, focus on the 3
ups: Stand or sit up straight, look up at others when you or they are talking
and speak up so others can hear you without needing to make any special effort.

 

You
know to focus on the 3 ups: Stand or sit up straight, look up at others when
you or they are talking and speak up so others can hear you without needing to
make any special effort. This is useful advice for anyone, but it's
particularly important for those of us who can't see. Why? Because some of us
who can't see, if not most of us, tend not to look at people with whom we are
talking, are apt to not talk loudly enough and clearly enough to be heard
easily and may get a little lazy and not sit or stand up straight.

 

Why
does it matter? We want to be taken seriously and may not be if we neglect the
3 Ups. It's no more complicated than that.

 

Respect and Connect

 

There
is a fourth element for effective communication that I'd like to tuck in as the
fourth up, but I can't figure out any way to make it an up. Even so, it's
pretty important, important enough to label it as the key to effective
communication. Without it, the 3 ups still matter, but even if you look up, sit
up and speak up, it is still hard to be taken seriously or to let others know
that you are taking them seriously.

 

It
goes back to that blind thing. Certainly not everyone who can see, but many who
can, make assumptions about blind people that are generally not true. Ask someone
who can see to finish the sentence, "Blind people…." The likelihood
is that they will finish the sentence with things that they assume blind people
cannot do.

 

The
additional issue is that they likely don't personally know anyone who is blind.
They probably know of a blind celebrity but still think of him or her in terms
of what he or she can't do, seeing the celebrity's musical or other special
talent as separate from his or her blindness. Blindness is typically not seen
as a simple fact but rather as a complex handicap.

 

Of
course, the same types of assumptions are made about people with other physical
limitations such as not being able to hear or not being able to walk. This is
the issue. People who can see, can hear, can walk, reflexively think of what
they would not be able to do if they suddenly couldn't see, couldn't hear,
couldn't walk. They then project their perceived inabilities onto those of us
who can't see, can't hear or can't walk.

 

It's
worth noting that many people who see fine but then can't see later in life,
are apt to do the same thing, but they project their false assumptions onto
themselves. They think of themselves as blind and unable to do much of
anything. Since they haven't yet learned how to manage without being able to see,
it feels like not being able to do much of anything may be permanent.

 

I'll
get back to that on https://BlindHow.net, but here I want to share the key to
effective communication, when you can't see.

 

•
Listen and learn.

 

The
single best way to be taken seriously in any conversation is to make it clear
that you are taking other people and what they say seriously. If you first
attend to taking the other person seriously, he or she will be more apt to take
you and what you say seriously. The more seriously they take you and what you
say, the more your not seeing moves into the background. You know you are being
taken seriously when someone tells you that they forget that you can't see.

 

I
know. You were expecting something a little more profound. Here's the thing.
Being seen as blind can lead to people projecting a lot of their own feelings
about what they couldn't do onto you. The result is that they may tend not to
take you and what you say as seriously as you deserve. They don't get past
blind.

 

Listen
and learn is not a magic solution to the blind prejudice of some people, nor is
it a guaranteed path to always being taken seriously. It is rather the best way
I know to improve your odds of being taken seriously, especially when you
combine that with getting better and better at getting better and better at
doing things in spite of not being able to see.

 

 

BATS
Is The Key

 

There is a critical difference between can't and haven't
yet figured out how. This is true for most everyone, but especially true if we
can't see. Sure, there are some things that depend on seeing, with no way of
getting around that. Picking a few of the obvious: driving, playing
professional baseball, visually appreciating a spectacular sunset and looking
around the room to see who came to the party are currently not in the cards for
us if we can't see. Even so, the list of things that require seeing is a lot
shorter than most people think. And even for those things we can't do, we still
have options.

 

Driving is out for me, but I still can get to wherever I
need to go. Playing baseball is out for me, but I still can be a baseball fan
and enjoy the games. Watching a spectacular sunset is out for me, but I still
can appreciate the joy others have when they describe what they are seeing.
Visually scanning the room is out for me, but I still can listen and have
conversations, gradually figuring out who all is there.

 

Let me suggest that you think about BATS whenever you are
frustrated or annoyed by not being able to see, when you want to do something
and think you can't because you can't see. "But what do BATS have to do
with it," you ask?

 

Thanks for asking. BATS stands for "Best Alternative
To Seeing."

 

When we put BATS first, "I can't see" is never
the end of it. Any time there is something we need to do or just want to do,
the challenge is to figure out what our best alternative to seeing is, while
still being able to do whatever it is we need or want.

 

Step one is to remind ourselves that we are only blind in
so far as we can't see. Others may at times relate to us as if our limitations
are more extensive, but we know that is not the case. Can't see is where it
starts and ends.

 

I do understand that any of us might have more than one
limitation, but even so, each limitation is what it is, no more, no less. Our
challenge is to figure out how to do what we need or want to do, in spite of
our specific limitation.

 

Of course, the alternatives to seeing depend on exactly
what we want to do. The available alternatives when we want to go to school are
not the same as when we want to go shopping, not the same when we want to go
for a walk in the park as when we want to see what's happening on Facebook. Our
needs and wants range from little things to really big things, from the fairly
easy to the complex and difficult.

 

Sure, we need to know what those alternatives are and how
to access them. That's the easier part of the success equation. The harder part
is deciding just how much we really want whatever we have identified for
ourselves. The issue is that it is always easier and simpler to just stay at
home and do nothing. Let me share a very brief story from my past. I think you
will get the point.

 

I was a Freshman at Ohio University and sitting in the
office of my academic counsellor. I was frustrated and generally feeling sorry
for myself. He said, "Here's what you need to know. No one, with the
possible exception of your mother, cares much one way or the other about
whether you graduate or not. All the caring is up to you. This time next year,
only you will really understand how much you did or did not care."

 

The point indeed relates to big wants, but it applies to
those little wants that come up every day; but I'll bet you get the point,
don't you?

 

I'm thinking that we should dig into BATS a little more
before just moving on to how to do this or that without seeing. There is a
major issue that we need to think through very carefully.

 

There Are Alternatives

 

With few exceptions, one alternative to seeing is to get
someone who can see to do whatever we want done. If inclination and resources
permit, we could simply have someone drive us wherever we want to go, read
whatever needs read, cook whatever needs cooked, clean whatever needs cleaned
and on and on. As the saying goes, we could just have someone wait on us hand
and foot.

 

You think this sounds silly? On the one hand, good for you.
But on the other hand, many people who can't see, quite easily and without much
thought, get into the habit of being waited on. To a significant extent, much
of the time and in most situations, having others do things for them becomes
their preferred alternative to not being able to see.

 

Should we always do things for ourselves, without any help
from someone who can see? Of course not, especially if there is someone nearby
who can and wants to help. Note that I said, "wants to help," and not
simply "willing to help." To always refuse help would be as silly as
always expecting help.

