WEBVTT
00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:13.839
What if marriage advice didn't have to feel like a lecture or a counseling session?
00:00:14.080 --> 00:00:20.320
But welcome to a weekly coffee date for your marriage that we're calling Wedded Wednesday.
00:00:20.480 --> 00:00:25.679
I'm Pastor Don Smith along with my wife Lisa, and we are right there in the trenches with you.
00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:31.120
And this podcast takes the pressure off perfect and puts the focus on purposeful.
00:00:31.359 --> 00:00:37.600
Our desire is to give you Bible-based tools to work on your marriage, not just in it.
00:00:37.840 --> 00:00:43.679
Each week we get real, we keep it lighthearted because marriage is hard enough without being stuffy.
00:00:43.920 --> 00:00:50.719
We want to leave you with one practical challenge to actually use before the next podcast.
00:00:50.960 --> 00:01:00.479
Whether you're in a great season or barely holding on, I want you to pull up a chair, get a cup of coffee, and let's be intentional together.
00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:08.159
Hey, if you're watching live today, okay, and uh it looks a little different, uh, that's because we're trying something different.
00:01:08.319 --> 00:01:12.319
If it doesn't sound very good, we're still working on that as well.
00:01:12.879 --> 00:01:15.920
So um be patient with us.
00:01:16.159 --> 00:01:18.319
Um be patient with us.
00:01:18.560 --> 00:01:19.920
So we're gonna try new things.
00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:24.640
We want uh the quality of what we're trying to produce to be better and better for you, right?
00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:27.519
Yes, yes, you do.
00:01:29.040 --> 00:01:31.439
So yeah, we're using our new camera.
00:01:31.760 --> 00:01:36.480
We are using uh a new streaming system, OBS.
00:01:36.560 --> 00:01:37.359
What is this?
00:01:37.599 --> 00:01:38.400
It looks like Mr.
00:01:38.560 --> 00:01:40.159
Worldwide and 4K.
00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:41.120
Who said that?
00:01:41.439 --> 00:01:44.959
Devin Dr.
00:01:45.120 --> 00:01:46.159
Worldwide.
00:01:46.480 --> 00:01:47.519
Oh my gosh.
00:01:47.840 --> 00:01:49.280
Please don't feed that.
00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:54.400
That's a longer story that maybe one day we will tell on uh Facebook Live.
00:01:54.560 --> 00:01:55.840
No, no, we don't need to.
00:01:56.000 --> 00:01:57.439
We don't need to tell that.
00:01:57.760 --> 00:02:07.439
Hey, you're gonna get to go uh to my so something happened to me in Miami when we were down for a con a pastor's conference and Lisa was not with me.
00:02:07.599 --> 00:02:11.039
That involves uh Pit Bull and uh Mr.
00:02:11.199 --> 00:02:12.879
Worldwide, if some of y'all know that.
00:02:13.039 --> 00:02:16.000
And um anyway, you're gonna get to go this year, though.
00:02:16.159 --> 00:02:19.280
We're going back to that pastor's conference this year, and Lisa's gonna get to go.
00:02:19.360 --> 00:02:22.080
So I might take you to that restaurant.
00:02:22.960 --> 00:02:24.240
Yeah, that'll be fun.
00:02:24.319 --> 00:02:25.759
We'll have to tell that story one day.
00:02:25.919 --> 00:02:34.319
Hey, I think we can care, we can uh I think we can create a marriage wedded Wednesday from that story, probably.
00:02:34.639 --> 00:02:35.680
Oh, probably.
00:02:35.919 --> 00:02:37.439
Yeah, it could be.
00:02:37.680 --> 00:02:41.680
Anyway, thanks for joining us today on uh Wedded Wednesday.
00:02:41.840 --> 00:02:43.120
Today is a good day.
00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:45.919
We're we're excited about being here, right?
00:02:46.080 --> 00:02:50.479
Yes, and uh we've got some great things for you today.
00:02:50.639 --> 00:02:59.039
And uh I'm gonna have to train my wife to look at the new camera and all those things because it's different.
00:02:59.120 --> 00:03:05.360
And if you're if you're just listening on the podcast, uh we're thankful that you are back each and every week as well.
00:03:05.599 --> 00:03:09.840
And uh, we're just asking that you do a couple of things for us for Wedded Wednesday.
00:03:09.919 --> 00:03:21.280
What we're asking is that each week when we do it, whether you're watching on Facebook Live or whether you're just listening to it on the podcast that comes out after the Facebook Live, that you just share it.
00:03:21.439 --> 00:03:24.319
Share it on the social media uh and all of those things.
00:03:24.479 --> 00:03:25.520
Look down in your show notes.
00:03:25.599 --> 00:03:30.000
There's all kinds of links that you're gonna want to take advantage of for the things that we're doing.
00:03:30.080 --> 00:03:30.960
It'll help you a lot.
00:03:31.039 --> 00:03:38.960
But if you can share this on your social media, it'll help get the word out about Wedded Wednesday, both live and both the podcast.
00:03:39.120 --> 00:03:41.439
Are you excited that it's now a podcast?
00:03:41.759 --> 00:03:42.080
Yeah.
00:03:42.240 --> 00:03:46.240
Okay, this is gonna be like our fifth or sixth episode as a podcast.
00:03:46.319 --> 00:03:50.879
Now, we've been doing Wedded Wednesdays for a long time on Facebook Live, right?
00:03:51.039 --> 00:03:54.479
But many of you know that after 30 days, Facebook Live cancels them.
00:03:54.639 --> 00:03:54.800
Right.
00:03:54.960 --> 00:03:57.840
And a lot of people were saying, hey, we can't go back and get that information.
00:03:57.919 --> 00:03:58.639
It was really good.
00:03:58.719 --> 00:03:58.879
Right.
00:03:59.120 --> 00:04:04.719
So that encouraged us to say, all right, great, we're gonna save it in an audio, put it on Wedded Wednesday as that an official podcast.
00:04:04.800 --> 00:04:08.000
You can get it anywhere uh that you stream your podcasts.
00:04:08.159 --> 00:04:11.840
And uh always make sure you check the show notes, right?
00:04:12.080 --> 00:04:13.520
They want to check the show notes, don't they?
00:04:13.680 --> 00:04:14.080
Yes, they do.
00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:19.759
Yeah, and if you, you know, you can buy my wife and I a sweet tea and a little Debbie snack cake if you want, right?
00:04:19.839 --> 00:04:22.560
There's a link right there in the podcast.
00:04:23.120 --> 00:04:26.720
If you like what we do, it's it's simple and it's right up, it's a link in there.
00:04:27.279 --> 00:04:29.279
You can go to sweet tea, keep him on.
00:04:29.519 --> 00:04:48.160
Yeah, you can also, if you're watching and listening to the Wedded Wednesday podcast, you're part of our church or our ministry, but you'd like you're interested in maybe what Lisa and I do with uh marriage seminars, marriage conferences, you can click on the link there, it's donmsmith.com, and uh you can see what we do with legacy leadership.
00:04:48.399 --> 00:04:51.519
And uh listen, you maybe you can book us to come and share.
00:04:51.759 --> 00:04:52.560
So boy.
00:04:52.639 --> 00:04:54.079
Yeah, oh boy, it'd be great.
00:04:54.160 --> 00:04:55.279
Uh it's all right there.
00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:56.240
It's so much fun.
00:04:56.319 --> 00:04:57.759
But today, say today.
00:04:58.000 --> 00:04:58.319
Today.
00:04:58.639 --> 00:05:03.040
Today, we are going to share a little devotion with you, like we do every Wednesday.
00:05:03.120 --> 00:05:04.480
All right, I got a scripture for us.
00:05:04.560 --> 00:05:05.040
Are you ready?
00:05:05.600 --> 00:05:17.600
All right, in Romans chapter 14, verse 19, the Bible says, Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.
00:05:17.839 --> 00:05:18.079
Okay.
00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:19.439
Now that's in the NIV.
00:05:19.519 --> 00:05:23.279
I don't often read out of the NIV, but uh, I like the way it put that.
00:05:23.439 --> 00:05:26.079
Mutual edification.
00:05:26.319 --> 00:05:28.879
How listen, all right, let me ask you this question.
00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:30.240
I'm gonna ask Lisa a question.
00:05:30.399 --> 00:05:30.800
Are you ready?
00:05:31.279 --> 00:05:32.000
Yep, I'm ready.
00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:33.279
Okay, I don't think you're ready.
00:05:33.519 --> 00:05:35.040
I'm probably not, but probably not.
00:05:35.120 --> 00:05:35.279
All right.
00:05:35.839 --> 00:05:36.959
Saying I'm ready.
00:05:38.879 --> 00:05:46.079
Are you easily irritated by my little bitty quirks and habits?
00:05:49.360 --> 00:05:50.399
Some of them?
00:05:54.240 --> 00:05:55.839
Some and not all.
00:05:57.199 --> 00:05:59.920
Well, it can't be all of them, can it?
00:06:00.160 --> 00:06:01.040
I'm asking.
00:06:01.920 --> 00:06:04.160
If it was all of them, I don't think we'd be married.
00:06:04.560 --> 00:06:06.800
Be honest, be honest, right?
00:06:08.319 --> 00:06:11.839
I think some of them I'm a little more annoyed at than others.
00:06:12.240 --> 00:06:19.040
Or do you think that you were originally annoyed at them, or have I developed new quirks and habits?
00:06:21.279 --> 00:06:25.680
I probably always had a little annoyance about them, but I just you did.
00:06:26.879 --> 00:06:29.600
Okay, 34 or 35 years later now.
00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:34.480
I'm like Or it's like I like you like to tell everyone, oh, I used to make her laugh.
00:06:34.639 --> 00:06:36.720
She used to think that was funny.
00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:38.639
Well, that is old.
00:06:39.040 --> 00:06:40.959
So you gotta have new material.
00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:47.680
You gotta come up with some new jokes, some new, not the same over and over and over.
00:06:48.079 --> 00:06:49.360
Okay, I got a new joke for you.
