When Characters Take Control: Writing and the Internal Family System

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Inside Creative Writing

Why do our characters sometimes refuse to do what we planned? In this episode of Inside Creative Writing, Brad dives deep into the phenomenon of characters “talking back,” saying things we didn’t expect, steering the story in new directions, or developing voices of their own. It turns out, there might be a psychological explanation.

Drawing from Internal Family Systems (IFS), a therapeutic model that sees the mind as a system of parts, Brad explores what might be happening when characters come alive on the page. Are they just echoes of other stories? Or could they be voices from within ourselves, trying to speak through our fiction?

Whether you’re a skeptic, a believer, or somewhere in between, this episode offers practical techniques and surprising insights to help you tap into character voice, deepen emotional authenticity, and maybe even understand yourself a little better.

Includes:

• A quick intro to IFS theory
• How to “interview” your characters like internal parts
• When to let characters lead—and when to pull back

Formatted and Edited Transcript

Episode 43. Today we get weird.

What exactly is happening when our characters seem to start taking control of the story we’re writing? Doing and saying things we didn’t expect?

Let’s dive in.

Almost every writer has had the experience of a character who keeps doing things you didn’t plan for. Or maybe they say something that makes you kind of blink and ask, wait, where did that come from?

It’s a strange moment, for sure, but what exactly is happening?

You’re not alone in this. Today we’re talking about what might be happening when those characters start surprising us, and what that might have to do with a therapeutic model of the mind called Internal Family Systems.

So we’re really living up to the name Inside Creative Writing today, because we’re going deep inside the creative writing mind. The episode might get a little weird, but in the best way.

When Characters Take Over

So we’ve all heard the stories, right? If they haven’t happened to us ourselves. An author says their characters “took over” the story. Or they didn’t intend for a plot twist, but a character insisted that it happened. Maybe you’re writing along and suddenly a side character starts just dominating the story. Or your protagonist refuses to follow your outline.

What is going on here?

Now, I’ve been curious about this for years. And for years I chalked it up to cliché, like maybe the words come easy because we’ve just heard them before, not because they’re especially meaningful.

But lately I’ve been exploring something new. A different way of understanding how the human mind works, and it’s shed a whole new light on what I think might actually be going on in those moments, and how we can use them to our story’s benefit.

So today I want to suggest that the experience of characters developing their own voices might be less mystical than it seems, and also way more personal.

I’m going to introduce you to an idea from psychology called Internal Family Systems, often shortened just to IFS. And show you how this model might explain exactly why your characters seem so alive, and what to do with them once they come alive in that way.

What Is Internal Family Systems?

So let’s start with a short definition here. Internal Family Systems is a therapy model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz back in the 1980s, and it’s based on a simple but pretty radical idea, that the mind isn’t one unified voice. It’s a system of parts.

At first, this might sound a little bit out there. But before we jump to dismissing it, think about how we talk about our minds. When you faced a big decision, have you ever caught yourself saying things like, “Part of me wants to do X, but I really want to do Y”? In moments like that, we’re revealing that we do at least sometimes treat our own minds as if they are made up of separate parts.

When I started looking into this phenomenon of the human mind having separate parts, it reminded me of when I was studying meditation and Buddhist thinking. In those traditions, the mind isn’t seen as a single unified self either. It’s understood as having different modes or mental states that are constantly shifting. Modes that sometimes are in conflict, sometimes they cooperate, and they’re always vying for attention. They always want to have their thought become the one that you’re aware of, that you think about.

Now, you might have a part of yourself that wants to write a novel, and another part that just wants to binge Netflix. And I think we could probably all admit to having those kinds of parts, right?

We have this desire, we have this part of us that really wants to sit down and write, but we have the other part that wants to do anything but write, that wants to keep us from writing.

We have that part that criticizes everything we do. Sometimes we hear it almost like a voice in our head telling us what we’re writing is garbage and it’s never going to amount to anything.

But we also have that part that encourages us. That is thrilled about what we got on paper or gets excited about the story idea that we came up with,even at the same time that other part is trying to criticize it.