 

This is quite a bit more complicated than it may seem at
first. I'm not sure I fully understand its complexity, since I struggle some
with the issue myself. Even so, there are a few points that pop out for me.
Perhaps mentioning those here will help you think about the issues from your
perspective. I suspect that the help versus do-it-yourself question is personal
and doesn't have the same answer or set of answers for all of us who can't see.

 

Let's start with something that I think is important or at
least of interest to me. That could include a hot cup of coffee or clean
clothes, reading my mail or a movie on TV, dinner or using my cell phone, a
walk around the block or a visit to my doctor, brushing my guide dog or
visiting with friends, doing my banking or ordering a pizza, going out for
lunch or making a podcast. I could easily put a hundred items on my list
without much thought. I'm sure you could put at least as many on your list,
although they wouldn't all be the same as those on my list. We all have things
to do, places to go and people to see. Let's call the things on our lists
"activities."

 

Here's the thing. It's far too easy for many of us to play
our blind card. We either wait for someone who can see to help us with the
activity or do the task for us, or we simply avoid the activity. Can't or at
least won't wins. The outcome is cumulative: we gradually do less and less,
avoiding more and more.

 

Please note that I'm not talking about situations where
people live or work together, situations where work and other activities are divided
up – I'll do this and you do that. Rather, I'm focusing on situations where a
person who can't see comes to be dependent on others doing most things for him
or her, or perhaps he or she just avoids whatever the activity is.

 

I am simply struggling to describe what can happen to many,
if not most of us who can't see, if we don't actively resist. Sure, I'm talking
about me, but may also be talking about you. Fortunately, knowing the best, and
likely only way to prevent drifting down the slippery slope to dependence and
non-participation turns out to be simple. But knowing and doing can be far
apart at times.

 

Here it is in the proverbial nutshell. The best alternative
to not seeing is to figure out how to do whatever you want done, by yourself,
without depending on sighted assistance, unless necessary.

 

This is the good news. Most everything you want to do is
being done somewhere and being done independently, by a person who can't see.
For those times when sighted assistance is necessary, anonymous help is usually
there, on your phone. The bad news is that developing the needed skills and
accessing the available resources takes time, effort and a big measure of
determination.

 

• Since I can't see, it's up to me, so BATS it shall be.

 

Consider The Options

 

For
those of us who can't see, getting what we need and most of what we want is at
times quite challenging. Sure, it's challenging for people who see fine too.
But for us, there are a couple of additional factors requiring extra attention.
Let's give them some thought here.

 

First,
I'm only talking about those things we need or want that we would simply do or
get for ourselves, if we could see. As it turns out, this can be a long list.
Suffice it to say that we each have a lot of items on our "would be easy
if I could see" list.

 

For
any of the items on our list, we have options. The easiest option is to skip
the particular item, just get along without doing it or getting it. For me and
most likely for you, the do-nothing option is sometimes tempting and
occasionally the choice we make. What we need or want is just not worth the
bother right now. And that's okay occasionally. People who can see do the same
thing now and then. Whatever they want or need is just not worth the time and
energy it would take right now. Their motivation is not strong enough, although
they could do whatever without much extra effort.

 

But
for most of us who can't see and most of the time, doing nothing is not an
acceptable option. Even if we can't see, we are determined to do what needs
done, determined to get what we want.

 

But
how do we do that, how do we do what we want to do, get what we want? There may
be more than three options, but I know of three general approaches that usually
cover the challenge for me. First, I can get someone who can see to do it for
me or get it for me. Second, I can enlist the help of someone who can see to
assist me with doing it myself or getting it myself. Third, I can develop the
skills and strategies I need to do it myself or to get it by myself.

 

It's
important to emphasize that each of these three options is perfectly legitimate
at times and in some situations or circumstances. At other times, insisting on
one option over another may be inappropriate or counterproductive. Those of us
who can't see need all three options and the ability and determination to use
them as needed and as appropriate.

 

Each
of these three options requires good communication skills and especially good
conversational skills. Why? For the first option, having someone who can see
act on our behalf includes our being able to help them understand what we need
or want and what we think would be the best way for them to proceed doing for
us.

 

For
the second option, having someone who can see assist us with whatever we need
or want involves even more and continuing communication. As for the third
option, think of observing someone who can see while he or she does what you
want to do, actively participating while you work together to do what you want
done and then working increasingly independently over days, months or years to
perfect your ability to do it by yourself.

 

Here's
something to consider. Each of us, whether we can see or not, have needs,
problems and vulnerabilities beyond our individual ability to cope. We all need
other people with skills, talents and resources who are available and willing
to help us compensate for our limitations. Our challenge is to learn about
those people and resources and then access them for our benefit. Meeting this
challenge for those of us who can't see, among other things, rests firmly on
our ability, and on the ability of those who advocate on our behalf, to
effectively communicate our special and general needs and wants, and the best
ways to satisfy those needs and wants. Parents do this for their children who
can't see, teachers do this for their students, and you and I will either do it
for ourselves or it likely will just not happen.

 

Since I can't see, it's up to me,
getting people who can see, to:

 

• Do
it for me,

 

• Get
it done by working with me, or

 

• You
know, don't you? Sure, I'll just have to figure out how to do it for me.

 

Getting Stuck at "How?"

 

When I
think of things I want to do, it's easy to get stuck at "how." For
example, the mail comes, and I want to read the mail. How do I do that?

 

I pop
the last chip in the bag into my mouth and want more chips. How do I get more
chips?

 

I want
to call my friend but don't remember his number. How can I find his number?

 

I want
to wear my red shirt with my black pants. How do I know I selected the right
ones?

 

I want
to go for a walk in the park. How do I do that without getting hurt or lost?

 

I want
to do some work on my computer. How is that possible?

 

I
could keep adding to my list as you could to yours. But here's the point. If I
could see, the "How?" questions have easy answers.

 

I just
open the mail and read it, run over to the corner store and pick up some more
chips, scroll through my contacts on my phone and tap on my friend's name, look
in my closet and grab my black pants and red shirt, slip on my walking shoes
and head out to the park, pick up my mouse and I'm good to go.

 

If I
could see, the "How?" for most everything on my list is simple. But I
can't and the "How?" is not simple.

 

If you
used to be able to see, the first step to get past the "How?" issue
will likely be the hardest for you to take. Look and do is not an option
anymore. You can't look and read, look and shop, look and tap, look and choose,
look and walk, look and click. You can't look and do anything anymore.

 

That's
the bad news. The good news is that you can still do most things you want to
do, just not by looking and doing. The challenge is to get unstuck, to get on
past the notion that looking is the only way to facilitate doing. I can't see;
therefore, I can't do, is seldom true.

