Getting a Do-Over with Emerson Eggerichs and Joy Eggerichs Reed

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Purposely, your life, God's purpose.
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More podcasts at Purposely.com.
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So we decided to incorporate the childhood stories that he
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shared with this message and fuse them together. And so
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that's where we came up with Bega Gets a Do-Over
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in the Land of Nuff. It's silly, it's crazy, but
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it teaches those principles of is it true? Is it kind?
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Is it necessary? Is it clear?
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Hey friend, I'm Julie Lyles-Carr and this is the All
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Mom Does podcast, part of the Purposely Podcast Network. And
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if you are someone who's been listening for a while,
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you know that we are here to bring you.
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All things encouragement, to challenge you on certain things.
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We just want to be here for you as a
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trusted friend and a shoulder to lean on when it
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comes to all the things you're doing in your life,
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from raising.
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The kids to nurturing your marriage to growing in your faith.
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That's why All Mom Does exists.
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And you know, we have been around For a while now,
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which means that every now and then, I get to
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have the honor of having someone back on who we've
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had on before. And this time, that repeat guest is
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also bringing a very important first-time guest with him. So
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I want you to help me welcome Emerson Egrich and
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Joy Egrich-Reed.
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Welcome so much to the podcast, guys.
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Oh, thank you.
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Thank you.
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Yeah, excited to be here. Excited about this.
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Oh, absolutely.
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I've had, I think, one other father-daughter duo on, which
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was Walker Hanson and his daughter Avery. So this is
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really fun to get to have another father-daughter duo on.
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And I'm pretty sure people probably know who I'm talking to,
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but I'm going to give each of you an opportunity
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to tell us who you are and what you do.
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So Joy, let's start with you. Where are you in
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the world and what do you do? What do you love?
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All the stuff. Well, I live in Paris, France with
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my family. My husband and I came here about nine
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years ago. We got married later in life in our
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mid thirties and we thought, let's do a fun adventure
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in France. He was working for the French electric company.
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I'm a literary agent and a communications consultant. And I
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was like, I can live anywhere. Um, and nine years
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later and three children later, uh, we're still here. Um,
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so I eat, uh, croissants every day.
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Sounds just awful. Yeah, no.
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Um, and I work with my father, so I'm his
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literary agent. And the last time, um, we were kind
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of thinking through some of his marriage and communication books. Uh,
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my mom actually encouraged us to do the project that
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we're here to talk to you about today. And so I'll, I'll,
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Leave it at that.
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I love your mom. She's the best. All right, Emerson,
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you're up, my friend. I mean, I'm.
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Figuring that you are a household word, but go ahead.
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Tell us who you are, what you do, and all
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the things.
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You're very honoring. No, I think for your audience, Sarah
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and I, my wife, Joy's mother, have been married since 1973.
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So we have been going on kind of 53 years here,
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and it's been a great run. But we do the
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Love and Respect marriage conferences. That's what we've done over
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the years. I wrote the book Love and Respect. based
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on Ephesians 5.33. And some may know about the crazy cycle.
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Without love, she reacts without respect. And without respect, he
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reacts without love. And that baby spins. And though we
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all need love and respect, Paul is kind of distinguishing that.
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And it's just made a lot of sense to a
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lot of people. And we've been helping people decode that
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dynamic and jump off the crazy cycle. Does that make sense?
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Absolutely. And I mean, it's just a classic.
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I think for a lot of us, Love and Respect
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is up there with Five Love Languages.
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I mean, it is just the go-to.
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And when you know that somebody is about to enter
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into this adventure, we call marriage. This is one of
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the ones that we just put in the shower gift
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because we know that it's going to help them go
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the distance. So thank you for all the ways that
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you have sown into generations now of marriages. That's such
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an incredible thing. Now, I have to ask, Emerson, before
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we go any further, and Joy, I want you to
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give me some intel on this. Emerson, I've known you
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a long time. you look exactly the same. I want
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to understand what is going on here. What is the
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skincare routine? Don't tell me it's a multivitamin.
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I mean.
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I look old 30 years ago, so I haven't seen it.
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It's pretty incredible.
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Well, y'all have been able to collaborate on a project
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that I think is so beautiful.
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And it started out of a tradition.
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And one of the things that I find that is
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so fascinating in families is My family has a whole
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vernacular and a way that we have of doing things
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that I never would have told you 10 or 20
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years ago would be something that would continue forward into
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today in the way that it has. And yet, whether
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it's nicknames or the way we tell little stories or
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little habits that we have as somebody is getting ready
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to go and head out somewhere and the things that
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we say.
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To each other, these things have turned.
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Into these beloved rituals and habits that And if I
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were to try to capture them, it would be kind
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of interesting to do that, to try to explain how
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these things developed. But what y'all have done is you
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have taken something that started when Joy was little and
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you've now captured it for us and you're sharing it
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in a book form. So Emerson, tell me the genesis
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of what this little ritual.
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Was when Joy was little.
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And then Joy, I'm going to ask you how it
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ended up being the project it is today.
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Yeah. No, it's a great question. And your observation on
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these dynamics expressions, we use it. No one else would get. And,
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you know, my mother used to say, did it cut you?
