S3E2: Finding A New Beat Beyond Alcohol with Brad Ton

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Welcome back to Purpose Project.
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I am your host, Leslie Pagel, and this season we are exploring what it means to live the beat of our own drum.
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In today's episode, I sit down with Brad Ton, who shares how addressing alcoholism became the turning point in his life that allowed him to live in alignment with who he is and discover his purpose.
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Brad's story is honest, it's vulnerable, and it's deeply human.
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And you'll wanna listen all the way through because at the end, Brad shares a little gift for you.
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Let's get started.
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Welcome Brad Ton to season three of Purpose Project.
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I'm so excited you're here and we're digging into the topic of living life to the beat of our own drum.
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Thank you so much for having me.
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Congrats on season three.
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That is awesome.
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Thank you.
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Thank you very much.
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It has been a journey and each season builds on itself.
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And this season is really, an outcome of season one where I learned that to live a life of purpose, we have to be in this alignment between who we are, how we show up in the world, and the difference that we wanna make.
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And season three is really about understanding that alignment between who we are and our actions and how we show up.
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Because I believe that sometimes we let social norms keep us back Yes.
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And hold us back from our actions.
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And so I really wanna talk to people like you who are pushing up against some social norms.
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Yeah, I'm 41 years old and I say I'm starting to just now figure all that out, you know?
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Really.
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Yeah.
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It's a journey.
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Mm-hmm.
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It's a journey.
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And for me, I finally got to a point where I just felt free to be me and let go.
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Yeah.
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Let go.
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I was used to really wanting to control everything.
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Okay.
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So a big part of it for me has been just releasing that Yes.
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Expectations on things Okay.
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That I don't control.
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So that's all, been all part of it for me.
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So how did you get to that?
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Take us through your journey.
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Sure.
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My journey, a huge part of my journey has been that of recovery.
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Okay.
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So I first got sober in 2017.
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Okay.
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From alcohol and it was a huge transformational time period for me.
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Mm-hmm.
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Where.
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I went downhill fast.
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Long story short, with all that, somewhere in my early to mid thirties, I developed really debilitating anxiety.
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Okay.
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I started getting super anxious all the time.
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I had a newborn.
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I had a a marriage that wasn't really what I set out to have.
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And along the way, I discovered that alcohol made me feel better.
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And this is in 2017?
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Yeah.
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2017 is really when I hit that first sense of bottom.
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Okay.
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I would say where I realized that I really had a problem.
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And my journey has been not a linear one right.
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With it.
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But part of that getting sober the first time back in 2017 through COVID and all of that was really.
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Turning my life around to a point where I was starting to become who I wanted to be.
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Okay.
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Starting to become the fog was being lifted.
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Right?
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Right.
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Was the anxiety being lifted with this or the anxiety subsided?
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Somewhat.
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But as I look back on all of that, I was still trying to navigate life in a way that I presented myself as who I thought you wanted me to be.
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Uhhuh.
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Yeah.
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And that's been part of my whole self discovery.
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But through that sober time period for me, I was able to start to take life as something that I could engage with at, to really go out and be who I thought I wanted to be.
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And I found my now wife through all of that.
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I got divorced from my first wife through, through sobriety and got married to my second wife through all of that, because I was the best version of myself that I knew how to be at that time.
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But what I realized, and we can get further into it at any point, what I realize now because I had a relapse period while married to my now wife and I'm sober now over a year and a half.
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Okay.
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So we're talking early 20, 24 when everything flipped for me.
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In early 2024, it was, for me, it was the gift of desperation.
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I always thought that making myself small, putting on a mast to be the person you wanted me to be.
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Not causing a fuss.
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Mm-hmm.
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I always thought that was humility.
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I always thought that was being small.
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What I realized though, was I was rooted in self-centered fear.
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Okay.
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It was all fear.
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What is, what do you mean by self-centered fear?
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So what I mean by self-centered fear is I was the center of my own universe.
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So if I were to be in any situation, it was, what are you gonna think of me?
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What am I going to get out of this?
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Are you gonna take what I have?
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Are you gonna find out I'm not who I Me.
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Right.
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Me, me, me.
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Right.
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So I think there's a misconception of self-centeredness means I have an ego, I'm better than you.
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Right, right, right.
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But for me, that was not the case.
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It was all self-centered.
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From a fear standpoint.
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What were you scared of though?
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I don't think I, I don't think I knew who I was.
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Okay.
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I don't think I.
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Took the time to truly love myself.
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Okay.
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Because I'd spent years and years trying to be someone else else, whoever who you were with wanted to be.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And as I look back that, that desperation of, okay, I gotta let go because the fact of the matter is in life I have control over very little.
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Very little.
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The least of which is other people.
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Right.
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We have no control over other people.
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Right, right.
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None.
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So why am I going around worried, worry, changing, play placating to other people in an attempt for validation.
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Mm-hmm.
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In an attempt for genuine, intimate relationships.
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If I'm not, if I'm not letting go of those expectations and just being me.
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Right.
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Did you have a sense.
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Of who you were though.
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Yeah, I think yes.
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I, it was in there.
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Mm-hmm.
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I think I was afraid to let it out.
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Because once I'm truly me, what if you don't like me then?
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That's where I was.
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That's the self-centered fear.
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That's the fear.
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Yeah.
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So if I put on a mask and seek validation, maybe it won't hurt as much.
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You don't like the mask.
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Yeah.
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That's still not me.
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So I'll try another angle over here of who I am.
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Right, right.
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Vulnerability.
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Yeah.
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I, I had a false sense of what being vulnerable was.
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Like I would let you get close, but not too close.
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Not, I'm still gonna hang on.
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Yeah.
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Like, don't.
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I'm not gonna open up that way because.
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There's a, I spent a lot of time in therapy and all that to uncover all of that.
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But it's like, if I let you see who I really, really am, what if, what if you don't like it?
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But again, that's the self-centeredness.
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Mm-hmm.
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Right.
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For me.
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Mm-hmm.
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And it took desperation.
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I don't know.
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Like I'm, I am, I'm a very spiritual person.
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I believe in, in, in God.
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So for me personally, for Brad, it was, I gotta give this stuff to God.
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I gotta, so you let go of it to God, let go of it to God.
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Right.
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Okay.
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Because it's been, I, I, I spent my 40th birthday in a rehab facility.
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Okay.
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So that was like, what, what, what am I doing?
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The, I've been driving this ship, I've been conducting this orchestra of my life for 40 years.
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Why not let God conduct it?
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So for me, that was taking the focus off myself for my own life.
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And when I talk about that, I've had conversations with people and that doesn't mean I don't set goals, that doesn't mean I don't aspire to be better, right?
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It doesn't mean I'm not gritty.
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But what it means is I'm not attached to the outcomes of things I don't control.
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Right?
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I'm not seeking the validation of an outcome.
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I'm hearing this and I'm thinking before you were attached, you were scared and then now you've let go.
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But how do you do that?
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It,'cause I don't imagine it's a flip of a switch.
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No, it's not.
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It's not it for me, it's a daily intention.
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It's progress.
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Not perfect.
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I am a recovering perfectionist as well.
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I'm a people pleaser.
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Mm-hmm.
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And that comes from, I mean, it comes from a lot, but it comes from a genuine sense of I love connection.
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I'm very empathetic.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know, I can I walk into a room as an empath.
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I can feel the energy.
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Yeah.
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You know?
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So and has that always been the case?
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And before I knew how to harness that before I really knew what that was like, I would just take on the energy, the emotion, the energy of other people.
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And make it my responsibility.
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Which is leads to anxiety.
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Okay.
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The stress leads to exhaustion at leads to so many things.
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But no, it's not a switch to be flipped.
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For me, it's a beautiful, it's a beautiful, beautiful journey to have that intention every day of letting go.
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Like, what does that mean?
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What does, what does letting go mean?
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It's, it's like a reminder every day.
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It's, it's simple.
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It's it's being in traffic.
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Yeah.
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I don't have control over this other car that just cut me off.
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Right?
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Mm-hmm.
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We have six kids at home.
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There's a lot I don't have control over there, right?
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Oh my gosh.
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There's a lot.
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I don't have control of there, and I, I still catch myself.
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Look, I still have bad moments, right?
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Mm-hmm.
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And for me, if I ever catch myself at a bad moment of frustration or even anger, it's because I had in my mind, expectations on how something was gonna go and something outside of my control changed that.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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Which is every moment of the day for me.
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Exactly right.
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Every moment of the day, I'll be like, okay, it's I get off work at, 5, 5 30.
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We're gonna have dinner about six 30.
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So between that hour I can fold this load of laundry.
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I'm gonna empty the dishwasher and I'm gonna take the dog out.
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Right?
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Boom, boom, boom.
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Brad's gonna get it done.
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Right?
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And I get like halfway through the first thing, and you know.
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Something else.
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Someone's knocked somebody over in the house and I'm tending to a wound or whatever, you know, I need my wife for a lot of that.
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But like now, not every time, but now I smile at that, that's the practice.
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Yeah.
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It's muscle memory.
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If I want bigger biceps, I gotta go work out in the gym.
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Yeah.
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If I want to be more present, that's the key is presence.
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If I wanna be more present, if I wanna let go of things I don't control, I gotta practice it.
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Yeah.
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And you start to notice it, right?
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Give, gimme an example.
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Yeah.
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Work work's a great one.
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Yeah.
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I'm in sales, right?
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I have my agenda on how I want things to go, you know, all the time or, I, I put my best foot forward and maybe it's not receivable by, mm-hmm.
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By superiors or another company, whatever, right?
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Yeah.
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Um, we put ourselves out there on LinkedIn, right?
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Yeah.
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I don't have any control over how that is.
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Yeah.
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Received and things still, I'm a, I, my wife will I'm a sensitive dude.
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Alright.
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I wear my emotions on my sleeve.
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That's just, that is who I am.
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For better or worse things still hurt me.
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Like the silliest things hurt me.
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Yeah.
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The silliest comments.
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But it's, it's pausing.
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It's recognizing that people don't do things to me.
