Stop Calling It Normal: The 7 Costs

WEBVTT
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Are you ready?
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The time has come.
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Let the show begin.
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Five, four, three, two, one, zero.
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Hey and welcome back, everybody.
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My name is Casey.
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This is Casey on Tap.
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Thank you so much for being part of our platform here.
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However, you're listening, wherever you're listening, we are now currently in 83 countries all over this magnificent globe of ours, including hundreds of cities right here in the U.S.
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and thousands and thousands and thousands of downloads.
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Thank you so much, everybody, for tuning in.
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Again, my name's Casey.
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It's an honor and a pleasure to be here.
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Just got back from vacation.
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Shout out Sea Island, Georgia.
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Just fantastic.
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Breathtaking visuals there.
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Hot.
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It was hot, boy.
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Woo wee! But breathtaking visuals, you know, and drinking.
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A lot of drinking down there.
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And there's a lot of drinking everywhere, right?
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I mean, let's be honest.
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This is there's a reason that this show has become so popular secretly to so many of you.
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How much does alcohol need to cost you before you allow yourself to just question it a little bit in your mind?
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Does it have to cost your job, your marriage, your health?
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Do you need a DY, a hospital bracelet, or a dramatic public collapse before you can finally say, you know what, this isn't quite working for me anymore?
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Because that's the lie.
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A lot of us have been handed.
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A lot of us have given ourselves.
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A lot of us have digested as true.
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If your life is not completely on fire, then your drinking must be fine.
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If you still show up for work, pay your bills, take care of your family, keep the wheels from falling off, then there's apparently nothing to examine, right?
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And that's what we're asking for is an examination.
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What if the real cost of alcohol is not always that spectacular explosion?
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What if it's a slow leak?
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A little less energy, a little less patience, a little less honesty, a little less ambition, a little less of you every single day, every single month, every single year.
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No catastrophe, no intervention, no headlines.
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Just a life that keeps getting smaller while everyone keeps calling it normal.
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Today I want to talk about the people in the middle, the people who may never use the word problem, the people whose drinking looks completely acceptable from the outside, but who have privately started wondering what is it costing them on the inside?
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This episode is called Stop Calling It Normal.
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The quiet ways alcohol is costing you your life.
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You don't have to lose everything.
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Remember that.
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This season is about saying things that are uncomfortable saying, okay?
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That we've gotten far too comfortable avoiding.
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Not because I enjoy pointing the fingers, not at all, but because I'm trying to take a different angle.
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I don't want to take anybody's fun away.
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And certainly not because I believe I have life all perfectly figured out.
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I talk about this because I've lived it.
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I know what it's like to normalize something simply because everyone around me has normalized it too.
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I know what it's like to keep moving the line.
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Thursday became part of my weekend.
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A rough day became a reason.
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A good day, of course, is a reason.
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Celebrations, absolutely a reason.
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A disappointment became a reason.
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Eventually, the occasion didn't matter because alcohol had become the punctuation mark at the end of almost every kind of day.
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And when that's happening all around you, it doesn't feel unusual.
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It feels adult.
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It feels social.
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It feels earned.
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That's what makes this conversation so difficult.
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Alcohol doesn't have to destroy your life to be diminishing it greatly.
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Again, hear that again in your mind.
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Or since this is a podcast, rewind 10 seconds if you need to.
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Alcohol does not have to destroy your life to be diminishing it.
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Those are two very different thresholds.
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Most of our culture only takes the first one seriously.
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We wait for what?
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The wreckage, the carnage.
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We wait for the crisis.
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We wait for the consequences, so obvious that nobody can deny them.
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But by then, how many mornings have already been lost?
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How many conversations have been damaged?
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How many promises to yourself have quietly been broken?
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How many opportunities did you lack?
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The energy, the courage, or clarity to pursue?
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I'm not talking today only to the person drinking around the clock or facing physical dependency.