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Burn you. And it cut you, burn you. I mean,
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these little things that we have that tickle us and
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you remember them and you use them as a reminder
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of the endearment factor there. And so I appreciate that
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insight you have on that. But Bega and Duga, and
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we have now this character called Tiny. So there are
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three characters in this. But when Joy was younger and
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we have Two other children, Jonathan and David. So the three,
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I would tell these bedtime stories about Bega and Duga
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and the land of Nuff. And she's now, Joy, taken
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this and put it on steroids.
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I love that. I love that.
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So, Joy, when did it occur to you, like, you
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know what? This was this little storyline that we had
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going that my dad would tell us at night.
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And hey, you know what? I'm checking my resume. I'm
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a literary agent. Maybe this is something that we should
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turn into a children's book. Tell me what that creative
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process was like.
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Well, it was multiple things. I mean, you know, one
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of the things my dad and I always say is
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we didn't grow up, you know, thinking we were the
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smartest kid in class. You know, we always felt like
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we were one step behind everybody else until we both
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were in college and sat in our first communications class.
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And we were like, ah. This makes sense to us
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and our brain and how we work. And we loved it.
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So I was a communication studies major. He has his
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master's in communication and several other degrees and things like that.
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But I have just always learned from him and my
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mom of just how to communicate well. And there's many
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things that I don't do well. And a principle that
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my dad taught me in college that just stuck with
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me was asking myself before I write an email, before
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I have a hard conversation, knowing when not to speak
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or when to speak up is asking myself these four things.
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Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is
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it clear? So that was just a side principle that
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helped so much in college, in my professional life, my
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personal relationships with my husband, because by nature, I have
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a bigger mouth and I will just, you know, Let
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it out. But if I actually take a second to
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stop and ask myself those questions, it's really helpful. And
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I've seen those principles help for people who maybe don't
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know when to speak up. They're a little bit shy.
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And so that has been a powerful message for me.
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And we thought, this is something that actually adults need.
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But if we could get this to children, it could
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really transform the way that we see the world communicating
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with each other right now in this day and age
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with technology and all those things. And I'm also really
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passionate about like seeing my kids and seeing how they
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communicate with each other. And I'm like, what can we
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do that would be fun? Because there's so many little
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kids books out there that are really trying to teach
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good lessons, but they're super boring. And my kids don't
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ask to read them again. And then there's a bunch
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of kids books out there that are so silly and funny.
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And my kids want to read them over and over.
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And I'm like, there's nothing of substance here. It's funny,
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but you know, so we decided to incorporate The childhood
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stories that he shared with this message and fuse them together.
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And so that's where we came up with Bega gets
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a do over in the land of enough.
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It's silly.
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It's crazy. But it teaches those principles of is it true?
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Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it clear?
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Here at the Almondos podcast, I am so thankful for
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our sponsor, George Fox University. They are so faithful to
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walk alongside with us and make sure that this podcast
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is possible for you each and every week. Their motto,
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their heartbeat is that your student will be known. that
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your student will individually receive the attention they need to
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fulfill the calling on their life, to fully realize the
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dreams that God has given them.
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Now, here's the math I want you to hear, because
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I think this is amazing.
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There are 60 undergrad programs for your student at George
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walking more closely with Jesus than ever before, that their
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relationship with God has never been stronger. And that's the
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kind of math that has eternal ramifications.
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So I want you to go check.
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Out georgefox.edu, that's georgefox.edu, to see if George Fox University
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is your student's next move.
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I love that, Joy, because one of the things that
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I'm finding.
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Both in retrospect as I look at parenting my kids
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when they were younger, as I'm watching the next generation
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go forward with it, I love that we're trying to
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do a better job equipping children with being able to
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say how they're feeling, what their emotions are, what's going on.
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I love that.
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But part of what I think is going to be
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interesting to have to backfill is then to go through
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and teach this generation who's been equipped with a lot
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of great language about what their emotions are and how
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they're feeling.
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But teaching them, okay.
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But also here's what's wise, smart, paced about talking about
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how you're feeling. And I think to be able to
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infuse at an earlier age in a fun way. The
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ability to do that is going to serve as such
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a powerful tool for parents today who don't want to
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lose the beauty of helping their kids understand more of
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their internal world, but are going to need some help
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equipping them with tools as to how to say and
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what to say when, while still having the integrity of
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how you really feel and what's going on inside.
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Emerson, how was it for you?
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Because it's interesting to me at this point in my
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parenting with adult kids, there are things that I remember
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a certain way. And then there's the way that my
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adult children remember something. And I wish sometimes it was
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a little more flattering for me.
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Sometimes it's not.
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But as the two of you began to excavate through
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these experiences that Joy had as a child of you
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telling these stories.
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With her two brothers and on and on.
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What were some things that surprised you in terms of
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what she remembered versus what your experience was as the
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parent as you were developing these stories and trying to
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get certain points across and sometimes just being silly and funny?
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Where was their convergence? Where were there some differences?
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That's an excellent question. And I've often said, you know,
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I'd have been a great parent had it not been
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for the kids. So they kept interfering. But I wrote
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the book Love and Respect in the family. I've got
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my PhD in family studies, and I waited to write that.
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Marriage kind of exploded prior to that, but the focus
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had been more on the family. But I wanted to
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wait for the kids to grow up so that they,
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as adults, could speak back in. And to your very point,
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the things I remembered I did well, they didn't recall.
