Stingrays, Concussions, and Holding It Loosely

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Hey guys, before we jump into this conversation with Josh and I, I just wanted to let you know about our fall retreat that's coming up Thursday, October 29th through Sunday, November 1st.
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It's going to be in Fairfield, Idaho, which is about an hour from an hour 15 or so from the Boise Airport.
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Um, it's a really great venue, great spot for our retreats.
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Uh, this will be the second time we're there this spring.
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Um, but this, if you guys are on the fence about this, I know I've talked to a lot of guys that are like, yeah, I've been thinking about and wanting to.
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Like, now's the time.
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If you're tired of kind of the same old, same old and feel hopeless as a husband or a dad.
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What's great about what we're working on uh last spring and this fall be um some more of the same in how you're showing up as a as a man, as a husband, as a father.
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And if you're not a husband or a father, I cannot highly recommend this for young men enough that aren't married or don't have kids, because man, if I could have learned what we're working through now, the heartache uh would have saved saved me and the headache of um not knowing and how how to grow as a man and into those areas.
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It's a great time.
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We only take 30 guys, so it's it's we like to keep it intimate and small.
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Um, it's not about growing in big numbers for us at all.
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It's about doing the work with some like-minded brothers and getting some results and seeing some fruit of digging into our stories and why we show up the way that we do.
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Um Jake Hamilton's coming back.
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It's gonna be it's gonna be a great weekend.
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So I just wanted to let you guys know again that that is open.
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Um today uh we just got back from the Pro Am.
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Um, and you know, we don't have sponsors, nobody pays for ads for what we do or anything like that.
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But I do want to give a few shout-outs um for the people that really get behind and support us.
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Um first is Buck and Rietta and Jamie at the Pro Am.
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I mean, they just have opened their arms and their platform to us and raising awareness and raising finances for our mission in an incredible way.
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Jeff Mundell, who's the announcer at the Pro Am, I mean, he just does such a great job of talking about our mission and sending people our way.
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And I'm just really grateful for them.
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Also, Scott and Amy Grosskoff of Heritage Horseman Supply, every the last three years have donated a silver bit head stall full bridal outfit to raffle off over the weekend, um, which is is just super generous and supportive.
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Uh this year TrueWork, which is a is started out as like kind of construction type clothing brand, but they're getting into Westernware, and the guys over there are incredible.
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Um Brian and Jason, um, Brian's the the founder and owner, and just a super supportive of our mission.
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And um, they're creating some really great uh clothes for uh the Western lifestyle.
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Um they're they're amazing.
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Brian Hockstrat donated this incredible bronze um wall art that we are going to continue on the raffle with that will close in November at the Buckaroo Traditions Gathering.
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So we'll get that online so you guys can see that.
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Um and it's just an incredible piece.
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If you don't know who Brian is, I highly suggest you go look up his website or on Instagram.
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He's a silversmith and a saddle maker and gun engraver and been spur guy, but um I just had him on the podcast last week.
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But go check him out.
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So, yeah, we just want to say thank you to the people that surround and support us and all the great conversations and all the people that came up talk to us about how our mission has impacted them.
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And and I I just want to say also really quickly, the impact is from the people that come on and tell their stories as far as the podcast goes.
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Like, I get the brunt of like thank you so much for what you guys are doing, but it's I'm I'm nothing without the people that are so wildly courageous to come on and vulnerably shell their share their stories of great heartache and and triumph and um hope.
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So to everyone that's been on here, I just am so grateful.
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It's evident that that this is helping a lot of people sharing these stories of of hope and redemption.
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And um, yeah, I'm just really grateful for all the support and love that we got to experience uh in Ogden this weekend and all the great conversations.
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And um anyway, this is a great way to get involved.
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So if you've ever thought about it, now's your chance.
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Um go to our website, thewildcourage.org, go to events and um go to retreats, and you can get the registration there.
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Um again, don't let money be the reason why you can't come.
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That's why we're a nonprofit.
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Um, we can help figure it out for you if if it's if you're not able to financially afford it.
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Um, I just wanted to oh, uh sorry.
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If you could um follow us on our social media and stuff, my social media team tells us that helps the algorithm, and they're always telling me, hey, ask people to follow us and subscribe to us on um Spotify or Apple or however you listen to the podcasts and give us a rate or a review.
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I guess it helps.
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I don't understand any of it, but they keep asking me to do it for years, and I never do it, so I'm doing it, get them off my back.
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And I and it and it again, it I think it does help from what they tell me to get the word out about what we're doing and trying to make a difference and trying to give away some hope.
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So um that's that.
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Um my friend Josh and I are gonna be sitting down and um doing a podcast every other week in between uh interviews of people's stories.
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Um, and it's gonna be in typical wild courage fashion, no script.
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We're just gonna throw something that we're going through in real time out there.
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Um, I think it'll just be nice to have some consistency, and Josh and I are just gonna be super vulnerable about whatever it is we have going on in our lives and hopefully share some insight and thoughts to some things that we've been uh wrestling through or contending for, and still maintain the position that we don't have any of this figured out, but um we're just gonna hop on once a week and um or every other week and and try to shed some light on some things we're working through that hopefully is applicable to some of you, and maybe you can get a nugget or two out of it.
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Um, anyway, thanks.
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Adios.
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Dude, I have a story for you.
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I like stories.
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So we went to go to California a couple weeks ago.
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Yeah, right.
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Yeah, to see so my parents were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
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Oh, I didn't know that.
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Yeah, that was the reason for the shindig.
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Mm-hmm.
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So we got together, my sister's family, my parents rented a house on the beach.
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As you know, that's the thing that I miss the most about living in Idaho is not having access to the beach and being able to surf more importantly, the ocean.
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Totally.
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Exactly.
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Um, so I was super stoked for many reasons.
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I want to see my family, get to hang out with everybody, but also really looking forward to being able to surf, right?
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And as you know, I've recently gotten back into skateboarding.
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Yeah.
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It's not a midlife crisis.
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It's just you're you love it.
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Very healthy.
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Yeah.
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Totally.
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Um, I wear more pads than I've ever.
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I never wore pads before to begin with, skateboarding.
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Now I'm like the old guy at the skate park with knee pads and wrist guards and gray hair.
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Yeah, totally.
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Um I do like knee pad, all the things on your elbows, knees.
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I don't wear them on my elbows.
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But my wrist guards are literally the best investment I've ever made in my life.
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What do they look like?
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I don't know.
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I don't go around your wrist and they have pads and stuff.
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Yeah, oh yeah.
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So like you can catch yourself with them.
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When I slide out and do like, you know how you picture like the board flying out and landing right on your butt?
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Yeah.
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Yeah, like the those moves for sure.
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And the helmet, is it like a bike helmet?
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I have a helmet, which I don't wear unless I'm like really pushing it.
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When I say really pushing it, like it's you know, the degree of difficulty is not an overly difficult.
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I gotta come watch this.
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We need I need to get out there with Layton.
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That's that's what we need to do.
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Yeah.
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Um, but Idaho has skate parks everywhere.
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Yeah.
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So when I grew up, we were like sneaking on high schools, we're, you know, doing all that stuff just to find places to skate.
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Well, now out here, there's a skate park in every town.
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And so I I don't know what happened, dude.
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Like literally a couple months ago, I just I told Tiff I was going to the skate shop and got aboard.
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And were you but back in the day, were you good?
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I'm not good at it.
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Like I I'm okay at a lot of things, but I'm not like great at anything.
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Like I'm not expert level at Could you do some some tricks?
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Yeah, I can do some tricks.
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And I I like to ride the ramps and try to be smooth.
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And I've I've actually learned a couple tricks recently that I didn't know before.
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I gotta come see.
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So well, so I've been doing that, right?
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And then we went camping before this beach trip and we did the river wave thing, and that took a minute to get like that was tricky because it's I have to say you redeemed yourself from last year though.
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It's so hard.
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Because I counted like one time I think you were up for like 25, 30 seconds.
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Yeah.
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This time was better.
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Way better.
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But it took a second to get.
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I mean, you know, like I was wiping out left and right, and it's just different than regular surfing.
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So I say all that because in my head, I'm like, dude, this is going to be the best surfing trip of my life.
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I'm gonna go stay on the beach.
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I get to hang out with my family.
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I've been doing the skate parks, I'm riding the mini ramps, like I'm in the flow.
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So you feel like you got your balance because of the skateboard helps, transfers the surfing somewhat.
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Totally.
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Yeah.
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Like I'm feeling it.
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Snowboarding last season, right?
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Like it got me back into snowboarding.
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I'm getting back to the roots.
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Like I am ready to shred.
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So in my head, like I'm I'm lit, dude.
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I can picture it now.
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Like I'm gonna be ripping, you know, on these waves.
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I call this guy ahead of time that has a surf shop locally by where we're staying, line up my surfboard rental, my wetsuit, all the things.
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So we go out there, and it's like a couple days in the trip.
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I go meet the guy, super cool guy, like really well connected in the surf community.
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Um, like his family invented some wax and different things, and he had a this little side note, uh, huge um custom long board with a 49er logo on it, because he's Brock Purdy's cousin, who's the quarterback of the Niners.
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No way.
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Which I'm a Niners fan, right?
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So it was kind of cool.
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Um, but super cool guy.
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So I rent this board.
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The board's called the Hulk.
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And I think his I think his uh a family member like shaped it.
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Built it.
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Yeah.
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Uh got my wetsuit, and he says, and you know when somebody's like kind of giving you the lowdown and you're you're not really listening because you're just excited about what's to come.
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Yeah, like I got it.
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Yeah.
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So he's like, Don't be surprised.
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Like, don't take a hit to the ego if you can't paddle out.
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Like, paddle out?
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Yeah.
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I'm like, what?
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Like, dude, I'm I'm not like I'm not a rookie here.
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Don't let this Idaho driver's license I had to show you fool you.
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Yeah.
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Like I've been riding mini ramps on my skateboard.
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I just, I just did the river wave.
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Like, okay.
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And then he's like, but if you go around this jetty spot, like this is where we do the surf lessons.
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San Diego?
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Yeah, oceanside.
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Yeah, San Diego.
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Um, then there's this other spot where it's like more mellow and you can have fun and surfing there.
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And I'm like, dude, like, okay, okay, whatever.
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So I get my board, I'm walking through town and I'm I'm walking back to the place that we were staying.
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So I'm like stoked.
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Like, I'm probably like just skipping along.
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You know, I got my board, I got my wetsuit, feel like a big deal.
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I got the Hulk with me.
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And then I get down to the boardwalk and I'm looking at the waves.
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And this was like the second day we we were there.
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And I'm like, these waves are looking a little bigger than yesterday.
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Like it's coming in.
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Yeah.
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And and I just I'm just kind of like pondering, right?
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Like I'm just kind of walking back, and I'm like, man, that that looks like a decent sized wave over there.
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So I get back, and then we were staying on this this two-story on the top level, but like right across from the beach.
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A huge, like, you know, those windows that open up.
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Like it was a super cool rental.
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So the slider opens up and you're just right on the beach and you can oversee the whole beach there.
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And I'm standing up there after I get my board back, and I'm like, dude, these these waves are like, like I'm I'm like feeling it.
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Like I'm getting anxious, right?
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Like not and not so much excited or yeah, like like a nervous tension, you know.
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And it was later in the day.
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And I'm like, what?
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Like, you know, your your balls are kind of tingling a little bit, like like the confidence level of like shredding is like starting to diminish a little bit.
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But I I'm like, I like I rented a board for the week, like I just spent a bunch of money on this rental, you know.
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Like, what what am I gonna do?
00:15:03.919 --> 00:15:09.840
So And you and if I know you, you've been like talking to your wife too about Yeah, probably talking it up.
00:15:09.919 --> 00:15:13.360
Like you're gonna want to get the camera out because you're about to see something.
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Exactly.
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Exactly.
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Yeah, she's gonna be so impressed.
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Like Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And so it'll start a chain reaction.
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She's gonna want to throw herself at me because she's so impressed.
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Hero stuff.
00:15:26.799 --> 00:15:27.120
Yep.
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All of it.
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So we have dinner and and I'm like, okay, like I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna go out today.
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Like it's it's just we have a lot going on.
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I can kind of settle into it.
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But I keep looking at the surf and it's just getting bigger.
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And finally, and I in my head, I'm like, don't do it.
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But I did, and I looked up the surf report.
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And it's like what was it, four to six feet, which is big, like six feet plus.
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And the weird thing about or the interesting thing about surfing is when they measure waves, they measure them from the back.
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So like a four foot wave is like an eight foot oh nine foot face.
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Oh right, on the on the front.
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Yeah.
00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:12.480
So it doesn't sound it's like oh four foot wave.
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Like that's not that big.
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It is, especially when you're like laying down and you're looking up, and like that's you know, six feet, like you're getting 10 feet plus.
00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:27.279
So you think of like a faulted ceiling that's pretty high, you know, like looking up at basketball hoops, 10 feet.
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Yeah, there you go.
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So now I'm like really in my head.
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I'm like, dude, this is big.
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Like, this is not small surf.