 

The
problem is getting stuck on "How?" But that's not quite it. Close,
but not quite. The problem is getting stuck on looking being the only how. It's
not. That's some more good news.

 

Unfortunately,
there is also some more bad news. Alternatives for doing, when looking isn't an
option, are usually neither obvious nor intuitive. I have had most of a
lifetime to learn how to do without seeing, but there are still skills I
haven't mastered, strategies I still haven't learned.

 

Let me
share a simple fact. Not seeing is a nuisance, inconvenient, frustrating, but
is what it is. Doing without looking requires a skill set and resources that
are neither easy to acquire nor simple to maintain. If you want a quick and
easy solution, sit back, relax and hope that someone takes pity and waits on
you. Otherwise, here's the deal:

 

• If
it is to be, it's up to me, despite my not being able to see.

 

 

Can't Need Not Be
Permanent

 

I was
listening to a podcast, when a listener's email told a sad story. The listener
identified himself as blind and was bemoaning his situation. Mostly, he was
complaining about all the things he can't do and how inconvenient it is to need
someone around to care for him and his needs.

 

That
got me to thinking about how easy it is for those of us who can't see to
confuse can't with don't know how. The specific issue in the listener's email
that caused me to ponder the confusion came when he said that he had to get someone
who can see to hang a picture for him. His point was that his blindness
prevents him from using a drill and makes it impossible for him to get the
picture level and at the right height.

 

That's
just silly talk. I can't see and know how to use a drill. I can't see and know
how to make sure a picture is level. I can't see and know how to hang a picture
at a good height for most people when they are looking at it. Being blind is
not the reason why the listener can't hang a picture on his wall. The reason is
simple. He just doesn't know how to hang the picture without being able to see.

 

Is the
listener having his own pity party? Probably, but that is not my point. It's
true that he can't do by looking. But just because he can't do by looking doesn't
mean he can't do.

 

Let me
suggest a strategy for doing if you can't see. Think of something – anything –
that you think you can't do because you can't see. Now, start with the outcome.
As clearly as you can, define what you want to achieve. I want this picture
hanging appropriately on that wall. I want to be wearing my red shirt with my
black pants. I want to be eating lasagna for dinner. I want to be pleased with
the selection of groceries in my pantry. I want to be sitting on my friend's
patio chatting and having a cold drink. I want to be at a bookstore, signing
copies of my new book. I want to be relaxing in my newly finished basement or
perhaps on my new deck. I want to be listening to the latest episode of my
podcast. I want to be attending my graduation from college. I want to use all
of the features on my cell phone. I want to hike to the bottom of the Grand
Canyon.

 

I
know. It's another one of those lists. But what goes on your list? What
outcomes interest you?

 

Now
that you have an outcome in mind, you're ready for the second part of this
strategy for doing without seeing. There are people who can't see who know how
to do all of the things on the list I have included here. Even better, there
are people who can't see who know how to do most everything on your list as
well. But how do they do that?

 

They
use the three strategies I mentioned earlier. They get someone who can see to
do it for them. They get someone who can see to help them do it. They learn to
do it for themselves. Whichever strategy they choose, they don't confuse can't
see with can't do.

 

Here's
the secret sauce. The people who are most successful at doing without seeing
intentionally use all three of these strategies, taking care not to confuse
can't see with can't do. It works like this.

 

I'll
first be clear about what I want. Then I'll identify someone to will do it for
me, while I carefully observe. Then, I'll get them to help me do it myself.
Finally, I'll use my new skills to do it by myself.

 

• If
it is to be, I'll just need to learn how to do it for me.

 

You
may have noticed that, so far, I haven't suggested anything that only applies
to those of us who can't see. The tips all work quite well for people who can
see, although for them, the tips may not be quite so essential.

 

The Secret Sauce

 

Well,
I'm about to do it again. One of those tips that is essential for those of us
who can't see, but work almost as well for everyone else, is headed your way.

 

The
harsh reality is this. If you can't see, many, but definitely not all, people
who can see make judgments about you based on little more than their personal
generalizations about blindness and blind people. Unfortunately, those
generalizations tend to be negative. Not negative in the sense of your being a
bad person or somehow unacceptable, but negative in terms of being limited,
less competent, more needy and ignorable.

 

A
major contributor to these negative generalizations is that most people who can
see have never known a successful, competent blind person. If they do know
someone who can't see, the likelihood is that the blind person they know is
quite old, not involved in the mainstream of things, or both. Sure, it's just
another version of prejudice; but knowing that doesn't help much when it is you
who is the person being judged.

 

I
agree. It's not fair, not right and people who judge us without knowing us
should be ashamed of themselves. There is another side to that particular coin
though.

 

Many,
but definitely not all people who can't see, buy into the negative judgment
habit. They sometimes behave as if other people should adjust to their issues
and limitations. Since they can't see, people should expect less, accommodate
more and be more considerate of how difficult it is to get along when you can't
see. And the fact of it is that most people will expect less and accommodate
more, at least until they get tired of it or start to suspect that you are
taking advantage of their helpful nature.

 

Earlier,
I suggested a few ways you can get past the tendency of people to put you in
the blind box, depending on whatever they assume about people who can't see. I
can assure you that life is easier in the blind box, if you don't mind staying
on the fringe and mostly being ignored. If instead you do mind, do believe that
you can swim in the mainstream, are committed to giving it your best effort,
first be sure you are implementing the tips I have shared. Along with those
tips, here's another tip to incorporate into your skill set.

 

•
There is never a good excuse for bad manners.

 

I
know. Your manners are impeccable. You don't need to be reminded to use your
good manners every day, everywhere, with everyone. This little tip is just not
needed. But just in case, pick someone you know who has especially good manners.
Now, ask yourself if you are keeping up with the standard they are setting. If
so, good for you. If not, you may want to work on that. It's one way you can
let other people know that you don't belong in their blind box.

 

Good
manners are a lot more than please and thank you. Observe thoughtfully, take
mental notes and remember the thoughts and feelings you have about people who
really do have impeccable manners. You'll soon get the point.

 

• If
it is to be, I'll always take my good manners with me, putting them right out
there for all to see.

 

 

Let's Consolidate

 

Here's
a tiny anecdote that I think captures the essence of helping children who can't
see, understanding how to succeed when we can't see, and most everything we'll
ever need to know about how to do when we can't see.

 

I was
six years old and in the first grade. My mother had come to pick me up after
school and was talking to my teacher, Miss Icenogle. I was playing near by and
dropped the pencil I was using. My mother immediately started to pick it up and
hand it to me. Miss Icenogle said, "No, let him look for it. He needs to
learn to listen to those types of things. If he looks and still can't find it,
then you can hand it too him, making sure to mention where you found it."
And thus, a long journey of learning to do it for myself was underway.