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And the things that I did poorly that they really
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felt strongly about, I didn't recall. And there was one
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point while I was writing this over a two-year period,
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I kind of said to all three of them, You know,
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maybe I shouldn't write this. You know, I'm kind of
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feeling like, wow, this is kind of stunning to me
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because I wanted their candidness and transparency. But in the end,
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they were the three that said, no, you got to
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write it. They're the three that endorsed it. And then David,
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my son, who would express that I shamed him the most,
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was handing the book out to all of his buddies
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because he said they don't know how to parent. So anyway,
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that's kind of the story to that. But yeah, great question.
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I mean, I talk a long time about those things,
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but I think, you know, that's where as parents, you know,
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we do what Hebrews says, we do what seems best.
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And we don't like that subjective element there. We want
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a formula. But children are moral, spiritual beings, and they're
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going to make their own decisions. And that makes us
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feel uncomfortable. So how do we become the real deal?
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How do we become the adult in the room and
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just stay consistent with that? in the midst of the chaos.
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And that's the challenge of parenting because we all feel
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like we're failing. You know, I must be a miserable
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person because my children are not responding to my great wisdom.
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I mean, I'm over here like Yoda. Nobody's getting it.
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Where are my Jedi's? Exactly. Joy, how was it for you?
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I find this place in the relationship between parents and
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then adult children to be one that's really fascinating.
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I think one that we don't often have a guidebook for.
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When that is still your dad, And he has wisdom
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and experience and all these different things. But now you're
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operating as colleagues. You are producing a project together. You
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have a certain skill set and wisdom and experience. Now
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you're wanting to honor him as your dad. And at
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the same time, there are going to be creative choices
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and creative decisions that have to be made. How has
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that been for you viewing your dad through a colleague?
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Lens.
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And I know that you've worked with your dad for
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a long time, so this is not a new muscle
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for you to exercise. But I think it would be
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really helpful for the listener who has kids who are
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coming into adult ages and stages, and they're trying to
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figure out, for example, collaborating on Thanksgiving. And all of
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a sudden, all the dynamics are different because mom who's
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been running the show all this time is now needing
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to incorporate and include adult kids as co-creators of this event.
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So How has that been for you and what has
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changed in the dynamics? What are some tips, tools, that
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kind of thing? Yeah.
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Well, I think, um, you know, my dad made a
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comment of, you know, being the adult in the room.
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I think, uh, it's so interesting now having kids and
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you said your kids are starting to have kids. I
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think that's really when the dynamic, you know, can start
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to change of like, wow, I see that, um, I
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have so much compassion for what my parents went through.
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And also like, I want to have a relationship with
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these little kids one day. And so there's just so
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much that kind of shifts when that happens. But I
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would say there were some certain just really pivotal moments
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of just some hard things that I went through kind
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of in my 20s that my parents really showed up for.
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And I would say that that actually changed the dynamic
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from parents who I was, you know, trying to seek
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their approval or do the right thing or whatever to
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an actual like mentor counselor and then deep friendship. I mean,
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I just said last night to my in-laws that my parents,
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aside from my husband are my best friends, you know,
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and that, and so I say that to encourage people because.
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You know, my dad and I joke that in high school,
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you know, he, after a fight with my mom, I said,
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I said, just face it, dad, mom and I will
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never be friends. So I encourage, I encourage the parents listening,
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the moms listening who have teenage daughters, like it's possible
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for you to be friends one day, even if they're
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saying no. really horrific things like that. Um, but I
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would say, yeah, I mean, it's, it's, uh, my dad
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really does a good job of listening. Um, I, we actually,
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that came up in one of the webinars we were doing, um,
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as one of the pre-order bonuses, if people order be good,
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gets a do-over, um, is I was just asking him
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parenting questions. Cause again, that's what his PhD was in.
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I'm like, how do I get my kids to listen?
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And he was recalling from his, um, dissertation that adult
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children that were interviewed, um, of successful fathers. It was
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the fathers who just learned to listen and be empathetic.
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And I would say there's a combination of my dad
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having done that research, but also being a pastor for
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so many years and a counselor. You know, so often
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people will just be like, man, he just listened so well.
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And he will even say, I listen. And then I
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say back to people what they've said. And I think
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in friendships, in relationships, in marriages, in parent-child thing of
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just validating someone. I just think our world's getting worse
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and worse at listening. And so I would say that
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that's one of the things that I really respect about
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both of my parents is they will just be present.
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They will listen. And I know that they're actively listening
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because they can repeat back to me afterwards what I've said. Yeah.
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I mean, it sounds to me like one of the
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key components of this collaborative process with your dad is
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that you already had established a trust that you.
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Knew you were going to be heard.
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And I think this is fantastic wisdom for parents out
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there who have kids coming into more.
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Of those adult stages.
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Because as we see kids launching and starting to do
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all the things, and I'm sure Emerson can attest to this,
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there are moments where, oh, you really want to say something.