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They do them for themselves.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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It's like the two by four rule.
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Right.
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They do them.
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They don't do'em to me.
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They do'em for themselves.
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I'm not that important.
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Nobody, Leslie didn't wake up today to get under Brad's skin.
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Right.
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Like it's, we're just being, everyone's on their own journey.
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Mm-hmm.
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It sounds a lot like mindset.
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Yeah.
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And being really conscious of what's going on in your mind and.
00:12:24.533 --> 00:12:26.692
And flipping it, I guess.
00:12:26.753 --> 00:12:26.873
Mm-hmm.
00:12:27.413 --> 00:12:27.503
Yeah.
00:12:27.503 --> 00:12:29.332
Is that, does it feel like that to you?
00:12:29.332 --> 00:12:29.753
For sure.
00:12:30.113 --> 00:12:30.533
For sure.
00:12:30.623 --> 00:12:31.283
It's all mindset.
00:12:31.462 --> 00:12:35.293
I could, so I wake, I have a very regimented morning routine.
00:12:35.503 --> 00:12:35.952
Okay.
00:12:35.982 --> 00:12:37.873
Which again, is silly with young kids.
00:12:38.982 --> 00:12:39.312
Right.
00:12:39.413 --> 00:12:41.597
We, that's sometimes when do you get your only time?
00:12:42.018 --> 00:12:42.613
Oh yeah.
00:12:42.883 --> 00:12:43.332
Oh yeah.
00:12:43.543 --> 00:12:48.403
That's my wife and I wake up, she wakes up earlier than me'cause she's, uh, crazy.
00:12:48.712 --> 00:12:50.302
But call it 5:00 AM Right?
00:12:50.302 --> 00:12:54.352
Because the littlest one's gonna get up at 5 45 6:00 AM right?
00:12:54.357 --> 00:12:54.457
Mm-hmm.
00:12:54.538 --> 00:12:55.432
So it's like my time.
00:12:56.423 --> 00:13:00.773
So I've learned, again, this is just like learning what works for me.
00:13:01.192 --> 00:13:02.062
That quiet time.
00:13:02.062 --> 00:13:02.783
I have to have it.
00:13:03.038 --> 00:13:03.327
Yeah.
00:13:03.352 --> 00:13:08.873
I have to, I'm not doing like intense yoga or I do do some meditation.
00:13:08.903 --> 00:13:08.993
Mm-hmm.
00:13:09.232 --> 00:13:10.072
That's been big for me.
00:13:10.582 --> 00:13:12.923
I may journal a little bit, but it's just breathing.
00:13:13.373 --> 00:13:13.582
Yeah.
00:13:13.972 --> 00:13:17.232
It's just sitting, it's being I talk to God a lot.
00:13:17.863 --> 00:13:18.523
I ask.
00:13:18.538 --> 00:13:20.187
God for presence.
00:13:20.238 --> 00:13:21.888
I just ask for these things.
00:13:22.097 --> 00:13:23.567
Give, gimme presence today.
00:13:23.837 --> 00:13:28.937
Let me be like, so what are my, what are Brad's things that he needs to look out for?
00:13:29.477 --> 00:13:33.773
Don't seek validation from outside sources help me to not seek validation from others.
00:13:34.852 --> 00:13:35.957
I ask for these things.
00:13:36.077 --> 00:13:36.437
Yeah.
00:13:37.097 --> 00:13:39.618
When I don't, and I, I get a workout in, right?
00:13:39.677 --> 00:13:48.447
So when I don't, my wife will be the first to tell you it could be halfway through the day and she hasn't seen me all day, and she'll two minutes and she'll be like, you didn't do your morning stuff, did you?
00:13:48.868 --> 00:13:50.788
You can just really, oh, yeah, yeah.
00:13:51.418 --> 00:13:56.817
I'm not my best self without it because I'm constantly thinking of, oh, and is this new since your recovery?
00:13:56.817 --> 00:13:57.177
Yeah.
00:13:57.182 --> 00:13:57.432
Yeah.
00:13:57.638 --> 00:14:00.677
There were periods where I would do these things, but they always felt like a chore before.
00:14:00.677 --> 00:14:00.738
Okay.
00:14:01.548 --> 00:14:05.148
They always felt like a chore, like a checklist, which is why I couldn't maintain it.
00:14:05.153 --> 00:14:05.482
Mm-hmm.
00:14:05.682 --> 00:14:05.923
I always.
00:14:06.352 --> 00:14:07.128
Oh, I gotta do that.
00:14:07.128 --> 00:14:07.788
I gotta do it.
00:14:07.793 --> 00:14:08.013
Yeah.
00:14:08.013 --> 00:14:08.748
It felt like a chore.
00:14:09.168 --> 00:14:11.332
Like now how does it feel now?
00:14:11.332 --> 00:14:12.498
It feels like I can't wait to do it.
00:14:12.738 --> 00:14:13.128
Yeah.
00:14:13.332 --> 00:14:15.857
'cause I know what it means for me, and I know what it means for the people around me.
00:14:16.187 --> 00:14:19.967
Like, and you mentioned that you're asking for specific things.
00:14:20.028 --> 00:14:22.518
Is was that a part of your recovery too?
00:14:22.567 --> 00:14:22.957
Yeah.
00:14:23.168 --> 00:14:23.317
Yeah.
00:14:23.317 --> 00:14:25.778
I think I find those things out as I go and they can change.
00:14:26.618 --> 00:14:26.648
Okay.
00:14:26.648 --> 00:14:27.217
They can change.
00:14:27.227 --> 00:14:38.258
They can change if I find myself being short with people or if I have a certain situation coming up later that I'm starting to feel anxious about.
00:14:38.347 --> 00:14:42.388
A lot of it's general though, because I mean, I am who I am at this point for all.
00:14:42.477 --> 00:14:46.557
I mean, we're always growing and evolving, but like I, I know what sets Brad off.
00:14:46.557 --> 00:14:53.113
Like, I, I know when I start to feel anxious or upset or frustrated or all those things, and I, I really know what doesn't.
00:14:54.038 --> 00:14:59.238
So for me it's, I, I just, I think the key to life for me, is learning how to be present.
00:14:59.717 --> 00:14:59.837
Mm-hmm.
00:15:00.288 --> 00:15:01.217
It's learning how to be present.
00:15:01.457 --> 00:15:05.788
Like, so we talk a lot about purpose uhhuh, what's my life's purpose?
00:15:05.817 --> 00:15:06.087
Yeah.
00:15:06.778 --> 00:15:11.998
And I think there's, I think there's an overarching deep rooted sense of purpose.
00:15:12.008 --> 00:15:13.508
What's my long term?
00:15:13.748 --> 00:15:15.337
I'm a father, I'm a husband.
00:15:15.337 --> 00:15:15.427
Mm-hmm.
00:15:15.668 --> 00:15:16.807
I want leave a legacy.
00:15:16.857 --> 00:15:20.618
But my purpose right now today is talking to you right now.
00:15:20.827 --> 00:15:21.638
That's my purpose.
00:15:21.697 --> 00:15:22.028
Yeah.
00:15:22.717 --> 00:15:23.317
I'm here.
00:15:23.707 --> 00:15:27.067
So presence is connected to purpose.
00:15:27.097 --> 00:15:27.668
Yes.
00:15:27.817 --> 00:15:30.967
My purpose is to be present in every moment.
00:15:31.493 --> 00:15:31.712
Yes.
00:15:31.783 --> 00:15:32.072
Yeah.
00:15:32.533 --> 00:15:32.753
Yes.
00:15:32.893 --> 00:15:35.217
That is, that's where the magic sauce is.
00:15:35.217 --> 00:15:35.668
It really.
00:15:35.743 --> 00:15:38.173
It's, it took me, how did you discover this?
00:15:40.092 --> 00:15:43.552
So I'm a, again I'm a huge warrior.
00:15:43.942 --> 00:15:51.043
I stress anxious, um, which led to searching for things that would calm it.
00:15:51.722 --> 00:15:57.302
That would what I realized, I, I would use alcohol to numb anxiety.
00:15:57.753 --> 00:15:59.643
I remember the first time I realized that that worked.
00:15:59.822 --> 00:16:00.363
Mm-hmm.
00:16:01.802 --> 00:16:04.052
It's like, wow, that's amazing.
00:16:04.712 --> 00:16:05.462
I feel great.
00:16:05.793 --> 00:16:08.283
I can be who I can be anybody.
00:16:08.383 --> 00:16:09.523
And it worked until it didn't.
00:16:10.572 --> 00:16:17.322
Um, because what I found out quickly is you can't choose which emotions to numb.
00:16:17.773 --> 00:16:21.013
So like I can numb anxiety, but I'm also numbing joy.
00:16:21.673 --> 00:16:21.763
Mm-hmm.
00:16:22.393 --> 00:16:23.533
I'm numbing presence.
00:16:23.533 --> 00:16:24.793
I'm numbing anything.
00:16:25.243 --> 00:16:25.513
Right.
00:16:25.513 --> 00:16:26.307
So, and.
00:16:27.322 --> 00:16:31.883
You do that long enough and it makes all of your symptoms exponentially worse.
00:16:31.962 --> 00:16:32.923
Exponentially worse.
00:16:33.432 --> 00:16:36.822
So, I've worked a lot on presence.
00:16:37.812 --> 00:16:43.633
Initially, it's to stop thinking about, stop worrying about the future and stop regretting the past, just be here.
00:16:43.842 --> 00:16:49.363
I needed permission to do that, which might sound strange, but like, I felt like I, I had to worry.
00:16:49.363 --> 00:16:51.913
I had to prepare for future events.
00:16:52.153 --> 00:16:52.182
Uhhuh.
00:16:52.182 --> 00:16:55.602
I had to worry about them so that I was more prepared when they came.
00:16:55.753 --> 00:16:56.143
Yeah.
00:16:56.623 --> 00:16:58.903
Which is so counterproductive.
00:16:59.503 --> 00:17:02.592
So the situation I was super worried and stressed about.
