Session 15: Daenerys Targaryen & Dianna Martinez— The People We Become After Loss

WEBVTT
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Grief is weird because sometimes it hits you all at once.
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And sometimes it waits until a random Tuesday at 2 p.m.
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Over a smell, a song, a memory, or the realization that life kept moving after something changed you forever.
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And honestly, some grief never fully leaves you.
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You just learn how to carry it.
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Yeah.
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This is Once Upon a Session, where two therapists turn their TBR pile into treatment plans, and every story becomes a session.
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I'm Vanessa.
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And I'm Nerisa.
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And I'm the one who says I'm fine and then gets emotionally humbled by one sad scene in a book.
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Once the veneer line this week, I'm fine.
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And I'm the one who holds it together until one tiny thing somehow ruins my entire emotional stability.
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That is so me.
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Yeah.
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Alright, just a quick note before we dive in.
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We're both licensed therapists, but we're not your therapists.
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Everything we share here is for conversation, reflection, and maybe a little inspiration.
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But it's not a substitute for therapy.
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If you're struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can give you the care and support you deserve.
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Now that you're all checked in, have a seat on our couch.
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Hello, welcome back.
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Welcome back.
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Welcome.
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Hello, buddy.
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It's horrible.
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I'm going to back school, actually.
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Oh, are you?
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Yeah.
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Oh, yeah.
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You told me.
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Back school.
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What do they call it?
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It's such a like a professional back school.
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I'm going back to school when I graduate from back school.
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I get to go to Lottie's.
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Oh, nice.
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You're going to back school and you're going back to school.
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Wow, look at you.
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Alright, well, what's going on?
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Hello, people.
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Thanks for coming back.
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Hi, welcome back.
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Thanks for coming back.
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We love you.
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Yeah, we love y'all for being here through all the madness.
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Yeah.
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Alright.
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Well, what's going on?
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Yeah.
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What's going on with me?
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Yeah, work, life, reading.
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This that's work is good.
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Life is good.
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Reading is gonna get better.
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I've just been busy because I just got a new bed.
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So, like, you know, just putting the bed together.
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That was a great experience.
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Was it?
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It's a nice bed.
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Thank you.
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Nice and big.
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Um, and yeah, I'm reading Cachio e Pepe.
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Yeah.
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And I'm not, yeah.
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I'm somewhere in the book.
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Okay.
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And it's going good.
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That's fine.
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That just means she's a little behind.
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Yeah, but I don't know.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, that's alright.
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Um, I don't know, yeah.
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Your your bed is big enough for Faye warriors now.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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So Hunt Ethelar and Cassian, whatever your last name is.
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Does he have a last name?
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We hope you're listening.
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Well, we'll find out soon because we're about to read Avatar or something.
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Isn't that your vampires?
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No.
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Damn Salvatore.
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No, I thought Cassian's last name was like Cassian.
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I don't know.
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We're gonna find out because we're gonna read Aquatar next.
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Oh, yes, yes.
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You're right, you're right.
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Okay.
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Nice.
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Uh what's going on with me?
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Well, we talked this morning about how I wanted to or I was considering like supervising LMSWs, but I felt like I don't know.
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I always feel like I'm I don't have enough skills.
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But yeah, clearly do.
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I'm fine.
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It's fine.
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Yeah, now who's doing it.
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Yeah.
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Um, so I'm gonna finally look into that.
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Mm-hmm.
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So that'll be good.
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Um, life thing.
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Well, I have this goal now that I need to slow down because I am triggering this, yeah, as you call me.
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Yeah, so I've just been trying to slow everything down and do things with intention and just enjoy them in the moment.
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Because I feel like I always want to rush through things so I can just relax.
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Yeah, but I can also relax while I'm doing the things that I'm trying to rush through, so it's not like you know, it's not that serious, so yeah.
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Oh, what am I reading?
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Yeah, Cachuay Pipe.
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Um, yeah, I'm on that.
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So much further along, I bet.
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Well, maybe a little bit.
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I don't know where well you don't know where you are.
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Just kidding.
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Yeah, but um yeah, I'm moving along.
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I'm on that long strip of Empire Storms, and there's a lot of action going on right now because like Aileen is with everybody, and Lysandra was just the C Yvern, and then like Aiden had to save her.
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Oh my god, and Gabrielle met his son.
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Weren't we just talking about Gabrielle last time?
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Yeah, yeah, Gabrielle met his son, and that's a lot going on.
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It's so much, but you know, we love it, we love it, we love it.
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And we were talking about how we're excited to read Avatar, yeah.
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Yeah, just going back there and having that experience again.
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So yeah, yeah.
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Okay.
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Let's get into our grief.
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Our grief question.
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Mm-hmm.
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Okay, so what's something people say about grief that actually annoys you?
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So I recently lost my cat.
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I don't well you know, the people don't know.
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Um, we had to put my cat down, and uh, something that was really annoying was people just saying, like, oh, it was just a cat.
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And I'm like, okay, to you it was just a cat, but like to me it was everything to my family, he was everything.
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So just that was just like weird.
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It's really annoying.
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It is, it's so rude, and it's almost like you don't even want to use your energy to correct them because then it's like you're taken away from your grieving process.
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Yeah, exactly.
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And like I have stopped trying to explain myself to people who don't have pets and don't get it because you're just not gonna get it, and then also like, oh well, it's already been whatever, it's already that happened long ago.
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Long ago for who?
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Yeah, because it was just two months ago, you know.
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So yeah, so those are some things that yeah that have annoyed me recently.
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Um, I I just realized the date, it's June 6th.
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My grandmother passed away on this date.
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So it's been several years now.
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I was in the middle of school, I think I was in like seventh grade.
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So I just realized the date.
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So talking about grief.
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Yeah, here we are.
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My grandma, she looks precious and I love her.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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All right.
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Well, what's one thing you wish people understood better about grieving?
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I wish people understood that it's not just something you do, like it's not just like a task that you complete, it's more of a process that you go through and you find a way to grieve whatever it is, whoever it is, and you just kind of always do it.
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It's just it becomes a practice and you just kind of grieve through life.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, and I think you were saying, like, just because you look like you're just carrying on with your everyday stuff, it doesn't mean like you're fine and you're not still grieving because there's moments, like there's random moments now where I like just start crying, you know.
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Um, I'll see something and it'll remind me, and it's a lot.
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Yeah, I agree with you.
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Okay, all right, emotional damage acknowledged.
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Yes, let's get into today's session.
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Today we're talking about grief, and not just grief after death, but grief in all the forms people experience loss.
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We're talking about grieving people, relationships, identities, routines, versions of yourself, and the futures you thought you were going to have, and that's exactly what I was gonna say.
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Like we all still grieve other things, yeah, not just death.
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But yeah.
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Exactly.
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Yeah.
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Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, but also one of the most misunderstood.
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A lot of people think grief is supposed to look linear, yeah.
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That's back to what you were just saying, literally.
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Like there's a correct timeline, a right way to process it, or a point where you're supposed to be over it.
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But psychologically, grief doesn't work that way.
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Because grief isn't just sadness, it's your brain and body trying to adapt to loss.
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And loss creates disruption emotionally, physically, cognitively, and socially.
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People can experience exhaustion, numbness, anger, guilt, anxiety, brain fog, irritability, disassociation, difficulty concentrating, and even physical pain.
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Wow, that's a lot.
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Yeah, and one of the hardest parts about grief is that it often shows up unpredictably.
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A smell, a song, a date, a random memory, an empty seat, a routine you used to share.
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And suddenly your nervous system remembers before your brain can catch up.
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And grief isn't limited to death either, like we said.
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Yeah.
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People grieve divorces, friendships, ending, infertility, chronic illness, moving away, childhood wounds, losing pets, yeah, career changes, and losing versions of themselves after trauma.
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Yeah.
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It's us trying to be serious because we're talking about grief.
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And I'm gonna die laughing.
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Oh my god.
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Oh my god.
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Okay, and sometimes people struggle because the loss they're grieving isn't something society openly validates, which can create a lot of shame when someone feels devastated over something other people minimize.
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And grief can also become complicated when people feel unresolved emotionally.
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Like when there were things left unsaid, relationships that were complicated, or endings that never fully felt complete.
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And honestly, one of the biggest misconceptions about healing is that grief eventually disappears.
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Because a lot of healing isn't about moving on, it's about learning how to move forward while still carrying love, loss, memory, and change.
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Yeah, and I think that goes back to what you were saying also.
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Like you learn to move forward, but you don't ever move on.
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Yeah.
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Exactly.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Grief doesn't just ask you to lose something, it asks you to learn how to live differently afterward.
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Yeah.
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Fiction is honestly built on grief.
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Because loss is usually the thing that changes the character permanently.
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A lot of stories start after something has already been lost.
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A parent, a home, innocence, safety, trust, identity, love.
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Something important is gone before the journey even begins.
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And what makes grief in fiction so powerful is that it forces characters to confront who they are after the loss.
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Because grief changes motivations, relationships, identity, coping skills, and sometimes entire moral compasses.
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Some characters become softer after grief.
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And some become colder, more avoidant, more reckless, more obsessive, or emotionally shut down.
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And a lot of fictional grief arcs aren't really about the loss itself.
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They're about what happens when characters try to survive after the loss.
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And fiction also does a really good job showing that grief doesn't always look dramatic.
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Sometimes it looks quiet, like avoidance, isolation, anger, humor, overworking, emotional numbness, self-destruction, or hyper-independence.
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Some of the most devastating moments in fiction are when a character realizes the version of their life they wanted is never coming back.
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And grief in stories becomes especially powerful when characters finally stop trying to outrun it.
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Because eventually every character reaches the moment where they have to decide whether grief is going to completely consume them.
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Or it becomes something they learn to carry.
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Yeah.
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My god, can you imagine like just think of how many books we read were like somebody was grieving something and how it just changed the course of the story, you know?
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Yeah.
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So powerful.
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Yeah, the lost change the story.
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Oh wow, perfect.
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But how the character survives it changes who they become.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And a lot of that happens in Throne of Glass.
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Alright, let's get into it.
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Okay, who's sitting on your couch today?
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I am bringing Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones.
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Wow, that's a good one.
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I'm bringing our girl, Diana Martinez, from the Gods and Monsters series.
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So basically.
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We chose two characters whose grief fundamentally changed the way they see themselves.
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Love people and survive.
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These two women right now, holy oh my god.
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Yeah.
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Oh my god.
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They've been through so much stuff.
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Yeah.
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Alright, well, let's do it.
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So Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, first of her name, the unburnt queen of marine, queen of the Andals, and the first men, protector of the seven kingdoms, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons.
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Yeah.
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Alright, so Daenerys begins the story as a young girl who has already experienced profound loss before the audience even meets her.
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She grows up displaced, orphaned, emotionally isolated, and under the control of her abusive older brother Viserys, who constantly reminds her that her value exists only in what she can provide for him politically.
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When she's essentially traded into marriage with Cal Drogo, what initially feels like another form of exploitation slowly becomes the first place she experiences genuine connection, belonging, and love.
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For Daenerys, attachment is rare.
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Over time, she transforms from someone surviving powerlessness into someone determined to reclaim her power entirely.
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She frees enslaved people, builds armies, survives impossible circumstances, and becomes a symbol of hope to many.
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But alongside that, Rise is an almost constant pattern of grief.
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She loses her husband, her unborn child, her trusted advisors, friends, parts of her identity over and over again.
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Oh my god.
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And each loss changes her.
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What makes Daenerys such an interesting grief case is that her losses never happen in isolation.
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Every death becomes tied to responsibility, destiny, betrayal, or power.
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So instead of being allowed to grieve safely, she often has to immediately convert grief into action.
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And eventually that accumulation starts to matter psychologically.
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Oh my god.
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Because when someone experiences repeated trauma and loss without space to emotionally process it, grief doesn't just stay grief anymore.
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It becomes rage, it can become numbness, it can become obsession.
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And sometimes people start building identity around surviving it.
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So oh my god.
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As you were reading that, I just to put it into words, yeah.
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All the people that she's lost, yeah.
00:16:32.159 --> 00:16:40.000
And then never like she's just going from one thing to the next to the next, exactly like you're saying, and then you see the rage, right?
00:16:40.159 --> 00:16:41.519
Yeah, oh my god.
00:16:41.679 --> 00:16:42.399
Oh my god.
00:16:42.559 --> 00:16:43.840
Okay, sorry, keep going.
00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:45.679
So powerful.
00:16:46.159 --> 00:16:52.720
So Daenerys presents as resilient, idealistic, and deeply driven by meaning.
00:16:52.879 --> 00:16:59.200
From early on, she carries this intense need to create a world that feels different from the one that harmed her.
00:16:59.440 --> 00:17:02.879
And initially, that motivation feels rooted in empathy.
00:17:03.039 --> 00:17:08.480
She's highly responsive to suffering, especially because she knows what it feels like to be powerless.
00:17:08.720 --> 00:17:16.720
But psychologically, Daenerys is also someone whose identity becomes increasingly tied to being needed, chosen, and destined.
00:17:16.880 --> 00:17:21.680
That's important because her entire sense of self develops around surviving loss.
00:17:21.920 --> 00:17:23.519
She doesn't just lose people.
00:17:23.680 --> 00:17:28.799
She repeatedly loses safety, belonging, and the future she thought she was finally gonna have.
00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:35.519
And every time that happens, she adapts by becoming stronger, more powerful, and more emotionally armored.
00:17:35.759 --> 00:17:40.079
At first, that armor looks empowering, but over time it starts creating distance.
00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:43.599
One of the biggest themes with Daenerys is complicated grief.
00:17:43.759 --> 00:17:49.759
She experiences repeated traumatic losses with very little opportunity to process afterwards.
00:17:50.000 --> 00:17:55.680
Instead of slowing down to grieve, she usually has to lead, fight, conquer, or survive.
00:17:55.920 --> 00:18:04.079
And because of that, emotions that would normally be processed as sadness often become directed into purpose, control, or anger.
00:18:04.240 --> 00:18:05.920
Loss hits her intensely.