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You really want to go, oh, I wouldn't, I don't
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know if I would. But I find so often that
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I know I respond to this and I know that
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my kids do too. If I am intentional about showing
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them that I see them, I am listening, I am
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hearing them, it really is establishing a trust, I think,
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that they will be seen and heard and that their
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opinions will be valued, that it won't just be this
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override of this momming on them that I am so
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accustomed to doing, but now I'm taking this little step
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back and making sure I'm letting them listen. Emerson, when
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you look at parents today, when it comes to communication
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and as part of this work of Viga Gets a Do-Over,
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you know, we talked about the four things that you
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taught Joy as a kid and then have established in
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terms of what's so important when it comes to what
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we're going to say. But what are some other communication
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things that you would love to see parents be really
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intentional with as.
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Per a new generation?
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As per to Joy's point, I think we have people
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who are becoming very attuned to being able to debate,
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but I don't know that we're always listening, processing, and
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capturing some of the nuance sometimes. So what would you
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encourage parents along the lines of communication to also be
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thinking about?
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No, that's a very broad and excellent question. And I
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think back, just circle back to that point, you know,
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adults with adult children, but who those children are not
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married and have children, there is a period of time
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that there's going to be healthy, heated fellowship. There's going
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to be still these Thanksgiving times. I mean, you've got
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to allow for a period of time where those kids
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are adults, but they still don't fully appreciate. You kind
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of got to anticipate, wait until they have children. And
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then they'll begin to kind of come back around and
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realize that maybe my parents weren't as foolish as I
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thought they were. But that doesn't mean that we don't
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still stay engaged. And one of the principles that and
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I think I violated it, was giving me more credit,
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there's a difference between validation and instruction. Validation doesn't mean
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you say that what they're saying is valid, but you
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try to empathize with it. You try to validate, you know,
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why they probably feel the way they do, and you
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can empathize with it. You've been there. It may not
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be the wisest conclusion, but it's not outside the range
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of my experience and other people's experience. So validation before
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moving to instruction. And I tended to, because I'm a teacher,
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move to instruction. I used to leave the three-page letter
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to the kids. Here's what they need to do. And
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that's kind of one of our histories of our family.
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I instructed too much.
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You always knew you were in trouble when you had
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a nine-page report on your bed when you got home.
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Who got the longest this week? But Even with David,
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my son, there was a situation with some other people
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that he's trying to minister to. And he was wanting
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to move in on instruction with this buddy. And I said,
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let's start with validation. And his other friend was wanting
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to move on instruction. I said, let's begin with this
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guy's pain. Let's just sit with him in his pain.
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You don't need to get to instruction too quick. And
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that was a mistake that I made. And I don't
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know if that is valuable for anybody listening, but it's
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certainly my poor experience for sure.
436
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No, I really resonate with that because I think sometimes,
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particularly if we are naturally fixers, you know, as parents,
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we bring our own personalities to the stage. And I
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think sometimes that this is something that's a little bit overlooked. Now,
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I'm all about looking at your kid and understanding their personality.
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And it's been a part of my early work. And
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I really love that. But a component that I also
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want to make sure is in there is understanding that
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you as a parent have a personality and strengths and
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gifts that come forth. And sometimes the things that you
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are very well known for within your professional field or
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amongst your friends, you're the friend who can fix everything.
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You're the friend who has the answers. You're the friend
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everyone comes to for advice. Doesn't always translate the same
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way in your parental relationship to your kids as they're
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entering those young adult stages. So the very thing sometimes
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that you feel like you have the most to offer
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and your kids may be like, no, thank you until
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they have a little more life under their wheels. So
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I love that you bring that up. that place of
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really validating and making sure someone has understood what you,
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that you really are attending to what they're saying, that
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you're really seeking to understand their perspective.
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And there's another side you and I enjoy. We'd be more,
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maybe the initiator, the teacher.
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Yeah.
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But I remember a young man telling me that he
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stayed away from Christ for years because when he was
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in his early twenties, he said, my girlfriend's moving into
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your house with me. And the parents thought we need
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to validate him. We need to empathize with him. So
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they let him, her come in, sleep in the house
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and so on and so forth. And he said, I
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stayed away from Jesus Christ for years because I concluded
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that the faith of my parents was insincere. And he said,
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once I realized I was the one forcing myself on
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them and they were trying to be accommodating to them,
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but they didn't realize that they had compromised. And once
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they realized that, there was a re-calibrating that went on.
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But he said, I stayed away from Christ. So there's
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that person maybe listening who isn't as vocal. So if
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they hear validation to mean just to kind of be
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compliant and go along with your kids, we're not saying
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that either. That's why we say, is it true? Is
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it kind? Is it necessary? Is it clear? And if
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it's true, it needs to align with Christ. It needs
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to align with the Lord. And we are called upon
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not to compromise that, even if in fact our children
484
00:23:15.769 --> 00:23:18.869
for a period of time, you know, distance themselves from us.
485
00:23:18.950 --> 00:23:21.730
And that's the challenge of parenting, isn't it? Right.
486
00:23:21.930 --> 00:23:23.750
Absolutely. Absolutely.
487
00:23:24.670 --> 00:23:28.769
Joy, for you, Living in Paris, living as an expat
488
00:23:28.990 --> 00:23:31.970
in a different part of the world, what have you
489
00:23:32.049 --> 00:23:35.220
found that seems to be pretty universal when it comes
490
00:23:35.319 --> 00:23:37.660
to the things you learned in your home of origin
491
00:23:37.680 --> 00:23:40.660
and the ways that you navigated life as a kid
492
00:23:40.680 --> 00:23:43.099
and then as a young adult and now as both
493
00:23:43.220 --> 00:23:46.240
a daughter and a colleague to your dad that are
494
00:23:46.339 --> 00:23:49.809
different culturally a little bit to where you live now?