00:17:03.163 --> 00:17:06.673
First of all, it's never as bad as I made it out to be ever.
00:17:08.173 --> 00:17:12.343
Two, I'm so exhausted by the time I get there for worrying about it.
00:17:12.613 --> 00:17:12.682
You know.
00:17:13.242 --> 00:17:14.712
But I still do this today, my boss.
00:17:14.772 --> 00:17:16.603
So I'm introverted at heart.
00:17:16.663 --> 00:17:17.173
I really Are you?
00:17:17.262 --> 00:17:17.923
Oh, yeah.
00:17:17.952 --> 00:17:19.482
Ab I need to recharge.
00:17:19.482 --> 00:17:20.383
In solitude.
00:17:20.682 --> 00:17:20.712
Okay.
00:17:20.712 --> 00:17:20.982
Right.
00:17:20.982 --> 00:17:23.113
I, I do, I love being around people.
00:17:23.113 --> 00:17:24.222
I feed off the energy.
00:17:24.252 --> 00:17:24.373
Mm-hmm.
00:17:24.883 --> 00:17:26.923
But then like at the end of the day, I'm zonked.
00:17:26.952 --> 00:17:27.103
Yeah.
00:17:27.182 --> 00:17:29.413
I'm zonked but I, I feed off that.
00:17:29.712 --> 00:17:31.313
And, and I'm a worrier.
00:17:31.682 --> 00:17:33.063
So now I over prepare.
00:17:33.123 --> 00:17:38.163
I used to, I was so anxious and like I would just survive off instinct.
00:17:38.313 --> 00:17:38.432
Okay?
00:17:38.853 --> 00:17:44.272
So, in life, okay, like the temperature of the water, I'll figure it out after I jump in, right?
00:17:44.303 --> 00:17:45.143
We'll just figure it out.
00:17:45.502 --> 00:17:50.692
And to me, that's how I survived Uhhuh, because other, like pre preparation would scare me.
00:17:50.873 --> 00:17:51.232
Okay?
00:17:51.262 --> 00:17:52.823
Because what if I do all this.
00:17:53.992 --> 00:17:55.702
And I'm still not where I want to be.
00:17:55.702 --> 00:17:56.423
I don't, I don't know.
00:17:56.482 --> 00:17:56.913
Right, right.
00:17:57.278 --> 00:18:06.803
And I, I tell my boss, so I over prepare now, but I tell my boss, like, when, if I'm getting on, an in person or a Zoom or whatever, that 30 seconds before the other person comes on, I could throw up.
00:18:07.403 --> 00:18:07.522
Really?
00:18:07.583 --> 00:18:08.153
Oh yeah.
00:18:08.153 --> 00:18:08.752
Every time.
00:18:08.752 --> 00:18:11.542
And then once it starts, I'm fine every time.
00:18:11.903 --> 00:18:13.133
And that's just how I'm wired.
00:18:13.163 --> 00:18:13.343
Yeah.
00:18:13.732 --> 00:18:15.413
Well, what are you saying to yourself?
00:18:15.593 --> 00:18:16.313
I just breathe.
00:18:16.313 --> 00:18:16.373
Yeah.
00:18:16.492 --> 00:18:17.077
I just breathe.
00:18:17.452 --> 00:18:18.482
I I kind of chuckle.
00:18:18.633 --> 00:18:18.903
Mm-hmm.
00:18:19.232 --> 00:18:22.053
For me, it's, for me, it's like more of a signal that I care.
00:18:22.502 --> 00:18:22.923
Okay.
00:18:22.952 --> 00:18:23.432
You know?
00:18:23.432 --> 00:18:23.492
Yeah.
00:18:23.522 --> 00:18:26.042
It's not a, it's not a, oh gosh, I hope this goes away.
00:18:26.103 --> 00:18:26.553
Oh gosh.
00:18:26.553 --> 00:18:26.942
You know?
00:18:26.948 --> 00:18:27.028
Okay.
00:18:27.563 --> 00:18:29.792
But that that tickle in the tummy is still there.
00:18:29.843 --> 00:18:32.393
I'm still like, for me, it's like I just smile.
00:18:32.488 --> 00:18:33.268
Is it a fear?
00:18:33.647 --> 00:18:36.528
I think if I let it spiral, it would become fear.
00:18:36.647 --> 00:18:38.623
Fear, like, it could be like, oh my gosh, what?
00:18:38.903 --> 00:18:40.403
Like, should I be worried?
00:18:40.583 --> 00:18:40.942
You know?
00:18:41.153 --> 00:18:41.363
Right.
00:18:41.438 --> 00:18:45.472
Uhhuh now I'm used to it, so like I expect it.
00:18:45.573 --> 00:18:48.393
And it's help, it's helpful to just have positive self talk mm-hmm.
00:18:48.663 --> 00:18:49.323
And all of that.
00:18:49.532 --> 00:18:54.452
Um, so being present ha has been everything.
00:18:54.452 --> 00:18:57.522
Like I find myself now, I'm like with my kids.
00:18:58.063 --> 00:18:58.962
Phone's in the other room.
00:18:59.563 --> 00:19:01.002
Most of the time I'm not perfect at it.
00:19:01.373 --> 00:19:01.643
Yeah.
00:19:01.853 --> 00:19:02.452
I love checking LinkedIn.
00:19:03.472 --> 00:19:06.577
But I'm like there and like I find myself soaking it in Uhhuh.
00:19:07.042 --> 00:19:07.593
Soaking it in.
00:19:07.593 --> 00:19:10.762
Soaking it in, and soaking it in, which feels so good.
00:19:10.942 --> 00:19:11.333
Yeah.
00:19:11.393 --> 00:19:11.873
It feels so.
00:19:11.873 --> 00:19:14.423
I'm not worried about the next thing.
00:19:14.573 --> 00:19:14.633
Yeah.
00:19:15.323 --> 00:19:24.032
What I also do though, is take time to look at, so like we we're talking right now on a Sunday, right?
00:19:24.032 --> 00:19:30.192
So like Sunday scaries they call sometimes and prepare for a Monday I'll spend 15.
00:19:30.208 --> 00:19:30.778
Minutes.
00:19:30.928 --> 00:19:37.817
Maybe more if I have intense meetings next week, but like 15 minutes some point and just sit and just look at my calendar.
00:19:37.817 --> 00:19:40.968
This is your time to think about it, to see what's up.
00:19:41.327 --> 00:19:42.768
All right, you're good.
00:19:43.117 --> 00:19:43.597
Let it go.
00:19:43.778 --> 00:19:44.137
Yeah.
00:19:45.097 --> 00:19:45.518
To the side.
00:19:46.567 --> 00:19:48.083
Those are some of the things that helped me.
00:19:48.083 --> 00:19:48.323
Yeah.
00:19:48.337 --> 00:19:48.847
Yeah.
00:19:49.627 --> 00:19:59.587
Well, and the thing I like about that is you're allowing for that scary to exist and not that it's, really scary, but the Sunday scary thing.
00:19:59.587 --> 00:19:59.798
Yeah.
00:19:59.827 --> 00:20:03.188
You're letting it exist, but not take over your day.
00:20:03.192 --> 00:20:04.298
Right, right.
00:20:04.728 --> 00:20:08.742
You're controlling it instead of it controlling you for the most part.
00:20:09.103 --> 00:20:10.212
Yeah, for the most part.
00:20:10.212 --> 00:20:10.272
Yeah.
00:20:10.603 --> 00:20:12.002
Again, it's all progress.
00:20:12.032 --> 00:20:23.042
Like, and, and I think what's really cool too is I start to notice improvements in myself now, so like practicing presence, it just snowballs, so I'm like, wow.
00:20:24.288 --> 00:20:27.137
I, I just got better at that than I did last week.
00:20:27.137 --> 00:20:28.518
Like, I noticed those things.
00:20:28.518 --> 00:20:28.607
Nice.
00:20:29.087 --> 00:20:29.357
Right.
00:20:29.357 --> 00:20:30.678
Which is, it's really cool.
00:20:30.948 --> 00:20:33.827
So what are some practices and presence?
00:20:34.248 --> 00:20:34.548
Yeah.
00:20:34.548 --> 00:20:35.807
I, for me it's medi.
00:20:35.867 --> 00:20:36.768
I love meditation.
00:20:36.827 --> 00:20:37.188
Okay.
00:20:37.218 --> 00:20:38.147
10 minutes in the morning.
00:20:38.327 --> 00:20:38.417
Mm-hmm.
00:20:38.607 --> 00:20:39.327
I'm a goober.
00:20:39.327 --> 00:20:40.307
I use apps.
00:20:40.488 --> 00:20:40.518
Okay.
00:20:40.518 --> 00:20:45.637
Like insight timer or Calm or whatever, and I just sit and breathe and follow my breath.
00:20:45.768 --> 00:20:46.548
It's just practice.
00:20:46.548 --> 00:20:47.998
To me, that's like doing a kernel.
00:20:48.002 --> 00:20:48.813
For, for muscle.
00:20:49.323 --> 00:20:50.313
Just, just breathe.
00:20:50.732 --> 00:20:52.863
I love, I, I work from home.
00:20:52.863 --> 00:20:53.732
I'll go for a walk.
00:20:54.272 --> 00:20:54.303
Okay.
00:20:54.303 --> 00:20:58.442
During the day between meetings, at least until we hit snowfall and all that.
00:20:58.442 --> 00:21:05.633
Then I'll have to go to the, get on the treadmill probably, but just step away, breathe, take things in chunks.
00:21:06.292 --> 00:21:07.702
And it's just, yeah.
00:21:07.702 --> 00:21:08.782
That morning routine is every.
00:21:09.212 --> 00:21:09.833
Is it okay?
00:21:09.833 --> 00:21:10.073
Yeah.
00:21:10.117 --> 00:21:16.647
I feel like if I don't do that for whatever reason, i'll be chasing it all day and like I'll get agitated and I'm like, I'm not with it.
00:21:16.708 --> 00:21:17.067
Yeah.
00:21:17.067 --> 00:21:17.758
I'm not with it.
