Andy: Hello everyone, I'm Andy and
Mark: Mark.
Andy: this is speaking shite. Here we are again.
Mark: Indeed. Though I think today it might have a slightly more serious tone.
Andy: Really, I bet you I can turn anything you say serious into shite. Shite. Starting
Mark: Politics
Andy: off with shite. Are you gonna talk about Boris Johnson? The strike.
Mark: No, I was gonna wait for that. You you really so I say politics and you immediately jump to some has been two years out of date ex Prime Minister of the UK when on your very own doorstep we've just had a bloody election.
Andy: I about that. But I wanted to mention Boris Johnson because this is the most laughable...
Mark: He nearly got blown up.
Andy: No, he didn't. No, he didn't. Listen, if Putin wanted to outrage the UK and force us into a war footing... The last person you're going to assassinate is Boris Johnson because you would be elected as the next Prime Minister of England if you managed to fucking successfully do that. Who really would give a toss if Boris Johnson got blown up by Putin? Absolutely nobody. It's no
Mark: I wonder what it
Andy: less than he fucking deserves.
Mark: What w what was he doing there? What was his role in Kiev?
Andy: He's making money. He's not there for free because Boris Johnson is a scum bucket. He's no way
Mark: Ha ha
Andy: doing anything humanitarian in Ukraine. He's either farming for young girls for the next Mrs Johnson or someone is paying in vast amounts of money to be there in a I don't know some kind of fucking nonce capacity.
Mark: So you think it was just coincidence? It was was he four miles away or four minutes away? I can't remember.
Andy: It's pathetic. It's basically the British media trying to stir up the British public into hating Russia. It's not going to happen. We've got nothing
Mark: What?
Andy: to fear from Russia. It's just nonsense. Honestly, if you believe that Russia is the threat, you're a fucking moron. Russia is not the threat in the world today.
Mark: Done something. my god. Everything
Andy: but you've fallen for the media narrative.
Mark: Everything's gone blue.
Andy: What do mean?
Mark: The screens have gone blue. I can still see you but you're with a blue background. It's like
Andy: Ugh.
Mark: there's I'm looking at you through blue lens.
Andy: I, well, I can still see you perfectly well, so I would just continue on and just ignore it.
Mark: No I can't do that.
Andy: We can't just trouble fix in the middle of an episode.
Mark: I'll have to send you a picture your
Andy: Yeah, you can take a picture and send it. Give us a laugh at least. Anyway, Putin was obviously not trying to kill Boris Johnson.
Mark: So just I mean, I know you have these ridiculous rants based on purely your gut feeling. What what is it
Andy: Which is always right, by the way.
Mark: what is it that makes you think that all of the all of the European defence and intelligence agencies believe
Andy: Intelligent.
Mark: that Russia will launch a thing within the next five years and you think it's all bollocks?
Andy: they've been saying this since the fucking end of the Second World War. This is just bullshit. It's bollocks. And listen, I've
Mark: No they haven't. No they haven't.
Andy: told you and you should know Russia doesn't have the manpower or the military might anymore to launch anything on a second front. He can't even finish Ukraine. It's like saying America, now that they've done Iran, are going to move on to Greenland and Canada. It's just ridiculous. It's rhetoric.
Mark: Let me just send you a picture of this blue screen that I'm looking at. What's happened? You must be able to diagnose it. You're some hot shot something's or other.
Andy: Yeah I probably can diagnose it but you wouldn't like my consultancy fees. Let's see.
Mark: Well that was slow to arrive, for God's sake. It's l it it literally looks like I've
Andy: That's your internet.
Mark: got blue sunglasses on.
Andy: Yeah, you've got, you've got, have you, have you been to an optician lately? Have they told you that your eyes are strained? Have they
Mark: No, they're not.
Andy: diagnosed you with anything or given you some blue contact lenses that you forgot about?
Mark: No no. But the thing is if I continue looking at this blue haze, is it going to permanently damage my eyes or something?
Andy: No, in fact I think it's probably, it's actually a feature of our studio that it's blended your background in with our matching shirts.
Mark: yeah, my my shirt is sort of blue as well.
Andy: So there you go.
Mark: All right, so so you don't believe that Russia are a threat?
Andy: No, absolutely not. The only threat is big, round, orange and fucks little girls.
Mark: Did you did you read?
Andy: And he's covered in shit, by the way.
Mark: So he goes to Ireland, Trump, for two days. Ostensibly to
Andy: Yeah, gets roundly booed.
Mark: ostensibly to watch a golf tournament or something at one of his Thing Me Bobs.
Andy: Bullshit. He just went there to stir up trouble. Yeah, I think United Island is a great idea. And all he got in return was, fuck off, back to America, you cunt. Did you see the size of the desk that he was provided with to sign the document whilst the Irish Prime Minister was standing next to him?
Mark: What so so that he was twelve meters away from her?
Andy: No it was like a schoolboy's desk. It was so fucking small. It was fucking hilarious.
Mark: was it? I didn't see that. All I read was the Prime Minister if she is the Prime
Andy: Hates him.
Mark: Minister, she actually she really laid into him. I mean literally said I Orange whatever stinking of shit. I mean
Andy: Yeah.
Mark: she actually wrote that in a comment about him.
Andy: I mean, why not? Tell the truth. That's the good thing about the Irish. We don't fuck a range, you know.
Mark: So alright, it's supposed to be mildly lighthearted. So let me ask you a question about Trump's visit to Ireland. How many cars did they fly across to Ireland for his caravan of vehicles?
Andy: It's going to be a ridiculous number like 18.
Mark: you're surpr you do do quite well. I mean I posed the question so it's obviously ridiculous. Twenty-eight. S so how many motorcycles do you think they shipped across?
Andy: well at half, then that's got to be double that. It's got to be 50.
Mark: Well it was actually nineteen. But the question is, if you've got twenty eight vehicle cars, what the f what what do you need motorcycles for? Is Trump gonna hop on the back of a motorbike or something?
Andy: That's to stop traffic ahead of you, to close the road so your vehicles don't have to slow down.
Mark: Yeah, but he's not the Pope.
Andy: or doesn't matter, he's the most important person in his mind. So he has to have everything. If no one has ever had a bigger motorcade, he's got the bigliest and the bestliest. even the Prime Minister of Ireland said she wished she had a motorcade like that. It was so beautiful to look at.
Mark: I mean the amount of money they
Andy: The guy is a fucking walking comedy show except he's not funny.
Mark: And he's costing them a fortune. I did sorry, don't want to o all talk about Trump, but you know, all right.
Andy: I've got a better question though. Who the fuck was in the other 27 cars?
Mark: W precisely. Other than that Katie, what's her name? No, she was in his car.
Andy: The nappy changer.
Mark: Yes, she was she's probably the only one who can tolerate the stench.
Andy: Well she's paid a damn, I think there's 150k a year to change his nappies.
Mark: yeah, but that wasn't enough because he gave her a forty-five thousand dollar Christmas present bonus.
Andy: That's probably because she was halfway through changing his diapers and he thought he was going to fart and he gave her a face splash. And it was by way of apology. I'm sorry.
Mark: Ha ha
Andy: I thought it was going to be a toot.
Mark: I mean, isn't it absurd that the American presidency has degenerated into two middle-aged men talking about him pooping himself? I mean, this
Andy: You
Mark: is the president of the United States.
Andy: Listen, anyone who's proud to say that is the President of the United States needs to live in another country.
Mark: Well let me you're always on about all politicians are the same, they're all liars. So let me ask you this question. How many conversations did you have about Obama pooping his pants?
Andy: Obama didn't wear nappies, Trump does. It's
Mark: I mean
Andy: a fact and you can't get away from it and it is hilarious. I mean our job is to make fun of the news here and
Mark: Yeah.
Andy: it's comedy gold, how can you ignore that? Okay I've got a story
Mark: The thing is that
Andy: about a bridge collapsing and 400 people died or Trump shit himself again.
Mark: No, but the point is that there's no U but or maybe there is. Are there just eighty year olds who literally just poop their pants all the time and need to wear nappies? I've never met one.
Andy: Well, normally they would be given a colostomy bag, but obviously he's gone the other route.
Mark: I mean because literally the number of photographs where people are introduced to him or forced to stand near him and they're literally wincing at the smell of fetal mat not fish fetal.
Andy: There's, there's, there is a fair distance, fecal. There
Mark: Fecal matter.
Andy: is a fair distance between him and the Irish prime minister when he's sitting in his children's desk signing the paper. Hopefully with a bic.
Mark: What was he signing, sorry, what was he signing?
Andy: Who knows? They haven't made any deals. It's just a photo thing, isn't it? He probably insisted on it. He probably said, I want a room set aside with a desk and me so I can look important signing something.
Mark: So do you think they were literally taking the piss?
Andy: So she went, all right, we'll give you a fucking desk you cunt.
Mark: And did you see did you see the photograph from the golf course of the four Irish men who were just posing spelling out the letter C-U-N-T-N-T? The
Andy: See you.
Mark: guy with his arms out doing the T and there was a guy doing a C. It was hilarious. I mean only the Irish could do something like that.
Andy: It makes me proud of my roots.
Mark: dear. So anyway, so I think he's back on home soil now. I think he even flew two Air Force Ones to Ireland. One aeroplane wasn't enough.
Andy: Nobody wants a decoy now, doesn't he? Because
Mark: Is that it?
Andy: everyone's on to his catering cart trick.
Mark: But but the absurd thing is, if they think there's a reasonable chance that someone's gonna try and shoot the plane down, and he's the president of the United States, making it a 50-50 chance is not much better, is it?
Andy: pretty good. No, the thing is, realistically nobody's going to shoot his plane down because he's too much value for money. The guy is doing a better job of destroying America than any enemy ever could.
Mark: well you see, no, that's where I completely agree with you. Absolutely. And you know when you listen well we don't need to t well I say that's what we're here to do to talk about it, but even No, we will do, but that Treasury fellow
Andy: Yeah, but let's talk about other stuff as well. I don't want this to become the Trump power.
Mark: That Treasury fellow, Bisset or whatever his name is, is
Andy: Hmm.
Mark: a complete buffoon. I mean that the
Andy: Well...
Mark: other people, the other MPs or whatever they're called in the state senators, they literally run rings around him.
Andy: Well, mean, he's got nowhere to go, is he? Because on the one hand, it's his job to balance the books. On the other hand, you've got Trump offering to give away a trillion dollars if people vote for him.
Mark: One point three trillion. I I wanted to comment on that actually because last time you mentioned it, it was just just after it announced it. You were saying it's completely illegal, you should be put in prison. I was actually listening to a piece by Liz Oyer, who was the pardons attorney for the previous administration. And she was saying technically it's not, actually.
Andy: Listen, lawyers will say anything as long as they can get a fucking commission and cream off the top of it. So don't bring lawyers into this. I know,
Mark: No. You see this is
Andy: I know that it is illegal to buy votes. That is all you need to know. There's not, there's no technicals about it.
Mark: No no no but he's not buying votes, that's the point. No he's not. No no no, he's he's promising to give
Andy: but he is though, isn't he? Because he's making a promise. And he's making...
Mark: everybody a five thousand cheque. He's not promising to give those who vote for him a five thousand cheque.
Andy: Yes, yes, but he's also, he's, what the question that should be asked is why don't you give it to us now?
Mark: Yeah, well th th all I'm saying is it's not illegal because he's not buying votes.
Andy: because that will tell you whether or not he's trying to buy votes. That will be empirical proof that he is actually trying to buy votes. If you say, give me the money now.
Mark: You are the archetypal ranter in terms of politicians are all liars, lawyers are all liars.
Andy: Fucking charlatans.
Mark: Give me a list of people that you think fall into a category where everybody is tarred with the same brush. Medical. Medical profession.
Andy: Everyone is not me. Fucking witches, witches, burn them.
Mark: Do you have many friends?
Andy: Clearly not, I talk to you all the time. Fuck's sake.
Mark: Yeah.
Andy: You think this is by choice?
Mark: Yeah. Yeah. I don't even give these things a second well I do. The but the politics, things that affect my life, like the bloody price of petrol going up.
Andy: It's not that I give them a second thought, it's just that my mind processes this without me even thinking about it, because I am what is commonly known as a forward thinker. I see the bigger picture. If someone says to me, mean, rule one in life is never believe anything anyone says.
Mark: Yeah, but you can't believe that.
Andy: No I do. Never believe anything. Always check everything. If someone says something, they're humans. There's a chance they're fucking lying.
Mark: Yeah yeah then no of course I understand there's a chance that people are lying. I I
Andy: It's a big chance.
Mark: No no no, well I understand that there are people out there who are cheats and charlatans. But you can't Well, you can, you do it. I certainly don't my starting point isn't that all people are cheats and charlatans.
Andy: guilty until proven innocent.
Mark: Yeah, well you see that's that's where you and I differ.