495
00:23:49.980 --> 00:23:54.049
And how does that play into your sense of what
496
00:23:54.210 --> 00:23:58.279
is timeless and consistent in communication. And what we need
497
00:23:58.299 --> 00:24:01.779
to sometimes take a look at is understanding might be generational,
498
00:24:01.880 --> 00:24:05.180
might be cultural, might be different in some other way.
499
00:24:05.220 --> 00:24:09.220
Because I do think the expat life brings with it
500
00:24:09.259 --> 00:24:11.339
some perspectives that sometimes for those of us who are
501
00:24:11.380 --> 00:24:13.480
accustomed to living in a certain region in a certain
502
00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:17.299
way and living life a certain direction, sometimes we can
503
00:24:17.319 --> 00:24:19.640
miss out on. So what has your experience been in that,
504
00:24:19.700 --> 00:24:22.799
in this creative process as someone who is not now
505
00:24:23.079 --> 00:24:25.099
hasn't been living in the U S for about nine years.
506
00:24:25.819 --> 00:24:26.039
Yeah.
507
00:24:27.079 --> 00:24:29.589
Oh man. I feel like 4,000 things just went off
508
00:24:29.619 --> 00:24:32.130
in my brain because I think that is, I mean,
509
00:24:32.150 --> 00:24:35.450
before moving to France nine and a half years ago,
510
00:24:35.509 --> 00:24:38.470
my husband and I had an assessment done by a
511
00:24:38.509 --> 00:24:41.130
guy who actually works with a lot of military and
512
00:24:41.150 --> 00:24:42.430
a lot of people who are thinking of going to
513
00:24:42.450 --> 00:24:45.450
the mission field and just figuring out like, are you
514
00:24:45.470 --> 00:24:48.980
someone that can live in an international environment and succeed?
515
00:24:49.799 --> 00:24:54.579
And thankfully we both passed because we have a natural,
516
00:24:54.680 --> 00:24:57.539
like the big thing was like, we're naturally curious about
517
00:24:57.559 --> 00:25:00.650
other cultures. I think when you come in as one
518
00:25:00.710 --> 00:25:03.430
culture to another culture and then are just expecting it
519
00:25:03.490 --> 00:25:05.630
because maybe it looks a little bit like your culture
520
00:25:06.170 --> 00:25:08.769
to function like your culture and it doesn't, you're going
521
00:25:08.809 --> 00:25:11.680
to be endlessly frustrated. So There are frustrations, but I
522
00:25:11.740 --> 00:25:14.640
think my husband and I have always just been like, oh, wow, OK,
523
00:25:14.660 --> 00:25:17.119
this is how French parents seem to parent. And this
524
00:25:17.160 --> 00:25:20.339
is how and there's even there are generational differences even
525
00:25:20.380 --> 00:25:24.269
in France. And it's interesting to us. I mean, one
526
00:25:24.289 --> 00:25:27.210
of the things that we talk about is bedtime. Even
527
00:25:27.309 --> 00:25:29.609
it's just it's more of a Latin culture. Everybody goes
528
00:25:29.650 --> 00:25:32.390
to bed later. They get up later. And we joke
529
00:25:32.430 --> 00:25:34.269
that we still haven't let our kids know that they're
530
00:25:34.309 --> 00:25:37.650
on an American schedule because all their friends stay up
531
00:25:37.670 --> 00:25:39.910
so much later. We're like, no, you're going to bed
532
00:25:39.930 --> 00:25:44.839
at 730. But, yeah, I mean, I think, you know,
533
00:25:45.180 --> 00:25:49.279
an interesting dynamic that I, you know, sometimes miss is,
534
00:25:49.339 --> 00:25:51.019
you know, we grew I grew up. My dad was
535
00:25:51.059 --> 00:25:53.049
a pastor. And so we were in a really large
536
00:25:53.150 --> 00:25:55.930
church community. And there was like a support group. They
537
00:25:55.970 --> 00:25:57.650
called me. It was just a group of families that
538
00:25:57.690 --> 00:26:01.359
all got together and really supported each other. You know,
539
00:26:01.519 --> 00:26:05.519
and I've tended to live in cities post-college. I lived
540
00:26:05.559 --> 00:26:08.369
in L.A., I lived in Portland, Oregon, and now I've
541
00:26:08.380 --> 00:26:11.069
lived in Paris, France. And I would say for me
542
00:26:11.210 --> 00:26:14.789
as a Christian, I think I actually do better in
543
00:26:15.029 --> 00:26:18.809
cities and places that are culturally that are not culturally
544
00:26:18.849 --> 00:26:22.210
Christian because it makes me think more about my faith
545
00:26:22.269 --> 00:26:25.650
and why I believe. And yet I think about that
546
00:26:25.710 --> 00:26:29.329
like I saw I lived in a more culturally Christian
547
00:26:29.410 --> 00:26:33.569
environment growing up. always believed in Jesus and had a
548
00:26:33.589 --> 00:26:36.349
strong faith and had that support group. And so sometimes
549
00:26:36.410 --> 00:26:39.230
I wonder now, like, how will that be for my kids?