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No, no, no, no.
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That requires appropriate medical guidance.
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This podcast is not a detox plan or medical treatment.
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I'm talking to the enormous group in the middle.
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You know who you are.
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You call yourself the social drinker, the weekend drinker, the wine with dinner person, the quote, work hard, play hard person.
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Maybe you do dry January every year and spend February proving you didn't need to do it in the first place.
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Maybe nobody in your life is telling you to stop.
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Maybe they'd be very uncomfortable saying it.
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Maybe they would actually be uncomfortable if you did.
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But a private voice has started asking, is this still adding to my life?
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Or am I just afraid to find out who I'd be without it?
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That voice, my friends, that voice that you hear, that you feel, that conviction, it deserves your attention, not your shame, not panic.
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It deserves attention.
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It really, really does.
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Today I want to walk through seven costs we routinely dismiss because each one by itself can look small, but put them together over five, ten, fifteen years, and you're no longer talking about a few rough mornings.
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You're talking about the direction of a beautiful, unique human life.
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Cost one, you keep borrowing from tomorrow.
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You see, alcohol has a brilliant marketing department, doesn't it?
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It sells you tonight.
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It sells you right now and hides the invoice until tomorrow.
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The transaction feels simple.
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I get relaxation, confidence, connection, relief, or excitement right now.
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But the bill arrives in your sleep, in your mood, your energy, your focus, your patience, your follow-through.
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And because the payment is delayed, we pretend the two events are unrelated.
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I'm just tired today.
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I'm in a weird mood.
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Oh, I can't get motivated.
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Work is stressing me out.
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I just need space from my partner.
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Maybe.
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But if Friday night repeatedly steals Saturday morning, alcohol did not give you a night out.
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It traded you four hours for 12.
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And that's a terrible exchange rate.
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And it's not only hangovers.
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Some people listening rarely get what they would call a real hangover.
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That becomes their evidence.
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See, I'm fine.
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I don't have a hangover, but the absence of nausea and a crippling headache is not the same thing as the presence of excellence of your light.
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Were you sharp?
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Were you patient?
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Did you wake up excited about your day?
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Did you negotiate with the snooze button like it was a hostage situation?
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Did you train?
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Did you create?
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Did you call your parents?
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Did you take your kids somewhere?
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Were you creative?
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Were you inventive?
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Were you joyful?
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Or did you spend half the day trying to feel normal again?
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We talk constantly about managing money, but very few people manage their life energy with the same seriousness.
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Energy is currency.
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It's the most important currency.
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It's all you have.
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Attention is currency.
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Morning's currency.
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Every time you borrow from tomorrow, and tomorrow becomes less capable of building the life that you say you want.
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This is where the cost becomes quiet.
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You probably cannot name the specific opportunity you missed because you were flat, foggy, or unmotivated.
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There is no receipt for the workout you skipped, the idea you never developed, or the meaningful conversation you postponed.
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But invisible costs are still costs.
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Cost number two, your emotional range gets smaller.
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We say alcohol helps us relax, don't we?
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Sometimes what we really mean is that it helps us avoid feelings.
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There's a huge difference.
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Relaxation restores you.
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Avoidance delays you.
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If every uncomfortable emotion gets routed through the same response, the drink, then you never learn what that emotion is trying to tell you.
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If I'm lonely, drink.
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If I'm anxious, I drink.
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Angry, I drink.
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Bored, drink.
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Celebrating, definitely drink.
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At some point, alcohol becomes less of a beverage, more of an emotional remote control.
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Mute this.
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Fast forward that.
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Turn down the volume on everything that I don't want to sit with.
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But emotions don't disappear, do they?
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Just because you sedate them for an evening.
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No, they wait.
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They wait.
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Often they come back louder, mixed with poor sleep, anxiety, guilt, embarrassment, shame.
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That's why people can spend years saying, I drink because I'm anxious, without considering how often drinking is helping create the anxiety they're trying to escape.
