Ten Lessons I learnt from Quitting alcohol!

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Hi guys and welcome to Conscious Unbottling.
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I'm Meg and I am your host.
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So today I wanted to talk about the top 10 things I've learned since quitting drinking.
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Number one, you don't have to hit rock bottom.
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I think the stigma around stopping alcohol has been, might continue to be that if you stop drinking, you have a drinking problem.
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It's it's got gotten really bad and possibly something really bad happened.
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Uh rock bottom, like a DUI, failed marriage, health crisis, or injury, whatever it might be, loss of a job.
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But really, you do not have to hit rock bottom to stop drinking.
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I find that most women that I coach haven't hit that rock bottom and they just know that this doesn't feel right and they want a better life.
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For me, I certainly had moments that were pretty dodgy, but ultimately I gave up drinking because I wanted a better life.
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I could have kept drinking, but I chose not to.
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Ultimately, I knew that if I did keep drinking, then surely a rock bottom was coming.
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Number two, you don't actually know how much alcohol is affecting you until you stop.
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This is an interesting one.
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So things like anxiety, poor sleep, irritability, low motivation, brain fog, and feeling disconnected from yourself can become so normal that you don't realize alcohol is contributing.
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Like I had anxiety disorders since I was 17, and I hadn't had alcohol at that point.
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So for me, anxiety was part of my life.
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So it was easy for me to say alcohol wasn't causing it.
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But actually, when I gave up drinking at the end of 2021, even after a week, my anxiety was so much better.
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Alcohol had contributed to it in such a big way.
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So that was interesting.
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And also when I stopped drinking, I realized that I had um restless leg syndrome, so really, really painful as well.
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And in fact, I could hardly walk for you know a couple of months, like no more than five or 10 minutes, because I wanted to get back into walking.
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And I walked in the past 50 kilometers, 55 Ks in a day.
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I couldn't even do five minutes.
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I didn't realize that until I stopped drinking.
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The other thing was that I didn't realize was that um my teeth, my gums were getting really sore.
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So when I stopped drinking, it became very apparent.
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And I went to the dentist, got a little fixed up.
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It was it was fixable, which was good.
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But I didn't realize any of these because I just drank through pain.
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So any signal my body was giving me was being numbed out.
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So that was been quite an eye-opener, and I've been very grateful to be able to work on my health since then.
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Number three, the first few weeks when you give up alcohol aren't necessarily a preview of your new life.
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So you might feel uncomfortable, emotional, bored, or unsure.
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You might have more anxiety initially.
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That doesn't mean sobriety isn't working.
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Your brain and your routines are just adjusting.
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Also, I did um I did a few things that I didn't want to carry on doing, but things like instead of watching TV at night in those first few weeks, because that's when I would have grabbed a wine, I went for a walk or I went to do a yoga class.
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I didn't really want to keep doing that at night and I didn't have to.
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So it was just initially in those first few weeks.
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Um, or I might have gone to see a movie with a friend.
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Whatever it took, I wanted to give myself the best chance.
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Um, the other things in the first few weeks, I the first few days my anxiety got so much worse.
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So I did have a few panic attacks, felt quite miserable, um, but that lifted pretty quickly.
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And yeah, other than that, the first few weeks were really just day to day working out, you know, what what I could do for that day to keep my mind busy, to keep on track, basically.
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Um, and I generally I felt pretty good.
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But if you're someone that feels not so good in the first few weeks, just remember it's not how your life is going to continue.
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Number four, you will have to learn what you're actually feeling.
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So this is a tricky one for us big drinkers because alcohol has helped us avoid, suppress, and numb emotions.
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And once you remove it, feelings can become much more noticeable.
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I found it really hard to sit with feelings at first.
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What I learned was that I just had to practice.
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So I literally started by setting a timer and focusing on my feelings for about five minutes, where I could feel them in my body, what I was saying to myself.
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And I just started to breathe through those five minutes.
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And it became a tool I used going forward that when big feelings came up, I visualized as I breathed into the area, usually in my chest, I'd visualize some light going into that area.