00:21:18.657 --> 00:21:22.077
Can we talk about the relationships in your life Yeah.
00:21:22.137 --> 00:21:23.157
During this journey?
00:21:23.248 --> 00:21:23.397
Yeah.
00:21:23.458 --> 00:21:34.357
Because I'm curious before when you were an addict, there was a personality to you and then now it's a change.
00:21:34.387 --> 00:21:38.008
And does that impact your relationships and how?
00:21:39.238 --> 00:21:39.897
Yes.
00:21:40.407 --> 00:21:43.258
Uh, my wife and I were actually talking about this the other day.
00:21:43.798 --> 00:21:54.798
Because what's interesting for an addict and a person in recovery is that in active addiction, I if someone close to me had a boundary I mean, I was constantly.
00:21:55.758 --> 00:21:57.077
Running over their boundaries.
00:21:57.137 --> 00:21:57.258
Okay.
00:21:57.518 --> 00:22:00.097
I was pretending they didn't exist.
00:22:00.347 --> 00:22:07.548
Trust how I acted, take advantage, manipulation, all of those things.
00:22:08.208 --> 00:22:21.317
And now what I had to do, what I continued to do as a person in recovery, is with those same people whose boundaries I exploited, I set my own with them.
00:22:22.218 --> 00:22:22.548
Right?
00:22:23.178 --> 00:22:26.867
So you have this really interesting dynamic with people in your life.
00:22:26.867 --> 00:22:33.817
So I'm really talking about like people close to you, like family or close friendships and all of that, right?
00:22:33.817 --> 00:22:45.218
If these people are gonna, they were in your life before and now they're still in your life, I have to now set healthy boundaries for them because I need to move through the past, right?
00:22:45.218 --> 00:22:45.228
Right.
00:22:45.847 --> 00:22:49.387
I need to own my mistakes, but I also can't live there.
00:22:50.343 --> 00:22:51.272
I can't live there.
00:22:51.278 --> 00:22:51.548
Mm-hmm.
00:22:51.633 --> 00:22:53.133
So that's a hard boundary for me.
00:22:53.343 --> 00:22:54.813
What do you mean can't live there?
00:22:54.903 --> 00:22:57.782
So you can't be in my life if you're gonna hold that over my head.
00:22:57.843 --> 00:22:57.992
Okay.
00:22:58.323 --> 00:22:59.432
In any way, shape, or form.
00:22:59.432 --> 00:22:59.492
Yeah.
00:23:00.182 --> 00:23:01.472
And that's a healthy boundary for me.
00:23:01.502 --> 00:23:08.097
And that's, at first it's not difficult for me anymore, but at first it is because I feel like I want to apologize to everybody I feel like I wanna make.
00:23:08.097 --> 00:23:08.397
Right.
00:23:08.728 --> 00:23:11.607
I feel like I want your relationship back, right?
00:23:11.607 --> 00:23:14.067
I want you in my life, I'll do anything, right?
00:23:14.067 --> 00:23:14.157
Mm-hmm.
00:23:14.847 --> 00:23:29.548
And what I end up finding, what you can end up finding is there are some people who will truly appreciate that and move through it with you and see you getting healthier and set regular adult boundaries, right?
00:23:29.548 --> 00:23:31.018
And wanna support that and all that.
00:23:31.317 --> 00:23:37.468
And then there are people who, the version of you that they know is the.
00:23:38.137 --> 00:23:38.488
Right.
00:23:38.492 --> 00:23:38.712
Right.
00:23:38.772 --> 00:23:43.573
And you changing that version of you that they know is, doesn't fit for them.
00:23:43.692 --> 00:23:43.962
Right.
00:23:44.053 --> 00:23:45.222
This is what I was wondering.
00:23:45.282 --> 00:23:46.093
This, right.
00:23:46.303 --> 00:23:49.002
So yes, that is very difficult.
00:23:49.942 --> 00:23:51.292
That is very, very difficult.
00:23:51.393 --> 00:23:54.992
We teach people how to treat us, right?
00:23:56.462 --> 00:24:06.478
So if I am, if I'm not someone who holds myself accountable, if I, if you can see that I don't respect myself mm-hmm.
00:24:06.633 --> 00:24:14.182
That I don't love myself, that I don't take care of myself and all that I'm consciously or subconsciously giving you permission to walk all over me.
00:24:14.182 --> 00:24:14.482
Really?
00:24:14.482 --> 00:24:14.542
Yeah.
00:24:15.482 --> 00:24:18.587
And people do that whether they intentionally or not, right?
00:24:18.637 --> 00:24:38.647
As, as I've set healthy boundaries, as I've walked into this person that I feel like I was created to be healthier serving it's for the most part allowed people to now respect new boundaries, right?
00:24:38.647 --> 00:24:39.428
Mm-hmm.
00:24:39.429 --> 00:24:41.748
And, and treat me in a positive way.
00:24:42.167 --> 00:24:42.317
Yeah.
00:24:42.323 --> 00:24:42.333
Yeah.
00:24:42.917 --> 00:24:46.278
Did you lose relationships?
00:24:47.387 --> 00:24:47.807
Yeah.
00:24:48.228 --> 00:24:48.468
Yeah.
00:24:48.468 --> 00:24:49.218
Friendships.
00:24:49.337 --> 00:24:50.268
Friendships for sure.
00:24:50.387 --> 00:24:54.048
I mean, I, most of my friendships were drinking buddies.
00:24:54.137 --> 00:24:54.228
Okay.
00:24:54.228 --> 00:24:54.528
Right.
00:24:54.528 --> 00:24:56.087
Like, so like I'm an alcoholic, right?
00:24:56.087 --> 00:24:58.778
So if you didn't drink like me mm-hmm.
00:24:58.784 --> 00:24:59.617
Then we didn't hang out.
00:25:00.097 --> 00:25:00.337
Yeah.
00:25:00.407 --> 00:25:03.708
Because you don't understand me.
00:25:04.097 --> 00:25:09.887
We can't I don't need you making me, like, you're certainly not gonna sit here and judge me, so I'm gonna go find people that drink like me.
00:25:10.303 --> 00:25:12.613
And live their life like me, so I can feel comfortable.
00:25:12.762 --> 00:25:13.093
Yeah.
00:25:13.272 --> 00:25:17.833
So I can get validated so I don't have to think about Right.
00:25:17.833 --> 00:25:18.583
My mistakes Yeah.
00:25:18.583 --> 00:25:19.333
Or my transgressions.
00:25:19.333 --> 00:25:25.873
So, those relationships, a lot of them have just naturally dissipated.
00:25:25.877 --> 00:25:26.048
Yeah.
00:25:26.502 --> 00:25:27.048
I do have, I do.
00:25:27.218 --> 00:25:28.988
How does that feel?
00:25:29.377 --> 00:25:33.563
Was it okay to you or, yeah.
00:25:33.613 --> 00:25:34.573
It really was Okay.
00:25:34.643 --> 00:25:34.932
Yeah.
00:25:35.272 --> 00:25:35.813
It really was.
00:25:35.813 --> 00:25:36.053
Okay.
00:25:36.097 --> 00:25:38.258
Because I don't have any animosity towards those people.
00:25:38.587 --> 00:25:39.518
I don't have any judgment.
00:25:39.577 --> 00:25:41.857
I mean, I was there if they want help in their own Right.
00:25:41.857 --> 00:25:42.278
Any of that.
00:25:42.278 --> 00:25:43.448
I'm, I'm an open book.
00:25:43.958 --> 00:25:50.307
I, I feel like I, I have my best foot forward in those situations, who we surround ourselves with is so important.
00:25:50.307 --> 00:25:50.428
Yeah.
00:25:50.428 --> 00:25:50.488
Yeah.
00:25:51.607 --> 00:25:55.167
And I'm asking'cause going back to how we let social norm.
00:25:55.603 --> 00:25:56.593
Keep us back.
00:25:56.772 --> 00:26:08.202
And this norm of our friendship, the people that we surround ourselves with, and then the fear of losing that and, feeling alone, like, oh, I don't have friends anymore.
00:26:08.502 --> 00:26:11.532
Does that keep us from getting sober and things like that.
00:26:11.532 --> 00:26:14.113
You know, it can No you're absolutely right.
00:26:14.143 --> 00:26:15.353
That's all part of the fear.
00:26:15.403 --> 00:26:16.722
We don't know what we don't know.
00:26:17.002 --> 00:26:22.623
So when I, that, when I went to rehab in 2024, I had never done that before.
00:26:22.623 --> 00:26:22.833
Right.
00:26:22.833 --> 00:26:24.077
I had never really fully committed.
00:26:24.093 --> 00:26:26.643
It was 28 days away from my family.
00:26:26.643 --> 00:26:26.702
Yeah.
00:26:27.123 --> 00:26:36.393
No contact with the outside world, where I'm like every single day is getting into what, what's inside of you?
00:26:36.482 --> 00:26:38.792
Like what, what are these things?
00:26:38.792 --> 00:26:39.782
How can we unpack them?
00:26:40.353 --> 00:26:45.032
One of the things I learned is how critical it is to have community of people.
00:26:45.663 --> 00:26:57.462
So, the other thing that came to mind for me as we were preparing for this and having this conversation is the social norms is I'm surrounded by people in my life who are not alcoholics.
00:26:57.462 --> 00:26:57.702
Right.
00:26:57.702 --> 00:26:58.512
They're not addicts.
00:26:58.722 --> 00:26:58.873
Yeah.
00:26:59.442 --> 00:27:01.692
They love me unconditional.
00:27:02.232 --> 00:27:03.313
They care about me.
00:27:03.673 --> 00:27:04.603
They want to help.
00:27:05.742 --> 00:27:20.712
But there's only so much they can do because I, so I used to think that I needed to get sober so that I could live my life like someone who wasn't an alcoholic.
00:27:21.073 --> 00:27:22.393
So I need to get it right over here.
00:27:22.512 --> 00:27:23.623
It's gonna be a part of my life.
00:27:23.623 --> 00:27:23.863
Right.