 

With
"I'll learn to do it myself," as our mantra, here's the message, in
short.

 

• Good
communication skills matter a lot. Start by looking at whoever is talking,
whether he or she is talking to you or to someone else.

 

•
Stand or sit up straight, look up at others when you or they are talking and
speak up so others can hear you without needing to make any special effort.

 

• The
single best way to be taken seriously in any conversation is to make it clear
that you are taking other people and what they say seriously. If you first
attend to taking the other person seriously, he or she will be more apt to take
you and what you say seriously. The more seriously they take you and what you
say, the more your not seeing moves into the background, the less likely they
are to put you into their blind box.

 

•
There is a critical difference between can't and haven't yet figured out how.
When we put BATS (Best Alternative To Seeing) first, "I can't see" is
never the end of it. Any time there is something we need to do or just want to
do, the challenge is to figure out what our best alternative to seeing is,
while still being able to do whatever it is we need or want.

 

Here's
the thing. It's far too easy for many of us to play our blind card. We either
wait for someone who can see to help us with the activity or do the task for
us, or we simply avoid the activity. Can't or at least won't wins. The outcome
is cumulative: we gradually do less and less, avoiding more and more.

 

Here
it is in the proverbial nutshell. The best alternative to not seeing is to
figure out how to do whatever you want done, by yourself, without depending on
sighted assistance, unless necessary.

 

But
how do we who can't see do that, how do we do what we want to do, get what we
want? I know of three general approaches that usually cover the challenge for
me. First, I can get someone who can see to do it for me or get it for me.
Second, I can enlist the help of someone who can see to assist me with doing it
myself or getting it myself. Third, I can develop the skills and strategies I
need to do it myself or to get it by myself.

 

Not
seeing is a nuisance, inconvenient, frustrating, but is what it is. Doing
without looking requires a skill set and resources that are neither easy to
acquire nor simple to maintain. If you want a quick and easy solution, sit
back, relax and hope that someone takes pity and waits on you. Otherwise,
here's the deal:

 

• If
it is to be, it's up to me, despite my not being able to see.

 

Were
you expecting some secret tricks or magic techniques? There aren't any, or at
least, I don't know them and haven't found anyone who has.

 

Work
on your social and communication skills and then set off on the long and
difficult journey to doing things you want and need for yourself. I think the
key is staying out of other people's blind boxes, while developing and
expanding your skill set for doing without seeing.

 

Doing
without seeing is like becoming a good ball player. It requires motivation and
determination, good coaches and playing opportunities, concentrated study, and
from there, it's all practice, practice, practice.

  Minimum Skills

 

What do you think the outcome will be if every child who
thinks that playing baseball is fun, is told that his or her goal should be
becoming a professional baseball player; or perhaps, any child who is
interested in science is told that he or she will only be a success when
awarded the Nobel Prize? "But no one would ever do that," you
protest. Unfortunately, it happens; and any of us may be one of the guilty
parties.

 

Putting the issue into the "can't see" context,
all of us who can't see have been challenged in exactly this way. If you
reflect back, you will find a few examples of me doing it to you. How? I
suggest a skill you might want to add to your personal skill set, and then I do
it to you. I tell you that there are people who can't see who have mastered
that particular skill. Either implicitly or sometimes explicitly, I suggest
that you can and probably should develop the skill, getting as good at it as
those who have mastered it.

 

Why would I do such a silly and maybe even cruel thing to
you? Why would I imply that you will only be successful when you have mastered
a particular skill? I don't have any excuse. I realized that quite recently.

 

My sudden insight came a few minutes after I ran into the
corner of a door, banging my forehead. Yes, it was my bedroom door. Yes, I knew
the door was there, just where it always is. Yes, I wasn't paying attention to
where I was and where I was going. And yes, I'm pretty good at getting up and
around; but I'm not quite the master of that skill as I may have led you to
believe. Nonetheless, I'll still be walking around, trying not to bump into
things, even though I'm not yet a master at it.

 

This is what I think the take-away is. For the most part,
those of us who can't see should consider developing those skills we need to do
what we want to do, at the level sufficient to get the job done for us. There
are a lot of skills we need, to do what we want to do, but we may not need to
master any of them. "Good enough" is usually sufficient for our
purposes.

 

Keep It Low and Slow

 

Let me say up-front that I realize that you may not be able
to see, but despite that, you never bump things, knock things over nor spill
stuff. Well, good for you. Your skill set is definitely advanced relative to
mine. I mentioned earlier that many people who can't see have skills far better
than mine and skills I just don't have.

 

I sometimes bump things, knock things over and occasionally
spill stuff. Here is the first and most important point. So does everyone else,
whether they can see or not. And whether you can see or not, the reason is most
always the same … carelessness.

 

That's unfair? You can't see, so everyone should cut you a
little slack?

 

You're right, and most people will cut you some slack,
although it's still annoying and inconvenient for them, especially if they have
to clean up your mess. Better to ramp up your skill set some and get better at
not bumping, knocking and spilling.

 

Here's a technique that will help. It won't prevent all of
those little accidents but will reduce their frequency. Before reaching for
anything, even if you just put it there yourself, hesitate just a second to
consider where you think it is. Now reach low and slow. Slide your hand on the
table or along the path toward whatever you are reaching for. This serves two purposes.
First, when you touch the glass or other object, you won't be moving your hand
fast enough to knock it over or to spill whatever is in the container. At
least, let's hope your hand was moving slow enough.

 

That's the slow part. The low part is so, when you do touch
the glass or other object, you touch it near its bottom. It's that center of
gravity thing. Things are just less likely to tumble over or spill from a
little bump near their bottom.

 

There is an extra benefit to low and slow. If when you touch
whatever you are looking for, it scoots or rolls away, it probably won't go as
far. That usually makes it easier to find, if you need to feel around for it.
Even then, keep it low and slow while trying to find it.

 

But, if you can't see, slow matters most, right after taking
a second to think about what you are reaching for, where you are headed or what
you want to do. If you can see, you just look and do. If you can't see, you
need to first make a calculation and then act on your calculation, thoughtfully
and intentionally.

 

Three
Elements

 

Three important elements in your calculation are distance,
position and risk. There are other elements, but these are the three most used.
How far away is it? Where is it in relation to things I already know about? What
is the risk to me or to other things if I get the calculation wrong?

 

I could go into more detail, but I suspect that you get the
point. Stop a second to calculate distance, position and risk, and then reach
low and slow.

 

• If it is to be, I'll think first and then reach low and
slow to get what I want for me.

 

Playing Lost and Found

 

Do you like to play lost and found? Most people don't like
it much, especially if it's their stuff that is lost. Even so, the found part
of lost and found works okay for most everyone. And therein lies the problem.