Andy: Well, that's why I will never get ripped off by the likes of Donald Trump.
Mark: Hmm. Or maybe maybe there's some dark eminence noir that in fact is steering your thought patterns. And in fact you are in total you are completely controlled by something that's so subtle you're not aware of it. Whereas at least I fall for the obvious things.
Andy: later.
Mark: Yeah, exactly.
Andy: One other thing before we get off the subjects of Trump. Have you noticed since Trump came into office?
Mark: What?
Andy: My hiss is back, I don't like it.
Mark: Dear. Andy. Are you sure it's not tinnitus?
Andy: don't know, it's something going on.
Mark: I don't hear anything.
Andy: It could be a connection issue actually.
Mark: Dear but well we can't stop. I'm looking at a blue screen.
Andy: But you're...
Mark: You're going to have to listen through the hiss, I'm afraid.
Andy: Anyway, since Trump came into office, you remember not so long ago when I was complaining that we used to talk in millions and now it's billions. Well, since Trump's been in office, suddenly we talk in trillions. Trillions,
Mark: It's trillioned trillions, yeah.
Andy: a number that literally doesn't exist in the world of money. Because
Mark: Mm.
Andy: when you say 40 trillion, there is not that much money in the world. It's a ridiculous fucking number.
Mark: Mm. No, but someone has actually paid for it. No,
Andy: Why are we normalizing that? Why are we normalizing that?
Mark: no, no, you're absolutely right, but
Andy: Next thing is it will be the quadrillion and then the gajillion and then the googlillion. And people won't get out of bed for less than 40 million an hour because we're living in a world of imaginary inflation with these imaginary numbers.
Mark: They are real to the extent that people actually paid, you know, they wrote out a cheque for all that money.
Andy: They didn't. Nobody actually pays a trillion dollars for anything. Nobody's got a trillion dollars except Elon Musk, apparently.
Mark: no, I'm not talking about you and me in the street. I'm talking about when they do these treasury auctions, because I used to work in the business, there are people who actually buy them. There are investment funds, there's a lot of domestic pension funds in America that buy this stuff. So there are people who actually pay for it.
Andy: What, the ones that are stolen from the steel workers and the coal workers, those pension funds?
Mark: Well well maybe. I never I never checked.
Andy: Why would you? said, just give me the money, just give me the money. I don't care where it comes from. We don't check it. We don't really check.
Mark: No, but you're right. I mean it is getting well, i it's obviously painfully ridiculous, but I tell you what, if the interest rate that the the States has to pay continues to remain high, I think there's actually a risk that people are going to stop buying US treasuries and treasury bills. And you know what that means? For return is
Andy: I don't understand why anyone would buy them, especially for the last two years.
Mark: No, but it simply what return you get on your money. You you you supposedly I d a that's a good question. I don't even know if America is a triple A rating anymore. I don't think it is. I think there is actually a risk and and I'm not talking about one in a million. There is an actual risk that America may default on some of its debt. Like Argentina.
Andy: Well, you know, one in a million chances come up nine times out of ten, so.
Mark: Is that your is that the logic you w
Andy: you
Mark: Well, why don't you buy lottery tickets? Or do you? You don't, do you?
Andy: I told you about the lottery, the odds aren't big enough for me. I don't like anything, I don't like 50-50s. It's
Mark: No, you're right.
Andy: like heads and tails. You either win it or you don't. Where's the excitement in that?
Mark: You either win or you don't. I think most lotteries work on fourteen million to one. I think if it's seven, how many how many boxes do you have to fill? Seven numbers. Well of course.
Andy: It depends on how many numbers you have to pull out, but every in a while they throw a curveball, don't they? They say, we're going to add another number to give you a bigger jackpot. What they're
Mark: Mm-hmm.
Andy: actually saying is we're going to add another number so we have to pay out less so that people don't win so often because we don't like not having to keep all the money.
Mark: I'm sensing a degree of negativity and I understand it's Monday morning. Andy, let me ask you this question. What do what normally introduces an element of positiv positivity into your brain? If I was to mention what, would you think well that's you know that's positive. I'm looking forward to that. I'd like to be involved in that.
Andy: I tell you what, I was feeling positive. I finally watched The Gentleman over the last week, season two, thoroughly enjoyed it.
Mark: yes, did you? Yes. Yes.
Andy: And I was feeling very positive about that until I remembered Megan fucking Marker wants to get in on the action. She won't. mean, this
Mark: She won't They won't they won't, they won't.
Andy: is a gambit put out by her. people who change
Mark: Yeah.
Andy: every two weeks in the hopes that Guy Ritchie will look at it and go, fuck me, I never thought of that. She'd be brilliant. What is just what we need for our failing show is the kiss of life that Meghan Markle would bring us.
Mark: I didn't see it. I'm sure you did. In fact you probably did. She was posting on Instagram. Did you see her pictures, her family pics that she posted? Yes.
Andy: Why would I... Why would I fucking... Do you think I follow this cunt? Don't be fucking mental. don't even...
Mark: Of course you do. You couldn't you couldn't have such opinions about it without actually following her Instagram page.
Andy: I don't follow anyone on Instagram except of course our loyal listeners.
Mark: Is that right? I er really, you don't
Andy: And I hate social media. I fucking hate social media. If it wasn't for the fact that I need
Mark: It's
Andy: to use it to advertise our show, I wouldn't have social media.
Mark: I isn't that a bit of a ratna moment where you admit that it's all shite.
Andy: It's all shit. Why are you even here listening? It's all shit. But at least our program is called shite.
Mark: I I was actu I was actually working when he did that. And w wasn't it at an annual general meeting where he said, w we all we all just sell crap.
Andy: Well, at Ratner's it was in front of the shareholders. Yeah, it was in front of all the shareholders. It didn't go down well.
Mark: And that literally was the downfall of the company. Yeah. As a direct result.
Andy: They went bankrupt. That was in the days when people had power and they showed it.
Mark: People still have power, they just don't use it. People don't understand the
Andy: Yeah, it's unfortunate.
Mark: power they have. That's the problem.
Andy: It's a shame my camera is just slightly too high. I've got a big pussy in my between my legs.
Mark: Well thank God I don't get to see that. He's not sniffing.
Andy: Big black and white hairy one.
Mark: Does he get his claws out?
Andy: Yeah, that's a bit like the lottery.
Mark: Yeah, exactly.
Andy: You either have little bits of blood dripping down your thigh or if he scores a bullseye your head hits the ceiling.
Mark: do they destroy the apartment? Do you have scratchy things for the cats?
Andy: I have scratchy things and there's a couple of corners where I've had to put masking tape, decorators masking tape, down the wallpaper from a height of two and a half, three feet because Reggie will try and get an edge on a corner and then he will proceed over the next X amount of years to peel the wallpaper.
Mark: And masking tape fixes that problem, does it?
Andy: Yeah, yeah, because he doesn't like the texture. It's the wallpaper itself. I don't know if it's the paste he's after underneath, whatever it is, he's attracted to wallpaper.
Mark: I think he's just attracted to costing you money.
Andy: Well, he did cost me money in the last place in Moora, didn't he? Or in Vormus because they
Mark: You had to have it redecorated, did you?
Andy: had to redecorate the room. And it was a bit cheeky because they wanted to redecorate it before I moved in, but that would have meant me delaying my move. And I said, no, it's fine as it is. So they didn't. In the end, of course, I had to pay for the redecoration.
Mark: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's always the way it goes.
Andy: which they were going to do anyway.
Mark: Yeah. No, but you know. They are a property company, they need to squeeze a bit of extra shekels out of the situation.
Andy: Yeah, they're obviously very poor. They're still working towards their first trillion.
Mark: Yeah. So how many zeros is a trillion?
Andy: Well it's gotta be 12, hasn't it? If 9 is a billion.
Mark: Yeah, because a million is a s is six, a billion is nine, so
Andy: Yeah, nine.
Mark: a trillion must be twelve
Andy: 12.
Mark: twelve zeros. Is quite a big number. How many seconds do you think you live for?
Andy: please, let's not go down that road. Have we really run out of news? No it's not.
Mark: What? No, I d I don't think it's even a trillion seconds. No we haven't, no, it's just
Andy: It's not even a billion.
Mark: Ooh, I think it might be a billion seconds. Anyway, my calculator doesn't go
Andy: It depends on how long you lived, doesn't it?
Mark: that far, so anyway, you're right. We have to pass on. So we've done I gave you the opportunity to give a little bit of a rant about Meghan Markle. That's your favourite one. And
Andy: All
Mark: you've done Boris Johnson. Yes. We've done Donald Trump.
Andy: We have.
Mark: we've mentioned a few things. Melania is not happy with Donny's relationship with Nappy Change, diaper.
Andy: You know, again, you're falling for the media narrative. She is over the moon. Do think she wants the changes, Nappy?
Mark: I don't think she she doesn't even want to get close to him.
Andy: Do you think she wants to see his little magic mushroom? I would pay that girl's wages if I was Trump's wife. I would not only pay her
Mark: He
Andy: wages, I would give her a bonus if I never had to see him.
Mark: What would have been funny or amusing is if Melania was on that trip where Katie, whatever her name is, got to go on the other plane and he would have left Melania behind with the rest of them.
Andy: without a doubt. Without a doubt. In fact, Melania would have been sat in her seat saying into her phone, he's on the other plane. He's on the other plane. He's on the
Mark: Exactly. dear.
Andy: other plane. Please, take him down. I will give you an extra special lappy dance.
Mark: Was that supposed to be Russian or German SS?
Andy: I don't know where she's from, where is she from? She's not Russian.
Mark: No, she's not. She's Slovinian.
Andy: Slovenia, that's not even a place.
Mark: Think it is. so we've done alright, well that's it then. We have to cut this one short because that's the only thing we've got to talk about. Megan Markle, Donald Trump and Boris Johnson.
Andy: Well, no, you were saying that it was the Swedish elections yesterday.
Mark: No, I know, and I'll tell you what, and I actually I'm not talking bollocks when I say this. Sometimes it really bugs me. So the biggest part well, two things to note. The far right in Sweden, which is called the Sverige Demokraterna, the Swedish Democrats, they actually went down quite a fair bit actually. They lost a lot of popularity. But what gets me is the sort of the normal left-wing party which are called social democrats in Sweden. They got the biggest vote, and they normally do. But because you have this coalition system in Sweden, they won the most votes last time. And yet they weren't able to form a government. Because no one wanted to play in the same court as them. So it ended up
Andy: Yeah because every government in Sweden is always a coalition isn't it?
Mark: Yes. And of course, but the the expectation of a voter is if the most people vote for you, that that party will have the Prime Minister. But in Sweden, no. It it just doesn't it it doesn't make any sense. It should be automatic that
Andy: Well there's a lot of things in Sweden.
Mark: the Prime Minister comes from the party that got the most votes.
Andy: It's a lot of things in Sweden make no sense. You should be used to that by now.
Mark: That's literally what happened in Mora. The Social Democrats got far by far the most votes, and the end the the lady who heads up the Mora Common Council in Mora, I mean she got 10% of the votes or something, it's just nothing. So that does wind me up. Anyway, it's very exciting.
Andy: that the one who keeps trying to revoke everybody's alcohol license?
Mark: well, she w she works for the commune, yeah. Well she's the head of the commune. I think I might have met that person and
Andy: Yeah, but there's one particular woman.
Mark: Yes. Who is, in fact, surprisingly normal. You wouldn't you wouldn't
Andy: She's not. Ed Bundy was surprisingly normal. Jeffrey Dahmer was surprisingly normal. They're all surprisingly normal.
Mark: Maybe. Maybe. anyway, so that's, you know, people have been up all night watching the results. They were they had
Andy: I wasn't.
Mark: problems. 'Cause they've introduced I think it's tighter procedures to check your identity and things. I mean luckily in Sweden everybody has an identity. I mean in America you could be anybody but
Andy: Yeah, but you can vote on Kivra.
Mark: I know. Yep.
Andy: So we don't need ID checks.
Mark: No no no, but if you go there in person, most people I think still enjoy going to vote in person.
Andy: I didn't, I forgot completely about it. So I didn't vote at all.
Mark: Well clearly you did 'cause it wasn't the first thing you came out of your mouth when I said politics. You said Boris Johnson.
Andy: Well, it's because it happened yesterday morning, alleged Boris Johnson near miss by four miles and four days, whatever.
Mark: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Andy: So that sort of took my mind. That was like, I'm saving that for tomorrow. And then I...
Mark: H did y did you see a picture of him?
Andy: He looked exactly the same as when he was hanging off that bungee cord, when he was stuck halfway through
Mark: well funnily enough, in my mind
Andy: the wire run thing.
Mark: in my mind he didn't. He looked about thirty kilos heavier. And I can only assume
Andy: I'm 30 years older.
Mark: No, I can only assume it was some absolutely enormous bullet shrapnel proof vest or something he had to wear, and his little
Andy: Well...
