What Becomes Possible When You Stop Abandoning Yourself with Randy Brimhall

Beth Schild: Welcome back to the Shift with Beth Podcast. I'm your host, Beth Schild and this is so fun because I haven't had Randy on the podcast for three months since we got engaged. So he's now my fiance. Welcome back to the show. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be back. Yeah. Engaged. Engaged. I've missed having you on the podcast and recording episodes with you. And it's also really exciting because We're in my new office and podcast studio and it's the cutest thing ever. So now these videos will be going up on the last couple have been up on Spotify, but this is the first one like with our mics in the chairs. And you've been such a huge part of helping put this office together. It was fun. I loved it. You were the visionary behind it all. I just helped make it happen. So Thank you so much. Yeah. And I kinda wanna maybe we talk about this how what this has opened up for me and how like having this space for me has changed. Yeah, I love it. It's been so amazing to see. Yeah. So I did talk about it in the permission to take up space. Right. So if you haven't heard that one, I talk about how it was really difficult for me to take this space in the house just for me with our big blended family and how supportive you were. But I I would love to hear what the process was like for you in supporting, creating and like I would love to for you to share like the masculine and feminine aspect of it. Yeah. No, I first of all, I saw how uncomfortable it was for you to take up this space for yourself. And the thing that I want the most is for you to honor yourself. And when you do that, it helps me as a man. It puts me in my purpose a lot of times. I wanna create and provide and protect. And since we've done this, I've seen your creative juices flowing for lack of a better word there. My creativity. Your creativity are flowing. So yeah, it's been really cool to just watch how excited you get to come into the office and to work on the things that you need to work on or that you actually want to work on, not need to work on. I've seen you kind of shift from that like moving from like our bedroom. And it feeling kind of like this chore that you had to get things done. But now all of a sudden you're like you gravitate towards your office. It's like if I can't find you. Yeah, now Randy misses me. Yeah, I I miss you. I don't see you as much. But I see you gravitate towards the office a lot more with this excitement of creating and fulfilling your purpose of creating something to actually really help people. Yeah, it's been It's been really incredible to feel the difference in my own self just from having this space. And something that I just appreciate so much about you is with doing this office, like it seemed like boxes were arriving every day with things to put together. And you just just do it. I don't even have to ask you or be like, I hope he'll put this together. Not that I couldn't put it together, but I don't want to do that stuff, you know? And you just were so excited and it just I never felt like a burden. Well, I love that because I could see how me doing things for you, like managing the contractors, getting it laid out, helping you order all this stuff, putting it together. You know what I just remembered? When one of my triggers that my desk had come, or my chair. Was it the chair? it was the chair, yeah. So I got new chair for my desk. So like on the opposite side of this is like my chair and this beautiful butterfly photo. But when I get triggered, I don't want to receive. Yeah. And so I can't remember what the trigger was, but it was my own something. Do you remember? I do. I don't remember what the trigger was. That's the funny part about it. And Randy's like, I'm gonna put together your chair. And I was like, Don't put together my chair. And he's like, You don't want to receive right now. I was like, no. I could see you immediately. Yeah, and this has nothing to do with you. Absolutely. And you know that. Like I I don't I obviously it's not not important what why I was I wish I could remember the story because I would be h happy to share it. But it it's my own thing where if I'm not perfect or I'm not feeling my best, or if I'm not, you know, being who I think I should be. I don't feel like worthy to receive. Right. And I'm which I'm working on. We'll talk about that a lot on the next pot podcast. but that is a big thing. It's in order to be able to receive, it's easier when you feel lovable or you know, but when you're triggered and the parts of you that you have a hard time loving or I have a hard time loving, you don't want anybody else to give that part love. Until you can give it love. Right. And it takes a little bit of time. And so for me, I absolutely know it's not personal. I can just see where you're at. There's a trigger, there's a part in you. And that's kind of