MARIEL FILIPPONE: Redefining Modern Love & Matchmaking | EPISODE 22

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I have been on interviews where somebody says, you know, monogamy is a deal breaker by their third date, both in love.
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Both exclusive.
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I've been talking to catfish for quite a while and was really invested.
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Catfish relationship photos don't necessarily really invest in everybody.
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So when people say it's an expense, I say actually it's an investment.
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Welcome to the basic show season four, surprise part two.
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We have a very special guest, Marielle Philipponi.
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Perfect, the co-founder of the matchmaking agency called When We're First.
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Hello, Mariel.
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Welcome to the basic show.
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Hi, thank you.
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We're gonna have an express session to give a little uh feedback and maybe have a little bit different perspective from your point of view as a co-founder of um how we met.
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So let's talk a little bit about your clients.
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I really, and I'm sure our listeners and um viewers would love to hear some success stories.
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Can you give us maybe two things?
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Uh, success stories and maybe some that were unfortunately a failure.
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We want to hear both options, right?
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Right.
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It's it's definitely more authentic to tell you both sides of what can happen.
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That's partly what we do.
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Yeah, we want to hear that's right.
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Yeah.
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Hey, we like to tell you exactly what we do.
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Uh, and it's it's pretty interesting because there is a lot of intuition to it.
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There really is.
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It's hard to explain.
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It's you can't even necessarily train on that.
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It's like you automatically think of somebody that pops into your mind when somebody else, you're on an interview with somebody else, and you think of somebody that you might have interviewed six months before, and you contact them to see if they're even still single, you know.
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Um, a lot of that happens with what what we do.
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And I think that's what's what some people just don't understand that matchmaking, the reason why it is such a, you know, um, I will say it's an expense, but it's more of an investment in our eyes.
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Because what's more important than potentially meeting, you know, the right type of people that you want to date, right?
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We all want to find and connect with people.
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And so when people say it's an expense, I say actually it's an investment.
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And we spend so much time interviewing people.
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We can spend an hour and 20 minutes to two hours minimally interviewing people.
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So when we're on these interviews, we think of other people.
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We've interviewed, we've met clients that we have, and our team meets so often that we're constantly kind of exchanging notes on who we're looking for, and somebody just pops into your mind, and you know, nine times out of ten, it actually ends up being a really close fit.
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I mean, we we're the the women and men, a part of this team, are really truly incredible.
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So let's talk specifics.
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We want to know the specifics.
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Give us an example of two couples that met through the matchmaking services.
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Okay, what are they looking for?
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Right.
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One recently, I actually had known this client.
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This client contacted myself, I've known him for many years, and he had had, you know, long-term relationships.
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So I knew the kind of person he was looking for.
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However, I didn't interview him because we were too close.
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You know, he ended up hiring our matchmaking team and on his interview with one of our matchmakers, which by the way, all of our matchmakers have, you know, 16, 17 years experience.
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They're they're not trained by some certificate over a couple months, right?
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They actually have experience kind of what we call in the trenches.
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But she happened to mention a couple key points that I never knew about this person that I'd known for years.
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And when she said a couple things.
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Which were well, I I, for example, I didn't know that he felt very connected to wanting to be with somebody that was, you know, very involved in her culture ethnically.
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He really liked and wanted to embrace an ethnic culture with whoever he was dating.
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And I thought that was really fascinating because that to me is not always what somebody might, you know, say that they are looking for.
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He wanted somebody really deeply rooted in family, that family meant a lot.
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A lot of people do say that.
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But when I heard that specifically about wanting to be a part of something a little bit deeper and stronger in that department, automatically this I love the sound.
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Automatically, this woman that is very connected culturally from Mexico, born and raised in Mexico, immigrated to the United States, has been here for a very long time, but still very connected to her roots.
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I she just popped into my mind.
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And I introduced them for a date.
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I I told to the matchmaker, you have to get in touch with this person.
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They go on their first date.
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She wasn't sure at first.
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By their third date, both in love, both exclusive.
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This is recently just happened.
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Wow.
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So it makes you almost like a human database, right?
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I don't know how many people you have to carry in the back of your mind to be able to put those puzzles together, right?
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Well, that's exactly right.
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Yeah.
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You have to almost kind of think of people, right?
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And have so much data stored on people's interests, you know, whether or not, you know, uh children are their priority or not.
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There's so many things, religious backgrounds, you know, um, of course, geographic locations, but people are very open to moving for love these days as well.
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They're open to relocating because times have changed and people can work from anywhere.
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So that's actually played a huge factor in dating.
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We actually do have quite a people that will date by coastal and then one might move.
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So you mentioned before that it is an investment, right?
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We do invest in education, we do invest in our health, in our projects, but we do not invest in what's the most important, right, in our relationship.
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But at the same time, um, if you do have so at the same time, it's a high-price service, right?