550
00:26:39.369 --> 00:26:42.819
Is that going to be the same for them? And
551
00:26:42.880 --> 00:26:45.920
so we have a smaller church community that we're a
552
00:26:45.940 --> 00:26:49.319
part of, and it's the expat community. But yeah, these
553
00:26:49.359 --> 00:26:51.039
are things that I think about, but I don't know
554
00:26:51.099 --> 00:26:56.089
how they will impact our kids. But it's endlessly fascinating
555
00:26:56.119 --> 00:26:56.240
to me.
556
00:26:56.240 --> 00:26:57.769
Well, and I think if I could jump in there,
557
00:26:57.789 --> 00:26:59.450
and it may not be relevant to the audience, but
558
00:26:59.490 --> 00:27:02.180
I think it's a great teaching point You're dealing with
559
00:27:02.220 --> 00:27:04.960
the fact that, is it called third generation, the study
560
00:27:04.980 --> 00:27:05.619
that's been done?
561
00:27:05.799 --> 00:27:07.619
Third culture kids. Third culture kids.
562
00:27:08.059 --> 00:27:08.220
Yeah.
563
00:27:08.240 --> 00:27:12.049
Comment on that because I thought that was very insightful. Yeah.
564
00:27:12.450 --> 00:27:16.690
So we've always had our kids in full French schools.
565
00:27:16.750 --> 00:27:18.890
So there's a lot of the expat community that'll say, oh,
566
00:27:18.910 --> 00:27:20.849
we want our kids in a bilingual school or an
567
00:27:20.890 --> 00:27:24.329
international school. And we never knew how long we'd be
568
00:27:24.349 --> 00:27:26.250
in France. So we thought, we just want to make
569
00:27:26.289 --> 00:27:28.859
sure they get the language because it was so hard
570
00:27:28.900 --> 00:27:31.329
for me in school. to learn a second language. I
571
00:27:31.349 --> 00:27:32.930
took German for two years in high school and I
572
00:27:32.950 --> 00:27:35.000
can count to three in German. So I'm like, hey,
573
00:27:35.039 --> 00:27:36.420
if it's going to be as hard for my kids,
574
00:27:36.460 --> 00:27:38.579
let's just full immersion for as long as we're here.
575
00:27:39.740 --> 00:27:43.400
But there is, the kids do still feel different. Like
576
00:27:43.440 --> 00:27:46.220
they're like, we're not, we will never be fully French,
577
00:27:46.460 --> 00:27:48.400
even though they were born here. This is the culture
578
00:27:48.440 --> 00:27:51.809
that they've primarily grown up in. And someone told us
579
00:27:51.890 --> 00:27:54.710
we went to, I don't know if you're familiar with Libri.
580
00:27:54.910 --> 00:27:57.710
It was started by the theologian, Francis Schaeffer in Switzerland.
581
00:27:57.750 --> 00:27:59.039
And I had spent some time there in my 20s.
582
00:27:59.869 --> 00:28:02.170
And so last year, we took the whole family to
583
00:28:02.930 --> 00:28:06.420
La Brie in the Alps. And there was a family
584
00:28:06.460 --> 00:28:08.480
that's lived there for about 20 plus years. And so
585
00:28:08.519 --> 00:28:10.559
they raised their kids. So we were like, tell us
586
00:28:10.619 --> 00:28:12.500
about this. If we end up staying in France, like,
587
00:28:12.819 --> 00:28:17.450
give us your wisdom. And they said, they're Canadian. And
588
00:28:17.470 --> 00:28:20.029
they were like, our kids will never feel fully Canadian.
589
00:28:20.549 --> 00:28:24.009
And they'll never feel fully Swiss again. But the people
590
00:28:24.049 --> 00:28:26.829
that they will connect with the most are third culture kids.
591
00:28:26.910 --> 00:28:30.819
So anyone, wherever they are, who has parents of a
592
00:28:30.859 --> 00:28:33.940
different culture than where they are. And it's really, and
593
00:28:34.099 --> 00:28:36.079
once we, our eyes open to that, we saw it,
594
00:28:36.099 --> 00:28:39.539
like even at our daughter's school, there is a little
595
00:28:39.559 --> 00:28:41.559
girl from China, but her parents have met, she was
596
00:28:41.599 --> 00:28:44.349
born in France. And, you know, my daughter Millie and
597
00:28:44.380 --> 00:28:48.029
her are friends. And it's, and again, it's not, it's not,
598
00:28:48.109 --> 00:28:50.549
as my dad says, it's not wrong. It's just different.
599
00:28:50.710 --> 00:28:53.119
And we're observing it. And we took the kids to
600
00:28:53.160 --> 00:28:56.779
Disneyland Paris in June. And there was a frozen experience
601
00:28:56.799 --> 00:28:59.210
where you could meet Anna and Elsa.
602
00:28:59.710 --> 00:29:00.049
Oh, yeah.
603
00:29:00.529 --> 00:29:03.109
And it was fascinating to me because we're standing waiting
604
00:29:03.170 --> 00:29:04.990
and this little helper comes up and she goes, would
605
00:29:05.029 --> 00:29:08.529
you like your experience to be in French, Spanish, or English?
