WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.640
Welcome back to another Not Safe for Brunch Quickie.
00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:06.160
I'm Coralie, your crypt keeper for today's quickie.
00:00:06.320 --> 00:00:08.000
Today we're holding a funeral.
00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:13.279
Not for sex, but for all the bullshit surrounding sex that needs to die.
00:00:13.439 --> 00:00:15.279
Welcome to the sex graveyard.
00:00:15.439 --> 00:00:18.960
So grab your imaginary shovel because we have some things to bury.
00:00:19.280 --> 00:00:22.160
First thing we're throwing into the grave, faking orgasms.
00:00:22.320 --> 00:00:27.359
Because congratulations, ladies, you've convinced someone that something happened that definitely did not happen.
00:00:27.519 --> 00:00:28.480
Why do we fake it?
00:00:28.640 --> 00:00:29.600
To make it to the end?
00:00:29.760 --> 00:00:31.280
To protect someone's feelings?
00:00:31.440 --> 00:00:35.520
Because we don't want to have the awkward conversation about what actually works.
00:00:35.840 --> 00:00:41.439
Problem is that every time you fake an orgasm, your partner thinks that whatever they did was a good job.
00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:46.399
So what if instead of faking it, we normalize just saying, you know, that's not working, let's try this instead.
00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:47.600
So let's bury it.
00:00:47.759 --> 00:00:51.280
I mean, fake it if you want, but don't treat it like an obligation.
00:00:51.520 --> 00:00:54.560
Number two, sex is a marital obligation.
00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:58.479
Marriage is not a lifetime subscription to somebody else's body.
00:00:58.719 --> 00:01:01.600
Being in a relationship doesn't mean you owe someone sex.
00:01:01.679 --> 00:01:07.519
And really, sex that happens because someone feels obligated is not going to be a good experience for anyone.
00:01:07.760 --> 00:01:14.719
So let's not talk about sex like it's something we owe our partners, but instead, let's talk about it as something we hopefully both want.
00:01:15.120 --> 00:01:16.000
Bury it.
00:01:16.239 --> 00:01:18.400
Number three, good girls don't.
00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:19.680
Good girls don't what?
00:01:19.920 --> 00:01:20.640
Fill in the blank.
00:01:20.799 --> 00:01:21.920
Good girls don't want sex.
00:01:22.079 --> 00:01:23.840
Good girls don't ask for what they want.
00:01:24.000 --> 00:01:25.439
Good girls don't buy toys.
00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:27.280
Good girls don't masturbate.
00:01:27.439 --> 00:01:29.120
Good girls don't make the first move.
00:01:29.359 --> 00:01:31.359
Good girls don't talk about sex.
00:01:31.599 --> 00:01:33.599
Who exactly decided there was a rule book?
00:01:33.840 --> 00:01:35.200
I'm gonna say a group of men.
00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:41.040
Because the good girl rulebook contains an alarming number of items that good girls aren't supposed to enjoy.
00:01:41.200 --> 00:01:45.359
So let's bury that because good girls can do whatever the hell they want.
00:01:45.840 --> 00:01:47.599
Four, keeping score.
00:01:47.840 --> 00:01:49.599
I did this, so you should do that.
00:01:49.840 --> 00:01:52.079
You haven't initiated in three weeks.
00:01:52.239 --> 00:01:54.159
I gave you a blowjob on Tuesday.
00:01:54.400 --> 00:01:56.640
Nobody asked for a spreadsheet.
00:01:56.799 --> 00:02:00.560
There's a difference between noticing an imbalance and keeping a tally.
00:02:00.719 --> 00:02:02.319
Sex isn't your local grocery store.
00:02:02.400 --> 00:02:06.159
You don't get to tally at membership points every time you partake.
00:02:06.400 --> 00:02:07.680
So let's bury that.
00:02:07.920 --> 00:02:09.599
No more sexual bookkeeping.
00:02:09.759 --> 00:02:12.400
Number five, penetration as the main event.