00:16:36.320 --> 00:16:39.279
Um, and so I'm just starting to get a little cranky.
00:16:39.519 --> 00:16:42.480
Like I can feel it, you know, because like the anxiety is like hitting.
00:16:42.639 --> 00:16:48.639
And I'm like, dude, my my daughters are here, like my oldest Abby, like her and I have been reading this book, like, do hard things.
00:16:48.720 --> 00:16:51.759
Like it's like what what you painted yourself in a cloak.
00:16:51.919 --> 00:16:53.360
Yeah, there's no backing out, right?
00:16:53.519 --> 00:16:57.600
So I so I announced to like Tiff and everybody, I'm like, oh, I'll go surfing in the morning.
00:16:57.679 --> 00:17:00.159
I'm gonna wake up early and I'm gonna go surfing.
00:17:00.559 --> 00:17:04.240
So um we sleep.
00:17:04.480 --> 00:17:09.200
I wake up in the morning, and I'm eating my yogurt by myself.
00:17:09.279 --> 00:17:16.319
And I'm sitting in front of that window, I'm looking out at the surf, I'm eating my yogurt, and I'm like, like, dude, I'm I'm I'm anxious.
00:17:16.400 --> 00:17:18.720
Like, I'm feeling it because the surf's just getting bigger.
00:17:18.880 --> 00:17:19.039
Right.
00:17:19.200 --> 00:17:20.319
Like it's now or never.
00:17:20.480 --> 00:17:20.960
Yeah.
00:17:21.279 --> 00:17:28.960
And as I'm eating, there's a guy in the water, and I see him eat it, like it was a good wipeout.
00:17:29.119 --> 00:17:35.599
And I'm looking down because I'm eating my yogurt, you know, and then I look back up, and then before I know it, he's paddling into shore.
00:17:36.240 --> 00:17:39.440
And he gets on the shore and he's kind of stumbling around.
00:17:39.519 --> 00:17:44.960
He throws his board on the ground and just lays down on his back, like like surrendering?
00:17:45.119 --> 00:17:48.319
Yeah, like surrendering, collecting himself, like, thank God I'm alive.
00:17:48.400 --> 00:17:53.599
Like, and I'm sitting here eating, and I'm like, oh gosh, dude, what what am I doing?
00:17:53.839 --> 00:17:56.400
So this is like the pre-game, right?
00:17:56.640 --> 00:18:01.279
So I'm like, I I got I got like I won't be able to live with myself if I don't at least try, right?
00:18:01.359 --> 00:18:02.960
Like I I gotta get out there.
00:18:03.200 --> 00:18:08.160
And it looks like there's a strong, I think Rip Current's the one that goes like sideways, right?
00:18:08.799 --> 00:18:16.240
So I get my wetsuit on, I play, I have a sh, it's called it's literally called a shreddy mix in my course you do.
00:18:16.400 --> 00:18:19.039
And it like I I listen I put it on when I skateboard.
00:18:19.359 --> 00:18:22.240
One question is highway to the danger zone on this mix?
00:18:22.400 --> 00:18:26.319
It's not, but it's because it's a lot of like the punk kind of like era.
00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:27.359
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:18:27.599 --> 00:18:28.400
Okay, gotcha.
00:18:28.640 --> 00:18:34.480
So I'm playing that in the room as I'm putting on my wetsuit because I need to get pumped up, right?
00:18:35.279 --> 00:18:39.119
And so I'm I'm going, I'm like, okay, babe, like I'm gonna go out.
00:18:39.279 --> 00:18:45.279
And of course, my mom, Grandma Kay, freaking wants to take a picture right before I go out.
00:18:45.359 --> 00:18:47.519
So she's like, okay, pose, like, let's get a picture.
00:18:47.599 --> 00:18:57.119
And I'm like, I mean, I still I have the picture, like I'm so irritated because of what's about to happen, what I'm about to embark on, and we need a picture.
00:18:57.440 --> 00:19:01.759
Um so let me adjust this real quick.
00:19:03.359 --> 00:19:12.000
Okay, so I get I go downstairs, I tell Tiff too, I'm like, babe, like don't be alarmed if I, you know, am going down the beach.
00:19:12.079 --> 00:19:13.359
Like I'm not gonna fight it.
00:19:13.759 --> 00:19:18.799
It looks like there's a straw but strong red current, like it's you know, don't don't be alarmed.
00:19:19.039 --> 00:19:24.559
So I kind of walk down and I I walk up the beach because I'm expecting to kind of go down once I get in the water.
00:19:25.039 --> 00:19:32.079
I start paddling out, and there's like, you know, when the waves are crashing, and then like ideally there's like sets.
00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:33.359
So like a couple will come in.
00:19:34.319 --> 00:19:38.960
Yeah, and then it's a little bit of a break, and you go, and then you, you know, you can kind of get out there.
00:19:39.200 --> 00:19:42.000
Well, I'm getting freaking hammered.
00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:42.960
Just trying to get out.
00:19:43.119 --> 00:19:43.359
Yeah.
00:19:43.519 --> 00:19:45.119
It's like wave after wave.
00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:48.240
Do you do the thing where you go under the wave?
00:19:48.559 --> 00:19:50.960
Yeah, typically you duck dive, right?
00:19:51.119 --> 00:19:56.160
My board was like it's it was seven foot two inches, which is kind of in the middle.
00:19:56.400 --> 00:19:59.440
So it's harder to duck dive, especially like with my size.
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.200
So ideally, yes, it didn't work super well just with a size board.
00:20:05.519 --> 00:20:13.839
But like, and then it if the surf's like too big, you just kind of bail off the board and you just dive under and you have a leash tied to your leg, right?
00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:23.519
So eventually, like I'm just getting hammered so much that I just I'm like off the board, I'm just diving under the waves, and it's like wave after wave just pounding me.
00:20:23.680 --> 00:20:25.680
There's no break in the set.
00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:27.839
Like I'm just getting throttled.
00:20:28.240 --> 00:20:34.240
And finally, I like look back and I'm like, dude, I'm like way down the beach at this point, right?
00:20:34.559 --> 00:20:36.640
So I get back way past your house.
00:20:36.799 --> 00:20:37.759
Yeah, way past.
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:42.960
And there's a there's a jetty that's like a jetty with like the rocks, you know, like the rocks go out.
00:20:43.119 --> 00:20:43.599
Oh yeah.
00:20:43.839 --> 00:20:45.200
And so I'm getting closer to that.
00:20:45.279 --> 00:20:49.039
I'm like, okay, I need to get out because otherwise I'm gonna run into the rocks eventually.
00:20:49.200 --> 00:20:49.519
Yeah.
00:20:49.759 --> 00:20:52.559
So like I just, you know, boogie board it in.
00:20:52.640 --> 00:20:55.440
I stand up at the end and I'm like, this is so stupid.
00:20:55.680 --> 00:20:57.839
I get out and I'm pissed.
00:20:58.000 --> 00:20:58.960
Like, pissed.
00:20:59.279 --> 00:21:00.640
You just got your ass kicked.
00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:01.759
Totally kicked.
00:21:01.839 --> 00:21:06.240
I find out later that my dad was like up watching, and he literally was like, I can't watch.
00:21:06.319 --> 00:21:07.759
And he like turned around and like walked away.
00:21:08.640 --> 00:21:11.039
Yeah, because he was just like, This doesn't look good.
00:21:11.200 --> 00:21:13.680
Like you're just sitting there getting pounded.
00:21:13.920 --> 00:21:17.759
So I'm walking back, and all of a sudden, this guy, his name was Bruce.
00:21:17.920 --> 00:21:21.119
He's like this old guy with a big old pot belly.
00:21:21.279 --> 00:21:33.200
And you know those like the old uh biplane, like the airplanes where the guys would wear the leather helmets, you know, like he has a neoprene like helmet on, like a wetsuit material, like looks like a total goofball.
00:21:33.279 --> 00:21:36.079
And he's holding his boogie board, he's like, hey, like, what's up?
00:21:36.240 --> 00:21:37.759
Like it was hard getting out there, right?
00:21:37.839 --> 00:21:39.680
And I'm like, yeah, like I I couldn't.
00:21:39.759 --> 00:21:42.880
And he's like, Well, the tri this is the first day of the tropical storm.
00:21:43.039 --> 00:21:44.319
It's like riding a river.
00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:48.720
I mean, he goes, I started on the other side of the pier, which is like way down the beach.
00:21:49.759 --> 00:21:49.920
Yeah.
00:21:50.079 --> 00:21:52.720
And he's like, I I mean, this is just impossible.
00:21:52.799 --> 00:21:56.319
And and I'm like trying to be cordial, but I'm like pissed in my head.
00:21:56.480 --> 00:21:59.599
And I'm like, I'm gonna try again because I I need to make it out.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:02.319
Like, this is this is ridiculous.
00:22:02.640 --> 00:22:06.000
So we're kind of chatting it up, and I don't even look.
00:22:06.079 --> 00:22:09.279
Like, I walk past where everybody's on the deck, like watching.
00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:13.039
I don't even look at them because I'm just pissed and I'm gonna get back out there.
00:22:13.119 --> 00:22:14.960
And now I'm like on a mission, right?
00:22:15.039 --> 00:22:18.880
Like, like you just got punched in the face, the the fear's kind of gone.
00:22:18.960 --> 00:22:20.240
It's like time to go.
00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:20.960
Yeah.
00:22:21.279 --> 00:22:23.680
So I'm like, all right, Bruce, like, see you later, man.
00:22:23.759 --> 00:22:25.279
I'm gonna try to make it back out.
00:22:26.240 --> 00:22:28.160
Is there other people out trying to do this too?
00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:35.200
Or is it you're Yeah, there is a handful of guys like by the pier, which is where like the really good guys are.
00:22:35.279 --> 00:22:38.559
And I I wasn't like I'm not about to try to get in the mix.
00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:40.480
Like it gets pretty territorial.
00:22:40.559 --> 00:22:45.839
And I mean, it like any sport, like when guys are at top levels, like they make it look easy.
00:22:45.920 --> 00:22:46.079
Yeah.
00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:46.640
Right.
00:22:47.039 --> 00:22:50.720
Um, so I was kind of down from that.
00:22:50.880 --> 00:22:54.240
And it it there weren't very many out there for sure.
00:22:54.400 --> 00:22:56.319
Um, but there's a couple, you know?
00:22:56.559 --> 00:23:01.039
Um, so I get back in, I'm like, in my head, I just gotta make it out.
00:23:01.519 --> 00:23:04.240
Start paddling in, I'm getting hammered again, right?
00:23:04.400 --> 00:23:06.799
Like just getting my butt handed to me.
00:23:07.039 --> 00:23:10.160
And then I go past where like everybody's staying.
00:23:10.319 --> 00:23:12.240
Finally, like there's a break in the surf.
00:23:12.319 --> 00:23:18.160
And I just I get on the board and I'm like beelining it to like get out there, just paddling as hard as I can.
00:23:18.319 --> 00:23:19.759
Finally, I make it out.
00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:21.599
So I'm like, perfect.
00:23:21.680 --> 00:23:23.839
Like resting and just sitting on your board.
00:23:24.000 --> 00:23:24.079
Yeah.
00:23:24.160 --> 00:23:24.400
Oh, yeah.
00:23:24.640 --> 00:23:25.759
Like catching your breath.
00:23:25.839 --> 00:23:26.000
Yeah.
00:23:26.240 --> 00:23:27.200
Were you out of breath?
00:23:27.440 --> 00:23:27.759
Yeah.
00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:31.039
And the hard thing is, like, I mean, I'm out of shape, right?
00:23:31.119 --> 00:23:33.519
I'm not in surfing shape, but then the waves are coming.
00:23:33.599 --> 00:23:34.960
So then you're diving under the waves.
00:23:35.039 --> 00:23:38.079
So you're out of breath, but then you're holding your breath, right?
00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:44.000
And then you're now it's like a break in the surf, and I got to get my butt out there before I get pounded again.
00:23:44.319 --> 00:23:48.079
So yeah, like I was not breathing very well.
00:23:48.960 --> 00:23:51.839
So I get out and I finally make it.
00:23:51.920 --> 00:23:54.079
And I'm like, okay, first goal accomplished.
00:23:54.240 --> 00:23:55.920
Like I just got out to the surf.
00:23:56.079 --> 00:24:01.680
I'm sitting there trying to catch my breath, and I'm getting closer to like where those rocks are too.
00:24:02.079 --> 00:24:05.519
I'm like, I just at this point, I'm like, I need one like way.
00:24:05.759 --> 00:24:07.519
Like, I need the best wave of my life.
00:24:07.599 --> 00:24:09.200
Like, I just I need one.
00:24:09.759 --> 00:24:11.440
The sets are coming in.
00:24:11.519 --> 00:24:17.039
And then you know when you see like the servers kind of sit on top and the wave comes and they like they're waiting to find the right one.
00:24:17.359 --> 00:24:23.519
And you look down, like I'm looking down at these waves, and I'm like, I you gotta be freaking kidding me.
00:24:23.599 --> 00:24:28.160
Like, I'm not even gonna try to catch this one because it's like too big, it's huge.
