Joe Casabona: Hello. Hello. Welcome, to Episode 460 of the Streamlined Solopreneur. This is actually gonna be broken up into two parts.
Leah and I had an amazing conversation, and there's really, like, a super clear dividing line. So in Part 1, which you're about to hear, we talk about work-life balance. Does it exist and how do you find it? And we both share some tumultuous times in our journey as being both a solopreneur and a parent and trying to have it all. So, really great.
Part 2 will come out in a couple of days on this same feed. And we just kinda trade notes about being solopreneur parents and the difference between being a solopreneur mom and being a solopreneur dad, and that's also a great episode.
So, really great two-parter for you, and I really hope you enjoy part one where we talk about work-life balance.
Welcome to the Streamlined Solopreneur. A show for busy solopreneurs to help you improve your systems and processes so you can build a business while spending your time the way you want. I know you're busy, so let's get started.
Alright. I am here with Leah Remillet. I am really excited, host of the Balancing Busy podcast, and we're gonna talk about being parents and solopreneurs.
Leah, how are you?
Leah Remillet: I am great. Thanks for having me.
Joe Casabona: Thanks so much for coming on the show. So let's dive into it. I watched a video where you were explaining what you want and not or. That's all I'm gonna say. What does that mean?
Leah Remillet: Absolutely. Okay. So I think as soon as we start talking about this, everyone is gonna be like, yes. That's what I want too. And it's this idea that I wanted to stop having to choose this or that. I can either feel like a great mom or a great business owner. I can feel like I'm doing great with my health, or I'm killing it with the campaigns that I'm creating for my business. I can either have a great marriage, or I can be doing great in this other area that it just constantly felt like there was this trade-off. I had to have one or the other.
And I think especially as solopreneurs, we all feel this. It's like if my business is doing phenomenal, if I'm in growth mode, then it means something else is falling apart, either my marriage or the way I feel I'm showing up for my kids. There's just tons of guilt that's just weighing on my shoulders or other relationships or the house. Right? Or all of them. Honestly, sometimes it's, like, all of them. And I just got, honestly, I got mad. And I was like, no. I don't want this. This isn't the life I want. I want both. I want and. I wanna have these areas of my life be fantastic, and I want to grow this thriving multi--six-figure business because I feel like I have a message. Like, I feel like I can help people, and it was put on my heart on purpose. This wasn't an accident. So, therefore, there has to be a way to meld these together. And so that is what I set out to do.
I started my business in 2008, 2009. Got it completely wrong the first few years. I mean, there was there was no end. None. Right?
And then about 2012 was the shift of, like, I will fix this or I will walk away from my business because it was that bad. And the crazy part about that is not only was I a solopreneur, I was our actually, at that point, I was our sole breadwinner. So it wasn't like you're saying you're walking away.
It's not like, oh, because I'm the side hustle. It's like, and how will we pay the mortgage, Leah? Like, how's that gonna work? And but I knew. If I don't figure this out, I have to stop. Because losing my relationship with my kids, my marriage, like, it's just not worth it.
Joe Casabona: Yeah. Absolutely. I think about this all the time because I have, like, basically fallen into all of my businesses. Like, my I made my first website in February when my parish was like, hey. You wanna make a website? And I'm like, I don't know how to do that. And they're like, we'll pay you. And I'm like, yeah. I'm 14. I've got nothing but time. Right? I can learn this. $200 is like four Xbox games.
So, like and it wasn't really a big deal for me for a long time because I was like a single twenty-something. Right? And I was like, yeah. I don't care. I don't drink that much anyway. I'm gonna work and on the weekends and at night because it's fun. And it's, oh, my job is my hobby, and it's amazing.
And then, like, I got into a relationship with who is now my wife. And the first time I had to, like, work late for an agency I was working for, I was so pissed off. I was like, no. No. This is not okay. Like, I have to choose between my job and my girlfriend.
Leah Remillet: Yeah.
Joe Casabona: And I did have, like, a heavy quote real job for a while. And then when my first was born, I'm, like, working late and working weekends, and I'm like, I quit. I'm like, I'm not gonna miss my kid's first steps for you until, like, we the whole point of all this is we start our businesses because, hopefully, we would have more freedom. But if we mess it up, we have less freedom.
Leah Remillet: Much less. Like, not even a little bit less. I mean, the honest truth is entrepreneurship often goes hand in hand with some crazy hours where we're working late into the night. We're working against deadlines because you procrastinated or other things came up. There were other fires to put out or whatever. Or you're just wearing too many hats. Right? You're wearing so many hats that it's, like, by the time you get it, you're pressed up against the wire. And so it's interesting because I thought about this concept a long time ago where I realized there are some professions that are inherently opposed to balance. Right? Like, it just there are certain career choices you make that they just don't work with balance. You know, maybe an on-call, I don't know, surgeon or something, or I can't think of what else. But there are certain ones where they're just really hard to maintain balance. And then I realized entrepreneurship so easily falls into that category if you're not super intentional.
And a lot of us, we just don't know better. At the beginning, you're just so excited. I mean, you've got all the passion, all the drive. It really is that hobby that you can't wait to work on. So it's like, if you have spare time, that's what you want to be doing. And you go late into the night, and you're like, oh my gosh. I don't even know where the time went. That was you know, I just got so into the zone. But without keeping it in check, habits form.
And that's what happened to me. Right? Like, oh, I'm starting to get some success. I'm starting to see income-producing activities happen. Like, money is getting into my bank account, and you're getting these accolades, and you're getting feedback of people so excited. And so you're doing more and more and more, and you start chasing this. And you look around, and you're like, wow. I have built something that is inherently opposed to balance. Like, this is a workaholic's, I don't know, castle that has been built.
And so I realized, like, okay. I have to break this down, and I have to start over. Like, I have to build a completely different structure that has those boundaries. It has balance. It has times that I work and don't work. Like, literally, office hours. Right? Just all those components to be able to build that time freedom, which is the whole reason we all get into this. I mean, yes, the passion too. There's, you know, this dream, but in our mind, we're like, oh, man. I'm gonna get to be my own boss. I'm gonna set my own hours. And then it turns out we're the worst boss we've ever had.
Joe Casabona: Yes. Oh, that's so funny because I would say that all the time. Right? Like, the best boss I ever had was Mister Rizzy. He was the guy I worked for at the Deli. I'm a New York stereotype, so I worked in Deli. I worked in waste management. I worked in construction. And people will be like, aren't you your own boss? I'm like, yep. Inclusive of me. Like, he was way nicer to me than I am to me.
Leah Remillet: Yes.
Joe Casabona: And so, like, you're you're absolutely right. And, like, I mean, especially I don't know if you work from home. I work from home. And drawing those boundaries could be harder. Right? Like, I've I got a desktop computer and, like, I do have a laptop for travel, but, like, I try to adhere to the rule that the laptop is not allowed in the living room or the dining room.
Leah Remillet: I love that. I'm the exact same way. I love that.
Joe Casabona: Yeah. That's awesome. So you start to realize that this is a problem. Right? You mentioned 2013. I don't wanna, like, give away any major reveals, but I know you did say something that caught my ear in, like, in one of your videos about a very impactful medical thing that happened. Right?
Leah Remillet: Yes. Yes. So I am building my business, and I accidentally was building two companies at once, which was amazing, but it wasn't originally on purpose. So I am the you said, you know, like, you're the quintessential New Yorker. I'm the quintessential mom at home who wants to start a business. Do you wanna know what business that means I started? A photography business because that's what we all start. Like, you get a stay-at-home mom, and she's like, give me a camera. I'm gonna take some pictures. So that was the business that I started, and I started with a four-year-old, a three-year-old, and a four-month-old. K? That's, like talk about some really bad timing, but we needed money. My husband was about to go into graduate school next, and it was like, could you imagine if I could just bring in a thousand dollars a month? How much that would help us? That's the basis of me starting a business.
Well, I start that in the 2008, 2009 area, and that's right as blogging is really starting to become, like, the thing. Right? Everyone's got a blog and every mom's got a blog. So I'm like, okay. I'm gonna start a blog at the same time, and this is gonna be my journey of trying to become a professional photographer. Because back then, obviously, blogs are new. So you don't have the array of information like we do now. Like, now, it'd be like, why would you need that? But for all of our youngins, back then, you still did.
Okay. So I start this blog, and I'm just sharing at the beginning just really cool things I'm finding, mostly about, like, the technique of photography because I had never even held a professional camera or any camera outside of, like, a disposable. The blog started taking off, and a lot of people are commenting. They're reaching out. They're like, wait. Wait. You mentioned this. Explain how you did that. And what was fascinating is that while I was very confused by the technical aspect, the business side came easy to me. Like, I just, I love entrepreneurship. I've intuitively always, like, just had this entrepreneur's mind. And so that part was coming really easy, building out the marketing, the pricing, the sales, and how to build the experience. And so I was charging about $2,500 per family portrait session. And so people are like, wait. How do you do this?
And so I started teaching photographers how I'm doing the business side. So, now I have a photography business, plus I have a coaching business, which then turns into me trying to figure out how I can give them the full picture so they can see, like, the whole circle. Right? How it all works.
So now I am building a course, which is okay. Again, I wanna say, I get it. Everyone and their mother and their brother and their dog has a course today. But back then, that did not exist. Like, I literally was, like, how could I get this information out to people?
So I actually made mine, this audio course. I had instructions on how you downloaded the audio files and put them into your back then, would it have still been iTunes, I think?