Mark: head was bobbing out of the top. He looked like a Skittle.
Andy: I mean he was wearing a stupid helmet as well, he's not the bravest of souls is he?
Mark: Well well I don't know w
Andy: I mean, you can imagine that he didn't go over there for Tuppenceapenny. There's obviously a big bunch of cash involved because he wouldn't go anywhere near a war zone unless there was a big payday in it.
Mark: Yeah, but the thing is you don't know how bad it is at home with Carrie. Maybe he maybe that was a pleasant relief for him. He was looking
Andy: Ameen.
Mark: forward to going to Kiev rather than staying at home with his wife and fourteen children, which they have.
Andy: Yeah, I was gonna say, it's not the wife so much. It's all the screaming little fuckers, isn't it? The little bastards.
Mark: I couldn't cope. I don't think I mean Burroughs Johnson must be now in his fifties. He must be in his fifties.
Andy: I should hope so.
Mark: And to have little children running around the whole time is pretty exhausting.
Andy: God, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
Mark: Anyway, so autumn has arrived here in terms of weather and I decided I would go up north. I actually went a bit closer to you.
Andy: Really?
Mark: I went two and a half hours north of here.
Andy: That's nowhere near me.
Mark: Well, what do you mean? It's a quarter of the way. You're ten hours away?
Andy: Exactly. Well, probably eight and a half.
Mark: And the i it's not really interesting, but the the the only mildly interesting element of this story was that where I was was the start and I saw people starting of a thirteen hundred kilometre hike up to view probably or further.
Andy: I wonder how many people die every year.
Mark: I don't know.
Andy: There must be a, it must be double figures.
Mark: I saw two groups setting off. This was the starting point. No, I didn't. So in co so in contrast
Andy: I thought you were going to tell me you saw two deaths while you were there.
Mark: to the thirteen hundred kilometre go. You shouldn't laugh.
Andy: Ready, steady, go.
Mark: They all look quite fit, I have to say. They were not our age, though they could have been.
Andy: Yeah, they always do until they fall over.
Mark: We went on a two kilometre hike. Which barely qualifies as even getting out the front door. But that was as a
Andy: Did you even?
Mark: result of having an eighteen month old with us.
Andy: Did you cross the start line even?
Mark: I did actually cross the start line, but that's about as far as I got. dear. And I saw reindeer. That might be interesting. Reindeer.
Andy: We've got we've got some here darling
Mark: d do you? you idiots. I saw reindeer. dear. Do you have many reindeer up by you? I mean forests full of reindeer.
Andy: Of course! My god, I'm basically on the migration route!
Mark: You are, are you?
Andy: Yeah, don't you remember when I was living out in the forest and I used to drive 20 kilometres through forest to go to work and back and when I was coming home late at night, unbeknownst to me, I was on the reindeer highway and I was doing like 80 or 90 kilometres an hour through the forest and all of a sudden I
Mark: 'Cause like
Andy: see all these shapes going past my window. And I hit the brakes and it was fucking, it was reindeer in the road. And I didn't even see them until I was basically flying past them.
Mark: they're not they're obviously not as big as elks elks or moose. They're the sort of
Andy: They're plenty big enough.
Mark: Yeah, they're not as big as a horse though, clearly. They're more like deer shape, obviously. Reindeer.
Andy: No, they're not as big as a horse. No, they're much bigger than deer. They're twice the size of a deer that you would find frolicking in your garden, I can tell you that. and you do not want one in the front end of your car. And the thing is they love the road because they lick the salt off it. So when they are migrating, you'd be amazed at how many people hit a reindeer up here.
Mark: They lick the salt off the road.
Andy: Yeah.
Mark: You don't salt your roads up there.
Andy: They're so integrate.
Mark: Is there really?
Andy: Yeah.
Mark: and in fact while we were there what's the date? We're talking middle of September.
Andy: 14th.
Mark: Middle of September they were putting the bloody snow posts up by the side of the road. How depressing is that?
Andy: Yeah, we'll do it before the ground has got permafrost. That's pretty forward thinking.
Mark: Well do you have them do you have them where you are? The red posts in the side of the road yeah. The road markers.
Andy: I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know. It's something I wouldn't look for.
Mark: Well it's bloody you should do when you're out on your scooter.
Andy: I have limited amount of info that can live in here at any one time. until something useless falls out this side, nothing comes in this side.
Mark: What was that fact that you came up with the other day about six toed cats are called pterodactyls?
Andy: Polydactyls. Polydactyls.
Mark: Yeah that can't be cat specific. Polly just means many and dactyls
Andy: Yes, Minitoad.
Mark: many toes. So 'cause I questioned whether there was a word for cats and you said absolutely it's not at all. It's just many toes.
Andy: It is a polydactyl. It
Mark: Yeah.
Andy: is called a polydactyl. I don't care what you say or what you think.
Mark: Yeah, but it's like saying it's called a mammal, 'cause a cat is a mammal.
Andy: I'm an expert.
Mark: I don't think you are. You've got a very limited experience with Reggie and Ronnie, and they seem pretty pretty strange, generally speaking.
Andy: Reggie and Ronnie aren't my first rodeo. I have... I
Mark: No, but you've forgotten everything that came before them.
Andy: have other dead cats.
Mark: Have you ever thought of getting any fish?
Andy: What for the cats? They like a bit of chicken. The trouble is it's too smelly. I did feed them some tuna for a while but I couldn't open the cans for long because it's disgusting smell of it.
Mark: I remember you had problems with their food at one stage, they stopped eating.
Andy: God yeah, yeah I went through so many different types of foods and guess what? Now we're back to square one, we're back to the original food.
Mark: Are you? And they enjoy it.
Andy: Yep. Yep. They are mad for it. Fuckers.
Mark: Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so how much of the tennis did you see?
Andy: Tennis.
Mark: I didn't see any of it either. Yeah, the American open, the tennis thing. Yeah, I'm I'm the same actually. I don't follow that. But that's on the front page of the telegraph.
Andy: For one thing, I'm not a tennis fan. There's more chance of me watching a football game than a tennis game. And I'm not a football fan.
Mark: Who won the Grand Prix?
Andy: Who the fuck cares? Seriously, who cares?
Mark: Well it seems yeah I think it's
Andy: I mean, I'm sure someone does, but it's not even in my newspaper. That's how Grand Prix is not as popular as it used to be, you know.
Mark: no, I think it is. absolutely. If you look at the numbers, it definitely is.
Andy: Now, I think since they've, since Bernie Ecclestone isn't quite so involved, I think it's lost a lot of its popularity.
Mark: Well we couldn't possibly be involved. He's in his nineties now.
Andy: Yeah, but it's like when Alex Ferguson retired from Manchester United. Manchester United went from being the best team in the world to absolute bollocks.
Mark: Yeah, it can happen quite quickly. Have you ever seen Bernie Eccleston? He's quite a height ch what do you call that? Height challenged?
Andy: dwarf.
Mark: no, he's not a dwarf, but he's quite short. And I have a fi
Andy: image a leprechaun
Mark: I have a feeling it's Bernie Eccleston who's who's married to some enormous Amazonian woman.
Andy: Well they always do, don't they?
Mark: Do they?
Andy: Yeah, it's a thing that they have to, if they're the smallest man in the room, they have to have the tallest chick in the room. It's a Napoleon complex type thing.
Mark: A Napoleon C yes, we've done Napoleon We haven't done his complex though.
Andy: Yes. Do know who we also done? And this is quite interesting. We did talk about a chap called Bob Lazar, who used to work at Area 51 as an engineer and he was reverse engineering spacecraft.
Mark: Right.
Andy: as I was going through.
Mark: The news.
Andy: Pirate Bay to get my season of The Gentleman. I came across a film stroke documentary called The Life of Bob Lazar or something. And it was a film made this year about him, with him in it and his story basically. Really interesting. Really interesting.
Mark: Was it all true?
Andy: Well, I mean, he's the most credible witness that I could say I've ever heard. And he has evidence to back up everything he says. when he worked at the part he worked out was called S4, nobody had ever heard of S4. So it wasn't like he could make that up. But eventually it was discovered that S4 does actually exist. He worked at god what it was what was it called Los Alamos and Los Alamos was contacted and they said no I never heard of the bloke and then someone got an internal telephone directory and his name was on this telephone directory. Also during the time that he was working there one of his hobbies was attaching jet engines to things like go karts and he even put one on his wife's Honda Civic. And the Los Alamos Daily newspaper ran an article about him on the front page stating that he lived and worked at Los Alamos. So for them to deny that he was ever employed there and they'd never heard of anyone by that name in itself was quite telling.
Mark: But Los Alamos was the nuclear bomb place, wasn't it?
Andy: No, it's all tied up with Area 51.
Mark: So a clerical era and suddenly we got some sort of bloody
Andy: It's not a clerical era because there was another thing. a manpower type company that actually got him the job there and they were contacted and they said, yes, we have records of Bob Lazar and when he started and his position and everything. So they said, could you send us copies? And they said, well, we can't send them to you, but if Bob contacts us, we can send them to him. or if you can get a signed document from me and then we can send them to you. So they did that and got no response for literally months. And eventually they got a response saying, we can't find any record of that.
Mark: But what was he? He was sort of like a pathologist who was dissecting alien bodies or something, was he?
Andy: No, he was an engineer. was reverse engineering the gravity propulsion system that they were using in the spacecraft.
Mark: the gravity propulsion system.
Andy: Yeah it was basically an anti-gravity drive.
Mark: But he obviously failed.
Andy: No, he took friends, including an anchor from a television news station and the editor of the local newspaper where he was living currently. He took friends to witness test flights of these spacecraft. And they were all there on camera saying, look, no matter whether you believe him or not, I was there. I saw this thing flying. We witnessed exactly what he said we would witness. And the reason he could actually arrange that was because they always did it on a Wednesday evening. And the reason for that was because that was the time that they discovered there was less chance of having any eyes on the outside looking into the sky where they were test flying.
Mark: Well, because everybody went for a curry on a Wednesday evening sort of thing.
Andy: Well, it's just Wednesday was the least busy day of the week.
Mark: And you found this interesting rather than who could believe this shit?
Andy: You see, this is the problem. This is why, this is why we will never know the truth. Because when you're confronted with the truth, you're going to turn around and say, what a load of bullocks. Don't believe it, but there must
Mark: So this th
Andy: be something out there.
Mark: so so this guy during the day was working on anti gravity machines and in the
Andy: Yeah.
Mark: evening he was strapping rop rockets to shopping trolleys for a laugh.
Andy: Yes, it's no different to you doing up old motorbikes in your fucking garage except his is a little bit more ambitious.
Mark: Well, anti gravity. No, but why haven't why haven't we got anti gravity machines now? Why aren't we flying with
Andy: Because we don't have the elements that are needed to make them function. They only know how they function by reverse engineering. And there's an element
Mark: And so
Andy: called 115 that we know exists, but it's so unstable, we can't keep it stable without it sort of exploding or reacting.
Mark: When you when you say element, you're talking about periodic table element.
Andy: Yes.
Mark: And was it called one one five?
Andy: Yes.
Mark: That's my research for this afternoon.
Andy: If you type in element 115, the first thing that will come up is probably Bob Lazar.
Mark: I think his name was Bob Bizarre.
Andy: See, you can mock, but here's a man who's spent half his life trying to get the truth out there and he blew the whistle back in the 70s and he's been laughed at and mocked ever since, but it's very credible.
Mark: Well the thing is that, did you say Netflix had done a series on him?
Andy: No, it wasn't Netflix and it wasn't a series. It was a film that I downloaded.
Mark: A documentary.
Andy: Someone sent me. I didn't steal it or download it because that would be illegal.
Mark: You mentioned P B, the name that shall remain unnamed, but I didn't think that place existed anymore. I thought they'd got closed down.
Andy: Well, again, media narrative, it's bullshit. It's always out there. It's always been out there. If it's on the internet, it's there
Mark: Wasn't it Swedes who set that up?
Andy: forever, mate. Yes, it's a Swedish organization. Obviously not based in Sweden, because
Mark: Did they make any money out of it?
Andy: they made a fortune out of it. And they all, all the guys... who put it together are now working in very lucrative jobs for other people I'm sure.
Mark: Hmm. Yeah. I'm not surprised. It was a good concept.
Andy: It was exactly the same as Napster. And they made Napster illegal just so that they could bring you Spotify, which is also a Swedish company, by the way.
Mark: Was was Napster the same as Spotify, sort of?
Andy: More or less, yeah, downloading music.
Mark: Yeah, but technically technically speaking, Spotify actually pays the artists, doesn't don't they?
Andy: That's like saying I hand over money to David Bowie every time I put a record on. Personally, there you go Dave, one P. But it's not even one P, it's one hundredth of a P.
Mark: If you bought the record, have you got a record player still? Have you ever had a record player?