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And when I breathed out, I'd say release.
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And it was so effective in getting me through feelings.
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And then the other thing I did was write about the feelings, um, you know, work on the things that were coming up with those feelings.
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It is something we have to relearn, but it's very doable.
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And once you do, you also get back the good feelings because we're not only numbing bad feelings, we're numbing the good, the joy, all of the positive emotions.
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So actually getting to feel them fully again.
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And that that took probably quite a few months until I could feel excited again, feel really joyful.
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But once I did, I mean, that was incredible.
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Number five, you might grieve alcohol.
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Even when you know it's not serving you, you can still miss the ritual, the reward, the social aspect of and the fantasy of what alcohol represented.
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And for some people, you know, loneliness for me meant that alcohol was like a friend.
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So it's totally normal to grieve alcohol.
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Allow yourself the space and the time to do that.
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Um, that's perfectly normal and and it's just part of the journey.
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But I let myself do that.
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I certainly do not have any feelings for it anymore, and I don't miss it, but I did allow myself to feel what came up.
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Number six, you don't just remove alcohol, you have to replace what it was doing for you.
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So if if wine was a way of relaxing, celebrating, coping with loneliness or switching off, you need new ways of meeting those needs.
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They were the things I looked at in the first few weeks and months.
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I tried different things, I practiced for, you know, at the end of the day, coming home, I made sure that I did have that um mental off-switch that I was going from working to relaxing.
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I went for a walk, I um watered the garden, I had a mocktail or a bath, whatever it was, it became a new habit, and that was a way I switched off.
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Loneliness was a big one, so I really, when I got to that time in the evening when I drink and um usually drunk text, but it numbed my feelings around it.
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Instead of that, I reached out to friends.
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I'd make a phone call, you know, I'd have a good chat with someone.
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You don't want to be caught out at 6 p.m.
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going, oh my god, I have nothing in place.
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Uh, do I just sit and watch Netflix with nothing?
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That's going to be too hard.
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So a plan is always helpful.
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Number seven, your relationships with people may change.
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Some people will completely support you, others might feel uncomfortable with your change, and you may discover that relationships you had, some of them were built around drinking.
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Um but I think this was a big fear going into alcohol freedom for me, and I certainly hear it from other people.
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They're afraid of losing friendships, um, relationships because alcohol really, the bottom line is alcohol is a big part of it.
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The people who really matter in your life and where the connection is deeper than alcohol, they'll remain.
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You know, I've I've pretty much kept most of my friendships and family relationships.
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The ones where who I'm not friends with anymore or where things changed, it usually was that we connected with alcohol.
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And um, and that was there's nothing wrong with that.
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It just means that we're not aligning as friends anymore.
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So they've been quite natural friendships that have dissolved, but it was nothing to be scared of.
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Um in on reflection, it's it's been amazing.
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And with that, I've also made friends and connected with so many other people that are more aligned to my journey now.
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And that's been amazing.
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I didn't really think about new friendships that I'd I'd strike up.
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So that's been a a real um joy to experience.
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Number eight, you may discover that alcohol wasn't the whole problem.
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Well, I definitely discovered that, and you might hear me saying alcohol wasn't the problem.
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It certainly became a problem.
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Don't get me wrong, it became a problem.
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But the reason I drank from the very first drink I had was to numb the other problems, the deeper problems, the core beliefs about myself, the, you know, believing that I wasn't lovable, not worthy, those things.
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It was to stop my shaking with my anxiety disorder.
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You know, the problems were all the things, all the reasons that I was drinking to numb.
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When you stop drinking, you will probably need to do some work around what the actual issues were.
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For me, it has been really amazing to work on them.
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You know, self-worth, boundaries, grief, relationships, identity, purpose, all of these things that I've been able to work on have absolutely changed my life for the better.
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Number nine, you don't suddenly become a completely different person.
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You start finding yourself again.
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What I have found since giving up alcohol is that I have reconnected with my authentic self.
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I am absolutely not a completely different person.
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I'm more of me.
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So I'm more of the parts that I really loved about myself.
