Navigating the Complexities of Couples Therapy ft Kristen Feemster

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Dr. Raquel Martin: Steve, Hello
everyone, and welcome to Mind
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your mental just a reminder that
this podcast is not meant to be
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a substitute for a relationship
with a licensed mental health
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professional. I know they are
hard to find, and I get that I
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have a bunch of resources on my
website if you need them, but I
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am not your clinician. I am a
psychologist, but I am not your
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psychologist, so if you need any
specific help, please look for
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the help of a licensed mental
health professional. Learn all
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you can learn from the podcast.
Enjoy the episode. Once again,
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we have Kristen feimster. Thank
you so much for joining us on
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the podcast. How are you doing
today? Good.
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Unknown: I'm good. It's a
pleasure to be with you today
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and to have this conversation.
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Dr. Raquel Martin: Yeah, I'm
gonna be honest with you that
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the I was first introduced to
you via your your social media,
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your fitness videos, because
they're straightforward, and I
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was able to easily build like, a
formidable workout without
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having to have like, 50 minutes
of intro or someone trying to,
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like, sell me stuff like it,
literally, like, when you look
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on it, she's doing an Exercise
to show you how to do it as a
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modified one, a regular one,
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Unknown: simple,
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Dr. Raquel Martin: like, exactly
what I was looking for. Like,
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there are more accounts doing
that now, but you were the first
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account I would follow you for
years. You were the first
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account actually doing that.
Because I really just wanted to
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be like, can I just listen? We
don't have text just arm day. I
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don't know what to do. Can I?
Can you please just show me what
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to do via arm day. I don't want
the shaker bottle. I don't want
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the booty tights. All I want
just tell me what to do on arm
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day, for the love of God. So,
yeah, that's why I started
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following you. I was just
surprised by that she was also a
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clinician. So I was like, Oh,
that's fantastic. I mean, I
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followed you just for the
fitness double whammy. It's
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just, I get sick of being sold
stuff all the time. So you are a
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licensed Marriage and Family
Therapist. Tell me about the
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difference between when it comes
to like, your training, because
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everyone doesn't work with
couples, like and working
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marriage and family therapy,
working with families, working
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with couples. Those are
specialties. I don't think
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everyone grasps that, like not
everybody. Just because you
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trained the individual therapy
does not mean you can work with
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couples, right? It does not mean
you can work with families. You
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have way more people in the
room. It's a lot.
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Unknown: Yes, I think exactly to
what you were speaking about is
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being able to manage the people
in the room, you know. And so my
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background me, marriage and
family, going all the way back
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to my, you know, schooling and
everything, we did a lot of work
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around just understanding family
dynamics, how family of origin,
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you know, how you grew up,
childhood experiences and that
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sort of thing, affect the way
you choose partners and
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experience your adult
relationships, you know. And so
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in knowing that information,
that's not the only part that
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makes the specialization so
helpful is that we actually have
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real time experience with
multiple people being in the
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room. So it's easy to know the
information about how these
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things should work and how
people are affected by their
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attachment style and their, you
know, upbringing, but to
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actually have two people in the
room that you have to kind of
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counteract their energies and
make sure everybody feels heard,
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then in real time, manage some
of those issues. It's, I enjoy
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it because it's there's never a
dull moment in those situations.
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You know, there's always
something to work with. But it's
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definitely a major difference
coming from just having the one
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person's story, their voice,
their truth, to having multiple
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people in there to manage at the
same time. Do
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Dr. Raquel Martin: you feel as
though people come in with
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certain misconceptions when they
come into family or couples
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therapy? Because as someone
who's worked with families, I
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think the biggest misconception
that people come in with is
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thinking that I'm there to be
the referee and to keep score,
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asking me whose side they're on,
like, Oh, she agrees with me.
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She agrees with me. And I would
say that's the that's the big
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that's the most consistent one I
get. And I have to be like, I am
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not a referee. My patient is the
family. Neither one of y'all are
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my patient individually. You
know, like, do you, do you feel
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as though you see similar
misconceptions when people are
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coming to you for the first
time? Yeah, I
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Unknown: think so. I think that,
you know, depending on gender,
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it can kind of feel people can,
like, say, a husband or a male
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partner can feel concerned that
there's going to be a piling on,
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you know, if they pick a a
female therapist versus a male,
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you know, those types of things
can come up. And I also like to
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be upfront about that. I have
some some counselors do, but I
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want a healthy relationship for
the both of you. I'm not sold on
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keeping you together or breaking
you up. And it may feel like the
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questions that I'm asking or the
things that I want to unpack
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have some sort of, like,
underlying motive behind them up
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there she's trying to tear us
apart. It may be that we just
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need to have a hard
conversation. And so that's
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another misconception, is that
maybe I'm out to, you know, keep
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them in something that they
don't want to be in, because a
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lot of people come in on the
fence or with what I call like
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one foot out the door, where
they're like, I'm kind of
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leaning out. So I even on the
onset of therapy, I will meet
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with the couple together for the
first time, just to make sure
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everybody knows we're all on the
same team. And then I actually
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break the couples of the
partners apart and meet with
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them separately, just to gage,
are you. You leaning out? Are
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you leaning in? I want to make
sure that I'm hearing what
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you're saying, to keep that
neutrality, you know, when I'm
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coming into the joint session.
So that's another misconception,
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is that maybe I have, like, some
some end goal, and I'm like,
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hey, this may end in you guys
parting ways. I want to support
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you in just having the
conversations and doing the work
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to come to that conclusion, I am
not committed to an outcome. And
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so that's another thing. Hey,
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Dr. Raquel Martin: everyone,
just a reminder that mind, your
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mental is not just a podcast. It
is also a amazing community. If
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I do say so myself, it's
phenomenal. I mean, you get more
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access to me. What more could
you want in this life? So if you
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want to join the community, if
you're not already on the
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community, go to my social
media. My social media is the
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same Raquel Martin, PhD, and DM
me the word community, so you
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can get details on joining this
amazing, flipping community. You
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get more access to me. Y'all
like, I'm a delight. All right.
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All right. Hope to see you
there. I love the fact that you
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split a split them up at times,
it in not to be confused with
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the fact that you're their
individual therapist, because
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even when you split them up, you
are still there, right? Yes,
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yes, we're
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Unknown: still having
conversations about the most
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recent couples therapy session.
Maybe there's something I want
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to clarify with them in private.
I don't keep secrets. It's about
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hearing them clear, clearly, so
that I can, you know, navigate
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whatever challenge we're having
in the session, so I'm clear
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about that I don't like. So in
our individual appointments,
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don't tell me secrets that
you're not comfortable with. You
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know, eventually sharing. All
right, we got to figure out how
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to do that, but it will help me
hear you, and maybe you can
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share in a different way without
your partner present, and then I
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can help you with communicating
that you know confidently or
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with a different language in the
session. But everything is
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definitely for the purpose of
coming back to the couple's
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work, no matter how many times
we break off. And I'll add to
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oftentimes, I pretty soon, if
they're not already in their
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individual therapy, we're
starting to talk about, you
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know, what does it look like for
you to have an individual
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therapist? Because maybe things
are coming up. I do 90 up to 90
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minute sessions, because it can
be a lot to unpack, but I always
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like for clients to have that
individual therapist so that I
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can defer and say, and that
sounds like something, you know,
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for your individual so that you
can, you know, continue to work
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on that and show up in the
couples therapy space, you know,
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as healthy as possible. So those
are some ways I try to make sure
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that you know the boundaries are
clear on my purpose by
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acknowledging and deferring to
that other resource. Yeah,
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Dr. Raquel Martin: and why is it
important for everyone to
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understand that your couples
therapists will never be your
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individual therapy.
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Unknown: I think, yeah, well,
honestly, some people, some
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therapists, have heard, have
different approaches to this,
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and, you know, kind of have
different boundaries with it.
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Really, yes, yes, I've
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Dr. Raquel Martin: I'm gonna let
you know I'm okay. So Dr Martin
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is a firm. It's appropriate at
all? I don't think it's
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appropriate
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Unknown: at all. We agree, yeah,
yeah. I don't think it's
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appropriate at all. I think it
just complicates something that
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doesn't have to be but do, yeah,
I do think, you know, if I had
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to have some level
understanding, I might see,
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like, where in rural areas where
there's just not enough to go
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around, maybe, or, you know,
there's some something nuanced
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about the dynamic that would
lend itself to that. Now, I've
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only heard about this in the
Facebook street, so I don't know
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anybody personally that's doing
it. But on a Facebook group, I
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was like, wow, that's, I don't
know how they're doing that.
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Just keep scrolling. I'm just
like, I don't know about that,
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but I decide, you know, I've let
them know once we tap in, same
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thing with my individual
clients, and usually my
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individual clients are like,
Yeah, I don't want my boyfriend
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to meet you. You're mine. You
know, they're like, I don't want
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to. I wouldn't want that anyway,
like, he's got to find his own,
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yeah, his own therapist. I just
say, you know, that's honoring
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the way that we connected first,
and that allows us to not have
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to have so many complications
from dual relationships and
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holding different considerations
in mind. You know, if I'm your
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individual therapist, I can just
show up for you, and you don't
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have to worry about what you
say, do or whatever, showing up
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in another session. And the same
for the couple's work. You know,
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you can know that that is a
place and space to unpack that,
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and then we can go into talking
about your career or your
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friendships or your whatever
else, and your individuals. And
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you know you have time and space
to do both without it all
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getting convoluted. So I try to
speak to it as, like, a benefit
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and not, you know, a cost, you
know, a liability, to not be
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able to speak to the same person
about everything.
