WEBVTT
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There's a gap between surviving and thriving that nobody talks about,
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and most people get stuck in it for years without
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knowing it exists. I'm going to explain it, because once
4
00:00:12.320 --> 00:00:15.560
you see it, you can stop falling into the same
5
00:00:15.640 --> 00:00:19.519
trap over and over again. Here's the setup. Most of
6
00:00:19.559 --> 00:00:22.879
the time, we're stuck in an area of life defined
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00:00:22.920 --> 00:00:27.359
by external limitations. These are things we think we have
8
00:00:27.480 --> 00:00:30.519
to do, where we use guilt or shame to get
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00:00:30.559 --> 00:00:32.359
ourselves to do what we need to do.
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A fear or a need.
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To survive is pushing us into action. Make the payroll,
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close the deal, don't lose the client, don't miss the deadline,
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don't let your business fall apart. These are all external drivers,
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and we want to deal with them and get away
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from them. We want to move from doing things we
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feel we have to do to things we want to do,
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activities driven by desire and excitement, a situation where we
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feel like we've become the author of our own life.
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This is something every person desires, a movement upward from
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pain and lack of control towards pleasure and the ability
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to choose. And most people spend their entire lives fighting
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to get there. The problem is that there's a space
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in between where we get stuck. Let me explain why.
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High performance that's based on desire and excitement requires you
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to have enough energy to get excited and have desire
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to honestly work hard on something because you want to.
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Is difficult, and when we spend our lives fighting to survive,
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it drains us to a point where our desires just
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aren't available to us. Think about that for a second.
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When you're busy working hard to survive external threats, you
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don't have time to listen to your internal voice of desire.
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In fact, you often step on it, silence it, and
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feel guilty for it because your desires distract you from
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the hard work of surviving. When you're grinding fourteen hour
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days to keep a business alive and a voice in
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your head says, I want to go sit by a lake,
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you tell that voice to shut up.
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You have work to do.
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People are counting on you, Bills need to be paid.
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And that voice is the irresponsible one. That's the lazy one.
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That voice will get you killed, you think, so you
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silence it over and over for years, and then one
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day you reach success. The business is stable, the bills
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are paid, the team can function without you for a week,
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The external pressure drops, and you expect to feel free,
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but you don't feel free. You feel nothing, or worse,
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you feel guilty, anxious, lost, because your ability to even
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know what you want just isn't present in your life anymore.
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Violence to that voice so many times that it stopped talking.
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So once you succeed at beating the game of survival,
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you have to do extremely uncomfortable work to transition from
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external to internal drivers. You have to decide that you've
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done enough to take the time to rest the way
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you couldn't when you were too afraid to stop working,
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to take the time to play, to reignite your passion
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for life, and to be quiet enough to listen to
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your own mind to understand your thoughts and desires so
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you can move forward. You have to ask yourself the
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question what do you want enough times to get an
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honest answer that isn't a shallow craving or a guilt
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based desire based on what you think you should do
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or have to do. And this is really hard. This
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is the real work, because if you're coming out of
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a survival mindset, all of your habitual thoughts are wired
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based on the fear of not surviving. You aren't going
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to automatically think about what you really want to do,
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and you won't have the energy.
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To do it even if you figure it out.
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So you have to sit in this space between the
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work you had to do and the work you really
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want to do. This is the gap, and the gap
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00:04:15.400 --> 00:04:19.240
is where everything falls apart for most people. Here's what
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happens when you don't have the energy to move forward
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into desire based living yet and you have to sit
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where you are for a bit. Your guilt magnifies itself
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because you've been working hard all your life and here
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you are sitting here, successful, doing nothing. The silence makes
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her fears go haywire. You start worrying that you didn't
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really take care of everything you need to survive. Maybe
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the business isn't actually stable, maybe you missed something. Maybe
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if you stop pushing it all falls apart.
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So you look.
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Around for a problem to solve, and when you can't
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find one, you create one. Wat much this happened so
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many times, it's become one of the first things I
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look for. A guy builds a solid business, gets it
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to a place where it runs then suddenly decides he
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needs to pivot the entire model, or blow up a partnership,
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or chase some massive new opportunity that requires him to
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go back into survival mode. And he tells me it's
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because this new thing is the real vision, the big play,
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the thing.
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He was always building toward. But it's not. It's the gap.
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He got to the place where he could start asking
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what he actually wants, and it was so uncomfortable that
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he invented a new crisis to go fight instead, because
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fighting is familiar, fighting is what he knows how to do.