00:02:12.639 --> 00:02:16.159
Let's bury the idea that penetration is the Super Bowl of sex.
00:02:16.319 --> 00:02:18.560
Because for a lot of people, it's not even the favorite part.
00:02:18.719 --> 00:02:30.400
Sex can be kissing, touching, oral toys, grinding, mutual masturbation, teasing, talking, laughing, cuddling, holding hands, whatever works for the people involved.
00:02:30.560 --> 00:02:32.479
Penetration is an option.
00:02:32.719 --> 00:02:34.240
It is not the final boss.
00:02:34.319 --> 00:02:35.039
So bury it.
00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:39.120
Penetration can stay, but the idea that it's the main event, gotta go.
00:02:39.360 --> 00:02:42.240
Number six, being embarrassed to buy lube.
00:02:42.319 --> 00:02:49.840
If you've ever walked into a store, stared at the lube section, and then suddenly started looking up at the ceiling or looking at your phone, you're not alone.
00:02:49.919 --> 00:02:50.800
But this one's for you.
00:02:50.960 --> 00:02:52.719
Needing lubrication isn't a failure.
00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:54.240
It doesn't mean your body's broken.
00:02:54.400 --> 00:02:58.400
It doesn't mean your body's old, inexperienced, or not attracted to your partner.
00:02:58.560 --> 00:03:00.560
Needing lube doesn't even mean you're not turned on.
00:03:00.719 --> 00:03:02.879
Sometimes our bodies need a little assistance.
00:03:03.039 --> 00:03:07.439
And frankly, more lube makes things a hundred times more enjoyable and comfortable.
00:03:07.599 --> 00:03:08.479
So bury it.
00:03:08.639 --> 00:03:11.439
The embarrassment goes in the grave, but the lube stays.
00:03:11.599 --> 00:03:14.080
Number seven, your partner should just know.
00:03:14.319 --> 00:03:17.520
So not only are they supposed to be a partner, they're supposed to be psychic.
00:03:17.680 --> 00:03:26.400
They should just know what you like, where you like to be touched, how much pressure you like, what you want, what you don't want, when you're in the mood, when you're absolutely not in the mood.
00:03:26.560 --> 00:03:31.360
Communication is not a mood killer, and nobody gets bonus points for making their partner guess.
00:03:31.439 --> 00:03:32.159
So bury it.
00:03:32.319 --> 00:03:35.599
The mind reading expectation is officially deceased.
00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:38.479
Number eight, menopause is the end of sex.
00:03:38.639 --> 00:03:40.879
Finally, the biggest grave we've got.
00:03:41.039 --> 00:03:42.159
It needs a whole tomb.
00:03:42.240 --> 00:03:44.319
Menopause means your sex life's over.
00:03:44.560 --> 00:03:45.759
Absolutely fucking not.
00:03:45.919 --> 00:03:52.319
Your body may change, your hormones may change, your desire may change, your comfort may change, but none of those things mean you're done.
00:03:52.479 --> 00:04:00.479
Sometimes you just need new information, different expectations, different products, medical support, more time, more communication, or all of the above.
00:04:00.639 --> 00:04:04.879
So let's bury it because menopause doesn't get to decide when you're sexually retired.
00:04:05.039 --> 00:04:07.120
And there you have it, the sex graveyard.
00:04:07.280 --> 00:04:18.399
We've buried fake orgasms, sexual obligation, good girl rules, keeping score, penetration as the main event, lube shame, mind reading, and the idea that menopause means you're done.
00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:20.720
You guys, the graveyard is getting pretty full.
00:04:20.879 --> 00:04:23.920
So what's something you would like to bury in the sex graveyard?
00:04:24.079 --> 00:04:25.759
Send it to us or put it in the comments.
00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:27.439
Maybe it needs its own funeral.
00:04:27.600 --> 00:04:35.279
Until next time, stay spooky, stay curious, communicate clearly, and stop letting outdated sex rules run your sex life.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.640
Welcome back to another Not Safe for Brunch Quickie.
