Gracious or Graceless?

Caroline and Paloma: And you married him It's so fun to be in Birmingham in your beautiful studio today recording in real life. I know. I love having you here. We had a fun dinner last night. We did. We nothing but fun and games here in Birmingham all the time. It's a busy week. You guys have your antique show this week, Antiques at the Gardens, which is a big event. I've had the pleasure of attending a few times over the years and seems like this year's gonna be bigger than ever. I mean there are tons of people in town. Yeah. Here in Birmingham. People are texting last minute. Can you get me tickets? I mean, like, well, last night one of the girls was saying at dinner that she's heard people are scalping tickets, like they're selling them for a profit on the black market, which is crazy. Well, it is it is well deserved and it has been a slow burn growing into this crescendo. They've been working diligently on Antiques in the Gardens for 20 years. Penney Hartline has been down there and you know like shepherding it. She's retiring this year, but there had just been a series of incredible chairs. And they split it and they did two, then it was like four, now it's like six. It's such a big job and the vendor relationship. The vendors that they get to come in, like it keeps every year you think, Well, gosh, I'd hate to be here next year 'cause you really can't top that. And then they do, like every year. Well it's amazing. Jennifer Gracie hosted us for dinner last night from Gracie Studio and showed us some pictures of the beautiful I mean, what do you call them? Like not sets, but like yeah, the environments that they're creating creating for the show and for the the gala. And it looks unbelievable. It's crazy. It's so gorgeous. Crazy. It's a big undertaking. Yeah. It it's amazing. I can't wait to see it. I haven't been down there yet. You have some big speakers this year too, right? huge. It doesn't get any bigger. Who's coming? Veere Grenney, Bunny, Bunny Williams. Veere, Bunny, Matthew Carter. I just kept scrolling and thinking, gosh, okay. Well there's not any one of these that I don't want to get to. Right. No, it's a a good list for sure. Yeah. I can't wait. It's gonna be great. And we have the Gala tomorrow night. Mm-hmm. But tonight Paloma and I are just gonna be whoop whooping the round three parties to go to. I'm gonna be so exhausted on Sunday. This is not I mean, you guys especially, I feel like everybody in Birmingham, 'cause there's multiple Events every night, and I was saying to one of the girls at dinner, I feel like when you're attending from out of town and going somewhere specifically for an event like this, it's so much easier than living in the host town because you still have your business and your family to attend to, and then there's still all this stuff going on, and people from out of town that want to see you and you're getting invited to things, so it's a lot. I mean, I'm not staying for all of that, unfortunately. This time I've got to get back home, but I mean, just Just two nights worth of being out is enough for me 'cause I'm usually in bed by nine o'clock. I mean, Paloma, I am. I'm like I if I don't have my pajamas on and my face wash by eight thirty, I don't know you know, like what to do with myself and I've got had last night I have every single night through Saturday night that I've gotta be out on honey, gotta have this full beat of makeup every everywhere and the hair done. It's a lot of work. I'm gonna be exhausted next week. But I'm excited for it. I mean Really excited. It should be a lot of fun. A lot of fun people coming in town. I'm speaking next week at the Dallas Garden Club. Wonderful. And those ladies are coming. A lot a a big group is coming. So I'm having dinner with them on Friday night. I'm excited about that. That's wonderful. It's gonna be a lot of fun. I can't wait. Okay, what's your high and low this week? Well, my high is being here with you. and also it's the last week of September. So if you guys have been listening, it's been a crazy month of travel. So I'm glad this is my last. Yeah. So after that I'll go to High Point where I'll be introducing a collection of rugs with LM carpets, which I'm super excited about. And my low Any complaints other than I had that terrible migraine yesterday, but you know, I'm feeling better today. It's a new day. Well, okay, so my high in addition to having you here, obviously, this is in all this these fun and festivities. I just got back from New York. Yes. For and my high this week was going to New York with my daughter, Lou, and we went to Role Model and Harry Styles, and Role Model I felt like an old lady mom taking her daughter. to a show. And also exaggerated by the fact it was at Radio City Music Hall. And we had I mean there were great seats for us as far