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Sitting still and listening to himself is terrifying. Most people
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go crazy and the gap and create new problems for
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themselves that they have to deal with to start over
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and live their entire lives in an endless circle, conquering
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external limitations and succeeding, then losing hope, motivation, and mental health,
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then created a new set of external limitations and doing
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it all over again. I did this myself multiple times.
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Every time I got to a place where things were working,
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I'd find a way to blow it up, start a
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new project, take on something way too big, pick a fight,
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anything to avoid the silence because in the silence, I
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had to face the fact that I'd been running on
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fear for so long that I didn't know who I
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was without it. And the only answer is to just
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know that it's coming. Understand that once you hit a
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certain point of success and you can start doing things
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you honestly want to do, you won't automatically know what
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that is, and you won't have the energy or ability
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to do it yet, and it won't feel good. Understand
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that there's a moment of silence coming where the demons
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of guilt and fearing in your mind come out to play.
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And that's fine as long as you know they're coming
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and you're ready to sit with them for a little
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while when they do. Because if you don't know it's coming,
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you'll think something is wrong. You'll think the business is broken.
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You'll think you're broken. You'll think the answer is to
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work harder, change directions, start something new. But nothing is wrong.
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You're just in the gap. The gap is not a
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problem to solve, it's a space to survive, like a
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decompression chamber between the ocean floor and the surface. You
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can't skip it. If you try to skip it, you
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get the bins so what do you actually do in
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the gap? Is You rest, even though it feels wrong,
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even though every part of your survival wiring is screaming at.
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You to do something productive.
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You play even though it feels like a waste of time,
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even though you feel guilty about it. You get quiet,
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even though the silence skip carrors you, even though your
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mind fills the quiet with every fear you've been too
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busy to listen to for the past five years. And
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you keep asking yourself, what do I want? Not what
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should I want? Not what would be smart to want?
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Not what would impress people if I wanted it? But
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what do I want? You probably won't get an honest
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answer the first fifty times you ask, because the honest
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answer has been told to shut up for years and
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it doesn't trust you yet. But if you keep asking
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and you don't panic, and you don't invent a new
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crisis to escape into, eventually the voice comes back, and
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when it does, you'll have something real to build toward,
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not a survival reaction dressed up as ambition, an actual desire,
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something that makes you want to get out of bed
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in the morning because it excites you, not because you're
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afraid of what happens if you don't. That's the other
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side of the gap. Thriving is about battling, survival, and winning.
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It's about having the discipline over your anxious mind to
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recover from the battle after you're done. If you can
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do that, you'll have the energy and mental bandwidth to
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really look at the world with fresh eyes and go
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after what you truly desire. And if you're reading this
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and realizing that you've been in the gap for a while,
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if you've been cycling between winning and blowing it up,
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if you've been creating new problems every time things get staple,
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you're not broken, you're not ungrateful, you're not lazy or
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lacking in discipline. You're in the decompression chamber, and the
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only thing you need to do is stop trying to
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swim back down to the bottom. Stay where you are,
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let the pressure equalize, and when you're ready, you'll surface.
1
00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:04.759
There's a gap between surviving and thriving that nobody talks about,
2
00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:08.199
and most people get stuck in it for years without
3
00:00:08.240 --> 00:00:12.240
knowing it exists. I'm going to explain it, because once
4
00:00:12.320 --> 00:00:15.560
you see it, you can stop falling into the same
5
00:00:15.640 --> 00:00:19.519
trap over and over again. Here's the setup. Most of
6
00:00:19.559 --> 00:00:22.879
the time, we're stuck in an area of life defined
7
00:00:22.920 --> 00:00:27.359
by external limitations. These are things we think we have
8
00:00:27.480 --> 00:00:30.519
to do, where we use guilt or shame to get
9
00:00:30.559 --> 00:00:32.359
ourselves to do what we need to do.
10
00:00:33.119 --> 00:00:35.280
A fear or a need.
11
00:00:35.079 --> 00:00:39.280
To survive is pushing us into action. Make the payroll,
12
00:00:39.439 --> 00:00:43.039
close the deal, don't lose the client, don't miss the deadline,
13
00:00:43.159 --> 00:00:48.640
don't let your business fall apart. These are all external drivers,
14
00:00:48.840 --> 00:00:52.079
and we want to deal with them and get away
15
00:00:52.119 --> 00:00:54.479
from them. We want to move from doing things we
16
00:00:54.560 --> 00:00:58.119
feel we have to do to things we want to do,
17
00:00:58.799 --> 00:01:03.079
activities driven by desire and excitement, a situation where we
18
00:01:03.240 --> 00:01:07.040
feel like we've become the author of our own life.
