WEBVTT
1
00:00:03.379 --> 00:00:05.440
Welcome to the Observatory Podcast.
2
00:00:05.679 --> 00:00:07.710
With your hosts, Scott and LaRae Wright.
3
00:00:08.250 --> 00:00:11.470
Join us each week as we explore living life from
4
00:00:11.490 --> 00:00:20.539
the inside out. Welcome back to the Observatory Podcast. Today,
5
00:00:20.620 --> 00:00:24.620
Rae and I are going to sit down post-sibling reunion
6
00:00:25.239 --> 00:00:28.469
from her family. We just got back from spending a
7
00:00:28.460 --> 00:00:30.649
little bit of time with her siblings and We're going
8
00:00:30.670 --> 00:00:32.909
to talk some about that, some of the insights that
9
00:00:32.950 --> 00:00:35.429
we had, and then we're going to talk about some
10
00:00:35.469 --> 00:00:41.509
information that we listen to in a podcast about cognitive rigidity.
11
00:00:42.469 --> 00:00:45.770
And we invite you to sit back and enjoy this
12
00:00:45.829 --> 00:00:48.689
podcast and listen to it. Let us know your feelings
13
00:00:48.750 --> 00:00:52.869
about it, and don't forget to like and share this
14
00:00:52.929 --> 00:00:57.170
podcast wherever you think people might like it. Welcome back
15
00:00:57.289 --> 00:01:01.659
to the Observatory Podcast with me and my beautiful bass
16
00:01:01.759 --> 00:01:02.469
voice today.
17
00:01:03.810 --> 00:01:08.390
Yes, you're recovering from a little....
18
00:01:10.549 --> 00:01:10.950
Illness.
19
00:01:11.569 --> 00:01:13.750
I guess, feeling less than perfect.
20
00:01:13.890 --> 00:01:16.709
Yeah, feeling less than perfect. This is the second time
21
00:01:16.930 --> 00:01:19.879
in the last month I've had this thing. It's a
22
00:01:20.500 --> 00:01:24.560
cold of some kind. Don't know what it is, but
23
00:01:24.900 --> 00:01:26.340
I just know I haven't felt very good for the
24
00:01:26.359 --> 00:01:28.920
last several days. We just got back from a trip
25
00:01:28.939 --> 00:01:31.609
down to be with some of your siblings. cedar city
26
00:01:31.730 --> 00:01:35.450
utah taking a nice trip down there and uh toward
27
00:01:35.469 --> 00:01:38.290
the end of the trip i started to get sick
28
00:01:38.430 --> 00:01:42.109
again i know runny nose and now it's cough and.
29
00:01:42.590 --> 00:01:44.439
I think it's a big call for you to rest
30
00:01:45.439 --> 00:01:49.280
i think so so because you've been going pretty solid
31
00:01:49.540 --> 00:01:50.280
since the end.
32
00:01:50.219 --> 00:01:53.799
Of august yeah a lot of stuff going on but
33
00:01:53.819 --> 00:01:55.579
it was fun to go visit your family.
34
00:01:55.519 --> 00:01:58.840
It was we um tried to get together once a
35
00:01:58.879 --> 00:02:02.230
year as siblings we haven't the last few years, done
36
00:02:02.379 --> 00:02:07.680
a very good job at it. But this year, there
37
00:02:07.719 --> 00:02:11.159
were three of us that gathered. Everyone else had either
38
00:02:11.219 --> 00:02:15.599
schedule conflicts or life that is just getting busy. But
39
00:02:15.620 --> 00:02:19.099
it was a lot of fun. It reminds me of
40
00:02:19.139 --> 00:02:24.129
the saying that we really don't know what we have
41
00:02:24.169 --> 00:02:29.729
until we gather with those that our first home was with.
42
00:02:30.919 --> 00:02:33.539
And we tell stories and we laugh and we renew
43
00:02:33.560 --> 00:02:37.599
that bond. And it's such an intricate part of our tapestry.
44
00:02:39.340 --> 00:02:41.750
And I just really enjoyed it. We had a lot
45
00:02:41.770 --> 00:02:42.050
of fun.
46
00:02:42.069 --> 00:02:45.389
You know what I thought was different about it? I'm
47
00:02:45.409 --> 00:02:47.550
going to have to cough now and again, so bear
48
00:02:47.590 --> 00:02:53.120
with me. It was, like you said, only two of
49
00:02:53.159 --> 00:02:59.419
your siblings, their husbands. And normally there's more.
50
00:03:00.780 --> 00:03:01.729
Yeah, we're missing three.
51
00:03:01.949 --> 00:03:05.750
Three of you are missing right now. And the dynamic
52
00:03:05.789 --> 00:03:08.270
of it was interesting because it allowed us to have,
53
00:03:08.289 --> 00:03:12.069
I think, deeper conversations with each of the two that
54
00:03:12.110 --> 00:03:16.280
we were with and their husbands. And when there's six there,
55
00:03:16.560 --> 00:03:21.259
six couples, the dynamic, it's not that it's less intimate,
56
00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:23.900
but I think you just don't get to talk to
57
00:03:24.000 --> 00:03:27.460
each other as much one-on-one as we did. And we
58
00:03:27.479 --> 00:03:29.879
got to talk about all sorts of things that were...
59
00:03:31.319 --> 00:03:34.960
Insightful for me. I got to, especially with Delaine and Sid,
60
00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:38.509
I got to talk to them more, be with them more,
61
00:03:38.590 --> 00:03:42.810
see them more. And we were in their home. So
62
00:03:43.409 --> 00:03:45.449
their family was all there. We went and visited a
63
00:03:46.189 --> 00:03:48.330
bunch of their children while we were there. It was
64
00:03:48.370 --> 00:03:48.889
really cool.
65
00:03:49.330 --> 00:03:53.659
It was. I think in any gathering that's larger, there's
66
00:03:53.719 --> 00:03:57.060
just room then for you to be silent.
67
00:03:57.639 --> 00:03:57.840
Yeah.
68
00:03:58.199 --> 00:04:02.199
And no one questions that silence because... you're not really missed.
69
00:04:02.810 --> 00:04:05.169
There's enough to carry on the conversation. But when you're
70
00:04:05.189 --> 00:04:08.710
in a smaller group and you choose to be silent,
71
00:04:08.810 --> 00:04:13.310
it becomes noticeable that you're silent. And so the invitation
72
00:04:13.349 --> 00:04:19.360
to participate is just much greater. And it was just interesting.
73
00:04:19.399 --> 00:04:21.439
Like you said, it's not right or wrong. It was
74
00:04:21.480 --> 00:04:24.639
just interesting. And it was a really good time. And
75
00:04:24.779 --> 00:04:28.000
we had an opportunity to just share with each other
76
00:04:28.019 --> 00:04:30.959
what our lives are up to, what we're doing. Interestingly,
77
00:04:33.490 --> 00:04:37.550
you and I have retired officially. I'm still working, but
78
00:04:38.310 --> 00:04:44.149
we've retired. And Nick has retired. So Jackie was the
79
00:04:44.189 --> 00:04:48.810
only one among us that hasn't. And she's definitely exploring that.
80
00:04:49.470 --> 00:04:52.910
She's getting to that age. But it's so interesting how
81
00:04:54.589 --> 00:04:56.050
what we focus on shifts.
82
00:04:57.220 --> 00:04:59.300
Yeah, as you get closer to retirement.
83
00:04:59.980 --> 00:05:03.579
And you become much more aware and comfortable with where
84
00:05:03.620 --> 00:05:06.709
you are in life, the chapter that you're entering. And
85
00:05:06.769 --> 00:05:10.110
then as we went around and saw Darlene's children, the
86
00:05:10.170 --> 00:05:15.490
ones that live locally, and visited their homes, for me especially,
87
00:05:15.569 --> 00:05:17.879
since you and I don't have children living with us,
88
00:05:18.509 --> 00:05:22.040
and your children are grown, we see them on occasion
89
00:05:23.060 --> 00:05:26.759
to do things with, but we don't have a day-to-day
90
00:05:26.819 --> 00:05:36.019
reminder of time passing. So we sometimes go, was it 2017, 16, 18, 20?
91
00:05:36.019 --> 00:05:39.019
A year of COVID is like a warp year. But
92
00:05:39.730 --> 00:05:43.310
with them, every year is defined because they have children
93
00:05:44.089 --> 00:05:48.870
and they're coming to another age and the events in
94
00:05:48.910 --> 00:05:49.990
their lives are changing.
95
00:05:50.310 --> 00:05:54.759
Not just children, a lot. Because it's children and grandchildren.
96
00:05:54.800 --> 00:05:55.920
They all live really close.
97
00:05:55.939 --> 00:05:57.240
And now they have great-grandchildren.
98
00:05:57.279 --> 00:05:57.879
Great-grandchildren.
99
00:05:57.939 --> 00:06:02.930
And so that definition of their lives makes it much
100
00:06:02.970 --> 00:06:04.730
more noticeable, the passing of time.
101
00:06:05.149 --> 00:06:06.670
And I don't think I had as much of an
102
00:06:06.709 --> 00:06:11.310
appreciation for that with them as I do now. Because,
103
00:06:11.350 --> 00:06:13.769
I mean, someone was always there. Right.
104
00:06:13.790 --> 00:06:18.480
They have several grandchildren living with them. Like I said,
105
00:06:18.519 --> 00:06:20.480
when we went and saw the children that lived near them,
106
00:06:21.019 --> 00:06:23.459
their lives are busy and we saw all the children.
107
00:06:23.500 --> 00:06:25.980
And again, because it was a, such a small group
108
00:06:26.040 --> 00:06:29.519
of us, the interaction then with their children and grandchildren
109
00:06:29.560 --> 00:06:32.889
was much greater because you can't just kind of blend
110
00:06:32.930 --> 00:06:36.250
into the background. You know, you're the one engaging. And
111
00:06:36.350 --> 00:06:39.910
so the, it was really beautiful. It was meaningful conversation
112
00:06:39.930 --> 00:06:41.949
and it has made.
113
00:06:41.930 --> 00:06:45.810
Me conversations with a lot of her grandkids. Right. And so,
114
00:06:46.050 --> 00:06:48.410
you know, I got to interact with them more and
115
00:06:48.470 --> 00:06:51.339
see them more and, experienced them and the dynamics of
116
00:06:51.379 --> 00:06:52.279
their families.
117
00:06:52.420 --> 00:06:55.339
Right, especially the two that were living with them. So
118
00:06:57.220 --> 00:06:59.160
it has prompted me to really think of all my
119
00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:02.550
siblings and their children and just ask myself, you know,
120
00:07:04.089 --> 00:07:07.769
what kind of meaningful interactions. It's similar to the experience
121
00:07:07.810 --> 00:07:09.550
we had when we went with Jackie and Nick on
122
00:07:09.569 --> 00:07:13.300
the cruise earlier this year. And we had such a
123
00:07:13.680 --> 00:07:17.079
more intimate experience with all of her children and grandchildren.
124
00:07:17.100 --> 00:07:17.180
Yeah.
125
00:07:17.740 --> 00:07:21.069
And really got to know Tice and Landon and Boston
126
00:07:21.089 --> 00:07:24.389
and experience them on a day-to-day basis.
127
00:07:24.769 --> 00:07:25.550
Yeah, that was fun.
128
00:07:26.110 --> 00:07:29.230
So I think there's something to be said about that.
129
00:07:29.910 --> 00:07:31.860
Well, we kind of went down this road just to
130
00:07:31.889 --> 00:07:32.519
start off.
131
00:07:33.180 --> 00:07:35.500
But it's not what we wanted to talk about. It's
132
00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:36.639
not where we want to go.
133
00:07:36.660 --> 00:07:39.060
So we're just catching you up on our lives and
134
00:07:39.100 --> 00:07:41.519
where we've been and some of the things we've been
135
00:07:41.560 --> 00:07:47.050
up to. And as we continue the podcast, we're looking
136
00:07:47.110 --> 00:07:51.930
to when Ray and I get together and talk about something,
137
00:07:52.149 --> 00:07:54.850
sometimes it's just things as we're going through life that
138
00:07:54.949 --> 00:07:59.750
pop up. And today was one of those things. I'd
139
00:07:59.790 --> 00:08:03.649
had an experience with sharing some information with someone. And
140
00:08:04.050 --> 00:08:09.689
the response that I got back was one of less
141
00:08:09.730 --> 00:08:15.629
than acceptance. And I wasn't expecting it to be accepted.
142
00:08:16.379 --> 00:08:18.470
I wasn't expecting it to be seen from my point
143
00:08:18.490 --> 00:08:21.230
of view at all. But it was a really neutral
144
00:08:21.269 --> 00:08:23.149
topic that we were talking about.
145
00:08:23.269 --> 00:08:26.089
Well, and you didn't really share anything from your perspective.
146
00:08:26.129 --> 00:08:28.730
You just shared something. A podcast. A podcast we had
147
00:08:28.769 --> 00:08:31.610
listened to this morning that we found interesting.
148
00:08:31.629 --> 00:08:36.049
And let's mention what it was. It was Mel Robbins' podcast. Right.
149
00:08:36.090 --> 00:08:38.340
And her guest was Dr. Todd Rose.
150
00:08:38.539 --> 00:08:39.220
Dr. Todd Rose.
151
00:08:39.419 --> 00:08:43.139
And he's written a great book that is getting a
152
00:08:43.159 --> 00:08:47.210
lot of buzz about conformity and compliance and And it
153
00:08:47.250 --> 00:08:55.210
really prompts the discussion about authenticity and the collective illusion,
154
00:08:55.429 --> 00:08:58.450
if you would, of what is real and what is
155
00:08:59.379 --> 00:09:03.500
really created by the collective, whatever that collective is.