00:24:28.400 --> 00:24:31.920
And that like, so now I'm getting kind of scared, like now that I'm out there.
00:24:32.079 --> 00:24:40.799
And so then I'm like, okay, I if I can just catch one of these like smaller ones, which is still decent size, like once again, just the best wave of my life, I'd be good.
00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:44.160
Well, you know, they're just kind of rolling in.
00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:47.039
I see the jetty and I'm like, okay, like I'm not gonna fight it.
00:24:47.119 --> 00:24:49.519
Like, I'm gonna go around the jetty, right?
00:24:49.680 --> 00:24:53.119
So I'm gonna go around and then I'll figure it out once I get around there.
00:24:53.279 --> 00:25:02.319
Well, right as I get close to the jetty, I didn't know this until the guy told me later that I rented the board from, but there's like a sandbar that pushes the waves up.
00:25:02.400 --> 00:25:07.039
So they get even like the face of them gets even taller and bigger.
00:25:07.279 --> 00:25:11.920
So right when I get about like where that jetty is, I see this wave coming.
00:25:12.079 --> 00:25:14.720
And I'm literally like, oh crap.
00:25:14.880 --> 00:25:17.440
Like I know what's going to happen.
00:25:17.599 --> 00:25:19.599
Like I'm I'm gonna get throttled.
00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:26.160
So I abandon ship, like I jump off, I throw the board, and I dive under.
00:25:26.240 --> 00:25:29.200
And this is the part that I knew was gonna happen, and I'm like, crap.
00:25:29.359 --> 00:25:34.480
So I dive under and I'm like fighting the surf like to get back up to the surface.
00:25:34.720 --> 00:25:43.599
I my mouth probably barely made it out of the water, and then I got pulled back under because the board is getting drugged by the wave, right?
00:25:43.759 --> 00:25:44.799
So that's what I was afraid of.
00:25:44.880 --> 00:25:49.359
I was like, I'm gonna dive under, it's gonna pull the board, it's gonna yank me back, like this is gonna suck.
00:25:49.599 --> 00:25:54.720
So I get up for a second, get a breath, and then I'm like back down again, right?
00:25:55.440 --> 00:26:01.279
And then, and when you're like getting pounded by the waves, like seconds feel like minutes, you know.
00:26:01.920 --> 00:26:04.799
So finally fight, get back up to the surface.
00:26:05.039 --> 00:26:06.480
I'm starting to get my board.
00:26:06.640 --> 00:26:10.000
I look up, there's another wave, like this coming, like just as big.
00:26:10.160 --> 00:26:13.279
I'm like, son, you know, this here we go again.
00:26:13.599 --> 00:26:15.119
Get like dive under.
00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:22.480
It wasn't as gnarly, but it just, you know, was like a good kind of feel like you're in a washing machine.
00:26:23.200 --> 00:26:29.119
Come up, and I'm like, at that point, literally, I'm like, this, this just no longer is a good life decision.
00:26:29.200 --> 00:26:36.240
Like all of the ego, all of the everything like goes out the window, and it's just I I'd like to survive, I'd like to live.
00:26:36.319 --> 00:26:36.640
Right.
00:26:36.799 --> 00:26:37.839
So I'm like, I'm going.
00:26:38.400 --> 00:26:39.359
Yeah, exactly.
00:26:39.519 --> 00:26:40.640
I'm like, I'm going in.
00:26:40.799 --> 00:26:41.440
I'm done.
00:26:41.759 --> 00:26:51.039
So I point the board around, another wave comes, and I just you kind of boogie board it in like a 10-year-old boy, like just playing on the waves.
00:26:51.119 --> 00:26:54.400
Like, I just I was through like, I don't care, right?
00:26:54.480 --> 00:26:55.119
At that point.
00:26:55.440 --> 00:26:59.200
Stand up and do a little thing like closer to shore, get out.
00:26:59.440 --> 00:27:00.960
So then I'm I'm on the shore.
00:27:01.039 --> 00:27:06.079
I'm like, okay, like that was sucked, but like I'm I'm I'm okay, right?
00:27:06.160 --> 00:27:08.240
Like, cause it was it was scary for a minute.
00:27:08.480 --> 00:27:12.559
So um then I look up and I see the guy that I rented the board from.
00:27:12.640 --> 00:27:14.079
He does surfing lessons.
00:27:14.400 --> 00:27:19.279
So his whole crew's like set up, and I walk over and I'm like, dude, like I just got hammered.
00:27:19.359 --> 00:27:22.160
And he's like, I told you, like, come over here.
00:27:22.319 --> 00:27:27.839
And, you know, the the waves bounce off the jetty and they kind of reform and you can catch these little ones and screw on, you know.
00:27:27.920 --> 00:27:30.400
I'm like, okay, that that's what you were talking about.
00:27:30.559 --> 00:27:32.079
Like that I wasn't listening to you.
00:27:32.319 --> 00:27:32.880
Yeah.
00:27:33.200 --> 00:27:37.519
So I exchanged the board for like what's called like a foam board.
00:27:37.599 --> 00:27:40.079
It's like more of like kind of learning and dicking around.
00:27:40.160 --> 00:27:44.480
And in my head, I'm like, okay, like my oldest Abby, like she, I'll surf with her.
00:27:44.640 --> 00:27:48.240
You know, like I I have no business being out there in the big surf.
00:27:48.319 --> 00:27:52.160
Like she we got to go to Maui early in the year and she loved surfing.
00:27:52.240 --> 00:27:55.039
And I'm like, okay, like let's let's recalibrate here.
00:27:55.279 --> 00:27:57.920
So I exchanged the board, no more Hulk.
00:27:58.160 --> 00:28:02.000
Like, you can take the Hulk back.
00:28:02.240 --> 00:28:04.400
My head's in between my legs.
00:28:06.480 --> 00:28:08.480
Do you have a My Little Prentice one?
00:28:08.559 --> 00:28:10.240
Or I mean probably should have.
00:28:10.480 --> 00:28:17.599
I mean, it it's totally like one of those they call them soft tops, which is like if you're a real surfer, like you're not into soft tops.
00:28:17.680 --> 00:28:19.279
Like that's that's not a thing.
00:28:19.440 --> 00:28:23.279
Like, yeah, soft tops are lame, you know, whatever.
00:28:23.519 --> 00:28:28.480
Um so I'm like kind of hanging out there for a minute, like exchanging the board, doing all that stuff.
00:28:28.640 --> 00:28:32.640
And then I gotta like hike over the jetty, and like there's a long walk back.
00:28:32.799 --> 00:28:36.079
And in my head, too, I'm like, like, this is taking a while.
00:28:36.240 --> 00:28:40.240
Like, I Tif's probably worried, wondering where I am.
00:28:40.799 --> 00:28:56.079
So I start walking back, and I'm maybe like a quarter of the way back, and I see Tiff and Abby, my oldest, like walking down the beach, and she has this look on her face, like, thank God you're you're there, like you're okay.
00:28:56.240 --> 00:28:58.559
And also like kind of upset.
00:28:59.119 --> 00:29:00.559
So she's like, Where were you?
00:29:00.640 --> 00:29:01.279
Like, what happened?
00:29:01.359 --> 00:29:02.880
And you know, so I explained the whole thing.
00:29:03.039 --> 00:29:05.680
She's like, I didn't see you come back up.
00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:14.880
And she's like, I like we could see you, we saw you get hammered by that wave, and we I literally didn't see you come back up.
00:29:15.599 --> 00:29:22.079
And so then, you know, being the wise person that I am, I'm like, well, why didn't you come get me sooner?
00:29:22.240 --> 00:29:24.960
Like, why what took you so long?
00:29:25.440 --> 00:29:28.240
Um you didn't call Baywatch already.
00:29:28.559 --> 00:29:30.799
Dude, like, yeah, exactly.
00:29:31.119 --> 00:29:36.079
Um so we start walking back, you know, and I'm kind of explaining the situation.
00:29:36.160 --> 00:29:37.920
She's like, Well, why do you have a different board?
00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:39.920
And I explained that whole deal to her.
00:29:40.079 --> 00:29:42.400
We get back to the place we're staying.
00:29:42.559 --> 00:29:46.480
I'm taking off the wetsuit, I'm in the room, and she just breaks down and starts crying.
00:29:46.559 --> 00:29:47.839
Like, because it was all pent up.
00:29:47.920 --> 00:29:50.319
And she's like, I was trying not to freak out.
00:29:50.559 --> 00:29:51.039
For the grip.
00:29:51.200 --> 00:29:51.680
I yeah.
00:29:51.839 --> 00:29:57.279
I thought you were probably okay, but I also like what I saw didn't look good, right?
00:29:57.440 --> 00:30:02.960
So it was just all that pent up like fear and anxiety and all that stuff just comes out.
00:30:03.119 --> 00:30:10.480
And um so it was, yeah, that was the start of my surf adventure.
00:30:10.720 --> 00:30:17.519
Um, the funny thing was once I showered up and got my wits about me, like we're sitting on the bed and Abby's there.
00:30:17.680 --> 00:30:20.640
And I asked Abby, I said, Abby, were you worried at all?
00:30:20.720 --> 00:30:22.160
And she's like, No, not at all.
00:30:22.400 --> 00:30:29.039
And Tiff sitting behind Abby, and Tiff's giving this like WTF look on her face, like, are you freaking kidding me?
00:30:29.119 --> 00:30:29.680
And I was like, Oh, really?
00:30:29.759 --> 00:30:33.119
And she's like, Yeah, like I know you, you're a good swimmer, like you can handle yourself.
00:30:33.359 --> 00:30:34.640
And I'm like, Oh yeah, okay.
00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:35.839
And she's like, this is cool.
00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:38.000
She's like, Yeah, and and I know God's got you.
00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:43.920
Like, just not even worried one bit, you know, like the difference between like wives and daughters, right?
00:30:44.160 --> 00:30:48.640
Um, and Tiff's like, you've got to freaking be kidding me.
00:30:49.839 --> 00:30:54.319
So that's how like the surfing trip like started.
00:30:54.799 --> 00:31:02.640
And so then like a couple, like the next day, Abby and I went and we so we then we hike on the other side of the rocks with a jetty, and they're smaller.
00:31:03.920 --> 00:31:04.319
Exactly.
00:31:04.480 --> 00:31:04.960
Yep.
00:31:05.200 --> 00:31:12.559
Um, swallow my pride, super fun, like surfing with Abby and like helping her, and she's having a blast.
00:31:12.799 --> 00:31:16.079
Then later in the trip, um, we go over there again.
00:31:16.240 --> 00:31:22.799
It was like the last day of like the full day of the trip, and we're over there and like surfing with Abby again.
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:23.519
Then she goes in.
00:31:23.599 --> 00:31:26.880
I'm like, oh, I'm gonna screw around on these little waves and and catch them.
00:31:27.839 --> 00:31:33.599
And I kick something like on Were you were you paddling out?
00:31:33.839 --> 00:31:36.640
No, I was like in the in the middle phase, right?
00:31:36.720 --> 00:31:41.599
Like where I didn't go all the way out, but the waves would kind of reform and they'd be a little bit smaller.
00:31:41.680 --> 00:31:43.279
And so I'm like, I'm just gonna dick around here.
00:31:43.359 --> 00:31:44.720
I caught a couple waves.
00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:48.240
Um, but I'm just you know, kind of you're sitting on your board?
00:31:48.559 --> 00:31:52.160
Uh well, I was like standing at like I could touch at that point.
00:31:52.240 --> 00:31:52.319
Oh.
00:31:52.640 --> 00:31:57.759
So I was like standing, and then I'd like sit on it for a minute, catch a wave, and then kind of do both.
00:31:58.000 --> 00:32:01.680
Um, and at that point I'm like kind of walking back and I kick something.
00:32:01.759 --> 00:32:03.359
I'm like, ah, that felt gross.
00:32:03.519 --> 00:32:07.440
Like that must have been like a big fish.
00:32:07.599 --> 00:32:10.319
Like I haven't really felt that it wasn't seaweed.
00:32:10.559 --> 00:32:11.920
No, yeah, exactly.
00:32:12.079 --> 00:32:17.599
It was like something, but it just, and you know, it just kind of I I I remember thinking, I'm like, oh, that's that's gross.
00:32:17.759 --> 00:32:18.720
That was lame.
00:32:18.960 --> 00:32:20.480
Um, but I keep going, right?
00:32:20.559 --> 00:32:22.480
And I'm surfing and hanging out.
00:32:22.799 --> 00:32:32.160
Then I like take a step, dude, and instantly I'm like, oh crap, like that's not good.
00:32:32.559 --> 00:32:37.680
And what happened was I stepped on a stingray and it stung the bottom of my foot.
00:32:37.920 --> 00:32:40.880
So it it happens literally.
00:32:41.039 --> 00:32:46.960
I turn around and as I like, I'm just gonna ride the board into shore, right?
00:32:47.279 --> 00:32:56.000
And I'm like catching the wave, I'm riding into shore, and as this is all happening, like in my head, I'm like, I can't believe this just happened.
00:32:56.240 --> 00:33:02.480
Like, you know, when you're like processing and and you're just, I know this happened, but like, are you freaking kidding me?
