Shane and Braden discuss why “validation first, accountability second” helps neurodivergent kids and adults regulate and stay receptive. Shane shares a moment with his seven-year-old son, who escalated when corrected until Shane paused to hear that it was an accident; once heard, his son calmed down and could still engage with consequences. Braden recounts advocacy at his son’s school during IEP setup after repeated “red days,” where staff assumed intent behind accidental hitting tied to poor proprioception and misunderstood affectionate behavior as choking. They connect these patterns to the double empathy problem (Damian Milton) and ADHD justice sensitivity research (Bondu & Esser, 2015), emphasizing that hearing the “why” isn’t excusing behavior. They teach mirroring versus reframing, encourage calm, explicit conversations with partners about being heard versus fixing, and note therapy may help build this skill over time.
You can find Shane Thrapp at www.creatingorderfromchaos.com
You can find Braden Young at www.empoweradhdsolutions.com.
