Part 08

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Part eight of Chance by Joseph Conrad. This LibriVox recording
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is in the public domain. Part eight, Chapter seven, on
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the pavement, Fine was not willing to talk, But as
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I had been already let into the secret, the fair
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minded little man recognized that I had some right to
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information if I insisted on it. And I did insist.
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After the third game, we were yet some way from
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the end of our journey. Oh, if you want to know,
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was his somewhat impatient opening, And then he talked rather volubly.
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First of all, his wife had not given him to
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read the letter received from Flora. I had suspected him
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of having it in his pocket, but had told him
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all about the contents. It was not at all what
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it should have been. Even if the girl had wished
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to affirm her right to disret guard the feelings of
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all the world, her own had been trampled in the dirt,
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out of all shape. Extraordinary thing to say, I would admit,
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for a young girl of her rage. The whole tone
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of that letter was wrong, quite wrong. It was certainly
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not the product of a say of a well balanced mind.
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If she were given some sort of footing in the world,
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I said, if only no bigger than the palm of
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my hand. She would probably learn to keep a better balance.
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Fine ignored this little remark. His wife, he said, was
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not the sort of person to be addressed mockingly on
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a serious subject. There was an unpleasant strain of levity
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in that letter, extending even to the references of Captain
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Anthony himself. Such a disposition was enough, his wife had
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pointed out to him, to alarm one for the future,
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had all the circumstances of that preposterous project been as
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satisfactory as in fact they were not. Other parts of
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the letter seemed to have a challenging tone, as if
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daring them the fines to approve her conduct, and at
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the same time implying that she did not care. That
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it was for their own sakes that she hoped they
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would go against the world, the horrid world which had
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crushed poor Papa. Fine called upon me to admit that
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this was pretty cool considering. And there was another thing too.
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It seems that for the last six months she had
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been assisting two ladies who kept a kindergarten school in
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Bayswater a mere pittance. Flora had insisted on devoting all
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her spare time to the study of the trial. She
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had been looking up files of old newspapers and working
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herself up into a state of indignation with what she
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called the injustice and the hypocrisy of the prosecution. Her father,
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Fine reminded me, had made some palpable hits in his
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answers in court, and she had fastened on them triumphantly.
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She had reached the conclusion of her father's innocence and
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had been brooding over it. Missus Fine had pointed out
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to him the danger of this. The train ran into
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the station, and Fine, jumping out directly it came to
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a stand still, seemed glad to cut short the conversation.
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We walked in silence a little way, boarded a bus,
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then walked again. I don't suppose that since the days
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of his childhood, when surely he was taken to see
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the tower he had been once east of Temple Bar,
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he looked about him sullenly, and when I pointed out
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in the distance the rounded front of the Eastern Hotel,
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at the bifurcation of two very broad, mean shabby thoroughfares,
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rising like a gray stucco tower above the lowly roofs
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of the dirty yellow two story houses. He only grunted disapprovingly.
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I wouldn't lay too much stress on what you have
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been telling me, I observed quietly, as we approached that
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unattractive building. No man will believe a girl who has
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just accepted his suit to be not well balanced. You know,
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Oh accepted his suit, muttered Fine, who seemed to have
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been very thoroughly convinced. Indeed, it may have been the
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other way about, and then he added, I am going
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through with it. I said that this was very praiseworthy,
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but that a certain moderation of statement. He waved his
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hand at me and mended his pace. I guessed that
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he was anxious to get his mission over as quickly
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as possible. He barely gave himself time to shake hands
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with me and made a rush at the narrow glass
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door with the words Hotel entrance on it. It swung
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to behind his back with no more noise than the
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snap of a toothless jaw. The absurd temptation to remain
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and to see what would come of it, got over
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my better judgment. I hung about, irresolute, wondering how long
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an embassy of that sort would take, and whether Fine
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on coming out would consent to be communicative. I feared
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he would be shocked at finding me there, would consider
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my conduct incorrect, conceivably treat me with contempt. I walked
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off a few paces. Perhaps it would be possible to
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read something on Fine's face as he came out, and
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if necessary, I could always eclipse myself discreetly through the
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door of one of the bars. The ground floor of
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the Eastern Hotel was an unabashed pub with plate glass fronts,
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a display of brass rails, and divided into many compartments,
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each having its own entrance. But of course all this
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was silly. The marriage, the love, the affairs of Captain
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Anthony were none of my business. I was on the
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point of moving down the street for good when my
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attention was attracted by a girl approaching the hotel entrance
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from the west. She was dressed very modestly in black.
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It was the white straw hat of good form, and
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trimmed with a bunch of pale roses, which had caught
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my eye. The whole figure seemed familiar, of course, Flora
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de Barras she was making for the hotel. She was
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going in, and Fine was with Captain Anthony. To meet
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him could not be pleasant for her. I wished to
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save her from the awkwardness, and as I hesitated what
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to do, she looked up and our eyes happened to
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meet just as she was turning off the pavement into
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the hotel doorway. Instinctively, I extended my arm. It was
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enough to make her stop. I suppose she had some
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faint notion that she had seen me before somewhere. She
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walked slowly forward, prudent and attentive, watching my faint smile.
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Excuse me, I said directly. She had approached me near enough.
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Perhaps you would like to know that mister Fine is
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upstairs with Captain Anthony. At this moment, she uttered a
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faint ah, mister Fine. I could read in her eyes
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that she had recognized me. Now her serious expression extinguished
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the imbecile grin of which I was conscious. I raised
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my hat. She responded with a slow inclination of the head,
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while her luminous, mistrustful maiden's glance seemed to whisper, what
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is this one doing here? I came up to town
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with Fine this morning, I said, in a business like tone,
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I have to see a friend in East India. Dock.
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Fine and I parted this moment at the door. Here
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the girl regarded me with darkening eyes. Missus Fine did
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not come with her husband. I went on, then hesitated
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before that white face, so still in the pearly shadow,
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thrown down by the hat brim. But she sent him,
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I murmured by way of warning. Her eyelids fluttered slowly
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over the fixed stare. I imagine she was not much
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disconcerted by this development. A live a long way from here,
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she whispered, I said, perfunctorily, do you, and we remained
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gazing at each other. The uniform paleness of her complexion
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was not that of an anemic girl. It had a
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transparent vitality, and at that particular moment the faintest possible
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rosy tinge the merest suspicion of color, an equivalent I
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suppose in any other girl, to blushing like a peony.
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While she told me that Captain Anthony had arranged to
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show her the ship that morning, it was easy to
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understand that she did not want to meet Fine. And
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when I mentioned, in a discreet murmur that he had
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come because of her letter, she glanced at the hotel
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door quickly and moved off a few steps to a
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position where she could watch the entrance without being seen.
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I followed her at the junction of the two thoroughfares.
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She stopped in the thin traffic of the broad pavement
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and turned to me with an air of challenge. And
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so you know, I told her that I had not
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seen the letter. I had only heard of it. She
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was a little impatient. I mean all about me. Yes,
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I knew all about her. The distress of mister and
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Missus Fine, especially of Missus Fine, was so great that
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they would have shared it with anybody, almost not belonging
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to their circle of friends. I happened to be at hand.
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That was all. You understand that I am not their friend.
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I am only a holiday acquaintance. She was not very
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much upset, queried Flora de Barras, meaning, of course Missus Fine,
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and I admitted that she was less so than her husband,
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and even less than myself. Missus Fine was a very
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self possessed person, which nothing could startle out of her
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extreme theoretical position. She did not seem startled when Fine
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and I proposed going to the quarry. You put that
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notion into their heads, the girl said, I advanced that
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the notion was in their heads already, but it was
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much more vividly in my head, since I had seen
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her up there with my own eyes, tempting providence. She
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was looking at me with extreme attention and murmured, is
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that what you called it to them? Tempting? No? I
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told them that you were making up your mind, and
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I came along just then. I told them that you
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were saved by me. My shout checked you. She moved
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her head gently from right to left in negation. No, well,
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have it your own way, I thought to myself. She
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has found another issue. She wants to forget now, and
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no wonder she wants to persuade herself that she had
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never known such an ugly and poignant minute in her life.
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After all, I conceded aloud. Things are not always what
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they seem. Her little head, with its deep blue eyes,
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eyes of tenderness and anger, under the black arch of
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fine eyebrows, was very still. The mouth looked very red.