00:33:02.799 --> 00:33:04.079
This doesn't happen to me.
00:33:04.160 --> 00:33:04.960
This happens to other people.
00:33:05.200 --> 00:33:06.079
Yeah, exactly.
00:33:06.319 --> 00:33:06.880
Exactly.
00:33:07.039 --> 00:33:12.079
And so you're like kind of coming to terms with like, no, like this is this is not good.
00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:16.240
And I think it's a stingray at that time, but like I've never been stung by one.
00:33:16.400 --> 00:33:19.359
Maybe it's a jellyfish, like I don't, you know, like you're just trying to figure out.
00:33:19.519 --> 00:33:27.759
So I get to shore and I like hobble over to where like everybody's hanging out, like my wife, my brother-in-law, sister, like everybody's kind of hanging out, watching I throw the board on the ground.
00:33:27.839 --> 00:33:29.279
I'm like, I just got stung or bit.
00:33:29.519 --> 00:33:33.279
Like, and then I'm like just cut, like my effing hurts.
00:33:33.359 --> 00:33:36.400
Like, ah, like, and they're kind of like, wait, what?
00:33:36.559 --> 00:33:37.039
Like what?
00:33:37.200 --> 00:33:39.519
And I see like the surf school again, right?
00:33:39.599 --> 00:33:43.599
So I'm like, I gotta, I gotta figure out what protocol is here.
00:33:43.759 --> 00:33:45.759
So throw the like the board's already down.
00:33:45.839 --> 00:33:52.000
Like I I kind of hobble slash run over to where the guys are, and I'm like, hey, and I show him the bottom of my foot.
00:33:52.079 --> 00:33:53.279
I'm like, I think I just got stung.
00:33:53.440 --> 00:33:55.200
He's like, oh, dude, I'm so sorry.
00:33:55.359 --> 00:33:57.839
Like you just, yeah, stingray.
00:33:58.240 --> 00:34:08.079
There's a guy getting his wetsuit on in the parking lot, and he's like, dude, like scrape it out as much as you can because the venom just spreads, and you just you need to get it out.
00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:13.760
And there's scrape it out how just pinch it, like just you know, anything you can do.
00:34:14.079 --> 00:34:16.480
Some bite marks or how no, it's a puncture.
00:34:16.719 --> 00:34:18.480
Like they have a they have a barb, yeah.
00:34:18.559 --> 00:34:19.840
And the barb goes in.
00:34:20.159 --> 00:34:21.440
And then releases the poison.
00:34:21.679 --> 00:34:24.639
Yeah, like a giant like bee sting or something, right?
00:34:25.119 --> 00:34:29.760
Um yeah, and it has like a protein venom that it releases.
00:34:30.320 --> 00:34:35.360
So he's like, you know those outdoor like showers at the beach where you kind of rinse off.
00:34:35.440 --> 00:34:43.599
There's one that's close, and so I go, he's like, Oh, well, I let me see if the lifeguards might have like some hot water, and you know, I can let them know.
00:34:43.679 --> 00:34:44.800
And so I'm like, okay.
00:34:44.960 --> 00:34:48.320
So like I go over to the water and I'm like pinching like my foot.
00:34:48.880 --> 00:34:50.000
Is that hurt to just touch it?
00:34:50.079 --> 00:34:50.639
I would imagine.
00:34:50.880 --> 00:34:51.119
Yeah.
00:34:51.199 --> 00:34:51.760
Oh yeah.
00:34:52.000 --> 00:34:54.639
And it's like just gushing, like I'm trying to make it gush more, right?
00:34:54.719 --> 00:34:56.719
Because I'm just trying to stuff coming out of it?
00:34:56.960 --> 00:34:58.079
A bunch of blood.
00:34:58.239 --> 00:35:01.440
Like I was just my foot's gushing blood at that point.
00:35:02.000 --> 00:35:08.239
So the one of the guys that was doing the surf lessons, the lifeguard just was setting up his tower.
00:35:08.400 --> 00:35:09.679
Like he just got there.
00:35:09.920 --> 00:35:12.239
So he runs over and he tells the lifeguard.
00:35:12.480 --> 00:35:16.239
So then they call in the truck, like that kind of patrols the beach.
00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:19.039
He runs back, he's like, Hey, I just super cool guy.
00:35:19.119 --> 00:35:21.440
Like, I'm obviously grateful that he did that.
00:35:21.679 --> 00:35:25.760
And so he's like, I gotta go do this lesson, but the lifeguards will be here in a minute.
00:35:26.079 --> 00:35:33.119
So they roll up with a lifeguard truck and they look at it and like, okay, good news is the barb's not in there, because I guess that can happen, right?
00:35:33.199 --> 00:35:34.239
The barb can stay in there.
00:35:35.199 --> 00:35:39.840
And then you got to go get it removed and go to the ER and all that stuff.
00:35:40.079 --> 00:35:45.840
But they're like, We just we're gonna clean it, and then we're gonna, you just you gotta put your foot in hot water.
00:35:45.920 --> 00:35:49.119
Like that's the only thing that you can do for these.
00:35:49.440 --> 00:35:55.519
Where I guess the hot water helps like kill the protein venom and just kind of neutralize it.
00:35:56.000 --> 00:35:59.519
Like it just, it's it it helps the pain subside.
00:35:59.840 --> 00:36:02.559
Um, but it's like literally like all you can do.
00:36:03.039 --> 00:36:04.800
What level of pain is this?
00:36:05.119 --> 00:36:09.440
I mean, like in the moment, dude, like it freaking hurt bad.
00:36:09.679 --> 00:36:14.639
Like, I mean, eight, nine, like it, it it was like killing me.
00:36:14.960 --> 00:36:16.000
Yeah, you can't get away from it.
00:36:16.159 --> 00:36:16.800
Yeah.
00:36:17.119 --> 00:36:21.599
Um, and the so the lifeguard tells me he's like, it hits everybody differently.
00:36:21.760 --> 00:36:26.960
They're like, we've had 12-year-old girls like do okay 30 minutes later.
00:36:27.679 --> 00:36:27.920
Yeah.
00:36:28.079 --> 00:36:35.360
And then he's like, and then we've also had like 300-pound men like grabbing my neck, screaming at me to take the pain away.
00:36:36.159 --> 00:36:40.800
So I'm like, I think I'm like in between somewhere, like in b in the middle of those.
00:36:41.039 --> 00:36:42.639
Um, but it freaking hurts.
00:36:42.800 --> 00:36:49.599
So as I'm sitting there, my foot's in hot water, like all of the surfers that were getting out of the water, like every single one of them were like, oh, dude, I'm so sorry.
00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:51.440
Like one guy's like, yeah, that happened to me.
00:36:51.519 --> 00:36:52.880
I wear booties now all the time.
00:36:53.039 --> 00:37:01.280
Like, I mean, just all of them were like you could tell, like they the ones that have gotten stung were like, dude, that that sucks.
00:37:01.360 --> 00:37:02.719
Like, I feel your pain, you know.
00:37:02.960 --> 00:37:05.679
And not one time anybody was like, pee on it.
00:37:05.920 --> 00:37:09.119
No, but if they would have told me, I would have had a freaking line, dude.
00:37:09.280 --> 00:37:15.440
Like they they could have like they could have screwed with me because I would have done anything to take that pain away.
00:37:15.679 --> 00:37:17.360
And I that's why I ran up there, right?
00:37:17.440 --> 00:37:19.119
I'm like, I don't do you pee on this?
00:37:19.199 --> 00:37:21.280
Like, do you like I I don't know.
00:37:21.599 --> 00:37:27.119
Um from one stupid episode of Friends, I think everyone in the world thinks that's the antidote.
00:37:27.360 --> 00:37:30.400
I know everybody I tell, like, I was like, yeah, I got stung with like, did you pee on it?
00:37:30.480 --> 00:37:31.920
I'm like, no, that's a jellyfish.
00:37:32.000 --> 00:37:34.320
But if it would have helped, I would have done it.
00:37:34.559 --> 00:37:38.400
I would have had a line of people pee peeing on my foot.
00:37:40.239 --> 00:37:44.480
Um so my dad drives over, picks me up, like, and then drives back.
00:37:44.559 --> 00:37:48.400
And and as he's driving me back, like my foot wasn't in the hot water at that point.
00:37:48.480 --> 00:37:53.679
And I'm like, it just gets worse when your foot's out of the hot water, right?
00:37:54.159 --> 00:37:56.159
So I'm it's it's so bad.
00:37:56.400 --> 00:37:57.199
Is it sting?
00:37:57.360 --> 00:37:58.639
Is it I mean it's a sting, right?
00:37:58.719 --> 00:38:00.239
It's sting like honestly, dude.
00:38:00.320 --> 00:38:04.000
The the uh uh wasp on steroid, yeah.
00:38:04.159 --> 00:38:09.599
It's like if a thousand wasps stung you, like I got bit by a wasp between the eyes yesterday.
00:38:09.760 --> 00:38:10.320
Ugh.
00:38:10.719 --> 00:38:22.480
And it's it doesn't last long like what you're talking about, but it's the most like I the wind blew over the basketball hoop out here, so I'm gonna pick it up.
00:38:22.800 --> 00:38:23.360
Oh yeah.
00:38:24.079 --> 00:38:29.679
There was a uh wasp nest in the like shock absorber so that you can dunk on it.
00:38:29.840 --> 00:38:30.239
Yeah.
00:38:30.480 --> 00:38:32.719
And I mean, I just got hammered.
00:38:32.960 --> 00:38:36.800
I got bit in the arm a couple times, but right between the eyes.
00:38:37.199 --> 00:38:44.559
Uh that's a bad place to get nothing makes me go from zero to pissed faster than getting bit by a wasp.
00:38:44.719 --> 00:38:45.119
Yeah.
00:38:45.360 --> 00:38:50.639
So I can't imagine like a thousand of them all concentrated in one spot.
00:38:50.880 --> 00:38:51.280
Yeah.
00:38:51.519 --> 00:38:55.760
Like it hurts, but also it's I get so angry.
00:38:56.239 --> 00:38:56.559
Yeah.
00:38:56.719 --> 00:39:00.159
No, it it's it's the pain that like you can't sit still.
00:39:00.239 --> 00:39:00.400
Yeah.
00:39:00.559 --> 00:39:00.719
Right.
00:39:00.800 --> 00:39:03.519
So like I'm back at the place and and Tiff was great.
00:39:03.599 --> 00:39:06.800
Like she was getting me like boiling hot water to keep putting my foot in.
00:39:06.960 --> 00:39:11.199
But I'm sitting there with my foot in the water and I'm like, like I I'm squirming, right?
00:39:11.280 --> 00:39:12.639
Like you can't sit still.
00:39:12.880 --> 00:39:17.920
I grabbed my like somebody got my phone, but I couldn't like even distract myself on the phone.
00:39:18.320 --> 00:39:22.400
You need one of those hand squeezer things to like just Yeah.
00:39:22.559 --> 00:39:22.960
Yeah.
00:39:23.119 --> 00:39:30.639
I had to get up to go pee for for a minute, and same thing, like my foot's out of the water, and I just I couldn't get back fast enough.
00:39:30.800 --> 00:39:35.760
Um, so it was super intense for like three hours, and then it kind of wears off.
00:39:36.079 --> 00:39:40.079
Um, but that those hours sucked bad.
00:39:40.320 --> 00:39:47.519
Um, I did a couple days ago, I got stung by a wasp, and it was it was funny because You're like, oh, that's nice.
00:39:47.679 --> 00:39:58.400
Yeah, like Tip put some clay stuff on it, but I was like, that doesn't like honestly, like it went away in like five minutes and yeah, you're like it recalibrated like your tongue being stung.
00:39:58.719 --> 00:39:59.360
Totally.
00:39:59.599 --> 00:40:03.760
I mean, I so now I've been I was bit by a black widow when I was young, right?
00:40:03.920 --> 00:40:09.599
And now that yeah, and now stingray, so I keep waiting to which was worse.
00:40:10.320 --> 00:40:12.400
I mean, I was in fourth grade with a black widow.
00:40:12.480 --> 00:40:13.599
That that lasted longer.
00:40:13.760 --> 00:40:17.760
Yeah, I had to go to the ER and get IVs and that kind of stuff.
00:40:17.920 --> 00:40:19.360
So is it in your house?
00:40:19.599 --> 00:40:21.679
It was in my grandparents' house, yeah.
00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:23.679
And that was like same leg.
00:40:23.760 --> 00:40:25.280
It was actually, yeah, same leg.
00:40:25.920 --> 00:40:31.119
Um so I keep waiting to turn into like some kind of superhero man.
00:40:31.440 --> 00:40:32.000
Nothing yet.
00:40:32.159 --> 00:40:32.800
Nothing, dude.
00:40:32.960 --> 00:40:33.920
Not even close.
00:40:34.159 --> 00:40:36.880
Unless now I'm like more immune to wash stings.
00:40:37.119 --> 00:40:37.440
I don't know.
00:40:37.599 --> 00:40:40.400
Yeah, could be positive.
