WEBVTT
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This episode is intended for educational, historical, and public safety.
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It discusses the realities of crime, violence, trauma, and recovery to educate the public and law enforcement professionals.
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It does not promote or glorify criminal activity.
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When you don't understand, like jealousy and possessiveness is not love, but in my mind it was.
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He loves me so much, he wants me to only be his.
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He isolated me, but it was not quickly.
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It was very, very subtly.
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He didn't get physically abusive until after I got paralyzed.
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I need to make sure that I use this story to help other people so it doesn't happen again.
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This story needs to be used for good.
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Welcome everybody.
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You know, trafficking is a very sensitive issue and something that sometimes we don't want to hear about.
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Because it's uh an emotional issue.
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Today we're gonna um tap into that uh subject for educational purposes to help law enforcement conduct better investigations and just to talk about what survivors go through and what survivors can teach the rest of us.
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Our guest today is Krista Kares.
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She uh is a survivor of trafficking.
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She's gonna explain it more, but it's not the way that sometimes people may think.
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She was actually trafficked by somebody she loved.
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We're also going to talk about the mindset of a survivor because she um is in a wheelchair today and she survived a motor vehicle accident that put her there.
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She is empowered and an author, an educator, she's an advocate for children with challenges.
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She's a mother, she's a wife, and she's our guest here today.
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Please help me welcome Krista Karis to the show.
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Krista, thank you for being here.
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Hi, thank you for having me.
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Yes, when I first heard your story, you know, it's um something that is very uncomfortable for people to hear because your story is not like one of those traditional stories that sometimes are, you know, uh in movies where somebody gets kidnapped.
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Not to minimize that, but you know, sometimes people think it can't happen to me.
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Right.
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And your story is, you know, a story of a violation from someone who actually loved you.
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Correct.
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Or said they loved you.
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Now, um, Krista, you want to share a little bit of um how that uh relationship started?
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Yeah, so um just a little bit of background.
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I grew up in a really tight-knit family in the Midwest.
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I'm from Iowa originally, and you know, my brother and I, we grew up in like a church environment, going to youth group, going to Bible study, going to church.
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Um, my parents instilled some really good morals and values in us, but um, I had a very low self-esteem from a very young age.
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So the way that I allowed people to talk to me and treat me was kind of a little twisted.
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When I met him, I was going through like a rebellious stage.
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I was 18 years old doing all the things that teenagers do.
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Um, you know, I wanted to be grown.
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Uh, I wanted to create my own future, and nobody else was gonna have a say in that.
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I wanted to just be an adult.
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Um, but 18-year-olds really like they don't have the life experience.
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Um like it's so important to listen to your parents, and I just was not doing that as much as you know, my parents would give me the guidance.
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I gave so much pushback because I thought I knew best.
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Um, and so I met him at a nightclub and I had no business being there.
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Um, but I do want to preface that by saying that I wasn't there because there was a lack of parental guidance.
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Like my parents didn't know I was going there, you know?
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So met him at a nightclub.
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Um he was eight years older than me.
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And at the time, that didn't that didn't really stick out as a flag in my mind.
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I was I saw it as like, oh, I am so good looking and I'm so like desirable that somebody eight years older than me wants me.
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Like he thinks I'm beautiful.
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He like gave me all the compliments.
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Um, I will say he had a southern accent, and I don't like there was just something about the way he presented and the way he spoke that made me feel like he was somebody that I could trust.
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Okay, so totally not not under not good circumstances, you shouldn't meet your partner at a bar, regardless.
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Okay, I can agree with you.
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Yeah, yes.
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Now you meet him, and do you guys uh end up living together?
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Is that what happens?
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So, what happened was he was working up in the Midwest, was from Albuquerque, but he was working in the Midwest um on the wind turbines, so it was like a contracted job.
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Okay.
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He would stay with me at my apartment.
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Um, I was going to school, I was in college.
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Um, he would stay at my apartment with me.
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And then once his job ended, he said, Hey, I have to go home.
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If you want to stay together, you have to come with me.
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And where did you end up going?
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So I ended up moving to Albuquerque with him.
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And I know saying that at 36 years old is crazy to me.
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I can't imagine my daughter telling me, I'm gonna move 13, 100 miles away to live with this man that I just met two or three months ago.
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That's insane to me.
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But in the moment, I didn't want to live in the Midwest anyway.
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Um, it kind of I looked at it as an opportunity as, oh, I'm gonna develop this relationship with him.
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He really wants a future with me.
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I'm gonna go move to the city and establish a career.
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Like I thought that I was going out and creating a life and that this was normal behavior.
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Now, Krista, let me ask you.
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Uh, in the very beginning stages of your relationship, uh, was this a loving relationship?
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Uh you know, at first it seemed loving.
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He gave me all the compliments, he said all the nice things, he said that he loved me.
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Um, what I didn't realize is that he was very jealous, he was very possessive.
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And when you're younger and you don't have the life experiences, or you're not hearing, well, not that my mom didn't tell me, I just didn't listen.
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Um, when you don't understand, like jealousy and possessiveness is not love, but in my mind it was.
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He loves me so much that he wants me to only be his.
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Okay, now I just want to uh just for uh clarification, did you drop out of college to go with him?
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I did, okay.
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All right, and and you know, and and I want to bring that up because that's a strong message to young people.
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Where you know, if we're changing our plans for somebody else, that could be a major red flag.
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Would you agree with me, Krista?
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A hundred percent, a hundred percent, yes.
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And I in my mind, I said, I'll go back to school when I am steady, when I get a job, when I get down there, and it never it never happened.
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Um yeah, I agree.
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That's uh to change your college and career goals based on somebody else's plan is such a bad idea.
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You're basically saying that their life is more important than yours, and you're willing to change your whole life plan.
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Yes.
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Yep.
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Now, Krista, what are looking back, what are some other early warning signs that um you either neglected to face or that you just didn't see?
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So a big one that I see now is that he didn't like it when I was on the phone.
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Okay when I was on the phone, I couldn't be on it for very long.
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If I spent like too many seconds on it responding to a text message, automatically it was who are you texting?
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What are you doing?
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Um, if he was texting me, if we weren't together, um, if he was texting me and I didn't answer fast enough, automatically he was calling me, why are you not answering?
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What are you doing?
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Who are you with?
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No, yeah.
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So what I'm hearing you describe is he had an issue with control.
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He had to control you.
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Correct.
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Yeah.
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Um, and then along with the control came isolation.
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So not only did I move away from my family, but he had a problem with how often I called my family.
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Wow.
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He didn't like it if I tried to establish new friendships at a job.
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He didn't like any opportunities that I wanted to go to the gym by myself, any anything.
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He he he isolated me, but it was not quickly, it was very, very subtly.
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Subtly.
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So uh it just intensified with time.
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Yeah, so it might start with it might start with where I was talking to my mom every day, and then once in a while he would say, Oh, why are you talking to your mom so much?
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You just talked to her yesterday, and then it would become more frequent.
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Um, and he would just find reasons for me to not talk to my mom.
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And he he was especially what's the word I want to use?
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He was especially uh turned away by my brother.
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My brother is two years older than me.
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Um, and he's a police officer.
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So at the time when I started dating him, my brother was going through the police academy.
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Um, and my brother was a threat to him.
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I see, and I can see that now, and I could never understand why do you not like my brother?
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Why do you not want to have a relationship with my brother?
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But I see it now.
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So that was also uh a red flag that it was unknown why he was acting the way he was acting.
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Yes.
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Now, at some point, um, he controls you to the point where he introduces this idea of uh that ends up being trafficking.
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Yeah.
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Um, and it took me a really long time to realize what trafficking was.
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I didn't call it that at first because um, when you think of trafficking, you think of somebody getting kidnapped, you know, being taken from one country to another country, being handcuffed, being restrained, being drugged, like you see that in the movies.
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Sure.
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What he was doing was taking my pictures and putting them on Craigslist under the classified when they used to have that option.
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I don't think it's an option anymore, but he was posting me on Craigslist for other people to uh purchase.
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Yes, I remember uh when I was working uh in various different assignments that that was something that people were using, which is Craigslist, to um to conduct that business.
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Thinking back to that those moments where he was putting your pictures into Craigslist, were you aware of the advertisements or how did you know that he was putting them into Craigslist?
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Um, I wasn't aware.
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I mean, I know that we he took some pictures of me and I thought he just wanted some spicy pictures for himself.
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Like, yeah, I didn't think it was a big deal.
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Um, but then I was on the laptop and he had left his email open and I started seeing all these responses from Craigslist, and I opened one and it just you know is this whole response I want to do this, I want to do that, I'm willing to pay this.
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Um and that's that's kind of like what opened it all.
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Now at that point, did you recognize that that was trafficking?
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You know, I still didn't because the way he framed it was you know, he had been removed from his job up in Iowa and sent home, and he wasn't working, and so he was saying and he was a tattoo, I should I should have said this before.
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He was a tattoo artist, so this is how it started.
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This is how it was real sneaky, and this is why I couldn't recognize it was because he started out by saying, We'll trade tattoo services for a night with my girl.
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And so then he would tell me, This person is a business owner.
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I'm gonna do a tattoo for him.
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If you sleep with him, he'll let he'll put me to work, he'll give me some work.
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So the way he framed it was he wanted to trade services, and this was an opportunity for him to start working again and being put on payroll.
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And so in my mind, I was like, okay, so you want me to sleep with somebody so that way it gives you job opportunities, and like I again at 36 years old, I'm like, that is so wrong.
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But at the time I was like, if I need to be a team player, I'll be a team player.
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But I didn't realize that it became trafficking because it was more, and then he started advertising on Craigslist.
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And then by the time, you know, every time this happened, I'm crying and I'm like, I don't like doing this.
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You said I only had to do this once.
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Why am I why am I still doing this?
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That that's when I was like, I don't even know how to make this stop.
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So your understanding was that you were gonna do it once, and how often did you end up doing it?
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It became almost a night, uh, an everyday thing, almost everyday.
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Um, and I did, I did try to work, I was working um oh, eight-hour shifts at the hospital.
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Um, I was trying to work double shifts 16 hours a day, just so I wouldn't have to come home.
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But there became a time where he would have people waiting for me at our apartment by the time I got home at 11 p.m.
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So there were people waiting for you to engage in this activity after you just worked the almost the entire 24 hours.
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Yeah, and honestly, with that mindset, I I hear this all the time from people where they're like, you can just say no, you could have just walked away.
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But really, when you're when you've been working that many hours and then you come home to that, you are just in survival mode.
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It's it's just survival mode.
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Well, you know, and when people say that, why didn't you just walk away?
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You know, they really are misunderstanding what the person is going through.
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Can you give us a little bit more insight into you know, not just uh not being able to sleep, but there's gotta be some other types of manipulation going on?
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He was very good with his words, and he would always say these things to get under my skin.
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Oh, this is why our relationship won't work out, because you don't care about helping our family, or you're selfish.