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Dr. Raquel Martin: Yeah, that's
how I was trained, too. Because
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I think that gets confused as to
who you're serving, right? Like
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when I'm working with families,
the family is the patient,
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right? Like, there is no I'm
understanding that we operate in
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a system, and we're going to
work on what is best for the
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system right now with couples
work, you can you guys, may,
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they may decide to, like, what's
best for us as a as individuals
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or in the system, is to no
longer be in a relationship,
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right? That doesn't get to
happen in family therapy a lot,
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but understanding that they had.
Unified patient is the I don't
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even do my rule, and I think I'm
still able to stick to this
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rule. I haven't had to come up
yet. But, like, I don't work
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with siblings and individual
therapy. Oh yeah. So, like, if
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I'm seeing sibling a for
individual therapy, I'm not
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seeing sibling B for individual
therapy, like somebody else has
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to see them. I remember having
one, like, during training,
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having a couple of encounters
with that, and they really would
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just come in and think, like,
well, make sure when you go in
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your session you tell them not
to touch my stuff. I like, what
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Unknown: is this triangulation?
This
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Dr. Raquel Martin: is a problem.
I'm not doing this with you,
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right. Like, and it's just like,
it's very different. So, like,
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one of my rules is, like, I
don't see siblings, mom, dad,
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you figure out which one you
want me to see, and we'll figure
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out who the other one. Yes,
because you're not about to
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spend my whole session giving me
a play by play of how they took
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your Barbie and then you destroy
their hot wheel truck. And now,
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Unknown: right, right? And then,
to my to your point, you start
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to replicate issues that are
probably in the home or in the
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family dynamic in general, if
we're being honest, because it's
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like, what does this look like
when I'm the therapist? Isn't
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the commonality. It probably
shows up in the way that they
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use their parents to mitigate
different issues or whatever.
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You know what I'm saying, you
can kind of really get into the
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dysfunction by doing that and
overstepping those types of
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boundaries. So in demonstration
of health, I'm going to keep
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things separate for all of us.
Everybody needs their person.
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Nobody wants to feel like, you
know, you're always having to
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play both sides. And so that's
the dangers of it, though, you
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can easily get kind of wrapped
up in the codependent,
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complicated triangulation. That
is probably a part of why
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they're there. And you got to
say, I'm not going to
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participate in that. Let's go
ahead and and do this separately
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so that everybody gets their
needs met, because that's
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probably what they need,
especially your children. I
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mean, all this. But you know
what I mean? It's probably,
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yeah, I
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Dr. Raquel Martin: totally get
that. When I found my
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psychologist after our first
session, I was like, Man, I
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don't know if I want you to be
my psychologist or my mentor and
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like. So when people are like,
well, I want you to work with us
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in both ways, I'm like, Listen,
I have felt this pain. I totally
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get it. I totally understand,
you know. But Right?
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Unknown: Right? Can't do it.
Can't do it.
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Dr. Raquel Martin: You know, you
can't do it, right? Because I
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can't have her as both. She's my
psychologist. She'll never be
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able to be my mentor. Like, it's
not a thing. So that was, I'm
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like, I felt this, I too, felt
this pain. No, I literally was
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just like, I think you're a
little too dope to be my
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psychologist. I do need a mentor
as well, right? Just having to
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just be an adult like so
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Unknown: which one did you go
with? Which did you decide
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psychologists?
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But sometimes I regret my mental
health can wait.
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I was hoping you were gonna say
mentor, because I'm like,
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getting mentor some days,
sometimes I regret it.
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Like mental health could have
waited. I could have waited to
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find somebody.
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No, I feel you on that. I feel
you on that. I have the same
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thing come up with inquiries
where, you know, because I do
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offer coaching and different
stuff, it's like helping them
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decide, yeah, and you're right.
It's that dilemma like, dang, I
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know I need the therapy. But
this, you know, this other
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dynamic which has less, you
know, less rules and, you know,
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guidelines and ethics around it.
And I don't want to say less, it
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may be different. You know what
I'm saying. I ought to get the
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dilemma. I get the dilemma. But
mental health, you know, then I
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was like, dang, I wonder if
that's her mentor, psychologist.
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That's okay,
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Dr. Raquel Martin: you know,
because here's the thing, mental
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health wise, has been doing a
lot better. So we've
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transitioned to like, you know,
boosters, right? But then I kind
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of just want to be like, I kind
of just want to kick it like,
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because you guys, did you just
want to talk and I can't,
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because it's just like, Girl,
no, she's got her
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Unknown: she's got her
boundaries. First
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Dr. Raquel Martin: she's, I've
been working with her since I
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was a student. That's why I was,
that's why it was even more.
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Just like, part of my issue is
that there's so much racism in
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my program, and I could also
benefit from a mentor, right?
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So, right, yeah, you
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Unknown: bring up a good point.
This is the intersection, right?
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I mean, you kind of bring up a
good point. It's like, do you
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have to decide? But I mean,
again, I know the benefits. I
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know the I know the protective
factor is involved in deciding,
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but sometimes it is hard.
Sometimes you sit at the
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intersection and it's hard body
right there at the intersection.
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So
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Dr. Raquel Martin: she's a good
psychologist, but she would have
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been a great mentor, too.
Anyway, if you're listening to
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this doctor Williams, I love
you, but I know she don't listen
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to my
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Unknown: I could get her to be
my mentor. She sounds great. I
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want you to know how it
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Dr. Raquel Martin: is. You're
not gonna just have my dream.
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She's not right. That's just not
right. I ran into her at an APA
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event, like I hadn't seen it
because we had done telehealth
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since I hadn't seen her in a
minute. And I ran up and gave
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her a hug. I said, Don't make
this weird. I'm gonna need a
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hug, and then I'm leaving. And
she was just like, Raquel, you
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just, just like, I just, I just
haven't seen your physical body
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even so like, I'll see you next
session. Nobody knows anybody.
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We're at it. We're at it. We're
at an APA American Psychological
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Association event. You know,
clearly you're going to be at
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this event. It's very pro black,
which is why you're great
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psychology, exactly. But, yeah,
it was pretty painful. Sometimes
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I think I made the work wrong
decision. One of the things,
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right? You know, we'll talk
about it in session. She's just
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gonna be like, well, there's the
Association of Black
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Psychologists, and you could
find a mentor there. And no, I
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already know girl. I already
know. I've been working with her
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for a minute. She She don't play
these games. She's like, but
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let's focus on our plan. Okay,
because we
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Unknown: talked about this
running a tight ship.
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Dr. Raquel Martin: Oh, wow, you
gotta love it. But one of the
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things I think, is really that
I've noticed when it comes to
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like, whether I'm building
relationships or talking to
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friends, building relationships
or even patients, is how much
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they don't really they may
forget about how their
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relationship with themselves is
going to impact the way that
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they navigate any relationship
that they have, whether it's
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romantic, whether it is
friendship, whether it is
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collegial with co workers. Can
you talk about how you've seen
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that play out in sessions like
when it comes to you mentioned
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family of origin, but also
possibly habits they may have,
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or possibly core beliefs that
will impact the way we engage
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with anyone?
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Unknown: Yeah, so the way I view
things across the board, even
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when it comes to fitness and
just, you know, wellness goals.
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In that sense is that, you know,
in our family of origin, when we
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when we are growing up in
childhood, we are, you know,
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being conditioned, for better or
for worse, to see the world in a
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certain way and to experience
ourselves in a certain way. So
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our experiences that we have
that are traumatic, or messages
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that we pick up along the way,
such as a common one, I'm not
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good enough, or there's
something wrong with me, or
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everyone leaves me, if you're
rejection, fear of abandonment.
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We know those become the lens
that we look through. You know,
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that becomes our narrative, that
becomes our self talk, that
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becomes, you know, a core belief
that we have and we carry that
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we can carry that into we can,
and we do carry that into other
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situations that are decades. I
mean, I work with people, you
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know, mid 30s, 40s, 50s, who are
carrying around narratives that
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they picked up when they were
seven and eight years old from a
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bullying situation, or, you
know, a home life that was
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neglectful, emotionally abusive,
whatever. And that affects, you
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know, their personality, that
affects the the partners that
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they choose, the friendships
that they're able to keep or not
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keep, to not having those
skills. I think that, you know,
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there's a lot of conversation
now around friendships and
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realizing that they actually do
take skills and work, that it's
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not just we're friends because
we have a common experience. You
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know, we're actually friends
because we work at our
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communication at the level, you
know, at the same with, the same
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with, with effort that we would
also apply to romantic
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relationships and whatnot. Like
there's, there's effort to be
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put in. It doesn't just happen.