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In the white face peeping from under the veil, the
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little pointed chin had in its form something aggressive, slight,
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and even angular. In her modest black dress, she was
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in appealing, And yes she was a desirable little figure.
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Her lips moved very fast, asking me, and they believed
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you at once, Yes, they believed me at once. Missus
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Fine's word to us was go. A white gleam between
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the red lips was so short that I remained uncertain
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whether it was a smile or a ferocious bearing of
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little even teeth. The rest of the face preserved its innocent,
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tense and enigmatical expression. She spoke rapidly. No, it wasn't
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your shout. I had been there some time before you
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saw me, and I was not there to tempt providence,
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as you call it. I went up there for for
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what you thought I was going to do. Yes, I
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climbed two fences. I did not mean to leave anything
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to providence. There seemed to be people for whom Providence
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can do nothing. I suppose you are shocked to hear
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me talk like that. I shook my head. I was
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not shocked. What had kept her back all that time
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till I appeared on the scene below, She went on,
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was neither fear nor any other kind of hesitation. One
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reaches a point, she said, with appalling youthful simplicity, where
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nothing that concerns one matters any longer, but something did
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keep her back. I should have never guessed what it was.
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She herself confessed that it seemed absurd to say it
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was the fine dog. Flora de Bras paused, looking at
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me with a peculiar expression, and then went on, You see,
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she imagined the dog had become extremely attached to her.
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She took it into her head that he might fall
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over or jump down after her. She tried to drive
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him away. She spoke sternly to him. It only made
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him more frisky. He barked and jumped about her skirt
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in his usual idiotic high spirits. He scampered away in
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circles between the pines, charging upon her and leaping as
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high as her waist. She commanded, go away, go home.
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She even picked up from the ground a bit of
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broken branch and threw it at him. At this, his
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delight knew no bounds. His rushes became faster, his yapping louder.
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He seemed to be having the time of his life.
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She was convinced that the moment she threw herself down,
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he would spring over after her, as if it were
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a part of the game. She was vexed, almost to tears.
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She was touched too, And when he stood still at
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some distance, as if suddenly rooted to the ground, wagging
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his tail slowly and watching her intensely with his shining eyes,
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another fear came to her. She imagined herself gone, and
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the creature sitting on the brink, its head thrown up
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to the sky and howling for hours. This thought was
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not to be borne. Then my shout reached her ears.
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She told me all this with simplicity. My voice had
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destroyed her poise, the suicide poise of her mind. Every
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act of ours, the most criminal, the most mad, presupposes
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a balance of thought, feeling, and will, like a correct
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attitude for an effective stroke in a game, And I
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had destroyed it. She was no longer in proper form
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for the act. She was not very much annoyed. Next
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day would do She would have to slip away without
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attracting the notice of the dog. She thought of the
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necessity almost tenderly. She came down the path, counting her
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despair with lucid calmness. But when she saw herself deserted
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by the dog, she had an impulse to turn round,
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go up again, and be done with it. Not even
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that animal cared for her. In the end, I really
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did think that she was attached to me. What did
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he want to pretend for? Like this? I thought nothing
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could hurt me any more. Though yes, I would have
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gone up, but I felt suddenly so tired, so tired.
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And then you were there. I didn't know what you
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would do. You might have tried to follow me, and
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I didn't think I could run, not up hill. Not.
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Then She had raised her white face a little, and
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it was queer to hear her say these things. At
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that time of the morning. There are comparatively few people
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out in that part of the town. The broad, interminable
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perspective of the east into a dock road, the great
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perspective of drab brick walls, of gray pavement, of muddy roadway,
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rumbling dismally with loaded carts and vans, lost itself in
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the distance, imposing and shabby in its spacious meanness of aspect,
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in its immeasurable poverty of forms of coloring, of life
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under a harsh, unconcerned sky, dried by the wind to
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a clear blue. It had been raining during the night.
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The sunshine itself seemed poor from time to time. A
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few bits of paper, a little dust and straw whirled
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past us on the broad flat promontory of the pavement
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before the rounded front of the hotel. Flora de Barral
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was silent for a while, I said, And next day
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you thought better of it. Again, she raised her eyes
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to mine with that peculiar expression of informed innocence, and
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again her white cheeks took on the faintest tinge of pink,
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the merest shadow of a blush. Next day, she uttered distinctly.
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I didn't think I remembered. That was enough. I remembered
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what I would never have forgotten never, And Captain Anthony
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arrived at the cottage in the evening. Ah, Yes, Captain Anthony,
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I murmured, and she repeated, also in a murmur, Yes,
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Captain Anthony. The faint flush of warm life left her face.
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I subdued my voice still more. And not looking at her,
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you found him sympathetic, I ventured. Her long dark lashes
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went down a little, with an air of calculated discretion.
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At least so it seemed to me. And yet no
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one could say that I was inimical to the girl.
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But there you are, explain it as you may. In
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00:20:03.240 --> 00:20:07.240
this world, the friendless, like the poor, are always a
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little suspect, as if honesty and delicacy were only possible
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to the privileged few. Why do you ask, she said,
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after a time, raising her eyes suddenly to mine in
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an effect of candor, which, on the same principle of
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the disinherited not beginning to be trusted, might have been
285
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judged equivocal. If you mean, what right I have, she
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00:20:35.160 --> 00:20:39.960
moved slightly, a hand in a worn brown glove, as
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00:20:40.039 --> 00:20:43.640
much as to say she could not question anyone's right
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against such an outcast as herself. I ought to have
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been moved, perhaps, but I only noted the total absence
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of humility. Not right at all, I continued, But just interest,
291
00:20:58.640 --> 00:21:02.240
missus Fine, it's too difficult to explain how it came about.
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Has talked to me of you, well extensively. No doubt
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missus Fine had told me the truth, Flora said brusquely,
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with an unexpected hoarseness of tone. This very dress she
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00:21:16.759 --> 00:21:20.400
was wearing had been given her by Missus Fine. Of
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00:21:20.519 --> 00:21:23.559
course I looked at it. It could not have been
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00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:29.119
a recent gift. Close fitting and black, with heliotrope silk
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00:21:29.359 --> 00:21:34.680
facings under a figured net, it looked far from new.
299
00:21:35.400 --> 00:21:40.000
Just on this side of shabbiness. In fact, it accentuated
300
00:21:40.319 --> 00:21:44.079
the slightness of her figure. It went well in its
301
00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:48.559
suggestion of half mourning with the white face, in which
302
00:21:48.920 --> 00:21:53.759
the unsmiling red lips alone seemed warm with the rich
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00:21:53.839 --> 00:21:59.119
blood of life and passion. Little Fine was staying up
304
00:21:59.160 --> 00:22:04.279
there and unc counchionable time. Was he arguing, preaching, remonstrating.
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00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:08.680
Had he discovered himself capacity and a taste for that
306
00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:13.039
sort of thing? Or was he perhaps in an intense
307
00:22:13.359 --> 00:22:17.160
dislike for the job, beating about the bush and only
308
00:22:17.240 --> 00:22:22.160
puzzling Captain Anthony, the providential man, who, if he expected
309
00:22:22.240 --> 00:22:25.000
the girl to appear at any moment, must have been
310
00:22:25.039 --> 00:22:29.720
on tender hooks all the time, and beside himself with
311
00:22:29.880 --> 00:22:33.279
impatience to see the back of his brother in law.
312
00:22:34.359 --> 00:22:36.400
How was it that he had not got rid of
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00:22:36.480 --> 00:22:40.240
Fine long before? In any case, I don't mean by
314
00:22:40.359 --> 00:22:43.319
actually throwing him out of the window, but in some
315
00:22:43.440 --> 00:22:47.519
of the resolute manner. Surely Fine had not impressed him
316
00:22:47.960 --> 00:22:50.839
that he was an impressionable man. I could not doubt
317
00:22:51.480 --> 00:22:54.319
the presence of the girl there on the pavement before
318
00:22:54.400 --> 00:22:57.680
me proved this up to the hilt. And well, yes,
319
00:22:58.079 --> 00:23:02.759
touchingly enough. It so happened that in their wandering to
320
00:23:03.119 --> 00:23:08.400
and fro our glances met, they met and remained in contact,
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00:23:08.519 --> 00:23:13.160
more familiar than a hand clasp, more communicative, more expressive.
