WEBVTT
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00:00:07.213Hey everybody, mary and Swingla here, confident you podcast.
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00:00:12.509I am very excited about what we're about to dive into tonight.
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00:00:18.971I want to honor the passing of Tina Turner.
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00:00:31.314She was relentless in her pursuit of being her, of being her authentic self.
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00:00:51.432There was a time in her life where she felt fell prey to someone abusing her physically, mentally, emotionally, financially in every way every aspect.
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00:00:54.268This is her story that she told.
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00:00:56.625So it from her words.
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00:01:00.463This is what took place, but from her abuser.
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00:01:14.254He said, and I quote yeah, I hit her, but I didn't hit her more than the average guy beating his wife.
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00:01:21.789The truth is, our lives were no different than from the guys next door.
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00:01:28.881I just have to stop there, okay.
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00:01:48.870So I think you feel, I hope you have the compassion and feel what I feel, because to agree that you're hitting someone and then say I'm not doing any more than the guy next door, that's beating his wife.
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00:01:52.304So let's get into it.
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00:02:10.853Tonight we have someone here who helps women fight back, who helps them take their voice back to get their identity back, to get their freedom to walk in this free land back.
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00:02:20.425I'm excited to have her here with me and very honored that she's here to discuss all that she's going to discuss.
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00:02:25.792So, with no further delay introducing Tiffany D.
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00:02:30.671Tiffany, you're not excited?
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00:02:34.528You told me there, it is, there it is, you told me.
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00:02:46.814Listen, listen listen, very excited to have you here tonight, honored and blessed.
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00:02:50.649I know that your time is very valuable.
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00:03:09.633I believe that about everyone that comes to join me, what you're joining me tonight to discuss is extremely, is actually more common than people realize.
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00:03:13.325It's more common than people realize.
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00:03:15.344So let's first just start.
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00:03:19.086Let's introduce you to the people, Tell the people who you are.
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00:03:25.751I am Tiffany D Santana, as you say, my almost my full government.
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00:03:34.865I am the executive director of a domestic violence intervention program called Bethany House of Northern Virginia.
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00:03:53.848I am also a certified transformational confidence coach and I just love helping people and I love helping people to transform and be their best selves, the best version of themselves, and that's pretty much the story of who I am.
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00:04:04.032You know, there's actually something I wanted to ask you about.
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00:04:15.294There is this here floating somewhere out on the web.
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00:04:18.009I just need an explanation.
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00:04:20.862Please, share, please.
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00:04:32.100Let's go through who's in the picture from the beautiful silver hair box on the side of you?
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00:04:35.028And then, you know, just make your way around the table and let's just see.
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00:04:38.237You are so funny, I just wonder.
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00:04:38.538I wonder.
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00:04:55.291Okay, so the beautiful woman with the silver hair and glasses is my dear mother, velma, and to the right of Velma, that is me in 2012.
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00:04:58.978Go the other way, right of me, go the other way.
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00:05:01.906The other way, because we already know who's on the right.
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00:05:24.603Fantastic, amazing, fantabulous husband Richard is to the left of my mom and that shiny round head that we see is my father, jimmy, and we are with President Obama and in that picture, I am praying with him and for him, along with my family.
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00:05:30.290How did you get blessed with that honor?
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00:05:39.711Not just you, your whole family is in the room with President Barack Obama.
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00:05:46.850So the very realist answer is prayer.
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00:05:52.711My mother prayed to have a personal meeting with her president.
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00:05:58.451She loved him and she prayed this before he was president because she worked on his campaign.
00:05:58.451 -->
00:05:59.273She loved him.
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00:06:03.870She said I know God's going to give me a time to just tell him how I feel about him.
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00:06:14.449I'm just going to sit down with him one day, and originally I think she believed that it would be an event at the White House that they would bring in all the volunteers and she'd get to shake his hand.
00:06:15.360 -->
00:06:20.531But in 2012, something was happening very similar in 2012, this happened in the news today.
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00:06:30.170The government was getting ready to go over what they called a fiscal cliff If they didn't get the debt ceiling raised by a certain time.
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00:06:31.533We were going over a fiscal cliff.
00:06:31.533 -->
00:06:42.120Whitehousegov did a campaign to ask families what would happen if your taxes got raised by $2,000?
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00:06:42.120.
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00:06:44.689So I was a school teacher at the time.
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00:06:48.630I wrote in just during my planning period, kind of on a whim.
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00:06:50.668I'm just going to respond to this thing really quickly.
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00:07:06.567I told about how we live as a multi-generational family, and so everything that happens to us happens multiplied because we have several adults in the house, and so I got an email from Whitehousegov.
00:07:06.567 -->
00:07:08.678They said they wanted to do a story.
00:07:08.678 -->
00:07:10.146Could they send out a camera crew?
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00:07:12.387Great, yes, fantastic.
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00:07:16.550A couple days after that I got a phone call.
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00:07:22.809We'd like to send a senior White House official to your home.
00:07:22.809 -->
00:07:25.512Would you be open to that?
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00:07:26.975Yes, this is in your home.
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00:07:28.041In my home.
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00:07:30.898Yes, yes.
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00:07:35.187So of course I'll have a senior White House official.
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00:07:35.889That would be great.
00:07:35.889 -->
00:07:37.031I love Valerie Jarrett.
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00:07:45.771Yes, so they sent the Secret Service, did a sweep of the house and made sure everything was legit.
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00:08:04.346I was at work my mom at a time she was an in-home childcare provider and so the Secret Service came, they were doing their thing and the lead agent says to my mom I'm sorry we have to make such a commotion, but this is what happens when the president comes.
00:08:04.346 -->
00:08:17.293And so, of course, after they picked her up from the floor because I knew anything by this time and we know she loves him she just, of course, had a really emotional reaction.
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00:08:25.310The president was coming, and then we're all excited and nervous and can't tell anybody because we can't lead with the story before the press does.
00:08:25.310 -->
00:08:27.687But he showed up at our house the next day.
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00:08:29.206All this happened in the span of a week.
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00:08:31.805He showed up at our house on a Thursday.
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00:08:35.105He came in, he put us right at ease.
00:08:35.105 -->
00:08:36.625He said the press corps is going to come in.
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00:08:38.385There'll be 30 reporters in your house.
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00:08:39.924You don't have to do anything.
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00:08:44.162I'm going to talk, explain to them what's going on, send them away and we'll just talk.
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00:08:47.063And that's exactly what happened.
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00:08:49.349The press came, he did his thing.
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00:09:01.885They left, he loosened up his tie, slouched in his chair and just talked to a family for almost an hour, Just sat and enjoyed our company and we enjoyed his, and we closed the meeting with this.
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00:09:16.989I asked if I could pray for him before he left and he said yes, please, and grabbed our hands and at the end of it, just you know, agreed with us at Jesus' name and that was history.
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00:09:18.384It was just fantastic.
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00:09:21.684That was her story.
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00:09:26.368Yes, ma'am, you are amazing, you are amazing.
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00:09:28.011God is amazing.
00:09:28.011 -->
00:09:28.894He made that happen.
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00:09:34.912Yes, he is my goodness and as his faithful child, you are being blessed.
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00:09:39.418Your mother, listen, I got a list Give it a listen.
00:09:41.649 -->
00:09:42.573I'll send it on to her.
00:09:42.573 -->
00:09:43.639She'll give them to you.
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00:09:46.802She has a close connection, I don't you know?