00:18:06.079 --> 00:18:18.160
And over time you start seeing that internal shift where trust becomes harder, emotional isolation increases, and the pressure of constantly carrying grief becomes collapsing into rigidity.
00:18:18.640 --> 00:18:24.559
Her core conflicts really become how do I stay compassionate after surviving so much pain?
00:18:24.799 --> 00:18:34.319
Because Daenerys genuinely wants to be loved and seen as good, but she also becomes increasingly terrified of vulnerability, betrayal, and losing control.
00:18:34.480 --> 00:18:52.319
So her presenting problems, unresolved traumatic grief, emotional isolation, fear of betrayal and abandonment, increasing rigidity and anger responses, identity tied to power and purpose, difficulty tolerating vulnerability, hyper responsibility, and savior complex.
00:18:52.640 --> 00:18:53.599
Core beliefs.
00:18:53.759 --> 00:18:56.160
If I stop being strong, I'll lose everything.
00:18:56.400 --> 00:18:57.759
Love is temporary.
00:18:58.000 --> 00:19:00.319
People eventually betray or abandon you.
00:19:00.480 --> 00:19:03.440
If I suffer enough, my purpose will justify it.
00:19:03.680 --> 00:19:41.200
So treatment goals and objectives, process unresolved grief, improve attachment security, separate identity from power, improve emotional regulation, and some interventions would be trauma-informed therapy, complicated grief therapy, attachment-based work, cognitive restructuring, emotional regulation, skill building, and identity exploration, some expected outcomes, um, increased emotional insight into grief patterns, improved tolerance for vulnerability and connection, reduced fear-based decision making, and healthier integration of loss and identity.
00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:42.480
That's a lot for her.
00:19:42.640 --> 00:19:45.759
What do you think like her biggest loss was?
00:19:46.240 --> 00:19:49.599
I think I answered that in the later on in the show.
00:19:49.839 --> 00:19:50.559
It's coming soon.
00:19:50.720 --> 00:19:50.880
Yeah.
00:19:51.200 --> 00:19:52.640
Coming soon the answer to that question.
00:19:52.799 --> 00:19:53.599
I'll wait for it.
00:19:54.079 --> 00:19:55.359
Okay, perfect.
00:19:55.519 --> 00:19:55.839
Alright.
00:19:56.079 --> 00:19:57.359
What do you think it is?
00:19:57.920 --> 00:20:04.720
Um, I'm torn between her dragon and Caldrogo.
00:20:05.920 --> 00:20:08.079
And her baby, I mean, but yeah.
00:20:08.319 --> 00:20:10.559
Caldrogo and the baby come as one.
00:20:10.799 --> 00:20:12.880
Oh my god, it was just so sad.
00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:14.400
I know, I know.
00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:17.359
And then remember when she like saw them in her dream?
00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:17.920
Something.
00:20:18.079 --> 00:20:18.559
Mm-hmm.
00:20:18.880 --> 00:20:19.359
Yeah.
00:20:19.680 --> 00:20:22.319
It's like they were a family and baby spot.
00:20:22.480 --> 00:20:23.680
Yeah, that's so sad.
00:20:24.000 --> 00:20:24.400
Yeah.
00:20:24.640 --> 00:20:25.119
Yeah.
00:20:25.440 --> 00:20:27.680
Alright, well, speaking of sad, here we go.
00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:28.799
Grab your tissue.
00:20:29.039 --> 00:20:30.640
And I'm spoiling here, guys.
00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:35.759
So I've been asking you for the past six months to read Gods and Monsters.
00:20:36.079 --> 00:20:38.319
So I'm spoiling it now, and I don't care.
00:20:38.559 --> 00:20:40.160
Yeah, I love that.
00:20:40.960 --> 00:20:42.480
I'm sorry, I gave you time.
00:20:42.799 --> 00:20:43.200
Yeah.
00:20:43.359 --> 00:20:43.680
Okay.
00:20:43.920 --> 00:20:46.000
Alright, Diana Martinez.
00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:49.920
She has a lot of titles too, but I don't know.
00:20:50.240 --> 00:20:51.920
Queen of everything.
00:20:52.400 --> 00:20:52.799
Yes.
00:20:53.039 --> 00:20:59.119
It's from the book Gods and Monsters, or the series Gods and Monsters by Amber V Nicole.
00:20:59.759 --> 00:21:11.119
Um, so the Gods and Monsters series follows Diana Martinez, a powerful and emotionally hardened woman shaped by violence, survival, sacrifice, and repeated loss.
00:21:11.359 --> 00:21:18.720
Beneath her strength is someone carrying years of unresolved grief that was never truly processed, only survived.
00:21:18.960 --> 00:21:22.880
Her and Daenerys would be so like best friends.
00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:24.319
Or maybe not.
00:21:25.039 --> 00:21:25.599
I think they would.
00:21:25.839 --> 00:21:26.640
I think so too.
00:21:26.720 --> 00:21:27.039
Yeah.
00:21:27.200 --> 00:21:36.559
Through the series, Diana repeatedly experiences emotional devastation while continuing to function as though stopping would destroy everything around her.
00:21:36.720 --> 00:21:45.839
Much of her identity becomes tied to protecting others, carrying emotional pain alone, and believing vulnerability is dangerous.
00:21:46.079 --> 00:21:56.640
While Diana experiences multiple forms of loss throughout her life, the death of her sister Gabby becomes one of the most emotionally defining moments of her story.
00:21:56.880 --> 00:22:07.599
Gabby represented safety, familiarity, Emotional grounding and one of the few relationships where Diana could exist without constantly being in survival mode.
00:22:09.759 --> 00:22:10.240
Yeah.
00:22:10.559 --> 00:22:12.000
Yeah, that was tough.
00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:13.599
It was really hard.
00:22:14.000 --> 00:22:18.400
Um, and especially the way it happened and like who it uh did it.
00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:20.319
Like oh, you don't want to spoil that.
00:22:20.799 --> 00:22:23.200
No, no, no, no, no, that I'm not spoiling.
00:22:23.440 --> 00:22:24.559
Oh yeah.
00:22:27.200 --> 00:22:29.359
Well, I mean, we've talked about them before.
00:22:29.519 --> 00:22:35.839
So go back to our previous episodes, and it's the one person we talk about from God's monsters.
00:22:36.319 --> 00:22:37.519
I give you a hint.
00:22:37.839 --> 00:22:39.279
His name starts with K.
00:22:39.759 --> 00:22:53.759
Her story explores cumulative grief, survivor's guilt, emotional suppression, and what happens when someone becomes so used to surviving pain that they stop believing healing is even possible.
00:22:54.079 --> 00:22:55.119
It's so wild.
00:22:55.279 --> 00:23:09.599
Um, all right, presenting problem behaviors, emotional suppression during grief, chronic survival mode replacing emotional processing, hyperindependence and self-isolation, functioning through emotional devastation.
00:23:10.880 --> 00:23:20.880
Core themes, cumulative grief and repeated loss, survivor's guilt, identity built around survival and protection, and fear of emotional collapse.
00:23:21.279 --> 00:23:25.839
Um, core belief for Diana if I stop functioning, everything falls apart.
00:23:26.319 --> 00:23:40.079
So some treatment goals and interventions for her increase emotional awareness and grief processing, reduce emotional suppression and emotional isolation, process grief instead of compartmentalizing it.
00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:43.759
Challenge belief that survival must come before healing.
00:23:44.400 --> 00:24:02.079
And what progress looks like allows herself to grieve without emotionally shutting down, accept support instead of carrying pain entirely alone, recognizes that functioning does not automatically mean healing, and experiences vulnerability without viewing it as weakness.
00:24:02.319 --> 00:24:18.319
And like obviously, Sam Kyle plays a huge role in all of this, and I'm not really talking about him today, but there is a source of support, but even that took her a long time to like you know be vulnerable.
00:24:18.559 --> 00:24:25.039
Anyway, um, as far as the outcome, well, the series isn't done yet, and we're actually getting a new book.
00:24:26.240 --> 00:24:28.880
I this is my most anticipated read.
00:24:28.960 --> 00:24:30.480
Like, sorry, Avatar.
00:24:31.119 --> 00:24:33.599
I I'm excited about that.
00:24:34.079 --> 00:24:34.799
Definitely, Dessa.
00:24:35.200 --> 00:24:38.799
But like, I want this one to come out first, but we gotta wait till November.
00:24:38.880 --> 00:24:39.279
It's fine.
00:24:39.440 --> 00:24:46.079
Um, Diana's growth is not about becoming softer, it's about realizing that survival alone is not the same thing as healing.
00:24:46.319 --> 00:24:50.960
For most of her life, grief became something she carried instead of something she processed.
00:24:51.119 --> 00:24:57.920
Loss hardened her, reinforced her need for control, and taught her that emotional endurance was safer than vulnerability.
00:24:58.319 --> 00:25:06.240
The real shift in her healing begins when she slowly allows herself to stop treating emotional suffering like something she has to survive alone.
00:25:06.480 --> 00:25:13.759
Her story ultimately explores the difference between surviving grief and allowing yourself to emotionally live after it.
00:25:15.279 --> 00:25:32.480
Yeah, and man, you know, I had a moment with Diana where I was like, you know how we I think one episode a long time ago, we were talking about just like how you're like, alright, like you've been doing this for like 300 pages now, just get over it and move on.
00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:52.880
And I had a moment like that with her because it was bad, she was bad, and she wasn't like silently grieving, and then she was like ragefully grieving, and it was a lot, it was a lot, but I loved every letter of every word in these books.
00:25:53.119 --> 00:25:56.240
Yeah, it's so good, so good.
00:25:56.559 --> 00:26:09.119
Alright, treatment team meeting, clipboards out because grief doesn't just affect emotions, it affects identity, relationships, safety, vulnerability, and the way people learn to survive.
00:26:09.359 --> 00:26:20.240
If Daenerys walked into my office, my immediate impression would be someone carrying an overwhelming amount of grief underneath a very controlled exterior.
00:26:20.640 --> 00:26:28.319
She presents strong, composed, purpose-driven, but it would feel like the strength is doing a lot of emotional heavy lifting.
00:26:28.559 --> 00:26:42.000
Like if this is someone who learned very early that vulnerability wasn't safe and survival depended on becoming stronger than the pain, and I'd immediately notice how tightly identity and purpose are fused together for her.
00:26:42.160 --> 00:26:47.359
Because with Daenerys, it's not just who am I, it's who am I if I stop fighting?
00:26:47.519 --> 00:26:49.519
Who am I if I stop caring everyone?
00:26:49.680 --> 00:26:57.599
Um, if Diana walked into my office, I think the first thing I'd notice is how deeply survival has become part of her identity.
00:26:57.759 --> 00:27:05.279
She feels like someone who spent so long carrying grief that emotional exhaustion has started to feel normal to her.
00:27:05.519 --> 00:27:12.799
Um, and clinically, she would present as extremely high-functioning, emotionally controlled, and constantly prepared for loss.
00:27:13.119 --> 00:27:21.119
But underneath that control is someone carrying unresolved grief, survivor skill, emotional hypervigilance, and years of emotional suppression.
00:27:21.359 --> 00:27:21.599
Yeah.
00:27:21.759 --> 00:27:24.960
Yeah, of course Diane's gonna walk in and be like, I'm Diana Martinez.
00:27:25.119 --> 00:27:25.759
Like, I'm good.
00:27:25.920 --> 00:27:26.559
I'm fine.
00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:27.599
I'm fine.
00:27:27.839 --> 00:27:29.200
I'm fine, right?
00:27:29.440 --> 00:27:30.640
Yeah, I got this.
00:27:30.799 --> 00:27:32.960
I'm running stuff, I'm good, you know.
00:27:33.119 --> 00:27:34.240
Yeah, all right.
00:27:34.319 --> 00:27:36.640
Well, what they'd say versus reality.
00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:42.160
So shhame again, Daenerys.
00:27:45.279 --> 00:27:45.920
Khaleesi.
00:27:46.400 --> 00:27:49.039
Daenerys, mother of dragons, yeah.
00:27:49.200 --> 00:27:55.440
She'd probably come in focused on betrayal, on leadership, on the pressure of responsibility.
00:27:55.599 --> 00:28:03.680
She'd talk about how people failed her, how much she'd had to survive, how exhausting it is constantly carrying the weight of protecting others.
00:28:03.839 --> 00:28:12.960
But clinically, I'd be looking at something deeper: a person experiencing cumulative trauma, grief who never actually had space to emotionally process the loss.
00:28:13.039 --> 00:28:19.359
Because every time Daenerys loses someone, she has to keep moving, she has to keep functioning, keep carrying everyone else.
00:28:19.440 --> 00:28:21.359
And over time that changes people.
00:28:21.519 --> 00:28:31.279
The grief starts to harden into anger, the fear of abandonment starts turning into control, and vulnerability starts feeling dangerous instead of connecting.
00:28:31.519 --> 00:28:40.640
So the issue isn't that she feels too intensely, it's that she's carrying years of unprocessed grief while trying to function as if she's emotionally fine.
00:28:41.279 --> 00:28:43.279
I'm fine, I'm fine.
00:28:43.680 --> 00:28:47.039
It's crazy how like that was like a theme this week.
00:28:47.440 --> 00:28:49.680
I'm fine, and we're doing this now.
00:28:49.839 --> 00:28:51.759
Yeah, and I'm fine, yeah.
00:28:52.079 --> 00:28:53.920
Yeah, she's fine today.
00:28:55.599 --> 00:28:58.079
And I'm I'm fine today too.
00:28:58.240 --> 00:29:01.759
We all have our days, yeah, you know, yeah.
00:29:02.000 --> 00:29:15.759
Alright, anyway, um what Diana would say versus reality, she'd probably say things like I'm fine, or I don't have time to fall apart right now because functioning has become her version of coping.
00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:20.799
But the reality is that she's surviving emotionally, not processing emotionally.
00:29:21.599 --> 00:29:30.319
Yeah, and like it's crazy because like sometimes you have to tell yourself I'm fine because it's so it's just too much to carry.