And so, yeah, I spill that over
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into the habits we acquire. You
know, how did you see your
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family system coping with
issues. You know, did you see
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them? Was there a rule of, we
can't talk about that, or we
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don't talk about that? Was there
sweeping under the rug a lot of
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different things? And then we
grow up and we're doing the same
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thing. We're escaping and
numbing and self medicating in
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the same ways that we saw, you
know, our family system or our
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mom do or whatever, and then
we're wondering why we can't
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break the cycle. Like, to your
point, I have the meal plan, I
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have the workout plan. Why can I
not just do it? And it's like,
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because there's these other
habits and these other ways of
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thinking that are taking up
space. You know, I work with a
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lot of women around being high
achievers. You know,
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perfectionist high achievers,
and they don't realize how that
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all or nothing. And I'm speaking
to myself too, also, by the way,
370
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I put myself in front street
with this one, is that the all
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or nothing mentality helps you
succeed. It helps you be a
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straight A student. It helps you
be a star athlete. It helps you
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start the business and graduate
despite unfortunate
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circumstances and all those
things. And it also can be a
375
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hindrance to being a beginner at
something, to having to try
376
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again at something when when
things don't go the way that
377
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they're supposed to go. And so
it's like that, that high
378
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standard mentality can help you
succeed, but then it also can
379
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keep you from trying with things
that are new, you know. So even
380
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in the tangibles of starting new
relationships or, you know,
381
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having new health and wellness
goals across the gamut, you can
382
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have your standards be so high
that you never start or that you
383
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come in really feeling very weak
or challenged in areas that
384
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aren't really the reality. So I
help people with understanding.
385
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Long story short, I help people
with understanding, what are
386
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,100
those core beliefs like? What is
that narrative that keeps
387
00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:50,800
popping up? I'm not good enough.
I'm not good enough here, I'm
388
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not good enough there. And we
start to like work through that.
389
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On the therapy side, we start to
work through that. We also might
390
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talk about emotional eating, you
know, I'm. Eating because I feel
391
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like a failure. I'm eating
because, you know, I never
392
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learned how to actually cope.
Even addictions kind of come
393
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from this too, and through and
through, you know, working
394
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through those things and finding
freedom from those things, you
395
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can actually pursue healthy
environments, healthy people,
396
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healthy habits that really just
make you generally have a better
397
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life, a better quality of life.
398
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Dr. Raquel Martin: Can you share
more about the relationship
399
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between that and addiction?
Because I also know that from
400
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your experience, you would be
able to talk about living in
401
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,500
long term recovery as well.
Yeah,
402
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:37,940
Unknown: yes. So I think that
personally, for me, you know, I
403
00:20:37,940 --> 00:20:39,860
was speaking to the high
achieving, you know,
404
00:20:39,860 --> 00:20:44,380
perfectionist mindset. I think
that that as a black girl, you
405
00:20:44,380 --> 00:20:47,380
know, being living in a
predominantly white community, I
406
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:50,020
think there was just a lot of
fact, we could do a whole nother
407
00:20:50,020 --> 00:20:53,440
podcast on how that, you know,
shapes us. But you know,
408
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:58,720
expectations were high, you
know, and I found approval and
409
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:03,000
emotional safety in a way, in in
having high expectations of
410
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:07,380
myself and being an excelling
and a comfort in that. But as we
411
00:21:07,380 --> 00:21:10,860
know, as you get older and more
life happens, you start to
412
00:21:10,860 --> 00:21:13,980
realize that is not sustainable
to be excellent at everything at
413
00:21:14,220 --> 00:21:18,480
all times. That leads to a lot
of anxiety, that leads to a lot
414
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of fear of things going wrong to
the point where maybe you're,
415
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,820
you know, sabotaging your own
progress, or, you know, whatever
416
00:21:25,820 --> 00:21:29,240
the case may be. And a lot of
times, that's where those
417
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,360
emotions that we're maybe not
giving the tools with how to
418
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deal with, that's where the
vices start to come out. And so
419
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my thing was, was alcohol, you
know, that was my that was my
420
00:21:41,020 --> 00:21:44,320
story. But I also like to let
people know that, hey, just
421
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,720
because mom is, you know, people
think that I'm the drugs. It's
422
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like, No, I'm different than
that. I wasn't doing all that.
423
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That's that's just they see it
as next level, which mine was
424
00:21:51,700 --> 00:21:55,600
next level, but it's the theme,
it's the purpose, it's the
425
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relationship with it. So I don't
always speak about addiction,
426
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per se. I speak about what's
your relationship with that
427
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,640
thing? So your relationship with
alcohol, your relationship with
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food, your relationship with
men, your relationship with
429
00:22:08,700 --> 00:22:11,400
work, to say that it's not
really about the thing at the
430
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end. It's more about how you're
using it. And that could be
431
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extreme where you're, you know,
drinking every day, like I was,
432
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or that could be something that
happens occasionally, but if I'm
433
00:22:20,420 --> 00:22:25,340
doing it to avoid hard feeling,
my my uncomfortable feelings and
434
00:22:25,340 --> 00:22:28,280
hard, hard situations, then it's
functioning the same,
435
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:32,540
functioning the same in that
regard. And so helping people to
436
00:22:32,540 --> 00:22:36,080
understand, particularly with
food, I think that that's one
437
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,920
that comes up a lot, because you
kind of like for me with with
438
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:43,240
alcohol, I decided that this is
no longer serving me. I need to
439
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:46,420
go completely abstinent, and I
need to just do away with it.
440
00:22:46,420 --> 00:22:50,680
And I've been, God willing, I'll
have 10 years sober in December,
441
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:54,940
this coming December. But with
food, you have to figure out,
442
00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:58,540
you can't not eat for 10 years.
You know, you have to figure
443
00:22:58,540 --> 00:23:02,880
out. You have to figure out a
better way to cope. And I think
444
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:06,900
that's where the other healthy
habits and really unpacking the
445
00:23:06,900 --> 00:23:09,720
root of it is so important,
because you have to find a
446
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:13,080
different way to relate to the
substances and the things that
447
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,780
you're engaged in. Again, this
could be work too, you know, it
448
00:23:15,780 --> 00:23:20,540
could be sex work, gambling
across the board. And so that's
449
00:23:20,540 --> 00:23:21,740
kind of where the work lies.
450
00:23:21,860 --> 00:23:24,200
Dr. Raquel Martin: One,
congratulate, congratulations,
451
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:27,920
and congratulations for December
coming up. Two, I think it's
452
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,040
great the way you shared it in
terms of, like a relationship,
453
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,340
because it can be a bunch of
different things, right? I find
454
00:23:34,340 --> 00:23:37,160
that whether it's substances or
whether it's other things,
455
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:41,080
people can use them for a number
of reasons, but what it provides
456
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:45,340
you like it can provide you
something that stops the bad. It
457
00:23:45,340 --> 00:23:48,040
can provide you with something
that starts the good. It can
458
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,040
provide you with something that
starts anything. Because so many
459
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:55,240
people are walking around numb
and completing that assignment,
460
00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:58,420
or eating that donut or using
that substance just gives them
461
00:23:58,420 --> 00:24:02,640
something to feel as someone who
eats their food, and I am an
462
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,820
emotional person. I love every
single aspect of it, like, and
463
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,760
being emotional, because I think
it's a stray knowing your
464
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:12,060
relationship with food is is
important in any way, shape or
465
00:24:12,060 --> 00:24:15,840
form, right? Because it's not
about body shaming. It's about
466
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:18,120
sometimes you have to
acknowledge is eating the only
467
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:20,660
positive thing in your life.
Like, is it? I'm not trying to
468
00:24:20,660 --> 00:24:22,760
shame any aspect of your body.
If you're healthy, you're
469
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,100
healthy, but can you also
acknowledge that the only time
470
00:24:25,100 --> 00:24:28,400
when you actually feel healthy
or feel anything or feel happy
471
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,100
is with eating, and that is not
okay. What like? What else
472
00:24:31,100 --> 00:24:33,740
Unknown: do I have to look
forward to? That's true, yeah.
473
00:24:33,740 --> 00:24:34,100
What else
474
00:24:34,100 --> 00:24:36,200
Dr. Raquel Martin: do you have
to look forward to? Right? Like
475
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:41,080
I had to learn when I was losing
weight, and honestly, I said, as
476
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,840
someone who I feel like I
gained, I can't remember how
477
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,780
much I gained was more than I
wanted to anytime I was at the
478
00:24:46,780 --> 00:24:49,000
people like, I know it's hard,
it's like, yeah, it's hard. But
479
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:53,560
I also enjoyed every pound, like
I didn't gain this weight eating
480
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,720
salads, okay, like i
481
00:24:57,880 --> 00:24:59,740
Unknown: There are memories
you're
482
00:24:59,740 --> 00:25:01,500
Dr. Raquel Martin: not. All of
their memories connected to
483
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,900
these pounds. But I will be
remiss if I didn't state that it
484
00:25:03,900 --> 00:25:07,260
was just like, it wasn't the
amount. It was like going
485
00:25:07,260 --> 00:25:10,140
through high stress environment,
going through high stress names
486
00:25:10,140 --> 00:25:13,980
and my as soon as my quarters
all spiked. I wanted, like,
487
00:25:13,980 --> 00:25:17,640
pizza and sweets. It wasn't even
the excess. It wasn't like I was
488
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,320
eating more. It was everything I
was eating was terrible. Like,
489
00:25:21,500 --> 00:25:26,600
like, like, I'm just like, well,
you know, they say you treat
490
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,480
yourself on a Tuesday at 6am
girl,
491
00:25:30,620 --> 00:25:36,500
Unknown: stop. But honestly, but
it was because I didn't have any
492
00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:38,300
other way to deal with the
stress,
493
00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:43,180
and I tie that sometimes, with
my clients, back to, where did
494
00:25:43,180 --> 00:25:46,660
you learn that this was the like
they you may have observed that,
495
00:25:46,780 --> 00:25:50,140
yeah, like growing up, that this
food and having food around
496
00:25:50,140 --> 00:25:53,380
meant that we were celebrating,
that all was well, it was a
497
00:25:53,380 --> 00:25:56,440
whole thing. I felt connected. I
was with my family. I was with
498
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,780
my friends. You know, you get
all of this nostalgic
499
00:25:58,780 --> 00:26:02,220
Association, and even before you
get to the coffee that may be
500
00:26:02,220 --> 00:26:04,260
mediocre, you know, sometimes
they don't make the coffee.