00:27:23.863 --> 00:27:24.373
I'll have.
00:27:24.702 --> 00:27:26.532
I'll have Brad getting sober over here.
00:27:26.643 --> 00:27:32.252
My whole family, my close friends who are non alcoholics over here, like Brad will be getting right over here.
00:27:32.432 --> 00:27:36.573
And then when I show up when I'm in your life, like I'm an, I'm you, I'm one of you.
00:27:37.022 --> 00:27:40.593
Then it's so funny to me now'cause I didn't know what I didn't know.
00:27:40.792 --> 00:27:42.022
I'm not wired that way.
00:27:42.682 --> 00:27:43.942
I'm not wired that way.
00:27:44.663 --> 00:27:46.252
So there's only so much help.
00:27:46.722 --> 00:27:49.073
And I love my wife for so many reasons.
00:27:49.383 --> 00:27:53.212
She had every reason to walk out of our marriage.
00:27:53.212 --> 00:27:58.452
Every reason to I lied, I manipulated, I mean it so much.
00:27:59.202 --> 00:28:02.982
And she chose to seek to understand.
00:28:04.153 --> 00:28:07.992
She chose to truly understand that alcoholism is a disease.
00:28:09.313 --> 00:28:11.502
And she chose to understand that.
00:28:11.502 --> 00:28:14.772
She couldn't ever fully understand how my brain.
00:28:15.103 --> 00:28:15.583
Works.
00:28:15.702 --> 00:28:21.492
'Cause she would see this sensitive, empathetic, loving great father.
00:28:21.522 --> 00:28:28.603
Like this man she married who was so great in so many areas of his life, but like he couldn't stop drinking.
00:28:28.782 --> 00:28:29.022
Yeah.
00:28:29.053 --> 00:28:32.413
When he saw right in front of him that his world was burning.
00:28:32.923 --> 00:28:33.252
Yeah.
00:28:33.313 --> 00:28:33.553
Why?
00:28:33.553 --> 00:28:33.613
Yeah.
00:28:34.303 --> 00:28:34.903
Why is that?
00:28:36.222 --> 00:28:45.982
So the social norms and breaking through that for me was understanding that I'm surrounded by people who, again, love me, who care, who are giving me this advice.
00:28:45.982 --> 00:28:52.012
Like, I was running my head into a brick wall for 30 plus years, wondering why I could, why I kept failing.
00:28:52.432 --> 00:28:55.343
Taking the advice and the love and the compassion of non alcoholics.
00:28:55.762 --> 00:29:05.093
The minute I engulfed myself into a community of people who could fully understand the way my, everything changed.
00:29:06.113 --> 00:29:06.923
Everything changed.
00:29:06.923 --> 00:29:06.982
Wow.
00:29:07.313 --> 00:29:08.303
Because for me.
00:29:08.992 --> 00:29:10.972
So that would, that is a switch that flipped.
00:29:11.032 --> 00:29:11.212
Yeah.
00:29:11.242 --> 00:29:19.843
For me is no this thing I was trying to do over here, this is the focal point of my existence.
00:29:20.682 --> 00:29:22.692
This is the focal point of who I am.
00:29:23.502 --> 00:29:32.623
I have to make this the center so that I can be the person I was, create so I can be the best father, so I can be the best husband.
00:29:32.623 --> 00:29:37.173
So I can I, I would've, and this is the greatest gift I've ever received.
00:29:37.442 --> 00:29:40.863
It, it's a gift to be, for me, it's a gift to be an alcoholic.
00:29:41.373 --> 00:29:41.462
Mm-hmm.
00:29:42.002 --> 00:29:45.313
Because I would've gone through life with a mediocre existence.
00:29:45.403 --> 00:29:45.462
Yeah.
00:29:45.823 --> 00:29:50.292
I just would've, I just would've, I hate to say it, like I just would've there've been highs, there've been lows.
00:29:50.292 --> 00:29:54.192
I was dealing with hip hop music, I was chasing stuff, but it was all self-centered stuff.
00:29:55.722 --> 00:29:57.042
But I would've gone through life like this.
00:29:57.042 --> 00:29:58.782
Like I settled in my first marriage.
00:29:58.932 --> 00:30:01.873
I wasn't really engaged with like now.
00:30:02.877 --> 00:30:05.008
I have two choices every day.
00:30:05.127 --> 00:30:06.087
I have two choices.
00:30:06.208 --> 00:30:13.948
One is to be the absolute best version of myself that I can be or lose everything.
00:30:14.248 --> 00:30:14.428
Mm-hmm.
00:30:15.208 --> 00:30:15.988
There's no opportunity.
00:30:16.258 --> 00:30:17.157
And that's all I need.
00:30:17.157 --> 00:30:18.627
'Cause I know which one I'm choosing every day.
00:30:19.167 --> 00:30:20.972
I don't know if that I probably went off on a tangent.
00:30:21.153 --> 00:30:30.002
No, your question, but like, when we talk about social norms, my social norms were people that were never gonna understand the way I Exactly.
00:30:30.002 --> 00:30:30.242
The way.
00:30:30.272 --> 00:30:30.603
Yeah.
00:30:30.972 --> 00:30:36.083
And you said that when you went into the facility or the therapy Yeah.
00:30:36.623 --> 00:30:46.553
That, that helped because you had this community of people that were like you, or at least a similarity there, right?
00:30:46.553 --> 00:30:46.563
Yes.
00:30:46.853 --> 00:30:47.032
Yes.
00:30:47.032 --> 00:30:54.522
So what is going through my head is just thinking about whoever's listening to this and then finding their.
00:30:55.343 --> 00:31:08.992
Where is your tribe for the way that you wanna show up in the world, and how can you find them and support them and them support you so it doesn't feel like you're pushing up against social norms.
00:31:09.173 --> 00:31:10.792
It is the norm in your group.
00:31:11.883 --> 00:31:12.718
You're a hundred percent right.
00:31:12.778 --> 00:31:25.218
It is it, and you know what, like for, again, for anybody listening to this, and I, I speak from my own experience you're, you're not, I don't wanna sound like a Hallmark commercial, but you're not alone with what you're feeling, what you're going through.
00:31:25.218 --> 00:31:33.117
What I guarantee you that there are people out there that truly understand that have been there.
00:31:33.788 --> 00:31:35.978
It's a huge part of my purpose now Okay.
00:31:35.978 --> 00:31:39.837
Is to just talk to people in recovery or struggling with anything.
00:31:39.988 --> 00:31:40.323
One of the.
00:31:41.083 --> 00:31:43.932
Biggest, biggest benefits and blessings in my life.
00:31:44.042 --> 00:31:47.702
I started getting active on LinkedIn like four or five months ago, Uhhuh.
00:31:48.212 --> 00:31:49.982
And I talk about recovery on there a lot.
00:31:50.883 --> 00:31:54.603
And one of the biggest blessings for me in my life is the messages I get.
00:31:55.742 --> 00:31:58.593
People that never like or comment, but they see Yeah.
00:31:58.623 --> 00:32:02.282
And they're sent, they're sending you messages, they themselves are struggling or have struggled.
00:32:02.772 --> 00:32:17.323
Their family members of someone who has struggled or is struggling asking me, and what I wanted to mention with all that, first of all, it's been a huge blessing for me, but there is nothing you've done or nothing you're going through that, that people haven't that someone like me hasn't heard.
00:32:17.502 --> 00:32:18.972
Don't be afraid to share your story.
00:32:18.972 --> 00:32:20.563
Don't be afraid to find your tribe.
00:32:20.563 --> 00:32:24.133
Don't be afraid to start living your life.
00:32:24.252 --> 00:32:28.423
Yeah, I was, and, and I know how difficult that fear could be.
00:32:28.542 --> 00:32:28.692
Mm-hmm.
00:32:29.307 --> 00:32:39.417
I really do Well, and it's one of the reasons why I wanted to have you on the show because I was following you on LinkedIn and just watching how you were showing up.
00:32:39.448 --> 00:32:44.127
And you are very vulnerable and you're very honest.
00:32:44.127 --> 00:32:45.567
And you're very real.
00:32:46.107 --> 00:32:51.178
And I think that a lot of people are really attracted to that.
00:32:51.178 --> 00:32:53.397
We just want people to keep it real.
00:32:53.397 --> 00:32:54.478
You, you, yes.
00:32:54.942 --> 00:33:00.998
You know what, I keep saying I'm a broken record now, but what I keep telling people in sales a lot, but in life, right?
00:33:01.087 --> 00:33:03.127
The bar's never been lower for connection.
00:33:03.488 --> 00:33:03.728
Yeah.
00:33:03.758 --> 00:33:08.738
The bar has never been lower to have real genuine connection because we are inundated.
00:33:08.768 --> 00:33:11.377
Like, look, I use AI all day, every day, right?
00:33:11.377 --> 00:33:15.307
For work for Uhhuh tells me how to fix things around my house, right?
00:33:15.948 --> 00:33:16.577
All the time.
00:33:16.607 --> 00:33:20.298
But when it's time to show up, just show up.
00:33:20.613 --> 00:33:25.053
Just be, you just have con like the bar's never been lower.
00:33:25.053 --> 00:33:25.113
Yeah.
00:33:25.143 --> 00:33:26.942
'cause people are so hungry.
00:33:27.403 --> 00:33:30.663
I will speak my, from my own personal experience here.
00:33:30.663 --> 00:33:30.722
Yeah.
00:33:31.712 --> 00:33:35.492
That is a social norm that is really hard to push up against.
00:33:35.492 --> 00:33:41.492
There are so many things, especially with Purpose Project that I just want to share.
00:33:41.942 --> 00:33:45.542
And there are some times I'm like, I can't put that out there.
00:33:48.242 --> 00:33:50.163
Why, why can't I?
00:33:51.442 --> 00:33:59.643
I do think while we say just keep it real, you keep it real, it makes it sound like it's easier than it really is.
00:34:00.063 --> 00:34:01.923
And I don't know why, why is it so hard?