We have a part of us that panics, and we have a part of us that plays.

So that’s kind of what we’re talking about: this idea of Internal Family Systems, that we have these various parts of us that work independently and often underneath the surface of our consciousness.

According to IFS, none of these parts are bad. They all have jobs that they are doing to try to help us in some way, often to try to keep us safe, even if their methods for doing so are a little bit off.

Stranger still, not only do these parts exist and have their own thoughts, but they have their own personalities, their own fears, their own motivations. And get this: we can actually have conversations with them.

Now, I told you we were going to get weird, right? I know that sounds strange. Maybe even a little scary, like we’re going to split into split personalities or something if we explore this.

I’m currently exploring this myself, and I’ve got my own hesitations about it. But even what I’m seeing so far, I find it really, really insightful in the writing process. Whether the mind actually works this way, or if we just think about it working in this way, doesn’t really matter.

So when we start thinking about these, it kind of starts to sound familiar. Maybe like they’re characters in a novel, right? Characters in our own life story.

What If Your Characters Are Parts of You?

So my question for you today is, what if, and I know this is a big what if, what if your characters are separate parts of you that are trying to speak to you?

I mentioned that they’re almost always under our level of consciousness, but they have messages for us. They have things they want to tell us. Things they want to protect us from. What if we could actually have a conversation with them? Get to know how they feel. Get to know how they see the world. How they make different decisions than you might be making.

What if we could do that kind of conversation through the characters you’ve created?

In other words, what if some of your characters are actually parts of you, and that the process of writing gives them a voice to be able to speak to us?

OK. A little bit strange, I know.

So think about this. You’re working on a scene, and suddenly a character says something brilliant, or maybe dark or emotional, and you didn’t know it was coming. That moment might actually be a part of your internal system speaking. One that finally found a safe place to talk. Found a safe place to get their voice out into the world where you and other people would notice.

In IFS, Internal Family Systems, they call these parts exiles. Parts of us that carry wounds or truths that we’ve buried. But these parts can also be other things, like protectors or rebels or caretakers.

So when you’re writing, you might be giving them space to live outside of your body and become someone else.

I know it’s weird. But it’s also really practical when it comes to the creative and imaginative process of writing.

How to Work with These Character-Parts

Whether we subscribe to this or not, and like I said, I’m still on the fence and just kind of exploring this, but how could we use this kind of — I was going to say worldview, but it’s really more of a self-view or a mind-view — how could we use this in our writing?

First, when a character surprises you, I know that my first inclination is I want to shut it down. I’ve got my story planned out. I don’t know where this thought is coming from, where this idea is coming from. It’s not what I had planned. So shut up, right? And let me write my book.

Instead of doing that, get curious about it.

Think about who this voice might really belong to inside of you. What is it trying to get you to understand? What is it trying to get you to say?

Like I said, I used to shut it down. I assumed it was just a reflection of some past book I’d read or some movie I’d watched. That I was mistaking cliché and predictability for creativity.

When things came too easy for me in writing, I feared it. I steered the story in another direction.

And I still think that can be true. I still think that sometimes clichés and the obvious choice pop into our heads, and it can feel like inspiration if we don’t really examine it and see where it’s coming from.

But is it always that way?

Secondly, in IFS you can actually interview your characters using IFS-style questions. In Internal Family Systems, part of the process is getting to know these characters and asking them questions. It’s about getting really curious about who they are, what their worldview is, all of that.

Ask them questions like, what are you afraid of? What job are you trying to do for me? Are you trying to protect me? Are you trying to destroy me?

Which none of them actually are [trying to destroy you]. When you get down to what they’re doing, often they’re misfiring in the way they’re trying to protect you.

What would happen if you stopped doing the job that you’re doing?

That is such a powerful one to ask because what it reveals is really the fear that that part is encompassing or is taking on for you.

You will be shocked at the depth that comes out when you stop trying to control the story and start listening to it and the characters that you’ve created to work around in this story.

Two Ways to Talk to These Parts

There are a couple of different ways to access these parts, or we may want to think of them more as characters that live within us and are trying to get out on the page.