606
00:29:09.049 --> 00:29:11.569
And we were like, we'll do it in English. But
607
00:29:11.630 --> 00:29:13.849
we were waiting and we heard Anna and Elsa just
608
00:29:13.950 --> 00:29:16.970
flip from Spanish to French, whoever the people were that
609
00:29:16.990 --> 00:29:19.440
were coming. And so I said to my daughter, Millie,
610
00:29:19.480 --> 00:29:25.460
I go, you... can be a Disney princess. That can
611
00:29:25.480 --> 00:29:28.039
be your job. And she was so excited.
612
00:29:28.059 --> 00:29:28.619
Yeah.
613
00:29:28.839 --> 00:29:29.029
Yeah.
614
00:29:29.069 --> 00:29:31.789
I mean, you know, my grandchildren are going to be
615
00:29:32.390 --> 00:29:36.210
in that category because dad is from Japan and they
616
00:29:36.410 --> 00:29:38.509
are speaking in Japanese and English as we talked about
617
00:29:38.529 --> 00:29:39.630
before we went on mics earlier.
618
00:29:39.730 --> 00:29:39.970
And now.
619
00:29:40.099 --> 00:29:43.220
they're living in a community where Spanish is one of
620
00:29:43.259 --> 00:29:44.220
the primary languages.
621
00:29:44.279 --> 00:29:46.039
I mean, it is that whole thing. So I'm going
622
00:29:46.059 --> 00:29:46.460
to be able.
623
00:29:46.359 --> 00:29:49.140
To go back and go, okay, maybe at, you know,
624
00:29:49.680 --> 00:29:51.039
Disney Tokyo.
625
00:29:51.200 --> 00:29:54.700
You guys tell me that. Exactly. It would be amazing.
626
00:29:54.880 --> 00:29:57.289
I love that. Well, Emerson, one of the things that
627
00:29:57.400 --> 00:29:59.430
I love about this project as I consider it.
628
00:29:59.630 --> 00:30:03.299
Is that I feel like we've had a season where
629
00:30:03.359 --> 00:30:08.470
we've had some pretty amazing authors, people in ministry, pastors, musicians,
630
00:30:08.630 --> 00:30:11.589
on and on, who are coming into a time where
631
00:30:11.609 --> 00:30:13.490
they're going to have to figure out how to hand
632
00:30:13.569 --> 00:30:16.309
off the baton. And some of them are doing it
633
00:30:16.369 --> 00:30:19.089
kicking and screaming and trying to stay young and hip
634
00:30:19.190 --> 00:30:20.630
and gripping onto the mic.
635
00:30:20.450 --> 00:30:21.279
For all they're worth.
636
00:30:22.000 --> 00:30:25.220
And then we have the true sages like you who
637
00:30:25.279 --> 00:30:28.099
are saying, we got another generation coming. We got some
638
00:30:28.140 --> 00:30:30.640
things that we want to equip and do and show.
639
00:30:31.220 --> 00:30:34.480
Talk to me about how it feels from a heart
640
00:30:34.539 --> 00:30:38.309
level to be pulling joy into these various projects. And
641
00:30:38.369 --> 00:30:40.509
now this beautiful new book that you have on Viga,
642
00:30:40.549 --> 00:30:44.839
Viga Gets a Do-Over. And the intentionality of making sure
643
00:30:45.200 --> 00:30:49.069
that we are equipping the next generation to lead, to write,
644
00:30:49.230 --> 00:30:53.589
to speak, to ideate, to share the wisdom God gives them.
645
00:30:53.930 --> 00:30:54.930
With a broader audience.
646
00:30:55.799 --> 00:30:57.500
And we do. You come to that point in your
647
00:30:57.519 --> 00:31:00.259
life where you realize the legacy of very important. And
648
00:31:00.279 --> 00:31:02.579
I think we're all conscious of that. But there is
649
00:31:02.619 --> 00:31:06.589
a felt need that starts coming to you the older
650
00:31:06.619 --> 00:31:09.279
you get. And it's a great privilege right now for
651
00:31:09.339 --> 00:31:12.240
Joy to have that excitement and to catch this vision
652
00:31:12.359 --> 00:31:16.940
for Bega and Duga and the four principles is a true, kind, necessary,
653
00:31:17.000 --> 00:31:19.940
and clear. And to see her really take that to
654
00:31:19.980 --> 00:31:23.500
the grandchildren now, it just brings joy to my heart
655
00:31:23.559 --> 00:31:25.339
and to Sarah's heart. And Sarah was the one that
656
00:31:25.359 --> 00:31:28.660
really said, this needs to be done. And Joy took
657
00:31:28.700 --> 00:31:30.819
the challenge and has been running with it. But yeah,
658
00:31:30.859 --> 00:31:33.079
I mean, I think all of us need to step
659
00:31:33.140 --> 00:31:36.049
back and really I think there is that sense in
660
00:31:36.069 --> 00:31:39.150
which some people kick and scream because there's an ego
661
00:31:39.190 --> 00:31:40.750
involved in this. And we have to come to a
662
00:31:40.789 --> 00:31:43.380
point where we let go of that, that we say, Lord,
663
00:31:43.420 --> 00:31:48.640
I'm not necessary, that I'm not the center here, and
664
00:31:48.700 --> 00:31:51.220
that we want to please Christ, that we want to
665
00:31:51.279 --> 00:31:53.440
please him, and then just ask him, Lord, now in
666
00:31:53.460 --> 00:31:55.390
this season of my life, what is it you want
667
00:31:55.430 --> 00:31:57.509
me to do to leave that kind of legacy? And
668
00:31:57.529 --> 00:31:59.829
I think it's important for us to think about that.
