034 – Driven by Miracles

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Hi, I'm Mark David Gerson. Welcome to Stories and Reflections,
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where my stories are also yours. I remembered two family
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cars from my childhood. My grandfather's tan Cadillac with its
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ever present hint at cigar smoke and its nifty plastic
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encased armrest that pulled out from the center of the
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rear bend seat, and my parents white Vauxhall, which was
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totaled when I was still quite young and never replaced.
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Of course, the Cadillac was never part of our household,
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but it's the only other family related car I remember
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from my childhood. The next family car didn't show up
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until I was in my teens. You can't really call
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it a family car, more of a household car. It
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was my stepfather's forest green Chevrolet in Palla, and no
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one drob it but him, at least not until I
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have moved out on my own, and my mother started
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driving it very occasionally and very tentatively. Occasionally and tentatively
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because it was probably the first car she'd driven since
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my father crashed the bux Hull. In my senior year
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of high school, while most of my friends were taking
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driver's ed, practicing in their father's car, getting tested in
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their father's car, and then, once licensed, driving their friends
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around in their father's car. I was the outlier. Yes,
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I took Driver's ed IF a year later than all
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my friends, but I had no car to practice in
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and no car to drive around, and once I was licensed,
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for all my entreaties channeled to my stepfather through my mom,
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and that's only if she actually transmitted by requests to him.
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His Chevrolet remained off limits. That might say a lot
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more about my mother's relationship with my stepfather than I
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did about my relationship with him, but that isn't this story. Anyhow.
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Somehow I passed my driving test on the first try,
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and that was my last time behind the wheel of
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a car until a few years later. That next time
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was so traumatic that it would be another twenty two
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years before I found myself behind the wheel of another car.
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I didn't really think about it until just now, but
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my own very long absence from behind the wheel of
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a car sort of mirrored my mother's. Before we get
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to the twenty two years later car, let's talk about
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the traumatic one. That car was a blue Chrysler Valiant.
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I didn't feel particularly Valiant when I slipped into the
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driver's seat of that valiant, or rather, when I let
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myself be coaxed into the driver's seat. Coaxed isn't quite
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the right word. It's more accurate to say that when
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Max suggested I'd take his car downtown to run an errand,
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I was too embarrassed to confess that, yes, I had
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a driver's license, but no, I didn't feel confident enough
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to drive his car. It was hard to say no
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to Maax, one of the two partners in a fledgling
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local theater company I was working with, not because he
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was pushy and arrogant, though he was, but because his charm,
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however manipulative, was irresistible, especially to someone as insecure as
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I was. The drive down town was uneventful. I parked,
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picked up the package, and on the way back found
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myself crawling along the curb lane of densely trafficked Saint
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Lawrence Boulevard. A few yards ahead a parked sedan blocked
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by forward progress. Too timid and inexperienced to force my
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way into the next lane, where Montreal's hyper aggressive driver
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is jocking with alarming intensity, I gently tapped on the brake.
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I would remain in place until some moses like act
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part of the cars to let me through. Rather, I
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intended to tap gently on the brake. Instead, in my anxiety,
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I gently tapped on the gas pedal and accelerated right
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into the rear fender of the parked car ahead. Here's
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an irony I didn't see until now. I tell the
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full story and give its context in Stories and Reflections thirty.
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But in nineteen ninety seven, while my twenty two years
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later car was legally parked in the kerb lane on
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a busy Phoenix street and I was away from the
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car walking my dog in a nearby park, a teenager
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slammed his father's jeep into the back of my Dodge Caravan.