156
00:09:03.799 --> 00:09:08.259
Because we're so connected now with our devices and the internet,
157
00:09:08.340 --> 00:09:11.500
and especially social media, which is what he talks about
158
00:09:11.519 --> 00:09:13.879
the most. I'd recommend everyone go listen to it. We're
159
00:09:13.899 --> 00:09:16.200
not going to rehash the, podcast it was a great
160
00:09:16.220 --> 00:09:20.009
podcast though but um as he's talking about those things
161
00:09:20.070 --> 00:09:23.110
it shows the influence of how you know we as
162
00:09:23.490 --> 00:09:25.669
we get this hive mind kind of thing going on
163
00:09:25.690 --> 00:09:28.289
and we think that everyone's thinking a certain way when
164
00:09:28.309 --> 00:09:31.399
the reality is is the vast majority of people are
165
00:09:31.500 --> 00:09:34.720
not thinking that way but social media leans toward.
166
00:09:34.399 --> 00:09:36.940
That right so his study because he has a think
167
00:09:36.960 --> 00:09:41.639
tank called populace and his study has shown that we
168
00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:44.559
are more similar than we are different yes And while
169
00:09:44.600 --> 00:09:50.490
we may be feeling very divided, that when asked questions individually,
170
00:09:51.529 --> 00:09:56.769
we still have at our core very strong similarities in
171
00:09:56.809 --> 00:10:00.360
what we believe, in what we hold as meaningful. and
172
00:10:00.399 --> 00:10:03.600
important in our lives and so from that standpoint it
173
00:10:03.639 --> 00:10:07.759
was very inspiring to think that while when we watch
174
00:10:07.799 --> 00:10:10.470
the news or we engage in social media we start
175
00:10:10.490 --> 00:10:16.129
to feel very divided that perhaps at our core what
176
00:10:16.409 --> 00:10:19.370
what we really think in private is And what we
177
00:10:19.490 --> 00:10:23.549
want in our lives is more similar.
178
00:10:23.750 --> 00:10:27.379
Right. One of the statistics that he shared on the
179
00:10:27.419 --> 00:10:33.980
podcast was that with social media, that 10% of the
180
00:10:34.019 --> 00:10:38.159
people on social media share 80% of the content that
181
00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:41.629
exists out there. And so 10% of the people who
182
00:10:41.669 --> 00:10:45.070
are sharing all the content, it's leaning toward whatever direction
183
00:10:45.110 --> 00:10:49.110
they want things from their own personal point of view,
184
00:10:49.129 --> 00:10:53.309
it to be. And so our perspective is we're witnessing that.
185
00:10:53.309 --> 00:10:59.059
80% of the content that we're witnessing, seeing, and experiencing
186
00:10:59.759 --> 00:11:04.759
is coming from a very, very small percentage, 10% of
187
00:11:05.139 --> 00:11:06.120
the people who are on it.
188
00:11:06.759 --> 00:11:11.639
And then what that leads to is the choice to self-silence.
189
00:11:12.000 --> 00:11:19.470
Yeah. Because we become... what the 80% are feeling, and
190
00:11:19.529 --> 00:11:20.690
that's just not true.
191
00:11:21.070 --> 00:11:26.509
Right, because we become convinced or we have a perspective
192
00:11:27.190 --> 00:11:30.090
that that 10% is the majority.
193
00:11:30.269 --> 00:11:30.490
Right.
194
00:11:32.269 --> 00:11:36.440
And so with your engagement, you had someone that came
195
00:11:36.480 --> 00:11:37.519
back very strongly.
196
00:11:37.700 --> 00:11:37.980
Yes.
197
00:11:38.259 --> 00:11:40.879
And you could have believed that that was the populist
198
00:11:41.500 --> 00:11:42.700
opinion of everyone.
199
00:11:44.139 --> 00:11:48.960
But it's a very... uh, closed perspective of what it,
200
00:11:49.149 --> 00:11:51.389
what it's all about. And it doesn't mean that that's
201
00:11:51.480 --> 00:11:55.259
right or wrong. It just wasn't open. And so I
202
00:11:55.299 --> 00:12:00.019
was like, Hmm, when, when I, when someone is, what
203
00:12:00.039 --> 00:12:02.899
I wanted to know, and I decided to send this through, uh,
204
00:12:04.039 --> 00:12:07.039
a Google search, actually it was a chat GPT search
205
00:12:07.960 --> 00:12:12.080
that when, when someone is unwilling to hear the opinion
206
00:12:12.100 --> 00:12:16.309
of someone else and they come from a place of, uh,
207
00:12:17.210 --> 00:12:18.769
needing to be right.
208
00:12:19.230 --> 00:12:19.990
Or to defend.
209
00:12:20.070 --> 00:12:23.929
Or to defend. What are the reasons for that? And
210
00:12:24.169 --> 00:12:26.870
it came back and said, you know, people are this
211
00:12:26.909 --> 00:12:30.029
and people are that. They can be dogmatic was one
212
00:12:30.049 --> 00:12:30.850
of the words that they used.
213
00:12:30.870 --> 00:12:31.389
Closed-minded.
214
00:12:31.409 --> 00:12:35.909
Closed-minded. And they may not feel safe outside of that
215
00:12:36.070 --> 00:12:39.690
paradigm and all those things I understand. And then I said,
216
00:12:39.769 --> 00:12:43.149
is there a word that describes it? Besides dogmatic is
217
00:12:43.210 --> 00:12:46.269
another one. But dogmatic is kind of, you know, attached
218
00:12:46.340 --> 00:12:49.419
to religion, it seems, in my opinion, it feels to
219
00:12:49.460 --> 00:12:52.059
me like it's attached to more of a religious way
220
00:12:52.120 --> 00:12:53.720
of seeing and thinking. Right.
221
00:12:53.740 --> 00:12:56.740
So you asked it, is there a psychological word? A
222
00:12:56.759 --> 00:12:59.080
psychological term. A word that's more around the psyche.
223
00:12:59.379 --> 00:13:03.110
Right. And it gave me this one. And it was
224
00:13:03.850 --> 00:13:11.590
cognitive rigidity. And I was like, whoa. I've never heard that.
225
00:13:11.610 --> 00:13:16.220
I'm sure it's been out there. But cognitive rigidity. So
226
00:13:16.360 --> 00:13:21.740
in other words, the thinking, cognitive, cognition, is a very
227
00:13:21.960 --> 00:13:24.100
rigid way of seeing things, and it has to be
228
00:13:24.139 --> 00:13:28.419
seen through a certain lens. So I started to think
229
00:13:29.029 --> 00:13:33.070
to myself, what ways do I have some cognitive rigidity
230
00:13:33.110 --> 00:13:35.769
in my life? Does that manifest for me in my life?
231
00:13:35.830 --> 00:13:38.250
Does it manifest for you in your life? How do
232
00:13:38.269 --> 00:13:39.090
you feel about that?
233
00:13:39.570 --> 00:13:42.620
Well, I immediately, when you said that, I immediately thought
234
00:13:42.740 --> 00:13:47.039
of the work that I do with corporations. And companies,
235
00:13:47.450 --> 00:13:51.169
and even with entrepreneurs, when they start to initiate change,
236
00:13:52.409 --> 00:13:55.990
and people who struggle with change, they really want things
237
00:13:56.110 --> 00:13:59.809
to be very predictable. They want to believe that it
238
00:13:59.850 --> 00:14:03.720
can always stay this way, that my work stays this way,
239
00:14:03.929 --> 00:14:06.720
the way I come to work stays this way, the
240
00:14:06.759 --> 00:14:10.220
way I do my work, the people I work with,
241
00:14:10.500 --> 00:14:14.039
everything stays the same because I then, I can predict it,
242
00:14:14.360 --> 00:14:16.929
and I know what that's like. And so as soon
243
00:14:17.049 --> 00:14:23.110
as change starts to happen, then people become very rigid.
244
00:14:23.809 --> 00:14:27.100
They start grasping and wanting to hold on to what's
245
00:14:27.149 --> 00:14:33.659
familiar because of their own resistance to change. And I
246
00:14:33.679 --> 00:14:36.879
think that's very common with a lot of people.
247
00:14:36.940 --> 00:14:38.639
That's what I was going to say. I think it's
248
00:14:38.679 --> 00:14:43.440
really an innate human nature to want to feel safe,
249
00:14:43.720 --> 00:14:47.370
to want to feel safe. that things are predictable. It
250
00:14:47.389 --> 00:14:50.289
doesn't feel safe that things aren't predictable sometimes until you
251
00:14:50.340 --> 00:14:54.820
get willing to accept things as they are. However they
252
00:14:54.940 --> 00:15:00.039
are doesn't matter. But even then, it's like you still
253
00:15:00.100 --> 00:15:03.120
are going to be disappointed sometimes. Right.
254
00:15:03.179 --> 00:15:06.960
And I think that goes back to, you know, all
255
00:15:07.000 --> 00:15:09.679
the way back as to our childhood. You know, we've
256
00:15:09.730 --> 00:15:13.090
met people who lived in one place, grew up with
257
00:15:13.250 --> 00:15:17.120
family and neighbors and That circle didn't change very much.
258
00:15:17.159 --> 00:15:20.980
It didn't have a lot of movement in it. And
259
00:15:21.000 --> 00:15:25.139
it didn't have a lot of exposure to other beliefs
260
00:15:25.200 --> 00:15:29.259
or peoples. And with that, then people grow up with
261
00:15:29.299 --> 00:15:32.980
a certain perspective or frame that they live in. Then
262
00:15:33.019 --> 00:15:36.220
you have other people, like a military family, for example,
263
00:15:36.779 --> 00:15:39.759
that changes the norm. And children have to make new
264
00:15:39.799 --> 00:15:42.759
friends almost every year that they go to school. And
265
00:15:42.799 --> 00:15:47.470
they're not seen... the same faces, the same relatives. And
266
00:15:47.549 --> 00:15:50.259
so their world is defined by a very different frame,
267
00:15:50.279 --> 00:15:54.519
and they become more accustomed to change. And change isn't
268
00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:58.299
as challenging. It could have challenges for other reasons, but
269
00:15:58.340 --> 00:16:01.750
it is more common in their life than what perhaps
270
00:16:02.049 --> 00:16:06.289
the first example that I gave. So I immediately thought about, wow,
271
00:16:06.330 --> 00:16:10.230
that's just really interesting. This feels like, at the core.
272
00:16:11.889 --> 00:16:17.889
Change, change management, our inability or our comfort level with change.
273
00:16:17.950 --> 00:16:21.269
Yeah. And I think, you know, the fact that the
274
00:16:21.340 --> 00:16:24.759
reason that I became so curious about it was it's
275
00:16:24.860 --> 00:16:27.580
like this message that we sent out on this podcast
276
00:16:27.620 --> 00:16:34.259
was super neutral, right? It's very much just kind of
277
00:16:34.360 --> 00:16:37.330
observing what humanity is doing. It's not trying to make
278
00:16:37.370 --> 00:16:40.509
a case for anything or be right about anything. But
279
00:16:40.549 --> 00:16:43.769
it is talking about how important it is to be authentic.
280
00:16:44.950 --> 00:16:46.610
And the person that I had shared it with took
281
00:16:46.669 --> 00:16:51.750
that word authentic, and every time they mentioned something about it,
282
00:16:51.769 --> 00:16:56.799
they said just authenticity. If it's just authenticity and it's
283
00:16:56.860 --> 00:16:59.419
not this, some other truth that they were attached to,
284
00:17:00.379 --> 00:17:03.940
then it was kind of discounting what being authentic was.
285
00:17:04.740 --> 00:17:09.190
And why that is, I'm not sure. I'm sure this
286
00:17:09.450 --> 00:17:15.509
person has their reasons for that. But it's being afraid
287
00:17:15.589 --> 00:17:21.029
of being authentic, being afraid of being yourself, being afraid
288
00:17:21.089 --> 00:17:25.859
of being who you feel that you are within you.
289
00:17:25.880 --> 00:17:29.759
I mean, that's one of the main broad topics that
290
00:17:29.799 --> 00:17:32.859
we're discussing constantly in this day and age right now.
291
00:17:33.119 --> 00:17:37.750
Right, and... you know, it's one of those examples of
292
00:17:37.829 --> 00:17:41.630
words matter. And so maybe understanding what authenticity means to
293
00:17:41.670 --> 00:17:44.869
that person, it would be a really good question to ask.
294
00:17:45.609 --> 00:17:49.230
Because in the podcast, it defined it very broadly that
295
00:17:49.380 --> 00:17:54.220
authenticity is showing up as who you are in that moment.
296
00:17:54.299 --> 00:17:58.619
It is very much about the present moment. So for example,
297
00:17:59.220 --> 00:18:04.539
if I grew up one way and I have changed
298
00:18:04.700 --> 00:18:08.440
or I don't prescribe to something, but I show up
299
00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:14.240
and pretend to be still that way. I'm not being authentic.
300
00:18:14.619 --> 00:18:18.099
They started off with a great example of Mel who
301
00:18:18.160 --> 00:18:20.839
said that for health reasons, she has really cut back
302
00:18:20.900 --> 00:18:23.660
on alcohol. And so she went to dinner and she was,
303
00:18:23.880 --> 00:18:26.769
you know, before she went in, she was thinking, you know,
304
00:18:26.789 --> 00:18:29.789
I don't want to have any alcohol tonight. But as
305
00:18:29.849 --> 00:18:32.789
soon as someone asked her, oh, do you want to
306
00:18:32.829 --> 00:18:35.769
have a drink? She kind of caved and said, sure,
307
00:18:36.210 --> 00:18:40.609
and then wondered why she couldn't stay in that belief
308
00:18:40.809 --> 00:18:44.130
of like, oh, why didn't I just say that, you know,
309
00:18:44.569 --> 00:18:47.400
I'm not drinking right now. I've decided to cut back.
310
00:18:47.759 --> 00:18:51.299
Whatever would have been the right answer. But she conformed.
311
00:18:52.039 --> 00:18:53.700
Meaning a social norm or whatever reason.
312
00:18:53.720 --> 00:18:56.039
Right, being a social norm or, you know, just not wanting,
313
00:18:56.319 --> 00:18:57.680
and we do it for a lot of reasons. We
314
00:18:57.700 --> 00:18:59.819
don't want someone else to feel bad. We don't want
315
00:18:59.880 --> 00:19:02.599
them to think, you know, whether it's drinking or it's,
316
00:19:02.839 --> 00:19:08.609
you know, paying the bill or, you know, giving, you know, anything.