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This is why, you know, just making these like these low blows at me.
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And then the more it progressed, he he would put his hands on me.
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There was one time that we got into an argument, an altercation over this, and he grabbed me by the throat and pushed me up against a wall.
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Um, and the only thing I can really tell people is like I pray that none of you are in a situation where you're scared.
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I might have had those options to just leave, but in the moment, your brain is so foggy, you just you just don't recognize yourself and you don't see those options.
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How often did he uh abuse you physically?
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You know, so when I was still able-bodied when I was walking, it was only a couple times he would he would every once in a while throw items at me, but he wouldn't hit me.
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He did choke me that one time, but he mostly would just he would get mad and punch walls and throw things at me, but he didn't get physically abusive with um punching and pushing um until after I got paralyzed, which is in incredible.
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Like, that's I I don't even like every time I say that, I'm like, I can't even yeah.
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Now, Krista, I just want to um kind of get your opinion.
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Um, if you were giving advice to someone who was experiencing some of the uh initial violence that you experienced where he was throwing things at you and the first time he choked you, um what what's your advice to uh people that may be experiencing that and it hasn't gotten to as severe as it did?
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It is not all on you.
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Okay, so a relationship is a two-way street, it is not up to you to fix the person, and if the person sees nothing wrong with their behavior, you have a problem.
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It's not up to you to fix them.
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Um, and then second of all, it's not gonna get better at all, it's gonna get worse.
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Um, and the statistics of domestic violence survivors that are murdered is astounding.
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So it will not get better.
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It will not get better.
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So we want to encourage people going through this to seek help.
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Yeah, and I know when I was in the thick of it, it I was like Nobody's gonna believe me.
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He is such a good talker, everybody likes him.
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And I was like, nobody's who would believe me.
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In my mind, I mean, at this point, my brother had become a police officer, and I was ashamed because my brother's a cop, and my family is just of this good moral compass.
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And I'm down in Albuquerque getting beat up by my boyfriend.
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And like, what am I gonna say?
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What am I gonna say?
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Like, I was I was so ashamed.
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I felt so dirty.
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I felt like it was all my fault because I put myself in that situation.
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Um, I mean, like, I might I might not have asked for that situation, but I was like, no, like you should have left.
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So I the self-blame and the guilt was crazy, and I felt like there were no options.
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Did the police ever respond to your uh residence?
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They did.
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So um I'm not mad at them for this.
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I think that it's it was definitely it could be used as a learning opportunity, but there were a couple times where, you know, he choked me and I screamed, you know, we were fighting.
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I screamed, um, he was throwing things, and our neighbors heard and they called the police.
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There was one time the police showed up and they didn't even separate us.
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There were two of them.
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They came and they said, Hey, we have a report that that um you're I don't remember the verbiage, like you're you're fighting her, you're abusing her, or something.
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They got a call about a conflict and he was like, That didn't happen.
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We were just having an argument, that didn't happen.
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And so they looked at me and they were like, Is everything okay?
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What am I gonna say?
00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:02.480
Right in front of him, you know.
00:24:02.799 --> 00:24:17.680
So I can't, I can't confirm that I would have, I don't know what I would have said if they would have separated us because in that particular instance, he he choked me to the point of blacking out.
00:24:17.839 --> 00:24:19.279
Um, and it was terrifying.
00:24:19.359 --> 00:24:21.599
I was already a quadriplegic at that point.
00:24:21.839 --> 00:24:23.920
I didn't know where I was gonna go.
00:24:24.160 --> 00:24:28.640
I couldn't hardly, I couldn't hardly feed myself because I was newly injured.
00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:31.200
I like I was so scared.
00:24:31.279 --> 00:24:38.559
I don't know what I would have said, but it really would have helped if they would have separated us because he was terrifying.
00:24:38.720 --> 00:24:44.000
The fact that they questioned me in front of him, I'll never forget it.
00:24:44.079 --> 00:24:45.359
That it was awful.
00:24:45.839 --> 00:25:00.160
Krista, thinking back to those moments and that experience that you went through, um, what do you suggest to people that may be experiencing something similar and the uh and the police arrive?
00:25:00.400 --> 00:25:07.759
How do we how do you suggest that a person that's experiencing this notifies the police?
00:25:08.079 --> 00:25:11.359
Uh uh How do I recommend that a victim notifies the police?
00:25:11.920 --> 00:25:23.039
Well, what I'm asking is like you know, looking back at your experience where the police showed up but you couldn't say anything because uh of fear uh because he could hear you.
00:25:23.839 --> 00:25:32.720
Um if somebody was in that uh same situation, uh how do you suggest to them that they talk to the police?
00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:34.160
How do they tell the police?
00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:48.640
Wait till the police leaves and call them at a different day when he's not around, um maybe you know, uh ask the police to talk outside, or what do what do you suggest since you've been in that situation?
00:25:49.119 --> 00:26:01.359
So they definitely need to be separated because um in that moment the survivor, the victim, is thinking they're not safe.
00:26:01.519 --> 00:26:05.200
They don't know who they can trust, they don't even know what's gonna happen.
00:26:05.359 --> 00:26:13.039
If I, you know, if I tell the truth, are they gonna leave me here and then he's just gonna beat me up again for telling the truth?
00:26:13.279 --> 00:26:15.680
Um, are they gonna take my child?
00:26:16.000 --> 00:26:18.640
What like we we don't really know.
00:26:18.880 --> 00:26:26.480
So um I think it's important for the victim to know that they're safe.
00:26:26.720 --> 00:26:45.359
So likewise, I think it's important for police to establish hey, I might not get all the answers right away, but I want her, I want them to know that this is a safe space and that there are resources available.
00:26:45.680 --> 00:27:08.240
I mean, yeah, even if we were separated, and even if I said, I can't talk, I can't, I can't I can't talk, even if he had given me a card and said, please call me, you know, and given me a little bit of an olive branch that would have given me something to reflect on.
00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:22.000
And that's what uh police should be doing is conducting better investigations and opportunities for uh people people experiencing problems to uh be able to contact us and feel safe.
00:27:22.480 --> 00:27:29.200
Going back a little bit, at what point does the trafficking come to an end?
00:27:29.839 --> 00:27:43.200
So it actually stopped once I got paralyzed because I was in the hospital for sorry, I always have to math it.
00:27:43.359 --> 00:27:47.359
I I will say that I should have been in the hospital much longer.
00:27:47.920 --> 00:27:55.519
Like when you sustain a spinal cord injury, you should be in the hospital for like four to six months so you can do your rehab and get better.
00:27:55.759 --> 00:28:00.160
And he pushed me to get out quickly because he wanted me home quickly.
00:28:00.319 --> 00:28:04.480
So I think I was only in rehab for a couple months.
00:28:04.799 --> 00:28:10.240
Um, but yeah, it it ended when I got paralyzed because what was he gonna do?
00:28:10.400 --> 00:28:13.759
Bring him to the hospital, you know, like so.
00:28:13.839 --> 00:28:20.400
I mean, good for me that that stopped, but also like now I'm a quadriplegic with a two-month-old baby.
00:28:20.720 --> 00:28:33.759
So at this point, uh you said that um the physical abuse intensified when you weren't able to uh protect yourself.
00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:35.519
What's going through your mind?
00:28:35.839 --> 00:28:40.000
I had never been hit by somebody in my life.
00:28:40.240 --> 00:28:44.480
I had never, nobody had ever put hands on me ever in my life.
00:28:44.720 --> 00:28:48.559
My parents, I've never even seen my parents argue.
00:28:48.720 --> 00:28:51.119
They that's not normal to me.
00:28:51.359 --> 00:29:01.519
And so for us to get into these arguments or even not even really arguments, just him getting mad at me and then putting his hands on me.
00:29:02.480 --> 00:29:14.160
I remember the first time he ever punched me in the face, and I just shocked and I I was like, I I can't believe that just happened.
00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:16.640
I felt so defeated.
00:29:17.359 --> 00:29:20.720
Like I can't even, I can't even get myself dressed.
00:29:20.960 --> 00:29:28.640
I can hardly brush my own teeth, and this man is punching me in the face when he gets mad at me.
00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:31.680
I felt very dark and defeated.
00:29:31.759 --> 00:29:34.240
I and I like where I didn't even know where to go.
00:29:34.400 --> 00:29:36.400
I didn't even know who to call.
00:29:37.119 --> 00:29:42.960
Were there any options that you are aware of now that could help someone in that situation?
00:29:44.559 --> 00:29:48.400
I wasn't really familiar.
00:29:49.200 --> 00:29:52.559
I mean, I was only at that time I was only 20.
00:29:52.880 --> 00:29:55.759
I didn't I knew that there were homeless shelters.
00:29:55.920 --> 00:30:04.559
I didn't know that there were homes or shelters for DV survivors and safe houses.
00:30:04.720 --> 00:30:07.119
I didn't I didn't know that that was a thing.
00:30:07.279 --> 00:30:09.200
Nobody ever offered that to me.
00:30:09.359 --> 00:30:10.640
I never read about it.
00:30:10.720 --> 00:30:12.240
I I didn't even know.
00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:19.599
And how many times did police come in contact with you regarding domestic uh violence?
00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:22.079
The police came twice.
00:30:22.799 --> 00:30:28.079
Um I had probably four visits from CPS.
00:30:28.720 --> 00:30:46.880
So because um, you know, oh I was two my my son was two months old when I got paralyzed, and then when I got home, the abuse started, and we were in the thick of all the, you know, him beating me up every day, he was probably seven or eight months old.
00:30:46.960 --> 00:30:49.279
So CPS was at our house a lot.
00:30:49.759 --> 00:30:55.599
And during that time period, you were never made aware of uh any resources available to you?
00:30:56.000 --> 00:30:57.279
No, never.
00:30:57.519 --> 00:30:58.319
Uh no.
00:30:59.279 --> 00:31:14.000
You when we're talking about trafficking and you come in contact with police, what does a um person experiencing trafficking need from police as soon as they come in contact?
00:31:14.880 --> 00:31:29.200
They need they need safety because really when when we're in the middle of being trafficked and going through all of these events, we're we're in survival mode all the time, all the time.
00:31:29.359 --> 00:31:31.599
Um, we don't know who we can trust.
00:31:31.839 --> 00:31:35.519
We don't know who is safe to talk to.
00:31:35.759 --> 00:31:38.160
We don't know where to go that's safe.
00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:54.799
So just having a human connection, knowing that I'm not just a report number, um, just that human connection, like, hey, you're safe, um, that's that's the first thing.
00:31:55.039 --> 00:32:05.599
Um, and then understanding that there are options because like I said, like I I it took me years before I even knew what a safe house was.
00:32:06.000 --> 00:32:26.640
So if I was walking down the street with my ex and he had just got done, you know, with we had just got done with somebody from Craigslist, and a police officer was, you know, having a conversation about the weather, most likely he would be talking for me.