Joe Casabona: Yeah. It would have been iTunes or iPad.
Leah Remillet: Yeah. So, like, explained, like, how you got it in, and then I had a workbook that went along with it. And even though, I had thought through, like customer experience, my ideal customer is a busy mom. She doesn't have time to watch a video. She would do better if it was audio so she could listen while she's running around.
Joe Casabona: While doing other stuff. Love that.
Leah Remillet: Yeah. So all of this to say, in the business world, it was beyond anything I'd ever dreamed of. Like, I'm dyslexic. I have ADHD. I spent my entire life feeling stupid because when you take a test and you fail every time, no matter how hard you try, right, all of that tells you you are dumb. Like, the rest of the class can get it, but you can't. Right? So I had never believed in myself.
And all of a sudden, I am making multi-six figures, and I have people coming to me wanting me to explain how I develop my pricing model, which Math was my worst subject. So the fact that people want me to explain numbers was, like, wow. Right?
So it was, like, in one realm, my life is, like it's blooming into something I could have never imagined for myself. I'm completely able to provide for our family. I'm buying homes just off me. I'm able to do all these things, but there was this other side. And the other side was that I couldn't figure out how to fit it all in. I could not figure out like, I still work from home. I am still a stay-at-home mom. I'm also running the company and these businesses, and I am the sole provider because my husband's in graduate school. He's amazing at helping, but he literally lives at the school because he's in graduate school. So he's there all the time.
And so my way to deal with all of this is I just stopped sleeping. And it wasn't intentional, but it was I could put the kids down around 7-7:30. I go into my office, and no one bugs you in the middle of the night. Right? And so it was like, I could just work, and I would work.
I would tell myself I was only gonna work a couple of hours, but it became where it was. I would work till about 5 AM. I could do this for four days in a row, then I knew I had to get one night's sleep of five to six hours, and then I could do it again. And I would just work this cycle to try to keep everybody happy.
And one thing that I did was once a week, I would take my kids to one activity. So every Wednesday, I had memberships for everything, like the zoo, the Science center, the forestry center, like, all the things.
And on Wednesdays, I would take them. It was like the three or four hours out of the one hundred and sixty-eight hours in a week that I felt like a good mom because I was fully present. We didn't have smartphones yet, really. They weren't smart. And so it was like I was there with them. Right?
So one day, we're at the zoo, and we're looking at the alligator exhibit. I've got two in the double stroller. One's holding my hand. We're going through the alligator exhibit, and everything starts blacking. Like, it's just tunneling in on me. I'm losing my vision. I'm losing my hearing. I can tell, like, I'm going to black out. I'm trying to get myself over to a park bench so that I won't, like I'll hopefully fall onto that instead of just hitting the ground. And when I woke up, I was on a stretcher, and I was being put into an ambulance. And I locked eyes with my oldest, and her little eyes were just these giant saucers. She's holding on to the stroller, you know, holding on to her baby sister and even baby brother, and she's so scared. She's being left alone at the zoo while her mom's being taken away. And the honest truth was, I knew this was my fault.
And I'm not saying that in a I'm saying it just in reality. Right? Like, there's nothing around that. It's just I had done this. Right? Like, my actions had consequences. All of our actions have consequences. I tried to game the system and thought that I didn't need sleep. Like, oh, you mere mortals who need sleep, that's rough on you. Right? And it hit me.
And so that was my moment. That was my moment when I said, if I do not fix this, I will walk away. The businesses are gone. There is no way that this is worth it. There's no success that is worth failure in the home. There just isn't. Like, we will never regret it. We always hear, like, that extra meeting you didn't take, but you'll regret the time you spent with your kids.
But also, as much as I'm not gonna lie. Like, I love money. I love making money. I love success. Right? But I love them more, and I didn't wanna look back and realize I wasted it and that I hurt them in the process. And so that was my moment. So before they even discharged me from the hospital, I was already making this plan in my head of, like, everything that's gonna change, it's all getting overhauled.
And so that was the moment where it was, like, I had to decide. Does work-life balance actually exist? Because everyone says it doesn't. Right? Like, that was like it's such a catchy thing to say. Like, oh, work-life balance, that doesn't exist. And so that was my moment where I was like, it either does or it doesn't. And if it doesn't, I gotta walk away. If it does, I need to figure out how, and how I get that in my life.
Joe Casabona: Yeah. That's… well, thank you for sharing that story. It is very not similar in the sense that like, this was public for me, but I had a panic attack at home for the same reason. My oldest is like, bringing me bottles of water and, like, saying it's gonna be okay. And I'm like, this is not okay. Right? This is not why I got into business. Right? I'd work for somebody else if this was the case. So thank you for sharing that.
What you're saying about work-life balance is really interesting because the… yeah. There are people who are like, yeah. Oh, do it this certain way. And then there are people who are like, no. You just gotta either gotta hustle in your business or you gotta sacrifice income or you just do both. And there is really no there's no work or life. It's all just life is what someone told me.
So I want to get your take on this before we get into we'll have like a bonus round so the listeners know what's coming. We're gonna talk about this. You have a framework, and then we're gonna, like, compare notes on what it's like being a solopreneur mom versus being a solopreneur dad because this is very interesting to me. So I'm excited to get to that. I'm sure the listeners will too. But let's pick up where you left off. What's your, let's say, philosophy on work-life balance?
Leah Remillet: Absolutely. Okay. So I think the first thing is, for anyone like me who is driven, who loves efficiency, loves productivity, we kind of put life in checkboxes. Right? Everything we're doing is, like, check, check, check. And at first, that's how I was trying to look at balance. Like, I'm like, you just give me the system. Like, give me the automation. Check. Check. Check.
Here's what I've learned. Now it's 2025. Right? A whole lot of years later. You guys, the craziest thing is I told you I started my business with babies. I have two out of the house now, and my last one is 16. Like, I've gone through I've gone through all of it from having babies to elementary to junior high to high school to now in college. Like, I've experienced it all as a working mom, and as this entrepreneur.
And what I've learned is balance is a feeling. So the first thing is we're gonna have to detach this checkbox that we want to put balance in. Like, I'm gonna be able to check it off. That's not what we're looking at anymore. We're looking at it's about how I feel. And to me, balance has to do with maybe thriving, but I think that's the best version of balance. We could back that up just a little bit and say balance is about feeling good in the core areas of your life. So you need to be able to say, like, I feel good in my relationships. I feel good in my health. I feel good in my business. I feel good in whatever those core values are for you that they each feel good.
The reason that we get out of balance is that in order to drive one area forward, we neglect other areas. That's why we get out of balance. Right? Like, I'm hustling in my business. So in order to do that, I neglected my spouse and my kids and my health and whatever else.
So we have to reframe and reshift this story. And now that we're seeing that, it's like, okay. So how am I gonna do this? Now here's the beautiful gift that we're given. We don't have to give equal time to all things. Thank goodness. Because that wouldn't be possible.
And that's where when people try to be, like, balance doesn't exist because you can't give equal time to each thing. I'm, like, oh my gosh. No one thinks that. Stop it. Right? Like, it just pisses me off because I'm, like, you are not helping us. You are what makes those of us who were struggling feel like there's no hope. So what I love is that it's, like, I don't have to give the same amount of time to my health, right, that I do to my business.
I mean, I work out thirty minutes a day. I go on a walk with my husband for about twenty. I take a whole lot of, like, crazy supplement potions because he's a doctor and he loves longevity, and so he's, like, take this and that. Right? Like but all in all, I would say maybe my health takes me a maximum of one hour a day.
My business takes several hours. Right? Depending on the day I'm working, like, I might be working up to six hours in a day. Right? My relationships, like, well, my husband's at work too, so, you know, we have a couple of hours at night.
And with my kids, once they're home from school or whatever the case might be, that time with them. So once you start okay. Now we're seeing it's not gonna be about equal time to equal things because that's not even possible. So what is it about? It's about being purposeful and present.
It's about when I'm in my business, I am in my business. When I'm with my husband, I'm with my husband. When I'm doing my exercise and my health, I'm in that. So once we make that decision and this is about discipline. Right? And discipline is not easy. Like, discipline takes effort. It takes work. It's about building new habits. But when we do this when we start getting really disciplined and saying, when I'm in, I'm all in, then everything changes.
And then, of course, I would say that the next step to that is that you start putting little systems in place. I call it system stacking. So it's like, what are these little tiny systems I can put in place that are going to protect me essentially from me? So, like, where I know I am going to, you know, maybe sabotage myself, or I'm prone to sneak into the office and try to get a little more work done or whatever it is. Right?
How can I set up little systems to protect myself from maybe that immediate thought I have that's taking me away from my ultimate goals and that ultimate lifestyle that I want?
So that was anything from when my kids were younger and I didn't have as much discipline. I would shut down my computer when I was done because I had this really bad habit of sneaking back into my office to just do one thing that would only take ten minutes. And so by powering down the computer, I had to wait for the whole thing to, like, rev back up, right, before I could do that one thing. I have no notifications whatsoever on my phone outside of, like, calendar reminders.
I'm very, very careful about what I let interrupt me. I'm a huge proponent of time blocking and being like, hey. This is what I'm working on right now. Everything else is shut off. And so it's just about enough of these little systems. You just keep stacking them. They're all these really 1% micro improvements, but you stack enough on top of each other, and then it is maximum results. And it changed my life. Absolutely.
Joe Casabona: I love that. I have a post-it note on my monitor that says stop saying I love that because I say it too much. It's like me, but, like, I don't know what else to say here.
