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Speaker 1: WTOCAM W two three six c are Indianapolis, discussing the issues that matter to you and keeping you informed with what's happening in and around Indy. It's Community Connection with Tina Cosby, brought to you by Child Advocates, a champion for justice, opportunity and well being for children on Praise AM thirteen ten ninety five point one FM.
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Speaker 2: And good afternoon, and welcome to Community Connection. I'm Tina Cosby. Today is Wednesday, July the thirtieth. Wednesday, July the thirtieth, Cameron. We said it yesterday, I guess it is even more so today. Hard to believe July is gone. Lots to get to, including state Fair tickets. You asked yesterday, I asked today and I was told yes, of course, we have state Fair tickets to give away. So guess what We're going to be giving away state Fair tickets on the show now through the rest of the week. We got several family four packs that we're going to be doling out, so please keep listening for your chance to win. Also, you heard from him yesterday, our caller, Kevin Griffin. He wants to share one of his upcoming events with the community, So stay tuned for more on that. But first, several days ago, a couple of weeks ago, we hosted a panel of community and faith based leaders to address youth violence and more and root causes and you know all of that. That was in connection to the mass shooting, the deadly mass shooting downtown on Monument Circle over the fourth of July weekend. They were men, all men, and were very intentional, very intentional about their lane being young African American men. It was all men and all boys. So okay. So today, as promised, we have a panel of community and faith leaders who are women who are here to weigh in from their perspective on that and a whole lot more, of course, of course, and I will have each of them introduced themselves, and let's start on the far side of the studio. Go ahead with you.
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Speaker 3: Agreements to everyone, and I'm glad to be in the present here. Thank you Radio one, and praise Indy for allowing us to speak to the community on the young people's My name is Lorie Duncan, and I am affilated with the muski. Get my minsit to doctor Will J. Doctor the late doctor Will J. Duncan, and again our prayers amen. Amen. So I'm here to discuss what we can do by the young generation.
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Speaker 2: Indeed, indeed, and well, I don't know who this woman is.
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Speaker 4: Good afternoon everyone. I'm doctor Denise Hayes. I'm thrilled to be here. And my perspective on some of the challenges that we're seeing with our youth is to examine what's going on with the parents, particularly with the mothers. And the one thing that I'm looking at is I'm not your superwoman, if you remember that song, and so you know, we pride ourselves on being very strong, which also feeds into not asking for help and doing too much and all of that. So I want to talk about some of the facts that we work at a disadvantage and we just keep doing it because that's what we have to do. But there are some times when you know, our cracks start showing and so, oh my goodness, and so I want to talk about that. So thank you for having me.
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Speaker 2: Oh, thank you for being back. We're going to have you again a couple of weeks if we can get you back an here.
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Speaker 3: I know you're a busy woman.
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Speaker 5: I'm Lady Nicole Green, my husband and I pastor here in the city of Indianapolis. Ad he May's Christian Church, one of the greatest churches in Indie. No, seriously, I'm really excited about this conversation. I am a faith coach. I believe that the life coach. You need someone to coach you. You need to give someone that can coach you in faith in this thing called life to get you unstuck and unstoppable. And I really am excited about this conversation. I think the conversation you just had with the men was just so powerful and enlightening. And I really believe just like you said, you know, because she's she's bringing, she's laying out the case from a very emotional and psychological standpoint. But where women are and where we've been, I think it's paramount to where we can go. And so I'm really because we've always been, you know, kind of the base. You know, we've we've been the place where you can get what everything that you need. And I don't you know, I don't subscribe to you. You know that we've we've we've gone from it. I think that there's so many things now that we've got to discuss, and I'm sure we're going to discuss today of.
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Speaker 3: Why the.
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Speaker 5: Pendulum is swinging the other way and how do we get it to swing back, Because I do believe a lot of where we've been is because black women have just been solid and you know, steadfast and unmovable. And I think that we're still well labeled. And I'm really excited to dive in. So thanks for having us.
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Speaker 3: Women are in the building. We take it over talking.
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Speaker 2: I'm excited in the building and on the phone, no doubt. Yes, let's last, but not least, Let's bring in Pastor Bev. Pastor Bev, go ahead.
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Speaker 6: How are you hey, I'm doing good, Tina, Thank you, thank you, thank you for having me on. Bishop Befolly Barney, senior pastor of It is Well Church Ministries, where our pastor with my husband, Pastor Reginald Barney, we just celebrated twenty years anniversary.
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Speaker 2: Congratulations.
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Speaker 6: Yes, so and I am on Am thirteen ten.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 6: Sure more than twenty years, twenty five years more. But I'm just so glad to be a part of this panel. My platform is wellness, and that is restoring wellness into our community, into our families, into our lives, the lives of the black women, restoring and empowering, because it's not all about just empowering, but as I heard Lady Nicolsa, it's about restoring some of the things that have been already embodied within them. And so that's my stand. I'm looking forward to talking about it because our community and wellness is a journey. So we are moving toward being well in our community. So I'm excited. Thank you for having me.
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Speaker 2: Well, thank you so much for being here. So I'll start with you, doctor Hayes, because you talked about much of what the premise of the state of Black women in our society is, and so we'll go ahead and start with you.
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Speaker 4: Well, black women were significantly impacted by the Doze elimination of positions. I believe it's about fifteen hundred black women lost.
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Speaker 2: Their jobs DOJA the Elon Musk Department of Government Efficiency, which is just basically uh for those who may not know what dose was. Yeah, yeah, that that.
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Speaker 7: That eradication of.
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Speaker 2: Jobs for efficiency. Yeah, that's yeah.
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Speaker 4: It disproportionately impacted black women. But even before that, I looked at some studies. So Goldman Sachs has a one million dollar, one million Black women Economic Mobility survey, and they looked at twenty five hundred participants. Forty percent of black women's household income is less than fifty thousand dollars across the United States forty percent compared to twenty four percent of all other Americans. Wow, Fewer Black women have full time salary jobs and to make up for their often seeking gig work. And these are professionals doing uber and uber eats and all of that. Forty two percent of Black women working full time apart time don't have opportunity, don't feel like they have opportunities for career advancement or promotion, compared to thirty five percent of how most other people feel about their job opportunities. Forty three percent of Black women have health care health insurance through their jobs forty three percent compared to the average American citizen that has fifty three percent. Fifty three percent of them do. Fifty percent of Black women receive paced sick leave compared to fifty six percent of employed individuals. And childcare for black women is a concern. Nineteen percent of Black women looking for jobs have problems with childcare compared to the average person, which is eleven percent. And there are other statistics that talk about educational attainment. We're way behind, even though we had accomplished a lot. But what happened, What has happened is that the impact on all this compensating to overcome, to maintain our families, to support our communities, has resulted in us being high functioning, often with depression. And so when we do that, then it creates more healthcare problems. Tendinitis is a common one that kind of comes up. And the other part that I learned is that how we present about depression. So if you go to your doctor or our counselor and you they may miss the symptoms of depression because it's not like it is in the DSM four. This New York University study found that black women will talk more about self hate. I'm not doing what I should be doing. I'm so disappointed in myself. It's my fault. They're irritable, feeling of hopeless instead of feeling hopeless because we keep going. We just keep going, and we keep going and keep going. So, you know, the other signs is that we distance from family, so we want to be alone. And so you know, somebody might say, oh, I haven't talked to sharing in a minute.
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Speaker 3: You know, and well, you know how she is, and.
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Speaker 4: They just kind of let it go, you know, as opposed to really paying attention and seeing if there's something.
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Speaker 2: That's sharing she's sometime we judge it, judge it. Yeah.
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Speaker 4: And one other thing they talked about is that postpartum for black women shows up differently, and in fact, we are more likely to have it past the window where most people have a postpartum, most non black women, and so we might miss that. And so there's just there's just some things we need to do to support black women. And part of it is building a community. You know, I'm always talking about the community and asking and checking in and not letting stuff go, but also look for how we can find joy.
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Speaker 3: And so you add that to having kids.
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Speaker 4: With a low income with high cost for school supplies and clothes and all the things that they want and that we want to give them, and then you're going to be kind of with drawn. So you may be kind of missing some of the signs and symptoms that kids are doing. You might not be as attentive. Is if you only had one job, you know, and you didn't weren't struggling for money, So so let's need to give him some support.
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Speaker 3: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: So that being said, let's fast forward to the weekend of July fourth and the deadly mass shooting in downtown Indianapolis, mostly young people and conversations. A lot of times conversations they just developed organically. And this one was a conversation that I had with the one you all know very well, Jim Payton, and he said, we cannot discuss what's going on with young people downtown in situations like this and throughout you know, the summer of the year or whatever without first talking about women. What did he mean by that? And what are your Who wants to weigh in on that as far as we and you all will, I'm sure who wants to go first? And also Pastor Barney, Bishop Barney, anytime you want to go. I know you're not here, but you're here, so anytime, just just go ahead and speak up. Pastor.
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Speaker 3: I'll jump in first. I agree.
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Speaker 5: You know, It's what I said when we first started the introduction. You know, I love our black men. I've been married twenty seven years. I don't look at day for thirty. Hello, but I've been married ray ye okay, y, but I've been married twenty seven years.
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Speaker 3: So I love our Black men. I think that they're paramount.
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Speaker 5: I believe that they're necessary, They're needed, and the conversations we're having about them being in the nucleus of the family is a conversation that has to be had and has to continue so that we can ensure that our families are whole. But we have to not we have to know, and we've known through the years. Black women have been it. I mean, we have been the you know, fried up in the pan We've been Mama, doctor, lawyer, you know, warrior, in in in, in, in in prayer. The black woman has been the woman that has been the superwoman. And I believe, if we can just be really honest, that they looked up and said, if he can leave, I can.
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Speaker 3: They said, if we everybody leaving, I'm leaving. They have checked out.
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Speaker 5: If you know, if we're really gonna have an honest conversation, black women have said.
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Speaker 3: I don't want to anymore.
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Speaker 5: I don't want to be that. I don't want to be that. I don't want to be that. And let me tell you the reasons why, because I do believe, you know, and I'm you know, obviously I'm gonna talk about it. From a spiritual standpoint too. But I believe that it really is a war against what we have been doing over all of these years, who we have been and who we are, you know, I do. I do a conference called the Faith Fight Conference, No More Silly Women, and it's about getting your fight back, It's getting your hope back. And I know a lot of people don't want to get back into the pandemic. But something happened in that pandem.
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Speaker 3: My goodness, something I don't know what it was, a disconnect, a light, I don't something happened that caused us to start thinking and operating in a way that we've never operated before. And somehow that is when we thought it was. You know, some of them had started checking out a little bit before then, but after that, they were like, listen, the systematic racism, discrimination, I'm checking out, the historical trauma that I've been going through, Mama, cousin, my grandmama, I'm checking out over but burden by expectations, the fact that I am the superwoman, and they felt, like, to be honest with you, that it was unfair. You know, here it is he gets to leave, and I'm the one that got to make.
00:15:43
Speaker 5: Sure that every stage stays on top and I get them through school, and I do this, that and the other, and a lot of women said, you know what, I'm gonna check out too. I can tell you how many people in my church that their mom and their dad. It was unheard of Black women didn't leave their children. We did a whole lot of stuff, but we did not leave our children. Now I'm telling you easily thirty forty percent of my church they didn't grow up with a mama or a father. And that was unheard of, health stigmas, unmet emotional needs. Something happened in this pandemic where and I do hear y'all. I love what you're saying, doctor Hayes about you know, psychologically and all that.
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Speaker 3: But some of this we've been dealing with. So how now are we responding the way that we're responding. And we weren't responding like that before. You understand what I'm saying. We were depressed before, but we knew how, you know what, we got to pressed all way through. You know, we got to it, and not that you don't deal with it. We had girlfriends and we had relationships and community and just you know, normous other women.
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Speaker 5: Is that community where hey, we gonna look at why are we silly?
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Speaker 3: What?
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Speaker 5: What are the dynamics that are causing us to foster different emotional behavior that we really don't want to be and want to do? And how do we get back to being at the essence of who we were really originally supposed to be. I can I do believe you can have it all.
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Speaker 3: I do believe you can be at all do it all because I believe there's a grace that's put on your life to handle whatever situation you find yourself in. And somehow we've tapped out of the grace and we need to tap back into the grace.
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Speaker 8: Yea, indeed the soul I do diss Bishop Party, I do believe, Yes, something has happened during that pandemic, and you mentioned yes looking at the spirit.
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Speaker 6: Ground, there's a spirit of fear that is spreading throughout the community. And that's really broad when we think of not just fear of being hurt, but fear of failure. Uh, you know, even the fear of succeeding, and a lot of people fear that. Uh you know, I do know what it's like to work two jobs. I know what it's like to be single. Know what it's like to be a single parent. Uh know what it's like to be jobless, you know, and the list could go on and on. But what you're saying is so true. So we need to look at also restoring I hear you say, what we used to be, but restoring and getting to the place of being and feeling empowered again, and the values and the beliefs that we need to put back into the community of the utmost important, what do we believe now? Do we really believe the black women that we can succeed, that we can do all of these things? Of course I do. I and you know, having those strong mothers, the type of mothers that we had, and I'm probably the oldest in the room at seventy two, and I think of, you know, the strong women that were in our lives. And a lot of that comes from church. Yeah, and you know, as we rebuild that church community, letting them know that we are here for them to help them over come whatever fears. And a lot of times I work with people too, I'm a coach as well on what's not working right in your life rather than running away from it, As you said, what's not working, and what is it that we need to do, What are the steps that we need to take, and who's going to walk alongside me while I'm taking those steps.
00:19:21
Speaker 9: To get there.
00:19:22
Speaker 6: And even when we deal with raising our children, having that significant male figure in their lives. And I know some people don't feel that it is necessary, but a significant male figure, it's important.
00:19:38
Speaker 9: That we have one.
00:19:39
Speaker 6: It doesn't have to be your boyfriend. And a lot of times I've heard the younger generation. I have a son that is fifty five, and they talk about how a lot of the women that should be grandmothers at that time are still running around and I don't want to use the term they say, but they're not being the mother and the grandmothers that they really need to be to these sons. And when I was younger, I always looked up to the older people. And some of the older people nowadays need some help. Okay, don't misunderstand me, but they're not trying to be the leaders that we need in this community. So it has a lot to do with that spirit of fear and the spirit of failure and not knowing what's there to help.
00:20:29
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, indeed, go ahead.
00:20:31
Speaker 3: All right. So I want to talk about the foundational purposes that should be established as a child. So in a church, realm, congregational, when a lot of children are born, they're not being blessed. I don't see I have a lot of nieces and nephews. No one comes to get that blessed. When your child is blessed, that starts the whole establishment of the growth of your child to where they're protected, they're guided. They're starting off with the prayer and the anointing power over them as an infant. And so people, most children are not being blessed by congregations that they're attending. And a lot of the children that that are growing up today, they don't know who they are and they are looking for identity and so at the same time, while they're trying to find who they are themselves, their communities around them are closing down. They're losing jobs, we're losing restaurants, We're losing our community is really crushing and we have to continue to instill in them and let them know that hey, we still can make it no matter what is going around, we can still identify and identify ourselves and bring it light back to our community. Yes, there are single homes. Yes there are children that's raised with a single mom. But when you put those those fine biblical points into their life to let them know that train a child and the way they should go, and when they get older it would not depart from them. But if they're not being brought to church, they have not been introduced to who God is, They're not going to know that wisdom of what's right and what's wrong. They're gonna be like wild children everywhere. So when you have the foundational established as a child, then they're going to grow up knowing Okay, I don't do this. I'm not going to do that. But yes, there's gonna be challenges, but they're gonna have that in them. So when they get older're okay, this is the values that my mom and dad and they are looking for role models. I'm a substitute teacher, and I did not know that every style that was created back in the seventeen eighty is right now. Everybody got airfros. Everybody got but they all are not real.
00:22:51
Speaker 2: I mean, remember back I don't want to get too far off. Airfros used to look sharped, you.
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Speaker 3: Know, look like I'm like that you comb your head I know it's a style, but let's yeh out a little bit. You're not in Yeah, exactly you. But they're all trying to develop and then sink identity. Oh she looked like that. I want to look like that. She's wearing these clothes. I want to wear those clothes. So they're missing the identity of who they are, and so they need a positive role model as to who could I follow, who could be trusted that I can follow?
00:23:28
Speaker 2: You know, we have a collar that has a question because I have a question after the caller, at least go ahead, how are you.
00:23:34
Speaker 9: I'm going to talk on the phone.
00:23:35
Speaker 2: I'm ready.
00:23:36
Speaker 9: Hey, God, blessed.
00:23:40
Speaker 6: This is beautiful.
00:23:40
Speaker 10: I'm glad to hear the lady speaking. I heard the moon speaking last the last show.
00:23:47
Speaker 11: My name is and I'm a part of this.
00:23:49
Speaker 10: Community boots on the ground literally as well as dance.
00:23:55
Speaker 9: But I'm excited.
00:23:57
Speaker 10: The thing that I do know is that has been in the midst and in my personal life.
00:24:04
Speaker 9: Uh, there was this competition.
00:24:07
Speaker 10: Thing that rolls up between men and women and it's just weird and it's just wrong.
00:24:12
Speaker 2: You know, it's weird competition in what regard. Can you go a little further with that.
00:24:16
Speaker 10: When it comes between men and.
00:24:18
Speaker 6: Women, it became a competition.
00:24:21
Speaker 2: Give me, give me an example, an example.
00:24:23
Speaker 10: Oh, okay, in my life, my children are adults now they're living a beautiful life. But we didn't make it together as a couple. But so it was like they the people. I don't know who did it, but people attempted to tear me down to lift him up. You don't have to tear someone else down to lift the father up. The father is the father and the mother is the mother.
00:24:51
Speaker 9: Yeah, so just that's that's what I mean by that.
00:24:54
Speaker 3: No, I hear you, Lisa.
00:24:56
Speaker 5: I do I think that there has been some moments, especially when you when you're dealing with relationships that didn't work out, because now they're fighting for the child's you know, acceptance. You know, here it is either there with one parent versus another parent, and you know they're feeling guilty or they're feeling like I don't spend enough time, or you know, somehow the other parent gets a leg up on me and and I and I do hear you. I think that the to to I think doctor Hayges, I think you said about the parental I think it's sitting down as two couples, you know, as two people that were in a relationship, marriage, whatever the case may be, and saying, hey, our goal is to ensure that this young person has a great life. And you know, we may not have worked out, we may have our differences, we may not agree on everything, but can we agree on this? And if we can agree on this, then now let's see how we can agree on how we make that a reality. And I think sometimes we have a tendency when about the competition is sometimes we don't want to give.
00:25:59
Speaker 3: I can tell you've being married for twenty seven years. You gotta give. You know, there's a moment you don't get your way. And I think we have to mature. This is immaturity that we have gotten that, so immature as people. I'm like, come on, you too old for that. How we still doing that? How we still acting like that? And I think that we've got to hold our own selves accountable to I want to grow, I want to mature.
00:26:23
Speaker 5: I should not be the same woman I was last year. I shouldn't be the same woman I was even when I had this child. I should be evolving and growing so that they can evolve and grow and so to that, to Lisa, what you're saying, I think all women out there, you know, I've never been put in that situation where I have to co parent or figure out a way in a relationship. But when I counsel people, I think that is Can can we agree that the most important thing right now is our son or our daughter and that we want them to be great citizens?
00:26:54
Speaker 3: Right? Say you say, I want y'all know, Tila look at me like that's the point? Can we agree?
00:27:02
Speaker 10: But well, I guarantee you that it happened.
00:27:07
Speaker 2: In fight.
00:27:08
Speaker 6: It happened in spite of my.
00:27:09
Speaker 10: Immaturity as well as you know.
00:27:13
Speaker 9: Whatever I don't.
00:27:14
Speaker 12: I can't talk about the other side.
00:27:15
Speaker 13: I can talk about me.
00:27:17
Speaker 10: But I know that the Lord allowed.
00:27:19
Speaker 6: Me to step back and get the peace that I needed.
00:27:23
Speaker 10: And I'm continuing to move forward in life. And my daughter's doing wonderful things, and my son is doing wonderful things, and even my ex husband is moving on and living his life.
00:27:36
Speaker 12: But there is no to me.
00:27:38
Speaker 6: I had to love him from a distance.
00:27:41
Speaker 3: But when I heard you say that was so powerful, Lisa.
00:27:45
Speaker 5: It's so powerful you said, is my immaturity and we can take responsibility for where we are and how we need to move forward. I think that's when the conversation, the needle can shift. We've got to take our own responsibilities. I point our finger looking at the other person, saying, Okay, what did I contribute?