00:29:30.480 --> 00:29:36.240
Yeah, and there's something in saying that, like a hope that like if I say this, it's gonna lay in it somehow.
00:29:36.319 --> 00:29:39.519
Yeah, you know, so I I get it.
00:29:39.599 --> 00:29:44.480
Like if you say I'm fine and you're not, like maybe that's what you just have to tell yourself in the moment.
00:29:45.119 --> 00:29:46.480
Um, yeah.
00:29:46.720 --> 00:29:51.359
I also realized that like when I do sessions, I'm always like, How are you doing?
00:29:51.519 --> 00:29:54.720
And I'm like, Well, that's a loaded question, but that's why we're here, right?
00:29:54.799 --> 00:29:55.599
To talk about it.
00:29:55.759 --> 00:29:58.960
But just think about how you just pass regular people and you're like, How are you doing?
00:29:59.119 --> 00:30:00.319
And people are like, Oh, I'm fine.
00:30:00.480 --> 00:30:06.079
They're not gonna get into it, obviously, but it's just such a it's okay to not be fine, people.
00:30:06.160 --> 00:30:08.559
Yeah, somebody asks you how you're doing and you're not fine.
00:30:08.799 --> 00:30:11.440
Say, I'm not fine, but I'm hanging in.
00:30:11.599 --> 00:30:14.400
I'm gonna make it work, or I'm gonna push through.
00:30:14.480 --> 00:30:15.359
Well, don't say all that.
00:30:15.440 --> 00:30:17.359
You don't gotta explain yourself to people.
00:30:17.599 --> 00:30:20.160
I wish people would stop asking me how I'm doing.
00:30:20.400 --> 00:30:20.640
Yeah.
00:30:20.799 --> 00:30:22.640
Like mine, you're fucking sorry.
00:30:23.680 --> 00:30:25.599
Like you're not the time or place.
00:30:25.839 --> 00:30:28.160
Like we're fucking walking, we're going somewhere.
00:30:28.319 --> 00:30:31.279
Yeah, we're just passing each other wherever we're going.
00:30:31.359 --> 00:30:33.839
Yeah, so why do you even get to know how I'm doing?
00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:35.759
What if I don't want you in my business?
00:30:35.920 --> 00:30:36.960
Right, exactly.
00:30:37.119 --> 00:30:41.119
Like, stop just asking people what how they're doing.
00:30:42.960 --> 00:30:46.720
Yeah, just say good morning, have a good day, and keep it moving.
00:30:46.880 --> 00:30:51.680
Yeah, because at least, like, maybe telling me have a good day instead of like, How are you doing?
00:30:51.920 --> 00:30:54.799
It's giving me anxiety versus calming me a little bit.
00:30:55.119 --> 00:30:55.839
Right, exactly.
00:30:56.000 --> 00:30:57.440
What do you work on first?
00:30:57.599 --> 00:31:02.960
Okay, so I'd start with just safety, you know, like emotional safety.
00:31:03.039 --> 00:31:06.400
Because I don't think Daenerys actually believes she's allowed to fall apart.
00:31:07.200 --> 00:31:14.799
She's so used to being the strong one, the leader, the symbol, the survivor, that I think slowing down emotionally would feel terrifying for her.
00:31:15.599 --> 00:31:32.079
So early work would focus on helping her separate strength from emotional suppression, and we'd move into things like grief processing, attachment wounds, fear of abandonment, emotional regulation, and exploring who she is outside of power and responsibility.
00:31:32.160 --> 00:31:32.319
Yeah.
00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:36.079
Because right now, so much of her identity depends on being needed.
00:31:36.319 --> 00:31:47.359
Yeah, I was just gonna say, like, the woman's trying to build a whole kingdom for herself and take back her throne, and you know, like, yeah, she's like, I don't have time to sit here and feel sad.
00:31:47.519 --> 00:31:49.759
Like, I gotta move.
00:31:49.839 --> 00:31:51.519
There's a game of thrones going on.
00:31:51.599 --> 00:31:52.720
Yeah, like hello.
00:31:53.599 --> 00:31:54.240
You're right.
00:31:54.480 --> 00:31:54.960
Yeah.
00:31:56.160 --> 00:31:56.960
Alright.
00:31:57.279 --> 00:32:04.079
So the first goal probably wouldn't even be emotional processing yet, it would probably be emotional safety.
00:32:04.480 --> 00:32:10.559
Because Diana feels like someone who has learned to associate vulnerability with danger and loss of control.
00:32:11.839 --> 00:32:18.960
So yeah, she needs some emotional, she needs to feel safe with feeling what she gotta feel.
00:32:19.759 --> 00:32:23.839
Oh my gosh, like I just I just miss rock a rim all of a sudden.
00:32:24.079 --> 00:32:24.880
Rock a rim.
00:32:24.960 --> 00:32:26.079
Oh rock a rim.
00:32:26.240 --> 00:32:27.279
Rock a rim.
00:32:27.920 --> 00:32:29.279
Oh rock a rim.
00:32:30.079 --> 00:32:30.720
What?
00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:32.319
Oh my god.
00:32:43.599 --> 00:32:51.359
Because I'm like, um make a mistake about the marriage you talk about because you have to like even in the rock around.
00:32:51.599 --> 00:32:55.440
Um I did, but I was laughing because I was like, oh, did she realize?
00:32:55.519 --> 00:32:57.039
Because you said I miss him.
00:32:57.279 --> 00:32:59.680
I miss him, you know.
00:33:00.559 --> 00:33:03.119
Yeah, no, I thought you were giving away the spoiler.
00:33:03.359 --> 00:33:05.279
Yeah, it's the time, though, right?
00:33:06.559 --> 00:33:09.599
Okay, um, countertransference time.
00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:24.559
Okay, I think I feel a mix of admiration and sadness working with her because Daenerys is incredibly resilient, like objectively resilient, but there's also this grief underneath her that feels profoundly lonely.
00:33:25.200 --> 00:33:30.880
And I probably notice an urge to protect the parts of her that never really got protected by anyone else.
00:33:31.039 --> 00:33:40.240
At the same time, I think I'd also have to monitor feelings of helplessness or frustration, especially when her fear and anger start overriding connection.
00:33:40.880 --> 00:33:49.200
Because with clients like Daenerys, you can feel the tension between understanding someone's pain and being concerned about what they do with it.
00:33:49.359 --> 00:33:52.240
But Daenerys, I would be like, Where's the dragons?
00:33:53.920 --> 00:33:54.000
Yes.
00:33:58.000 --> 00:34:02.400
In regards to Diana, I think it's similar to what you just said about Daenerys.
00:34:02.960 --> 00:34:07.680
Um, there would be a lot of admiration for her resilience initially.
00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:10.639
Because she does carry a lot and do a lot.
00:34:10.880 --> 00:34:20.400
Um, but there I would also be sad for her because like I'm watching someone who normalized carrying impossible amounts of pain alone, you know?
00:34:21.280 --> 00:34:25.519
And um she would be an interesting person to meet.
00:34:25.840 --> 00:34:31.280
I feel like it would take a while for her to like want to even do therapy because again, I'm fine, right?
00:34:31.440 --> 00:34:34.000
Yeah, but then she would come around.
00:34:34.320 --> 00:34:38.400
Um, and then I'd be like, let me see your north inside.
00:34:38.719 --> 00:34:38.960
Yeah.
00:34:39.519 --> 00:34:40.719
Let's get you angry.
00:34:40.960 --> 00:34:41.599
Oh goodness.
00:34:42.239 --> 00:34:45.360
I'd be like, girl, can you teach me that thing you did with Sam Kyle?
00:34:45.519 --> 00:34:46.000
Mm-hmm.
00:34:46.480 --> 00:34:47.519
That I'll take.
00:34:47.760 --> 00:34:48.239
Mm-hmm.
00:34:48.480 --> 00:34:48.800
Alright.
00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:50.559
Some interventions?
00:34:50.800 --> 00:34:51.199
Yes.
00:34:51.440 --> 00:34:57.519
I would just lean in in trauma-informed work and complicated grief therapy.
00:34:57.760 --> 00:34:58.079
Yeah.
00:34:58.239 --> 00:35:05.519
A lot of the work would involve helping her tolerate emotions that she usually converts immediately into action, anger, or control.
00:35:06.159 --> 00:35:15.679
There'd also be a huge attachment component, helping her explore what it means to trust people without constantly testing loyalty or bracing for betrayal.
00:35:15.920 --> 00:35:25.039
Um, and a lot of therapy with Daenerys would probably involve helping her experience care without feeling like she has to earn it through suffering.
00:35:25.360 --> 00:35:26.239
That's good work.
00:35:26.480 --> 00:35:28.719
Sorry, I'm just like that girl had a lot.
00:35:28.880 --> 00:35:29.519
She had a lot.
00:35:29.679 --> 00:35:31.599
I want to like rewatch Game of Thrones now.
00:35:31.760 --> 00:35:42.000
So for Diana, a lot of the work would focus on grief processing, emotional regulation, and helping her reconnect with emotions she learned to suppress just to survive.
00:35:42.400 --> 00:35:44.320
So yeah, I think absolutely grief.
00:35:44.559 --> 00:35:50.800
She needs grief work done and the emotion regulation all together.
00:35:51.039 --> 00:35:51.519
Yeah.
00:35:51.679 --> 00:35:52.000
Alright.
00:35:52.159 --> 00:35:53.119
Hard truth.
00:35:53.360 --> 00:36:06.159
Once rapport was established, I'd probably say something like when grief goes unprocessed long enough, people can start confusing destruction with justice.
00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:10.159
I think that's what happened for um believe.
00:36:10.320 --> 00:36:10.719
Yeah.
00:36:11.039 --> 00:36:13.920
Like oh, yeah.
00:36:14.159 --> 00:36:14.480
Yeah.
00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:15.440
But anyway.
00:36:15.679 --> 00:36:16.079
Yeah.
00:36:16.239 --> 00:36:16.480
Yeah.
00:36:16.719 --> 00:36:22.559
Because pain can absolutely explain behavior, but it doesn't automatically make every reaction safe.
00:36:22.880 --> 00:36:34.000
And I think Daenerys reaches a point where survival, grief, rage, and identity become so intertwined that she stops recognizing where one ends and the other begins.
00:36:34.239 --> 00:36:34.719
Alright.
00:36:34.800 --> 00:36:40.800
Um, the hard truth for Diana is that surviving the loss is not the same thing as healing from it.
00:36:41.039 --> 00:36:46.079
And eventually survival mode stops protecting you and starts emotionally trapping you.
00:36:47.119 --> 00:36:50.400
And that's just like with everything, not even just grief.
00:36:50.559 --> 00:36:50.960
Mm-hmm.
00:36:51.199 --> 00:36:53.039
With that survival mode, you know.
00:36:53.199 --> 00:36:53.760
Yeah.
00:36:54.079 --> 00:36:57.440
Alright, how are we bringing it back to real life for the people?
00:36:57.760 --> 00:36:58.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:36:59.039 --> 00:37:03.119
Alright, so this is why I think so many people connect with Daenerys.
00:37:03.519 --> 00:37:03.840
Okay.
00:37:04.159 --> 00:37:10.159
Because a lot of people know what it feels like to keep functioning while carrying enormous grief underneath.
00:37:10.400 --> 00:37:19.199
To keep showing up, to keep performing, keep taking care of everyone else while never really stopping long enough to process what they've lost.
00:37:19.440 --> 00:37:31.199
And sometimes when people don't feel safe grieving, those emotions come out sideways as anger, as control, as emotional distance, as needing to stay strong all the time.
00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:34.960
Because grief doesn't disappear just because someone keeps functioning.
00:37:35.119 --> 00:37:37.519
You literally said that in the beginning, too.
00:37:37.760 --> 00:37:44.559
Like, just because like I'm going through my day-to-day doesn't mean that I'm not still grieving.
00:37:44.719 --> 00:37:45.039
Yeah.
00:37:45.280 --> 00:37:45.760
Yeah.
00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:54.880
So, um, for Diana, a lot of people relate because functioning through grief is often what gets praised in real life.
00:37:55.199 --> 00:38:04.239
Um, people continue surviving emotionally devastating situations while everyone around them assumes their healing because they never fully fall apart.
00:38:04.400 --> 00:38:10.400
So it's like if you're not crying in front of them or falling apart, it's like they think you're fine.
00:38:10.639 --> 00:38:11.039
Yeah.
00:38:11.360 --> 00:38:13.840
But no, it's it doesn't work that way.
00:38:14.079 --> 00:38:17.199
Like people are carrying a lot that you don't see.
00:38:17.920 --> 00:38:20.079
Um, and you have to just know that.
00:38:20.400 --> 00:38:25.440
All of you out there listening, be kind to people because you don't know what they're carrying.
00:38:25.599 --> 00:38:29.360
The pain, the pain, the pain, and the plot.
00:38:31.440 --> 00:38:31.840
Right.
00:38:32.320 --> 00:38:33.360
What's your moment?
00:38:33.599 --> 00:38:34.960
I can't wait for this.
00:38:35.199 --> 00:38:38.559
Um I'm surprised that this was my moment.
00:38:38.719 --> 00:38:38.960
Okay.
00:38:39.199 --> 00:38:41.920
Because I had so many moments.
00:38:43.039 --> 00:38:49.199
But the moment I went with was when Daenerys loses Cal Drogo and their unborn son, Rayo.
00:38:50.079 --> 00:38:53.039
Because this is really the first real game.
00:38:53.199 --> 00:38:54.239
Real game.
00:38:54.639 --> 00:38:55.360
Raygo.
00:38:55.599 --> 00:38:56.480
No, that's good.
00:38:56.800 --> 00:39:06.480
Um, because this is really the first time Daenerys experiences having a true sense of love, belonging and future, and then losing all of it almost at once.
00:39:06.719 --> 00:39:33.519
The pain, losing the first person who made her feel chosen and protected, the traumatic loss of both her husband and child, helplessness after trying desperately to save Drogo, guilt surrounding the consequences of the blood magic, guilt tied to shattered identity and future dreams, realizing love and safety can disappear suddenly, experiencing profound loss immediately after finally finding connection.