317
00:19:09.140 --> 00:19:12.589
You know, if you think about your life, there's almost
318
00:19:12.670 --> 00:19:16.230
daily we come across things that we think, oh, I
319
00:19:16.269 --> 00:19:18.589
just gave in and did that, even though I either
320
00:19:18.609 --> 00:19:21.039
didn't want to or I don't believe in it. but
321
00:19:21.140 --> 00:19:23.720
it's just kind of keeping the peace, right? Not stirring
322
00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:28.539
the pot. And this podcast really talked about the importance
323
00:19:28.599 --> 00:19:33.059
of authenticity because it brings us to our present self
324
00:19:33.420 --> 00:19:35.359
all the time with one another.
325
00:19:35.380 --> 00:19:42.789
Right. So going back again to cognitive rigidity, I was
326
00:19:42.829 --> 00:19:45.410
trying to see where are the places in my life
327
00:19:45.450 --> 00:19:51.180
where I am resistant? I have cognitive rigidity or less
328
00:19:51.240 --> 00:19:54.079
of a willingness to change and my views about things
329
00:19:54.160 --> 00:19:57.980
and it's it's I've talked about this on other podcasts
330
00:19:58.019 --> 00:20:01.130
about not making the thing the thing in whatever way
331
00:20:01.190 --> 00:20:04.589
that that comes up each person has things that they're
332
00:20:04.609 --> 00:20:07.470
drawn to and things that that tend to resonate with
333
00:20:07.509 --> 00:20:10.750
them and that may be your religion or It may
334
00:20:10.809 --> 00:20:14.089
be your way of seeing the world. It may be
335
00:20:15.089 --> 00:20:20.109
things that you think about your political party. Lots of
336
00:20:20.190 --> 00:20:24.390
different ways for us to see that and become cognitively
337
00:20:24.549 --> 00:20:28.109
rigid about the way we see things because we feel
338
00:20:28.170 --> 00:20:31.029
like that's the direction that things need to go. And
339
00:20:31.430 --> 00:20:34.390
I think that's okay as long as you feel like
340
00:20:34.430 --> 00:20:36.950
that's the way things need to go for you and
341
00:20:36.990 --> 00:20:40.200
not everyone. That's when we start to run into problems
342
00:20:40.220 --> 00:20:41.960
is when you think that that's the way it needs
343
00:20:42.000 --> 00:20:44.059
to go for everyone. Right.
344
00:20:44.619 --> 00:20:46.880
Well, and it was even small things this weekend with
345
00:20:46.920 --> 00:20:51.039
my siblings. I was showing, my sister had asked if
346
00:20:51.099 --> 00:20:54.460
I would make sourdough bread for the, she was the
347
00:20:54.509 --> 00:20:57.609
only one that didn't make it. And so I said, sure.
348
00:20:57.630 --> 00:21:01.230
And I had my recipe and I was interacting with
349
00:21:01.269 --> 00:21:04.869
Jackie because she makes sourdough bread. You had your start.
350
00:21:05.539 --> 00:21:08.420
I had my starter and my scale. And so I'm
351
00:21:08.480 --> 00:21:10.529
explaining it all based on the rules.
352
00:21:10.769 --> 00:21:11.450
Soup and bread.
353
00:21:11.750 --> 00:21:14.569
You know, soup and bread. But I'm still explaining it
354
00:21:14.609 --> 00:21:17.710
based on this many grams and this and that. And
355
00:21:18.250 --> 00:21:20.170
I said, you know, Jackie, is this similar to what
356
00:21:20.230 --> 00:21:24.589
you do? And her answer was very different. She said, oh,
357
00:21:24.730 --> 00:21:26.309
I just kind of eyeball it.
358
00:21:26.630 --> 00:21:27.990
Yeah. It was great.
359
00:21:28.430 --> 00:21:31.799
And my sister said, oh, you know, kind of how
360
00:21:31.839 --> 00:21:34.779
do you do that? Because it was becoming a little overwhelming.
361
00:21:34.799 --> 00:21:34.880
Yeah.
362
00:21:35.529 --> 00:21:38.849
For my older sister to have like the scale and
363
00:21:39.430 --> 00:21:41.839
kind of my rules approach to it. And she's like, oh,
364
00:21:41.880 --> 00:21:42.910
I don't know if I'm going to be able to
365
00:21:42.970 --> 00:21:46.720
do this. And then to have this really other extreme
366
00:21:46.819 --> 00:21:49.079
end of it where my sister Jackie said, yeah, I
367
00:21:49.079 --> 00:21:50.359
make it all the time and I just kind of
368
00:21:50.380 --> 00:21:54.420
eyeball it. And so now the truth, it lies somewhere
369
00:21:54.859 --> 00:22:01.289
between me and my recipe and Jackie and her ability
370
00:22:01.329 --> 00:22:03.690
to eyeball it. And both of us make bread that
371
00:22:03.730 --> 00:22:08.299
turn out Amazing and beautiful. So the result is not different.
372
00:22:08.460 --> 00:22:11.880
It's the way we're approaching it. And I started to
373
00:22:12.009 --> 00:22:18.829
notice that I needed permission to step away from the recipe.
374
00:22:20.769 --> 00:22:22.349
Step away from the recipe.
375
00:22:22.410 --> 00:22:25.990
I love that. And so that's cognitive rigidity, right?
376
00:22:26.009 --> 00:22:26.529
Absolutely.
377
00:22:26.549 --> 00:22:29.829
Because here I am believing that the only way I
378
00:22:29.890 --> 00:22:34.369
can have it turn out right is is by following
379
00:22:34.410 --> 00:22:38.410
the recipe. But yet here's another living example of someone
380
00:22:38.430 --> 00:22:41.670
who eyeballs it and it turns out right all the time.
381
00:22:42.490 --> 00:22:46.069
So the approach is not, both approaches work.
382
00:22:47.430 --> 00:22:53.420
I'm just having an epiphany again. You know, as you're talking,
383
00:22:53.460 --> 00:22:55.740
I'm just sitting here and I'm like, well, this is
384
00:22:56.160 --> 00:22:59.220
what happens to me in music because there are a
385
00:22:59.240 --> 00:23:02.259
lot of people who are, in that rigid space of
386
00:23:02.319 --> 00:23:04.200
how they play music and how it shows up and
387
00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:06.059
it needs to be this and it needs to be perfect.
388
00:23:06.519 --> 00:23:08.759
And I'm pretty much the polar opposite of that.
389
00:23:09.579 --> 00:23:12.539
Well, you know, and it doesn't make anyone wrong. What
390
00:23:12.599 --> 00:23:15.519
happened is that kind of kept being the theme. We
391
00:23:15.559 --> 00:23:19.039
then talked about going through things, you know, like, okay,
392
00:23:19.420 --> 00:23:24.200
we're all trying to downsize, downscale, clean out closets and garages.
393
00:23:24.839 --> 00:23:28.740
And so we were talking about the need to go
394
00:23:28.779 --> 00:23:32.460
through things. before things are donated or given away or
395
00:23:32.480 --> 00:23:38.470
thrown away. And there was another theme there. And I said,
396
00:23:38.670 --> 00:23:42.630
I have a really hard time. Things that are still
397
00:23:42.670 --> 00:23:46.470
very useful, I have a super hard time giving them
398
00:23:46.509 --> 00:23:50.269
away without first checking with everyone else in my family
399
00:23:50.289 --> 00:23:55.099
to see if someone in the family needs it. And
400
00:23:56.500 --> 00:24:00.160
that puts a lot of pressure on me to do that. Because,
401
00:24:00.759 --> 00:24:04.640
you know, I, it takes coordination, it takes effort, if
402
00:24:04.680 --> 00:24:07.009
people aren't getting back to me, and I need to
403
00:24:07.049 --> 00:24:09.569
get it done. And I said, I just really need
404
00:24:09.609 --> 00:24:12.730
permission to say, if anyone in the family needed anything,
405
00:24:12.750 --> 00:24:15.230
that let me know. And I can just give this
406
00:24:15.269 --> 00:24:19.930
stuff away. But again, there was that permission thing. And
407
00:24:20.359 --> 00:24:24.279
my sister Jackie had the same thing. She said, you know,
408
00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:26.460
it's hard for her to give things away. She wants
409
00:24:26.519 --> 00:24:28.240
to give it to someone she knows is going to
410
00:24:28.400 --> 00:24:31.089
use it and care for it. And even though she
411
00:24:31.119 --> 00:24:34.970
doesn't use it still. So it was really fascinating. And again,
412
00:24:35.109 --> 00:24:37.470
all of this is, all of these are examples of
413
00:24:37.529 --> 00:24:41.009
that cognitive rigidity, right? Yeah. That we're rigid in the
414
00:24:41.049 --> 00:24:44.609
way we're thinking, which is limiting us. And it's also
415
00:24:44.650 --> 00:24:48.869
bringing pain to us. Now it's not pain like torture
416
00:24:48.950 --> 00:24:53.619
or trauma, but it, it limits just how easy we
417
00:24:53.660 --> 00:24:55.700
move through the world on a day to day basis.
418
00:24:56.660 --> 00:24:59.609
You know what I found fascinating is that, um, You
419
00:24:59.730 --> 00:25:03.289
and Jackie, your sister Jackie, are both kind of in
420
00:25:03.329 --> 00:25:06.190
that same place where you want to be able to
421
00:25:06.230 --> 00:25:09.190
go through everything before you give it all away. And
422
00:25:09.269 --> 00:25:11.670
her husband, Nick, and I are in the same place
423
00:25:11.710 --> 00:25:14.130
where we're ready to back a truck up, put everything
424
00:25:14.190 --> 00:25:15.210
in it, and take it away.
425
00:25:15.230 --> 00:25:20.349
But there could be one thing that is meaningful.
426
00:25:21.150 --> 00:25:26.029
I understand the reasoning. But then there's Delene and Sid, Delene,
427
00:25:26.069 --> 00:25:29.650
your sister, who she's with. Me and Nick on that.
428
00:25:29.890 --> 00:25:30.109
Right.
429
00:25:30.410 --> 00:25:33.130
And Sid is the other one. Now Sid is the
430
00:25:33.210 --> 00:25:35.190
one that's doing it like you. He wants to go
431
00:25:35.210 --> 00:25:35.900
through everything. Right.
432
00:25:35.960 --> 00:25:37.559
He doesn't want to lose a treasure.
433
00:25:37.720 --> 00:25:41.119
Right. So this isn't necessarily a family thing. No. It
434
00:25:41.160 --> 00:25:44.019
was a learned behavior that all your sisters are this way.
435
00:25:44.299 --> 00:25:44.599
Right.
436
00:25:45.019 --> 00:25:48.650
And your brother. But it's each individual sees it that way.
437
00:25:48.670 --> 00:25:52.109
And it's interesting because it seems to be one or
438
00:25:52.150 --> 00:25:52.490
the other.
439
00:25:53.029 --> 00:25:56.809
So coming full circle then is, It has nothing to
440
00:25:56.869 --> 00:26:06.839
do with how we live our lives, our belief structure.
441
00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:09.099
It's more the way you show up, right?
442
00:26:09.279 --> 00:26:09.480
Right.
443
00:26:09.680 --> 00:26:12.099
And so for us showing up in our daily lives,
444
00:26:12.140 --> 00:26:15.589
daily chores, daily tasks, or how you show up in music,
445
00:26:15.650 --> 00:26:22.150
like you said. So that cognitive rigidity can really prevent
446
00:26:22.190 --> 00:26:27.980
you from showing up And experiencing more joy. Openness. Openness,
447
00:26:28.180 --> 00:26:31.740
receptivity to others, curiosity to others.
448
00:26:32.079 --> 00:26:32.400
Joy.
449
00:26:32.420 --> 00:26:35.839
Yeah, I said that from the beginning, right? Joy. And
450
00:26:35.880 --> 00:26:37.609
just what does that mean?
451
00:26:37.619 --> 00:26:41.630
Being okay with it not showing up the way you
452
00:26:41.670 --> 00:26:42.349
expect it to.
453
00:26:42.809 --> 00:26:46.089
Right, because when I was making the sourdough bread, and
454
00:26:46.369 --> 00:26:48.190
Jackie was like, well, just put a little more water
455
00:26:48.250 --> 00:26:54.079
in it. My hands almost started to shake. To imagine,
456
00:26:54.220 --> 00:26:57.799
because I thought, what if I ruin the starter and
457
00:26:57.859 --> 00:27:01.009
then we ruin the bread and we're having this expectation
458
00:27:01.049 --> 00:27:02.289
of bread with soup for dinner?
459
00:27:02.529 --> 00:27:02.730
Right.
460
00:27:03.349 --> 00:27:06.849
And so all of that had like a downward... The story,
461
00:27:07.170 --> 00:27:10.470
the spiral. A downward impact, right? So now think of something,
462
00:27:10.490 --> 00:27:15.789
here's a person in life that has that downward spiral about, well,
463
00:27:15.829 --> 00:27:18.390
this is why I do this so that at the
464
00:27:18.450 --> 00:27:21.190
end of my life, I have this. And then that
465
00:27:21.230 --> 00:27:24.190
guarantees this or that or this. So we all have
466
00:27:24.230 --> 00:27:29.269
that sort of downstream impact in our lives if what
467
00:27:29.309 --> 00:27:33.509
I'm doing right now doesn't stay as I want it to.
468
00:27:35.150 --> 00:27:38.359
And I think that's the unknown. And that's the degree
469
00:27:38.390 --> 00:27:44.039
of safety that comes in our story that we say
470
00:27:44.079 --> 00:27:46.700
this is life. And then when change comes, all of
471
00:27:46.759 --> 00:27:50.869
that starts to become That's the degree of unknown. It
472
00:27:50.930 --> 00:27:54.490
starts to shift. And people are, you know, it's like, well,
473
00:27:55.089 --> 00:27:57.309
I don't know if I can make bread without a recipe.
474
00:27:59.930 --> 00:28:02.309
You know, Jackie, I think I could blindfold her and
475
00:28:02.329 --> 00:28:04.970
she probably could make bread. Now there's a part of
476
00:28:04.990 --> 00:28:08.099
me that would love to have that level of intuition
477
00:28:08.740 --> 00:28:11.460
and trust myself just to do that. And I thought,
478
00:28:11.519 --> 00:28:16.130
I'm going to start trying that. eyeballing it and seeing
479
00:28:16.470 --> 00:28:19.329
and just that's a next step for me to be
480
00:28:19.890 --> 00:28:23.329
liberated to that level.