why I even like playfully playfully was like, you're not in a position to receive right now. I know. You say that to me a lot when I'm like, yeah. And so then, but then we dive into the trigger and you process it and we, you know, it's not perfect, but I think we do a really good job at. you know, providing space for each other to process it and then come back and talk about it. Right. You know? Right. So that just I just remembered that and it was Yeah, it was really it was really cute to be honest. Like So then the next day I'm like, okay, put my chair together. But yeah. So it's been really fun and to I'm so excited that we're recording today and it's just gonna be so easy to pop in 'cause before when we recorded we have to set up in our family room and it was a whole Thing. So yeah, this is really nice. I love the way this all turned out. It's beautiful. Super happy for you. Thank you. Yeah. Okay, so we're engaged. Yes, we are. We got engaged on May 15th in Sedona. Mm-hmm. And I talked a little bit about that in one of the previous podcasts, too. But I would love to hear what anything you want to share about that. Or we kind of talked about A couple things. So I'm just gonna let you take the reins on where you want to go with it. Well, for me, I we've talked about it a little, but I felt like I was in that place of being ready to be engaged a little bit sooner than you were. Mm-hmm. Which I totally understood. And I always wanted to make sure that just because I was in that space, that there was no pressure for you to get there. Mm-hmm. Like and You know, it was such a fun thing to like start shopping for rings and trying to be sneaky about it, which is the hardest thing to do. And there's a lot of pressure around the performance of the engagement for men. you know, to get it perfect to make it, you know, this fairy tale kind of a scenario. And I love that I was able to kind of put all that down. it took me some time and some work to actually put down getting this thing perfect. And I just focused on picking a place that was incredibly meaningful to us. And I didn't even script out what I wanted to say. I just wanted to just speak from my heart. And really just the focus was on. Creating the memory where we both remember how we felt. Yeah. You know? And that was the most important thing to me. I love that. Yeah. And so I loved that we were able to just kind of take that time and get to that place where I was able to propose because you know, we had a big breakthrough and I I finally knew that you were ready as well, like like I was. And the biggest thing was was we both learned so much in our individual healing about how to learn how to trust ourselves again. Mm-hmm. And getting in this relationship that was always kind of the focus. And then there was that one big breakthrough where we both realized that we also needed to extend that trust to each other. Yeah, we've been keeping some of our trust to protect us. To protect us and it makes sense. Well, we have always said how we're such givers. Mm-hmm. And it's hard for us to receive, which we've worked on a lot. But we had this realization that well, I felt like I was still one foot in and one foot out. Mm-hmm. Even though I was logically fully in, there was a part of me that was holding me back, which was the part of me that has experienced all the trauma in relationship and is trying to keep me safe. And I don't want to live like that because we kind of both were doing that, not really conscious of it fully. And it was holding us back from really just letting ourselves have this. Yeah. What we had to do was create safety for those parts and say it's okay to give trust to each other. And it was a pretty profound moment for us. It was huge. And we didn't just get there overnight. That trust slowly was building over time. Every time you did bring your emotions or I brought my emotions to you. Vulnerability. Some vulnerability. Well, we'll use you for example. Like any time every time you brought an emotion to me or a vulnerability, you would get scared. Mm-hmm. And almost to the point of once you did bring it to me, then you would get triggered like you were gonna be in trouble. Mm-hmm. And that little act for me was enough of trust that you were bringing that to me. It allowed me to actually show up who I really am. Mm-hmm. Where your body was bracing and expecting something from the past. But those little moments are the things that really built that trust enough over time. And it was like to the point where when we both realized that it was like not it was built off of that experience where we were both like, Wow, it's been a long enough time where we can are continuously showing up who we say we are. Mm-hmm. And And that's the funny thing about trust is it really is kind of built over time. Right. Yeah. So once we were like, Okay, I'm giving you my trust, it really was this big shift for both of us. Like I fli I felt it