322
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There was something comic to in the whole situation, and
323
00:23:17.200 --> 00:23:21.039
the poor girl and myself waiting together on the broad
324
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pavement at a corner public house for the issue of
325
00:23:24.759 --> 00:23:29.680
fines ridiculous mission. But the comic, when it is human,
326
00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:35.359
becomes quickly painful. Yes, she was infinitely anxious, and I
327
00:23:35.519 --> 00:23:41.039
was asking myself whether this poignant tension of her suspense depended,
328
00:23:41.319 --> 00:23:45.799
to put it plainly, on hunger or love. The answer
329
00:23:45.839 --> 00:23:49.839
would have been of some interest to Captain Anthony. For
330
00:23:49.920 --> 00:23:52.480
my part in the presence of a young girl. I
331
00:23:52.519 --> 00:23:57.279
always become convinced that the dreams of sentiment, like the
332
00:23:57.319 --> 00:24:02.759
consoling mysteries of faith, are inile, that it is never, never,
333
00:24:03.200 --> 00:24:08.079
reason which governs men and women. Yet what sentiment could
334
00:24:08.160 --> 00:24:11.880
there have been on her part? I remembered her tone
335
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only a moment since when she said that evening Captain
336
00:24:16.279 --> 00:24:21.160
Anthony arrived at the cottage, And considering too what the
337
00:24:21.319 --> 00:24:26.279
arrival of Captain Anthony meant in this connection, I wondered
338
00:24:26.599 --> 00:24:30.039
at the calmness with which she could mention that fact
339
00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:34.160
he arrived at the cottage in the evening. I knew
340
00:24:34.160 --> 00:24:38.559
that late train he probably walked from the station. The
341
00:24:38.599 --> 00:24:42.359
evening would have been well advanced. I could almost see
342
00:24:42.400 --> 00:24:46.480
a dark, indistinct figure opening the wicket gate of the garden.
343
00:24:46.680 --> 00:24:50.920
Where was she? Did she see him enter? Was she
344
00:24:51.200 --> 00:24:55.079
somewhere near by? And did she hear without the slightest
345
00:24:55.119 --> 00:25:00.559
premonition his chance and fateful footsteps on the flagged path
346
00:25:00.680 --> 00:25:03.880
leading to the cottage door in the shadow of the
347
00:25:03.960 --> 00:25:07.279
night made more cruelly somber for her by the very
348
00:25:07.319 --> 00:25:11.880
shadow of death. He must have appeared too strange, too remote,
349
00:25:12.000 --> 00:25:15.839
to unknown, to impress himself on her thoughts as a
350
00:25:15.880 --> 00:25:19.680
living force, such a force as a man can bring
351
00:25:19.720 --> 00:25:25.480
to bear on a woman's destiny. She glanced towards the
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00:25:25.519 --> 00:25:29.440
hotel door. I followed suit, and then our eyes met
353
00:25:29.480 --> 00:25:34.680
once more, this time intentionally. A tentative, uncertain intimacy was
354
00:25:35.039 --> 00:25:39.160
springing up between us two. She said, simply, you are
355
00:25:39.200 --> 00:25:42.519
waiting for mister Fine to come out, are you? I
356
00:25:42.599 --> 00:25:45.039
admitted to her that I was waiting to see mister
357
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Fine come out. That was all I had nothing to
358
00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:51.799
say to him. I have said yesterday all I had
359
00:25:52.119 --> 00:25:55.480
to say to him, I added, meaningly, I have said
360
00:25:55.519 --> 00:25:58.160
it to them both. In fact, I have also heard
361
00:25:58.599 --> 00:26:01.880
all they had to say about me. She murmured, Yes,
362
00:26:02.000 --> 00:26:05.960
the conversation was about you. I wonder if they told
363
00:26:06.000 --> 00:26:09.759
you everything. If she wondered, I could do nothing else
364
00:26:09.799 --> 00:26:12.680
but wonder too. But I did not tell her that.
365
00:26:12.759 --> 00:26:17.480
I only smiled. The material point was that Captain Anthony
366
00:26:17.519 --> 00:26:21.160
should be told everything. But as to that, I was
367
00:26:21.279 --> 00:26:24.960
very certain that the good Sister would see to it.
368
00:26:25.119 --> 00:26:28.599
Was there anything more to disclose, some other misery, some
369
00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:32.440
other deception of which that girl had been a victim,
370
00:26:32.920 --> 00:26:37.480
It seemed hardly probable. It was not even easy to imagine.
371
00:26:38.440 --> 00:26:42.240
What struck me most was her I suppose I must
372
00:26:42.279 --> 00:26:46.759
call it composure. One could not tell whether she understood
373
00:26:46.759 --> 00:26:50.480
what she had done. One wondered she was not so
374
00:26:50.599 --> 00:26:54.000
much unreadable as blank. And I did not know whether
375
00:26:54.000 --> 00:26:57.400
to admire her for it or dismiss her from my
376
00:26:57.599 --> 00:27:05.160
thoughts as a passive but of ferocious misfortune. Looking back
377
00:27:05.319 --> 00:27:09.039
at the occasion when we first got on speaking terms
378
00:27:09.079 --> 00:27:11.960
on the road by the quarry, I had to admit
379
00:27:12.480 --> 00:27:16.519
that she presented some points of a problematic appearance. I
380
00:27:16.559 --> 00:27:20.519
don't know why I imagined Captain Anthony as the sort
381
00:27:20.559 --> 00:27:24.279
of man who would not be likely to take the initiative,
382
00:27:24.920 --> 00:27:30.200
not perhaps from indifference, but from that peculiar timidity before women,
383
00:27:30.640 --> 00:27:36.400
which often enough is found in conjunction with chivalrous instincts,
384
00:27:36.440 --> 00:27:41.599
with a great need for affection and great stability of feelings,
385
00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:46.160
Such men are easily moved at the least encouragement. They
386
00:27:46.200 --> 00:27:50.720
go forward with the eagerness, with the recklessness of starvation.
387
00:27:51.839 --> 00:27:56.400
This accounted for the suddenness of the affair. No, with
388
00:27:56.599 --> 00:28:00.759
all her inexperience, this girl could not have found any
389
00:28:00.799 --> 00:28:05.200
great difficulty in her conquering enterprise. She must have begun it.