501
00:26:04,260 --> 00:26:08,160
Like, you know, you've already
romanticized the whole
502
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:11,760
experience, because it ties back
to maybe some earlier memories
503
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,780
of it actually doing that. And
the problem is, is that we have
504
00:26:15,780 --> 00:26:18,900
to go back and kind of mitigate,
like, is that actually doing
505
00:26:18,900 --> 00:26:22,280
what it used to do? Is it really
doing exactly? Is it it's
506
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:26,960
helping? Yes, but what else
could help? And so I often don't
507
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,780
even tell people that they have
to do away with their emotional
508
00:26:29,780 --> 00:26:32,480
eating altogether, because that
can be a little overwhelming.
509
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,880
It's like, okay, wait a minute.
I need my I need my treats. I
510
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,940
need my I need my little thing.
Yeah, it's just about, can we
511
00:26:37,940 --> 00:26:41,800
get you like, five other things?
Can we just get you some options
512
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:45,160
to where it's not only that and
always that, take the pressure
513
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:50,440
off of that area, and let's pour
into hobbies and you know some
514
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,140
other, maybe relationships, that
can be there. You know, your
515
00:26:53,140 --> 00:26:56,320
spirituality, other things, so
that all your eggs aren't in
516
00:26:56,320 --> 00:27:00,280
that one basket with that's all
you have to go to. And sometimes
517
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:03,480
we learn that, you know through
experience, that that's what we
518
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,700
do, that's just what we do
around here. Same thing with any
519
00:27:05,700 --> 00:27:08,280
other substance. It's like we
just, we just drank over it.
520
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:11,220
That's just all we ever did. And
so that's all I've ever done.
521
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:14,460
Yeah, and it's like there's so
many other ways to do it. And
522
00:27:14,460 --> 00:27:19,680
then you could still, in a more
moderate way, have heavier
523
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:23,420
things without putting your
whole life's quality of life in
524
00:27:23,420 --> 00:27:24,740
that one thing you know
525
00:27:26,060 --> 00:27:27,740
Dr. Raquel Martin: exactly,
because it's the excess, right?
526
00:27:27,740 --> 00:27:30,440
It's also the fact that, like,
it's easier. Like, no matter
527
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:33,020
what, if I'm in a stressful
mood, I know for a fact that a
528
00:27:33,020 --> 00:27:37,700
cheese pizza is going right.
It's quicker. Like, to me, it's
529
00:27:38,300 --> 00:27:41,440
it's there, it's quicker,
instead of me just being like,
530
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,860
okay, but this is also kind of
avoidance, like, why don't we,
531
00:27:44,860 --> 00:27:47,380
you know, you process what's
frustrating you Why don't you
532
00:27:47,380 --> 00:27:50,020
schedule another session? Like,
there are other things that we
533
00:27:50,020 --> 00:27:53,260
can do, there are other skills
that we can impart, but reaching
534
00:27:53,260 --> 00:27:55,780
for the food was just, it's just
quicker and then as a result,
535
00:27:55,780 --> 00:27:59,440
like, not moving as much, right?
So I think a lot of times people
536
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,580
reach for that, that that quick
hit, because it's just like,
537
00:28:02,580 --> 00:28:04,980
well, I don't want to talk about
my feelings, and that'll be the
538
00:28:04,980 --> 00:28:07,740
case sometimes, sometimes we'll
do that. But it's also like the
539
00:28:07,740 --> 00:28:10,140
messages, right? Because the
number of times I see these
540
00:28:10,140 --> 00:28:15,300
little jokes about mommy juice,
and it's like, it's like a jug
541
00:28:15,300 --> 00:28:17,160
of wine, and I'm like, Okay,
542
00:28:17,700 --> 00:28:20,040
Unknown: do you think mommy
might need less mommy juice if
543
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,880
she was in a supportive
relationship, if she wasn't
544
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:26,420
married and yet still single
parenting, if she didn't have to
545
00:28:26,420 --> 00:28:29,960
have everything on her back, or
even dad, like dad, but okay,
546
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:32,900
well, you do? You think maybe he
wouldn't need to drink a keg if
547
00:28:32,900 --> 00:28:35,840
he was able to talk about his
feelings, if you didn't
548
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,360
invalidate the way he was
feeling about being a parent?
549
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:42,580
You know, like it's just, it's
very a lot of times they're just
550
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:46,240
numbing, numbing, yeah, yeah.
And it goes all the way into the
551
00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:50,080
cult wellness culture and and
the way that marketing plays on
552
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:52,840
our weaknesses to have us
engaged in things that just keep
553
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:56,020
us numbed out and not thinking
and mindless. You know, because
554
00:28:56,020 --> 00:29:00,840
the more mindless we are around
food, substances, gambling, you
555
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:03,540
know, all the things. It costs
money and resources, and it
556
00:29:03,540 --> 00:29:07,260
makes companies millions of
dollars, billions of dollars.
557
00:29:07,260 --> 00:29:11,520
And so the it's in their best
interest to find those nuanced
558
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:15,360
ways that we those there's areas
where we where we are
559
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:19,380
vulnerable, and play up to them.
And so now mommy juice isn't
560
00:29:19,380 --> 00:29:21,680
like, oh, wait, let's talk about
why you're drinking. It's a
561
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:24,020
thing. Now, it's just a thing.
You know what? I mean, that's
562
00:29:24,020 --> 00:29:25,580
that's just what we do. It's a
563
00:29:25,580 --> 00:29:27,980
Dr. Raquel Martin: whole try.
It's a whole like thing of the
564
00:29:27,980 --> 00:29:32,480
cup, they have customized cups,
you know, like little yetis that
565
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,300
say this is probably wine on it.
566
00:29:35,660 --> 00:29:37,280
Unknown: Yes, yes. To me, I'm
567
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:39,320
just like, my bells go off. I'm
568
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:41,860
not one of those people, one of
those sober people that's just
569
00:29:41,860 --> 00:29:45,100
like, really, you know, picky
about, you know, I let people do
570
00:29:45,100 --> 00:29:48,760
their thing. You know, I was not
successful with moderating. But
571
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:51,940
that does not mean that I am
going to impose my lifestyle or
572
00:29:51,940 --> 00:29:55,420
whatever on anybody else, but I
do sometimes, yeah, you know, it
573
00:29:55,420 --> 00:29:58,420
does hit me differently when I
see those types of things. Like,
574
00:29:58,420 --> 00:30:01,920
that's a sign of problems.
Drinking actually, to mask this
575
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:06,600
as or to normalize this in that
way. And I see that with a lot
576
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,060
of wellness events as well,
where they'll pair wine with
577
00:30:09,060 --> 00:30:13,200
yoga, or they'll have beer and
burpee five Ks, or some, you
578
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,660
know, just like random stuff.
And I'm like, That's
579
00:30:15,660 --> 00:30:16,320
interesting.
580
00:30:16,380 --> 00:30:18,240
Dr. Raquel Martin: I would throw
up, and that's what they do. I
581
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:21,080
mean, honestly, if somebody, if
somebody, mentions burpee, I'd
582
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:24,440
probably throw up. There are
better exercises. There are
583
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:29,480
better exercises. Golly, like,
every single time I'm just like,
584
00:30:29,540 --> 00:30:32,480
and if my personal trainer is
listening, if my old school
585
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:34,880
personal trainer is listening,
there are better they're a
586
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:35,780
better exercise,
587
00:30:35,900 --> 00:30:38,360
Unknown: right? Christy gave me
modifications like, Hey, I don't
588
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:39,860
have to do that. Yes,
589
00:30:39,860 --> 00:30:41,800
Dr. Raquel Martin: I was given
modifications because they're
590
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:45,160
like, oh, they work out these,
these body parts. I said, so
591
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:49,480
there's a freaking dead lift.
Why am I doing this? I just
592
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,120
think, I think when, when
everyone decides to be personal
593
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:55,480
trainers, you guys take this.