00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:06.160
I'm Coralie, your crypt keeper for today's quickie.
00:00:06.320 --> 00:00:08.000
Today we're holding a funeral.
00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:13.279
Not for sex, but for all the bullshit surrounding sex that needs to die.
00:00:13.439 --> 00:00:15.279
Welcome to the sex graveyard.
00:00:15.439 --> 00:00:18.960
So grab your imaginary shovel because we have some things to bury.
00:00:19.280 --> 00:00:22.160
First thing we're throwing into the grave, faking orgasms.
00:00:22.320 --> 00:00:27.359
Because congratulations, ladies, you've convinced someone that something happened that definitely did not happen.
00:00:27.519 --> 00:00:28.480
Why do we fake it?
00:00:28.640 --> 00:00:29.600
To make it to the end?
00:00:29.760 --> 00:00:31.280
To protect someone's feelings?
00:00:31.440 --> 00:00:35.520
Because we don't want to have the awkward conversation about what actually works.
00:00:35.840 --> 00:00:41.439
Problem is that every time you fake an orgasm, your partner thinks that whatever they did was a good job.
00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:46.399
So what if instead of faking it, we normalize just saying, you know, that's not working, let's try this instead.
00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:47.600
So let's bury it.
00:00:47.759 --> 00:00:51.280
I mean, fake it if you want, but don't treat it like an obligation.
00:00:51.520 --> 00:00:54.560
Number two, sex is a marital obligation.
00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:58.479
Marriage is not a lifetime subscription to somebody else's body.
00:00:58.719 --> 00:01:01.600
Being in a relationship doesn't mean you owe someone sex.
00:01:01.679 --> 00:01:07.519
And really, sex that happens because someone feels obligated is not going to be a good experience for anyone.
00:01:07.760 --> 00:01:14.719
So let's not talk about sex like it's something we owe our partners, but instead, let's talk about it as something we hopefully both want.
00:01:15.120 --> 00:01:16.000
Bury it.
00:01:16.239 --> 00:01:18.400
Number three, good girls don't.
00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:19.680
Good girls don't what?
00:01:19.920 --> 00:01:20.640
Fill in the blank.
00:01:20.799 --> 00:01:21.920
Good girls don't want sex.
00:01:22.079 --> 00:01:23.840
Good girls don't ask for what they want.
00:01:24.000 --> 00:01:25.439
Good girls don't buy toys.
00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:27.280
Good girls don't masturbate.
00:01:27.439 --> 00:01:29.120
Good girls don't make the first move.
00:01:29.359 --> 00:01:31.359
Good girls don't talk about sex.
00:01:31.599 --> 00:01:33.599
Who exactly decided there was a rule book?
00:01:33.840 --> 00:01:35.200
I'm gonna say a group of men.
00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:41.040
Because the good girl rulebook contains an alarming number of items that good girls aren't supposed to enjoy.
00:01:41.200 --> 00:01:45.359
So let's bury that because good girls can do whatever the hell they want.
00:01:45.840 --> 00:01:47.599
Four, keeping score.
00:01:47.840 --> 00:01:49.599
I did this, so you should do that.
00:01:49.840 --> 00:01:52.079
You haven't initiated in three weeks.
00:01:52.239 --> 00:01:54.159
I gave you a blowjob on Tuesday.
00:01:54.400 --> 00:01:56.640
Nobody asked for a spreadsheet.
00:01:56.799 --> 00:02:00.560
There's a difference between noticing an imbalance and keeping a tally.
00:02:00.719 --> 00:02:02.319
Sex isn't your local grocery store.
00:02:02.400 --> 00:02:06.159
You don't get to tally at membership points every time you partake.
00:02:06.400 --> 00:02:07.680
So let's bury that.
00:02:07.920 --> 00:02:09.599
No more sexual bookkeeping.
00:02:09.759 --> 00:02:12.400
Number five, penetration as the main event.