00:06:49.519 --> 00:06:50.560
Oh, are you ready?
00:06:50.800 --> 00:06:51.040
Yes.
00:06:51.279 --> 00:06:51.600
Yeah.
00:06:51.839 --> 00:06:54.079
What was Bruce Lee's favorite drink?
00:07:02.879 --> 00:07:04.079
That's a new one.
00:07:04.399 --> 00:07:09.680
That's a new one for you, all right.
00:07:09.839 --> 00:07:11.519
That's a little quirk, right?
00:07:11.680 --> 00:07:13.360
Uh let me ask you this, okay?
00:07:13.839 --> 00:07:18.720
So this says, let us therefore, I I like this scripture, let us therefore make every effort.
00:07:19.279 --> 00:07:24.720
All right, uh, to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.
00:07:25.040 --> 00:07:32.959
So what happens inside of marriage sometimes is people tend to get very familiar with each other.
00:07:33.439 --> 00:07:51.439
And some of the things that weren't a big deal at one time tend to be a big deal now, and we tend to not make every effort, okay, um, to bring peace and mutual edification.
00:07:51.759 --> 00:07:56.160
Instead, we just like to sit in our aggravation.
00:07:57.439 --> 00:07:58.399
You think so?
00:07:59.360 --> 00:08:02.639
Um, is it because people like to sit in their aggravation?
00:08:03.040 --> 00:08:06.959
I know, I'm just saying how I don't like to sit in my aggravation.
00:08:07.120 --> 00:08:07.600
Correct.
00:08:07.680 --> 00:08:17.279
Uh how much of a struggle though do you think that um happens inside of marriage over the little bitty things versus the big things?
00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:19.680
More often than that.
00:08:19.839 --> 00:08:31.360
Yeah, so like how many times have we sat down with couples who are struggling and literally looked at the couple part way through the meeting and said, guys, this really isn't a big deal.
00:08:31.600 --> 00:08:31.839
Right.
00:08:32.159 --> 00:08:33.840
But it feels like a big deal to them.
00:08:34.080 --> 00:08:34.639
It does.
00:08:37.519 --> 00:08:39.039
And I'm not really sure why.
00:08:39.279 --> 00:08:44.720
And and sometimes because some things can be a big deal to me, and then but it's really not.
00:08:44.960 --> 00:08:45.279
Yeah.
00:08:45.519 --> 00:08:51.360
So uh sometimes we'll we'll get at the end of a meeting after a couple leaves, we'll just go, Oh man, that was tough.
00:08:51.440 --> 00:08:55.600
Uh, this is a really big deal, and we're not real sure how if they're gonna make it.
00:08:55.759 --> 00:08:56.799
And then they make it.
00:08:56.960 --> 00:08:57.200
Right.
00:08:57.360 --> 00:09:04.320
And then there's some couples we sit down and talk with, and we go, like, this is not a big deal, but they just can't overcome it.
00:09:04.639 --> 00:09:05.840
Do they want to overcome it?
00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:11.600
This is what I'm saying, like make every effort to do what leads to peace and edification.
00:09:11.759 --> 00:09:15.519
All right, so there's some things here that I think are important in the scripture that we need to understand.
00:09:15.600 --> 00:09:18.159
In Paul's day, there were some disagreements among Christians.
00:09:18.320 --> 00:09:19.279
Imagine that.
00:09:19.519 --> 00:09:21.519
Christians who have disagreements, right?
00:09:21.679 --> 00:09:22.000
Okay.
00:09:22.320 --> 00:09:25.360
Uh, and they were about some of the things that were little.
00:09:25.600 --> 00:09:29.679
Um, and in the grand scheme of things, I think they were really pretty petty.
00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:30.320
Right.
00:09:30.480 --> 00:09:30.879
All right.
00:09:31.039 --> 00:09:31.360
Yeah.
00:09:31.600 --> 00:09:36.399
I don't have time to do that today because we're talking about marriage, but there's a lot of people.
00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:47.600
The similarity is how much struggle inside of marriage is really over petty things and not over the major issues.
00:09:48.000 --> 00:09:48.559
Majority.
00:09:48.720 --> 00:09:49.279
I think so.
00:09:49.600 --> 00:09:50.240
Majority of it.
00:09:50.399 --> 00:09:51.600
Even in our own relationship.
00:09:52.000 --> 00:10:00.080
How much how many times do we just really get ticked at each other over something that is just really pretty petty?
00:10:00.399 --> 00:10:02.480
Oh, probably more often than should.
00:10:02.720 --> 00:10:06.960
I mean, I don't I don't think there are any major issues.
00:10:07.600 --> 00:10:08.720
No, it's the little things.
00:10:09.120 --> 00:10:11.120
It's those little bitty petty things.
00:10:11.679 --> 00:10:17.679
Because people don't share what they are with their spouse.
00:10:18.159 --> 00:10:20.480
You know, like the petty thing.
00:10:20.559 --> 00:10:20.720
Correct.
00:10:20.960 --> 00:10:22.320
Like, could you please stop?
00:10:22.559 --> 00:10:23.919
Could you help me more?
00:10:24.639 --> 00:10:28.159
Could you I think we don't ask anymore?
00:10:28.480 --> 00:10:35.279
Maybe there's somebody who's listening today, either on the live or on the podcast, who's saying, All right, give us an example, Pastor Don.
00:10:35.519 --> 00:10:42.799
All right, in the scripture, the petty thing that Paul was dealing with is some people thought you got to be vegetarians, and some people thought you had to you could still eat meat.
00:10:43.279 --> 00:10:44.559
Pretty petty, right?
00:10:44.879 --> 00:10:46.639
But it was a big deal to them.
00:10:46.799 --> 00:10:51.279
And so it was such a big deal, Paul had to write a letter, you know, that we still get to read.
00:10:52.080 --> 00:10:54.720
Yeah, that we still get to read all these years later.
00:10:54.960 --> 00:11:01.039
Um, and I think conflict over these kind of things is very, very discouraging.
00:11:01.440 --> 00:11:03.840
Think about it in your marriage.
00:11:04.559 --> 00:11:10.399
How discouraged can you be over petty things?
00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:15.200
You always leave your shoes in the floor, you never take out the garbage, or you know what I'm saying?
00:11:15.279 --> 00:11:20.960
You you you never help pick up, or you don't do this, you you never wash the dishes, you never, you see what I'm saying?
00:11:21.039 --> 00:11:28.559
It's those little bitty petty things uh that I think can cause marriages to really begin to wrestle.
00:11:28.960 --> 00:11:33.440
Now we're we're calling them petty things, but to that person, it's a big thing at the moment.
00:11:33.759 --> 00:11:35.440
That's a great illustration, right?
00:11:35.679 --> 00:11:37.679
You know, to them it's big in the moment.
00:11:37.919 --> 00:11:40.159
So listen to what Lisa is saying here, right?
00:11:40.480 --> 00:11:42.480
Perception becomes reality.
00:11:43.279 --> 00:11:52.080
Okay, it doesn't mean it is, it just means that sometimes the way we perceive things isn't the complete truth.
00:11:52.320 --> 00:11:55.919
But that doesn't mean it isn't our reality in that moment.
00:11:56.159 --> 00:11:56.320
Right.
00:11:56.480 --> 00:12:01.440
And it doesn't mean that we need to belittle the other person for feeling.
00:12:01.759 --> 00:12:02.159
Correct.
00:12:02.320 --> 00:12:07.759
That's why Roman says make every effort to do what leads to peace.
00:12:07.919 --> 00:12:12.399
And so belittling each other is not an effort to bring peace.
00:12:12.960 --> 00:12:14.000
Never the answer.
00:12:14.159 --> 00:12:21.600
You're never gonna find the solution that you want in the moment by belittling each other.
00:12:21.919 --> 00:12:22.000
Right.
00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:23.440
So let's talk about that for a minute.
00:12:25.039 --> 00:12:27.440
Dismissing the concern or dismissing.
00:12:28.000 --> 00:12:32.879
So dismissing is a form of devaluing their feelings about a situation.
00:12:33.200 --> 00:12:33.360
Okay.
00:12:33.519 --> 00:12:34.399
It's dismissing.
00:12:34.559 --> 00:12:36.000
That's a form of devaluing.
00:12:36.240 --> 00:12:38.480
So someone thinks it's important, you don't think it's important.
00:12:38.559 --> 00:12:41.279
So what you've done in that moment is devalue.
00:12:42.080 --> 00:12:45.759
But why does someone dismiss someone else's concern?
00:12:47.279 --> 00:12:54.720
Because I don't think they're dismissing it like on purpose to be devaluing them.
00:12:55.200 --> 00:12:56.080
Do you know what I mean?
00:12:56.320 --> 00:12:56.559
Sure.
00:12:57.039 --> 00:13:01.279
Uh but to them it's not a big deal, so it's dismissive.
00:13:01.840 --> 00:13:02.399
I like it.
00:13:02.559 --> 00:13:02.960
I like it.
00:13:03.200 --> 00:13:03.519
You know?
00:13:03.679 --> 00:13:05.279
So But this is a big deal.
00:13:05.679 --> 00:13:07.200
In those moments should be to you.
00:13:07.440 --> 00:13:11.120
In those moments when we're being dismissive, we are not being a servant.
00:13:12.960 --> 00:13:14.159
100% of the time.
00:13:14.720 --> 00:13:15.759
Are we being selfish?
00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:16.480
Yep.
00:13:17.200 --> 00:13:18.240
It's not that big a deal.
00:13:18.320 --> 00:13:19.279
You just need to get over it.
00:13:19.360 --> 00:13:23.759
It might be difficult for people to just get over something in a moment.
00:13:24.080 --> 00:13:28.879
What we need to do in these, in these, I think, moments is really look at a truth, right?
00:13:29.039 --> 00:13:36.799
Paul exhorts uh, I think, uh uh the Christians to stop insisting on getting their own way, right?
00:13:37.120 --> 00:13:42.799
And what he's encouraging them is uh to encourage each other in their own faith.