00:09:46.802 -->
00:09:49.928I'm very particular, honestly, about who prays for me.
00:09:50.169 -->
00:09:50.890As you should be.
00:09:51.251 -->
00:09:52.052Very particular.
00:09:52.052 -->
00:09:55.830So yes, she definitely she's going on the list.
00:09:55.830 -->
00:10:00.888So there we are with that, so let's go back.
00:10:00.888 -->
00:10:01.962I just had to.
00:10:01.962 -->
00:10:05.345When I saw that, I was kind of floored, so I just had to.
00:10:05.345 -->
00:10:16.730So let's go back to you, you as a child, you as a teenager, who were you?
00:10:18.360 -->
00:10:23.652I was a really sweet, inquisitive young child.
00:10:23.652 -->
00:10:28.168I was very respectful, very obedient, very helpful.
00:10:28.168 -->
00:10:31.066I was a little nerdy.
00:10:31.066 -->
00:10:50.192My mother just recently reminded me that when I was little I collected all kinds of facts and had to share my little facts all the time about all kinds of things buttons and science projects and math and whatever else I could collect walking little Jeopardy kid.
00:10:50.192 -->
00:10:55.110And so my childhood was really good.
00:10:55.780 -->
00:11:01.682I grew up in Northern Virginia with both my parents and my sister and my.
00:11:01.682 -->
00:11:03.389I was really close to my grandparents.
00:11:03.389 -->
00:11:05.840I saw them every weekend almost all summer.
00:11:05.840 -->
00:11:07.506I spent a lot of time with them.
00:11:07.506 -->
00:11:10.188Just a really good childhood.
00:11:10.188 -->
00:11:16.985Grew up in church, had a really good, extensive church family, so that was fantastic.
00:11:16.985 -->
00:11:22.850Then I hit 13 and things changed a little bit at 13.
00:11:22.850 -->
00:11:49.625My mother calls it the body snatcher stage because she says that some alien life form came and replaced her sweet child with some being that kind of looked like her but wasn't acting like her, and I went through a little spell of rebellion and figuring out life and doing everything I thought I could do and eventually I came back around.
00:11:49.785 -->
00:11:51.269Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:11:51.269 -->
00:11:54.725Before you came back around, you give me.
00:11:54.725 -->
00:12:09.975You can't just say saying your rebellious is really not explaining the magnitude and depths of your body snatching experience.
00:12:14.686 -->
00:12:22.793So I did well see now my mom's watching and she's gonna hear all the dirt, All the behind the scenes.
00:12:22.813 -->
00:12:24.119Hopefully it's too late.
00:12:24.119 -->
00:12:25.254Hopefully, listening.
00:12:25.254 -->
00:12:31.578You need to be asked her to pray now so, as she's listening, forgiveness is on her heart.
00:12:31.578 -->
00:12:32.200I'm just saying.
00:12:32.360 -->
00:12:34.142Yes, yes, I'm listening, I'm listening.
00:12:34.562 -->
00:12:36.870So okay, so I did.
00:12:36.870 -->
00:12:40.360I did some sneaking out and going places I wasn't supposed to go.
00:12:40.360 -->
00:12:44.177I smoked as a young teenager.
00:12:44.177 -->
00:12:53.083Unfortunately, I didn't care much for doing what I was supposed to do at home.
00:12:53.083 -->
00:12:55.177I was angry, for whatever reason.
00:12:55.177 -->
00:12:57.739I didn't have any reason to be angry at that age.
00:12:57.739 -->
00:12:58.875I guess it's just.
00:12:58.875 -->
00:13:03.738You know, you're going through your hormonal changes and you're trying to figure out who you are and you're trying to find your voice.
00:13:05.013 -->
00:13:06.317And I had a running buddy.
00:13:06.317 -->
00:13:08.418She's still my best friend in the whole wide world.
00:13:08.418 -->
00:13:09.936We've known each other since we were 10.
00:13:09.936 -->
00:13:10.751We're still.
00:13:10.751 -->
00:13:11.921We've been through everything together.
00:13:11.921 -->
00:13:26.740But we did a lot of sneaking to parties and hanging out with older people and, you know, just generally doing the things that I think some young people do when they're trying to figure out what this is all about.
00:13:26.740 -->
00:13:40.815And, having been such a good child and so respectful and obedient, I think at that time it was just like I'm just going to break free and try to do whatever I can do and be independent, because I was grown at 13, right?
00:13:40.815 -->
00:13:40.894I?
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00:13:43.662know, I know everything I knew, all the things.
00:13:43.662 -->
00:13:49.923I was just going to go out there and do all the things that I knew how to do as a grown 13 year old.
00:13:50.110 -->
00:13:51.774As a grown 13 year old.
00:13:51.774 -->
00:13:54.078Okay, all the things, all the things, all right.
00:13:54.078 -->
00:14:00.500So, moving on from your body, snatch your face.
00:14:00.500 -->
00:14:02.432What came next for you?
00:14:03.509 -->
00:14:05.115High school was a different story.
00:14:05.115 -->
00:14:07.937I was very active in high school.
00:14:07.937 -->
00:14:10.836I found a place and a purpose.
00:14:10.836 -->
00:14:12.134I was a cheerleader.
00:14:12.134 -->
00:14:13.936I was in student government.
00:14:13.936 -->
00:14:22.816That's when I really started discovering my voice as a leader, was captain of the cheerleaders, I was vice president of my class.
00:14:22.816 -->
00:14:28.181I believed in creating a community that everyone could be proud of.
00:14:28.181 -->
00:14:30.019So high school turned.
00:14:30.019 -->
00:14:31.409It was better for me.
00:14:31.409 -->
00:14:32.575I still wanted to have fun.
00:14:32.575 -->
00:14:57.538I still wanted to do all the things that high schoolers do, but it really started to be the place where I started to discover exactly who I wanted to be, and I started to practice confidence in high school Trying new things, putting myself out there, doing things scared, speaking a lot in front of people, whether it was at church or at school, and so high school was a great experience for me.
00:14:57.690 -->
00:14:59.715We had a great diverse community.
00:15:00.196 -->
00:15:07.549in our high school of 2000 students, there were 76 countries represented and 32 languages spoken.
00:15:07.549 -->
00:15:14.942It was just a great place to learn and grow and just develop.
00:15:15.610 -->
00:15:16.894And this is in Virginia.
00:15:17.394 -->
00:15:23.368In Virginia, northern Virginia, right outside Washington DC and Fairfax County, and that's where you still are now.
00:15:23.570 -->
00:15:27.256That's where you still are today, that's where I am now.
00:15:27.256 -->
00:15:30.860I took a short stint down to Hampton Roads, virginia, down in Norfolk.
00:15:30.860 -->
00:15:35.162I went to college down there and lived there for about 16 years.
00:15:35.162 -->
00:15:42.500My husband there and we lived together for a while in Norfolk and then we moved back here in 2010.
00:15:42.500 -->
00:15:46.048And right back to the same place in Fairfax County where I went to high school.
00:15:46.048 -->
00:15:50.099So it's really cool to be able to live in the same community that grew me.
00:15:51.570 -->
00:15:53.496And then fast forwarding to today.
00:15:53.496 -->
00:15:55.754Today you do what?
00:15:55.754 -->
00:15:58.697Because you said that it groomed you.
00:15:58.697 -->
00:16:00.515High school groomed you to be a leader.
00:16:00.515 -->
00:16:04.480So express how that leadership is showing up now in your life.