as we were on the first row of the mezzanine that projects over the auditorium. So I mean we're almost eye level with him. We can see him on the stage. Okay. All that's fine and good. But these girls start jumping up and down to the music and I could feel this mezzanine spongy bobble bobbing up and down and I was I made me nervous the whole time like I couldn't relax and Lou was like could you stop like could you please just relax and I was like you know it was making me nervous she was like really like nobody around us could tell but anyway that the Role Model was fine I had a good time I enjoy him but I I didn't I don't like this last album as much as I liked the album before that And I thought I had called it his first album and I was disabused at the notion that that was his first album and that I know anything about all. But Harry Styles I do know a lot about and let me tell you, it was such a vibe. Like I want to go back to that con I am going back. I'm next year I'm gonna hit at least one, if not two shows. Because I mean there was a day when I used to Have fun and go out. Yeah. That is not who I am anymore. But when I did that, I used to love it. But you would have to stay out until like two or three o'clock in the morning at a club to get a DJ and a vibe going like they had at eight thirty at night. And it was so great because it was like. yeah. f felt like I haven't felt this club fe I didn't feel like I would ever have that club sensation ever again. But Jamie XX is the DJ. Okay. And he's some like globally famous and he's doing all of his this all of his residency. So So anyway, he has it jamming like on the floor, it's like Studio 54. They have these photographers down there and it's showing up on the screens and it looks like the photographs that you see from Studio 54. And there's no break. I'm like that music goes straight into the concert when Harry comes out. That's kind of like the opening. Okay. And the it's a di like the title of the album is disco all the time, kiss occasionally or I've got that backwards, like kiss occasionally and disco all the time. I don't know. Anyway. But so disco is in the title, so that's a big part of it. Then he's such a great performer, and all the songs were really great. Yeah. Just so much fun. And I didn't want it to end. And I didn't even I like I s Lou texted Stephen a picture of me when I was getting ready to go to the concert. And sitting next to me was a regular Coke. And he he was like, She said this is her third one of the weekend. And st Stephen was like, She's going hardcore. And I was like, guys, I've got like I'm an old Lady, I've kind of like get pepped up. Nothing does it better than a regular Coke. Anyway, so that was really great. I had a blast, enjoyed it. If you haven't seen it, I need to go see him live. Yeah, I haven't. When he comes to I think he's coming to Texas sometime. You should go. Yeah. You and Fabian will have a blast. We'll love it. and my bad week is Okay, well I can't remember what my low of the week is. Maybe I'll remember it later and I'll pop in with it. Okay. Okay. Paloma put together a fun game for us. Yes. Well, but before that, before that, I'm jumping at. Okay. Do you have any s new sunglasses on your radar for fall? I don't have a specific pair on my mind, but I am liking like the oversized aviator kind of look. And like a tortoise drum pair. Yeah, I they're not anything special, but I like them. I think I just got on Amazon from nice. An influencer. They look great. kind of like that from Isabel Marant from like four years ago. and I love those But mine have gotten scratched, but I still throw on, but it's such a good I think a lot of people can wear that style. Yeah, it's a flattering shape. Yeah. I tend to like a more oversized, I mean not huge, not ridiculous, but like a larger frame in general. Yeah. So I have fallen prey to the Khaite X Oliver Peoples. Is that what you were wearing yesterday? Yes. Is it pretty? And I was so desperate to get a pair, I thought it Hair. And then two more pairs showed up here. So I ordered three. Of the same? The same. Yeah. The other ones have gone back. You know, sometimes when you're paying with Apple Pay, you can have this situation. Yeah, exactly. Where you just don't it's not processing and it acts like it has not gone through. So then you do it again. god. Have you ever done that? I've I've only I haven't done it that many times, but I have done it as always with Apple Pay. Yeah. And it always suggests That your transaction failed. But it didn't. It went through. And if I was really smart, I would go and check the credit card statement. But instead, I wait for the end of the month for multiple packages to arrive. Exactly. For the packages or the statement at the end of the month. And like, what is this? okay. Also, do you have so we're getting into the shoulder season? Yes. It's now, it feels nice, but it's still like 80 degrees and bright sunny. are you still wearing sunscreen? I only wear sunscreen. I wear it on my face because it's in the BB cream that I use. so I only use it in the daytime. I don't put sunscreen on my face. Like I don't have a moisturizer for nighttime that has sunscreen in it, obviously. And then I don't apply sunscreen to my body unless I'm going to the beach or the pool. Same. 