Andy: No. I haven't had a record player. Yes, I had a quite a good collection of records. Some of them signed, quite a few of them signed.
Mark: Why did you why haven't you got them?
Andy: You know what I'm like with luggage? and moving and stuff. I left everything
Mark: Well hopefully
Andy: with an ex-girlfriend.
Mark: Was she ex at the time or was she current?
Andy: No, she was current until I moved. And then I just wanted out, so...
Mark: So she's may still have them.
Andy: Fuck no, she would have sold him for drugs years ago.
Mark: So come on, drop a couple of names.
Andy: I'm not going to tell you her name, that would be rude. You wouldn't know me, this is back
Mark: Not not her name, you idiot. The artist's name. Brian Ferry.
Andy: in the days of disco.
Mark: ten C
Andy: No, I had Jermaine Jackson.
Mark: Alright, yeah, that she he's quite he's he's quite famous, yeah.
Andy: He, yes. There's only one sister, she was Janet.
Mark: Jackson
Andy: Yes.
Mark: What one of the Jackson five?
Andy: She wasn't one of the Jackson 5, she's Janet Jackson. She's the sister.
Mark: No, but she was the sister of the Jackson Five.
Andy: Did you not know that?
Mark: Yeah, of course I do. now you say Jermaine Jackson, of course, so he was the oldest brother, wasn't he?
Andy: It was, well, I don't know if that was him or Tito. Tito.
Mark: So you had a personally signed record of Michael Jackson's brother, Jermaine Jackson.
Andy: Yes. Yes.
Mark: That might be worth a few quid.
Andy: Not until he's dead.
Mark: Yeah. What do they do
Andy: and
Mark: these days, the Jackson Boys family, the Jackson four?
Andy: I don't know. mean, is there any demand for them without Michael, little Michael?
Mark: Janet Jackson's still in the business. She was the one that Justin Timberlake ripped her shirt open on that Super Bowl thing, wasn't it?
Andy: she got in trouble for showing her nip on TV.
Mark: Well, she didn't even show her nipples, she had some sort of whatever you call that thing that people put over their nipples.
Andy: nasty.
Mark: What?
Andy: Yeah, it's a pasty. They call it a pasty in America. that us in Cornwall, we just like to have a nibble on it. You
Mark: It was a spangly star, wasn't it, she had?
Andy: I don't know, but you know, the Americans as you know, you know, if she'd have shut herself in the face during the Super Bowl, that would have been a grand finale. But because she dared show her boobie, my God, that's just illegal. She should be arrested.
Mark: Yeah. Of course that's right. Jermaine Jackson. Why didn't I j anyway, so that was one. Give me another name.
Andy: it doesn't matter, because you would never have heard of them.
Mark: What disco?
Andy: Yeah.
Mark: I was only saying last week that I used to go to the rooftop nightclub in Kensington.
Andy: So with Esther and his two tons of fun.
Mark: Okay, no I don't know that one.
Andy: You know the song.
Mark: What's the song?
Andy: It's raining men.
Mark: And that was by a group called Silv Sylvester and Two Tons of Fun.
Andy: Yes, guess who the two tons of fun were.
Mark: I don't know, who were they?
Andy: They were his backing group.
Mark: But it was a woman who sang that song.
Andy: No, Sylvester has a woman's voice, but he is definitely a rather large man.
Mark: And he sang a song called It's Raining Men. Hallelujah. It's Raining Men. Hallelujah that one.
Andy: it might not have been that. It might have been you make me feel mighty real. It's a long time
Mark: Yeah, that I can believe.
Andy: ago.
Mark: Yeah. Cause I'm sure it was a late That's
Andy: Yeah, no, was the Weather Girls. They used to be his two tons of fun. It's the same ladies that used to be the backing band for Sylvester.
Mark: Alright, so they released one of the most popular disco songs of all time.
Andy: They released, they released, yeah, but You Make Me Feel Mighty Real was also a very popular song at the time in the 70s.
Mark: Yeah. So did you party with these people?
Andy: to an extent. I mean, I didn't get a phone call saying, Hey Andy and Silver, do you want to go to a party? But you know, because of my connections with the clubs and all the rest of it, I always knew who was where and I always had backstage access. So yes, I met up with a lot of them. They're not, they were mostly one hit
Mark: I had I had quite a
Andy: wonders in the days of disco. So it's not like they were superstars but I always got a 12 inch single signed by whoever I fucking met. I had several of them, lots of them, McFadden and Whitehead. And the beat goes on.
Mark: Did I did I tell you about my close encounter with Lionel Lionel Ritchie?
Andy: Uhhh, no. Yes, I think you did. Was it in a restaurant?
Mark: It was it well we were in a restaurant, I was entertaining clients and suddenly there's a bloody palava going on around and the waiters come out and they roll an extra table into the middle of the restaurant which is fricking inconvenient
Andy: Did you turn around and go, hello?
Mark: I mean so literally they moved our tables out. Yeah, you're right, that did go over my head.
Andy: You
Mark: And then they laid a table for three people. Lionel Ritchie arrives with two what I assume were bodyguards of some description. They order this particular Italian restaurant that had a speciality of lobster pasta that they served served in a lobster shell. They order three of these, it was the house speciality. So The three pates of pasta eventually get put on the table. Lionel Ritchie gets a telephone call. He leaves the table, give him that much credit, leaves the table and does his telephone call outside. The two other guys finish the pasta and then leave. And Lionel Ritchie never bothers even coming back to the table to finish his dish.
Andy: You
Mark: So then the waiters come out, take the plates away, remove the table and move our tables back. It was in the space of literally half an hour all this happened.
Andy: Did they pay?
Mark: I'm sure they did pay, or maybe they had an account with these people. But it was so ridiculous, all of this bloody palava, Lionel Ritchie arrives, five minutes later he gets a telephone call, disappears, and leaving these two big guys. Actually, thinking about it clearly they weren't bodyguards because he went outside to be on the phone
Andy: and they stayed inside.
Mark: and they stayed finishing off their pasta. They were obviously more hungry. It was very you know, s almost surreal how you know, what what the fuck what who is Lionel Ritchie to disturb everybody else in this restaurant? Even Elton was it Elton John? No, Rod Stewart was there one day. He ha that when he was with that very tall girlfriend. Yeah. Rachel Hunter. Now I th I see, is that all of all his girlfriends? No,
Andy: Was she blonde? I know the one. They were all tall and blonde. Yes.
Mark: he had a big table of sort of eight or ten people when I was there once. And well, I don't know, but at least they were
Andy: I bet he never paid. He's notoriously mean.
Mark: Was he?
Andy: Yeah. And you know, he's not Scottish. The Scottish... The
Mark: Rod Stewart. What even with a name like Rod Stewart?
Andy: Scottish claim him and they're so proud of him and he speaks with his Scottish accent, but he was actually born in North London.
Mark: No.
Andy: He was.
Mark: He wore tartan trousers all the bloody time.
Andy: There's your useless fact of the day for you to check later.
Mark: Rod Stewart was born in North London. What are we talking Holloway?
Andy: I think it was Archway. Archway, have memories of this. Not that I met him there, but yeah, I think Archway.
Mark: So he wasn't exactly born into money if he was born anywhere near Archway.
Andy: Or Scotland for fuck's sake, what the hell difference does it make? Yeah of course,
Mark: No you're Is he still around? Is Rod Stewart still alive?
Andy: yes. He's still going, he's still touring. He's
Mark: Noooo.
Andy: like Elton John, they're like...
Mark: Yeah, but he doesn't tour anymore.
Andy: Yeah he does.
Mark: Elton John.
Andy: El and John still geeks.
Mark: He can barely walk, he must be in his eighties.
Andy: He does private gigs, think, corporate style, for a million dollars a pop or whatever.
Mark: You're joking.
Andy: I mean, if you've got the flower bills that he has.
Mark: Twenty thousand a week.
Andy: You want to keep the cash rolling in.
Mark: I remember that. Twenty thousand
Andy: Hmm?
Mark: pounds a week he used to spend on flowers.
Andy: I know, it's ridiculous.
Mark: Or was that a year? Am I exaggerating?
Andy: a week.
Mark: Yeah. Rod Stewart.
Andy: When you've got that amount of money, it's just stupid. mean, even Freddie Mercury, I remember one interview with Freddie Mercury, the woman said, so the woman said something along the lines of, how does it feel now to sort of have all this money? He said, it's fabulous. And she says, what do you buy? And he says, anything I want. He says, I bought a house four years ago in Kensington or wherever. says I haven't even seen inside it. It's been the last
Mark: He gave it to his girlfriend. really?
Andy: four years being done up. It's supposed to look fabulous. I haven't had a chance to visit it yet.
Mark: Wasn't that the story where he bought the house opposite where he lived, just so he didn't have people looking into his house?
Andy: Well yeah, that wasn't the reason. He put his wife in there.
Mark: was she his wife? They did marry. She inherited everything.
Andy: Yes, they married and they stayed, yeah, and they stayed best friends all their lives.
Mark: Yeah, though, poor old Freddie. I don't know how old he was when he died. He was probably in his early forties, wasn't he, Freddie Mercury?
Andy: Yeah, he was young.
Mark: Hm. Yeah, you know. That was a shame well obviously a shame if anybody dies, but Freddie was something special. You didn't have anything to do with the Queen, did you?
Andy: very unique voice. I didn't kill him.
Mark: You idiot. Did you have any
Andy: I did go to...
Mark: A party.
Andy: Sorry, you're breaking up a bit for me.
Mark: Did you go to a party with Freddie Mercury?
Andy: No, I didn't, but I did go to the drummer, Roger Taylor. No, Roger
Mark: Walters Taylor.
Andy: Taylor. I went to his house in Marchants Hill. He had a fabulous house. He was married to the flake girl who was leaning on the windowsill with the little bead of sweat dripping between her boobies.
Mark: What the Capriz Flake advertisement, girl?
Andy: Yes, yes, he married her. Fucking that guy knew how to live. Now, he had this house in Marchants Hill. He probably still has it. I don't know. But it was basically one of those estates that you see on The Gentleman. And he had his own. He had a fishing lake and two ponds with black swans swimming on the ponds. It was. another world. He had his own recording studio which was actually in a water mill just off to one side of the property and it was just a fabulous place, fabulous place. Everything you could see as far as the eye could see, as far as you could see in any direction he owned.
Mark: I really don't
Andy: amazing place.
Mark: want to ask what you were doing there, but what were you doing there? Were you robbing it or something?
Andy: I was, yes. No, he was
Mark: You were breaking in.
Andy: doing, it was an internet first. They were going to live stream a concert from his house and the target in those days was to hit a hundred thousand people. That's how, it was the first of its kind. It was done in conjunction, I think, with Capitol Radio. who offered four tickets to go and see the live event. But I was there because his keyboard player is a very good friend of mine.
Mark: Okay.
Andy: He's actually been to Sweden to visit.
Mark: All right. Hm. No. All right.
Andy: Not Roger Taylor. He couldn't be arsed. And his wife, she knows me of old, so she was no way coming anywhere near me. I would have just been looking at her going, only the crumbliest, flakiest chocolate.
Mark: You know, isn't it Flaky as chocolate Yeah How long ago was that, Andy? She did that flake advertisement. It must have been when we were ten or something.
Andy: no, we were old enough to rip the head off because believe me, she starred in more than one. She was absolutely
Mark: Yeah. God dear
Andy: gorgeous.
Mark: Yeah. Yeah. dear, those were the days
Andy: they were indeed. And
Mark: Yeah.
Andy: this was the day. We've come to the end of our allotted time slot. Yeah, I'm
Mark: What? Really?
Andy: afraid so.
Mark: With that.
Andy: my God, we've gone over. You've got a bonus, God damn it.
Mark: Four minutes. five minutes. Go in soon.
Andy: Well anyway, I think we'll have to wrap it up. That brings us to the end of Speaking
Mark: All right.
Andy: Shite for today. Hope you enjoyed it.
Mark: Yeah. Yeah.
Andy: I know I did. Join us again.
Mark: Yes. No, it's always good to yep, have a chat.
Andy: Join us again, same time, same place next week. Except, I think it's only gonna be me who's here.
Mark: You can't have a you can't have a chat by yourself.
Andy: You should see me. I'd go at it mate on a Friday night. It's just me and me.
Mark: Ha ha ha
Andy: God, sometimes I lose
Mark: Mm-hmm.
Andy: the debate. Sometimes we have a mass debate.
Mark: No, I think no, you're right, I'm not around. Yeah, delightful. All right,
Andy: Anyway,
Mark: very good.
Andy: yep, same time, same place next week. Have yourselves a great week. Speak shite with people. Learn
Mark: Yep. Yep. Yep.
Andy: shite, read shite, and remember, everything they tell you is shite. Always,
Mark: Yeah.
Andy: always check everything. Bye for now.