So first of all, I wanna key in on something you said, which is I could be working up to six hours. I think some people would hear that and be like, that's less than eight or ten hours, but I'm really bullish on you having, like, four good hours in a workday. So, like, six sounds perfect to me. Right? Yeah.
Sitting at your computer is not working and, like, 02:00 comes around, and yeah comes around and I'm just, like, staring. I'm, like, willing myself to work. And, like, so now I'll get up and I'll go I play the drums. I'll go up and I'll play the drums for a little bit. Right? And, like, that's, like, more useful than just, like, sitting at my computer trying to will me to work when my brain is like, nah, man. You ate too much for lunch. Like, just chill for a minute.
Leah Remillet: So true. It's so true. Yes. So my goal was I wanna figure out how to make a full-time income on part-time hours. That was kinda like I needed something I could measure. Right? So I'm like, okay. I was probably working, I don't know, hundred and ten to a hundred and twenty hours a week, right, before breaking. Right? Because I'm trying to work all day, and then I put the kids to bed. I work till about 5 AM. I mean, it was insane. Right? It was insanity.
Now, the goal is part-time hours, and full-time income. And that's, like, kind of my message and my mission. Like, how can I help business owners replace busy with better and then have that, like, full-time income but on part-time hours?
And that looks different for everybody, even everybody's version of part-time hours. I mean, maybe you're like, well, I am working like that one 20k. So if we get you down to 60, that's your part-time hours.
Joe Casabona: Part-time is half the hours. Yeah.
Leah Remillet: Yeah. Like, it might be different for everybody. But for me, while my kids were in school, I wanted it to be I only wanted to work while they were at school. Like, I didn't really want them to know that I worked. And that was a beautiful time because it was like I love that. Yeah. Like, I send them off. I work, and then they get home from school at 02:30.mI have an alarm that would remind me fifteen minutes before so that I was completely out of my office. I come in. You know, they come in the door, and I'm, like, fully present.
And on top of that, even within that, I had one day a week where I went and volunteered in each of their classrooms for one hour. So that's three hours. I had another day on my calendar, the whole time there is an…they were in elementary school. There was this meeting with Sage for an hour on Wednesday afternoons, the whole time. Never told anybody that it stood for that I was going and getting a massage.
That's what it was. So I'd go get a massage every Wednesday afternoon.
Joe Casabona: That's great.
Leah Remillet: So yeah. It was amazing. Right? So even that, like, there were still hours that even within that, I didn't work because I'm going to lunch with girlfriends one week or, you know, I'm in the kids' classrooms or whatever. So it is about figuring out what your ideal would be, and that's as simple as just sitting down and truly visualizing. I mean, you just close your eyes, and you're like, okay. What would my perfect day look like?
And for those of us who love what we do, work in it. Like, I really do love working, so work in it. But I also I I remember the first time I did this exercise. I, like, closed my eyes, and I'm like, okay. What's my dream day? And I was so taken aback because on my dream day, I stopped for lunch. I never. Right? Like, you just, like, I honestly you guys, I had a drawer of Oreos that I kept in my office. When I got hungry enough, I just opened the drawer, ate a few Oreos, and kept on going.
Joe Casabona: They're vegan, so they're healthy. Right? That's what I tell myself.
Leah Remillet: There you go. Yeah. So I mean, like, that's how I ran. Right? Like, just keep pushing. Get a little more done. And so this idea that in my dream day, I would stop, like, go out of my office, maybe go sit on the deck, or I'd go sit in the kitchen for thirty minutes. I'd maybe watch a video that I've been meaning to get to but never have time for. Or I'd read that article that I'd been really interested in, but, you know, I kept unread so I'd come back to it for a month before I finally give up, and I'm like, just delete it. Yeah. Right? Like, whatever it was. And so I wanna take this, and I wanna just kinda break it down a little bit further because I think it'll sort of show these systems that I'm talking about. So I you know, I'm like, okay. That's kinda crazy.
Joe Casabona: Before we do that, I wanna really drive home this point that it is gonna be different for like, you are two out of the house, 16, right, and a 16-year-old.
Leah Remillet: Yeah.
Joe Casabona: I am eight, four, and three. Right?
Leah Remillet: Yes.
Joe Casabona: And my wife works full time. Like, if she didn't, we'd have no health insurance. So your day will look very different from mine because like you said, when my wife works, I have a hard stop. 02:30, I have a reminder like, a persistent reminder that's like, hey. You've gotta go pick up your children. Stop working.
Leah Remillet: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I'm so glad you said that because, yes, like, this is going to look so different. And there's gonna be someone who's, like, lunch? What? Seriously? But I think we can still drive home the point of how we bring this to life no matter what it is that you envision for your ideal day.
So for me, the first start was I wanna have a lunch. And then I'm like, okay. What's gonna get in my way? Right? And it's like, well, if I don't have something easy to eat because I'm not taking more than thirty minutes. Like, I knew that. I wasn't gonna be okay with that. So it needs to be really easy. I'm like, well, how's that gonna work? Like, I don't really wanna spend half the time making lunch or something. So I went to our kinda high-end grocery store, like, the equivalent of a Whole Foods, and they had these really amazing packaged lunches or meals that you could buy. Right? And so I would buy five for the week, and I'd have them in the fridge. So then it was like I could literally pull one out, put it in the microwave for a minute and a half, sit down, queue up the video I wanna watch. I had a timer. I mean, I literally had like, I love that you just said I have an alarm that's gonna remind me hard stop. I had alarms that went off on all my work days, and it was like it told me the time for lunch, and then it told me done with lunch. Right? So it's like, I knew I kept it all in the parameters.
So just kind of thinking about asking this question. What's going to get in my way? What's gonna be the problem? And then you start building little systems for how you're going to solve those, how you're gonna get past them.
And sometimes you can't foresee all of them. Right? Like, sometimes it's going to be once you start and you realize, like, oh, this was a problem. And you don't look at that and say, so therefore, I failed and this is it's all over. You just say, oh, great. Well, now that I'm aware of that, what little system can I put in place that's going to protect me from having that happen again?
Joe Casabona: That reminds me of, like, that and the system stacking. I love that framing. I'm sure many people listening have read Atomic Habits by James Clear. Right?
Leah Remillet: Yes.
Joe Casabona: And so, like, something he says is, like, if you miss a day, right, if you miss your habit once, like, you're not a failure. You just pick it up again. Right? It's like the person whose diet always starts tomorrow because they messed up today. That is where that person is me usually.
So, I like that too. Right? It's like you run into in this example, right, it could be like, oh, I'm gonna take lunch at noon every day, and then somebody well, I guess this is before schedulers too. But today, maybe you forgot to block noon on your scheduler and someone grabs a time. Oh, well, now I know I gotta block that time off.
Leah Remillet: Yeah. Absolutely. I decided that I wanted to start exercising, and I am not inherently someone who like, I'm not athletic. I never did any sports. I literally learned the symptoms of asthma in junior high so that I could go to the doctor, claim them, and get a note so I would never have to run the mile.
So I, you know, decide, like, okay. I should really exercise. I understand it's so good for you. Yada yada.
But that's one of those things where, oh, man, it is so easy to talk me out of it because it's it wasn't my default habit, and it honestly wasn't the identity I saw in myself. Right? So that made it even trickier, which is its own kind of fascinating thing to think about.
And so over and over, something would get in my way. I remember one day, I woke up early. I go to get ready to work out. Right? And I've learned that, like, my workout clothes better be right there, or I'm gonna come up with an excuse. So I would have the shoes, the socks, the leggings, the sports bra, there's you know, the shirt, like, right? It's all there.
And I'm trying to find a hair tie. I can't find one. And so I literally was, like, can't work out, and I went back to bed. Like, I was just, like, see? No. So the next day, I'm like, okay. We will put a hair tie on the top now. I mean, it's just really this concept of, like, instead of getting upset over that you had a moment where you didn't reach the goal line, you just say, okay. Well, what was the reason? Like, what tried to trip me? And then you immediately put something in place to protect you from next time. So now there's always a hair tie.
Joe Casabona: Yeah. I love that. There's always a hair tie. That's really good.
Leah Remillet: Always a hair tie.
Joe Casabona: I will say, you know, we both live in places that aren't like San Diego and so
Leah Remillet: This is valid.
Joe Casabona: Weather outdoor runs are not something I can do half the year because, like, if it's a little cold or, like, raining, I'm like, oh, no. I wouldn't wanna get wet that's not like me sweating. If I can't run, it's raining.
Leah Remillet: I only run in spring and summer, and then summer is slightly questionable because we get hotter. Right? So it's like if I can go early enough. S
o I'm a big I work out in the house. And, like, my husband is a huge gym guy. He loves going to the gym. He's always trying to convince me. And I'm like, that's not my thing because the efficiency-loving part of me cannot handle 15 minutes there, fifteen minutes back. You just wasted thirty minutes of, like, my productivity time. Right? So I'm like, heck no. I can put on, like, a video for thirty minutes, do quick lifting or hit or whatever, and I'm done, and I get to move on.
And I think that's its own little lesson. Like, we have to accept, like, who we really are choose the things that actually work for us stop trying to force ourselves to fit into some mold that doesn't work. I mean, especially, we're entrepreneurs. We already know we don't fit the traditional mold. Like, that's who we are.