00:39:33.679 --> 00:39:34.480
The shift.
00:39:34.800 --> 00:39:39.519
Daenerys moves from dependent survivor to emotionally hardened leader.
00:39:39.840 --> 00:39:43.280
Grief becomes intertwined with destiny and rebirth.
00:39:43.440 --> 00:39:47.039
Vulnerability starts being replaced by power and purpose.
00:39:47.199 --> 00:39:52.079
The loss fundamentally changes how she relates to attachment and control.
00:39:52.400 --> 00:39:58.960
Her identity begins shifting towards the mother of dragons as a way to survive the grief, the plot.
00:39:59.119 --> 00:40:03.519
Caldrogo dies after Daenerys attempts to save him through blood magic.
00:40:03.760 --> 00:40:07.039
Rego is lost as part of the rituals cost.
00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:08.800
Daenerys walks in.
00:40:08.960 --> 00:40:14.159
I feel like it's like Rhaego is lost, the rituals cost, Daenerys walks the funerals pyre.
00:40:15.920 --> 00:40:19.039
Rago is lost as a part of the rituals cost.
00:40:19.519 --> 00:40:23.920
Daenerys walks into the funeral pyre and emerges with dragons.
00:40:24.239 --> 00:40:31.119
The moment transforms her from vulnerable exile into a legendary political and symbolic force.
00:40:31.360 --> 00:40:35.679
Her grief becomes the foundation of her rise to power moving forward.
00:40:35.920 --> 00:40:40.400
Yeah, so she's like, My life is falling apart, fine, I'll just hatch dragons.
00:40:41.440 --> 00:40:44.239
So, I mean, was the pain worth the plot?
00:40:44.400 --> 00:40:50.480
If Drogo and Raygo survive, Daenerys likely remains emotionally grounded in family and partnership.
00:40:50.719 --> 00:40:55.440
Her path towards conquest and isolation may look completely different.
00:40:55.679 --> 00:41:00.719
She potentially develops identity through connection instead of destiny alone.
00:41:00.960 --> 00:41:04.800
But if they die, grief becomes the catalyst for transformation.
00:41:05.039 --> 00:41:12.079
Daenerys is reborn through loss and survival, and the pain reshapes not only her life but the fate of entire kingdoms.
00:41:12.320 --> 00:41:18.400
Because sometimes grief doesn't just take people away, it changes the version of you that exists afterwards.
00:41:19.039 --> 00:41:20.480
Um so what do you think?
00:41:20.639 --> 00:41:23.039
Do you think the pain was worth the plot?
00:41:23.280 --> 00:41:23.599
No.
00:41:23.840 --> 00:41:24.480
I don't know.
00:41:24.639 --> 00:41:28.000
I I feel like I mean this sounds great, right?
00:41:28.559 --> 00:41:29.920
Yeah, in family.
00:41:30.480 --> 00:41:30.719
Right.
00:41:30.880 --> 00:41:31.679
That's what I'm saying.
00:41:31.920 --> 00:41:33.199
I would have rather seen it.
00:41:33.280 --> 00:41:41.119
And she might have still conquered whatever, because now she has her man with her and her child, and it would have been different.
00:41:41.280 --> 00:41:47.920
She wouldn't have been in constant not to say like she wouldn't have lost people, but like it would have been different.
00:41:48.079 --> 00:41:48.400
Yeah.
00:41:48.800 --> 00:41:51.840
She would have had like an anchor, you know, yeah, exactly.
00:41:52.079 --> 00:41:52.480
Yeah.
00:41:52.639 --> 00:41:53.039
Mm-hmm.
00:41:53.280 --> 00:41:55.519
So yeah, that's my opinion.
00:41:56.880 --> 00:41:57.519
Thank you.
00:41:57.840 --> 00:41:58.400
Yeah.
00:41:58.719 --> 00:41:59.360
Alright.
00:42:00.320 --> 00:42:21.039
So for me, the moment is the moments that immediately follow Gabby's death when Diana's still being forced to keep moving, make decisions, protecting other people, and emotionally holding herself together instead of being allowed to fully collapse and yeah.
00:42:21.679 --> 00:42:23.679
That was really hard.
00:42:25.920 --> 00:42:46.000
Alright, the pain, losing one of the few people who represented emotional safety and unconditional love, carrying grief from repeated losses over time, feeling responsible for surviving while people she loved did not, believing she can't afford to emotionally fall apart because people still need her.
00:42:46.960 --> 00:42:53.440
Um, the shift would have been she allows herself to emotionally acknowledge the loss instead of compartmentalizing it.
00:42:53.920 --> 00:42:57.760
She accepts support instead of isolating herself in survival mode.
00:42:58.079 --> 00:43:07.199
She stops treating emotional suppression as proof of strength, and grief becomes something she processes instead of silently carrying it alone.
00:43:07.760 --> 00:43:15.119
Um the plot, less emotional isolation and self-destruction, uh, deeper emotional vulnerability with people around her.
00:43:15.440 --> 00:43:26.559
Grief becomes integrated into her identity instead of hardening into emotional armor, and her healing begins before survival fully replaces her ability to emotionally live.
00:43:26.880 --> 00:43:35.119
So she lost one of the only people who made her feel emotionally safe and still convinced herself she had to keep functioning like nothing happened.
00:43:35.920 --> 00:43:44.559
And that was and again, like if you didn't read it yet, and we did obviously, but like she went it was a lot.
00:43:44.800 --> 00:43:46.480
A lot, she went in.
00:43:46.639 --> 00:43:48.079
Yeah, it's an understatement.
00:43:48.559 --> 00:43:49.679
Yeah, yeah.
00:43:50.159 --> 00:43:51.920
Um, so I don't know, what do you think?
00:43:52.079 --> 00:43:54.079
Do you think the pain was worth the plot?
00:43:54.960 --> 00:43:57.039
Or would we have wanted to yeah.
00:43:57.440 --> 00:43:59.760
No, the pain wasn't worth the plot for me, at least not.
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:00.719
Not yet.
00:44:00.880 --> 00:44:01.519
Yeah.
00:44:02.239 --> 00:44:03.119
Not yet.
00:44:03.360 --> 00:44:10.000
Well I want that life for her where she can just relax and enjoy her Yeah.
00:44:10.239 --> 00:44:11.360
You know, her life.
00:44:11.599 --> 00:44:12.159
Mm-hmm.
00:44:12.480 --> 00:44:13.039
Same.
00:44:13.519 --> 00:44:19.039
But like I also wonder what like her relationship with Sam Kyle would be like if not, you know.
00:44:19.280 --> 00:44:19.599
Yeah.
00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:23.039
But like he has his whole thing, own thing going on.
00:44:23.360 --> 00:44:26.079
Anyway, so God is whole thing.
00:44:26.239 --> 00:44:26.719
Yeah.
00:44:27.039 --> 00:44:27.519
Oops.
00:44:27.760 --> 00:44:28.880
Alright, where are we?
00:44:29.039 --> 00:44:30.400
Is it time for fun?
00:44:30.880 --> 00:44:32.239
Is it time for fun?
00:44:32.400 --> 00:44:32.800
It is.
00:44:32.960 --> 00:44:34.800
We're having fun with grief.
00:44:35.039 --> 00:44:36.239
Okay, look at that.
00:44:36.320 --> 00:44:37.119
Let's do it.
00:44:37.280 --> 00:44:40.000
We're gonna do the mini fun games.
00:44:40.559 --> 00:44:42.239
Mini fun games time, guys.
00:44:42.320 --> 00:44:43.119
Play along.
00:44:43.280 --> 00:44:44.639
Alright, so the first game.
00:44:44.800 --> 00:44:46.079
At what point did they break?
00:44:46.639 --> 00:44:55.840
So we're gonna name different moments in these character stories, and we have to decide was this the moment they emotionally broke or had the shift already started before then.
00:44:56.000 --> 00:45:06.239
So for Daenerys, was Daenerys already emotionally breaking during Viserys' abuse, or did losing Cal Drogo and Raygo fundamentally change her?
00:45:06.559 --> 00:45:15.440
I feel like she was oh was she already breaking like while she was growing up?
00:45:15.760 --> 00:45:16.559
I think so.
00:45:16.800 --> 00:45:17.039
Yeah.
00:45:17.199 --> 00:45:17.360
Yeah.
00:45:17.599 --> 00:45:18.239
I think so too.
00:45:18.480 --> 00:45:18.639
Yeah.
00:45:18.800 --> 00:45:20.159
I don't think we saw it.
00:45:20.320 --> 00:45:20.719
Yeah.
00:45:20.880 --> 00:45:22.000
But yeah, she was.
00:45:22.079 --> 00:45:22.559
I agree.
00:45:22.719 --> 00:45:23.039
Yeah.
00:45:23.199 --> 00:45:23.440
Okay.
00:45:23.599 --> 00:45:23.760
Yeah.
00:45:23.920 --> 00:45:31.280
Was losing Drogo the beginning of Daenerys' emotional hardening, or did she still remain emotionally hopeful after that loss?
00:45:31.519 --> 00:45:34.559
I think that w that was when the hardening began.
00:45:34.719 --> 00:45:36.480
I don't think she was hopeful after that.
00:45:36.639 --> 00:45:38.239
I think that really broke her.
00:45:38.400 --> 00:45:38.719
Mm-hmm.
00:45:38.800 --> 00:45:39.039
Yeah.
00:45:39.280 --> 00:45:43.199
Did Daenerys truly break after losing Viserion?
00:45:43.360 --> 00:45:47.039
Or after realizing Westeros feared her more than loved her?
00:45:47.199 --> 00:45:47.760
Hmm.
00:45:48.000 --> 00:45:49.679
That's a really good question.
00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:51.360
Because like both.
00:45:51.679 --> 00:45:52.079
Yeah.
00:45:52.320 --> 00:45:52.639
Yeah.
00:45:52.880 --> 00:45:54.079
But which one first?
00:45:54.320 --> 00:45:54.639
Yeah.
00:45:54.880 --> 00:46:04.400
Because she did truly break after losing Bissarium, but was I mean it broke her a little bit, but I think maybe the her dragon, yeah.
00:46:04.719 --> 00:46:05.280
Yeah.
00:46:05.519 --> 00:46:06.159
I agree.
00:46:06.239 --> 00:46:09.119
I think it's she truly broke after losing her dragon.
00:46:09.360 --> 00:46:09.519
Yeah.
00:46:09.599 --> 00:46:09.760
Yeah.
00:46:09.920 --> 00:46:16.719
Was Missande's death the breaking point or simply the final emotional collapse after years of cumulative grief?
00:46:16.880 --> 00:46:20.239
I think a f I think a final emotional collapse.
00:46:20.480 --> 00:46:20.800
Yeah.
00:46:20.960 --> 00:46:21.360
Yeah.
00:46:21.519 --> 00:46:21.840
Yeah.
00:46:22.079 --> 00:46:29.280
And then last one, did Daenerys break because of grief or because she became emotionally isolated inside power?
00:46:29.599 --> 00:46:32.480
I think she became emotionally isolated inside power.
00:46:32.559 --> 00:46:32.880
Mm-hmm.
00:46:33.039 --> 00:46:33.360
Yeah.
00:46:33.440 --> 00:46:33.760
Yeah.
00:46:34.079 --> 00:46:40.800
Okay, so for Diana, did Diana emotionally break before the audience even meets her?
00:46:41.039 --> 00:46:45.039
Or do we actually watch it happen over the course of the story?
00:46:45.599 --> 00:46:49.039
I think it's um it happened before we met her.
00:46:49.280 --> 00:46:49.679
Yeah.
00:46:49.920 --> 00:46:50.880
It definitely did.
00:46:51.039 --> 00:46:57.519
And if we're talking about with Caden, then like, you know, back when he had first got her, and I agree with you.
00:46:57.840 --> 00:47:08.559
And then now later on we get his POV, you know, and then we see like how it was when he was just trying to show Diana, like, yeah, it's beautiful, but I think I agree with you.
00:47:08.719 --> 00:47:19.280
I think even before that, because even remember before we even knew like the ri the limitations with seeing her sister and like all of that, like she was already experiencing all of that.
00:47:19.440 --> 00:47:23.199
You know, only having a certain amount of time to visit Gabby, and you know.
00:47:23.440 --> 00:47:30.159
Um, was survival what hardened Diana or was it betrayal and emotional loss?
00:47:30.400 --> 00:47:32.480
It's betrayal and emotional loss.
00:47:33.039 --> 00:47:46.639
Because survival, I think, if anything, did the I mean, yeah, it could have hardened her a little bit, but no thing it softened her because she took care of her sister and she she became a protector, and that's different.
00:47:46.880 --> 00:47:48.960
It's when she had the betrayal.
00:47:49.199 --> 00:47:51.519
Yeah, I think that set her over the bench.
00:47:51.840 --> 00:47:52.320
Absolutely.
00:47:52.400 --> 00:47:53.199
I agree with you.
00:47:53.360 --> 00:47:53.920
Yeah.
00:47:54.079 --> 00:48:00.000
Uh, did love help heal Diana or did it expose how damaged she already was?
00:48:00.480 --> 00:48:01.280
I think it helped.
00:48:01.840 --> 00:48:02.320
Uh yeah.
00:48:02.559 --> 00:48:06.480
I I would say help heal more than the other one, but yes, both.
00:48:06.960 --> 00:48:09.760
It's almost like she had to face who she was, you know?
00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:14.480
She had to face who she was because it's like someone's giving you love and they're filling you up.
00:48:14.639 --> 00:48:16.000
Like it's like a mold.
00:48:16.159 --> 00:48:21.360
Like you see what was missing, what how long it took, how much it took to fill you up.
00:48:21.440 --> 00:48:23.199
Like it's measurable.
00:48:23.679 --> 00:48:26.880
Yeah, and then like injuring, like judge yourself then.
00:48:27.039 --> 00:48:28.960
Yeah, not to judge yourself, but you know what I mean?
00:48:29.039 --> 00:48:32.480
Like you'll have facts, yeah, and you'll be like, This is how much was missing.