00:16:05.330 -->
00:16:17.442So currently I serve as executive director, as I said, of Bethany House of Northern Virginia, and it's the first such leadership role that I've had where I actually lead a team.
00:16:17.442 -->
00:16:24.134I'm responsible for leading an organization and developing it, and it's fantastic.
00:16:24.134 -->
00:16:30.070I was built for it, I have been prepared for it over these years, it is my assignment.
00:16:30.070 -->
00:16:38.355I'm clear on it in this season, that it's what I'm supposed to be doing right in this moment and it's growing me in so many different ways.
00:16:38.355 -->
00:16:45.365But it's given me so much purpose and I am in a position again where I can help people transform.
00:16:45.365 -->
00:16:53.859Almost everything I've done in my life has been about transformation and helping and serving, so it's just a blessing to be able to do this in this season.
00:16:54.590 -->
00:16:58.200So transformation, helping and serving.
00:16:58.200 -->
00:17:01.879So exactly who do you serve there at Bethany House?
00:17:02.669 -->
00:17:19.188So, bethany House, we serve women and children who are escaping domestic violence, and much of what we do is to help them to pick up the pieces and rebuild after they have made the courageous decision to leave what they've known and start all over.
00:17:19.188 -->
00:17:33.497Sometimes with absolutely nothing, sometimes in a new state, sometimes in a new country even and what we do is provide them with a wide variety of services and support to help them to start over and to transform.
00:17:34.470 -->
00:17:36.057To start over and transform.
00:17:36.057 -->
00:17:37.596How does this journey start?
00:17:37.596 -->
00:17:50.525Let's say there's me and I'm in a situation and I have children, and how do I then seek help?
00:17:51.631 -->
00:17:56.199So it happens in a variety of ways for us.
00:17:56.199 -->
00:17:58.182Believe it or not, most people Google us.
00:17:58.182 -->
00:18:08.201They Google women's shelter, they Google domestic violence shelter and in Northern Virginia we're usually the first organization that pops up and Google.
00:18:08.201 -->
00:18:09.373So they'll email us.
00:18:09.373 -->
00:18:18.215Very often Our help line allows for texting, because sometimes phone calling is dangerous and also people call our help line.
00:18:18.215 -->
00:18:22.155We also get referrals from the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
00:18:22.155 -->
00:18:31.730Because we are a non-jurisdictional, privately funded organization, we can serve women from everywhere, no matter where they live.
00:18:31.730 -->
00:18:40.594They don't have to necessarily live in our jurisdiction, and so we get women that come to us from all over the country who are fleeing domestic violence, and we'll screen them.
00:18:40.594 -->
00:18:44.993We'll put them through an intake to make sure that we have the right services for them.
00:18:44.993 -->
00:18:55.332If we don't or if we're full, we are very networked so we'll make sure that we give them the resources they need to go somewhere where they can still be safe but get exactly what they need.
00:18:55.930 -->
00:19:07.593So I arrive on that phone call or that email or in that text, what is it that is to be established?
00:19:08.410 -->
00:19:16.297So initially we would first do a lethality assessment to make sure that they're not in danger of losing their lives at that moment.
00:19:16.297 -->
00:19:20.601We will do a general screening to see what the situation is.
00:19:20.601 -->
00:19:24.961Sometimes women call us and they're not domestic violence victims.
00:19:24.961 -->
00:19:28.279They are generally homeless or something else has happened.
00:19:28.279 -->
00:19:33.049So we do have a network of other organizations that deal with general homelessness.
00:19:33.049 -->
00:19:34.635But we'll do an assessment.
00:19:34.635 -->
00:19:43.275If that particular woman seems to be a good fit for our program, then we'll usually schedule a time that's safe for them to leave.
00:19:43.275 -->
00:19:54.618Within 24 to 48 hours They'll come to our office, we'll do a more extensive intake where we'll get some information from them and then we'll send them right on to our safe house.
00:19:55.109 -->
00:19:58.259So do they know what the steps are?
00:19:58.259 -->
00:20:02.219How would I know what's getting ready to happen?
00:20:03.690 -->
00:20:22.678Usually we'll walk at every step we walk through and we share with women what the next step is, whether the next step is we'll take you into our intake and preparation for coming into our safe house, or whether the next step is we have another resource for you and we're going to make sure that you get to that resource.
00:20:22.678 -->
00:20:38.080So, because what happens in those situations are usually very fluid and often very volatile, we have to be ready to shift and to do things differently for each woman in each situation.
00:20:38.080 -->
00:20:39.022So it can vary.
00:20:39.692 -->
00:20:41.037Very good, very good.
00:20:41.037 -->
00:20:46.480Every situation is very sensitive and unique to the individual.
00:20:46.480 -->
00:20:52.580How do you, I get there and what do I do?
00:20:52.641 -->
00:21:00.201first, so when you first come in to the safe house, what we'll do is we will take you to your room.
00:21:00.201 -->
00:21:11.258There'll be a welcome basket there for you with some basic personal needs, a small devotional and some next steps.
00:21:11.258 -->
00:21:20.295So what you can expect here at Bethany House there's usually a binder there that has a welcome letter from me, from the program director, and some other tips.
00:21:20.295 -->
00:21:25.461But what we do is we allow them really to decompress for about 48 hours.
00:21:25.461 -->
00:21:33.696Many women come to us having been in a tense situation where they're exhausted because they don't sleep, because they're on eggshells.
00:21:33.696 -->
00:21:36.156Some women come to us from the cars.
00:21:36.156 -->
00:21:45.118They just left their home and the safest next step is to go sleep in their car somewhere, and women are exhausted after they've had that experience.
00:21:45.118 -->
00:21:55.078So we give them 48 hours or so just to just rest and sleep and to get oriented, before we further orient them into our program.
00:21:56.210 -->
00:22:01.421That's beautiful, to allow them just to us to understand.
00:22:01.421 -->
00:22:03.252Okay, you hear, you've made it.
00:22:03.252 -->
00:22:08.901I got there with my kids, because we're still using myself as an example.
00:22:08.901 -->
00:22:11.056I got there with my children.
00:22:11.056 -->
00:22:13.094What's there for them?
00:22:14.410 -->
00:22:27.259So we our safe house is designed for families, so we even have adjoining rooms where mom can have a single room to herself, but the room is adjoined so she can keep the door open and keep an eye out for her kids.
00:22:27.259 -->
00:22:29.777We have children's programming.
00:22:29.777 -->
00:22:32.678We outsource children's counseling.
00:22:32.678 -->
00:22:38.801We have several groups that will come in and do children's activities.
00:22:38.801 -->
00:22:44.080We make sure that they get set up in school, in a local school that's close to the safe house.
00:22:44.080 -->
00:22:49.616We make sure that they have everything that they need as far as school supplies and clothes and all of those things.
00:22:49.616 -->
00:22:57.553We give them, usually a security toy of some sort to comfort them, depending on the age of the child.
00:22:57.553 -->
00:23:02.381But in the same way that moms have to decompress, the children have to decompress too.
00:23:02.381 -->
00:23:05.358So we give them time and space and support.
00:23:05.358 -->
00:23:06.914There's a live-in house manager.
00:23:06.914 -->
00:23:16.297She provides a lot of security for the families there and she supports them and, however, they need to get adjusted when they come in.
00:23:17.069 -->
00:23:19.298To get adjusted when they come in.