Joe Casabona: Right. Yes. I love the idea of going to the gym. And then if it's like, I don't wanna get in my car and go. Though, I will say, that when I do convince myself that the gym is worth going to, the fifteen-minute drive definitely puts me in a better mindset. Because, like, now I have fifteen minutes to be, like, to stop thinking about work and I leave my phone in the car. Like, the whole reason I have an Apple Watch Ultra with cellular is so that I can, like, leave my phone in the car when I go to, like, gym or church or whatever. Right? Because it's like, I know having my phone on me is an issue, but I also need music in my ears all the time.
Leah Remillet: I love it. So the whole thing is I have a watch is to find my phone because I misplace it everywhere. Like, which I'm gonna be honest, I'm actually really proud of. Right? Like, I am one of those people who I have detached myself from my phone, so everyone knows. Family, friends, everyone knows. I never know where my phone is. I've always set it down somewhere, and I'm gone. So literally, I wear a watch to tell me where I put my phone.
Joe Casabona: That's fantastic. I am that for my wife. She'll be like, can you ping my phone and like, answer?
Leah Remillet: Yes.
Joe Casabona: Yeah. Which, like, see, this is one of my problems. Right? I'm the opposite. I knew this was a problem, but then my daughter was like, Daddy, why are you on your phone? And I just, like, handed it to her and told her to hide it. But now I got that. Right? Yes. And she loves that because he's like, where did I hide it? And I'm like, well, I'm not gonna find it now. Like, let's be together.
But I got the brick. This is one of the only, like, Instagram ads I've ever bought from. Have you heard of this?
Leah Remillet: No.
Joe Casabona: So it's a refrigerator magnet with an NFC chip in it. And there's a companion app. You tap your phone to it, and it straight up blocks you from using apps. And, like, you can, like, do a allow list and, like, only allow a certain number of apps, or you can do a block list and block a certain number of apps, but you cannot access those apps again until you physically scan the brick again. So, like If I'm, like, going out to the park or something with my family, I will scan it and know that, well, I can't use any of my distracting apps because I am literally away from the thing that would unlock my phone.
Leah Remillet: Okay. You have to send me that link. That is amazing. My mind is, like, spinning right now because right now on my podcast, we're doing this twenty-one-day series, which are all these micro shifts to getting balance. So they're, like, science-backed, research-backed strategies, ones that I've found over the years that I think have great psychology and just a whole lot of things, and we're building them.
So one of the first ones was turning off at least five notifications off your phone. Right? But I'm like, oh my gosh. This would be the next level. Like, I wanna send this out and be like, hey. You wanna take it even further? You need this thing. That is so cool.
Joe Casabona: Well, I'll tell you. It works like gangbusters because I'll scan it, like, when I wanna do deep work, and I'll scan it before bed. So, like, the only thing like I, like, listen to YouTube videos when I fall asleep. I have tinnitus, which is my excuse. And if you don't know what tinnitus is, it's just like a ringing that's, like, just always kind of in your ear. And so I need to listen to something. So I do have, like, the YouTube app and the music app, but, like, I can't check my email. I can't chat. I don't have social media apps on my phone, but, like, it blocks the websites too. So, like, if I try to go to, like, instagram.com, it's like, this is a distraction. I'm like, this is amazing.
Leah Remillet: That is so awesome.
Joe Casabona: Right. Because then I have to do the walk of shame downstairs to my kitchen. And I'm like, am I really going out of my way to scan my phone to check my email right now at five in the morning? Like, that's crazy.
Leah Remillet: That is amazing.
Joe Casabona: Yeah. So I like that one. I'll send it to you. I talked about it, and I wish I had the episode number up. But my yearly theme this year, this is why I love having you on the now, it's called The Year of Being Present. And it's a bunch of ways, yes, where, like, I wanna be present in everything I do. Right? Like, you might have noticed that, like, the screen is, like, shifting the light on my face because right now I'm checking, but, like, I used to, like, check email while on, like, Zoom calls, and now I have, like, ways to prevent that.
And now I've vamped long enough to tell you that it was Episode 453. So if you wanna hear my Yearly Theme, [streamlined.fm/453]. I didn't even say the episode number for this, but we're talking about a lot of really great resources, and you can find all of that in the show notes over at [streamline.fm/460]. You're number 460, so that's very exciting.
Leah Remillet: That is exciting.
Joe Casabona: Now we went on a little tangent there, but I wanna bring it back, right?
So stacking systems, figuring out what your blocker is, Can we take it home now? Are there a couple more steps for someone to really find balance?
Leah Remillet: So I'm gonna say, when you're trying to find balance, it really is gonna come down to you need to know what your core values are. You've gotta know what matters to you. You need to commit to yourself and to the people that you love that you are going to be present, and that takes being very, very purposeful. It takes a lot of discipline. You're gonna get it wrong. There's no problem with that. Right? Because you're just gonna say, oops, and then you're gonna try again. It really comes down to these three things. K? It's these three things. It's priorities. That's number one. Number two is presence. When I'm here, I'm here. Right? Like, I'm gonna show up. And number three is purpose. Like, those three p's, that is the key.
Now there's gonna be nuances. There's so many different hacks and tricks and apps and cool things, apparently, that we're gonna go put on our fridge now. Like right? Like, there's so many different things, and we each have our own experiences. Our kids are at different stages, and our life is at different stages.
So those things, we're gonna adapt for each of ourselves personally. And I'll say this, to each person listening, no one knows you better than you. So look back at when things have felt really great. This is often referred to as bright spots and say, okay. Well, what was I doing there? What was happening?
Instead of focusing and getting frustrated over where we're going wrong, which is what we each have a tendency to do. Right? Like, we feel the guilt. Sometimes that goes to shame, which really is not a healthy place to be. And we're just we're festering, and we're focusing on where we feel like we're not enough.
I'm gonna ask everyone to focus on when it went well. When were you doing it right? What day or hour felt really good? What was happening there? You are the best person to look at to figure out what's gonna work for you. Right? Like, I had to figure out what things were gonna work for me, and I found tricks like turning my computer off, having the hair tie, building in a whole lot of custom alarms into my phone, taking off all notifications, automating everything I could in my business, outsourcing. Right? Like, batching. Like, I found all these different things that worked for me.
But not every single one of those is gonna work for every single one of us because we are so unique. So just truly look at yourself personally, trust your own experiences, lean into those, and then those 3 P’s, which are Priorities, Presence, and Purpose. And if you can if you can bring yourself back to those, it really can shift everything.
Joe Casabona: Focus on when it went right is really good. Right? I think we expect that we are in control of more than we're actually in control of. I know that's definitely a problem for me, and we expect ourselves to execute perfectly. Right?
Now I'm a huge baseball fan. I don't know if you enjoy baseball. Based on the location you told me, it's probably not easygoing for your baseball team. But I'm from New York. I'm a huge Yankee fan. And in the 125 or so years, 122 modern era of baseball, there have only been 24 perfect games. Right? So, like, perfection has only been reached in a tiny 62 games a year for 122 years, 150 at some point. But you get the point. Right?
And funnily enough, the last two were 11 apart, right, by the Yankees and the Mariners.
Leah Remillet: hey. Hey. Let's just take a moment since you were saying my team was, like, maybe not so good. But okay.
Joe Casabona: Right. Felix, August 2012 was the last perfect game before Domingo Herman in 2023. So, like, perfection doesn't happen often.
Leah Remillet: Right.
Joe Casabona: We need to be happy with the very good. Right? And we need to focus on the very good.
Leah Remillet: Yeah. Perfection is going to lead us to a whole lot of frustration that is unnecessary and unfair.
We have these stories that we're telling ourselves, and they might even be well intended, but that doesn't mean that they're serving us. In fact, I was just reading today. There was a time when the train first came out that very, very well-meaning scientists suggested and urged that the train never go beyond 30 miles an hour because they were concerned that the human body would explode beyond 30 miles an hour. Now we can hear that now and be like, that's so funny. Right?
Joe Casabona: Crazy. Yeah.
Leah Remillet: Right? But, like, this was well-meaning intention using the information that they had, but they were limiting themselves. We do this all the time in these stories that we're saying, like, that I have to be perfect, that it's all or nothing. I have joked for years that, really, since making it to the ambulance, since the emergency room, my goal has been to install a dimmer switch in myself because I had this mentality of all or nothing. Right? I am on or I am off. And I'm like, no. No. No. No. The answer is actually the dimmer switch. Like, I need to be able to adjust and pivot and pick myself back up and be okay when I go back to bed because I can't find a hair tie or when I overwork because I got too excited about something and I didn't hit my cutoff or whatever it is. And I just say, okay. I see what went wrong. Is there anything I can do to help myself from not having that happen again? Let's start over tomorrow.
Joe Casabona: Yeah. Fantastic. And I think a pretty good transition, though slightly worse when you call it out, is I wanna move into so the way you summarized kind of your framework here is really good. Right? It's figuring out what's important to you, figure out what gets in your way. But the 3 P’s were Priorities, Purpose, and Presence in some order. I really like that. As you think about how you can find balance, consider those three things because like Leah said, no one knows you better than you.
Alright. So that's the end of Part 1. I really hope you enjoyed it.
Part 2 is coming soon, and we're gonna really dive into what it's like being a solopreneur mom and a solopreneur dad. We exchange notes. That's a much more casual conversation. So that's why I'm kinda making it a bonus.
If you want to find any of the resources that we've talked about, you can find all of them over at [streamlined.fm/460] and you'll also find a feedback link there. So if you have questions or comments, or if you like this kinda two-part format, definitely let me know. Or if you would rather hear the whole hour and t0 minute conversation in one shot, let me know that too. I'm definitely open to your feedback there.