00:28:01
Speaker 3: What did I do? And how can I make this better?
00:28:04
Speaker 10: I no doubt know that I contruted.
00:28:09
Speaker 3: That's so good, girl, that is so good. I'm telling you a lot of women every day we're learning right. Thank you for that, girl.
00:28:19
Speaker 5: Please, you have a lot of people say okay.
00:28:23
Speaker 6: So many times, Lisa, Sometimes you said, you know it takes two. I've always been told it takes to to fight right to argue. So someone has to be willing to take the logo uh for the call?
00:28:38
Speaker 9: Uh?
00:28:38
Speaker 6: You know what's the word? They agree with your enemy quickly, you know, and not but agreeing and uh for the wellness of the child or the wellness of the situation. A lot of times children don't know what to do with their emotions. Uh. And sometimes young men take on those same form of emotions that women do because they don't know how to handle their emotions in a manly way.
00:29:10
Speaker 2: How that's something, mister Barney, How do we how do we know when we've struck a healthy balance, because you get I can see stereotypical people in these relationships, like the woman never really objects, so she's a doormat, and the man never really objects because he's hmpacked, or vice versa, or all these you know, all these different you know, stereotypical roles that people play in relationships. And I understand what you're saying, and I agree the give and the take. But how do you know if you're in a situation like this where there is a healthy balance that has been struck. And you know what, we got to take a quick commercial break right here. I left that question right there. We can come right back to it right after the right after the break, we'll be right back.
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00:34:07
Speaker 1: Let's get back to the conversation. It's Community Connection with Tina Cosby, brought to you by Child Advocates, a champion for justice, opportunity and well being for children on phrase Am thirteen ten ninety five point one FM.
00:34:23
Speaker 2: And we're back with Community Connection. Gonna do a little business real quick before we get back to this conversation, because we got a lot more to have, especially you know, we're having some in the break on the show and what have you. But got a family four pack of State Fair tickets to give away. Third caller to the number three one seven four eight zero thirteen ten three one seven four eight zero thirteen ten Caller number three. If you are caller number three, you will win a pair of State Fair tickets, a family four pack. Good luck, good luck, good luck, good luck. Okay, So I left a question right before the break. Who wants to answer first? Okay, go ahead.
00:34:57
Speaker 3: It's about the healthy balance as being in our community. You know, the Bible says train the child in a ways to go a healthy balance. So I didn't really say that, but anyway, I'm gonna going to this one. So I was gonna say the Bible says he who wins soul is wise, but it didn't tell you how to win. So there's different ways that you can go about and winning this person, or win in this community, or winning this family. There's different ways. And so I tried to explain to a lot of the older saints you know in church, said is that there are levels that we have to meet at the level of the child because they're not understanding their old school ways because they weren't brother like we were brought up, so they're not comprehending what we've established. That foundation is it's blown over in so many words, it's still there. I mean, the Bible is never ever gonna change, you know, it's always going to be the same. But how we win souls it's different. And we have to get to their level of understand and to try to reach them because if they don't understand us, we can't communicate to them. So I think it's very important for us to rise up to a level of understanding and asking the children what is it you know that you need? How can I convince you? How could I encourage you to do something on a positive level by bringing to boys school close Sometimes you know, exposing them to mentors, you know, because if you don't have a father in the home, you can't fulfill that role of a father. If you're a mother, you can only do the mother's positioning because God gave that role of a father to a father. So the healthy balances have to we have to go outside through our household and get mentors and embrace them and positive, you know, community actions so they can know. Okay, I say this. I like this because if we don't engage them in something that cell phones won't eat them up.
00:36:54
Speaker 2: It really will. Yeah, okay, go ahead.
00:36:56
Speaker 5: Yeah, So I think you know, and I know that I may come from me, but let me say say they say this, this whole striking of balance. I just believe that that that there are these you have this great life. You're called to be fruitful and multiply. You're called to make what Heaven is saying, come down here on earth.
00:37:18
Speaker 3: We're subdue and have dominion. And I think that you know we're talking about we've allowed these worldly terms to now be kingdom ways of operating, and you know, it's like healthy balance. Okay, wait a minute, there's a grace on my life. Whatever God's calling me to whatever God's telling me to do, whether it be you know, provide for my son in this particular environment. Make sure that you know my children stay on the right path. Whether I have a mail in the house or not mail in the house there. I just believe that God gives us everything that we need to ensure that we can do what He's called us to do. That's the first thing, right.
00:37:56
Speaker 5: The second thing is what we have to recognize as far as church is concerned. The Bible says He's the same yesterday, today, and forevermore. Then it also says there's nothing new under the sun. Right, so let's walk this out. If there's nothing new under sun, he the same yesterday, today and forevermore. Then that means the same God that didn't.
00:38:14
Speaker 3: Have internet, didn't have social media. That brought a whole bunch of people to Christ, and three thousand years later we still talking about He the best thing that ever happened to me. He was doing something right. And I think what we've done is we've allowed a lot of the world now to be the barometer how we are addressing our life issues, and that's why we're seeing what we're seeing. I love Jesus the way I do now, and I really am. I believe, you know, pretty on the forward movement. You know, I might like the Saints, so to speak.
00:38:45
Speaker 5: I love him because my grandmother showed me how to love him. I love him because he's been good to me, you know. And I think that we are trying to say, well, we got to be up in the times.
00:38:54
Speaker 6: No.
00:38:55
Speaker 3: I believe while we're seeing the deterioration in our families is because we haven't stayed true to what saved me, what'll saved you, We'll save my grandmama. The church has called allowed this new vocabulary to now become aw vocabulary. We're in this world, but we're not of this world. We got to stop operating like the world and talking like the world, thinking that's gonna change what is happening in our everyday homes at our households.
00:39:20
Speaker 2: Okay, so hold on just saying we have a winter y'all. We have a winner for the tickets. Yeah, go win. In fact, yeah, I should have let one of you guys say, what the what number caller? I didn't even think about that. Uh so, uh try again tomorrow and Friday. We're gonna be giving away a lot more throughout the rest of the week, So thank you for calling. If you are still on the line, you can go ahead and hang out because the tickets have been given away. Okay, go ahead.
00:39:42
Speaker 4: So I do think that there are some changes that have impacted all of us.
00:39:46
Speaker 3: So during COVID, one major.
00:39:49
Speaker 2: Change because we have to ask why we have to ask.
00:39:51
Speaker 3: Is attending church.
00:39:54
Speaker 4: Yes, so for three years, you know, we were not going to to a building, and there's still many people that don't go into the buildings.
00:40:05
Speaker 3: People are now.
00:40:06
Speaker 4: Members of churches in ste members members and all of that, and I don't have any issue with that. But what I am going to say is that I think we cannot ignore the impact of the Internet and the impact.
00:40:21
Speaker 3: That it has on our children.
00:40:24
Speaker 4: And so what kids have is access to information that if we're not careful, we don't know.
00:40:30
Speaker 2: Lightning fast. Yes.
00:40:33
Speaker 4: So I have a six year old grandson and he was here, and so I had something I wanted to expose him to.
00:40:39
Speaker 3: So there's on.
00:40:41
Speaker 4: CBS Mournings, there's a guy that has kindness one on one, and so I wanted to share this with my grandson. So we had our own little time and I showed it to him. And it was about somebody who was different at school and how he was able to get accepted short, short version of it. And so I asked him. I asked Elijah, I said, what did you think about that? On a scale of one to five, you know, what did you think? And he said, oh, I thought it was a five.
00:41:10
Speaker 10: And I'm like good.
00:41:11
Speaker 15: I said, have you.
00:41:12
Speaker 4: Ever experienced being different? And he said, yes, there's this guy that.
00:41:18
Speaker 3: Was bullying me.
00:41:20
Speaker 4: Now I connected with him on something that I thought he would like, and now I can come in and bring.
00:41:27
Speaker 3: My values in.
00:41:28
Speaker 4: And what did you do? And what did your parents say? So I do think we have to meet them where they are. I took them to Sunday School and then I said, we're going.
00:41:39
Speaker 3: To go to Sunday School and then we're going to go to breakfast. And they go to church. So their church looks different than my church, but.
00:41:45
Speaker 4: They go to church, they know Jesus, they knew Sunday School all that stuff. And so I do think that there's a gap because you know, what was that twenty twenty five years we were talking about babies having babies. So grandparents now are in their forties, so we really don't have that baby boomer, gen X millennial, we don't have those same sections that can kind of overlap. There's some real gaps there. And so I think what we really need to focus on is community. So church used to be the place where kids learned how to live because you would have the Sunday you used.
00:42:31
Speaker 3: To have the Sunday school cards.
00:42:32
Speaker 4: You would have to stand up and say what you learned today, you know, and so those and there were things that included that were for self esteem. And then how how do you introduce somebody to your parents?
00:42:50
Speaker 6: Talk to me?
00:42:51
Speaker 4: Remember I told my grandson. They said, who's the teacher going to be her? I said, her name is sister, And they said, why do you? And so I was able to have So I think we can't ignore and I think church has already changed because they that came into that.
00:43:10
Speaker 2: It had to because with COVID UH. Unfortunately, for a lot of churches, it was a matter of sink or swim because if a lot of if many sank because why they were they had not embraced social media, UH, the Internet and the power that came with it. Now, those that were able to survive caught up quickly and and you know, put their their services online. Some of those who are already ahead of the game and that had their services online as well as in person, they survived. The other thing. Uh, conversely, from what I've heard from some deacons that'll remain nameless, but they were saying that COVID was really, in a in a in a backwards kind of way, a help because people weren't necessarily bringing their ties and offerings. They weren't bringing it. They were doing it electronically, and so there's more cons distant tithing. Now there's more, you know, they said, we know we're going to have this much here, here and there, So, you know, in a backwards kind of way, depending on where the church was and how it operated, some churches benefited. It made it a little bit better. And so now, uh, there are churches that don't have to have three, four and five services. I'm exaggerating, but but but they can they you know, they can put the main service on a stream it while people still come to the church. So you know that I think there has been some adjustment, and those who have recognized it, as as all of you have said, have have have been able to survive. But there are those who are not who are just standing firm that it has to be this is the way it's always been, it has to be this way. I don't think that that type of mindset is going to get what we need, and it does. It never has.
00:44:52
Speaker 4: I mean, you know, for me, wearing an afro was an abomination from.
00:45:01
Speaker 3: I had to press my hair.
00:45:02
Speaker 4: It was a thing.
00:45:04
Speaker 2: You had to go in the kitchen and put that grease on the path, get that straightening home. And yeah, that's how they did it.
00:45:10
Speaker 4: Yes, so you know, but that's okay because over time he came to accept it, and so we have to have some flexibility exactly. But I also think we need to recognize that there are gonna be some gaps and how are we going to fill in those gaps.
00:45:28
Speaker 2: Let's go back to the phone lines and again, Pastor Barney, anytime you can jump jump right in here. We we have forgotten about you there.
00:45:35
Speaker 6: That was something that I wanted to say.
00:45:37
Speaker 13: You had asked the question before we.
00:45:38
Speaker 6: Went to break about how we achieved the.
00:45:41
Speaker 2: Balance healthy balance.
00:45:42
Speaker 6: Yes, yes, and that's important and knowing the balance we always go back to the world. Because we're faith based communities, we have to learn to reason together a man and a woman cannot reason together, they can't walk together. And a lot of the problems come so many people are fiances that are living together versus getting taking it to the root, the root calls we have to go.
00:46:09
Speaker 13: To the word.
00:46:10
Speaker 6: Uh, there should be counseling before marriage.
00:46:14
Speaker 21: Uh.
00:46:14
Speaker 6: And a lot of people are not doing that. Uh what what are your downside? What are your strengths, what are your weaknesses?
00:46:21
Speaker 9: What are you like? Well, how are you raised?
00:46:23
Speaker 6: What are you bringing into this?
00:46:25
Speaker 9: And so they're not doing that, So they're just going into.
00:46:27
Speaker 6: The melting pot. Uh. And and a lot of times men and I hate to say it, but it's true, a lot of men do not want to get counseling.
00:46:38
Speaker 2: And Uh, why do you hate to say that?
00:46:44
Speaker 13: That's true.
00:46:45
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, a counselor.
00:46:48
Speaker 2: A little bit more than women. And that's I'm sure doctor Hayes can attest to that. Yeah.
00:46:54
Speaker 6: If you go to all these marriage seminars and workshops, a lot of times you'll find them packed with women, but very few men. There. Another thing you said earlier, communicating at everything. Do families have family meetings? Do they take the time to do family meetings on a regular and communicate this is our unit, this is what we're doing, this is how I'd like to do it. What's your input? I think those are really key. Now I've been married this year, thirty eight years, and I think that, you know, a lot of times marriages are not surviving long term. Of course, I had long term role models parents married for over fifty But at any rate, the family meetings, no matter what size your family is, it's important to communicate and sit down and have that togetherness. Yeah, that's part of the recall that creates balance.
00:47:51
Speaker 2: All right, Well, let's go back to the to the phone lines. Oh go ahead, go ahead, no color. Oh call it, caller, Aaron, go ahead, how are you Aaron? Are you there? Aaron is not.
00:48:04
Speaker 12: Sharon.
00:48:04
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I was reading Aaron on the screen. I apologize.
00:48:08
Speaker 22: Listen to dad again myself. I was just want to compliment the lady's on the on the penelty because what they said is so true. I've been a grandmother raising tena well hading since eleven, and he's seventeen now being ready to be seventeen. But I made a point of my grandchildren never sent me intoxicated, never seeing me. You know, I just wanted them to remember being as a person.
00:48:36
Speaker 13: I talked to him about the Lord.
00:48:37
Speaker 22: I didn't send him at church. I took them to Turk.
00:48:41
Speaker 3: There you go.
00:48:42
Speaker 2: That is so funny, Sharon. That's kind of my lived reality too. My grandmother we told her Daddy said we didn't have to go. He said, I got your daddy too, my grandmother.
00:48:53
Speaker 22: Yeah, and ladies, my grandson he's made some mistakes, but you know what, he can come back to me. And you could said, Grandma, you know, I know the Lord was talking to me.
00:49:06
Speaker 6: He does.
00:49:08
Speaker 22: Here's a kid that's sixteen and he makes mistakes, but he also is aware of the Lord. And that's what I tal.
00:49:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we have Yeah. And Sharon, that's okay, go ahead, Oh okay, go ahead.
00:49:23
Speaker 3: No, Sharon, I think you're you're spot on, and thank you for you know, sharing your insight and all that you're doing. You know, that's what I said at the very beginning. You know Grandmama's you know, you knew when when your child wasn't exactly what they needed to be and they had children, the grandmama took him in and said, hey, that's what we're finna do. My mother had me when she was fifteen, she turned six. I was born in May.
00:49:43
Speaker 5: She turned sixteen in June, and so I didn't have I had my grandmother.
00:49:48
Speaker 3: And my grandfather.
00:49:49
Speaker 5: They had been married for sixty years, but I didn't really have it, you know, before me necessarily through my mom on a healthy marriage. But my mother took to church and made sure that I was there for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And somehow, you know, and I hear what you guys are saying about can we do the same thing. It's not so much doing the same thing, it's holding the same level of expectation and the standard you know here it was, you know that my mother let me do some things that my grandther was probably you know, like now I don't let her do that, But there was a standard. She knew that we had to go to church. My mother's you know, had me in church for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
00:50:30
Speaker 3: And I believe that's it. I love Jesus like I do cause I was in church for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
00:50:38
Speaker 5: You're right, and I think we've gotten away from that because we've allowed other things to become the priority. Soccer track, all of these other things that basketball, you know, and these tournaments, these tournaments now to seeing these kids out on Sunday going all through the streets and I'm like, now when basketball fall.
00:50:57
Speaker 3: Jesus still gonna be there. That's right.
00:51:00
Speaker 5: To make sure we get them back to that to our overall conversation of how is what happened on July on the Circle happening, there's a deterioration.
00:51:10
Speaker 2: It gets to the point, Yeah, why are so all of this everything that we've just thrown out there? Why are our children out there fifteen twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen sixteen in the streets with guns, shooting and killing others including themselves. Why are they so rudderless? Why are they so rudderless?
00:51:31
Speaker 22: And do you know an another point I was going to make, Lady, Okay, we had parking lot church. When Klube was going.
00:51:40
Speaker 3: On, said we didn't stop having church.
00:51:42
Speaker 22: That's park this park our cars on the parking lot and past and our family. You know, the first sam was set up out the equipment because we were all quarantine, but they were and we were selling our Yeah.
00:51:56
Speaker 3: Yeah that was good now, that's right, Yeah, yeah, We're that's it.
00:52:01
Speaker 2: Thank you, Sharon and I appreciate that, and so if thank you, If our kids are rudderless, where what is the role of us as women in that?
00:52:11
Speaker 5: I think what we're saying here is that we have an epidemic. I mean, you know it's a word. Now, we know, we've heard it. We have a state of emergency Black women, and I'm talking to y'all.
00:52:26
Speaker 3: We somehow lost our fight, we lost our hope. We've tapped out, we've checked out, and it's time for us to check back in.
00:52:34
Speaker 5: And what they do is they need community. I have no more silly women. I've been doing it for seventeen years. It is community. You can download the app where this is about showing you how to get your fight back, how to get your joy back, how to get your life back, how to get your children back on track. I don't care what hand you've been dealt. Sometime we look at the hand we've been dealt, and then we start looking at what we don't have versus what do what do I have? It's like what the prophet said to the one with the debt, what do you have in your house? You know, I may not have the man, I may not have all the finances, but you know, what we got, we got a value system.
00:53:11
Speaker 3: We got Jesus. Like I said, I grew up in a single parent home and I live an extraordinary life because my mama said, this ain't the way to go. What I did is not the way to go. And what she did is she worked. That's what I'm saying.
00:53:24
Speaker 5: She woke two and three jobs to ensure that our children go to private school.
00:53:28
Speaker 3: There was a standard. She said. Yeah, I made some decisions. I may not have been done the best, you know with my life, but how can I make sure that your life is what it's supposed to be, not you know, allowed my mistakes or my not mistakes, but just things that I did not make.
00:53:45
Speaker 5: Decisions that I didn't make very well be where you end up too. And I think that we've got to create these conversations. We got to sit down another place. Is that safe places? They don't have safe places, no more to be what to express?
00:54:01
Speaker 3: Like you wake up? I don't like him, my five year old child. I don't like him, and people don't have enough say space to say I don't like him. He acts like the person I'm angry with dealing with. And that's what I was gonna say. Yeah, there's anger. I don't know why. My sight is one is very right now. Anyway, there's anger in the community. The children are angry, and we're trying to figure out why is this so much? Does the mama anger? She angry?
00:54:26
Speaker 2: So they're they're they're channeling their mother. Yes, okay, we're gonna stop it right there, doctor Hayes. Thank you so much.
00:54:33
Speaker 3: You the bomb days.
00:54:34
Speaker 2: Indeed, we got to get you the north side. Everybody else stay right where you are. We gotta get a commercial break in here. Thank you so much, doctor Hayes. We'll be right back.
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Speaker 1: Dot com, wtoc AM W two three six c R Indianapolis. Discussing the issues that matter to you and keeping you informed of what's happening in and around. Indeed, it's Community Connection with Tina Cosby, brought to you by Child Advocates, a champion for justice, opportunity and well being for children on Praise AM thirteen ten ninety five point one FM.