00:13:42.879 --> 00:13:47.039
And so sometimes I think we get petty and nitpicking.
00:13:47.600 --> 00:13:49.679
Ooh, you want to talk about that for a minute?
00:13:50.480 --> 00:13:58.639
How what how big is the temptation sometimes when we're frustrated, especially over petty things, to begin to start nitpicking?
00:13:58.720 --> 00:14:05.600
Because what happens in nitpicking is we we not only deal with the one thing, but we start to include other things.
00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:08.399
Well, then isn't that part of the score keeping?
00:14:08.960 --> 00:14:09.679
Scorekeeping.
00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:11.519
You man, you are good today.
00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:12.799
You're full of all of these things.
00:14:13.120 --> 00:14:22.080
You've been holding on to some stuff that obviously you haven't been able to release, probably because you haven't spoken to your spouse about it.
00:14:22.399 --> 00:14:22.639
Yeah.
00:14:23.120 --> 00:14:35.840
And so these things little things keep coming up perfect from the past, which obviously have been buried because you didn't take care of it.
00:14:36.559 --> 00:14:37.039
I like it.
00:14:37.360 --> 00:14:40.799
And taking care of it doesn't mean sweeping it under the rug.
00:14:41.279 --> 00:14:49.679
Taking care of it is saying, hey, I have to have a discussion with you because this has been bothering me and I can't seem to let it go.
00:14:50.000 --> 00:14:54.159
And that's oh, I think that's great the way you just you just stated it.
00:14:54.399 --> 00:15:02.799
In other words, you took ownership of who you were and what you were feeling instead of instead of in that moment blaming the other person.
00:15:02.960 --> 00:15:06.320
You're saying, I I for some reason I can't let it go.
00:15:06.720 --> 00:15:08.080
And I'm admitting that.
00:15:08.240 --> 00:15:09.200
That's really good.
00:15:09.360 --> 00:15:10.000
That's good.
00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:10.879
I think I'm sorry.
00:15:11.120 --> 00:15:12.000
I'm struggling with this.
00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:18.000
I'm struggling instead of you're you're just not considerate, you're just being a butthead.
00:15:19.759 --> 00:15:21.039
I said it.
00:15:21.919 --> 00:15:24.000
Yeah, you have said it many times.
00:15:26.080 --> 00:15:30.960
I used to say it a lot early on in our marriage, but then we learned not to name-call each other.
00:15:31.200 --> 00:15:32.960
Right, because that's a form of dishonor.
00:15:33.360 --> 00:15:37.039
So dismissing is a form of devalue.
00:15:37.360 --> 00:15:39.600
Name-calling is a form of dishonor.
00:15:39.840 --> 00:15:41.759
Yeah, so I quit calling you that.
00:15:42.320 --> 00:15:45.440
But sometimes the emotions are still there.
00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:45.919
Yeah.
00:15:46.159 --> 00:15:47.360
I just don't say that.
00:15:47.679 --> 00:15:52.559
So devalue, disrespect, dishonor are never allowed in marriage.
00:15:52.720 --> 00:15:54.559
And what happens over the petty things?
00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:57.360
Pay attention to those moments in your marriage.
00:15:58.080 --> 00:16:04.879
You quit saying petty things, because I'm thinking if someone's listening right now, they're going, but that's not petty what I'm struggling with.
00:16:05.200 --> 00:16:06.960
And that's perspective again.
00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:08.399
But that's the point.
00:16:08.720 --> 00:16:11.919
Okay, we're talking about the little things, not the big things.
00:16:12.080 --> 00:16:14.000
Okay, we're not talking about infidelity.
00:16:14.240 --> 00:16:14.399
No.
00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:18.399
Okay, we're not talking about misbehavior, we're not talking about willful sin.
00:16:19.600 --> 00:16:25.360
Okay, we're talking about the little things that I think oftentimes the dishes, the laundry separate hearts.
00:16:25.759 --> 00:16:28.320
You you walk right past me and didn't speak to me.
00:16:28.559 --> 00:16:31.759
Yeah, so that's why I'm using the word petty, I think.
00:16:32.159 --> 00:16:33.600
I'm not trying to clarify that.
00:16:33.840 --> 00:16:36.240
I'm not trying to minimize where people feel.
00:16:36.399 --> 00:16:42.480
What I'm trying to do is say, let's put it in into right perspective in the grand scheme of everything.
00:16:42.879 --> 00:16:44.399
I just didn't want someone to shut you off.
00:16:44.720 --> 00:16:45.039
I get it.
00:16:45.279 --> 00:16:46.399
And I I think that's good.
00:16:46.720 --> 00:16:53.039
I think that's good because we we're not trying to devout or dismiss, devalue what you feel.
00:16:53.200 --> 00:16:58.080
Uh what we're trying to say is we want you to really gauge where you're at.
00:16:58.159 --> 00:17:06.000
And I think you put it properly when you said, hey, I need to talk about this because for some reason I can't let it go.
00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:16.000
And and what you did is you didn't you didn't put me on the defensive right away by blaming me for the thing that you're struggling with.
00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:17.440
And that still might be my fault.
00:17:17.920 --> 00:17:18.240
Okay.
00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:19.680
Most of the time it is.
00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:24.079
It still might be, and that's a that's a truth, okay?
00:17:24.960 --> 00:17:40.000
Uh, but the way when you put it that way, instantly what you do is you endear someone's heart to you to listen and hear versus put them on the defense right away when they because defensivism shuts your ears down, closes your heart.
00:17:40.160 --> 00:17:40.400
Right.
00:17:40.480 --> 00:17:43.119
Well, and it naturally brings your fists up in defense.
00:17:43.359 --> 00:17:45.519
Ooh, you should write that down.
00:17:45.759 --> 00:17:46.079
It does.
00:17:46.640 --> 00:17:46.799
It does.
00:17:47.039 --> 00:17:48.079
Now you're willing to fight.
00:17:48.400 --> 00:17:52.240
Now you now I'm gonna fight because you just said I'm to blame for something.
00:17:52.559 --> 00:18:01.039
And again, over these little nitpicking things that I think oftentimes rob us of the peace of marriage that God wants us to have.
00:18:01.200 --> 00:18:03.200
And I and I think that that's a great thing.
00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:11.039
I think we need to remember that God has called us to um to encourage and build up each other.
00:18:11.359 --> 00:18:16.079
He has never called us as married people to transform each other.
00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:23.039
It's God's job to transform people, it's our job to tr to encourage and build up.
00:18:23.599 --> 00:18:23.759
Right.
00:18:23.920 --> 00:18:31.680
I think most of the time when people read those verses about edifying and encouraging, they think about the body of Christ.
00:18:31.839 --> 00:18:39.279
They think about uh their friends, they think about church, but we don't think about our spouses.
00:18:40.880 --> 00:18:45.599
But our first ministry is to our family.
00:18:45.920 --> 00:18:46.319
Yeah.
00:18:47.359 --> 00:18:53.279
You know, the people that you live with, it's your children, it's your husband, you know, it's your wife.
00:18:53.920 --> 00:18:55.759
We're that is our first place.
00:18:55.839 --> 00:19:07.599
It's not just the people you go to church with or work with, but it's easier to be those things and do those things for other people you don't live with every day.
00:19:07.920 --> 00:19:08.240
Sure.
00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:13.440
Because those people don't get under your skin like the people you live with every day.
00:19:14.240 --> 00:19:20.720
And familiarity brings that that that statement that says familiarity brings contentment sometimes, right?
00:19:20.880 --> 00:19:25.440
Or d uh not contentment, um uh I know discontentment.
00:19:25.599 --> 00:19:26.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:19:26.319 --> 00:19:36.160
Um, and it can it can really cause us to be numb and less sensitive to the ones we should be the most sensitive to and the most caring to.
00:19:36.559 --> 00:19:46.559
And I think I don't know why that's a natural thing that happens in these little things, and I know you don't like the word petty, but in these little bitty petty things, okay?
00:19:47.200 --> 00:19:52.079
It does, it does cause us to be super dismissive and go, it's not a big deal, get over it.
00:19:52.319 --> 00:19:52.720
Right.
00:19:53.359 --> 00:19:57.519
How many times have you told your spouse to get over it and that actually worked?
00:19:58.559 --> 00:19:58.880
Never.
00:19:59.119 --> 00:20:00.640
I don't think it's ever worked for you.
00:20:00.960 --> 00:20:02.000
Not for me.
00:20:03.519 --> 00:20:07.839
I I've never If anything, that is like Yeah.
00:20:08.079 --> 00:20:09.839
See again, I love that phrase that you put.
00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:11.039
You it brings your fists up.
00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:12.160
You know, I'm excited.
00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:13.279
I'm gonna defend myself.
00:20:13.519 --> 00:20:14.880
Yeah, I'm gonna get over something all right.
00:20:14.960 --> 00:20:15.279
Yeah.
00:20:16.880 --> 00:20:18.000
I'm gonna show you.
00:20:18.319 --> 00:20:18.640
Yeah.
00:20:19.039 --> 00:20:24.960
And I I think Paul's words here are very, very important to us uh as married people.
00:20:25.119 --> 00:20:29.519
And that's why I wanted to talk about this today about the idea of being being a builder.
00:20:29.680 --> 00:20:34.880
That's why he says, let us make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.
00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:45.599
And so in those moments where you're thinking something is a huge deal that your spouse doesn't think is a huge deal, that's the time when you think, okay, how am I how can I begin to speak?
00:20:45.759 --> 00:20:52.160
Uh, and you did it so perfectly just a few minutes ago about uh peace and mutual edification.
00:20:52.400 --> 00:20:54.400
And that doesn't mean you don't need to talk about it.
00:20:54.559 --> 00:20:58.559
As a matter of fact, who's not willing to talk about it when you come and say it the way you said it?
00:20:58.720 --> 00:20:58.960
Right?
00:20:59.119 --> 00:21:01.440
Like I'm struggling to get over it.
00:21:01.680 --> 00:21:03.359
It tells me right away you want to get over it.