So, thanks so much for listening. And until next time, I'll see you out there.
Leah and I had an amazing conversation, and there's really, like, a super clear dividing line. So in Part 1, which you're about to hear, we talk about work-life balance. Does it exist and how do you find it? And we both share some tumultuous times in our journey as being both a solopreneur and a parent and trying to have it all. So, really great.
Part 2 will come out in a couple of days on this same feed. And we just kinda trade notes about being solopreneur parents and the difference between being a solopreneur mom and being a solopreneur dad, and that's also a great episode.
So, really great two-parter for you, and I really hope you enjoy part one where we talk about work-life balance.
Welcome to the Streamlined Solopreneur. A show for busy solopreneurs to help you improve your systems and processes so you can build a business while spending your time the way you want. I know you're busy, so let's get started.
Alright. I am here with Leah Remillet. I am really excited, host of the Balancing Busy podcast, and we're gonna talk about being parents and solopreneurs.
Leah, how are you?
Leah Remillet: I am great. Thanks for having me.
Joe Casabona: Thanks so much for coming on the show. So let's dive into it. I watched a video where you were explaining what you want and not or. That's all I'm gonna say. What does that mean?
Leah Remillet: Absolutely. Okay. So I think as soon as we start talking about this, everyone is gonna be like, yes. That's what I want too. And it's this idea that I wanted to stop having to choose this or that. I can either feel like a great mom or a great business owner. I can feel like I'm doing great with my health, or I'm killing it with the campaigns that I'm creating for my business. I can either have a great marriage, or I can be doing great in this other area that it just constantly felt like there was this trade-off. I had to have one or the other.
And I think especially as solopreneurs, we all feel this. It's like if my business is doing phenomenal, if I'm in growth mode, then it means something else is falling apart, either my marriage or the way I feel I'm showing up for my kids. There's just tons of guilt that's just weighing on my shoulders or other relationships or the house. Right? Or all of them. Honestly, sometimes it's, like, all of them. And I just got, honestly, I got mad. And I was like, no. I don't want this. This isn't the life I want. I want both. I want and. I wanna have these areas of my life be fantastic, and I want to grow this thriving multi--six-figure business because I feel like I have a message. Like, I feel like I can help people, and it was put on my heart on purpose. This wasn't an accident. So, therefore, there has to be a way to meld these together. And so that is what I set out to do.
I started my business in 2008, 2009. Got it completely wrong the first few years. I mean, there was there was no end. None. Right?
And then about 2012 was the shift of, like, I will fix this or I will walk away from my business because it was that bad. And the crazy part about that is not only was I a solopreneur, I was our actually, at that point, I was our sole breadwinner. So it wasn't like you're saying you're walking away.
It's not like, oh, because I'm the side hustle. It's like, and how will we pay the mortgage, Leah? Like, how's that gonna work? And but I knew. If I don't figure this out, I have to stop. Because losing my relationship with my kids, my marriage, like, it's just not worth it.
Joe Casabona: Yeah. Absolutely. I think about this all the time because I have, like, basically fallen into all of my businesses. Like, my I made my first website in February when my parish was like, hey. You wanna make a website? And I'm like, I don't know how to do that. And they're like, we'll pay you. And I'm like, yeah. I'm 14. I've got nothing but time. Right? I can learn this. $200 is like four Xbox games.
So, like and it wasn't really a big deal for me for a long time because I was like a single twenty-something. Right? And I was like, yeah. I don't care. I don't drink that much anyway. I'm gonna work and on the weekends and at night because it's fun. And it's, oh, my job is my hobby, and it's amazing.
And then, like, I got into a relationship with who is now my wife. And the first time I had to, like, work late for an agency I was working for, I was so pissed off. I was like, no. No. This is not okay. Like, I have to choose between my job and my girlfriend.
Leah Remillet: Yeah.
Joe Casabona: And I did have, like, a heavy quote real job for a while. And then when my first was born, I'm, like, working late and working weekends, and I'm like, I quit. I'm like, I'm not gonna miss my kid's first steps for you until, like, we the whole point of all this is we start our businesses because, hopefully, we would have more freedom. But if we mess it up, we have less freedom.
Leah Remillet: Much less. Like, not even a little bit less. I mean, the honest truth is entrepreneurship often goes hand in hand with some crazy hours where we're working late into the night. We're working against deadlines because you procrastinated or other things came up. There were other fires to put out or whatever. Or you're just wearing too many hats. Right? You're wearing so many hats that it's, like, by the time you get it, you're pressed up against the wire. And so it's interesting because I thought about this concept a long time ago where I realized there are some professions that are inherently opposed to balance. Right? Like, it just there are certain career choices you make that they just don't work with balance. You know, maybe an on-call, I don't know, surgeon or something, or I can't think of what else. But there are certain ones where they're just really hard to maintain balance. And then I realized entrepreneurship so easily falls into that category if you're not super intentional.
And a lot of us, we just don't know better. At the beginning, you're just so excited. I mean, you've got all the passion, all the drive. It really is that hobby that you can't wait to work on. So it's like, if you have spare time, that's what you want to be doing. And you go late into the night, and you're like, oh my gosh. I don't even know where the time went. That was you know, I just got so into the zone. But without keeping it in check, habits form.
And that's what happened to me. Right? Like, oh, I'm starting to get some success. I'm starting to see income-producing activities happen. Like, money is getting into my bank account, and you're getting these accolades, and you're getting feedback of people so excited. And so you're doing more and more and more, and you start chasing this. And you look around, and you're like, wow. I have built something that is inherently opposed to balance. Like, this is a workaholic's, I don't know, castle that has been built.
And so I realized, like, okay. I have to break this down, and I have to start over. Like, I have to build a completely different structure that has those boundaries. It has balance. It has times that I work and don't work. Like, literally, office hours. Right? Just all those components to be able to build that time freedom, which is the whole reason we all get into this. I mean, yes, the passion too. There's, you know, this dream, but in our mind, we're like, oh, man. I'm gonna get to be my own boss. I'm gonna set my own hours. And then it turns out we're the worst boss we've ever had.
Joe Casabona: Yes. Oh, that's so funny because I would say that all the time. Right? Like, the best boss I ever had was Mister Rizzy. He was the guy I worked for at the Deli. I'm a New York stereotype, so I worked in Deli. I worked in waste management. I worked in construction. And people will be like, aren't you your own boss? I'm like, yep. Inclusive of me. Like, he was way nicer to me than I am to me.
Leah Remillet: Yes.
Joe Casabona: And so, like, you're you're absolutely right. And, like, I mean, especially I don't know if you work from home. I work from home. And drawing those boundaries could be harder. Right? Like, I've I got a desktop computer and, like, I do have a laptop for travel, but, like, I try to adhere to the rule that the laptop is not allowed in the living room or the dining room.
Leah Remillet: I love that. I'm the exact same way. I love that.
Joe Casabona: Yeah. That's awesome. So you start to realize that this is a problem. Right? You mentioned 2013. I don't wanna, like, give away any major reveals, but I know you did say something that caught my ear in, like, in one of your videos about a very impactful medical thing that happened. Right?
Leah Remillet: Yes. Yes. So I am building my business, and I accidentally was building two companies at once, which was amazing, but it wasn't originally on purpose. So I am the you said, you know, like, you're the quintessential New Yorker. I'm the quintessential mom at home who wants to start a business. Do you wanna know what business that means I started? A photography business because that's what we all start. Like, you get a stay-at-home mom, and she's like, give me a camera. I'm gonna take some pictures. So that was the business that I started, and I started with a four-year-old, a three-year-old, and a four-month-old. K? That's, like talk about some really bad timing, but we needed money. My husband was about to go into graduate school next, and it was like, could you imagine if I could just bring in a thousand dollars a month? How much that would help us? That's the basis of me starting a business.
Well, I start that in the 2008, 2009 area, and that's right as blogging is really starting to become, like, the thing. Right? Everyone's got a blog and every mom's got a blog. So I'm like, okay. I'm gonna start a blog at the same time, and this is gonna be my journey of trying to become a professional photographer. Because back then, obviously, blogs are new. So you don't have the array of information like we do now. Like, now, it'd be like, why would you need that? But for all of our youngins, back then, you still did.
Okay. So I start this blog, and I'm just sharing at the beginning just really cool things I'm finding, mostly about, like, the technique of photography because I had never even held a professional camera or any camera outside of, like, a disposable. The blog started taking off, and a lot of people are commenting. They're reaching out. They're like, wait. Wait. You mentioned this. Explain how you did that. And what was fascinating is that while I was very confused by the technical aspect, the business side came easy to me. Like, I just, I love entrepreneurship. I've intuitively always, like, just had this entrepreneur's mind. And so that part was coming really easy, building out the marketing, the pricing, the sales, and how to build the experience. And so I was charging about $2,500 per family portrait session. And so people are like, wait. How do you do this?
And so I started teaching photographers how I'm doing the business side. So, now I have a photography business, plus I have a coaching business, which then turns into me trying to figure out how I can give them the full picture so they can see, like, the whole circle. Right? How it all works.
So now I am building a course, which is okay. Again, I wanna say, I get it. Everyone and their mother and their brother and their dog has a course today. But back then, that did not exist. Like, I literally was, like, how could I get this information out to people?
So I actually made mine, this audio course. I had instructions on how you downloaded the audio files and put them into your back then, would it have still been iTunes, I think?
Joe Casabona: Yeah. It would have been iTunes or iPad.