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It becomes a loop.
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I feel uncomfortable, so I drink.
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Drinking disrupts my emotional stability, so I feel more uncomfortable.
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Then I drink because I feel uncomfortable.
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Round and round we go, calling the thing that feeds the fire the only extinguisher we have.
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It's feeding the fire, yet we think it's the extinguisher.
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When I personally removed alcohol from my life, I did not become immune to pain.
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Let me make that very clear.
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An alcohol-free life is not a life without grief, rejection, fear, disappointment, or lonely nights.
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My goodness.
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The difference is that I can meet those things as myself, unapologetically myself.
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I can learn from them.
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I can move through them.
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I can trust that whatever hurts today will not be made worse by something I say, send, or do tonight.
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Real emotional freedom, that liberation, is not never feeling bad.
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It's knowing you don't have to abandon yourself when you do.
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Cost number three, your relationships lose precision.
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Alcohol does not only affect how you feel, it affects how accurately you read other people and how accurately they are experiencing you.
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Think about how many relationship problems begin with some version of, quote, that's not what I meant, or you're overreacting, or I barely remember saying that.
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Or can we not do this right now?
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Alcohol turns the volume up while lowering the accuracy.
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You feel more certain, but you are often less clear.
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You feel more expressive, but you may be less truthful.
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You feel more connected, but the connection may depend on both people being altered enough to not notice what's missing.
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And if you have anxious patterns, avoidant patterns, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, or a habit of shutting down, alcohol does not heal those patterns.
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It removes the guardrails around them.
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The anxious person seeks reassurance harder.
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The avoidant person may disconnect faster and farther.
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The resentful person finally unloads, but without the care required to be heard.
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The lonely person reaches for someone they know is wrong for them because for one night, attention feels like intimacy.
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The morning arrives and everyone has to sort out what was real, what was exaggerated, and what cannot be unsaid?
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Here's the difficult question.
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How much of your relationship with other people is being managed by your relationship with alcohol?
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That's a really, really good question.
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Does every date need drinks to feel relaxed?
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Does every conflict end with one or both pouring something?
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Do your friendships have enough substance to survive a sober Saturday night, a week, a month?
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What would you do?
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Do the people you love get the best of you?
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Or what is left of you after work, stress, and alcohol have taken their portion?
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We often measure relationship harm only by the traumatic moments, the cheating, the screaming, the disappearing, the violence, the betrayal.
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But relationships are also damaged by smaller repetitions, being emotionally unavailable, forgetting the details, losing patience, checking out early, repeating conversations you promised would be different.
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Physical presence is not the same as emotional presence.
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You can be sitting three feet from someone and still feel like it's three miles from them.
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Sometimes the people closest to you do not need a grand apology.
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They just need consistent access to the clear, regulated, dependable, awesome version of you.
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Cost four, you lower your standards without noticing.
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Nobody wakes up and announces, you know, today I plan to become less disciplined.
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It happens through exceptions.
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I'll skip this morning.
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I'll start Monday.
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I deserve it tonight.
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This week was unusual.
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It was long, it was hard.
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Next month will be different.
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One exception does not change a life, but repeated exceptions become a standard.
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Your standards become your identity.
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This is bigger than drinking.
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Every time you tell yourself you'll do something and then repeatedly not do it, you teach your brain that your own word carries no authority.
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That is one of alcohol's most expensive hidden costs.
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Erosion of self-trust.
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You say you'll have two, you have six.
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You say you'll leave by ten, you stay until midnight.
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You say you're taking a month off, a dinner invitation changes the plan on day nine.
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Then you laugh off because everybody else is laughing too.
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But somewhere inside, a record is being kept.
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You know when you're bargaining with yourself.
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You know when the rules keep changing, because the craving is doing the editing.
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You're not even putting up a fight.
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You know when you stated values and your repeated behaviors simply are not lining up.