00:40:41.679 --> 00:40:44.960
Um But here's here's like here's the thing.
00:40:45.440 --> 00:40:47.519
What did you process through in all of that?
00:40:48.000 --> 00:40:49.199
So that's a great question.
00:40:49.360 --> 00:40:55.199
Cause like now I'm I'm sitting on the balcony for hours, and you know, the kids and everybody goes back out to the beach.
00:40:55.360 --> 00:40:56.960
This is the last day of the trip.
00:40:57.119 --> 00:40:58.559
My foot's in the hot water.
00:40:58.880 --> 00:40:59.840
Tiff was great.
00:40:59.920 --> 00:41:03.440
Like she stayed with me until the pain kind of subsided, and then she went to the beach.
00:41:03.599 --> 00:41:11.039
But I'm sitting up there and I'm like, this wasn't at all how I mapped it out in my head.
00:41:11.280 --> 00:41:12.079
Not even close.
00:41:12.400 --> 00:41:12.960
The whole trip.
00:41:13.599 --> 00:41:15.280
Well, the surfing aspect, right?
00:41:15.360 --> 00:41:26.719
I'm specifically like thinking it was a great trip, but like the surfing aspect, like I was going out there to tread and like literally catch the waves of my life.
00:41:26.800 --> 00:41:27.679
You know what I mean?
00:41:28.239 --> 00:41:30.000
Uh, and I was like primed for it.
00:41:30.159 --> 00:41:40.320
Like the table was set, we were ready to go, and I'm sitting here with my foot in this boiling hot water as I'm like watching the kids and everybody hang out.
00:41:40.960 --> 00:41:55.199
So it just it got me thinking, which I've I've been pondering this for like weeks now, but like the idea of like missed or like like expectations that aren't met, right?
00:41:55.760 --> 00:42:00.159
And I think like that happens all the time in life.
00:42:00.320 --> 00:42:05.280
And I'm even the more I've been pondering this, like I'm just seeing this like in like everywhere.
00:42:05.519 --> 00:42:15.519
I think a lot of times we don't even realize that like we have expectations for things, and then they sneak up on you and you and then you don't even r recognize it.
00:42:15.599 --> 00:42:17.280
I know this all so well, dude.
00:42:17.360 --> 00:42:17.679
Yeah.
00:42:17.840 --> 00:42:22.239
You don't even notice it till it's over, and then you're like, why am I so bummed out?
00:42:23.280 --> 00:42:25.199
Why am I bent a little bit?
00:42:25.360 --> 00:42:31.280
And it's like, oh, in my head I had this whole thing played out and it didn't go anything like that.
00:42:32.079 --> 00:42:32.480
Yeah.
00:42:32.800 --> 00:42:35.039
And then you're just bummed.
00:42:35.280 --> 00:42:35.519
Right.
00:42:35.760 --> 00:42:40.719
And that's where I like, so then I'm like sitting there and I I'm having this pity party.
00:42:41.679 --> 00:42:42.159
Right?
00:42:42.400 --> 00:42:44.639
So I'm like, now I'm starting to coach myself.
00:42:44.719 --> 00:42:54.159
I'm like, okay, like let's face reality first, like what just happened, you know, and like come to terms with that as as best as I can.
00:42:54.239 --> 00:42:59.440
Like, cause the chance I mean, in a normal year, 1500 people get stung by a stingrace.
00:42:59.519 --> 00:43:07.519
Like, it's not a super common thing, but yet I'm fortunate enough to have this happen on my epic surf adventure.
00:43:07.679 --> 00:43:13.119
Um, also, thankfully, like, I mean, at least Abby didn't she she wasn't the one that got stung.
00:43:13.360 --> 00:43:14.639
Like, I would have sucked more, right?
00:43:15.679 --> 00:43:18.800
So, you know, then you come to terms with it.
00:43:18.960 --> 00:43:20.880
Now I'm feeling sorry for myself.
00:43:21.039 --> 00:43:22.960
You kind of get pouty, right?
00:43:23.440 --> 00:43:26.000
Poor me, like all that stuff.
00:43:26.239 --> 00:43:41.599
And and the thing that and I I'm just kind of processing with you now, but it's like the thing that started to kind of click, I think, and help was being able to like start to get outside of myself, right?
00:43:41.840 --> 00:43:43.360
With like the expectations.
00:43:43.519 --> 00:43:48.000
And it was like, okay, like what did I get to do with Abby?
00:43:48.159 --> 00:43:56.079
Like, we got a soft top, we got to serve, like fortunately it wasn't her, and just kind of start to kind of work my way through that.
00:43:56.400 --> 00:43:59.760
You and I were talking before we jumped on the mics, but like.
00:44:00.639 --> 00:44:02.559
Just life as a whole.
00:44:02.719 --> 00:44:06.079
There's a lot of things that I'm kind of working through right now.
00:44:06.400 --> 00:44:09.679
Work isn't ideal and other situations.
00:44:09.760 --> 00:44:13.440
And it's like those, just those missed expectations.
00:44:14.079 --> 00:44:23.519
Um, where I I feel like, at least for me, like I can slip into like that poor me, selfishness.
00:44:24.239 --> 00:44:30.400
And I just don't like that's not a fun, productive place to be, right?
00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:42.320
Because also, and you kind of touched on, I'm just circling back a little bit, is when we're in that state, then we miss all the good things.
00:44:42.960 --> 00:44:43.360
Yeah.
00:44:43.599 --> 00:44:44.639
That happened.
00:44:45.119 --> 00:44:46.480
Because totally, yeah.
00:44:46.719 --> 00:45:05.599
The missed expectations far outweigh in our minds, yeah, all the the cool things, the good experiences that happened, like you getting to do that with Abby and like conversations and tech um connecting with the fam while you were there.
00:45:05.760 --> 00:45:14.719
And it's like as a whole, there's a cloud over all of it because one portion of the ex of of the trip, the expectations weren't met.
00:45:15.440 --> 00:45:23.199
And it like puts you in a little funk about the whole experience, and you miss the beauty of it.
00:45:23.519 --> 00:45:23.760
Right.
00:45:23.920 --> 00:45:25.440
Dude, that's such a good point.
00:45:25.599 --> 00:45:30.079
Because literally, right when you said that, it it just clicked.
00:45:30.320 --> 00:45:35.519
Where to your point of like one aspect of the trip, and that aspect, like, who does that affect?
00:45:35.679 --> 00:45:36.719
Like, like me.
00:45:36.880 --> 00:45:40.800
Like if I catch the wave of my life, who gets to experience that?
00:45:42.000 --> 00:45:42.480
Yourself.
00:45:42.800 --> 00:45:43.039
Me.
00:45:43.199 --> 00:45:46.480
Now, maybe some people can see it, right?
00:45:46.800 --> 00:45:48.159
But like you're so right.
00:45:48.320 --> 00:45:57.119
Because like I'm the one experiencing that, but I got to experience this with Abby and surf with her.
00:45:57.199 --> 00:46:00.880
And I what it exposes is how selfish we are.
00:46:01.119 --> 00:46:02.239
Yeah, that's good, dude.
00:46:02.559 --> 00:46:03.039
Right.
00:46:03.519 --> 00:46:08.559
It's like and it sneaks up on us, it's so subconscious.
00:46:09.199 --> 00:46:12.000
And then all of a sudden we're like, this sucked.
00:46:14.079 --> 00:46:17.519
And it had nothing to do with anyone around us.
00:46:17.599 --> 00:46:18.719
It was just us.
00:46:18.960 --> 00:46:22.800
Because we made it, it it's so easy to make it all about us.
00:46:23.039 --> 00:46:23.679
Yeah.
00:46:24.719 --> 00:46:26.400
Yeah, that's so good.
00:46:26.800 --> 00:46:32.320
Um, yeah, and nobody like, I mean, Tiff's like, hey, like, I'm proud of you for even going out there.
00:46:32.480 --> 00:46:34.559
Like, there weren't a lot of people out there.
00:46:34.719 --> 00:46:36.639
Like, that was gnarly.
00:46:36.960 --> 00:46:45.679
And and I, you know, I mean, I I did, it was humbling, like just to kind of realize too, like, okay, Josh, like you're not playing water pole anymore.
00:46:45.760 --> 00:46:46.719
You're not surfing all the time.
00:46:46.800 --> 00:46:47.760
Like 43.
00:46:48.000 --> 00:46:49.039
You're 43.
00:46:49.519 --> 00:46:53.599
Like, let's recalibrate like expectations as a whole here.
00:46:53.760 --> 00:46:56.800
Like, you're a two to three foot wave guy these days.
00:46:56.960 --> 00:46:59.360
Like, let's let's not overdo it.
00:46:59.679 --> 00:47:06.000
Um but I I think the humbling that's part of this whole thing that stood out to me too.
00:47:06.079 --> 00:47:06.239
Yeah.
00:47:06.559 --> 00:47:22.800
I have a thousand experiences like that where because of the expectation, and if you fall short of that expectation, also what narrative does it change about who we are and our capabilities?
00:47:22.960 --> 00:47:26.960
And it's easy to go down that rabbit trail of like, you lost it.
00:47:27.119 --> 00:47:27.280
Yeah.
00:47:27.679 --> 00:47:28.400
You ever have it?
00:47:28.480 --> 00:47:28.960
You suck.
00:47:29.119 --> 00:47:29.440
Yes.
00:47:29.599 --> 00:47:31.199
Why are you even doing this?
00:47:31.679 --> 00:47:42.480
Instead of like going into it with a different expectation of not just curiosity, but like the word adventure keeps popping.
00:47:42.800 --> 00:47:44.159
Like, I don't know what's gonna happen.
00:47:44.239 --> 00:47:56.480
I'm holding it all loosely, and I'm gonna take it as it comes and try not to miss the spots that are super cool and unique and fun and of the adventure part of it.
00:47:56.719 --> 00:47:57.360
Yeah.
00:47:57.679 --> 00:47:59.360
You know, for sure.
00:47:59.599 --> 00:48:07.840
Yeah, I mean, as you say that, it I I did I think I did get sucked in a little bit, you know, like with skateboarding and the river stuff.
00:48:07.920 --> 00:48:09.440
Like it just like the trajectory of it.
00:48:09.679 --> 00:48:15.599
Yeah, like I built it up to this level that was like Yeah, and if it falls short of that, it's a disappointment.
00:48:15.840 --> 00:48:16.480
Yeah.
00:48:18.000 --> 00:48:18.559
For sure.
00:48:18.719 --> 00:48:21.119
And then so much is like writing on that.
00:48:21.360 --> 00:48:21.679
Yeah.
00:48:21.920 --> 00:48:27.119
And it I I do that, I used to do that so much.
00:48:27.519 --> 00:48:30.880
Um, this is embarrassing.
00:48:31.280 --> 00:48:32.880
But like around my birthday.
00:48:34.159 --> 00:48:38.400
Mary, it doesn't matter what she did, it was never enough.
00:48:38.639 --> 00:48:39.119
Hmm.
00:48:39.199 --> 00:48:39.360
Okay.
00:48:41.840 --> 00:48:42.480
Yeah.
00:48:43.440 --> 00:48:45.280
Like, yeah, this is great.
00:48:45.519 --> 00:48:53.760
And she like would get us a cool room downtown and reservations at the best steakhouse, and I I don't know.
00:48:53.840 --> 00:48:55.760
I What was in your head?
00:48:56.079 --> 00:48:57.199
Just out of curiosity.
00:48:57.599 --> 00:48:58.559
I I don't know.
00:48:58.719 --> 00:49:02.000
That's the crazy thing that we've had to work through.
00:49:02.079 --> 00:49:08.000
It's like what could I have done different or better?
00:49:08.239 --> 00:49:10.639
Because I want to make your day great or whatever.
00:49:10.719 --> 00:49:12.480
And I'm like, I don't even know.
00:49:14.239 --> 00:49:31.599
Like, it probably goes back to like unmet needs as a child, you know, and then we carry that stuff on because you grow up poor and split family, and it I don't know, it stems from that probably, but like it it doesn't matter.
00:49:31.760 --> 00:49:44.239
What she could take me to Hawaii, and I think yeah, it didn't meet the I didn't feel special enough or some stupid little, you know.
00:49:44.880 --> 00:49:46.079
She didn't stand a chance.
00:49:46.480 --> 00:49:46.719
No.
00:49:46.960 --> 00:49:47.440
Yeah.
00:49:47.760 --> 00:49:59.920
And then it and then, you know, it just causes tension and like a month out from my birthday, she would start feeling anxious of like, I d I can't win.
00:50:00.159 --> 00:50:00.719
Right.
00:50:01.039 --> 00:50:10.559
Because I, as a grown-ass man, couldn't manage my expectations of like some need that wasn't getting met that I couldn't even identify or communicate to her.
00:50:11.360 --> 00:50:18.320
But that's just one of many examples of like how we set not only ourselves up to fail, but everyone around us.
00:50:18.639 --> 00:50:18.960
Right.
00:50:19.199 --> 00:50:24.400
Because what happens when our expectations aren't met?
00:50:25.360 --> 00:50:28.880
And it for men, I think it hits our like ego.