00:23:19.298 -->
00:23:33.778So, basically, I have gotten there, so I have escaped the physical domestic remifications or remnants of the domestic abuse.
00:23:33.778 -->
00:23:36.634How then, what else?
00:23:36.634 -->
00:23:40.883What other components besides the physical?
00:23:40.883 -->
00:23:58.836Now I'm removed and I'm not there, so it's not happening, but I may still be having thoughts, I may still be having responses to people going by or different things like that what have you put in place to deal with that?
00:23:59.950 -->
00:24:09.383So our safe house first, is very secure Undisclosed location, security cameras everywhere across the street from a police station.
00:24:09.383 -->
00:24:15.502So we try to make the feel of the house be as secure as possible without feeling like you're locked in.
00:24:15.502 -->
00:24:17.636The house is beautifully designed.
00:24:17.636 -->
00:24:30.542We had an interior designer come in who specializes with trauma-informed interior design, so the spaces are created and designed for people who have experienced trauma, which I think is phenomenal.
00:24:30.542 -->
00:24:34.436I didn't even know it existed until we started working on the renovation of this house.
00:24:35.592 -->
00:24:44.906And then what's different about our organization relative to many domestic violence shelters is that we offer a comprehensive program.
00:24:44.906 -->
00:24:49.089So women who come to us, first of all, they stay for four to six months.
00:24:49.089 -->
00:24:54.388Most shelters are 30-day stays and 30 days is great to get you out of harm's way.
00:24:54.388 -->
00:24:59.172It's not nearly enough time to figure out how you're going to rebuild your life.
00:24:59.172 -->
00:25:03.009So many times the women come to us from the 30-day shelters as well.
00:25:03.009 -->
00:25:05.385But we offer counseling.
00:25:06.140 -->
00:25:08.487Trauma counseling is a part of our program.
00:25:08.487 -->
00:25:14.491We offer life advancement programming is what we call it, and it's modular.
00:25:14.491 -->
00:25:27.752So women get information and education and safety planning, financial planning and literacy, health care and self-care, professional development, personal development.
00:25:27.752 -->
00:25:32.570We really focus on helping the women to rebuild herself the way she wants to.
00:25:32.570 -->
00:25:49.172And we also provide connections to other services legal assistance, because of course, when people are leaving domestic violence situations, there are lots of legal ramifications and legal things to think about, like custody, like divorce, like protective order.
00:25:49.380 -->
00:25:55.663So we connect them with attorneys, usually, who offer their services pro bono, which is fantastic.
00:25:55.663 -->
00:26:06.491We offer them anything that they need really to get themselves set up, whether we connect them with doctors or dentists and people from the community who provide support.
00:26:06.491 -->
00:26:46.184It's a very comprehensive program and once they transition out of the shelter and into their own permanent housing because we don't release any woman until she has a permanent, safe place to stay we continue to work with them in our aftercare program for two more years to make sure that they can continue to get counseling, continue to get life advancement programming, continue to get themselves established, and so in doing that, we have more than 95% rate of women who do not return back to abuse because the care is so comprehensive, because it's so structured and long term and because it's very woman focused.
00:26:46.184 -->
00:26:55.482She gets to create her own individualized plan for how she will walk forward in her new life, and it's exciting, it's exciting work.
00:26:56.859 -->
00:26:58.326That is absolutely beautiful.
00:26:58.326 -->
00:27:10.570You give them all the keys to confidence in every area of their life as they're recreating the authentic, their authentic self to walk this earth.
00:27:10.570 -->
00:27:13.107That is absolutely beautiful.
00:27:13.107 -->
00:27:14.343You said something.
00:27:14.343 -->
00:27:15.907You said homeless.
00:27:15.907 -->
00:27:22.811Could you share with everyone your experience with homelessness?
00:27:24.180 -->
00:27:47.256So each year in March, around Good Samaritan Day, I spend one night homeless, and it started as a nudge from a friend who was doing it for a different organization that deals with people who sleep in their cars, and they were trying to raise funds to build parking lots where people could park safely if they lived in their cars.
00:27:47.256 -->
00:27:57.748It was just one way to answer this huge problem of homelessness, and they nudged me to do it that first year and I said you know, I deal with people who become homeless for a different reason.
00:27:57.748 -->
00:28:18.445I need to try to do this at least to figure out what it feels like as a woman who has decided that her best option is to leave her home to go sleep in a car, because home is a much worse fate than the car, and I did it three years ago for the first time.
00:28:18.445 -->
00:28:21.613It was a life changing experience.
00:28:21.613 -->
00:28:37.627It changed everything about how we serve at Bethany House, because there are just certain things that you can't foresee or think of unless you've spent a little time, at least in part, in someone else's shoes.
00:28:37.627 -->
00:28:40.808So I spent the night in March in the DC area.
00:28:41.400 -->
00:28:44.849It's hit or miss in March, sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's cold.
00:28:44.849 -->
00:28:45.580Every year.
00:28:45.580 -->
00:28:46.020I've done it.
00:28:46.020 -->
00:28:52.030It's been cold one year snowing but it teaches you what it feels like.
00:28:52.030 -->
00:28:54.034It's uncomfortable, it's cold.
00:28:54.034 -->
00:28:57.428You sleep with one eye open so you don't get much sleep.
00:28:57.428 -->
00:29:02.210It's nothing I'd ever want for anyone.
00:29:03.303 -->
00:29:04.507It was so difficult.
00:29:05.279 -->
00:29:12.647And the next morning after the first time, I woke up and I just sobbed because I imagined moms trying to do that with their little kids.
00:29:12.807 -->
00:29:30.972I imagined my son, who is big and tall and towers over me now, but I imagined him being a five year old and me trying to protect him and keep him safe and sleeping in a car and trying to keep him warm and keeping one eye open to make sure no one's coming after us or the abuser is not coming after you.
00:29:30.972 -->
00:29:39.529Trying to figure out even how to time when to use the restroom, because business is closed so you can't drink too late, because you won't have anywhere to go to the restroom.
00:29:39.529 -->
00:29:41.946I mean all these things that you have to think about.
00:29:41.946 -->
00:29:46.539And so it changed how we do intake.
00:29:46.539 -->
00:30:16.267It changed how we do programming, because living that experience, even for 24 hours, is it's remarkable and frightening and overwhelming, but it's something I'm committed to doing every year, as long as I can do it because I always want to remember what that feels like and get into the shoes of our clients as much as I can to make sure that we're well informed in the way that we deliver care.
00:30:17.420 -->
00:30:20.951To make sure we're well informed in the way that we deliver care.
00:30:20.951 -->
00:30:27.471When you said you love to serve ma'am, you were not kidding.
00:30:27.471 -->
00:30:32.386What would you say to parents?
00:30:32.386 -->
00:31:05.567There are people that have been through domestic violence as children, so they've seen it inflicted on their guardian, male or female, because the rates for males are not far behind the rates of females, because there are in every three females now there's one, and every four males there's one.
00:31:05.567 -->
00:31:21.852So how do you address, how would you say parents should explain or share the boundaries that someone should set up healthily to know okay, yeah, no, this is not going to work.
00:31:21.852 -->
00:31:27.983What are those red flags that you, as a parent, you should explain to your children to be looking for?
00:31:29.221 -->
00:31:44.137Well, very first, no one should make you feel hurt intentionally in any way, whether it's physical harm, whether it's emotional harm, whether it's intimidation or bullying.
00:31:44.137 -->
00:31:49.548It's not acceptable and we are the CEOs of ourselves.
