WEBVTT
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Today we're talking about something that I think is going to land for a lot of you.
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Whether this applies directly to you or someone you love, I'm joined by Peyton Gimmel, founder of Light Minded, where she supports women and young adults in better understanding how their brains work so they can move through life with more clarity, confidence, and self-trust.
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A big part of Peyton's work focuses on women with ADHD, especially those who have spent years feeling like something is harder for them than it should be, even if everything looks fine on the outside.
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We are going to talk about what ADHD actually looks like in women, why so many go unseen or misunderstood, and what it really takes to move from just surviving day to day to actually thriving.
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And if you do not have ADHD, this still matters because you probably love somebody and know somebody with ADHD.
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Because many of you are raising daughters, supporting friends, or trying to understand behaviors that do not always make sense on the surface.
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Peyton, I am really glad you're here.
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I'm so excited to be here.
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This is my favorite thing to talk about.
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Awesome.
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Well, let's start in, let's just jump right in with that.
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I always like to know the story behind the work.
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What led you to focus specifically on ADHD in women?
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Sure.
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So here I am, an occupational therapy student, going about my business, learning about this career path that I love so dearly.
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And parallel to that, I have been diagnosed with ADHD since I was in fourth grade.
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So these two things are running beside one another.
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I'm a student learning about occupational therapy.
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I'm a young adult learning how to do the things, do my laundry, cook meals, schedule my day.
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And once I realized what OT is, I was like, oh my goodness, I need an OT.
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Went to try to find one for myself and couldn't.
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So then sparked this research journey and sort of side quest all throughout grad school of women with ADHD need occupational therapy.
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And so I started light-minded OT and got to be a part of really cool work while I was in grad school.
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So that's how I got here.
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That is such a great story.
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I love that it hits home for you and it's really your lived experience.
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And I find that so many people in the helping profession really are pulled towards what they know well.
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And so who better to learn from than an expert who's walked the walk and can talk the talk?
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When did you notice that, not just for yourself, but this is something that was missing in our local community?
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I noticed it when I figured out that other young adults weren't struggling with the same things I was struggling with.
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And once I realized that there was such a clear connection between occupational therapy and the doing of daily life and the lived experience with ADHD, learned about the unique presentation in women and saw this just like glaring gap in services.
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So sometime during my lived experience as grow as I grew up, but really defining that gap as occupational therapy happened during grad school.
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Awesome.
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We may have some listeners joining us today who have no freaking idea what OT is.
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What the heck is it?
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Yeah.
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Simply put, occupational therapy helps people to do the things that they want or need to do, but can't do for whatever reason.
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You might have heard of it sort of in the hospital after someone has a brain injury or a stroke or an orthopedic injury.
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They would help you brush your teeth again, shower, eat all of these daily activities that are key to being human and being who you are.
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For pediatrics, you hear about it in a sensory gym, and kids are working on being able to play and participate in school and participate with their peers, eat a range of foods.
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All these are things OTs can support.
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And so in my work, we're working on the same underlying theme: daily activities, things you want and need to do.
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So things like laundry, parenting, staying regulated while parenting, scheduling that comes with parenting and being an adult and managing your work and managing your home and pet care and all the things.
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We know ADHD does not just show up in one place of life.
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And so anywhere it touches, we work on supporting.
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So systems, skills, environmental changes, regulation work.
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It's like this nice blend of holistic care.
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And that's why I love it.
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Awesome.
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Thank you.
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Yeah.
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All right.
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Let's jump right into what the heck ADHD and women looks like.
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Tell me what it really looks like in women.
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Sure.
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This is just speaking more generally.
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I mean, everyone presents differently.
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And so it's not a catch-all, but generally speaking, women present more inattentive, whereas boys and men tend to present with more of the hyperactivity.
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And so that typically looks like women can be described as more like spacey, or they can be described as lazy, which really could be a whole podcast.
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I really dislike that because it's, you know, so much more than that.
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But with that inattention comes executive function difficulties, making getting started on tasks and carrying them through.
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Where you might think of ADHD and imagine a little boy bouncing around the classroom.
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And so not only is it different in adults, because people have learned how to mask and they learn how to cope.
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And that's why it ends up looking different in women.
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And many other people might not notice it, but it can be in adults and it can be in girls and women.
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And so if a woman has the hyperactive presentation, so it does happen, they may be described as super talkative, they may have difficulties ever feeling relaxed.
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Many of my clients that present like this are like rest.
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I have no idea what that is.
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I've never experienced it.
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Oh, I know some women like that in my life.
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Yes, right.
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And so some of this is also that impulsive spending, or these women didn't have a lot of speeding tickets or minor car accidents because of just always moving quickly and moving impulsively.
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So there's multiple presentations, but women definitely present differently than men.
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Awesome.
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I want to go back to the inattention.
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Yeah.
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Often people say inattention and think that's just somebody sitting there and not necessarily checked in to the outside environment or the inside environment.
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Do you find that to be true?
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Or is there also like some attending to the inside environment?
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Can you read that question?
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Yeah, but it's said differently.
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Like sometimes I hear that people are like, man, my kid is just like zoning out when they talk about the inattention, or my teen is just like staring out of the window and there's just nothing going on.
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And I find that there actually is a lot going on in the brain in that time.
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Do you find that to be true for inattention too?
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Totally.
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Sometimes people will they'll have the inattentive label, but when you actually start talking with them, they'll say, Yes, but my brain is hyperactive.
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My body might be completely still.
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And that's maybe when you should be the most concerned about how fast my thoughts are moving.
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And so totally, it doesn't always look like daydreaming internally.
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It might look that way on the outside, but on the inside, oftentimes it's bouncing from I gotta do this and I need to eat and I need to send this email and my bill is late and whatever else.
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Yeah.
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And in my work, I sometimes see that come up as, you know, a rapid-fire text that might not need it have been sent.
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Yes.
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Yeah, it's it's a thing.
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Why are so many women either diagnosed later in life or just not diagnosed at all?
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What do you think that is?
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There's reasons for this.
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I think the one that needs to be talked about the most is because we're inattentive instead of hyperactive, we tend to not disrupt others as much as someone with more of the hyperactivity might.
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And so at a young age, parents and teachers don't notice a girl struggling as easily because she's not bouncing around the classroom.
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She's not getting into as much trouble at school sometimes.
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And so it's less disruptive to others, so we're less likely to get noticed as needing an evaluation.
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And so that's one reason.
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Another is just understanding of how women present differently.
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I feel like only recently there's been more conversation about it, more research is actually being done.
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That's not just on boys and men.
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And so providers and other therapists are learning what to look for in women.
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And then there's also just some gender norms in our society that perhaps kind of lead men to a diagnosis, whereas women get kind of misdiagnosed or dismissed more easily, which again could be a whole podcast.
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But there's definitely layers to it.
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And I think something interesting is that girls are a lot less likely to be diagnosed than boys.
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But once you're in adulthood, the number of adult diagnoses start to even out a bit more because women are able to better advocate for themselves.
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And it's not perfect by any means.
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Women are diagnosed at a less frequent weight rate.
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But with the current conversations, women's diagnostic rates are increasing a lot, whereas girls are still struggling.
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Do you see that delay in getting diagnosed is something that contributes to suffering?
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Oh, yeah, there's some really frightening, quite honestly, information out there about the risks of late diagnosis.
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More broadly, like low self-esteem in women, difficulty with participation and risk behaviors.
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So alcohol is reckless driving, teens have a higher risk of unplanned pregnancy, like suicide risks are quite a bit higher in undiagnosed girls who later, you know.
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So the risk for suicide or self-harm is higher in women who are late diagnosed.
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And so there's a lot of years where people are struggling and a lot can happen in the meantime.
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There are also more risk for academic and workplace difficulties, relational difficulties, higher rates of divorce, all of these things that kind of stretch across the board but are especially prevalent if they are diagnosed late.
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So, folks, if you have a concern, go talk to your pediatrician.
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And if you need to, go speak to an expert in assessment to feel it all out and to see what's there.
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If anything, maybe it's a nothing.
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What are some signs that go overlooked in women and in children?
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Yeah, I think significant difficulty with emotional regulation is one that's quite relevant in girls, I'd say.
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The seeming quote unquote lazy or that they're not trying really can be their brain isn't organizing information in the same way that a neurotypical brain might.
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So it's harder to get started.
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It's harder to carry out a task, make sense of what the steps might be and make it happen.
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Forgetfulness is common.
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So leaving a homework folder at school every day, or forgetting to get their planner signed, or forgetting to tell you about a field trip they have coming up.
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You know, it can be a range of things, but these things can get labeled as character flaws or a child not trying when in reality it's the way their brain is made.
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Yeah.
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Do you see more emotional intensity out of this crew as well?
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Oh, yeah.
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So there's sensitivity to rejection that can be more intense.
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Emotions on, you know, the more happy and excited side of the spectrum tend to show up really intensely, as well as anger and sadness.
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And so that's something that I work on with my teens and my women that struggle with this is how do I feel regulated in my body?
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It's hard.
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Yeah, it definitely can be.
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I like to call these super sensors or or big feeling people, right?
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The emotion just kind of washes over them.
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What about the deadlines that are so hard to hit?
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Do you think they're like, can you tell us more about that?
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Yeah.
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So when I think about deadlines, it's a love-hate relationship, right?
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Because our ADHD brains need structure.
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So they need something to work towards, but really struggle often with getting there.
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And because the reason that is, is ADHD brains often have difficulty with what we call executive functions.
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So for those that aren't familiar with what an executive function is, it's those higher level, highest, it's the highest level brain functions that include organizing thoughts and systems, regulation, task initiation.
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So getting started on things, working memory.
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So that's like I'm cooking this thing, my next step is going to be this, requires you to remember the next step, execute it, put them in order.
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There's a lot of executive functioning that happens in daily life.
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And so for kids, teens, women, the whole range of lifespan with ADHD, they often struggle to meet a deadline.
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Because just to give you a summary, you have to know what the deadline is.
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You have to keep up with that in your head, or even on paper.
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Keep up with when it is.
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You have to consistently manage your time, which is another executive function.
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So you have to keep up with how much time do I have left.
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You have to know how am I going to get from point A, where I am, to point Z, this deadline.
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Oftentimes brains can do that.
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They know where they want to end up.
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But breaking it down into what is my next step can feel near impossible.
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And so that's another hurdle is figuring out what's the smallest next step.
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And if that is difficult to figure out, people struggle to start, struggle to move forward at all.
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So sequencing the steps.
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On top of that, it's hard to initiate boring tasks.
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So especially if the deadline is for something that the brain and the person doesn't find exciting or tax season.
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A nightmare.
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So it's boring.
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I don't want to do it.
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It takes a lot of work for me to get to point A to point Z.
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It's really easy to miss the deadline.
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Yes.
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Heck yes.
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Okay.
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And also there's this concept, I think, and you can you're the expert here about like time blindness where you don't have a concept of like, geez, how long is step A of A to Z gonna take me?
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Yeah.
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So awareness of time is all about, again, that executive functioning.
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And it's a mix of anattention to how much time is passing and also just awareness of what does a minute feel like?
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Because anyone with ADHD listening will understand me when I say sometimes five minutes feels like an eternity.
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Sometimes it feels like, is time even moving?
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And sometimes it feels like, I can't believe it's already been five minutes.
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Now I'm running behind.
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So it's difficult to know how much time is passing.
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And it's also difficult for us to know how much time something will take and predict it accurately.
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For parents listening.
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Yeah.
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If somebody were to want to help their kid practice this at home, what would you suggest?
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Something you can't go wrong with is buying a visual timer.
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They're like 15 bucks on Amazon.
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Works great for kids and adults.
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It helps them to visualize time passing.
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And so just encouraging if you're working with a kid or a teen, when they start a task, ask them how long do you think that this is going to take you?
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Odds are they will over or undershoot it, but regardless, set the timer and let them watch the time move.
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They'll check in on it periodically, remind them to do so if they're not.
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But that starts to teach their brain how long things actually take.
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A second use for this is if you have to be out the door in 30 minutes and you want your kid or your teen to know you got to be out the door in 30 minutes, set that timer, visual timer for 25 minutes.
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And that way they see the time passing.
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And that can help them move with urgency or slow down if that's what works.
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And give the five minutes of wiggle room so that you still have five minutes of recoup done.
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Always five minutes of wiggle room at least.
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That is also a golden nugget right there, right?
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Like add the five minutes and model having the five minutes because we're all gonna need it.
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Phenomenal.
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Thank you.
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I may or may not be buying some visual timers as soon as we're done here.
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I love it.
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I might be asking you for a link later.
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Thank you.
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Let's talk about the high functioning and struggling experience.
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A lot of women are listening operate at a super high level.
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I've met women who are, you know, in the legal system in elected positions, they are running the hospitals, they're working, parenting, doing all of the stuff.
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And they still feel this really intensely.
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It still feels difficult.
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What do you see in those women who have ADHD, right?
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The ones who've been diagnosed, and we know this is part of it.
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Right.
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So with an ADHD brain, when we, and I say we, I, you know, I'm part of this group, when we love something and we find it interesting, we often just like latch on to that thing.
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And so when someone does that and then they're able to make a career out of that thing, we tend to do well at it, we tend to succeed.
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And so oftentimes what I find is I have clients who are CEOs, like you said, attorneys, doctors.
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I myself like went through grad school behind the surface, like behind that sort of career side or creative side or whatever it is that this person really excels at, is someone often struggling to eat three times a day, struggling to participate in any leisure of any kind, or have any movement in their day, or they have a day without structure and they have this intense anxiety or boredom fluctuation that just really struggling to make sense of unstructured time in their day, or you know, it's the boring tasks, quote unquote, that can feel so overwhelming, where the tasks that other people might find really overwhelming, like running a business or being an attorney, give us excitement and novelty and make it possible.