 

For those of us who can't see, losing our stuff is
frequently followed by not finding our stuff. Instead of lost and found, we are
left with lost and still searching, or too often, lost and quit looking.
Nothing to do but get along without our stuff or wait until someone who can see
happens by to find it for us.

 

So what's the deal? Why can't we find our stuff? Like
everyone else, those of us who can't see don't put things away when we are finished
using them, lay thing down but forget where, toss things on a table or chair
without thinking about it, or move things to a new location but don't remember
where that is.

 

Of course, the issue when we can't see is that looking
around for stuff is not an option. That brings us back to BATS, discussed in an
earlier episode of Blind How. "What do BATS have to do with it?" you
ask. BATS is our Best Alternative To Seeing, and since we can't look around, we
definitely need an alternative.

 

I sure hope you aren't expecting a quick and easy solution
to the lost but not found problem. I won't like it much, if I have to
disappoint you.

 

Put
Things Away

 

First comes the obvious. Put things away after you use them.
Don't just lay things down or toss them on a table or chair without giving it a
moment's thought. Only move things if necessary. Don't forget where you put
things. If you live with other people, ask them to try to put things back where
they got them. And most important, ask them not to move your stuff or other
things like furniture or equipment.

 

That's it: your Best Alternative To Seeing, when it comes to
lost and found. Just work at getting better and better at not losing or
misplacing things. I think the most helpful element here for your skill set is
remembering that "I'll put it away later," isn't going to cut it for
those of us who can't see.

 

A
Suggestion

 

I do have one suggestion for finding your stuff though. When
something is not where you expect it to be, expand the search area a little. It
may have just gotten bumped or pushed away some. But before you just keep
expanding the search area, stop for a minute to think about exactly where it
was the last time you had it or used it. It's probably still there.

 

Will you still lose or misplace things? Indeed, you will.
The good news is that, with practice and attention, lost and not found will
frustrate you less often.

 

If you think this is unrealistic and too much work, you can
hope someone who can see always comes along to find your stuff for you. But
even if they do, if you don't remember where you put it, they may not be able
to find it either.

 

No, I'm not going to just leave it at that. Despite our best
effort, we still have times when we can't find our stuff. Fortunately, there
are a few more tips that will add to your finding my stuff skill set.  I'll be
sharing them. But just know that not losing or misplacing your stuff in the
first place is definitely your Best Alternative To Seeing.

 

Give and Take

 

For those of us who can't see, there are quite a few
potentially awkward situations that come up now and then. We usually make it
through them with a minimum of embarrassment, although it would be better to
figure out how to avoid them in the first place.

 

As trivial as it may seem to people who can see, simply
handing something to someone else or having him or her hand something to us is
often one of those awkward situations. If both people in the exchange can see,
passing something to someone else seldom results in an issue. But before
pursuing this, I do want to point out that, even people who can see
occasionally fumble the exchange. Drinks get spilled and things are dropped.
Please keep this in mind the next time there is an accident. It may have very
well been the person who can see who fumbled.

 

To keep accidents at a minimum though, I have a few
suggestions for handing things to people who can see, and for taking things
being handed to us.

 

The first tip is probably obvious but is also frequently
skipped as the first and often the best option. Don't try to hand something to
someone else, especially if it is easily seen by him or her or might spill or
break. Simply say, "Sure, you are welcome to it;" or perhaps,
"Help yourself."

 

If you do need to pick it up and hand it to them, pick it up
and hold it toward them. Don't reach it out or move it around. Let them do the
reaching.

 

If someone is handing something to you, tip one is to not
reach for it at all. Ask them to please lay it on the table or some other
surface, where you can easily find it. This frequently comes up in restaurants.
Just wait with your hands in your lap until the meal is served.

 

Especially if you are being handed a glass or cup of
something that can spill, hold your hand open as if you were going to pick up
the glass, bottle or cup. Turn your hand so your fingertips are pointing down.
Now put your hand on the table or other surface where you want the glass to be
placed. Notice how your thumb and index finger form a circle where the glass or
cup should go. Most often, the person who can see will automatically set the
glass conveniently inside the circle you have made with your hand. You only
need to very gently move your hand until you locate the glass, and then
carefully pick it up and have a refreshing drink.

 

Having something handed to us can be more awkward than
handing something to someone else. Why, you ask? The person doing the handing
frequently expects us to reach for it and take it from their hand. There may be
an uncomfortable silence, while the other person wonders why you aren't
reaching to take what is being handed to you. Even worse, they may lay it down
or set it down, expecting you to reach and pick it up.

 

Tip two is easy. If you are being handed something by
someone who may not know you can't see, just say, "I can't see and will
appreciate your handing it to me." When they do hand it to you, remember
to say, "Thank you."

 

One final little tip. For most things, hold your hand, or
both hands if appropriate, in front of you at about chest level, as if you
already were holding the object being handed to you. People will usually
deposit the object in your hand, ready for you to grasp it. However you deal
with it, hold still and don't move your hands around. When people hand stuff to
us, our hands should not be a moving target.

 

There is one hidden tip in there that might be missed. Even
if you have a white Cane, dark glasses and your friendly guide dog, some people
won't get it that you can't see. I usually say early on, "I can't see. I
just thought it might help for you to know that." No, not to everyone,
every time. But whenever the contact is more than passing, mentioning it can't
hurt and often helps.

 

Lost and Not Yet Found

 

Set it and forget it?

 

If you, like me, can't see, set it and forget it has a whole
other significance. I know, you don't lose track of your stuff. You resent my
suggesting that, just because you can't see, you might not remember where you
set something down or where you put it.

 

I apologize, so let me start this over. I sometimes set
things down or put them somewhere and can't remember where. Even worse, I look
for whatever it was and end up knocking it over, spilling it or maybe just
bumping it, with the result that it goes flying and I have an even harder time
finding it.

 

If I could see, I would just look around and would usually
find whatever was temporarily lost. I can't. I don't.

 

Okay, you've got the idea. I occasionally set it and forget
it.

 

If that ever happens to you, here are a couple of tips.
First, work on putting things away, where they belong. Yes, I'm actually
serious. Even if you plan to use it again fairly soon, take the extra minute to
put it away, back where it's easy to find. It's nearly as easy to get into the
habit of putting things away as it is to habitually set things down
willy-nilly. "I'll put it away later" is mostly a sign of laziness.
That isn't much of an issue, unless you can't see. But if you don't mind not
being able to find your stuff, don't bother with getting into the habit of
putting them away.

 

Here is my second tip. If you need to set something down
while completing a task or activity, put it beside something else that doesn't
move, and that you always know where it is. This comes up when working in the
kitchen, at your desk, in your workshop, etc. You need to lay down a tool or
supply while you do something else. It needs to be handy when you need it.