Mark: Cheerio.
Mark: Mark.
Andy: this is speaking shite. Here we are again.
Mark: Indeed. Though I think today it might have a slightly more serious tone.
Andy: Really, I bet you I can turn anything you say serious into shite. Shite. Starting
Mark: Politics
Andy: off with shite. Are you gonna talk about Boris Johnson? The strike.
Mark: No, I was gonna wait for that. You you really so I say politics and you immediately jump to some has been two years out of date ex Prime Minister of the UK when on your very own doorstep we've just had a bloody election.
Andy: I about that. But I wanted to mention Boris Johnson because this is the most laughable...
Mark: He nearly got blown up.
Andy: No, he didn't. No, he didn't. Listen, if Putin wanted to outrage the UK and force us into a war footing... The last person you're going to assassinate is Boris Johnson because you would be elected as the next Prime Minister of England if you managed to fucking successfully do that. Who really would give a toss if Boris Johnson got blown up by Putin? Absolutely nobody. It's no
Mark: I wonder what it
Andy: less than he fucking deserves.
Mark: What w what was he doing there? What was his role in Kiev?
Andy: He's making money. He's not there for free because Boris Johnson is a scum bucket. He's no way
Mark: Ha ha
Andy: doing anything humanitarian in Ukraine. He's either farming for young girls for the next Mrs Johnson or someone is paying in vast amounts of money to be there in a I don't know some kind of fucking nonce capacity.
Mark: So you think it was just coincidence? It was was he four miles away or four minutes away? I can't remember.
Andy: It's pathetic. It's basically the British media trying to stir up the British public into hating Russia. It's not going to happen. We've got nothing
Mark: What?
Andy: to fear from Russia. It's just nonsense. Honestly, if you believe that Russia is the threat, you're a fucking moron. Russia is not the threat in the world today.
Mark: Done something. my god. Everything
Andy: but you've fallen for the media narrative.
Mark: Everything's gone blue.
Andy: What do mean?
Mark: The screens have gone blue. I can still see you but you're with a blue background. It's like
Andy: Ugh.
Mark: there's I'm looking at you through blue lens.
Andy: I, well, I can still see you perfectly well, so I would just continue on and just ignore it.
Mark: No I can't do that.
Andy: We can't just trouble fix in the middle of an episode.
Mark: I'll have to send you a picture your
Andy: Yeah, you can take a picture and send it. Give us a laugh at least. Anyway, Putin was obviously not trying to kill Boris Johnson.
Mark: So just I mean, I know you have these ridiculous rants based on purely your gut feeling. What what is it
Andy: Which is always right, by the way.
Mark: what is it that makes you think that all of the all of the European defence and intelligence agencies believe
Andy: Intelligent.
Mark: that Russia will launch a thing within the next five years and you think it's all bollocks?
Andy: they've been saying this since the fucking end of the Second World War. This is just bullshit. It's bollocks. And listen, I've
Mark: No they haven't. No they haven't.
Andy: told you and you should know Russia doesn't have the manpower or the military might anymore to launch anything on a second front. He can't even finish Ukraine. It's like saying America, now that they've done Iran, are going to move on to Greenland and Canada. It's just ridiculous. It's rhetoric.
Mark: Let me just send you a picture of this blue screen that I'm looking at. What's happened? You must be able to diagnose it. You're some hot shot something's or other.
Andy: Yeah I probably can diagnose it but you wouldn't like my consultancy fees. Let's see.
Mark: Well that was slow to arrive, for God's sake. It's l it it literally looks like I've
Andy: That's your internet.
Mark: got blue sunglasses on.
Andy: Yeah, you've got, you've got, have you, have you been to an optician lately? Have they told you that your eyes are strained? Have they
Mark: No, they're not.
Andy: diagnosed you with anything or given you some blue contact lenses that you forgot about?
Mark: No no. But the thing is if I continue looking at this blue haze, is it going to permanently damage my eyes or something?
Andy: No, in fact I think it's probably, it's actually a feature of our studio that it's blended your background in with our matching shirts.
Mark: yeah, my my shirt is sort of blue as well.
Andy: So there you go.
Mark: All right, so so you don't believe that Russia are a threat?
Andy: No, absolutely not. The only threat is big, round, orange and fucks little girls.
Mark: Did you did you read?
Andy: And he's covered in shit, by the way.
Mark: So he goes to Ireland, Trump, for two days. Ostensibly to
Andy: Yeah, gets roundly booed.
Mark: ostensibly to watch a golf tournament or something at one of his Thing Me Bobs.
Andy: Bullshit. He just went there to stir up trouble. Yeah, I think United Island is a great idea. And all he got in return was, fuck off, back to America, you cunt. Did you see the size of the desk that he was provided with to sign the document whilst the Irish Prime Minister was standing next to him?
Mark: What so so that he was twelve meters away from her?
Andy: No it was like a schoolboy's desk. It was so fucking small. It was fucking hilarious.
Mark: was it? I didn't see that. All I read was the Prime Minister if she is the Prime
Andy: Hates him.
Mark: Minister, she actually she really laid into him. I mean literally said I Orange whatever stinking of shit. I mean
Andy: Yeah.
Mark: she actually wrote that in a comment about him.
Andy: I mean, why not? Tell the truth. That's the good thing about the Irish. We don't fuck a range, you know.
Mark: So alright, it's supposed to be mildly lighthearted. So let me ask you a question about Trump's visit to Ireland. How many cars did they fly across to Ireland for his caravan of vehicles?
Andy: It's going to be a ridiculous number like 18.
Mark: you're surpr you do do quite well. I mean I posed the question so it's obviously ridiculous. Twenty-eight. S so how many motorcycles do you think they shipped across?
Andy: well at half, then that's got to be double that. It's got to be 50.
Mark: Well it was actually nineteen. But the question is, if you've got twenty eight vehicle cars, what the f what what do you need motorcycles for? Is Trump gonna hop on the back of a motorbike or something?
Andy: That's to stop traffic ahead of you, to close the road so your vehicles don't have to slow down.
Mark: Yeah, but he's not the Pope.
Andy: or doesn't matter, he's the most important person in his mind. So he has to have everything. If no one has ever had a bigger motorcade, he's got the bigliest and the bestliest. even the Prime Minister of Ireland said she wished she had a motorcade like that. It was so beautiful to look at.
Mark: I mean the amount of money they
Andy: The guy is a fucking walking comedy show except he's not funny.
Mark: And he's costing them a fortune. I did sorry, don't want to o all talk about Trump, but you know, all right.
Andy: I've got a better question though. Who the fuck was in the other 27 cars?
Mark: W precisely. Other than that Katie, what's her name? No, she was in his car.
Andy: The nappy changer.
Mark: Yes, she was she's probably the only one who can tolerate the stench.
Andy: Well she's paid a damn, I think there's 150k a year to change his nappies.
Mark: yeah, but that wasn't enough because he gave her a forty-five thousand dollar Christmas present bonus.
Andy: That's probably because she was halfway through changing his diapers and he thought he was going to fart and he gave her a face splash. And it was by way of apology. I'm sorry.
Mark: Ha ha
Andy: I thought it was going to be a toot.
Mark: I mean, isn't it absurd that the American presidency has degenerated into two middle-aged men talking about him pooping himself? I mean, this
Andy: You
Mark: is the president of the United States.
Andy: Listen, anyone who's proud to say that is the President of the United States needs to live in another country.
Mark: Well let me you're always on about all politicians are the same, they're all liars. So let me ask you this question. How many conversations did you have about Obama pooping his pants?
Andy: Obama didn't wear nappies, Trump does. It's
Mark: I mean
Andy: a fact and you can't get away from it and it is hilarious. I mean our job is to make fun of the news here and
Mark: Yeah.
Andy: it's comedy gold, how can you ignore that? Okay I've got a story
Mark: The thing is that
Andy: about a bridge collapsing and 400 people died or Trump shit himself again.
Mark: No, but the point is that there's no U but or maybe there is. Are there just eighty year olds who literally just poop their pants all the time and need to wear nappies? I've never met one.
Andy: Well, normally they would be given a colostomy bag, but obviously he's gone the other route.
Mark: I mean because literally the number of photographs where people are introduced to him or forced to stand near him and they're literally wincing at the smell of fetal mat not fish fetal.
Andy: There's, there's, there is a fair distance, fecal. There
Mark: Fecal matter.
Andy: is a fair distance between him and the Irish prime minister when he's sitting in his children's desk signing the paper. Hopefully with a bic.
Mark: What was he signing, sorry, what was he signing?
Andy: Who knows? They haven't made any deals. It's just a photo thing, isn't it? He probably insisted on it. He probably said, I want a room set aside with a desk and me so I can look important signing something.
Mark: So do you think they were literally taking the piss?
Andy: So she went, all right, we'll give you a fucking desk you cunt.
Mark: And did you see did you see the photograph from the golf course of the four Irish men who were just posing spelling out the letter C-U-N-T-N-T? The
Andy: See you.
Mark: guy with his arms out doing the T and there was a guy doing a C. It was hilarious. I mean only the Irish could do something like that.
Andy: It makes me proud of my roots.
Mark: dear. So anyway, so I think he's back on home soil now. I think he even flew two Air Force Ones to Ireland. One aeroplane wasn't enough.
Andy: Nobody wants a decoy now, doesn't he? Because
Mark: Is that it?
Andy: everyone's on to his catering cart trick.
Mark: But but the absurd thing is, if they think there's a reasonable chance that someone's gonna try and shoot the plane down, and he's the president of the United States, making it a 50-50 chance is not much better, is it?
Andy: pretty good. No, the thing is, realistically nobody's going to shoot his plane down because he's too much value for money. The guy is doing a better job of destroying America than any enemy ever could.
Mark: well you see, no, that's where I completely agree with you. Absolutely. And you know when you listen well we don't need to t well I say that's what we're here to do to talk about it, but even No, we will do, but that Treasury fellow
Andy: Yeah, but let's talk about other stuff as well. I don't want this to become the Trump power.
Mark: That Treasury fellow, Bisset or whatever his name is, is
Andy: Hmm.
Mark: a complete buffoon. I mean that the
Andy: Well...
Mark: other people, the other MPs or whatever they're called in the state senators, they literally run rings around him.
Andy: Well, mean, he's got nowhere to go, is he? Because on the one hand, it's his job to balance the books. On the other hand, you've got Trump offering to give away a trillion dollars if people vote for him.
Mark: One point three trillion. I I wanted to comment on that actually because last time you mentioned it, it was just just after it announced it. You were saying it's completely illegal, you should be put in prison. I was actually listening to a piece by Liz Oyer, who was the pardons attorney for the previous administration. And she was saying technically it's not, actually.
Andy: Listen, lawyers will say anything as long as they can get a fucking commission and cream off the top of it. So don't bring lawyers into this. I know,
Mark: No. You see this is
Andy: I know that it is illegal to buy votes. That is all you need to know. There's not, there's no technicals about it.
Mark: No no no but he's not buying votes, that's the point. No he's not. No no no, he's he's promising to give
Andy: but he is though, isn't he? Because he's making a promise. And he's making...
Mark: everybody a five thousand cheque. He's not promising to give those who vote for him a five thousand cheque.
Andy: Yes, yes, but he's also, he's, what the question that should be asked is why don't you give it to us now?
Mark: Yeah, well th th all I'm saying is it's not illegal because he's not buying votes.
Andy: because that will tell you whether or not he's trying to buy votes. That will be empirical proof that he is actually trying to buy votes. If you say, give me the money now.
Mark: You are the archetypal ranter in terms of politicians are all liars, lawyers are all liars.
Andy: Fucking charlatans.
Mark: Give me a list of people that you think fall into a category where everybody is tarred with the same brush. Medical. Medical profession.
Andy: Everyone is not me. Fucking witches, witches, burn them.
Mark: Do you have many friends?
Andy: Clearly not, I talk to you all the time. Fuck's sake.
Mark: Yeah.
Andy: You think this is by choice?
Mark: Yeah. Yeah. I don't even give these things a second well I do. The but the politics, things that affect my life, like the bloody price of petrol going up.
Andy: It's not that I give them a second thought, it's just that my mind processes this without me even thinking about it, because I am what is commonly known as a forward thinker. I see the bigger picture. If someone says to me, mean, rule one in life is never believe anything anyone says.
Mark: Yeah, but you can't believe that.
Andy: No I do. Never believe anything. Always check everything. If someone says something, they're humans. There's a chance they're fucking lying.
Mark: Yeah yeah then no of course I understand there's a chance that people are lying. I I
Andy: It's a big chance.
Mark: No no no, well I understand that there are people out there who are cheats and charlatans. But you can't Well, you can, you do it. I certainly don't my starting point isn't that all people are cheats and charlatans.
Andy: guilty until proven innocent.
Mark: Yeah, well you see that's that's where you and I differ.