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Meanwhile, the trash is piling up in the kitchen.
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Yes, the laundry hasn't been done in three weeks.
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The it's 4 p.m.
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And I have not once noticed that I haven't eaten, that sort of thing.
00:20:03.269 --> 00:20:03.829
Got it.
00:20:03.910 --> 00:20:04.390
Thank you.
00:20:05.029 --> 00:20:08.230
Why do you think so many women think this is just how life is supposed to feel?
00:20:08.549 --> 00:20:10.150
I think there's a mix of things here.
00:20:10.309 --> 00:20:19.910
There's the gender norms in society where you know, especially high-achieving women, moms carrying a lot.
00:20:20.390 --> 00:20:24.470
We believe this narrative that it's just part of it.
00:20:24.630 --> 00:20:27.589
You're supposed to feel totally burnt out all the time.
00:20:27.750 --> 00:20:33.670
That means you're giving it your all, or this is the hill I will die on, just so everybody knows.
00:20:33.990 --> 00:20:34.390
Yes.
00:20:34.630 --> 00:20:40.630
Everyone, like you hear it, everyone is struggling with laundry, everyone forgets to eat sometimes.
00:20:40.950 --> 00:20:52.390
Okay, maybe true, but when it's impacting your function and your nutrition, or you don't understand how paralyzing this laundry pile is, it's not like I can just do it if I want to, but I don't have time.
00:20:52.549 --> 00:20:53.269
It's not like that.
00:20:53.430 --> 00:21:02.470
And so there's a difference between busyness and executive function difficulties and exhaustion and burnout.
00:21:02.630 --> 00:21:11.109
Like there's gaps here that are typical for our very busy, very individualized hustle society.
00:21:11.269 --> 00:21:17.109
And then there's a level of my brain's really struggling to keep up with my life.
00:21:17.430 --> 00:21:17.990
Yeah.
00:21:18.230 --> 00:21:27.910
I also think there's this notion of like women are supposed to do these things, they're supposed to give up their joy, they're supposed to give up all these things for their kiddos and whatever else, right?
00:21:28.150 --> 00:21:30.470
You're supposed to do it all almost in society.
00:21:30.630 --> 00:21:33.910
And I love that you're invalidating that in a lot of the things that you're saying.
00:21:33.990 --> 00:21:36.470
You're like, no, like what do you do with that downtime?
00:21:36.710 --> 00:21:37.430
Love it.
00:21:37.670 --> 00:21:38.549
Awesome.
00:21:38.870 --> 00:21:42.390
What are some of the thoughts you hear most often from your clients?
00:21:42.789 --> 00:21:44.549
I could pick this in so many directions.
00:21:44.710 --> 00:21:46.630
Can you get more specific thoughts about what?
00:21:46.950 --> 00:21:48.069
Their struggles.
00:21:48.390 --> 00:21:54.069
Like what when they come to you the first time and they're like, ugh, what's the thing that they say next?
00:21:54.390 --> 00:21:58.870
Yeah, the thing they say next is I can't keep up with it all.
00:21:59.190 --> 00:22:03.750
I'm so over stimulated all the time, I want to cry daily.
00:22:04.309 --> 00:22:13.430
If my partner or my kid talks loudly, as kids do, or throws their toy one more time, I snap at them.
00:22:13.910 --> 00:22:17.109
Or I have missed all my work deadlines.
00:22:17.190 --> 00:22:21.430
So we talked about high achievers, but there's also this point that people hit burnout.
00:22:21.509 --> 00:22:27.109
And so they may have been high achievers their whole life, and all of a sudden they're really struggling to hit deadlines.
00:22:27.430 --> 00:22:27.670
Right.
00:22:27.829 --> 00:22:34.630
And so that high performer goes from being super high performer to a vast underperformer, right?
00:22:34.710 --> 00:22:37.430
They are so tapped out that they just cannot even.
00:22:37.829 --> 00:22:42.549
I see this show up not just in clients' work, also their personal lives.
00:22:42.710 --> 00:22:51.190
They went from being soccer mom of the year, PTA president, and doing all the things to not getting out of bed today.
00:22:51.430 --> 00:22:52.069
Yep.
00:22:52.230 --> 00:22:52.630
Yep.
00:22:52.950 --> 00:22:53.750
And some of that is.
00:22:54.069 --> 00:22:59.430
ADHD burnout, women are also more likely to have anxiety and depression running in the background.
00:22:59.589 --> 00:23:02.470
Ironically, they're also more likely to be misdiagnosed, those things.
00:23:02.549 --> 00:23:04.470
So it's hard, it's a hard puzzle to pick apart.
00:23:04.710 --> 00:23:16.150
But yeah, all of them come together with these intense burnout cycles to land people feeling really, I don't see a path where this gets better.
00:23:16.309 --> 00:23:25.109
I don't see how I can regulate myself when I don't have a lot of control over the fact that I have toddlers and I have to go to work.
00:23:25.589 --> 00:23:26.309
For sure.
00:23:26.549 --> 00:23:29.990
Do you feel like people come to see you later than you want them to?
00:23:30.230 --> 00:23:30.870
Oh yeah.
00:23:31.109 --> 00:23:31.670
Okay, cool.
00:23:31.829 --> 00:23:34.309
So when do you want them to come find you?
00:23:34.630 --> 00:24:04.390
If you're a woman with ADHD or suspected ADHD, if you're a teen, if you're a mom listening that has a daughter about to go to college, before any big transition or after a diagnosis, if you're someone struggling with the function of day-to-day, keeping up with your responsibilities and showing up how you want to, I want you to come see me because we can build skills and systems that carry over through the transition proactively rather than reactively.
00:24:04.630 --> 00:24:18.390
And so the longer that you wait, the more difficult it can be to get out of that burnout cycle and break the, for lack of better words, get past the mess that can happen in the meantime.
00:24:18.470 --> 00:24:33.829
And if you can get to me before you're about to be let go from your job, or before you've gotten yourself into a lot of debt because of impulse spending, before these big things happen that are hard to backtrack, come see me.
00:24:34.069 --> 00:24:34.710
Awesome.
00:24:34.950 --> 00:24:35.509
Great.
00:24:35.750 --> 00:24:37.990
Why do you think this matters so much for moms?
00:24:38.309 --> 00:24:39.509
For so many reasons.
00:24:39.670 --> 00:24:46.950
A lot of people, a lot of moms get diagnosed when they become moms because there's a hormonal element, which we could get into that.
00:24:47.190 --> 00:24:55.109
But being a mom requires so much executive function, sensory regulation.
00:24:55.430 --> 00:24:57.029
I can attest to all of these.
00:24:57.269 --> 00:24:57.589
Yeah.
00:24:57.829 --> 00:25:01.109
So like moms that are neurotypical are touched out.
00:25:01.190 --> 00:25:06.230
They're like, please stop crying, stop throwing things, stop touching me.
00:25:06.470 --> 00:25:18.630
All of these really intense sensory experiences are just magnified for people with an already about to tip over sensory bucket, as I talk with my clients about, where like the water is the input.
00:25:18.789 --> 00:25:22.390
So you become a mom and you lose a lot of control over that input.
00:25:22.470 --> 00:25:28.069
So you can't just step out, you can't just walk away from a situation, you can't just say, I'm gonna take an hour to myself.
00:25:28.150 --> 00:25:29.430
It doesn't work as well.
00:25:29.750 --> 00:25:32.789
You have to like really fight for those regulation breaks.
00:25:32.950 --> 00:25:36.950
And so that's one reason the sensory input gets turned up as a mom.
00:25:37.670 --> 00:25:46.710
Secondary to that, you're not just managing your own schedule, your own eating, your own appointments, your own sleep, your own laundry.
00:25:46.870 --> 00:25:50.150
It multiplies by however many kiddos you have.
00:25:50.309 --> 00:25:54.309
And again, as it multiplies, you lose control over some of those things.
00:25:54.549 --> 00:25:58.069
You finally get a room clean, your kid messes it up.
00:25:58.549 --> 00:26:03.910
You get good sleep habits before you go to bed, but you have a toddler, so it doesn't matter.
00:26:03.990 --> 00:26:05.910
And they're gonna be up in your bed all night.
00:26:06.069 --> 00:26:11.349
So more demands, less control makes it really hard.
00:26:11.670 --> 00:26:17.509
How might this show up in a mom's kid, specifically their daughters?
00:26:17.670 --> 00:26:20.870
What do you want parents to be looking out for in their daughters?
00:26:21.109 --> 00:26:30.549
Yeah, I think watch for any time you say, Oh, she's so forgetful, she's so emotional, she's not trying.
00:26:30.870 --> 00:26:36.390
She just needs to just needs to, usually followed by something that has a deeper meaning.
00:26:36.549 --> 00:26:43.430
So just needs to try harder, just needs to calm down, just needs to focus.
00:26:43.589 --> 00:26:50.309
Yeah, it could fill in the blank with a hundred things that likely point to a child that's really struggling.
00:26:50.630 --> 00:26:53.990
So, I mean, I can remember, I did well in school, my whole childhood.
00:26:54.309 --> 00:26:55.509
School, great.
00:26:55.670 --> 00:26:58.549
As long as I knew it was important, I would, I got this.
00:26:58.630 --> 00:26:59.829
I'm excited to learn.
00:27:00.069 --> 00:27:06.950
At home, I remember many times sitting in a very, very messy room, completely shut down.
00:27:07.589 --> 00:27:08.950
I had no idea where to start.
00:27:09.109 --> 00:27:11.190
I couldn't make sense of the visual input.
00:27:11.349 --> 00:27:13.670
I couldn't figure out how to make a system for myself.
00:27:13.829 --> 00:27:14.710
I didn't know where to start.
00:27:14.870 --> 00:27:15.990
I didn't even know.
00:27:16.710 --> 00:27:19.829
I couldn't imagine getting from point A to a clean room.
00:27:19.990 --> 00:27:33.829
And so look for those like instances where someone could have looked at me and said, Peyton, you're very successful at school, you're doing X, Y, Z above grade level, and you're sitting in your room crying because you can't figure out how to clean it.
00:27:34.069 --> 00:27:41.109
Logically, I know this, like I can pick up clothes, but figuring out that that's where I need to start what felt near impossible.
00:27:41.269 --> 00:27:43.509
And I'm not just talking about when I was in elementary school.
00:27:43.589 --> 00:27:46.710
This was the high school version of me too, just completely overwhelmed.
00:27:46.789 --> 00:27:53.029
And it would take me hours, days to be able to really figure out how to make sense of my mess.
00:27:53.269 --> 00:27:55.109
So that's just how I presented.
00:27:55.269 --> 00:28:03.670
But yeah, look out for anytime you're looking to label your daughter with something that you feel like should be easier for them and isn't.
00:28:03.910 --> 00:28:06.230
I think approach that with curiosity.
00:28:06.630 --> 00:28:15.029
And be willing to follow that curiosity to the experts that can help you figure out what it is and guide you along the way at putting some of those systems into place.
00:28:15.190 --> 00:28:19.589
Because if your kiddo is rocking it in other areas and they're struggling, there's a reason.
00:28:19.750 --> 00:28:23.670
And if they're struggling everywhere, definitely go and get that looked into as well.
00:28:24.470 --> 00:28:26.630
Always worth asking questions.
00:28:26.950 --> 00:28:32.150
And if it ends there and an expert says, I don't think that this is what it is, okay.
00:28:32.390 --> 00:28:41.430
There's still information there that the child needs support, but definitely worth going to an expert to get evaluated and ask those questions if you think there's something there.
00:28:41.750 --> 00:28:42.390
Awesome.
00:28:42.549 --> 00:28:42.789
Great.
00:28:42.950 --> 00:28:43.990
Thank you for that.
00:28:44.390 --> 00:28:49.509
What are some things parents might misinterpret as behavior problems that are actually ADHD related?
00:28:49.910 --> 00:28:51.190
Big feelings.
00:28:51.750 --> 00:28:53.430
I see that one in my office a lot.
00:28:53.670 --> 00:28:53.990
Yeah.
00:28:54.230 --> 00:29:06.870
Like, especially daughters that have ADHD or potential ADHD screaming back at parents, not that is what we want by any means.
00:29:07.190 --> 00:29:13.750
But as a parent wondering, is this this regulation deeper than I'm upset?
00:29:13.910 --> 00:29:14.710
Often yes.
00:29:15.430 --> 00:29:16.549
Is it sensory?
00:29:17.109 --> 00:29:24.950
Could this person have a really sensitive sensory system and have been taking in information on 10x mode all day?
00:29:25.190 --> 00:29:35.829
And this ask that you just asked her to do put your shoes away, unload the dishwasher, quiet down, was just the last straw that flipped the switch.
00:29:35.990 --> 00:29:38.470
And so there's also an impulse control element.
00:29:38.710 --> 00:29:58.950
So especially as daughters grow up, they're very quick with the talking back and saying things that ultimately they don't mean, which can be a mix of emotional sort of dysregulation and difficulty with those skills and difficulty with impulse control, which is harder when you're dysregulated.
00:29:59.190 --> 00:30:02.069
So things come spewing out that we don't mean.
00:30:02.230 --> 00:30:17.349
And so they can seem malicious in nature, and not that those things are not that you have to be tolerated in your house as like a normal thing, but really understanding the root of them comes from a child struggling or a teen struggling.
00:30:17.589 --> 00:30:22.470
Secondary to this, the behavior of leaving stuff around the house.
00:30:22.630 --> 00:30:32.950
I've told you so many times, stop throwing your backpack on the floor, wipe the sink out after you brush your teeth because that's disrespectful to our home.
00:30:33.109 --> 00:30:34.789
These are things that I hear.
00:30:35.029 --> 00:30:37.430
And oftentimes that's executive functioning.