00:21:04.640 --> 00:21:07.519
Five to one when I start complimenting you and giving you all the things.
00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:09.119
Yeah, I know I know the one is coming.
00:21:09.279 --> 00:21:11.359
Yeah, you look at me and go, Here we go.
00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:12.160
I can tell.
00:21:12.319 --> 00:21:18.960
Yeah, you shut off the TV, you start making eye contact with me because you know that it's something I've been working on.
00:21:19.200 --> 00:21:19.839
Yeah.
00:21:20.160 --> 00:21:20.559
Yep.
00:21:20.720 --> 00:21:25.519
You know, and I'm I don't know where your mind goes if it's like, when did I do it?
00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:26.400
Was it this?
00:21:26.559 --> 00:21:27.039
Was it that?
00:21:27.279 --> 00:21:27.839
I have no clue.
00:21:28.160 --> 00:21:29.519
You have no clue, but here it comes.
00:21:29.759 --> 00:21:31.920
But at the same time, though, it's necessary.
00:21:32.079 --> 00:21:32.400
Yeah.
00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:34.880
Uh, because like again, peace and mutual.
00:21:35.359 --> 00:21:37.119
If we hold on to things, it builds up.
00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:49.200
So, what do I do in that moment is even though I know, okay, the one thing's coming that I'm probably not gonna like, I still let you get through the five positives because I know you've worked on it to get there.
00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:52.400
I think in the beginning, at first you'd go, Okay, what I do.
00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:54.640
Yeah, just like that you could skip all that.
00:21:54.799 --> 00:22:02.079
Um, yeah, and not anymore because I realize that what you're trying to do is bring You're trying to work on your own heart.
00:22:02.160 --> 00:22:05.279
You're trying not to raise your fists and to keep them down.
00:22:05.359 --> 00:22:10.000
And you're trying to phrase what you want to say in such a way that brings peace and mutual.
00:22:11.759 --> 00:22:12.640
I don't want you to be depressed.
00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:19.039
So this is a great conversation, and I realize that it's probably not as cut and dry as we would like it to be.
00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:19.519
You know?
00:22:20.400 --> 00:22:32.880
But at the same time, I think that uh there are some things that can cause us to pause and think for a minute, how hard am I working personally to bring peace and mutual edification?
00:22:33.519 --> 00:22:39.519
And if what I'm doing at this moment isn't doing that, I'm actually working against us instead of for us.
00:22:39.839 --> 00:22:50.640
I know that some I've spoken to some wives before that says they feel like they're the ones that are not doing all the work, but like giving in.
00:22:51.519 --> 00:22:53.279
They they call it giving in.
00:22:53.519 --> 00:22:53.759
Okay.
00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:54.400
Yep.
00:22:55.039 --> 00:22:56.559
For the sake of not arguing.
00:22:56.799 --> 00:22:57.200
Yes.
00:22:57.599 --> 00:23:00.559
And that's not what that's not what we're saying either.
00:23:00.799 --> 00:23:00.960
No.
00:23:01.119 --> 00:23:07.279
It's not about giving in, but learning to express yourself in a way that your spouse can receive it.
00:23:07.440 --> 00:23:10.960
And again, I hope you'll put this on, repeat, and listen to the way Lisa put it.
00:23:11.039 --> 00:23:12.400
So and that was just natural.
00:23:12.480 --> 00:23:16.480
Like I like I told you before, we she has no idea what I'm gonna talk about every week.
00:23:16.559 --> 00:23:19.519
So, but so it's just very natural and the stupid things.
00:23:20.079 --> 00:23:30.240
No, but it I think that's why it's so relevant because it's just real, it's not scripted for you, and that's not what we want Wedding Wednesday to be, is scripted devotion.
00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:31.200
You can do that on your own.
00:23:32.400 --> 00:23:33.680
You you can do that on your own.
00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:35.920
You can go and do a scripted devotion.
00:23:36.079 --> 00:23:37.680
We want to do something that's a little bit different.
00:23:37.759 --> 00:23:39.920
We want to take a point and just talk through it.
00:23:40.480 --> 00:23:40.880
Organic.
00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:44.799
Yeah, and so uh again, what Lisa did was so beautiful.
00:23:44.880 --> 00:23:47.599
Hey, I'm struggling to get over it.
00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:54.240
And there's no blame, there's owning where you're at, but at the same time expressing I need to deal with it.
00:23:54.960 --> 00:23:56.480
Uh, and uh there you go.
00:23:56.640 --> 00:23:58.799
Peace and mutual edification.
00:23:58.880 --> 00:24:01.920
I need you to be a part of what's going on here.
00:24:02.160 --> 00:24:02.400
Right.
00:24:02.559 --> 00:24:06.000
Um, and that's really, really powerful.
00:24:06.240 --> 00:24:06.960
Good job.
00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:07.599
Thanks.
00:24:07.759 --> 00:24:08.720
I'm so impressed by you.
00:24:09.039 --> 00:24:11.200
Good job for you, I'm always impressed by you.
00:24:12.799 --> 00:24:18.480
There you go, if you don't know, if you don't know, this is not Lisa's natural thing to be behind the mic.
00:24:18.880 --> 00:24:19.680
Nobody can tell.
00:24:20.160 --> 00:24:25.039
To be behind the mic or in front of the cameras or or to speak publicly.
00:24:25.119 --> 00:24:28.640
She does very well when she does it, but it's just not her preferred natural spot.
00:24:28.720 --> 00:24:30.160
But I'm I'm so impressed by you.
00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:30.799
That was good.
00:24:31.039 --> 00:24:31.759
Gee, thanks.
00:24:31.920 --> 00:24:32.559
You're welcome.
00:24:32.640 --> 00:24:33.440
Uh thank you.
00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:38.319
Uh, I think that uh today's been a blessing uh for us, and I hope it's been a blessing for you.
00:24:38.480 --> 00:24:47.920
Do us a favor if you're listening to this uh podcast by yourself, um, why don't you find a time when you and your spouse can just sit down and listen to it together?
00:24:48.079 --> 00:24:53.359
And I and I think it's gonna be transformative, just little bitty stuff, you know, we're just trying to be real and honest.
00:24:53.680 --> 00:24:57.519
Um it's not stuff that we have to gone through.
00:24:57.680 --> 00:24:58.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:24:58.400 --> 00:24:59.200
Or go through.
00:24:59.359 --> 00:24:59.519
Yeah.
00:25:00.240 --> 00:25:01.920
And I think it's gonna be super helpful.
00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:07.279
Do us a favor though, you can also, right there in the show notes on the podcast, you can send us a text.
00:25:07.440 --> 00:25:09.119
Um, it says text the show.
00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:09.839
You can do that.
00:25:10.079 --> 00:25:16.559
We would like to hear if there's a particular subject that you'd like us to talk about on Wedding Wednesday.
00:25:16.880 --> 00:25:18.400
That would be that would be awesome.
00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:21.599
And you you can only do that by sending us a text.
00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:25.119
You can it comes right to me, it's not somebody else or those type of things.
00:25:25.200 --> 00:25:28.000
We'll get the message, and I promise you we'll work on it.
00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:29.359
It'll be real good.
00:25:29.519 --> 00:25:31.279
Uh, so thanks for being here today.
00:25:31.599 --> 00:25:32.640
Hey, why don't we do this?
00:25:32.799 --> 00:25:33.440
Let's pray for them.
00:25:33.680 --> 00:25:36.160
All right, all right, come on, pray with us, Lord.
00:25:36.400 --> 00:25:38.880
We want to work on building each other up.
00:25:39.119 --> 00:25:44.480
Or we want to live with peace, ruling in our marriages and our homes.
00:25:44.559 --> 00:26:02.400
And so, God, we pray you give us grace to overlook any faults, to help us make uh each other uh into uh something that you've called us to be together and help make us builders in our marriages instead of discouragers.
00:26:02.720 --> 00:26:05.119
Thank you, Lord, for our spouses, Father God.
00:26:05.200 --> 00:26:12.480
I just thank you that you've uh brought these couples together and Lord that you plan to use them for your glory and honor.
00:26:12.720 --> 00:26:16.640
And the way that they treat each other speaks volumes to the world.
00:26:16.799 --> 00:26:32.319
And I pray right now, Father God, that you teach each and every one of us how to encourage and edify one another, not just our friends or church family, but our own families that you have entrusted us with, the spouses that you have given us, Lord.
00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:36.720
Help us to edify and encourage one another, Lord, in Jesus' name.
00:26:36.960 --> 00:26:37.359
Amen.
00:26:37.680 --> 00:26:39.039
Hey, thanks for being here today.
00:26:39.119 --> 00:26:39.759
Guess what?
00:26:39.920 --> 00:26:42.799
Uh, we are going to be in Florida next week.
00:26:43.440 --> 00:26:45.200
So uh this week we tried this.
00:26:45.359 --> 00:26:48.480
Next week, if we do it, uh and I think we can.
00:26:48.559 --> 00:26:52.799
Uh, it'll probably have to be on our phone in some other location, but that'll be alright.
00:26:52.960 --> 00:26:55.599
Uh, you know, we're gonna be a schedule for the week.
00:26:55.759 --> 00:26:57.200
Yeah, we'll be out of the studio.
00:26:57.279 --> 00:27:03.200
We're gonna be in Florida ministering at one of uh a church that is uh super good friends of us.
00:27:03.279 --> 00:27:20.640
We've been friends of that church for a long time, and so we're gonna be down there on Sunday uh uh sharing all day long at the church, and then uh take a couple of days just to rest and relax while we're in Florida, and uh so uh we're hoping to come to you live down there as well.
00:27:20.799 --> 00:27:22.400
So uh look forward to that.
00:27:22.559 --> 00:27:24.720
Until then, we love you.
00:27:24.880 --> 00:27:26.240
We're excited that you're here.
00:27:26.319 --> 00:27:32.000
Yep, thank you for being here today, and we will see you all next week.
00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:32.880
God bless.
00:27:33.200 --> 00:27:35.680
Bye, have a great day.