 

The main point here is not to just randomly lay it down in
an open area on a counter or other surface. Put it next to the wall, against an
appliance or other object that you seldom move, or beside another fixed object.
The idea is that you can first locate the spot that doesn't move and then
locate whatever you sat down.

 

This technique is much harder to explain than to do. It's
like having a mental map showing where things are. When setting something down,
put it next to a familiar landmark on your mental map. Then, even if you forget
where you put it, it's easier to check near the usual landmarks than to have to
randomly search around for it. It will make finding your stuff even easier if
you get into the habit of trying to always use the same reference landmarks as
much as you can. If you set things down beside the regular landmarks, they will
be easier to find, when you set it but forget where.

 

A quick reminder and a tiny
extra tip

 

Remember to move your hand low and slow when reaching for
whatever you have temporarily set aside or laid down. The tiny tip is to always
lay knives down with the cutting edge away from you and on the other side of
where you may be feeling for it. The same edge that can cut a cucumber can and
will cut your finger, if you aren't careful.

 

Might As Well Get Up

 

So far, everything I have discussed, and the tips to go
along, can be done sitting down. If getting up and walking around are not in
your wheelhouse, there are many more things you can do, but for now, I want to
shift to walking around.

 

Let me just skip right over how easy walking around is if
you can see. I can't see and walking around is for me, a daily challenge. Let's
also get past the notion that, even though you can't see, it's possible for you
to learn to walk around, never tripping, bumping into things, knocking things
over and not even occasionally banging your head or other sensitive area into a
wall or stray chair. Maybe someone who can't see, somewhere, but not me and
most likely, not you either. Bumps, bruises and similar annoyances are
inevitable, if walking around is in your daily routine.

 

I have a robot vacuum cleaner that has learned to vacuum the
floors in my house, without any additional directions or intervention. Okay, it
only usually vacuums my house without any intervention by me, except when it
gets stuck or can't find its way back to its dock. I call it Jake. If it
successfully vacuums and returns to its dock, I can say, "That's just
Jake." If it gets stuck or can't find its way home, that's just a Jake
mistake.

 

Here's the point. Jake made itself a map of my house which
it now uses to vacuum. With a little human help, it knows where each room is,
how to get from room to room and its way back to its dock, most of the time.
Making its map took a while, but it is pretty independent now. Just Jake, don't
you think?

 

Here's the deal. I'm smarter than Jake, and so are you. I
can make a mental map  of my house and can use it when walking around. Making
my mental map took a while, but now that I have it, walking around my house is
just Jake, most of the time.

 

Step one is to make the mental map of my space. I have one
for my house and others for places I regularly go. When I go to a new location,
I immediately start making a mental map of that place. The longer I am at a
specific location and the more often I return there, the better my mental map for
that location gets.

 

"How do I make a mental map," you ask? If
possible, I get someone to show me around, I ask about the location where I am,
I listen to the sounds and noises around me and to what people around say about
where things are and what they look like. Over time, I collect more and more
data about the place. The more data I collect and the more familiar I become
with the location, the more useful my mental map becomes.

 

Is that the end of it? Is having a really good mental map of
a place all there is to it? Would that that were true. I could just focus on my
mental map and walk around with no mistakes, errors or issues. But instead of
being the end of it, having a working mental map is what gamblers call table
stakes. You need that mental map just to get into the walking around game.
Without it, you are lost and would be well-advised to stay seated. At least, in
your chair, you aren't likely to bump into a wall or trip over the dog toys on
the floor. – But if that's not Jake for you, make a mental map everywhere you
are and everywhere you go.

 

Up and
Moving

 

Okay, it's time to get up and moving. But not so quick. I do
have a couple of thoughts to share first.

 

If you've not been able to see for a long time, this is
probably nothing new or particularly interesting for you. I'm sure tempted to
skip on past the basics to the good stuff, including phone apps and cool
gadgets. I might even suggest a few podcasts specifically for those of us who
can't see. But all in good time. First, I need to share a few tips with those
of you who recently joined the can't see club, and also with those of you who
just want to understand how those of us who can't se do what we do.

 

First, a white cane or handy stick of some sort would likely
be helpful as you get up and about. I did tell you that I don't know everything
about not seeing, or how other people are able to do what they do without
seeing, didn't I? Well, this is one of those times. I have never used a white
cane and don't actually know how to use one. People who are proficient with a
white cane have a skill set that I simply don't have. Nonetheless, if you can't
see and get a chance to learn how to use a white cane, go for it, without any
hesitation. It would be a good addition to your skill set.

 

Second, if someone is going to help you get around, they are
likely to hold your arm or hand, trying to guide or lead you. This usually
doesn't work out very well. Better is for you to hold their arm or touch them.
What makes the difference, you ask?

 

That is a great question. It's the difference between being
lead and following. Following is much easier. With the best of intentions,
people holding you will tend to push and pull. When they do, it's hard to know
exactly what they want you to do or which direction they want you to go. Much
easier is to hold their arm and follow them. I don't think I fully understand
the difference well enough to completely explain it, but for me, following is
always better. Try it both ways to see which works best for you.

 

Just as an aside, when it comes to getting up and walking
around, I have a tip and a caution, but I'm starting with the caution. More
often than not, if you bump into something or bang your head, the reason is
simple. You started moving before you gave any thought to where you are and how
to get to where you want to be.

 

The next most likely reason for those bumps and bangs is not
thinking about where you want to go and how you are doing as you move toward
where you want to be. You just start out without any further thought. The point
is that you stop paying attention at your own risk. It usually turns out fine,
but now and then, you will wish that you had been more attentive.

 

Now that I have gotten us past the preliminaries, let's get
to the first tip. Yes, there are quite a few tips and techniques for moving
around without seeing, but let's start with what I think is likely principle
number 1.

 

• It's all about the angles.

 

I'm going to assume that you want to walk around where you
live. We can start inside and save outside for later.

 

You have made a mental map of where you live, haven't you?
You need it now. The more detailed your mental map is, the easier moving around
will be.

 

The key to walking around without running into things or
getting somewhere you didn't want to be is moving from point to point on your
mental map, and not trying to go from where you are straight to where you want
to be. It actually is as easy as that.

 

As you walk, you know you are at the next waypoint when you
touch it with your hand, or perhaps your leg. Keep your hand up so you find the
wall or other waypoint before banging into it. It's not necessary to reach out.
It's usually enough to just hold your arm up some, with your hand bent forward.
You only need to walk slowly enough to give yourself a chance to stop once your
hand touches the wall, or corner, or perhaps the refrigerator.

 

Here's the deal with those angles. As you walk toward the
next waypoint, you can easily miss it, if you don't get the angle right. Take
the second it takes to face where you think the waypoint is before starting to
walk. If you are facing the waypoint, you need only walk straight to it, which
is sometimes harder than it sounds.