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The teenager wasn't hurt, only traumatized, and the jeep wasn't
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seriously damaged. My car was totaled, anyhow. Back in Montreal
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all those years earlier, neither car suffered more than mine
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or Dance that time, though I was the one traumatized,
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less because I had dinged Max's car than because the
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other driver exploded out of his car, hurling expletives at
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me once he learned that it wasn't my car and
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that I wasn't insured. He morphed into one of those
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greedy cartoon characters who blinks dollar signs. For weeks, he
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chased after me with Newllion flavored estimates to repair the damage,
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and by the time I finally paid him off, I
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had lost all interest in ever driving again. For the
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next two decades, I conned myself into believing that cars
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were irrelevant to my life. Why would I need a
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car when I had access to two of the finest
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public transit systems on the continent. Moreover, I lived downtown.
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I could walk most places, or, better yet, hop on
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my bike. By May nineteen ninety four, however, as I
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share in story's and inflections, twenty eight, Nova Scotia was beckoning,
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not urban Halifax with its extensive public transit system, rural
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Nova Scotia with none. Suddenly I had no choice but
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to confront my terror, Shakelee. I scanned the yellow pages
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for a school that specialized in adults. At thirty nine,
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it would be humiliating to be surrounded by a bunch
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of teenagers. By the end of that summer, I had
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bought my first car, the twenty two years later Dodge
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Caravan that carried me to Nova Scotia back to Toronto
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a year later, and in nineteen ninety seven on the
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open ended Rhode Odyssey that dropped me in Sedona, and
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a few months later, symbolizing the end of my Canadian
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life and initiating the start of a radically different one
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in the US by Dodge Caravan met its doom on
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a busy Phoenix their affair. That Toronto driver's ED class
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marked a watershed of its own, and not only because
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it meant that the driver's licenses I'd been renewing every
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four years for a couple of decades could now serve
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as something more than identity documents. If you've followed stories
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and reflections for a while, you'll know. But at least
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some of the life changing car journeys have taken over
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the past thirty plus years, none of which could have
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happened without that class. I'm still not sure or how
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I got the car loan for the Nissan Quest that
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replaced a Dodge Caravan. Yes, I had a huge down
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payment the insurance settlement from the caravan, but I was
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still in the US as a visitor, had no Social
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Security number yet and thus no US credit history. All
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I had was the Canadian equivalent of both. Yet when
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I drove my new Nissan Quest off the dealer's lot,
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it was with a very favorable car Loan that Nissan
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Quest would become the first in a long line of
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car miracles. I didn't have the Quest for long, less
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than a year later, married and selling everything off for
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a move to Hawaii. I sold the Quest back to
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the dealership, and because that particular vehicle, in that particular
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color and configuration was then in super high demand, I
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sold it back at a premium, and that and that
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was my second car miracle. By the way, I talk
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in many of these podcasts about the value of listening
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for our intuitive, wisest self voice, of trusting them and
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acting on their guidance. The Nissan Quest story is a
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perfect example of that. Once my insurance company confirmed that
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they were writing off the caravan, I knew that I
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needed to replace it with a Nissan Quest. I say,
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I knew, but I didn't know I from any logical
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place quite the opposite. I mean, why go for a
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gold it had to be gold? Why go for a
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gold Nissan Quest when there would be a week's long
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wait before the dealer could get a new one, why
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not spare myself the hassle and cost of a rental
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and just get something Nissan or otherwise that was immediately available, Because,
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as I said, I knew from that deep, intuitive, higher
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wisest self place that that was the car I needed
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to get, even if it involved a weight. My logical mind,
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once it surrendered to this senseless choice and even more
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senseless weight, assumed it had to do in some weird
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energetic way, which my as yet unpublished first novel, the Moonquest,
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you know Quest Moonquest. The real reason, of course, was
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that that was the car that I'd be able to
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sell at a profit. A year later that dealership check
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would buy us our first car in Hawaii, I used
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is Suzu Trooper for cash. The only problem with the Trooper,
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apart from the fact that died less than a year later,
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was that neither of my two drivers ed courses. Originally
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when I was seventeen and later when I was thirty nine,
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taught me how to drive stick. The Trooper was stick,
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but I finally got the hang of it, which was
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just as well because the next car, a new Subaru Forester,
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was also a stick. As for the loan, on the forester.