00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:13.839
What if marriage advice didn't have to feel like a lecture or a counseling session?
00:00:14.080 --> 00:00:20.320
But welcome to a weekly coffee date for your marriage that we're calling Wedded Wednesday.
00:00:20.480 --> 00:00:25.679
I'm Pastor Don Smith along with my wife Lisa, and we are right there in the trenches with you.
00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:31.120
And this podcast takes the pressure off perfect and puts the focus on purposeful.
00:00:31.359 --> 00:00:37.600
Our desire is to give you Bible-based tools to work on your marriage, not just in it.
00:00:37.840 --> 00:00:43.679
Each week we get real, we keep it lighthearted because marriage is hard enough without being stuffy.
00:00:43.920 --> 00:00:50.719
We want to leave you with one practical challenge to actually use before the next podcast.
00:00:50.960 --> 00:01:00.479
Whether you're in a great season or barely holding on, I want you to pull up a chair, get a cup of coffee, and let's be intentional together.
00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:08.159
Hey, if you're watching live today, okay, and uh it looks a little different, uh, that's because we're trying something different.
00:01:08.319 --> 00:01:12.319
If it doesn't sound very good, we're still working on that as well.
00:01:12.879 --> 00:01:15.920
So um be patient with us.
00:01:16.159 --> 00:01:18.319
Um be patient with us.
00:01:18.560 --> 00:01:19.920
So we're gonna try new things.
00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:24.640
We want uh the quality of what we're trying to produce to be better and better for you, right?
00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:27.519
Yes, yes, you do.
00:01:29.040 --> 00:01:31.439
So yeah, we're using our new camera.
00:01:31.760 --> 00:01:36.480
We are using uh a new streaming system, OBS.
00:01:36.560 --> 00:01:37.359
What is this?
00:01:37.599 --> 00:01:38.400
It looks like Mr.
00:01:38.560 --> 00:01:40.159
Worldwide and 4K.
00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:41.120
Who said that?
00:01:41.439 --> 00:01:44.959
Devin Dr.
00:01:45.120 --> 00:01:46.159
Worldwide.
00:01:46.480 --> 00:01:47.519
Oh my gosh.
00:01:47.840 --> 00:01:49.280
Please don't feed that.
00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:54.400
That's a longer story that maybe one day we will tell on uh Facebook Live.
00:01:54.560 --> 00:01:55.840
No, no, we don't need to.
00:01:56.000 --> 00:01:57.439
We don't need to tell that.
00:01:57.760 --> 00:02:07.439
Hey, you're gonna get to go uh to my so something happened to me in Miami when we were down for a con a pastor's conference and Lisa was not with me.
00:02:07.599 --> 00:02:11.039
That involves uh Pit Bull and uh Mr.
00:02:11.199 --> 00:02:12.879
Worldwide, if some of y'all know that.
00:02:13.039 --> 00:02:16.000
And um anyway, you're gonna get to go this year, though.
00:02:16.159 --> 00:02:19.280
We're going back to that pastor's conference this year, and Lisa's gonna get to go.
00:02:19.360 --> 00:02:22.080
So I might take you to that restaurant.
00:02:22.960 --> 00:02:24.240
Yeah, that'll be fun.
00:02:24.319 --> 00:02:25.759
We'll have to tell that story one day.
00:02:25.919 --> 00:02:34.319
Hey, I think we can care, we can uh I think we can create a marriage wedded Wednesday from that story, probably.
00:02:34.639 --> 00:02:35.680
Oh, probably.
00:02:35.919 --> 00:02:37.439
Yeah, it could be.
00:02:37.680 --> 00:02:41.680
Anyway, thanks for joining us today on uh Wedded Wednesday.
00:02:41.840 --> 00:02:43.120
Today is a good day.
00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:45.919
We're we're excited about being here, right?
00:02:46.080 --> 00:02:50.479
Yes, and uh we've got some great things for you today.
00:02:50.639 --> 00:02:59.039
And uh I'm gonna have to train my wife to look at the new camera and all those things because it's different.
00:02:59.120 --> 00:03:05.360
And if you're if you're just listening on the podcast, uh we're thankful that you are back each and every week as well.
00:03:05.599 --> 00:03:09.840
And uh, we're just asking that you do a couple of things for us for Wedded Wednesday.
00:03:09.919 --> 00:03:21.280
What we're asking is that each week when we do it, whether you're watching on Facebook Live or whether you're just listening to it on the podcast that comes out after the Facebook Live, that you just share it.
00:03:21.439 --> 00:03:24.319
Share it on the social media uh and all of those things.
00:03:24.479 --> 00:03:25.520
Look down in your show notes.
00:03:25.599 --> 00:03:30.000
There's all kinds of links that you're gonna want to take advantage of for the things that we're doing.
00:03:30.080 --> 00:03:30.960
It'll help you a lot.
00:03:31.039 --> 00:03:38.960
But if you can share this on your social media, it'll help get the word out about Wedded Wednesday, both live and both the podcast.
00:03:39.120 --> 00:03:41.439
Are you excited that it's now a podcast?
00:03:41.759 --> 00:03:42.080
Yeah.
00:03:42.240 --> 00:03:46.240
Okay, this is gonna be like our fifth or sixth episode as a podcast.
00:03:46.319 --> 00:03:50.879
Now, we've been doing Wedded Wednesdays for a long time on Facebook Live, right?
00:03:51.039 --> 00:03:54.479
But many of you know that after 30 days, Facebook Live cancels them.
00:03:54.639 --> 00:03:54.800
Right.
00:03:54.960 --> 00:03:57.840
And a lot of people were saying, hey, we can't go back and get that information.
00:03:57.919 --> 00:03:58.639
It was really good.
00:03:58.719 --> 00:03:58.879
Right.
00:03:59.120 --> 00:04:04.719
So that encouraged us to say, all right, great, we're gonna save it in an audio, put it on Wedded Wednesday as that an official podcast.
00:04:04.800 --> 00:04:08.000
You can get it anywhere uh that you stream your podcasts.
00:04:08.159 --> 00:04:11.840
And uh always make sure you check the show notes, right?
00:04:12.080 --> 00:04:13.520
They want to check the show notes, don't they?
00:04:13.680 --> 00:04:14.080
Yes, they do.
00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:19.759
Yeah, and if you, you know, you can buy my wife and I a sweet tea and a little Debbie snack cake if you want, right?
00:04:19.839 --> 00:04:22.560
There's a link right there in the podcast.
00:04:23.120 --> 00:04:26.720
If you like what we do, it's it's simple and it's right up, it's a link in there.
00:04:27.279 --> 00:04:29.279
You can go to sweet tea, keep him on.
00:04:29.519 --> 00:04:48.160
Yeah, you can also, if you're watching and listening to the Wedded Wednesday podcast, you're part of our church or our ministry, but you'd like you're interested in maybe what Lisa and I do with uh marriage seminars, marriage conferences, you can click on the link there, it's donmsmith.com, and uh you can see what we do with legacy leadership.
00:04:48.399 --> 00:04:51.519
And uh listen, you maybe you can book us to come and share.
00:04:51.759 --> 00:04:52.560
So boy.
00:04:52.639 --> 00:04:54.079
Yeah, oh boy, it'd be great.
00:04:54.160 --> 00:04:55.279
Uh it's all right there.
00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:56.240
It's so much fun.
00:04:56.319 --> 00:04:57.759
But today, say today.
00:04:58.000 --> 00:04:58.319
Today.
00:04:58.639 --> 00:05:03.040
Today, we are going to share a little devotion with you, like we do every Wednesday.
00:05:03.120 --> 00:05:04.480
All right, I got a scripture for us.
00:05:04.560 --> 00:05:05.040
Are you ready?
00:05:05.600 --> 00:05:17.600
All right, in Romans chapter 14, verse 19, the Bible says, Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.
00:05:17.839 --> 00:05:18.079
Okay.
00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:19.439
Now that's in the NIV.
00:05:19.519 --> 00:05:23.279
I don't often read out of the NIV, but uh, I like the way it put that.
00:05:23.439 --> 00:05:26.079
Mutual edification.
00:05:26.319 --> 00:05:28.879
How listen, all right, let me ask you this question.
00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:30.240
I'm gonna ask Lisa a question.
00:05:30.399 --> 00:05:30.800
Are you ready?
00:05:31.279 --> 00:05:32.000
Yep, I'm ready.
00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:33.279
Okay, I don't think you're ready.
00:05:33.519 --> 00:05:35.040
I'm probably not, but probably not.
00:05:35.120 --> 00:05:35.279
All right.
00:05:35.839 --> 00:05:36.959
Saying I'm ready.
00:05:38.879 --> 00:05:46.079
Are you easily irritated by my little bitty quirks and habits?
00:05:49.360 --> 00:05:50.399
Some of them?
00:05:54.240 --> 00:05:55.839
Some and not all.
00:05:57.199 --> 00:05:59.920
Well, it can't be all of them, can it?
00:06:00.160 --> 00:06:01.040
I'm asking.
00:06:01.920 --> 00:06:04.160
If it was all of them, I don't think we'd be married.
00:06:04.560 --> 00:06:06.800
Be honest, be honest, right?
00:06:08.319 --> 00:06:11.839
I think some of them I'm a little more annoyed at than others.
00:06:12.240 --> 00:06:19.040
Or do you think that you were originally annoyed at them, or have I developed new quirks and habits?
00:06:21.279 --> 00:06:25.680
I probably always had a little annoyance about them, but I just you did.
00:06:26.879 --> 00:06:29.600
Okay, 34 or 35 years later now.
00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:34.480
I'm like Or it's like I like you like to tell everyone, oh, I used to make her laugh.
00:06:34.639 --> 00:06:36.720
She used to think that was funny.
00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:38.639
Well, that is old.
00:06:39.040 --> 00:06:40.959
So you gotta have new material.
00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:47.680
You gotta come up with some new jokes, some new, not the same over and over and over.
00:06:48.079 --> 00:06:49.360
Okay, I got a new joke for you.