00:34:02.137 --> 00:34:05.222
I, it, it, it, it can be hard.
00:34:05.282 --> 00:34:10.617
I, I can speak for me personally I stopped trying to be cool a while back, as silly as that sounds.
00:34:10.617 --> 00:34:18.422
But like I, I, I got the stick figure family on the back of the car, I'm dropping off at, at practice, you know, I'm doing all the things.
00:34:18.422 --> 00:34:22.088
I got the diaper bag, I got, it, it, I don't need to be cool anymore.
00:34:22.188 --> 00:34:23.447
But I've, you know what though?
00:34:23.447 --> 00:34:30.827
What the real answer for me is, is I've seen and felt and, and experienced the impact of other people Okay.
00:34:30.827 --> 00:34:31.427
Being real.
00:34:31.668 --> 00:34:31.847
Yeah.
00:34:31.847 --> 00:34:36.262
And what that has meant to me, that for me has been the push, the shove.
00:34:36.432 --> 00:34:37.092
The shove.
00:34:37.483 --> 00:34:44.222
And I truly believe that I have experience and things to say that could help at least one person.
00:34:44.492 --> 00:34:47.463
And I know what it's been like for me to be helped.
00:34:47.762 --> 00:34:48.063
Yeah.
00:34:48.242 --> 00:34:50.313
And it also makes me, it, it, I don't know.
00:34:50.313 --> 00:34:51.572
Like I think that's what we're here for.
00:34:51.782 --> 00:34:52.293
Mm-hmm.
00:34:53.057 --> 00:34:54.157
And everybody's voice.
00:34:54.572 --> 00:34:54.632
Yeah.
00:34:54.632 --> 00:34:55.112
Like yeah.
00:34:55.177 --> 00:35:11.713
And, and, and experience and, in in some ways, for me, it is a way of holding myself responsible if I put this out in the world, I'm gonna hold myself more responsible for it then if I just keep it to myself.
00:35:11.713 --> 00:35:12.463
It makes it real.
00:35:12.492 --> 00:35:17.842
Now people are gonna somebody's gonna ask me about that later, or Uhhuh it's gonna be associated with me.
00:35:17.842 --> 00:35:21.512
I started rapping on LinkedIn and now that's what people associate with me.
00:35:21.898 --> 00:35:22.188
I love it.
00:35:22.443 --> 00:35:23.342
And it's so funny.
00:35:23.443 --> 00:35:24.282
And that's totally cool.
00:35:24.282 --> 00:35:25.543
Like, I get a kick out of it, right?
00:35:25.543 --> 00:35:28.353
But you get that by putting yourself out there.
00:35:28.413 --> 00:35:32.943
What's key and for me is and this is difficult.
00:35:33.483 --> 00:35:34.382
This is difficult.
00:35:34.443 --> 00:35:37.862
Like I have to have a true sense of self.
00:35:37.862 --> 00:35:39.063
Like who, who am I?
00:35:39.143 --> 00:35:39.623
Who am I?
00:35:39.777 --> 00:35:39.788
Okay.
00:35:40.413 --> 00:35:46.233
The reason I say that is whatever happens out there in the stratosphere, right?
00:35:46.237 --> 00:35:46.277
Mm-hmm.
00:35:46.358 --> 00:35:50.733
When I do put myself out there, whatever happens, doesn't change who I am.
00:35:51.483 --> 00:35:51.782
Right?
00:35:52.143 --> 00:35:52.893
That's a good point.
00:35:52.922 --> 00:35:52.983
Yeah.
00:35:52.983 --> 00:35:54.648
So, I have an 11-year-old son, right?
00:35:54.648 --> 00:35:56.447
Jordan named after Michael Jordan.
00:35:57.077 --> 00:35:59.057
A little obsession there as a kid for me.
00:35:59.168 --> 00:36:00.407
But anyway he's so good.
00:36:00.498 --> 00:36:01.788
He loves basketball, right?
00:36:01.938 --> 00:36:03.467
He loves it, and he's so good.
00:36:03.568 --> 00:36:05.128
But he's like his dad.
00:36:05.358 --> 00:36:07.068
He's a, he's a perfectionist.
00:36:07.097 --> 00:36:07.188
Mm-hmm.
00:36:07.427 --> 00:36:07.757
Right?
00:36:07.967 --> 00:36:12.467
And he lives and dies with how his game goes, or one single shot or whatever, right?
00:36:12.827 --> 00:36:16.538
And I find myself this just, it's a silly example, but I love you no matter what.
00:36:16.637 --> 00:36:18.438
I don't love you because you're good at basketball.
00:36:18.487 --> 00:36:24.097
Jordan, I talked to him like Jordan Ton is a wonderful person regardless of what happens in his basketball game.
00:36:24.097 --> 00:36:24.427
Right.
00:36:24.608 --> 00:36:27.398
You are not the outcome of your game.
00:36:27.458 --> 00:36:28.927
That is not who you are.
00:36:29.228 --> 00:36:29.557
Yes.
00:36:29.557 --> 00:36:31.027
But that's very difficult.
00:36:31.027 --> 00:36:31.532
It is difficult.
00:36:31.717 --> 00:36:33.038
That's very difficult.
00:36:33.307 --> 00:36:36.757
Like I, the individual in the roles I play mm-hmm.
00:36:37.478 --> 00:36:39.757
In life aren't who I am.
00:36:40.568 --> 00:36:41.438
They're parts of me.
00:36:42.068 --> 00:36:45.487
But that's, I think that's why it gets so difficult to put yourself out there.
00:36:45.487 --> 00:36:45.547
Yeah.
00:36:45.878 --> 00:36:49.248
And you mentioned earlier that you're really sensitive.
00:36:49.307 --> 00:36:49.458
Yeah.
00:36:49.518 --> 00:36:57.327
So what's going through my head is, okay, you're putting yourself out there, you're also really sensitive.
00:36:57.378 --> 00:37:06.932
How have you learned to deal with any negative criticism or, opinions and all of that without it getting to you?
00:37:07.902 --> 00:37:09.913
It used to get to me it used to get to me.
00:37:09.913 --> 00:37:15.943
I when I was doing hip hop music for eight or nine years, the first couple albums I put out, I was really proud of.
00:37:15.943 --> 00:37:22.463
But if it ever got, like, got a couple bad reviews or, that would, like, I could get 10, 10, 20, 30 really good reviews.
00:37:22.463 --> 00:37:24.413
And if I got a bad one, I would just sit there and stare at it.
00:37:24.413 --> 00:37:24.983
And just read it.
00:37:25.047 --> 00:37:25.338
Yeah.
00:37:25.338 --> 00:37:26.543
And like, this person's right.
00:37:26.963 --> 00:37:27.682
That's so right.
00:37:27.983 --> 00:37:29.632
Like, oh gosh.
00:37:29.693 --> 00:37:34.103
Just because I every, I mean, not everyone, but most people do that too, right?
00:37:34.132 --> 00:37:34.552
Oh, yeah.
00:37:34.552 --> 00:37:37.943
Like from a bo you ever do like an end of year review with your boss, right?
00:37:37.943 --> 00:37:40.643
They're like, you are awesome in these nine areas.
00:37:40.643 --> 00:37:42.202
Here's one thing I want you to work on.
00:37:42.202 --> 00:37:43.552
I'll be like, what?
00:37:43.552 --> 00:37:43.563
What?
00:37:43.818 --> 00:37:45.922
You know, you may not work on something.
00:37:45.998 --> 00:37:46.523
I'm not perfect.
00:37:46.523 --> 00:37:47.782
So like, how do I move through that?
00:37:47.782 --> 00:37:48.143
I don't know.
00:37:48.172 --> 00:37:49.572
Like, I've, I've gotten better.
00:37:49.603 --> 00:37:50.922
Like I'm older now.
00:37:50.922 --> 00:37:52.242
I'm, I've been through it.
00:37:52.242 --> 00:37:55.483
I understand that everyone's on their own journey.
00:37:56.083 --> 00:38:00.253
We're all just deep down every human being wants to be loved and accepted.
00:38:01.597 --> 00:38:01.887
Yeah.
00:38:01.963 --> 00:38:02.652
Full stop.
00:38:03.012 --> 00:38:03.072
Yeah.
00:38:03.072 --> 00:38:03.402
Right.
00:38:03.913 --> 00:38:05.083
And we all have a different journey.
00:38:05.623 --> 00:38:07.523
And I, I can look around.
00:38:07.523 --> 00:38:08.512
I practice gratitude.
00:38:08.822 --> 00:38:09.572
That's a huge part of it.
00:38:10.233 --> 00:38:11.072
Practice gratitude.
00:38:11.913 --> 00:38:15.842
Somebody told me one time, and I wish I could give credit to who it was, but I can't remember, but I picked it up.
00:38:16.052 --> 00:38:19.893
Anytime I touch a doorknob, I think of something I'm grateful for.
00:38:20.342 --> 00:38:20.733
Really?
00:38:20.793 --> 00:38:21.063
Yeah.
00:38:21.333 --> 00:38:22.052
That's like my cue.
00:38:22.413 --> 00:38:23.222
Nice.
00:38:23.313 --> 00:38:26.463
Just'cause it touched a lot of doorknobs, and maybe not during COVID, but like, yeah.
00:38:27.902 --> 00:38:28.293
Yeah.
00:38:28.293 --> 00:38:29.112
But that helps.
00:38:29.172 --> 00:38:29.983
Yeah, it really does.
00:38:30.052 --> 00:38:31.932
It like, look at all I'm grateful for yes.
00:38:32.032 --> 00:38:33.503
But it's just, it's a practice.
00:38:33.742 --> 00:38:34.523
It's a practice.
00:38:34.583 --> 00:38:34.972
Yeah.
00:38:35.072 --> 00:38:37.813
If somebody said, are you, are you good?
00:38:37.813 --> 00:38:38.713
Better at it now?
00:38:38.742 --> 00:38:38.802
Yeah.
00:38:38.802 --> 00:38:40.438
Like detaching from the Yeah.
00:38:40.438 --> 00:38:40.677
Yeah.