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I'm more sure of who I want to be, I have clearer values.
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It's it's been a journey to feeling safe being myself, and that's that's been amazing.
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So I don't want anyone to fear that stopping alcohol means that you have to become someone totally different.
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What also happened when I stopped drinking is that the parts of myself that I didn't really like, they dropped away.
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The alcohol made me not a nice person some of the time.
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Um, it made me do and say things that I never would have done when I was sober.
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So dropping the alcohol has meant coming back to who I am, who I want to be, finding that self-love and self-acceptance.
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That has been amazing.
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Number 10, your life does not have to become boring.
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And perhaps this is the biggest misconception about stopping drinking.
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But you don't lose your fun, your personality, your spontaneity, or your social life.
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You actually discover that alcohol was taking more from your life than it was giving you.
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I absolutely thought alcohol made me more fun, made me more spontaneous, and gave me a better social life.
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But since stopping drinking, I've realized that was not true in any way.
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It just wasn't true.
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Um, it certainly made me more stupid, careless, uh, more prone to taking risks that weren't safe.
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Um, you know, that didn't make me fun and spontaneous.
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It made me someone I'm not.
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So with getting rid of alcohol, I have got my real personality back.
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Um, if you're nervous about socializing without alcohol, it's a practice thing.
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Um, I have certainly fully embraced socializing without alcohol now.
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It has taken time.
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But I go home from social events, from lunches, dinners, catch-ups, and I feel fulfilled.
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Something that I never felt when I was drinking.
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If you are worried that you'll become boring or that not drinking is boring, I can tell you from this side, there is nothing boring about my life.
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I do more, I see more, I connect more, and I am more fulfilled.
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And you can be too.
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Now that's the 10 important things I've learned since quitting drinking, but I have a bonus one, and this is really, really important, and it's a big lesson to me, and that is that being ready is not a feeling, it's a decision.
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I would have never stopped drinking alcohol if I had waited until I was ready.
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It was something that one day, after a lot of time, you know, three and a half years for me, sort of stopping and starting.
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One day my brain said, This is it.
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And I dived into alcohol freedom, and it's been over four and a half years now, and that's all because I made a decision.
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So please do not wait to feel ready because in so many things in life, we're not going to feel ready.
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I can tell you with this podcast, I didn't feel ready to go out on my own, but I'm doing it.
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It's not perfect.
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Um, I'm doing it because I know I'll never be ready if I don't.
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And I just want to reach out to people who might learn something from me and my journey and my mistakes, and also to let people know they're not alone.
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And I'm not ready.
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I'm not ready, believe me, but I'm doing it, and you can too.
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So stop waiting to feel ready.
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If that's how you're feeling around alcohol, please just do it.
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Your brain, everything will catch up to you.
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Just start taking the steps, start doing it.
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And I promise that um you'll get to a point and go, I cannot believe I did it.
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I can't believe, you know, for me how long I've been alcohol free, but I'm just so glad I made that decision.
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Because if I hadn't, I I dread to think where I'd be now.
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So that's my episode on the 10 important things I've learned since quitting alcohol.
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I'd love to hear from you and hear what have been, you know, the things you've learned since quitting or the things you're afraid of before quitting.
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Please reach out.
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You can contact me through the show notes or at my website, meganweb.com.au, and please subscribe and review.
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Your support would mean so much in that, helping me get my podcast out.
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And on a final note, I am launching a brand new course.
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It's a 12-week program for women.
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It's called The Reclaimed Woman.
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We will work through all things alcohol, but also beyond that, healing our wounds, looking toward the future, planning a future where you have purpose and passion.
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So if you would like to find out more about that, please book a discovery call on my website.
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There is a link, it gives you a half-hour free call, and just book in and we can talk about the course if you're interested.
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I'm so excited about it.
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It's another thing where I am absolutely didn't feel ready and I am stepping out of my comfort zone big time, but I think it's going to help a lot of people.
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So please get in touch if you're interested.
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Thanks everyone for listening, and I will see you on the next episode of Conscious Unbottling.
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Bye.