669
00:32:00.250 --> 00:32:02.529
Who is it that's going to cry at your funeral?
670
00:32:02.960 --> 00:32:05.069
And those are the people that you need to invest in.
671
00:32:05.920 --> 00:32:07.200
Yeah, that's so beautiful.
672
00:32:07.299 --> 00:32:10.190
And I just love getting to see this multigenerational project
673
00:32:10.230 --> 00:32:12.670
come to light. I can't wait for it to be
674
00:32:12.829 --> 00:32:15.369
out in the world. Joy, where can the listener go
675
00:32:15.430 --> 00:32:17.470
to find out more about Bega and some of the
676
00:32:17.549 --> 00:32:22.170
great pre-release things that you guys are doing and pre-order things?
677
00:32:22.230 --> 00:32:23.750
So I want to make sure the reader has all
678
00:32:23.769 --> 00:32:25.220
the good stuff. Yes.
679
00:32:25.720 --> 00:32:30.529
You can head over to landofnuff.com. And Nuff is just
680
00:32:30.890 --> 00:32:34.150
fun backwards. And I did not realize that until I
681
00:32:34.170 --> 00:32:34.789
was an adult.
682
00:32:35.190 --> 00:32:38.329
I love that. Oh, the lore. It's fantastic.
683
00:32:39.789 --> 00:32:42.910
Well, Joanne Emerson, I am just so honored and thankful
684
00:32:42.950 --> 00:32:44.890
to get to have this conversation with the two of you.
685
00:32:44.970 --> 00:32:47.369
It's so great to connect again. And I just wish
686
00:32:47.410 --> 00:32:51.039
you all the best on this incredible story. It's going
687
00:32:51.079 --> 00:32:53.819
to do so much to equip not just kids, but
688
00:32:53.900 --> 00:32:56.640
moms and dads with principles to think about how we're
689
00:32:56.680 --> 00:32:59.660
communicating and the ways in which we represent Jesus when
690
00:32:59.700 --> 00:32:59.980
we do.
691
00:33:00.039 --> 00:33:01.900
So thank you so much for all your work and
692
00:33:01.920 --> 00:33:02.440
all your love.
693
00:33:02.940 --> 00:33:03.519
Thank you.
694
00:33:03.559 --> 00:33:05.599
Thank you for your work. And we hope this.
695
00:33:05.539 --> 00:33:07.880
Is a children's book for adults as well.
696
00:33:08.420 --> 00:33:08.680
Absolutely.
697
00:33:08.700 --> 00:33:10.140
Yeah, that's what I was just saying. We hope we
698
00:33:10.180 --> 00:33:12.400
entertain the parents, too, because I've read I've read so
699
00:33:12.440 --> 00:33:14.720
many kids books where I'm really bored and I really
700
00:33:14.759 --> 00:33:18.119
want parents to be laughing as well. They will be.
701
00:33:18.269 --> 00:33:21.480
They will be. Well, that's it, listener. I want you
702
00:33:21.500 --> 00:33:22.640
to go straight to those show notes.
703
00:33:22.759 --> 00:33:25.009
You know that's your directive every time because Rebecca is
704
00:33:25.029 --> 00:33:26.630
going to put all the links in for all the
705
00:33:26.670 --> 00:33:28.849
great stuff where you can find out more about what
706
00:33:28.910 --> 00:33:29.970
Emerson and Joy have been.
707
00:33:29.970 --> 00:33:31.670
Up to in this fantastic book.
708
00:33:32.009 --> 00:33:33.910
Be sure also to join us at the All Mom
709
00:33:33.930 --> 00:33:37.609
Does community, allmomdoes.com and allmomdoes on the socials because that's
710
00:33:37.630 --> 00:33:39.450
where you're going to meet other women right in the
711
00:33:39.509 --> 00:33:42.190
trenches where you are trying to figure out all the stuff.
712
00:33:42.230 --> 00:33:44.650
You're going to get encouragement. You're going to be challenged.
713
00:33:44.769 --> 00:33:46.890
You're going to love it. I love it too. When
714
00:33:46.910 --> 00:33:49.069
you come over and see me on Instagram is where
715
00:33:49.109 --> 00:33:50.910
I hang out the most, Julie Lyle's car.
716
00:33:51.230 --> 00:33:52.920
When you come into my DMs and you tell me
717
00:33:52.980 --> 00:33:54.779
about the topics and the guests that you want to see,
718
00:33:55.180 --> 00:33:58.940
we absolutely listen. And so many of you are discovering
719
00:33:58.980 --> 00:34:01.319
that your questions are being answered. People you've wanted to
720
00:34:01.380 --> 00:34:03.779
hear from, we're bringing them on the show. Make sure
721
00:34:03.819 --> 00:34:06.039
and let me know how I can do my very
722
00:34:06.099 --> 00:34:09.039
best to allow this show to speak to you.
723
00:34:09.219 --> 00:34:11.039
And I will see you next time on the All
724
00:34:11.059 --> 00:34:11.960
Mom Does podcast.