Leah Remillet: Yeah. So, like, explained, like, how you got it in, and then I had a workbook that went along with it. And even though, I had thought through, like customer experience, my ideal customer is a busy mom. She doesn't have time to watch a video. She would do better if it was audio so she could listen while she's running around.
Joe Casabona: While doing other stuff. Love that.
Leah Remillet: Yeah. So all of this to say, in the business world, it was beyond anything I'd ever dreamed of. Like, I'm dyslexic. I have ADHD. I spent my entire life feeling stupid because when you take a test and you fail every time, no matter how hard you try, right, all of that tells you you are dumb. Like, the rest of the class can get it, but you can't. Right? So I had never believed in myself.
And all of a sudden, I am making multi-six figures, and I have people coming to me wanting me to explain how I develop my pricing model, which Math was my worst subject. So the fact that people want me to explain numbers was, like, wow. Right?
So it was, like, in one realm, my life is, like it's blooming into something I could have never imagined for myself. I'm completely able to provide for our family. I'm buying homes just off me. I'm able to do all these things, but there was this other side. And the other side was that I couldn't figure out how to fit it all in. I could not figure out like, I still work from home. I am still a stay-at-home mom. I'm also running the company and these businesses, and I am the sole provider because my husband's in graduate school. He's amazing at helping, but he literally lives at the school because he's in graduate school. So he's there all the time.
And so my way to deal with all of this is I just stopped sleeping. And it wasn't intentional, but it was I could put the kids down around 7-7:30. I go into my office, and no one bugs you in the middle of the night. Right? And so it was like, I could just work, and I would work.
I would tell myself I was only gonna work a couple of hours, but it became where it was. I would work till about 5 AM. I could do this for four days in a row, then I knew I had to get one night's sleep of five to six hours, and then I could do it again. And I would just work this cycle to try to keep everybody happy.
And one thing that I did was once a week, I would take my kids to one activity. So every Wednesday, I had memberships for everything, like the zoo, the Science center, the forestry center, like, all the things.
And on Wednesdays, I would take them. It was like the three or four hours out of the one hundred and sixty-eight hours in a week that I felt like a good mom because I was fully present. We didn't have smartphones yet, really. They weren't smart. And so it was like I was there with them. Right?
So one day, we're at the zoo, and we're looking at the alligator exhibit. I've got two in the double stroller. One's holding my hand. We're going through the alligator exhibit, and everything starts blacking. Like, it's just tunneling in on me. I'm losing my vision. I'm losing my hearing. I can tell, like, I'm going to black out. I'm trying to get myself over to a park bench so that I won't, like I'll hopefully fall onto that instead of just hitting the ground. And when I woke up, I was on a stretcher, and I was being put into an ambulance. And I locked eyes with my oldest, and her little eyes were just these giant saucers. She's holding on to the stroller, you know, holding on to her baby sister and even baby brother, and she's so scared. She's being left alone at the zoo while her mom's being taken away. And the honest truth was, I knew this was my fault.
And I'm not saying that in a I'm saying it just in reality. Right? Like, there's nothing around that. It's just I had done this. Right? Like, my actions had consequences. All of our actions have consequences. I tried to game the system and thought that I didn't need sleep. Like, oh, you mere mortals who need sleep, that's rough on you. Right? And it hit me.
And so that was my moment. That was my moment when I said, if I do not fix this, I will walk away. The businesses are gone. There is no way that this is worth it. There's no success that is worth failure in the home. There just isn't. Like, we will never regret it. We always hear, like, that extra meeting you didn't take, but you'll regret the time you spent with your kids.
But also, as much as I'm not gonna lie. Like, I love money. I love making money. I love success. Right? But I love them more, and I didn't wanna look back and realize I wasted it and that I hurt them in the process. And so that was my moment. So before they even discharged me from the hospital, I was already making this plan in my head of, like, everything that's gonna change, it's all getting overhauled.
And so that was the moment where it was, like, I had to decide. Does work-life balance actually exist? Because everyone says it doesn't. Right? Like, that was like it's such a catchy thing to say. Like, oh, work-life balance, that doesn't exist. And so that was my moment where I was like, it either does or it doesn't. And if it doesn't, I gotta walk away. If it does, I need to figure out how, and how I get that in my life.
Joe Casabona: Yeah. That's… well, thank you for sharing that story. It is very not similar in the sense that like, this was public for me, but I had a panic attack at home for the same reason. My oldest is like, bringing me bottles of water and, like, saying it's gonna be okay. And I'm like, this is not okay. Right? This is not why I got into business. Right? I'd work for somebody else if this was the case. So thank you for sharing that.
What you're saying about work-life balance is really interesting because the… yeah. There are people who are like, yeah. Oh, do it this certain way. And then there are people who are like, no. You just gotta either gotta hustle in your business or you gotta sacrifice income or you just do both. And there is really no there's no work or life. It's all just life is what someone told me.
So I want to get your take on this before we get into we'll have like a bonus round so the listeners know what's coming. We're gonna talk about this. You have a framework, and then we're gonna, like, compare notes on what it's like being a solopreneur mom versus being a solopreneur dad because this is very interesting to me. So I'm excited to get to that. I'm sure the listeners will too. But let's pick up where you left off. What's your, let's say, philosophy on work-life balance?
Leah Remillet: Absolutely. Okay. So I think the first thing is, for anyone like me who is driven, who loves efficiency, loves productivity, we kind of put life in checkboxes. Right? Everything we're doing is, like, check, check, check. And at first, that's how I was trying to look at balance. Like, I'm like, you just give me the system. Like, give me the automation. Check. Check. Check.
Here's what I've learned. Now it's 2025. Right? A whole lot of years later. You guys, the craziest thing is I told you I started my business with babies. I have two out of the house now, and my last one is 16. Like, I've gone through I've gone through all of it from having babies to elementary to junior high to high school to now in college. Like, I've experienced it all as a working mom, and as this entrepreneur.
And what I've learned is balance is a feeling. So the first thing is we're gonna have to detach this checkbox that we want to put balance in. Like, I'm gonna be able to check it off. That's not what we're looking at anymore. We're looking at it's about how I feel. And to me, balance has to do with maybe thriving, but I think that's the best version of balance. We could back that up just a little bit and say balance is about feeling good in the core areas of your life. So you need to be able to say, like, I feel good in my relationships. I feel good in my health. I feel good in my business. I feel good in whatever those core values are for you that they each feel good.
The reason that we get out of balance is that in order to drive one area forward, we neglect other areas. That's why we get out of balance. Right? Like, I'm hustling in my business. So in order to do that, I neglected my spouse and my kids and my health and whatever else.
So we have to reframe and reshift this story. And now that we're seeing that, it's like, okay. So how am I gonna do this? Now here's the beautiful gift that we're given. We don't have to give equal time to all things. Thank goodness. Because that wouldn't be possible.
And that's where when people try to be, like, balance doesn't exist because you can't give equal time to each thing. I'm, like, oh my gosh. No one thinks that. Stop it. Right? Like, it just pisses me off because I'm, like, you are not helping us. You are what makes those of us who were struggling feel like there's no hope. So what I love is that it's, like, I don't have to give the same amount of time to my health, right, that I do to my business.
I mean, I work out thirty minutes a day. I go on a walk with my husband for about twenty. I take a whole lot of, like, crazy supplement potions because he's a doctor and he loves longevity, and so he's, like, take this and that. Right? Like but all in all, I would say maybe my health takes me a maximum of one hour a day.
My business takes several hours. Right? Depending on the day I'm working, like, I might be working up to six hours in a day. Right? My relationships, like, well, my husband's at work too, so, you know, we have a couple of hours at night.
And with my kids, once they're home from school or whatever the case might be, that time with them. So once you start okay. Now we're seeing it's not gonna be about equal time to equal things because that's not even possible. So what is it about? It's about being purposeful and present.
It's about when I'm in my business, I am in my business. When I'm with my husband, I'm with my husband. When I'm doing my exercise and my health, I'm in that. So once we make that decision and this is about discipline. Right? And discipline is not easy. Like, discipline takes effort. It takes work. It's about building new habits. But when we do this when we start getting really disciplined and saying, when I'm in, I'm all in, then everything changes.
And then, of course, I would say that the next step to that is that you start putting little systems in place. I call it system stacking. So it's like, what are these little tiny systems I can put in place that are going to protect me essentially from me? So, like, where I know I am going to, you know, maybe sabotage myself, or I'm prone to sneak into the office and try to get a little more work done or whatever it is. Right?
How can I set up little systems to protect myself from maybe that immediate thought I have that's taking me away from my ultimate goals and that ultimate lifestyle that I want?
So that was anything from when my kids were younger and I didn't have as much discipline. I would shut down my computer when I was done because I had this really bad habit of sneaking back into my office to just do one thing that would only take ten minutes. And so by powering down the computer, I had to wait for the whole thing to, like, rev back up, right, before I could do that one thing. I have no notifications whatsoever on my phone outside of, like, calendar reminders.
I'm very, very careful about what I let interrupt me. I'm a huge proponent of time blocking and being like, hey. This is what I'm working on right now. Everything else is shut off. And so it's just about enough of these little systems. You just keep stacking them. They're all these really 1% micro improvements, but you stack enough on top of each other, and then it is maximum results. And it changed my life. Absolutely.
Joe Casabona: I love that. I have a post-it note on my monitor that says stop saying I love that because I say it too much. It's like me, but, like, I don't know what else to say here.