00:32:27.279 --> 00:32:28.799
I didn't really get to talk.
00:32:29.119 --> 00:32:37.519
I I was isolated by like my behavior and everything that I was allowed was controlled by him.
00:32:37.839 --> 00:32:48.720
I would need to be away from him, and I would need to know that that person that I'm talking to is an ally and that's somebody that can help me.
00:32:49.359 --> 00:32:53.359
So that uh feeling safe is very important.
00:32:54.160 --> 00:32:54.799
Yes.
00:32:55.359 --> 00:32:56.880
Having that trust.
00:32:57.200 --> 00:33:08.480
According to statistics, it takes the average domestic violence victim seven times to leave their abuser before they stay gone.
00:33:08.880 --> 00:33:13.359
Um, so usually they'll leave, come back, leave, come back.
00:33:13.599 --> 00:33:19.039
Um, I tried to leave probably at least three times.
00:33:19.279 --> 00:33:27.279
Um logistically, it was very hard for me because um I required a lot of care.
00:33:27.680 --> 00:33:34.319
Um the first time I ever tried to leave, um, I was put in a nursing home.
00:33:35.200 --> 00:33:43.440
Um my son was taken by one of my friends, um, taken care of.
00:33:43.519 --> 00:34:02.400
One of my friends offered to take care of him for me, but I had to stay in the in a nursing home for like a couple weeks um until I decided I just need to go back because, well, for one, I didn't want to be away from my son, and for two, what 20-year-old wants to stay in a nursing home?
00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:09.920
And then I realized when things were not getting better, this was not a situation that I could fix, it was not in my control.
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:16.719
Um, I realized that I needed to get back home and get back up to Iowa closer to my family.
00:34:16.960 --> 00:34:18.960
Um, so I formulated a plan.
00:34:19.039 --> 00:34:23.280
It took a lot of strategic planning.
00:34:23.519 --> 00:34:39.920
Um, and this was again a lot of the reason why I stayed a little bit longer than I should have was because I convinced him to move back up to Iowa so we could be closer to my family to help me help um with the baby.
00:34:40.159 --> 00:34:46.159
Once I got up there, my mom and dad's house wasn't accessible.
00:34:46.400 --> 00:34:49.039
Um, I couldn't just stay with them.
00:34:49.840 --> 00:35:19.440
So I had to stash money away, save some money as best that I could, and then I had to find a roommate and I had to get home care services in place because when I ultimately left, I had to have somebody that was able to help me with like therapies and getting dressed and showering and all those things that I was still learning to do.
00:35:20.559 --> 00:35:34.719
So um, once I finally moved up to Iowa and had those opportunities, I did tell him we we weren't compatible, it wasn't working.
00:35:34.800 --> 00:35:39.840
We've we had been trying for years at that point, and he pulled a gun on me.
00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:49.199
Um he pulled a gun on me, and immediately I just said, Okay, we can work on this.
00:35:49.360 --> 00:35:52.880
I'm sorry, we can work on this, don't be upset.
00:35:53.039 --> 00:35:56.000
Um, he, you know, he punched me sometimes.
00:35:56.239 --> 00:36:08.800
We he fought with me a little bit longer, and then I was able to de-escalate that situation, and I knew I I gotta get out, but he can't know.
00:36:09.039 --> 00:36:21.199
So from that point, going forward, I spent the next couple of weeks just giving some of my clothing to a couple friends.
00:36:21.360 --> 00:36:23.840
Hey, take these, hold on to these for me.
00:36:24.000 --> 00:36:26.079
Take these items, hold on to them for me.
00:36:26.159 --> 00:36:34.159
And I had to plan a day when he was going to be out of the house because he wasn't gonna let me leave alive.
00:36:34.480 --> 00:36:45.519
Um, so on a day that he was gone, I finally had a friend of mine on speed dial, and I said, He's gone, come help me.
00:36:45.760 --> 00:36:52.960
She came, grabbed the baby, grabbed all the things that she could, and we took off.
00:36:54.320 --> 00:37:01.679
And I got an apartment, I had a roommate, I had all the resources that I needed.
00:37:01.840 --> 00:37:20.559
Um, and that was when I realized, you know, when I finally pressed charges that a safe house was an option because I was given that option by the police chief in the town that I was living at or living in at the time.
00:37:21.119 --> 00:37:28.800
So had I known that a safe house was a thing, I may have left sooner.
00:37:29.199 --> 00:37:40.800
But um, yeah, it did take me, it takes it take me quite a few tries, unsuccessful tries, um, before I was able to get out um alive.
00:37:41.039 --> 00:37:53.840
So now um, Krista, what is the um mindset between a survivor and someone who's just living?
00:37:54.320 --> 00:38:09.519
Ooh, so when we're when we are going through these traumatic experiences and we're just living, there's no hope, we're just trying to get through the day, if not the next hour.
00:38:09.760 --> 00:38:16.400
There's no plans, there's no goals, there's really no ambition.
00:38:17.280 --> 00:38:22.320
Um, but a survivor, that's where the empowerment comes into play.
00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:32.480
That's where we're like, I'm like, okay, I need to make sure that I use this story to help other people so it doesn't happen again.
00:38:32.639 --> 00:38:34.559
This story needs to be used for good.
00:38:35.199 --> 00:38:36.239
Absolutely.
00:38:36.719 --> 00:38:41.199
Now, um, Krista, uh, people see the strong Krista today.
00:38:41.599 --> 00:38:44.239
Um, what don't they see?
00:38:44.800 --> 00:38:49.360
You know, so my my story is very complex.
00:38:49.760 --> 00:39:01.199
So when people first see me, you know, they they see the disability, they see that I have four kids, they see that I have a husband, and a lot of them are like, I wonder what her story is.
00:39:01.280 --> 00:39:09.440
And when they do hear my story, um it's like it took a lot of work to get here.
00:39:10.000 --> 00:39:11.760
It took a lot of work to get here.
00:39:11.840 --> 00:39:18.880
It took a lot of therapy, a lot of church, a lot of reflection.
00:39:19.440 --> 00:39:21.840
Um, nobody gave me this.
00:39:22.000 --> 00:39:25.440
Like it took a lot of work to get to where I am.
00:39:26.000 --> 00:39:33.119
Um, you know, in my career with my kids, mentally at a place where I can help other people.
00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:34.639
It took a lot of work.
00:39:35.039 --> 00:39:40.320
So what we're talking about is turning all that adversity into purpose.
00:39:40.559 --> 00:39:46.320
And so my question to you today is, Krista, what is what's the purpose?
00:39:47.920 --> 00:39:50.639
God doesn't plan for these things to happen to people.
00:39:51.280 --> 00:39:54.320
You know, these things are not supposed to happen.
00:39:55.280 --> 00:40:18.159
But how can we use the message to prevent it from happening again and just help other uh people who are in these situations so they don't feel alone?
00:40:18.960 --> 00:40:21.360
Um I agree with you a hundred percent.
00:40:21.440 --> 00:40:32.400
You know, our experiences uh make us stronger, and whatever we learned in our journey, we should be giving back.
00:40:32.800 --> 00:40:35.679
And so tell us a little bit about what you're doing now.
00:40:36.639 --> 00:40:39.840
So I am a special education teacher.
00:40:40.079 --> 00:40:43.920
It wasn't really my goal to be a special education teacher.
00:40:44.159 --> 00:40:49.760
Um I started out as a behavior specialist while I was going to college.
00:40:49.920 --> 00:40:51.840
My husband was in the military.
00:40:52.159 --> 00:41:06.480
Um my goal was to potentially be a therapist, either work with other DV survivors or work in social services or something.
00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:30.480
But when I was doing behavior support, um I was I came across so many kids that came from broken families and single mothers, and they were like, I can't do this because I'm autistic, or I can't do this because um I have ADHD, you know, like whatever it is.
00:41:30.639 --> 00:41:41.360
Um, these kids, these kids who face so much adversity, and I was just like, I can do it, why can't you do it?
00:41:41.760 --> 00:41:47.679
You know, so I like to be that encouragement for these these uh teenagers.
00:41:47.920 --> 00:41:49.119
So I work with teenagers now.
00:41:49.199 --> 00:41:59.599
I work, I'm a high school special ed teacher, and I I like to be a good motivator that like your life doesn't stop at your diagnosis.
00:42:00.239 --> 00:42:02.159
Um, so I'm doing that.
00:42:02.400 --> 00:42:11.280
Um I'm actually taking college courses to get my doctorates in educational leadership.
00:42:12.159 --> 00:42:16.880
Um I just started co-leading a Bible study every week.
00:42:17.599 --> 00:42:18.159
What else?
00:42:18.320 --> 00:42:19.119
I've got four kids.
00:42:19.280 --> 00:42:22.719
My youngest is gonna be four in a few days.
00:42:23.119 --> 00:42:28.639
So um my husband is a homicide detective with Phoenix PD.
00:42:28.800 --> 00:42:34.480
So we've like we've got a lot going on with our with our lives, but it's it's good.
00:42:34.639 --> 00:42:36.639
It's good, it's really rewarding.
00:42:37.199 --> 00:42:40.800
Well, congratulations on seeking uh higher education.
00:42:41.039 --> 00:42:43.920
Uh, I want to hear a little bit about being an author.
00:42:44.320 --> 00:42:58.800
Oh, so you know, it it took me a really, really long time to kind of go public with my story because, like I said, it was uh it's it's it's not a it's not a fun story to tell.
00:42:58.960 --> 00:43:07.519
Um, but after lots of years of therapy and um healing, I was like, I need to use this to help other people.
00:43:07.840 --> 00:43:26.159
So I wrote my first book and I received so much feedback from people, like way more feedback than I thought I would, saying, you know, I didn't go through this specifically, but I went through this.
00:43:26.480 --> 00:43:33.760
People whose stories aren't a hundred percent aligned, but they they were like, no, I resonate with this part.
00:43:34.079 --> 00:43:38.559
My first, my first story was just it was not a happy story.
00:43:38.639 --> 00:43:42.480
It was like it was just my my story of everything we just talked about.
00:43:42.639 --> 00:43:47.280
And so I was like, I need to tell them how happy my life is now.
00:43:47.760 --> 00:43:50.000
So then, so then I published two more.
00:43:50.159 --> 00:43:53.760
So Well, that's wonderful work, um, Krista.
00:43:54.079 --> 00:43:56.719
I want to ask you a little bit about giving advice.
00:43:56.960 --> 00:43:59.760
What advice would you give to someone who is being tracked?
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:01.679
Traffic right now.
00:44:02.000 --> 00:44:07.760
Um, I think the most important thing to know is it's not your fault.
00:44:08.079 --> 00:44:08.400
Okay.
00:44:08.880 --> 00:44:10.960
Um it's not your fault.
00:44:11.119 --> 00:44:15.280
You didn't ask for it, but your life doesn't have to stay that way.
00:44:15.679 --> 00:44:17.679
It doesn't have to stay that way.