00:58:18
Speaker 2: And we are back with Community Connection talking about the what kind of like the state of black women in society and everything else that falls in between. We have an amazing and amazingly brilliant panel and again we want to thank doctor Denise Hayes. She's a psychologist. She's the secretary of the Indiana Chapter of the Association of Black Psychologists and of course a regular contributor to community connection. We also have with us Lorie Duncan, she's a community faith leader. We have a bishop, Pastor Bev Beverly Barney long Wrining, co host of It Is Weel Ministries heard Fridays here on AM thirteen ten, seven thirty to eight AM thirteen ten and ninety five point one FM, and pastor Nicole Green, preacher, life coach, inspirational TV radio host and author, and a whole whole lot more. Just an all around good person, great person. And we also have our callers, and you're all welcome to weigh in on the conversation as as you see fit three one seven four eight zero thirteen ten very quickly wanted to get to our caller Kevin's offer to buy tickets to one of his events. It's it's one of the events he's collaborating with this weekend, this Saturday, and I'm going to get to it here. It is here, it is here, it is somewhere anyway. It's the ladies. I don't have I want to have the exact name for you guys. Okay, do you have the exact name over there, Cameron Brittany ow, Yes, Brittany owns event. Yes, yes, yes, it's it's it's a women's event. And my apologies, I brought the wrong paper. I wanted to give the exact name of it. But anyway, it's Saturday is primarily for women, and he wanted to give away four tickets to that. So I will tell you the difference between us giving away fair tickets and Kevin giving away the tickets to Britney's event is that Kevin's doing that all on his own. This has nothing to do with the Indianapolis stations of Radio one. He's just doing that as a good person in society. And we love that about Kevin. So we're gonna give away four tickets for that. Uh and I apologize I picked up the wrong Anyway, we're gonna give away four tickets for that. So give us a number, give me a number five, Okay, call her number five. Okay, caller number five. You will win tickets. And I'm going to get the exact name of that event. I get it right here, I will have it have Cameron three one, seven, four, eight, zero thirteen ten, three, one, seven, four, eight, zero, thirteen ten. Kevin Griffin is one of our regular callers, ladies, and he oh yeah, and he uh, he's just he's just fantastic. He does so many things in the community. He's head of a foundation that helps and he partners with a lot of foundations that help people with real life solutions and things of that nature. He's had. He's head of the Stephenie Shepherd Community Foundation.
01:01:13
Speaker 3: Uh.
01:01:13
Speaker 2: Charles Barney is another one of his partners. Brittany Owen. She's the owner of Bebe's Adult Home away from Home day Center and she is an amazing woman who has always had a love for the elderly, and so she created a day center. Yeah, the day center, So Brittany awesome.
01:01:32
Speaker 11: Yeah.
01:01:32
Speaker 2: So Brittany is putting on an event Saturday from uh ten to two, I do believe, uh and uh, you know, we're really excited about that. And Kevin said, I'll buy tickets to that for anybody that's listening. So he's doing this all on his own. Thanks Ken, Yeah, thank you, Kevin.
01:01:49
Speaker 5: And that's powerful what she's doing. You know, so many of us are caretaking for our moms, our dads, our grandparents and for someone to take up that man. And so that's what we're talking about about community, right when we know that there are things happen in our community. The answers you found it.
01:02:08
Speaker 2: I found it, Bridging generations. I knew I had it, Now you did. You did, Bridging generations, honoring stories of joy, sacrifice, and hope. This is Saturday, August seventh. I was wrong eleven to two. I thought it was tended to And it's going to be at ten ninety West twenty third Street in Indianapolis, a special presentation by Keith Wallace, Keith Wallace and the Messenger. So it's a I'll let you both take a look at this as well. But again, Kevin brings us so much good and so that event is coming up and he's going to buy four tickets, so if you want tickets. That was a fourth caller, was it? It's King the fourth callar, fifth fifth fifth collar, fifth callar. I take it back, Well, Cameron's going to handle that. So back to the back to the discussion that we were having, and you know, we were saying that we I think the ass point, if I'm not mistaken, was that we have a lot of young people out there, rudderless that are doing things, that have access to things that a lot of young people probably a generation before them, never had. Uh And social media is driving a lot of it. But they seemingly are are rudderless. And someone had said they're channeling their.
01:03:22
Speaker 3: Frust frustration.
01:03:24
Speaker 2: So what what role do we as women play in all of that? What world do we as women play in that that deadly mass shooting over the fourth of July.
01:03:31
Speaker 3: I can say I can say this. I think we need to find out the reasons why a child is angry, what's making them upset? It could be the pure pressure at home. Maybe they're missing that absent parent and they're angry because my dad is not here, and that may be low income home. My friend got this, but I don't have this.
01:03:56
Speaker 2: Are we as women not handling that reality? How are we doing? What's the check up on that?
01:04:02
Speaker 6: Well?
01:04:04
Speaker 3: I think that even you know, I'm gonna say this, Sometimes we can be in the position to where it we may not have enough and we can give all that we have as far as monetary virus value, and they may want more, they may not be happy. Well, why are we going to have this? So how come they got this and we don't have that. It's what's a comparison level of one friend versus another friend? And so that brings sometimes it brings sadness and maybe anger. So I'm just go out and do this. You know, I don't have this, So what am I hold?
01:04:34
Speaker 6: You know?
01:04:35
Speaker 3: And you just never know what goes on in a child's mind. I think it's very very important that we find out what is the root cause of anger in this child?
01:04:43
Speaker 2: So so what about kids that are twelve and thirteen that are out at one or two o'clock in the morning. Where what is our role as when?
01:04:49
Speaker 5: And that's yeah, so that's the you know, it goes back to what you know, we said, this is about a standard.
01:04:56
Speaker 3: When the lights it's like when the street lights came.
01:04:58
Speaker 5: Home and you're in the house and I said, we've gotten away from it.
01:05:03
Speaker 2: How do we rebuild it? What steps do you need to take?
01:05:06
Speaker 5: The steps we need to take is what we're saying. Sitting down because these women are angry, giving them, giving them a community, giving them space to be heard, because some of them feel like I have not known, no one's.
01:05:17
Speaker 3: Paying attention to me.
01:05:18
Speaker 5: All you do is keep stacking more responsibility and more this and more this, and it may be my personal decision responsibility too, But at the end of the day, I just feel like I'm overwhelmed. I don't want to d all the above right. And what it is is we've got to connect them.
01:05:36
Speaker 3: Back to joy, to their fight, to the fact of that life can get better, that life can't get sweeter. Yes, you make yes all that you.
01:05:46
Speaker 5: May be think, it may be what's happening right now, but one decision can change everything.
01:05:53
Speaker 2: You said something past Green, very profound, and I never did get to follow up on it, you know, early on in this conversation, and it was something to the effect that I'm paraphrasing here that a lot of women are just throwing their hands up and saying, you know, he checked out. I'm tired. I'm going to check out too, And there probably is a lot of I think that that's a very real thing that we probably don't pay a lot of attention to because a lot of these women out here, and I've talked to it feel like men get a past, because they're saying men get a pass, you know, where they're supposed to go or whatever. But we're supposed to stay home and maintain and hold down the fort. We're the ones that are supposed to be with the kids. They can go and do whatever they want to do. They can come back. How many times have we heard people, friends, family relatives they can be daddy when they want to be. I got to be mama twenty four. So there is got to be an energy around that that probably isn't always managed as well as it should be.
01:06:49
Speaker 3: Right, I think that we have to expose them because a lots of us we don't get the actual news what's going on really in the community. We got all the Facebook news, we got all the Instagram news, but back in the day, we used to have that almanac mem the Dominac and they never give you all of those sensis and so they don't know that community access of reinforcement that's in the community. And we need a paper sometimes to say okay, this is what's going on in event and sometimes we do may have it, but we don't read it to where they can get a grip of it to say, okay, I want to go to this to this community eventage something that's gonna uplift their spirits. So involved because I tell my children in the morning, because I do have a fourteen year old and I have a seventy year old home. And I said, if y'all want to go somewhere, get up early. Let's get involved in the community. Because when you go downtown on Saturday morning, it's packed. Y'all still sleeping because you're on cell phone. And I said, get up, get ready, let's go do something in the community, get involved in doing something. And so I know there's a lot of places that receive a lot of grants that supposed to, you know, support the communities, support the young people's we need to defive and how are you supporting them? How are they getting you know, a grip of that. Is it only a certain area or can we broad at the horizon? Every time I see vacancies, I'm like, okay, can we do like a movie in the park? You know, bring these junctures gatherment to do something something in the community to where they're not just ignoring where they live at This is your world, this is your environment, and so they have to be encouraged to know what news is going on in the community so they can get involved in it and not just be an able body sitting you know, doing nothing.
01:08:33
Speaker 2: Yeah, and and I could just guarantee you that a lot of even and and I guess that's who they feel like they can get in contact with the most. But a lot of these police officers that are hurting these kids and taking them places and and and enforcing curfew violations or whatever, they're trying to contact the mother. They're not looking for the fathers, so they're in in in and of itself, they're looking at as women. And it's and most of the cans, you know, the most of the kids are black in the room, So they're trying to contact the black mother because they again probably don't even consider where the black man is in the home or they.
01:09:12
Speaker 5: Even thought about it and thought about to your point what you said earlier, I do believe it was it's unmet emotional needs. I think that the reason why a lot of black women have just checked out is, well, you said, if he get a pass, I'm taking my pass.
01:09:29
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm tired.
01:09:31
Speaker 3: Everybody gonna check out.
01:09:32
Speaker 5: And there is some disillusionment that has happened something because black women. There are things that black women are doing today we didn't ever do, because you know you would. I'm gonna put out there, you read something like, oh, they're white.
01:09:49
Speaker 3: They you would immediately say that, right. I know y'all gonna come from.
01:09:52
Speaker 2: That's okay, But let me say this.
01:09:55
Speaker 3: We would read it be like we knew exactly because black people we didn't do we do right now, you got to read a little further to see because you like, exactly in the world it is because there was some we don't They didn't feel supported and and and and they didn't feel like even when I ain't eve talking about the black man so much as supported in in in their community. Here it is black women are fighting each other. I mean, they got beefs.
01:10:29
Speaker 2: On beefs on beefs on Facebook.
01:10:32
Speaker 3: I'm like, what are y'all arguing over?
01:10:34
Speaker 6: What?
01:10:34
Speaker 3: In the world?
01:10:36
Speaker 19: A boy?
01:10:37
Speaker 3: Somebody said something, somebody looked at me. We got girls.
01:10:40
Speaker 5: I have a friend of mine who's charter was having some challenges with another young person in this city and she had to ask her brother to take her to a whole other side of the city of Indianapolis to keep her from being harmed.
01:10:56
Speaker 3: I'm like, where do they do.
01:10:58
Speaker 2: That with social media?
01:11:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, they lost their identity, so they don't when a mother don't have an identity. They can't give an identity to the child, so they can identify who am I in the community. And a lot of times, if you're growing up and you didn't give a child a time to play, every child has to play. You have to get to play out of them because if you don't get to play out of a child when they're young, so they can be exposed to doing this that the other day when they get older, they want to play.
01:11:25
Speaker 2: Some of us are following that we need to keep track of where our kids are.
01:11:30
Speaker 30: Yeah, something good is saying something good, but we have to be careful, you know that worldly assimilation that really allowing our.
01:11:44
Speaker 6: Kids to be with other people's children that have habits and things that we did not teach our children. Uh, we have to have that control and those restraints, providing things like what we're doing now we're talking about it, but you know, I do a segment that's called facing reality and asking them, uh, well, what's not working right in the iss a child? What's not going and what are the steps? And usually if they can work through the steps, they can bring us some resolution so that I find that that's really important and they're not just doing it once, but providing it on a regular basis, you know, quarterly. Hey, let's talk about this.
01:12:33
Speaker 17: Uh.
01:12:34
Speaker 6: And knowing that there is a place, safe place, we're providing safe places.
01:12:38
Speaker 13: Now, that's what we're doing.
01:12:39
Speaker 9: We're talking about that.
01:12:40
Speaker 6: You know, the church, my church, the post church. Uh, Tina, you're talking. You can easily get a call and somebody can say you can tell them that this is a place where you can go. This is a solution. And with Laurie, uh, A lot of times children or what don't want to say, the mothers turn around, they go back and forth. Okay, they come to church, they get out of church. They come to church, they get out of church, and we create a real problem of making the children unstable. Okay, that's very important to a lot of the problems. Yes, it is the black woman. But some of these young children have a mind of their own.
01:13:23
Speaker 2: Okay, not absolutely well absolutely uh. And that we were talking you have to count you have to factor that in.
01:13:30
Speaker 5: Yeah, bishop, okay, so bishop, So so let's think about that. Think about what you think about what we're saying. I do agree kids have a mind to their own, and I you know.
01:13:38
Speaker 3: The Bible says that's that's what I'm saying, it's fair to ride for the child.
01:13:44
Speaker 11: Now.
01:13:45
Speaker 3: My mother whipped me more than I believe she whipped any of my brothers and sisters. And there was a right there, and there was a reason because I was that child that you were talking about. I really did. I think I said under a great a strong grandmother and a strong mother that you know, and it wasn't there.
01:14:03
Speaker 5: I watched moments my my mother cried when you know she's trying to figure out this or trying to figure out that she didn't see. She didn't know that I watched her cry, but you know, but there was something about her teaching me through her perseverance and teaching me through stuff that she didn't even sometimes even say, is that I'm gonna get up every day and I'm getting ready to give this day another try, and I'm gonna give the next day another try, and I'm gonna give the.
01:14:27
Speaker 3: Next day and another today. Maybe it didn't work out the way I wanted it to, but you know what, tomorrow, I get another try. And that's what we've got to do and start instilling back into our young people. And to what you were saying, Bishop, my mama didn't let me play with the kids in the neighborhood. I grew up across the street from Hallville. I used to say, I grew up in Harvard. My mama said, you didn't grow up in Hallville. I grew up across the street. And kids would come knock on the door and say, can they play? My mama said, no, they gonna play, and I said, away, I said, we do play. She says, enough of y'all to play with each other. I couldn't play with nobody in my neighborhood because she wanted me to know, you not like them, don't act like them, and don't be like them.
01:15:08
Speaker 2: My grandmother kept us every day because my parents were we and like I said, sometimes she overrode them, but but she would. Little kids would come, hay and so and so, no, it's no, and then she would proceed to give us a lecture on they do this, this, and that's exactly.
01:15:26
Speaker 3: Don't watch them this and that's.
01:15:28
Speaker 2: Watching and y'all not gonna go if you and so. Of course we tried to sneak out. Don't don't.
01:15:32
Speaker 3: Don't say anybody tried sink out. It's amazing that we have this conversation. I just have the same conversation at home because my mom said, you can only ride when I can see you. If you go too far and I can't see you, you better be coming back. Yeah, and so and we we did like want to turn around the corner and the other way. Were like we had those moments to where we can go over nobody houses, no, no, no way, no sleeper right, no, you only spending night on houses that I approve of. Well, you've met her mom, I know I met her, but I don't know who comes everybody.
01:16:08
Speaker 2: Is, right, yeah, And we used to be I don't know about y'all. I used to get so embarrassed because it's like these are people I went to school with or whatever, and they just come around to they see us out in the yard and Grandma's like, uhh no.
01:16:19
Speaker 3: They don't play. You keep walking past my grass? Right good?
01:16:24
Speaker 2: And it's it's but and and you know what that that is? That was it. I don't think that that's too far gone.
01:16:31
Speaker 3: It's right.
01:16:32
Speaker 2: I don't think.
01:16:32
Speaker 3: I don't think it's too far gone.
01:16:33
Speaker 5: But what I do think that somehow is this like the conversation we had we as as as you know kids, we said I'm never gonna be that. I'm not gonna do my kids like my mama didn't meet. And so we kept going further and further and further.
01:16:49
Speaker 3: Away here was. We kept loosening it and loosening it. So now we got what we had July here on the circle. Because as children, you would say, you know what, I'm never gonna do my child like that, and then you get up and go and you didn't do your child like your mama did you. Then the next one said, I I'm not gonna do my child like my mama did me. And so now we done got so far from what kept us and what ensured then my child wouldn't shot and my child wasn't locked up that now we're trying to figure out how do we.
01:17:17
Speaker 2: Get to get back, how do we get it back? And I you know, it's it's refreshing and rewarding to hear, because you know, I remember my daughter, she's more dramatic than my son. You ruined my life.
01:17:28
Speaker 3: I can't go with my friends, I can't do this, and I can't do that.
01:17:31
Speaker 2: Blah blah said yeah, okay, okay, and you know I'm not trying to And so now that she's a mother baby. I heard her the other day say, well, my son's I said, whoa, whoa, And so she was saying something to him, and I said, you know, be careful of what you correct him, because I'm here now and I can tell you that everything you see him doing, you did. And then she just fell out laughing, you know, but she's you know, they they start to see. But what I had to I had to take incoming. A lot of these women out here are not willing to take it. The income I took it because I'm not gonna say I.
01:18:02
Speaker 3: Don't care about you want to eat them all coming in here and do what you need to do. Yeah, yeah, I think that's a great point.
01:18:11
Speaker 2: It is. And so how are we? Why are we no longer willing for our kids not to like us when we're doing something for their own good. To every telling my son, I'm on your side. I'm not trying to hurt you.
01:18:21
Speaker 3: Everything else, it was fear the battle of father you know and mom. So here it is I'm battling with him for who's gonna be the favorite parent so versus being on the out. I'm gonna let it go or I'm gonna do this, and then nowhere, Yeah, and then what Bishop Barney said about fear. We're so scared because we have so so many other things that don't like us.
01:18:45
Speaker 5: Yes, we have so many other things that are fighting against us believing who we're supposed to be.
01:18:51
Speaker 3: So now they have my child thinking that about me.
01:18:54
Speaker 2: That's what we should check out. That you're talking the wrong.
01:18:59
Speaker 3: That's that is what I say. I tell my children, I say, you know what, no parent is born with the dictionary, and so they're going to make mistakes and we have to know that. You know, it's a part of growing and everything that we go everything we go through in life is going to be a test, and your progress is going to be can I pass this test? Because if I escape this test, then I may not can get to the next area of where I'm going to be tested because every test goes to a next level. I've graduated from this test. Now I want to go to the next level. So how can I teach my children more better value? Because I tell my childre I'm not going to ever teach you, tell you nothing wrong. I'm not going to I'm going to tell you what needs to be done and whether you know my children. I talk to them so much. They cover up their years so they gather. But I can hear it, right, But I can hear them sometimes in their bedroom.
01:19:56
Speaker 6: Find out when a lot I thank God for you and what you're stealing in your children. But a lot of times we have mothers that have uh here we go their peers with their children and said, you can be a friend, but not a peer. Okay, you cannot yeah with your child and tell them it's wrong. You can't sit down and drink with them.
01:20:23
Speaker 2: And tell them tell them wrong, because.
01:20:25
Speaker 6: You're you're crumbling, causing that your your relationship is crumbling, and what you're trying to build is crumbling. So I'm so grateful for the women that are on here today. But we do have a lot of women that are trying to be peers with their children.
01:20:41
Speaker 2: They're a little misdirected.
01:20:44
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think that's it. I think it's a disrespect. You know, when we're looking at how do we get how did our kids get here? To the day my mother transitioned a year ago today, my mother went on to be with the Lord.
01:20:58
Speaker 3: I was my mama, I'm your friend. I'll never be I'm just saying if my mama told me, I'll never be your friend. I love you, I like you. And even when I got girl, my mother wasn't my friend.
01:21:09
Speaker 5: She was still my mother who I respected and honored and and appreciated. And I'm so glad that she didn't let me play with the kids in the neighborhood because when I look at the kids, what happened to.
01:21:19
Speaker 3: The kids in my neighborhood, it was my mom. I'm telling you. I read it to two or three men at Loans Donuts. You know what I'm saying. And I look back and I say, God, I thank you.
01:21:30
Speaker 6: Now.
01:21:30
Speaker 3: My mama had no sister, and I let me play with that girl because here she is. She you know, she she ain't She looked like she going through, and she looked like she been through. And I'm just saying, And if I hadn't been able to play with her or been allowed to play with her, yeah, you don't know what. I don't know what my life would be. And so I think that you know this whole being your friend and being your peer, and I understand you. No, it says that the child is like an arrow in your hand, and your job is to direct it in the right manner and in the right order that you're supposed to direct it in. And I believe to your point. Yeah, we don't get a manual. But that goes back to what we said about church. You learned that church what to do with your kids, because if you didn't know what to do the the elder mother on the second row said, we're over here, sit down on this throw right here. The ursis will tell you the mothers of the church, like right here. And you know I missed those mothers.
01:22:31
Speaker 2: You know I was leaving here. Indeed, let's go back to the phone lines.
01:22:38
Speaker 6: We do understand, and we have to make our children. I have sons and grandsons. I think I just finally got a granddaughter. A congrats, But uh, we have to they have to know that mothers that they can come to you and talk to you about.
01:22:56
Speaker 3: Anything that's right.
01:22:57
Speaker 6: And we have to be able to establish them that no matter what it is, they can come to us and talk to us. Otherwise they will turn to others. Yeah, yeah, look for those that receive them.
01:23:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, indeed, let's go let's go back to the phone lines. Uh is this Ali? Is that correct?
01:23:16
Speaker 11: Yes?
01:23:16
Speaker 13: Hi?
01:23:17
Speaker 6: Ali?
01:23:17
Speaker 2: Go ahead, how are you I'm good.
01:23:20
Speaker 12: I love this conversation.