481
00:28:24.650 --> 00:28:27.670
Well it's interesting as we're talking about this because you
482
00:28:27.710 --> 00:28:30.150
know you go back to the teachings of buddhism and
483
00:28:30.190 --> 00:28:34.150
eastern philosophies and they talk about how we create our
484
00:28:34.210 --> 00:28:36.720
own suffering this is how we do.
485
00:28:36.619 --> 00:28:39.740
It right and i would never think making bread makes
486
00:28:39.799 --> 00:28:44.259
me suffer but like i said making it Someone else's
487
00:28:44.319 --> 00:28:46.099
way other than my own might.
488
00:28:46.119 --> 00:28:48.500
If you're feeling anxious, are you suffering?
489
00:28:48.900 --> 00:28:52.559
Yeah, that's what I said. And yet at the same time,
490
00:28:52.660 --> 00:28:58.000
her way feels so liberating, right? Like, oh, all I
491
00:28:58.039 --> 00:29:00.700
need are just these three ingredients. I don't need a scale.
492
00:29:00.829 --> 00:29:03.670
I don't need a measuring cup. In fact, I loved
493
00:29:03.910 --> 00:29:08.410
how Sid, my brother-in-law, said his mother had this yellow cup.
494
00:29:09.569 --> 00:29:10.430
Do you remember this story?
495
00:29:10.450 --> 00:29:10.869
No.
496
00:29:11.509 --> 00:29:13.910
He said she had this yellow cup in the cupboard,
497
00:29:14.670 --> 00:29:17.250
and it was the only cup she used for baking.
498
00:29:18.289 --> 00:29:22.269
So whether the recipe was a cup, a half a cup, two-thirds, three-fourths,
499
00:29:22.630 --> 00:29:23.470
she had one cup.
500
00:29:23.769 --> 00:29:25.039
She was always using the same one.
501
00:29:25.049 --> 00:29:28.990
And she was always using the same one, estimating those measurements. Wow.
502
00:29:29.450 --> 00:29:32.279
And then all of a sudden, her daughter goes to
503
00:29:32.279 --> 00:29:35.329
Home Ec and comes home, and now they've got to
504
00:29:35.329 --> 00:29:39.970
buy like all these tools this set of measuring cups
505
00:29:40.019 --> 00:29:44.339
of cups now there's five cups instead of lenore's one
506
00:29:44.400 --> 00:29:47.720
cup and then there's these five spoons and he said
507
00:29:47.759 --> 00:29:50.279
you know she took out of the her kitchen drawer
508
00:29:50.319 --> 00:29:53.200
and what the spoon they ate with was the teaspoon
509
00:29:53.380 --> 00:29:56.099
and the bigger spoon you know so all of a
510
00:29:56.140 --> 00:30:02.640
sudden Different definitions were making things more cognitive. It was
511
00:30:02.779 --> 00:30:05.960
building rigidity. And maybe this is part of the illusion.
512
00:30:07.630 --> 00:30:09.329
Maybe. Absolutely.
513
00:30:10.690 --> 00:30:12.630
That all of a sudden it has to be more
514
00:30:12.670 --> 00:30:14.829
black and white. It has to be more defined. It
515
00:30:14.849 --> 00:30:20.089
has to be more sure and less absolute versus estimated.
516
00:30:20.349 --> 00:30:22.329
But the one cup won't work anymore.
517
00:30:22.549 --> 00:30:26.769
It doesn't feel safe for some of us when it's not.
518
00:30:27.619 --> 00:30:33.890
spelled out and for others of us it feels as
519
00:30:34.069 --> 00:30:37.910
the word you used was liberating when we can allow
520
00:30:37.970 --> 00:30:43.059
ourselves to just be present with what is estimating is
521
00:30:43.180 --> 00:30:51.299
okay guessing is okay non-perfection is okay the playing of
522
00:30:51.380 --> 00:30:56.549
music which is where I have gone in a way
523
00:30:56.609 --> 00:31:00.019
that's Not perfect. Absolutely not perfect.
524
00:31:01.019 --> 00:31:04.859
Well, I think it's because you're using more completely your
525
00:31:04.880 --> 00:31:09.500
other senses. I think, you know, Jackie, I'm using my
526
00:31:09.599 --> 00:31:14.339
mind when I'm following a recipe. Jackie's using her touch.
527
00:31:14.900 --> 00:31:15.140
Yes.
528
00:31:15.420 --> 00:31:18.990
She's feeling the consistency in the dough. She's looking at it.
529
00:31:19.049 --> 00:31:23.670
She's using sight. The last thing she's using is her mind.
530
00:31:24.089 --> 00:31:26.109
Right. She's using her intuitions.
531
00:31:26.289 --> 00:31:28.670
She's using her intuition and her other senses. Like I said,
532
00:31:28.690 --> 00:31:33.430
her touch and her just estimating.
533
00:31:33.869 --> 00:31:37.490
Since we're touching on intuition, let's talk about that for
534
00:31:37.529 --> 00:31:41.759
just a second before we close because I think that's
535
00:31:41.799 --> 00:31:46.210
the voice that we really have to learn to trust
536
00:31:46.279 --> 00:31:51.640
more and listen to more. And we don't see the
537
00:31:51.700 --> 00:31:54.619
results of listening to our intuition unless we're willing to
538
00:31:54.680 --> 00:31:57.190
do it. when we start to do it and listen
539
00:31:57.230 --> 00:31:59.789
to our intuition you start to recognize that when you
540
00:31:59.809 --> 00:32:02.710
listen to your intuition it doesn't mean you're right all
541
00:32:02.750 --> 00:32:04.849
the time but it does mean that you're following your
542
00:32:04.890 --> 00:32:08.009
feelings and as you learn how to follow your feelings
543
00:32:08.049 --> 00:32:10.710
and recognize when it's not coming from your mind and
544
00:32:10.730 --> 00:32:13.839
your head and your thinking but coming from some other
545
00:32:13.890 --> 00:32:17.960
place in a place where you're trained to be as
546
00:32:18.259 --> 00:32:23.380
still and present not in cognitive rigidity but in a
547
00:32:23.599 --> 00:32:28.809
very very fluid way of being That when we have
548
00:32:28.829 --> 00:32:32.609
intuition or insight as to what we need to do,
549
00:32:32.829 --> 00:32:35.390
something we need to do in our lives, something in
550
00:32:35.430 --> 00:32:38.029
this world of form that we need to accomplish, some task,
551
00:32:39.309 --> 00:32:41.130
we can feel what it is that we need to
552
00:32:41.190 --> 00:32:45.750
do from a place that's different from thinking it or
553
00:32:45.809 --> 00:32:49.640
from our mind or from the cognitive way of accomplishing it.
554
00:32:49.950 --> 00:32:54.049
When we do that, there's a resonance, I feel, that's
555
00:32:54.210 --> 00:32:57.460
emanating around us all the time You can call it
556
00:32:57.519 --> 00:33:05.849
whatever you want. Spirit. That will help us walk through
557
00:33:05.910 --> 00:33:09.670
life the way we were meant to walk through life.
558
00:33:10.309 --> 00:33:13.220
Instead of trying to think it through and figure it out.
559
00:33:13.920 --> 00:33:18.539
Right. And I do think intuition is closer to spirit.
560
00:33:18.599 --> 00:33:22.000
It's something that is in the body, but not of
561
00:33:22.039 --> 00:33:27.559
the body. And then mind is... that thinking cognitive pre,
562
00:33:27.759 --> 00:33:29.440
you know, prefrontal cortex and.
563
00:33:29.400 --> 00:33:32.200
All of that, the equation solver and the.
564
00:33:32.180 --> 00:33:35.559
Ego, right? The mechanism of ego that keeps us, that
565
00:33:35.599 --> 00:33:38.480
we were gifted when we came into form in order
566
00:33:38.519 --> 00:33:42.839
to stay safe. So, you know, we talk, we've talked
567
00:33:42.900 --> 00:33:46.500
a lot in other podcasts about bridging those two worlds
568
00:33:47.059 --> 00:33:51.339
and that humanity is coming more and more now where
569
00:33:51.440 --> 00:33:55.329
we're bridging those even further. Yeah. And, It was interesting.
570
00:33:55.750 --> 00:33:59.869
I was watching a clip this morning about Gary Zukav
571
00:33:59.910 --> 00:34:02.650
talking about, you know, when we die, the ego mind
572
00:34:03.230 --> 00:34:09.039
dies because the mind stops. But that intuition, that part
573
00:34:09.079 --> 00:34:12.840
of spirit goes on. And so when we can tap
574
00:34:12.880 --> 00:34:18.829
more actively into that while living, then I think we're
575
00:34:18.869 --> 00:34:21.590
living from a different space, whether people call that a
576
00:34:21.630 --> 00:34:27.239
higher vibration, it's definitely a different perspective when it comes
577
00:34:27.280 --> 00:34:32.199
from our intuition than when we're relying on mind and
578
00:34:32.920 --> 00:34:36.760
the physical part of us, the ego part of us
579
00:34:36.800 --> 00:34:41.190
that is all part of our physicality, our form that
580
00:34:41.389 --> 00:34:46.280
is only for this time. And that part, you know,
581
00:34:46.659 --> 00:34:49.800
it's just these gentle promptings to say, if I'm going
582
00:34:49.820 --> 00:34:53.460
to exercise a muscle today, am I going to exercise
583
00:34:53.500 --> 00:34:58.760
the muscle of intuition or my skill of intuition, or
584
00:34:58.800 --> 00:35:01.860
am I going to go deeper into my mind? And
585
00:35:02.449 --> 00:35:05.909
this weekend with my siblings has really been a very
586
00:35:05.969 --> 00:35:11.610
gentle call to, again, let go of my thinking and
587
00:35:11.969 --> 00:35:17.130
try to live more in my feeling and intuition and
588
00:35:17.190 --> 00:35:21.030
more spirit-driven self than my mind self.
589
00:35:21.510 --> 00:35:22.809
Yeah. I love it.
590
00:35:24.360 --> 00:35:26.559
So maybe I have to start playing music with you, honey.
591
00:35:27.059 --> 00:35:27.719
Oh, why not?
592
00:35:30.119 --> 00:35:31.300
I'm game. Are you?
593
00:35:31.820 --> 00:35:37.809
Absolutely. You know that. All right. So... With that being said,
594
00:35:37.829 --> 00:35:40.329
I think we'll wrap this up. You got something else?
595
00:35:40.429 --> 00:35:42.809
No, I just think you should maybe give a prompt
596
00:35:42.889 --> 00:35:45.610
for as people listen to this and they go the
597
00:35:45.670 --> 00:35:49.530
week of hearing this podcast, give them maybe a challenge
598
00:35:49.570 --> 00:35:53.039
for the week of something that they should do after
599
00:35:53.079 --> 00:35:53.880
they've listened to this.
600
00:35:53.900 --> 00:35:58.480
I think do what I recognized. Ask that question to yourself.
601
00:35:59.579 --> 00:36:04.650
Where is it in my life that cognitive rigidity comes up?
602
00:36:05.369 --> 00:36:10.110
Or is it that I am rigid in my cognition,
603
00:36:10.150 --> 00:36:14.710
in my thinking, where I'm not safe if I'm outside
604
00:36:14.750 --> 00:36:16.719
of that? And it can be in anything in your life.
605
00:36:16.739 --> 00:36:19.320
It can be something at work. It can be something
606
00:36:19.360 --> 00:36:21.440
in your belief system. It can be something in your
607
00:36:22.000 --> 00:36:22.960
political beliefs.
608
00:36:22.980 --> 00:36:23.860
Your relationships.
609
00:36:23.880 --> 00:36:28.269
Relationships. So many different ways that you can look at it.
610
00:36:29.219 --> 00:36:31.780
And we'd love to hear from you. So drop that
611
00:36:31.820 --> 00:36:35.289
in the comments on the podcast. Or reach out to us.
612
00:36:35.769 --> 00:36:37.849
Go on to our social media. You can find us
613
00:36:38.030 --> 00:36:40.369
all out there. All the links will be in the podcast.
614
00:36:41.269 --> 00:36:43.920
And let's hear from you. And we'll put links to
615
00:36:44.039 --> 00:36:46.639
that podcast from Mel Robbins in here so that you
616
00:36:46.679 --> 00:36:49.760
can access that and listen to it. Highly recommended.
617
00:36:50.059 --> 00:36:51.280
Yes, highly recommended.
618
00:36:51.300 --> 00:36:57.820
Really good podcast. Dr. Todd Rose was the guest. Anything else, Bernie?
619
00:36:58.110 --> 00:36:58.340
No.
620
00:36:58.639 --> 00:37:05.809
That's it? All right. So until next time. Bye. If
621
00:37:05.849 --> 00:37:10.400
you're enjoying the Observatory Podcast, please consider subscribing, sharing us,
622
00:37:10.980 --> 00:37:13.579
and if you have time to write a review about
623
00:37:13.619 --> 00:37:15.840
something that may have affected your life or helped you
624
00:37:15.860 --> 00:37:18.960
in some way, please do so. That helps us to
625
00:37:19.000 --> 00:37:21.420
get the word out and get this information out to
626
00:37:21.519 --> 00:37:24.030
more and more people so that it can be shared
627
00:37:24.429 --> 00:37:28.409
and we can help ripple out this energy that's emanating
628
00:37:28.429 --> 00:37:31.130
in the world today. There's been so much separation and
629
00:37:31.170 --> 00:37:34.090
we want to find a way to create conversations where
630
00:37:34.110 --> 00:37:37.869
we can come together not divide so much as we
631
00:37:37.929 --> 00:37:42.019
have been to learn to come together in unity. Thank you.
632
00:37:46.019 --> 00:37:48.500
You've been listening to the Observatory Podcast.
633
00:37:48.880 --> 00:37:52.090
Please be sure to subscribe so you don't miss any
634
00:37:52.349 --> 00:37:53.789
of our future episodes.