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So you mentioned before, if I'm not mistaken, the matchmaking services could be like from$6,000 to$100,000 investment.
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Does it also limit at the same time with a little bit more bias for finding a true match?
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Or you're only matching those couples or those partners or candidates who actually invest in the service?
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What if, you know, the love of his life might be waiting, you know, in the bar next door who cannot afford that service?
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What do you do about that?
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Do you only work with both paying uh partners uh in in your services?
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So that's why we created the dating app.
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Uh-huh.
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That's why we wanted to be the number one matchmaking company in the world with the most amount of singles that we have access to, speaking to, interviewing.
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They don't necessarily have to both come to the table with the same investment.
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That's not actually what we look for.
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That would be completely like to your point, that would be not a match necessarily.
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Just because two people came to the table with the same investment doesn't mean anything to us as matchmakers.
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What we do is we spend more time on the person that paid us.
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We are looking for what they're looking for.
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It's more like a customized approach.
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It's very customized approach where there's guaranteed dates, whereas we might put them on a date with somebody that didn't necessarily pay us, but that's the only date they're gonna get from us, potentially.
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So say they pay you a certain fee and they guaranteed how many dates?
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It depends on their membership.
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We do have different memberships, and that we really can't extend a membership to just anyone.
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We've actually turned down people for memberships.
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We really do extend memberships to people.
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We know without a shadow of doubt that we could get them guaranteed dates.
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We can't actually extend a membership to just everyone.
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What was the reason for rejection?
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Uh honestly, some people aren't fully divorced.
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That's a that's a big one.
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We don't want to be we don't want to be in a business where you know there's some gray areas.
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Come in.
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Join the conversation.
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No gray areas.
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All the singles, like, wait, what?
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Did I hear matchmaking service?
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We're here.
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Okay, so they're not fully divorced, right?
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They're not fully committed to be right in the new research.
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You know, and it's very interesting because the world's evolving.
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I have been on interviews where somebody says, you know, monogamy is a deal breaker, and most people come to us because they want monogamy.
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It's it's rare to be able to have, you know, a lot of people coming to a matchmaking service that that don't want monogamy.
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Uh it's we do hear it, yes.
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I love the sound of like keep going, keep going.
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It's just yeah, part of our sound.
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We do, we do hear that, but it's so rare that we really can't necessarily extend a membership to just to just everybody if we don't have, you know, if we really legitimately just don't have a lot of people that are looking for that, it's not honest of us to be able to extend a membership.
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So you do some kind of an extension extensive background research on your um.
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We do what we call like more of a soft kind of background check as much as possible that we can do.
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And there are some softwares and services out there that we have invested in for things like that.
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Um, so that does help absolutely in in ensuring that you know it's an authentic experience and a safe experience.
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I think that's what a lot of people come to us for too, is to make sure that they're safely dating.
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So your uh app is relatively new.
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Can you share us of how many members approximately do you currently have registered?
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I know we have quite a few.
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Okay.
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Whoops.
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I don't know that number.
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That's fine.
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What I mean, like it's dozens, hundreds, thousands.
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Oh, yeah, tens of thousands that we're working on.
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Um however, we also firmly believe in quality over quantity.
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We've seen a lot of dating apps have, you know, millions of users, and the percentage of authenticity and safety that they feel, that they feel like it's a good place to meet somebody, it's very low.
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We'd rather have a higher percentage in quality versus quantity.
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And so we definitely are growing at, I would say, a very organic, you know, kind of grassroots style.
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Do you do any sort of like ID um verification?
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Oh, absolutely.
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Yes.
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I've been talking to catfish for quite a while and was really invested in the catfish relationship, and then you realize, okay, it was talking to a not real, I mean, it was a real person, but it was hiding behind somebody really handsome uh profile.
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Oh, I'm so sorry.
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Yeah, it's you're not the only one and you won't be the last.
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There's several stories that we hear about.
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Good experience though.
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Experience because everything you go through does make you better, it does improve dating for you in general and and overall.
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However, it is frustrating because you don't want to waste time.
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No one wants to waste their time.
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Do you think having this matchmaking services it's a threat to actual human relationship and makes men and women more lazy to go out there and to put in effort and to meet somebody in person?
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You know, that's interesting uh to think that way.
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I actually believe that people are wasting so much more time, uh, sometimes on their own.
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If you think about it, you know, dating is emotional.
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Relationships are emotional, you know.
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Um why would you want to kind of go through that alone when you could have a team, you could have somebody supporting you through that?
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It's it's one of the hardest things that people even kind of go through, other than grieving, of course.
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But dating in general, you know, um, relationships, they do require a lot of emotion.
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And so I do believe that, you know, why would you kind of waste your time doing it alone?
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That's really why we created the human button for people to have that coaching and that cheerleader or that voice of reason that they can connect with.
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So they don't they might not necessarily be able to afford matchmaking, but maybe they do look forward to coaching calls, and that's available in our app as well.