01:23:22
Speaker 11: And it's not something that we just need to have one time. It's something that needs to be spoken all the time. My husband and I pass their Progressive Life Ministry seventy first in Michigan Road. And a lot of the stuff that you're saying, it's so true many of you. But we as the church, we have to parents these mothers.
01:23:46
Speaker 12: We have to father these.
01:23:50
Speaker 11: These young people because I grew up like you guys did, but they are not getting they don't have that. And a lot of the issues that these children are going through, I can't imagine.
01:24:03
Speaker 12: I couldn't imagine being in their situation one day, let no, three.
01:24:09
Speaker 11: Hundred and sixty five days of the care. They are now being raised by saints that you know, parents, So there's a confusion right there. But they all they know is that this is love. So we as the church, we have to meet them where they are. One of the things that we've started was having parenting classes because they don't know how, you know, without without judging them, teaching them without judging them, you know. And so one of these classes that we have is called Sister and a Girl Talks and we just sit down and talk every Thursday night.
01:24:53
Speaker 12: Teenagers so eighty years old and one.
01:24:57
Speaker 11: They really didn't have a topic because my speaker didn't show up, and the Lord just gave to.
01:25:03
Speaker 12: Me ask them how they're doing?
01:25:06
Speaker 11: And when I asked that simple question, women broke because no one had one lady even said no one had never.
01:25:16
Speaker 12: Asked me that and waited to listen for the answer. Everybody was hurting and overwhelmed.
01:25:23
Speaker 11: Then why is that?
01:25:24
Speaker 12: Because we no longer have the family structure that God intended for us to have. Now we have blended families, and so you have the parents competing.
01:25:38
Speaker 11: Against each other. The children are wise, they're manipulating that situation, and so you don't have the parents sticking together. So how do we help?
01:25:49
Speaker 12: I truly believe that Jesus is the answer, and Jesus works through the church.
01:25:55
Speaker 3: Yes, that's figure out.
01:25:58
Speaker 11: We have to figure out out how do we.
01:26:04
Speaker 12: Teach these children to on Sundays two Sundays out of the mouth.
01:26:08
Speaker 11: We feed them just so that they can have And we're.
01:26:11
Speaker 9: Not talking about little children.
01:26:13
Speaker 11: I'm talking about young adults, right, spirits, You know that there they don't even have homes.
01:26:19
Speaker 12: They're living in their.
01:26:20
Speaker 2: Car yeah, we don't know a lot of them.
01:26:26
Speaker 11: Yes, teaching them how to eat together with people, teaching them no, put your phone.
01:26:31
Speaker 12: Down, that we're just gonna sit at the.
01:26:33
Speaker 9: Table when we're gonna eat.
01:26:37
Speaker 12: Cheese, the cheese. This is my last comment on Mother's Day.
01:26:45
Speaker 11: The Lord had me to just call all the mothers up, the first the single mother, and thanks Bill, thank them for not giving up, thank them for not giving in, for not walking out on that hust and when that mother needed both of the parents, thanking them for not committing suicide. The larders had been given everything to y'all. I thought this was just supposed to.
01:27:12
Speaker 12: Be a big Oh, we just want to appreciate you.
01:27:16
Speaker 6: These women were weeping.
01:27:18
Speaker 9: They needed that somebody.
01:27:21
Speaker 12: Noticed, somebody understands what they're going through. So how can we.
01:27:26
Speaker 11: All get together as Pastor's wife, as the body of Christ and make this thing work because the family is not going to make it work because they don't know how how.
01:27:38
Speaker 3: To make it work. That's good?
01:27:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Ali, great, great comments. Thank you so much for Oh, I'm sorry, thank you so much.
01:27:50
Speaker 3: We do we need to do it. Let's do it. Let's do it.
01:27:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's go to anonymous go ahead the color on nine four.
01:27:59
Speaker 9: Just hi, everybody, how are you?
01:28:02
Speaker 11: Oh?
01:28:03
Speaker 9: Yes, I'm gonna talk about generational from generation to generation. I'll never forget. I was a teenager back in the day.
01:28:12
Speaker 3: I don't remember.
01:28:13
Speaker 9: I'm not gonna tell my age. But there was a song that came on that changed the total perplexity of the black family. The song was called Me and Missus Jones. I don't know if you'll remember that song. You got the thing, yeah, and everybody loved that song. Before that song came on, there was a type.
01:28:39
Speaker 6: Of decency in marriage.
01:28:41
Speaker 9: People were still staying together, people are still unit. There was still a unit of family unit. But when that song came on, it's like everybody said, Oh, it's okay, cheat on your husband, cheat on your wife, It's okay, it's okay not to be married, It's okay. And that generational idea went from generation to generation. And now we're talking about and then now we have what maybe this is past past had them babies, mama, mama, mama's daddy, and these shouldn't have no foundation, they have nothing to hold on to. I think their generation has passed. I think this is a new generation. But Every child wants parents. Every child wants their mommy and daddy to stay together. Every child wants that. I don't care who you say or who that is paramount with a child. And when they don't have that foundation, they go find somebody else who.
01:29:40
Speaker 13: Will give it to them.
01:29:41
Speaker 9: And we have gotten back. We have to be a family again, as a group of people, as a race of people, and as individuals in a collective family units aunties. I'm an aunt. I've been in the church almost all my life, thank Jesus. And and but I I I my mother, and my church said you have a light in your family. You really are, because your kids look up, your grandkids look up to you and say, well, she don't do that. Why is she not doing that? Why is she not doing that? And I sit down and I tell them, look, you don't have to do this. You don't have to be this way. You can you can keep your your say you're dressed, you're dressed down and he can keep his pants up. You don't have to You don't have to settle for less. You can be anything you want to be. You can achieve your goals. You don't have to have a man. You don't have to have anything but yourself is being depends. All you need is Jesus and the church and get into a relationship in the church with a man that's gonna love you. Don't settle for less. And you tell them that and they just.
01:30:54
Speaker 6: Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
01:30:56
Speaker 9: I mean, when you don't have that foundation, people are kids are just gonna be kids. They're gonna That's why you got people kids shoot each other because there's no foundation. The parents don't know how to be parents. And I'm not down on anybody. I'm not down because you don't know what's going on in what happened in the generation before them. But they need a foundation, just like the lady who was previously on. They need a foundation in Jesus Christ. They need a backbone. They need somebody to say, look, this is the way you raise your child, this is the way how you achieve your goals. This is the way how Jesus. A lot of them don't even know Jesus loves them. A lot of them don't know.
01:31:38
Speaker 2: But you know what, though, I hate to interrupt you, but you know we statements are good. You know these statements are fine, But what are the salution? And thank you very much for your for your call a caller, and I you know, I guess I tend to be more of the mindset of Selee.
01:31:55
Speaker 13: Yeah.
01:31:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's the strategy, what are the steps? What do we need to do? I'm not as fatalistic to think that generations, but because the more things change, the more they stay the same, Okay, because I don't think that there is a lot of family or whatever. There was also what was that other song, Hey lady, honey, your husband's cheating on us?
01:32:17
Speaker 3: Yeah?
01:32:18
Speaker 2: I think it was some loser. But anyway, those are songs that there's songs that are always going to reflect a certain segment of society or what have you. But I don't think that they lead to the destruction of our culture, of our kids or what have you. I mean, that's just the song, I guess if you look at it in a healthier way. But I think we have to be if somebody is not hearing the word, why, if the church is not getting to us, why if the kids are getting to church?
01:32:50
Speaker 3: Why?
01:32:51
Speaker 2: Okay?
01:32:51
Speaker 3: Why?
01:32:51
Speaker 2: And then how if that is indeed the solution? I mean, if that is indeed the problem, what's the solution? And I think we, as she said, something too. We're pretty pretty good. Whereas on Mother's Day, we hold women as women, we hold a special place and we you know, we have to we have to acknowledge that because we do. We look at the difference between Mother's Day and Father's Day. I defy you to get a reservation at a restaurant any city in America on Mother's Day, but on Father's Day you can drive. So we have to you know, we we do enjoy a special place and we shouldn't should and.
01:33:30
Speaker 3: We should need a special place.
01:33:32
Speaker 2: But with that comes, you know, a responsibility that I just don't think that.
01:33:36
Speaker 3: Certain you go with that a response.
01:33:39
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying.
01:33:40
Speaker 5: And we knew that. That's the reason why I believe Mother's Day is what Mother's Day is, because we we took on the responsibility and we said, we know we're the responsible one and we're willing to take on the full respons of everything and everybody. And to your point, and what we've been talking about is we made a decision. We didn't want to take it, So what do we need to do. I think that it has to be, like you said, in our sphere of influences, you know, the pastor's wife said I can't think of her name, basically saying hey, we need to get together, and and I just have the conversation.
01:34:18
Speaker 3: But you know, you know, being honest, yeah, call to action, say hey, you know you something wrong with you? You know something wrong with your baby? I need you in this class.
01:34:28
Speaker 2: So if the neighbors, if you're going to take your kids to Sunday school in the morning and the neighbors kids are out on the street playing soccer, invite them.
01:34:35
Speaker 3: To God, and I tell you you're going to church, and I don't think it's gonna know, I don't think it's going to be one world. So there's no silver bullet, there's no one word solution to the answer because some children respond differently yes, and everybody don't have it. It's not on the same level of the comprehend and what you're trying to tell. Because if you may say something to this person, they be like, well, that's not my problem. My problems over here. So we have to relate to a child to who they are and what level of understanding they are. And so one solution is not going to answer it, but it's multiple Make a believer out of them? How can I make you a believer to a positive reinforcement something.
01:35:15
Speaker 2: The men said, and we're gonna take it. We're gonna get to the break.
01:35:18
Speaker 13: Cameron.
01:35:18
Speaker 2: Cameron's over here, he said, she's.
01:35:23
Speaker 6: Bills.
01:35:23
Speaker 2: But one of the men panel that we had before, they said that everybody needs to start thinking in an athletic way. And he said, when we list our athletic accomplishments, we don't list our losses. We list our wins first and then our losses. So say, for instance, the track team, he said, you ran track, the track team is is five and ten. Five is five wins and ten losses. Anybody that knows that language knows that's how it works. We can we can just retrain ourselves just to even start with something like that, just a simple mindset like well we got we got some kids coming, you know, we had two more kids this weekend, or two more kids this month, you know whatever, Yeah, we got some more, a whole lot more to go. But if we can start thinking in a more athletic mindset, like list our our positives first and then go to our negatives, I think he thinks that that's righting that that would be one of the one of the starting point it's one of the many starting points in many later.
01:36:20
Speaker 3: I think that's a great point. I think it's a great point.
01:36:22
Speaker 5: But I think where you where we have such a big challenge when it comes to the to the to the woman woman is there's this hopelessness because of the huge responsibility and not saying you know, men are saying that because or whatever, but you got to recognize and it's just it is what it is.
01:36:42
Speaker 3: We've been the.
01:36:42
Speaker 5: One holding the bag. We've been the one holding it down and and me and I love y'all, y'all, some of y'all you know, say well what about me? Okay, you've been holding to.
01:36:51
Speaker 3: But here it is.
01:36:53
Speaker 2: Come on, man, we feel.
01:36:54
Speaker 5: Like you know, it hasn't been value. It's what the pest will say. She said she the Lord told her to call them up and say thank you.
01:37:01
Speaker 3: Some people somebody just wants somebody to knock on the door and say thank you. And I think we start there.
01:37:07
Speaker 5: You know what, I see you and I just want to say, good batter indifferent, thank you.
01:37:14
Speaker 3: You're still on the wall. You didn't you didn't fail out, you didn't tap out, and I just want to tell you thank you.
01:37:22
Speaker 2: We'll be back.
01:37:23
Speaker 3: We're gonna wrap this up shortly.
01:37:24
Speaker 2: We got another commercial and and we'll be right back right after this. Several months have passed since wildfires tore through Altadena and Pasadena, but for many, recovery has yet to begin. Thousands of families are still without permanent homes, Businesses are gone, community life remains in pieces. This is not just the aftermath, It's an ongoing emergency. Praise AM thirteen ten and ninety five point one FM proudly support Brotherhood Crusade in rebuilding these communities. For over fifty years, Brotherhood Crusade has empowered underserve families through direct support and long term recovery services. Your donation to the Wildfire Relief Fund provides food, shelter, mental health support, and the tools families need to start again. Go to Brotherhood Crusade dot org to help restore lives and rebuild futures. Because recovery takes more than time, it takes all of us.
01:38:37
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Speaker 7: One, Beg Girl don't probably does run it up.
01:38:41
Speaker 3: It's for my man first to be murdered. I'm facing thirty the leaf loyal ones, Me and my man are in this together.
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01:38:51
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01:39:00
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01:40:28
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01:45:40
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01:46:09
Speaker 1: Let's get back to the conversation. It's community connection with Tina Cosby, brought to you by Child Advocates, a champion for justice, opportunity and well being for children. On Praise Am thirteen ten ninety five point one FM.
01:46:25
Speaker 2: And we're back with Community Connection, having just an absolutely fantabulous, fantabulous conversation here with with our women panel, women leaders in the community, faith based community, women of faith. You know, we're talking just women, Black women in society in general, and everything else in between. Let's get one of the guys in here. George, you wanted to you wander weigh in? Go ahead, Joe, Joe, Hey, Cameron, that's Joe. I see George on the screen.
01:46:59
Speaker 3: Hi, how are you doing?
01:47:00
Speaker 13: Hey, good afternoon.
01:47:01
Speaker 3: Get them.
01:47:03
Speaker 13: I'm going to say something that's probably going to upset some people. Okay, but I've heard a lot of things, but I've not heard root causes, and I've not heard results of those root causes. What can we do? Yeah, but there's something else, ladies, that I'm going to say that I really believe. And you know the reason mainly one of the main reasons for what these young people, young men are going through, it happens to be the Black Church. They have failed us because I'm seventy eight years old and when I grew up, the Black churches supported us with programs like Boy Scouts in the summer. They had leaders, adult leaders who were in college, and they had groups. They had things for us to do during the summer, But mainly they taught us how to be men, how to respect ourself. Do you think that we were going to be disrespectful to rtend Brown? That's the church how I went to Saint John. But now you got you were talking about a baby mama and all of that. But you got these young ladies that's being friends with their kids, and little Johnny comes home with four hundred dollars and throws it down the mom say hey, mom, that's four hundred dollars. Oh, by the way, yew bad are we you and your boyfriend enjoyed? And him and his friends with their bad pants begging and turn around to walk out.
01:48:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, disturbing, dynamic church in bos Okay, thank you, church in Joe. I'm gonna I'm gonna stop it right here. No no, no, no, no no. We just respond to respond.
01:48:51
Speaker 5: So so I do hear you, and I want you to know, Joe, we hear you loud and clear.
01:48:55
Speaker 3: At the very beginning, we did talk about the root causes.
01:48:57
Speaker 5: We talked about systematic racism and discrimination, historical trauma, overburdened by expectations, health stigmas, unmet emotional expectations, and compound stressors. So we did talk about how we've arrived to this, and you talk about the Black Church. I'll say this real matter of fact, the Black Church got all kind of programs.
01:49:19
Speaker 3: The dealers, you got to come to them.
01:49:22
Speaker 5: We you know, for us, I had GLG which was God's Little Girls. I had G two which was God's Girls. That was for the two different levels for little Girls, and then the level up. We have what's called Vision Village, and our over entire Vision Village deals with you from you know, five all the way up to going to college, where we had major programs for our kids going to college and doing college fairs.
01:49:46
Speaker 3: So the Black churches have programs, all of them.
01:49:49
Speaker 5: And I don't think there is a church in this city that does not have a program for their young their their their youth ministry, their young adult ministry. I believe that you know, you've the same place that church has been when you need help, when you need to get your son out of jail, and you need you know, all those different things that parents have needed, the church is still there available and The programs are there, readily available. You just have to make a decision to seek them out. And we we we you know, I think that we have with this great thing called the Internet. All you got to do is google and I guarantee it a lot of all the churches and all the programs, and you can be able to send any of your young men. You know, even at at light of the world they had what was called boys to men. So there their programs out there. You just have to, you know, do a little digging, do a little work, call up some church and say what do you have for young people? And I guarantee you they can say, hey, come to this and come to that.
01:50:48
Speaker 6: It's still there.
01:50:50
Speaker 13: It's still there.
01:50:52
Speaker 6: Again, it's individual. I'm sorry, I right, Barney, and it is an individual. Sometimes we can provide all of the programs. And you know, we've said so much so many some of the women have said, well, I take my children, I don't defend them. I'm there with them. So that everybody's on the same plane, the same mindset. And yes, things have changed. And you know you're just a few years older than me, sir, you're seventy eight. I'm seventy two. And I understand, you know. And I have a son fifty six, a son thirty five, I have grandsons twenty eight, twenty one, and all the way down, and we still take them. The programs are there, and a lot of times people don't want that. They don't want those type of programs. So we cannot blame the Black Church completely. I understand what you're saying, but we have to say that's an individual preference.
01:51:53
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, Bishop, I don't I don't understand it, you know. I think you know, you know, I am.
01:51:58
Speaker 5: I really have reached a place where when we keep talking about the Black Church failers, like, no, the Black Church is there. The Black Church is sitting there on the line. There's not a and I you know, and I am in a lot of these churches in Indianapolis. There's not a church you can go to that will not meet you where you are and try to help you get to where you need to be. There's not one of them, you know. And so I think we got to stop doing that. That's we're the only culture that will turn on itself.
01:52:27
Speaker 3: And I'm not saying some of them don't do it here and there, but we are just notorious for coming down on you know, the Black church. The black church was how the civil rights movement was able to move forward. The Black church was the place where you would come get information and advice and be able to transform your life. The Black Church still.
01:52:46
Speaker 5: Stands, and the Black Church is still there, ready to help us be all that God has called us to.
01:52:51
Speaker 6: Be something that you said you are. When they get in trouble, where do they go?
01:53:00
Speaker 3: The Black church?
01:53:02
Speaker 9: Yeah, Black church.
01:53:03
Speaker 2: Yeah.
01:53:03
Speaker 3: Let me let me just say this real quick, just like the uh the chief officer said yesterday, I guess they're looking for a young man a byt the situation. He said, please go to your pastor and turn yourself in. He letting you know, I know the black churches where y'all go.
01:53:18
Speaker 5: So go turn yourself into your pastor and let him be the one to bring you in. The Black Church still sit there with their arms were just like Jesus say, come unto me, all ye that are laden.
01:53:29
Speaker 3: And heavy burden, and we will give you rest.
01:53:31
Speaker 2: There you go. I hate to stop it right here, I really do, I really do, but we have to go. Uh And so pastor mischep mischip, We're gonna start with you. Uh, and just any closing thoughts, final last words. We've just got about maybe a minute or two. Any closing thoughts.
01:53:47
Speaker 6: Okay, Yes, if we all dick together, we can make it through here. And we've just started this.
01:53:53
Speaker 9: Uh know that there's a safe place and uh.
01:53:57
Speaker 6: You could always contact the radio station and get in touch with some of us and we can keep it moving.
01:54:02
Speaker 2: Alrighty, thank you.
01:54:04
Speaker 3: Well, yes, if you said exactly what I was gonna say. If we can all come together and network, and sometimes someone else may have something better than what we have that we can inspire someone else. So yes, if we can network, that is a great thing.
01:54:16
Speaker 5: And yeah, do you know what black women, I salute you. I'm excited about your future. I know the great things on the horizon. I want us to get our fight back and I believe mentorship the community activities that we have. You can check all of us out that you've heard from the day, and I know we all have something that can help you transition, transform and get to the life that you really desire.
01:54:38
Speaker 2: All Right, we're gonna we're gonna drop the mic right there, but guess what, we don't pick it up again. And if you will all be would be so kind as to come back sometime soon.
01:54:48
Speaker 3: Thank you for having us, thank you, thank you for having.
01:54:51
Speaker 2: Us, thank you for being here. And we want to thank you Reverend Jim too, because he pulled us all together.
01:54:54
Speaker 6: He did.
01:54:55
Speaker 3: Thank you ever paid.
01:54:57
Speaker 2: Indeed, indeed, that's all the time we have all right now, Willie Moore Jr. On the radio, What was up next? We'll be back tomorrow. Until then, this is Community Connection
01:55:08
Speaker 24: M.
Speaker 1: WTOCAM W two three six c are Indianapolis, discussing the issues that matter to you and keeping you informed with what's happening in and around Indy. It's Community Connection with Tina Cosby, brought to you by Child Advocates, a champion for justice, opportunity and well being for children on Praise AM thirteen ten ninety five point one FM.