1
00:00:03.379 --> 00:00:05.440
Welcome to the Observatory Podcast.
2
00:00:05.679 --> 00:00:07.710
With your hosts, Scott and LaRae Wright.
3
00:00:08.250 --> 00:00:11.470
Join us each week as we explore living life from
4
00:00:11.490 --> 00:00:20.539
the inside out. Welcome back to the Observatory Podcast. Today,
5
00:00:20.620 --> 00:00:24.620
Rae and I are going to sit down post-sibling reunion
6
00:00:25.239 --> 00:00:28.469
from her family. We just got back from spending a
7
00:00:28.460 --> 00:00:30.649
little bit of time with her siblings and We're going
8
00:00:30.670 --> 00:00:32.909
to talk some about that, some of the insights that
9
00:00:32.950 --> 00:00:35.429
we had, and then we're going to talk about some
10
00:00:35.469 --> 00:00:41.509
information that we listen to in a podcast about cognitive rigidity.
11
00:00:42.469 --> 00:00:45.770
And we invite you to sit back and enjoy this
12
00:00:45.829 --> 00:00:48.689
podcast and listen to it. Let us know your feelings
13
00:00:48.750 --> 00:00:52.869
about it, and don't forget to like and share this
14
00:00:52.929 --> 00:00:57.170
podcast wherever you think people might like it. Welcome back
15
00:00:57.289 --> 00:01:01.659
to the Observatory Podcast with me and my beautiful bass
16
00:01:01.759 --> 00:01:02.469
voice today.
17
00:01:03.810 --> 00:01:08.390
Yes, you're recovering from a little....
18
00:01:10.549 --> 00:01:10.950
Illness.
19
00:01:11.569 --> 00:01:13.750
I guess, feeling less than perfect.
20
00:01:13.890 --> 00:01:16.709
Yeah, feeling less than perfect. This is the second time
21
00:01:16.930 --> 00:01:19.879
in the last month I've had this thing. It's a
22
00:01:20.500 --> 00:01:24.560
cold of some kind. Don't know what it is, but
23
00:01:24.900 --> 00:01:26.340
I just know I haven't felt very good for the
24
00:01:26.359 --> 00:01:28.920
last several days. We just got back from a trip
25
00:01:28.939 --> 00:01:31.609
down to be with some of your siblings. cedar city
26
00:01:31.730 --> 00:01:35.450
utah taking a nice trip down there and uh toward
27
00:01:35.469 --> 00:01:38.290
the end of the trip i started to get sick
28
00:01:38.430 --> 00:01:42.109
again i know runny nose and now it's cough and.
29
00:01:42.590 --> 00:01:44.439
I think it's a big call for you to rest
30
00:01:45.439 --> 00:01:49.280
i think so so because you've been going pretty solid
31
00:01:49.540 --> 00:01:50.280
since the end.
32
00:01:50.219 --> 00:01:53.799
Of august yeah a lot of stuff going on but
33
00:01:53.819 --> 00:01:55.579
it was fun to go visit your family.
34
00:01:55.519 --> 00:01:58.840
It was we um tried to get together once a
35
00:01:58.879 --> 00:02:02.230
year as siblings we haven't the last few years, done
36
00:02:02.379 --> 00:02:07.680
a very good job at it. But this year, there
37
00:02:07.719 --> 00:02:11.159
were three of us that gathered. Everyone else had either
38
00:02:11.219 --> 00:02:15.599
schedule conflicts or life that is just getting busy. But
39
00:02:15.620 --> 00:02:19.099
it was a lot of fun. It reminds me of
40
00:02:19.139 --> 00:02:24.129
the saying that we really don't know what we have
41
00:02:24.169 --> 00:02:29.729
until we gather with those that our first home was with.
42
00:02:30.919 --> 00:02:33.539
And we tell stories and we laugh and we renew
43
00:02:33.560 --> 00:02:37.599
that bond. And it's such an intricate part of our tapestry.
44
00:02:39.340 --> 00:02:41.750
And I just really enjoyed it. We had a lot
45
00:02:41.770 --> 00:02:42.050
of fun.
46
00:02:42.069 --> 00:02:45.389
You know what I thought was different about it? I'm
47
00:02:45.409 --> 00:02:47.550
going to have to cough now and again, so bear
48
00:02:47.590 --> 00:02:53.120
with me. It was, like you said, only two of
49
00:02:53.159 --> 00:02:59.419
your siblings, their husbands. And normally there's more.
50
00:03:00.780 --> 00:03:01.729
Yeah, we're missing three.
51
00:03:01.949 --> 00:03:05.750
Three of you are missing right now. And the dynamic
52
00:03:05.789 --> 00:03:08.270
of it was interesting because it allowed us to have,
53
00:03:08.289 --> 00:03:12.069
I think, deeper conversations with each of the two that
54
00:03:12.110 --> 00:03:16.280
we were with and their husbands. And when there's six there,
55
00:03:16.560 --> 00:03:21.259
six couples, the dynamic, it's not that it's less intimate,
56
00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:23.900
but I think you just don't get to talk to
57
00:03:24.000 --> 00:03:27.460
each other as much one-on-one as we did. And we
58
00:03:27.479 --> 00:03:29.879
got to talk about all sorts of things that were...
59
00:03:31.319 --> 00:03:34.960
Insightful for me. I got to, especially with Delaine and Sid,
60
00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:38.509
I got to talk to them more, be with them more,
61
00:03:38.590 --> 00:03:42.810
see them more. And we were in their home. So
62
00:03:43.409 --> 00:03:45.449
their family was all there. We went and visited a
63
00:03:46.189 --> 00:03:48.330
bunch of their children while we were there. It was
64
00:03:48.370 --> 00:03:48.889
really cool.
65
00:03:49.330 --> 00:03:53.659
It was. I think in any gathering that's larger, there's
66
00:03:53.719 --> 00:03:57.060
just room then for you to be silent.
67
00:03:57.639 --> 00:03:57.840
Yeah.
68
00:03:58.199 --> 00:04:02.199
And no one questions that silence because... you're not really missed.
69
00:04:02.810 --> 00:04:05.169
There's enough to carry on the conversation. But when you're
70
00:04:05.189 --> 00:04:08.710
in a smaller group and you choose to be silent,
71
00:04:08.810 --> 00:04:13.310
it becomes noticeable that you're silent. And so the invitation
72
00:04:13.349 --> 00:04:19.360
to participate is just much greater. And it was just interesting.
73
00:04:19.399 --> 00:04:21.439
Like you said, it's not right or wrong. It was
74
00:04:21.480 --> 00:04:24.639
just interesting. And it was a really good time. And
75
00:04:24.779 --> 00:04:28.000
we had an opportunity to just share with each other
76
00:04:28.019 --> 00:04:30.959
what our lives are up to, what we're doing. Interestingly,
77
00:04:33.490 --> 00:04:37.550
you and I have retired officially. I'm still working, but
78
00:04:38.310 --> 00:04:44.149
we've retired. And Nick has retired. So Jackie was the
79
00:04:44.189 --> 00:04:48.810
only one among us that hasn't. And she's definitely exploring that.
80
00:04:49.470 --> 00:04:52.910
She's getting to that age. But it's so interesting how
81
00:04:54.589 --> 00:04:56.050
what we focus on shifts.
82
00:04:57.220 --> 00:04:59.300
Yeah, as you get closer to retirement.
83
00:04:59.980 --> 00:05:03.579
And you become much more aware and comfortable with where
84
00:05:03.620 --> 00:05:06.709
you are in life, the chapter that you're entering. And
85
00:05:06.769 --> 00:05:10.110
then as we went around and saw Darlene's children, the
86
00:05:10.170 --> 00:05:15.490
ones that live locally, and visited their homes, for me especially,
87
00:05:15.569 --> 00:05:17.879
since you and I don't have children living with us,
88
00:05:18.509 --> 00:05:22.040
and your children are grown, we see them on occasion
89
00:05:23.060 --> 00:05:26.759
to do things with, but we don't have a day-to-day
90
00:05:26.819 --> 00:05:36.019
reminder of time passing. So we sometimes go, was it 2017, 16, 18, 20?
91
00:05:36.019 --> 00:05:39.019
A year of COVID is like a warp year. But
92
00:05:39.730 --> 00:05:43.310
with them, every year is defined because they have children
93
00:05:44.089 --> 00:05:48.870
and they're coming to another age and the events in
94
00:05:48.910 --> 00:05:49.990
their lives are changing.
95
00:05:50.310 --> 00:05:54.759
Not just children, a lot. Because it's children and grandchildren.
96
00:05:54.800 --> 00:05:55.920
They all live really close.
97
00:05:55.939 --> 00:05:57.240
And now they have great-grandchildren.
98
00:05:57.279 --> 00:05:57.879
Great-grandchildren.
99
00:05:57.939 --> 00:06:02.930
And so that definition of their lives makes it much
100
00:06:02.970 --> 00:06:04.730
more noticeable, the passing of time.
101
00:06:05.149 --> 00:06:06.670
And I don't think I had as much of an
102
00:06:06.709 --> 00:06:11.310
appreciation for that with them as I do now. Because,
103
00:06:11.350 --> 00:06:13.769
I mean, someone was always there. Right.
104
00:06:13.790 --> 00:06:18.480
They have several grandchildren living with them. Like I said,
105
00:06:18.519 --> 00:06:20.480
when we went and saw the children that lived near them,
106
00:06:21.019 --> 00:06:23.459
their lives are busy and we saw all the children.
107
00:06:23.500 --> 00:06:25.980
And again, because it was a, such a small group
108
00:06:26.040 --> 00:06:29.519
of us, the interaction then with their children and grandchildren
109
00:06:29.560 --> 00:06:32.889
was much greater because you can't just kind of blend
110
00:06:32.930 --> 00:06:36.250
into the background. You know, you're the one engaging. And
111
00:06:36.350 --> 00:06:39.910
so the, it was really beautiful. It was meaningful conversation
112
00:06:39.930 --> 00:06:41.949
and it has made.
113
00:06:41.930 --> 00:06:45.810
Me conversations with a lot of her grandkids. Right. And so,
114
00:06:46.050 --> 00:06:48.410
you know, I got to interact with them more and
115
00:06:48.470 --> 00:06:51.339
see them more and, experienced them and the dynamics of
116
00:06:51.379 --> 00:06:52.279
their families.
117
00:06:52.420 --> 00:06:55.339
Right, especially the two that were living with them. So
118
00:06:57.220 --> 00:06:59.160
it has prompted me to really think of all my
119
00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:02.550
siblings and their children and just ask myself, you know,
120
00:07:04.089 --> 00:07:07.769
what kind of meaningful interactions. It's similar to the experience
121
00:07:07.810 --> 00:07:09.550
we had when we went with Jackie and Nick on
122
00:07:09.569 --> 00:07:13.300
the cruise earlier this year. And we had such a
123
00:07:13.680 --> 00:07:17.079
more intimate experience with all of her children and grandchildren.
124
00:07:17.100 --> 00:07:17.180
Yeah.
125
00:07:17.740 --> 00:07:21.069
And really got to know Tice and Landon and Boston
126
00:07:21.089 --> 00:07:24.389
and experience them on a day-to-day basis.
127
00:07:24.769 --> 00:07:25.550
Yeah, that was fun.
128
00:07:26.110 --> 00:07:29.230
So I think there's something to be said about that.
129
00:07:29.910 --> 00:07:31.860
Well, we kind of went down this road just to
130
00:07:31.889 --> 00:07:32.519
start off.
131
00:07:33.180 --> 00:07:35.500
But it's not what we wanted to talk about. It's
132
00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:36.639
not where we want to go.
133
00:07:36.660 --> 00:07:39.060
So we're just catching you up on our lives and
134
00:07:39.100 --> 00:07:41.519
where we've been and some of the things we've been
135
00:07:41.560 --> 00:07:47.050
up to. And as we continue the podcast, we're looking
136
00:07:47.110 --> 00:07:51.930
to when Ray and I get together and talk about something,
137
00:07:52.149 --> 00:07:54.850
sometimes it's just things as we're going through life that
138
00:07:54.949 --> 00:07:59.750
pop up. And today was one of those things. I'd
139
00:07:59.790 --> 00:08:03.649
had an experience with sharing some information with someone. And
140
00:08:04.050 --> 00:08:09.689
the response that I got back was one of less
141
00:08:09.730 --> 00:08:15.629
than acceptance. And I wasn't expecting it to be accepted.
142
00:08:16.379 --> 00:08:18.470
I wasn't expecting it to be seen from my point
143
00:08:18.490 --> 00:08:21.230
of view at all. But it was a really neutral
144
00:08:21.269 --> 00:08:23.149
topic that we were talking about.
145
00:08:23.269 --> 00:08:26.089
Well, and you didn't really share anything from your perspective.
146
00:08:26.129 --> 00:08:28.730
You just shared something. A podcast. A podcast we had
147
00:08:28.769 --> 00:08:31.610
listened to this morning that we found interesting.
148
00:08:31.629 --> 00:08:36.049
And let's mention what it was. It was Mel Robbins' podcast. Right.
149
00:08:36.090 --> 00:08:38.340
And her guest was Dr. Todd Rose.
150
00:08:38.539 --> 00:08:39.220
Dr. Todd Rose.
151
00:08:39.419 --> 00:08:43.139
And he's written a great book that is getting a
152
00:08:43.159 --> 00:08:47.210
lot of buzz about conformity and compliance and And it
153
00:08:47.250 --> 00:08:55.210
really prompts the discussion about authenticity and the collective illusion,
154
00:08:55.429 --> 00:08:58.450
if you would, of what is real and what is
155
00:08:59.379 --> 00:09:03.500
really created by the collective, whatever that collective is.
156
00:09:03.799 --> 00:09:08.259
Because we're so connected now with our devices and the internet,
157
00:09:08.340 --> 00:09:11.500
and especially social media, which is what he talks about
158
00:09:11.519 --> 00:09:13.879
the most. I'd recommend everyone go listen to it. We're
159
00:09:13.899 --> 00:09:16.200
not going to rehash the, podcast it was a great
160
00:09:16.220 --> 00:09:20.009
podcast though but um as he's talking about those things
161
00:09:20.070 --> 00:09:23.110
it shows the influence of how you know we as
162
00:09:23.490 --> 00:09:25.669
we get this hive mind kind of thing going on
163
00:09:25.690 --> 00:09:28.289
and we think that everyone's thinking a certain way when
164
00:09:28.309 --> 00:09:31.399
the reality is is the vast majority of people are
165
00:09:31.500 --> 00:09:34.720
not thinking that way but social media leans toward.