Andy: Well, that's why I will never get ripped off by the likes of Donald Trump.
Mark: Hmm. Or maybe maybe there's some dark eminence noir that in fact is steering your thought patterns. And in fact you are in total you are completely controlled by something that's so subtle you're not aware of it. Whereas at least I fall for the obvious things.
Andy: later.
Mark: Yeah, exactly.
Andy: One other thing before we get off the subjects of Trump. Have you noticed since Trump came into office?
Mark: What?
Andy: My hiss is back, I don't like it.
Mark: Dear. Andy. Are you sure it's not tinnitus?
Andy: don't know, it's something going on.
Mark: I don't hear anything.
Andy: It could be a connection issue actually.
Mark: Dear but well we can't stop. I'm looking at a blue screen.
Andy: But you're...
Mark: You're going to have to listen through the hiss, I'm afraid.
Andy: Anyway, since Trump came into office, you remember not so long ago when I was complaining that we used to talk in millions and now it's billions. Well, since Trump's been in office, suddenly we talk in trillions. Trillions,
Mark: It's trillioned trillions, yeah.
Andy: a number that literally doesn't exist in the world of money. Because
Mark: Mm.
Andy: when you say 40 trillion, there is not that much money in the world. It's a ridiculous fucking number.
Mark: Mm. No, but someone has actually paid for it. No,
Andy: Why are we normalizing that? Why are we normalizing that?
Mark: no, no, you're absolutely right, but
Andy: Next thing is it will be the quadrillion and then the gajillion and then the googlillion. And people won't get out of bed for less than 40 million an hour because we're living in a world of imaginary inflation with these imaginary numbers.
Mark: They are real to the extent that people actually paid, you know, they wrote out a cheque for all that money.
Andy: They didn't. Nobody actually pays a trillion dollars for anything. Nobody's got a trillion dollars except Elon Musk, apparently.
Mark: no, I'm not talking about you and me in the street. I'm talking about when they do these treasury auctions, because I used to work in the business, there are people who actually buy them. There are investment funds, there's a lot of domestic pension funds in America that buy this stuff. So there are people who actually pay for it.
Andy: What, the ones that are stolen from the steel workers and the coal workers, those pension funds?
Mark: Well well maybe. I never I never checked.
Andy: Why would you? said, just give me the money, just give me the money. I don't care where it comes from. We don't check it. We don't really check.
Mark: No, but you're right. I mean it is getting well, i it's obviously painfully ridiculous, but I tell you what, if the interest rate that the the States has to pay continues to remain high, I think there's actually a risk that people are going to stop buying US treasuries and treasury bills. And you know what that means? For return is
Andy: I don't understand why anyone would buy them, especially for the last two years.
Mark: No, but it simply what return you get on your money. You you you supposedly I d a that's a good question. I don't even know if America is a triple A rating anymore. I don't think it is. I think there is actually a risk and and I'm not talking about one in a million. There is an actual risk that America may default on some of its debt. Like Argentina.
Andy: Well, you know, one in a million chances come up nine times out of ten, so.
Mark: Is that your is that the logic you w
Andy: you
Mark: Well, why don't you buy lottery tickets? Or do you? You don't, do you?
Andy: I told you about the lottery, the odds aren't big enough for me. I don't like anything, I don't like 50-50s. It's
Mark: No, you're right.
Andy: like heads and tails. You either win it or you don't. Where's the excitement in that?
Mark: You either win or you don't. I think most lotteries work on fourteen million to one. I think if it's seven, how many how many boxes do you have to fill? Seven numbers. Well of course.
Andy: It depends on how many numbers you have to pull out, but every in a while they throw a curveball, don't they? They say, we're going to add another number to give you a bigger jackpot. What they're
Mark: Mm-hmm.
Andy: actually saying is we're going to add another number so we have to pay out less so that people don't win so often because we don't like not having to keep all the money.
Mark: I'm sensing a degree of negativity and I understand it's Monday morning. Andy, let me ask you this question. What do what normally introduces an element of positiv positivity into your brain? If I was to mention what, would you think well that's you know that's positive. I'm looking forward to that. I'd like to be involved in that.
Andy: I tell you what, I was feeling positive. I finally watched The Gentleman over the last week, season two, thoroughly enjoyed it.
Mark: yes, did you? Yes. Yes.
Andy: And I was feeling very positive about that until I remembered Megan fucking Marker wants to get in on the action. She won't. mean, this
Mark: She won't They won't they won't, they won't.
Andy: is a gambit put out by her. people who change
Mark: Yeah.
Andy: every two weeks in the hopes that Guy Ritchie will look at it and go, fuck me, I never thought of that. She'd be brilliant. What is just what we need for our failing show is the kiss of life that Meghan Markle would bring us.
Mark: I didn't see it. I'm sure you did. In fact you probably did. She was posting on Instagram. Did you see her pictures, her family pics that she posted? Yes.
Andy: Why would I... Why would I fucking... Do you think I follow this cunt? Don't be fucking mental. don't even...
Mark: Of course you do. You couldn't you couldn't have such opinions about it without actually following her Instagram page.
Andy: I don't follow anyone on Instagram except of course our loyal listeners.
Mark: Is that right? I er really, you don't
Andy: And I hate social media. I fucking hate social media. If it wasn't for the fact that I need
Mark: It's
Andy: to use it to advertise our show, I wouldn't have social media.
Mark: I isn't that a bit of a ratna moment where you admit that it's all shite.
Andy: It's all shit. Why are you even here listening? It's all shit. But at least our program is called shite.
Mark: I I was actu I was actually working when he did that. And w wasn't it at an annual general meeting where he said, w we all we all just sell crap.
Andy: Well, at Ratner's it was in front of the shareholders. Yeah, it was in front of all the shareholders. It didn't go down well.
Mark: And that literally was the downfall of the company. Yeah. As a direct result.
Andy: They went bankrupt. That was in the days when people had power and they showed it.
Mark: People still have power, they just don't use it. People don't understand the
Andy: Yeah, it's unfortunate.
Mark: power they have. That's the problem.
Andy: It's a shame my camera is just slightly too high. I've got a big pussy in my between my legs.
Mark: Well thank God I don't get to see that. He's not sniffing.
Andy: Big black and white hairy one.
Mark: Does he get his claws out?
Andy: Yeah, that's a bit like the lottery.
Mark: Yeah, exactly.
Andy: You either have little bits of blood dripping down your thigh or if he scores a bullseye your head hits the ceiling.
Mark: do they destroy the apartment? Do you have scratchy things for the cats?
Andy: I have scratchy things and there's a couple of corners where I've had to put masking tape, decorators masking tape, down the wallpaper from a height of two and a half, three feet because Reggie will try and get an edge on a corner and then he will proceed over the next X amount of years to peel the wallpaper.
Mark: And masking tape fixes that problem, does it?
Andy: Yeah, yeah, because he doesn't like the texture. It's the wallpaper itself. I don't know if it's the paste he's after underneath, whatever it is, he's attracted to wallpaper.
Mark: I think he's just attracted to costing you money.
Andy: Well, he did cost me money in the last place in Moora, didn't he? Or in Vormus because they
Mark: You had to have it redecorated, did you?
Andy: had to redecorate the room. And it was a bit cheeky because they wanted to redecorate it before I moved in, but that would have meant me delaying my move. And I said, no, it's fine as it is. So they didn't. In the end, of course, I had to pay for the redecoration.
Mark: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's always the way it goes.
Andy: which they were going to do anyway.
Mark: Yeah. No, but you know. They are a property company, they need to squeeze a bit of extra shekels out of the situation.
Andy: Yeah, they're obviously very poor. They're still working towards their first trillion.
Mark: Yeah. So how many zeros is a trillion?
Andy: Well it's gotta be 12, hasn't it? If 9 is a billion.
Mark: Yeah, because a million is a s is six, a billion is nine, so
Andy: Yeah, nine.
Mark: a trillion must be twelve
Andy: 12.
Mark: twelve zeros. Is quite a big number. How many seconds do you think you live for?
Andy: please, let's not go down that road. Have we really run out of news? No it's not.
Mark: What? No, I d I don't think it's even a trillion seconds. No we haven't, no, it's just
Andy: It's not even a billion.
Mark: Ooh, I think it might be a billion seconds. Anyway, my calculator doesn't go
Andy: It depends on how long you lived, doesn't it?
Mark: that far, so anyway, you're right. We have to pass on. So we've done I gave you the opportunity to give a little bit of a rant about Meghan Markle. That's your favourite one. And
Andy: All
Mark: you've done Boris Johnson. Yes. We've done Donald Trump.
Andy: We have.
Mark: we've mentioned a few things. Melania is not happy with Donny's relationship with Nappy Change, diaper.
Andy: You know, again, you're falling for the media narrative. She is over the moon. Do think she wants the changes, Nappy?
Mark: I don't think she she doesn't even want to get close to him.
Andy: Do you think she wants to see his little magic mushroom? I would pay that girl's wages if I was Trump's wife. I would not only pay her
Mark: He
Andy: wages, I would give her a bonus if I never had to see him.
Mark: What would have been funny or amusing is if Melania was on that trip where Katie, whatever her name is, got to go on the other plane and he would have left Melania behind with the rest of them.
Andy: without a doubt. Without a doubt. In fact, Melania would have been sat in her seat saying into her phone, he's on the other plane. He's on the other plane. He's on the
Mark: Exactly. dear.
Andy: other plane. Please, take him down. I will give you an extra special lappy dance.
Mark: Was that supposed to be Russian or German SS?
Andy: I don't know where she's from, where is she from? She's not Russian.
Mark: No, she's not. She's Slovinian.
Andy: Slovenia, that's not even a place.
Mark: Think it is. so we've done alright, well that's it then. We have to cut this one short because that's the only thing we've got to talk about. Megan Markle, Donald Trump and Boris Johnson.
Andy: Well, no, you were saying that it was the Swedish elections yesterday.
Mark: No, I know, and I'll tell you what, and I actually I'm not talking bollocks when I say this. Sometimes it really bugs me. So the biggest part well, two things to note. The far right in Sweden, which is called the Sverige Demokraterna, the Swedish Democrats, they actually went down quite a fair bit actually. They lost a lot of popularity. But what gets me is the sort of the normal left-wing party which are called social democrats in Sweden. They got the biggest vote, and they normally do. But because you have this coalition system in Sweden, they won the most votes last time. And yet they weren't able to form a government. Because no one wanted to play in the same court as them. So it ended up
Andy: Yeah because every government in Sweden is always a coalition isn't it?
Mark: Yes. And of course, but the the expectation of a voter is if the most people vote for you, that that party will have the Prime Minister. But in Sweden, no. It it just doesn't it it doesn't make any sense. It should be automatic that
Andy: Well there's a lot of things in Sweden.
Mark: the Prime Minister comes from the party that got the most votes.
Andy: It's a lot of things in Sweden make no sense. You should be used to that by now.
Mark: That's literally what happened in Mora. The Social Democrats got far by far the most votes, and the end the the lady who heads up the Mora Common Council in Mora, I mean she got 10% of the votes or something, it's just nothing. So that does wind me up. Anyway, it's very exciting.
Andy: that the one who keeps trying to revoke everybody's alcohol license?
Mark: well, she w she works for the commune, yeah. Well she's the head of the commune. I think I might have met that person and
Andy: Yeah, but there's one particular woman.
Mark: Yes. Who is, in fact, surprisingly normal. You wouldn't you wouldn't
Andy: She's not. Ed Bundy was surprisingly normal. Jeffrey Dahmer was surprisingly normal. They're all surprisingly normal.
Mark: Maybe. Maybe. anyway, so that's, you know, people have been up all night watching the results. They were they had
Andy: I wasn't.
Mark: problems. 'Cause they've introduced I think it's tighter procedures to check your identity and things. I mean luckily in Sweden everybody has an identity. I mean in America you could be anybody but
Andy: Yeah, but you can vote on Kivra.
Mark: I know. Yep.
Andy: So we don't need ID checks.
Mark: No no no, but if you go there in person, most people I think still enjoy going to vote in person.
Andy: I didn't, I forgot completely about it. So I didn't vote at all.
Mark: Well clearly you did 'cause it wasn't the first thing you came out of your mouth when I said politics. You said Boris Johnson.
Andy: Well, it's because it happened yesterday morning, alleged Boris Johnson near miss by four miles and four days, whatever.
Mark: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Andy: So that sort of took my mind. That was like, I'm saving that for tomorrow. And then I...
Mark: H did y did you see a picture of him?
Andy: He looked exactly the same as when he was hanging off that bungee cord, when he was stuck halfway through
Mark: well funnily enough, in my mind
Andy: the wire run thing.
Mark: in my mind he didn't. He looked about thirty kilos heavier. And I can only assume
Andy: I'm 30 years older.
Mark: No, I can only assume it was some absolutely enormous bullet shrapnel proof vest or something he had to wear, and his little
Andy: Well...