One way to do this is through a kind of quiet and meditative reflection. You just close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and relax into yourself. Then literally try to imagine that part or that character sitting across from you.

Or maybe you can feel where that character or that part lives in your body. That sounds weird, but take just a moment when you’re doing this, if you want to try it, and see if you can locate where they’re coming from.

Often, if it’s a fearful part or a character who’s afraid of something, I find them deep in my chest. I can just kind of feel that heaviness there. Then I will imagine I’m talking to that piece of me.

So that’s one way. It’s that quiet meditative reflection. Just ask them a question. What do you want to say? Let your mind stay open to whatever answers come.

The weird thing about this is that you don’t want to think your way into an answer. You just want to be patient and see if an answer comes up out of that place. It often does. Not always, but it often does.

The other way to approach these parts or these characters is the one that I prefer. Which is to write a dialogue scene between me and the characters.

Sometimes it’s between two different characters and I’ll have them talk to each other, but often it’s between me as the writer and this character or this part that is trying to reach out in some way.

You can treat it like a script or a conversation in a novel. Just ask them questions. What are you afraid of? What job are you trying to do in this story or in me or in the other characters? What would happen if you stopped doing that job?

Just wait for those responses to come and see if this character, see if this part begins to reveal itself to you.

This writing is very quick and dirty. I’m not worried about spelling, paragraph form, or anything like that. I’m just trying to capture these thoughts and questions as quickly as I can on paper.

So don’t worry about making them polished. Just let it flow. You might be surprised how much clarity and emotion comes out when you give these parts of yourself permission to speak freely.

It sounds weird. How many times am I going to say that in this episode?

But often these parts of yourself have been ignored or pushed down or exiled for years and years, if not decades and decades. They’ve been crying out to tell you what they know or tell you what they feel.

So be prepared for some strange things to happen.

This process can unlock incredible internal insights. It can also be emotionally intense, and that’s OK. Give yourself some grace in this process. If you try it, you’re not just creating characters. You might actually be healing parts of yourself along the way.

Now, I am not a professional counselor. None of this is meant as therapy advice. But I do want you to know there are licensed therapists out there who specialize in Internal Family Systems work. If you try this and you find it particularly fascinating or maybe especially emotional, you might consider seeking one of them out.

That’s what I’m in the process of doing right now. In fact, I have my first appointment tomorrow to explore this Internal Family Systems dynamic and how it may be working in me and how I can use that as a way to write better, more complete, more realistic characters into my work.

When a Character Takes Over

So what do you do when a character takes over? It doesn’t really matter where this is coming from. Whether you’re on board with this or not, it still happens sometimes.

What do we do when we start to feel a character grabbing hold of the reins of our story and taking it in a different direction?

Do we force them back into line? “Hey, Mr. Character, Mr. Part, I’ve got this planned out. I’ve got it outlined. You’re going to stick to it.“

Or do you say, “OK, you’ve got a story to tell. I’m going to step back and let you tell it.”

Here’s what I’ve found. And this is just my personal experience. It’s not meant as advice even. It’s just my personal experience.

There’s no danger in following a character’s lead for a while. Let them go down the path they’re taking you on for a little bit. We all have delete keys on our computers. We have erasers on the ends of our pencils.

If it doesn’t go somewhere interesting, then we’ve just had a little more time writing and we can delete it and go in a different direction.

So I always like to let it speak for a while and see where it goes. Follow it with a pen or follow it with your keyboard and see what story it wants to tell.

Sometimes it leads you somewhere far more interesting and far more true than what you had planned. But not always. Sometimes it just has something it wants to express. Then once it gets it off its chest, it feels better and you feel better and you’re ready to move forward.

That moment can feel mysterious and magical when you start having your characters come alive and take actions on their own. Just because it feels magical doesn’t mean it’s right. Doesn’t mean it’s the right direction to go.

What you’re hearing, when we think of them as this jumble of parts we have working in us, is just one perspective. It’s one voice. It’s one possible truth.

The experience of hearing from it might be powerful, but it’s not the whole story. A character or a part is just that. It’s a piece. It’s a part of the whole. It’s not your entire self. It’s not the entire cast of your novel.