390
00:28:05.799 --> 00:28:10.680
And yet there she was patient, almost unmoved, almost pitiful,
391
00:28:11.200 --> 00:28:15.200
waiting outside, like a beggar, without a right to anything
392
00:28:15.279 --> 00:28:21.680
but compassion for a promised dole. Every moment people were
393
00:28:21.720 --> 00:28:26.480
passing close by us, singly, in twos and threes, the
394
00:28:26.559 --> 00:28:29.559
inhabitants of that end of the town where life goes on,
395
00:28:29.839 --> 00:28:34.480
unadorned by grace or splendor. They passed us in their
396
00:28:34.519 --> 00:28:41.359
shabby garments, with shallow faces, haggard anxious or weary, or
397
00:28:41.440 --> 00:28:46.440
simply without expression, in an unsmiling, somber stream, not made
398
00:28:46.519 --> 00:28:54.319
up of lives, but of mere, unconsidered existences, whose joys, struggles, thoughts, sorrows,
399
00:28:54.880 --> 00:28:58.960
and their very hopes were miserable, glamorless, and of no
400
00:28:59.079 --> 00:29:02.559
account in the world. And when one thought of their
401
00:29:02.599 --> 00:29:07.960
reality to themselves, one's heart became oppressed. But of all
402
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:12.279
the individuals who passed by, none appeared to me, for
403
00:29:12.359 --> 00:29:16.519
the moment so pathetic in unconscious patience as the girl
404
00:29:16.680 --> 00:29:22.400
standing before me. None more difficult to understand. It is
405
00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:25.960
perhaps because I was thinking of things which I could
406
00:29:26.000 --> 00:29:29.079
not ask her about. In fact, we had nothing to
407
00:29:29.079 --> 00:29:33.079
say to each other. But we, two strangers, as we
408
00:29:33.319 --> 00:29:36.440
really were to each other, had dealt with the most
409
00:29:36.480 --> 00:29:41.599
intimate and final of subjects, the subject of death. It
410
00:29:41.640 --> 00:29:45.400
had created a sort of bond between us. It made
411
00:29:45.480 --> 00:29:50.319
our silence weighty and uneasy. I ought to have left
412
00:29:50.319 --> 00:29:53.200
her there and then, But as I think I've told
413
00:29:53.279 --> 00:29:56.759
you before, the fact of having shattered her away from
414
00:29:56.799 --> 00:30:00.960
the edge of the precipice seemed somehow to have engaged
415
00:30:01.039 --> 00:30:05.920
my responsibility as to this one other leap. And so
416
00:30:06.200 --> 00:30:10.319
we had still an intimate subject between us, to lend
417
00:30:10.359 --> 00:30:15.519
more weight and more uneasiness to our silence the subject
418
00:30:15.559 --> 00:30:18.480
of marriage. I use the word not so much in
419
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:22.480
reference to the ceremony itself. I had no doubt of
420
00:30:22.559 --> 00:30:27.000
this Captain Anthony being a decent fellow, or in view
421
00:30:27.000 --> 00:30:30.559
of the social institution in general, as to which I
422
00:30:30.640 --> 00:30:33.720
have no opinion. But in regard to the human relation,
423
00:30:35.240 --> 00:30:40.000
the first two views are not particularly interesting. The ceremony,
424
00:30:40.039 --> 00:30:44.400
I suppose, is adequate. The institution, I dare say, is useful,
425
00:30:44.519 --> 00:30:48.319
or it would not have endured. But the human relation,
426
00:30:48.519 --> 00:30:53.759
thus recognized, is a mysterious thing, in its origins, character,
427
00:30:54.000 --> 00:31:00.400
and consequences. Unfortunately, you can't buttonhole familiarly a young girl
428
00:31:00.480 --> 00:31:03.680
as you would a young fellow. I don't think that
429
00:31:03.759 --> 00:31:08.039
even another woman could really do it. She would not
430
00:31:08.160 --> 00:31:12.039
be trusted. There is not between women that fund of
431
00:31:12.079 --> 00:31:16.640
at least conditional loyalty which men may depend on in
432
00:31:16.720 --> 00:31:20.680
their dealings with each other. I believe that any woman
433
00:31:20.720 --> 00:31:24.200
would rather trust a man. The difficulty in such a
434
00:31:24.200 --> 00:31:29.400
delicate case was how to get on terms. So we
435
00:31:29.519 --> 00:31:33.559
held our peace in the odious uproar of that wide
436
00:31:33.680 --> 00:31:39.720
roadway thronged with heavy carts, great vans carrying enormous piled
437
00:31:39.759 --> 00:31:44.400
up loads, advanced swaying like mountains. It was as if
438
00:31:44.440 --> 00:31:49.160
the whole world existed only for selling and buying, and
439
00:31:49.359 --> 00:31:52.039
those who had nothing to do with the movement of
440
00:31:52.160 --> 00:31:56.480
merchandise were of no account. You must be tired, I said.
441
00:31:57.160 --> 00:32:00.799
One had to say something, if only to assert oneself
442
00:32:00.880 --> 00:32:07.319
against that wearisome, passionless and crushing uproar. She raised her
443
00:32:07.359 --> 00:32:10.440
eyes for a moment. No, she was not not very
444
00:32:10.759 --> 00:32:14.000
She had not walked all the way. She came by
445
00:32:14.119 --> 00:32:18.559
train as far as Whitechapel station, and had only walked
446
00:32:18.559 --> 00:32:23.319
from there. She had had an ugly pilgrimage. But whether
447
00:32:23.400 --> 00:32:26.759
of love or of necessity, who could tell? And that
448
00:32:26.880 --> 00:32:30.160
precisely was what I should have liked to get at.
449
00:32:31.240 --> 00:32:34.599
This was, not, however, a question to be asked point blank,
450
00:32:35.240 --> 00:32:40.000
and I could not think of any effective circumlocution. It
451
00:32:40.039 --> 00:32:43.799
occurred to me too that she might conceivably know nothing
452
00:32:43.799 --> 00:32:47.880
of it herself. I mean by reflection, that young woman
453
00:32:47.960 --> 00:32:51.680
had been obviously considering death, she had gone the length
454
00:32:51.759 --> 00:32:55.359
of forming some conception of it. But as to its
455
00:32:55.440 --> 00:33:00.960
companion fatality, love, she I was certain had never reflected
456
00:33:01.240 --> 00:33:05.240
upon its meaning. With that man in the hotel whom
457
00:33:05.240 --> 00:33:09.079
I did not know, and this girl standing before me
458
00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:12.920
in the street, I felt that it was an exceptional case.
459
00:33:14.200 --> 00:33:18.079
He had broken away from his surroundings. She stood outside
460
00:33:18.119 --> 00:33:23.400
the pale. One aspect of conventions which people who disclaim
461
00:33:23.440 --> 00:33:27.240
against them lose sight of, is that conventions make both
462
00:33:27.680 --> 00:33:32.000
joy and suffering easier to bear in a becoming manner.
463
00:33:33.160 --> 00:33:37.519
But those two were outside all conventions. They would be
464
00:33:37.839 --> 00:33:41.039
as untrampled in a sense as the first man and
465
00:33:41.480 --> 00:33:44.640
the first woman. The trouble was that I could not
466
00:33:44.759 --> 00:33:48.799
imagine anything about Flora de Barral and the brother of
467
00:33:49.279 --> 00:33:52.960
missus Fine, or if you like, I could imagine anything
468
00:33:53.400 --> 00:33:58.400
which comes practically to the same thing. Darkness and chaos
469
00:33:58.480 --> 00:34:02.160
are first cousins. I should have liked to ask the
470
00:34:02.240 --> 00:34:05.960
girl for a word which would give my imagination its line.
471
00:34:06.640 --> 00:34:10.760
But how was one to venture so far? I can
472
00:34:10.840 --> 00:34:15.559
be rough sometimes, but I am not naturally impertinent. I
473
00:34:15.599 --> 00:34:18.880
would have liked to ask her, for instance, do you
474
00:34:19.039 --> 00:34:24.719
know what you have done with yourself? A question like that. Anyhow,
475
00:34:24.800 --> 00:34:27.360
it was time for one of us to say something,
476
00:34:27.800 --> 00:34:31.639
A question it must be, And the question I asked
477
00:34:32.039 --> 00:34:34.719
was so he is going to show you the ship.
478
00:34:35.639 --> 00:34:39.360
She seemed, glad I had spoken at last, and glad
479
00:34:39.480 --> 00:34:42.880
the opportunity to speak herself. Yes, he said he would
480
00:34:43.280 --> 00:34:47.360
this morning. Did you say you did not know Captain Anthony? No,
481
00:34:47.960 --> 00:34:51.119
I don't know him. Is he anything like his sister?
482
00:34:52.760 --> 00:34:57.599
She looked, startled, and murmured sister in a puzzled tone,
483
00:34:57.679 --> 00:35:03.920
which astonished me. Oh, missus, she exclaimed, recollecting herself and
484
00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:09.199
avoiding my eyes while I looked at her curiously. What
485
00:35:09.280 --> 00:35:13.559
an extraordinary detachment. And all the time the stream of
486
00:35:13.639 --> 00:35:18.119
shabby people was hastening by us, with the continuous, dreary
487
00:35:18.239 --> 00:35:24.760
shuffling of weary footsteps on the flagstones, the sunshine falling
488
00:35:24.880 --> 00:35:28.760
on the grime of surfaces, on the poverty of tones
489
00:35:28.880 --> 00:35:34.360
and forms, seemed of an inferior quality. Its joy faded,
490
00:35:34.519 --> 00:35:38.639
its brilliance tarnished and dusty. I had to raise my
491
00:35:38.800 --> 00:35:42.000
voice in the dull, vibrating noise of the roadway. You
492
00:35:42.039 --> 00:35:45.480
don't mean to say you have forgotten the connection, she
493
00:35:45.719 --> 00:35:50.320
cried readily. Enough, I wasn't thinking. And then while I
494
00:35:50.519 --> 00:35:54.519
wondered what could have been the images occupying a brain
495
00:35:54.599 --> 00:35:57.840
at this time, she asked me. You didn't see my
496
00:35:58.000 --> 00:36:02.239
letter to missus Fine, did you? No? I didn't, I shouted.