166
00:09:34.399 --> 00:09:36.940
That right so his study because he has a think
167
00:09:36.960 --> 00:09:41.639
tank called populace and his study has shown that we
168
00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:44.559
are more similar than we are different yes And while
169
00:09:44.600 --> 00:09:50.490
we may be feeling very divided, that when asked questions individually,
170
00:09:51.529 --> 00:09:56.769
we still have at our core very strong similarities in
171
00:09:56.809 --> 00:10:00.360
what we believe, in what we hold as meaningful. and
172
00:10:00.399 --> 00:10:03.600
important in our lives and so from that standpoint it
173
00:10:03.639 --> 00:10:07.759
was very inspiring to think that while when we watch
174
00:10:07.799 --> 00:10:10.470
the news or we engage in social media we start
175
00:10:10.490 --> 00:10:16.129
to feel very divided that perhaps at our core what
176
00:10:16.409 --> 00:10:19.370
what we really think in private is And what we
177
00:10:19.490 --> 00:10:23.549
want in our lives is more similar.
178
00:10:23.750 --> 00:10:27.379
Right. One of the statistics that he shared on the
179
00:10:27.419 --> 00:10:33.980
podcast was that with social media, that 10% of the
180
00:10:34.019 --> 00:10:38.159
people on social media share 80% of the content that
181
00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:41.629
exists out there. And so 10% of the people who
182
00:10:41.669 --> 00:10:45.070
are sharing all the content, it's leaning toward whatever direction
183
00:10:45.110 --> 00:10:49.110
they want things from their own personal point of view,
184
00:10:49.129 --> 00:10:53.309
it to be. And so our perspective is we're witnessing that.
185
00:10:53.309 --> 00:10:59.059
80% of the content that we're witnessing, seeing, and experiencing
186
00:10:59.759 --> 00:11:04.759
is coming from a very, very small percentage, 10% of
187
00:11:05.139 --> 00:11:06.120
the people who are on it.
188
00:11:06.759 --> 00:11:11.639
And then what that leads to is the choice to self-silence.
189
00:11:12.000 --> 00:11:19.470
Yeah. Because we become... what the 80% are feeling, and
190
00:11:19.529 --> 00:11:20.690
that's just not true.
191
00:11:21.070 --> 00:11:26.509
Right, because we become convinced or we have a perspective
192
00:11:27.190 --> 00:11:30.090
that that 10% is the majority.
193
00:11:30.269 --> 00:11:30.490
Right.
194
00:11:32.269 --> 00:11:36.440
And so with your engagement, you had someone that came
195
00:11:36.480 --> 00:11:37.519
back very strongly.
196
00:11:37.700 --> 00:11:37.980
Yes.
197
00:11:38.259 --> 00:11:40.879
And you could have believed that that was the populist
198
00:11:41.500 --> 00:11:42.700
opinion of everyone.
199
00:11:44.139 --> 00:11:48.960
But it's a very... uh, closed perspective of what it,
200
00:11:49.149 --> 00:11:51.389
what it's all about. And it doesn't mean that that's
201
00:11:51.480 --> 00:11:55.259
right or wrong. It just wasn't open. And so I
202
00:11:55.299 --> 00:12:00.019
was like, Hmm, when, when I, when someone is, what
203
00:12:00.039 --> 00:12:02.899
I wanted to know, and I decided to send this through, uh,
204
00:12:04.039 --> 00:12:07.039
a Google search, actually it was a chat GPT search
205
00:12:07.960 --> 00:12:12.080
that when, when someone is unwilling to hear the opinion
206
00:12:12.100 --> 00:12:16.309
of someone else and they come from a place of, uh,
207
00:12:17.210 --> 00:12:18.769
needing to be right.
208
00:12:19.230 --> 00:12:19.990
Or to defend.
209
00:12:20.070 --> 00:12:23.929
Or to defend. What are the reasons for that? And
210
00:12:24.169 --> 00:12:26.870
it came back and said, you know, people are this
211
00:12:26.909 --> 00:12:30.029
and people are that. They can be dogmatic was one
212
00:12:30.049 --> 00:12:30.850
of the words that they used.
213
00:12:30.870 --> 00:12:31.389
Closed-minded.
214
00:12:31.409 --> 00:12:35.909
Closed-minded. And they may not feel safe outside of that
215
00:12:36.070 --> 00:12:39.690
paradigm and all those things I understand. And then I said,
216
00:12:39.769 --> 00:12:43.149
is there a word that describes it? Besides dogmatic is
217
00:12:43.210 --> 00:12:46.269
another one. But dogmatic is kind of, you know, attached
218
00:12:46.340 --> 00:12:49.419
to religion, it seems, in my opinion, it feels to
219
00:12:49.460 --> 00:12:52.059
me like it's attached to more of a religious way
220
00:12:52.120 --> 00:12:53.720
of seeing and thinking. Right.
221
00:12:53.740 --> 00:12:56.740
So you asked it, is there a psychological word? A
222
00:12:56.759 --> 00:12:59.080
psychological term. A word that's more around the psyche.
223
00:12:59.379 --> 00:13:03.110
Right. And it gave me this one. And it was
224
00:13:03.850 --> 00:13:11.590
cognitive rigidity. And I was like, whoa. I've never heard that.
225
00:13:11.610 --> 00:13:16.220
I'm sure it's been out there. But cognitive rigidity. So
226
00:13:16.360 --> 00:13:21.740
in other words, the thinking, cognitive, cognition, is a very
227
00:13:21.960 --> 00:13:24.100
rigid way of seeing things, and it has to be
228
00:13:24.139 --> 00:13:28.419
seen through a certain lens. So I started to think
229
00:13:29.029 --> 00:13:33.070
to myself, what ways do I have some cognitive rigidity
230
00:13:33.110 --> 00:13:35.769
in my life? Does that manifest for me in my life?
231
00:13:35.830 --> 00:13:38.250
Does it manifest for you in your life? How do
232
00:13:38.269 --> 00:13:39.090
you feel about that?
233
00:13:39.570 --> 00:13:42.620
Well, I immediately, when you said that, I immediately thought
234
00:13:42.740 --> 00:13:47.039
of the work that I do with corporations. And companies,
235
00:13:47.450 --> 00:13:51.169
and even with entrepreneurs, when they start to initiate change,
236
00:13:52.409 --> 00:13:55.990
and people who struggle with change, they really want things
237
00:13:56.110 --> 00:13:59.809
to be very predictable. They want to believe that it
238
00:13:59.850 --> 00:14:03.720
can always stay this way, that my work stays this way,
239
00:14:03.929 --> 00:14:06.720
the way I come to work stays this way, the
240
00:14:06.759 --> 00:14:10.220
way I do my work, the people I work with,
241
00:14:10.500 --> 00:14:14.039
everything stays the same because I then, I can predict it,
242
00:14:14.360 --> 00:14:16.929
and I know what that's like. And so as soon
243
00:14:17.049 --> 00:14:23.110
as change starts to happen, then people become very rigid.
244
00:14:23.809 --> 00:14:27.100
They start grasping and wanting to hold on to what's
245
00:14:27.149 --> 00:14:33.659
familiar because of their own resistance to change. And I
246
00:14:33.679 --> 00:14:36.879
think that's very common with a lot of people.
247
00:14:36.940 --> 00:14:38.639
That's what I was going to say. I think it's
248
00:14:38.679 --> 00:14:43.440
really an innate human nature to want to feel safe,
249
00:14:43.720 --> 00:14:47.370
to want to feel safe. that things are predictable. It
250
00:14:47.389 --> 00:14:50.289
doesn't feel safe that things aren't predictable sometimes until you
251
00:14:50.340 --> 00:14:54.820
get willing to accept things as they are. However they
252
00:14:54.940 --> 00:15:00.039
are doesn't matter. But even then, it's like you still
253
00:15:00.100 --> 00:15:03.120
are going to be disappointed sometimes. Right.
254
00:15:03.179 --> 00:15:06.960
And I think that goes back to, you know, all
255
00:15:07.000 --> 00:15:09.679
the way back as to our childhood. You know, we've
256
00:15:09.730 --> 00:15:13.090
met people who lived in one place, grew up with
257
00:15:13.250 --> 00:15:17.120
family and neighbors and That circle didn't change very much.
258
00:15:17.159 --> 00:15:20.980
It didn't have a lot of movement in it. And
259
00:15:21.000 --> 00:15:25.139
it didn't have a lot of exposure to other beliefs
260
00:15:25.200 --> 00:15:29.259
or peoples. And with that, then people grow up with
261
00:15:29.299 --> 00:15:32.980
a certain perspective or frame that they live in. Then
262
00:15:33.019 --> 00:15:36.220
you have other people, like a military family, for example,
263
00:15:36.779 --> 00:15:39.759
that changes the norm. And children have to make new
264
00:15:39.799 --> 00:15:42.759
friends almost every year that they go to school. And
265
00:15:42.799 --> 00:15:47.470
they're not seen... the same faces, the same relatives. And
266
00:15:47.549 --> 00:15:50.259
so their world is defined by a very different frame,
267
00:15:50.279 --> 00:15:54.519
and they become more accustomed to change. And change isn't
268
00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:58.299
as challenging. It could have challenges for other reasons, but
269
00:15:58.340 --> 00:16:01.750
it is more common in their life than what perhaps
270
00:16:02.049 --> 00:16:06.289
the first example that I gave. So I immediately thought about, wow,
271
00:16:06.330 --> 00:16:10.230
that's just really interesting. This feels like, at the core.
272
00:16:11.889 --> 00:16:17.889
Change, change management, our inability or our comfort level with change.
273
00:16:17.950 --> 00:16:21.269
Yeah. And I think, you know, the fact that the
274
00:16:21.340 --> 00:16:24.759
reason that I became so curious about it was it's
275
00:16:24.860 --> 00:16:27.580
like this message that we sent out on this podcast
276
00:16:27.620 --> 00:16:34.259
was super neutral, right? It's very much just kind of
277
00:16:34.360 --> 00:16:37.330
observing what humanity is doing. It's not trying to make
278
00:16:37.370 --> 00:16:40.509
a case for anything or be right about anything. But
279
00:16:40.549 --> 00:16:43.769
it is talking about how important it is to be authentic.
280
00:16:44.950 --> 00:16:46.610
And the person that I had shared it with took
281
00:16:46.669 --> 00:16:51.750
that word authentic, and every time they mentioned something about it,
282
00:16:51.769 --> 00:16:56.799
they said just authenticity. If it's just authenticity and it's
283
00:16:56.860 --> 00:16:59.419
not this, some other truth that they were attached to,
284
00:17:00.379 --> 00:17:03.940
then it was kind of discounting what being authentic was.
285
00:17:04.740 --> 00:17:09.190
And why that is, I'm not sure. I'm sure this
286
00:17:09.450 --> 00:17:15.509
person has their reasons for that. But it's being afraid
287
00:17:15.589 --> 00:17:21.029
of being authentic, being afraid of being yourself, being afraid
288
00:17:21.089 --> 00:17:25.859
of being who you feel that you are within you.
289
00:17:25.880 --> 00:17:29.759
I mean, that's one of the main broad topics that
290
00:17:29.799 --> 00:17:32.859
we're discussing constantly in this day and age right now.
291
00:17:33.119 --> 00:17:37.750
Right, and... you know, it's one of those examples of
292
00:17:37.829 --> 00:17:41.630
words matter. And so maybe understanding what authenticity means to
293
00:17:41.670 --> 00:17:44.869
that person, it would be a really good question to ask.
294
00:17:45.609 --> 00:17:49.230
Because in the podcast, it defined it very broadly that
295
00:17:49.380 --> 00:17:54.220
authenticity is showing up as who you are in that moment.
296
00:17:54.299 --> 00:17:58.619
It is very much about the present moment. So for example,
297
00:17:59.220 --> 00:18:04.539
if I grew up one way and I have changed
298
00:18:04.700 --> 00:18:08.440
or I don't prescribe to something, but I show up
299
00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:14.240
and pretend to be still that way. I'm not being authentic.
300
00:18:14.619 --> 00:18:18.099
They started off with a great example of Mel who
301
00:18:18.160 --> 00:18:20.839
said that for health reasons, she has really cut back
302
00:18:20.900 --> 00:18:23.660
on alcohol. And so she went to dinner and she was,
303
00:18:23.880 --> 00:18:26.769
you know, before she went in, she was thinking, you know,
304
00:18:26.789 --> 00:18:29.789
I don't want to have any alcohol tonight. But as
305
00:18:29.849 --> 00:18:32.789
soon as someone asked her, oh, do you want to
306
00:18:32.829 --> 00:18:35.769
have a drink? She kind of caved and said, sure,
307
00:18:36.210 --> 00:18:40.609
and then wondered why she couldn't stay in that belief
308
00:18:40.809 --> 00:18:44.130
of like, oh, why didn't I just say that, you know,
309
00:18:44.569 --> 00:18:47.400
I'm not drinking right now. I've decided to cut back.
310
00:18:47.759 --> 00:18:51.299
Whatever would have been the right answer. But she conformed.
311
00:18:52.039 --> 00:18:53.700
Meaning a social norm or whatever reason.
312
00:18:53.720 --> 00:18:56.039
Right, being a social norm or, you know, just not wanting,
313
00:18:56.319 --> 00:18:57.680
and we do it for a lot of reasons. We
314
00:18:57.700 --> 00:18:59.819
don't want someone else to feel bad. We don't want
315
00:18:59.880 --> 00:19:02.599
them to think, you know, whether it's drinking or it's,
316
00:19:02.839 --> 00:19:08.609
you know, paying the bill or, you know, giving, you know, anything.