00:50:29.920 --> 00:50:31.039
Oh, for sure.
00:50:31.360 --> 00:50:36.559
And then it depends on how we're kind of wired, like our self-worth and our value.
00:50:36.719 --> 00:50:38.719
It touches all those things.
00:50:39.119 --> 00:50:39.519
Yeah.
00:50:39.760 --> 00:50:50.559
And then it just spirals into with one of those two narratives of like, I suck, I'm too old, I'm gonna quit trying anything new.
00:50:50.880 --> 00:50:52.559
Yeah, the shame kind of comes in.
00:50:52.800 --> 00:50:52.880
Yeah.
00:50:53.199 --> 00:51:06.960
And also I think we're the older we get, the we lose something about being afraid to fail at trying something we don't do very often or aren't that good at.
00:51:07.679 --> 00:51:10.239
And then we become couch potatoes.
00:51:10.559 --> 00:51:11.199
Yeah.
00:51:11.920 --> 00:51:26.000
I do, to your point, I felt like I was I was navigating it like okay, like I was fighting through it after the first surfing deal where I was like, okay, like I'm I'm proud of myself for getting out there.
00:51:26.239 --> 00:51:36.559
And then I'm proud of myself for like paddling back out and then making it to like, you know, where the the break was and and these things.
00:51:36.639 --> 00:51:44.480
And and so it was like, okay, like I I was humbled, but like I tried, I didn't give I didn't throw in the towel, right?
00:51:44.559 --> 00:51:45.599
Like that kind of thing.
00:51:45.679 --> 00:51:51.280
And then it was just almost like that stingray just like I couldn't hang on anymore, right?
00:51:51.519 --> 00:52:04.559
And so to the point of like yeah, like the ego the mixed with like But this is the beauty of this what we call the journey, right?
00:52:05.039 --> 00:52:08.880
Self-exploration and like why do I show up the way that I do?
00:52:09.760 --> 00:52:34.559
Like post-op reflection of kind of what went right, what went wrong, is we get to process through things that help change the next time and set ourselves up to be aware.
00:52:34.960 --> 00:52:38.000
Because it's gotta start with awareness, self-awareness, right?
00:52:38.159 --> 00:52:43.119
Of like, I don't like the way I felt when this didn't happen the way that I thought.
00:52:43.760 --> 00:52:56.239
Because if we continue to set ourselves up to fail with not managing our expectations, it affects everyone around us.
00:52:56.880 --> 00:52:57.199
Yeah.
00:52:57.440 --> 00:52:59.199
Because if you're bummed out, you're bummed out.
00:52:59.280 --> 00:53:03.840
You're not gonna show up right, grumpy and irritable, yeah.
00:53:04.079 --> 00:53:09.119
Yeah, snappy, yep, being a little bitch, totally pouty.
00:53:10.159 --> 00:53:13.039
And it's like which our wives really love, by the way.
00:53:13.440 --> 00:53:17.440
Yeah, and they and oh, and they don't see it coming from 10 miles away, also.
00:53:17.920 --> 00:53:18.239
What?
00:53:18.719 --> 00:53:24.639
It's like Mary, like I'll go do something, and how did it go?
00:53:24.800 --> 00:53:28.000
And I can see her like holding her breath, like how how'd it go?
00:53:28.320 --> 00:53:28.559
Yeah.
00:53:28.960 --> 00:53:50.079
Within two seconds, if it didn't go good, which largely usually when you're doing something that um you you feel like you should be good at, like surfing or roping, if it didn't go good, I would see immediately in her eyes, like if I'm like, I sucked or didn't do good or whatever.
00:53:50.320 --> 00:53:51.039
She's like, uh-oh.
00:53:51.280 --> 00:53:52.480
Here it comes.
00:53:53.840 --> 00:53:54.800
Here it comes.
00:53:54.960 --> 00:53:55.360
Yeah.
00:53:55.599 --> 00:53:57.920
He's gonna be that guy.
00:53:58.239 --> 00:54:07.119
And it when I've thought about it, it's like it's really a a pride thing and an ego thing, right?
00:54:07.920 --> 00:54:20.079
Especially if you're paying to do something to be judged, like roping, like the events that I go to, and you've spent your whole life trying to master this thing.
00:54:20.400 --> 00:54:23.280
And if it doesn't pan out, there's so many variables.
00:54:23.440 --> 00:54:23.599
Yeah.
00:54:23.840 --> 00:54:32.159
And if you suck or, you know, it's a team sport, somebody has a bad day, then it's like, what do we do with that disappointment and failure?
00:54:33.119 --> 00:54:45.039
But when when it when it's so tied to our identity, I think that makes it even harder to overcome.
00:54:45.280 --> 00:54:46.320
Yeah, for sure.
00:54:46.559 --> 00:54:54.960
So for me, it's like I look I try to look at these things when I go to a roping, um, uh like hold it loosely.
00:54:55.280 --> 00:54:58.480
Like I don't let the loss affect me.
00:54:58.639 --> 00:55:11.679
And I also, it doesn't happen very often, but if I do good or win, I also hold that loosely because I know that I can slip back into that being my identity is held in the win.
00:55:12.239 --> 00:55:20.800
Like a couple of years ago, there's this really fun roping in Oregon I went to and ended up winning my team.
00:55:20.960 --> 00:55:21.440
We won.
00:55:21.760 --> 00:55:25.679
And we won these cool silver bits and an envelope full of cash.
00:55:25.920 --> 00:55:31.599
And I remember thinking this thought of like holding it loosely.
00:55:32.960 --> 00:55:36.719
And that doesn't mean you don't celebrate the victory, right?
00:55:36.800 --> 00:55:38.239
And all that comes with that.
00:55:38.400 --> 00:55:46.239
But I remember putting that silver bit on my dash driving home, and I was by myself because I met my friends over there that I roped with.
00:55:46.800 --> 00:55:51.519
And I didn't, and you know me, like this was a big deal.
00:55:51.599 --> 00:55:52.880
I didn't listen to any music.
00:55:53.199 --> 00:55:53.440
Yeah.
00:55:54.000 --> 00:55:55.039
It just isn't bingo.
00:55:55.440 --> 00:55:56.000
Sat in that.
00:55:56.079 --> 00:55:57.679
It was like a three-hour drive.
00:55:58.000 --> 00:56:05.519
And like enjoyed like my friends who I won it with, and my horse did awesome, and I roped good.
00:56:05.840 --> 00:56:10.000
And when I got home, like I went and put that bit away.
00:56:11.199 --> 00:56:14.960
And I'm like, I celebrated it all the way home.
00:56:15.679 --> 00:56:22.639
And like, just from a place of like gratitude, of like, I won this cool silver bit.
00:56:23.199 --> 00:56:23.599
Right.
00:56:23.760 --> 00:56:28.239
And I want some cash, and I got it to do it with my friends, and my horse did good.
00:56:28.800 --> 00:56:31.280
And it doesn't make me any better.
00:56:31.440 --> 00:56:33.920
It doesn't, you know, I mean, just holding it loosely.
00:56:34.159 --> 00:56:37.920
And then I put put it away.
00:56:38.800 --> 00:56:54.559
And I didn't like, oh man, like now the next one, because I think it like builds again unrealistic expectations of like this is gonna, this is gonna put me on a different trajectory than I've been on for a long time.
00:56:54.719 --> 00:56:57.119
Cause I hadn't won anything in a long time.
00:56:57.920 --> 00:57:00.000
And I just remember how good that felt.
00:57:00.239 --> 00:57:02.800
Like for a year, I don't even know where that bit was.
00:57:02.880 --> 00:57:11.760
Like I I I didn't hang it in my bedroom or you know what I mean, put it on my nightstand and like I just held it loosely.
00:57:12.000 --> 00:57:12.639
Yeah.
00:57:13.119 --> 00:57:14.079
And put it away.
00:57:14.159 --> 00:57:15.840
It was like, that was cool.
00:57:16.079 --> 00:57:20.480
It's like But it's not who I am.
00:57:20.719 --> 00:57:21.119
Right.
00:57:21.360 --> 00:57:22.480
I had a good day.
00:57:22.719 --> 00:57:29.119
Like you're you're not, and I don't mean this from a value standpoint, but it's like you're you're not as good as you think and you're not as bad as you think, right?
00:57:29.280 --> 00:57:30.000
Like always.
00:57:30.320 --> 00:57:35.679
There's there's gotta be this always healthy balance and perspective.
00:57:36.000 --> 00:57:47.199
Yeah, it's you know the I think it's interesting if if we don't miss the lessons in all of this, how many there are available?
00:57:48.400 --> 00:57:52.400
Because you know, the pro-am is I'm leaving tomorrow.
00:57:52.480 --> 00:57:58.719
I'm not sure when this is gonna come out, probably after the pro-am, but yeah, it's like the biggest roping that there really literally is.
00:57:58.800 --> 00:58:02.880
It's like the richest ranch roping of which is what I compete in in the world.
00:58:03.280 --> 00:58:05.679
Most prize money, big all the things.
00:58:07.280 --> 00:58:10.320
And I always have expectations.
00:58:10.480 --> 00:58:14.880
I don't know the line of confidence yet, of like healthy confidence.
00:58:17.840 --> 00:58:30.719
I kind of think that in the back of my mind, but also like I've never won money at this, and I've been going since I mean, it's like the 13th or 14th year, and I've probably only missed three or four of them.
00:58:32.000 --> 00:58:37.039
And see people win, win money, win the whole ropen.
00:58:37.760 --> 00:58:45.840
That like the first time in San Inez, California, I I didn't even make the finals.
00:58:46.000 --> 00:58:49.280
So it's Sunday, finals day, because it's kind of progressive, you know?
00:58:49.360 --> 00:58:49.679
Yeah.
00:58:50.000 --> 00:58:54.800
And I'm in my tennis shoe sitting in the stands, and I'll never forget this guy.
00:58:54.960 --> 00:58:59.199
He's actually like a rocket scientist and just started getting into this.
00:58:59.360 --> 00:59:03.039
He's riding this humongous, like half draft Appaloosa.
00:59:04.079 --> 00:59:05.360
This horse is hideous.
00:59:05.519 --> 00:59:07.519
He's super cool and safe.
00:59:07.679 --> 00:59:12.320
And the guy's wearing a bike helmet, like he can hardly ride.
00:59:12.400 --> 00:59:12.800
Yeah.
00:59:13.039 --> 00:59:15.519
And he's in the finals, and I'm not.
00:59:16.559 --> 00:59:24.960
And I'm like, the humility, like it's so humbling to be like, I've been doing this my whole life.
00:59:25.119 --> 00:59:29.840
And I've spent thousands, the 10,000-hour rule I blew past 20 years ago.
00:59:29.920 --> 00:59:30.159
Yeah.
00:59:30.400 --> 00:59:31.599
Practicing, you know?
00:59:32.000 --> 00:59:43.679
And then the whole Western Horseman thing, like on the cover, the whole 10-page article like comes out in August, right before the pro-am.
00:59:44.400 --> 00:59:57.199
And I feel super weird about all of it because, like, you know, you know, I didn't even know I was going to be on the cover or that it was going to be what it's about, which was amazing for wild courage.
00:59:57.519 --> 01:00:00.400
Um, but also felt super weird about it.
01:00:00.559 --> 01:00:05.119
Like, you know, I don't know how I feel about this.
01:00:05.280 --> 01:00:05.440
Yeah.
01:00:05.679 --> 01:00:13.280
Like being judged, you know, like you go out there and roll play a dink, and that's the guy from the Western Horseman.
01:00:13.599 --> 01:00:13.840
Right.
01:00:14.000 --> 01:00:14.320
Yeah.
01:00:14.480 --> 01:00:18.719
So the first Well, now you got to meet expectations that other people have too, right?
01:00:18.800 --> 01:00:18.880
Yeah.
01:00:19.039 --> 01:00:19.280
Yeah.
01:00:19.599 --> 01:00:23.840
Cause it's like this magazine's been around since 1936, right?
01:00:23.920 --> 01:00:25.599
It's like the magazine.
01:00:26.880 --> 01:00:30.320
And it's like comes out the same month as the Pro Am.
01:00:32.400 --> 01:00:37.119
So I'm wrestling with embracing it or hiding from it.
01:00:37.199 --> 01:00:38.639
I don't know what's going on.
01:00:38.800 --> 01:00:44.639
But the first event is on Thursday, the roping starts, and it's like real fast.
01:00:44.719 --> 01:00:45.840
It's called a team branding.
01:00:45.920 --> 01:00:48.320
It's four man teams, and it's strictly timed.
01:00:49.039 --> 01:00:49.360
Okay.
01:00:50.000 --> 01:00:56.079
So my first team out, I go and neck the first one, and we're super fast.
01:00:56.239 --> 01:00:57.840
And we got to do four.
01:00:58.320 --> 01:01:01.599
And you gotta pretend like you're putting a brand on them.
01:01:03.199 --> 01:01:08.480
And then you rope the first two, and then you switch, and you get off your horse real fast.
01:01:08.639 --> 01:01:15.039
The other two guys get on their horse, and then they rope and stretch out the other two, and you do the groundwork and do the brand, right?