in my body of like, Okay, I'm finally all in here. And then I was like, Where's my ring? Which was so crazy, which I didn't like say, but it there's so much more to this story, which I've shared that I recorded like a a whole podcast episode on this, but it's just very just personal. Well, it's personal to us. Decided not to to release it. But also knowing that my oldest daughter was gonna be getting engaged, I felt like I couldn't get engaged until after she was married. Yeah. And I shared that with Randy, not knowing that Randy had already like you had just picked out the ring, right? Yeah. So that's the funny part of the story too, is we worked through that trust and we both felt like we were ready. Mm-hmm. And we even talked about it. And I had already kind of just been casually looking, kind of getting information about ring size and type of ring and shopping around, I even was asking your daughters about like, do you think she'd like this one and, you know, this you know. And the day I put down the deposit on the ring was the day that Reagan and Nate came over to talk to you about getting engaged. Yeah. Well, no, just Nate. Well, just Nate, sorry. Which I wasn't expecting. Correct. Nate none of us were expecting. No. correct. It was just Nate that came over and talked to you about it. And, you know, of course we were both incredibly excited for that. Right. He asked me permission. We had a beautiful talk. And then I told you. Mm-hmm. And then we 'cause we had just been like, Okay, yeah, like I feel like I'm ready. And then I was like, I'm not. We can't we can't get engaged. Right. Or we and you know, and you were like, Well, do you mean like can't get engaged or can't get married or you know? I'm sweating bullets on the inside at this point now. I'm like, no. Like Yeah, 'cause I in no way wanted to ever steal the thunder from my daughter. Like I still have a hard time. with no I don't say hard time, but it's just you don't ever think you're gonna be engaged at the same time as one of your children. Right. I know. Life is funny that way. And it and it's it's been really fun. but so then you needed to go Yeah, so I called Reagan and I talked to her about it and I tried to create as much safety as I could for her to be completely honest. You know, I just said, Hey, there's there would never be any hurt heart like hurt feelings but Be honest, like how do you feel about this? Because we are very sensitive about this being like your first, well, first and only marriage. Like you're younger. We want to honor that and not steal any thunder. Like right. We want to make it about you. We want to make it a hundred percent about you. And she was so sweet. She was like, Of course, like she thinks that it's fun being engaged with her mom. And, you know, I wanted to check with her first. personally just to make sure. but then you still had to kind of work through that. And 'cause I couldn't go to you and be like, Well, Reagan said it was okay. Right. Right. I had to actually give you space to work through it. Yeah. And I and I did. And I needed some time to work through it. And so you ended up proposing. Yeah. So once I felt like you were comfortable and you worked through it, then I had planned it and I knew that you were you had worked through it because I mean, you were being a little sneaky. You started asking your daughters if they knew if I had a ring. I could feel the energy of the ring. I know. And I was trying to keep it so secretive as a surprise, but there were so many times I gave it away. Well, yeah. We don't need to go to the story, but I basically was like, he's gonna propose to me on this Sedona trip and I felt it, but I felt the the ring energy and I felt this the feeling of like I wanted the ring, which I had never felt before. Like I and I had that thought like my give me my ring, whatever. It was just and I was actually beautiful to feel that because that's what you want to be feeling. Correct. And that I wasn't gonna do it until like I knew like you were at that point. Yeah. And like I said, I was in no hurry. I didn't want to pressure you or anything like that because I wanted it to be authentic and I wanted it to be a choice for you. Not not something that you did out of pressure or anything like that. Yeah, and it was perfect. It was. It was beautiful. Yeah. It was it was really special. So Thanks, babe, for my ring and for all the planning that you did. And it's just been so fun to be engaged and not have to call you my boyfriend anymore at forty six. I know. Yeah, so we got engaged May fifteenth and then my daughter Reagan and and Nate got engaged in Telly Ride in July. So we had a little space of time and for anyone who's wondering, Reagan's gonna be getting married first, well before us or We are not focused on our wedding at all right now. We're just enjoying being engaged and really focused on Reagan and her experience and it's been really fun and you know, I'm