19
00:01:07.079 --> 00:01:11.239
This is something every person desires, a movement upward from
20
00:01:11.480 --> 00:01:15.120
pain and lack of control towards pleasure and the ability
21
00:01:15.200 --> 00:01:19.680
to choose. And most people spend their entire lives fighting
22
00:01:19.799 --> 00:01:22.560
to get there. The problem is that there's a space
23
00:01:22.599 --> 00:01:25.959
in between where we get stuck. Let me explain why.
24
00:01:27.000 --> 00:01:30.799
High performance that's based on desire and excitement requires you
25
00:01:30.840 --> 00:01:34.280
to have enough energy to get excited and have desire
26
00:01:35.319 --> 00:01:38.599
to honestly work hard on something because you want to.
27
00:01:39.000 --> 00:01:43.680
Is difficult, and when we spend our lives fighting to survive,
28
00:01:43.959 --> 00:01:46.519
it drains us to a point where our desires just
29
00:01:46.640 --> 00:01:50.159
aren't available to us. Think about that for a second.
30
00:01:50.200 --> 00:01:54.280
When you're busy working hard to survive external threats, you
31
00:01:54.359 --> 00:01:58.159
don't have time to listen to your internal voice of desire.
32
00:01:58.959 --> 00:02:02.599
In fact, you often step on it, silence it, and
33
00:02:02.640 --> 00:02:06.640
feel guilty for it because your desires distract you from
34
00:02:06.680 --> 00:02:10.479
the hard work of surviving. When you're grinding fourteen hour
35
00:02:10.639 --> 00:02:13.199
days to keep a business alive and a voice in
36
00:02:13.240 --> 00:02:16.159
your head says, I want to go sit by a lake,
37
00:02:16.400 --> 00:02:17.919
you tell that voice to shut up.
38
00:02:18.639 --> 00:02:19.639
You have work to do.
39
00:02:19.960 --> 00:02:22.759
People are counting on you, Bills need to be paid.
40
00:02:23.479 --> 00:02:27.560
And that voice is the irresponsible one. That's the lazy one.
41
00:02:27.960 --> 00:02:30.800
That voice will get you killed, you think, so you
42
00:02:30.879 --> 00:02:35.599
silence it over and over for years, and then one
43
00:02:35.680 --> 00:02:39.000
day you reach success. The business is stable, the bills
44
00:02:39.000 --> 00:02:41.680
are paid, the team can function without you for a week,
45
00:02:41.840 --> 00:02:45.719
The external pressure drops, and you expect to feel free,
46
00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:49.800
but you don't feel free. You feel nothing, or worse,
47
00:02:49.879 --> 00:02:55.719
you feel guilty, anxious, lost, because your ability to even
48
00:02:55.840 --> 00:02:58.719
know what you want just isn't present in your life anymore.
49
00:03:00.039 --> 00:03:03.439
Violence to that voice so many times that it stopped talking.
50
00:03:04.159 --> 00:03:07.240
So once you succeed at beating the game of survival,
51
00:03:07.360 --> 00:03:11.240
you have to do extremely uncomfortable work to transition from
52
00:03:11.360 --> 00:03:15.120
external to internal drivers. You have to decide that you've
53
00:03:15.120 --> 00:03:17.879
done enough to take the time to rest the way
54
00:03:17.919 --> 00:03:20.759
you couldn't when you were too afraid to stop working,
55
00:03:21.080 --> 00:03:23.719
to take the time to play, to reignite your passion
56
00:03:23.759 --> 00:03:26.759
for life, and to be quiet enough to listen to
57
00:03:26.800 --> 00:03:30.000
your own mind to understand your thoughts and desires so
58
00:03:30.039 --> 00:03:33.319
you can move forward. You have to ask yourself the
59
00:03:33.400 --> 00:03:37.840
question what do you want enough times to get an
60
00:03:37.879 --> 00:03:41.080
honest answer that isn't a shallow craving or a guilt
61
00:03:41.120 --> 00:03:43.800
based desire based on what you think you should do
62
00:03:44.120 --> 00:03:47.000
or have to do. And this is really hard. This
63
00:03:47.159 --> 00:03:49.919
is the real work, because if you're coming out of
64
00:03:49.960 --> 00:03:54.120
a survival mindset, all of your habitual thoughts are wired
65
00:03:54.319 --> 00:03:58.159
based on the fear of not surviving. You aren't going
66
00:03:58.199 --> 00:04:01.400
to automatically think about what you really want to do,
67
00:04:01.719 --> 00:04:03.159
and you won't have the energy.
68
00:04:02.919 --> 00:04:05.000
To do it even if you figure it out.