So it’s important to take a moment to honor that character or honor that part. You can even thank them for showing you something honest about themselves. Let them know they were heard. And then, if you don’t want to take the story in that direction, just invite them to become part of the larger story that you’re telling. Not the one they want to hijack and take in a different direction.

I know this seems weird to be in conversation with these. But until you try it and open your mind to see if it works, I hope you won’t just condemn it and think, oh, Brad has lost his mind in this episode.

I don’t talk about things unless I think not many other people are saying them or I’ve got some unique take on it. This one, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard anybody talk about in this frame of writing. So I wanted to get it out there.

Wise Words

All right. Am I alone in this? We’re going to slip into our Wise Words section here.

I always want to check my own instincts and thoughts against other especially accomplished and recognized writers, just to see if I have indeed lost my mind. And here are some other writers that I think are hinting at what I’m talking about here.

George R. R. Martin once said, “I have a character who’s a priest and he started preaching. I don’t know where that came from.”

I’ve had characters like that too, where I’ve created them and they don’t feel anything like me. But yet they come to life in my head in a way that surprises me, that has talents and abilities and perspectives that I didn’t know were inside me.

Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in Big Magic, “I’ve had characters begin talking to me in my dreams. They’ll argue with me, offer suggestions, refuse to cooperate. It’s unnerving and also amazing.”

That really feels like it captures what we’re talking about here today. I don’t have that experience in my dreams, at least not that I remember, but I definitely have that experience while drafting stories.

And then finally, we’ll get another Stephen King quote in here. He’s been showing up a lot in our Wise Words.

This is from On Writing, and he says:
“Stories are found things, like fossils in the ground. The writer’s job is to use the tools in his or her toolbox to get as much of each one out of the ground intact as possible.”

I love this because it has that feeling of digging for the truth, for the things underground that we don’t realize are there, and bringing them up to the surface to get them into our stories.

That’s what this process feels like, exploring this internal family or all these internal personalities that are bubbling within me, trying to get their stories told.

Whether it’s intuition, creativity, or something more internal, writers across genres have long acknowledged that characters sometimes speak first. And I’d encourage us to just listen.

Not to take them speaking as some kind of divine direction for our story, but just as one person’s, one character’s, one part’s take on it. Like an option that we have to consider.

So next time a character goes rogue, try welcoming them instead of resisting them. Ask who they might represent. Let them speak.

Don’t be surprised if they have something profound to say, not just about the story, but maybe even about you.

Weekly Challenge

So that leads us into our challenge this week.

Write a short monologue from one of your characters as if they were a real voice in your head. And again, this can feel strange. This can feel like, “I hope I don’t end up as a split personality here,” right? It’s not going to happen.

But let them tell you what they want. You might learn something important, both from a writing and a personal growth perspective.

Now, like I said, we got a little weird here today, and I’m sure we lost some of you along the way. But I truly hope you’re able to take something useful from this that can inform your writing practice.

I’d love to hear your reactions to this episode, positive or negative, or just what-the-hell reactions, either in the comments on the episode’s web page over at insidecreativewriting.com, or you can always shoot me an email. It’s brad.reed@insidecreativewriting.com.

If you liked this episode, check out the links in the show notes and the transcript online for more on things like character development, emotional depth in fiction, and writing from the inside out.

Before you go, if you’d like more deep dives like this, join the Inside Creative Writing email list. When you sign up over there, you’ll get a free copy of the Story Rescue Checklist. It’s a resource to help you figure out if your novel is on the right track, and if it’s not, how to get it on the right track.

So you can head over to insidecreativewriting.com/SRC to get that guide and get signed up on the email list. I reach out about once a week with just some thoughts generated from the podcast and from the thinking and writing that I’ve been doing each week.

I hope you’ll check that out and join our emerging community over there.

As always, the best way to improve as a writer is by writing,and maybe even writing from the parts of you that you didn’t know you had.

So go get some of that done this week, and I’ll be looking forward to spending some time with you again next week.

Thank you so much for being here!

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