00:31:50.059 -->
00:31:58.647We have a right to say who's in our lives, what they can do within our lives, whether they can be in certain levels of proximity to us.
00:31:58.647 -->
00:32:01.224So that's first and foremost.
00:32:01.224 -->
00:32:14.926If you're feeling hurt, if someone is hurting you, if someone is speaking negatively to you or speaking death to you or not speaking life to you, you have a right to say I'm not going to accept that you can't do that to me, period.
00:32:14.926 -->
00:32:25.509And encouraging young people to have a voice, a respectful voice when respect is due, but a firm voice to say that you can't harm me.
00:32:25.509 -->
00:32:31.948I'm valuable, I'm worthy and you don't get to treat me any way you want to treat me.
00:32:31.948 -->
00:32:33.284It's just so important.
00:32:33.284 -->
00:32:44.673And you know when you're being hurt, you know when you're being manipulated, you certainly know when you're being physically hurt, but sharing that it's not okay and that you have to tell, you have to talk about it.
00:32:44.673 -->
00:32:47.019You have to share what's going on, you have to communicate.
00:32:47.019 -->
00:32:48.265It's just so important.
00:32:49.539 -->
00:32:51.546So I came in.
00:32:51.546 -->
00:32:52.568We're going back to me.
00:32:52.568 -->
00:33:00.650I came in and or I didn't come in, but my child is watching all of this happen.
00:33:00.650 -->
00:33:02.673Is that a call that you would take?
00:33:04.119 -->
00:33:04.961From the child.
00:33:04.961 -->
00:33:16.182We would take the call from the child, but we are mandatory reporters so we would have to report that to CPS and Child Protective Services would have to take over from there.
00:33:16.182 -->
00:33:25.346Okay, whenever we receive a call, in order to act on the call, we typically have to have the call from the person who's being abused.
00:33:25.346 -->
00:33:28.461They have to consent, they have to say they want help.
00:33:28.461 -->
00:33:34.372Now our helpline does counsel people and how to help their family members.
00:33:34.372 -->
00:33:37.766Yes, absolutely, and we help people create safety plans.
00:33:37.766 -->
00:33:48.271Maybe a woman's not ready to go yet and she's just trying to figure out how, so we will also, through our helpline, help women to create safety plans, escape plans.
00:33:48.271 -->
00:33:52.367We partner with another organization that helps us get people out quickly if they need to.
00:33:52.367 -->
00:33:57.407So there's a lot of thought and a lot of planning that goes behind and we're learning.
00:33:57.407 -->
00:34:09.523We learn and we evolve every day because things change all the time, but we try our best to think about every possible scenario and plan for it so that we can be ready when people come to us.
00:34:12.009 -->
00:34:13.070I just have to applaud.
00:34:13.070 -->
00:34:14.072I'm sitting here applauding.
00:34:14.072 -->
00:34:18.985I just have to applaud everything that you're doing.
00:34:18.985 -->
00:34:30.367How do you personally now, this is you how do you go and see, witness all of this?
00:34:30.367 -->
00:34:34.135How do you keep you safe?
00:34:34.135 -->
00:34:44.809How do you protect you so that you, you don't take on other people's situations or issues?
00:34:46.913 -->
00:34:55.076With my position, I don't have as much client care client contact, I'm sorry as the people who work on my team.
00:34:55.076 -->
00:34:58.786So we have people on the team that work with the clients every single day.
00:34:58.786 -->
00:35:08.061I usually have the good fortune of seeing the clients as they're coming through the program, as they're changing and as they're having their wins.
00:35:08.061 -->
00:35:10.891So for me that's a great thing.
00:35:10.891 -->
00:35:22.907I've been a teacher, so, being a teacher for a long time, you learn how to leave your emotions at school, because you could take all the emotions of everything home with you if you don't set up boundaries for yourself.
00:35:22.907 -->
00:35:30.545And so you really do have to learn how to put the hat on when you're there and take it off when you come home so you can be present for your family.
00:35:30.545 -->
00:35:38.170It's not always easy, because I love people and I have a really soft heart for people, so it's not always the easiest.
00:35:38.170 -->
00:35:39.456Over time you learn.
00:35:39.938 -->
00:35:47.364But I'm really mindful about making sure that my team those who do work very closely with our clients do have self-care time.
00:35:47.364 -->
00:35:50.090They do have mental health days, they do take breaks.
00:35:50.090 -->
00:35:57.219We are very open and honest about how people are feeling, and if they come to me and say I'm taking Friday off.
00:35:57.219 -->
00:35:58.704I'm going to have a long weekend.
00:35:58.704 -->
00:35:59.527I just need to.
00:36:00.050 -->
00:36:10.603Then you go, because if they're not well and healthy, they can't support those who need us the most, and so we are very mindful on our team about how we're doing, how we're really doing.
00:36:10.603 -->
00:36:20.001We try to keep things as light-hearted as possible on our end, because we know a lot of times we do have to face ugly, and so we try to keep everything light with us.
00:36:20.001 -->
00:36:26.704But there are a lot of considerations when you're working with this type of population that has struggled and is suffering.
00:36:26.704 -->
00:36:33.688The beauty of it is, though, very often, by the time they get to us, they're over that, the hardest part.
00:36:33.688 -->
00:36:37.940Now they're on the on the on the incline when they come to us.
00:36:37.940 -->
00:36:40.244So that's the beauty of this part.
00:36:42.728 -->
00:37:05.934Okay, wow, I am very impressed that your program is as long as it is, because I am familiar with the 30 day programs, so I did not know that in the vicinity in the DMV there was something this extensive and that it also takes people outside of Virginia.
00:37:05.934 -->
00:37:06.335That's.
00:37:06.335 -->
00:37:10.125That's a great bit of information to have.
00:37:10.125 -->
00:37:17.195Is there anything that you would like for any there?
00:37:17.195 -->
00:37:24.416Are there any telltale signs that you would like to tell people to watch out for that?
00:37:25.699 -->
00:37:26.601could help someone.
00:37:26.601 -->
00:37:28.384That's a great question.
00:37:28.384 -->
00:37:38.364So any domestic violence let's first start here it it has its roots and control and power.
00:37:38.364 -->
00:38:08.773So behaviors and words that try to impose control and power over someone else, that can happen through insults, through demeaning, through cursing and intimidation, through telling people what they can and can't do or can and can't wear being insulting about how someone looks, putting curfews on adults.
00:38:08.773 -->
00:38:12.262Those types of things are things to look out for.
00:38:12.262 -->
00:38:19.184Harsh words, you know, words that hurt, words that cut, words that kill, those are things to look for.
00:38:19.184 -->
00:38:27.329When you obviously see physical violence, that's something to look out for and certainly to intervene with.
00:38:27.329 -->
00:38:29.862You don't have to physically intervene but you call the police.
00:38:29.862 -->
00:38:34.960If you see someone putting their hands on someone else, don't worry about am I in their business?
00:38:34.960 -->
00:38:37.847Don't worry about are they going to be mad at me?
00:38:37.847 -->
00:38:40.313You save someone's life and you intervene.
00:38:40.313 -->
00:38:48.342But those behaviors that impose control and power over another person, those are the things that you really want to look for.
00:38:49.105 -->
00:38:55.762And it's very difficult when someone is under I'm going to say a spell, because it's witchcrafty.
00:38:55.762 -->
00:39:04.168When they are under the spell of violence, of power and of control, you can't approach them logically.