not the mom that's like trying on the wedding dress when it's her wedding dress, but you know what I mean? Like just really making it about her and and we will probably get married next year or next fall. Yeah. Yeah. We'll start planning it after Reagan's wedding's done. So Yeah. It'll be a destination wedding. That's all we're gonna say. Yep. Okay. So what else? Well, since then we've both been up to quite a bit. Yeah, let's talk just give a little update on what we've been working on, what we've been doing. Your big news with your business. Yeah. It's will you tell everyone? Have you did you talk about what you do? You did. You have before. I think so. I mean I own it. But for people who haven't listened to our previous episodes, like fill everyone in on who you are, what you do. Yeah. So I the badass that you are. So I am in physical therapy and in business. I own my company and we've scaled it here in Arizona. we're currently working on our 14th and 15th location here in Arizona, and we had an opportunity come up in the last few months to span and expand it to Florida and Georgia. Which is huge. Yeah, kind of take in the company at a national level. how does that feel? It feels really good. I mean, I love Like you, we talked about creating and building and you know, there's a lot of risk and fears involved, but ultimately it's you know, my purpose behind all of it is to create a company to provide excellent customer service and care for others and to build a company that creates opportunity for everyone in the company involved. And I couldn't do it without my amazing team. Mm-hmm. You know, it's like we all work together and you know, we don't they don't work for me. We just work together. Yeah. So And you don't you haven't actually worked on patients for how long now? since twenty twenty two, end of twenty twenty two. So Yeah. 'Cause you've been the entrepreneurial side more. I mean you've always been the entrepreneurial side, but you used to like be hands on with patients and you haven't for four years. Yeah, almost yeah, four years now. So it's been scaling and when I met Randy he had seven clinics. And now it's what, fourteen? We're currently at thirteen and then two in Florida and four in Georgia. So and then we'll have fourteen and fifteen opening up here in Arizona. So yeah. So proud of you. It's been really fun to watch your expansion and growth and working through your fears and all the things. Yeah, you got a front row seat to all of it. Yeah, and I love it. Yeah. Cause it is. It's one of those things where it's like Everybody just kind of sees what what happens. They don't see like the working through the fears, the insecurities, like the amount of work and analyzing that goes into this, and then being able to like work through the those fears and insecurities to actually put it into action. Right. And thankfully, like I have an amazing partner where you are so in tune with kind of how I'm feeling. If I'm internally processing, sometimes I will do that, just internally process it because I don't want to be a burden with you. Or I'll assume that you don't really care about work or, you know, and that's all my old past stuff. And you're right on it. And I'm like, tell me everything. How are you feeling? You're like, what's going on? Uh-huh. And I'm like, whoa. And it's so amazing to have a partner who's just so in tune and who genuinely cares to know about my internal world. And once I kind of speak things out loud and we process it, it just like I feel so much better and I I get so much more clarity about the decision that I need to make. And it's just I appreciate it deeply. So You don't have to do it alone. Right. And it's fun so You have started traveling to Florida, which and I'm gonna be joining you when I can. And so our dynamic is like shifting a little bit. Yeah. with you being gone more. And we're just starting to get into that. And so, but I'm so here for all of it. I love it. You know, and that's what I love about a relationship too, is we are very independent. And the trust that we have with each other is just so incredible. Like I you don't have to worry about me and I don't have to worry about you when we're not together. Like what is that? Yeah. It's still such a new feeling. Yeah. It's very freeing and it like really allows me to put my energy in the business where I need and and I can be present with it, you know? Yeah, 'cause we both love being with ourselves too. Yeah. Like we're fine. But like I we love being together. I love it. Like when I say when we're independent, but when we're together, it's like I feel needy, but I'm not. If that makes sense. Total, total sense. So yeah, it's fun it's fun to miss each other too. Yeah. Yeah. So you're doing that. Do you want to talk about your personal work a little bit that you've been doing? Yeah. So personally I've been I joined this amazing men's group. really kind of honing in on my own Masculinity. and