00:30:37.509 --> 00:30:46.789
The child or the teen is not noticing the world around them in the same way that you do and has a harder time slowing down enough to say, Oh, I left my shoes or my backpack.
00:30:46.950 --> 00:30:48.470
My mom's told me to stop doing that.
00:30:48.549 --> 00:30:49.670
Let's do something about it.
00:30:49.829 --> 00:30:52.230
So just approaching that with a lot of empathy.
00:30:52.549 --> 00:30:52.870
Yeah.
00:30:53.029 --> 00:30:59.430
And that they're not doing it to spite you or to purposefully not do the thing that you're asking.
00:30:59.670 --> 00:31:08.710
One thing I want parents to take away is that by and large, kids want to do well, as adults do too, right?
00:31:08.789 --> 00:31:14.870
We are all doing the best we can, even if sometimes we miss the mark, or if we often miss the mark.
00:31:15.190 --> 00:31:15.509
Yep.
00:31:15.750 --> 00:31:25.829
Something my mom always said, which I love and I think about often, is that ADHD is an explanation for a lot of behaviors and struggles.
00:31:25.990 --> 00:31:28.630
It's not an excuse, but it is an explanation.
00:31:28.789 --> 00:31:31.750
So take that with the weight that it deserves.
00:31:31.910 --> 00:31:34.470
It explains why a child might do something.
00:31:34.870 --> 00:31:37.589
And that explanation is not necessarily the solution.
00:31:37.910 --> 00:31:38.390
Yes.
00:31:38.630 --> 00:31:40.470
Usually there's steps to be there.
00:31:43.750 --> 00:31:44.069
Okay.
00:31:44.390 --> 00:31:45.910
Skills that need to be practiced.
00:31:45.990 --> 00:31:47.349
We aren't born with skills.
00:31:47.509 --> 00:31:48.789
They come along the way.
00:31:48.870 --> 00:31:54.870
And for an ADHD brain, it takes more clear and explicit instruction.
00:31:55.750 --> 00:31:58.630
External, usually visual in some capacity.
00:31:58.950 --> 00:32:00.309
Yeah, for sure.
00:32:00.549 --> 00:32:00.870
All right.
00:32:00.950 --> 00:32:03.349
Let's here's what I really want to talk about today.
00:32:03.589 --> 00:32:05.269
I'm super jazzed about it.
00:32:05.589 --> 00:32:08.789
Going from surviving to thriving, right?
00:32:08.950 --> 00:32:12.549
We are all getting fed for the most part in our lives, right?
00:32:12.870 --> 00:32:15.990
We have some resources if we're listening to a podcast.
00:32:16.309 --> 00:32:20.309
So by and large, most people in the states are surviving.
00:32:20.470 --> 00:32:25.910
How do we get to thriving, especially in a woman with ADHD?
00:32:26.309 --> 00:32:31.029
What are the first things you focus on when you work with a woman at Lightminded?
00:32:31.349 --> 00:32:33.829
Starting with sensory regulation.
00:32:34.069 --> 00:32:45.109
So in our pyramid of our brain's capabilities, like on the bottom are your basic nervous system, food, safety, you know.
00:32:45.349 --> 00:32:51.430
And as you go up, the top one are those executive functions, daily life skills things.
00:32:51.589 --> 00:32:55.349
So until the other ones are taken care of, you can't access.
00:32:55.509 --> 00:33:19.910
So in summary, if someone's sensory system is dysregulated, be it that it's kind of hypersensitive, so it's overstimulated or sometimes understimulated, not getting enough input to feel steady, we can't access and begin to teach those high-level executive function skills that are required to complete the daily life.
00:33:19.990 --> 00:33:21.750
So we always start with the regulation piece.
00:33:21.829 --> 00:33:33.589
And so do a sensory assessment, build awareness often is a huge step, which hopefully and typically leads to self-grace and self-understanding.
00:33:33.750 --> 00:33:37.430
For I'm not nutty, I'm dysregulated.
00:33:38.150 --> 00:33:38.309
Right.
00:33:38.390 --> 00:33:39.190
It's not a flaw.
00:33:39.430 --> 00:33:41.910
Just as every system can get overwhelmed.
00:33:42.150 --> 00:33:42.549
Exactly.
00:33:42.630 --> 00:33:47.109
It's like fight or flight for your nervous system when your sensory system is dysregulated.
00:33:47.269 --> 00:33:49.349
So we start there and then we start.
00:33:49.589 --> 00:33:53.190
This is assuming we've already written goals for the different components of your life.
00:33:53.269 --> 00:34:00.309
So it could be laundry, it could be general household management, work, parenting, eating, leisure, rest, sleep, could be anything.
00:34:00.470 --> 00:34:16.869
But we'll take it goal by goal and start to develop an understanding of what environment, executive functioning skills, sensory components, social support or not, all of it.
00:34:17.029 --> 00:34:19.349
What's at play here that's making this thing hard?
00:34:19.589 --> 00:34:23.029
And let's start to build skills and systems.
00:34:23.349 --> 00:34:29.670
So oftentimes I start by externalizing as much as I can for the person.
00:34:29.750 --> 00:34:31.750
So they have to hold less in their brain.
00:34:31.989 --> 00:34:37.109
So we build visuals, we build very like limited options for things.
00:34:37.269 --> 00:34:40.710
A good example of that would be like people who struggle to meal plan.
00:34:41.269 --> 00:34:51.509
I will work with them to make a list of breakfasts, lunch, dinners, a couple of options for each under each energy level.
00:34:51.670 --> 00:34:56.150
So like on a day where you're feeling like Gordon Ramsay, these are our options.
00:34:56.389 --> 00:34:57.109
Phenomenal.
00:34:57.429 --> 00:35:00.469
On a day where it's an average day, I have these three choices.
00:35:00.630 --> 00:35:04.309
The options are grab it and eat it in the next three minutes, or I'm on eat.
00:35:04.789 --> 00:35:05.909
These are what we have.
00:35:06.149 --> 00:35:12.469
So externalizing those decisions so that in that moment, all they have to decide is what am I feeling?
00:35:12.629 --> 00:35:15.109
What energy level and time do I have today?
00:35:15.349 --> 00:35:16.469
Here's what I'm gonna do.
00:35:16.629 --> 00:35:18.229
One of three to five options.
00:35:18.389 --> 00:35:19.349
So awesome.
00:35:19.429 --> 00:35:21.029
I love that example.
00:35:21.349 --> 00:35:22.709
That's absolutely phenomenal.
00:35:22.789 --> 00:35:23.829
Thank you for sharing that.
00:35:23.989 --> 00:35:24.389
Yeah.
00:35:24.709 --> 00:35:25.029
Okay.
00:35:25.589 --> 00:35:26.149
Let's see.
00:35:26.309 --> 00:35:27.750
What else do I want to know?
00:35:27.989 --> 00:35:32.149
What are some powerful changes that can make a real difference?
00:35:32.949 --> 00:35:45.349
Yeah, I think it is gonna sound cliche, but slowing down the urgency of things that are not urgent enough to notice gaps in your day.
00:35:45.589 --> 00:35:52.149
Everyone, especially when with AHD, if there's a gap in the day time-wise, they'll fill it.
00:35:52.549 --> 00:35:56.309
The goal is to slow down enough to fill it intentionally.
00:35:56.949 --> 00:36:07.750
So if you want to use your 15 minutes in the car waiting for kids to come out of the school on social media, do it, but choose it.
00:36:07.909 --> 00:36:08.869
Don't fall into it.
00:36:09.029 --> 00:36:13.750
If you want to spend that time reading your book, do it and choose it.
00:36:13.989 --> 00:36:30.949
So kind of having a plan for what am I going to do during these small micro gaps in my day that would fill my cup and just trying to learn not to fall into whatever's grabbing your attention, but choose something you actually want to be doing.
00:36:31.029 --> 00:36:41.989
That can be incredibly freeing for people who feel often like they're out of control in their own brain and day, feeling like, oh, I'm doing this for me because I chose to.
00:36:42.389 --> 00:36:46.549
And choosing it because it's going to regulate you so that you can do the next thing.
00:36:46.789 --> 00:36:50.309
That's why I tell my clients if you want to do social media, you can.
00:36:50.389 --> 00:36:57.509
But we write out their sort of options for these gaps, and we always also write how do I feel after I do this thing?
00:36:57.669 --> 00:37:01.269
So assessment, forced assessment and reflection.
00:37:01.829 --> 00:37:02.149
Yeah.
00:37:02.469 --> 00:37:06.549
Which is so easy to overlook, especially if you have kids getting in the car.
00:37:06.869 --> 00:37:07.509
Yeah.
00:37:07.750 --> 00:37:08.469
Well done.
00:37:08.549 --> 00:37:08.869
Thank you.
00:37:08.949 --> 00:37:10.229
I appreciate that one.
00:37:10.869 --> 00:37:17.109
How do you help women build self-trust when they have spent years feeling like they've been dropping the ball?
00:37:17.509 --> 00:37:29.429
I think a lot of times when we talk about this self-trust thing with my clients, it often circles back to some form of difficulty with all or nothing thinking.
00:37:29.750 --> 00:37:35.669
So feeling like if I do this, I must do it perfectly.
00:37:35.909 --> 00:37:40.869
Or if I'm going to clean the house, I must clean every room in the house all the way.
00:37:41.109 --> 00:37:48.869
And so often that can help get women feeling in a cycle of failure because very often we can't do it all.
00:37:49.029 --> 00:37:52.709
We don't have time or energy in our day to do all.
00:37:53.349 --> 00:37:59.349
So then we reinforce the, well, next time I'm not going to start until I can do it all, because that didn't feel good.
00:37:59.669 --> 00:38:06.629
So you build self-trust by flexing the muscle that says it's okay to do part.
00:38:07.109 --> 00:38:16.229
And it's really uncomfortable, uncomfortable for people at first, but learning it's okay if I just wipe down my countertops and stop.
00:38:16.549 --> 00:38:21.989
That feels so foreign to most of my clients because they want to scrub the sink and wipe out the microwave.
00:38:22.069 --> 00:38:25.909
If they're going to do it because it's really difficult to start, they want to make sure they can do it all.
00:38:25.989 --> 00:38:32.389
And unlearning that can really help build self-trust because now she set out to wipe her countertops and she did.
00:38:32.789 --> 00:38:33.509
A win.
00:38:34.229 --> 00:38:34.709
Yeah.
00:38:35.029 --> 00:38:40.229
With enough energy and reserves to go take care of yourself in other ways.
00:38:40.549 --> 00:38:41.189
Absolutely.
00:38:41.429 --> 00:38:43.029
And not hate the task next time.
00:38:43.189 --> 00:38:43.429
Yeah.
00:38:43.509 --> 00:38:50.309
And now your kitchen's a little cleaner and you might avoid it a little less next time because it was successful and it was quicker than you thought.
00:38:50.629 --> 00:38:51.669
Awesome.
00:38:52.389 --> 00:38:58.149
What would you say to someone listening who's saying, you know, I think this might be me?
00:38:59.189 --> 00:39:06.789
Talk to a professional, either your primary care, or if you really are like, okay, OT support is for me.
00:39:06.949 --> 00:39:09.109
Come do a little interest call with me.
00:39:09.189 --> 00:39:13.029
It's free, and we can chat about some of these things that you're struggling with.
00:39:13.189 --> 00:39:18.629
But I think the thing that you should not do is, well, that's just one more thing on my plate.
00:39:18.789 --> 00:39:19.509
I can't.
00:39:19.909 --> 00:39:22.149
Or I think everyone experiences this.
00:39:22.309 --> 00:39:23.509
Let me keep going.
00:39:24.229 --> 00:39:35.509
It's worth talking to someone because getting the support, whether it be OT, other forms of therapy, medication, there's a range of things you can do.
00:39:36.149 --> 00:39:50.069
And some combination of them can make worlds of difference in how you feel, in how you show up, and then feeling authentically yourself in all aspects of your life, feeling in control of your brain.
00:39:50.309 --> 00:39:59.750
The worst thing you can do is say, I'm too busy right now, or I don't deserve to take time to look into this, or whatever it is that you're believing.
00:39:59.909 --> 00:40:01.509
Just chat with someone about it.
00:40:01.829 --> 00:40:03.349
No pressure after that.
00:40:03.669 --> 00:40:04.709
But start there.
00:40:05.029 --> 00:40:07.029
Where do you think women get the idea?
00:40:07.189 --> 00:40:08.789
Specifically, moms.
00:40:09.429 --> 00:40:10.629
I can't do this for me.
00:40:10.709 --> 00:40:12.309
I'm too busy with my kids.
00:40:12.629 --> 00:40:18.309
I think there is again a societal element of go, go, go, you have to juggle everything.
00:40:18.389 --> 00:40:19.509
Don't let any ball drop.
00:40:19.589 --> 00:40:21.029
Keep it in the air.
00:40:21.269 --> 00:40:26.709
There's also an element of when people are struggling with executive functioning, everything feels urgent.
00:40:27.269 --> 00:40:39.750
And when women are very quickly weighing what actually is urgent, they often weigh their own needs as less urgent than their kids or their families or their job.
00:40:40.229 --> 00:40:51.750
And so even women who would say, Yeah, I take care of myself, when they actually assess their lives, there they tell me, I can't remember the last time that I did something leisurely for myself.
00:40:51.909 --> 00:40:54.469
So same thing with this mono support.
00:40:54.549 --> 00:40:55.989
And it can be scary, right?
00:40:56.149 --> 00:41:04.389
It can be scary to admit that some things are hard that aren't hard for other people.
00:41:05.029 --> 00:41:15.589
And the idea of building skills or systems can feel overwhelming because of the executive function required to do so in an ironic way.
00:41:15.669 --> 00:41:16.709
But that's what I'm here for.