497
00:36:02.719 --> 00:36:06.960
Just then the racket was distracting a pair horse trolley,
498
00:36:07.480 --> 00:36:12.480
lightly loaded with loose rods of iron, passing slowly, very
499
00:36:12.519 --> 00:36:18.039
near us. I wasn't trusted so far, And remembering missus
500
00:36:18.079 --> 00:36:22.679
Fine's hints that the girl was unbalanced, I added, was
501
00:36:22.719 --> 00:36:27.079
it an unreserved confession you wrote? She did not answer
502
00:36:27.159 --> 00:36:30.599
me for a time, And as I waited, I thought
503
00:36:31.039 --> 00:36:35.000
that there's nothing like a confession to make one look mad,
504
00:36:35.840 --> 00:36:38.639
and that of all confessions, a written one is the
505
00:36:38.679 --> 00:36:44.880
most detrimental all round. Never confess, never, never, an untimely
506
00:36:45.000 --> 00:36:50.440
joke in a source of bitter regret. Always Sometimes it
507
00:36:50.519 --> 00:36:54.360
may ruin a man, not because it is a joke,
508
00:36:54.480 --> 00:36:59.760
but because it is untimely. And a confession of whatever
509
00:37:00.800 --> 00:37:05.559
is always untimely. The only thing which makes it supportable
510
00:37:05.679 --> 00:37:10.000
for a while is curiosity. You smile, Ah, But it
511
00:37:10.119 --> 00:37:13.760
is so, or else people would be sent to the
512
00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:19.639
right about at the second sentence, how many sympathetic souls
513
00:37:19.679 --> 00:37:22.920
can you reckon on in the world? One in ten,
514
00:37:23.559 --> 00:37:27.480
one in a hundred, in a thousand, in ten thousand, Ah,
515
00:37:28.239 --> 00:37:32.360
what a cell these confessions are what a horrible cell.
516
00:37:32.719 --> 00:37:36.360
You seek sympathy, and all you get is the most
517
00:37:36.400 --> 00:37:40.880
evanescent sense of relief. If you get that much for
518
00:37:41.000 --> 00:37:46.440
a confession, whatever it may be, stirs the secret depths
519
00:37:46.480 --> 00:37:50.920
of the hearer's character, often depths that he himself is
520
00:37:51.000 --> 00:37:55.719
but dimly aware of, and so the righteous triumph secretly.
521
00:37:56.440 --> 00:38:01.199
The lucky are amused, the strong are disgusted. Did the weak,
522
00:38:01.559 --> 00:38:05.360
either upset or irritated with you, according to the measure
523
00:38:05.440 --> 00:38:09.280
of their sincerity with themselves, and all of them in
524
00:38:09.360 --> 00:38:13.519
their hearts, brand you for either mad or impudent? I
525
00:38:13.639 --> 00:38:20.119
had seldom seen Marlowe so vehement, so pessimistic, so earnestly cynical,
526
00:38:20.159 --> 00:38:25.320
before I cut his declamation short by asking what answer
527
00:38:25.400 --> 00:38:29.360
Flora de Barral had given to his question. Did the
528
00:38:29.400 --> 00:38:33.679
poor girl admit firing off her confidences at missus Fine
529
00:38:34.119 --> 00:38:38.639
eight pages of close writing that sort of thing? Marlow
530
00:38:38.679 --> 00:38:42.920
shook his head. She did not tell me. I accepted
531
00:38:42.960 --> 00:38:46.960
her silence as a kind of answer, and remarked that
532
00:38:47.280 --> 00:38:50.079
it would have been better if she had simply announced
533
00:38:50.440 --> 00:38:54.000
the fact to missus Fine at the cottage. Why didn't
534
00:38:54.000 --> 00:38:57.639
you do it? I asked, point blank, she said, I
535
00:38:57.679 --> 00:39:01.119
am not a very plucky girl. She looked up at
536
00:39:01.159 --> 00:39:05.239
me and added meaningly, and you know it, and you
537
00:39:05.360 --> 00:39:09.119
know why. I must remark that she seemed to have
538
00:39:09.159 --> 00:39:13.239
become very subdued since our first meeting at the quarry,
539
00:39:14.000 --> 00:39:18.559
almost a different person from the defiant, angry and despairing
540
00:39:18.639 --> 00:39:25.000
girl with quivering lips and resentful glances. I thought it
541
00:39:25.159 --> 00:39:27.360
was very sensible of you to get away from that
542
00:39:27.480 --> 00:39:30.880
sheer drop, I said. She looked up with something of
543
00:39:30.960 --> 00:39:34.480
that old expression. That's not what I mean. I see.
544
00:39:34.519 --> 00:39:38.480
You will have it that you saved my life. Nothing
545
00:39:38.559 --> 00:39:41.880
of the kind I was concerned for that vile little
546
00:39:41.920 --> 00:39:46.159
beast of a dog. No, it was the idea of
547
00:39:46.159 --> 00:39:50.400
of doing away with myself, which was cowardly. That's what
548
00:39:50.559 --> 00:39:54.960
I meant by saying I am not a very plucky girl. Oh,
549
00:39:55.159 --> 00:39:59.000
I retorted airily, that little dog, he isn't really a
550
00:39:59.039 --> 00:40:03.440
bad little dog. But she lowered her eyelids and went on,
551
00:40:04.039 --> 00:40:07.920
I was so miserable that I could think only of myself.
552
00:40:09.159 --> 00:40:13.000
This was mean, it was cruel too, and besides, I
553
00:40:13.119 --> 00:40:18.440
had not given up. Not then Marlow changed his tone.
554
00:40:19.280 --> 00:40:22.159
I don't know much of the psychology of self destruction.
555
00:40:22.599 --> 00:40:26.119
It's a sort of subject one has few opportunities to
556
00:40:26.239 --> 00:40:30.119
study closely. I knew a man once who came to
557
00:40:30.199 --> 00:40:34.679
my rooms one evening, and, while smoking a cigar, confessed
558
00:40:34.920 --> 00:40:38.039
to me moodily that he was trying to discover some
559
00:40:38.239 --> 00:40:43.119
graceful way of retiring out of existence. I didn't study
560
00:40:43.199 --> 00:40:45.400
his case, but I had a glimpse of him the
561
00:40:45.480 --> 00:40:48.800
other day at a cricket match with some women having
562
00:40:48.800 --> 00:40:54.480
a good time. That seems a fairly reasonable attitude considered
563
00:40:54.519 --> 00:40:57.760
as a sin, it is a case for repentance before
564
00:40:58.119 --> 00:41:02.000
the throne of a merciful God. But I imagine that
565
00:41:02.119 --> 00:41:06.119
Flora de Barral's religion under the care of the distinguished
566
00:41:06.239 --> 00:41:11.559
Governess could have been nothing but outward formality. Remorse in
567
00:41:11.599 --> 00:41:16.239
the sense of gnawing shame and unavailing regret is only
568
00:41:16.320 --> 00:41:20.079
understandable to me when some wrong has been done to
569
00:41:20.159 --> 00:41:24.119
a fellow creature. But why she, that girl who existed
570
00:41:24.159 --> 00:41:28.880
on sufferings, so to speak? Why she should writhe inwardly
571
00:41:29.000 --> 00:41:32.440
with remorse, because she had once thought of getting rid
572
00:41:32.519 --> 00:41:36.079
of life, which was nothing in every respect but a
573
00:41:36.119 --> 00:41:40.519
curse that I could not understand. I thought it was
574
00:41:40.679 --> 00:41:45.280
very likely some obscure influence of common forms of speech,
575
00:41:45.880 --> 00:41:52.039
some traditional or inherited feeling, a vague notion that suicide
576
00:41:52.079 --> 00:41:57.000
is a legal crime, words of old moralists and preachers,
577
00:41:57.400 --> 00:42:00.960
which remain in the air and helped to form all
578
00:42:01.039 --> 00:42:06.079
the authorized moral conventions. Yes, I was surprised at her remorse,
579
00:42:07.480 --> 00:42:11.960
but lowering her glance unexpectedly till her dark eyelashes seemed
580
00:42:12.280 --> 00:42:16.519
to rest against her white cheeks, she presented a perfectly
581
00:42:16.559 --> 00:42:21.400
demure aspect. It was so attractive that I could not
582
00:42:21.599 --> 00:42:25.719
help a faint smile. That Flora de Baral should, ever,
583
00:42:25.960 --> 00:42:29.480
in any aspect, have the power to evoke a smile,
584
00:42:30.239 --> 00:42:33.599
was the very last thing I should have believed. She
585
00:42:33.679 --> 00:42:37.320
went on after a slight hesitation. One day, I started
586
00:42:37.400 --> 00:42:41.840
for there, for that place. Look at the influence of
587
00:42:41.880 --> 00:42:46.639
a mere play of physiognomy. If you remember what we
588
00:42:46.639 --> 00:42:50.320
were talking about, you will hardly believe that I caught
589
00:42:50.400 --> 00:42:56.719
myself grinning down at that demure little girl. I must say, too,
590
00:42:56.840 --> 00:42:59.920
that I felt more friendly to her at the moment
591
00:43:00.400 --> 00:43:04.519
than ever before. Oh you did to take that jump.