 

You face the waypoint before you start toward it. Based on
your mental map, you know about how far it is away. Your skill with getting it
right will improve in time. Even so, you won't always end up where you wanted
to go. Yes, you can and will become disoriented in your own house or living
area. It happens to all of us who can't see. When you do become disoriented,
stop. Don't just wander around. Move slowly in one direction until you find
something familiar. Reorient yourself, and away you go.

 

If there are people who can see in the area when you get
disoriented, they will try to verbally guide you. That usually doesn't work out
very smoothly. Better if they quietly tell you where you are. Sure, if they see
a hazard, they should stop you from hurting yourself or damaging something.
Even so, the best help is for them to just tell you where you are, or usually
even better, just wait until you get yourself reoriented.

 

Pro tip: put a rug by the door or perhaps under the coffee
table. That gives you a foot guide when you step onto the rug. Also notice
where the floor surface changes and add that to your mental map.

 

That's all too much. You're not going to all that bother.
It's just a big nuisance. No problem, if you're okay with not getting up and
around, or perhaps you don't mind knocking things over, breaking things, and of
course, there are all of those bumps and bruises you could have avoided. Even
so, it's your call.

 

There is a small fact of life that is frequently overlooked.
Here it is. Just because doing something isn't complicated, doesn't mean that
doing it is easy or simple. This important point definitely applies to doing
without seeing.

 

The tips and strategies for doing without seeing that I have
discussed so far haven't been particularly complicated. Nonetheless, adding
each tip or strategy to our personal skill set is far from easy or simple. They
require a degree of attention, concentration and practice that can seem to be
unreasonable and hardly worth the effort. On any given occasion, they are
hardly worth the bother – and they are a lot of bother at times.

 

Here is the issue. Those of us who can't see have limited
options. Either we go to the bother of incorporating the tips and strategies
into our skill set, or we are permanently disabled, unable to do what we want
to do, when we want to do it. The things we want to do are either off the table
or left to the discretion and good will of people who can see.

 

We each get to choose; and I'm assuming that you are
choosing to do for yourself, whenever you can, as much as you can.

 

Noise Is usually Good

 

I've focused on walking around our homes or living areas.
The strategy is to start with our mental map of our area. It's not a one and
done kind of thing. We continue to improve our mental map by adding and
correcting the details. The more time we spend in the area, the more detailed
and the more accurate our mental map gets.

 

I've also pointed out that a good strategy for moving around
is to get into the habit of walking from known point to known point. I call
those points "landmarks." The idea is to take a moment to make sure
you are facing the next landmark before starting to walk. Now walk directly
toward that landmark. In your home, this strategy is important, but once you go
outside, it becomes critical. Practicing at home is your best bet for safely
mastering the technique.

 

If options were limited to following our mental maps,
walking around would be difficult but doable. The good news is that we can do
better than simply relying on our mental maps. I mentioned paying attention to
the floor. Notice when you step on a rug or when the floor changes from carpet
to wood. The idea is that changes in the floor surface become additional
landmarks on our mental maps. The same notion will apply outside when the
surface where we are walking changes.

 

I also mentioned touching things. Keeping our hands up helps
us touch things before banging into them, but also helps us identify landmarks
in our environments such as chairs, walls and appliances.

 

The added tip here is listening. Along with touching and
feeling, your home or living area makes sounds. Where I live, the furnace just
turned on. I also hear the ice maker in the refrigerator. Different areas make
different sounds, letting me know a little more about where I am at any
particular time. The traffic sounds are outside in front of the house, the
birds are chirping outside the back door, and on and on. My living environment
is not loud but is noisy, and yours likely is too. Again, listening becomes
even more important when we leave our familiar environments and venture into
unfamiliar outside and inside spaces.

 

Here's what I think is an especially useful tip. Leave a
radio or TV playing whenever you are at home and awake. Along with being
auditory company, the sound is a consistent and continuous landmark that you can
use from most anywhere in your living area. I've done this for a long time and
am still surprised at times by how helpful the sound is, particularly when I
become momentarily disoriented now and then. If you don't already do this, give
it a try.

 

A Head's Up

 

I mention walking outside and in unfamiliar inside places.
The tips I include are minor and only intended to suggest a few things to keep
in mind.

 

Walking from place to place outside and in new places
without a helper who can see, requires a skill set that all of us who can't see
need, but should only develop with the assistance of a qualified mobility
professional. Additionally, I don't know any way to develop those skills
without learning how to use a white cane or guide dog.

 

Where you live and spend most of your time likely is doable,
whether you live in an apartment or on a farm. The key is that you have a good
mental map of the area and are aware of any risky areas or hazards. Also, when
you become disoriented – and you will – there is minimal risk of getting hurt.

 

I mentioned earlier that I don't know how to use a white
cane. I'm a guide dog user. My current guide dog is my seventh, so I have been
trusting my mobility to a dog for a long time. Like most other strategies for
doing what we want to do without seeing, getting out and about by ourselves
requires high motivation, determination and practice and then more practice. On
any given day, it's easier to just stay home. The important thing to know is
that going wherever you want to go is possible but requires skills only
acquired with the assistance of qualified mobility trainers.

 

Talk and
Tell

 

That's it for the heads-up. Let's get back to moving around
in our personal living space. I earlier suggested leaving a radio or TV playing
as an orientation device. The sound is a known landmark on our mental map. But
it gets even better. Here's where the fun starts. Those of us who can't see
have what sometimes seems like unlimited technology out there to help us do
what we want to do.

 

Does thinking about all that technology get you excited, or
does it cause you to shrug and turn away? If technology is something that
interests you, you are ready to ramp up your skill set for doing what you want
to do. If instead, you aren't interested and don't think technology is for you,
you have made a life altering decision, although you may not know you are
making it. You have decided to be satisfied with the status quo. You already
have all the help you need or want, to do what you do, and just leaving things
as they are is sufficient for you. – No problem. It really is your choice.

 

Sure, I'll be getting to cell phones and computers; but for
starters, I'm very impressed with the Amazon Echo and the Google wireless
speaker. You need the little speaker for either. I suspect you already have one
or the other. The cool part isn't so much the gadget, but rather the assistant
that talks to us. For Amazon's Echo, she is Alexa, and for the Google gadget, I
call him the Google Guy.

 

We'll come back to both devices from time to time, but for
now, let's get back to walking around our living areas. Alexa and the Google
Guy are great orientation helpers. Since I know where they are located in my
living space, I can just ask anything – It doesn't matter what I ask. – I get a
response and immediately am oriented to where I am in relation to the voice.
It's better for me than a radio or TV, especially when I don't want them on all
day.

 

You are undoubtedly getting the idea. Listening is, for
those of us who can't see, our most important orientation device. If you can't
see and also can't hear, you have two serious issues; and I don't know how to
help with the can't hear issue. But there are people who can help. The first
step is to identify someone who can't hear or knows how to help people who
can't hear. They likely can head you in the right direction to get some
assistance.