it's been really amazing because I mean, I know that you've been working on this challenge this month to be seen. Mm-hmm. I too was working on that same challenge just on a different platform. For me, it was actually being seen and witnessed by other men. And this group of men are just so incredible, brilliant individuals, so kind and loving. And to be able to go with these men and to be seen in like my fears and my insecurities, and for them to challenge me when I am having a fear come in. And I remember the first time they challenged me to do something, My initial response as a man was to puff my chest out, take the challenge, and be like, yeah, I can do that. I'm not I'm not afraid to do that. Right. Mm-hmm. But that wasn't really true. What was true was I was terrified. Yeah. And I paused for a minute and I looked around the room and I could f feel my own fear of the judgment for them to see my That you actually were scared of that I was afraid. But I paused and I took a deep breath and I thanked them for the challenge. And I just told them, I said, You guys, that feels really scary to me right now. And the way that they responded was like a breath of fresh air. These men know how to actually hold that space in that container and validate that experience. Which is so amazing and so needed for men. Right. Instead of like the whole typical, you wus just do it. You know, like and it was so incredible to feel, and it did. It like it's something that I needed, and that was the thing that actually gave me the courage. To complete that challenge. And so I've been working, step by step, you know, towards that. And it's been amazing. Yeah. And witnessing you in this new phase is so attractive, so vulnerable, so beautiful. And I appreciate that container of men that were able to challenge you in that way because it was something that I also would one to challenge you in. Mm-hmm. But I held back because it did it it couldn't come from me. In this case it couldn't. Right. to be honest. because if it did, I would have performed. Right. And so I I didn't really know why. Like I trusted that, you know, I it wasn't for me to do. And so when you came home and told me I was like, Yes. Yes. my gosh, this is so good. And then and Again, just watching you work through fear and it's you know, the the growth in you and expansions like that is very attractive to me. Well, thank you. And that's what I want in my man. So so yeah, so even working on that. Yeah. So that's kind of been my biggest thing that I've been working on and You know, I mean that whole group of men is just it's been really life changing. And I can really just kind of feel like I have shifted big in my own my own internal healing. Because it's not just that and well, I'll back up for a second. It's like if it would have come from you, it would have been performative and I would have just done it as an act, but Being seen by men and being challenged by men in this way actually brought me into my body and helped me kind of get to the core of what that fear really is. And I've been and it's led to so much deep internal healing for me. So now, like when I complete the challenge, it's actually gonna be for me. Right, which is the way it it needs to be. Like and it's been it's really cool. And I I love like sharing this with my teaching this to my clients and just talking about it in general. Like when you set the intention to do something, you get the universe brings you opportunities to get to that, right? Wha whatever it is. So like if you're working on your relationship and in triggers, you're gonna get triggered a lot. Yeah. You're working on not abandoning yourself, you're gonna get opportunities. And so like for you for this, it's like Like what you've these opportunities that have been given to you as you stepped into them every single time you're growing towards you know, what you're really working towards. And I every one of those opportunities and facing those has built my own internal trust. Trusting myself that I can handle the situation in a certain way. with the maturity level that where I'm at and You're right, I love it. It's that's what the whole practice concept is. And that's why you get the opportunities to just practice. Yeah. And so so great. Yeah, it's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. And I've I've felt the the shift in you too and I feel more safe, more protected. It's just built more trust within myself and you. Yeah. Thanks, babe. I love it. Is there anything else you wanted to share about what you're working on? not off the top of my head, no. I mean, that's kind of big. Well, you're coaching. yeah. Yes. So Randy's been coaching a couple men. Mm-hmm. It's just starting. Yeah, slowly stepping into it. Uh-huh. and I have loved it. Like it does it. drives me. Mm-hmm. I mean, it's so fulfilling. I know the power that it has and the benefits that it's brought me. And when I'm doing it, it helps me just as much as them. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's beautiful. So that's really exciting. And we'll talk about that more in our next episode that we're gonna do. But yeah. Yeah. So that's your update. That's my update. Yeah, that's everything that I've been going through. What's been the most fun thing for you the last few months since getting engaged? Would you say? Is there any like memory or anything? besides the engagement that you've loved. I'm kind of putting you on the spot. there's so many to choose from. I can tell that having the trust is really and even me stepping into my masculinity has Put you in this space to be a lot more free. Mm-hmm. And not just creative, but fun and silly and goofy. And, you know, just walking around the house, I'll hear you singing a lot more. And, you know, there's moments where we'll just dance in our room being silly. And it's been really fun and cool to see. Mm-hmm. That your inner our inner children feel safe and coming out more. My little giggle, my new little giggle. That's been my goodness. Yeah. I think it's newer. Is it? I think so, because I didn't really start noticing it until recently when I like when I started when I pointed it out. That's what I was gonna say. And it's just it's the cutest thing ever. Okay. Thanks for sharing all that. Yeah. So everyone knows I'm like well s we I've also been in some really deep healing work since we got engaged. I mean, we're always healing, but I have shared on previous episodes that I've been doing deeper work with somatic experiencing practitioner. And that's been beautiful. And then this practicing being seen challenge. Today is day twenty-one, but this will be, you know, when they're listening to it, I'll be done with it. Or I'll keep going. I don't know. But that's been bringing up a lot for me to heal and it's been a really cool, really uncomfortable, really expansive. I've had so many breakthroughs. It's like opened up almost this portal of creative flow, which I've been missing for I will say years. Yeah. You know? Yeah. But I still have that critical voice come in and the self-judgment of like, why am I doing this? And so I'm also figuring out, do I like showing up online every day? Is this what I want to do? and so to that is to still be seen. I don't know. But it's been really fun to just be like, here I am, I'm try I'm doing this today. And yeah. Do you want to share maybe why you're doing it? To get over my fear of being seen, to to There's been parts of me that I've been hiding. So I wanting to sh like let myself be seen in all these different ways. Well, the main thing is being seen in my joy. Is that what you were wanting to get to? Well that, but also kind of even deeper. Like I know you have the fear of being seen, but why do you want to be seen? What's your purpose? To help others. Yeah. I really, really know that I have a gift that I can truly sit with anybody and support them and helping them heal their trauma and then picking out their patterns and doing it in such a beautiful, safe way. and to do that, I need to be more visible. How are people gonna know about me if I'm not showing up? And I want to help more people. Yeah. Right. Is that what you meant? It is, yeah. Because I think that's really the biggest part 'cause I mean you just shared like You know, when your parts come in you're like, Why am I even doing this? You know, and I know why you're doing this and you've expressed why you're doing this. And I think it's just to see you kind of work through that and to see your growth in all of this has just been so amazing. Thanks, babe. Thanks for your support. Yeah, it's been it's yeah, I I think the main main thing, the takeaway that I would want other people to have is it came in, my intuition literally told me Yeah. Show up every day in August. And I was like, No And I know I I've already shared this in on in episodes, but like it it doesn't even matter what the outcome is. It's I'm trusting myself and I'm showing up for myself. Yeah. And it does does it have to even have like an outcome? It doesn't. Just practicing following my intuition and it feels really good. feels really good to just be like, okay, what am I supposed to share today? And then it comes in, like, cool. I'm more tapped in, I'm more in flow. And yeah, I do have the fear too of like, am I gonna be able to keep doing this? It comes in. It does. And fear's always gonna come in. Always, always. And from where I sit, seeing you do that and overcome those fears. And then when you do and you launch into that creative mode and You're honoring you and choosing you, like that too is also very attractive. Yeah. We're attracted to each other. Yeah. A little bit. Yeah, it feels so freeing to just be like, if people don't like this, okay. All right. I don't want people to to follow me or be like be around me if they don't aren't in a line with me anyway. So okay, bye. I