00:06:49.519 --> 00:06:50.560
Oh, are you ready?
00:06:50.800 --> 00:06:51.040
Yes.
00:06:51.279 --> 00:06:51.600
Yeah.
00:06:51.839 --> 00:06:54.079
What was Bruce Lee's favorite drink?
00:07:02.879 --> 00:07:04.079
That's a new one.
00:07:04.399 --> 00:07:09.680
That's a new one for you, all right.
00:07:09.839 --> 00:07:11.519
That's a little quirk, right?
00:07:11.680 --> 00:07:13.360
Uh let me ask you this, okay?
00:07:13.839 --> 00:07:18.720
So this says, let us therefore, I I like this scripture, let us therefore make every effort.
00:07:19.279 --> 00:07:24.720
All right, uh, to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.
00:07:25.040 --> 00:07:32.959
So what happens inside of marriage sometimes is people tend to get very familiar with each other.
00:07:33.439 --> 00:07:51.439
And some of the things that weren't a big deal at one time tend to be a big deal now, and we tend to not make every effort, okay, um, to bring peace and mutual edification.
00:07:51.759 --> 00:07:56.160
Instead, we just like to sit in our aggravation.
00:07:57.439 --> 00:07:58.399
You think so?
00:07:59.360 --> 00:08:02.639
Um, is it because people like to sit in their aggravation?
00:08:03.040 --> 00:08:06.959
I know, I'm just saying how I don't like to sit in my aggravation.
00:08:07.120 --> 00:08:07.600
Correct.
00:08:07.680 --> 00:08:17.279
Uh how much of a struggle though do you think that um happens inside of marriage over the little bitty things versus the big things?
00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:19.680
More often than that.
00:08:19.839 --> 00:08:31.360
Yeah, so like how many times have we sat down with couples who are struggling and literally looked at the couple part way through the meeting and said, guys, this really isn't a big deal.
00:08:31.600 --> 00:08:31.839
Right.
00:08:32.159 --> 00:08:33.840
But it feels like a big deal to them.
00:08:34.080 --> 00:08:34.639
It does.
00:08:37.519 --> 00:08:39.039
And I'm not really sure why.
00:08:39.279 --> 00:08:44.720
And and sometimes because some things can be a big deal to me, and then but it's really not.
00:08:44.960 --> 00:08:45.279
Yeah.
00:08:45.519 --> 00:08:51.360
So uh sometimes we'll we'll get at the end of a meeting after a couple leaves, we'll just go, Oh man, that was tough.
00:08:51.440 --> 00:08:55.600
Uh, this is a really big deal, and we're not real sure how if they're gonna make it.
00:08:55.759 --> 00:08:56.799
And then they make it.
00:08:56.960 --> 00:08:57.200
Right.
00:08:57.360 --> 00:09:04.320
And then there's some couples we sit down and talk with, and we go, like, this is not a big deal, but they just can't overcome it.
00:09:04.639 --> 00:09:05.840
Do they want to overcome it?
00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:11.600
This is what I'm saying, like make every effort to do what leads to peace and edification.
00:09:11.759 --> 00:09:15.519
All right, so there's some things here that I think are important in the scripture that we need to understand.
00:09:15.600 --> 00:09:18.159
In Paul's day, there were some disagreements among Christians.
00:09:18.320 --> 00:09:19.279
Imagine that.
00:09:19.519 --> 00:09:21.519
Christians who have disagreements, right?
00:09:21.679 --> 00:09:22.000
Okay.
00:09:22.320 --> 00:09:25.360
Uh, and they were about some of the things that were little.
00:09:25.600 --> 00:09:29.679
Um, and in the grand scheme of things, I think they were really pretty petty.
00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:30.320
Right.
00:09:30.480 --> 00:09:30.879
All right.
00:09:31.039 --> 00:09:31.360
Yeah.
00:09:31.600 --> 00:09:36.399
I don't have time to do that today because we're talking about marriage, but there's a lot of people.
00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:47.600
The similarity is how much struggle inside of marriage is really over petty things and not over the major issues.
00:09:48.000 --> 00:09:48.559
Majority.
00:09:48.720 --> 00:09:49.279
I think so.
00:09:49.600 --> 00:09:50.240
Majority of it.
00:09:50.399 --> 00:09:51.600
Even in our own relationship.
00:09:52.000 --> 00:10:00.080
How much how many times do we just really get ticked at each other over something that is just really pretty petty?
00:10:00.399 --> 00:10:02.480
Oh, probably more often than should.
00:10:02.720 --> 00:10:06.960
I mean, I don't I don't think there are any major issues.
00:10:07.600 --> 00:10:08.720
No, it's the little things.
00:10:09.120 --> 00:10:11.120
It's those little bitty petty things.
00:10:11.679 --> 00:10:17.679
Because people don't share what they are with their spouse.
00:10:18.159 --> 00:10:20.480
You know, like the petty thing.
00:10:20.559 --> 00:10:20.720
Correct.
00:10:20.960 --> 00:10:22.320
Like, could you please stop?
00:10:22.559 --> 00:10:23.919
Could you help me more?
00:10:24.639 --> 00:10:28.159
Could you I think we don't ask anymore?
00:10:28.480 --> 00:10:35.279
Maybe there's somebody who's listening today, either on the live or on the podcast, who's saying, All right, give us an example, Pastor Don.
00:10:35.519 --> 00:10:42.799
All right, in the scripture, the petty thing that Paul was dealing with is some people thought you got to be vegetarians, and some people thought you had to you could still eat meat.
00:10:43.279 --> 00:10:44.559
Pretty petty, right?
00:10:44.879 --> 00:10:46.639
But it was a big deal to them.
00:10:46.799 --> 00:10:51.279
And so it was such a big deal, Paul had to write a letter, you know, that we still get to read.
00:10:52.080 --> 00:10:54.720
Yeah, that we still get to read all these years later.
00:10:54.960 --> 00:11:01.039
Um, and I think conflict over these kind of things is very, very discouraging.
00:11:01.440 --> 00:11:03.840
Think about it in your marriage.
00:11:04.559 --> 00:11:10.399
How discouraged can you be over petty things?
00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:15.200
You always leave your shoes in the floor, you never take out the garbage, or you know what I'm saying?
00:11:15.279 --> 00:11:20.960
You you you never help pick up, or you don't do this, you you never wash the dishes, you never, you see what I'm saying?
00:11:21.039 --> 00:11:28.559
It's those little bitty petty things uh that I think can cause marriages to really begin to wrestle.
00:11:28.960 --> 00:11:33.440
Now we're we're calling them petty things, but to that person, it's a big thing at the moment.
00:11:33.759 --> 00:11:35.440
That's a great illustration, right?
00:11:35.679 --> 00:11:37.679
You know, to them it's big in the moment.
00:11:37.919 --> 00:11:40.159
So listen to what Lisa is saying here, right?
00:11:40.480 --> 00:11:42.480
Perception becomes reality.
00:11:43.279 --> 00:11:52.080
Okay, it doesn't mean it is, it just means that sometimes the way we perceive things isn't the complete truth.
00:11:52.320 --> 00:11:55.919
But that doesn't mean it isn't our reality in that moment.
00:11:56.159 --> 00:11:56.320
Right.
00:11:56.480 --> 00:12:01.440
And it doesn't mean that we need to belittle the other person for feeling.
00:12:01.759 --> 00:12:02.159
Correct.
00:12:02.320 --> 00:12:07.759
That's why Roman says make every effort to do what leads to peace.
00:12:07.919 --> 00:12:12.399
And so belittling each other is not an effort to bring peace.
00:12:12.960 --> 00:12:14.000
Never the answer.
00:12:14.159 --> 00:12:21.600
You're never gonna find the solution that you want in the moment by belittling each other.
00:12:21.919 --> 00:12:22.000
Right.
00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:23.440
So let's talk about that for a minute.
00:12:25.039 --> 00:12:27.440
Dismissing the concern or dismissing.
00:12:28.000 --> 00:12:32.879
So dismissing is a form of devaluing their feelings about a situation.
00:12:33.200 --> 00:12:33.360
Okay.
00:12:33.519 --> 00:12:34.399
It's dismissing.
00:12:34.559 --> 00:12:36.000
That's a form of devaluing.
00:12:36.240 --> 00:12:38.480
So someone thinks it's important, you don't think it's important.
00:12:38.559 --> 00:12:41.279
So what you've done in that moment is devalue.
00:12:42.080 --> 00:12:45.759
But why does someone dismiss someone else's concern?
00:12:47.279 --> 00:12:54.720
Because I don't think they're dismissing it like on purpose to be devaluing them.
00:12:55.200 --> 00:12:56.080
Do you know what I mean?
00:12:56.320 --> 00:12:56.559
Sure.
00:12:57.039 --> 00:13:01.279
Uh but to them it's not a big deal, so it's dismissive.
00:13:01.840 --> 00:13:02.399
I like it.
00:13:02.559 --> 00:13:02.960
I like it.
00:13:03.200 --> 00:13:03.519
You know?
00:13:03.679 --> 00:13:05.279
So But this is a big deal.
00:13:05.679 --> 00:13:07.200
In those moments should be to you.
00:13:07.440 --> 00:13:11.120
In those moments when we're being dismissive, we are not being a servant.
00:13:12.960 --> 00:13:14.159
100% of the time.
00:13:14.720 --> 00:13:15.759
Are we being selfish?
00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:16.480
Yep.
00:13:17.200 --> 00:13:18.240
It's not that big a deal.
00:13:18.320 --> 00:13:19.279
You just need to get over it.
00:13:19.360 --> 00:13:23.759
It might be difficult for people to just get over something in a moment.
00:13:24.080 --> 00:13:28.879
What we need to do in these, in these, I think, moments is really look at a truth, right?
00:13:29.039 --> 00:13:36.799
Paul exhorts uh, I think, uh uh the Christians to stop insisting on getting their own way, right?
00:13:37.120 --> 00:13:42.799
And what he's encouraging them is uh to encourage each other in their own faith.