592
00:43:05.320 --> 00:43:09.039
You are a determined young person. Well, what happened that time?
593
00:43:09.840 --> 00:43:14.599
An almost imperceptible alteration in her bearing, A slight droop
594
00:43:14.719 --> 00:43:17.960
of her head, perhaps a mere nothing, made her look
595
00:43:18.079 --> 00:43:21.840
more demure than ever I had left the cottage. She
596
00:43:21.880 --> 00:43:26.239
began a little hurriedly. I was walking along the road,
597
00:43:26.400 --> 00:43:30.039
you know, the road. I had made up my mind.
598
00:43:30.159 --> 00:43:33.639
I was not coming back this time. I won't deny
599
00:43:33.760 --> 00:43:38.280
that these words spoken from under the brim of her hat. Oh, yes,
600
00:43:38.719 --> 00:43:42.639
certainly her head was down. She had put it down.
601
00:43:43.239 --> 00:43:47.719
Gave me a thrill, For indeed I had never doubted
602
00:43:47.760 --> 00:43:53.159
her sincerity. It could never have been a make believe despair. Yes,
603
00:43:53.280 --> 00:43:58.000
I whispered, you were going along the road, When again
604
00:43:58.079 --> 00:44:03.559
she hesitated with an effect of innocent shyness. Worlds asunder
605
00:44:03.599 --> 00:44:09.719
from tragic issues, then glided on. When suddenly Captain Anthony
606
00:44:09.800 --> 00:44:13.039
came through a gate out of a field, I coughed
607
00:44:13.159 --> 00:44:16.199
down the beginning of a most improper fit of laughter,
608
00:44:16.760 --> 00:44:21.480
and felt ashamed of myself. Her eyes raised for a moment,
609
00:44:21.840 --> 00:44:27.000
seemed full of innocent suffering and unexpected menace in the
610
00:44:27.039 --> 00:44:31.599
depths of the dilated pupils, within the rings of somber blue.
611
00:44:32.519 --> 00:44:36.159
It was, how shall I say it, a night effect
612
00:44:36.480 --> 00:44:40.079
when you seemed to see vague shapes, and don't know
613
00:44:40.239 --> 00:44:44.599
what reality you may come upon at any time. Then
614
00:44:44.639 --> 00:44:49.559
she lowered her eyelids again, shutting all mysteriousness out of
615
00:44:49.639 --> 00:44:54.400
the situation, except for the sobering memory of that glance
616
00:44:55.079 --> 00:44:59.559
night like in the sunshine, expressively still in the brutal
617
00:44:59.639 --> 00:45:03.880
unred of the street. So Captain Anthony joined you did
618
00:45:03.920 --> 00:45:09.159
he He opened a field gate and walked out on
619
00:45:09.239 --> 00:45:13.159
the road. He crossed to my side and went on
620
00:45:13.360 --> 00:45:16.760
with me. He had his pipe in his hand. He said,
621
00:45:17.079 --> 00:45:20.840
are you going far this morning? These words, I was
622
00:45:21.159 --> 00:45:25.079
watching her white face as she spoke, gave me a
623
00:45:25.119 --> 00:45:31.880
slight shudder. She remained du mueu, almost prim and I remarked,
624
00:45:32.559 --> 00:45:36.320
you have been talking together before, of course, not more
625
00:45:36.360 --> 00:45:42.239
than twenty words altogether since he arrived. She declared, without emphasis,
626
00:45:42.800 --> 00:45:45.880
that day he had said good morning to me when
627
00:45:45.920 --> 00:45:50.119
we met at breakfast two hours before, and I said
628
00:45:50.199 --> 00:45:53.719
good morning to him. I did not see him afterwards
629
00:45:54.039 --> 00:45:57.280
till he came out on the road. I thought to
630
00:45:57.360 --> 00:46:02.079
myself that this was not accidental. He had been observing her.
631
00:46:02.760 --> 00:46:06.280
I felt certain also that he had not been asking
632
00:46:06.599 --> 00:46:11.440
any questions of missus Fine. I wouldn't look at him
633
00:46:11.920 --> 00:46:16.119
said Flora de barl. I had done with looking at people.
634
00:46:17.199 --> 00:46:20.559
He said to me, my sister does not put herself
635
00:46:20.599 --> 00:46:24.719
out much for us. We had better keep each other company.
636
00:46:25.559 --> 00:46:28.599
I have read every book there is in that cottage.
637
00:46:29.159 --> 00:46:32.039
I walked on. He did not leave me. I thought
638
00:46:32.039 --> 00:46:35.559
he ought to, but he didn't. He didn't seem to
639
00:46:35.639 --> 00:46:40.199
notice that I would not talk to him. She was
640
00:46:40.280 --> 00:46:45.400
now perfectly still. The wretched little parasol hung down against
641
00:46:45.400 --> 00:46:50.559
her dress from her joined hands. I was rigid with attention.
642
00:46:51.280 --> 00:46:54.480
It isn't every day that one culls such a volunteered
643
00:46:54.840 --> 00:46:59.159
tale on a girl's lips. The ugly street noises swelling
644
00:46:59.239 --> 00:47:03.320
up for a moment covered the next few words. She said,
645
00:47:03.760 --> 00:47:07.840
it was vexing. The next word I heard was worried.
646
00:47:08.880 --> 00:47:13.360
It worried you to have him there walking by your side. Yes,
647
00:47:14.000 --> 00:47:17.880
just that. She went on with downcast eyes. There was
648
00:47:18.079 --> 00:47:23.880
something prettily comical in her attitude and her tone, while
649
00:47:23.920 --> 00:47:28.480
I pictured to myself a poor white faced girl walking
650
00:47:28.599 --> 00:47:33.280
to her death with an unconscious man striding by her side.
651
00:47:33.840 --> 00:47:38.199
Unconscious I don't know. First of all, I felt certain
652
00:47:38.639 --> 00:47:43.159
that this was no chance meeting. Something had happened. Was
653
00:47:43.199 --> 00:47:47.840
he a man for coupt defendre the lightning stroke of love.
654
00:47:48.480 --> 00:47:53.360
I don't think so. That sort of susceptibility is luckily rare.
655
00:47:54.440 --> 00:47:58.760
A world of inflammable lovers of the Romeo and Juliette
656
00:47:58.920 --> 00:48:03.719
type would very soon end in barbarism and misery. But
657
00:48:03.880 --> 00:48:07.039
it is a fact that in every man, not in
658
00:48:07.199 --> 00:48:11.039
every woman, there lives a lover, a lover who is
659
00:48:11.199 --> 00:48:15.480
called out in all his potentialities, often by the most
660
00:48:15.800 --> 00:48:19.800
insignificant little things, as long as they come at the
661
00:48:19.880 --> 00:48:25.159
psychological moment. The glimpse of a face at an unusual angle,
662
00:48:25.480 --> 00:48:30.280
an evanescent attitude, the curve of a cheek often looked
663
00:48:30.320 --> 00:48:34.320
at before, perhaps, but then at the moment, charged with
664
00:48:34.519 --> 00:48:40.199
astonishing significance. These are great mysteries, of course, magic signs.
665
00:48:41.760 --> 00:48:45.440
I don't know in what the sign consisted. In this case.