00:48:32.800 --> 00:48:35.119
Wow, that's very true.
00:48:35.280 --> 00:48:35.679
Yes.
00:48:36.000 --> 00:48:44.320
Was there ever a version of Diana that felt emotionally safe, or has survival always shaped her identity?
00:48:44.639 --> 00:48:54.159
For me, just because I don't feel like I ever got emotionally safe from the beginning, I think survival shaped her identity.
00:48:54.400 --> 00:49:03.440
Survival did because like she who she really is, that means everything has been a lie since day one.
00:49:03.679 --> 00:49:03.920
Yeah.
00:49:04.079 --> 00:49:06.960
So like you've never been safe, like right, right.
00:49:07.199 --> 00:49:11.440
Alright, and finally, which characters grieve changed the more?
00:49:11.679 --> 00:49:13.199
Daenerys or Diana?
00:49:13.519 --> 00:49:14.719
I say Daenerys.
00:49:15.119 --> 00:49:22.000
Diana was like, she I think she fluctuated through it's not like she um what's the word?
00:49:22.079 --> 00:49:24.320
It's not like she got introduced to this.
00:49:24.800 --> 00:49:29.760
If anything, it strengthened Diana, like she already had that.
00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:32.079
Khelsea was a little girl, yeah.
00:49:32.239 --> 00:49:35.360
You know, and she was being abused for how long?
00:49:35.519 --> 00:49:36.239
Like, I don't know.
00:49:36.480 --> 00:49:39.039
And I think we forget she was really young too.
00:49:39.360 --> 00:49:41.679
Yeah, and Diana had a family, yeah.
00:49:41.760 --> 00:49:43.360
You know, she was older, right?
00:49:43.440 --> 00:49:45.039
Yeah, she had lived a little bit.
00:49:45.280 --> 00:49:49.840
All right, mini game number two grief, rage, or survival.
00:49:50.480 --> 00:49:53.679
So we're gonna read the behavior and decide what's driving it.
00:49:53.920 --> 00:49:54.480
Love it.
00:49:54.639 --> 00:49:56.000
All right, okay.
00:49:56.320 --> 00:50:03.119
So refusing to trust people after repeated betrayal grief, rage, or survival.
00:50:03.360 --> 00:50:06.320
I'm like off the top, I'm saying survival.
00:50:06.719 --> 00:50:08.159
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
00:50:08.400 --> 00:50:08.719
Yeah.
00:50:09.119 --> 00:50:09.440
Okay.
00:50:09.760 --> 00:50:10.079
Okay.
00:50:10.480 --> 00:50:14.960
Uh needing to stay strong even when emotionally exhausted.
00:50:15.679 --> 00:50:16.880
That's survival to me.
00:50:17.519 --> 00:50:17.599
Yeah.
00:50:18.320 --> 00:50:18.800
Yeah.
00:50:19.039 --> 00:50:19.519
Mm-hmm.
00:50:19.840 --> 00:50:20.159
Okay.
00:50:20.880 --> 00:50:24.000
Threatening destruction to regain control.
00:50:24.400 --> 00:50:24.800
That's right.
00:50:24.960 --> 00:50:26.239
That's given rage.
00:50:27.119 --> 00:50:28.000
Borderline.
00:50:29.679 --> 00:50:30.960
Oh my god.
00:50:31.360 --> 00:50:31.920
Yeah.
00:50:32.239 --> 00:50:33.920
That actually yep.
00:50:34.320 --> 00:50:35.519
BPD it is.
00:50:35.840 --> 00:50:36.480
Alright.
00:50:38.079 --> 00:50:38.400
Okay.
00:50:39.280 --> 00:50:43.440
Um, emotional withdrawal after losing someone important.
00:50:43.599 --> 00:50:44.320
Borderline.
00:50:45.360 --> 00:50:46.400
Um, grief.
00:50:46.719 --> 00:50:47.519
Yeah, definitely.
00:50:48.559 --> 00:50:49.199
Yeah.
00:50:49.519 --> 00:50:52.719
Feeling safer being feared than emotionally vulnerable.
00:50:53.280 --> 00:50:54.960
I was going grief or survival.
00:50:55.199 --> 00:50:55.440
Yeah.
00:50:55.599 --> 00:50:56.800
That's where I was going to.
00:50:57.039 --> 00:50:57.519
Yeah.
00:50:57.760 --> 00:50:58.159
Yeah.
00:50:58.320 --> 00:51:02.079
Um, destroying relationships before people can leave first.
00:51:02.320 --> 00:51:03.519
Self-sabotage.
00:51:03.760 --> 00:51:05.119
Oh, coming soon.
00:51:05.360 --> 00:51:06.000
Yes.
00:51:06.480 --> 00:51:07.280
Very soon.
00:51:07.519 --> 00:51:13.119
Um, okay, but seriously, um I think that's survival.
00:51:13.440 --> 00:51:14.079
That is.
00:51:14.320 --> 00:51:14.960
Yeah.
00:51:15.519 --> 00:51:16.960
But it can be all three.
00:51:17.199 --> 00:51:17.519
Yeah.
00:51:17.760 --> 00:51:19.440
But yeah, survival for sure.
00:51:19.599 --> 00:51:19.920
Yeah.
00:51:20.159 --> 00:51:21.599
Hyperindependence.
00:51:21.840 --> 00:51:23.599
Again, it could be all three.
00:51:23.760 --> 00:51:24.400
Yeah.
00:51:25.199 --> 00:51:27.519
But I'm surviving with survival.
00:51:27.760 --> 00:51:28.880
Yeah, exactly.
00:51:29.280 --> 00:51:32.480
Becoming obsessed with purpose after loss.
00:51:33.679 --> 00:51:36.639
I think that can be a grief and survival thing.
00:51:36.880 --> 00:51:37.519
Yeah.
00:51:38.239 --> 00:51:38.880
Yeah.
00:51:39.119 --> 00:51:39.760
Yeah.
00:51:40.400 --> 00:51:44.079
Protecting people while emotionally distancing from them.
00:51:45.760 --> 00:51:47.440
There goes the metro north.
00:51:47.599 --> 00:51:49.519
That's what I'm trying to do right now.
00:51:50.480 --> 00:51:53.840
I'm trying to protect people while emotionally distancing from them.
00:51:54.719 --> 00:51:55.360
Borderline.
00:51:55.599 --> 00:51:56.559
Yeah, borderline.
00:51:59.679 --> 00:52:04.239
Um, well, if I'm looking at you, I think it's grief and survival together.
00:52:04.880 --> 00:52:05.280
Damn.
00:52:05.440 --> 00:52:07.519
That's what you say when you look at me.
00:52:07.760 --> 00:52:08.079
Yeah.
00:52:08.400 --> 00:52:09.039
Grief and survival.
00:52:09.360 --> 00:52:12.639
Well, in relation, yeah, relation to that statement, not in life.
00:52:12.800 --> 00:52:13.840
But like also in life.
00:52:14.400 --> 00:52:15.119
Oh, yeah.
00:52:15.360 --> 00:52:16.480
Actually, yeah.
00:52:16.800 --> 00:52:17.599
Oh my god.
00:52:17.840 --> 00:52:18.239
Really?
00:52:18.400 --> 00:52:18.960
Wow, yeah.
00:52:19.039 --> 00:52:20.800
You're a grief and survival girl.
00:52:21.039 --> 00:52:25.199
Okay, but I need something in there, like a fucking compliment sandwich.
00:52:25.280 --> 00:52:28.400
You just gave me slabs of bad news.
00:52:28.719 --> 00:52:34.400
Okay, your grief, survival instead of rage, I'm gonna give you resilience.
00:52:34.719 --> 00:52:36.960
No, that just means I can keep going.
00:52:37.519 --> 00:52:40.719
No, it means that like you No, that's not true.
00:52:40.880 --> 00:52:42.800
Resilient means you just keep going.
00:52:42.960 --> 00:52:48.880
And the things that you gave me, it means I can just like grief, survival, and reflection.
00:52:49.039 --> 00:52:50.880
Because you're very reflective.
00:52:51.199 --> 00:52:52.800
Oh okay.
00:52:53.039 --> 00:52:54.320
Well, what do you give yourself?
00:52:54.480 --> 00:52:56.239
Why are I gonna decide?
00:52:56.480 --> 00:52:58.079
I'm not giving myself anything.
00:52:58.239 --> 00:52:58.960
Okay, yeah.
00:52:59.519 --> 00:53:03.920
First of all, I was only talking about that statement that you made it about your whole life.
00:53:05.280 --> 00:53:10.159
And lastly, confusing control with safety, I feel is survival.
00:53:10.480 --> 00:53:11.039
Yeah.
00:53:11.280 --> 00:53:11.840
Yeah.
00:53:12.079 --> 00:53:13.920
Definitely survival.
00:53:14.400 --> 00:53:14.719
Okay.
00:53:15.760 --> 00:53:16.079
Okay.
00:53:17.119 --> 00:53:18.880
Would they know who they're fine?
00:53:18.960 --> 00:53:19.440
Don't worry.
00:53:19.519 --> 00:53:20.559
She's really fine.
00:53:20.719 --> 00:53:21.119
Yeah.
00:53:21.360 --> 00:53:21.679
Why?
00:53:21.840 --> 00:53:23.039
I'm not fine.
00:53:23.360 --> 00:53:24.320
You're not fine?
00:53:24.480 --> 00:53:26.400
Why would anyone think I'm not fine?
00:53:26.639 --> 00:53:28.960
Because we've been saying all day, don't worry, I'm fine.
00:53:29.199 --> 00:53:30.079
Oh yeah, I'm not.
00:53:31.760 --> 00:53:33.119
Jeez, keep up.
00:53:33.280 --> 00:53:36.079
I was making sure you were like, Yeah.
00:53:36.480 --> 00:53:36.800
Okay.
00:53:37.119 --> 00:53:39.599
Why would they know who they were without the pain?
00:53:40.159 --> 00:53:42.559
Why would they know why would they know who they were?
00:53:42.960 --> 00:53:44.960
Would they know who they were without the pain?
00:53:45.119 --> 00:53:46.320
Okay, would they know?
00:53:46.559 --> 00:53:46.880
Okay.
00:53:47.039 --> 00:53:50.880
Who would Daenerys be if she had grown up emotionally safe?
00:53:51.280 --> 00:53:56.480
Um, I think she would have just been like a little princess.
00:53:56.719 --> 00:53:56.960
Yeah.
00:53:57.840 --> 00:53:58.239
Yeah.
00:53:58.480 --> 00:54:00.639
Even if everything had happened to her.
00:54:00.719 --> 00:54:07.360
But let's say her brother was more loving and just not, well, obviously that's what the prompt is, right?
00:54:07.679 --> 00:54:17.599
But like if that were the situation, then she could she could have just learned the ways of the doth rock here, whoever she was gonna marry.
00:54:17.760 --> 00:54:24.480
Right, you know, marry them, like still kind of go on about it, but like on her terms, or she could have married who she wanted.
00:54:24.559 --> 00:54:29.760
Like, he didn't have to be so th I cut all that, but no, no, no, don't cut it.
00:54:29.920 --> 00:54:31.119
It's true, you're right.
00:54:31.199 --> 00:54:35.280
Like, she would have had the ability to choose the outcome of her life.
00:54:35.360 --> 00:54:35.599
Yeah.
00:54:35.760 --> 00:54:42.079
In a like, not with some savages, dark rocky, like she had to like go through whatever.
00:54:42.239 --> 00:54:46.159
She was humiliated when she first met Cal Drogo, you know?
00:54:46.400 --> 00:54:48.559
Yeah, like it's crazy.
00:54:48.719 --> 00:54:50.960
So, yeah, she would have been you're right.
00:54:51.039 --> 00:54:53.280
Don't cut, look, don't listen to her people.
00:54:53.360 --> 00:54:54.719
She knows what she's talking about.
00:54:54.880 --> 00:54:55.039
Okay.
00:54:55.599 --> 00:54:57.199
No, that was a good answer.
00:54:57.360 --> 00:54:58.480
Yeah, I agree.
00:54:58.800 --> 00:54:59.119
Okay.
00:54:59.360 --> 00:55:04.880
Would Daenerys still seek power if she had secure attachment and belonging?
00:55:05.599 --> 00:55:07.280
Would she still seek power?
00:55:08.800 --> 00:55:12.639
Maybe, I think, because she still came from a powerful family.
00:55:12.800 --> 00:55:13.199
Yeah.
00:55:13.440 --> 00:55:13.920
You know?
00:55:14.159 --> 00:55:18.639
But like, I don't know if she would it would have been in the way she went about doing it.
00:55:18.880 --> 00:55:19.280
Yeah.
00:55:19.440 --> 00:55:23.519
But Or they could have just not they, but you know, her and her her people.
00:55:23.679 --> 00:55:29.760
They could be like, you know, we rain and then we got overturned and then boom.
00:55:30.320 --> 00:55:30.960
Let them do it.
00:55:31.039 --> 00:55:32.960
Let them take care of the things now, you know.
00:55:33.199 --> 00:55:33.440
Right.
00:55:33.519 --> 00:55:34.480
No, yeah, you're right.
00:55:34.800 --> 00:55:35.360
Forfeit.
00:55:35.599 --> 00:55:35.920
Whatever.
00:55:36.559 --> 00:55:37.360
Forfeit the crown.
00:55:37.519 --> 00:55:40.159
Pro forfeit forfeit forfeit the crown.
00:55:40.239 --> 00:55:41.360
Just burn them all.
00:55:41.599 --> 00:55:42.639
Burn them all.
00:55:44.639 --> 00:55:49.679
Remember we were um no, remember we were in the palace palisades?
00:55:50.480 --> 00:55:53.519
And we were at uh yard house.
00:55:53.599 --> 00:55:54.719
Was it yard house?
00:55:54.960 --> 00:55:56.800
And I was like, just burn them all.
00:55:56.960 --> 00:55:57.679
Oh my god.
00:55:58.000 --> 00:56:00.000
With our friend, yeah, yeah.