Oh, it's just like, okay, and
594
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,240
we've all decided, like, we're
gonna lie about the whole burpee
595
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,180
thing, right? Like, we're gonna
make them think there's no
596
00:31:00,180 --> 00:31:03,960
better exercise, right? Yes,
cool, cool. Now we give you your
597
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:06,960
certification. Thank you. You
got to admit to this lie. It's a
598
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:07,860
cold trainer
599
00:31:08,220 --> 00:31:10,620
Unknown: on me. It's like, I
mean, it does hit a lot of
600
00:31:10,620 --> 00:31:13,140
different key areas at once, but
601
00:31:14,580 --> 00:31:18,240
Dr. Raquel Martin: I'm fine with
doing five separate exercises
602
00:31:18,300 --> 00:31:21,800
that will also hit those muscles
than that one I don't care.
603
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:26,480
Unknown: I some days I'm like, I
am I can I keep up with the
604
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,660
other trainers? You know? Can I?
Because it's intense. Sometimes
605
00:31:29,660 --> 00:31:32,900
it's intense with the with the
promotion of different things.
606
00:31:32,900 --> 00:31:36,260
And I'll say this to you know,
the reason why I have settled in
607
00:31:36,260 --> 00:31:41,140
on my content and my plans that
I have for for my clients, and
608
00:31:41,140 --> 00:31:44,680
stuff being simplified is
because there's so many other
609
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:48,820
benefits to fitness, and if you
having to do burpees is keeping
610
00:31:48,820 --> 00:31:51,580
you from getting a workout in
that you know that you need, or
611
00:31:51,580 --> 00:31:53,980
for whatever you know what I
mean, then it's not worth it.
612
00:31:53,980 --> 00:31:57,100
It's not worth it. I'd rather
take the burpees out. Okay,
613
00:31:57,100 --> 00:31:59,800
let's just take the burpees out
if that's going to be a point of
614
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:02,580
contention. Cool. Let's find,
let's get you five other moves
615
00:32:02,580 --> 00:32:04,140
that you can do separately, and
break
616
00:32:04,140 --> 00:32:06,360
Dr. Raquel Martin: it down. And
I'm cool with that. I wouldn't
617
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,700
even care which is a
modification for real, like,
618
00:32:08,700 --> 00:32:11,520
there's certain things. It's a
modification because there are
619
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,100
certain things. It's like, okay,
I understand this sucks, but I
620
00:32:14,100 --> 00:32:16,380
don't want to do them. But
burpees in themselves. I'm just
621
00:32:16,380 --> 00:32:20,180
like, Yeah, I'd rather do, I'd
rather do plyometrics and then
622
00:32:20,180 --> 00:32:26,420
lick the pavement. I truly, I
truly can't, and I know Harold
623
00:32:26,420 --> 00:32:30,440
was used to just be like, please
stop complaining. I will not. I
624
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:31,280
will not, I won't.
625
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,860
Unknown: This does not make
sense to me. I will not. I
626
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:37,700
Yeah, it doesn't make sense.
I'll be honest with you. I don't
627
00:32:37,700 --> 00:32:39,620
mind to get birth
628
00:32:39,620 --> 00:32:42,880
Dr. Raquel Martin: Kristen,
exactly. So if anyone you know,
629
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,640
once you go to the show notes,
and then you get Kristen social
630
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,220
media stuff, and you look at her
workouts, of course, she doesn't
631
00:32:48,220 --> 00:32:52,060
buy worthy. She works out
everything. No, okay, I don't,
632
00:32:52,060 --> 00:32:55,000
yeah, no. And we are not the
same in that fence. We're both
633
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,340
clinicians, but I am not a
person. We're training like her
634
00:32:57,340 --> 00:33:02,100
as well. We don't. We those Venn
diagrams do not overlap. We got,
635
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:07,020
we got the the clinician circle
that, but that's it. That's, of
636
00:33:07,020 --> 00:33:09,720
course, you don't mind it. I've
seen your workouts. I just be
637
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:12,480
like, where's the that's the
one, that's the one I'm gonna do
638
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,060
the modification. That's right
there, right there. Yeah.
639
00:33:15,540 --> 00:33:17,460
Unknown: So what was the
modification? Here's, here's
640
00:33:17,460 --> 00:33:21,560
what I think too. So I am in
this current state in my, you
641
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:24,620
know, capabilities. And I'm a
former athlete too, so I just,
642
00:33:24,620 --> 00:33:26,900
you know, there's a lot of
conditioning there too, you
643
00:33:27,740 --> 00:33:29,240
know, oh, my
644
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:32,540
Dr. Raquel Martin: God. Okay, so
that's also messed up. That's
645
00:33:32,540 --> 00:33:35,360
not, that's okay, no, that's
gonna tell me that you also up
646
00:33:35,420 --> 00:33:36,980
your previous athlete too. I
647
00:33:36,980 --> 00:33:39,440
Unknown: was, yeah, I played
basketball up through college.
648
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:42,760
Yeah, that's a part of the
situation. So it's scratching
649
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,340
the old itch. Sometimes, you
know, you get raised a certain
650
00:33:45,340 --> 00:33:48,340
way and you just enjoy certain
things. It's the thing. It's
651
00:33:48,340 --> 00:33:49,300
literally a thing.
652
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,460
Dr. Raquel Martin: I think I
honestly am of the mindset that
653
00:33:51,460 --> 00:33:55,180
once an athlete, always an
athlete, just simply because we
654
00:33:55,180 --> 00:33:58,420
did some interviews with like
individual sports psychologists,
655
00:33:58,420 --> 00:34:01,680
like the person who's the head
of NB WNBA, or NBA, mind health
656
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:04,740
and things like that. And the
mindset is very different, yes.
657
00:34:04,740 --> 00:34:08,640
So I personally think once an
athlete, always an athlete,
658
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:11,340
because the mindset that you
have to have to do that I
659
00:34:11,340 --> 00:34:13,500
worked. I said I was at a
military school for a minute,
660
00:34:13,500 --> 00:34:16,080
and one of the guys was, like,
once a Marine, always a Marine,
661
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,600
because you have to have that
kind of mindset. I kind of think
662
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:22,100
the same thing for an athlete.
So like, I don't believe in,
663
00:34:22,100 --> 00:34:23,960
like, oh, I used to be an
athlete. No, you're still an
664
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:26,600
athlete. Like, the mindset with
that is
665
00:34:26,599 --> 00:34:30,739
Unknown: different, yeah? So
when I say former athlete, I'm
666
00:34:30,739 --> 00:34:33,139
like, you're actually talking
you're calling it out, yeah?
667
00:34:33,139 --> 00:34:36,679
Definitely a mindset. It's
definitely a mindset, yeah,
668
00:34:36,979 --> 00:34:39,739
gosh, there's so many things
that come with that. Because a
669
00:34:39,739 --> 00:34:44,139
part of my just to pull back in
my personal story, a part of
670
00:34:44,379 --> 00:34:49,419
some of my escapism and numbing
and self medicating was around
671
00:34:49,419 --> 00:34:52,659
having to experience no longer
being that, I guess we could say
672
00:34:52,659 --> 00:34:55,899
an active I don't know whenever
my basketball career was over
673
00:34:55,899 --> 00:34:56,139
with, I
674
00:34:56,139 --> 00:34:58,299
think active, yeah, maybe
active.
675
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,180
That happen, you know? It's
like, wow, this is like, a whole
676
00:35:03,180 --> 00:35:07,980
mentality that I've built in, a
whole lifestyle that I've lived
677
00:35:07,980 --> 00:35:11,880
that is no longer like after
that final buzzer is just over
678
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:15,360
with, you know, and and so,
yeah, there are some things that
679
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:18,720
follow that that you just keep,
I mean, you just always have.
680
00:35:18,720 --> 00:35:22,040
You know what it's like to push
to a certain threshold. You know
681
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:25,760
what it's like to win something
that you have really put in a
682
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:29,840
lot of time and effort over
years, even, you know, at least
683
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:33,500
the season, but over years. And
so if you don't have that, and
684
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:35,840
I'm speaking to the benefits of
it, if you don't have that
685
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:39,080
mentality, it can be hard to
stick with something long term
686
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,400
and see the longevity as being
the goal. But when you have that
687
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:45,100
of, like, I started this in
ninth grade, and this built up
688
00:35:45,100 --> 00:35:49,720
to a scholarship, and then that
built up to a championship all
689
00:35:49,720 --> 00:35:53,860
the way at, you know, age 20 in
college, you can kind of see the
690
00:35:53,860 --> 00:35:56,620
benefit of sticking with
something and working with it
691
00:35:56,620 --> 00:36:00,240
and being patient over time. I
think that's, you know, a great
692
00:36:00,300 --> 00:36:05,040
a great skill to have. It can
also be hard to come back into a
693
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:08,640
sense of normalcy with some of
that. Like, everything is not,
694
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:11,520
you know, everything doesn't
have to be, you know, extreme.
695
00:36:11,580 --> 00:36:14,580
You know, giving your 100% looks
different on different days.
696
00:36:14,820 --> 00:36:17,520
There's not always something to
win. Sometimes you're just doing
697
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:21,020
something, just to do it. And
where else is your identity.
698
00:36:21,020 --> 00:36:23,660
Where else you find community?
