Why Do I Feel Like This Relationship Has to Change Before I Can Have Peace?

Why does being misunderstood feel so threatening, especially in the relationships that matter most?

In this second episode of our Beholding series, Tanner Smith, Sarah Johnson, and Chase Rashad Stancle explore unmet expectations, the need for approval, and the pressure we put on others to secure our identity and peace. They discuss grieving the relationship you wish you had, releasing the need to change another person, and finding your worth in God's love.

Through honest stories and practical suggestions, they consider how to love someone as they are, even when the relationship remains difficult.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• How to recognize what you're asking a relationship to provide, including approval, security, or a sense of worth

• Why grieving unmet expectations can help you release the pressure to change another person

• How Scripture, supportive relationships, and shared activities can help you approach a difficult relationship with love

Key Resources Mentioned

• Beholding digital workbook — a companion resource for the Beholding series with practices for working through difficult relationships

• Thomas Keating's "programs for happiness" framework — an introduction to how our needs for security, affection, and control shape our expectations and reactions in relationships

• Romans 8:38–39 and Isaiah 53:3 — passages discussed in connection with God's inseparable love and Jesus' familiarity with grief

• Find Your People by Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors — a song mentioned during the conversation about finding relationships that remind us we are known and loved

• Got a Person Who Triggers You at Work? — an episode of The Mode/Switch Podcast from our friend Craig Mattson. The conversation explores how naming the feelings another person brings up in us can loosen their grip and help us reconnect with what matters most.

Have a question you'd love to hear us explore on the podcast? Send us a voice memo or write to info@colossianforum.org. We'd love to hear what's on your mind, and your question may help shape a future conversation on the podcast.

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How are you practicing hope? Has something from this podcast or another Colossian Forum experience inspired you to try a new practice or take a different approach in a relationship? We'd love to hear what you tried and what happened. We'll be sharing selected listener stories during episode breaks throughout the Beholding series.

Record a voice memo of 90 seconds or less. Start with your name, your work, and/or how you're connected to The Colossian Forum, then tell us your story. Use your phone's recording app to record, then select Share to email the audio file to info@colossianforum.org with the subject line "Practicing Hope Story." No polished script needed; just tell us in your own words.