So first of all, I wanna key in on something you said, which is I could be working up to six hours. I think some people would hear that and be like, that's less than eight or ten hours, but I'm really bullish on you having, like, four good hours in a workday. So, like, six sounds perfect to me. Right? Yeah.
Sitting at your computer is not working and, like, 02:00 comes around, and yeah comes around and I'm just, like, staring. I'm, like, willing myself to work. And, like, so now I'll get up and I'll go I play the drums. I'll go up and I'll play the drums for a little bit. Right? And, like, that's, like, more useful than just, like, sitting at my computer trying to will me to work when my brain is like, nah, man. You ate too much for lunch. Like, just chill for a minute.
Leah Remillet: So true. It's so true. Yes. So my goal was I wanna figure out how to make a full-time income on part-time hours. That was kinda like I needed something I could measure. Right? So I'm like, okay. I was probably working, I don't know, hundred and ten to a hundred and twenty hours a week, right, before breaking. Right? Because I'm trying to work all day, and then I put the kids to bed. I work till about 5 AM. I mean, it was insane. Right? It was insanity.
Now, the goal is part-time hours, and full-time income. And that's, like, kind of my message and my mission. Like, how can I help business owners replace busy with better and then have that, like, full-time income but on part-time hours?
And that looks different for everybody, even everybody's version of part-time hours. I mean, maybe you're like, well, I am working like that one 20k. So if we get you down to 60, that's your part-time hours.
Joe Casabona: Part-time is half the hours. Yeah.
Leah Remillet: Yeah. Like, it might be different for everybody. But for me, while my kids were in school, I wanted it to be I only wanted to work while they were at school. Like, I didn't really want them to know that I worked. And that was a beautiful time because it was like I love that. Yeah. Like, I send them off. I work, and then they get home from school at 02:30.mI have an alarm that would remind me fifteen minutes before so that I was completely out of my office. I come in. You know, they come in the door, and I'm, like, fully present.
And on top of that, even within that, I had one day a week where I went and volunteered in each of their classrooms for one hour. So that's three hours. I had another day on my calendar, the whole time there is an…they were in elementary school. There was this meeting with Sage for an hour on Wednesday afternoons, the whole time. Never told anybody that it stood for that I was going and getting a massage.
That's what it was. So I'd go get a massage every Wednesday afternoon.
Joe Casabona: That's great.
Leah Remillet: So yeah. It was amazing. Right? So even that, like, there were still hours that even within that, I didn't work because I'm going to lunch with girlfriends one week or, you know, I'm in the kids' classrooms or whatever. So it is about figuring out what your ideal would be, and that's as simple as just sitting down and truly visualizing. I mean, you just close your eyes, and you're like, okay. What would my perfect day look like?
And for those of us who love what we do, work in it. Like, I really do love working, so work in it. But I also I I remember the first time I did this exercise. I, like, closed my eyes, and I'm like, okay. What's my dream day? And I was so taken aback because on my dream day, I stopped for lunch. I never. Right? Like, you just, like, I honestly you guys, I had a drawer of Oreos that I kept in my office. When I got hungry enough, I just opened the drawer, ate a few Oreos, and kept on going.
Joe Casabona: They're vegan, so they're healthy. Right? That's what I tell myself.
Leah Remillet: There you go. Yeah. So I mean, like, that's how I ran. Right? Like, just keep pushing. Get a little more done. And so this idea that in my dream day, I would stop, like, go out of my office, maybe go sit on the deck, or I'd go sit in the kitchen for thirty minutes. I'd maybe watch a video that I've been meaning to get to but never have time for. Or I'd read that article that I'd been really interested in, but, you know, I kept unread so I'd come back to it for a month before I finally give up, and I'm like, just delete it. Yeah. Right? Like, whatever it was. And so I wanna take this, and I wanna just kinda break it down a little bit further because I think it'll sort of show these systems that I'm talking about. So I you know, I'm like, okay. That's kinda crazy.
Joe Casabona: Before we do that, I wanna really drive home this point that it is gonna be different for like, you are two out of the house, 16, right, and a 16-year-old.
Leah Remillet: Yeah.
Joe Casabona: I am eight, four, and three. Right?
Leah Remillet: Yes.
Joe Casabona: And my wife works full time. Like, if she didn't, we'd have no health insurance. So your day will look very different from mine because like you said, when my wife works, I have a hard stop. 02:30, I have a reminder like, a persistent reminder that's like, hey. You've gotta go pick up your children. Stop working.
Leah Remillet: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I'm so glad you said that because, yes, like, this is going to look so different. And there's gonna be someone who's, like, lunch? What? Seriously? But I think we can still drive home the point of how we bring this to life no matter what it is that you envision for your ideal day.
So for me, the first start was I wanna have a lunch. And then I'm like, okay. What's gonna get in my way? Right? And it's like, well, if I don't have something easy to eat because I'm not taking more than thirty minutes. Like, I knew that. I wasn't gonna be okay with that. So it needs to be really easy. I'm like, well, how's that gonna work? Like, I don't really wanna spend half the time making lunch or something. So I went to our kinda high-end grocery store, like, the equivalent of a Whole Foods, and they had these really amazing packaged lunches or meals that you could buy. Right? And so I would buy five for the week, and I'd have them in the fridge. So then it was like I could literally pull one out, put it in the microwave for a minute and a half, sit down, queue up the video I wanna watch. I had a timer. I mean, I literally had like, I love that you just said I have an alarm that's gonna remind me hard stop. I had alarms that went off on all my work days, and it was like it told me the time for lunch, and then it told me done with lunch. Right? So it's like, I knew I kept it all in the parameters.
So just kind of thinking about asking this question. What's going to get in my way? What's gonna be the problem? And then you start building little systems for how you're going to solve those, how you're gonna get past them.
And sometimes you can't foresee all of them. Right? Like, sometimes it's going to be once you start and you realize, like, oh, this was a problem. And you don't look at that and say, so therefore, I failed and this is it's all over. You just say, oh, great. Well, now that I'm aware of that, what little system can I put in place that's going to protect me from having that happen again?
Joe Casabona: That reminds me of, like, that and the system stacking. I love that framing. I'm sure many people listening have read Atomic Habits by James Clear. Right?
Leah Remillet: Yes.
Joe Casabona: And so, like, something he says is, like, if you miss a day, right, if you miss your habit once, like, you're not a failure. You just pick it up again. Right? It's like the person whose diet always starts tomorrow because they messed up today. That is where that person is me usually.
So, I like that too. Right? It's like you run into in this example, right, it could be like, oh, I'm gonna take lunch at noon every day, and then somebody well, I guess this is before schedulers too. But today, maybe you forgot to block noon on your scheduler and someone grabs a time. Oh, well, now I know I gotta block that time off.
Leah Remillet: Yeah. Absolutely. I decided that I wanted to start exercising, and I am not inherently someone who like, I'm not athletic. I never did any sports. I literally learned the symptoms of asthma in junior high so that I could go to the doctor, claim them, and get a note so I would never have to run the mile.
So I, you know, decide, like, okay. I should really exercise. I understand it's so good for you. Yada yada.
But that's one of those things where, oh, man, it is so easy to talk me out of it because it's it wasn't my default habit, and it honestly wasn't the identity I saw in myself. Right? So that made it even trickier, which is its own kind of fascinating thing to think about.
And so over and over, something would get in my way. I remember one day, I woke up early. I go to get ready to work out. Right? And I've learned that, like, my workout clothes better be right there, or I'm gonna come up with an excuse. So I would have the shoes, the socks, the leggings, the sports bra, there's you know, the shirt, like, right? It's all there.
And I'm trying to find a hair tie. I can't find one. And so I literally was, like, can't work out, and I went back to bed. Like, I was just, like, see? No. So the next day, I'm like, okay. We will put a hair tie on the top now. I mean, it's just really this concept of, like, instead of getting upset over that you had a moment where you didn't reach the goal line, you just say, okay. Well, what was the reason? Like, what tried to trip me? And then you immediately put something in place to protect you from next time. So now there's always a hair tie.
Joe Casabona: Yeah. I love that. There's always a hair tie. That's really good.
Leah Remillet: Always a hair tie.
Joe Casabona: I will say, you know, we both live in places that aren't like San Diego and so
Leah Remillet: This is valid.
Joe Casabona: Weather outdoor runs are not something I can do half the year because, like, if it's a little cold or, like, raining, I'm like, oh, no. I wouldn't wanna get wet that's not like me sweating. If I can't run, it's raining.
Leah Remillet: I only run in spring and summer, and then summer is slightly questionable because we get hotter. Right? So it's like if I can go early enough. S
o I'm a big I work out in the house. And, like, my husband is a huge gym guy. He loves going to the gym. He's always trying to convince me. And I'm like, that's not my thing because the efficiency-loving part of me cannot handle 15 minutes there, fifteen minutes back. You just wasted thirty minutes of, like, my productivity time. Right? So I'm like, heck no. I can put on, like, a video for thirty minutes, do quick lifting or hit or whatever, and I'm done, and I get to move on.
And I think that's its own little lesson. Like, we have to accept, like, who we really are choose the things that actually work for us stop trying to force ourselves to fit into some mold that doesn't work. I mean, especially, we're entrepreneurs. We already know we don't fit the traditional mold. Like, that's who we are.