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That was another mystery miracle. I may by then have
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had a Social Security number, but I still didn't have
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much of a US credit history. Regardless, I drove off
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that dealer's lot too with a car Loan, if on
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somewhat less favorable terms of the Nissans I share in
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Stories and Reflections twenty five the Comedy of Error's story
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about that car's end of life, well, the end of
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its life, as part of ours, because by then we
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were moving back to Arizona, and thanks to Hawaii's Trial
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by Fire, also part of Stories and Reflections twenty five,
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the US credit I finally had had tanked and the
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bank wouldn't let us ship the car back to the mainland.
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That last minute comedy of airs, I was still making
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voluntary repo arrangements as the plane was taxing to the runway.
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Was itself a kind of miracle, ha, But not the
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kind of miracle I'm talking about to day. Our first
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two cars back on the mainland were both vintage Ford
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station wagons, each of which died inconveniently. In fact, the
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first was so vintage it had crank windows and no
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AC The second gave out on Father's Day on a
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stretch of empty Reservation Highway between Page, Arizona, and Flagstaff,
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a stretch that, adding even more inconvenience, was out of
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cell range. In the end, we had a hitchhike to Flagstaff,
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arranged to get the car towed to Page, and then
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rent a car to get his back to Sedona. That
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we was me, my wife, our three year old daughter,
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and my father in law. Miracles also made the next
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two cars possible. Both used a Subaru Outback and a
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Pontiac Aztec. A friend offered a Kosan the outback loan.
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Without her, we couldn't have qualified. I don't remember how
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he mannered the Astac, but but somehow we did. But
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those car miracles were minor compared to the next one,
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and for it. We now jump ahead three years. So
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it's August two thousand and six and I'm twenty months
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into another open ended road odyssey, this one launched in
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the ast when my marriage ended. I'm driving on US
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fifty along the Nevada stretch that's been dubbed appropriately the
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Loneliest Highway to America, the ASTEC, which, as my stalwart
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trouble free steed, has carried me cross country multiple times,
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I started acting strangely. The needle on its temperature gauge
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is pushing into dangerous hot territory. And even as a
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series of mechanics can find no problem with the gauge,
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the engine, or anything else, I'm concerned, especially given that
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both vintage forwards died from overheating. What do I do?
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I asked silently as I drive into Utah on my
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way back to Sedona. I'm not asking the Aztec. I'm
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trying to go within to that deep, intuitive, higher wisest
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self place for guidance, and the answer I get makes
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no sense. It's time for a new car. I hear
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here isn't the right word. Some people do hear there
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of guidance, as though someone is talking to them. For me, though,
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it has always been more of an inner sensing, a
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silent knowingness that is no less clear and no less
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eloquent for its silence. A new car, I retort, how,
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it's not possible, would I hear back? Or rather a
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sense makes me smile? Has any car you have ever
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bought in this country been conventionally possible? Huh? Clearly not?
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At first, I'm not sure what to do then, I
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get a flash of intuitive insight and call Joe, the
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salesman who sold us the Aztec. I'm heading back to
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Sedona and he's in nearby Cottonwood. Would you be interested
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in getting your ASTech back in a trade? I ask? Sure.
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Joe replies, well, that's all well and good, of course,
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but that doesn't make it possible. So I ask Joe
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to look up the Aztec's value and check my credit
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to see whether it's worth his time and mind for
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me to come into the dealer once I'm back in town.
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As I'm waiting for Joe to call me back, it's
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hard for me to imagine that my credit has repaired
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it self enough to get me a new car loan. Apparently,
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though it has, at least according to Joe. Still, i'll
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need a down payment, a four thousand dollars down payment.
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I don't have a down payment, let alone a four
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thousand dollars down payment. And here's where the miracle kicks in.