00:44:17.840 --> 00:44:22.000
Um, just because this is your story now doesn't mean that it ends here.
00:44:22.559 --> 00:44:24.320
So you have options.
00:44:24.800 --> 00:44:34.239
There are a lot more people out there than you than you know who can be an ally to you.
00:44:34.880 --> 00:44:46.239
Krista, what about advice to someone who uh is going through a catastrophic injury right now, still in the hospital?
00:44:47.039 --> 00:44:50.159
Ooh, so everything will be okay.
00:44:50.400 --> 00:44:52.960
Everything's gonna work out, everything will be okay.
00:44:53.199 --> 00:44:59.039
I that's not my favorite piece of advice to give because I don't want to hear that in the moment.
00:44:59.199 --> 00:45:06.320
Like we when when we go through these life-altering traumatic events, we don't want to hear that and we kind of don't believe it anyway.
00:45:07.440 --> 00:45:16.719
But my biggest advice is get through today and then get through tomorrow because it takes baby steps.
00:45:18.000 --> 00:45:29.440
And one of the biggest things is you have way more potential to rise from the ashes.
00:45:29.679 --> 00:45:34.079
Your life doesn't have to stop at you know, this catastrophic injury.
00:45:34.239 --> 00:45:41.440
Um, you have to adapt a little bit, but that's where we find our strengths.
00:45:41.679 --> 00:45:45.599
Um, but you don't have to have all the answers right away.
00:45:46.880 --> 00:45:47.679
So true.
00:45:47.920 --> 00:45:48.480
So true.
00:45:48.639 --> 00:45:53.360
Uh, Krista, what about um a advice to law enforcement?
00:45:53.519 --> 00:45:57.280
What should law enforcement understand about the person behind the word victim?
00:45:57.599 --> 00:46:09.119
When law enforcement deals with these victims, it's for a short amount of time, and they don't usually get to see the success that comes from that.
00:46:09.280 --> 00:46:13.679
They don't get to see the story that happens later, not all the time.
00:46:14.000 --> 00:46:36.079
And so I think it's important to look at that person as more than more than a report number or a case number, um, and understand that their story is bigger than this one this one chapter.
00:46:36.400 --> 00:46:37.440
That makes sense.
00:46:37.920 --> 00:46:39.519
It makes sense to me, Krista.
00:46:40.079 --> 00:46:58.159
So what advice do you give to people that are maybe related or um somehow connected to someone who is a victim and sometimes some of us may not know what to say, but how can we support them?
00:46:58.480 --> 00:47:20.480
Okay, so that's that's a big one because I know in a lot of cases family members and friends when they're tied to these victims, and these victims stay in their abusive relationships, and the family members are saying, You need to leave, you need to leave, but then they don't leave.
00:47:21.119 --> 00:47:22.719
I know it's frustrating.
00:47:22.880 --> 00:47:35.760
I know I know my mom lost a lot of sleep watching me for the years that I was that I was in the thick of it, but like they need you, they need you.
00:47:35.840 --> 00:47:40.719
They might not be, you might not think that they're listening to right now.
00:47:41.679 --> 00:47:49.840
But if you just plant that seed, having you there to support is so much bigger than you think it is.
00:47:50.159 --> 00:48:02.320
Krista, last thing, um is there anything else that you would like to share with listeners that we that you think is important that we didn't cover or we need to mention?
00:48:02.800 --> 00:48:18.880
I just I I know that there's a very when it comes to law enforcement, I've seen it, I've seen it with my husband working in patrol, and then as a night detective, and then working as a homicide detective.
00:48:19.039 --> 00:48:25.519
And I know that it's very hard to draw that line between work and home.
00:48:26.000 --> 00:48:44.480
And I know that officers carry cases home with them all the time, things that bother them, things you know, and I know that I know that answering D B calls are are some of the worst calls that they can answer.
00:48:44.639 --> 00:49:09.039
I know that, I know that now being married to a police officer, just know that what you guys do, and you know how you conduct your investigations, how you treat the victims, all of that, even if you think it doesn't matter, even like the very littlest of things is so so big.
00:49:09.360 --> 00:49:10.320
So big.
00:49:10.800 --> 00:49:13.360
So how we do things matters.
00:49:13.599 --> 00:49:14.239
Yes.
00:49:14.639 --> 00:49:16.719
Well, Krista, you know what?
00:49:16.960 --> 00:49:37.920
Uh, I want to thank you for being the person that you are, because you are an inspiration for those that are hearing your story, the people that you work with, the children, young people that you mentor, and you're teaching, you're um teaching more than just the subjects, you're uh a role model.
00:49:38.400 --> 00:49:41.599
And I want to thank you for your life's work.
00:49:41.840 --> 00:49:43.920
Thank you for uh being here and joining us.
00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:45.599
I really appreciate it, uh Krista.
00:49:46.239 --> 00:49:47.760
Thank you for having me.
00:49:48.000 --> 00:49:56.000
Uh it was a great story because I know it's gonna uh impact people and hopefully change many lives to come.
00:49:56.400 --> 00:49:57.440
Thank you so much.
00:49:57.599 --> 00:49:58.480
I appreciate you.
00:49:59.280 --> 00:50:02.159
All right, well, have a wonderful day and have a great weekend.
00:50:02.719 --> 00:50:04.000
Thanks, Ciao.
00:50:04.800 --> 00:50:22.639
You know, these type of stories are invaluable, and in order to get them to the people that can also benefit from them, uh victims, recruits, other peace officers, if you think that there's someone that can directly benefit from this episode, please send it to them.
00:50:22.960 --> 00:50:27.280
We're gonna end this episode by mentioning a couple of things.
00:50:28.159 --> 00:50:35.119
You know, if you're having trouble and you're feeling uh suicidal, text 988.
00:50:36.000 --> 00:50:41.519
Get the help that you need because you're not the first person to feel that way and you're not alone.
00:50:42.239 --> 00:50:56.639
If you're having trouble with everyday things, going through different adverse conditions in the workplace, you can uh always contact somebody that has experience, uh law enforcement experience through Copline.
00:50:57.519 --> 00:51:07.679
Copline has uh trained peace officers that will help you get through similar adverse conditions that they have experienced.
00:51:07.920 --> 00:51:20.079
We're gonna end the episode with our brother in law enforcement, our brother in Christ, who's gonna give a prayer for everybody that's on duty and make sure that everybody gets home safe.
00:51:20.239 --> 00:51:21.440
Thank you all for watching.
00:51:21.679 --> 00:51:22.320
Appreciate it.
00:51:22.480 --> 00:51:23.599
God bless you.
00:00:01.120 --> 00:00:06.799
This episode is intended for educational, historical, and public safety.
00:00:06.959 --> 00:00:16.719
It discusses the realities of crime, violence, trauma, and recovery to educate the public and law enforcement professionals.
00:00:16.879 --> 00:00:21.519
It does not promote or glorify criminal activity.
00:00:23.359 --> 00:00:30.399
When you don't understand, like jealousy and possessiveness is not love, but in my mind it was.
00:00:30.640 --> 00:00:35.039
He loves me so much, he wants me to only be his.
00:00:35.200 --> 00:00:38.000
He isolated me, but it was not quickly.
00:00:38.079 --> 00:00:39.840
It was very, very subtly.
00:00:40.079 --> 00:00:44.079
He didn't get physically abusive until after I got paralyzed.
00:00:44.240 --> 00:00:48.960
I need to make sure that I use this story to help other people so it doesn't happen again.
00:00:49.119 --> 00:00:50.799
This story needs to be used for good.
00:00:54.159 --> 00:00:54.880
Welcome everybody.
00:00:59.679 --> 00:01:11.359
You know, trafficking is a very sensitive issue and something that sometimes we don't want to hear about.
00:01:11.920 --> 00:01:14.000
Because it's uh an emotional issue.
00:01:14.480 --> 00:01:33.040
Today we're gonna um tap into that uh subject for educational purposes to help law enforcement conduct better investigations and just to talk about what survivors go through and what survivors can teach the rest of us.
00:01:33.680 --> 00:01:36.319
Our guest today is Krista Kares.
00:01:37.120 --> 00:01:40.719
She uh is a survivor of trafficking.
00:01:41.120 --> 00:01:45.120
She's gonna explain it more, but it's not the way that sometimes people may think.
00:01:45.920 --> 00:01:49.200
She was actually trafficked by somebody she loved.
00:01:50.000 --> 00:02:02.079
We're also going to talk about the mindset of a survivor because she um is in a wheelchair today and she survived a motor vehicle accident that put her there.
00:02:02.719 --> 00:02:13.919
She is empowered and an author, an educator, she's an advocate for children with challenges.
00:02:14.319 --> 00:02:19.039
She's a mother, she's a wife, and she's our guest here today.
00:02:19.360 --> 00:02:22.960
Please help me welcome Krista Karis to the show.
00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:25.120
Krista, thank you for being here.
00:02:25.520 --> 00:02:27.120
Hi, thank you for having me.
00:02:27.520 --> 00:02:44.960
Yes, when I first heard your story, you know, it's um something that is very uncomfortable for people to hear because your story is not like one of those traditional stories that sometimes are, you know, uh in movies where somebody gets kidnapped.
00:02:45.120 --> 00:02:49.280
Not to minimize that, but you know, sometimes people think it can't happen to me.
00:02:49.520 --> 00:02:50.159
Right.
00:02:50.639 --> 00:02:59.840
And your story is, you know, a story of a violation from someone who actually loved you.
00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:00.719
Correct.
00:03:00.960 --> 00:03:02.879
Or said they loved you.
00:03:03.680 --> 00:03:11.280
Now, um, Krista, you want to share a little bit of um how that uh relationship started?
00:03:11.599 --> 00:03:16.159
Yeah, so um just a little bit of background.
00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:20.560
I grew up in a really tight-knit family in the Midwest.
00:03:20.639 --> 00:03:32.639
I'm from Iowa originally, and you know, my brother and I, we grew up in like a church environment, going to youth group, going to Bible study, going to church.
00:03:32.800 --> 00:03:45.599
Um, my parents instilled some really good morals and values in us, but um, I had a very low self-esteem from a very young age.
00:03:45.919 --> 00:03:56.800
So the way that I allowed people to talk to me and treat me was kind of a little twisted.
00:03:57.759 --> 00:04:02.479
When I met him, I was going through like a rebellious stage.
00:04:02.800 --> 00:04:08.560
I was 18 years old doing all the things that teenagers do.
00:04:08.719 --> 00:04:10.719
Um, you know, I wanted to be grown.
00:04:10.879 --> 00:04:18.240
Uh, I wanted to create my own future, and nobody else was gonna have a say in that.
00:04:18.399 --> 00:04:21.759
I wanted to just be an adult.
00:04:22.560 --> 00:04:28.079
Um, but 18-year-olds really like they don't have the life experience.
00:04:28.319 --> 00:04:38.160
Um like it's so important to listen to your parents, and I just was not doing that as much as you know, my parents would give me the guidance.