00:00:25
Speaker 2: And good afternoon, and welcome to Community Connection. I'm Tina Cosby. Today is Wednesday, July the thirtieth. Wednesday, July the thirtieth, Cameron. We said it yesterday, I guess it is even more so today. Hard to believe July is gone. Lots to get to, including state Fair tickets. You asked yesterday, I asked today and I was told yes, of course, we have state Fair tickets to give away. So guess what We're going to be giving away state Fair tickets on the show now through the rest of the week. We got several family four packs that we're going to be doling out, so please keep listening for your chance to win. Also, you heard from him yesterday, our caller, Kevin Griffin. He wants to share one of his upcoming events with the community, So stay tuned for more on that. But first, several days ago, a couple of weeks ago, we hosted a panel of community and faith based leaders to address youth violence and more and root causes and you know all of that. That was in connection to the mass shooting, the deadly mass shooting downtown on Monument Circle over the fourth of July weekend. They were men, all men, and were very intentional, very intentional about their lane being young African American men. It was all men and all boys. So okay. So today, as promised, we have a panel of community and faith leaders who are women who are here to weigh in from their perspective on that and a whole lot more, of course, of course, and I will have each of them introduced themselves, and let's start on the far side of the studio. Go ahead with you.
00:02:08
Speaker 3: Agreements to everyone, and I'm glad to be in the present here. Thank you Radio one, and praise Indy for allowing us to speak to the community on the young people's My name is Lorie Duncan, and I am affilated with the muski. Get my minsit to doctor Will J. Doctor the late doctor Will J. Duncan, and again our prayers amen. Amen. So I'm here to discuss what we can do by the young generation.
00:02:33
Speaker 2: Indeed, indeed, and well, I don't know who this woman is.
00:02:38
Speaker 4: Good afternoon everyone. I'm doctor Denise Hayes. I'm thrilled to be here. And my perspective on some of the challenges that we're seeing with our youth is to examine what's going on with the parents, particularly with the mothers. And the one thing that I'm looking at is I'm not your superwoman, if you remember that song, and so you know, we pride ourselves on being very strong, which also feeds into not asking for help and doing too much and all of that. So I want to talk about some of the facts that we work at a disadvantage and we just keep doing it because that's what we have to do. But there are some times when you know, our cracks start showing and so, oh my goodness, and so I want to talk about that. So thank you for having me.
00:03:38
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you for being back. We're going to have you again a couple of weeks if we can get you back an here.
00:03:43
Speaker 3: I know you're a busy woman.
00:03:46
Speaker 5: I'm Lady Nicole Green, my husband and I pastor here in the city of Indianapolis. Ad he May's Christian Church, one of the greatest churches in Indie. No, seriously, I'm really excited about this conversation. I am a faith coach. I believe that the life coach. You need someone to coach you. You need to give someone that can coach you in faith in this thing called life to get you unstuck and unstoppable. And I really am excited about this conversation. I think the conversation you just had with the men was just so powerful and enlightening. And I really believe just like you said, you know, because she's she's bringing, she's laying out the case from a very emotional and psychological standpoint. But where women are and where we've been, I think it's paramount to where we can go. And so I'm really because we've always been, you know, kind of the base. You know, we've we've been the place where you can get what everything that you need. And I don't you know, I don't subscribe to you. You know that we've we've we've gone from it. I think that there's so many things now that we've got to discuss, and I'm sure we're going to discuss today of.
00:04:53
Speaker 3: Why the.
00:04:55
Speaker 5: Pendulum is swinging the other way and how do we get it to swing back, Because I do believe a lot of where we've been is because black women have just been solid and you know, steadfast and unmovable. And I think that we're still well labeled. And I'm really excited to dive in. So thanks for having us.
00:05:16
Speaker 3: Women are in the building. We take it over talking.
00:05:18
Speaker 2: I'm excited in the building and on the phone, no doubt. Yes, let's last, but not least, Let's bring in Pastor Bev. Pastor Bev, go ahead.
00:05:27
Speaker 6: How are you hey, I'm doing good, Tina, Thank you, thank you, thank you for having me on. Bishop Befolly Barney, senior pastor of It is Well Church Ministries, where our pastor with my husband, Pastor Reginald Barney, we just celebrated twenty years anniversary.
00:05:45
Speaker 2: Congratulations.
00:05:47
Speaker 6: Yes, so and I am on Am thirteen ten.
00:05:51
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:05:51
Speaker 6: Sure more than twenty years, twenty five years more. But I'm just so glad to be a part of this panel. My platform is wellness, and that is restoring wellness into our community, into our families, into our lives, the lives of the black women, restoring and empowering, because it's not all about just empowering, but as I heard Lady Nicolsa, it's about restoring some of the things that have been already embodied within them. And so that's my stand. I'm looking forward to talking about it because our community and wellness is a journey. So we are moving toward being well in our community. So I'm excited. Thank you for having me.
00:06:42
Speaker 2: Well, thank you so much for being here. So I'll start with you, doctor Hayes, because you talked about much of what the premise of the state of Black women in our society is, and so we'll go ahead and start with you.
00:06:57
Speaker 4: Well, black women were significantly impacted by the Doze elimination of positions. I believe it's about fifteen hundred black women lost.
00:07:11
Speaker 2: Their jobs DOJA the Elon Musk Department of Government Efficiency, which is just basically uh for those who may not know what dose was. Yeah, yeah, that that.
00:07:23
Speaker 7: That eradication of.
00:07:24
Speaker 2: Jobs for efficiency. Yeah, that's yeah.
00:07:28
Speaker 4: It disproportionately impacted black women. But even before that, I looked at some studies. So Goldman Sachs has a one million dollar, one million Black women Economic Mobility survey, and they looked at twenty five hundred participants. Forty percent of black women's household income is less than fifty thousand dollars across the United States forty percent compared to twenty four percent of all other Americans. Wow, Fewer Black women have full time salary jobs and to make up for their often seeking gig work. And these are professionals doing uber and uber eats and all of that. Forty two percent of Black women working full time apart time don't have opportunity, don't feel like they have opportunities for career advancement or promotion, compared to thirty five percent of how most other people feel about their job opportunities. Forty three percent of Black women have health care health insurance through their jobs forty three percent compared to the average American citizen that has fifty three percent. Fifty three percent of them do. Fifty percent of Black women receive paced sick leave compared to fifty six percent of employed individuals. And childcare for black women is a concern. Nineteen percent of Black women looking for jobs have problems with childcare compared to the average person, which is eleven percent. And there are other statistics that talk about educational attainment. We're way behind, even though we had accomplished a lot. But what happened, What has happened is that the impact on all this compensating to overcome, to maintain our families, to support our communities, has resulted in us being high functioning, often with depression. And so when we do that, then it creates more healthcare problems. Tendinitis is a common one that kind of comes up. And the other part that I learned is that how we present about depression. So if you go to your doctor or our counselor and you they may miss the symptoms of depression because it's not like it is in the DSM four. This New York University study found that black women will talk more about self hate. I'm not doing what I should be doing. I'm so disappointed in myself. It's my fault. They're irritable, feeling of hopeless instead of feeling hopeless because we keep going. We just keep going, and we keep going and keep going. So, you know, the other signs is that we distance from family, so we want to be alone. And so you know, somebody might say, oh, I haven't talked to sharing in a minute.
00:10:46
Speaker 3: You know, and well, you know how she is, and.
00:10:48
Speaker 4: They just kind of let it go, you know, as opposed to really paying attention and seeing if there's something.
00:10:54
Speaker 2: That's sharing she's sometime we judge it, judge it. Yeah.
00:11:01
Speaker 4: And one other thing they talked about is that postpartum for black women shows up differently, and in fact, we are more likely to have it past the window where most people have a postpartum, most non black women, and so we might miss that. And so there's just there's just some things we need to do to support black women. And part of it is building a community. You know, I'm always talking about the community and asking and checking in and not letting stuff go, but also look for how we can find joy.
00:11:44
Speaker 3: And so you add that to having kids.
00:11:48
Speaker 4: With a low income with high cost for school supplies and clothes and all the things that they want and that we want to give them, and then you're going to be kind of with drawn. So you may be kind of missing some of the signs and symptoms that kids are doing. You might not be as attentive. Is if you only had one job, you know, and you didn't weren't struggling for money, So so let's need to give him some support.
00:12:16
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:12:16
Speaker 2: So that being said, let's fast forward to the weekend of July fourth and the deadly mass shooting in downtown Indianapolis, mostly young people and conversations. A lot of times conversations they just developed organically. And this one was a conversation that I had with the one you all know very well, Jim Payton, and he said, we cannot discuss what's going on with young people downtown in situations like this and throughout you know, the summer of the year or whatever without first talking about women. What did he mean by that? And what are your Who wants to weigh in on that as far as we and you all will, I'm sure who wants to go first? And also Pastor Barney, Bishop Barney, anytime you want to go. I know you're not here, but you're here, so anytime, just just go ahead and speak up. Pastor.
00:13:10
Speaker 3: I'll jump in first. I agree.
00:13:12
Speaker 5: You know, It's what I said when we first started the introduction. You know, I love our black men. I've been married twenty seven years. I don't look at day for thirty. Hello, but I've been married ray ye okay, y, but I've been married twenty seven years.
00:13:26
Speaker 3: So I love our Black men. I think that they're paramount.
00:13:29
Speaker 5: I believe that they're necessary, They're needed, and the conversations we're having about them being in the nucleus of the family is a conversation that has to be had and has to continue so that we can ensure that our families are whole. But we have to not we have to know, and we've known through the years. Black women have been it. I mean, we have been the you know, fried up in the pan We've been Mama, doctor, lawyer, you know, warrior, in in in, in, in in prayer. The black woman has been the woman that has been the superwoman. And I believe, if we can just be really honest, that they looked up and said, if he can leave, I can.
00:14:17
Speaker 3: They said, if we everybody leaving, I'm leaving. They have checked out.
00:14:21
Speaker 5: If you know, if we're really gonna have an honest conversation, black women have said.
00:14:25
Speaker 3: I don't want to anymore.
00:14:27
Speaker 5: I don't want to be that. I don't want to be that. I don't want to be that. And let me tell you the reasons why, because I do believe, you know, and I'm you know, obviously I'm gonna talk about it. From a spiritual standpoint too. But I believe that it really is a war against what we have been doing over all of these years, who we have been and who we are, you know, I do. I do a conference called the Faith Fight Conference, No More Silly Women, and it's about getting your fight back, It's getting your hope back. And I know a lot of people don't want to get back into the pandemic. But something happened in that pandem.
00:15:01
Speaker 3: My goodness, something I don't know what it was, a disconnect, a light, I don't something happened that caused us to start thinking and operating in a way that we've never operated before. And somehow that is when we thought it was. You know, some of them had started checking out a little bit before then, but after that, they were like, listen, the systematic racism, discrimination, I'm checking out, the historical trauma that I've been going through, Mama, cousin, my grandmama, I'm checking out over but burden by expectations, the fact that I am the superwoman, and they felt, like, to be honest with you, that it was unfair. You know, here it is he gets to leave, and I'm the one that got to make.
00:15:43
Speaker 5: Sure that every stage stays on top and I get them through school, and I do this, that and the other, and a lot of women said, you know what, I'm gonna check out too. I can tell you how many people in my church that their mom and their dad. It was unheard of Black women didn't leave their children. We did a whole lot of stuff, but we did not leave our children. Now I'm telling you easily thirty forty percent of my church they didn't grow up with a mama or a father. And that was unheard of, health stigmas, unmet emotional needs. Something happened in this pandemic where and I do hear y'all. I love what you're saying, doctor Hayes about you know, psychologically and all that.
00:16:24
Speaker 3: But some of this we've been dealing with. So how now are we responding the way that we're responding. And we weren't responding like that before. You understand what I'm saying. We were depressed before, but we knew how, you know what, we got to pressed all way through. You know, we got to it, and not that you don't deal with it. We had girlfriends and we had relationships and community and just you know, normous other women.
00:16:46
Speaker 5: Is that community where hey, we gonna look at why are we silly?
00:16:50
Speaker 3: What?
00:16:50
Speaker 5: What are the dynamics that are causing us to foster different emotional behavior that we really don't want to be and want to do? And how do we get back to being at the essence of who we were really originally supposed to be. I can I do believe you can have it all.
00:17:04
Speaker 3: I do believe you can be at all do it all because I believe there's a grace that's put on your life to handle whatever situation you find yourself in. And somehow we've tapped out of the grace and we need to tap back into the grace.
00:17:16
Speaker 8: Yea, indeed the soul I do diss Bishop Party, I do believe, Yes, something has happened during that pandemic, and you mentioned yes looking at the spirit.
00:17:28
Speaker 6: Ground, there's a spirit of fear that is spreading throughout the community. And that's really broad when we think of not just fear of being hurt, but fear of failure. Uh, you know, even the fear of succeeding, and a lot of people fear that. Uh you know, I do know what it's like to work two jobs. I know what it's like to be single. Know what it's like to be a single parent. Uh know what it's like to be jobless, you know, and the list could go on and on. But what you're saying is so true. So we need to look at also restoring I hear you say, what we used to be, but restoring and getting to the place of being and feeling empowered again, and the values and the beliefs that we need to put back into the community of the utmost important, what do we believe now? Do we really believe the black women that we can succeed, that we can do all of these things? Of course I do. I and you know, having those strong mothers, the type of mothers that we had, and I'm probably the oldest in the room at seventy two, and I think of, you know, the strong women that were in our lives. And a lot of that comes from church. Yeah, and you know, as we rebuild that church community, letting them know that we are here for them to help them over come whatever fears. And a lot of times I work with people too, I'm a coach as well on what's not working right in your life rather than running away from it, As you said, what's not working, and what is it that we need to do, What are the steps that we need to take, and who's going to walk alongside me while I'm taking those steps.
00:19:21
Speaker 9: To get there.
00:19:22
Speaker 6: And even when we deal with raising our children, having that significant male figure in their lives. And I know some people don't feel that it is necessary, but a significant male figure, it's important.
00:19:38
Speaker 9: That we have one.
00:19:39
Speaker 6: It doesn't have to be your boyfriend. And a lot of times I've heard the younger generation. I have a son that is fifty five, and they talk about how a lot of the women that should be grandmothers at that time are still running around and I don't want to use the term they say, but they're not being the mother and the grandmothers that they really need to be to these sons. And when I was younger, I always looked up to the older people. And some of the older people nowadays need some help. Okay, don't misunderstand me, but they're not trying to be the leaders that we need in this community. So it has a lot to do with that spirit of fear and the spirit of failure and not knowing what's there to help.
00:20:29
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, indeed, go ahead.
00:20:31
Speaker 3: All right. So I want to talk about the foundational purposes that should be established as a child. So in a church, realm, congregational, when a lot of children are born, they're not being blessed. I don't see I have a lot of nieces and nephews. No one comes to get that blessed. When your child is blessed, that starts the whole establishment of the growth of your child to where they're protected, they're guided. They're starting off with the prayer and the anointing power over them as an infant. And so people, most children are not being blessed by congregations that they're attending. And a lot of the children that that are growing up today, they don't know who they are and they are looking for identity and so at the same time, while they're trying to find who they are themselves, their communities around them are closing down. They're losing jobs, we're losing restaurants, We're losing our community is really crushing and we have to continue to instill in them and let them know that hey, we still can make it no matter what is going around, we can still identify and identify ourselves and bring it light back to our community. Yes, there are single homes. Yes there are children that's raised with a single mom. But when you put those those fine biblical points into their life to let them know that train a child and the way they should go, and when they get older it would not depart from them. But if they're not being brought to church, they have not been introduced to who God is, They're not going to know that wisdom of what's right and what's wrong. They're gonna be like wild children everywhere. So when you have the foundational established as a child, then they're going to grow up knowing Okay, I don't do this. I'm not going to do that. But yes, there's gonna be challenges, but they're gonna have that in them. So when they get older're okay, this is the values that my mom and dad and they are looking for role models. I'm a substitute teacher, and I did not know that every style that was created back in the seventeen eighty is right now. Everybody got airfros. Everybody got but they all are not real.
00:22:51
Speaker 2: I mean, remember back I don't want to get too far off. Airfros used to look sharped, you.
00:22:55
Speaker 3: Know, look like I'm like that you comb your head I know it's a style, but let's yeh out a little bit. You're not in Yeah, exactly you. But they're all trying to develop and then sink identity. Oh she looked like that. I want to look like that. She's wearing these clothes. I want to wear those clothes. So they're missing the identity of who they are, and so they need a positive role model as to who could I follow, who could be trusted that I can follow?
00:23:28
Speaker 2: You know, we have a collar that has a question because I have a question after the caller, at least go ahead, how are you.
00:23:34
Speaker 9: I'm going to talk on the phone.
00:23:35
Speaker 2: I'm ready.
00:23:36
Speaker 9: Hey, God, blessed.
00:23:40
Speaker 6: This is beautiful.
00:23:40
Speaker 10: I'm glad to hear the lady speaking. I heard the moon speaking last the last show.
00:23:47
Speaker 11: My name is and I'm a part of this.
00:23:49
Speaker 10: Community boots on the ground literally as well as dance.
00:23:55
Speaker 9: But I'm excited.
00:23:57
Speaker 10: The thing that I do know is that has been in the midst and in my personal life.
00:24:04
Speaker 9: Uh, there was this competition.
00:24:07
Speaker 10: Thing that rolls up between men and women and it's just weird and it's just wrong.
00:24:12
Speaker 2: You know, it's weird competition in what regard. Can you go a little further with that.
00:24:16
Speaker 10: When it comes between men and.
00:24:18
Speaker 6: Women, it became a competition.
00:24:21
Speaker 2: Give me, give me an example, an example.
00:24:23
Speaker 10: Oh, okay, in my life, my children are adults now they're living a beautiful life. But we didn't make it together as a couple. But so it was like they the people. I don't know who did it, but people attempted to tear me down to lift him up. You don't have to tear someone else down to lift the father up. The father is the father and the mother is the mother.
00:24:51
Speaker 9: Yeah, so just that's that's what I mean by that.
00:24:54
Speaker 3: No, I hear you, Lisa.
00:24:56
Speaker 5: I do I think that there has been some moments, especially when you when you're dealing with relationships that didn't work out, because now they're fighting for the child's you know, acceptance. You know, here it is either there with one parent versus another parent, and you know they're feeling guilty or they're feeling like I don't spend enough time, or you know, somehow the other parent gets a leg up on me and and I and I do hear you. I think that the to to I think doctor Hayges, I think you said about the parental I think it's sitting down as two couples, you know, as two people that were in a relationship, marriage, whatever the case may be, and saying, hey, our goal is to ensure that this young person has a great life. And you know, we may not have worked out, we may have our differences, we may not agree on everything, but can we agree on this? And if we can agree on this, then now let's see how we can agree on how we make that a reality. And I think sometimes we have a tendency when about the competition is sometimes we don't want to give.
00:25:59
Speaker 3: I can tell you've being married for twenty seven years. You gotta give. You know, there's a moment you don't get your way. And I think we have to mature. This is immaturity that we have gotten that, so immature as people. I'm like, come on, you too old for that. How we still doing that? How we still acting like that? And I think that we've got to hold our own selves accountable to I want to grow, I want to mature.
00:26:23
Speaker 5: I should not be the same woman I was last year. I shouldn't be the same woman I was even when I had this child. I should be evolving and growing so that they can evolve and grow and so to that, to Lisa, what you're saying, I think all women out there, you know, I've never been put in that situation where I have to co parent or figure out a way in a relationship. But when I counsel people, I think that is Can can we agree that the most important thing right now is our son or our daughter and that we want them to be great citizens?
00:26:54
Speaker 3: Right? Say you say, I want y'all know, Tila look at me like that's the point? Can we agree?
00:27:02
Speaker 10: But well, I guarantee you that it happened.
00:27:07
Speaker 2: In fight.
00:27:08
Speaker 6: It happened in spite of my.
00:27:09
Speaker 10: Immaturity as well as you know.
00:27:13
Speaker 9: Whatever I don't.
00:27:14
Speaker 12: I can't talk about the other side.
00:27:15
Speaker 13: I can talk about me.
00:27:17
Speaker 10: But I know that the Lord allowed.
00:27:19
Speaker 6: Me to step back and get the peace that I needed.
00:27:23
Speaker 10: And I'm continuing to move forward in life. And my daughter's doing wonderful things, and my son is doing wonderful things, and even my ex husband is moving on and living his life.
00:27:36
Speaker 12: But there is no to me.
00:27:38
Speaker 6: I had to love him from a distance.