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So, what happens if you have a human, a client who paid for the services and still didn't find their match?
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So we don't necessarily guarantee that they will find their match.
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Okay.
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We guarantee dates they would actually want to go on.
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So we have a really unique process, whereas, you know, 100% of the matchmakers out there that we're aware of, they really set up on blind dates.
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We actually are the only company that I know of.
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Let's keep going that I love this plans.
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I don't know why it gives me a gooey.
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No, it's cool.
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I feel like I'm in a movie.
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Yeah.
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It kind of is like the set.
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I know it is, right?
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Um, but we are the only company that I'm aware of that actually shows you some photos.
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We we actually create an entire profile to be able to present to our matchmaking clients.
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So we will talk about, you know, we will only mention first name, no last names, no place of work, nothing that would cross that confidentiality line.
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But we would at least explore and advocate for the person we want to introduce them to because a lot of times photos can't express who someone is.
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Unfortunately, people are so accustomed to swiping and pre-judging.
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Whereas we have found that when people sit across the table from another person, you know, sparks can fly, chemistry can be there, but they would have maybe, you know, nine times out of ten, swiped no on somebody because photos don't necessarily bring out the best in everybody.
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So, how how involved are you and the people that you're working with?
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Let's say you arrange the first dates, say everything went great, there was chemistry that started dating.
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Do you just, you know, let them be, or you keep working, like you said, do coaching, or how else are you involved besides setting up?
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We stay with them through the whole journey.
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It's usually either a Oh, Swedish family, I love it.
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It's it's almost like a, you know, like a nine to 12 month commitment of we call it a membership, but yes, there's coaching weekly that's provided from again experts that know what they're doing and know how to advise through different scenarios.
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Um, you know, we can prepare people for dates.
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We can help them make and look and feel their best.
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At the end of the day, we want to hear the feedback though.
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That's what we want to get to.
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We want to get to the right, you look great, you look amazing, your shirt looks good, the tie looks flat.
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Show me your outfit, you know, send me a video.
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I know.
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So you pretty much almost like the, I don't know, is it like family they never had?
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Well, yeah, we we all we do feel that way.
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We do feel like I get very close to clients, you know.
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Um, and we do say, hey, we think you really should get professional photography done before we present you.
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Uh and we actually tell everybody that 100% of our clients, we recommend that they get professional photography done.
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You know, they've done something with their hair, whatever it is, right?
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Um, we do not want, you know, our male clients to hold a fish and wear a hat with sunglasses because that's what 99% of them do.
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It might be a girl who attracted to that fish.
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Yeah, there are some women that love to fish.
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Yes.
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We just don't believe that that's the most authentic photo to put forward as the first couple photos.
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We think it should be maybe towards the back of the photo.
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I mean, man, I look through so many profiles, I always know, okay, this is the cap guy, this is the mother guy.
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And I'm like, always picture with the mother.
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Kind of fishy as here, like too, you know, uh, she's too controlling, you know, picture with the dog, no, you know, picture with the fish, no.
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Right, but see, but your mind is already.
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Whereas maybe if you sat across from the table with this person, you might say, Oh, we have so much in common.
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Yeah.
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You know, I mean, my husband, honestly, on paper, I've told my husband this.
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He's the love of my life.
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I'm so thankful that, you know, he did pursue and he worked hard to make me kind of see what, you know, but on paper, I didn't think that he was necessarily who I was looking for.
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We started, you know, kind of talking and dating, and he was a full smoker.
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I didn't know that.
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I owned gyms and I worked in gyms.
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Can you imagine?
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Do you think that I would, you know, think of myself ending up with a smoker in road construction?
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It's very popular in that industry, right?
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But lo and behold, you know, he quit years later, not right away, right?
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But I always knew he wanted to.
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So sometimes you also have to bring the best of the person, maybe.
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You both do in a relationship.
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Hopefully, in a healthy, committed, loving relationship and a partnership, you're both always pushing each other to be better.
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You know, that's really what I believe at the end of the day provides such great connections and long-term lasting relationships.
00:17:31.440 --> 00:17:35.519
This is a great point to wrap up this express um conversation.
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Always look for a partner who will bring the best out of you and always want the best for you from both sides.
00:17:42.079 --> 00:17:42.559
That's right.
00:17:42.799 --> 00:17:45.119
Well, thank you for being on the basic show.
00:17:45.200 --> 00:17:50.079
It was really great chatting with you, getting a little more insights on when we're first.
00:17:50.480 --> 00:18:01.119
So please go on the website, check out the app, and I wish all of you the very best and find the true love of your life and feel those butterflies again or for the first time.
00:18:01.599 --> 00:18:02.720
Thank you for being on the basic show.
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Thank you so much.
00:18:03.599 --> 00:18:03.759
Thank you.
00:18:03.920 --> 00:18:04.160
Thank you.