'Cause I just feel like I'm not spending enough time outside just running errands and getting from point A to point B to justify putting the chemicals on my skin. Yeah. I don't put sunscreen on my body ever. Even at the pool? Even at the pool, 'cause I don't stay at the pool long enough to need it. Like when my when I start to I heard a dermatologist on Andrew Huberman say, like, as soon as you feel your skin start to tighten and burn, that's when you should get out of the sun. Okay. And he was like, You don't need sunscreen, just get out of the sun. Put on a t shirt, put on a hat, get under and umreblla something so my I've got more kind of olive skin. I was gonna say you probably don't burn though you tan. I tan and when it starts to feel hot or like I've had I'm like I'll stay at the pool maybe two hours and I'm not in the sun the whole time and like I'm in the pool Some of that time. So anyway, so I really just don't use sunscreen. I do put it on my face when I'm playing tennis because I feel like particularly when I'm sweating and all kind of glisteny, I can get really burned. And I use retinol, and I don't want I keep my face out of the sun. Like I'm never I'm never allowing the sun to actually hit my face. So but I've heard that this same guy was basically saying Whether it's mineral or chemical sunscreen. And I guess one is like zinc or then the other one is the chemical. Either way, you don't use it every day. Because you don't need that I mean, like you need to stay out of the sun. Yeah. You don't need the chemicals. So I've took that to heart and have stopped using it, except when I play tennis. And then I've got one that's like Meticube. Are you familiar with this brand? I haven't used it yet, but I've seen It online. I know you use some of the products and really like them. My one of my doctors recommends it. I think it's kind of clean-ish and quite high quality out of Korea. They do a lot of different face masks and stuff like that. They have a no-cast, so it's a zinc, but it doesn't, so it's mineral based, but it like sinks in. It kind of gives you a little bit of glow, but I that doesn't 'cause it's just we don't play in tennis. But yes, but a couple of people have reached out and noted that we have not mentioned anything about sunscreen. So yeah. Yeah, well, I mean now that summer's over, right? Yeah, time late time to talk about it. you know, and if it weren't in that BB cream, I don't know that I would seek it out specifically just because I'm not spending a substantive amount of time in the sun. If I'm gonna be in the sun for a while, like we're doing an outdoor activity or something, then I will put it on because I am more fair and I will burn before I tan. but yeah, I don't seek it out on the day to day. Well that's the other thing. All of this, I mean, you know, everything changes. one thing we can be guaranteed, like as soon as we invest in this thinking, they'll come along with it and say, no, that's wrong. You guys got that so wrong. Right. But the thing that they're saying now is that staying out of the sun is a health risk factor equal to smoking. That's wild. Yeah. That it and it's a study over like thirty years with women in Sweden. Well, so many women are vitamin D deficient. Right. Yeah. And there's so many positive benefits to being in this and they're not talking about getting sunburned every day and like or getting sunburned ever, but like you need to They were saying like you can have a hat on, clothes on, even in the sun, because the sun will penetrate your clothing. Right. t to give you the benefits, but you need to be outside in the sun. Right, because it regulates your circadian rhythm and everything. You name it. Yeah. just you know your mental state and your vitamin D, your mitochondria functioning better, like everything. So I know I feel like I felt I always feel when I don't feel well if I lay out in the sun, like something about it just, you know, like boo gives me a little boost. I don't know. but no, they say also it naturally increases all of your hormones. like testosterone and estrogen naturally just being in the sun. So I didn't know that. Yeah. Nature's wonder. Yeah, exactly. So okay, well let's get to our our Our game? Our fun game. Gracious or graceless. So we're gonna talk about some etiquette dilemmas and we'll see how each of us would handle them. Okay. Showing