00:56:00.159 --> 00:56:00.320
Okay.
00:56:00.639 --> 00:56:01.519
Bleep on our house.
00:56:03.039 --> 00:56:03.360
Yeah.
00:56:03.599 --> 00:56:03.920
Well.
00:56:04.639 --> 00:56:09.119
Well, how much of Mother of Dragons is identity and how much is survival?
00:56:09.679 --> 00:56:10.079
Huh.
00:56:10.239 --> 00:56:12.159
I would say like half and half.
00:56:13.280 --> 00:56:14.079
I like that.
00:56:14.480 --> 00:56:14.719
Yeah.
00:56:15.440 --> 00:56:18.239
Because I think it's half and half.
00:56:19.119 --> 00:56:20.079
Exactly.
00:56:20.400 --> 00:56:20.639
Okay.
00:56:21.360 --> 00:56:25.920
Um, did Daenerys ever actually get to develop outside of trauma?
00:56:26.320 --> 00:56:26.639
No.
00:56:26.880 --> 00:56:28.000
I don't think so.
00:56:28.239 --> 00:56:29.679
No, not at all.
00:56:29.920 --> 00:56:30.400
Alright.
00:56:30.559 --> 00:56:38.159
And lastly, if Daenerys had experienced consistent love and emotional safety, would the story end differently?
00:56:38.400 --> 00:56:40.239
Well, we don't know how the story ends.
00:56:40.480 --> 00:56:40.960
Yeah.
00:56:41.199 --> 00:56:42.239
We're still waiting.
00:56:42.400 --> 00:56:43.920
We're still waiting, George R.
00:56:44.079 --> 00:56:44.159
R.
00:56:44.480 --> 00:56:44.880
Martin.
00:56:45.199 --> 00:56:48.480
But if she did, it would have set them on a different path, obviously.
00:56:48.800 --> 00:56:49.039
Yeah.
00:56:49.199 --> 00:56:49.519
You know.
00:56:49.679 --> 00:56:50.000
Yeah.
00:56:50.239 --> 00:56:52.159
And that would have been an interesting path.
00:56:52.480 --> 00:56:54.000
That would have been a different ending.
00:56:54.159 --> 00:56:54.559
Yeah.
00:56:54.800 --> 00:56:55.119
Okay.
00:56:55.599 --> 00:56:57.760
Well, let's go to Diana.
00:56:58.079 --> 00:57:02.000
Um, does Diana know how to exist outside survival mode?
00:57:02.239 --> 00:57:02.559
No.
00:57:02.800 --> 00:57:03.119
No.
00:57:03.360 --> 00:57:04.719
Oh, that's the easy one.
00:57:04.880 --> 00:57:05.280
Yeah.
00:57:05.519 --> 00:57:05.920
Alright.
00:57:06.079 --> 00:57:09.920
Who is Diana when she isn't protecting herself emotionally?
00:57:10.639 --> 00:57:10.960
Oh.
00:57:11.519 --> 00:57:12.880
Well, Sam Kyle.
00:57:13.119 --> 00:57:19.840
I was just gonna say, if you want to find out who she is when she's not protecting herself emotionally, read the book because you will find out.
00:57:20.000 --> 00:57:26.639
Because when she's with Sam Kyle, it's so beautiful to see her being vulnerable.
00:57:27.119 --> 00:57:33.199
And so beautiful the way he understands how like how vulnerable she is, and just her.
00:57:33.920 --> 00:57:35.519
It's just a beautiful thing.
00:57:35.920 --> 00:57:37.679
And he's really god tier.
00:57:38.559 --> 00:57:39.519
Oh my god.
00:57:40.559 --> 00:57:42.800
He's a god tier man, literally.
00:57:43.039 --> 00:57:43.599
Yeah, he is.
00:57:43.760 --> 00:57:44.159
Yeah.
00:57:44.400 --> 00:57:44.719
Okay.
00:57:45.840 --> 00:57:48.159
Um yeah, we do.
00:57:48.400 --> 00:57:49.679
Did Pain Shape Dine?
00:57:50.000 --> 00:57:51.760
I'm surprised we haven't done him for anything yet.
00:57:51.840 --> 00:57:54.159
It's because we're saving him for like Yeah.
00:57:55.119 --> 00:57:59.199
Maybe we need to do like a God tier men episode or something.
00:57:59.440 --> 00:58:00.239
We'll figure it out.
00:58:00.559 --> 00:58:03.199
If you guys have suggestions, like send us an email.
00:58:03.280 --> 00:58:04.719
We have no emails, guys.
00:58:05.039 --> 00:58:06.000
Do something.
00:58:06.320 --> 00:58:13.440
I'm gonna start emailing from Vanessa.email.com.
00:58:13.679 --> 00:58:14.880
Or mail.com.
00:58:14.960 --> 00:58:15.199
Yeah.
00:58:15.440 --> 00:58:18.960
I'm gonna start sending you letters in the post.
00:58:20.719 --> 00:58:21.039
Okay.
00:58:22.239 --> 00:58:23.760
Like the old school days.
00:58:23.920 --> 00:58:25.760
Yeah, like I'm gonna mail you a letter to you.
00:58:26.159 --> 00:58:26.719
I love that.
00:58:26.880 --> 00:58:30.639
But like not a full-on letter, it's just gonna be like a text message.
00:58:31.280 --> 00:58:32.880
I'm like, hey, what's she doing?
00:58:32.960 --> 00:58:34.000
Or some shit like that.
00:58:34.400 --> 00:58:36.800
W I D question mark.
00:58:37.039 --> 00:58:38.639
Oh my god, that's so funny.
00:58:38.800 --> 00:58:42.880
I remember I used to write letters to my cousins and mail it.
00:58:42.960 --> 00:58:45.119
Like that's how we kept in touch back in the day.
00:58:45.280 --> 00:58:46.079
It was so nice.
00:58:46.159 --> 00:58:52.400
Because I would love like getting mail, and I saw it was for my cousin, and like Did you ever have a pen pal in school?
00:58:52.559 --> 00:59:02.320
Like I signed up, or they signed me up for some weird shit when I was younger, and like I had a pen pal, and I would like write to some girl that's like my age in a different country.
00:59:02.400 --> 00:59:03.760
I don't even remember where she's from now.
00:59:03.920 --> 00:59:05.199
I wish I had a pen pal.
00:59:05.519 --> 00:59:05.679
Yeah.
00:59:06.000 --> 00:59:06.480
Alright.
00:59:06.639 --> 00:59:07.039
Oh, yes.
00:59:07.119 --> 00:59:10.559
Did pain shape Diana or become part of her identity?
00:59:10.880 --> 00:59:11.280
Both.
00:59:11.519 --> 00:59:12.400
Both, yeah.
00:59:12.719 --> 00:59:13.360
Yeah.
00:59:13.920 --> 00:59:17.920
Um, is vulnerability harder for Diana than violence?
00:59:18.079 --> 00:59:18.480
Yeah.
00:59:19.199 --> 00:59:19.679
100%.
00:59:20.239 --> 00:59:20.719
Of course.
00:59:20.960 --> 00:59:21.280
Okay.
00:59:21.679 --> 00:59:25.679
Do these characters actually want power or do they want safety?
00:59:26.000 --> 00:59:30.239
You know, I think they both want power, but they obviously want safety too.
00:59:30.719 --> 00:59:31.039
Yeah.
00:59:31.280 --> 00:59:32.639
I was gonna say safety.
00:59:33.119 --> 00:59:33.519
Alright.
00:59:33.599 --> 00:59:36.079
Well, next week we're talking about daddy issues.
00:59:36.239 --> 00:59:38.079
Oh, oh, it's that we're here already?
00:59:38.159 --> 00:59:38.400
Shit.
00:59:38.559 --> 00:59:41.199
That's why when you're like, alright, I'm like, oh, you want it to end.
00:59:41.519 --> 00:59:42.079
No, no, no.
00:59:42.239 --> 00:59:49.519
Because I'm thinking, I was just thinking, should we do honorable like mentions, characters that we oh, grief?
00:59:49.679 --> 00:59:49.920
Yeah.
00:59:50.159 --> 00:59:50.800
Yeah, let's do it.
00:59:51.599 --> 00:59:53.280
Any kind of grief mention.
00:59:53.360 --> 00:59:53.519
Yeah.
00:59:53.679 --> 00:59:54.559
Yeah, let's do it.
00:59:54.719 --> 01:00:03.199
Um, first I just want to mention like our pets that we both have lost and we're grieving.
01:00:03.679 --> 01:00:07.199
And yeah, so shout out to Lexi and Chew.
01:00:07.440 --> 01:00:08.000
Yeah.
01:00:08.320 --> 01:00:08.800
Lexi.
01:00:09.360 --> 01:00:10.320
Lexi girl.
01:00:10.639 --> 01:00:18.719
Chew too, I hope y'all are up there running around together and just living the life of luxury.
01:00:18.880 --> 01:00:19.199
Yeah.
01:00:19.360 --> 01:00:22.880
But like also don't forget the life of luxury you got here on earth.
01:00:23.119 --> 01:00:25.360
I gave Lexi like the best life.
01:00:25.840 --> 01:00:28.880
Lexi, I was so ja I wanted her life.
01:00:29.119 --> 01:00:31.679
I wanted her life, and I would tell her that all the time.
01:00:31.840 --> 01:00:32.239
Yeah.
01:00:32.480 --> 01:00:39.679
Like I miss Lexi so much, and like Tuesday will be one year since I had to put her down.
01:00:40.159 --> 01:00:40.960
I can't believe a year.
01:00:41.360 --> 01:00:42.880
I can't even believe it's been a year.
01:00:42.960 --> 01:00:49.039
It like I know people say this all the time, but like it really felt like last week or like even maybe last month, you know.
01:00:49.440 --> 01:00:51.119
But a whole year is wild.
01:00:51.360 --> 01:00:52.320
That's so wild.
01:00:52.559 --> 01:00:58.320
Like Lexi was such a but what does it say about like the growth, you know?
01:00:58.719 --> 01:01:02.480
Like it's just I didn't think I could breathe after that.
01:01:02.880 --> 01:01:11.440
So to know like a year from then and now like I'm getting my doctorate and I'm doing really well at work.
01:01:11.599 --> 01:01:12.000
Yeah.
01:01:12.320 --> 01:01:20.159
And you know, just I'm maintaining the relationships I want, and I'm you know, I'm I'm doing well.
01:01:20.320 --> 01:01:20.719
Yeah.
01:01:20.960 --> 01:01:22.159
And I'm doing really well.
01:01:22.400 --> 01:01:23.360
You are, you're really.
01:01:23.760 --> 01:01:33.840
And I just didn't think like and you know, I think I said it when Lexi first when I first had to play her down, I was like, there's no way that this doesn't lead to something good.
01:01:33.920 --> 01:01:34.239
Yeah.
01:01:34.480 --> 01:01:37.519
Because this is the biggest sacrifice I've ever made in my life.
01:01:37.920 --> 01:01:38.800
Absolutely, yeah.
01:01:39.039 --> 01:01:42.000
It's just, it's just um, yeah, it's hard.
01:01:42.320 --> 01:01:42.960
It's difficult.
01:01:43.199 --> 01:01:49.280
It is, but also like just like you said, like in that moment you were like, I can't, like, I can't even breathe.
01:01:49.679 --> 01:01:52.239
I can't even think about a tomorrow, like you know.
01:01:52.960 --> 01:01:58.880
And yeah, you have done so much and so many positive things, and like Lexi would be so proud of you.
01:01:59.199 --> 01:02:04.400
Oh, thank you for being there during my grief and as I continue to grieve.
01:02:04.639 --> 01:02:37.679
Yeah, and I mean, thank you for being there for mine because my you know, we had to put my cat down only two months ago, and you know, I've like been telling you this that for you to not again that I'm happy that you had to experience that, but to know that like my literal best friend who I'm going to come to to talk about this has been through it and like can just understand and give like words because like when it was the other way around, I I'm like, oh my god, what do I even like say to her?
01:02:37.840 --> 01:02:38.719
Like, I don't even know.
01:02:38.800 --> 01:02:58.079
This is Lexi, like there's nothing I can say that's going to make her feel better, and I think I stopped just trying to make you feel better, and I just was like, I'm gonna just let her know I'm here, and you know, it was difficult, but like I appreciate that you know you got it, you understood.
01:02:58.320 --> 01:03:32.400
Um, and yeah, it's rough, and again, going back to like, oh well, it was just a dog, or it was just a cat, or whatever, it's like it was so much more than that, and I think you told me something, and I think you told my mom this too, or maybe I told her what you said that like animals just give us the truest form of love that we'll ever experience, like like no other human, like no other person, nothing, because it's just their love is just so genuine and authentic.
01:03:32.719 --> 01:03:38.000
Yeah, and it's like truly unconditional, it's truly unconditional, yeah.
01:03:38.320 --> 01:03:57.760
But um, I think what I was gonna say earlier, I think what I told your mom that the thing I heard was um, or the thing I read somewhere is like the pain that I have, like this grief that I'm grieving, it's only this strong because this is how much love I have for this person or this thing or this animal.
01:03:58.239 --> 01:04:01.199
And it's like, would you rather take the pain away?
01:04:01.360 --> 01:04:04.320
Or that's just the proof that you love them that much.
01:04:04.480 --> 01:04:13.599
It's just yeah, you know, I'd rather keep that pain every day if that reminds me of how much love I have for someone.
01:04:13.840 --> 01:04:29.119
Yeah, and I think that you know, it was a lot that day, and like I actually was the one that had to make the decision, and like my parents, I don't know that they would have been able to make the decision, you know, because I know my my dad even asked, Well, can we bring him home?
01:04:29.360 --> 01:04:35.920
And my mom just was like, Well, why you know you can see they wanted to hold on to him, right?
01:04:36.159 --> 01:04:50.800
But I have to keep telling my mom like we had to sacrifice our happiness for the sake of his peace because we love him and we wouldn't have wanted him to suffer, and we wouldn't have wanted to come home and just find him there knowing that like he wasn't doing well.