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That gap creates shame.
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Not because you're a bad person, you're incredible, you're amazing, but because you're living in conflict with yourself.
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And shame loves secrecy.
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It says, don't examine this, don't talk about it.
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Just promise you'll be better next time.
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I'm not interested in shaming you.
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I'm interested in helping you recover your authority to raise your standards to become the person you know you should be.
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Discipline is not punishment.
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Discipline is the moment your future stops being controlled by whatever you feel like doing at 7:30 tonight.
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Every promise you keep to yourself is a vote for self-respect.
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Every time you choose clarity when nobody is watching, you can begin rebuilding a kind of confidence no motivational speech can give you.
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You trust yourself again because you have evidence.
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If you're listening right now and if you're starting to get defensive, please stay with me.
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Defensiveness is not proof that I'm wrong.
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Sometimes it's simply proof that I've gotten close to something you've worked really hard not to examine.
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You don't have to decide today.
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That's not what it's about.
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You don't have to adopt a label.
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You don't have to explain yourself to the internet, your friends, or the person at brunch who suddenly becomes deeply invested in what's inside your glass.
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I'm asking you to stop grading your relationship with alcohol on whether your life has collapsed or not.
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That is an absurdly low standard.
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The question should not be, is this bad enough that I have to stop?
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Your question should be, is this helping me become everything I want to be?
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The questions you ask will lead you in very different ways to very different answers.
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Cost number five, your world starts organizing itself around the drink.
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One of the clearest signs that something has too much power is how much planning it receives.
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Which restaurant has a bar?
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Will there be drinks at the event?
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Who's driving?
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Do we have enough at home?
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Can I start before we leave?
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Will people think it's weird if I'm not drinking?
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How late can I stay and still function tomorrow?
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That's a lot of mental real estate for a liquid poison.
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And because the planning is socially normal, we do not notice how much of our schedule, spending, travel, friendships, and leisure have started orbiting this poison.
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Imagine another product having this much influence.
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I'm not sure if I could attend a wedding if they don't serve cheesecake, for example.
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What do you mean you're not having cheesecake?
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Are you pregnant?
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Are you sick?
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Did something happen?
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Why aren't you eating cheesecake?
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Come on, just one slice.
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You're no fun anymore.
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Come on.
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Would you recognize that as ridiculous?
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But with alcohol, the pressure is so common that the person making the intentional decision is treated like an unusual one.
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This is why changing a relationship with alcohol can initially feel like changing a relationship with your entire life.
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You're not only removing a drink, you're questioning routines, identities, friendships, reward systems, and the social script you've been handed since adulthood can be incredibly uncomfortable.
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But remember, discomfort's not danger.
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Discomfort is simply the sensation of an old identity losing its grip.
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When the world stops organizing itself around alcohol, space opens.
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You remember and discover what you actually enjoy.
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You learn which friendships are real.
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You attend events because you want the experience, not because the experience grants you permission to drink.
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You stop sacrificing Sunday for Saturday.
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Your calendar begins to belong to you again.
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Cost number six, you confuse relief with joy.
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Now this one is subtle, folks.
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Relief is the removal of discomfort.
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Joy is the presence of feeling alive.
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They're not the same thing.
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Alcohol is very, very good at creating short-term relief.
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The edge comes off, the thoughts slow down, the social tension softens.
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For a little while, you're not carrying everything so tightly, are you?
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That sensation can feel like joy because relief is powerful when you've been living under chronic pressure.
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But ask yourself, what happens when that effect wears off?
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Joy expands your life.
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Relief often returns you to the same life with less energy to change it.
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If your greatest source of pleasure is repeatedly escaping your own mind, that is not a character flaw, but it is information.
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Maybe your life needs more play.
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Maybe your work is draining you.
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Maybe you have lost connection with your body, your creativity, your purpose, or the people in your life, the real people who truly help you feel alive.