00:27:41
Speaker 3: But when I heard you say that was so powerful, Lisa.
00:27:45
Speaker 5: It's so powerful you said, is my immaturity and we can take responsibility for where we are and how we need to move forward. I think that's when the conversation, the needle can shift. We've got to take our own responsibilities. I point our finger looking at the other person, saying, Okay, what did I contribute?
00:28:01
Speaker 3: What did I do? And how can I make this better?
00:28:04
Speaker 10: I no doubt know that I contruted.
00:28:09
Speaker 3: That's so good, girl, that is so good. I'm telling you a lot of women every day we're learning right. Thank you for that, girl.
00:28:19
Speaker 5: Please, you have a lot of people say okay.
00:28:23
Speaker 6: So many times, Lisa, Sometimes you said, you know it takes two. I've always been told it takes to to fight right to argue. So someone has to be willing to take the logo uh for the call?
00:28:38
Speaker 9: Uh?
00:28:38
Speaker 6: You know what's the word? They agree with your enemy quickly, you know, and not but agreeing and uh for the wellness of the child or the wellness of the situation. A lot of times children don't know what to do with their emotions. Uh. And sometimes young men take on those same form of emotions that women do because they don't know how to handle their emotions in a manly way.
00:29:10
Speaker 2: How that's something, mister Barney, How do we how do we know when we've struck a healthy balance, because you get I can see stereotypical people in these relationships, like the woman never really objects, so she's a doormat, and the man never really objects because he's hmpacked, or vice versa, or all these you know, all these different you know, stereotypical roles that people play in relationships. And I understand what you're saying, and I agree the give and the take. But how do you know if you're in a situation like this where there is a healthy balance that has been struck. And you know what, we got to take a quick commercial break right here. I left that question right there. We can come right back to it right after the right after the break, we'll be right back.
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00:34:07
Speaker 1: Let's get back to the conversation. It's Community Connection with Tina Cosby, brought to you by Child Advocates, a champion for justice, opportunity and well being for children on phrase Am thirteen ten ninety five point one FM.
00:34:23
Speaker 2: And we're back with Community Connection. Gonna do a little business real quick before we get back to this conversation, because we got a lot more to have, especially you know, we're having some in the break on the show and what have you. But got a family four pack of State Fair tickets to give away. Third caller to the number three one seven four eight zero thirteen ten three one seven four eight zero thirteen ten Caller number three. If you are caller number three, you will win a pair of State Fair tickets, a family four pack. Good luck, good luck, good luck, good luck. Okay, So I left a question right before the break. Who wants to answer first? Okay, go ahead.
00:34:57
Speaker 3: It's about the healthy balance as being in our community. You know, the Bible says train the child in a ways to go a healthy balance. So I didn't really say that, but anyway, I'm gonna going to this one. So I was gonna say the Bible says he who wins soul is wise, but it didn't tell you how to win. So there's different ways that you can go about and winning this person, or win in this community, or winning this family. There's different ways. And so I tried to explain to a lot of the older saints you know in church, said is that there are levels that we have to meet at the level of the child because they're not understanding their old school ways because they weren't brother like we were brought up, so they're not comprehending what we've established. That foundation is it's blown over in so many words, it's still there. I mean, the Bible is never ever gonna change, you know, it's always going to be the same. But how we win souls it's different. And we have to get to their level of understand and to try to reach them because if they don't understand us, we can't communicate to them. So I think it's very important for us to rise up to a level of understanding and asking the children what is it you know that you need? How can I convince you? How could I encourage you to do something on a positive level by bringing to boys school close Sometimes you know, exposing them to mentors, you know, because if you don't have a father in the home, you can't fulfill that role of a father. If you're a mother, you can only do the mother's positioning because God gave that role of a father to a father. So the healthy balances have to we have to go outside through our household and get mentors and embrace them and positive, you know, community actions so they can know. Okay, I say this. I like this because if we don't engage them in something that cell phones won't eat them up.
00:36:54
Speaker 2: It really will. Yeah, okay, go ahead.
00:36:56
Speaker 5: Yeah, So I think you know, and I know that I may come from me, but let me say say they say this, this whole striking of balance. I just believe that that that there are these you have this great life. You're called to be fruitful and multiply. You're called to make what Heaven is saying, come down here on earth.
00:37:18
Speaker 3: We're subdue and have dominion. And I think that you know we're talking about we've allowed these worldly terms to now be kingdom ways of operating, and you know, it's like healthy balance. Okay, wait a minute, there's a grace on my life. Whatever God's calling me to whatever God's telling me to do, whether it be you know, provide for my son in this particular environment. Make sure that you know my children stay on the right path. Whether I have a mail in the house or not mail in the house there. I just believe that God gives us everything that we need to ensure that we can do what He's called us to do. That's the first thing, right.
00:37:56
Speaker 5: The second thing is what we have to recognize as far as church is concerned. The Bible says He's the same yesterday, today, and forevermore. Then it also says there's nothing new under the sun. Right, so let's walk this out. If there's nothing new under sun, he the same yesterday, today and forevermore. Then that means the same God that didn't.
00:38:14
Speaker 3: Have internet, didn't have social media. That brought a whole bunch of people to Christ, and three thousand years later we still talking about He the best thing that ever happened to me. He was doing something right. And I think what we've done is we've allowed a lot of the world now to be the barometer how we are addressing our life issues, and that's why we're seeing what we're seeing. I love Jesus the way I do now, and I really am. I believe, you know, pretty on the forward movement. You know, I might like the Saints, so to speak.
00:38:45
Speaker 5: I love him because my grandmother showed me how to love him. I love him because he's been good to me, you know. And I think that we are trying to say, well, we got to be up in the times.
00:38:54
Speaker 6: No.
00:38:55
Speaker 3: I believe while we're seeing the deterioration in our families is because we haven't stayed true to what saved me, what'll saved you, We'll save my grandmama. The church has called allowed this new vocabulary to now become aw vocabulary. We're in this world, but we're not of this world. We got to stop operating like the world and talking like the world, thinking that's gonna change what is happening in our everyday homes at our households.
00:39:20
Speaker 2: Okay, so hold on just saying we have a winter y'all. We have a winner for the tickets. Yeah, go win. In fact, yeah, I should have let one of you guys say, what the what number caller? I didn't even think about that. Uh so, uh try again tomorrow and Friday. We're gonna be giving away a lot more throughout the rest of the week, So thank you for calling. If you are still on the line, you can go ahead and hang out because the tickets have been given away. Okay, go ahead.
00:39:42
Speaker 4: So I do think that there are some changes that have impacted all of us.
00:39:46
Speaker 3: So during COVID, one major.
00:39:49
Speaker 2: Change because we have to ask why we have to ask.
00:39:51
Speaker 3: Is attending church.
00:39:54
Speaker 4: Yes, so for three years, you know, we were not going to to a building, and there's still many people that don't go into the buildings.
00:40:05
Speaker 3: People are now.
00:40:06
Speaker 4: Members of churches in ste members members and all of that, and I don't have any issue with that. But what I am going to say is that I think we cannot ignore the impact of the Internet and the impact.
00:40:21
Speaker 3: That it has on our children.
00:40:24
Speaker 4: And so what kids have is access to information that if we're not careful, we don't know.
00:40:30
Speaker 2: Lightning fast. Yes.
00:40:33
Speaker 4: So I have a six year old grandson and he was here, and so I had something I wanted to expose him to.
00:40:39
Speaker 3: So there's on.
00:40:41
Speaker 4: CBS Mournings, there's a guy that has kindness one on one, and so I wanted to share this with my grandson. So we had our own little time and I showed it to him. And it was about somebody who was different at school and how he was able to get accepted short, short version of it. And so I asked him. I asked Elijah, I said, what did you think about that? On a scale of one to five, you know, what did you think? And he said, oh, I thought it was a five.
00:41:10
Speaker 10: And I'm like good.
00:41:11
Speaker 15: I said, have you.
00:41:12
Speaker 4: Ever experienced being different? And he said, yes, there's this guy that.
00:41:18
Speaker 3: Was bullying me.
00:41:20
Speaker 4: Now I connected with him on something that I thought he would like, and now I can come in and bring.
00:41:27
Speaker 3: My values in.
00:41:28
Speaker 4: And what did you do? And what did your parents say? So I do think we have to meet them where they are. I took them to Sunday School and then I said, we're going.
00:41:39
Speaker 3: To go to Sunday School and then we're going to go to breakfast. And they go to church. So their church looks different than my church, but.
00:41:45
Speaker 4: They go to church, they know Jesus, they knew Sunday School all that stuff. And so I do think that there's a gap because you know, what was that twenty twenty five years we were talking about babies having babies. So grandparents now are in their forties, so we really don't have that baby boomer, gen X millennial, we don't have those same sections that can kind of overlap. There's some real gaps there. And so I think what we really need to focus on is community. So church used to be the place where kids learned how to live because you would have the Sunday you used.
00:42:31
Speaker 3: To have the Sunday school cards.
00:42:32
Speaker 4: You would have to stand up and say what you learned today, you know, and so those and there were things that included that were for self esteem. And then how how do you introduce somebody to your parents?
00:42:50
Speaker 6: Talk to me?
00:42:51
Speaker 4: Remember I told my grandson. They said, who's the teacher going to be her? I said, her name is sister, And they said, why do you? And so I was able to have So I think we can't ignore and I think church has already changed because they that came into that.
00:43:10
Speaker 2: It had to because with COVID UH. Unfortunately, for a lot of churches, it was a matter of sink or swim because if a lot of if many sank because why they were they had not embraced social media, UH, the Internet and the power that came with it. Now, those that were able to survive caught up quickly and and you know, put their their services online. Some of those who are already ahead of the game and that had their services online as well as in person, they survived. The other thing. Uh, conversely, from what I've heard from some deacons that'll remain nameless, but they were saying that COVID was really, in a in a in a backwards kind of way, a help because people weren't necessarily bringing their ties and offerings. They weren't bringing it. They were doing it electronically, and so there's more cons distant tithing. Now there's more, you know, they said, we know we're going to have this much here, here and there, So, you know, in a backwards kind of way, depending on where the church was and how it operated, some churches benefited. It made it a little bit better. And so now, uh, there are churches that don't have to have three, four and five services. I'm exaggerating, but but but they can they you know, they can put the main service on a stream it while people still come to the church. So you know that I think there has been some adjustment, and those who have recognized it, as as all of you have said, have have have been able to survive. But there are those who are not who are just standing firm that it has to be this is the way it's always been, it has to be this way. I don't think that that type of mindset is going to get what we need, and it does. It never has.
00:44:52
Speaker 4: I mean, you know, for me, wearing an afro was an abomination from.
00:45:01
Speaker 3: I had to press my hair.
00:45:02
Speaker 4: It was a thing.
00:45:04
Speaker 2: You had to go in the kitchen and put that grease on the path, get that straightening home. And yeah, that's how they did it.
00:45:10
Speaker 4: Yes, so you know, but that's okay because over time he came to accept it, and so we have to have some flexibility exactly. But I also think we need to recognize that there are gonna be some gaps and how are we going to fill in those gaps.
00:45:28
Speaker 2: Let's go back to the phone lines and again, Pastor Barney, anytime you can jump jump right in here. We we have forgotten about you there.
00:45:35
Speaker 6: That was something that I wanted to say.
00:45:37
Speaker 13: You had asked the question before we.
00:45:38
Speaker 6: Went to break about how we achieved the.
00:45:41
Speaker 2: Balance healthy balance.
00:45:42
Speaker 6: Yes, yes, and that's important and knowing the balance we always go back to the world. Because we're faith based communities, we have to learn to reason together a man and a woman cannot reason together, they can't walk together. And a lot of the problems come so many people are fiances that are living together versus getting taking it to the root, the root calls we have to go.
00:46:09
Speaker 13: To the word.
00:46:10
Speaker 6: Uh, there should be counseling before marriage.
00:46:14
Speaker 21: Uh.
00:46:14
Speaker 6: And a lot of people are not doing that. Uh what what are your downside? What are your strengths, what are your weaknesses?
00:46:21
Speaker 9: What are you like? Well, how are you raised?
00:46:23
Speaker 6: What are you bringing into this?
00:46:25
Speaker 9: And so they're not doing that, So they're just going into.
00:46:27
Speaker 6: The melting pot. Uh. And and a lot of times men and I hate to say it, but it's true, a lot of men do not want to get counseling.
00:46:38
Speaker 2: And Uh, why do you hate to say that?
00:46:44
Speaker 13: That's true.
00:46:45
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, a counselor.
00:46:48
Speaker 2: A little bit more than women. And that's I'm sure doctor Hayes can attest to that. Yeah.
00:46:54
Speaker 6: If you go to all these marriage seminars and workshops, a lot of times you'll find them packed with women, but very few men. There. Another thing you said earlier, communicating at everything. Do families have family meetings? Do they take the time to do family meetings on a regular and communicate this is our unit, this is what we're doing, this is how I'd like to do it. What's your input? I think those are really key. Now I've been married this year, thirty eight years, and I think that, you know, a lot of times marriages are not surviving long term. Of course, I had long term role models parents married for over fifty But at any rate, the family meetings, no matter what size your family is, it's important to communicate and sit down and have that togetherness. Yeah, that's part of the recall that creates balance.
00:47:51
Speaker 2: All right, Well, let's go back to the to the phone lines. Oh go ahead, go ahead, no color. Oh call it, caller, Aaron, go ahead, how are you Aaron? Are you there? Aaron is not.
00:48:04
Speaker 12: Sharon.
00:48:04
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I was reading Aaron on the screen. I apologize.
00:48:08
Speaker 22: Listen to dad again myself. I was just want to compliment the lady's on the on the penelty because what they said is so true. I've been a grandmother raising tena well hading since eleven, and he's seventeen now being ready to be seventeen. But I made a point of my grandchildren never sent me intoxicated, never seeing me. You know, I just wanted them to remember being as a person.
00:48:36
Speaker 13: I talked to him about the Lord.
00:48:37
Speaker 22: I didn't send him at church. I took them to Turk.
00:48:41
Speaker 3: There you go.
00:48:42
Speaker 2: That is so funny, Sharon. That's kind of my lived reality too. My grandmother we told her Daddy said we didn't have to go. He said, I got your daddy too, my grandmother.
00:48:53
Speaker 22: Yeah, and ladies, my grandson he's made some mistakes, but you know what, he can come back to me. And you could said, Grandma, you know, I know the Lord was talking to me.
00:49:06
Speaker 6: He does.
00:49:08
Speaker 22: Here's a kid that's sixteen and he makes mistakes, but he also is aware of the Lord. And that's what I tal.
00:49:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we have Yeah. And Sharon, that's okay, go ahead, Oh okay, go ahead.
00:49:23
Speaker 3: No, Sharon, I think you're you're spot on, and thank you for you know, sharing your insight and all that you're doing. You know, that's what I said at the very beginning. You know Grandmama's you know, you knew when when your child wasn't exactly what they needed to be and they had children, the grandmama took him in and said, hey, that's what we're finna do. My mother had me when she was fifteen, she turned six. I was born in May.
00:49:43
Speaker 5: She turned sixteen in June, and so I didn't have I had my grandmother.
00:49:48
Speaker 3: And my grandfather.
00:49:49
Speaker 5: They had been married for sixty years, but I didn't really have it, you know, before me necessarily through my mom on a healthy marriage. But my mother took to church and made sure that I was there for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And somehow, you know, and I hear what you guys are saying about can we do the same thing. It's not so much doing the same thing, it's holding the same level of expectation and the standard you know here it was, you know that my mother let me do some things that my grandther was probably you know, like now I don't let her do that, But there was a standard. She knew that we had to go to church. My mother's you know, had me in church for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
00:50:30
Speaker 3: And I believe that's it. I love Jesus like I do cause I was in church for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
00:50:38
Speaker 5: You're right, and I think we've gotten away from that because we've allowed other things to become the priority. Soccer track, all of these other things that basketball, you know, and these tournaments, these tournaments now to seeing these kids out on Sunday going all through the streets and I'm like, now when basketball fall.
00:50:57
Speaker 3: Jesus still gonna be there. That's right.
00:51:00
Speaker 5: To make sure we get them back to that to our overall conversation of how is what happened on July on the Circle happening, there's a deterioration.
00:51:10
Speaker 2: It gets to the point, Yeah, why are so all of this everything that we've just thrown out there? Why are our children out there fifteen twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen sixteen in the streets with guns, shooting and killing others including themselves. Why are they so rudderless? Why are they so rudderless?
00:51:31
Speaker 22: And do you know an another point I was going to make, Lady, Okay, we had parking lot church. When Klube was going.
00:51:40
Speaker 3: On, said we didn't stop having church.
00:51:42
Speaker 22: That's park this park our cars on the parking lot and past and our family. You know, the first sam was set up out the equipment because we were all quarantine, but they were and we were selling our Yeah.
00:51:56
Speaker 3: Yeah that was good now, that's right, Yeah, yeah, We're that's it.
00:52:01
Speaker 2: Thank you, Sharon and I appreciate that, and so if thank you, If our kids are rudderless, where what is the role of us as women in that?
00:52:11
Speaker 5: I think what we're saying here is that we have an epidemic. I mean, you know it's a word. Now, we know, we've heard it. We have a state of emergency Black women, and I'm talking to y'all.
00:52:26
Speaker 3: We somehow lost our fight, we lost our hope. We've tapped out, we've checked out, and it's time for us to check back in.
00:52:34
Speaker 5: And what they do is they need community. I have no more silly women. I've been doing it for seventeen years. It is community. You can download the app where this is about showing you how to get your fight back, how to get your joy back, how to get your life back, how to get your children back on track. I don't care what hand you've been dealt. Sometime we look at the hand we've been dealt, and then we start looking at what we don't have versus what do what do I have? It's like what the prophet said to the one with the debt, what do you have in your house? You know, I may not have the man, I may not have all the finances, but you know, what we got, we got a value system.
00:53:11
Speaker 3: We got Jesus. Like I said, I grew up in a single parent home and I live an extraordinary life because my mama said, this ain't the way to go. What I did is not the way to go. And what she did is she worked. That's what I'm saying.
00:53:24
Speaker 5: She woke two and three jobs to ensure that our children go to private school.
00:53:28
Speaker 3: There was a standard. She said. Yeah, I made some decisions. I may not have been done the best, you know with my life, but how can I make sure that your life is what it's supposed to be, not you know, allowed my mistakes or my not mistakes, but just things that I did not make.
00:53:45
Speaker 5: Decisions that I didn't make very well be where you end up too. And I think that we've got to create these conversations. We got to sit down another place. Is that safe places? They don't have safe places, no more to be what to express?
00:54:01
Speaker 3: Like you wake up? I don't like him, my five year old child. I don't like him, and people don't have enough say space to say I don't like him. He acts like the person I'm angry with dealing with. And that's what I was gonna say. Yeah, there's anger. I don't know why. My sight is one is very right now. Anyway, there's anger in the community. The children are angry, and we're trying to figure out why is this so much? Does the mama anger? She angry?
00:54:26
Speaker 2: So they're they're they're channeling their mother. Yes, okay, we're gonna stop it right there, doctor Hayes. Thank you so much.
00:54:33
Speaker 3: You the bomb days.
00:54:34
Speaker 2: Indeed, we got to get you the north side. Everybody else stay right where you are. We gotta get a commercial break in here. Thank you so much, doctor Hayes. We'll be right back.
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Speaker 1: Dot com, wtoc AM W two three six c R Indianapolis. Discussing the issues that matter to you and keeping you informed of what's happening in and around. Indeed, it's Community Connection with Tina Cosby, brought to you by Child Advocates, a champion for justice, opportunity and well being for children on Praise AM thirteen ten ninety five point one FM.