317
00:19:09.140 --> 00:19:12.589
You know, if you think about your life, there's almost
318
00:19:12.670 --> 00:19:16.230
daily we come across things that we think, oh, I
319
00:19:16.269 --> 00:19:18.589
just gave in and did that, even though I either
320
00:19:18.609 --> 00:19:21.039
didn't want to or I don't believe in it. but
321
00:19:21.140 --> 00:19:23.720
it's just kind of keeping the peace, right? Not stirring
322
00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:28.539
the pot. And this podcast really talked about the importance
323
00:19:28.599 --> 00:19:33.059
of authenticity because it brings us to our present self
324
00:19:33.420 --> 00:19:35.359
all the time with one another.
325
00:19:35.380 --> 00:19:42.789
Right. So going back again to cognitive rigidity, I was
326
00:19:42.829 --> 00:19:45.410
trying to see where are the places in my life
327
00:19:45.450 --> 00:19:51.180
where I am resistant? I have cognitive rigidity or less
328
00:19:51.240 --> 00:19:54.079
of a willingness to change and my views about things
329
00:19:54.160 --> 00:19:57.980
and it's it's I've talked about this on other podcasts
330
00:19:58.019 --> 00:20:01.130
about not making the thing the thing in whatever way
331
00:20:01.190 --> 00:20:04.589
that that comes up each person has things that they're
332
00:20:04.609 --> 00:20:07.470
drawn to and things that that tend to resonate with
333
00:20:07.509 --> 00:20:10.750
them and that may be your religion or It may
334
00:20:10.809 --> 00:20:14.089
be your way of seeing the world. It may be
335
00:20:15.089 --> 00:20:20.109
things that you think about your political party. Lots of
336
00:20:20.190 --> 00:20:24.390
different ways for us to see that and become cognitively
337
00:20:24.549 --> 00:20:28.109
rigid about the way we see things because we feel
338
00:20:28.170 --> 00:20:31.029
like that's the direction that things need to go. And
339
00:20:31.430 --> 00:20:34.390
I think that's okay as long as you feel like
340
00:20:34.430 --> 00:20:36.950
that's the way things need to go for you and
341
00:20:36.990 --> 00:20:40.200
not everyone. That's when we start to run into problems
342
00:20:40.220 --> 00:20:41.960
is when you think that that's the way it needs
343
00:20:42.000 --> 00:20:44.059
to go for everyone. Right.
344
00:20:44.619 --> 00:20:46.880
Well, and it was even small things this weekend with
345
00:20:46.920 --> 00:20:51.039
my siblings. I was showing, my sister had asked if
346
00:20:51.099 --> 00:20:54.460
I would make sourdough bread for the, she was the
347
00:20:54.509 --> 00:20:57.609
only one that didn't make it. And so I said, sure.
348
00:20:57.630 --> 00:21:01.230
And I had my recipe and I was interacting with
349
00:21:01.269 --> 00:21:04.869
Jackie because she makes sourdough bread. You had your start.
350
00:21:05.539 --> 00:21:08.420
I had my starter and my scale. And so I'm
351
00:21:08.480 --> 00:21:10.529
explaining it all based on the rules.
352
00:21:10.769 --> 00:21:11.450
Soup and bread.
353
00:21:11.750 --> 00:21:14.569
You know, soup and bread. But I'm still explaining it
354
00:21:14.609 --> 00:21:17.710
based on this many grams and this and that. And
355
00:21:18.250 --> 00:21:20.170
I said, you know, Jackie, is this similar to what
356
00:21:20.230 --> 00:21:24.589
you do? And her answer was very different. She said, oh,
357
00:21:24.730 --> 00:21:26.309
I just kind of eyeball it.
358
00:21:26.630 --> 00:21:27.990
Yeah. It was great.
359
00:21:28.430 --> 00:21:31.799
And my sister said, oh, you know, kind of how
360
00:21:31.839 --> 00:21:34.779
do you do that? Because it was becoming a little overwhelming.
361
00:21:34.799 --> 00:21:34.880
Yeah.
362
00:21:35.529 --> 00:21:38.849
For my older sister to have like the scale and
363
00:21:39.430 --> 00:21:41.839
kind of my rules approach to it. And she's like, oh,
364
00:21:41.880 --> 00:21:42.910
I don't know if I'm going to be able to
365
00:21:42.970 --> 00:21:46.720
do this. And then to have this really other extreme
366
00:21:46.819 --> 00:21:49.079
end of it where my sister Jackie said, yeah, I
367
00:21:49.079 --> 00:21:50.359
make it all the time and I just kind of
368
00:21:50.380 --> 00:21:54.420
eyeball it. And so now the truth, it lies somewhere
369
00:21:54.859 --> 00:22:01.289
between me and my recipe and Jackie and her ability
370
00:22:01.329 --> 00:22:03.690
to eyeball it. And both of us make bread that
371
00:22:03.730 --> 00:22:08.299
turn out Amazing and beautiful. So the result is not different.
372
00:22:08.460 --> 00:22:11.880
It's the way we're approaching it. And I started to
373
00:22:12.009 --> 00:22:18.829
notice that I needed permission to step away from the recipe.
374
00:22:20.769 --> 00:22:22.349
Step away from the recipe.
375
00:22:22.410 --> 00:22:25.990
I love that. And so that's cognitive rigidity, right?
376
00:22:26.009 --> 00:22:26.529
Absolutely.
377
00:22:26.549 --> 00:22:29.829
Because here I am believing that the only way I
378
00:22:29.890 --> 00:22:34.369
can have it turn out right is is by following
379
00:22:34.410 --> 00:22:38.410
the recipe. But yet here's another living example of someone
380
00:22:38.430 --> 00:22:41.670
who eyeballs it and it turns out right all the time.
381
00:22:42.490 --> 00:22:46.069
So the approach is not, both approaches work.
382
00:22:47.430 --> 00:22:53.420
I'm just having an epiphany again. You know, as you're talking,
383
00:22:53.460 --> 00:22:55.740
I'm just sitting here and I'm like, well, this is
384
00:22:56.160 --> 00:22:59.220
what happens to me in music because there are a
385
00:22:59.240 --> 00:23:02.259
lot of people who are, in that rigid space of
386
00:23:02.319 --> 00:23:04.200
how they play music and how it shows up and
387
00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:06.059
it needs to be this and it needs to be perfect.
388
00:23:06.519 --> 00:23:08.759
And I'm pretty much the polar opposite of that.
389
00:23:09.579 --> 00:23:12.539
Well, you know, and it doesn't make anyone wrong. What
390
00:23:12.599 --> 00:23:15.519
happened is that kind of kept being the theme. We
391
00:23:15.559 --> 00:23:19.039
then talked about going through things, you know, like, okay,
392
00:23:19.420 --> 00:23:24.200
we're all trying to downsize, downscale, clean out closets and garages.
393
00:23:24.839 --> 00:23:28.740
And so we were talking about the need to go
394
00:23:28.779 --> 00:23:32.460
through things. before things are donated or given away or
395
00:23:32.480 --> 00:23:38.470
thrown away. And there was another theme there. And I said,
396
00:23:38.670 --> 00:23:42.630
I have a really hard time. Things that are still
397
00:23:42.670 --> 00:23:46.470
very useful, I have a super hard time giving them
398
00:23:46.509 --> 00:23:50.269
away without first checking with everyone else in my family
399
00:23:50.289 --> 00:23:55.099
to see if someone in the family needs it. And
400
00:23:56.500 --> 00:24:00.160
that puts a lot of pressure on me to do that. Because,
401
00:24:00.759 --> 00:24:04.640
you know, I, it takes coordination, it takes effort, if
402
00:24:04.680 --> 00:24:07.009
people aren't getting back to me, and I need to
403
00:24:07.049 --> 00:24:09.569
get it done. And I said, I just really need
404
00:24:09.609 --> 00:24:12.730
permission to say, if anyone in the family needed anything,
405
00:24:12.750 --> 00:24:15.230
that let me know. And I can just give this
406
00:24:15.269 --> 00:24:19.930
stuff away. But again, there was that permission thing. And
407
00:24:20.359 --> 00:24:24.279
my sister Jackie had the same thing. She said, you know,
408
00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:26.460
it's hard for her to give things away. She wants
409
00:24:26.519 --> 00:24:28.240
to give it to someone she knows is going to
410
00:24:28.400 --> 00:24:31.089
use it and care for it. And even though she
411
00:24:31.119 --> 00:24:34.970
doesn't use it still. So it was really fascinating. And again,
412
00:24:35.109 --> 00:24:37.470
all of this is, all of these are examples of
413
00:24:37.529 --> 00:24:41.009
that cognitive rigidity, right? Yeah. That we're rigid in the
414
00:24:41.049 --> 00:24:44.609
way we're thinking, which is limiting us. And it's also
415
00:24:44.650 --> 00:24:48.869
bringing pain to us. Now it's not pain like torture
416
00:24:48.950 --> 00:24:53.619
or trauma, but it, it limits just how easy we
417
00:24:53.660 --> 00:24:55.700
move through the world on a day to day basis.
418
00:24:56.660 --> 00:24:59.609
You know what I found fascinating is that, um, You
419
00:24:59.730 --> 00:25:03.289
and Jackie, your sister Jackie, are both kind of in
420
00:25:03.329 --> 00:25:06.190
that same place where you want to be able to
421
00:25:06.230 --> 00:25:09.190
go through everything before you give it all away. And
422
00:25:09.269 --> 00:25:11.670
her husband, Nick, and I are in the same place
423
00:25:11.710 --> 00:25:14.130
where we're ready to back a truck up, put everything
424
00:25:14.190 --> 00:25:15.210
in it, and take it away.
425
00:25:15.230 --> 00:25:20.349
But there could be one thing that is meaningful.
426
00:25:21.150 --> 00:25:26.029
I understand the reasoning. But then there's Delene and Sid, Delene,
427
00:25:26.069 --> 00:25:29.650
your sister, who she's with. Me and Nick on that.
428
00:25:29.890 --> 00:25:30.109
Right.
429
00:25:30.410 --> 00:25:33.130
And Sid is the other one. Now Sid is the
430
00:25:33.210 --> 00:25:35.190
one that's doing it like you. He wants to go
431
00:25:35.210 --> 00:25:35.900
through everything. Right.
432
00:25:35.960 --> 00:25:37.559
He doesn't want to lose a treasure.
433
00:25:37.720 --> 00:25:41.119
Right. So this isn't necessarily a family thing. No. It
434
00:25:41.160 --> 00:25:44.019
was a learned behavior that all your sisters are this way.
435
00:25:44.299 --> 00:25:44.599
Right.
436
00:25:45.019 --> 00:25:48.650
And your brother. But it's each individual sees it that way.
437
00:25:48.670 --> 00:25:52.109
And it's interesting because it seems to be one or
438
00:25:52.150 --> 00:25:52.490
the other.
439
00:25:53.029 --> 00:25:56.809
So coming full circle then is, It has nothing to
440
00:25:56.869 --> 00:26:06.839
do with how we live our lives, our belief structure.
441
00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:09.099
It's more the way you show up, right?
442
00:26:09.279 --> 00:26:09.480
Right.
443
00:26:09.680 --> 00:26:12.099
And so for us showing up in our daily lives,
444
00:26:12.140 --> 00:26:15.589
daily chores, daily tasks, or how you show up in music,
445
00:26:15.650 --> 00:26:22.150
like you said. So that cognitive rigidity can really prevent
446
00:26:22.190 --> 00:26:27.980
you from showing up And experiencing more joy. Openness. Openness,
447
00:26:28.180 --> 00:26:31.740
receptivity to others, curiosity to others.
448
00:26:32.079 --> 00:26:32.400
Joy.
449
00:26:32.420 --> 00:26:35.839
Yeah, I said that from the beginning, right? Joy. And
450
00:26:35.880 --> 00:26:37.609
just what does that mean?
451
00:26:37.619 --> 00:26:41.630
Being okay with it not showing up the way you
452
00:26:41.670 --> 00:26:42.349
expect it to.
453
00:26:42.809 --> 00:26:46.089
Right, because when I was making the sourdough bread, and
454
00:26:46.369 --> 00:26:48.190
Jackie was like, well, just put a little more water
455
00:26:48.250 --> 00:26:54.079
in it. My hands almost started to shake. To imagine,
456
00:26:54.220 --> 00:26:57.799
because I thought, what if I ruin the starter and
457
00:26:57.859 --> 00:27:01.009
then we ruin the bread and we're having this expectation
458
00:27:01.049 --> 00:27:02.289
of bread with soup for dinner?
459
00:27:02.529 --> 00:27:02.730
Right.
460
00:27:03.349 --> 00:27:06.849
And so all of that had like a downward... The story,
461
00:27:07.170 --> 00:27:10.470
the spiral. A downward impact, right? So now think of something,
462
00:27:10.490 --> 00:27:15.789
here's a person in life that has that downward spiral about, well,
463
00:27:15.829 --> 00:27:18.390
this is why I do this so that at the
464
00:27:18.450 --> 00:27:21.190
end of my life, I have this. And then that
465
00:27:21.230 --> 00:27:24.190
guarantees this or that or this. So we all have
466
00:27:24.230 --> 00:27:29.269
that sort of downstream impact in our lives if what
467
00:27:29.309 --> 00:27:33.509
I'm doing right now doesn't stay as I want it to.
468
00:27:35.150 --> 00:27:38.359
And I think that's the unknown. And that's the degree
469
00:27:38.390 --> 00:27:44.039
of safety that comes in our story that we say
470
00:27:44.079 --> 00:27:46.700
this is life. And then when change comes, all of
471
00:27:46.759 --> 00:27:50.869
that starts to become That's the degree of unknown. It
472
00:27:50.930 --> 00:27:54.490
starts to shift. And people are, you know, it's like, well,
473
00:27:55.089 --> 00:27:57.309
I don't know if I can make bread without a recipe.
474
00:27:59.930 --> 00:28:02.309
You know, Jackie, I think I could blindfold her and
475
00:28:02.329 --> 00:28:04.970
she probably could make bread. Now there's a part of
476
00:28:04.990 --> 00:28:08.099
me that would love to have that level of intuition
477
00:28:08.740 --> 00:28:11.460
and trust myself just to do that. And I thought,
478
00:28:11.519 --> 00:28:16.130
I'm going to start trying that. eyeballing it and seeing
479
00:28:16.470 --> 00:28:19.329
and just that's a next step for me to be
480
00:28:19.890 --> 00:28:23.329
liberated to that level.