00:04:38.560 --> 00:04:42.160
I gave so much pushback because I thought I knew best.
00:04:42.480 --> 00:04:48.160
Um, and so I met him at a nightclub and I had no business being there.
00:04:48.240 --> 00:04:55.680
Um, but I do want to preface that by saying that I wasn't there because there was a lack of parental guidance.
00:04:56.319 --> 00:04:59.279
Like my parents didn't know I was going there, you know?
00:04:59.600 --> 00:05:03.199
So met him at a nightclub.
00:05:03.439 --> 00:05:07.040
Um he was eight years older than me.
00:05:07.759 --> 00:05:16.959
And at the time, that didn't that didn't really stick out as a flag in my mind.
00:05:17.199 --> 00:05:30.399
I was I saw it as like, oh, I am so good looking and I'm so like desirable that somebody eight years older than me wants me.
00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:32.319
Like he thinks I'm beautiful.
00:05:32.639 --> 00:05:34.879
He like gave me all the compliments.
00:05:35.120 --> 00:05:50.800
Um, I will say he had a southern accent, and I don't like there was just something about the way he presented and the way he spoke that made me feel like he was somebody that I could trust.
00:05:51.120 --> 00:06:00.000
Okay, so totally not not under not good circumstances, you shouldn't meet your partner at a bar, regardless.
00:06:00.319 --> 00:06:02.000
Okay, I can agree with you.
00:06:02.240 --> 00:06:03.600
Yeah, yes.
00:06:03.839 --> 00:06:09.360
Now you meet him, and do you guys uh end up living together?
00:06:09.600 --> 00:06:11.279
Is that what happens?
00:06:11.759 --> 00:06:23.680
So, what happened was he was working up in the Midwest, was from Albuquerque, but he was working in the Midwest um on the wind turbines, so it was like a contracted job.
00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:24.319
Okay.
00:06:24.720 --> 00:06:27.279
He would stay with me at my apartment.
00:06:27.360 --> 00:06:30.879
Um, I was going to school, I was in college.
00:06:31.120 --> 00:06:33.519
Um, he would stay at my apartment with me.
00:06:33.680 --> 00:06:39.439
And then once his job ended, he said, Hey, I have to go home.
00:06:39.680 --> 00:06:42.480
If you want to stay together, you have to come with me.
00:06:43.040 --> 00:06:44.959
And where did you end up going?
00:06:45.279 --> 00:06:48.800
So I ended up moving to Albuquerque with him.
00:06:49.040 --> 00:06:54.319
And I know saying that at 36 years old is crazy to me.
00:06:54.480 --> 00:07:03.600
I can't imagine my daughter telling me, I'm gonna move 13, 100 miles away to live with this man that I just met two or three months ago.
00:07:03.759 --> 00:07:05.199
That's insane to me.
00:07:05.519 --> 00:07:11.680
But in the moment, I didn't want to live in the Midwest anyway.
00:07:12.480 --> 00:07:21.519
Um, it kind of I looked at it as an opportunity as, oh, I'm gonna develop this relationship with him.
00:07:21.759 --> 00:07:23.360
He really wants a future with me.
00:07:23.439 --> 00:07:27.519
I'm gonna go move to the city and establish a career.
00:07:27.759 --> 00:07:34.399
Like I thought that I was going out and creating a life and that this was normal behavior.
00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:36.959
Now, Krista, let me ask you.
00:07:37.040 --> 00:07:44.399
Uh, in the very beginning stages of your relationship, uh, was this a loving relationship?
00:07:44.720 --> 00:07:51.120
Uh you know, at first it seemed loving.
00:07:51.759 --> 00:07:57.600
He gave me all the compliments, he said all the nice things, he said that he loved me.
00:07:58.240 --> 00:08:07.439
Um, what I didn't realize is that he was very jealous, he was very possessive.
00:08:08.079 --> 00:08:22.160
And when you're younger and you don't have the life experiences, or you're not hearing, well, not that my mom didn't tell me, I just didn't listen.
00:08:22.480 --> 00:08:30.879
Um, when you don't understand, like jealousy and possessiveness is not love, but in my mind it was.
00:08:31.360 --> 00:08:36.879
He loves me so much that he wants me to only be his.
00:08:37.759 --> 00:08:45.840
Okay, now I just want to uh just for uh clarification, did you drop out of college to go with him?
00:08:46.080 --> 00:08:47.679
I did, okay.
00:08:48.320 --> 00:08:54.639
All right, and and you know, and and I want to bring that up because that's a strong message to young people.
00:08:55.759 --> 00:09:05.759
Where you know, if we're changing our plans for somebody else, that could be a major red flag.
00:09:06.080 --> 00:09:07.360
Would you agree with me, Krista?
00:09:07.919 --> 00:09:10.799
A hundred percent, a hundred percent, yes.
00:09:10.960 --> 00:09:23.360
And I in my mind, I said, I'll go back to school when I am steady, when I get a job, when I get down there, and it never it never happened.
00:09:23.600 --> 00:09:25.840
Um yeah, I agree.
00:09:25.919 --> 00:09:36.159
That's uh to change your college and career goals based on somebody else's plan is such a bad idea.
00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:43.519
You're basically saying that their life is more important than yours, and you're willing to change your whole life plan.
00:09:43.840 --> 00:09:44.480
Yes.
00:09:44.720 --> 00:09:45.200
Yep.
00:09:45.440 --> 00:09:58.559
Now, Krista, what are looking back, what are some other early warning signs that um you either neglected to face or that you just didn't see?
00:09:59.279 --> 00:10:08.960
So a big one that I see now is that he didn't like it when I was on the phone.
00:10:09.279 --> 00:10:14.159
Okay when I was on the phone, I couldn't be on it for very long.
00:10:14.399 --> 00:10:21.919
If I spent like too many seconds on it responding to a text message, automatically it was who are you texting?
00:10:22.080 --> 00:10:23.440
What are you doing?
00:10:23.679 --> 00:10:35.039
Um, if he was texting me, if we weren't together, um, if he was texting me and I didn't answer fast enough, automatically he was calling me, why are you not answering?
00:10:35.200 --> 00:10:36.000
What are you doing?
00:10:36.080 --> 00:10:36.879
Who are you with?
00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:37.600
No, yeah.
00:10:37.759 --> 00:10:41.519
So what I'm hearing you describe is he had an issue with control.
00:10:41.840 --> 00:10:42.960
He had to control you.
00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:44.159
Correct.
00:10:44.320 --> 00:10:44.799
Yeah.
00:10:44.960 --> 00:10:49.200
Um, and then along with the control came isolation.
00:10:49.440 --> 00:10:56.960
So not only did I move away from my family, but he had a problem with how often I called my family.
00:10:57.200 --> 00:10:57.679
Wow.
00:10:57.919 --> 00:11:06.000
He didn't like it if I tried to establish new friendships at a job.
00:11:06.799 --> 00:11:15.279
He didn't like any opportunities that I wanted to go to the gym by myself, any anything.
00:11:15.519 --> 00:11:22.159
He he he isolated me, but it was not quickly, it was very, very subtly.
00:11:22.879 --> 00:11:23.600
Subtly.
00:11:24.080 --> 00:11:27.200
So uh it just intensified with time.
00:11:27.519 --> 00:11:39.200
Yeah, so it might start with it might start with where I was talking to my mom every day, and then once in a while he would say, Oh, why are you talking to your mom so much?
00:11:39.279 --> 00:11:43.200
You just talked to her yesterday, and then it would become more frequent.
00:11:43.519 --> 00:11:51.120
Um, and he would just find reasons for me to not talk to my mom.
00:11:51.279 --> 00:11:57.840
And he he was especially what's the word I want to use?
00:11:57.919 --> 00:12:02.320
He was especially uh turned away by my brother.
00:12:02.480 --> 00:12:04.559
My brother is two years older than me.
00:12:04.639 --> 00:12:06.799
Um, and he's a police officer.
00:12:07.039 --> 00:12:14.159
So at the time when I started dating him, my brother was going through the police academy.
00:12:14.960 --> 00:12:17.360
Um, and my brother was a threat to him.
00:12:17.440 --> 00:12:21.919
I see, and I can see that now, and I could never understand why do you not like my brother?
00:12:22.080 --> 00:12:24.320
Why do you not want to have a relationship with my brother?
00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:25.440
But I see it now.
00:12:25.759 --> 00:12:32.399
So that was also uh a red flag that it was unknown why he was acting the way he was acting.
00:12:32.639 --> 00:12:33.279
Yes.
00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:47.919
Now, at some point, um, he controls you to the point where he introduces this idea of uh that ends up being trafficking.
00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:48.879
Yeah.
00:12:49.440 --> 00:12:57.200
Um, and it took me a really long time to realize what trafficking was.
00:12:57.440 --> 00:13:15.279
I didn't call it that at first because um, when you think of trafficking, you think of somebody getting kidnapped, you know, being taken from one country to another country, being handcuffed, being restrained, being drugged, like you see that in the movies.
00:13:15.679 --> 00:13:16.000
Sure.
00:13:16.639 --> 00:13:25.919
What he was doing was taking my pictures and putting them on Craigslist under the classified when they used to have that option.
00:13:26.000 --> 00:13:37.679
I don't think it's an option anymore, but he was posting me on Craigslist for other people to uh purchase.
00:13:38.240 --> 00:13:51.120
Yes, I remember uh when I was working uh in various different assignments that that was something that people were using, which is Craigslist, to um to conduct that business.
00:13:52.399 --> 00:14:06.320
Thinking back to that those moments where he was putting your pictures into Craigslist, were you aware of the advertisements or how did you know that he was putting them into Craigslist?
00:14:07.200 --> 00:14:09.200
Um, I wasn't aware.
00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:20.159
I mean, I know that we he took some pictures of me and I thought he just wanted some spicy pictures for himself.
00:14:20.320 --> 00:14:24.480
Like, yeah, I didn't think it was a big deal.
00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:47.440
Um, but then I was on the laptop and he had left his email open and I started seeing all these responses from Craigslist, and I opened one and it just you know is this whole response I want to do this, I want to do that, I'm willing to pay this.
00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:55.200
Um and that's that's kind of like what opened it all.
00:14:55.919 --> 00:15:04.799
Now at that point, did you recognize that that was trafficking?
00:15:05.519 --> 00:15:28.080
You know, I still didn't because the way he framed it was you know, he had been removed from his job up in Iowa and sent home, and he wasn't working, and so he was saying and he was a tattoo, I should I should have said this before.
00:15:28.240 --> 00:15:31.519
He was a tattoo artist, so this is how it started.
00:15:31.679 --> 00:15:47.840
This is how it was real sneaky, and this is why I couldn't recognize it was because he started out by saying, We'll trade tattoo services for a night with my girl.
00:15:48.159 --> 00:15:55.039
And so then he would tell me, This person is a business owner.