00:38:40.708 --> 00:38:40.998
Yeah.
00:38:41.003 --> 00:38:41.143
Okay.
00:38:41.532 --> 00:38:41.983
I'm better at it.
00:38:42.032 --> 00:38:42.693
Not perfect.
00:38:42.992 --> 00:38:43.172
Mm-hmm.
00:38:43.563 --> 00:38:44.043
But better.
00:38:44.492 --> 00:38:44.672
Yeah.
00:38:44.762 --> 00:38:47.432
I mean, it's like, look around.
00:38:47.672 --> 00:38:49.068
Like look I feel blessed.
00:38:49.097 --> 00:38:54.967
Like the road that I've experienced, I, like I said, I'm so grateful for now, I never want to experience it again.
00:38:54.967 --> 00:39:01.427
But the journey has you know, the regular everyday stressors that we all have money, right?
00:39:01.487 --> 00:39:03.858
Family health, health is really important.
00:39:03.858 --> 00:39:14.762
But those, those are big deals, but you know, work related stress or schedules or whatever I just find myself pausing, being like, look what you've gotten through, right?
00:39:14.838 --> 00:39:15.978
Look what you've been through.
00:39:16.038 --> 00:39:17.088
Look what you, mm-hmm.
00:39:17.418 --> 00:39:25.307
And I use that same mindset for if there are things upcoming in my life that I'm worried about, it's like, dude, you've gotten through all this.
00:39:25.307 --> 00:39:26.927
Look what you have gotten through.
00:39:27.077 --> 00:39:27.918
And you're still here.
00:39:28.047 --> 00:39:29.068
You're batting a thousand.
00:39:29.588 --> 00:39:32.288
Gotten through every single day at this point.
00:39:32.378 --> 00:39:32.498
Yeah.
00:39:33.143 --> 00:39:34.342
You're gonna get through this one too.
00:39:37.342 --> 00:39:39.532
Can we talk a little bit about your beliefs please?
00:39:39.532 --> 00:39:39.682
Yeah.
00:39:39.682 --> 00:39:43.467
Earlier you mentioned your spirit your spiritual, yeah.
00:39:44.027 --> 00:39:51.867
But what are some of your beliefs that that are rooted in how you show up in this world?
00:39:52.018 --> 00:39:55.288
Are there certain beliefs that are just fundamental for you?
00:39:56.128 --> 00:39:56.547
Yeah.
00:39:56.663 --> 00:39:57.592
I love that question.
00:39:57.592 --> 00:39:58.822
Thank you for asking it.
00:39:59.032 --> 00:40:08.632
I, I believe that everyone, every person belongs, I believe that everyone is worthy of love.
00:40:09.793 --> 00:40:11.322
That's a big one for me.
00:40:12.342 --> 00:40:16.663
I believe that I am not in control of very much.
00:40:19.027 --> 00:40:29.498
I do believe that God has a plan for my life that is greater than anything I could ever figure out or plan on my own.
00:40:29.797 --> 00:40:29.887
Mm-hmm.
00:40:30.697 --> 00:40:42.918
And I, I just have this, this deep rooted faith that the journey the journey is where the joy is.
00:40:44.478 --> 00:40:48.168
I, I'll catch myself thinking about finite things.
00:40:48.177 --> 00:40:58.867
If I just gain this much muscle, if I just, lose this much weight, if I just make this many sales.
00:40:58.927 --> 00:41:03.547
If I just this, if I just that, and then we get to those and then we set the next one.
00:41:03.697 --> 00:41:04.057
Yeah.
00:41:04.117 --> 00:41:04.838
Goals are fine.
00:41:04.958 --> 00:41:08.387
They're, but I believe in infinite.
00:41:08.708 --> 00:41:09.547
I believe in.
00:41:10.478 --> 00:41:17.512
The journey is where the joy is, the presence, the experience, the like a again I just keeps getting back to that.
00:41:17.512 --> 00:41:19.402
I don't know if I can really articulate that well.
00:41:19.452 --> 00:41:21.552
But that is where I, that is what I believe.
00:41:22.003 --> 00:41:22.583
I yeah.
00:41:22.983 --> 00:41:23.342
I don't know.
00:41:23.532 --> 00:41:23.822
Yeah.
00:41:24.027 --> 00:41:24.927
That's a great question.
00:41:25.478 --> 00:41:29.967
And I hear through your beliefs, that is how you're showing up.
00:41:30.128 --> 00:41:33.038
You are just acting out your beliefs in a lot of ways.
00:41:33.038 --> 00:41:34.898
You're focusing on being present.
00:41:35.318 --> 00:41:38.887
You are focusing on love and all of those things.
00:41:38.887 --> 00:41:52.628
So it is and again, going back to where we started this podcast season is all about understanding our beliefs in a way and how they are connected to how we're living our lives.
00:41:52.657 --> 00:41:53.197
Yes.
00:41:53.257 --> 00:41:53.617
Yeah.
00:41:55.052 --> 00:41:55.492
I, I.
00:41:56.452 --> 00:42:03.563
As you were talking, I'm like I believe that I can learn from any situation, any person at any time.
00:42:03.922 --> 00:42:04.012
Mm-hmm.
00:42:05.123 --> 00:42:06.503
Which is, that's such a cool thing.
00:42:06.623 --> 00:42:08.652
That is it is, it's just a cool thing.
00:42:09.012 --> 00:42:11.682
I believe I can be of service and provide value.
00:42:11.833 --> 00:42:20.862
So like, when I go into a situation now, a meeting, a conversation, whatever the grocery store, I'm, I'm serious.
00:42:20.893 --> 00:42:30.693
Like if I, if Katrina my wife, text me on the, after I leave here and I have to stop at Kroger, my intention will be to be present just in case I can make an impact on somebody.
00:42:30.813 --> 00:42:30.963
Mm-hmm.
00:42:32.373 --> 00:42:33.242
Progress not perfection.
00:42:33.242 --> 00:42:37.773
I'm not always great at that if I'm running late or I'm self-absorbed or any of that, like, that happens.
00:42:37.802 --> 00:42:38.043
Okay.
00:42:38.043 --> 00:42:38.163
Yeah.
00:42:38.163 --> 00:42:47.887
If I have too little sleep, like all those things happen, but I'm telling you like my belief will be like, and maybe it's just a, an understanding smile at a mom who's got a kid with a temper tan.
00:42:48.097 --> 00:42:48.157
Yeah.
00:42:48.458 --> 00:42:48.788
You know?
00:42:49.148 --> 00:42:49.538
Yeah.
00:42:49.748 --> 00:42:50.827
That's what fills my cup.
00:42:51.137 --> 00:42:52.527
I just love, I love that.
00:42:52.978 --> 00:42:54.777
That's the kind of human being I want to be.
00:42:54.807 --> 00:42:55.018
Mm-hmm.
00:42:56.338 --> 00:43:07.677
When you look out into your future, whatever horizon that is, is there a, is there something that you're working towards becoming?
00:43:12.447 --> 00:43:12.867
Yeah.
00:43:13.708 --> 00:43:16.797
You know, it's, here's the way I view that.
00:43:16.978 --> 00:43:20.217
There are, I have certain I do have certain finite goals, right?
00:43:20.938 --> 00:43:22.407
They're not the end all, be all for me.
00:43:22.527 --> 00:43:27.007
So, and to answer your question, like I do have exercise goals.
00:43:27.068 --> 00:43:29.858
I do have healthy eating goals.
00:43:29.932 --> 00:43:34.757
I, I do have these things that are really like, intentional for me that I, I really enjoy.
00:43:34.818 --> 00:43:41.568
Like, however long term, like for my life, I, I.
00:43:43.068 --> 00:43:49.307
The belief that it, I just have the belief that beautiful things are going to continue to happen.
00:43:49.518 --> 00:43:49.728
Mm-hmm.
00:43:50.507 --> 00:43:52.668
And I can't wait to experience them.
00:43:53.807 --> 00:43:56.538
And will there be adversity?
00:43:56.538 --> 00:43:58.637
Will there be tragedy?
00:43:58.697 --> 00:43:59.597
Will, yeah.
00:44:00.918 --> 00:44:01.577
Yes.
00:44:01.907 --> 00:44:02.978
That's, that's life, right?
00:44:03.228 --> 00:44:06.402
It, there will be will I have moments of doubt?
00:44:06.913 --> 00:44:07.422
Heck yeah.
00:44:08.532 --> 00:44:09.373
Will I have fear?
00:44:09.612 --> 00:44:10.362
Absolutely.
00:44:10.512 --> 00:44:11.742
All of, oh my gosh.
00:44:12.373 --> 00:44:13.182
Absolutely.
00:44:13.572 --> 00:44:14.623
All of those things.
00:44:15.733 --> 00:44:29.353
But I also know that being sober, letting go of control and being present, like there's no way I could be better prepared to handle anything than that.
00:44:29.563 --> 00:44:38.257
So why worry it there's no way I could be in a better position to handle whatever, and I also know that life ebbs and flows.
00:44:38.262 --> 00:44:38.543
Yeah.
00:44:39.637 --> 00:44:41.708
Some days we're feeling it, some days we're not.
00:44:41.708 --> 00:44:48.978
I saw a great meme or whatever that was like, here's what consi, like people think consistency looks like bringing the same amount of energy every day.
00:44:49.027 --> 00:44:49.038
Uhhuh.
00:44:49.152 --> 00:44:53.407
But it's not, it's showing up when you're here, it's showing up when you're here, it's showing up when you're here.
00:44:53.407 --> 00:44:54.367
That's consistency.
00:44:54.407 --> 00:44:56.588
So that's how I view it, is um, I love that.
00:44:56.592 --> 00:44:56.733
Yeah.
00:44:56.737 --> 00:44:57.007
Yeah.
00:44:57.007 --> 00:44:57.547
It's awesome.
00:44:57.547 --> 00:44:59.648
I, that stuck with me and I'm like, you're absolutely right.
00:44:59.648 --> 00:45:01.117
Like, thank you that, that speaks to me.