69
00:04:05.240 --> 00:04:08.319
So you have to sit in this space between the
70
00:04:08.360 --> 00:04:10.840
work you had to do and the work you really
71
00:04:10.879 --> 00:04:15.240
want to do. This is the gap, and the gap
72
00:04:15.400 --> 00:04:19.240
is where everything falls apart for most people. Here's what
73
00:04:19.360 --> 00:04:23.040
happens when you don't have the energy to move forward
74
00:04:23.160 --> 00:04:26.319
into desire based living yet and you have to sit
75
00:04:26.399 --> 00:04:29.920
where you are for a bit. Your guilt magnifies itself
76
00:04:30.399 --> 00:04:33.199
because you've been working hard all your life and here
77
00:04:33.279 --> 00:04:39.759
you are sitting here, successful, doing nothing. The silence makes
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her fears go haywire. You start worrying that you didn't
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really take care of everything you need to survive. Maybe
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the business isn't actually stable, maybe you missed something. Maybe
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if you stop pushing it all falls apart.
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So you look.
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Around for a problem to solve, and when you can't
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find one, you create one. Wat much this happened so
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many times, it's become one of the first things I
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look for. A guy builds a solid business, gets it
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to a place where it runs then suddenly decides he
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needs to pivot the entire model, or blow up a partnership,
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or chase some massive new opportunity that requires him to
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go back into survival mode. And he tells me it's
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because this new thing is the real vision, the big play,
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the thing.
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He was always building toward. But it's not. It's the gap.
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He got to the place where he could start asking
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what he actually wants, and it was so uncomfortable that
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he invented a new crisis to go fight instead, because
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fighting is familiar, fighting is what he knows how to do.
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Sitting still and listening to himself is terrifying. Most people
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go crazy and the gap and create new problems for
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themselves that they have to deal with to start over
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and live their entire lives in an endless circle, conquering
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external limitations and succeeding, then losing hope, motivation, and mental health,
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then created a new set of external limitations and doing
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it all over again. I did this myself multiple times.
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Every time I got to a place where things were working,
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I'd find a way to blow it up, start a
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new project, take on something way too big, pick a fight,
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anything to avoid the silence because in the silence, I
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had to face the fact that I'd been running on
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fear for so long that I didn't know who I
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was without it. And the only answer is to just
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know that it's coming. Understand that once you hit a
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certain point of success and you can start doing things
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you honestly want to do, you won't automatically know what
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that is, and you won't have the energy or ability
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to do it yet, and it won't feel good. Understand
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that there's a moment of silence coming where the demons
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of guilt and fearing in your mind come out to play.
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And that's fine as long as you know they're coming
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and you're ready to sit with them for a little
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while when they do. Because if you don't know it's coming,
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you'll think something is wrong. You'll think the business is broken.
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You'll think you're broken. You'll think the answer is to
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work harder, change directions, start something new. But nothing is wrong.
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You're just in the gap. The gap is not a
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problem to solve, it's a space to survive, like a
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decompression chamber between the ocean floor and the surface. You
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can't skip it. If you try to skip it, you
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get the bins so what do you actually do in
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the gap? Is You rest, even though it feels wrong,
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even though every part of your survival wiring is screaming at.
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You to do something productive.
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You play even though it feels like a waste of time,
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even though you feel guilty about it. You get quiet,
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even though the silence skip carrors you, even though your
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mind fills the quiet with every fear you've been too
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busy to listen to for the past five years. And
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you keep asking yourself, what do I want? Not what
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should I want? Not what would be smart to want?
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Not what would impress people if I wanted it? But
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what do I want? You probably won't get an honest
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answer the first fifty times you ask, because the honest
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answer has been told to shut up for years and
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it doesn't trust you yet. But if you keep asking
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and you don't panic, and you don't invent a new
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crisis to escape into, eventually the voice comes back, and
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when it does, you'll have something real to build toward,
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not a survival reaction dressed up as ambition, an actual desire,
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something that makes you want to get out of bed
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in the morning because it excites you, not because you're
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afraid of what happens if you don't. That's the other
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side of the gap. Thriving is about battling, survival, and winning.
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It's about having the discipline over your anxious mind to
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recover from the battle after you're done. If you can
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do that, you'll have the energy and mental bandwidth to
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really look at the world with fresh eyes and go
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after what you truly desire. And if you're reading this
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and realizing that you've been in the gap for a while,
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if you've been cycling between winning and blowing it up,
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if you've been creating new problems every time things get staple,
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you're not broken, you're not ungrateful, you're not lazy or
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lacking in discipline. You're in the decompression chamber, and the
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only thing you need to do is stop trying to
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swim back down to the bottom. Stay where you are,
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let the pressure equalize, and when you're ready, you'll surface.