00:58:18
Speaker 2: And we are back with Community Connection talking about the what kind of like the state of black women in society and everything else that falls in between. We have an amazing and amazingly brilliant panel and again we want to thank doctor Denise Hayes. She's a psychologist. She's the secretary of the Indiana Chapter of the Association of Black Psychologists and of course a regular contributor to community connection. We also have with us Lorie Duncan, she's a community faith leader. We have a bishop, Pastor Bev Beverly Barney long Wrining, co host of It Is Weel Ministries heard Fridays here on AM thirteen ten, seven thirty to eight AM thirteen ten and ninety five point one FM, and pastor Nicole Green, preacher, life coach, inspirational TV radio host and author, and a whole whole lot more. Just an all around good person, great person. And we also have our callers, and you're all welcome to weigh in on the conversation as as you see fit three one seven four eight zero thirteen ten very quickly wanted to get to our caller Kevin's offer to buy tickets to one of his events. It's it's one of the events he's collaborating with this weekend, this Saturday, and I'm going to get to it here. It is here, it is here, it is somewhere anyway. It's the ladies. I don't have I want to have the exact name for you guys. Okay, do you have the exact name over there, Cameron Brittany ow, Yes, Brittany owns event. Yes, yes, yes, it's it's it's a women's event. And my apologies, I brought the wrong paper. I wanted to give the exact name of it. But anyway, it's Saturday is primarily for women, and he wanted to give away four tickets to that. So I will tell you the difference between us giving away fair tickets and Kevin giving away the tickets to Britney's event is that Kevin's doing that all on his own. This has nothing to do with the Indianapolis stations of Radio one. He's just doing that as a good person in society. And we love that about Kevin. So we're gonna give away four tickets for that. Uh and I apologize I picked up the wrong Anyway, we're gonna give away four tickets for that. So give us a number, give me a number five, Okay, call her number five. Okay, caller number five. You will win tickets. And I'm going to get the exact name of that event. I get it right here, I will have it have Cameron three one, seven, four, eight, zero thirteen ten, three, one, seven, four, eight, zero, thirteen ten. Kevin Griffin is one of our regular callers, ladies, and he oh yeah, and he uh, he's just he's just fantastic. He does so many things in the community. He's head of a foundation that helps and he partners with a lot of foundations that help people with real life solutions and things of that nature. He's had. He's head of the Stephenie Shepherd Community Foundation.
01:01:13
Speaker 3: Uh.
01:01:13
Speaker 2: Charles Barney is another one of his partners. Brittany Owen. She's the owner of Bebe's Adult Home away from Home day Center and she is an amazing woman who has always had a love for the elderly, and so she created a day center. Yeah, the day center, So Brittany awesome.
01:01:32
Speaker 11: Yeah.
01:01:32
Speaker 2: So Brittany is putting on an event Saturday from uh ten to two, I do believe, uh and uh, you know, we're really excited about that. And Kevin said, I'll buy tickets to that for anybody that's listening. So he's doing this all on his own. Thanks Ken, Yeah, thank you, Kevin.
01:01:49
Speaker 5: And that's powerful what she's doing. You know, so many of us are caretaking for our moms, our dads, our grandparents and for someone to take up that man. And so that's what we're talking about about community, right when we know that there are things happen in our community. The answers you found it.
01:02:08
Speaker 2: I found it, Bridging generations. I knew I had it, Now you did. You did, Bridging generations, honoring stories of joy, sacrifice, and hope. This is Saturday, August seventh. I was wrong eleven to two. I thought it was tended to And it's going to be at ten ninety West twenty third Street in Indianapolis, a special presentation by Keith Wallace, Keith Wallace and the Messenger. So it's a I'll let you both take a look at this as well. But again, Kevin brings us so much good and so that event is coming up and he's going to buy four tickets, so if you want tickets. That was a fourth caller, was it? It's King the fourth callar, fifth fifth fifth collar, fifth callar. I take it back, Well, Cameron's going to handle that. So back to the back to the discussion that we were having, and you know, we were saying that we I think the ass point, if I'm not mistaken, was that we have a lot of young people out there, rudderless that are doing things, that have access to things that a lot of young people probably a generation before them, never had. Uh And social media is driving a lot of it. But they seemingly are are rudderless. And someone had said they're channeling their.
01:03:22
Speaker 3: Frust frustration.
01:03:24
Speaker 2: So what what role do we as women play in all of that? What world do we as women play in that that deadly mass shooting over the fourth of July.
01:03:31
Speaker 3: I can say I can say this. I think we need to find out the reasons why a child is angry, what's making them upset? It could be the pure pressure at home. Maybe they're missing that absent parent and they're angry because my dad is not here, and that may be low income home. My friend got this, but I don't have this.
01:03:56
Speaker 2: Are we as women not handling that reality? How are we doing? What's the check up on that?
01:04:02
Speaker 6: Well?
01:04:04
Speaker 3: I think that even you know, I'm gonna say this, Sometimes we can be in the position to where it we may not have enough and we can give all that we have as far as monetary virus value, and they may want more, they may not be happy. Well, why are we going to have this? So how come they got this and we don't have that. It's what's a comparison level of one friend versus another friend? And so that brings sometimes it brings sadness and maybe anger. So I'm just go out and do this. You know, I don't have this, So what am I hold?
01:04:34
Speaker 6: You know?
01:04:35
Speaker 3: And you just never know what goes on in a child's mind. I think it's very very important that we find out what is the root cause of anger in this child?
01:04:43
Speaker 2: So so what about kids that are twelve and thirteen that are out at one or two o'clock in the morning. Where what is our role as when?
01:04:49
Speaker 5: And that's yeah, so that's the you know, it goes back to what you know, we said, this is about a standard.
01:04:56
Speaker 3: When the lights it's like when the street lights came.
01:04:58
Speaker 5: Home and you're in the house and I said, we've gotten away from it.
01:05:03
Speaker 2: How do we rebuild it? What steps do you need to take?
01:05:06
Speaker 5: The steps we need to take is what we're saying. Sitting down because these women are angry, giving them, giving them a community, giving them space to be heard, because some of them feel like I have not known, no one's.
01:05:17
Speaker 3: Paying attention to me.
01:05:18
Speaker 5: All you do is keep stacking more responsibility and more this and more this, and it may be my personal decision responsibility too, But at the end of the day, I just feel like I'm overwhelmed. I don't want to d all the above right. And what it is is we've got to connect them.
01:05:36
Speaker 3: Back to joy, to their fight, to the fact of that life can get better, that life can't get sweeter. Yes, you make yes all that you.
01:05:46
Speaker 5: May be think, it may be what's happening right now, but one decision can change everything.
01:05:53
Speaker 2: You said something past Green, very profound, and I never did get to follow up on it, you know, early on in this conversation, and it was something to the effect that I'm paraphrasing here that a lot of women are just throwing their hands up and saying, you know, he checked out. I'm tired. I'm going to check out too, And there probably is a lot of I think that that's a very real thing that we probably don't pay a lot of attention to because a lot of these women out here, and I've talked to it feel like men get a past, because they're saying men get a pass, you know, where they're supposed to go or whatever. But we're supposed to stay home and maintain and hold down the fort. We're the ones that are supposed to be with the kids. They can go and do whatever they want to do. They can come back. How many times have we heard people, friends, family relatives they can be daddy when they want to be. I got to be mama twenty four. So there is got to be an energy around that that probably isn't always managed as well as it should be.
01:06:49
Speaker 3: Right, I think that we have to expose them because a lots of us we don't get the actual news what's going on really in the community. We got all the Facebook news, we got all the Instagram news, but back in the day, we used to have that almanac mem the Dominac and they never give you all of those sensis and so they don't know that community access of reinforcement that's in the community. And we need a paper sometimes to say okay, this is what's going on in event and sometimes we do may have it, but we don't read it to where they can get a grip of it to say, okay, I want to go to this to this community eventage something that's gonna uplift their spirits. So involved because I tell my children in the morning, because I do have a fourteen year old and I have a seventy year old home. And I said, if y'all want to go somewhere, get up early. Let's get involved in the community. Because when you go downtown on Saturday morning, it's packed. Y'all still sleeping because you're on cell phone. And I said, get up, get ready, let's go do something in the community, get involved in doing something. And so I know there's a lot of places that receive a lot of grants that supposed to, you know, support the communities, support the young people's we need to defive and how are you supporting them? How are they getting you know, a grip of that. Is it only a certain area or can we broad at the horizon? Every time I see vacancies, I'm like, okay, can we do like a movie in the park? You know, bring these junctures gatherment to do something something in the community to where they're not just ignoring where they live at This is your world, this is your environment, and so they have to be encouraged to know what news is going on in the community so they can get involved in it and not just be an able body sitting you know, doing nothing.
01:08:33
Speaker 2: Yeah, and and I could just guarantee you that a lot of even and and I guess that's who they feel like they can get in contact with the most. But a lot of these police officers that are hurting these kids and taking them places and and and enforcing curfew violations or whatever, they're trying to contact the mother. They're not looking for the fathers, so they're in in in and of itself, they're looking at as women. And it's and most of the cans, you know, the most of the kids are black in the room, So they're trying to contact the black mother because they again probably don't even consider where the black man is in the home or they.
01:09:12
Speaker 5: Even thought about it and thought about to your point what you said earlier, I do believe it was it's unmet emotional needs. I think that the reason why a lot of black women have just checked out is, well, you said, if he get a pass, I'm taking my pass.
01:09:29
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm tired.
01:09:31
Speaker 3: Everybody gonna check out.
01:09:32
Speaker 5: And there is some disillusionment that has happened something because black women. There are things that black women are doing today we didn't ever do, because you know you would. I'm gonna put out there, you read something like, oh, they're white.
01:09:49
Speaker 3: They you would immediately say that, right. I know y'all gonna come from.
01:09:52
Speaker 2: That's okay, But let me say this.
01:09:55
Speaker 3: We would read it be like we knew exactly because black people we didn't do we do right now, you got to read a little further to see because you like, exactly in the world it is because there was some we don't They didn't feel supported and and and and they didn't feel like even when I ain't eve talking about the black man so much as supported in in in their community. Here it is black women are fighting each other. I mean, they got beefs.
01:10:29
Speaker 2: On beefs on beefs on Facebook.
01:10:32
Speaker 3: I'm like, what are y'all arguing over?
01:10:34
Speaker 6: What?
01:10:34
Speaker 3: In the world?
01:10:36
Speaker 19: A boy?
01:10:37
Speaker 3: Somebody said something, somebody looked at me. We got girls.
01:10:40
Speaker 5: I have a friend of mine who's charter was having some challenges with another young person in this city and she had to ask her brother to take her to a whole other side of the city of Indianapolis to keep her from being harmed.
01:10:56
Speaker 3: I'm like, where do they do.
01:10:58
Speaker 2: That with social media?
01:11:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, they lost their identity, so they don't when a mother don't have an identity. They can't give an identity to the child, so they can identify who am I in the community. And a lot of times, if you're growing up and you didn't give a child a time to play, every child has to play. You have to get to play out of them because if you don't get to play out of a child when they're young, so they can be exposed to doing this that the other day when they get older, they want to play.
01:11:25
Speaker 2: Some of us are following that we need to keep track of where our kids are.
01:11:30
Speaker 30: Yeah, something good is saying something good, but we have to be careful, you know that worldly assimilation that really allowing our.
01:11:44
Speaker 6: Kids to be with other people's children that have habits and things that we did not teach our children. Uh, we have to have that control and those restraints, providing things like what we're doing now we're talking about it, but you know, I do a segment that's called facing reality and asking them, uh, well, what's not working right in the iss a child? What's not going and what are the steps? And usually if they can work through the steps, they can bring us some resolution so that I find that that's really important and they're not just doing it once, but providing it on a regular basis, you know, quarterly. Hey, let's talk about this.
01:12:33
Speaker 17: Uh.
01:12:34
Speaker 6: And knowing that there is a place, safe place, we're providing safe places.
01:12:38
Speaker 13: Now, that's what we're doing.
01:12:39
Speaker 9: We're talking about that.
01:12:40
Speaker 6: You know, the church, my church, the post church. Uh, Tina, you're talking. You can easily get a call and somebody can say you can tell them that this is a place where you can go. This is a solution. And with Laurie, uh, A lot of times children or what don't want to say, the mothers turn around, they go back and forth. Okay, they come to church, they get out of church. They come to church, they get out of church, and we create a real problem of making the children unstable. Okay, that's very important to a lot of the problems. Yes, it is the black woman. But some of these young children have a mind of their own.
01:13:23
Speaker 2: Okay, not absolutely well absolutely uh. And that we were talking you have to count you have to factor that in.
01:13:30
Speaker 5: Yeah, bishop, okay, so bishop, So so let's think about that. Think about what you think about what we're saying. I do agree kids have a mind to their own, and I you know.
01:13:38
Speaker 3: The Bible says that's that's what I'm saying, it's fair to ride for the child.
01:13:44
Speaker 11: Now.
01:13:45
Speaker 3: My mother whipped me more than I believe she whipped any of my brothers and sisters. And there was a right there, and there was a reason because I was that child that you were talking about. I really did. I think I said under a great a strong grandmother and a strong mother that you know, and it wasn't there.
01:14:03
Speaker 5: I watched moments my my mother cried when you know she's trying to figure out this or trying to figure out that she didn't see. She didn't know that I watched her cry, but you know, but there was something about her teaching me through her perseverance and teaching me through stuff that she didn't even sometimes even say, is that I'm gonna get up every day and I'm getting ready to give this day another try, and I'm gonna give the next day another try, and I'm gonna give the.
01:14:27
Speaker 3: Next day and another today. Maybe it didn't work out the way I wanted it to, but you know what, tomorrow, I get another try. And that's what we've got to do and start instilling back into our young people. And to what you were saying, Bishop, my mama didn't let me play with the kids in the neighborhood. I grew up across the street from Hallville. I used to say, I grew up in Harvard. My mama said, you didn't grow up in Hallville. I grew up across the street. And kids would come knock on the door and say, can they play? My mama said, no, they gonna play, and I said, away, I said, we do play. She says, enough of y'all to play with each other. I couldn't play with nobody in my neighborhood because she wanted me to know, you not like them, don't act like them, and don't be like them.
01:15:08
Speaker 2: My grandmother kept us every day because my parents were we and like I said, sometimes she overrode them, but but she would. Little kids would come, hay and so and so, no, it's no, and then she would proceed to give us a lecture on they do this, this, and that's exactly.
01:15:26
Speaker 3: Don't watch them this and that's.
01:15:28
Speaker 2: Watching and y'all not gonna go if you and so. Of course we tried to sneak out. Don't don't.
01:15:32
Speaker 3: Don't say anybody tried sink out. It's amazing that we have this conversation. I just have the same conversation at home because my mom said, you can only ride when I can see you. If you go too far and I can't see you, you better be coming back. Yeah, and so and we we did like want to turn around the corner and the other way. Were like we had those moments to where we can go over nobody houses, no, no, no way, no sleeper right, no, you only spending night on houses that I approve of. Well, you've met her mom, I know I met her, but I don't know who comes everybody.
01:16:08
Speaker 2: Is, right, yeah, And we used to be I don't know about y'all. I used to get so embarrassed because it's like these are people I went to school with or whatever, and they just come around to they see us out in the yard and Grandma's like, uhh no.
01:16:19
Speaker 3: They don't play. You keep walking past my grass? Right good?
01:16:24
Speaker 2: And it's it's but and and you know what that that is? That was it. I don't think that that's too far gone.
01:16:31
Speaker 3: It's right.
01:16:32
Speaker 2: I don't think.
01:16:32
Speaker 3: I don't think it's too far gone.
01:16:33
Speaker 5: But what I do think that somehow is this like the conversation we had we as as as you know kids, we said I'm never gonna be that. I'm not gonna do my kids like my mama didn't meet. And so we kept going further and further and further.
01:16:49
Speaker 3: Away here was. We kept loosening it and loosening it. So now we got what we had July here on the circle. Because as children, you would say, you know what, I'm never gonna do my child like that, and then you get up and go and you didn't do your child like your mama did you. Then the next one said, I I'm not gonna do my child like my mama did me. And so now we done got so far from what kept us and what ensured then my child wouldn't shot and my child wasn't locked up that now we're trying to figure out how do we.
01:17:17
Speaker 2: Get to get back, how do we get it back? And I you know, it's it's refreshing and rewarding to hear, because you know, I remember my daughter, she's more dramatic than my son. You ruined my life.
01:17:28
Speaker 3: I can't go with my friends, I can't do this, and I can't do that.
01:17:31
Speaker 2: Blah blah said yeah, okay, okay, and you know I'm not trying to And so now that she's a mother baby. I heard her the other day say, well, my son's I said, whoa, whoa, And so she was saying something to him, and I said, you know, be careful of what you correct him, because I'm here now and I can tell you that everything you see him doing, you did. And then she just fell out laughing, you know, but she's you know, they they start to see. But what I had to I had to take incoming. A lot of these women out here are not willing to take it. The income I took it because I'm not gonna say I.
01:18:02
Speaker 3: Don't care about you want to eat them all coming in here and do what you need to do. Yeah, yeah, I think that's a great point.
01:18:11
Speaker 2: It is. And so how are we? Why are we no longer willing for our kids not to like us when we're doing something for their own good. To every telling my son, I'm on your side. I'm not trying to hurt you.
01:18:21
Speaker 3: Everything else, it was fear the battle of father you know and mom. So here it is I'm battling with him for who's gonna be the favorite parent so versus being on the out. I'm gonna let it go or I'm gonna do this, and then nowhere, Yeah, and then what Bishop Barney said about fear. We're so scared because we have so so many other things that don't like us.
01:18:45
Speaker 5: Yes, we have so many other things that are fighting against us believing who we're supposed to be.
01:18:51
Speaker 3: So now they have my child thinking that about me.
01:18:54
Speaker 2: That's what we should check out. That you're talking the wrong.
01:18:59
Speaker 3: That's that is what I say. I tell my children, I say, you know what, no parent is born with the dictionary, and so they're going to make mistakes and we have to know that. You know, it's a part of growing and everything that we go everything we go through in life is going to be a test, and your progress is going to be can I pass this test? Because if I escape this test, then I may not can get to the next area of where I'm going to be tested because every test goes to a next level. I've graduated from this test. Now I want to go to the next level. So how can I teach my children more better value? Because I tell my childre I'm not going to ever teach you, tell you nothing wrong. I'm not going to I'm going to tell you what needs to be done and whether you know my children. I talk to them so much. They cover up their years so they gather. But I can hear it, right, But I can hear them sometimes in their bedroom.
01:19:56
Speaker 6: Find out when a lot I thank God for you and what you're stealing in your children. But a lot of times we have mothers that have uh here we go their peers with their children and said, you can be a friend, but not a peer. Okay, you cannot yeah with your child and tell them it's wrong. You can't sit down and drink with them.
01:20:23
Speaker 2: And tell them tell them wrong, because.
01:20:25
Speaker 6: You're you're crumbling, causing that your your relationship is crumbling, and what you're trying to build is crumbling. So I'm so grateful for the women that are on here today. But we do have a lot of women that are trying to be peers with their children.
01:20:41
Speaker 2: They're a little misdirected.
01:20:44
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think that's it. I think it's a disrespect. You know, when we're looking at how do we get how did our kids get here? To the day my mother transitioned a year ago today, my mother went on to be with the Lord.
01:20:58
Speaker 3: I was my mama, I'm your friend. I'll never be I'm just saying if my mama told me, I'll never be your friend. I love you, I like you. And even when I got girl, my mother wasn't my friend.
01:21:09
Speaker 5: She was still my mother who I respected and honored and and appreciated. And I'm so glad that she didn't let me play with the kids in the neighborhood because when I look at the kids, what happened to.
01:21:19
Speaker 3: The kids in my neighborhood, it was my mom. I'm telling you. I read it to two or three men at Loans Donuts. You know what I'm saying. And I look back and I say, God, I thank you.
01:21:30
Speaker 6: Now.
01:21:30
Speaker 3: My mama had no sister, and I let me play with that girl because here she is. She you know, she she ain't She looked like she going through, and she looked like she been through. And I'm just saying, And if I hadn't been able to play with her or been allowed to play with her, yeah, you don't know what. I don't know what my life would be. And so I think that you know this whole being your friend and being your peer, and I understand you. No, it says that the child is like an arrow in your hand, and your job is to direct it in the right manner and in the right order that you're supposed to direct it in. And I believe to your point. Yeah, we don't get a manual. But that goes back to what we said about church. You learned that church what to do with your kids, because if you didn't know what to do the the elder mother on the second row said, we're over here, sit down on this throw right here. The ursis will tell you the mothers of the church, like right here. And you know I missed those mothers.
01:22:31
Speaker 2: You know I was leaving here. Indeed, let's go back to the phone lines.
01:22:38
Speaker 6: We do understand, and we have to make our children. I have sons and grandsons. I think I just finally got a granddaughter. A congrats, But uh, we have to they have to know that mothers that they can come to you and talk to you about.
01:22:56
Speaker 3: Anything that's right.
01:22:57
Speaker 6: And we have to be able to establish them that no matter what it is, they can come to us and talk to us. Otherwise they will turn to others. Yeah, yeah, look for those that receive them.
01:23:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, indeed, let's go let's go back to the phone lines. Uh is this Ali? Is that correct?
01:23:16
Speaker 11: Yes?
01:23:16
Speaker 13: Hi?