up to a party or dinner precisely on time, i.e. the invitation says 7 p.m. and you arrive at seven on the dot. Is that gracious or graceless? Graceless. Yes. I mean you always wanna be a few minutes late at least. You don't and not too late, but never early, never ever early. That's much ruder than being very wrong late. you never want to surprise your hostess and catch them off guard when they're still getting prepared. And I think arriving precisely at the start time is also I mean, it's just as bad as being there early. work. Yes, absolutely. There's no difference in my book. Don't and don't park out front and sit and wait. Yeah, go circle the block. Because we know that you're there and now we're anxious. Right, now you're adding pressure. Knowing that you're waiting. For sure. Show up at like 10 after. Not not a minute before ten after. If it's a dinner party at a party at somebody's house. Yes, agreed. Okay. Asking your guests to remove their shoes. Hell no. Not just no, but like that to me is just so rude. Yeah. I I don't You know, I feel like the only exception would be like in certain cultures, it's customary, but I feel like if that is your custom then you have to make some sort of concession if you're going to invite a bunch of people to your home for a party. it's a lot to ask someone to remove their shoes and if I go to another country and the custom everybody does is take your shoes off, of course I'm gonna do that. Like that's not asking, but I don't in the United States it's an imposition. Okay? So don't have people to your house. How about this? Have a party at a restaurant. Agree. You don't want people tracking in your house. Now I will say this, I have been on and what I think is different is when your house is on a tour. Mm-hmm. Well, that's hard to have like a ton of people come through, having people put booties on because You know, if you have like five hundred people tracking across your rug and g you know, stuff like that, that's a different That's fine. And that's that's part of a a tour and a fundraiser kind of thing. It's not a hostess inviting people to their home for a cocktail party or something. So But I mean that Sex in the City episode. yeah. With Tatum O'Neill. And Carrie has to take off her shoes and then they get lost and it's a whole ordeal and the outfit's ruined and I just shoe shamed. Yes, exactly. For spending too much on her shoes. I know. And I mean, like I I There are things like for instance, if it is raining outside and you have mud all over your shoes and you're coming into somebody's house, you should take them off. Yeah. Without them asking. Right. Right? So I'm not talking about situations where you have dirt and you're gonna track it in and you know it and you're aware of it. But as a practice, when you come into someone's house to say we take your shoes off. So what would you do if you showed up to a party at someone's home and you didn't know because it wasn't addressed prior, but you showed up and suddenly there's like a basket in a note or someone greeting you at the door asking you to remove your shoes. Are you like piecing out at the door and saying thanks for the invite but no thanks? If there's a note I'm still keeping my shoes off. Yeah. I mean that's just who I am. Like they will have to come and find me and say take please take your shoes off. And which time I'll be like, Hey, I'm probably gonna have to run really quick. I've got a got a thing and I'll have to head. Yeah. Yeah. I just I mean, I just I mean nobody yes, and That's me being petty and just as rude, but like you shouldn't be doing this. Yeah. I don't want to stand around in my bare feet with people. I know. That's just so weird. Like I w I'm not the person who's gonna just be like, okay, sure. I can even I can't hardly bear seeing men in sandals. So certainly don't even thought about the fact that men would be at the party. Why would anybody why is this better? So graceless. okay, telling someone they have lipstick on their teeth. That is gracious. Yeah, I think so too. I think it's a kindness. You just have to do it really discreetly. I feel like it's really awkward if it's someone you don't know well, but if you know someone in a somewhat personal capacity, I feel like they would I would be appreciative. It's kind it's the kind of role were reversed if somebody said, Hey, you know, you have yeah, something in your teeth or lipstick on your teeth, I would wanna know. And when and if people realize if you're a good friend and they realize that they have lipstick on their teeth and they've been walking around and you haven't said anything. Right. Like that is a that is a strike against your friendship. Aga agreed. Totally. I feel like a good friend is the one that's gonna tell you. Absolutely. And when Stephen and I first started dating, we went to