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While I've been traveling, I've had a Sidona friend pick
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up my mail from my ups store mailbox and call
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me if she spots anything important. She hasn't called, so
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I'm not expecting anything significant. In the bat she has
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waiting for me, And at first glance when I get
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to Sedona, nothing looks important or even interesting. Then I
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notice a personal letter from Diana, a Michigan client who
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has hosted many of my sound activation events in her home.
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A few weeks ago, Diana called me for my mailing
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address because she and her husb usband wanted to send
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me a tithe So I'm not surprised to see her letter,
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but I am surprised to see the check that flutters
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out when I rip up on the envelope. I was
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expecting maybe a couple of hundred dollars. The check is
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for four thousand dollars. Two days later, I drive off
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Joe's Cottonwood lot with a new Mercury Moterey. The Monterey
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successor a few years later was a Chevrolet trail Blazer,
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now a gas gustling SUV. Had not been my first choice.
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That's all I qualified for at the Labor Day sales
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event at this GM dealership. That I got the car
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at all was a miracle of sorts, well of sorts
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because a monthly payment pushed me way out of my
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comfort zone. But the real miracle showed out the Tuesday
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morning after Labor Day, in the form of a voicemail
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that didn't at first looked like could be any kind
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of miracle. Quite the reverse. In fact, it was a
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message from the final guide the dealership asking me to
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call him back something to do with the car loan.
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When I'd signed the papers on the weekend, he told
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me that the loan term still needed to be finalized.
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The GMAC offices opened on Tuesday, and I'd warned him
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that if the interest rate changed in a way that
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raised on monthly payments, I would have to return the car.
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Not surprisingly, I was super anxious, but I got the
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message and when I returned his call. But to my amazement,
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the news was the opposite of what I had feared.
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GMAC had lowered my interest rate and my monthly payment.
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It was one hell of the miracle. Unfortunately, the Trailblazer
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eventually made its own version of my Subaru Forester's fate.
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In Stories and Reflections thirty three, I share but how
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when I left California in twenty ten, I was flat broke.
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What I didn't share was that I was also a
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couple of months behind on my car payment. By January
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twenty eleven, I was living rent free with her friend
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in Albuquerque. He'd self a whole other miracle and astroy
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for another day. And when I realized I was going
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to have to give up my car, I panicked for
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all sorts of brasens, of course, but the biggest is
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that where I was living with my friend was a
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couple of miles from the nearest bus stop. I'd still
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have a roof over my head, which was huge, but
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with neither a trailblazer nor convenient public transit, I'd be
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cut a stranded. When I told my friend about my
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car crisis after dinner one evening, she left the table
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and came back a few minutes later with her car's
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spare key fob. She dropped it on the table in
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front of me. You won't be stranded, she said, You'll
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share mine, and I did for the next six years,
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until she bought a new car and gave me the
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old one. By then, the old one was about ten
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years old and had no real trade and value, but
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it was a Mercedes Benz. Chalk up two more miracles now.
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The next and final two car miracles involved my two
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Toyota Priases. I'd been driving the Mercedes as its owner
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for about eight months when that not so small, not
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so still intuitive voice of mine encouraged me to drop
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into one of the local Toyo dealerships just to check
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out the Prius. Well, just to check out the Prius
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turned into a brand new Prius at a ridiculously low
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promotional interest rate. As for them Mercedes, its blue book
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value clocked in at a staggering sixty dollars as for
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Prius number two five years later. Given the financial beating
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I took during the COVID years, I'm still not sure
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how I qualified for that loan. Yet. As big as
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that miracle was, it wasn't the biggest. I don't know
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if you remember, but finding available cars during that period
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was hugely challenging. More often than not, cars were snatched
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up before they even hit the dealer's lot, and waiting
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lists with a norm I was on too, one at
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each of two dealerships. One morning in late February, I
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got a call from the dealership in Prescott. But are
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now in a quarter a southwest of Sadona. We have
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a car for you, The sales rep said, come on
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down and let's start the paperwork. Her second call came
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when I was still thirty minutes away. Someone else had
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claimed the car out from under me. The car wasn't
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even in the US yet, it was still in a
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ship coming from Japan. That's how crazy the car market
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was back then. She called me again a week later
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when I reluctantly agreed to replacement. Instead of the hybrid
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I just lost. This would be the plug in electric
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pres Prime, and this one was also on its way
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from Japan on a later boat. Then a few weeks later,
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my original Hybrid became available again. Its buyers had backed out.