00:41:16.949 --> 00:41:18.629
You heard it here, folks.
00:41:19.109 --> 00:41:20.549
Take care of yourselves.
00:41:20.709 --> 00:41:22.789
You're allowed to take care of your needs.
00:41:22.869 --> 00:41:28.869
And it might not be nearly as tough as you think it will be if you've got the support of somebody else along the way.
00:41:29.189 --> 00:41:30.869
You also work with young women.
00:41:31.029 --> 00:41:35.029
What are you seeing right now when it comes to ADHD in that age group?
00:41:35.189 --> 00:41:41.189
Let's say like the 15 to 24-ish range.
00:41:41.509 --> 00:41:41.829
Yeah.
00:41:41.989 --> 00:41:43.589
So these ranges are hard.
00:41:43.750 --> 00:41:45.429
There's a hormonal component.
00:41:45.589 --> 00:41:51.829
Evidence is coming out that can make ADHD symptoms more significant, more impactful.
00:41:51.909 --> 00:41:56.069
So that's kind of going on in the background, often of the younger side of that range.
00:41:56.389 --> 00:41:59.509
And demands ramp up.
00:41:59.750 --> 00:42:07.109
What we expect of young women and teens starting in like high school age grows every single year.
00:42:07.269 --> 00:42:34.149
You go from your parents driving you around, scheduling, packing your lunch, oftentimes, making sure you're at your sporting events, making sure you talk to your friends, all of it, to within just a few short years, you're getting dropped off a university campus or starting a job or whatever it is after high school, where it's on you to manage your day and your schedule and your regulation and your eating and your laundry and all of it.
00:42:34.389 --> 00:42:51.829
So as these responsibilities ramp up, difficulties can become more apparent, whereas people are able to rely on the executive function skills of their parents or rely on the system and the structure of high school.
00:42:51.989 --> 00:42:59.989
Whereas when they go to college, now they have class once a day, and then on the next day they have three classes, and every day is different and they're not sleeping.
00:43:00.069 --> 00:43:04.789
And so on top of that, there's like real difficulties that can emerge.
00:43:04.869 --> 00:43:09.750
So I'm seeing a lot of trends of people who were masking and didn't realize it.
00:43:09.989 --> 00:43:11.989
Or you've said that word before.
00:43:12.149 --> 00:43:13.829
Talk to us about masking.
00:43:14.229 --> 00:43:23.349
Masking, intentional or unintentional hiding of symptoms in order to kind of blend in with expectations in the world around you.
00:43:23.589 --> 00:43:25.509
So faking good.
00:43:41.509 --> 00:43:47.909
Or I'm going to not, even though I'm not listening, because I'm struggling to pay attention to what they're saying.
00:43:48.069 --> 00:43:52.069
So like these social switches that happen.
00:43:52.309 --> 00:44:01.349
And another example might be like, I'm gonna fight my hardest until this person stops talking to not interrupt them because I don't want to be seen as rude.
00:44:01.669 --> 00:44:02.629
Stuff like that.
00:44:02.949 --> 00:44:09.029
Ways that people tweak their behaviors to kind of blend in to what they think is normal.
00:44:09.349 --> 00:44:09.750
Yep.
00:44:09.989 --> 00:44:10.629
Awesome.
00:44:10.869 --> 00:44:11.429
Thank you.
00:44:11.669 --> 00:44:11.989
Yeah.
00:44:12.229 --> 00:44:14.309
What an enlightening conversation.
00:44:14.549 --> 00:44:14.949
All right.
00:44:15.189 --> 00:44:15.669
Question.
00:44:15.829 --> 00:44:18.149
What's the best piece of advice you have ever received?
00:44:18.309 --> 00:44:20.389
Just in general, not even about ADHD.
00:44:20.789 --> 00:44:22.309
Or make it ADHD specific.
00:44:22.389 --> 00:44:23.349
Whatever works for you.
00:44:23.750 --> 00:44:25.349
Yeah, I think that this could go for life.
00:44:25.509 --> 00:44:29.669
This could go for ADHD from doing the laundry all the way to choosing a career.
00:44:29.909 --> 00:44:34.069
Someone once told me you don't have to do it right, quote unquote.
00:44:34.229 --> 00:44:41.349
And when I say right, you don't have to do it the way that everyone else does it, or the way that a YouTube tutorial would tell you to do it.
00:44:41.589 --> 00:44:43.029
But do what works for you.
00:44:43.669 --> 00:44:56.229
So especially with a brain living in a world that doesn't always move the way that my brain needs to move and function, find what Good at do it your way.
00:44:56.469 --> 00:45:08.309
I started a business because the idea of a nine to five stressed me out, a traditional nine to five where I couldn't go on my walks during the day and I couldn't have a break to watch my show, and you know, stuff like that didn't work.
00:45:08.389 --> 00:45:16.709
So I'd arguably maybe put in more work to build the business on the front end, but now I'm living in a way that's more me.
00:45:16.869 --> 00:45:19.750
And so you don't have to do it the right way.
00:45:20.069 --> 00:45:21.589
Do what works for you.
00:45:21.909 --> 00:45:23.029
There is no right way.
00:45:23.189 --> 00:45:24.069
There's no right way.
00:45:24.229 --> 00:45:24.949
No shoulding.
00:45:25.029 --> 00:45:25.989
I should do it this way.
00:45:26.229 --> 00:45:27.269
Yeah, love it.
00:45:27.509 --> 00:45:32.069
What's the one takeaway you want listeners to remember from today?
00:45:32.469 --> 00:45:41.029
If you're wondering whether other people are struggling as much as you, seek more support to ask questions about that.
00:45:41.429 --> 00:45:44.389
What's one question you wish I would have asked that I didn't ask?
00:45:44.709 --> 00:45:53.750
Maybe what do you hope the world of ADHD in women looks like in the next generation?
00:45:54.469 --> 00:45:55.669
And what's the answer?
00:45:56.469 --> 00:46:11.429
I hope that there's good evidence for how we present so that providers and teachers and parents understand what it's like to be a woman with ADHD and what to look for in girls so they're not getting missed as much.
00:46:11.669 --> 00:46:18.709
I hope that ADHD assessments are more sensitive to how girls and women present.
00:46:19.029 --> 00:46:31.189
And I hope that in the world more broadly, when someone says ADHD, people don't just go to a hyper young boy bouncing around the classroom.
00:46:31.509 --> 00:46:33.189
I hope that can expand.
00:46:33.429 --> 00:46:34.469
That would be wonderful.
00:46:34.629 --> 00:46:38.069
It'd lead to a lot earlier diagnoses from my perspective.
00:46:38.229 --> 00:46:38.549
Yeah.
00:46:39.750 --> 00:46:39.989
Yeah.
00:46:40.149 --> 00:46:40.629
So much less.
00:46:42.309 --> 00:46:42.629
Yeah.
00:46:42.709 --> 00:46:43.029
Yeah.
00:46:43.349 --> 00:46:44.629
And that's what it's all about, right?
00:46:44.709 --> 00:46:47.109
Feeling connection and being able to be authentic.
00:46:47.349 --> 00:46:47.669
Yeah.
00:46:47.909 --> 00:46:48.149
Yeah.
00:46:48.229 --> 00:46:50.309
It's such an important thing to be able to feel.
00:46:50.629 --> 00:46:53.429
Peyton, this has been such an important conversation.
00:46:53.989 --> 00:47:01.589
I think this is going to give a lot of women the language for something that they've felt for a long time and haven't been able to articulate.
00:47:01.909 --> 00:47:05.669
If somebody wants to connect with you, how the heck do you want them to reach out?
00:47:05.989 --> 00:47:07.589
So two options.
00:47:07.829 --> 00:47:13.429
There's my website, which is www.lightmindedot.com.
00:47:13.589 --> 00:47:21.989
So that's www.lightminded M-I-N-D-E-D-O-T.com.
00:47:22.149 --> 00:47:29.429
And you can click request an appointment and schedule a free interest call with me and we can chat, or you can submit an inquiry form on there.
00:47:29.509 --> 00:47:30.789
And you can also email me.
00:47:30.869 --> 00:47:32.149
My email's the same.
00:47:32.389 --> 00:47:39.589
It's P as in Payton Gimel G E M E L L at lightminded O T.com.
00:47:39.750 --> 00:47:42.229
And I said two, but I guess I mean three.
00:47:42.309 --> 00:47:43.349
I also have social media.
00:47:43.509 --> 00:47:47.429
So on Facebook and Instagram, it's lightminded.ot.
00:47:48.309 --> 00:47:48.789
Awesome.
00:47:48.949 --> 00:47:49.989
Thank you so very much.
00:47:50.149 --> 00:47:51.829
It has been really enlightening.
00:47:51.989 --> 00:47:52.949
Thank you so much.
00:47:53.189 --> 00:47:54.309
Yeah, thanks.
00:00:54.070 --> 00:00:57.750
Today we're talking about something that I think is going to land for a lot of you.
00:00:57.829 --> 00:01:12.069
Whether this applies directly to you or someone you love, I'm joined by Peyton Gimmel, founder of Light Minded, where she supports women and young adults in better understanding how their brains work so they can move through life with more clarity, confidence, and self-trust.
00:01:12.390 --> 00:01:23.030
A big part of Peyton's work focuses on women with ADHD, especially those who have spent years feeling like something is harder for them than it should be, even if everything looks fine on the outside.
00:01:23.270 --> 00:01:35.430
We are going to talk about what ADHD actually looks like in women, why so many go unseen or misunderstood, and what it really takes to move from just surviving day to day to actually thriving.
00:01:35.990 --> 00:01:42.950
And if you do not have ADHD, this still matters because you probably love somebody and know somebody with ADHD.
00:01:43.189 --> 00:01:49.670
Because many of you are raising daughters, supporting friends, or trying to understand behaviors that do not always make sense on the surface.
00:01:49.909 --> 00:01:52.230
Peyton, I am really glad you're here.
00:01:52.550 --> 00:01:53.830
I'm so excited to be here.
00:01:53.909 --> 00:01:56.069
This is my favorite thing to talk about.
00:01:56.469 --> 00:01:56.950
Awesome.
00:01:57.109 --> 00:01:59.750
Well, let's start in, let's just jump right in with that.
00:02:00.629 --> 00:02:03.990
I always like to know the story behind the work.
00:02:04.150 --> 00:02:07.509
What led you to focus specifically on ADHD in women?
00:02:07.909 --> 00:02:08.310
Sure.
00:02:08.629 --> 00:02:18.710
So here I am, an occupational therapy student, going about my business, learning about this career path that I love so dearly.
00:02:18.949 --> 00:02:26.069
And parallel to that, I have been diagnosed with ADHD since I was in fourth grade.
00:02:26.310 --> 00:02:29.670
So these two things are running beside one another.
00:02:29.830 --> 00:02:32.390
I'm a student learning about occupational therapy.
00:02:32.469 --> 00:02:39.349
I'm a young adult learning how to do the things, do my laundry, cook meals, schedule my day.
00:02:39.590 --> 00:02:44.390
And once I realized what OT is, I was like, oh my goodness, I need an OT.
00:02:44.949 --> 00:02:48.469
Went to try to find one for myself and couldn't.
00:02:48.710 --> 00:02:59.349
So then sparked this research journey and sort of side quest all throughout grad school of women with ADHD need occupational therapy.
00:02:59.509 --> 00:03:06.870
And so I started light-minded OT and got to be a part of really cool work while I was in grad school.
00:03:06.950 --> 00:03:08.469
So that's how I got here.
00:03:08.790 --> 00:03:10.390
That is such a great story.
00:03:10.550 --> 00:03:14.230
I love that it hits home for you and it's really your lived experience.
00:03:14.390 --> 00:03:19.670
And I find that so many people in the helping profession really are pulled towards what they know well.
00:03:19.830 --> 00:03:25.189
And so who better to learn from than an expert who's walked the walk and can talk the talk?
00:03:25.510 --> 00:03:31.830
When did you notice that, not just for yourself, but this is something that was missing in our local community?
00:03:32.150 --> 00:03:40.150
I noticed it when I figured out that other young adults weren't struggling with the same things I was struggling with.
00:03:40.390 --> 00:03:54.390
And once I realized that there was such a clear connection between occupational therapy and the doing of daily life and the lived experience with ADHD, learned about the unique presentation in women and saw this just like glaring gap in services.
00:03:54.629 --> 00:04:03.670
So sometime during my lived experience as grow as I grew up, but really defining that gap as occupational therapy happened during grad school.
00:04:03.990 --> 00:04:04.950
Awesome.
00:04:05.270 --> 00:04:10.710
We may have some listeners joining us today who have no freaking idea what OT is.
00:04:11.189 --> 00:04:12.629
What the heck is it?
00:04:12.950 --> 00:04:13.270
Yeah.
00:04:13.430 --> 00:04:20.389
Simply put, occupational therapy helps people to do the things that they want or need to do, but can't do for whatever reason.
00:04:20.629 --> 00:04:30.870
You might have heard of it sort of in the hospital after someone has a brain injury or a stroke or an orthopedic injury.
00:04:31.350 --> 00:04:41.029
They would help you brush your teeth again, shower, eat all of these daily activities that are key to being human and being who you are.
00:04:41.269 --> 00:04:51.110
For pediatrics, you hear about it in a sensory gym, and kids are working on being able to play and participate in school and participate with their peers, eat a range of foods.
00:04:51.189 --> 00:04:53.269
All these are things OTs can support.
00:04:53.430 --> 00:05:00.069
And so in my work, we're working on the same underlying theme: daily activities, things you want and need to do.
00:05:00.310 --> 00:05:16.310
So things like laundry, parenting, staying regulated while parenting, scheduling that comes with parenting and being an adult and managing your work and managing your home and pet care and all the things.