this like Manna grocery pla like health food place and I got a like a burrito that had spinach in it. So it's something you had to you know bite into with spinach. And as we're eating it, and we had not been dating but like two two months at this time. Okay. As we're sitting there at the two of us, he's like, that's so and so from Montgomery. I know I'm gonna have to speak before we leave. Okay, great, whatever. Anyway, finish eating. He was like, Let's stop by. Okay. He introduces me, I'm like, Hey, so nice to meet you. Yes, blah blah blah. Whatever. We get in the car and I like put the visor down as one does. And I have spinach in my teeth. And you married him I lost it. he was like, what was I supposed to say? I was like mother That I have spinach in my teeth. Like I'm a lamb to the slaughter. You like led me to this table, knowing I had spinach in my teeth. Like, why would you not tell me? So, anyway, lesson for him. Now he knows. I've got him trained good. Yes. Okay. Correcting someone's table manners if they're about to make a faux pas. That's graceless. Yeah, agreed. I mean you just keep it to yourself and my gave the example of going to a dinner party like a dinner party that somebody had and they had finger bowls and I've only been to a dinner that had finger balls once in Paris and to clean your hands off between right meals. Okay. Height of formality for sure. anyway but the example is that the guest didn't know what was what this bowl of warm water was for. And so they picked it up and drank it. And the hostess followed suit. She picked up her bowl and drank her water. to put her guest at ease. Right. And that is really what you should the mindset you should be in when you're hosting is making sure your guest feels not ostracized, not uncomfortable, that they feel welcome or that anything that they do is wonderful and great and you're just glad they're here and we're all just gonna drink our thing and never say a word about it. You know, I mean that's just that's how you entertain. Yeah. That's the th I would say that's somebody who has very good manners to make their Gust feel yeah, completely out of ease. Okay, an acquaintance asks for just one quick design opinion every time you see them. It depends. I mean, if it's a it's a repeat, there's one I I have somebody who does this and I try, I'm like, I weave in and out of being like okay with it and being annoyed with it. I mean, I get it, but it's just It's okay, I guess, to ask questions, but it's someone who really always wants sources. And I guess after we get deep into too many requests for sources, it's like, girl, go go live your life. Go do your own design business. Like I'm not, you know, like the info source over here. I feel like that's different too than just being like, hey, what do you think about this paint color I'm considering or something like that? Or like I can't decide between these two things, which one would you pick? Yeah. I also feel like that's probably fine. But I think asking for resources is a little bit more specific and if it's repeated right if it's nonstop and like occasional things every now and then yeah I I don't even think anything of that. Well and sometimes I'm happy to volunteer the information. Like if I know somebody's working on their house and they're not going to hire a designer but they're a friend then I'm happy to be like you know how much you have done exactly yeah yeah yeah so that's totally fine I feel like that's different. Yeah okay Your client buys a knockoff of something you sourced. Have you ever had that happen? I don't know that I I have one client who does that. You know, I mean, what are you gonna do? I I don't mo most good clients it never crosses their mind. Or if they're gonna do it, they you know I mean sometimes there's situations like we do everything in all these different rooms or whatever and then they've got other stuff. I'm like I get it. I'm like I wouldn't have a decorator for there's some people who want the whole package and there's some people that are doing particular rooms and then they take your ideas and they try to go further without hiring you. But you know what? I don't really care. Like take the take it, go and do it. But what I don't like is when You pick something out for a client and they like that, but then they want the dimensions and then they go and find a knockoff of it. Don't buy it through you. Yeah, that's And like, you know what I'm saying? Like that is no bueno. You know then don't hire a full service designer. You know, like you're not utilizing it to your highest advantage and you're not respecting the process. That's right. And let me distinguish that also from I do have clients that say what are the dimensions? And they're just out here trying to come up with ideas. Do we like this? What do you think of this? And you