Joe Casabona: Right. Yes. I love the idea of going to the gym. And then if it's like, I don't wanna get in my car and go. Though, I will say, that when I do convince myself that the gym is worth going to, the fifteen-minute drive definitely puts me in a better mindset. Because, like, now I have fifteen minutes to be, like, to stop thinking about work and I leave my phone in the car. Like, the whole reason I have an Apple Watch Ultra with cellular is so that I can, like, leave my phone in the car when I go to, like, gym or church or whatever. Right? Because it's like, I know having my phone on me is an issue, but I also need music in my ears all the time.
Leah Remillet: I love it. So the whole thing is I have a watch is to find my phone because I misplace it everywhere. Like, which I'm gonna be honest, I'm actually really proud of. Right? Like, I am one of those people who I have detached myself from my phone, so everyone knows. Family, friends, everyone knows. I never know where my phone is. I've always set it down somewhere, and I'm gone. So literally, I wear a watch to tell me where I put my phone.
Joe Casabona: That's fantastic. I am that for my wife. She'll be like, can you ping my phone and like, answer?
Leah Remillet: Yes.
Joe Casabona: Yeah. Which, like, see, this is one of my problems. Right? I'm the opposite. I knew this was a problem, but then my daughter was like, Daddy, why are you on your phone? And I just, like, handed it to her and told her to hide it. But now I got that. Right? Yes. And she loves that because he's like, where did I hide it? And I'm like, well, I'm not gonna find it now. Like, let's be together.
But I got the brick. This is one of the only, like, Instagram ads I've ever bought from. Have you heard of this?
Leah Remillet: No.
Joe Casabona: So it's a refrigerator magnet with an NFC chip in it. And there's a companion app. You tap your phone to it, and it straight up blocks you from using apps. And, like, you can, like, do a allow list and, like, only allow a certain number of apps, or you can do a block list and block a certain number of apps, but you cannot access those apps again until you physically scan the brick again. So, like If I'm, like, going out to the park or something with my family, I will scan it and know that, well, I can't use any of my distracting apps because I am literally away from the thing that would unlock my phone.
Leah Remillet: Okay. You have to send me that link. That is amazing. My mind is, like, spinning right now because right now on my podcast, we're doing this twenty-one-day series, which are all these micro shifts to getting balance. So they're, like, science-backed, research-backed strategies, ones that I've found over the years that I think have great psychology and just a whole lot of things, and we're building them.
So one of the first ones was turning off at least five notifications off your phone. Right? But I'm like, oh my gosh. This would be the next level. Like, I wanna send this out and be like, hey. You wanna take it even further? You need this thing. That is so cool.
Joe Casabona: Well, I'll tell you. It works like gangbusters because I'll scan it, like, when I wanna do deep work, and I'll scan it before bed. So, like, the only thing like I, like, listen to YouTube videos when I fall asleep. I have tinnitus, which is my excuse. And if you don't know what tinnitus is, it's just like a ringing that's, like, just always kind of in your ear. And so I need to listen to something. So I do have, like, the YouTube app and the music app, but, like, I can't check my email. I can't chat. I don't have social media apps on my phone, but, like, it blocks the websites too. So, like, if I try to go to, like, instagram.com, it's like, this is a distraction. I'm like, this is amazing.
Leah Remillet: That is so awesome.
Joe Casabona: Right. Because then I have to do the walk of shame downstairs to my kitchen. And I'm like, am I really going out of my way to scan my phone to check my email right now at five in the morning? Like, that's crazy.
Leah Remillet: That is amazing.
Joe Casabona: Yeah. So I like that one. I'll send it to you. I talked about it, and I wish I had the episode number up. But my yearly theme this year, this is why I love having you on the now, it's called The Year of Being Present. And it's a bunch of ways, yes, where, like, I wanna be present in everything I do. Right? Like, you might have noticed that, like, the screen is, like, shifting the light on my face because right now I'm checking, but, like, I used to, like, check email while on, like, Zoom calls, and now I have, like, ways to prevent that.
And now I've vamped long enough to tell you that it was Episode 453. So if you wanna hear my Yearly Theme, [streamlined.fm/453]. I didn't even say the episode number for this, but we're talking about a lot of really great resources, and you can find all of that in the show notes over at [streamline.fm/460]. You're number 460, so that's very exciting.
Leah Remillet: That is exciting.
Joe Casabona: Now we went on a little tangent there, but I wanna bring it back, right?
So stacking systems, figuring out what your blocker is, Can we take it home now? Are there a couple more steps for someone to really find balance?
Leah Remillet: So I'm gonna say, when you're trying to find balance, it really is gonna come down to you need to know what your core values are. You've gotta know what matters to you. You need to commit to yourself and to the people that you love that you are going to be present, and that takes being very, very purposeful. It takes a lot of discipline. You're gonna get it wrong. There's no problem with that. Right? Because you're just gonna say, oops, and then you're gonna try again. It really comes down to these three things. K? It's these three things. It's priorities. That's number one. Number two is presence. When I'm here, I'm here. Right? Like, I'm gonna show up. And number three is purpose. Like, those three p's, that is the key.
Now there's gonna be nuances. There's so many different hacks and tricks and apps and cool things, apparently, that we're gonna go put on our fridge now. Like right? Like, there's so many different things, and we each have our own experiences. Our kids are at different stages, and our life is at different stages.
So those things, we're gonna adapt for each of ourselves personally. And I'll say this, to each person listening, no one knows you better than you. So look back at when things have felt really great. This is often referred to as bright spots and say, okay. Well, what was I doing there? What was happening?
Instead of focusing and getting frustrated over where we're going wrong, which is what we each have a tendency to do. Right? Like, we feel the guilt. Sometimes that goes to shame, which really is not a healthy place to be. And we're just we're festering, and we're focusing on where we feel like we're not enough.
I'm gonna ask everyone to focus on when it went well. When were you doing it right? What day or hour felt really good? What was happening there? You are the best person to look at to figure out what's gonna work for you. Right? Like, I had to figure out what things were gonna work for me, and I found tricks like turning my computer off, having the hair tie, building in a whole lot of custom alarms into my phone, taking off all notifications, automating everything I could in my business, outsourcing. Right? Like, batching. Like, I found all these different things that worked for me.
But not every single one of those is gonna work for every single one of us because we are so unique. So just truly look at yourself personally, trust your own experiences, lean into those, and then those 3 P’s, which are Priorities, Presence, and Purpose. And if you can if you can bring yourself back to those, it really can shift everything.
Joe Casabona: Focus on when it went right is really good. Right? I think we expect that we are in control of more than we're actually in control of. I know that's definitely a problem for me, and we expect ourselves to execute perfectly. Right?
Now I'm a huge baseball fan. I don't know if you enjoy baseball. Based on the location you told me, it's probably not easygoing for your baseball team. But I'm from New York. I'm a huge Yankee fan. And in the 125 or so years, 122 modern era of baseball, there have only been 24 perfect games. Right? So, like, perfection has only been reached in a tiny 62 games a year for 122 years, 150 at some point. But you get the point. Right?
And funnily enough, the last two were 11 apart, right, by the Yankees and the Mariners.
Leah Remillet: hey. Hey. Let's just take a moment since you were saying my team was, like, maybe not so good. But okay.
Joe Casabona: Right. Felix, August 2012 was the last perfect game before Domingo Herman in 2023. So, like, perfection doesn't happen often.
Leah Remillet: Right.
Joe Casabona: We need to be happy with the very good. Right? And we need to focus on the very good.
Leah Remillet: Yeah. Perfection is going to lead us to a whole lot of frustration that is unnecessary and unfair.
We have these stories that we're telling ourselves, and they might even be well intended, but that doesn't mean that they're serving us. In fact, I was just reading today. There was a time when the train first came out that very, very well-meaning scientists suggested and urged that the train never go beyond 30 miles an hour because they were concerned that the human body would explode beyond 30 miles an hour. Now we can hear that now and be like, that's so funny. Right?
Joe Casabona: Crazy. Yeah.
Leah Remillet: Right? But, like, this was well-meaning intention using the information that they had, but they were limiting themselves. We do this all the time in these stories that we're saying, like, that I have to be perfect, that it's all or nothing. I have joked for years that, really, since making it to the ambulance, since the emergency room, my goal has been to install a dimmer switch in myself because I had this mentality of all or nothing. Right? I am on or I am off. And I'm like, no. No. No. No. The answer is actually the dimmer switch. Like, I need to be able to adjust and pivot and pick myself back up and be okay when I go back to bed because I can't find a hair tie or when I overwork because I got too excited about something and I didn't hit my cutoff or whatever it is. And I just say, okay. I see what went wrong. Is there anything I can do to help myself from not having that happen again? Let's start over tomorrow.
Joe Casabona: Yeah. Fantastic. And I think a pretty good transition, though slightly worse when you call it out, is I wanna move into so the way you summarized kind of your framework here is really good. Right? It's figuring out what's important to you, figure out what gets in your way. But the 3 P’s were Priorities, Purpose, and Presence in some order. I really like that. As you think about how you can find balance, consider those three things because like Leah said, no one knows you better than you.
Alright. So that's the end of Part 1. I really hope you enjoyed it.
Part 2 is coming soon, and we're gonna really dive into what it's like being a solopreneur mom and a solopreneur dad. We exchange notes. That's a much more casual conversation. So that's why I'm kinda making it a bonus.
If you want to find any of the resources that we've talked about, you can find all of them over at [streamlined.fm/460] and you'll also find a feedback link there. So if you have questions or comments, or if you like this kinda two-part format, definitely let me know. Or if you would rather hear the whole hour and t0 minute conversation in one shot, let me know that too. I'm definitely open to your feedback there.
So, thanks so much for listening. And until next time, I'll see you out there.