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And that might not sound like a big deal a
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Prius Hybrid versus a Prius Prime. And had I been
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staying in Sedona or been moving to a different place.
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As a long as I was staying put, it wouldn't
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have been a big deal. When I picked up my
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new Prius the Hybrid, I had no plans of any
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kind to leave Sidona. Nine and a half months later, however,
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I hit the road and yet another open ended journey,
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the yellow Brick Road journey I described in Stories and
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Reflections thirty three and chronicle in my book Pilgrimage, A
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Fool's Journey For that kind of journey with everything I
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owned jammed into my car. The Prime's cargo capacity about
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half the hybrids because of its larger electric battery, would
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have been a major handicap at a time of huge
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car shortages. I got the car I needed without even
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knowing why. Another miracle. That's a lot of cars and
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a lot of miracles, including some I'd forgotten until began
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to tell the story today. But what does it all
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mean now? As I look back on that history. Ours
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we own and drive carry a particular spiritual and metaphysical significance,
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among other things. They're set to represent how we move
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through life. From that perspective, all my car experiences suggest
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to me remind me rather that I am always taken
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care of that when I make my choices from an
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intuitive place, from the highest place of the highest good
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that I can access in any given moment, That when
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I listen for the voice of what I call my
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wisest self, and when I trust that voice and follow
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its guidance, even when that guidance makes so logical or
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conventional sense, my journey through life is always infused with
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magic and always fueled by miracles. Even in those instances
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when the so called facts on the ground suggests something different.
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I've experienced plenty of those unpleasant facts on the ground
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over the years. But you know what, each, however challenging,
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has been the gateway to something terrific, something amazing. More specifically,
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when I talk a bit about this and stories and
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reflections twenty seven, each of my cars, the ones I've
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had on my own, more than the ones I acquired
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while I was married, has been a gateway of sorts.
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I first that Dodge Caravan broke a twenty two year
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pattern of fear, one that in some way also broke
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the pattern. I absorbed my mother and launched me into
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a new life of freedom and mobility. It also carried
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me into my new life in the US. The Nissan
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Quest and later the Aztec were bridges. The Quest propelled
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me into marriage and the promise of fatherhood. The Aztec
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carried me out of the marriage and onto a new journey,
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criss crossing the US full time as a sound activation
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practitioner an occasional writing instructor. When it grew time for
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that chapter to end, the Motterey showed up to anchor
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my new life in Albuquerque. A trailblazer blazed the way
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from my California experience and the Mea Sades once it
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was in my name, was the first step for a
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new independence, one accelerated by Prius number one, the one
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that propelled me out of Albuquerque, on to Portland and
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eventually back of Sedona. Prius number two. My current vehicle
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has racked up more than eighty three thousand miles, mostly
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during the first two years of my three and a
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half year long yellow brick road journey, the one that feels,
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as I note in Story's Reflections thirty three, as though
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it's finally winding down. I suppose that could mean it's
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time for another car miracle and another housing miracle two
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for that matter, to add to some of the ones
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I chronicle in Story's Reflection thirty two. If it is
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time for fresh miracles, they'll show up in their own
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way and in their own time, not because I've pushed
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for them. However strong, the temptation will be to push.
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To be clear, the temptation to push, to force to
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make things happen is always strong. The child and opportunity
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is to resist that knee jerk temptation and to rely
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on stead on discernment, intuition, the voice of my wisest
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self to alert me when to act, when to allow,
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and when to find the right balance between the two.