know, trying to Right. So Okay. the person in front of you on the airplane immediately fully reclines their seat and leaves it down for the full duration of the flight. Paloma, this is this Me or hate me, I am gonna recline that seat. You really I rarely do, I never remember to, and if I do, I'll do it like at a slight incline. But I hate it when someone's in my lap. And so I just don't I try to be mindful, but when somebody's in my lap, then I recline my seat. Yeah. So then we're the same. It's a domino effect. But it's your right. I mean, you have the right to do it. Well, also, I mean, you know, like These glutes start you know biting me when I have to sit up straight for too long. It's much easier to recline a little bit in a seat when you gotta sit in a chair for a long period of time. Yeah. Well I'm gonna call it graceless just because I mean I feel like that's harsh, but I feel like you want i in an environment like that where you're in a sardine can for hours with people in a shared environment, you would hope that everyone would be generous and mindful. of you know, those around them, whether they're reclining their seat or covering their mouth when they cough or whatever. I think it also makes a difference whether you're in first or economy. Yeah. Well I've saw in my first. Some of those men will lean all the way back and I'm like, sir, it annoys me. I don't like it. Well, what are you gonna do? Yeah. No, but I mean everyone's well within their right. It's your right to recline it. Much rather have somebody do that than, you know, like Take their shoes off or something. that's disgusting. I can't. Yeah. Okay. A former employee starts their own firm and tries to copy your style almost exactly. This is interesting question because this hasn't happened to me, but like I don't I mean former employees are always gonna start their own businesses, right? And it could be that their style is similar to yours, but of or of their origin before you they still had the style. But if they're knocking off things that you have done like exactly I've seen this happen to somebody else. It's happened to me. I mean I was I call it graceless. Yeah. And like you need to own that you are like literally knocking off the person that you worked for. I also feel like it's a disservice to yourself as a creative. Like that's from the perspective of the young person who's done it. Like It's one thing to obviously have trained under someone and be influenced by what you learned in that experience and obviously you're gonna carry some of that forward, but put your own stamp on it. Like why are you gonna duplicate what someone who has been around longer and is more established? And successful than a brand new fledgling designer is doing, you know, do your own thing, like put your own spin on it. Yeah, I've had that happen. And I also feel like when it it's not acknowledged, like there's no acknowledgement of like I learned from X that kind of feels a little weird. And you know, you think of the progeny that have come out of Parrish Hadley all of those people learned so much they learned about the business they learned about upholstery drapery all of the technical all of that stuff but there's not and they all are in the same kind of milieu of design right but there's nobody Who came out that was duplicating exactly Sister's style or exactly Albert Hadley's style. Nor everybody who's worked for Bunny Williams, everybody is an incredible designer after they've worked under her. Right. but they all have their own stuff. Yeah. You know? So it's just a shame when I've seen someone who worked for somebody and you know that they worked for them and they're out here doing exactly like a Rehash, challenge yourself to you know, like take the information and create something more with it. Yeah, make it your own. Otherwise, I feel like it just lacks creativity, you know. It's sort of like the easy, yeah, the easy way out. It's fear-based. It's fear-based. It's a thought that my ideas are not good enough, which is unfortunate. Yeah, you know, like you need to dig down deep and have the confidence To say, okay, I've got good ideas and I have good style. And that's why I'm doing this. And I can do it my own way. I don't have to do it the way that I've seen somebody else do it. Yes. But it takes a minute sometimes. Yeah, totally. I mean confidence comes with age and experience. Okay, next one. asking another designer you don't know in real life for a resource or workroom recommendation. we talked about this. I d I think you need to have a friendship relationship. You need to have some connection to this person. Yeah. You you like if you're friends or your best friend is this person's friend or you know what I'm saying? Like People reach out all the time and say, Hey, do you have a this person or that or whatever who