666
00:48:46.039 --> 00:48:49.519
It might have been her pallor it wasn't pasty, not
667
00:48:49.679 --> 00:48:54.719
yet papery, that white face with eyes like blue gleams
668
00:48:54.760 --> 00:48:59.719
of fire, and lips like red coals. In certain lights,
669
00:48:59.800 --> 00:49:05.639
in certain poises of head it suggested tragic sorrow. Or
670
00:49:05.719 --> 00:49:08.920
it might have been her wavy hair, or even just
671
00:49:09.159 --> 00:49:13.199
that pointed chin struck out a little resentful and not
672
00:49:13.639 --> 00:49:18.119
particularly distinguished, doing away with the mysterious aloofness of her
673
00:49:18.199 --> 00:49:23.760
fragile presence. But anyway, at a given moment, Anthony must
674
00:49:23.760 --> 00:49:28.320
have suddenly seen the girl, and then that something had
675
00:49:28.400 --> 00:49:32.599
happened to him, perhaps nothing more than the thought coming
676
00:49:32.639 --> 00:49:37.280
into his head that this was a possible woman followed
677
00:49:37.360 --> 00:49:43.639
this waylaying its resolute character makes me think it was
678
00:49:43.760 --> 00:49:48.639
the chin's doing that common mortal touch which stands in
679
00:49:48.800 --> 00:49:52.880
such good stead to some women, Because men, I mean
680
00:49:52.960 --> 00:49:58.039
really masculine men, those whose generations have evolved an ideal
681
00:49:58.079 --> 00:50:02.920
woman are often very timid. Who wouldn't be before the
682
00:50:03.039 --> 00:50:08.719
ideal It's your sentimental trifler, who has just missed being
683
00:50:08.840 --> 00:50:12.519
nothing at all, who is enterprising simply because it is
684
00:50:12.559 --> 00:50:16.559
easy to appear enterprising when one does not mean to
685
00:50:16.599 --> 00:50:20.639
put one's belief to the test. Well, whatever it was
686
00:50:20.719 --> 00:50:24.880
that encouraged him, Captain Anthony stuck to Flora de Barral
687
00:50:25.079 --> 00:50:28.679
in a manner which in a timid man might have
688
00:50:28.719 --> 00:50:32.320
been called heroic if it had not been so simple,
689
00:50:33.320 --> 00:50:39.599
whether policy, diplomacy, simplicity, or just inspiration. He kept up
690
00:50:39.960 --> 00:50:45.599
his talk rather deliberate, with very few pauses. Then suddenly,
691
00:50:45.880 --> 00:50:50.119
as if recollecting himself. It's funny. I don't think you
692
00:50:50.280 --> 00:50:53.880
are annoyed with me for giving you my company, unasked,
693
00:50:54.480 --> 00:50:59.000
But why don't you say something? I asked, Miss de Barral,
694
00:50:59.159 --> 00:51:03.719
What answer you made to this query? I made no answer,
695
00:51:03.840 --> 00:51:08.320
she said, in that even unemotional, low voice, which seemed
696
00:51:08.400 --> 00:51:13.360
to be her voice for delicate confidences. I walked on.
697
00:51:14.039 --> 00:51:17.280
He did not seem to mind. We came to the
698
00:51:17.320 --> 00:51:20.880
foot of the quarry, where the road winds up hill,
699
00:51:21.360 --> 00:51:24.800
past the place where you were sitting by the roadside
700
00:51:24.840 --> 00:51:28.320
that day. I began to wonder what I should do.
701
00:51:29.320 --> 00:51:33.000
After we reached the top, Captain Anthony said that he
702
00:51:33.079 --> 00:51:35.679
had not been for a walk with a lady for
703
00:51:35.840 --> 00:51:40.519
years and years, almost since he was a boy. We
704
00:51:40.639 --> 00:51:44.119
had then come to where I ought to have turned
705
00:51:44.119 --> 00:51:48.239
off and struck across a field. I thought of making
706
00:51:48.280 --> 00:51:51.519
a run of it, but he would have caught me up.
707
00:51:52.440 --> 00:51:56.000
I knew he would, and of course he would not
708
00:51:56.199 --> 00:51:59.760
have allowed me. I couldn't give him the slip. What
709
00:52:00.000 --> 00:52:03.639
didn't you ask him to leave you, I inquired curiously.
710
00:52:04.679 --> 00:52:08.559
He would not have taken any notice. She went on steadily,
711
00:52:09.159 --> 00:52:12.000
And what could I have done. Then. I could not
712
00:52:12.239 --> 00:52:16.440
have started quarreling with him, could I. I hadn't enough
713
00:52:16.639 --> 00:52:21.639
energy to get angry. I felt very tired. Suddenly I
714
00:52:21.840 --> 00:52:26.760
just stumbled on straight along the road. Captain Anthony told
715
00:52:26.800 --> 00:52:31.119
me that the family, some relations of his mother he
716
00:52:31.280 --> 00:52:35.000
used to know in Liverpool, was broken up now, and
717
00:52:35.199 --> 00:52:39.480
he had never made any friends since, all gone their
718
00:52:39.599 --> 00:52:44.320
different ways. All the girls married, nice girls, they were,
719
00:52:44.679 --> 00:52:48.199
and very friendly to him when he was but little
720
00:52:48.239 --> 00:52:53.639
more than a boy. He repeated, very nice, cheery, clever girls.
721
00:52:54.000 --> 00:52:57.320
I sat down on a bank against a hedge and
722
00:52:58.000 --> 00:53:02.599
began to cry. You must have astonished him, not a little,
723
00:53:02.840 --> 00:53:07.199
I observed. Anthony, it seems, remained on the road looking
724
00:53:07.280 --> 00:53:10.880
down at her. He did not offer to approach her,
725
00:53:11.480 --> 00:53:15.400
neither did he make any other movement or gesture. Flora
726
00:53:15.480 --> 00:53:18.920
de Bras told me all this. She could see him
727
00:53:19.000 --> 00:53:22.719
through her tears, blurred to a mere shadow on the
728
00:53:22.760 --> 00:53:28.519
white road, and then again becoming more distinct, but always
729
00:53:28.559 --> 00:53:32.840
absolutely still, and as if lost in thought before a
730
00:53:32.880 --> 00:53:39.280
strange phenomenon which demanded the closest possible attention. Flora learned
731
00:53:39.519 --> 00:53:43.360
later that he had never seen a woman cry, not
732
00:53:43.599 --> 00:53:48.119
in that way, at least He was impressed and interested
733
00:53:48.280 --> 00:53:52.360
by the mysteriousness of the effect. She was very conscious
734
00:53:52.400 --> 00:53:55.480
of being looked at, but was not able to stop
735
00:53:55.480 --> 00:54:00.559
herself crying. In fact, she was not capable of any effort. Suddenly,
736
00:54:00.599 --> 00:54:05.559
he advanced two steps, stooped, caught hold of her hands
737
00:54:05.639 --> 00:54:09.119
lying on her lap, and pulled her up to her feet.
738
00:54:09.559 --> 00:54:13.639
She found herself standing close to him, almost before she
739
00:54:13.719 --> 00:54:18.039
realized what he had done. Some people were coming briskly
740
00:54:18.400 --> 00:54:23.639
along the road, and Captain Anthony muttered, you don't want
741
00:54:23.800 --> 00:54:27.679
to be stared at? What about that stile over there?
742
00:54:28.079 --> 00:54:33.480
Can we go across the fields? She snatched her hands
743
00:54:33.480 --> 00:54:36.719
out of his grasp. It seemed he had omitted to
744
00:54:36.840 --> 00:54:40.800
let them go, marched away from him and got over
745
00:54:40.840 --> 00:54:46.039
the stile. It was a big field, sprinkled profusely with
746
00:54:46.199 --> 00:54:51.719
white sheep. A trodden path crossed it tiangally. After she
747
00:54:51.880 --> 00:54:55.119
had gone more than half way, she turned her head
748
00:54:55.199 --> 00:54:58.960
for the first time, Keeping five feet or so behind,
749
00:54:59.440 --> 00:55:02.280
Captain Ante Anthony was following her with an air of
750
00:55:02.440 --> 00:55:08.320
extreme interest. Interest or eagerness at any rate. She caught
751
00:55:08.360 --> 00:55:13.199
an expression on his face which frightened her, but not
752
00:55:13.400 --> 00:55:17.360
enough to make her run, and Indeed, it would have
753
00:55:18.199 --> 00:55:22.639
had to be something incredibly awful to scare into a
754
00:55:22.719 --> 00:55:25.199
run a girl who had come to the end of
755
00:55:25.280 --> 00:55:30.559
her courage to live. As if encouraged by this glance
756
00:55:30.639 --> 00:55:35.480
over the shoulder, Captain Anthony came up boldly, and now
757
00:55:35.559 --> 00:55:40.039
that he was by her side, she felt his nearness intimately,
758
00:55:40.320 --> 00:55:44.320
like a touch. She tried to disregard this sensation, but
759
00:55:44.719 --> 00:55:48.360
she was not angry with him. Now it wasn't worth while.