01:01:16.480 --> 01:01:19.599
So we're like in good shape.
01:01:19.920 --> 01:01:22.239
I think the other two teammates went first.
01:01:22.320 --> 01:01:23.039
They were super fast.
01:01:23.119 --> 01:01:23.840
We got our third one.
01:01:23.920 --> 01:01:24.800
I necked it.
01:01:24.960 --> 01:01:32.239
Guys came in, smoked both hind feet, and we get up and we're rebuilding to because there's no breaks in between.
01:01:32.320 --> 01:01:34.639
Like it's just you do all four as fast as you can.
01:01:34.800 --> 01:01:36.079
And he's like, same thing, yep.
01:01:36.159 --> 01:01:39.360
And I'm like, the cow, the the cows are in the same corner.
01:01:39.519 --> 01:01:40.800
He brought them up the fence.
01:01:40.960 --> 01:01:42.639
I reached out, put it on him.
01:01:42.719 --> 01:01:45.840
I'm like, we're in, this is gonna be fire.
01:01:46.639 --> 01:01:58.880
And these pins are real short, and he's kind of coming up to heel it, and I'm looking back at him, and I kind of get up against the panel, and my horse gets hung up.
01:01:59.760 --> 01:02:08.880
So we're going to the left, he ropes it, I go to face right, and my horse won't turn.
01:02:09.199 --> 01:02:15.920
And so the rope comes up behind me on my back, and my horse turns into the rope.
01:02:16.079 --> 01:02:16.480
Yeah.
01:02:16.639 --> 01:02:26.320
And I mean, it I can't pull my dalleys, I can't get rid of it because the ropes pulled, sucked me down over my saddle horn, so I can't pull the dallies off.
01:02:26.559 --> 01:02:32.320
And it yard darts me head first and knocks me unconscious.
01:02:32.719 --> 01:02:33.440
You were out?
01:02:33.760 --> 01:02:34.800
Unconscious.
01:02:35.119 --> 01:02:37.280
Like I landed right on the top of my head.
01:02:37.440 --> 01:02:43.119
And I've had so many concussions, like it, you know, it doesn't take much to get concussions.
01:02:43.280 --> 01:02:51.440
But I land on my head, but my right foot got hung up in my stirrup when I came off to the left and like did something to my knee.
01:02:51.519 --> 01:02:54.719
But I just remember waking up and there's all the people standing around.
01:02:54.880 --> 01:03:00.159
And Buck Brandeman, who puts on the roofing, he was flagging on our side.
01:03:00.400 --> 01:03:04.639
So when I look up, he's standing over me and he's like, pal, you all right?
01:03:04.880 --> 01:03:06.079
You you back with us?
01:03:06.960 --> 01:03:08.559
And I'm like, what's happening?
01:03:08.719 --> 01:03:12.079
And they have to carry me out, and they're trying to call the ambulance and all the things.
01:03:12.159 --> 01:03:14.639
I'm like, no, just let me sit down for a while.
01:03:15.039 --> 01:03:28.559
And once I kind of got my brain back and like figured out where I was and what was going on, and people are telling me what happened because I don't remember at all what happened.
01:03:28.800 --> 01:03:29.920
None of it.
01:03:30.239 --> 01:03:33.440
From the run, nothing.
01:03:34.079 --> 01:03:37.760
And I'm sitting there, and all these people keep coming up.
01:03:37.920 --> 01:03:38.480
Are you okay?
01:03:38.559 --> 01:03:39.280
Can we get you anything?
01:03:39.360 --> 01:03:44.800
The EMTs are sitting with me and trying to figure out what's wrong with my knee and doing the concussion protocol.
01:03:44.960 --> 01:03:52.960
And I just am sitting there like mortified at what happened.
01:03:53.119 --> 01:03:55.119
I've been doing this again my whole life.
01:03:55.280 --> 01:04:02.000
Like put all I had into this for so long.
01:04:02.800 --> 01:04:11.519
And then here I am on the cover of Western Horseman, knocked out, hurt.
01:04:12.079 --> 01:04:16.239
Mary's just shows up like a half hour after this happened.
01:04:16.320 --> 01:04:17.039
She doesn't know.
01:04:17.199 --> 01:04:19.519
She walks in and there's all these people around me.
01:04:19.599 --> 01:04:24.320
I'm sitting with the EMTs, and she's like, What are you?
01:04:24.880 --> 01:04:28.079
Because people are like, you need to go get your brain checked out.
01:04:28.159 --> 01:04:29.039
You need to go to the hospital.
01:04:29.199 --> 01:04:30.320
Damn, like, no.
01:04:31.519 --> 01:04:33.280
We didn't have insurance, I don't think.
01:04:33.440 --> 01:04:34.960
Like, just all the stuff.
01:04:35.199 --> 01:04:48.639
But the good part of that was it was revealing to me, even though I've done all this work and like identity stuff, and like it's not tied up at like how much of that was still in there.
01:04:48.960 --> 01:04:59.199
Of like, if I could have just crawled out of there and left and never came back in the moment, I was like all of that was hitting you in that moment, like right afterwards.
01:04:59.360 --> 01:04:59.679
Oh, yeah.
01:04:59.760 --> 01:05:05.599
Like there was an hour sitting there, and I was my knee, dude, I was in some serious pain.
01:05:05.760 --> 01:05:06.159
Yeah.
01:05:06.400 --> 01:05:11.199
Um, and you know, the headache that comes with all of that, but also just sitting there.
01:05:11.280 --> 01:05:18.800
Like, I just want to be left alone, and everyone's so kind because I have so many friends and they're all checking on me and getting eye, all the stuff.
01:05:18.880 --> 01:05:30.320
And I was just like, Yeah, I still have a lot of work to do in that area of the expectations, but just like what a hit on my pride it was.
01:05:30.559 --> 01:05:30.880
Yeah.
01:05:31.039 --> 01:05:34.239
And the perfect timing of the That's it exposes you.
01:05:34.400 --> 01:05:36.000
Oh my gosh, dude.
01:05:36.079 --> 01:05:38.159
It was like so.
01:05:38.320 --> 01:05:42.639
Here we are, that was you know, last year getting ready to go again.
01:05:42.719 --> 01:05:51.199
So leading up to it this time, I'm like, I want to take good care of my horse.
01:05:51.519 --> 01:05:56.880
And um because it kind of punched a hole in him, too.
01:05:57.119 --> 01:06:03.519
Okay, which he already had a A hole got punched in him at the at a branding I was at.
01:06:03.599 --> 01:06:06.239
So he's not right anyway.
01:06:06.639 --> 01:06:25.280
And that I put way too much pressure on him, considering what had just happened, you know, last late spring when we got in a big wreck and at a branding and he got rim fired and ran over a bunch of people and I broke my finger and all this stuff.
01:06:25.440 --> 01:06:41.280
So all of that say, like kind of preparing myself this year of going into this event again is like I just don't want to hurt myself and make a fool of myself.
01:06:41.440 --> 01:06:41.679
Yeah.
01:06:42.000 --> 01:06:44.800
But also just kind of that hold it all loosely.
01:06:45.599 --> 01:06:47.599
Like removing expectations.
01:06:47.760 --> 01:06:49.760
But that's where I'm like confused.
01:06:49.920 --> 01:06:54.559
Like the people that win go in there with some level of confidence.
01:06:54.960 --> 01:06:55.519
Right.
01:06:55.760 --> 01:07:00.719
Like you got to be confident in your what you're whatever it is you're doing.
01:07:01.440 --> 01:07:03.199
So I don't know where to put all that.
01:07:03.360 --> 01:07:30.239
Like I have some tension and like I got I got humiliated last year and then ended up borrowing Will's horse and like, or actually Cricket's horse, his wife's horse, and like made it to the finals on a couple teams and like was a second high call team back and like kind of redeemed myself, had no luck in the finals, but like also I don't I don't know how to approach that.
01:07:36.159 --> 01:07:39.199
Like I don't I'm not sure.
01:07:39.599 --> 01:07:44.960
Well, the the reality too is we we don't see behind the scenes, right?
01:07:45.760 --> 01:07:48.719
So I think I think you're right to your point.
01:07:48.800 --> 01:08:03.679
There's a lot of elite performers, whether it's sports, business, whatever it is, um, that that probably have unhealthy levels of confidence and experience success, but nobody bats a thousand or a hundred, right?
01:08:04.639 --> 01:08:11.440
So what what are they like as they navigate those losses, like what we're talking about?
01:08:11.599 --> 01:08:15.360
What does that look like for those months, for those years, what whatever it is?
01:08:15.760 --> 01:08:24.960
And yeah, and what would their family say if they could be honest about how they experience the high performer that what happens, yeah, when you don't win?
01:08:25.279 --> 01:08:26.640
It's so freaking intense.
01:08:26.800 --> 01:08:32.880
And then when they do lose, because it happens to everybody, are a bear to be around.
01:08:32.960 --> 01:08:34.079
Like I've kind of been like that.
01:08:34.159 --> 01:08:44.079
I've just been more irritable lately, as I've like I said earlier, just managing just expectations that haven't been met in different areas of life, you know.
01:08:44.159 --> 01:08:51.600
And if you ask Tiff right now, she'd be like, Yeah, like he's he's been a little grumpy lately, a little little bitch to use your words.
01:08:52.079 --> 01:09:03.199
But so yeah, like how do you is there a level that you you can hold it loosely and be confident, like you guys have a shot to win this weekend?
01:09:03.439 --> 01:09:08.079
It's it's within reach, it's not unrealistic, right?
01:09:08.479 --> 01:09:10.319
Like sure that would be a goal.
01:09:10.479 --> 01:09:10.880
Yeah.
01:09:11.119 --> 01:09:13.520
Like we can have that as a healthy goal.
01:09:13.680 --> 01:09:21.199
We're gonna try our best, but then if we're holding it loose enough, we can hopefully manage the results and how that plays out.
01:09:21.279 --> 01:09:21.520
Yeah.
01:09:21.840 --> 01:09:28.720
But it it to me, for me, I can only speak for me, it really comes down to identity.
01:09:29.039 --> 01:09:40.800
If what you do and the success of what you do is who you think you are, I mean, talk about setting yourself up to fail.
01:09:41.840 --> 01:09:42.479
Right.
01:09:45.520 --> 01:09:49.119
And hiding behind a belt buckle is what I did for 20 years.
01:09:49.600 --> 01:09:50.800
It meant everything.
01:09:52.399 --> 01:10:10.720
And then when that started slipping away, it was like I've said this before, but I'll never forget the first time that I got on an airplane and purposefully didn't wear my belt buckle to go to work for a month out of state.
01:10:11.199 --> 01:10:12.079
Interesting.
01:10:12.640 --> 01:10:14.560
Like it sounds so stupid.
01:10:14.800 --> 01:10:15.359
Yeah.
01:10:15.680 --> 01:10:18.560
But it had become such a part of my identity.
01:10:18.720 --> 01:10:21.600
And it nobody, first off, dude, nobody cares.
01:10:21.760 --> 01:10:24.159
Especially I was going to Pennsylvania.
01:10:25.199 --> 01:10:25.680
Right.
01:10:25.920 --> 01:10:27.760
Like, nobody cares.
01:10:28.000 --> 01:10:29.840
Still nobody cares.
01:10:30.399 --> 01:10:33.039
Well, that's that's the stupid part about all of this, right?
01:10:33.119 --> 01:10:42.079
Like when you were talking about you after your concussion, you're getting your your whereabouts, you're kind of starting to process through all this stuff that's hit you.
01:10:42.239 --> 01:10:50.239
I was literally thinking, I'm like, no, nobody that's checking on you is sitting there thinking, like, dude, this is the guy that was on the magazine cover.
01:10:50.399 --> 01:10:53.119
Like that probably that didn't cross anybody's mind.
01:10:53.279 --> 01:10:53.520
No.
01:10:53.680 --> 01:10:53.920
Right?
01:10:54.319 --> 01:10:55.840
Nobody cares the other way either.
01:10:56.000 --> 01:10:56.239
Right.
01:10:56.399 --> 01:11:03.039
Like, it's just amazing to me how much we think people are like watching or observing.
01:11:03.520 --> 01:11:08.319
Like this is the pep talk I give myself before I go in the arena.
01:11:08.399 --> 01:11:10.399
And I tell my teammates this yeah.
01:11:12.399 --> 01:11:15.840
I I ask them, are you gonna still care about me and be my friend?
01:11:16.000 --> 01:11:16.880
Yes, okay.
01:11:17.199 --> 01:11:22.239
If I fall off my horse or lose my rope or do something stupid and cost us.
01:11:22.479 --> 01:11:24.079
Like I got to reduce these stakes.
01:11:24.239 --> 01:11:24.640
Yeah.
01:11:24.880 --> 01:11:25.439
I like that.
01:11:25.680 --> 01:11:27.359
And they say, of course.
01:11:27.600 --> 01:11:32.399
And then I remind them, you know, nobody cares how we do.
01:11:33.600 --> 01:11:38.159
Our wives, because probably they don't want to deal with the fallout if we do bad.