wanna find the people that are in alignment that I can help. Those are my people. So I'm can keep climbing cringe mountain. yeah. Any other questions for me? No. Well, how's it been for you? Same question. How's it been for you like since being engaged? Like what's been like a fun memory or I think it's been The most beautiful timing that I wasn't actually expecting. I kind of thought it would be later. And it's been cool to trust the universe and trust the timing and flow of everything. And then to tell our kids was one of my favorite things. Like it brings a level of deeper safety for them. Not that that's why we're doing it, but you can feel the difference in them. It's almost like this. I don't know, it's just that that's been beautiful, I think, to show the kids. And I love showing the kids our relationship. Like these are those little moments where they see us, they notice. And just like the other night we took the kids to Noah Con and you know, we we have so much fun at concerts together, me and you. I know. And we're dancing and hugging and all the things and I mean not to the point of like cringe. Maybe for my son. But Reno, Reagan took a few videos of us and we had no idea. And she sent them to me later that night and they were just so beautiful and I really love the quality time that we get with all of all of our kids 'cause it's it's not a lot. Right. yeah, I've been practicing expressing what I really need and t doing it. These last few months. going to Sedona alone, going taking my girls to New York for my birthday. And it's just been I feel so free in our relationship. Like really free to like, I get to do these things. And I still have the parts come in where like, Are you sure you're not sad? Are you sure you're not mad? Sure this is okay? I totally get it. So But that was big. I love that you took your girls to New York for your birthday. I know that was like a really epic trip for you girls. So epic. Yeah. And for you to not make it about you. Well, I want to be with you on your birthday. Of course you could have be s like miss me and want to be with me, but like the way that the concert was on my birthday and it all the trip all fell into line. And also, you know, I don't get emotional. Okay. Which I don't really do on the podcast. But to have Reagan, just have all my daughters, you know, before Reagan gets married. Like it was just like I gotta share a bed with Reagan. Like I haven't lived with her in a couple like a year and a half or however long it's been. Two years almost. And to be in the hotel with my three daughters and to get to have those experiences and not have to worry about my partner at home to feel so supported. And I arrived there and Randy has All the birth like called the hotel and there's gorgeous flowers and balloons and New York cookies and champagne all waiting for me and the girls all knew about it and I just felt so cared for and so loved. And it was so special 'cause I haven't taken a trip with all my daughters. I I never did anything like this in the past. And like knowing how good you are to be alone. And you had your kids actually this time, but like just in general, when I have to leave, like my man doesn't need external validation. He doesn't need to be entertained. I don't have to stress. Like, it's just like such a freeing, beautiful feeling. And yeah, so that was really epic and I'm just really grateful for you and for your support. Well, thank you for expressing all that. Like that was beautiful. Randy loves when I cry. I feel like you do. Like it's not in a bad way. In the sweetest way, but you're always like beautiful. It's the emotion. I mean, I that was real. That was very raw. And you expressing that like it's so beautiful because it's so authentic to how you're feeling in the And I love that. And I never had that before. Right. And so it's like experiencing life this way. This is my message. What what is possible when you don't abandon yourself? Like this life that we have is, you know, which I also am working on not make making it small and really showing it because it's just the most incredible life. It is. All of it. All all of the emotions. The grief, the sadness, the joy. It just doesn't mean it's perfect. It doesn't mean it's like but to have the capacity and to be able to hold all the things. Mm-hmm. The deep triggers, the grief, the pain, the hard stuff that comes up, the challenges. And because we we can hold all that and feel all that and not resist it and know that it's part of the human experience, then It's the expansion of the joy and the freedom and the authenticity and the peace and the intimacy. Beautiful. Right, well, I feel like pretty complete on our update. Yeah. thanks for being here, everybody. I love having you back, babe, on the podcast. Thank you for having me. thank you for just who you are. Same. Just appreciate you so much. All right. 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