00:13:42.879 --> 00:13:47.039
And so sometimes I think we get petty and nitpicking.
00:13:47.600 --> 00:13:49.679
Ooh, you want to talk about that for a minute?
00:13:50.480 --> 00:13:58.639
How what how big is the temptation sometimes when we're frustrated, especially over petty things, to begin to start nitpicking?
00:13:58.720 --> 00:14:05.600
Because what happens in nitpicking is we we not only deal with the one thing, but we start to include other things.
00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:08.399
Well, then isn't that part of the score keeping?
00:14:08.960 --> 00:14:09.679
Scorekeeping.
00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:11.519
You man, you are good today.
00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:12.799
You're full of all of these things.
00:14:13.120 --> 00:14:22.080
You've been holding on to some stuff that obviously you haven't been able to release, probably because you haven't spoken to your spouse about it.
00:14:22.399 --> 00:14:22.639
Yeah.
00:14:23.120 --> 00:14:35.840
And so these things little things keep coming up perfect from the past, which obviously have been buried because you didn't take care of it.
00:14:36.559 --> 00:14:37.039
I like it.
00:14:37.360 --> 00:14:40.799
And taking care of it doesn't mean sweeping it under the rug.
00:14:41.279 --> 00:14:49.679
Taking care of it is saying, hey, I have to have a discussion with you because this has been bothering me and I can't seem to let it go.
00:14:50.000 --> 00:14:54.159
And that's oh, I think that's great the way you just you just stated it.
00:14:54.399 --> 00:15:02.799
In other words, you took ownership of who you were and what you were feeling instead of instead of in that moment blaming the other person.
00:15:02.960 --> 00:15:06.320
You're saying, I I for some reason I can't let it go.
00:15:06.720 --> 00:15:08.080
And I'm admitting that.
00:15:08.240 --> 00:15:09.200
That's really good.
00:15:09.360 --> 00:15:10.000
That's good.
00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:10.879
I think I'm sorry.
00:15:11.120 --> 00:15:12.000
I'm struggling with this.
00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:18.000
I'm struggling instead of you're you're just not considerate, you're just being a butthead.
00:15:19.759 --> 00:15:21.039
I said it.
00:15:21.919 --> 00:15:24.000
Yeah, you have said it many times.
00:15:26.080 --> 00:15:30.960
I used to say it a lot early on in our marriage, but then we learned not to name-call each other.
00:15:31.200 --> 00:15:32.960
Right, because that's a form of dishonor.
00:15:33.360 --> 00:15:37.039
So dismissing is a form of devalue.
00:15:37.360 --> 00:15:39.600
Name-calling is a form of dishonor.
00:15:39.840 --> 00:15:41.759
Yeah, so I quit calling you that.
00:15:42.320 --> 00:15:45.440
But sometimes the emotions are still there.
00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:45.919
Yeah.
00:15:46.159 --> 00:15:47.360
I just don't say that.
00:15:47.679 --> 00:15:52.559
So devalue, disrespect, dishonor are never allowed in marriage.
00:15:52.720 --> 00:15:54.559
And what happens over the petty things?
00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:57.360
Pay attention to those moments in your marriage.
00:15:58.080 --> 00:16:04.879
You quit saying petty things, because I'm thinking if someone's listening right now, they're going, but that's not petty what I'm struggling with.
00:16:05.200 --> 00:16:06.960
And that's perspective again.
00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:08.399
But that's the point.
00:16:08.720 --> 00:16:11.919
Okay, we're talking about the little things, not the big things.
00:16:12.080 --> 00:16:14.000
Okay, we're not talking about infidelity.
00:16:14.240 --> 00:16:14.399
No.
00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:18.399
Okay, we're not talking about misbehavior, we're not talking about willful sin.
00:16:19.600 --> 00:16:25.360
Okay, we're talking about the little things that I think oftentimes the dishes, the laundry separate hearts.
00:16:25.759 --> 00:16:28.320
You you walk right past me and didn't speak to me.
00:16:28.559 --> 00:16:31.759
Yeah, so that's why I'm using the word petty, I think.
00:16:32.159 --> 00:16:33.600
I'm not trying to clarify that.
00:16:33.840 --> 00:16:36.240
I'm not trying to minimize where people feel.
00:16:36.399 --> 00:16:42.480
What I'm trying to do is say, let's put it in into right perspective in the grand scheme of everything.
00:16:42.879 --> 00:16:44.399
I just didn't want someone to shut you off.
00:16:44.720 --> 00:16:45.039
I get it.
00:16:45.279 --> 00:16:46.399
And I I think that's good.
00:16:46.720 --> 00:16:53.039
I think that's good because we we're not trying to devout or dismiss, devalue what you feel.
00:16:53.200 --> 00:16:58.080
Uh what we're trying to say is we want you to really gauge where you're at.
00:16:58.159 --> 00:17:06.000
And I think you put it properly when you said, hey, I need to talk about this because for some reason I can't let it go.
00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:16.000
And and what you did is you didn't you didn't put me on the defensive right away by blaming me for the thing that you're struggling with.
00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:17.440
And that still might be my fault.
00:17:17.920 --> 00:17:18.240
Okay.
00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:19.680
Most of the time it is.
00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:24.079
It still might be, and that's a that's a truth, okay?
00:17:24.960 --> 00:17:40.000
Uh, but the way when you put it that way, instantly what you do is you endear someone's heart to you to listen and hear versus put them on the defense right away when they because defensivism shuts your ears down, closes your heart.
00:17:40.160 --> 00:17:40.400
Right.
00:17:40.480 --> 00:17:43.119
Well, and it naturally brings your fists up in defense.
00:17:43.359 --> 00:17:45.519
Ooh, you should write that down.
00:17:45.759 --> 00:17:46.079
It does.
00:17:46.640 --> 00:17:46.799
It does.
00:17:47.039 --> 00:17:48.079
Now you're willing to fight.
00:17:48.400 --> 00:17:52.240
Now you now I'm gonna fight because you just said I'm to blame for something.
00:17:52.559 --> 00:18:01.039
And again, over these little nitpicking things that I think oftentimes rob us of the peace of marriage that God wants us to have.
00:18:01.200 --> 00:18:03.200
And I and I think that that's a great thing.
00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:11.039
I think we need to remember that God has called us to um to encourage and build up each other.
00:18:11.359 --> 00:18:16.079
He has never called us as married people to transform each other.
00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:23.039
It's God's job to transform people, it's our job to tr to encourage and build up.
00:18:23.599 --> 00:18:23.759
Right.
00:18:23.920 --> 00:18:31.680
I think most of the time when people read those verses about edifying and encouraging, they think about the body of Christ.
00:18:31.839 --> 00:18:39.279
They think about uh their friends, they think about church, but we don't think about our spouses.
00:18:40.880 --> 00:18:45.599
But our first ministry is to our family.
00:18:45.920 --> 00:18:46.319
Yeah.
00:18:47.359 --> 00:18:53.279
You know, the people that you live with, it's your children, it's your husband, you know, it's your wife.
00:18:53.920 --> 00:18:55.759
We're that is our first place.
00:18:55.839 --> 00:19:07.599
It's not just the people you go to church with or work with, but it's easier to be those things and do those things for other people you don't live with every day.
00:19:07.920 --> 00:19:08.240
Sure.
00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:13.440
Because those people don't get under your skin like the people you live with every day.
00:19:14.240 --> 00:19:20.720
And familiarity brings that that that statement that says familiarity brings contentment sometimes, right?
00:19:20.880 --> 00:19:25.440
Or d uh not contentment, um uh I know discontentment.
00:19:25.599 --> 00:19:26.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:19:26.319 --> 00:19:36.160
Um, and it can it can really cause us to be numb and less sensitive to the ones we should be the most sensitive to and the most caring to.
00:19:36.559 --> 00:19:46.559
And I think I don't know why that's a natural thing that happens in these little things, and I know you don't like the word petty, but in these little bitty petty things, okay?
00:19:47.200 --> 00:19:52.079
It does, it does cause us to be super dismissive and go, it's not a big deal, get over it.
00:19:52.319 --> 00:19:52.720
Right.
00:19:53.359 --> 00:19:57.519
How many times have you told your spouse to get over it and that actually worked?
00:19:58.559 --> 00:19:58.880
Never.
00:19:59.119 --> 00:20:00.640
I don't think it's ever worked for you.
00:20:00.960 --> 00:20:02.000
Not for me.
00:20:03.519 --> 00:20:07.839
I I've never If anything, that is like Yeah.
00:20:08.079 --> 00:20:09.839
See again, I love that phrase that you put.
00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:11.039
You it brings your fists up.
00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:12.160
You know, I'm excited.
00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:13.279
I'm gonna defend myself.
00:20:13.519 --> 00:20:14.880
Yeah, I'm gonna get over something all right.
00:20:14.960 --> 00:20:15.279
Yeah.
00:20:16.880 --> 00:20:18.000
I'm gonna show you.
00:20:18.319 --> 00:20:18.640
Yeah.
00:20:19.039 --> 00:20:24.960
And I I think Paul's words here are very, very important to us uh as married people.
00:20:25.119 --> 00:20:29.519
And that's why I wanted to talk about this today about the idea of being being a builder.
00:20:29.680 --> 00:20:34.880
That's why he says, let us make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.
00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:45.599
And so in those moments where you're thinking something is a huge deal that your spouse doesn't think is a huge deal, that's the time when you think, okay, how am I how can I begin to speak?
00:20:45.759 --> 00:20:52.160
Uh, and you did it so perfectly just a few minutes ago about uh peace and mutual edification.
00:20:52.400 --> 00:20:54.400
And that doesn't mean you don't need to talk about it.
00:20:54.559 --> 00:20:58.559
As a matter of fact, who's not willing to talk about it when you come and say it the way you said it?
00:20:58.720 --> 00:20:58.960
Right?
00:20:59.119 --> 00:21:01.440
Like I'm struggling to get over it.
00:21:01.680 --> 00:21:03.359
It tells me right away you want to get over it.