 

There are a lot of sounds in our environments and ways to
add sounds. Radios and TVs are good but adding Alexa or the Google Guy may be
even better. Along with being great sources of information and entertainment,
both are excellent orientation devices. Ask anything, and you get a response.
Since you know where the device is in your environment, it's easy to know where
you are in relation to it. They are better than a radio or TV, since they only
make noise when you want noise. The rest of the time, they are just waiting to
give you a little orientation prompt.

 

Is all of this easy peasy, a piece of cake? Definitely not.
Is it doable with time and effort? It is, to the extent you can develop the
skills and so long as you are willing to manage the frustration and hard work.
Developing the know-how and skills is tedious. Having the knowledge and skills
is totally terrific.

 

Touch and Tell

 

let's continue our journey with rubber bands, paper clips
and safety pins. In the kitchen, put one rubber band around the cans of beans,
and two for corn. In your closet, put one small safety pin inside the black
pants, and two for the brown. Put a paper clip on the mail you want to keep,
and none for the junk mail. I'll bet you get the idea. Use something to
designate which type of thing is which. Doing for yourself starts with being
able to tell this from that. If you could see, it would be easy. When you can't
see, you need a system.

 

There are better ways of labeling your stuff, and we will
get to them in time. For now though, get a good supply of rubber bands, paper
clips and safety pins. Pro tip: You can also use big ones and little ones to
add to your labeling options. Just be consistent, and – the most important tip
– remember your system.

 

A Little
Braille Helps Too

 

I think most everyone has a notion about Braille and what it
is. It's raised bumps or dots in specific patterns that people who can't see
use to read. If you are a proficient Braille user, you have a skill set that
most people who can't see don't have.

 

Does that surprise you? You're not alone. The belief is
common enough that I am often offered a Braille menu when I go to a restaurant,
and even my bank and the gas company send me a Braille version of my current
account monthly. I have never requested this service. They just assume that,
since I can't see, I know Braille well enough to read Braille documents. That
is definitely not true for me.

 

I can use Braille well enough to do quite a lot though, and
you can likely learn enough Braille to make some things in your day-to-day
world easier and more convenient. If you are motivated to learn to be a
proficient Braille user, please go for it. Your new skill set will serve you
well. If you are responsible for a school-age youngster who can't see or who is
likely to lose his or her vision, make learning Braille a priority for the
young person. But if you are older and simply not up to the journey to Braille
proficiency, I do have a suggestion for you.

 

Take a few hours to learn a little Braille.

 

The Hadley School is an easy way to get started: https://hadley.edu or Call 800-323-4238. Just tell them that you want to learn a little
Braille. They will take it from there, and sooner than you may think, you will
be labeling things and making quick notes for this and that.

 

The helpful folks at Hadley
will register you in their starter Braille class, help you get everything you
need to succeed and then set up a few classes that you complete at home. And
it's free. Can it get any easier than that?

 

I can't read a book or even a
page of Braille, but I can read the Braille labels on my medication from the
pharmacy, the card I carry with me that has the number and other info for my
credit card, the labels I've made for stuff around the house and notes I make
when talking to a group or when I want to remember a number or other little
piece of information. Knowing more Braille might be useful; but even with the
little I know, it definitely comes in handy most every day.

 

Here's the deal. Just like a little exercise is better than
no exercise, and a little patience is better than no patience, and a little
independence is better than no independence, a little Braille is way better
than no Braille. Start with Hadley or someone else who can teach you and then
give it fifteen minutes a day for four weeks. If after that, you still think
it's a waste of your time, you're probably right. Until then though, give
learning a little Braille a chance.

 

Opportunities Are Optional

 

Let me share an anecdote that speaks to opportunities that
are indeed optional. Whether to Pursue them represents a choice that only you
can make.

 

I was listening to a podcast called iBUG Buzz. It's produced
by the folks at http://www.iBugToday.org. iBUG is a Blind Users Group for
people who use or want to use iPhones, iPads, Apple Watches, Apple TVs and
everything related. The website and the iBUG program has been around for more
than ten years, but I just found out about it this week. I'm going to spend
more time exploring its resources and options, and definitely recommend that
you spend some time with it too.

 

Back to the anecdote. An individual (I'm calling her Sue,
but I have no idea what her name actually is.) commented that she has been
unable to see all of her life. As a child and on to being a young adult, Sue's
parents and others in her family were very supportive and also quite protective.
With the best of intentions, they developed a pattern of doing most everything
for her that children and adults who can see do without much thought. They
obviously wanted to do everything they could do to make Sue's life frustration
and friction free. Their love was strong and heart-felt.

 

To her surprise and that of her family, Sue discovered that
there are lots of people who can't see who have learned to do most things they
want to do without needing someone to help or to do them for them. Many people who
can't see have developed a skill set that neither she nor her family knew was
possible.

 

Sure, Sue had developed her own skill set, but limited by
others doing for her instead of her learning to do for herself. Her new
awareness was that she could learn to use iPhones, computers and a range of
other tech-toys that could open a world of experiences and opportunities that
had been hidden from her. "Thanks, but I'll do it for myself," was a
new and freeing experience. In addition to the tech-toys, she discovered a
growing range of resources for people who can't see that range from how to do
most anything, to how others have adjusted to not being able to see, to
techniques and strategies for managing more or less independently when she had
things to do, places to go and people to see.

 

  Why am I bringing this up at this point in our journey?
Think cell phones in general, and smart phones in particular. Yes, you can make
phone calls on smart phones, but if that's the only reason for having one, an
old-fashion land-line phone is easier and probably cheaper. But making phone
calls is not the reason why you likely should have a smart phone, if you can't
see. It's all the other things you can do with a smart phone that makes having
one so useful.

 

Try this. Think of ten things you want to do that not being
able to see prevents or makes especially difficult. I suspect that a smart
phone can help with at least seven of those things. The key here is that you
don't need to master the smart phone or become what they call a power user. You
only need to have enough skill to get the smart phone to help with those things
you want to do.

 

Since I'm not a smart phone power user, I'm not going to try
to teach you how to use a smart phone, but I am going to suggest resources you
may want to consider for this and other things you want to learn. I already
included the Internet address and phone number for Hadley. Here, I'll give you
a couple of additional numbers for good learning resources.

 

• American Foundation for the Blind (AFB): 212-502-7600

 

• National Federation of the Blind (NFB): 410-659-9314

 

Either of these organizations
will be willing to point you toward the resources and services you need to
learn to do what you want to do, including using a smart phone. For now though,
be well, do well and keep in mind what I hope is your personal mantra:

 

• If it is to be, it's up to
me.