Becoming While Autistic

Becoming the adult you want to be takes time, self-awareness, and sometimes hard work. Add the dimensions of disability and neurodivergence to adolescence, and the complexities deepen. Chelsea’s guest, Layne Ledding, is a 20-year-old young woman whose poem “Victoria’s Secret” captures part of her journey of “Becoming While Autistic”.

This episode is almost a responsive reading of (most of) the poem, with Chelsea reflecting on parts of Layne’s writing and asking about her lived experience. (Note that the poem’s punctuation and capitalization in the transcript are as the writer intended, but the layout is compromised by the medium.)

Layne lives with her mom, dad, brother, sister, two dogs, and a bird in Kenosha, Wis. She's been interested in writing, poetry, art, and stories in general since she was a child, and interested in mental health since she was in sixth grade. Layne was diagnosed with autism at 14, and she's never stopped learning. She’s a curious, big-hearted young woman who has come far over these past few years with her mentors’ guidance. She processed and admitted she's a lesbian via writing extremely personal (and eminently publishable!) poetry. Lately, Layne’s glamorously gay, proud, and happy.

Please show Layne some love by commenting!

Here’s that whole “Barbie” monologue:

It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong. You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault. I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don't even know.

Want more? These previous episodes align well:

• Episode 13: Puberty & Autism 
• Episode 25: Trauma & Autism

Podcast includes an introduction for episodes 6 and following at the beginning. Transition music, "Taking a Vocation", by Noey Budde.

Closing narration for episodes 6 and following.