00:05:16.389 --> 00:05:19.430
We know ADHD does not just show up in one place of life.
00:05:19.509 --> 00:05:23.509
And so anywhere it touches, we work on supporting.
00:05:23.670 --> 00:05:28.629
So systems, skills, environmental changes, regulation work.
00:05:28.710 --> 00:05:32.310
It's like this nice blend of holistic care.
00:05:32.389 --> 00:05:33.670
And that's why I love it.
00:05:33.910 --> 00:05:34.550
Awesome.
00:05:34.710 --> 00:05:35.509
Thank you.
00:05:35.829 --> 00:05:36.310
Yeah.
00:05:36.629 --> 00:05:37.269
All right.
00:05:37.430 --> 00:05:43.670
Let's jump right into what the heck ADHD and women looks like.
00:05:43.990 --> 00:05:46.710
Tell me what it really looks like in women.
00:05:47.110 --> 00:05:47.430
Sure.
00:05:47.670 --> 00:05:49.430
This is just speaking more generally.
00:05:49.590 --> 00:05:51.670
I mean, everyone presents differently.
00:05:51.750 --> 00:06:02.389
And so it's not a catch-all, but generally speaking, women present more inattentive, whereas boys and men tend to present with more of the hyperactivity.
00:06:02.550 --> 00:06:14.949
And so that typically looks like women can be described as more like spacey, or they can be described as lazy, which really could be a whole podcast.
00:06:15.030 --> 00:06:17.910
I really dislike that because it's, you know, so much more than that.
00:06:18.150 --> 00:06:27.990
But with that inattention comes executive function difficulties, making getting started on tasks and carrying them through.
00:06:28.230 --> 00:06:33.110
Where you might think of ADHD and imagine a little boy bouncing around the classroom.
00:06:33.269 --> 00:06:38.949
And so not only is it different in adults, because people have learned how to mask and they learn how to cope.
00:06:39.030 --> 00:06:41.590
And that's why it ends up looking different in women.
00:06:41.670 --> 00:06:47.430
And many other people might not notice it, but it can be in adults and it can be in girls and women.
00:06:47.590 --> 00:06:57.990
And so if a woman has the hyperactive presentation, so it does happen, they may be described as super talkative, they may have difficulties ever feeling relaxed.
00:06:58.150 --> 00:07:00.790
Many of my clients that present like this are like rest.
00:07:01.350 --> 00:07:02.790
I have no idea what that is.
00:07:02.949 --> 00:07:03.990
I've never experienced it.
00:07:04.150 --> 00:07:05.590
Oh, I know some women like that in my life.
00:07:05.829 --> 00:07:06.710
Yes, right.
00:07:06.870 --> 00:07:19.990
And so some of this is also that impulsive spending, or these women didn't have a lot of speeding tickets or minor car accidents because of just always moving quickly and moving impulsively.
00:07:20.150 --> 00:07:24.470
So there's multiple presentations, but women definitely present differently than men.
00:07:24.790 --> 00:07:25.590
Awesome.
00:07:25.910 --> 00:07:28.629
I want to go back to the inattention.
00:07:28.870 --> 00:07:29.509
Yeah.
00:07:30.069 --> 00:07:39.590
Often people say inattention and think that's just somebody sitting there and not necessarily checked in to the outside environment or the inside environment.
00:07:39.750 --> 00:07:40.710
Do you find that to be true?
00:07:40.790 --> 00:07:43.509
Or is there also like some attending to the inside environment?
00:07:43.829 --> 00:07:44.949
Can you read that question?
00:07:45.110 --> 00:07:47.110
Yeah, but it's said differently.
00:07:47.269 --> 00:07:57.110
Like sometimes I hear that people are like, man, my kid is just like zoning out when they talk about the inattention, or my teen is just like staring out of the window and there's just nothing going on.
00:07:57.269 --> 00:08:01.350
And I find that there actually is a lot going on in the brain in that time.
00:08:01.829 --> 00:08:04.069
Do you find that to be true for inattention too?
00:08:04.389 --> 00:08:04.949
Totally.
00:08:05.110 --> 00:08:12.550
Sometimes people will they'll have the inattentive label, but when you actually start talking with them, they'll say, Yes, but my brain is hyperactive.
00:08:12.790 --> 00:08:14.629
My body might be completely still.
00:08:14.710 --> 00:08:19.030
And that's maybe when you should be the most concerned about how fast my thoughts are moving.
00:08:19.269 --> 00:08:23.670
And so totally, it doesn't always look like daydreaming internally.
00:08:23.829 --> 00:08:34.149
It might look that way on the outside, but on the inside, oftentimes it's bouncing from I gotta do this and I need to eat and I need to send this email and my bill is late and whatever else.
00:08:34.470 --> 00:08:34.870
Yeah.
00:08:35.110 --> 00:08:41.829
And in my work, I sometimes see that come up as, you know, a rapid-fire text that might not need it have been sent.
00:08:42.309 --> 00:08:42.870
Yes.
00:08:43.110 --> 00:08:44.309
Yeah, it's it's a thing.
00:08:44.549 --> 00:08:49.429
Why are so many women either diagnosed later in life or just not diagnosed at all?
00:08:49.590 --> 00:08:50.789
What do you think that is?
00:08:51.110 --> 00:08:52.549
There's reasons for this.
00:08:52.710 --> 00:09:06.629
I think the one that needs to be talked about the most is because we're inattentive instead of hyperactive, we tend to not disrupt others as much as someone with more of the hyperactivity might.
00:09:06.710 --> 00:09:17.029
And so at a young age, parents and teachers don't notice a girl struggling as easily because she's not bouncing around the classroom.
00:09:17.110 --> 00:09:20.470
She's not getting into as much trouble at school sometimes.
00:09:20.629 --> 00:09:26.710
And so it's less disruptive to others, so we're less likely to get noticed as needing an evaluation.
00:09:26.950 --> 00:09:28.710
And so that's one reason.
00:09:28.870 --> 00:09:33.990
Another is just understanding of how women present differently.
00:09:34.149 --> 00:09:40.549
I feel like only recently there's been more conversation about it, more research is actually being done.
00:09:40.629 --> 00:09:43.269
That's not just on boys and men.
00:09:43.430 --> 00:09:49.430
And so providers and other therapists are learning what to look for in women.
00:09:49.669 --> 00:10:09.350
And then there's also just some gender norms in our society that perhaps kind of lead men to a diagnosis, whereas women get kind of misdiagnosed or dismissed more easily, which again could be a whole podcast.
00:10:09.430 --> 00:10:11.350
But there's definitely layers to it.
00:10:11.590 --> 00:10:17.590
And I think something interesting is that girls are a lot less likely to be diagnosed than boys.
00:10:17.909 --> 00:10:26.149
But once you're in adulthood, the number of adult diagnoses start to even out a bit more because women are able to better advocate for themselves.
00:10:26.389 --> 00:10:28.710
And it's not perfect by any means.
00:10:28.870 --> 00:10:31.669
Women are diagnosed at a less frequent weight rate.
00:10:31.990 --> 00:10:39.350
But with the current conversations, women's diagnostic rates are increasing a lot, whereas girls are still struggling.
00:10:39.750 --> 00:10:43.909
Do you see that delay in getting diagnosed is something that contributes to suffering?
00:10:44.629 --> 00:10:54.230
Oh, yeah, there's some really frightening, quite honestly, information out there about the risks of late diagnosis.
00:10:54.389 --> 00:11:01.990
More broadly, like low self-esteem in women, difficulty with participation and risk behaviors.
00:11:02.230 --> 00:11:17.190
So alcohol is reckless driving, teens have a higher risk of unplanned pregnancy, like suicide risks are quite a bit higher in undiagnosed girls who later, you know.
00:11:17.430 --> 00:11:24.870
So the risk for suicide or self-harm is higher in women who are late diagnosed.
00:11:24.950 --> 00:11:30.789
And so there's a lot of years where people are struggling and a lot can happen in the meantime.
00:11:31.029 --> 00:11:45.029
There are also more risk for academic and workplace difficulties, relational difficulties, higher rates of divorce, all of these things that kind of stretch across the board but are especially prevalent if they are diagnosed late.
00:11:45.350 --> 00:11:48.389
So, folks, if you have a concern, go talk to your pediatrician.
00:11:48.629 --> 00:11:53.990
And if you need to, go speak to an expert in assessment to feel it all out and to see what's there.
00:11:54.070 --> 00:11:56.310
If anything, maybe it's a nothing.
00:11:56.549 --> 00:12:00.710
What are some signs that go overlooked in women and in children?
00:12:01.110 --> 00:12:10.070
Yeah, I think significant difficulty with emotional regulation is one that's quite relevant in girls, I'd say.
00:12:11.190 --> 00:12:22.710
The seeming quote unquote lazy or that they're not trying really can be their brain isn't organizing information in the same way that a neurotypical brain might.
00:12:22.789 --> 00:12:23.990
So it's harder to get started.
00:12:24.070 --> 00:12:29.990
It's harder to carry out a task, make sense of what the steps might be and make it happen.
00:12:30.230 --> 00:12:32.070
Forgetfulness is common.
00:12:32.310 --> 00:12:40.549
So leaving a homework folder at school every day, or forgetting to get their planner signed, or forgetting to tell you about a field trip they have coming up.
00:12:40.629 --> 00:12:51.190
You know, it can be a range of things, but these things can get labeled as character flaws or a child not trying when in reality it's the way their brain is made.
00:12:51.430 --> 00:12:51.990
Yeah.
00:12:52.310 --> 00:12:56.710
Do you see more emotional intensity out of this crew as well?
00:12:57.029 --> 00:12:57.669
Oh, yeah.
00:12:57.830 --> 00:13:01.830
So there's sensitivity to rejection that can be more intense.
00:13:02.070 --> 00:13:10.870
Emotions on, you know, the more happy and excited side of the spectrum tend to show up really intensely, as well as anger and sadness.
00:13:11.269 --> 00:13:21.350
And so that's something that I work on with my teens and my women that struggle with this is how do I feel regulated in my body?
00:13:21.509 --> 00:13:22.470
It's hard.
00:13:22.789 --> 00:13:24.710
Yeah, it definitely can be.
00:13:24.870 --> 00:13:29.110
I like to call these super sensors or or big feeling people, right?
00:13:29.909 --> 00:13:32.070
The emotion just kind of washes over them.
00:13:32.310 --> 00:13:34.870
What about the deadlines that are so hard to hit?
00:13:35.029 --> 00:13:37.990
Do you think they're like, can you tell us more about that?
00:13:38.310 --> 00:13:38.629
Yeah.
00:13:38.870 --> 00:13:42.629
So when I think about deadlines, it's a love-hate relationship, right?
00:13:42.710 --> 00:13:45.110
Because our ADHD brains need structure.
00:13:45.190 --> 00:13:49.190
So they need something to work towards, but really struggle often with getting there.
00:13:49.350 --> 00:13:56.629
And because the reason that is, is ADHD brains often have difficulty with what we call executive functions.
00:13:56.870 --> 00:14:12.710
So for those that aren't familiar with what an executive function is, it's those higher level, highest, it's the highest level brain functions that include organizing thoughts and systems, regulation, task initiation.
00:14:12.789 --> 00:14:15.590
So getting started on things, working memory.
00:14:15.830 --> 00:14:24.710
So that's like I'm cooking this thing, my next step is going to be this, requires you to remember the next step, execute it, put them in order.
00:14:24.950 --> 00:14:28.070
There's a lot of executive functioning that happens in daily life.
00:14:28.230 --> 00:14:37.590
And so for kids, teens, women, the whole range of lifespan with ADHD, they often struggle to meet a deadline.
00:14:37.909 --> 00:14:42.629
Because just to give you a summary, you have to know what the deadline is.
00:14:42.710 --> 00:14:45.909
You have to keep up with that in your head, or even on paper.
00:14:46.070 --> 00:14:47.190
Keep up with when it is.
00:14:47.350 --> 00:14:51.430
You have to consistently manage your time, which is another executive function.
00:14:51.669 --> 00:14:53.750
So you have to keep up with how much time do I have left.
00:14:53.830 --> 00:14:58.710
You have to know how am I going to get from point A, where I am, to point Z, this deadline.
00:14:59.190 --> 00:15:00.710
Oftentimes brains can do that.
00:15:00.789 --> 00:15:02.310
They know where they want to end up.
00:15:02.710 --> 00:15:08.149
But breaking it down into what is my next step can feel near impossible.
00:15:08.470 --> 00:15:12.789
And so that's another hurdle is figuring out what's the smallest next step.
00:15:12.870 --> 00:15:18.629
And if that is difficult to figure out, people struggle to start, struggle to move forward at all.
00:15:18.789 --> 00:15:20.230
So sequencing the steps.
00:15:20.470 --> 00:15:23.190
On top of that, it's hard to initiate boring tasks.
00:15:23.350 --> 00:15:31.750
So especially if the deadline is for something that the brain and the person doesn't find exciting or tax season.
00:15:33.190 --> 00:15:33.669
A nightmare.
00:15:33.830 --> 00:15:34.389
So it's boring.
00:15:34.470 --> 00:15:35.110
I don't want to do it.
00:15:35.190 --> 00:15:38.230
It takes a lot of work for me to get to point A to point Z.
00:15:38.789 --> 00:15:40.870
It's really easy to miss the deadline.
00:15:41.430 --> 00:15:41.830
Yes.
00:15:42.070 --> 00:15:42.710
Heck yes.
00:15:42.870 --> 00:15:43.190
Okay.
00:15:43.350 --> 00:15:54.549
And also there's this concept, I think, and you can you're the expert here about like time blindness where you don't have a concept of like, geez, how long is step A of A to Z gonna take me?
00:15:54.870 --> 00:15:55.269
Yeah.