Mark: head was bobbing out of the top. He looked like a Skittle.
Andy: I mean he was wearing a stupid helmet as well, he's not the bravest of souls is he?
Mark: Well well I don't know w
Andy: I mean, you can imagine that he didn't go over there for Tuppenceapenny. There's obviously a big bunch of cash involved because he wouldn't go anywhere near a war zone unless there was a big payday in it.
Mark: Yeah, but the thing is you don't know how bad it is at home with Carrie. Maybe he maybe that was a pleasant relief for him. He was looking
Andy: Ameen.
Mark: forward to going to Kiev rather than staying at home with his wife and fourteen children, which they have.
Andy: Yeah, I was gonna say, it's not the wife so much. It's all the screaming little fuckers, isn't it? The little bastards.
Mark: I couldn't cope. I don't think I mean Burroughs Johnson must be now in his fifties. He must be in his fifties.
Andy: I should hope so.
Mark: And to have little children running around the whole time is pretty exhausting.
Andy: God, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
Mark: Anyway, so autumn has arrived here in terms of weather and I decided I would go up north. I actually went a bit closer to you.
Andy: Really?
Mark: I went two and a half hours north of here.
Andy: That's nowhere near me.
Mark: Well, what do you mean? It's a quarter of the way. You're ten hours away?
Andy: Exactly. Well, probably eight and a half.
Mark: And the i it's not really interesting, but the the the only mildly interesting element of this story was that where I was was the start and I saw people starting of a thirteen hundred kilometre hike up to view probably or further.
Andy: I wonder how many people die every year.
Mark: I don't know.
Andy: There must be a, it must be double figures.
Mark: I saw two groups setting off. This was the starting point. No, I didn't. So in co so in contrast
Andy: I thought you were going to tell me you saw two deaths while you were there.
Mark: to the thirteen hundred kilometre go. You shouldn't laugh.
Andy: Ready, steady, go.
Mark: They all look quite fit, I have to say. They were not our age, though they could have been.
Andy: Yeah, they always do until they fall over.
Mark: We went on a two kilometre hike. Which barely qualifies as even getting out the front door. But that was as a
Andy: Did you even?
Mark: result of having an eighteen month old with us.
Andy: Did you cross the start line even?
Mark: I did actually cross the start line, but that's about as far as I got. dear. And I saw reindeer. That might be interesting. Reindeer.
Andy: We've got we've got some here darling
Mark: d do you? you idiots. I saw reindeer. dear. Do you have many reindeer up by you? I mean forests full of reindeer.
Andy: Of course! My god, I'm basically on the migration route!
Mark: You are, are you?
Andy: Yeah, don't you remember when I was living out in the forest and I used to drive 20 kilometres through forest to go to work and back and when I was coming home late at night, unbeknownst to me, I was on the reindeer highway and I was doing like 80 or 90 kilometres an hour through the forest and all of a sudden I
Mark: 'Cause like
Andy: see all these shapes going past my window. And I hit the brakes and it was fucking, it was reindeer in the road. And I didn't even see them until I was basically flying past them.
Mark: they're not they're obviously not as big as elks elks or moose. They're the sort of
Andy: They're plenty big enough.
Mark: Yeah, they're not as big as a horse though, clearly. They're more like deer shape, obviously. Reindeer.
Andy: No, they're not as big as a horse. No, they're much bigger than deer. They're twice the size of a deer that you would find frolicking in your garden, I can tell you that. and you do not want one in the front end of your car. And the thing is they love the road because they lick the salt off it. So when they are migrating, you'd be amazed at how many people hit a reindeer up here.
Mark: They lick the salt off the road.
Andy: Yeah.
Mark: You don't salt your roads up there.
Andy: They're so integrate.
Mark: Is there really?
Andy: Yeah.
Mark: and in fact while we were there what's the date? We're talking middle of September.
Andy: 14th.
Mark: Middle of September they were putting the bloody snow posts up by the side of the road. How depressing is that?
Andy: Yeah, we'll do it before the ground has got permafrost. That's pretty forward thinking.
Mark: Well do you have them do you have them where you are? The red posts in the side of the road yeah. The road markers.
Andy: I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know. It's something I wouldn't look for.
Mark: Well it's bloody you should do when you're out on your scooter.
Andy: I have limited amount of info that can live in here at any one time. until something useless falls out this side, nothing comes in this side.
Mark: What was that fact that you came up with the other day about six toed cats are called pterodactyls?
Andy: Polydactyls. Polydactyls.
Mark: Yeah that can't be cat specific. Polly just means many and dactyls
Andy: Yes, Minitoad.
Mark: many toes. So 'cause I questioned whether there was a word for cats and you said absolutely it's not at all. It's just many toes.
Andy: It is a polydactyl. It
Mark: Yeah.
Andy: is called a polydactyl. I don't care what you say or what you think.
Mark: Yeah, but it's like saying it's called a mammal, 'cause a cat is a mammal.
Andy: I'm an expert.
Mark: I don't think you are. You've got a very limited experience with Reggie and Ronnie, and they seem pretty pretty strange, generally speaking.
Andy: Reggie and Ronnie aren't my first rodeo. I have... I
Mark: No, but you've forgotten everything that came before them.
Andy: have other dead cats.
Mark: Have you ever thought of getting any fish?
Andy: What for the cats? They like a bit of chicken. The trouble is it's too smelly. I did feed them some tuna for a while but I couldn't open the cans for long because it's disgusting smell of it.
Mark: I remember you had problems with their food at one stage, they stopped eating.
Andy: God yeah, yeah I went through so many different types of foods and guess what? Now we're back to square one, we're back to the original food.
Mark: Are you? And they enjoy it.
Andy: Yep. Yep. They are mad for it. Fuckers.
Mark: Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so how much of the tennis did you see?
Andy: Tennis.
Mark: I didn't see any of it either. Yeah, the American open, the tennis thing. Yeah, I'm I'm the same actually. I don't follow that. But that's on the front page of the telegraph.
Andy: For one thing, I'm not a tennis fan. There's more chance of me watching a football game than a tennis game. And I'm not a football fan.
Mark: Who won the Grand Prix?
Andy: Who the fuck cares? Seriously, who cares?
Mark: Well it seems yeah I think it's
Andy: I mean, I'm sure someone does, but it's not even in my newspaper. That's how Grand Prix is not as popular as it used to be, you know.
Mark: no, I think it is. absolutely. If you look at the numbers, it definitely is.
Andy: Now, I think since they've, since Bernie Ecclestone isn't quite so involved, I think it's lost a lot of its popularity.
Mark: Well we couldn't possibly be involved. He's in his nineties now.
Andy: Yeah, but it's like when Alex Ferguson retired from Manchester United. Manchester United went from being the best team in the world to absolute bollocks.
Mark: Yeah, it can happen quite quickly. Have you ever seen Bernie Eccleston? He's quite a height ch what do you call that? Height challenged?
Andy: dwarf.
Mark: no, he's not a dwarf, but he's quite short. And I have a fi
Andy: image a leprechaun
Mark: I have a feeling it's Bernie Eccleston who's who's married to some enormous Amazonian woman.
Andy: Well they always do, don't they?
Mark: Do they?
Andy: Yeah, it's a thing that they have to, if they're the smallest man in the room, they have to have the tallest chick in the room. It's a Napoleon complex type thing.
Mark: A Napoleon C yes, we've done Napoleon We haven't done his complex though.
Andy: Yes. Do know who we also done? And this is quite interesting. We did talk about a chap called Bob Lazar, who used to work at Area 51 as an engineer and he was reverse engineering spacecraft.
Mark: Right.
Andy: as I was going through.
Mark: The news.
Andy: Pirate Bay to get my season of The Gentleman. I came across a film stroke documentary called The Life of Bob Lazar or something. And it was a film made this year about him, with him in it and his story basically. Really interesting. Really interesting.
Mark: Was it all true?
Andy: Well, I mean, he's the most credible witness that I could say I've ever heard. And he has evidence to back up everything he says. when he worked at the part he worked out was called S4, nobody had ever heard of S4. So it wasn't like he could make that up. But eventually it was discovered that S4 does actually exist. He worked at god what it was what was it called Los Alamos and Los Alamos was contacted and they said no I never heard of the bloke and then someone got an internal telephone directory and his name was on this telephone directory. Also during the time that he was working there one of his hobbies was attaching jet engines to things like go karts and he even put one on his wife's Honda Civic. And the Los Alamos Daily newspaper ran an article about him on the front page stating that he lived and worked at Los Alamos. So for them to deny that he was ever employed there and they'd never heard of anyone by that name in itself was quite telling.
Mark: But Los Alamos was the nuclear bomb place, wasn't it?
Andy: No, it's all tied up with Area 51.
Mark: So a clerical era and suddenly we got some sort of bloody
Andy: It's not a clerical era because there was another thing. a manpower type company that actually got him the job there and they were contacted and they said, yes, we have records of Bob Lazar and when he started and his position and everything. So they said, could you send us copies? And they said, well, we can't send them to you, but if Bob contacts us, we can send them to him. or if you can get a signed document from me and then we can send them to you. So they did that and got no response for literally months. And eventually they got a response saying, we can't find any record of that.
Mark: But what was he? He was sort of like a pathologist who was dissecting alien bodies or something, was he?
Andy: No, he was an engineer. was reverse engineering the gravity propulsion system that they were using in the spacecraft.
Mark: the gravity propulsion system.
Andy: Yeah it was basically an anti-gravity drive.
Mark: But he obviously failed.
Andy: No, he took friends, including an anchor from a television news station and the editor of the local newspaper where he was living currently. He took friends to witness test flights of these spacecraft. And they were all there on camera saying, look, no matter whether you believe him or not, I was there. I saw this thing flying. We witnessed exactly what he said we would witness. And the reason he could actually arrange that was because they always did it on a Wednesday evening. And the reason for that was because that was the time that they discovered there was less chance of having any eyes on the outside looking into the sky where they were test flying.
Mark: Well, because everybody went for a curry on a Wednesday evening sort of thing.
Andy: Well, it's just Wednesday was the least busy day of the week.
Mark: And you found this interesting rather than who could believe this shit?
Andy: You see, this is the problem. This is why, this is why we will never know the truth. Because when you're confronted with the truth, you're going to turn around and say, what a load of bullocks. Don't believe it, but there must
Mark: So this th
Andy: be something out there.
Mark: so so this guy during the day was working on anti gravity machines and in the
Andy: Yeah.
Mark: evening he was strapping rop rockets to shopping trolleys for a laugh.
Andy: Yes, it's no different to you doing up old motorbikes in your fucking garage except his is a little bit more ambitious.
Mark: Well, anti gravity. No, but why haven't why haven't we got anti gravity machines now? Why aren't we flying with
Andy: Because we don't have the elements that are needed to make them function. They only know how they function by reverse engineering. And there's an element
Mark: And so
Andy: called 115 that we know exists, but it's so unstable, we can't keep it stable without it sort of exploding or reacting.
Mark: When you when you say element, you're talking about periodic table element.
Andy: Yes.
Mark: And was it called one one five?
Andy: Yes.
Mark: That's my research for this afternoon.
Andy: If you type in element 115, the first thing that will come up is probably Bob Lazar.
Mark: I think his name was Bob Bizarre.
Andy: See, you can mock, but here's a man who's spent half his life trying to get the truth out there and he blew the whistle back in the 70s and he's been laughed at and mocked ever since, but it's very credible.
Mark: Well the thing is that, did you say Netflix had done a series on him?
Andy: No, it wasn't Netflix and it wasn't a series. It was a film that I downloaded.
Mark: A documentary.
Andy: Someone sent me. I didn't steal it or download it because that would be illegal.
Mark: You mentioned P B, the name that shall remain unnamed, but I didn't think that place existed anymore. I thought they'd got closed down.
Andy: Well, again, media narrative, it's bullshit. It's always out there. It's always been out there. If it's on the internet, it's there
Mark: Wasn't it Swedes who set that up?
Andy: forever, mate. Yes, it's a Swedish organization. Obviously not based in Sweden, because
Mark: Did they make any money out of it?
Andy: they made a fortune out of it. And they all, all the guys... who put it together are now working in very lucrative jobs for other people I'm sure.
Mark: Hmm. Yeah. I'm not surprised. It was a good concept.
Andy: It was exactly the same as Napster. And they made Napster illegal just so that they could bring you Spotify, which is also a Swedish company, by the way.
Mark: Was was Napster the same as Spotify, sort of?
Andy: More or less, yeah, downloading music.
Mark: Yeah, but technically technically speaking, Spotify actually pays the artists, doesn't don't they?
Andy: That's like saying I hand over money to David Bowie every time I put a record on. Personally, there you go Dave, one P. But it's not even one P, it's one hundredth of a P.
Mark: If you bought the record, have you got a record player still? Have you ever had a record player?