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Alcohol can temporarily cover those absences so effectively that you stop addressing them.
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And that's the trap.
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The drink does not have to create every problem.
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It only has to make the problem tolerable enough that you never solve it.
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I would rather have an uncomfortable truth that leads me somewhere than comfortable numbness that keeps me in the same place.
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When you remove the automatic escape hatch, life may initially feel louder.
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Boredom feels more boring.
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Loneliness feels lonelier.
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Social anxiety feels more obvious.
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But now you can work with reality.
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You can build real confidence instead of renting it by the glass.
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You can create real connection with people in yourself instead of manufacturing temporary intimacy.
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You can pursue real joy, the kind you remember clearly the next morning.
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Cost number seven, you delay meeting yourself.
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This is a huge one, the largest cost, and it's the hardest one to measure.
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Who would you become if you stopped negotiating with everything that keeps making you smaller?
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Not who would you become in 30 days on a scale?
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Who would you become after a year of keeping your word?
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After two years of clear mornings, no poison in your brain, in your liver, in your kidneys, in your in your stomach, after learning to walk into a room without needing chemical permission to be yourself, after surviving heartbreak without self-destruction, after celebrating without disappearing, after discovering that your confidence was never inside of that bottle, it was buried underneath your dependence on it.
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Many people are afraid that without alcohol, they lose their personality.
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And I understand that fear.
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But if a substance is required to access your humor, your courage, your honesty, your sexuality, your sociability, or freedom, then those qualities do not fully belong to you yet.
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You're only leasing them.
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The work is to reclaim them.
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I didn't remove alcohol and become less alive.
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I removed the thing that repeatedly interrupted my access to my own life.
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And no, everything did not become easy.
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It became real.
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My wins became mine.
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My mistakes became mine.
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My relationships had to stand on truth.
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My confidence had to come from within.
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My peace had to be built rather than poured.
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You may believe you're afraid of giving up alcohol, I know.
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But underneath it, you may actually just be afraid of meeting the version of you you haven't been around for a long, long time.
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The version of you who no longer has an excuse.
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Once you're clear, you can see what needs to change.
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Once you have energy, you can decide what to do with it.
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Once you trust yourself, you can no longer pretend you're powerless.
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Freedom comes with responsibility, but it also comes with your life back.
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Yes, it does.
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Now, I want to do something different here.
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If you can, stop multitasking.
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If you're driving, keep your eyes on the road, of course.
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Come back to these questions later.
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But listen, honestly, this is not a diagnosis.
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This is not a scorecard.
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Nobody else needs to hear your answers.
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Just notice where your mind immediately starts explaining, defending, or bargaining.
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Number one, how often do you drink more than you planned?
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Number two, how much of the next day do you lose?
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Not necessarily to a hangover.
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You know what I'm talking about.
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The low energy, the anxiety, the poor sleep, lack of focus, maybe thinking about what you did or didn't do the night before?
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Number three, have you ever avoided looking honestly at your drinking because your life, quote, wasn't bad enough?
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Number four, do you use alcohol most when you're stressed, lonely, bored, rejected, angry, uncomfortable, celebrating, good times, whatever?
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Number five, have people you love received a version of you that was less patient, less present, or less dependable because you'd been.
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Drinking or because you were recovering from drinking.
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Number six, when you decide not to drink, do you feel deprived, restless, or preoccupied with when you can drink again?
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Number seven, do your social plan feel less appealing when alcohol's not involved?
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Number eight, have you made rules?
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Only weekends, only wine, only two, never alone, and then perhaps rewritten them?
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Number nine, are you proud of your relationship with alcohol when nobody else's opinion is involved?
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Number ten, if absolutely nothing changes and you drink exactly the way you've been drinking for the next five years, what does your future look like?
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How would you feel about that future?
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The last question obviously matters.
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It's not, can you survive five more years?
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It's not, could things be worse?
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Would you choose it if you're truly thinking about it?