00:39:04.168 -->
00:39:09.907You can't go to someone who's being abused and say you should just leave, you should just get out of here, you should just go.
00:39:09.907 -->
00:39:11.010Why do you stay?
00:39:11.010 -->
00:39:12.485You know you're being beaten.
00:39:12.485 -->
00:39:17.304You know he's not only beating you but he's cheating on you and he's doing this and this and that Just go.
00:39:18.206 -->
00:39:24.304And what happens to a person psychologically over time when they are controlled, when they are abused?
00:39:24.304 -->
00:39:33.670It does such great detrimental damage to your psyche that there isn't clear logical thought very often.
00:39:33.670 -->
00:39:41.831So the best thing to do is just to be there and be supportive, to let them know that you are there in the event that they're ready to take that step.
00:39:41.831 -->
00:39:46.047Don't judge, don't tell them what they're doing wrong.
00:39:46.047 -->
00:39:48.052Don't tell them they should just leave.
00:39:48.052 -->
00:39:52.608Say I'm here for you, I see you, I understand.
00:39:52.608 -->
00:39:54.550When you're ready, I'm here.
00:39:54.550 -->
00:39:56.175Ask questions.
00:39:56.175 -->
00:39:58.206You know how is life for you.
00:39:58.206 -->
00:39:59.831Is everything going okay?
00:39:59.831 -->
00:40:03.222Is there any way I can help you or be supportive of you?
00:40:03.222 -->
00:40:04.806Ask those questions.
00:40:04.806 -->
00:40:12.166Let people know that you're safe enough to trust and those are the best ways that you can help.
00:40:12.166 -->
00:40:16.264And then let them know that when they're ready, you're going to be there to help them.
00:40:17.086 -->
00:40:20.157You said, when you're ready, I'm here.
00:40:20.157 -->
00:40:23.684So how long is the I'm here?
00:40:25.306 -->
00:40:27.829Well, it depends.
00:40:27.829 -->
00:40:37.409It depends on your own safety, and by safety I mean not only your physical safety but your mental safety.
00:40:37.409 -->
00:40:45.351If you are investing so much in the hope that the person leaves, that it's causing you detriment in your own life.
00:40:45.351 -->
00:40:49.771That's not going to be healthy for you and you're not really going to be of help to them.
00:40:49.771 -->
00:41:15.264But saying that you're going to be here and actually being here, you can be here and keep going on about your life, but just stay in proximity, and by proximity not necessarily physical proximity, but just letting the person know that you're here, You're in arm shot, You're an ear shot, Just letting them know that, when the time is right, if they even want to be a sounding, have a sounding board, allow them to do that.
00:41:15.264 -->
00:41:21.826Even if they do it many times, it usually takes a woman seven times of trying to escape before she's actually successful.
00:41:21.826 -->
00:41:24.932So she may leave, come back, leave, come back.
00:41:24.932 -->
00:41:31.222And keep telling you the same story over and over Let her, let her go through the process, continue to be there for her.
00:41:31.643 -->
00:41:39.032Say that again, it may take seven times, and that's seven times actually leaving and coming back.
00:41:39.032 -->
00:41:46.594So she gets her way, she gets up her courage, she gets up, she gets out and she leaves.
00:41:46.594 -->
00:41:54.253But then to what If there's no Bethany house where she gets the kind of support she needs, or she doesn't know exactly where to go?
00:41:54.253 -->
00:42:10.599It's very easy to fall back into that, because comfortable becomes normal, even if it's, even if it's dysfunctional, and so sometimes say that it is comfortable, comfortable, becomes normal, even if it's dysfunctional.
00:42:13.581 -->
00:42:14.143I'm listening.
00:42:14.143 -->
00:42:16.324I apologize, Beth, you caught me.
00:42:16.324 -->
00:42:17.144I was like wait.
00:42:18.648 -->
00:42:20.753Okay, what you're used to is become.
00:42:20.753 -->
00:42:27.110You know our bodies are created for norms, like our temperature regulates itself.
00:42:27.110 -->
00:42:47.436When you get a spike in your temperature, you know something's off, because that our body stays in what's called homeostasis, likes to stay at that 98.6 degrees, and whatever we get used to, our body likes to stay there, and unfortunately, sometimes we can get used to being in abuse and so even stepping out into something that's healthier.
00:42:47.436 -->
00:42:55.398For us it's still different and it's still outside of that norm, and so it's scary and it feels weird to be safe.
00:42:55.398 -->
00:43:02.436Sometimes it sounds so off, but you have to really put yourself in their shoes.
00:43:02.436 -->
00:43:03.318They're not.
00:43:03.318 -->
00:43:07.996There are chemical changes that have taken place as a result of their abuse, and so we.
00:43:07.996 -->
00:43:14.918It takes a lot of patience to help someone to move out of abuse and into independence and safety.
00:43:16.864 -->
00:43:18.168Wow, okay.
00:43:18.168 -->
00:43:21.518So this is going to sound odd.
00:43:21.518 -->
00:43:24.726It's just me in the video you are.
00:43:24.726 -->
00:43:30.077It's going to sound odd, is there?
00:43:30.077 -->
00:43:32.300I'm wondering because I don't know.
00:43:32.300 -->
00:43:48.221I'm just asking is there a house or place for the abuser that realizes I can't keep doing this?
00:43:50.324 -->
00:43:55.697That is a fantastic question and, from what I know, no.
00:43:55.697 -->
00:43:58.505However, that's on our radar.
00:43:58.505 -->
00:44:09.637Our vision is to eliminate domestic violence, one family at a time, and you can't do that without taking into account the needs of the abuser.
00:44:09.637 -->
00:44:10.199People abuse hurt.
00:44:10.199 -->
00:44:11.985People hurt people.
00:44:11.985 -->
00:44:13.369That's true.
00:44:13.369 -->
00:44:19.869People abuse because they have in some way been abused or mistreated, and so people don't.
00:44:19.869 -->
00:44:24.163They're not born and they say I want to wake up and beat people and harm people.
00:44:24.163 -->
00:44:26.250That's not how it goes.
00:44:26.771 -->
00:44:30.061So, as a Christian organization, we we love.
00:44:30.061 -->
00:44:33.630We have to love like Jesus, loved Jesus, loved everybody.
00:44:33.630 -->
00:44:41.831And so it's really important for us and it's on our radar to at first work with the court system.
00:44:41.831 -->
00:44:52.869We think that's going to be the easiest route to start working with abusers is if it's court mandated, because a lot of people don't see that they need help until it's too late, unfortunately.
00:44:52.869 -->
00:45:02.880But if they're mandated, then that takes away all of the barriers of why they won't do it, and so our goal our director of programming and counseling services.
00:45:02.940 -->
00:45:13.445She is very passionate about helping not only people who are offenders but people who need to reenter after, after crime.
00:45:13.445 -->
00:45:15.853So this is her wheelhouse.
00:45:15.853 -->
00:45:30.652We are committed to trying to make this happen because we really want our community to be safe as a whole, and if we just attend to the abused, then we're missing 50% of the equation and the cycle will just continue.
00:45:30.652 -->
00:45:39.384So I don't I don't know of programs here that work with abusers, but we know that's the backing that needs to be filled.
00:45:39.384 -->
00:45:43.775I'm not saying that there isn't one, but I want to.
00:45:43.775 -->
00:45:49.007If it's not, I want us to be one of the first that does that, because it's just too important.