are in from out of town? Can you hook it up? They're all of us are out here exchanging that information. But when I get a text from somebody that or a DM from somebody that I don't know and they're like, Please tell me da da da da da I I don't I just Sometimes I respond, sometimes. Yeah, I mean I think it's a lot a lot to ask. we certainly get questions from people who are working on projects in Houston or other places where they know we've worked or we've also, you know, asked people for resources in different cities where we have projects. But to your point, it's always someone that we I ideally know in real life and have a real connection with or at minimum have been like Instagram friends for a while and you know feel comfortable asking but it's not a complete stranger. And if there's a place where we don't have, you know, a solid connection, then we'll typically ask some of the showrooms there. The showrooms can be really good resources because they know where things are being sent to in terms of upholstery and absolutely drapery work rooms and wallpaper installers, all of that. So if if you don't have a strong connection somewhere, you know, reach out to the workrooms 'cause they'll know. Absolutely. They'll point you in the right direction. Or the showrooms. Yes. Sorry, the showrooms, yes. or, you know your local Schumacher or Kravit or whatever rep you can ask them and they'll reach out to a rep in the area in which you're working. There are people around that will help you out, but I do think you need to go to somebody you have a connection with. Definitely. Yeah. So graceless if you don't know them. a friend posts photos from your party before you do. Yeah. I it just shows that they had a good time and they're excited about it and you know, what unless don't wait on me to be the one posting. Like I'm happy for somebody else to t take up the obligation these days. Like, yes, Queen, can I just repost this? Thank you so much. Good gracious. Okay. Regifting a hostess gift. If you get a hostess gift and it's not anything you're gonna use and you've got a thing, I mean wrap it up and keep it moving. It eventually will find a home with somebody who's glad to have it. Yeah, I think if it's something it may not be your taste, but it's still tasteful, or as long as you're not giving it within the same friend group where like they're gonna know that you gave away the gift they gave you, I think it's totally fine. Somebody gives me like a sandalwood candle, this is not anything I'm ever gonna burn. It's outside of my vibe. But then, you know, if I'm going to a friend who Whose house is all neutrals. Yep. You know? Perfect. Perfect. Or a beach house or whatever. Right. You know, it's like, hey, let's put this to good use instead of giving it to my housekeeper. Yeah, or it'll sit in a cabinet forever. Exactly. Okay. last one, okay. Sending your food back at a restaurant, gracious or graceless. This gives me tremendous emotional anxiety. I have not really The only times I have sent food back, it's been very few times over the years, and it's something that I couldn't eat or it wasn't cooked. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, exactly. And the waiter inquired. And when I gave a polite explanation Then they were like, No, we'll bring you something else. Like that's happened maybe in over the course of my lifetime, I'm gonna say like three times. Yeah. Yeah. So if I just don't like it, it's not there's that's no reason to send it back. Right. Yeah, I don't I can't think of any time where I've had to send something back because I didn't like it, and I've probably Eaten steaks and hamburgers over the years that were way overcooked, but I didn't say anything about it. I just ate it because I didn't want to be rude or cause a scene. That's right. The note is don't go back to that restaurant. Yeah, you don't go back. The only time like you that I did have to say something was at a restaurant that not surprisingly is no longer in business in Houston, I had ordered scallops and they came out and I cut into one of them and it was like raw and fresh. frozen in the center like ice cold. So I sent them back. They brought me a new one. Same issue. And then they took them back, insisted on making them again. I think it happened three times. And finally they were I was like, I think I ordered something different. But at that point I was kind of like, just forget it. I'd rather just go home. I mean, if you guys can't get this right after this many times, it doesn't give me confidence about what's going on in that kitchen. But yeah. At that point I I mean I felt compelled. I think there's a way to handle it too discreetly say to your server before you've eaten the whole plate, I think people sometimes will, you know, if you were in the restaurant business, I'm sure there's a million