00:15:55.509 --> 00:15:58.870
So awareness of time is all about, again, that executive functioning.
00:15:58.950 --> 00:16:05.590
And it's a mix of anattention to how much time is passing and also just awareness of what does a minute feel like?
00:16:05.750 --> 00:16:13.990
Because anyone with ADHD listening will understand me when I say sometimes five minutes feels like an eternity.
00:16:14.230 --> 00:16:17.669
Sometimes it feels like, is time even moving?
00:16:18.070 --> 00:16:20.950
And sometimes it feels like, I can't believe it's already been five minutes.
00:16:21.029 --> 00:16:21.990
Now I'm running behind.
00:16:22.230 --> 00:16:25.029
So it's difficult to know how much time is passing.
00:16:25.110 --> 00:16:29.909
And it's also difficult for us to know how much time something will take and predict it accurately.
00:16:30.389 --> 00:16:31.669
For parents listening.
00:16:32.070 --> 00:16:32.470
Yeah.
00:16:33.029 --> 00:16:37.990
If somebody were to want to help their kid practice this at home, what would you suggest?
00:16:38.470 --> 00:16:41.269
Something you can't go wrong with is buying a visual timer.
00:16:41.590 --> 00:16:43.909
They're like 15 bucks on Amazon.
00:16:44.549 --> 00:16:46.470
Works great for kids and adults.
00:16:46.789 --> 00:16:49.430
It helps them to visualize time passing.
00:16:49.509 --> 00:16:57.430
And so just encouraging if you're working with a kid or a teen, when they start a task, ask them how long do you think that this is going to take you?
00:16:57.669 --> 00:17:04.149
Odds are they will over or undershoot it, but regardless, set the timer and let them watch the time move.
00:17:04.230 --> 00:17:07.669
They'll check in on it periodically, remind them to do so if they're not.
00:17:07.829 --> 00:17:12.149
But that starts to teach their brain how long things actually take.
00:17:12.389 --> 00:17:21.029
A second use for this is if you have to be out the door in 30 minutes and you want your kid or your teen to know you got to be out the door in 30 minutes, set that timer, visual timer for 25 minutes.
00:17:21.190 --> 00:17:22.789
And that way they see the time passing.
00:17:22.869 --> 00:17:28.549
And that can help them move with urgency or slow down if that's what works.
00:17:28.789 --> 00:17:32.789
And give the five minutes of wiggle room so that you still have five minutes of recoup done.
00:17:33.029 --> 00:17:35.190
Always five minutes of wiggle room at least.
00:17:35.829 --> 00:17:38.470
That is also a golden nugget right there, right?
00:17:38.549 --> 00:17:43.430
Like add the five minutes and model having the five minutes because we're all gonna need it.
00:17:43.589 --> 00:17:44.549
Phenomenal.
00:17:44.789 --> 00:17:45.269
Thank you.
00:17:45.509 --> 00:17:48.470
I may or may not be buying some visual timers as soon as we're done here.
00:17:50.710 --> 00:17:51.269
I love it.
00:17:51.349 --> 00:17:52.869
I might be asking you for a link later.
00:17:53.029 --> 00:17:53.829
Thank you.
00:17:54.230 --> 00:17:59.910
Let's talk about the high functioning and struggling experience.
00:18:00.069 --> 00:18:03.670
A lot of women are listening operate at a super high level.
00:18:03.829 --> 00:18:13.509
I've met women who are, you know, in the legal system in elected positions, they are running the hospitals, they're working, parenting, doing all of the stuff.
00:18:13.589 --> 00:18:16.230
And they still feel this really intensely.
00:18:16.390 --> 00:18:17.910
It still feels difficult.
00:18:18.230 --> 00:18:21.349
What do you see in those women who have ADHD, right?
00:18:21.430 --> 00:18:24.150
The ones who've been diagnosed, and we know this is part of it.
00:18:24.470 --> 00:18:24.870
Right.
00:18:25.190 --> 00:18:40.549
So with an ADHD brain, when we, and I say we, I, you know, I'm part of this group, when we love something and we find it interesting, we often just like latch on to that thing.
00:18:40.870 --> 00:18:50.870
And so when someone does that and then they're able to make a career out of that thing, we tend to do well at it, we tend to succeed.
00:18:51.029 --> 00:18:59.109
And so oftentimes what I find is I have clients who are CEOs, like you said, attorneys, doctors.
00:18:59.750 --> 00:19:51.109
I myself like went through grad school behind the surface, like behind that sort of career side or creative side or whatever it is that this person really excels at, is someone often struggling to eat three times a day, struggling to participate in any leisure of any kind, or have any movement in their day, or they have a day without structure and they have this intense anxiety or boredom fluctuation that just really struggling to make sense of unstructured time in their day, or you know, it's the boring tasks, quote unquote, that can feel so overwhelming, where the tasks that other people might find really overwhelming, like running a business or being an attorney, give us excitement and novelty and make it possible.
00:19:51.509 --> 00:19:53.670
Meanwhile, the trash is piling up in the kitchen.
00:19:53.990 --> 00:19:56.549
Yes, the laundry hasn't been done in three weeks.
00:19:56.789 --> 00:19:59.109
The it's 4 p.m.
00:19:59.349 --> 00:20:02.950
And I have not once noticed that I haven't eaten, that sort of thing.
00:20:03.269 --> 00:20:03.829
Got it.
00:20:03.910 --> 00:20:04.390
Thank you.
00:20:05.029 --> 00:20:08.230
Why do you think so many women think this is just how life is supposed to feel?
00:20:08.549 --> 00:20:10.150
I think there's a mix of things here.
00:20:10.309 --> 00:20:19.910
There's the gender norms in society where you know, especially high-achieving women, moms carrying a lot.
00:20:20.390 --> 00:20:24.470
We believe this narrative that it's just part of it.
00:20:24.630 --> 00:20:27.589
You're supposed to feel totally burnt out all the time.
00:20:27.750 --> 00:20:33.670
That means you're giving it your all, or this is the hill I will die on, just so everybody knows.
00:20:33.990 --> 00:20:34.390
Yes.
00:20:34.630 --> 00:20:40.630
Everyone, like you hear it, everyone is struggling with laundry, everyone forgets to eat sometimes.
00:20:40.950 --> 00:20:52.390
Okay, maybe true, but when it's impacting your function and your nutrition, or you don't understand how paralyzing this laundry pile is, it's not like I can just do it if I want to, but I don't have time.
00:20:52.549 --> 00:20:53.269
It's not like that.
00:20:53.430 --> 00:21:02.470
And so there's a difference between busyness and executive function difficulties and exhaustion and burnout.
00:21:02.630 --> 00:21:11.109
Like there's gaps here that are typical for our very busy, very individualized hustle society.
00:21:11.269 --> 00:21:17.109
And then there's a level of my brain's really struggling to keep up with my life.
00:21:17.430 --> 00:21:17.990
Yeah.
00:21:18.230 --> 00:21:27.910
I also think there's this notion of like women are supposed to do these things, they're supposed to give up their joy, they're supposed to give up all these things for their kiddos and whatever else, right?
00:21:28.150 --> 00:21:30.470
You're supposed to do it all almost in society.
00:21:30.630 --> 00:21:33.910
And I love that you're invalidating that in a lot of the things that you're saying.
00:21:33.990 --> 00:21:36.470
You're like, no, like what do you do with that downtime?
00:21:36.710 --> 00:21:37.430
Love it.
00:21:37.670 --> 00:21:38.549
Awesome.
00:21:38.870 --> 00:21:42.390
What are some of the thoughts you hear most often from your clients?
00:21:42.789 --> 00:21:44.549
I could pick this in so many directions.
00:21:44.710 --> 00:21:46.630
Can you get more specific thoughts about what?
00:21:46.950 --> 00:21:48.069
Their struggles.
00:21:48.390 --> 00:21:54.069
Like what when they come to you the first time and they're like, ugh, what's the thing that they say next?
00:21:54.390 --> 00:21:58.870
Yeah, the thing they say next is I can't keep up with it all.
00:21:59.190 --> 00:22:03.750
I'm so over stimulated all the time, I want to cry daily.
00:22:04.309 --> 00:22:13.430
If my partner or my kid talks loudly, as kids do, or throws their toy one more time, I snap at them.
00:22:13.910 --> 00:22:17.109
Or I have missed all my work deadlines.
00:22:17.190 --> 00:22:21.430
So we talked about high achievers, but there's also this point that people hit burnout.
00:22:21.509 --> 00:22:27.109
And so they may have been high achievers their whole life, and all of a sudden they're really struggling to hit deadlines.
00:22:27.430 --> 00:22:27.670
Right.
00:22:27.829 --> 00:22:34.630
And so that high performer goes from being super high performer to a vast underperformer, right?
00:22:34.710 --> 00:22:37.430
They are so tapped out that they just cannot even.
00:22:37.829 --> 00:22:42.549
I see this show up not just in clients' work, also their personal lives.
00:22:42.710 --> 00:22:51.190
They went from being soccer mom of the year, PTA president, and doing all the things to not getting out of bed today.
00:22:51.430 --> 00:22:52.069
Yep.
00:22:52.230 --> 00:22:52.630
Yep.
00:22:52.950 --> 00:22:53.750
And some of that is.
00:22:54.069 --> 00:22:59.430
ADHD burnout, women are also more likely to have anxiety and depression running in the background.
00:22:59.589 --> 00:23:02.470
Ironically, they're also more likely to be misdiagnosed, those things.
00:23:02.549 --> 00:23:04.470
So it's hard, it's a hard puzzle to pick apart.
00:23:04.710 --> 00:23:16.150
But yeah, all of them come together with these intense burnout cycles to land people feeling really, I don't see a path where this gets better.
00:23:16.309 --> 00:23:25.109
I don't see how I can regulate myself when I don't have a lot of control over the fact that I have toddlers and I have to go to work.
00:23:25.589 --> 00:23:26.309
For sure.
00:23:26.549 --> 00:23:29.990
Do you feel like people come to see you later than you want them to?
00:23:30.230 --> 00:23:30.870
Oh yeah.
00:23:31.109 --> 00:23:31.670
Okay, cool.
00:23:31.829 --> 00:23:34.309
So when do you want them to come find you?
00:23:34.630 --> 00:24:04.390
If you're a woman with ADHD or suspected ADHD, if you're a teen, if you're a mom listening that has a daughter about to go to college, before any big transition or after a diagnosis, if you're someone struggling with the function of day-to-day, keeping up with your responsibilities and showing up how you want to, I want you to come see me because we can build skills and systems that carry over through the transition proactively rather than reactively.
00:24:04.630 --> 00:24:18.390
And so the longer that you wait, the more difficult it can be to get out of that burnout cycle and break the, for lack of better words, get past the mess that can happen in the meantime.
00:24:18.470 --> 00:24:33.829
And if you can get to me before you're about to be let go from your job, or before you've gotten yourself into a lot of debt because of impulse spending, before these big things happen that are hard to backtrack, come see me.
00:24:34.069 --> 00:24:34.710
Awesome.
00:24:34.950 --> 00:24:35.509
Great.
00:24:35.750 --> 00:24:37.990
Why do you think this matters so much for moms?
00:24:38.309 --> 00:24:39.509
For so many reasons.
00:24:39.670 --> 00:24:46.950
A lot of people, a lot of moms get diagnosed when they become moms because there's a hormonal element, which we could get into that.
00:24:47.190 --> 00:24:55.109
But being a mom requires so much executive function, sensory regulation.
00:24:55.430 --> 00:24:57.029
I can attest to all of these.
00:24:57.269 --> 00:24:57.589
Yeah.
00:24:57.829 --> 00:25:01.109
So like moms that are neurotypical are touched out.
00:25:01.190 --> 00:25:06.230
They're like, please stop crying, stop throwing things, stop touching me.
00:25:06.470 --> 00:25:18.630
All of these really intense sensory experiences are just magnified for people with an already about to tip over sensory bucket, as I talk with my clients about, where like the water is the input.
00:25:18.789 --> 00:25:22.390
So you become a mom and you lose a lot of control over that input.
00:25:22.470 --> 00:25:28.069
So you can't just step out, you can't just walk away from a situation, you can't just say, I'm gonna take an hour to myself.
00:25:28.150 --> 00:25:29.430
It doesn't work as well.
00:25:29.750 --> 00:25:32.789
You have to like really fight for those regulation breaks.
00:25:32.950 --> 00:25:36.950
And so that's one reason the sensory input gets turned up as a mom.
00:25:37.670 --> 00:25:46.710
Secondary to that, you're not just managing your own schedule, your own eating, your own appointments, your own sleep, your own laundry.
00:25:46.870 --> 00:25:50.150
It multiplies by however many kiddos you have.
00:25:50.309 --> 00:25:54.309
And again, as it multiplies, you lose control over some of those things.
00:25:54.549 --> 00:25:58.069
You finally get a room clean, your kid messes it up.
00:25:58.549 --> 00:26:03.910
You get good sleep habits before you go to bed, but you have a toddler, so it doesn't matter.
00:26:03.990 --> 00:26:05.910
And they're gonna be up in your bed all night.
00:26:06.069 --> 00:26:11.349
So more demands, less control makes it really hard.
00:26:11.670 --> 00:26:17.509
How might this show up in a mom's kid, specifically their daughters?
00:26:17.670 --> 00:26:20.870
What do you want parents to be looking out for in their daughters?
00:26:21.109 --> 00:26:30.549
Yeah, I think watch for any time you say, Oh, she's so forgetful, she's so emotional, she's not trying.
00:26:30.870 --> 00:26:36.390
She just needs to just needs to, usually followed by something that has a deeper meaning.
00:26:36.549 --> 00:26:43.430
So just needs to try harder, just needs to calm down, just needs to focus.