01:23:17
Speaker 6: Ali?
01:23:17
Speaker 2: Go ahead, how are you I'm good.
01:23:20
Speaker 12: I love this conversation.
01:23:22
Speaker 11: And it's not something that we just need to have one time. It's something that needs to be spoken all the time. My husband and I pass their Progressive Life Ministry seventy first in Michigan Road. And a lot of the stuff that you're saying, it's so true many of you. But we as the church, we have to parents these mothers.
01:23:46
Speaker 12: We have to father these.
01:23:50
Speaker 11: These young people because I grew up like you guys did, but they are not getting they don't have that. And a lot of the issues that these children are going through, I can't imagine.
01:24:03
Speaker 12: I couldn't imagine being in their situation one day, let no, three.
01:24:09
Speaker 11: Hundred and sixty five days of the care. They are now being raised by saints that you know, parents, So there's a confusion right there. But they all they know is that this is love. So we as the church, we have to meet them where they are. One of the things that we've started was having parenting classes because they don't know how, you know, without without judging them, teaching them without judging them, you know. And so one of these classes that we have is called Sister and a Girl Talks and we just sit down and talk every Thursday night.
01:24:53
Speaker 12: Teenagers so eighty years old and one.
01:24:57
Speaker 11: They really didn't have a topic because my speaker didn't show up, and the Lord just gave to.
01:25:03
Speaker 12: Me ask them how they're doing?
01:25:06
Speaker 11: And when I asked that simple question, women broke because no one had one lady even said no one had never.
01:25:16
Speaker 12: Asked me that and waited to listen for the answer. Everybody was hurting and overwhelmed.
01:25:23
Speaker 11: Then why is that?
01:25:24
Speaker 12: Because we no longer have the family structure that God intended for us to have. Now we have blended families, and so you have the parents competing.
01:25:38
Speaker 11: Against each other. The children are wise, they're manipulating that situation, and so you don't have the parents sticking together. So how do we help?
01:25:49
Speaker 12: I truly believe that Jesus is the answer, and Jesus works through the church.
01:25:55
Speaker 3: Yes, that's figure out.
01:25:58
Speaker 11: We have to figure out out how do we.
01:26:04
Speaker 12: Teach these children to on Sundays two Sundays out of the mouth.
01:26:08
Speaker 11: We feed them just so that they can have And we're.
01:26:11
Speaker 9: Not talking about little children.
01:26:13
Speaker 11: I'm talking about young adults, right, spirits, You know that there they don't even have homes.
01:26:19
Speaker 12: They're living in their.
01:26:20
Speaker 2: Car yeah, we don't know a lot of them.
01:26:26
Speaker 11: Yes, teaching them how to eat together with people, teaching them no, put your phone.
01:26:31
Speaker 12: Down, that we're just gonna sit at the.
01:26:33
Speaker 9: Table when we're gonna eat.
01:26:37
Speaker 12: Cheese, the cheese. This is my last comment on Mother's Day.
01:26:45
Speaker 11: The Lord had me to just call all the mothers up, the first the single mother, and thanks Bill, thank them for not giving up, thank them for not giving in, for not walking out on that hust and when that mother needed both of the parents, thanking them for not committing suicide. The larders had been given everything to y'all. I thought this was just supposed to.
01:27:12
Speaker 12: Be a big Oh, we just want to appreciate you.
01:27:16
Speaker 6: These women were weeping.
01:27:18
Speaker 9: They needed that somebody.
01:27:21
Speaker 12: Noticed, somebody understands what they're going through. So how can we.
01:27:26
Speaker 11: All get together as Pastor's wife, as the body of Christ and make this thing work because the family is not going to make it work because they don't know how how.
01:27:38
Speaker 3: To make it work. That's good?
01:27:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Ali, great, great comments. Thank you so much for Oh, I'm sorry, thank you so much.
01:27:50
Speaker 3: We do we need to do it. Let's do it. Let's do it.
01:27:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's go to anonymous go ahead the color on nine four.
01:27:59
Speaker 9: Just hi, everybody, how are you?
01:28:02
Speaker 11: Oh?
01:28:03
Speaker 9: Yes, I'm gonna talk about generational from generation to generation. I'll never forget. I was a teenager back in the day.
01:28:12
Speaker 3: I don't remember.
01:28:13
Speaker 9: I'm not gonna tell my age. But there was a song that came on that changed the total perplexity of the black family. The song was called Me and Missus Jones. I don't know if you'll remember that song. You got the thing, yeah, and everybody loved that song. Before that song came on, there was a type.
01:28:39
Speaker 6: Of decency in marriage.
01:28:41
Speaker 9: People were still staying together, people are still unit. There was still a unit of family unit. But when that song came on, it's like everybody said, Oh, it's okay, cheat on your husband, cheat on your wife, It's okay, it's okay not to be married, It's okay. And that generational idea went from generation to generation. And now we're talking about and then now we have what maybe this is past past had them babies, mama, mama, mama's daddy, and these shouldn't have no foundation, they have nothing to hold on to. I think their generation has passed. I think this is a new generation. But Every child wants parents. Every child wants their mommy and daddy to stay together. Every child wants that. I don't care who you say or who that is paramount with a child. And when they don't have that foundation, they go find somebody else who.
01:29:40
Speaker 13: Will give it to them.
01:29:41
Speaker 9: And we have gotten back. We have to be a family again, as a group of people, as a race of people, and as individuals in a collective family units aunties. I'm an aunt. I've been in the church almost all my life, thank Jesus. And and but I I I my mother, and my church said you have a light in your family. You really are, because your kids look up, your grandkids look up to you and say, well, she don't do that. Why is she not doing that? Why is she not doing that? And I sit down and I tell them, look, you don't have to do this. You don't have to be this way. You can you can keep your your say you're dressed, you're dressed down and he can keep his pants up. You don't have to You don't have to settle for less. You can be anything you want to be. You can achieve your goals. You don't have to have a man. You don't have to have anything but yourself is being depends. All you need is Jesus and the church and get into a relationship in the church with a man that's gonna love you. Don't settle for less. And you tell them that and they just.
01:30:54
Speaker 6: Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
01:30:56
Speaker 9: I mean, when you don't have that foundation, people are kids are just gonna be kids. They're gonna That's why you got people kids shoot each other because there's no foundation. The parents don't know how to be parents. And I'm not down on anybody. I'm not down because you don't know what's going on in what happened in the generation before them. But they need a foundation, just like the lady who was previously on. They need a foundation in Jesus Christ. They need a backbone. They need somebody to say, look, this is the way you raise your child, this is the way how you achieve your goals. This is the way how Jesus. A lot of them don't even know Jesus loves them. A lot of them don't know.
01:31:38
Speaker 2: But you know what, though, I hate to interrupt you, but you know we statements are good. You know these statements are fine, But what are the salution? And thank you very much for your for your call a caller, and I you know, I guess I tend to be more of the mindset of Selee.
01:31:55
Speaker 13: Yeah.
01:31:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's the strategy, what are the steps? What do we need to do? I'm not as fatalistic to think that generations, but because the more things change, the more they stay the same, Okay, because I don't think that there is a lot of family or whatever. There was also what was that other song, Hey lady, honey, your husband's cheating on us?
01:32:17
Speaker 3: Yeah?
01:32:18
Speaker 2: I think it was some loser. But anyway, those are songs that there's songs that are always going to reflect a certain segment of society or what have you. But I don't think that they lead to the destruction of our culture, of our kids or what have you. I mean, that's just the song, I guess if you look at it in a healthier way. But I think we have to be if somebody is not hearing the word, why, if the church is not getting to us, why if the kids are getting to church?
01:32:50
Speaker 3: Why?
01:32:51
Speaker 2: Okay?
01:32:51
Speaker 3: Why?
01:32:51
Speaker 2: And then how if that is indeed the solution? I mean, if that is indeed the problem, what's the solution? And I think we, as she said, something too. We're pretty pretty good. Whereas on Mother's Day, we hold women as women, we hold a special place and we you know, we have to we have to acknowledge that because we do. We look at the difference between Mother's Day and Father's Day. I defy you to get a reservation at a restaurant any city in America on Mother's Day, but on Father's Day you can drive. So we have to you know, we we do enjoy a special place and we shouldn't should and.
01:33:30
Speaker 3: We should need a special place.
01:33:32
Speaker 2: But with that comes, you know, a responsibility that I just don't think that.
01:33:36
Speaker 3: Certain you go with that a response.
01:33:39
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying.
01:33:40
Speaker 5: And we knew that. That's the reason why I believe Mother's Day is what Mother's Day is, because we we took on the responsibility and we said, we know we're the responsible one and we're willing to take on the full respons of everything and everybody. And to your point, and what we've been talking about is we made a decision. We didn't want to take it, So what do we need to do. I think that it has to be, like you said, in our sphere of influences, you know, the pastor's wife said I can't think of her name, basically saying hey, we need to get together, and and I just have the conversation.
01:34:18
Speaker 3: But you know, you know, being honest, yeah, call to action, say hey, you know you something wrong with you? You know something wrong with your baby? I need you in this class.
01:34:28
Speaker 2: So if the neighbors, if you're going to take your kids to Sunday school in the morning and the neighbors kids are out on the street playing soccer, invite them.
01:34:35
Speaker 3: To God, and I tell you you're going to church, and I don't think it's gonna know, I don't think it's going to be one world. So there's no silver bullet, there's no one word solution to the answer because some children respond differently yes, and everybody don't have it. It's not on the same level of the comprehend and what you're trying to tell. Because if you may say something to this person, they be like, well, that's not my problem. My problems over here. So we have to relate to a child to who they are and what level of understanding they are. And so one solution is not going to answer it, but it's multiple Make a believer out of them? How can I make you a believer to a positive reinforcement something.
01:35:15
Speaker 2: The men said, and we're gonna take it. We're gonna get to the break.
01:35:18
Speaker 13: Cameron.
01:35:18
Speaker 2: Cameron's over here, he said, she's.
01:35:23
Speaker 6: Bills.
01:35:23
Speaker 2: But one of the men panel that we had before, they said that everybody needs to start thinking in an athletic way. And he said, when we list our athletic accomplishments, we don't list our losses. We list our wins first and then our losses. So say, for instance, the track team, he said, you ran track, the track team is is five and ten. Five is five wins and ten losses. Anybody that knows that language knows that's how it works. We can we can just retrain ourselves just to even start with something like that, just a simple mindset like well we got we got some kids coming, you know, we had two more kids this weekend, or two more kids this month, you know whatever, Yeah, we got some more, a whole lot more to go. But if we can start thinking in a more athletic mindset, like list our our positives first and then go to our negatives, I think he thinks that that's righting that that would be one of the one of the starting point it's one of the many starting points in many later.
01:36:20
Speaker 3: I think that's a great point. I think it's a great point.
01:36:22
Speaker 5: But I think where you where we have such a big challenge when it comes to the to the to the woman woman is there's this hopelessness because of the huge responsibility and not saying you know, men are saying that because or whatever, but you got to recognize and it's just it is what it is.
01:36:42
Speaker 3: We've been the.
01:36:42
Speaker 5: One holding the bag. We've been the one holding it down and and me and I love y'all, y'all, some of y'all you know, say well what about me? Okay, you've been holding to.
01:36:51
Speaker 3: But here it is.
01:36:53
Speaker 2: Come on, man, we feel.
01:36:54
Speaker 5: Like you know, it hasn't been value. It's what the pest will say. She said she the Lord told her to call them up and say thank you.
01:37:01
Speaker 3: Some people somebody just wants somebody to knock on the door and say thank you. And I think we start there.
01:37:07
Speaker 5: You know what, I see you and I just want to say, good batter indifferent, thank you.
01:37:14
Speaker 3: You're still on the wall. You didn't you didn't fail out, you didn't tap out, and I just want to tell you thank you.
01:37:22
Speaker 2: We'll be back.
01:37:23
Speaker 3: We're gonna wrap this up shortly.
01:37:24
Speaker 2: We got another commercial and and we'll be right back right after this. Several months have passed since wildfires tore through Altadena and Pasadena, but for many, recovery has yet to begin. Thousands of families are still without permanent homes, Businesses are gone, community life remains in pieces. This is not just the aftermath, It's an ongoing emergency. Praise AM thirteen ten and ninety five point one FM proudly support Brotherhood Crusade in rebuilding these communities. For over fifty years, Brotherhood Crusade has empowered underserve families through direct support and long term recovery services. Your donation to the Wildfire Relief Fund provides food, shelter, mental health support, and the tools families need to start again. Go to Brotherhood Crusade dot org to help restore lives and rebuild futures. Because recovery takes more than time, it takes all of us.
01:38:37
Speaker 24: Tonight at nine on TV.
01:38:38
Speaker 7: One, Beg Girl don't probably does run it up.
01:38:41
Speaker 3: It's for my man first to be murdered. I'm facing thirty the leaf loyal ones, Me and my man are in this together.
01:38:50
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01:38:51
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01:38:54
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01:39:00
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01:40:28
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01:46:09
Speaker 1: Let's get back to the conversation. It's community connection with Tina Cosby, brought to you by Child Advocates, a champion for justice, opportunity and well being for children. On Praise Am thirteen ten ninety five point one FM.
01:46:25
Speaker 2: And we're back with Community Connection, having just an absolutely fantabulous, fantabulous conversation here with with our women panel, women leaders in the community, faith based community, women of faith. You know, we're talking just women, Black women in society in general, and everything else in between. Let's get one of the guys in here. George, you wanted to you wander weigh in? Go ahead, Joe, Joe, Hey, Cameron, that's Joe. I see George on the screen.
01:46:59
Speaker 3: Hi, how are you doing?
01:47:00
Speaker 13: Hey, good afternoon.
01:47:01
Speaker 3: Get them.
01:47:03
Speaker 13: I'm going to say something that's probably going to upset some people. Okay, but I've heard a lot of things, but I've not heard root causes, and I've not heard results of those root causes. What can we do? Yeah, but there's something else, ladies, that I'm going to say that I really believe. And you know the reason mainly one of the main reasons for what these young people, young men are going through, it happens to be the Black Church. They have failed us because I'm seventy eight years old and when I grew up, the Black churches supported us with programs like Boy Scouts in the summer. They had leaders, adult leaders who were in college, and they had groups. They had things for us to do during the summer, But mainly they taught us how to be men, how to respect ourself. Do you think that we were going to be disrespectful to rtend Brown? That's the church how I went to Saint John. But now you got you were talking about a baby mama and all of that. But you got these young ladies that's being friends with their kids, and little Johnny comes home with four hundred dollars and throws it down the mom say hey, mom, that's four hundred dollars. Oh, by the way, yew bad are we you and your boyfriend enjoyed? And him and his friends with their bad pants begging and turn around to walk out.
01:48:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, disturbing, dynamic church in bos Okay, thank you, church in Joe. I'm gonna I'm gonna stop it right here. No no, no, no, no no. We just respond to respond.
01:48:51
Speaker 5: So so I do hear you, and I want you to know, Joe, we hear you loud and clear.
01:48:55
Speaker 3: At the very beginning, we did talk about the root causes.
01:48:57
Speaker 5: We talked about systematic racism and discrimination, historical trauma, overburdened by expectations, health stigmas, unmet emotional expectations, and compound stressors. So we did talk about how we've arrived to this, and you talk about the Black Church. I'll say this real matter of fact, the Black Church got all kind of programs.
01:49:19
Speaker 3: The dealers, you got to come to them.
01:49:22
Speaker 5: We you know, for us, I had GLG which was God's Little Girls. I had G two which was God's Girls. That was for the two different levels for little Girls, and then the level up. We have what's called Vision Village, and our over entire Vision Village deals with you from you know, five all the way up to going to college, where we had major programs for our kids going to college and doing college fairs.
01:49:46
Speaker 3: So the Black churches have programs, all of them.
01:49:49
Speaker 5: And I don't think there is a church in this city that does not have a program for their young their their their youth ministry, their young adult ministry. I believe that you know, you've the same place that church has been when you need help, when you need to get your son out of jail, and you need you know, all those different things that parents have needed, the church is still there available and The programs are there, readily available. You just have to make a decision to seek them out. And we we we you know, I think that we have with this great thing called the Internet. All you got to do is google and I guarantee it a lot of all the churches and all the programs, and you can be able to send any of your young men. You know, even at at light of the world they had what was called boys to men. So there their programs out there. You just have to, you know, do a little digging, do a little work, call up some church and say what do you have for young people? And I guarantee you they can say, hey, come to this and come to that.
01:50:48
Speaker 6: It's still there.
01:50:50
Speaker 13: It's still there.
01:50:52
Speaker 6: Again, it's individual. I'm sorry, I right, Barney, and it is an individual. Sometimes we can provide all of the programs. And you know, we've said so much so many some of the women have said, well, I take my children, I don't defend them. I'm there with them. So that everybody's on the same plane, the same mindset. And yes, things have changed. And you know you're just a few years older than me, sir, you're seventy eight. I'm seventy two. And I understand, you know. And I have a son fifty six, a son thirty five, I have grandsons twenty eight, twenty one, and all the way down, and we still take them. The programs are there, and a lot of times people don't want that. They don't want those type of programs. So we cannot blame the Black Church completely. I understand what you're saying, but we have to say that's an individual preference.
01:51:53
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, Bishop, I don't I don't understand it, you know. I think you know, you know, I am.
01:51:58
Speaker 5: I really have reached a place where when we keep talking about the Black Church failers, like, no, the Black Church is there. The Black Church is sitting there on the line. There's not a and I you know, and I am in a lot of these churches in Indianapolis. There's not a church you can go to that will not meet you where you are and try to help you get to where you need to be. There's not one of them, you know. And so I think we got to stop doing that. That's we're the only culture that will turn on itself.
01:52:27
Speaker 3: And I'm not saying some of them don't do it here and there, but we are just notorious for coming down on you know, the Black church. The black church was how the civil rights movement was able to move forward. The Black church was the place where you would come get information and advice and be able to transform your life. The Black Church still.
01:52:46
Speaker 5: Stands, and the Black Church is still there, ready to help us be all that God has called us to.
01:52:51
Speaker 6: Be something that you said you are. When they get in trouble, where do they go?
01:53:00
Speaker 3: The Black church?
01:53:02
Speaker 9: Yeah, Black church.
01:53:03
Speaker 2: Yeah.
01:53:03
Speaker 3: Let me let me just say this real quick, just like the uh the chief officer said yesterday, I guess they're looking for a young man a byt the situation. He said, please go to your pastor and turn yourself in. He letting you know, I know the black churches where y'all go.
01:53:18
Speaker 5: So go turn yourself into your pastor and let him be the one to bring you in. The Black Church still sit there with their arms were just like Jesus say, come unto me, all ye that are laden.
01:53:29
Speaker 3: And heavy burden, and we will give you rest.
01:53:31
Speaker 2: There you go. I hate to stop it right here, I really do, I really do, but we have to go. Uh And so pastor mischep mischip, We're gonna start with you. Uh, and just any closing thoughts, final last words. We've just got about maybe a minute or two. Any closing thoughts.
01:53:47
Speaker 6: Okay, Yes, if we all dick together, we can make it through here. And we've just started this.
01:53:53
Speaker 9: Uh know that there's a safe place and uh.
01:53:57
Speaker 6: You could always contact the radio station and get in touch with some of us and we can keep it moving.
01:54:02
Speaker 2: Alrighty, thank you.
01:54:04
Speaker 3: Well, yes, if you said exactly what I was gonna say. If we can all come together and network, and sometimes someone else may have something better than what we have that we can inspire someone else. So yes, if we can network, that is a great thing.
01:54:16
Speaker 5: And yeah, do you know what black women, I salute you. I'm excited about your future. I know the great things on the horizon. I want us to get our fight back and I believe mentorship the community activities that we have. You can check all of us out that you've heard from the day, and I know we all have something that can help you transition, transform and get to the life that you really desire.
01:54:38
Speaker 2: All Right, we're gonna we're gonna drop the mic right there, but guess what, we don't pick it up again. And if you will all be would be so kind as to come back sometime soon.
01:54:48
Speaker 3: Thank you for having us, thank you, thank you for having.
01:54:51
Speaker 2: Us, thank you for being here. And we want to thank you Reverend Jim too, because he pulled us all together.
01:54:54
Speaker 6: He did.
01:54:55
Speaker 3: Thank you ever paid.
01:54:57
Speaker 2: Indeed, indeed, that's all the time we have all right now, Willie Moore Jr. On the radio, What was up next? We'll be back tomorrow. Until then, this is Community Connection
01:55:08
Speaker 24: M.