01:04:50.960 --> 01:04:58.960
Like, I think that we gave him the most respectful, loving passing that he could have had.
01:04:59.440 --> 01:05:01.840
Um, so it it was really hard.
01:05:02.480 --> 01:05:12.239
It's really hard because you want to spend like every you don't want like sometimes I just wish my mom even says, like, I wish I would open my eyes and he would just be sitting there, you know.
01:05:12.880 --> 01:05:14.719
And it's hard to just let go.
01:05:15.199 --> 01:05:16.159
It's so hard.
01:05:16.400 --> 01:05:24.400
Yeah, and just even after, like I remember you like with routines and things, walks and feedings, and you know, all the things, you know.
01:05:24.719 --> 01:05:26.079
All the things that you did.
01:05:26.960 --> 01:05:47.119
And then it's like remember like two, three days later, uh her treats came in the mail, and I was like, Yeah, like and then I that prompted me to go start like pausing or can't see I'm already talking about pausing, but like canceling the um auto ship stuff because I don't want them to keep coming and right.
01:05:48.000 --> 01:05:49.199
I don't know, yeah.
01:05:50.000 --> 01:05:54.400
It was so rough, but it's like having a long lifetime connection with someone.
01:05:54.559 --> 01:05:57.039
I haven't had that sort of grief in my life yet.
01:05:57.280 --> 01:05:59.760
Yeah, you know, so Lexi was my longest relationship.
01:06:00.480 --> 01:06:02.639
To a person that has ever passed away.
01:06:02.880 --> 01:06:03.199
Absolutely.
01:06:03.599 --> 01:06:04.400
And yeah.
01:06:04.800 --> 01:06:07.280
Yeah, that was that was a lot for your first time.
01:06:07.519 --> 01:06:08.960
And that was your soul dog.
01:06:09.199 --> 01:06:12.639
Like Lexi was there throughout so many things, you know.
01:06:12.880 --> 01:06:14.400
People would call me Lexi.
01:06:15.039 --> 01:06:15.440
Wow.
01:06:15.679 --> 01:06:16.320
You know what I mean?
01:06:16.480 --> 01:06:17.679
Like you're like, oh Lexi.
01:06:17.920 --> 01:06:19.760
I'm like, that's my dog's name.
01:06:20.480 --> 01:06:22.000
They're like, well, where's Lexi?
01:06:22.480 --> 01:06:22.800
Yeah.
01:06:23.440 --> 01:06:24.079
Yeah.
01:06:24.719 --> 01:06:26.320
Uh well.
01:06:28.239 --> 01:06:32.320
Lexi and Shu, wherever you are, just know that we love you and we miss you.
01:06:32.559 --> 01:06:34.800
Lexi, if you said bleep, blink twice.
01:06:34.960 --> 01:06:35.280
Yeah.
01:06:35.599 --> 01:06:39.760
I just want her next to me, but I don't really need her right next to me.
01:06:40.000 --> 01:06:41.519
Like a because like a because.
01:06:44.719 --> 01:06:55.760
But it it um I get super kind of paranoid that like I'm gonna be in bed and knock it over, not over the urn and it's gonna break and remember you were like, if my apartment burns out, just grab Lexi and run.
01:06:56.079 --> 01:06:57.119
Yeah, hell yeah.
01:06:57.360 --> 01:06:58.079
But I'm not gonna.
01:06:58.320 --> 01:07:00.480
Oh yeah, when I had you babysit her ashes.
01:07:00.960 --> 01:07:01.199
Yeah.
01:07:01.679 --> 01:07:05.519
Oh my god, I always remember her in her little hermaise like outfit.
01:07:05.840 --> 01:07:07.360
Just like right here.
01:07:08.960 --> 01:07:11.119
Oh, she was such a dainty lady.
01:07:11.360 --> 01:07:11.679
Yeah.
01:07:11.920 --> 01:07:13.519
Her little twitch when she walked.
01:07:13.840 --> 01:07:16.320
And her bow and her ponytails.
01:07:18.480 --> 01:07:19.280
She hated it.
01:07:19.519 --> 01:07:20.000
Mm-hmm.
01:07:21.199 --> 01:07:23.280
And that tail, that beautiful tail.
01:07:23.360 --> 01:07:25.280
And she pranced, girl.
01:07:25.440 --> 01:07:27.119
That girl pranced.
01:07:27.440 --> 01:07:28.719
Like a princess.
01:07:29.199 --> 01:07:29.920
Yeah, I know.
01:07:30.000 --> 01:07:34.079
And I people get tired of me saying it, but like Lexi's championship bloodline.
01:07:34.480 --> 01:07:35.280
Yeah, absolutely.
01:07:36.320 --> 01:07:36.880
Yeah, she is.
01:07:37.360 --> 01:07:38.800
I saved her from that life.
01:07:39.199 --> 01:07:39.760
Yeah.
01:07:40.079 --> 01:07:40.239
Yeah.
01:07:42.239 --> 01:07:45.199
Well, I saved you from a mesh on a window.
01:07:45.360 --> 01:07:48.000
He was the one good thing that came from that relationship.
01:07:48.559 --> 01:07:49.920
She was a good boy.
01:07:50.239 --> 01:07:51.519
She was so good.
01:07:51.760 --> 01:07:55.440
But he had his like own he was like a dainty man.
01:07:55.920 --> 01:07:57.039
He was a dainty sir.
01:07:57.440 --> 01:08:00.400
He had his particular things about him too.
01:08:00.880 --> 01:08:01.360
Yeah, yeah.
01:08:02.000 --> 01:08:08.639
You just make sure, like, well, as far as me, like I would just stay still and make sure like he chose me.
01:08:08.800 --> 01:08:09.199
Yeah.
01:08:09.840 --> 01:08:11.360
I wouldn't want to do anything except.
01:08:12.159 --> 01:08:13.519
And he always chose you.
01:08:15.199 --> 01:08:19.680
He like, you know, he had to like he was very friendly too, I feel like, you know.
01:08:19.840 --> 01:08:21.920
But he has he was cautiously friendly.
01:08:22.079 --> 01:08:22.319
Yeah.
01:08:22.640 --> 01:08:23.520
As he should be.
01:08:23.920 --> 01:08:26.079
Because I'm just be loving everybody too.
01:08:26.800 --> 01:08:28.399
Yeah, well, he got that.
01:08:28.720 --> 01:08:29.600
And yeah.
01:08:29.840 --> 01:08:30.159
Yeah.
01:08:30.479 --> 01:08:32.159
And y'all grew up in the same home.
01:08:32.239 --> 01:08:35.279
So in dynamics.
01:08:35.600 --> 01:08:36.239
Yeah.
01:08:36.960 --> 01:08:37.920
That's true.
01:08:38.239 --> 01:08:47.920
I all I also like tend to forget how when I lived at home, how much he used to like scratch my bedroom door because he wanted to come in and like he wanted to sleep next to me.
01:08:48.079 --> 01:08:53.039
He was in my bathroom sink, watching me get ready, and like just all those moments I spent with him.
01:08:54.000 --> 01:08:55.680
So I have a question.
01:08:55.840 --> 01:08:56.079
Yeah.
01:08:56.399 --> 01:09:06.000
Because something I struggled with a lot, and I know you saw me, but I don't even know if you knew how deep I was struggling with like the anticipatory grief.
01:09:07.119 --> 01:09:11.680
Because you know, I started noticing something was going on with Alex, and I was like, something's not right.
01:09:12.000 --> 01:09:18.239
But you know, maybe it's just because she's coming from Philly and like she needs to readjust to being back home or whatever.
01:09:18.479 --> 01:09:29.039
And then it was just like something like it just felt off, and then I'm like, I know she's getting older, like I know something, but like I could just feel it, you know, like I just felt it.
01:09:29.119 --> 01:09:34.720
And I don't know if you because like you knew that he was on medication, yeah and stuff.
01:09:34.960 --> 01:09:52.159
So did you feel that, or were you just so like you know, I started to notice that he was getting older well and I would make comments because he wouldn't jump on the counter anymore or jump on the table or go sit on his favorite seat, like he was very like slowed down, right?
01:09:52.560 --> 01:09:58.479
Um and then even you know, I guess before it happened, right?
01:09:58.560 --> 01:10:12.000
My mom started noticing he wasn't acting himself, and I think that like I don't know, I feel like some cats when they get older, they start to have that like like older, like you know, that like senior looking face.
01:10:12.159 --> 01:10:17.520
Like they just look like they're getting old, and Chu like never looked that way, he always looked the same.
01:10:17.760 --> 01:10:28.880
So I think like part of us like didn't realize he was really aging until he started to slow down because he just always looked like his young little useless self, like youthful self, not useless.
01:10:31.199 --> 01:10:32.239
Youthful self.
01:10:32.479 --> 01:10:47.600
So um, yeah, I started to notice things, but um, and I even heard him making that like noise, like I didn't know if it was a hairball or something, and then after I realized like they can make that noise on their heart, like yeah.
01:10:48.079 --> 01:11:04.000
And so I guess I picked up stuff after the fact, but I did start to notice when he was slowing down, and you know, they say like cats can live to like 20-something, so I was like, oh well, he's just 17, he'll be around longer, but yeah.
01:11:04.319 --> 01:11:05.359
That's what I thought too.
01:11:05.439 --> 01:11:22.720
I thought Lexi had more time, but then seeing her, like when her eyes got a little cloudier and then she wasn't hearing me, like when I came upstairs, like I would come in the house and then like the Let's say I'm I have it here in my I just can't hear her.
01:11:23.279 --> 01:11:28.319
Um yeah, you know, like that's when I was just like, damn, I felt so bad.
01:11:28.399 --> 01:11:33.119
Like, so sometimes I would just come in the house, like the lead the last few days, leave that.
01:11:33.520 --> 01:11:51.680
I would come in the house, and like she usually she knows she knows I'm having I would like just cry downstairs, wipe my tears, and woke up to my bedroom and I'd be like, hi Lexi, and like gently touch her because like she can't see me, she can't hear me.
01:11:51.840 --> 01:11:54.720
Like, I know she can hear me, but not so well.
01:11:54.800 --> 01:11:56.000
But clearly, yeah.
01:11:56.239 --> 01:12:05.039
It's just I just I was breaking because I'm like at that point where I'm like, do I like is she in pain?
01:12:05.279 --> 01:12:07.520
You know, like she does not want to live like this.
01:12:07.600 --> 01:12:11.760
I know Lexi, like she wouldn't want to struggle, I would not let her struggle.
01:12:11.920 --> 01:12:17.439
So yeah, I'm like now I need to make a decision, like because I'm only hanging on for myself, right?
01:12:17.760 --> 01:12:19.119
Right that's not okay.
01:12:19.359 --> 01:12:20.800
That's not okay, yep.
01:12:21.039 --> 01:12:24.319
So um, not so fun fact, everyone.
01:12:24.720 --> 01:12:33.199
Our our animals passed in the same exact room, like at the at the at the hospital, at the vet yard, yeah.
01:12:33.520 --> 01:12:37.039
Same room, and then like I have to talk about Drogo.
01:12:37.520 --> 01:12:39.920
Oh my god, in the episode where Drogo was removed.
01:12:40.239 --> 01:12:41.520
Oh my god, Drogo.
01:12:41.840 --> 01:12:45.680
Drogo was my um Drogo was my dog.
01:12:46.079 --> 01:12:46.960
Well, Mr.
01:12:47.359 --> 01:12:47.680
Mr.
01:12:47.840 --> 01:13:04.960
Darcy, my sister changed his name, but um Cal Drogo was uh shorty, and he mostly like well, you don't need the details, but anyway, like he was a tiny little dog, and I got him for Lexi because I was like, oh, she's like three or whatever.
01:13:05.199 --> 01:13:14.800
She's getting like bored, and I was in college and I didn't really have time to do anything, so I got another dog, and it was Drogo, and long story short, I love him.
01:13:15.199 --> 01:13:23.600
He became like a really good part of my family, and then he died like what was it four months to the day after Lexi died?
01:13:23.840 --> 01:13:26.319
And like she was watching him for her sister for my sister.
01:13:26.479 --> 01:13:38.640
Oh, I skipped over the part where like we were living in Brooklyn, and it was just too much for me to have two dogs, like, and no grass, and it was like yeah, it was just I didn't like it, and I didn't like how Mr.
01:13:38.880 --> 01:13:47.039
Darcy pooped, like he pooped in a circle, and I'm like, ew, just like I'm I'm coming up behind you trying to clean it up, like just stay in one spot.
01:13:47.119 --> 01:13:51.520
Yeah, like he's pooping and walking, and I'm like, uh I hated it.
01:13:51.600 --> 01:13:54.399
Yeah, because you're just walking with a poop bag, like following him.
01:13:54.479 --> 01:13:56.239
Yeah, so anyway, so I gave him away.
01:13:56.319 --> 01:13:57.520
I was trying to give him to my mom.
01:13:57.600 --> 01:13:59.520
My mom's like, Oh, I can't handle a dog.
01:13:59.600 --> 01:14:01.600
I was like, he's two and a half pounds.
01:14:01.840 --> 01:14:08.479
Um, but then my sister, my sister took him and she lives two hours away from my house.
01:14:08.640 --> 01:14:22.720
So like we would just drive, we would meet up in Jersey and like transfer the dogs, like I don't know, on weekends or when when one of us when when one of us were going on vacation or had to do something, yeah.
01:14:22.960 --> 01:14:26.000
But anyway, so like I was watching Mr.
01:14:26.159 --> 01:14:45.199
Darcy for my sister, and my dog had just died four months before, and it was like to the day, to the day, it was October 9th, and I was like, I came home and I'm like he never um he didn't fucking run to the door, and I was like, Mr.
01:14:45.359 --> 01:14:45.840
Darcy.
01:14:46.159 --> 01:14:48.800
I said Drogo, just in case Melissa's listening.
01:14:48.880 --> 01:14:52.800
Yeah, um I was like, I was like, Mr.
01:14:52.960 --> 01:14:59.760
Darcy, and then I look over on the couch and then I see him there stiff as a board.