00:45:49.769 -->
00:45:51.652I am truly amazed.
00:45:51.652 -->
00:46:02.673I, as I introduced the question, I was like I really wasn't sure, but you, you understand.
00:46:02.673 -->
00:46:11.831That's amazing, that's absolutely beautiful because essentially, this is a family.
00:46:11.831 -->
00:46:16.302Essentially, yes, the woman can stay gone.
00:46:16.302 -->
00:46:20.632Sometimes kids want to revisit, sometimes kids go.
00:46:20.632 -->
00:46:42.197Now my grandchild wants to know who my dad is or who my mom is, whoever that abuser is, and it would just be great if they're not just left to their own devices, absolutely To their own way of thinking, to their own way of reacting.
00:46:42.197 -->
00:46:53.137Responding and you said it so beautifully unfortunately, hurt people, hurt people.
00:46:53.137 -->
00:46:57.985Now, that was a lot.
00:47:01.349 -->
00:47:02.351But we can handle it.
00:47:03.012 -->
00:47:06.376But we can handle it you are amazing.
00:47:06.936 -->
00:47:10.085You are an amazing beacon of light.
00:47:10.085 -->
00:47:13.451I've never seen you down.
00:47:13.451 -->
00:47:16.416I always see you pressing forward.
00:47:16.416 -->
00:47:29.815Your leadership that you learned in high school is definitely something that is thriving and growing and benefiting, I would say, one family at a time.
00:47:29.815 -->
00:47:31.840So I thank you for that.
00:47:31.840 -->
00:47:36.130I thank you for your contribution through this interview.
00:47:36.130 -->
00:47:45.574That now, so around the globe, people now know that Bethany House is here for them.
00:47:45.574 -->
00:47:46.905Am I correct, correct?
00:47:46.905 -->
00:48:03.911Around the globe, people now know that Bethany House is here for them, and they have personally met the executive director.
00:48:03.911 -->
00:48:07.838I appreciate you, my lord.
00:48:07.838 -->
00:48:11.284Oh right, so I'm so honored.
00:48:11.284 -->
00:48:12.708Thank you so much.
00:48:12.708 -->
00:48:20.106I would like for you to take this opportunity, now that we have the ear of the world.
00:48:20.106 -->
00:48:35.190I would like for you to express how they can take advantage of the opportunity of life when you're helping them to fight back.
00:48:35.190 -->
00:48:42.909It's not always a physical fight, but it's the fight that you help them fight that could fight.
00:48:42.909 -->
00:48:45.333My lord, I yielded the floor to you.
00:48:45.333 -->
00:48:48.458Ah, I yielded the floor to me.
00:48:53.204 -->
00:48:56.396That's okay, I'll take it Whatever the floor gets yielded.
00:48:56.396 -->
00:49:26.534One of the things I definitely want to share is that if you are in an environment where you are being harmed, where you're being controlled, where you're being abused, you are valuable and you are worth it and your life has purpose and God has so much for you, and so I want you to work on fighting back, take time to encourage yourself and then take the steps to get out.
00:49:26.534 -->
00:49:36.764Unfortunately, violence escalates, and far too often it escalates to death, and I don't want that for anybody.
00:49:36.764 -->
00:49:42.452So you can, if you are in trouble, you can contact Bethany House.
00:49:42.452 -->
00:49:57.364You can call us at 888-80-HELPS or you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.
00:49:57.364 -->
00:50:03.617They will get you to the places that you need to be and get you the information that you need.
00:50:03.617 -->
00:50:20.353I encourage you, I implore you, take the steps to get help and, if you know someone who is in a violent situation, be there for them, encourage them, support them, let them know that you care and you're there.
00:50:20.353 -->
00:50:37.025But on the screen you'll see our number for Bethany Houses Helpline 88880 helps, and you can also reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.
00:50:37.025 -->
00:50:42.639If you want to follow me, you most certainly can.
00:50:42.639 -->
00:50:47.835I can be found on Instagram at Tiffany D Santana.
00:50:47.835 -->
00:51:03.614I post all kinds of stuff some stuff serious, lots of stuff silly and all things positive and all things confidence and confidence building and a whole lot of Jesus you'll find at Tiffany D Santana.
00:51:03.614 -->
00:51:15.391You can also follow Bethany House on Instagram at Bethany House NV, and also you can find us on Facebook, bethany House of Northern Virginia.
00:51:16.344 -->
00:51:29.431I want to share with you something very special that's happening at the end of this month, on June 24th, if you are in the DC area, in the DMV, we are having a solidarity walk and luncheon for domestic violence awareness.
00:51:29.431 -->
00:51:33.454We will start at 10 am and McLean.
00:51:33.454 -->
00:51:34.929We'll walk about a mile.
00:51:34.929 -->
00:51:39.376We will observe some silent witness stories.
00:51:39.376 -->
00:51:44.452Those are stories of women who did not survive domestic violence, who live in our community.
00:51:44.452 -->
00:51:59.672But we will have a luncheon where we will hear stories from survivors themselves telling how people like you have helped them to conquer domestic violence and to live and thrive and even to give back and help others.
00:51:59.672 -->
00:52:12.077So if you'd like to join us, you can visit our walk website at bitly slash walk BHNV2023.
00:52:12.545 -->
00:52:21.527If you can't make it to the DC area on June 24th, which you want to contribute to help out our cause as we help women and children rebuild their lives after abuse.
00:52:21.527 -->
00:52:25.172You can donate, we need donations, we need sponsors.
00:52:25.172 -->
00:52:32.831We're building another safe house, so we need all the support we can get so that we can save more lives of women and children escaping domestic violence.
00:52:32.831 -->
00:52:42.056So you can find the information on the lower third bitly slash walk BHNV2023.
00:52:42.056 -->
00:52:45.773You can join us for the walk or you can certainly donate and support our cause.
00:52:45.773 -->
00:52:51.635I am team change agent, so if you want to hype my team up by donating to my team, I'll take it.
00:52:51.635 -->
00:52:52.612You can join my team too.
00:52:52.612 -->
00:52:57.809So I want to thank you so much and let's fight back.
00:52:59.409 -->
00:53:00.492Yes, let's fight back.
00:53:00.492 -->
00:53:01.414Let's fight back.
00:53:01.414 -->
00:53:07.039Listen, there is something else I'm excited for.
00:53:07.039 -->
00:53:11.235Listen, ms Tiffany D Santana.
00:53:11.235 -->
00:53:15.255Please let the people know what you have coming soon.
00:53:16.686 -->
00:53:18.271I am so excited about this.
00:53:18.271 -->
00:53:21.353I have written a devotional.
00:53:21.353 -->
00:53:30.434It is called Becoming God's Friend a 30 day interactive devotional to help you grow a close knit relationship with God.
00:53:30.434 -->
00:53:32.632This is my first baby.
00:53:32.632 -->
00:53:40.670My husband has been asking me to write a book for as long as I've known him two whole decades and I finally completed it.
00:53:40.670 -->
00:53:41.829It's coming soon.
00:53:41.829 -->
00:53:44.452More than likely it'll be out mid summer.
00:53:44.452 -->
00:53:53.831So I want you to keep an eye out for that, and we're gonna have a growth group connected to the devotional so as you read and as you grow closer to God, you'll be able to do that in community.
00:53:53.831 -->
00:53:57.414So I'll be posting those things on my social media.
00:53:57.414 -->
00:54:03.572Keep an eye out for that, keep it in prayer, because I think it's something beautiful that people need in order to grow.