And those are some things I
699
00:36:23,660 --> 00:36:27,320
struggled with. You know, coming
out of my college career was
700
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,380
like, who am I? Okay, where are
my teammates? What are we doing
701
00:36:30,380 --> 00:36:33,560
after class? Like, oh, I'm
having to, like, figure that
702
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:36,980
out, or even an injury. I don't
know what to do with myself when
703
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:40,960
my my leg won't let me do what I
normally do. You know, Monday
704
00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:44,500
through Friday, yeah. So anyway,
that led to, I think that's a
705
00:36:44,500 --> 00:36:47,920
struggle that a lot of athletes
have, but typically, we find our
706
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:52,360
way into fitness in some realm,
and we scratch our itch in that
707
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,900
way. The last thing I'll say,
though, is that, you know, we're
708
00:36:55,900 --> 00:37:01,620
all getting older, you know, and
so my personal goal is to have a
709
00:37:01,620 --> 00:37:04,500
long life of recovery and
staying sober and fitness is a
710
00:37:04,500 --> 00:37:08,640
part of that. Having an outlet
moving my body, helps my mental
711
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:12,540
health and my anxiety, and
particularly so it that is the
712
00:37:12,540 --> 00:37:15,240
heart. That is why you guys see
me show up, and that's why the
713
00:37:15,240 --> 00:37:17,460
workouts don't always have to
look a certain way, because the
714
00:37:17,460 --> 00:37:20,840
point is taking care of your
body. We don't have to do the
715
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:24,680
burpees. Like, okay, okay, cool.
We need, yeah, it's cool. It's
716
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,200
cool. We can. Let's get your
upper body strength so that when
717
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:31,520
you're 70 you can still lift
yourself up off of the chair.
718
00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:35,240
Like, let's do and those are
long term, you know, life long
719
00:37:35,240 --> 00:37:38,840
longevity goals. And so that's
the heart behind the content
720
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,500
that I want to put out. I don't
want to scare people away from
721
00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:44,020
something that's ultimately good
for them. I don't want them to
722
00:37:44,020 --> 00:37:47,560
feel like they have to live the
life of being an athlete since
723
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:51,460
age five in order to, you know,
do some of the things that I do
724
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:55,060
and the workouts that I do on my
page, I actually do do those.
725
00:37:55,060 --> 00:37:57,400
It's just heavier weight. You
know, I'm saying it's like, you
726
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,480
see me with the bicep curl, with
the dumbbells. It's the same
727
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,000
thing. If I were to get heavier
weights at the gym, or you see
728
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:06,360
me do a squat at home in a
workout, it's the same thing.
729
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:10,500
And so I think sometimes people
think that they have to be me or
730
00:38:10,500 --> 00:38:13,260
be a trainer in order to do
those moves, and I just don't
731
00:38:13,260 --> 00:38:15,780
like playing into that, you
know, I want this to work, and
732
00:38:15,780 --> 00:38:19,320
it should be able to work for
everybody. And so that's why I
733
00:38:19,500 --> 00:38:22,820
try to keep things simple and
make it as accessible as
734
00:38:22,820 --> 00:38:26,120
possible, because I don't want
people to think they have to be
735
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:28,880
like me in order to move their
bodies, or like you need a
736
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:30,140
trainer, you know. So
737
00:38:30,319 --> 00:38:34,159
Dr. Raquel Martin: I love that,
and I love like the you offer so
738
00:38:34,159 --> 00:38:40,279
many different things when it
comes to services and resources,
739
00:38:40,279 --> 00:38:43,959
and I would say, and like, roles
that serve the whole body,
740
00:38:43,959 --> 00:38:46,119
right, like, so I think it's
like the epitome of whole well
741
00:38:46,119 --> 00:38:48,699
being, right? Because you are a
licensed Marriage and Family
742
00:38:48,699 --> 00:38:51,819
Therapist, you also offer
coaching. You're also a personal
743
00:38:51,819 --> 00:38:54,339
trainer. I love that, because I
often state that, like, you
744
00:38:54,339 --> 00:38:57,879
know, therapy isn't the only
path to healing, but no matter
745
00:38:57,879 --> 00:39:00,659
what path you take, that's going
to be paved with community. And
746
00:39:00,659 --> 00:39:02,639
I feel as though, when you
mentioned, like, going through
747
00:39:02,639 --> 00:39:05,099
that difficult time, and you're
just like, I needed to find my
748
00:39:05,099 --> 00:39:08,999
community that's very real,
because that can be a huge hit,
749
00:39:09,119 --> 00:39:11,279
right? Like, because, yeah, you
know, you might not need
750
00:39:11,279 --> 00:39:13,799
therapy, but you do need
community, and so mom, are not
751
00:39:13,799 --> 00:39:16,739
meant to isolate. Can you talk
more about your coaching
752
00:39:16,739 --> 00:39:19,139
services too? Because we talked
about the personal training,
753
00:39:19,139 --> 00:39:21,739
marriage of therapy. We played
family therapist. When you're
754
00:39:21,739 --> 00:39:23,899
doing coaching, what are you
focusing on? Yeah, so
755
00:39:23,900 --> 00:39:27,140
Unknown: my coaching program,
particularly my be well,
756
00:39:27,140 --> 00:39:30,320
coaching program, which I do
enrollment periods for. If
757
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:33,140
anybody's interested in that, I
would just suggest that they go
758
00:39:33,140 --> 00:39:38,060
to my website, be three by
kristen.com backslash be well.
759
00:39:38,060 --> 00:39:40,720
If you just go to be three by
kristen.com you'll get to
760
00:39:40,720 --> 00:39:44,200
everything, but backslash be
well, will send you straight to
761
00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:48,520
my, my primary coaching program.
And so what I do is exactly what
762
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:52,120
we've talked about today, is we
pull back the layers and keep
763
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,600
things very simple with the
goals that we set. There is a
764
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:59,200
understanding of the mental
health component. There's some
765
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:01,980
psychological. That happens.
It's not therapy. I want to be
766
00:40:01,980 --> 00:40:05,580
clear about that. It's not a
therapy group. It's not, I'm not
767
00:40:05,580 --> 00:40:09,060
in my therapist. We're not going
to just, you know, process and
768
00:40:09,060 --> 00:40:12,000
open up the emotions and sit
with them and that sort of thing
769
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:15,480
in the program. But there is
going to be education around how
770
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:19,140
you got to where you are, mind,
body and spirit, you know. So
771
00:40:19,140 --> 00:40:22,940
we're going to unpack some
things in a coaching way.
772
00:40:22,940 --> 00:40:25,640
There's exercises, worksheets,
that sort of thing, that kind of
773
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:29,420
help guide you as you are
setting goals for moving
774
00:40:29,420 --> 00:40:32,840
forward. So it's kind of like a
bit of understanding, again,
775
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:35,960
like an educational type of
format with homework and
776
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,140
worksheets and self reflection.
And then we're also setting
777
00:40:39,140 --> 00:40:42,400
goals for what's your movement
goal. We do a movement goal. We
778
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,760
do a nutrition goal, which could
be as much as just drinking 64
779
00:40:45,940 --> 00:40:49,120
ounces of water. I don't provide
meal plans, because a lot of the
780
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:52,420
women that I'm working with have
done a lot of yo yo dieting.
781
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:57,340
They're, you know, most of the
women are 35 and up. They've had
782
00:40:57,340 --> 00:41:00,040
a few kids. They live a little
life. They've done Weight
783
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:03,660
Watchers. They've done keto
twice. They've done intermittent
784
00:41:03,660 --> 00:41:06,780
fasting five times. They've been
trying to their their hormones
785
00:41:06,780 --> 00:41:10,260
are, you know, imbalanced. Their
metabolism is all over because
786
00:41:10,260 --> 00:41:13,440
they've been doing too much
trying to reach a body goal
787
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:17,520
instead of really being well in
their being, you know. And so
788
00:41:17,580 --> 00:41:20,660
that's what this program is
about. So we explore all of
789
00:41:20,660 --> 00:41:24,140
that. We talk about body image.
We talk about messages from your
790
00:41:24,140 --> 00:41:27,260
family around who you are, you
know, and how your narrative
791
00:41:27,260 --> 00:41:30,500
kind of shapes what you think
you can do or what you expect
792
00:41:30,500 --> 00:41:32,780
yourself to do. And a lot of,
you know, in a lot of goal
793
00:41:32,780 --> 00:41:36,920
setting ways, we talk about, you
know, just negative self talk in
794
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:40,300
general, in that regard, and
through that process, I think
795
00:41:40,300 --> 00:41:42,700
it's, it's kind of a, it's a
great jump start. It's not, I
796
00:41:42,700 --> 00:41:45,460
don't sell people on and then
after my eight week program,
797
00:41:45,460 --> 00:41:48,040
you're going to be able to go
and just be, it's like, it's a
798
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:52,480
framework. And then from there,
I work with clients continually.
799
00:41:52,540 --> 00:41:55,060
That program, there's frequent,
you know, coaching calls, and
800
00:41:55,060 --> 00:41:57,880
it's really, it's like, a
course, you know. And then after
801
00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:00,960
that, they funnel into my
accountability coaching program
802
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:04,380
where it's about doing the work.