00:26:43.589 --> 00:26:50.309
Yeah, it could fill in the blank with a hundred things that likely point to a child that's really struggling.
00:26:50.630 --> 00:26:53.990
So, I mean, I can remember, I did well in school, my whole childhood.
00:26:54.309 --> 00:26:55.509
School, great.
00:26:55.670 --> 00:26:58.549
As long as I knew it was important, I would, I got this.
00:26:58.630 --> 00:26:59.829
I'm excited to learn.
00:27:00.069 --> 00:27:06.950
At home, I remember many times sitting in a very, very messy room, completely shut down.
00:27:07.589 --> 00:27:08.950
I had no idea where to start.
00:27:09.109 --> 00:27:11.190
I couldn't make sense of the visual input.
00:27:11.349 --> 00:27:13.670
I couldn't figure out how to make a system for myself.
00:27:13.829 --> 00:27:14.710
I didn't know where to start.
00:27:14.870 --> 00:27:15.990
I didn't even know.
00:27:16.710 --> 00:27:19.829
I couldn't imagine getting from point A to a clean room.
00:27:19.990 --> 00:27:33.829
And so look for those like instances where someone could have looked at me and said, Peyton, you're very successful at school, you're doing X, Y, Z above grade level, and you're sitting in your room crying because you can't figure out how to clean it.
00:27:34.069 --> 00:27:41.109
Logically, I know this, like I can pick up clothes, but figuring out that that's where I need to start what felt near impossible.
00:27:41.269 --> 00:27:43.509
And I'm not just talking about when I was in elementary school.
00:27:43.589 --> 00:27:46.710
This was the high school version of me too, just completely overwhelmed.
00:27:46.789 --> 00:27:53.029
And it would take me hours, days to be able to really figure out how to make sense of my mess.
00:27:53.269 --> 00:27:55.109
So that's just how I presented.
00:27:55.269 --> 00:28:03.670
But yeah, look out for anytime you're looking to label your daughter with something that you feel like should be easier for them and isn't.
00:28:03.910 --> 00:28:06.230
I think approach that with curiosity.
00:28:06.630 --> 00:28:15.029
And be willing to follow that curiosity to the experts that can help you figure out what it is and guide you along the way at putting some of those systems into place.
00:28:15.190 --> 00:28:19.589
Because if your kiddo is rocking it in other areas and they're struggling, there's a reason.
00:28:19.750 --> 00:28:23.670
And if they're struggling everywhere, definitely go and get that looked into as well.
00:28:24.470 --> 00:28:26.630
Always worth asking questions.
00:28:26.950 --> 00:28:32.150
And if it ends there and an expert says, I don't think that this is what it is, okay.
00:28:32.390 --> 00:28:41.430
There's still information there that the child needs support, but definitely worth going to an expert to get evaluated and ask those questions if you think there's something there.
00:28:41.750 --> 00:28:42.390
Awesome.
00:28:42.549 --> 00:28:42.789
Great.
00:28:42.950 --> 00:28:43.990
Thank you for that.
00:28:44.390 --> 00:28:49.509
What are some things parents might misinterpret as behavior problems that are actually ADHD related?
00:28:49.910 --> 00:28:51.190
Big feelings.
00:28:51.750 --> 00:28:53.430
I see that one in my office a lot.
00:28:53.670 --> 00:28:53.990
Yeah.
00:28:54.230 --> 00:29:06.870
Like, especially daughters that have ADHD or potential ADHD screaming back at parents, not that is what we want by any means.
00:29:07.190 --> 00:29:13.750
But as a parent wondering, is this this regulation deeper than I'm upset?
00:29:13.910 --> 00:29:14.710
Often yes.
00:29:15.430 --> 00:29:16.549
Is it sensory?
00:29:17.109 --> 00:29:24.950
Could this person have a really sensitive sensory system and have been taking in information on 10x mode all day?
00:29:25.190 --> 00:29:35.829
And this ask that you just asked her to do put your shoes away, unload the dishwasher, quiet down, was just the last straw that flipped the switch.
00:29:35.990 --> 00:29:38.470
And so there's also an impulse control element.
00:29:38.710 --> 00:29:58.950
So especially as daughters grow up, they're very quick with the talking back and saying things that ultimately they don't mean, which can be a mix of emotional sort of dysregulation and difficulty with those skills and difficulty with impulse control, which is harder when you're dysregulated.
00:29:59.190 --> 00:30:02.069
So things come spewing out that we don't mean.
00:30:02.230 --> 00:30:17.349
And so they can seem malicious in nature, and not that those things are not that you have to be tolerated in your house as like a normal thing, but really understanding the root of them comes from a child struggling or a teen struggling.
00:30:17.589 --> 00:30:22.470
Secondary to this, the behavior of leaving stuff around the house.
00:30:22.630 --> 00:30:32.950
I've told you so many times, stop throwing your backpack on the floor, wipe the sink out after you brush your teeth because that's disrespectful to our home.
00:30:33.109 --> 00:30:34.789
These are things that I hear.
00:30:35.029 --> 00:30:37.430
And oftentimes that's executive functioning.
00:30:37.509 --> 00:30:46.789
The child or the teen is not noticing the world around them in the same way that you do and has a harder time slowing down enough to say, Oh, I left my shoes or my backpack.
00:30:46.950 --> 00:30:48.470
My mom's told me to stop doing that.
00:30:48.549 --> 00:30:49.670
Let's do something about it.
00:30:49.829 --> 00:30:52.230
So just approaching that with a lot of empathy.
00:30:52.549 --> 00:30:52.870
Yeah.
00:30:53.029 --> 00:30:59.430
And that they're not doing it to spite you or to purposefully not do the thing that you're asking.
00:30:59.670 --> 00:31:08.710
One thing I want parents to take away is that by and large, kids want to do well, as adults do too, right?
00:31:08.789 --> 00:31:14.870
We are all doing the best we can, even if sometimes we miss the mark, or if we often miss the mark.
00:31:15.190 --> 00:31:15.509
Yep.
00:31:15.750 --> 00:31:25.829
Something my mom always said, which I love and I think about often, is that ADHD is an explanation for a lot of behaviors and struggles.
00:31:25.990 --> 00:31:28.630
It's not an excuse, but it is an explanation.
00:31:28.789 --> 00:31:31.750
So take that with the weight that it deserves.
00:31:31.910 --> 00:31:34.470
It explains why a child might do something.
00:31:34.870 --> 00:31:37.589
And that explanation is not necessarily the solution.
00:31:37.910 --> 00:31:38.390
Yes.
00:31:38.630 --> 00:31:40.470
Usually there's steps to be there.
00:31:43.750 --> 00:31:44.069
Okay.
00:31:44.390 --> 00:31:45.910
Skills that need to be practiced.
00:31:45.990 --> 00:31:47.349
We aren't born with skills.
00:31:47.509 --> 00:31:48.789
They come along the way.
00:31:48.870 --> 00:31:54.870
And for an ADHD brain, it takes more clear and explicit instruction.
00:31:55.750 --> 00:31:58.630
External, usually visual in some capacity.
00:31:58.950 --> 00:32:00.309
Yeah, for sure.
00:32:00.549 --> 00:32:00.870
All right.
00:32:00.950 --> 00:32:03.349
Let's here's what I really want to talk about today.
00:32:03.589 --> 00:32:05.269
I'm super jazzed about it.
00:32:05.589 --> 00:32:08.789
Going from surviving to thriving, right?
00:32:08.950 --> 00:32:12.549
We are all getting fed for the most part in our lives, right?
00:32:12.870 --> 00:32:15.990
We have some resources if we're listening to a podcast.
00:32:16.309 --> 00:32:20.309
So by and large, most people in the states are surviving.
00:32:20.470 --> 00:32:25.910
How do we get to thriving, especially in a woman with ADHD?
00:32:26.309 --> 00:32:31.029
What are the first things you focus on when you work with a woman at Lightminded?
00:32:31.349 --> 00:32:33.829
Starting with sensory regulation.
00:32:34.069 --> 00:32:45.109
So in our pyramid of our brain's capabilities, like on the bottom are your basic nervous system, food, safety, you know.
00:32:45.349 --> 00:32:51.430
And as you go up, the top one are those executive functions, daily life skills things.
00:32:51.589 --> 00:32:55.349
So until the other ones are taken care of, you can't access.
00:32:55.509 --> 00:33:19.910
So in summary, if someone's sensory system is dysregulated, be it that it's kind of hypersensitive, so it's overstimulated or sometimes understimulated, not getting enough input to feel steady, we can't access and begin to teach those high-level executive function skills that are required to complete the daily life.
00:33:19.990 --> 00:33:21.750
So we always start with the regulation piece.
00:33:21.829 --> 00:33:33.589
And so do a sensory assessment, build awareness often is a huge step, which hopefully and typically leads to self-grace and self-understanding.
00:33:33.750 --> 00:33:37.430
For I'm not nutty, I'm dysregulated.
00:33:38.150 --> 00:33:38.309
Right.
00:33:38.390 --> 00:33:39.190
It's not a flaw.
00:33:39.430 --> 00:33:41.910
Just as every system can get overwhelmed.
00:33:42.150 --> 00:33:42.549
Exactly.
00:33:42.630 --> 00:33:47.109
It's like fight or flight for your nervous system when your sensory system is dysregulated.
00:33:47.269 --> 00:33:49.349
So we start there and then we start.
00:33:49.589 --> 00:33:53.190
This is assuming we've already written goals for the different components of your life.
00:33:53.269 --> 00:34:00.309
So it could be laundry, it could be general household management, work, parenting, eating, leisure, rest, sleep, could be anything.
00:34:00.470 --> 00:34:16.869
But we'll take it goal by goal and start to develop an understanding of what environment, executive functioning skills, sensory components, social support or not, all of it.
00:34:17.029 --> 00:34:19.349
What's at play here that's making this thing hard?
00:34:19.589 --> 00:34:23.029
And let's start to build skills and systems.
00:34:23.349 --> 00:34:29.670
So oftentimes I start by externalizing as much as I can for the person.
00:34:29.750 --> 00:34:31.750
So they have to hold less in their brain.
00:34:31.989 --> 00:34:37.109
So we build visuals, we build very like limited options for things.
00:34:37.269 --> 00:34:40.710
A good example of that would be like people who struggle to meal plan.
00:34:41.269 --> 00:34:51.509
I will work with them to make a list of breakfasts, lunch, dinners, a couple of options for each under each energy level.
00:34:51.670 --> 00:34:56.150
So like on a day where you're feeling like Gordon Ramsay, these are our options.
00:34:56.389 --> 00:34:57.109
Phenomenal.
00:34:57.429 --> 00:35:00.469
On a day where it's an average day, I have these three choices.
00:35:00.630 --> 00:35:04.309
The options are grab it and eat it in the next three minutes, or I'm on eat.
00:35:04.789 --> 00:35:05.909
These are what we have.
00:35:06.149 --> 00:35:12.469
So externalizing those decisions so that in that moment, all they have to decide is what am I feeling?
00:35:12.629 --> 00:35:15.109
What energy level and time do I have today?
00:35:15.349 --> 00:35:16.469
Here's what I'm gonna do.
00:35:16.629 --> 00:35:18.229
One of three to five options.
00:35:18.389 --> 00:35:19.349
So awesome.
00:35:19.429 --> 00:35:21.029
I love that example.
00:35:21.349 --> 00:35:22.709
That's absolutely phenomenal.
00:35:22.789 --> 00:35:23.829
Thank you for sharing that.
00:35:23.989 --> 00:35:24.389
Yeah.
00:35:24.709 --> 00:35:25.029
Okay.
00:35:25.589 --> 00:35:26.149
Let's see.
00:35:26.309 --> 00:35:27.750
What else do I want to know?
00:35:27.989 --> 00:35:32.149
What are some powerful changes that can make a real difference?
00:35:32.949 --> 00:35:45.349
Yeah, I think it is gonna sound cliche, but slowing down the urgency of things that are not urgent enough to notice gaps in your day.
00:35:45.589 --> 00:35:52.149
Everyone, especially when with AHD, if there's a gap in the day time-wise, they'll fill it.
00:35:52.549 --> 00:35:56.309
The goal is to slow down enough to fill it intentionally.
00:35:56.949 --> 00:36:07.750
So if you want to use your 15 minutes in the car waiting for kids to come out of the school on social media, do it, but choose it.
00:36:07.909 --> 00:36:08.869
Don't fall into it.
00:36:09.029 --> 00:36:13.750
If you want to spend that time reading your book, do it and choose it.
00:36:13.989 --> 00:36:30.949
So kind of having a plan for what am I going to do during these small micro gaps in my day that would fill my cup and just trying to learn not to fall into whatever's grabbing your attention, but choose something you actually want to be doing.
00:36:31.029 --> 00:36:41.989
That can be incredibly freeing for people who feel often like they're out of control in their own brain and day, feeling like, oh, I'm doing this for me because I chose to.
00:36:42.389 --> 00:36:46.549
And choosing it because it's going to regulate you so that you can do the next thing.
00:36:46.789 --> 00:36:50.309
That's why I tell my clients if you want to do social media, you can.
00:36:50.389 --> 00:36:57.509
But we write out their sort of options for these gaps, and we always also write how do I feel after I do this thing?
00:36:57.669 --> 00:37:01.269
So assessment, forced assessment and reflection.
00:37:01.829 --> 00:37:02.149
Yeah.
00:37:02.469 --> 00:37:06.549
Which is so easy to overlook, especially if you have kids getting in the car.
00:37:06.869 --> 00:37:07.509
Yeah.
00:37:07.750 --> 00:37:08.469
Well done.
00:37:08.549 --> 00:37:08.869
Thank you.
00:37:08.949 --> 00:37:10.229
I appreciate that one.