481
00:28:24.650 --> 00:28:27.670
Well it's interesting as we're talking about this because you
482
00:28:27.710 --> 00:28:30.150
know you go back to the teachings of buddhism and
483
00:28:30.190 --> 00:28:34.150
eastern philosophies and they talk about how we create our
484
00:28:34.210 --> 00:28:36.720
own suffering this is how we do.
485
00:28:36.619 --> 00:28:39.740
It right and i would never think making bread makes
486
00:28:39.799 --> 00:28:44.259
me suffer but like i said making it Someone else's
487
00:28:44.319 --> 00:28:46.099
way other than my own might.
488
00:28:46.119 --> 00:28:48.500
If you're feeling anxious, are you suffering?
489
00:28:48.900 --> 00:28:52.559
Yeah, that's what I said. And yet at the same time,
490
00:28:52.660 --> 00:28:58.000
her way feels so liberating, right? Like, oh, all I
491
00:28:58.039 --> 00:29:00.700
need are just these three ingredients. I don't need a scale.
492
00:29:00.829 --> 00:29:03.670
I don't need a measuring cup. In fact, I loved
493
00:29:03.910 --> 00:29:08.410
how Sid, my brother-in-law, said his mother had this yellow cup.
494
00:29:09.569 --> 00:29:10.430
Do you remember this story?
495
00:29:10.450 --> 00:29:10.869
No.
496
00:29:11.509 --> 00:29:13.910
He said she had this yellow cup in the cupboard,
497
00:29:14.670 --> 00:29:17.250
and it was the only cup she used for baking.
498
00:29:18.289 --> 00:29:22.269
So whether the recipe was a cup, a half a cup, two-thirds, three-fourths,
499
00:29:22.630 --> 00:29:23.470
she had one cup.
500
00:29:23.769 --> 00:29:25.039
She was always using the same one.
501
00:29:25.049 --> 00:29:28.990
And she was always using the same one, estimating those measurements. Wow.
502
00:29:29.450 --> 00:29:32.279
And then all of a sudden, her daughter goes to
503
00:29:32.279 --> 00:29:35.329
Home Ec and comes home, and now they've got to
504
00:29:35.329 --> 00:29:39.970
buy like all these tools this set of measuring cups
505
00:29:40.019 --> 00:29:44.339
of cups now there's five cups instead of lenore's one
506
00:29:44.400 --> 00:29:47.720
cup and then there's these five spoons and he said
507
00:29:47.759 --> 00:29:50.279
you know she took out of the her kitchen drawer
508
00:29:50.319 --> 00:29:53.200
and what the spoon they ate with was the teaspoon
509
00:29:53.380 --> 00:29:56.099
and the bigger spoon you know so all of a
510
00:29:56.140 --> 00:30:02.640
sudden Different definitions were making things more cognitive. It was
511
00:30:02.779 --> 00:30:05.960
building rigidity. And maybe this is part of the illusion.
512
00:30:07.630 --> 00:30:09.329
Maybe. Absolutely.
513
00:30:10.690 --> 00:30:12.630
That all of a sudden it has to be more
514
00:30:12.670 --> 00:30:14.829
black and white. It has to be more defined. It
515
00:30:14.849 --> 00:30:20.089
has to be more sure and less absolute versus estimated.
516
00:30:20.349 --> 00:30:22.329
But the one cup won't work anymore.
517
00:30:22.549 --> 00:30:26.769
It doesn't feel safe for some of us when it's not.
518
00:30:27.619 --> 00:30:33.890
spelled out and for others of us it feels as
519
00:30:34.069 --> 00:30:37.910
the word you used was liberating when we can allow
520
00:30:37.970 --> 00:30:43.059
ourselves to just be present with what is estimating is
521
00:30:43.180 --> 00:30:51.299
okay guessing is okay non-perfection is okay the playing of
522
00:30:51.380 --> 00:30:56.549
music which is where I have gone in a way
523
00:30:56.609 --> 00:31:00.019
that's Not perfect. Absolutely not perfect.
524
00:31:01.019 --> 00:31:04.859
Well, I think it's because you're using more completely your
525
00:31:04.880 --> 00:31:09.500
other senses. I think, you know, Jackie, I'm using my
526
00:31:09.599 --> 00:31:14.339
mind when I'm following a recipe. Jackie's using her touch.
527
00:31:14.900 --> 00:31:15.140
Yes.
528
00:31:15.420 --> 00:31:18.990
She's feeling the consistency in the dough. She's looking at it.
529
00:31:19.049 --> 00:31:23.670
She's using sight. The last thing she's using is her mind.
530
00:31:24.089 --> 00:31:26.109
Right. She's using her intuitions.
531
00:31:26.289 --> 00:31:28.670
She's using her intuition and her other senses. Like I said,
532
00:31:28.690 --> 00:31:33.430
her touch and her just estimating.
533
00:31:33.869 --> 00:31:37.490
Since we're touching on intuition, let's talk about that for
534
00:31:37.529 --> 00:31:41.759
just a second before we close because I think that's
535
00:31:41.799 --> 00:31:46.210
the voice that we really have to learn to trust
536
00:31:46.279 --> 00:31:51.640
more and listen to more. And we don't see the
537
00:31:51.700 --> 00:31:54.619
results of listening to our intuition unless we're willing to
538
00:31:54.680 --> 00:31:57.190
do it. when we start to do it and listen
539
00:31:57.230 --> 00:31:59.789
to our intuition you start to recognize that when you
540
00:31:59.809 --> 00:32:02.710
listen to your intuition it doesn't mean you're right all
541
00:32:02.750 --> 00:32:04.849
the time but it does mean that you're following your
542
00:32:04.890 --> 00:32:08.009
feelings and as you learn how to follow your feelings
543
00:32:08.049 --> 00:32:10.710
and recognize when it's not coming from your mind and
544
00:32:10.730 --> 00:32:13.839
your head and your thinking but coming from some other
545
00:32:13.890 --> 00:32:17.960
place in a place where you're trained to be as
546
00:32:18.259 --> 00:32:23.380
still and present not in cognitive rigidity but in a
547
00:32:23.599 --> 00:32:28.809
very very fluid way of being That when we have
548
00:32:28.829 --> 00:32:32.609
intuition or insight as to what we need to do,
549
00:32:32.829 --> 00:32:35.390
something we need to do in our lives, something in
550
00:32:35.430 --> 00:32:38.029
this world of form that we need to accomplish, some task,
551
00:32:39.309 --> 00:32:41.130
we can feel what it is that we need to
552
00:32:41.190 --> 00:32:45.750
do from a place that's different from thinking it or
553
00:32:45.809 --> 00:32:49.640
from our mind or from the cognitive way of accomplishing it.
554
00:32:49.950 --> 00:32:54.049
When we do that, there's a resonance, I feel, that's
555
00:32:54.210 --> 00:32:57.460
emanating around us all the time You can call it
556
00:32:57.519 --> 00:33:05.849
whatever you want. Spirit. That will help us walk through
557
00:33:05.910 --> 00:33:09.670
life the way we were meant to walk through life.
558
00:33:10.309 --> 00:33:13.220
Instead of trying to think it through and figure it out.
559
00:33:13.920 --> 00:33:18.539
Right. And I do think intuition is closer to spirit.
560
00:33:18.599 --> 00:33:22.000
It's something that is in the body, but not of
561
00:33:22.039 --> 00:33:27.559
the body. And then mind is... that thinking cognitive pre,
562
00:33:27.759 --> 00:33:29.440
you know, prefrontal cortex and.
563
00:33:29.400 --> 00:33:32.200
All of that, the equation solver and the.
564
00:33:32.180 --> 00:33:35.559
Ego, right? The mechanism of ego that keeps us, that
565
00:33:35.599 --> 00:33:38.480
we were gifted when we came into form in order
566
00:33:38.519 --> 00:33:42.839
to stay safe. So, you know, we talk, we've talked
567
00:33:42.900 --> 00:33:46.500
a lot in other podcasts about bridging those two worlds
568
00:33:47.059 --> 00:33:51.339
and that humanity is coming more and more now where
569
00:33:51.440 --> 00:33:55.329
we're bridging those even further. Yeah. And, It was interesting.
570
00:33:55.750 --> 00:33:59.869
I was watching a clip this morning about Gary Zukav
571
00:33:59.910 --> 00:34:02.650
talking about, you know, when we die, the ego mind
572
00:34:03.230 --> 00:34:09.039
dies because the mind stops. But that intuition, that part
573
00:34:09.079 --> 00:34:12.840
of spirit goes on. And so when we can tap
574
00:34:12.880 --> 00:34:18.829
more actively into that while living, then I think we're
575
00:34:18.869 --> 00:34:21.590
living from a different space, whether people call that a
576
00:34:21.630 --> 00:34:27.239
higher vibration, it's definitely a different perspective when it comes
577
00:34:27.280 --> 00:34:32.199
from our intuition than when we're relying on mind and
578
00:34:32.920 --> 00:34:36.760
the physical part of us, the ego part of us
579
00:34:36.800 --> 00:34:41.190
that is all part of our physicality, our form that
580
00:34:41.389 --> 00:34:46.280
is only for this time. And that part, you know,
581
00:34:46.659 --> 00:34:49.800
it's just these gentle promptings to say, if I'm going
582
00:34:49.820 --> 00:34:53.460
to exercise a muscle today, am I going to exercise
583
00:34:53.500 --> 00:34:58.760
the muscle of intuition or my skill of intuition, or
584
00:34:58.800 --> 00:35:01.860
am I going to go deeper into my mind? And
585
00:35:02.449 --> 00:35:05.909
this weekend with my siblings has really been a very
586
00:35:05.969 --> 00:35:11.610
gentle call to, again, let go of my thinking and
587
00:35:11.969 --> 00:35:17.130
try to live more in my feeling and intuition and
588
00:35:17.190 --> 00:35:21.030
more spirit-driven self than my mind self.
589
00:35:21.510 --> 00:35:22.809
Yeah. I love it.
590
00:35:24.360 --> 00:35:26.559
So maybe I have to start playing music with you, honey.
591
00:35:27.059 --> 00:35:27.719
Oh, why not?
592
00:35:30.119 --> 00:35:31.300
I'm game. Are you?
593
00:35:31.820 --> 00:35:37.809
Absolutely. You know that. All right. So... With that being said,
594
00:35:37.829 --> 00:35:40.329
I think we'll wrap this up. You got something else?
595
00:35:40.429 --> 00:35:42.809
No, I just think you should maybe give a prompt
596
00:35:42.889 --> 00:35:45.610
for as people listen to this and they go the
597
00:35:45.670 --> 00:35:49.530
week of hearing this podcast, give them maybe a challenge
598
00:35:49.570 --> 00:35:53.039
for the week of something that they should do after
599
00:35:53.079 --> 00:35:53.880
they've listened to this.
600
00:35:53.900 --> 00:35:58.480
I think do what I recognized. Ask that question to yourself.
601
00:35:59.579 --> 00:36:04.650
Where is it in my life that cognitive rigidity comes up?
602
00:36:05.369 --> 00:36:10.110
Or is it that I am rigid in my cognition,
603
00:36:10.150 --> 00:36:14.710
in my thinking, where I'm not safe if I'm outside
604
00:36:14.750 --> 00:36:16.719
of that? And it can be in anything in your life.
605
00:36:16.739 --> 00:36:19.320
It can be something at work. It can be something
606
00:36:19.360 --> 00:36:21.440
in your belief system. It can be something in your
607
00:36:22.000 --> 00:36:22.960
political beliefs.
608
00:36:22.980 --> 00:36:23.860
Your relationships.
609
00:36:23.880 --> 00:36:28.269
Relationships. So many different ways that you can look at it.
610
00:36:29.219 --> 00:36:31.780
And we'd love to hear from you. So drop that
611
00:36:31.820 --> 00:36:35.289
in the comments on the podcast. Or reach out to us.
612
00:36:35.769 --> 00:36:37.849
Go on to our social media. You can find us
613
00:36:38.030 --> 00:36:40.369
all out there. All the links will be in the podcast.
614
00:36:41.269 --> 00:36:43.920
And let's hear from you. And we'll put links to
615
00:36:44.039 --> 00:36:46.639
that podcast from Mel Robbins in here so that you
616
00:36:46.679 --> 00:36:49.760
can access that and listen to it. Highly recommended.
617
00:36:50.059 --> 00:36:51.280
Yes, highly recommended.
618
00:36:51.300 --> 00:36:57.820
Really good podcast. Dr. Todd Rose was the guest. Anything else, Bernie?
619
00:36:58.110 --> 00:36:58.340
No.
620
00:36:58.639 --> 00:37:05.809
That's it? All right. So until next time. Bye. If
621
00:37:05.849 --> 00:37:10.400
you're enjoying the Observatory Podcast, please consider subscribing, sharing us,
622
00:37:10.980 --> 00:37:13.579
and if you have time to write a review about
623
00:37:13.619 --> 00:37:15.840
something that may have affected your life or helped you
624
00:37:15.860 --> 00:37:18.960
in some way, please do so. That helps us to
625
00:37:19.000 --> 00:37:21.420
get the word out and get this information out to
626
00:37:21.519 --> 00:37:24.030
more and more people so that it can be shared
627
00:37:24.429 --> 00:37:28.409
and we can help ripple out this energy that's emanating
628
00:37:28.429 --> 00:37:31.130
in the world today. There's been so much separation and
629
00:37:31.170 --> 00:37:34.090
we want to find a way to create conversations where
630
00:37:34.110 --> 00:37:37.869
we can come together not divide so much as we
631
00:37:37.929 --> 00:37:42.019
have been to learn to come together in unity. Thank you.
632
00:37:46.019 --> 00:37:48.500
You've been listening to the Observatory Podcast.
633
00:37:48.880 --> 00:37:52.090
Please be sure to subscribe so you don't miss any
634
00:37:52.349 --> 00:37:53.789
of our future episodes.