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Would you choose it because I can get away with this?
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It's not the same as this is the life I want.
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This is exactly why I created the Casey Code.
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One-on-one coaching now available.
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I kept here for people who didn't identify with the extreme stories, people who are functioning, accomplished, responsible, people whose lives looked great on Instagram, but who knew deep down their relationship with alcohol was quietly limiting them.
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They didn't need a label.
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They didn't need anybody pointing fingers.
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They needed a confidential place to just talk about the truth.
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They needed a practical plan.
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They needed accountability from somebody who understood both the fear of changing and the freedom on the other side.
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The Casey Code is a structured, personal, time-bound coaching experience built around exactly that.
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It's not medical care.
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It's not a diagnosis.
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It's not treatment or detox.
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And it's not intent for someone who may require medically supervised withdrawal.
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Okay?
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It's coaching for the person who knows that they're ready to examine the pattern, to interrupt the pattern, and to build a life that no longer needs alcohol at the center of it.
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No public declaration required.
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I've already had several people this week and uh many more booking as we speak.
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No humiliating label, no waiting until your life becomes a cautionary tale.
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Just honesty, structure, accountability, and a specific path forward.
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Because you're allowed to change before the emergency.
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You're allowed to want more than not that bad.
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You're allowed to protect a future that has not been destroyed yet.
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Here's your challenge this week, folks.
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For the next seven days, do not argue with yourself about whether you need to quit forever.
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That question is so large that it often becomes an excuse to do nothing today.
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Instead, conduct an honest cost audit.
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Every time alcohol enters the picture, before, during, or after, write down what it actually gave you and what it actually took.
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Not what the commercial promised, not what your friends said, what happened to you?
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What did you spend?
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How did you sleep?
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How did you feel the next morning?
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Did you keep your plan?
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Were you more connected or less inhibited?
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Did it resolve the emotion you were feeling or postpone it?
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What did you not do afterward?
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What relationships in your life are you pushing away because of it?
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And most importantly, if you could make the choice again with the full cost visible and upfront, would you still make it?
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No shame, no dramatic vows, just data.
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You cannot make a free decision about something whose true cost you refuse to calculate.
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Somewhere along the way, we decided pain had to become unbearable before change became reasonable.
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We wait until the relationship is broken.
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We wait until the doctor is alarmed.
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We wait until the job is gone.
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We wait until the mirror becomes impossible to avoid.
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Then we call the person courageous for rebuilding from the ashes.
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And they are courageous.
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But there's another kind of courage we don't celebrate enough.
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Courage to act while your life is still intact.
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The courage to listen to the whisper before it becomes a scream.
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The courage to say nothing dramatic has happened, but I still want better.
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I know there's better.
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You don't need to prove that alcohol has ruined your life.
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You only need to decide whether it's helping you live it.
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Maybe your drinking is not costing you everything.
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Maybe it's only costing you a little bit every single day.
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Your patience, your consistency, your emotional honesty, your best conversations, your unused talents, your momentum, your belief in your own word, your spirit, your soul.
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Maybe it's costing you the person you really are.
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But tell me, what could possibly be more expensive than that?
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Stop comparing your life to the worst case scenario, please.
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Stop waiting for a catastrophe to grant your permission.
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Stop calling it normal simply because it's common.
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Common and healthy are not the same thing.
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Common and harmless are not the same thing.
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Common and worthy of your one life are not the same thing.
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You are allowed to question it.
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You're allowed to outgrow it.
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You're allowed to choose clarity, even if nobody around you, the people you think they're your friends because they're your barfly drinking buddies, the people around you, they won't understand.
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You don't have to know what forever looks like.
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You only have to tell yourself the truth today.
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Every passing moment is a chance to turn it all around.
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This is Casey on Tap.
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You can find me on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok at Casey Wondell.
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I'll see you all next time.
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Take care.
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God bless.
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Peace and love, and good night.