760
00:55:49.119 --> 00:55:52.400
She was thankful that he had the sense not to
761
00:55:52.519 --> 00:55:56.760
ask questions as to this crying. Of course, he didn't
762
00:55:56.840 --> 00:56:00.159
ask because he didn't care. No one in the world
763
00:56:00.239 --> 00:56:03.960
cared for her, neither those who pretended, nor yet those
764
00:56:04.320 --> 00:56:10.519
who did not pretend. She preferred the latter. Captain Anthony
765
00:56:10.679 --> 00:56:14.960
opened for her a gate into another field. When they
766
00:56:14.960 --> 00:56:18.960
got through, he kept walking abreast, elbow to elbow. Almost
767
00:56:19.440 --> 00:56:24.400
his voice growled pleasantly in a very ear. Staying in
768
00:56:24.519 --> 00:56:27.679
this dull place was enough to give any one the blues.
769
00:56:28.400 --> 00:56:33.480
His sister scribbled all day. It was positively unkind. He
770
00:56:33.559 --> 00:56:38.960
alluded to his nieces as rude, selfish monkeys without either
771
00:56:39.280 --> 00:56:43.599
feelings or manners, and he went on to talk about
772
00:56:43.639 --> 00:56:48.440
his ship being laid up for a month and dismantled
773
00:56:48.519 --> 00:56:52.760
for repairs. The worst was that, on arriving in London,
774
00:56:53.360 --> 00:56:56.440
he found he couldn't get the rooms he was used to,
775
00:56:57.000 --> 00:57:00.360
where they made him as comfortable as so. But a
776
00:57:00.440 --> 00:57:05.519
confirmed sea dog as himself, could be anywhere on shore.
777
00:57:05.639 --> 00:57:09.039
In the effort to subdue by dint of talking and
778
00:57:09.719 --> 00:57:14.039
to keep in check the mysterious, the profound attraction he
779
00:57:14.159 --> 00:57:18.039
felt already for that delicate being of flesh and blood,
780
00:57:18.599 --> 00:57:23.880
with pale cheeks, with darkened eyelids, and eyes scaled with
781
00:57:24.119 --> 00:57:27.880
hot tears. He went on speaking of himself as a
782
00:57:28.000 --> 00:57:32.079
confirmed enemy of life on shore, a perfect terror to
783
00:57:32.159 --> 00:57:37.239
a simple man, what with the fads and proprieties, and
784
00:57:37.440 --> 00:57:42.519
the ceremonies and affectitians. He hated all that. He wasn't
785
00:57:42.679 --> 00:57:47.519
fit for it. There was no rest and peace and security,
786
00:57:47.639 --> 00:57:51.000
but on the sea. This gave one a view of
787
00:57:51.079 --> 00:57:55.440
Captain Anthony as a hermit withdrawn from a wicked world.
788
00:57:56.199 --> 00:58:00.920
It was amusingly unexpected to me, and nothing more, but
789
00:58:01.079 --> 00:58:04.360
it must have appealed straight to that bruised and battered
790
00:58:04.400 --> 00:58:09.239
young soul, still shrinking from his nearness. She had ended
791
00:58:09.280 --> 00:58:14.039
by listening to him with avidity. His deep murmuring voice
792
00:58:14.199 --> 00:58:18.280
soothed her, and she thought suddenly that there was peace
793
00:58:18.440 --> 00:58:23.119
and rest in the grave too. She heard him say,
794
00:58:23.280 --> 00:58:25.920
look at my sister. She isn't a bad woman by
795
00:58:25.920 --> 00:58:30.760
any means. She asks me here because it's right and proper,
796
00:58:30.800 --> 00:58:34.719
I suppose, But she has no use for me. There.
797
00:58:34.800 --> 00:58:39.000
You have your sure people. I quite understand anybody crying.
798
00:58:39.559 --> 00:58:42.719
I would have been gone already, only truth to say.
799
00:58:42.840 --> 00:58:46.639
I haven't any friends to go to, he added brusquely.
800
00:58:47.320 --> 00:58:51.960
And you, She made a slight negative sign. He must
801
00:58:51.960 --> 00:58:56.760
have been observing her, putting two and two together. After
802
00:58:56.800 --> 00:59:00.719
a pause, he said, simply, when I first came here,
803
00:59:00.800 --> 00:59:04.679
I thought you were governess to these girls. My sister
804
00:59:04.760 --> 00:59:07.880
didn't say a word about you to me. Then Flora
805
00:59:07.920 --> 00:59:12.519
spoke for the first time. Missus Fine is my best friend,
806
00:59:13.559 --> 00:59:17.239
so she is mine, he said, without the slightest irony
807
00:59:17.480 --> 00:59:21.639
or bitterness, but added with conviction. That shows you what
808
00:59:21.840 --> 00:59:26.519
life assure is much better be out of it. As
809
00:59:26.519 --> 00:59:29.719
they were approaching the cottage, he was heard again, as
810
00:59:29.760 --> 00:59:34.519
though a long silent walk had not intervened. But anyhow,
811
00:59:34.679 --> 00:59:39.519
I shan't ask her anything about you, he stopped short,
812
00:59:40.119 --> 00:59:44.440
and she went on alone. His last words had impressed her.
813
00:59:45.159 --> 00:59:48.840
Everything he had said seemed somehow to have a special
814
00:59:48.920 --> 00:59:54.039
meaning under its obvious conversational sense. Till she went in
815
00:59:54.199 --> 00:59:57.239
At the door of the cottage, she felt his eyes
816
00:59:57.320 --> 01:00:02.039
resting on her. That is it, he had made himself
817
01:00:02.159 --> 01:00:06.880
felt that girl was one may say, washing about with
818
01:00:07.320 --> 01:00:11.079
slack limbs in the ugly surf of life, with no
819
01:00:11.159 --> 01:00:15.039
opportunity to strike out for herself, when suddenly she had
820
01:00:15.079 --> 01:00:18.639
been made to feel that there was somebody beside her
821
01:00:19.079 --> 01:00:23.360
in the bitter water, a most considerable moral event for her,
822
01:00:24.119 --> 01:00:26.800
whether she was aware of it or not. They met
823
01:00:26.840 --> 01:00:30.320
again at the one o'clock dinner. I am inclined to
824
01:00:30.440 --> 01:00:34.320
think that being a healthy girl, under her frail appearance
825
01:00:35.000 --> 01:00:39.119
and fast walking and what I may call relief crying,
826
01:00:39.639 --> 01:00:43.320
there are many kinds of crying making one hungry. She
827
01:00:43.440 --> 01:00:47.400
made a good meal. It was Captain Anthony who had
828
01:00:47.760 --> 01:00:52.000
no appetite. His sister commented on it in a curt
829
01:00:52.159 --> 01:00:58.400
business like manner, and the eldest of his delightful nieces said, mockingly,
830
01:00:59.000 --> 01:01:02.480
you have been taking King to much exercise this morning,
831
01:01:03.000 --> 01:01:08.159
Uncle Roderick, the mild Uncle Roderick turned upon her with
832
01:01:08.280 --> 01:01:11.360
a what do you know about it? Young lady? So
833
01:01:11.639 --> 01:01:16.920
charged with suppressed savagery, that the whole round table gave
834
01:01:16.960 --> 01:01:20.320
one gasp and went dumb. For the rest of the meal,
835
01:01:21.119 --> 01:01:25.519
he took no notice whatever of Flora de Barral. I
836
01:01:25.559 --> 01:01:29.679
don't think it was from prudence or any calculated motive.
837
01:01:30.360 --> 01:01:34.239
I believe he was so full of her aspects that
838
01:01:34.320 --> 01:01:37.559
he did not want to look in her direction when
839
01:01:37.599 --> 01:01:43.480
there were other people to hamper his imagination. End of
840
01:01:43.559 --> 01:01:44.119
Part eight.