01:15:00.079 --> 01:15:02.880
Like light as a feather, still stiff as a board.
01:15:03.039 --> 01:15:06.319
Yeah, um, and then I called you and I was freaking out.
01:15:06.560 --> 01:15:07.439
I was like, oh my god.
01:15:07.600 --> 01:15:09.600
Oh my god, I think Mr.
01:15:09.760 --> 01:15:13.680
Darcy passed, and I'm like, no, absolutely not.
01:15:13.840 --> 01:15:15.279
This is not happening again.
01:15:15.680 --> 01:15:16.720
Did I like shoot over there?
01:15:16.800 --> 01:15:17.680
I think you did.
01:15:17.840 --> 01:15:18.159
Oh yeah.
01:15:18.399 --> 01:15:26.000
You came right over, and and the thing is, I was just like, this is so sad for me because not just for me, for my sister.
01:15:26.239 --> 01:15:35.520
My sister was on a flight, she had just landed, no, I didn't and we had to call my mom, and my mom was like, Don't don't tell her yet until she like gets home because she was driving.
01:15:35.600 --> 01:15:42.319
And I was like, there were so many playing parts, so many parts of playing, yeah, whatever I'm saying.
01:15:42.800 --> 01:15:50.800
Um and then bleep came over to help us move the body because we couldn't deal with it.
01:15:51.039 --> 01:15:56.479
Yeah, yeah, no, I'm gonna bleep.
01:15:57.199 --> 01:16:00.000
Listen, yesterday's bleep is not today's bleep.
01:16:00.640 --> 01:16:03.199
Yeah, basically, right, right.
01:16:03.760 --> 01:16:06.640
I was so afraid of Lexi passing the way that Mr.
01:16:06.720 --> 01:16:07.359
Darcy did.
01:16:07.439 --> 01:16:12.960
Yeah, I did not want her to pass away at home while I was at a job that I could give two shits about.
01:16:13.520 --> 01:16:14.319
You know what I mean?
01:16:14.479 --> 01:16:16.319
I mean, I'm I'm joking, I love my job.
01:16:16.560 --> 01:16:18.079
Right, but we don't mean it.
01:16:18.239 --> 01:16:18.720
You know what I mean?
01:16:18.800 --> 01:16:20.239
Like, I wasn't fine.
01:16:20.399 --> 01:16:21.920
I'm I'm fine.
01:16:22.560 --> 01:16:25.359
I wouldn't put those two in the same category.
01:16:25.680 --> 01:16:26.960
It's no question.
01:16:27.439 --> 01:16:28.319
Of course not.
01:16:28.479 --> 01:16:33.600
So anyway, I just wouldn't want her to die at home alone with no one.
01:16:34.079 --> 01:16:35.359
That's what alone means, yeah.
01:16:35.439 --> 01:16:36.640
Yeah, but you get it?
01:16:36.720 --> 01:16:47.359
No, yeah, with no one to say with something there, no one to support you, no one to see that it's your last you know, like nobody to comfort you thing.
01:16:47.680 --> 01:17:01.600
So I dreaded that, and I would I feel I can't even say I feel blessed, but like I feel I feel good that I was at least able to stay there with Lexi through her last through the whole putting her down thing.
01:17:01.760 --> 01:17:09.039
Um yeah, the last person she heard, so like felt, smelled it was you, it was and I mean I was still there for drogy too.
01:17:09.199 --> 01:17:10.800
Yeah, no, I forgot, right?
01:17:11.039 --> 01:17:15.199
It's just I didn't know when, and I didn't know if he suffered, and I and you know what?
01:17:15.359 --> 01:17:20.079
Maybe I wasn't around because he was gonna be suffering, or he was suffering.
01:17:20.640 --> 01:17:21.439
You remember?
01:17:21.520 --> 01:17:28.640
And wasn't it the night before when he was having the attack and me and you were on FaceTime and we were like Drogo's going places?
01:17:29.039 --> 01:17:33.600
Oh my god, yeah, it's now Drogo's going places, yeah.
01:17:34.560 --> 01:17:36.640
And you were like, should I give him the allergy medicine?
01:17:36.720 --> 01:17:38.079
Remember the heart medicine.
01:17:38.399 --> 01:17:39.199
Yeah, whatever.
01:17:40.000 --> 01:17:44.720
God, I miss him, but like he was just such a I loved him so much.
01:17:44.880 --> 01:17:46.079
I still love him.
01:17:46.319 --> 01:17:46.960
Yeah.
01:17:47.439 --> 01:18:05.039
I went over to Melissa's house last weekend and um I saw him, I got to touch his urn or whatever because but I know that I I ordered an extra clipping of his hair because I wanted it to like put with Lexi stuff, but when I was there, I just I couldn't even ask her for it.
01:18:05.199 --> 01:18:07.119
I was just like, not right now.
01:18:07.199 --> 01:18:07.439
Yeah.
01:18:07.680 --> 01:18:14.880
Like my sister is also really grieving, and I don't want to be like, oh, let me get a piece of him and take him away from you.
01:18:15.359 --> 01:18:16.800
Yeah, no, I get that.
01:18:17.039 --> 01:18:24.239
Yeah, yeah, that was rough, and I remember you calling her and telling her, and she just broke down on the phone.
01:18:24.479 --> 01:18:25.680
Oh, that was so much.
01:18:26.399 --> 01:18:27.680
Roshe was with us too.
01:18:27.920 --> 01:18:29.439
Yeah, Roshea was with us too.
01:18:29.600 --> 01:18:31.520
I can't even remember Roshea coming.
01:18:31.600 --> 01:18:33.840
I remember before we left.
01:18:34.159 --> 01:18:34.560
Oh yeah.
01:18:35.119 --> 01:18:37.920
She came by and then we all went in my car.
01:18:38.239 --> 01:18:38.880
So yeah.
01:18:39.359 --> 01:18:50.720
You know what's so crazy is that Alexi passed on June 9th, and Drogo passed on October 9th, and Shu passed nine months after Alexi passed.
01:18:50.960 --> 01:18:54.079
So, and then nine means fulfilled, right?
01:18:54.640 --> 01:18:56.000
Isn't that what nine means?
01:18:56.239 --> 01:18:57.359
I have no idea, does it?
01:18:57.520 --> 01:19:00.800
I I think nine means like fulfilled fulfillment.
01:19:01.119 --> 01:19:08.479
I also think like it's so crazy how we both experience the same thing with our pets, like just within Yeah, what?
01:19:08.800 --> 01:19:09.199
Yeah.
01:19:09.439 --> 01:19:13.760
So we're clearly uh you guys can see that we're processing our grief here.
01:19:14.800 --> 01:19:18.560
We're still we're still here with our grief.
01:19:18.720 --> 01:19:20.079
Oh my gosh, hold on.
01:19:20.319 --> 01:19:28.159
If you mean in numerology, yes, the number nine is often associated with fulfillment, completion, and endings that lead to new beginnings.
01:19:28.399 --> 01:19:42.640
You know, so like final words for you guys who are experiencing, will experience, have experienced grief, just like it's not linear, it's all over the place, it's constant.
01:19:42.880 --> 01:19:46.319
You know, you're gonna have more than one thing to grieve in your life.
01:19:46.479 --> 01:19:50.319
You know, we're we we just primarily look who's on the fucking screen.
01:19:50.479 --> 01:19:52.399
Oh my god, it's Cal Drogo.
01:19:53.279 --> 01:19:54.079
That's crazy.
01:19:54.319 --> 01:19:57.199
Wow, yeah, that was crazy.
01:19:57.680 --> 01:19:59.840
Yeah, wow, yeah.
01:20:00.319 --> 01:20:07.199
Um, yeah, and like that's just us being us.
01:20:07.439 --> 01:20:19.920
But yeah, and if you know, it's not only death, like we were saying before, like we've grieved, I've grieved versions of myself, I've grieved relationships, I've grieved everything.
01:20:20.159 --> 01:20:26.560
You grieve everything that you everything that is a loss in life, I feel like you need to grieve.
01:20:26.880 --> 01:20:29.680
Yeah, just acknowledge it, name the thing, yeah.
01:20:30.000 --> 01:20:33.359
So that you can know what you're longing for on the other end of that.
01:20:33.520 --> 01:20:33.920
Right.
01:20:34.079 --> 01:20:35.279
Like, you know.
01:20:35.520 --> 01:20:39.119
Yeah, and like just respect people's grief process too.
01:20:39.279 --> 01:20:47.520
Like it's it don't ask like, oh, or make comments like, oh, but it's been a year, but like, yeah, don't do that.
01:20:47.760 --> 01:20:48.399
That means nothing.
01:20:48.640 --> 01:20:49.039
That means nothing.
01:20:49.279 --> 01:20:51.199
Time doesn't even time isn't even real.
01:20:51.359 --> 01:20:51.520
Yeah.
01:20:51.760 --> 01:20:53.039
So what do you mean it's been a year?
01:20:53.119 --> 01:20:53.199
Okay.
01:20:54.239 --> 01:20:57.199
It can be six billion years.
01:20:57.520 --> 01:20:58.560
Get out of my face.
01:20:58.720 --> 01:20:59.279
Exactly.
01:20:59.439 --> 01:21:02.159
Like, because I'm because you're still gonna miss Lexi.
01:21:02.399 --> 01:21:03.840
It doesn't matter, right?
01:21:04.319 --> 01:21:04.479
Yeah.
01:21:05.520 --> 01:21:10.479
So just be kind to other people and you know, grieve.
01:21:10.640 --> 01:21:11.520
Just grieve.
01:21:12.000 --> 01:21:16.560
Don't rush it, don't say you're fine, just sit there and grieve, and that's it.
01:21:16.720 --> 01:21:19.920
Alright, well, we are the way we are because of our dads.
01:21:20.000 --> 01:21:29.119
So next week we're talking about daddy issues, and zaddy issues, maybe, also, and both sides of the father relationship.
01:21:29.279 --> 01:21:34.239
The dads who become heroes, and the dads who leave wounds people spend years trying to heal.
01:21:34.560 --> 01:21:34.880
Hello.
01:21:35.279 --> 01:21:44.720
We're talking about love, safety, protection, validation, and abandonment, pressure, emotional distance, and never feeling fully chosen.
01:21:44.960 --> 01:21:47.920
Because fathers can shape the way people see themselves.
01:21:48.159 --> 01:21:52.960
And sometimes that impact lasts long after childhood ends.
01:21:53.520 --> 01:21:56.479
Alright, that's it for this session.
01:22:01.920 --> 01:22:06.479
Send us your book, recommendations, character obsessions, or topics you want us to cover.
01:22:06.720 --> 01:22:11.920
You can find us on Instagram and TikTok at once upon a session pod.
01:22:12.720 --> 01:22:21.279
Or email us at info at onceuponassessionpod.com if you want to share thoughts, suggestions, or just scream about a plot twist with us.
01:22:21.920 --> 01:22:22.560
Alright.
01:22:23.119 --> 01:22:25.279
So are we charging for the session?
01:22:25.520 --> 01:22:26.079
Nope.
01:22:27.359 --> 01:22:30.159
We're not charging ever again.
01:22:30.479 --> 01:22:32.399
Okay, not even emotionally.
01:22:32.720 --> 01:22:35.119
Oh yeah, this was emotionally charging.
01:22:35.520 --> 01:22:36.000
Always.
01:22:36.159 --> 01:22:36.399
Yeah.
01:22:36.640 --> 01:22:37.840
Emotionally, always.
01:22:38.159 --> 01:22:39.119
See you next session.
01:22:39.279 --> 01:22:39.920
Same catch.
01:22:40.479 --> 01:22:41.600
Same chaos.
01:22:42.479 --> 01:22:43.039
Chaos.
01:22:44.399 --> 01:22:45.439
Charlotte.
01:22:46.960 --> 01:22:48.479
What's Charles reading, she said?
01:22:48.720 --> 01:22:50.960
The second um oh the second crescent.
01:22:52.239 --> 01:22:52.640
Yeah.
01:22:53.279 --> 01:22:54.720
Shout out to Charles and them.
01:22:54.960 --> 01:22:55.760
Shout out to Roman.
01:22:55.840 --> 01:22:56.560
Speaking of Charles.
01:22:56.720 --> 01:23:02.479
Yeah, oh, Rochet Rem and speaking of Charles and them, we'll be talking about them next week again.
01:23:02.720 --> 01:23:04.319
Well, for the people, it's next week.
01:23:04.399 --> 01:23:05.680
For us, it's in five minutes.
01:23:06.000 --> 01:23:06.560
Yeah.
01:23:07.439 --> 01:23:08.800
Yes, this will be fine.
01:23:09.039 --> 01:23:10.720
Y'all don't know how the system works.
01:23:11.039 --> 01:23:11.920
Now they do.
01:23:12.159 --> 01:23:12.640
Alright.
01:23:12.800 --> 01:23:17.520
Alright, well, we're gonna choke and choke and and we're gonna.
01:23:18.479 --> 01:23:19.920
We won't hurt you.
01:23:20.159 --> 01:23:21.199
Please stay.
01:23:26.960 --> 01:23:29.600
Um no, we're not homicidal guys.
01:23:29.680 --> 01:23:31.439
We're the sweetest people ever.
01:23:37.279 --> 01:23:40.000
Yeah, you're you're such a nice person now.
01:23:40.079 --> 01:23:41.600
Like, I don't even know who you are.
01:23:41.840 --> 01:23:43.680
When I hear you on the phone at work.
01:23:43.840 --> 01:23:45.039
Hi, hey, good morning.
01:23:45.119 --> 01:23:45.600
How are you?
01:23:45.680 --> 01:23:46.399
Yeah, good.
01:23:46.479 --> 01:23:46.800
Bye.
01:23:47.039 --> 01:23:47.600
Good day.
01:23:48.239 --> 01:23:49.920
Is it impossible?
01:23:50.319 --> 01:23:51.119
Yes, she is.
01:23:51.279 --> 01:23:52.079
Cut the call.
01:23:52.560 --> 01:23:53.439
Bye, people.