00:54:03.572 -->
00:54:14.369We all need to know that God is for us and he's our friend and he loves us, and so this devotional is gonna help you to walk in that and to enjoy the benefits of a close knit relationship with Jesus.
00:54:18.945 -->
00:54:23.932Okay, my goodness, I'm excited like we're about to start.
00:54:23.932 -->
00:54:27.253I am ready to fight back.
00:54:27.253 -->
00:54:29.331Ma'am, you are amazing.
00:54:29.331 -->
00:54:31.130Thank you so much.
00:54:31.130 -->
00:54:36.215I just I knew what we were discussing.
00:54:36.215 -->
00:54:44.648I did not understand the depth of the help for the abuser that component.
00:54:44.648 -->
00:54:48.105Let me know how I can help, please.
00:54:48.105 -->
00:54:49.630Yes, I definitely will.
00:54:50.085 -->
00:54:51.869I'm gonna do it, you know I will.
00:54:52.264 -->
00:54:54.813Not a problem, not a problem at all.
00:54:54.813 -->
00:54:58.175I want to thank you for joining us.
00:54:58.175 -->
00:55:09.119Before you leave, I would like for you to give some confident tips on how to fight back.
00:55:09.119 -->
00:55:14.016How to fight back mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
00:55:17.224 -->
00:55:21.431Well, one of the things that you certainly need to do is make sure that you're taking good care of yourself.
00:55:21.431 -->
00:55:23.231Exercise, eat well.
00:55:23.231 -->
00:55:27.146I take a boxing class that helps me to feel confident and secure.
00:55:27.146 -->
00:55:29.012Take a self-defense class.
00:55:29.012 -->
00:55:32.835Do things that empower you, that take good care of your body.
00:55:32.835 -->
00:55:38.492By taking care of your body, you also take care of your mental health and your mental wellbeing.
00:55:38.492 -->
00:55:40.931That's one way to become confident.
00:55:40.931 -->
00:55:43.590Confidence follows achievement.
00:55:43.590 -->
00:55:46.052Confidence follows certainty.
00:55:46.052 -->
00:55:53.494So if there are things in life that you want to accomplish but they scare, you do them scared.
00:55:53.494 -->
00:56:06.831The only way to be certain is to do it and find out, and as you continue to take bold steps to do the things that maybe frighten you but that are exciting to you, you will continue to build your confidence.
00:56:07.065 -->
00:56:08.070And you are valuable.
00:56:08.070 -->
00:56:18.311One of the things that I love about how we were created by our God is that we were created with special activities and works and plans in mind.
00:56:18.311 -->
00:56:34.835God created a plan, then he created you especially for that plan, and so spend your time figuring out what that plan is and go after it boldly, because you're the only one in the world that can do that, and that is something that gives you confidence, for sure.
00:56:34.835 -->
00:57:02.193But you're special, you are valuable, you are worth the fight, and so, if you don't fight back to do the things that you need to do in your life, I want you to think about today ways that you can do that, ways that you can take steps forward to fight back against negativity, to fight back against discouragement, to fight back against the lies that people have told you and go, get your life, live your best life.
00:57:02.193 -->
00:57:08.273Help other people, love other people, fight back for what's right, fight back for other people who are hurting.
00:57:13.164 -->
00:57:15.353All right, that good fight, that good fight.
00:57:15.353 -->
00:57:16.829I appreciate you.
00:57:16.829 -->
00:57:19.469I appreciate you, ladies and gentlemen.
00:57:19.469 -->
00:57:32.016You have just heard from little Miss Jeopardy, herself that body snatcher and now that Bethany House Executive Director.
00:57:32.016 -->
00:57:34.614I appreciate you, I appreciate your service.
00:57:34.614 -->
00:57:35.929I love your heart.
00:57:35.929 -->
00:57:38.811Please let me know if there's anything I can do.
00:57:39.251 -->
00:57:40.054Thank you so much.
00:57:40.054 -->
00:57:40.916Thank you for having me.
00:57:40.916 -->
00:57:42.291It's been an honor to be with you.
00:57:42.291 -->
00:57:46.873You know I love you, so it's fantastic to be able to spend this much time with you unencumbered.
00:57:46.873 -->
00:57:48.931So invite me back sometime.
00:57:49.244 -->
00:57:51.934Yes, well, please, because they don't know.
00:57:51.934 -->
00:57:53.208Wait, we didn't tell them.
00:57:53.208 -->
00:57:56.393We're both confident coaches.
00:57:56.644 -->
00:57:57.449Yes, we are.
00:57:58.445 -->
00:58:00.871So that conversation is soon coming.
00:58:00.871 -->
00:58:01.815Thank you so much.
00:58:01.815 -->
00:58:03.068I appreciate you.
00:58:03.068 -->
00:58:07.530Good night, all right, all right.
00:58:07.530 -->
00:58:09.416Confident you podcast.
00:58:09.416 -->
00:58:11.092Yes, tonight was serious.
00:58:11.092 -->
00:58:12.530Yes, tonight was heavy.
00:58:12.704 -->
00:58:24.331Yes, I feel as though it was something that was definitely needed to discuss, so I'll say all the things.
00:58:24.331 -->
00:58:26.532Please like, share, subscribe, follow.
00:58:26.532 -->
00:58:32.235You see it there, everything that she mentioned, all of the information.
00:58:32.235 -->
00:58:38.733I'm also gonna add the Bethany House telephone number in the description box for this episode.
00:58:38.733 -->
00:58:46.500If you know someone, if you are that someone, there is help.
00:58:46.500 -->
00:58:50.447We just heard it, there's help.
00:58:50.447 -->
00:58:56.056So I would say everyone, take out your phone.
00:58:56.425 -->
00:59:04.094So, before you follow me, I would ask this share this episode with anyone you think that needs it.
00:59:04.094 -->
00:59:17.675Watch this episode with your kids so that it can then become a discussion, something, a point of information, reference to discuss and see what's going on.
00:59:17.675 -->
00:59:26.226I would say that, especially when they go into high school, you heard her story as she turned 13 and decided you know what?
00:59:26.226 -->
00:59:27.893I got this?
00:59:27.893 -->
00:59:29.771I wanna explore the world.
00:59:29.771 -->
00:59:36.351Let's watch out for our children, let's watch out for each other.
00:59:36.351 -->
00:59:38.630We are our brother's keeper.
00:59:39.545 -->
00:59:44.197She said call the police if you see or hear anything.
00:59:44.197 -->
00:59:47.992Don't worry about what someone will think.
00:59:47.992 -->
00:59:53.329It's just a call, a call for help, and that's what they're there for.
00:59:53.329 -->
01:00:16.675So I would ask, before you like, share, subscribe or follow, if you would just put this number in your phone 888-80-HELPS, so that if you ever run across somebody and you see someone in need, you can share that.
01:00:16.675 -->
01:00:40.840And there's also this number, this number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-safe, s-a-f-e, safe, 1-800-799-7233.
01:00:40.840 -->
01:00:54.317Again, before you like, share or follow, share this episode with someone who actually needs it, or with a kid that you just wanna go over some things.
01:00:54.317 -->
01:01:00.875Your child goes away to college and they come back and you're like something's not quite right.
01:01:00.875 -->
01:01:05.692Maybe this is something you can watch just to bring that conversation up.
01:01:05.692 -->
01:01:12.632All right, thank you, I appreciate you have a great one, take care.