00:02:12.639 --> 00:02:16.159
Let's bury the idea that penetration is the Super Bowl of sex.
00:02:16.319 --> 00:02:18.560
Because for a lot of people, it's not even the favorite part.
00:02:18.719 --> 00:02:30.400
Sex can be kissing, touching, oral toys, grinding, mutual masturbation, teasing, talking, laughing, cuddling, holding hands, whatever works for the people involved.
00:02:30.560 --> 00:02:32.479
Penetration is an option.
00:02:32.719 --> 00:02:34.240
It is not the final boss.
00:02:34.319 --> 00:02:35.039
So bury it.
00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:39.120
Penetration can stay, but the idea that it's the main event, gotta go.
00:02:39.360 --> 00:02:42.240
Number six, being embarrassed to buy lube.
00:02:42.319 --> 00:02:49.840
If you've ever walked into a store, stared at the lube section, and then suddenly started looking up at the ceiling or looking at your phone, you're not alone.
00:02:49.919 --> 00:02:50.800
But this one's for you.
00:02:50.960 --> 00:02:52.719
Needing lubrication isn't a failure.
00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:54.240
It doesn't mean your body's broken.
00:02:54.400 --> 00:02:58.400
It doesn't mean your body's old, inexperienced, or not attracted to your partner.
00:02:58.560 --> 00:03:00.560
Needing lube doesn't even mean you're not turned on.
00:03:00.719 --> 00:03:02.879
Sometimes our bodies need a little assistance.
00:03:03.039 --> 00:03:07.439
And frankly, more lube makes things a hundred times more enjoyable and comfortable.
00:03:07.599 --> 00:03:08.479
So bury it.
00:03:08.639 --> 00:03:11.439
The embarrassment goes in the grave, but the lube stays.
00:03:11.599 --> 00:03:14.080
Number seven, your partner should just know.
00:03:14.319 --> 00:03:17.520
So not only are they supposed to be a partner, they're supposed to be psychic.
00:03:17.680 --> 00:03:26.400
They should just know what you like, where you like to be touched, how much pressure you like, what you want, what you don't want, when you're in the mood, when you're absolutely not in the mood.
00:03:26.560 --> 00:03:31.360
Communication is not a mood killer, and nobody gets bonus points for making their partner guess.
00:03:31.439 --> 00:03:32.159
So bury it.
00:03:32.319 --> 00:03:35.599
The mind reading expectation is officially deceased.
00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:38.479
Number eight, menopause is the end of sex.
00:03:38.639 --> 00:03:40.879
Finally, the biggest grave we've got.
00:03:41.039 --> 00:03:42.159
It needs a whole tomb.
00:03:42.240 --> 00:03:44.319
Menopause means your sex life's over.
00:03:44.560 --> 00:03:45.759
Absolutely fucking not.
00:03:45.919 --> 00:03:52.319
Your body may change, your hormones may change, your desire may change, your comfort may change, but none of those things mean you're done.
00:03:52.479 --> 00:04:00.479
Sometimes you just need new information, different expectations, different products, medical support, more time, more communication, or all of the above.
00:04:00.639 --> 00:04:04.879
So let's bury it because menopause doesn't get to decide when you're sexually retired.
00:04:05.039 --> 00:04:07.120
And there you have it, the sex graveyard.
00:04:07.280 --> 00:04:18.399
We've buried fake orgasms, sexual obligation, good girl rules, keeping score, penetration as the main event, lube shame, mind reading, and the idea that menopause means you're done.
00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:20.720
You guys, the graveyard is getting pretty full.
00:04:20.879 --> 00:04:23.920
So what's something you would like to bury in the sex graveyard?
00:04:24.079 --> 00:04:25.759
Send it to us or put it in the comments.
00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:27.439
Maybe it needs its own funeral.
00:04:27.600 --> 00:04:35.279
Until next time, stay spooky, stay curious, communicate clearly, and stop letting outdated sex rules run your sex life.