01:11:38.239 --> 01:11:40.159
So they're really the ones rooting for us.
01:11:40.399 --> 01:11:41.680
That's why they're rooting for us.
01:11:42.000 --> 01:11:42.399
Dang it.
01:11:42.560 --> 01:11:43.199
You know what I mean?
01:11:43.359 --> 01:11:43.600
Yeah.
01:11:43.840 --> 01:11:46.479
But literally, nobody cares.
01:11:46.800 --> 01:11:56.479
Because when I'm sitting in the end of the arena on my horse and the 10 teams before me that I watch before I go, I don't care.
01:11:57.199 --> 01:11:57.840
Right.
01:11:58.560 --> 01:11:59.760
No, it's true.
01:12:00.000 --> 01:12:01.119
Like nobody cares.
01:12:01.279 --> 01:12:01.600
Yeah.
01:12:01.760 --> 01:12:09.520
And not that many people are really, they're there to watch, but they're it's like there's there's a hundred and fifty.
01:12:10.000 --> 01:12:15.840
Why in the world would anybody care about my one team that I'm going to do this with out of 150?
01:12:16.159 --> 01:12:17.359
Like nobody cares.
01:12:17.680 --> 01:12:26.319
It's it's so true, dude, because if you if you came back after this weekend and you guys won, like I would genuine, like you're one of the closest people to me in my life.
01:12:26.479 --> 01:12:28.159
I would genuinely be happy.
01:12:28.319 --> 01:12:29.680
Like for you though, right?
01:12:29.760 --> 01:12:31.840
Like, and I think it's cool.
01:12:32.720 --> 01:12:35.439
But that does nothing for our relationship.
01:12:35.680 --> 01:12:37.119
Like it changes nothing.
01:12:37.359 --> 01:12:38.560
I would be happy for you.
01:12:38.720 --> 01:12:49.920
I'd want to celebrate with you, but it my perspective of who you are and like what you mean to me would it wouldn't move the needle one bit, one way or the other.
01:12:50.079 --> 01:12:50.319
Yeah.
01:12:50.399 --> 01:12:56.640
And and I I I don't want to sound like a has been loser with this perspective.
01:12:57.119 --> 01:12:58.720
Because don't get me wrong.
01:12:58.960 --> 01:13:05.359
I hold it all loosely until about 10 minutes before my team's up and I ride through that gate.
01:13:05.520 --> 01:13:06.000
Sure.
01:13:06.319 --> 01:13:08.159
And then the mechanism clears.
01:13:08.319 --> 01:13:18.560
It's that intensity of why we're addicted to doing stuff like this, because the focus and like we were talking about earlier before we started this.
01:13:21.039 --> 01:13:23.199
The outside world goes away.
01:13:23.439 --> 01:13:23.840
Right.
01:13:24.079 --> 01:13:31.279
You're not thinking about work, you're not thinking about bills, you're not thinking about dynamics and relationships that may be rocky.
01:13:31.520 --> 01:13:32.479
And you're so present.
01:13:32.640 --> 01:13:33.439
You're yeah.
01:13:33.600 --> 01:13:37.520
You have to be so present that everything goes away.
01:13:37.760 --> 01:13:39.199
And I want to win.
01:13:39.760 --> 01:13:40.720
Do not get me wrong.
01:13:40.800 --> 01:13:43.359
Don't mishear me in this holding it all loosely stuff.
01:13:43.520 --> 01:13:44.159
Right.
01:13:45.520 --> 01:13:50.880
But it it's I just know how to approach it differently.
01:13:52.000 --> 01:13:58.640
Like it because you're still gonna care about me, my wife's still gonna love me, my kids don't care.
01:14:00.239 --> 01:14:01.119
You know what I mean?
01:14:01.680 --> 01:14:06.239
Like Yeah.
01:14:06.479 --> 01:14:08.159
And we And I like winning.
01:14:08.239 --> 01:14:09.840
I like winning shiny things.
01:14:10.479 --> 01:14:12.239
And winning, winning's cool.
01:14:12.560 --> 01:14:15.359
Winning is is fun.
01:14:16.399 --> 01:14:17.600
Losing is not fun.
01:14:17.840 --> 01:14:19.279
Yeah, it just can't be everything.
01:14:19.439 --> 01:14:20.079
Yeah.
01:14:20.880 --> 01:14:46.479
Well, and and here like here's the really funny part about all of this too, is the reality of like, you know, talking about identity and all that, but how much time and energy, like mental space, are we dedicating to like also impressing people that we're not in, they don't care, or even like we're not in community with, like, they're not that close to us.
01:14:46.560 --> 01:14:50.479
And I mean, we just that's another funny aspect of all of this.
01:14:50.800 --> 01:14:54.239
I think about that sometimes when I'm like getting dressed.
01:14:54.560 --> 01:14:55.119
Yeah, totally.
01:14:55.439 --> 01:15:00.239
Like, I d that doesn't really washing your car so it looks all clean.
01:15:00.479 --> 01:15:05.279
Like my my wife doesn't even care what I dress.
01:15:05.439 --> 01:15:06.239
Like, you know what I mean?
01:15:06.319 --> 01:15:12.319
Like, but we think we can we care more than everybody else does.
01:15:12.880 --> 01:15:15.600
Oh, it's like, who am I trying to impress?
01:15:15.840 --> 01:15:16.960
Like, yeah.
01:15:17.279 --> 01:15:21.680
And I like feeling good about how you look and like dressing nice.
01:15:21.840 --> 01:15:28.800
There's like you there's this old saying when I was rodeoing Richard Lamro, who's like a mentor to me, is like, you look good, you feel good, you ride good.
01:15:28.960 --> 01:15:29.199
Yeah.
01:15:29.359 --> 01:15:38.720
Like there is something about feeling confident about taking care of your body and like not dressing like a slob, but it's for us for sure.
01:15:39.680 --> 01:15:42.399
Cause hey, cool shirt, dude.
01:15:42.560 --> 01:15:47.840
Like that's now in the cowboy world, it's a little different with gear.
01:15:48.000 --> 01:15:49.840
It's like, oh, dude, who made your boots?
01:15:50.000 --> 01:15:53.760
Because everybody works custom, you know, like dude, that saddle's sick.
01:15:53.840 --> 01:15:54.720
Who made your bridle?
01:15:54.800 --> 01:15:56.159
Like, that's a little different.
01:15:56.239 --> 01:16:03.039
Like, there's some like fun, healthy pride, like of taking care, good care of having nice stuff.
01:16:03.199 --> 01:16:03.520
Right.
01:16:03.680 --> 01:16:07.600
Because it's like anything, it's like we're all gearheads, like.
01:16:08.079 --> 01:16:10.319
Yeah, I get that for sure.
01:16:10.560 --> 01:16:14.479
I kept waiting for people to come up to me on the beach and be like, dude, you have the Hulk board.
01:16:14.640 --> 01:16:15.600
Yeah, where'd you get it?
01:16:15.760 --> 01:16:16.399
Yeah.
01:16:16.800 --> 01:16:17.439
Yeah.
01:16:17.840 --> 01:16:21.359
But at the end of the day, again, nobody cares.
01:16:21.680 --> 01:16:27.039
You end up walking up the beach with a soft top, with your head, your tail between your legs.
01:16:27.359 --> 01:16:28.000
Wimping.
01:16:28.159 --> 01:16:28.399
Yeah.
01:16:28.720 --> 01:16:30.560
Trying to find people to pee on you.
01:16:30.720 --> 01:16:31.680
Oh, dude.
01:16:32.159 --> 01:16:33.840
Uh no, this is good, man.
01:16:34.000 --> 01:16:38.000
It's uh yeah, and it's revealing, right?
01:16:38.079 --> 01:16:39.760
To your point of doing work.
01:16:40.479 --> 01:16:47.680
Something happens, and it's just revealing to needing to continue the journey, continuing to process.
01:16:48.319 --> 01:16:50.079
Yeah, because like we always say, you never arrive.
01:16:50.239 --> 01:16:53.279
Like, I had a situation come up Sunday.
01:16:54.079 --> 01:16:56.399
I'm like, I'm cruising.
01:16:56.640 --> 01:17:00.479
My marriage is never like, right?
01:17:01.279 --> 01:17:04.960
And you think you've worked through stuff and it's gone forever.
01:17:05.680 --> 01:17:13.119
And it's like things start coming out my damn mouth, and I'm like, no, stop.
01:17:13.439 --> 01:17:14.640
Don't, don't.
01:17:14.800 --> 01:17:18.640
And it's like, oh no, that thing, there's part of that thing that's still in there.
01:17:18.800 --> 01:17:22.880
I'm still capable of showing up in very destructive ways.
01:17:23.039 --> 01:17:23.359
Yeah.
01:17:23.520 --> 01:17:24.800
That are hurtful.
01:17:25.199 --> 01:17:36.960
And fortunately, we have the tools to do repair immediately and work through things, but I hate that that is still in there somewhere sometimes.
01:17:37.279 --> 01:17:37.600
Sure.
01:17:37.760 --> 01:17:38.079
Yeah.
01:17:38.319 --> 01:17:40.960
It's few and far between, hopefully.
01:17:41.439 --> 01:17:44.800
But it just to the point, like we don't ever arrive.
01:17:44.880 --> 01:17:48.479
We never like we get better and things get way better.
01:17:49.359 --> 01:17:50.720
But gosh dang, dude.
01:17:50.960 --> 01:17:51.680
It's a journey.
01:17:51.840 --> 01:17:52.479
It is.
01:17:53.199 --> 01:17:54.319
But it's opportunity.
01:17:54.399 --> 01:17:56.960
Like I you know, I coach football.
01:17:57.119 --> 01:18:02.079
Football just started yesterday, and it's like all the cliches, right?
01:18:02.239 --> 01:18:06.479
Like last year was a tough year.
01:18:06.960 --> 01:18:16.880
And I I just remember telling my uh the young men that I coach all the time, like we don't learn anything in the the wind.
01:18:17.920 --> 01:18:18.319
Right.
01:18:18.800 --> 01:18:24.720
The opportunity to learn about ourselves is in the losses.
01:18:25.920 --> 01:18:45.680
And I've been thinking about that a lot in the past six months of like because in some ways I've been getting my butt kicked, like financially, business, and it's like, I'm not gonna try to bury my head in the sand or rush through this season, uh, but just sit in it.
01:18:45.760 --> 01:18:49.039
Like, God, what do you have for me to learn in this?
01:18:49.279 --> 01:18:49.840
Right.
01:18:50.479 --> 01:19:00.560
And it sucks to sit in the tension, but all the gold is in the in those seasons of tension sitting in it.
01:19:00.800 --> 01:19:01.279
That's so good.
01:19:01.359 --> 01:19:01.520
Yeah.
01:19:01.920 --> 01:19:10.880
Not trying to hurry through it or um self-medicate in whatever all the ways that we do to avoid it.
01:19:11.520 --> 01:19:13.600
Because it's really true.
01:19:14.159 --> 01:19:19.119
In that in the loss is where all the good lessons are.
01:19:19.359 --> 01:19:21.439
And then it's and then it's not a failure.
01:19:22.319 --> 01:19:24.479
Because we gained so much through it.
01:19:24.800 --> 01:19:25.760
Dang, dude.
01:19:26.000 --> 01:19:36.479
Like, even financially, like just getting skinny, like as a company, but even personally, Mary and I like, oh, this needs to get cut, that needs to get cut, that needs to get cut.
01:19:36.640 --> 01:19:44.399
And then, God willing, we get through this financial season we're in, and then we we don't revert back.
01:19:44.640 --> 01:19:57.680
We keep all the lessons we learned about getting skinny and excess and waste and unnecessary purchases that add no value to life, really, maybe in the moment.
01:19:58.399 --> 01:20:12.560
But if you carry that with you in the loss or the hard times, then you come out the other side with all this knowledge and lessons and you do things differently next time.
01:20:13.600 --> 01:20:20.960
But that's the opportunity of like how this whole thing started, like unmet expectations and setting ourselves up to fail.
01:20:21.119 --> 01:20:33.680
It's like, cause sometimes, dude, no matter how good we get out, things still sneak up on us, and we're like, it's either already too late or we're in the middle of it, we can't stop, and we're like, oh, there's opportunity here.
01:20:33.920 --> 01:20:34.560
Right.
01:20:35.119 --> 01:20:35.600
Yeah.
01:20:35.920 --> 01:20:40.399
No, it's that's that's that's good.
01:20:40.640 --> 01:20:47.279
I mean, we uh a lot of similarities to what's going on in my life right now, too, work and just different things.
01:20:47.520 --> 01:20:51.600
But yeah, I mean, this is this is the time to learn and grow.
01:20:51.760 --> 01:20:52.000
Yeah.
01:20:52.319 --> 01:20:57.520
And the more we can sit in the tension, right, and embrace it, like the not try to get through it.
01:20:57.680 --> 01:20:59.119
Yeah, that's good stuff, man.
01:20:59.840 --> 01:21:00.640
Well, this was fun.
01:21:01.279 --> 01:21:01.840
To do it again.
01:21:02.079 --> 01:21:02.479
Thanks.