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One final thought about the parallel between my mother's years
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of not driving and mine. I was too young when
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it happened to remember any of the details surrounding the
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Vauxhall crash, assuming I ever even knew them, so I
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can't know whether or not she was in the car.
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Another way, whether it sparked as much fear in her
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as my fender bender did in me. Because money was
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tight when I was growing up, I always assumed that
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the Vauxhall was never replaced for financial reasons, maybe though
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my mother's reasons were the same as mine, as unconsciously
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the same as mine. What I do know is that
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her return to driving, like mine, bought her a measure
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of independence she had I hadn't experienced since before my
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father crashed the boxall or maybe, as it did for me,
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it bought her a measure of independence she'd never before
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let herself experience. Here's what I wrote in my Acts
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of Surrender memoir about my terror as I walked into
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that Toronto Driver's ed class for the first time at
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age thirty nine. The only face I now remember belonged
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to an East Indian woman, an immigrant who looked as
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terrified as I felt. I don't know why she was scared,
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But my deeper fear had nothing to do with cars.
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I feared for my life, for the life that lay ahead,
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and the life I would have to give up to
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live it. I feared the freedom I yearned for. I
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feared all the still unknown and unknowable ways my life
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would unfold because I was free to drive. That freedom
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to drive would play an unimaginably pivotal role in my
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life in the years ahead. And this is what I
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say in Stories and Reflections eleven, and write in my book,
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The Book of Messages. Those areas of your life where
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you feel most self conscious and insecure are the areas
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of your greatest strength and power. Let me say that again,
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those areas of your life where you feel most self
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conscious and insecure are the areas of your greatest strength
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and power. If I hadn't faced my fear at that
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first class on that May evening, and again at my
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first behind the real lesson a few weeks later, none
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of the cars that carried me to this moment now
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with you could have been part of my life, and
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none of the journeys they carried me on could ever
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have taken place. In my novel The Moonquest, the young
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protagonist is urged to embark on a quest, The Moonquest,
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and he's terrified. Feel your fear, He's told, then pass
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through it to the other side, were your DestinE awaits.
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We can never know, not with the blinded sight of
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our conscious minds, where a true destiny lies, or what
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it'll take to get us there. All we can do
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is acknowledge our fears, find ways to pass through them,
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and not let conventional logic get in the way of
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our best and highest choices and decisions. A final thought,
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if our cars truly do represent our journey through life,
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then my current car, Previous number two, is hugely revealing Ivanhoe,
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as I've dubbed it after Sir Walter Scott's fictional night,
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has a whole lot more dings, nicks and scratches that
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did when we set out on our Yellow Big Row
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journey on January twenty eighth, twenty twenty three. We've driven
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through blizzards and ice storms, We've made it through a
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zero visibility dust storm. We've even survived the one inch
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metal disc that flew off a passing truck and slammed
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into the windshield. I feel bad for I'm but he
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tells me I shouldn't. Yes, I talked to my car.
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That's what happens to a knight's armor when he's fully
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engaged on his mission and with his destiny. Ivanhoe assures me. Yet,
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despite our respective bruises, we're both unbowed, and we're both
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ready to soldier on. And whether in Ivanhoe or his
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inevitable successor, I will continue to do just that, traveling
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wherever life's journey carries me, knowing that wherever it does,
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and however it does, it will always be steeped in
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magic and fueled by miracles. Thanks for joining me for
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stories and reflections today. I hope you found moments in
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my stories that touched something in yours. If you haven't already,
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be sure of subscribes you don't miss future episodes, and
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for more of my stories and help telling yours, out
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my books at mark Davidgerson dot com or from online
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booksellers worldwide. Until next time, don't forget that you're a
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storyteller too, and keep telling your stories. The intro at
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outro music for today's episode is heartwarming by Kevin McLeod
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from incompetec dot com, licensed under Creative Comments