And so sometimes I have clients
803
00:42:04,380 --> 00:42:09,000
that have done the be well
program in its in its original
804
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:12,540
form, and they hop into the
accountability group where we
805
00:42:12,540 --> 00:42:15,420
set monthly goals. We meet on a
monthly basis. I check in with
806
00:42:15,420 --> 00:42:18,120
them. We do change their
program. They set goals, and we
807
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:21,560
just continue working. And
they'll maybe six months, eight
808
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,200
months later, they'll be like,
You know what? That one module
809
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:28,220
that we did on body image,
something else came up for me
810
00:42:28,220 --> 00:42:31,700
about why I see my body the way
I do, or why I've always
811
00:42:31,700 --> 00:42:35,480
struggled with and so it's like,
through living life and just
812
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:39,560
staying consistent, because
we're not doing crazy extremes,
813
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:42,820
they're actually able to get to
that breakthrough moment that
814
00:42:42,820 --> 00:42:46,540
usually causes them to go back
to what feels comfortable, which
815
00:42:46,540 --> 00:42:50,140
is how they were doing things.
And so that's that's the nature
816
00:42:50,140 --> 00:42:53,740
of the program. Again, it's
educational in nature, but it's
817
00:42:53,740 --> 00:42:58,300
also definitely execution based
in setting goals and actually
818
00:42:58,300 --> 00:42:59,080
moving forward.
819
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:02,819
Dr. Raquel Martin: What would
you say, and I'll end on this,
820
00:43:02,819 --> 00:43:06,299
what would you say are the
biggest differences between a
821
00:43:06,299 --> 00:43:09,119
patient that you're doing
coaching services with versus
822
00:43:09,119 --> 00:43:12,359
someone who you're doing therapy
services with, because I try to
823
00:43:12,359 --> 00:43:15,599
clarify online all the time that
there are, there's a difference
824
00:43:15,599 --> 00:43:19,919
between coaching and therapy,
and There are many clinicians
825
00:43:19,919 --> 00:43:24,499
who provide both services. I
even remember doing a post about
826
00:43:24,499 --> 00:43:28,219
like you've probably unless
you're watching couples therapy
827
00:43:28,519 --> 00:43:31,999
on TV, you've probably never
seen a therapy session on TV.
828
00:43:33,260 --> 00:43:39,080
Unknown: Cycle education, it is
so good. I love that show.
829
00:43:39,500 --> 00:43:42,220
Clinicians love that show. I
have not met a clinician who did
830
00:43:42,220 --> 00:43:45,940
not love that show because it's
like, okay, like, do I need
831
00:43:45,940 --> 00:43:48,880
to get my notepad out? Like, she
does such a good job. Okay,
832
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:50,140
yeah, sorry sidebar,
833
00:43:51,159 --> 00:43:55,479
Dr. Raquel Martin: but she
really does. But, but what like
834
00:43:55,479 --> 00:43:58,719
from if you have a patient and
they're struggling with some
835
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:01,799
behavior, what would it look
like for coaching versus what
836
00:44:01,799 --> 00:44:04,679
would it look like in therapy?
Because a lot of clinicians do
837
00:44:04,679 --> 00:44:07,199
coaching too, like because we
understand the utility of it. I
838
00:44:07,199 --> 00:44:10,379
think there's this misconception
that, like, oh, we you know, the
839
00:44:10,379 --> 00:44:13,619
therapy is better. No, I don't.
I don't know a clinician, a good
840
00:44:13,619 --> 00:44:16,259
one, at least, who doesn't also
understand the utility of
841
00:44:16,259 --> 00:44:19,319
coaches? Yes, we are not
fighting
842
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:21,860
Unknown: right now, there's
there's room for both, for sure,
843
00:44:21,860 --> 00:44:24,740
just as long as everybody is
managing what they have the
844
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:29,720
capacity to do, you know, and
their scope of practice, I think
845
00:44:29,720 --> 00:44:33,440
that's the key. It's not like
it's both. Both sides are
846
00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:37,340
necessary. So for me, I think
with therapy, I think, and
847
00:44:37,340 --> 00:44:42,100
again, you know, things overlap,
you know, in in intention. But
848
00:44:42,100 --> 00:44:45,520
with therapy, I think about it
being more experiential and
849
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:49,480
unpacking that's happening.
There are many times that I'm
850
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:52,000
with the therapist, and this,
again, kind of depends on your
851
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:54,700
therapeutic approach, because
you have solution based
852
00:44:54,700 --> 00:44:58,000
therapists that do a lot more of
that. Okay, let's get into
853
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,380
action that maybe feels like
coaching a. Little bit more. But
854
00:45:01,380 --> 00:45:05,580
in my process, it's a it's a
slower, it's a slower process.
855
00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:08,520
And there's not necessarily
anything you need to do with
856
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:12,900
what you're uncovering. I in my
in my approach. So we're
857
00:45:12,900 --> 00:45:15,600
experiencing things, we're
unpacking things, we're
858
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:18,960
remembering things, we're
crying, we're releasing. And by
859
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:21,000
way of doing that, yes, there's
going to be change, there's
860
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:23,120
going to be freedom, there's
going to be different. To be
861
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:25,640
different perspective. But I'm
not, at the end of the session
862
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:27,740
like, okay, so what does that
look like this week? Okay, what
863
00:45:27,740 --> 00:45:30,740
are you executing? What are you
You know, what I'm saying, What?
864
00:45:30,740 --> 00:45:34,280
What tangibles Are you going to
take action on? What's your plan
865
00:45:34,460 --> 00:45:37,760
to be healed? It's kind of just
like a growth process, you know?
866
00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:40,840
That happens. And again, that's
just my approach to therapy.
867
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:43,660
Different people have different,
different approaches. And so
868
00:45:43,900 --> 00:45:47,920
with coaching, it is more about
action based steps and
869
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:51,880
execution, you know. So we may
go into unpacking what had
870
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:55,120
happened was with I got
overwhelmed, and I didn't set
871
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:58,300
the boundaries that I needed to.
So I didn't get to the gym the
872
00:45:58,300 --> 00:46:01,020
way I had planned to, and then
all the meal prep we can talk
873
00:46:01,020 --> 00:46:04,980
about that we can even, you
know, go into what the cycle of
874
00:46:05,100 --> 00:46:08,100
of behavior is habit, you know,
what's the habit? What happened?
875
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:11,280
What did you What did it cause
you to do? But ultimately, we're
876
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:14,760
back to Okay. And the goal this
week is, you know, we're going
877
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:19,620
straight back into execution,
action, moving forward. And so
878
00:46:19,620 --> 00:46:23,240
sometimes, if I find the clients
having a hard time kind of doing
879
00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:25,820
that, it doesn't have to be
extreme action. Just has to be,
880
00:46:25,820 --> 00:46:28,400
you know, moving towards
something. If you do that too
881
00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:31,820
soon, it can kind of make people
feel like a failure, like
882
00:46:31,820 --> 00:46:34,340
they're not good enough. When I
start to hear that, that's when
883
00:46:34,340 --> 00:46:37,400
I think, even my coaching
clients, I'll tell them, You
884
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:40,720
know what, I wonder if therapy
would be a great compliment for
885
00:46:40,720 --> 00:46:43,900
what we're doing here, so you
can feel like you have the
886
00:46:43,900 --> 00:46:46,480
support of both. I literally
will tell them that, and most of
887
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:49,720
my client my accountability, you
know, be well coaching clients
888
00:46:49,900 --> 00:46:52,600
have a therapist. I don't feel
threatened by it at all. I'm
889
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:57,340
like, yes, yes, unpack, unpack.
Because when we have this
890
00:46:57,340 --> 00:47:00,480
coaching call on this Monday,
we're gonna, I'm gonna hope that
891
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:03,660
they're a little freer, so that
they can take a step with us in
892
00:47:03,660 --> 00:47:06,600
this group. And if that's
holding them back, let them
893
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:10,260
unpack it all month long, and
then we can come back in. And so
894
00:47:10,260 --> 00:47:13,080
that's what I would say,
experiencing sitting with
895
00:47:13,140 --> 00:47:18,420
unpacking for therapy, and then
action and execution, more more
896
00:47:18,420 --> 00:47:20,400
focused in that way, with
coaching. Thank
897
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:23,240
Dr. Raquel Martin: you. And I'm
gonna end on one more thing, as
898
00:47:23,240 --> 00:47:26,960
someone who focuses on like
marriage and family therapy and
899
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:31,280
couples and talking about like
relationship with themselves and
900
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:35,120
the way it helps with their
relationship with others. Do you
901
00:47:35,120 --> 00:47:40,360
have any I don't know if I say
recommendations, but like it
902
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:42,940
seems, I feel like the
conversation about couples has
903
00:47:42,940 --> 00:47:46,600
been happening way more lately.