00:45:01.487 --> 00:45:04.128
I, I wanna see where life goes and I'm excited to find out.
00:45:04.157 --> 00:45:04.338
Yeah.
00:45:04.338 --> 00:45:05.717
And just the openness of it.
00:45:05.867 --> 00:45:05.958
Yeah.
00:45:05.958 --> 00:45:07.728
For connection for, mm-hmm.
00:45:07.733 --> 00:45:07.902
Yeah.
00:45:08.117 --> 00:45:08.507
I don't know.
00:45:08.927 --> 00:45:09.708
Nice.
00:45:10.518 --> 00:45:19.188
What advice do you have for someone who might be holding themselves back from just being who they are what advice?
00:45:19.277 --> 00:45:19.608
Yeah.
00:45:19.818 --> 00:45:20.568
Talk to somebody.
00:45:21.257 --> 00:45:22.157
Say it out loud.
00:45:22.818 --> 00:45:28.907
Say out loud how you're feeling, even if it's just to yourself, say out loud how you're feeling.
00:45:28.938 --> 00:45:29.507
Make it real.
00:45:29.898 --> 00:45:30.918
Get it out of your own head.
00:45:31.398 --> 00:45:31.487
Mm-hmm.
00:45:32.117 --> 00:45:33.677
Share it with someone if you can.
00:45:34.297 --> 00:45:37.628
Reach out for help.
00:45:38.077 --> 00:45:43.387
You are, you are worthy and capable of so many beautiful things.
00:45:43.838 --> 00:45:47.018
There is always, always hope.
00:45:47.887 --> 00:45:53.108
And I say that from a deep rooted place of understanding.
00:45:54.248 --> 00:45:58.447
I say that from having experienced the darkest of deaths.
00:45:59.887 --> 00:46:05.137
Just let someone know how you're feeling and start there.
00:46:05.568 --> 00:46:14.427
I have a mentor we'll say, that, that told me when I was at my lowest of lows and what he said to me in that moment is, we're gonna do the next right thing.
00:46:15.507 --> 00:46:18.027
What's the next right thing?
00:46:18.177 --> 00:46:18.538
Right now?
00:46:19.288 --> 00:46:19.557
Right now.
00:46:19.797 --> 00:46:23.367
And then after we do that, we're gonna do the next right thing after that.
00:46:24.358 --> 00:46:26.697
So in this world of overwhelm, right?
00:46:27.507 --> 00:46:29.668
Of, I don't know the answers, I don't know the outcomes.
00:46:29.668 --> 00:46:30.418
Nobody does.
00:46:30.958 --> 00:46:31.708
Nobody does.
00:46:31.797 --> 00:46:34.387
If you think you're surrounded by people that have life figured out, they don't.
00:46:34.402 --> 00:46:34.822
Mm-hmm.
00:46:34.972 --> 00:46:35.702
They don't.
00:46:36.643 --> 00:46:37.063
Mm-hmm.
00:46:37.617 --> 00:46:38.788
They've decided to put one foot in.
00:46:38.847 --> 00:46:39.518
Front of the other.
00:46:40.032 --> 00:46:41.487
So do the next Right thing.
00:46:41.998 --> 00:46:42.358
Love it.
00:46:43.617 --> 00:46:45.027
Could you do a little freestyle?
00:46:45.117 --> 00:46:45.898
Oh gosh.
00:46:46.108 --> 00:46:46.498
Yeah.
00:46:46.648 --> 00:46:47.427
You want a little something?
00:46:47.637 --> 00:46:47.907
Okay.
00:46:47.907 --> 00:46:53.597
Could if there's a way to connect it into this topic, that would be great, but no pressure there.
00:46:53.643 --> 00:46:53.932
Okay.
00:46:54.193 --> 00:46:54.463
Okay.
00:46:54.512 --> 00:47:02.043
Uh, and while you're thinking Yeah, Brad on LinkedIn has Freestyle Fridays where he shares.
00:47:02.608 --> 00:47:10.547
His wraps with with the world and as he mentioned, every day he's posting about his journey.
00:47:10.547 --> 00:47:12.742
I'll put the link to broad LinkedIn.
00:47:12.742 --> 00:47:13.742
Yes, please connect with me.
00:47:13.983 --> 00:47:14.302
I love it.
00:47:14.518 --> 00:47:15.208
DM me.
00:47:15.277 --> 00:47:15.847
I would love it.
00:47:15.967 --> 00:47:16.268
Okay.
00:47:17.318 --> 00:47:17.677
We ready?
00:47:17.947 --> 00:47:18.217
Yeah.
00:47:18.338 --> 00:47:18.518
Alright.
00:47:19.807 --> 00:47:22.327
The haze from the stage has got me in a rage.
00:47:22.717 --> 00:47:23.797
So crank up the Seeger.
00:47:23.797 --> 00:47:25.268
Watch me start to turn the page.
00:47:25.717 --> 00:47:28.117
Youth bound to shoot have got me in a daze.
00:47:28.447 --> 00:47:30.938
Living for the moment, having kids, they can't raise.
00:47:31.358 --> 00:47:36.097
I give praise to anyone who has love for rap, but y'all lost your minds, like your brain's in your lap.
00:47:36.518 --> 00:47:39.427
Acting all tough, getting on beats to shout when you couldn't.
00:47:39.427 --> 00:47:41.257
Name three tracks on reasonable doubt.
00:47:41.708 --> 00:47:44.978
'cause all I need in this life of sin is me and my ink pen.
00:47:46.148 --> 00:47:48.248
I spit these lines to try and sustain you.
00:47:48.847 --> 00:47:50.108
16 hundreds on lock.
00:47:50.108 --> 00:47:52.777
'cause I'm on Pennsylvania smoking presidential.
00:47:52.777 --> 00:47:55.117
I ain't talking about the weed'cause of me on the mic.
00:47:55.177 --> 00:47:56.527
The country's under siege.
00:47:56.708 --> 00:47:57.608
Wind through the trees.
00:47:57.608 --> 00:47:59.768
I'm a cool summer of breeze but you can't have it all.
00:47:59.768 --> 00:48:03.217
I give a taste just to ts ain't no G in me.
00:48:03.338 --> 00:48:04.538
It's just a B in me.
00:48:04.867 --> 00:48:06.157
I get the feeling in the whole world.
00:48:06.157 --> 00:48:08.197
Don't believe in me but it's me.
00:48:08.197 --> 00:48:09.728
You see kohan feeding me.
00:48:09.818 --> 00:48:11.047
You wasn't there when I needed.
00:48:11.047 --> 00:48:11.978
We ain't family.
00:48:12.938 --> 00:48:15.248
If I were to die tonight, I don't need to go to heaven.
00:48:15.487 --> 00:48:17.677
Just spreading my ashes in the 3 1 7.
00:48:18.128 --> 00:48:20.467
This cold world got me thinking evil plots.
00:48:20.467 --> 00:48:23.257
Y'all must have fouled out'cause I'm taking free shots.
00:48:23.318 --> 00:48:25.148
No more time to do the correcting.
00:48:25.358 --> 00:48:27.998
Forever 27'cause I'm about to ride with legends.
00:48:28.177 --> 00:48:29.108
You don't even know me.
00:48:29.108 --> 00:48:31.418
Throw me in the same pack two tats, can't relax.
00:48:31.418 --> 00:48:32.768
Two fish instead of gas.
00:48:32.858 --> 00:48:34.027
Spit gas and matches.
00:48:34.027 --> 00:48:38.047
My voice done been scratching like nails on the board when you had scalp patches.
00:48:38.137 --> 00:48:39.248
It's black magic way.
00:48:39.248 --> 00:48:40.327
The words are popping out.
00:48:40.387 --> 00:48:43.027
I've been graduated while they steady dropping out.
00:48:45.847 --> 00:48:46.688
Mic drop.
00:48:47.393 --> 00:48:47.842
There we go.
00:48:49.702 --> 00:48:50.693
That is awesome.
00:48:51.262 --> 00:48:51.983
All right.
00:48:52.282 --> 00:48:53.483
Thank you so much.
00:48:53.483 --> 00:48:54.288
Thank you for being here.
00:48:54.527 --> 00:48:55.007
I wanna do that.
00:48:55.132 --> 00:48:55.463
Thank you.
00:48:55.463 --> 00:48:59.672
And sharing your story and helping me and all the others.
00:48:59.722 --> 00:49:00.443
So thank you.
00:49:00.527 --> 00:49:01.407
I, I, it's an honor.
00:49:01.702 --> 00:49:02.393
I appreciate you.
00:49:02.753 --> 00:49:03.052
Thank you.
00:49:03.893 --> 00:49:04.253
Awesome.
00:49:05.572 --> 00:49:11.753
Now, I'm not a therapist, but one thing that Brad talked about feels really important to name.
00:49:12.532 --> 00:49:18.628
Sometimes our social norms are shaped by the people that we surround ourselves with.
00:49:19.838 --> 00:49:22.777
Brad talked about during his drinking years.
00:49:22.807 --> 00:49:26.797
If you weren't a drinker, you probably wouldn't have been friends with Brad.
00:49:27.518 --> 00:49:36.068
When we choose to go against that social norm and we choose a different beat for Brad, it was giving up alcohol.
00:49:36.518 --> 00:49:40.447
It can also mean losing some relationships in our lives.
00:49:41.588 --> 00:49:45.458
Yet when something is lost, much can be gained.
00:49:45.967 --> 00:49:48.518
And for Brad, he gained clarity.
00:49:49.012 --> 00:49:57.833
He gained alignment, connection, purpose, meaning he gained his life, his rhythm and his beat.
00:49:59.182 --> 00:50:06.443
Brad's story reminds us that living our drumbeat isn't always about adding something new.
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Sometimes it's about letting go of what no longer fits.
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Brad, thank you for being on Purpose Project, and thanks to all of you for tuning in.
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Purpose Project is brought to you for education and for entertainment purposes.
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This podcast is not intended to replace the advice that you would receive from a licensed therapist or doctor or any other qualified professional.