00:21:04.640 --> 00:21:07.519
Five to one when I start complimenting you and giving you all the things.
00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:09.119
Yeah, I know I know the one is coming.
00:21:09.279 --> 00:21:11.359
Yeah, you look at me and go, Here we go.
00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:12.160
I can tell.
00:21:12.319 --> 00:21:18.960
Yeah, you shut off the TV, you start making eye contact with me because you know that it's something I've been working on.
00:21:19.200 --> 00:21:19.839
Yeah.
00:21:20.160 --> 00:21:20.559
Yep.
00:21:20.720 --> 00:21:25.519
You know, and I'm I don't know where your mind goes if it's like, when did I do it?
00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:26.400
Was it this?
00:21:26.559 --> 00:21:27.039
Was it that?
00:21:27.279 --> 00:21:27.839
I have no clue.
00:21:28.160 --> 00:21:29.519
You have no clue, but here it comes.
00:21:29.759 --> 00:21:31.920
But at the same time, though, it's necessary.
00:21:32.079 --> 00:21:32.400
Yeah.
00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:34.880
Uh, because like again, peace and mutual.
00:21:35.359 --> 00:21:37.119
If we hold on to things, it builds up.
00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:49.200
So, what do I do in that moment is even though I know, okay, the one thing's coming that I'm probably not gonna like, I still let you get through the five positives because I know you've worked on it to get there.
00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:52.400
I think in the beginning, at first you'd go, Okay, what I do.
00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:54.640
Yeah, just like that you could skip all that.
00:21:54.799 --> 00:22:02.079
Um, yeah, and not anymore because I realize that what you're trying to do is bring You're trying to work on your own heart.
00:22:02.160 --> 00:22:05.279
You're trying not to raise your fists and to keep them down.
00:22:05.359 --> 00:22:10.000
And you're trying to phrase what you want to say in such a way that brings peace and mutual.
00:22:11.759 --> 00:22:12.640
I don't want you to be depressed.
00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:19.039
So this is a great conversation, and I realize that it's probably not as cut and dry as we would like it to be.
00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:19.519
You know?
00:22:20.400 --> 00:22:32.880
But at the same time, I think that uh there are some things that can cause us to pause and think for a minute, how hard am I working personally to bring peace and mutual edification?
00:22:33.519 --> 00:22:39.519
And if what I'm doing at this moment isn't doing that, I'm actually working against us instead of for us.
00:22:39.839 --> 00:22:50.640
I know that some I've spoken to some wives before that says they feel like they're the ones that are not doing all the work, but like giving in.
00:22:51.519 --> 00:22:53.279
They they call it giving in.
00:22:53.519 --> 00:22:53.759
Okay.
00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:54.400
Yep.
00:22:55.039 --> 00:22:56.559
For the sake of not arguing.
00:22:56.799 --> 00:22:57.200
Yes.
00:22:57.599 --> 00:23:00.559
And that's not what that's not what we're saying either.
00:23:00.799 --> 00:23:00.960
No.
00:23:01.119 --> 00:23:07.279
It's not about giving in, but learning to express yourself in a way that your spouse can receive it.
00:23:07.440 --> 00:23:10.960
And again, I hope you'll put this on, repeat, and listen to the way Lisa put it.
00:23:11.039 --> 00:23:12.400
So and that was just natural.
00:23:12.480 --> 00:23:16.480
Like I like I told you before, we she has no idea what I'm gonna talk about every week.
00:23:16.559 --> 00:23:19.519
So, but so it's just very natural and the stupid things.
00:23:20.079 --> 00:23:30.240
No, but it I think that's why it's so relevant because it's just real, it's not scripted for you, and that's not what we want Wedding Wednesday to be, is scripted devotion.
00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:31.200
You can do that on your own.
00:23:32.400 --> 00:23:33.680
You you can do that on your own.
00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:35.920
You can go and do a scripted devotion.
00:23:36.079 --> 00:23:37.680
We want to do something that's a little bit different.
00:23:37.759 --> 00:23:39.920
We want to take a point and just talk through it.
00:23:40.480 --> 00:23:40.880
Organic.
00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:44.799
Yeah, and so uh again, what Lisa did was so beautiful.
00:23:44.880 --> 00:23:47.599
Hey, I'm struggling to get over it.
00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:54.240
And there's no blame, there's owning where you're at, but at the same time expressing I need to deal with it.
00:23:54.960 --> 00:23:56.480
Uh, and uh there you go.
00:23:56.640 --> 00:23:58.799
Peace and mutual edification.
00:23:58.880 --> 00:24:01.920
I need you to be a part of what's going on here.
00:24:02.160 --> 00:24:02.400
Right.
00:24:02.559 --> 00:24:06.000
Um, and that's really, really powerful.
00:24:06.240 --> 00:24:06.960
Good job.
00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:07.599
Thanks.
00:24:07.759 --> 00:24:08.720
I'm so impressed by you.
00:24:09.039 --> 00:24:11.200
Good job for you, I'm always impressed by you.
00:24:12.799 --> 00:24:18.480
There you go, if you don't know, if you don't know, this is not Lisa's natural thing to be behind the mic.
00:24:18.880 --> 00:24:19.680
Nobody can tell.
00:24:20.160 --> 00:24:25.039
To be behind the mic or in front of the cameras or or to speak publicly.
00:24:25.119 --> 00:24:28.640
She does very well when she does it, but it's just not her preferred natural spot.
00:24:28.720 --> 00:24:30.160
But I'm I'm so impressed by you.
00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:30.799
That was good.
00:24:31.039 --> 00:24:31.759
Gee, thanks.
00:24:31.920 --> 00:24:32.559
You're welcome.
00:24:32.640 --> 00:24:33.440
Uh thank you.
00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:38.319
Uh, I think that uh today's been a blessing uh for us, and I hope it's been a blessing for you.
00:24:38.480 --> 00:24:47.920
Do us a favor if you're listening to this uh podcast by yourself, um, why don't you find a time when you and your spouse can just sit down and listen to it together?
00:24:48.079 --> 00:24:53.359
And I and I think it's gonna be transformative, just little bitty stuff, you know, we're just trying to be real and honest.
00:24:53.680 --> 00:24:57.519
Um it's not stuff that we have to gone through.
00:24:57.680 --> 00:24:58.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:24:58.400 --> 00:24:59.200
Or go through.
00:24:59.359 --> 00:24:59.519
Yeah.
00:25:00.240 --> 00:25:01.920
And I think it's gonna be super helpful.
00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:07.279
Do us a favor though, you can also, right there in the show notes on the podcast, you can send us a text.
00:25:07.440 --> 00:25:09.119
Um, it says text the show.
00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:09.839
You can do that.
00:25:10.079 --> 00:25:16.559
We would like to hear if there's a particular subject that you'd like us to talk about on Wedding Wednesday.
00:25:16.880 --> 00:25:18.400
That would be that would be awesome.
00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:21.599
And you you can only do that by sending us a text.
00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:25.119
You can it comes right to me, it's not somebody else or those type of things.
00:25:25.200 --> 00:25:28.000
We'll get the message, and I promise you we'll work on it.
00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:29.359
It'll be real good.
00:25:29.519 --> 00:25:31.279
Uh, so thanks for being here today.
00:25:31.599 --> 00:25:32.640
Hey, why don't we do this?
00:25:32.799 --> 00:25:33.440
Let's pray for them.
00:25:33.680 --> 00:25:36.160
All right, all right, come on, pray with us, Lord.
00:25:36.400 --> 00:25:38.880
We want to work on building each other up.
00:25:39.119 --> 00:25:44.480
Or we want to live with peace, ruling in our marriages and our homes.
00:25:44.559 --> 00:26:02.400
And so, God, we pray you give us grace to overlook any faults, to help us make uh each other uh into uh something that you've called us to be together and help make us builders in our marriages instead of discouragers.
00:26:02.720 --> 00:26:05.119
Thank you, Lord, for our spouses, Father God.
00:26:05.200 --> 00:26:12.480
I just thank you that you've uh brought these couples together and Lord that you plan to use them for your glory and honor.
00:26:12.720 --> 00:26:16.640
And the way that they treat each other speaks volumes to the world.
00:26:16.799 --> 00:26:32.319
And I pray right now, Father God, that you teach each and every one of us how to encourage and edify one another, not just our friends or church family, but our own families that you have entrusted us with, the spouses that you have given us, Lord.
00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:36.720
Help us to edify and encourage one another, Lord, in Jesus' name.
00:26:36.960 --> 00:26:37.359
Amen.
00:26:37.680 --> 00:26:39.039
Hey, thanks for being here today.
00:26:39.119 --> 00:26:39.759
Guess what?
00:26:39.920 --> 00:26:42.799
Uh, we are going to be in Florida next week.
00:26:43.440 --> 00:26:45.200
So uh this week we tried this.
00:26:45.359 --> 00:26:48.480
Next week, if we do it, uh and I think we can.
00:26:48.559 --> 00:26:52.799
Uh, it'll probably have to be on our phone in some other location, but that'll be alright.
00:26:52.960 --> 00:26:55.599
Uh, you know, we're gonna be a schedule for the week.
00:26:55.759 --> 00:26:57.200
Yeah, we'll be out of the studio.
00:26:57.279 --> 00:27:03.200
We're gonna be in Florida ministering at one of uh a church that is uh super good friends of us.
00:27:03.279 --> 00:27:20.640
We've been friends of that church for a long time, and so we're gonna be down there on Sunday uh uh sharing all day long at the church, and then uh take a couple of days just to rest and relax while we're in Florida, and uh so uh we're hoping to come to you live down there as well.
00:27:20.799 --> 00:27:22.400
So uh look forward to that.
00:27:22.559 --> 00:27:24.720
Until then, we love you.
00:27:24.880 --> 00:27:26.240
We're excited that you're here.
00:27:26.319 --> 00:27:32.000
Yep, thank you for being here today, and we will see you all next week.
00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:32.880
God bless.
00:27:33.200 --> 00:27:35.680
Bye, have a great day.