00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:57.120
I'm gonna do a tattoo for him.
00:15:57.360 --> 00:16:02.320
If you sleep with him, he'll let he'll put me to work, he'll give me some work.
00:16:02.799 --> 00:16:14.799
So the way he framed it was he wanted to trade services, and this was an opportunity for him to start working again and being put on payroll.
00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:31.519
And so in my mind, I was like, okay, so you want me to sleep with somebody so that way it gives you job opportunities, and like I again at 36 years old, I'm like, that is so wrong.
00:16:31.840 --> 00:16:37.360
But at the time I was like, if I need to be a team player, I'll be a team player.
00:16:38.159 --> 00:16:48.240
But I didn't realize that it became trafficking because it was more, and then he started advertising on Craigslist.
00:16:48.720 --> 00:16:55.440
And then by the time, you know, every time this happened, I'm crying and I'm like, I don't like doing this.
00:16:55.600 --> 00:16:57.519
You said I only had to do this once.
00:16:57.679 --> 00:17:00.159
Why am I why am I still doing this?
00:17:01.200 --> 00:17:05.680
That that's when I was like, I don't even know how to make this stop.
00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:14.319
So your understanding was that you were gonna do it once, and how often did you end up doing it?
00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:20.079
It became almost a night, uh, an everyday thing, almost everyday.
00:17:20.160 --> 00:17:29.039
Um, and I did, I did try to work, I was working um oh, eight-hour shifts at the hospital.
00:17:29.200 --> 00:17:35.519
Um, I was trying to work double shifts 16 hours a day, just so I wouldn't have to come home.
00:17:35.839 --> 00:17:44.480
But there became a time where he would have people waiting for me at our apartment by the time I got home at 11 p.m.
00:17:45.680 --> 00:17:56.079
So there were people waiting for you to engage in this activity after you just worked the almost the entire 24 hours.
00:17:56.480 --> 00:18:07.599
Yeah, and honestly, with that mindset, I I hear this all the time from people where they're like, you can just say no, you could have just walked away.
00:18:07.839 --> 00:18:18.000
But really, when you're when you've been working that many hours and then you come home to that, you are just in survival mode.
00:18:18.400 --> 00:18:20.640
It's it's just survival mode.
00:18:21.039 --> 00:18:26.000
Well, you know, and when people say that, why didn't you just walk away?
00:18:26.160 --> 00:18:32.079
You know, they really are misunderstanding what the person is going through.
00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:42.480
Can you give us a little bit more insight into you know, not just uh not being able to sleep, but there's gotta be some other types of manipulation going on?
00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:54.319
He was very good with his words, and he would always say these things to get under my skin.
00:18:54.559 --> 00:19:03.119
Oh, this is why our relationship won't work out, because you don't care about helping our family, or you're selfish.
00:19:03.440 --> 00:19:10.319
This is why, you know, just making these like these low blows at me.
00:19:10.559 --> 00:19:16.000
And then the more it progressed, he he would put his hands on me.
00:19:16.079 --> 00:19:28.160
There was one time that we got into an argument, an altercation over this, and he grabbed me by the throat and pushed me up against a wall.
00:19:28.799 --> 00:19:42.160
Um, and the only thing I can really tell people is like I pray that none of you are in a situation where you're scared.
00:19:42.480 --> 00:19:54.799
I might have had those options to just leave, but in the moment, your brain is so foggy, you just you just don't recognize yourself and you don't see those options.
00:19:55.440 --> 00:20:00.480
How often did he uh abuse you physically?
00:20:00.799 --> 00:20:13.680
You know, so when I was still able-bodied when I was walking, it was only a couple times he would he would every once in a while throw items at me, but he wouldn't hit me.
00:20:13.839 --> 00:20:34.480
He did choke me that one time, but he mostly would just he would get mad and punch walls and throw things at me, but he didn't get physically abusive with um punching and pushing um until after I got paralyzed, which is in incredible.
00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:40.160
Like, that's I I don't even like every time I say that, I'm like, I can't even yeah.
00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:46.079
Now, Krista, I just want to um kind of get your opinion.
00:20:46.400 --> 00:21:10.079
Um, if you were giving advice to someone who was experiencing some of the uh initial violence that you experienced where he was throwing things at you and the first time he choked you, um what what's your advice to uh people that may be experiencing that and it hasn't gotten to as severe as it did?
00:21:11.200 --> 00:21:13.039
It is not all on you.
00:21:13.279 --> 00:21:26.000
Okay, so a relationship is a two-way street, it is not up to you to fix the person, and if the person sees nothing wrong with their behavior, you have a problem.
00:21:26.160 --> 00:21:27.839
It's not up to you to fix them.
00:21:28.079 --> 00:21:34.480
Um, and then second of all, it's not gonna get better at all, it's gonna get worse.
00:21:34.720 --> 00:21:44.319
Um, and the statistics of domestic violence survivors that are murdered is astounding.
00:21:45.039 --> 00:21:47.680
So it will not get better.
00:21:48.079 --> 00:21:49.200
It will not get better.
00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:54.400
So we want to encourage people going through this to seek help.
00:21:54.720 --> 00:22:02.240
Yeah, and I know when I was in the thick of it, it I was like Nobody's gonna believe me.
00:22:02.480 --> 00:22:06.160
He is such a good talker, everybody likes him.
00:22:06.880 --> 00:22:10.160
And I was like, nobody's who would believe me.
00:22:10.799 --> 00:22:25.519
In my mind, I mean, at this point, my brother had become a police officer, and I was ashamed because my brother's a cop, and my family is just of this good moral compass.
00:22:25.599 --> 00:22:30.240
And I'm down in Albuquerque getting beat up by my boyfriend.
00:22:30.559 --> 00:22:32.160
And like, what am I gonna say?
00:22:32.319 --> 00:22:33.440
What am I gonna say?
00:22:33.599 --> 00:22:35.200
Like, I was I was so ashamed.
00:22:35.279 --> 00:22:36.240
I felt so dirty.
00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:40.559
I felt like it was all my fault because I put myself in that situation.
00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:49.200
Um, I mean, like, I might I might not have asked for that situation, but I was like, no, like you should have left.
00:22:49.440 --> 00:22:55.680
So I the self-blame and the guilt was crazy, and I felt like there were no options.
00:22:56.000 --> 00:22:59.839
Did the police ever respond to your uh residence?
00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:01.119
They did.
00:23:01.599 --> 00:23:06.400
So um I'm not mad at them for this.
00:23:06.960 --> 00:23:20.880
I think that it's it was definitely it could be used as a learning opportunity, but there were a couple times where, you know, he choked me and I screamed, you know, we were fighting.
00:23:21.039 --> 00:23:27.759
I screamed, um, he was throwing things, and our neighbors heard and they called the police.
00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:32.960
There was one time the police showed up and they didn't even separate us.
00:23:33.440 --> 00:23:34.480
There were two of them.
00:23:34.640 --> 00:23:46.960
They came and they said, Hey, we have a report that that um you're I don't remember the verbiage, like you're you're fighting her, you're abusing her, or something.
00:23:47.200 --> 00:23:51.440
They got a call about a conflict and he was like, That didn't happen.
00:23:51.599 --> 00:23:53.839
We were just having an argument, that didn't happen.
00:23:54.079 --> 00:23:57.839
And so they looked at me and they were like, Is everything okay?
00:23:58.079 --> 00:23:59.599
What am I gonna say?
00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:02.480
Right in front of him, you know.
00:24:02.799 --> 00:24:17.680
So I can't, I can't confirm that I would have, I don't know what I would have said if they would have separated us because in that particular instance, he he choked me to the point of blacking out.
00:24:17.839 --> 00:24:19.279
Um, and it was terrifying.
00:24:19.359 --> 00:24:21.599
I was already a quadriplegic at that point.
00:24:21.839 --> 00:24:23.920
I didn't know where I was gonna go.
00:24:24.160 --> 00:24:28.640
I couldn't hardly, I couldn't hardly feed myself because I was newly injured.
00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:31.200
I like I was so scared.
00:24:31.279 --> 00:24:38.559
I don't know what I would have said, but it really would have helped if they would have separated us because he was terrifying.
00:24:38.720 --> 00:24:44.000
The fact that they questioned me in front of him, I'll never forget it.
00:24:44.079 --> 00:24:45.359
That it was awful.
00:24:45.839 --> 00:25:00.160
Krista, thinking back to those moments and that experience that you went through, um, what do you suggest to people that may be experiencing something similar and the uh and the police arrive?
00:25:00.400 --> 00:25:07.759
How do we how do you suggest that a person that's experiencing this notifies the police?
00:25:08.079 --> 00:25:11.359
Uh uh How do I recommend that a victim notifies the police?
00:25:11.920 --> 00:25:23.039
Well, what I'm asking is like you know, looking back at your experience where the police showed up but you couldn't say anything because uh of fear uh because he could hear you.
00:25:23.839 --> 00:25:32.720
Um if somebody was in that uh same situation, uh how do you suggest to them that they talk to the police?
00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:34.160
How do they tell the police?
00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:48.640
Wait till the police leaves and call them at a different day when he's not around, um maybe you know, uh ask the police to talk outside, or what do what do you suggest since you've been in that situation?
00:25:49.119 --> 00:26:01.359
So they definitely need to be separated because um in that moment the survivor, the victim, is thinking they're not safe.
00:26:01.519 --> 00:26:05.200
They don't know who they can trust, they don't even know what's gonna happen.
00:26:05.359 --> 00:26:13.039
If I, you know, if I tell the truth, are they gonna leave me here and then he's just gonna beat me up again for telling the truth?
00:26:13.279 --> 00:26:15.680
Um, are they gonna take my child?
00:26:16.000 --> 00:26:18.640
What like we we don't really know.
00:26:18.880 --> 00:26:26.480
So um I think it's important for the victim to know that they're safe.
00:26:26.720 --> 00:26:45.359
So likewise, I think it's important for police to establish hey, I might not get all the answers right away, but I want her, I want them to know that this is a safe space and that there are resources available.
00:26:45.680 --> 00:27:08.240
I mean, yeah, even if we were separated, and even if I said, I can't talk, I can't, I can't I can't talk, even if he had given me a card and said, please call me, you know, and given me a little bit of an olive branch that would have given me something to reflect on.
00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:22.000
And that's what uh police should be doing is conducting better investigations and opportunities for uh people people experiencing problems to uh be able to contact us and feel safe.
00:27:22.480 --> 00:27:29.200
Going back a little bit, at what point does the trafficking come to an end?
00:27:29.839 --> 00:27:43.200
So it actually stopped once I got paralyzed because I was in the hospital for sorry, I always have to math it.
00:27:43.359 --> 00:27:47.359
I I will say that I should have been in the hospital much longer.
00:27:47.920 --> 00:27:55.519
Like when you sustain a spinal cord injury, you should be in the hospital for like four to six months so you can do your rehab and get better.