And maybe it's not more. Maybe
904
00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:49,840
it's just like the access to
everyone having podcasts and
905
00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:53,320
stuff like that is more. Is
there anything that you feel as
906
00:47:53,320 --> 00:48:00,660
though people should look for
and a partner when it comes to
907
00:48:00,660 --> 00:48:02,880
like, a healthier relationship,
like a sign that this is a
908
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:05,640
healthier relationship? Because
I think a lot of people are also
909
00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:08,340
coming out of tough
relationships, and they may not
910
00:48:08,340 --> 00:48:11,460
know how to recognize something
that is better for them and
911
00:48:11,460 --> 00:48:11,820
their well
912
00:48:11,820 --> 00:48:15,960
Unknown: being. Yeah, I think
without, I think what happens in
913
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:19,560
social media is that people are
trying to, like, pick apart
914
00:48:19,620 --> 00:48:22,400
different behaviors and
different things to say, this is
915
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,740
what qualifies. This is what
doesn't qualify. And although
916
00:48:24,740 --> 00:48:29,180
there are some, you know,
principles to that, I think that
917
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:32,720
for me as a marriage and family
therapist and the therapist in
918
00:48:32,720 --> 00:48:35,420
general, the more you know, the
more you realize we're very
919
00:48:35,420 --> 00:48:38,780
complex people, and we've all
been through something, nobody's
920
00:48:38,780 --> 00:48:41,560
going to be perfect. Everybody's
got their family. I always
921
00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:43,900
picture Everybody's got their
own family, genogram that's
922
00:48:43,900 --> 00:48:47,080
following them around with all
their stuff, the things that
923
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:51,340
they come to the table with. And
so what I in addition to some
924
00:48:51,340 --> 00:48:54,220
red flags, maybe yellow flags,
we call them, instead of just
925
00:48:54,220 --> 00:48:56,800
seeing it as a hard No, it could
be, I need to ask more questions
926
00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:58,960
about that. I need to get
clarity about that. I need to
927
00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:01,320
see what they're doing about
that. I think committee, the
928
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:03,540
approach to what you're seeing
could be a little different. I
929
00:49:03,540 --> 00:49:06,240
think we're a little trigger
happy in social media, where
930
00:49:06,240 --> 00:49:09,480
it's just like, if that, if
that's if I see that it's over
931
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:12,480
with, I can't handle this. I
can't do that. As opposed to,
932
00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:16,680
hmm, I enjoy this person. Can I
set some boundaries so that
933
00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:20,100
they're not, you know, so that
we are both, remain safe, but
934
00:49:20,100 --> 00:49:22,940
also learning more about how
they got to be, how they are,
935
00:49:22,940 --> 00:49:26,600
and then also, what is their
posture in doing something about
936
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:30,860
it? Are they aware that they
tend to, you know, do this or do
937
00:49:30,860 --> 00:49:34,100
that? Are they willing to go and
get help with it? Are they
938
00:49:34,100 --> 00:49:38,780
exploring change? Do they want
change? I think that's more of a
939
00:49:38,780 --> 00:49:42,460
green flag to be, rather than
the stuff they actually bring
940
00:49:42,460 --> 00:49:44,740
you know what I'm saying? It's
like, okay, yes, everybody's
941
00:49:44,740 --> 00:49:47,020
probably been through some sort
of trauma. So we could just
942
00:49:47,020 --> 00:49:49,660
check that off. If you need to
see somebody who's trauma free,
943
00:49:49,660 --> 00:49:52,660
then you're probably not going
to find anybody, you know, but,
944
00:49:53,500 --> 00:49:56,440
but you can say, and what have
they been doing about it? You
945
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:59,920
know what I'm saying, and what
work are they actively doing to.
946
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:04,380
Heal from it, and if they do
have a misstep in some way,
947
00:50:04,620 --> 00:50:07,740
that's not a deal breaker. But
still, you know, off putting, do
948
00:50:07,740 --> 00:50:11,220
they ask? Do they make amends?
Do they say, Hey, I messed up?
949
00:50:11,220 --> 00:50:14,940
Do they take accountability? You
know, those are the things that
950
00:50:14,940 --> 00:50:19,260
I try to help people use as a
framework, rather than trying to
951
00:50:19,260 --> 00:50:23,540
rule in or rule out based off of
like characteristics and
952
00:50:23,540 --> 00:50:26,120
behaviors and life. If that
makes sense, it
953
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:28,220
Dr. Raquel Martin: makes perfect
sense, because the best apology
954
00:50:28,220 --> 00:50:31,880
is accountability and change
behavior, right? Taking someone
955
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:34,580
to the store isn't apologizing,
buying them a bag is not
956
00:50:34,580 --> 00:50:38,480
apologizing, getting them a
Roblox card is not apologizing.
957
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:41,980
Apologizing, is apologizing, and
doing that with change behavior
958
00:50:42,340 --> 00:50:43,120
Unknown: that's Well, thank
959
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:44,980
Dr. Raquel Martin: you so much.
Tell the people where they can
960
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:48,280
find you and all of your
amazingness. Are you accepting
961
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:48,700
clients
962
00:50:48,999 --> 00:50:51,639
Unknown: right now? Yes and no,
I would say, just, just reach
963
00:50:51,639 --> 00:50:54,819
out to me on my website, for for
therapy, for therapy. I'm kind
964
00:50:54,819 --> 00:50:57,279
of, you know, October, going
into the holidays, can be kind
965
00:50:57,279 --> 00:51:00,179
of a point where it's a lot of
inquiries coming in, but it's
966
00:51:00,179 --> 00:51:03,479
games. But I'll never say,
don't, yeah, I've never, never
967
00:51:03,479 --> 00:51:06,119
reach out to me. You know, you
never know what the timing is.
968
00:51:06,119 --> 00:51:09,179
Actually, just had somebody that
we reconnected after several
969
00:51:09,179 --> 00:51:12,059
weeks of not being able to sync
up, and the timing is right now.
970
00:51:12,059 --> 00:51:14,939
So am I accepting clients right
now? Maybe, depending on when
971
00:51:14,939 --> 00:51:17,339
you hear this, but, you know,
reach out to me anyway and
972
00:51:17,339 --> 00:51:21,019
connect, and I can keep you in
mind for future situations that
973
00:51:21,079 --> 00:51:24,079
you know I may be able to work
with you, as far as just reach
974
00:51:24,079 --> 00:51:28,279
me in general, A, b3, by
kristen.com is my website. That
975
00:51:28,279 --> 00:51:31,579
is where you will find all the
things I do. Like to let people
976
00:51:31,579 --> 00:51:34,519
know I'm either your therapist
or I'm your coach. I cannot be
977
00:51:34,519 --> 00:51:37,459
both. So just keep that in mind
when you're reaching out to
978
00:51:37,639 --> 00:51:40,699
begin your work. Just kind of
understanding like we said, you
979
00:51:40,699 --> 00:51:44,439
want the mentor, you want the
psychologist? Like you got to
980
00:51:44,439 --> 00:51:47,859
decide. So, but you can find the
resources to everything there
981
00:51:47,859 --> 00:51:52,719
be. Well, we'll be back open for
enrollment in early 2025 like a
982
00:51:52,719 --> 00:51:55,299
spring enrollment. So if you're
interested in that, I would
983
00:51:55,299 --> 00:51:59,019
suggest becoming a subscriber on
my website, so that you see when
984
00:51:59,019 --> 00:52:02,159
those updates come about, the
enrollment. Go ahead and get
985
00:52:02,159 --> 00:52:05,699
your name on the list for that,
and then Instagram is my name at
986
00:52:05,699 --> 00:52:08,879
Kristen theapster, you can find
everything link in the bio, all
987
00:52:08,879 --> 00:52:11,579
the workouts that Dr Raquel
likes. You can find all that
988
00:52:11,579 --> 00:52:15,659
good stuff there. And I also
have a beginner style focused
989
00:52:15,659 --> 00:52:18,539
programs for workouts. And
that's just something that I
990
00:52:18,539 --> 00:52:21,199
just like to always have,
because I understand that you
991
00:52:21,199 --> 00:52:23,839
don't always need the extreme
weight loss plan. Some people
992
00:52:23,839 --> 00:52:26,479
just need something simple three
times a week. And so those are
993
00:52:26,479 --> 00:52:30,199
the types of programs I provide,
but you can find that on
994
00:52:30,199 --> 00:52:32,119
Instagram or on my website,
perfect.
995
00:52:32,119 --> 00:52:34,039
Dr. Raquel Martin: Well, thank
you so much for coming on the
996
00:52:34,039 --> 00:52:37,339
show. All of the information
will also be in the show notes.
997
00:52:37,339 --> 00:52:39,739
You guys know, we always include
the links in the show notes too,
998
00:52:39,739 --> 00:52:42,759
because, you know, at this
point, some of y'all just got to
999
00:52:42,759 --> 00:52:45,399
work, and y'all over here doing
your breathing exercises before
1000
00:52:45,399 --> 00:52:47,799
you get to work, or your child
and walked in and started
1001
00:52:47,799 --> 00:52:51,459
screaming for snacks during the
last part of it. So I always put
1002
00:52:51,459 --> 00:52:54,819
all the information in the show
notes too. And as always,
1003
00:52:54,819 --> 00:52:57,699
remember to be kind to yourself.
Two steps forward and one step
1004
00:52:57,699 --> 00:53:01,059
back is still one step forward.
That is just math. And have a
1005
00:53:01,059 --> 00:53:01,899
good rest of your day.