tales of talk taking advantage of the situation. But I think you can politely say and discreetly say to your server I'm so sorry, but I don't think my chicken has been fully cooked or whatever. Just low key, no big scene. Ask them to take a peek at it. They'll say, I'm so sorry, and then they'll say, Can I bring you something else or whatever? And literally in my lifetime, maybe times that's ever happened and it's always been a an extreme situation like you've got. Totally so totally. Well fun. Okay. Okay. All right. So we have a listener question. Okay, hello. I have a question. This is Jess C053. Jesse 053 asks or says, I'm currently renting a 1990s cookie cutter home filled with honey oak trim and railings. My landlord has approved any paint color for the wall and ceilings, but does not want me to paint any of the honey oak. Do you have any recommendations for paint colors or other ways I can minimize the datedness of the wood tone? Thank you. That's a hard one because that's so specific and so specific of that era. I would almost say the best thing is probably just to keep it really clean. Like maybe you lean into neutrals. I'm I'm thinking of the restaurant where we ate last night, Sea Bar, which was really chic here in Birmingham, and they had sort of like light Tones. Kind of like this. Like a mid-century maple. Maple, sort of light maple finish. I think if you pair that with like natural fiber rugs, crisp white paint, some light neutral fabric. Natural fiber rug is really going to hit that tone. Yeah. I think if you make it seem more intentional. Exactly. I think keeping it sort of neutral makes it feel more intentional and more modern. Whereas if you had like richer colors on the walls, then it really starts to draw attention to the datedness of it. I think it it fights fights it a little bit more. And then I would say if you're renting, I would just not worry about it. Yeah just roll with it. Yeah. I mean do your thing and don't don't invest in things that are not gonna work in your next house or not true to your aesthetic style, yeah. Just because you've got the honey maple. I think that's where people make mistakes. Like s forgetting that something is temporary and trying to fix it in the moment. Just l release that sense of I need this to be perfect. And right, you know. And I'll give an example that's not exactly related, but when I first moved into my our house, it was in the financial crisis, and there was not anything that we were to do to decorate our house. And I still entertain and I still have people over. And my mother wanted me to like buy some stuff to put on the walls or go get some cheap stuff. I was like, I'm not gonna do it and I'm not making any apologies. Like I will decorate when I can decorate and gave myself permission to not worry about it. So That's such good advice. I feel like that's so smart. It takes confidence to say that. But at it in the end, you would have ended up spending more money on stuff that was temporary, that you didn't even care for, that would end up who knows where. So better to just wait and do it right. So Margot Shaw reminds me that she came over for a jewelry show. I had a friend from out of town who went to have a jewelry show, and we literally set up card tables in the living room. Else except for those blue chairs in the living room. And she remembers asking me about it and me saying, like, well. can and I want it to be right when I do it. So so anyway, you don't have to don't feel inadequate with your honey oak. Just roll with it and act like it's what you always wanted. But don't invest in anything that you wouldn't want in your next house. Right. Agreed. Since you're renting. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Well this has been great. So great. Okay. Well we will be back next week. So you're going to I'm trying to think of what my schedule is next week. I'm on the road next week. Or are you heading to Dallas and Richmond. I'm going to the Richmond Fine Arts Museum. Good luncheon. They're Antiques in the Gardens. It's like the Fine Arts Museum. And there's that Bryan reminded me there's the Schlumberger exhibit that Bunny Mellon wonderful. Bunny and Paul gave them their collection. Amazing. So I can't wait to see that. Will you see Bryan? Will he be there? No, he's not in Richmond, but he Well I know, but close enough. Close enough. He's in and out of that area of the state, yeah. No, well I'll just be I'm coming from Dallas into Richmond on a midnight plane from Georgia. But anyway Or not to be confused with the midnight train to Georgia. I'm just saying like I'm leaving Dallas at like five thirty and getting into Richmond at like midnight and then I've got the thing the next day. These schedules, well good luck with both of those things. I'm sure they'll be so fun. Okay. See y'all next week.