Andy: No. I haven't had a record player. Yes, I had a quite a good collection of records. Some of them signed, quite a few of them signed.
Mark: Why did you why haven't you got them?
Andy: You know what I'm like with luggage? and moving and stuff. I left everything
Mark: Well hopefully
Andy: with an ex-girlfriend.
Mark: Was she ex at the time or was she current?
Andy: No, she was current until I moved. And then I just wanted out, so...
Mark: So she's may still have them.
Andy: Fuck no, she would have sold him for drugs years ago.
Mark: So come on, drop a couple of names.
Andy: I'm not going to tell you her name, that would be rude. You wouldn't know me, this is back
Mark: Not not her name, you idiot. The artist's name. Brian Ferry.
Andy: in the days of disco.
Mark: ten C
Andy: No, I had Jermaine Jackson.
Mark: Alright, yeah, that she he's quite he's he's quite famous, yeah.
Andy: He, yes. There's only one sister, she was Janet.
Mark: Jackson
Andy: Yes.
Mark: What one of the Jackson five?
Andy: She wasn't one of the Jackson 5, she's Janet Jackson. She's the sister.
Mark: No, but she was the sister of the Jackson Five.
Andy: Did you not know that?
Mark: Yeah, of course I do. now you say Jermaine Jackson, of course, so he was the oldest brother, wasn't he?
Andy: It was, well, I don't know if that was him or Tito. Tito.
Mark: So you had a personally signed record of Michael Jackson's brother, Jermaine Jackson.
Andy: Yes. Yes.
Mark: That might be worth a few quid.
Andy: Not until he's dead.
Mark: Yeah. What do they do
Andy: and
Mark: these days, the Jackson Boys family, the Jackson four?
Andy: I don't know. mean, is there any demand for them without Michael, little Michael?
Mark: Janet Jackson's still in the business. She was the one that Justin Timberlake ripped her shirt open on that Super Bowl thing, wasn't it?
Andy: she got in trouble for showing her nip on TV.
Mark: Well, she didn't even show her nipples, she had some sort of whatever you call that thing that people put over their nipples.
Andy: nasty.
Mark: What?
Andy: Yeah, it's a pasty. They call it a pasty in America. that us in Cornwall, we just like to have a nibble on it. You
Mark: It was a spangly star, wasn't it, she had?
Andy: I don't know, but you know, the Americans as you know, you know, if she'd have shut herself in the face during the Super Bowl, that would have been a grand finale. But because she dared show her boobie, my God, that's just illegal. She should be arrested.
Mark: Yeah. Of course that's right. Jermaine Jackson. Why didn't I j anyway, so that was one. Give me another name.
Andy: it doesn't matter, because you would never have heard of them.
Mark: What disco?
Andy: Yeah.
Mark: I was only saying last week that I used to go to the rooftop nightclub in Kensington.
Andy: So with Esther and his two tons of fun.
Mark: Okay, no I don't know that one.
Andy: You know the song.
Mark: What's the song?
Andy: It's raining men.
Mark: And that was by a group called Silv Sylvester and Two Tons of Fun.
Andy: Yes, guess who the two tons of fun were.
Mark: I don't know, who were they?
Andy: They were his backing group.
Mark: But it was a woman who sang that song.
Andy: No, Sylvester has a woman's voice, but he is definitely a rather large man.
Mark: And he sang a song called It's Raining Men. Hallelujah. It's Raining Men. Hallelujah that one.
Andy: it might not have been that. It might have been you make me feel mighty real. It's a long time
Mark: Yeah, that I can believe.
Andy: ago.
Mark: Yeah. Cause I'm sure it was a late That's
Andy: Yeah, no, was the Weather Girls. They used to be his two tons of fun. It's the same ladies that used to be the backing band for Sylvester.
Mark: Alright, so they released one of the most popular disco songs of all time.
Andy: They released, they released, yeah, but You Make Me Feel Mighty Real was also a very popular song at the time in the 70s.
Mark: Yeah. So did you party with these people?
Andy: to an extent. I mean, I didn't get a phone call saying, Hey Andy and Silver, do you want to go to a party? But you know, because of my connections with the clubs and all the rest of it, I always knew who was where and I always had backstage access. So yes, I met up with a lot of them. They're not, they were mostly one hit
Mark: I had I had quite a
Andy: wonders in the days of disco. So it's not like they were superstars but I always got a 12 inch single signed by whoever I fucking met. I had several of them, lots of them, McFadden and Whitehead. And the beat goes on.
Mark: Did I did I tell you about my close encounter with Lionel Lionel Ritchie?
Andy: Uhhh, no. Yes, I think you did. Was it in a restaurant?
Mark: It was it well we were in a restaurant, I was entertaining clients and suddenly there's a bloody palava going on around and the waiters come out and they roll an extra table into the middle of the restaurant which is fricking inconvenient
Andy: Did you turn around and go, hello?
Mark: I mean so literally they moved our tables out. Yeah, you're right, that did go over my head.
Andy: You
Mark: And then they laid a table for three people. Lionel Ritchie arrives with two what I assume were bodyguards of some description. They order this particular Italian restaurant that had a speciality of lobster pasta that they served served in a lobster shell. They order three of these, it was the house speciality. So The three pates of pasta eventually get put on the table. Lionel Ritchie gets a telephone call. He leaves the table, give him that much credit, leaves the table and does his telephone call outside. The two other guys finish the pasta and then leave. And Lionel Ritchie never bothers even coming back to the table to finish his dish.
Andy: You
Mark: So then the waiters come out, take the plates away, remove the table and move our tables back. It was in the space of literally half an hour all this happened.
Andy: Did they pay?
Mark: I'm sure they did pay, or maybe they had an account with these people. But it was so ridiculous, all of this bloody palava, Lionel Ritchie arrives, five minutes later he gets a telephone call, disappears, and leaving these two big guys. Actually, thinking about it clearly they weren't bodyguards because he went outside to be on the phone
Andy: and they stayed inside.
Mark: and they stayed finishing off their pasta. They were obviously more hungry. It was very you know, s almost surreal how you know, what what the fuck what who is Lionel Ritchie to disturb everybody else in this restaurant? Even Elton was it Elton John? No, Rod Stewart was there one day. He ha that when he was with that very tall girlfriend. Yeah. Rachel Hunter. Now I th I see, is that all of all his girlfriends? No,
Andy: Was she blonde? I know the one. They were all tall and blonde. Yes.
Mark: he had a big table of sort of eight or ten people when I was there once. And well, I don't know, but at least they were
Andy: I bet he never paid. He's notoriously mean.
Mark: Was he?
Andy: Yeah. And you know, he's not Scottish. The Scottish... The
Mark: Rod Stewart. What even with a name like Rod Stewart?
Andy: Scottish claim him and they're so proud of him and he speaks with his Scottish accent, but he was actually born in North London.
Mark: No.
Andy: He was.
Mark: He wore tartan trousers all the bloody time.
Andy: There's your useless fact of the day for you to check later.
Mark: Rod Stewart was born in North London. What are we talking Holloway?
Andy: I think it was Archway. Archway, have memories of this. Not that I met him there, but yeah, I think Archway.
Mark: So he wasn't exactly born into money if he was born anywhere near Archway.
Andy: Or Scotland for fuck's sake, what the hell difference does it make? Yeah of course,
Mark: No you're Is he still around? Is Rod Stewart still alive?
Andy: yes. He's still going, he's still touring. He's
Mark: Noooo.
Andy: like Elton John, they're like...
Mark: Yeah, but he doesn't tour anymore.
Andy: Yeah he does.
Mark: Elton John.
Andy: El and John still geeks.
Mark: He can barely walk, he must be in his eighties.
Andy: He does private gigs, think, corporate style, for a million dollars a pop or whatever.
Mark: You're joking.
Andy: I mean, if you've got the flower bills that he has.
Mark: Twenty thousand a week.
Andy: You want to keep the cash rolling in.
Mark: I remember that. Twenty thousand
Andy: Hmm?
Mark: pounds a week he used to spend on flowers.
Andy: I know, it's ridiculous.
Mark: Or was that a year? Am I exaggerating?
Andy: a week.
Mark: Yeah. Rod Stewart.
Andy: When you've got that amount of money, it's just stupid. mean, even Freddie Mercury, I remember one interview with Freddie Mercury, the woman said, so the woman said something along the lines of, how does it feel now to sort of have all this money? He said, it's fabulous. And she says, what do you buy? And he says, anything I want. He says, I bought a house four years ago in Kensington or wherever. says I haven't even seen inside it. It's been the last
Mark: He gave it to his girlfriend. really?
Andy: four years being done up. It's supposed to look fabulous. I haven't had a chance to visit it yet.
Mark: Wasn't that the story where he bought the house opposite where he lived, just so he didn't have people looking into his house?
Andy: Well yeah, that wasn't the reason. He put his wife in there.
Mark: was she his wife? They did marry. She inherited everything.
Andy: Yes, they married and they stayed, yeah, and they stayed best friends all their lives.
Mark: Yeah, though, poor old Freddie. I don't know how old he was when he died. He was probably in his early forties, wasn't he, Freddie Mercury?
Andy: Yeah, he was young.
Mark: Hm. Yeah, you know. That was a shame well obviously a shame if anybody dies, but Freddie was something special. You didn't have anything to do with the Queen, did you?
Andy: very unique voice. I didn't kill him.
Mark: You idiot. Did you have any
Andy: I did go to...
Mark: A party.
Andy: Sorry, you're breaking up a bit for me.
Mark: Did you go to a party with Freddie Mercury?
Andy: No, I didn't, but I did go to the drummer, Roger Taylor. No, Roger
Mark: Walters Taylor.
Andy: Taylor. I went to his house in Marchants Hill. He had a fabulous house. He was married to the flake girl who was leaning on the windowsill with the little bead of sweat dripping between her boobies.
Mark: What the Capriz Flake advertisement, girl?
Andy: Yes, yes, he married her. Fucking that guy knew how to live. Now, he had this house in Marchants Hill. He probably still has it. I don't know. But it was basically one of those estates that you see on The Gentleman. And he had his own. He had a fishing lake and two ponds with black swans swimming on the ponds. It was. another world. He had his own recording studio which was actually in a water mill just off to one side of the property and it was just a fabulous place, fabulous place. Everything you could see as far as the eye could see, as far as you could see in any direction he owned.
Mark: I really don't
Andy: amazing place.
Mark: want to ask what you were doing there, but what were you doing there? Were you robbing it or something?
Andy: I was, yes. No, he was
Mark: You were breaking in.
Andy: doing, it was an internet first. They were going to live stream a concert from his house and the target in those days was to hit a hundred thousand people. That's how, it was the first of its kind. It was done in conjunction, I think, with Capitol Radio. who offered four tickets to go and see the live event. But I was there because his keyboard player is a very good friend of mine.
Mark: Okay.
Andy: He's actually been to Sweden to visit.
Mark: All right. Hm. No. All right.
Andy: Not Roger Taylor. He couldn't be arsed. And his wife, she knows me of old, so she was no way coming anywhere near me. I would have just been looking at her going, only the crumbliest, flakiest chocolate.
Mark: You know, isn't it Flaky as chocolate Yeah How long ago was that, Andy? She did that flake advertisement. It must have been when we were ten or something.
Andy: no, we were old enough to rip the head off because believe me, she starred in more than one. She was absolutely
Mark: Yeah. God dear
Andy: gorgeous.
Mark: Yeah. Yeah. dear, those were the days
Andy: they were indeed. And
Mark: Yeah.
Andy: this was the day. We've come to the end of our allotted time slot. Yeah, I'm
Mark: What? Really?
Andy: afraid so.
Mark: With that.
Andy: my God, we've gone over. You've got a bonus, God damn it.
Mark: Four minutes. five minutes. Go in soon.
Andy: Well anyway, I think we'll have to wrap it up. That brings us to the end of Speaking
Mark: All right.
Andy: Shite for today. Hope you enjoyed it.
Mark: Yeah. Yeah.
Andy: I know I did. Join us again.
Mark: Yes. No, it's always good to yep, have a chat.
Andy: Join us again, same time, same place next week. Except, I think it's only gonna be me who's here.
Mark: You can't have a you can't have a chat by yourself.
Andy: You should see me. I'd go at it mate on a Friday night. It's just me and me.
Mark: Ha ha ha
Andy: God, sometimes I lose
Mark: Mm-hmm.
Andy: the debate. Sometimes we have a mass debate.
Mark: No, I think no, you're right, I'm not around. Yeah, delightful. All right,
Andy: Anyway,
Mark: very good.
Andy: yep, same time, same place next week. Have yourselves a great week. Speak shite with people. Learn
Mark: Yep. Yep. Yep.
Andy: shite, read shite, and remember, everything they tell you is shite. Always,
Mark: Yeah.
Andy: always check everything. Bye for now.
Mark: Cheerio.