00:27:55.759 --> 00:28:00.160
And he pushed me to get out quickly because he wanted me home quickly.
00:28:00.319 --> 00:28:04.480
So I think I was only in rehab for a couple months.
00:28:04.799 --> 00:28:10.240
Um, but yeah, it it ended when I got paralyzed because what was he gonna do?
00:28:10.400 --> 00:28:13.759
Bring him to the hospital, you know, like so.
00:28:13.839 --> 00:28:20.400
I mean, good for me that that stopped, but also like now I'm a quadriplegic with a two-month-old baby.
00:28:20.720 --> 00:28:33.759
So at this point, uh you said that um the physical abuse intensified when you weren't able to uh protect yourself.
00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:35.519
What's going through your mind?
00:28:35.839 --> 00:28:40.000
I had never been hit by somebody in my life.
00:28:40.240 --> 00:28:44.480
I had never, nobody had ever put hands on me ever in my life.
00:28:44.720 --> 00:28:48.559
My parents, I've never even seen my parents argue.
00:28:48.720 --> 00:28:51.119
They that's not normal to me.
00:28:51.359 --> 00:29:01.519
And so for us to get into these arguments or even not even really arguments, just him getting mad at me and then putting his hands on me.
00:29:02.480 --> 00:29:14.160
I remember the first time he ever punched me in the face, and I just shocked and I I was like, I I can't believe that just happened.
00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:16.640
I felt so defeated.
00:29:17.359 --> 00:29:20.720
Like I can't even, I can't even get myself dressed.
00:29:20.960 --> 00:29:28.640
I can hardly brush my own teeth, and this man is punching me in the face when he gets mad at me.
00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:31.680
I felt very dark and defeated.
00:29:31.759 --> 00:29:34.240
I and I like where I didn't even know where to go.
00:29:34.400 --> 00:29:36.400
I didn't even know who to call.
00:29:37.119 --> 00:29:42.960
Were there any options that you are aware of now that could help someone in that situation?
00:29:44.559 --> 00:29:48.400
I wasn't really familiar.
00:29:49.200 --> 00:29:52.559
I mean, I was only at that time I was only 20.
00:29:52.880 --> 00:29:55.759
I didn't I knew that there were homeless shelters.
00:29:55.920 --> 00:30:04.559
I didn't know that there were homes or shelters for DV survivors and safe houses.
00:30:04.720 --> 00:30:07.119
I didn't I didn't know that that was a thing.
00:30:07.279 --> 00:30:09.200
Nobody ever offered that to me.
00:30:09.359 --> 00:30:10.640
I never read about it.
00:30:10.720 --> 00:30:12.240
I I didn't even know.
00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:19.599
And how many times did police come in contact with you regarding domestic uh violence?
00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:22.079
The police came twice.
00:30:22.799 --> 00:30:28.079
Um I had probably four visits from CPS.
00:30:28.720 --> 00:30:46.880
So because um, you know, oh I was two my my son was two months old when I got paralyzed, and then when I got home, the abuse started, and we were in the thick of all the, you know, him beating me up every day, he was probably seven or eight months old.
00:30:46.960 --> 00:30:49.279
So CPS was at our house a lot.
00:30:49.759 --> 00:30:55.599
And during that time period, you were never made aware of uh any resources available to you?
00:30:56.000 --> 00:30:57.279
No, never.
00:30:57.519 --> 00:30:58.319
Uh no.
00:30:59.279 --> 00:31:14.000
You when we're talking about trafficking and you come in contact with police, what does a um person experiencing trafficking need from police as soon as they come in contact?
00:31:14.880 --> 00:31:29.200
They need they need safety because really when when we're in the middle of being trafficked and going through all of these events, we're we're in survival mode all the time, all the time.
00:31:29.359 --> 00:31:31.599
Um, we don't know who we can trust.
00:31:31.839 --> 00:31:35.519
We don't know who is safe to talk to.
00:31:35.759 --> 00:31:38.160
We don't know where to go that's safe.
00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:54.799
So just having a human connection, knowing that I'm not just a report number, um, just that human connection, like, hey, you're safe, um, that's that's the first thing.
00:31:55.039 --> 00:32:05.599
Um, and then understanding that there are options because like I said, like I I it took me years before I even knew what a safe house was.
00:32:06.000 --> 00:32:26.640
So if I was walking down the street with my ex and he had just got done, you know, with we had just got done with somebody from Craigslist, and a police officer was, you know, having a conversation about the weather, most likely he would be talking for me.
00:32:27.279 --> 00:32:28.799
I didn't really get to talk.
00:32:29.119 --> 00:32:37.519
I I was isolated by like my behavior and everything that I was allowed was controlled by him.
00:32:37.839 --> 00:32:48.720
I would need to be away from him, and I would need to know that that person that I'm talking to is an ally and that's somebody that can help me.
00:32:49.359 --> 00:32:53.359
So that uh feeling safe is very important.
00:32:54.160 --> 00:32:54.799
Yes.
00:32:55.359 --> 00:32:56.880
Having that trust.
00:32:57.200 --> 00:33:08.480
According to statistics, it takes the average domestic violence victim seven times to leave their abuser before they stay gone.
00:33:08.880 --> 00:33:13.359
Um, so usually they'll leave, come back, leave, come back.
00:33:13.599 --> 00:33:19.039
Um, I tried to leave probably at least three times.
00:33:19.279 --> 00:33:27.279
Um logistically, it was very hard for me because um I required a lot of care.
00:33:27.680 --> 00:33:34.319
Um the first time I ever tried to leave, um, I was put in a nursing home.
00:33:35.200 --> 00:33:43.440
Um my son was taken by one of my friends, um, taken care of.
00:33:43.519 --> 00:34:02.400
One of my friends offered to take care of him for me, but I had to stay in the in a nursing home for like a couple weeks um until I decided I just need to go back because, well, for one, I didn't want to be away from my son, and for two, what 20-year-old wants to stay in a nursing home?
00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:09.920
And then I realized when things were not getting better, this was not a situation that I could fix, it was not in my control.
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:16.719
Um, I realized that I needed to get back home and get back up to Iowa closer to my family.
00:34:16.960 --> 00:34:18.960
Um, so I formulated a plan.
00:34:19.039 --> 00:34:23.280
It took a lot of strategic planning.
00:34:23.519 --> 00:34:39.920
Um, and this was again a lot of the reason why I stayed a little bit longer than I should have was because I convinced him to move back up to Iowa so we could be closer to my family to help me help um with the baby.
00:34:40.159 --> 00:34:46.159
Once I got up there, my mom and dad's house wasn't accessible.
00:34:46.400 --> 00:34:49.039
Um, I couldn't just stay with them.
00:34:49.840 --> 00:35:19.440
So I had to stash money away, save some money as best that I could, and then I had to find a roommate and I had to get home care services in place because when I ultimately left, I had to have somebody that was able to help me with like therapies and getting dressed and showering and all those things that I was still learning to do.
00:35:20.559 --> 00:35:34.719
So um, once I finally moved up to Iowa and had those opportunities, I did tell him we we weren't compatible, it wasn't working.
00:35:34.800 --> 00:35:39.840
We've we had been trying for years at that point, and he pulled a gun on me.
00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:49.199
Um he pulled a gun on me, and immediately I just said, Okay, we can work on this.
00:35:49.360 --> 00:35:52.880
I'm sorry, we can work on this, don't be upset.
00:35:53.039 --> 00:35:56.000
Um, he, you know, he punched me sometimes.
00:35:56.239 --> 00:36:08.800
We he fought with me a little bit longer, and then I was able to de-escalate that situation, and I knew I I gotta get out, but he can't know.
00:36:09.039 --> 00:36:21.199
So from that point, going forward, I spent the next couple of weeks just giving some of my clothing to a couple friends.
00:36:21.360 --> 00:36:23.840
Hey, take these, hold on to these for me.
00:36:24.000 --> 00:36:26.079
Take these items, hold on to them for me.
00:36:26.159 --> 00:36:34.159
And I had to plan a day when he was going to be out of the house because he wasn't gonna let me leave alive.
00:36:34.480 --> 00:36:45.519
Um, so on a day that he was gone, I finally had a friend of mine on speed dial, and I said, He's gone, come help me.
00:36:45.760 --> 00:36:52.960
She came, grabbed the baby, grabbed all the things that she could, and we took off.
00:36:54.320 --> 00:37:01.679
And I got an apartment, I had a roommate, I had all the resources that I needed.
00:37:01.840 --> 00:37:20.559
Um, and that was when I realized, you know, when I finally pressed charges that a safe house was an option because I was given that option by the police chief in the town that I was living at or living in at the time.
00:37:21.119 --> 00:37:28.800
So had I known that a safe house was a thing, I may have left sooner.
00:37:29.199 --> 00:37:40.800
But um, yeah, it did take me, it takes it take me quite a few tries, unsuccessful tries, um, before I was able to get out um alive.
00:37:41.039 --> 00:37:53.840
So now um, Krista, what is the um mindset between a survivor and someone who's just living?
00:37:54.320 --> 00:38:09.519
Ooh, so when we're when we are going through these traumatic experiences and we're just living, there's no hope, we're just trying to get through the day, if not the next hour.
00:38:09.760 --> 00:38:16.400
There's no plans, there's no goals, there's really no ambition.
00:38:17.280 --> 00:38:22.320
Um, but a survivor, that's where the empowerment comes into play.
00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:32.480
That's where we're like, I'm like, okay, I need to make sure that I use this story to help other people so it doesn't happen again.
00:38:32.639 --> 00:38:34.559
This story needs to be used for good.
00:38:35.199 --> 00:38:36.239
Absolutely.
00:38:36.719 --> 00:38:41.199
Now, um, Krista, uh, people see the strong Krista today.
00:38:41.599 --> 00:38:44.239
Um, what don't they see?
00:38:44.800 --> 00:38:49.360
You know, so my my story is very complex.
00:38:49.760 --> 00:39:01.199
So when people first see me, you know, they they see the disability, they see that I have four kids, they see that I have a husband, and a lot of them are like, I wonder what her story is.
00:39:01.280 --> 00:39:09.440
And when they do hear my story, um it's like it took a lot of work to get here.
00:39:10.000 --> 00:39:11.760
It took a lot of work to get here.
00:39:11.840 --> 00:39:18.880
It took a lot of therapy, a lot of church, a lot of reflection.
00:39:19.440 --> 00:39:21.840
Um, nobody gave me this.
00:39:22.000 --> 00:39:25.440
Like it took a lot of work to get to where I am.
00:39:26.000 --> 00:39:33.119
Um, you know, in my career with my kids, mentally at a place where I can help other people.
00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:34.639
It took a lot of work.
00:39:35.039 --> 00:39:40.320
So what we're talking about is turning all that adversity into purpose.
00:39:40.559 --> 00:39:46.320
And so my question to you today is, Krista, what is what's the purpose?
00:39:47.920 --> 00:39:50.639
God doesn't plan for these things to happen to people.