00:37:10.869 --> 00:37:17.109
How do you help women build self-trust when they have spent years feeling like they've been dropping the ball?
00:37:17.509 --> 00:37:29.429
I think a lot of times when we talk about this self-trust thing with my clients, it often circles back to some form of difficulty with all or nothing thinking.
00:37:29.750 --> 00:37:35.669
So feeling like if I do this, I must do it perfectly.
00:37:35.909 --> 00:37:40.869
Or if I'm going to clean the house, I must clean every room in the house all the way.
00:37:41.109 --> 00:37:48.869
And so often that can help get women feeling in a cycle of failure because very often we can't do it all.
00:37:49.029 --> 00:37:52.709
We don't have time or energy in our day to do all.
00:37:53.349 --> 00:37:59.349
So then we reinforce the, well, next time I'm not going to start until I can do it all, because that didn't feel good.
00:37:59.669 --> 00:38:06.629
So you build self-trust by flexing the muscle that says it's okay to do part.
00:38:07.109 --> 00:38:16.229
And it's really uncomfortable, uncomfortable for people at first, but learning it's okay if I just wipe down my countertops and stop.
00:38:16.549 --> 00:38:21.989
That feels so foreign to most of my clients because they want to scrub the sink and wipe out the microwave.
00:38:22.069 --> 00:38:25.909
If they're going to do it because it's really difficult to start, they want to make sure they can do it all.
00:38:25.989 --> 00:38:32.389
And unlearning that can really help build self-trust because now she set out to wipe her countertops and she did.
00:38:32.789 --> 00:38:33.509
A win.
00:38:34.229 --> 00:38:34.709
Yeah.
00:38:35.029 --> 00:38:40.229
With enough energy and reserves to go take care of yourself in other ways.
00:38:40.549 --> 00:38:41.189
Absolutely.
00:38:41.429 --> 00:38:43.029
And not hate the task next time.
00:38:43.189 --> 00:38:43.429
Yeah.
00:38:43.509 --> 00:38:50.309
And now your kitchen's a little cleaner and you might avoid it a little less next time because it was successful and it was quicker than you thought.
00:38:50.629 --> 00:38:51.669
Awesome.
00:38:52.389 --> 00:38:58.149
What would you say to someone listening who's saying, you know, I think this might be me?
00:38:59.189 --> 00:39:06.789
Talk to a professional, either your primary care, or if you really are like, okay, OT support is for me.
00:39:06.949 --> 00:39:09.109
Come do a little interest call with me.
00:39:09.189 --> 00:39:13.029
It's free, and we can chat about some of these things that you're struggling with.
00:39:13.189 --> 00:39:18.629
But I think the thing that you should not do is, well, that's just one more thing on my plate.
00:39:18.789 --> 00:39:19.509
I can't.
00:39:19.909 --> 00:39:22.149
Or I think everyone experiences this.
00:39:22.309 --> 00:39:23.509
Let me keep going.
00:39:24.229 --> 00:39:35.509
It's worth talking to someone because getting the support, whether it be OT, other forms of therapy, medication, there's a range of things you can do.
00:39:36.149 --> 00:39:50.069
And some combination of them can make worlds of difference in how you feel, in how you show up, and then feeling authentically yourself in all aspects of your life, feeling in control of your brain.
00:39:50.309 --> 00:39:59.750
The worst thing you can do is say, I'm too busy right now, or I don't deserve to take time to look into this, or whatever it is that you're believing.
00:39:59.909 --> 00:40:01.509
Just chat with someone about it.
00:40:01.829 --> 00:40:03.349
No pressure after that.
00:40:03.669 --> 00:40:04.709
But start there.
00:40:05.029 --> 00:40:07.029
Where do you think women get the idea?
00:40:07.189 --> 00:40:08.789
Specifically, moms.
00:40:09.429 --> 00:40:10.629
I can't do this for me.
00:40:10.709 --> 00:40:12.309
I'm too busy with my kids.
00:40:12.629 --> 00:40:18.309
I think there is again a societal element of go, go, go, you have to juggle everything.
00:40:18.389 --> 00:40:19.509
Don't let any ball drop.
00:40:19.589 --> 00:40:21.029
Keep it in the air.
00:40:21.269 --> 00:40:26.709
There's also an element of when people are struggling with executive functioning, everything feels urgent.
00:40:27.269 --> 00:40:39.750
And when women are very quickly weighing what actually is urgent, they often weigh their own needs as less urgent than their kids or their families or their job.
00:40:40.229 --> 00:40:51.750
And so even women who would say, Yeah, I take care of myself, when they actually assess their lives, there they tell me, I can't remember the last time that I did something leisurely for myself.
00:40:51.909 --> 00:40:54.469
So same thing with this mono support.
00:40:54.549 --> 00:40:55.989
And it can be scary, right?
00:40:56.149 --> 00:41:04.389
It can be scary to admit that some things are hard that aren't hard for other people.
00:41:05.029 --> 00:41:15.589
And the idea of building skills or systems can feel overwhelming because of the executive function required to do so in an ironic way.
00:41:15.669 --> 00:41:16.709
But that's what I'm here for.
00:41:16.949 --> 00:41:18.629
You heard it here, folks.
00:41:19.109 --> 00:41:20.549
Take care of yourselves.
00:41:20.709 --> 00:41:22.789
You're allowed to take care of your needs.
00:41:22.869 --> 00:41:28.869
And it might not be nearly as tough as you think it will be if you've got the support of somebody else along the way.
00:41:29.189 --> 00:41:30.869
You also work with young women.
00:41:31.029 --> 00:41:35.029
What are you seeing right now when it comes to ADHD in that age group?
00:41:35.189 --> 00:41:41.189
Let's say like the 15 to 24-ish range.
00:41:41.509 --> 00:41:41.829
Yeah.
00:41:41.989 --> 00:41:43.589
So these ranges are hard.
00:41:43.750 --> 00:41:45.429
There's a hormonal component.
00:41:45.589 --> 00:41:51.829
Evidence is coming out that can make ADHD symptoms more significant, more impactful.
00:41:51.909 --> 00:41:56.069
So that's kind of going on in the background, often of the younger side of that range.
00:41:56.389 --> 00:41:59.509
And demands ramp up.
00:41:59.750 --> 00:42:07.109
What we expect of young women and teens starting in like high school age grows every single year.
00:42:07.269 --> 00:42:34.149
You go from your parents driving you around, scheduling, packing your lunch, oftentimes, making sure you're at your sporting events, making sure you talk to your friends, all of it, to within just a few short years, you're getting dropped off a university campus or starting a job or whatever it is after high school, where it's on you to manage your day and your schedule and your regulation and your eating and your laundry and all of it.
00:42:34.389 --> 00:42:51.829
So as these responsibilities ramp up, difficulties can become more apparent, whereas people are able to rely on the executive function skills of their parents or rely on the system and the structure of high school.
00:42:51.989 --> 00:42:59.989
Whereas when they go to college, now they have class once a day, and then on the next day they have three classes, and every day is different and they're not sleeping.
00:43:00.069 --> 00:43:04.789
And so on top of that, there's like real difficulties that can emerge.
00:43:04.869 --> 00:43:09.750
So I'm seeing a lot of trends of people who were masking and didn't realize it.
00:43:09.989 --> 00:43:11.989
Or you've said that word before.
00:43:12.149 --> 00:43:13.829
Talk to us about masking.
00:43:14.229 --> 00:43:23.349
Masking, intentional or unintentional hiding of symptoms in order to kind of blend in with expectations in the world around you.
00:43:23.589 --> 00:43:25.509
So faking good.
00:43:41.509 --> 00:43:47.909
Or I'm going to not, even though I'm not listening, because I'm struggling to pay attention to what they're saying.
00:43:48.069 --> 00:43:52.069
So like these social switches that happen.
00:43:52.309 --> 00:44:01.349
And another example might be like, I'm gonna fight my hardest until this person stops talking to not interrupt them because I don't want to be seen as rude.
00:44:01.669 --> 00:44:02.629
Stuff like that.
00:44:02.949 --> 00:44:09.029
Ways that people tweak their behaviors to kind of blend in to what they think is normal.
00:44:09.349 --> 00:44:09.750
Yep.
00:44:09.989 --> 00:44:10.629
Awesome.
00:44:10.869 --> 00:44:11.429
Thank you.
00:44:11.669 --> 00:44:11.989
Yeah.
00:44:12.229 --> 00:44:14.309
What an enlightening conversation.
00:44:14.549 --> 00:44:14.949
All right.
00:44:15.189 --> 00:44:15.669
Question.
00:44:15.829 --> 00:44:18.149
What's the best piece of advice you have ever received?
00:44:18.309 --> 00:44:20.389
Just in general, not even about ADHD.
00:44:20.789 --> 00:44:22.309
Or make it ADHD specific.
00:44:22.389 --> 00:44:23.349
Whatever works for you.
00:44:23.750 --> 00:44:25.349
Yeah, I think that this could go for life.
00:44:25.509 --> 00:44:29.669
This could go for ADHD from doing the laundry all the way to choosing a career.
00:44:29.909 --> 00:44:34.069
Someone once told me you don't have to do it right, quote unquote.
00:44:34.229 --> 00:44:41.349
And when I say right, you don't have to do it the way that everyone else does it, or the way that a YouTube tutorial would tell you to do it.
00:44:41.589 --> 00:44:43.029
But do what works for you.
00:44:43.669 --> 00:44:56.229
So especially with a brain living in a world that doesn't always move the way that my brain needs to move and function, find what Good at do it your way.
00:44:56.469 --> 00:45:08.309
I started a business because the idea of a nine to five stressed me out, a traditional nine to five where I couldn't go on my walks during the day and I couldn't have a break to watch my show, and you know, stuff like that didn't work.
00:45:08.389 --> 00:45:16.709
So I'd arguably maybe put in more work to build the business on the front end, but now I'm living in a way that's more me.
00:45:16.869 --> 00:45:19.750
And so you don't have to do it the right way.
00:45:20.069 --> 00:45:21.589
Do what works for you.
00:45:21.909 --> 00:45:23.029
There is no right way.
00:45:23.189 --> 00:45:24.069
There's no right way.
00:45:24.229 --> 00:45:24.949
No shoulding.
00:45:25.029 --> 00:45:25.989
I should do it this way.
00:45:26.229 --> 00:45:27.269
Yeah, love it.
00:45:27.509 --> 00:45:32.069
What's the one takeaway you want listeners to remember from today?
00:45:32.469 --> 00:45:41.029
If you're wondering whether other people are struggling as much as you, seek more support to ask questions about that.
00:45:41.429 --> 00:45:44.389
What's one question you wish I would have asked that I didn't ask?
00:45:44.709 --> 00:45:53.750
Maybe what do you hope the world of ADHD in women looks like in the next generation?
00:45:54.469 --> 00:45:55.669
And what's the answer?
00:45:56.469 --> 00:46:11.429
I hope that there's good evidence for how we present so that providers and teachers and parents understand what it's like to be a woman with ADHD and what to look for in girls so they're not getting missed as much.
00:46:11.669 --> 00:46:18.709
I hope that ADHD assessments are more sensitive to how girls and women present.
00:46:19.029 --> 00:46:31.189
And I hope that in the world more broadly, when someone says ADHD, people don't just go to a hyper young boy bouncing around the classroom.
00:46:31.509 --> 00:46:33.189
I hope that can expand.
00:46:33.429 --> 00:46:34.469
That would be wonderful.
00:46:34.629 --> 00:46:38.069
It'd lead to a lot earlier diagnoses from my perspective.
00:46:38.229 --> 00:46:38.549
Yeah.
00:46:39.750 --> 00:46:39.989
Yeah.
00:46:40.149 --> 00:46:40.629
So much less.
00:46:42.309 --> 00:46:42.629
Yeah.
00:46:42.709 --> 00:46:43.029
Yeah.
00:46:43.349 --> 00:46:44.629
And that's what it's all about, right?
00:46:44.709 --> 00:46:47.109
Feeling connection and being able to be authentic.
00:46:47.349 --> 00:46:47.669
Yeah.
00:46:47.909 --> 00:46:48.149
Yeah.
00:46:48.229 --> 00:46:50.309
It's such an important thing to be able to feel.
00:46:50.629 --> 00:46:53.429
Peyton, this has been such an important conversation.
00:46:53.989 --> 00:47:01.589
I think this is going to give a lot of women the language for something that they've felt for a long time and haven't been able to articulate.
00:47:01.909 --> 00:47:05.669
If somebody wants to connect with you, how the heck do you want them to reach out?
00:47:05.989 --> 00:47:07.589
So two options.
00:47:07.829 --> 00:47:13.429
There's my website, which is www.lightmindedot.com.
00:47:13.589 --> 00:47:21.989
So that's www.lightminded M-I-N-D-E-D-O-T.com.
00:47:22.149 --> 00:47:29.429
And you can click request an appointment and schedule a free interest call with me and we can chat, or you can submit an inquiry form on there.
00:47:29.509 --> 00:47:30.789
And you can also email me.
00:47:30.869 --> 00:47:32.149
My email's the same.
00:47:32.389 --> 00:47:39.589
It's P as in Payton Gimel G E M E L L at lightminded O T.com.
00:47:39.750 --> 00:47:42.229
And I said two, but I guess I mean three.
00:47:42.309 --> 00:47:43.349
I also have social media.
00:47:43.509 --> 00:47:47.429
So on Facebook and Instagram, it's lightminded.ot.
00:47:48.309 --> 00:47:48.789
Awesome.
00:47:48.949 --> 00:47:49.989
Thank you so very much.
00:47:50.149 --> 00:47:51.829
It has been really enlightening.
00:47:51.989 --> 00:47:52.949
Thank you so much.
00:47:53.189 --> 00:47:54.309
Yeah, thanks.