00:39:51.280 --> 00:39:54.320
You know, these things are not supposed to happen.
00:39:55.280 --> 00:40:18.159
But how can we use the message to prevent it from happening again and just help other uh people who are in these situations so they don't feel alone?
00:40:18.960 --> 00:40:21.360
Um I agree with you a hundred percent.
00:40:21.440 --> 00:40:32.400
You know, our experiences uh make us stronger, and whatever we learned in our journey, we should be giving back.
00:40:32.800 --> 00:40:35.679
And so tell us a little bit about what you're doing now.
00:40:36.639 --> 00:40:39.840
So I am a special education teacher.
00:40:40.079 --> 00:40:43.920
It wasn't really my goal to be a special education teacher.
00:40:44.159 --> 00:40:49.760
Um I started out as a behavior specialist while I was going to college.
00:40:49.920 --> 00:40:51.840
My husband was in the military.
00:40:52.159 --> 00:41:06.480
Um my goal was to potentially be a therapist, either work with other DV survivors or work in social services or something.
00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:30.480
But when I was doing behavior support, um I was I came across so many kids that came from broken families and single mothers, and they were like, I can't do this because I'm autistic, or I can't do this because um I have ADHD, you know, like whatever it is.
00:41:30.639 --> 00:41:41.360
Um, these kids, these kids who face so much adversity, and I was just like, I can do it, why can't you do it?
00:41:41.760 --> 00:41:47.679
You know, so I like to be that encouragement for these these uh teenagers.
00:41:47.920 --> 00:41:49.119
So I work with teenagers now.
00:41:49.199 --> 00:41:59.599
I work, I'm a high school special ed teacher, and I I like to be a good motivator that like your life doesn't stop at your diagnosis.
00:42:00.239 --> 00:42:02.159
Um, so I'm doing that.
00:42:02.400 --> 00:42:11.280
Um I'm actually taking college courses to get my doctorates in educational leadership.
00:42:12.159 --> 00:42:16.880
Um I just started co-leading a Bible study every week.
00:42:17.599 --> 00:42:18.159
What else?
00:42:18.320 --> 00:42:19.119
I've got four kids.
00:42:19.280 --> 00:42:22.719
My youngest is gonna be four in a few days.
00:42:23.119 --> 00:42:28.639
So um my husband is a homicide detective with Phoenix PD.
00:42:28.800 --> 00:42:34.480
So we've like we've got a lot going on with our with our lives, but it's it's good.
00:42:34.639 --> 00:42:36.639
It's good, it's really rewarding.
00:42:37.199 --> 00:42:40.800
Well, congratulations on seeking uh higher education.
00:42:41.039 --> 00:42:43.920
Uh, I want to hear a little bit about being an author.
00:42:44.320 --> 00:42:58.800
Oh, so you know, it it took me a really, really long time to kind of go public with my story because, like I said, it was uh it's it's it's not a it's not a fun story to tell.
00:42:58.960 --> 00:43:07.519
Um, but after lots of years of therapy and um healing, I was like, I need to use this to help other people.
00:43:07.840 --> 00:43:26.159
So I wrote my first book and I received so much feedback from people, like way more feedback than I thought I would, saying, you know, I didn't go through this specifically, but I went through this.
00:43:26.480 --> 00:43:33.760
People whose stories aren't a hundred percent aligned, but they they were like, no, I resonate with this part.
00:43:34.079 --> 00:43:38.559
My first, my first story was just it was not a happy story.
00:43:38.639 --> 00:43:42.480
It was like it was just my my story of everything we just talked about.
00:43:42.639 --> 00:43:47.280
And so I was like, I need to tell them how happy my life is now.
00:43:47.760 --> 00:43:50.000
So then, so then I published two more.
00:43:50.159 --> 00:43:53.760
So Well, that's wonderful work, um, Krista.
00:43:54.079 --> 00:43:56.719
I want to ask you a little bit about giving advice.
00:43:56.960 --> 00:43:59.760
What advice would you give to someone who is being tracked?
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:01.679
Traffic right now.
00:44:02.000 --> 00:44:07.760
Um, I think the most important thing to know is it's not your fault.
00:44:08.079 --> 00:44:08.400
Okay.
00:44:08.880 --> 00:44:10.960
Um it's not your fault.
00:44:11.119 --> 00:44:15.280
You didn't ask for it, but your life doesn't have to stay that way.
00:44:15.679 --> 00:44:17.679
It doesn't have to stay that way.
00:44:17.840 --> 00:44:22.000
Um, just because this is your story now doesn't mean that it ends here.
00:44:22.559 --> 00:44:24.320
So you have options.
00:44:24.800 --> 00:44:34.239
There are a lot more people out there than you than you know who can be an ally to you.
00:44:34.880 --> 00:44:46.239
Krista, what about advice to someone who uh is going through a catastrophic injury right now, still in the hospital?
00:44:47.039 --> 00:44:50.159
Ooh, so everything will be okay.
00:44:50.400 --> 00:44:52.960
Everything's gonna work out, everything will be okay.
00:44:53.199 --> 00:44:59.039
I that's not my favorite piece of advice to give because I don't want to hear that in the moment.
00:44:59.199 --> 00:45:06.320
Like we when when we go through these life-altering traumatic events, we don't want to hear that and we kind of don't believe it anyway.
00:45:07.440 --> 00:45:16.719
But my biggest advice is get through today and then get through tomorrow because it takes baby steps.
00:45:18.000 --> 00:45:29.440
And one of the biggest things is you have way more potential to rise from the ashes.
00:45:29.679 --> 00:45:34.079
Your life doesn't have to stop at you know, this catastrophic injury.
00:45:34.239 --> 00:45:41.440
Um, you have to adapt a little bit, but that's where we find our strengths.
00:45:41.679 --> 00:45:45.599
Um, but you don't have to have all the answers right away.
00:45:46.880 --> 00:45:47.679
So true.
00:45:47.920 --> 00:45:48.480
So true.
00:45:48.639 --> 00:45:53.360
Uh, Krista, what about um a advice to law enforcement?
00:45:53.519 --> 00:45:57.280
What should law enforcement understand about the person behind the word victim?
00:45:57.599 --> 00:46:09.119
When law enforcement deals with these victims, it's for a short amount of time, and they don't usually get to see the success that comes from that.
00:46:09.280 --> 00:46:13.679
They don't get to see the story that happens later, not all the time.
00:46:14.000 --> 00:46:36.079
And so I think it's important to look at that person as more than more than a report number or a case number, um, and understand that their story is bigger than this one this one chapter.
00:46:36.400 --> 00:46:37.440
That makes sense.
00:46:37.920 --> 00:46:39.519
It makes sense to me, Krista.
00:46:40.079 --> 00:46:58.159
So what advice do you give to people that are maybe related or um somehow connected to someone who is a victim and sometimes some of us may not know what to say, but how can we support them?
00:46:58.480 --> 00:47:20.480
Okay, so that's that's a big one because I know in a lot of cases family members and friends when they're tied to these victims, and these victims stay in their abusive relationships, and the family members are saying, You need to leave, you need to leave, but then they don't leave.
00:47:21.119 --> 00:47:22.719
I know it's frustrating.
00:47:22.880 --> 00:47:35.760
I know I know my mom lost a lot of sleep watching me for the years that I was that I was in the thick of it, but like they need you, they need you.
00:47:35.840 --> 00:47:40.719
They might not be, you might not think that they're listening to right now.
00:47:41.679 --> 00:47:49.840
But if you just plant that seed, having you there to support is so much bigger than you think it is.
00:47:50.159 --> 00:48:02.320
Krista, last thing, um is there anything else that you would like to share with listeners that we that you think is important that we didn't cover or we need to mention?
00:48:02.800 --> 00:48:18.880
I just I I know that there's a very when it comes to law enforcement, I've seen it, I've seen it with my husband working in patrol, and then as a night detective, and then working as a homicide detective.
00:48:19.039 --> 00:48:25.519
And I know that it's very hard to draw that line between work and home.
00:48:26.000 --> 00:48:44.480
And I know that officers carry cases home with them all the time, things that bother them, things you know, and I know that I know that answering D B calls are are some of the worst calls that they can answer.
00:48:44.639 --> 00:49:09.039
I know that, I know that now being married to a police officer, just know that what you guys do, and you know how you conduct your investigations, how you treat the victims, all of that, even if you think it doesn't matter, even like the very littlest of things is so so big.
00:49:09.360 --> 00:49:10.320
So big.
00:49:10.800 --> 00:49:13.360
So how we do things matters.
00:49:13.599 --> 00:49:14.239
Yes.
00:49:14.639 --> 00:49:16.719
Well, Krista, you know what?
00:49:16.960 --> 00:49:37.920
Uh, I want to thank you for being the person that you are, because you are an inspiration for those that are hearing your story, the people that you work with, the children, young people that you mentor, and you're teaching, you're um teaching more than just the subjects, you're uh a role model.
00:49:38.400 --> 00:49:41.599
And I want to thank you for your life's work.
00:49:41.840 --> 00:49:43.920
Thank you for uh being here and joining us.
00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:45.599
I really appreciate it, uh Krista.
00:49:46.239 --> 00:49:47.760
Thank you for having me.
00:49:48.000 --> 00:49:56.000
Uh it was a great story because I know it's gonna uh impact people and hopefully change many lives to come.
00:49:56.400 --> 00:49:57.440
Thank you so much.
00:49:57.599 --> 00:49:58.480
I appreciate you.
00:49:59.280 --> 00:50:02.159
All right, well, have a wonderful day and have a great weekend.
00:50:02.719 --> 00:50:04.000
Thanks, Ciao.
00:50:04.800 --> 00:50:22.639
You know, these type of stories are invaluable, and in order to get them to the people that can also benefit from them, uh victims, recruits, other peace officers, if you think that there's someone that can directly benefit from this episode, please send it to them.
00:50:22.960 --> 00:50:27.280
We're gonna end this episode by mentioning a couple of things.
00:50:28.159 --> 00:50:35.119
You know, if you're having trouble and you're feeling uh suicidal, text 988.
00:50:36.000 --> 00:50:41.519
Get the help that you need because you're not the first person to feel that way and you're not alone.
00:50:42.239 --> 00:50:56.639
If you're having trouble with everyday things, going through different adverse conditions in the workplace, you can uh always contact somebody that has experience, uh law enforcement experience through Copline.
00:50:57.519 --> 00:51:07.679
Copline has uh trained peace officers that will help you get through similar adverse conditions that they have experienced.
00:51:07.920 --> 00:51:20.079
We're gonna end the episode with our brother in law enforcement, our brother in Christ, who's gonna give a prayer for everybody that's on duty and make sure that everybody gets home safe.
00:51:20.239 --> 00:51:21.440
Thank you all for watching.
00:51:21.679 --> 00:51:22.320
Appreciate it.
00:51:22.480 --> 00:51:23.599
God bless you.
