The Missing Piece: The Self-Awareness Advantage Part 2: Who am I becoming?

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The following podcast is part of the mind Bodyspirit dot
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FM podcast network. Welcome to the Doctor Ravon James Everyday
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Peace Podcast, where we explore the ideas and practices that
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help us create a life of peace, purpose and possibility
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every single day. I'm your host, Doctor Dravon James, and
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as always, I am so grateful that you're here with
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me choosing peace today. Well, welcome back to part two
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of our series, The Missing Peace. We're talking about the
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self awareness advantage, the missing piece, the self awareness advantage.
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In part one, we explore the foundation of self awareness.
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We discovered that self awareness is the ability to see
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ourselves clearly, to understand our thoughts, our emotions, our behaviors,
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our motivations, our strengths, and yes, our blind spots. We
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learned that self awareness influences every aspect of our lives,
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our health, our wealth, our relationships, our peace of mind,
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our purpose. We discussed that many of us have been
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living from conditioning rather than consciousness. We inherited our beliefs,
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we did, we inherited our habits, we inherited our definitions
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of success, and without awareness, well, we could spend decades
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living someone else's script. For us, right, So we want
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to have this self awareness. One of the most important
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ideas from part one of this series was we cannot
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change what we cannot see. Right, it makes sense we
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cannot change what we cannot see. Today we're taking the
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next step in self awareness. Once we begin seeing ourselves clearly,
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the question now becomes now, what so I see myself clearly?
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Now what? How do we strengthen self awareness? How do
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we maintain self awareness? How do we continue evolving into
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the person we were created to become. Today's conversation is
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about moving from awareness to transformation. The truth about personal
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growth is many people think growth happens when we learn
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something new. Haven't we been tuned to show that wisdom,
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right when we learn something new? Right? Growth actually happens
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when we become aware of something true. So growth happens
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when we become aware of something true. Awareness is like
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a doorway. Transformation is what happens when we walk through
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that doorway. Think about it. A person can read one
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hundred books on relationships, but if they are unaware of
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their own communication patterns, very little changes. They just read
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one hundred books, but until they become aware, no change.
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A person can attend financial seminars for years. You probably
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know people like that. But if they remain unaware of
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their emotional relationship with money, lasting change may never occur.
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Awareness is not a destination, it is the beginning. So
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we become aware so we can start the journey the
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becoming principle. Here we are. One of my favorite questions
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is who who am I becoming? Notice I didn't ask
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who do I want to be? Who was I? Who
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should I be? Who am I becoming? This is a
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very famous book, Becoming. I hope you read it, because
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whether we realize it or not, every day we are
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becoming someone. Every thought, every habit, every decision, every conversation,
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every boundary, every action, we are all ways becoming. Those
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things lead to the person that we are becoming. Here's
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the real question. Are you becoming on intentionality? Are you
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being intentional about it? Or are you becoming on accident?
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It is just sort of happening to you. So the
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real question is whether that becoming is intentional or accidental.
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So here's step one into becoming. Become an observer of
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your self. The first practice of self awareness is observation.
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Most people are just participants in our own lives. We're
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just participating. We're not observing, but just sort of scorn
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along for the ride. Right, So a few people are observers.
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Observers notice participants just react, right, So observers notice noticing
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we're not just reacting. So in order to become an observer,
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we're going to practice the pause. Practice is called pause.
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So we want to become an observer, not a reactor.
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Several times a day, ask yourself a few questions. What
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am I thinking? What am I feeling? What story am
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I telling myself? Notice the difference of how you're feeling. Right,
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What am I thinking? What am I feeling? What story
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am I telling myself? Right? The events are the facts.
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These are the facts, right, just the facts. Here are
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the facts. What are those facts making me think? What
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are they making me feel? What story am I telling
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myself about the facts? Right? So here's an example I
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want to give you. If you text one of your
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friends and your friend doesn't text back, the fact is
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you text a friend. The fact is that friend didn't
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text your text you back. Those are the facts, right,
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What is the story that you're telling yourself? You may say, well,
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they didn't text me back because they're upset with me.
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That's the story that you're telling yourself. Awareness helps us
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separate facts from interpretation. You see the difference. We got
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the facts, the fact was you text the facts was
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they didn't text back. Here's the story the interpretation you said.
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May say to yourself, well, they didn't text back because
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they're upset with me. There's no fact in that. The
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distinction alone can improve well being dramatically. Understanding back from fiction, right,
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the story that we're telling ourselves. Step two, discover and
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clarify your core values. This is so important. This is
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one of the most important aspects of self awareness. Your
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core values, our core values. Many people know their goals,
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we know what our goal is, but few of us
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know what our values are. Right, we know what our
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goals are. Right, you may have a goal to achieve
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this or that, but do you know what your values are.
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Goals tell you what you want. They tell you what
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you want. Values tell you why it matters. Why do
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you want that? The goal is you want to achieve that,
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but why is that important to you? That's the value
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I want to get to that value? So what our values?
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Values are principles that guide our decisions. They are our
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internal compass. Our life aligns with our values. Guess what
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we have? We experience peace with our life aligns with
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our values. We experience peace and just the opposite. When
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our life violates our values, well, we experience inner conflict. Right.
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So what are some core values you may be asking yourself. Well,
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let me give you a list. If you've got a
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piece of paper, you may want to write these down.
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I get something to write with. Otherwise you can go
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back and listen to this and a later time and
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write them down. But some common core values are integrity, freedom, family, health,
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spiritual growth, adventure, creativity, service, love, learning, financial security is
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a value for many people. Excellence, joy, community, compassion. Those
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are a list of common core valuevalues, the values discovery exercise.
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So we've got our list of common core values. Now
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I want you to ask yourself these questions. What makes
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me feel most alive? What makes you feel most alive?
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Jazz and energize? What qualities do I admire in others?
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I love this one for me. I love this because
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you'll walk into a room with many people and there
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will be certain people that you are just attracted to.
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There'll be something about them, and I identify those qualities. Oh,
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I like this about this person, I like that about
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those persons. Identify qualities that you admire in other people?
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What situations constantly frustrate you? Right? What frustrates us? They
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consistently and constantly frustrate us. Often our frustrations reveal a
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violation of our values. Right, I'm going to give you
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an example. If you're a person who is deeply bothered
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by dishonor honesty, that may be telling you that integrity
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is one of your top values. Right. If someone wasting
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your time frustrates you, you may say that you value
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productivity and purpose. Those may be important values to you.
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So from that list of core values that I gave you,
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I want you to pick your top five and then
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rank them one through five, one being the most important
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to you, your top priority. So, from those core values
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that I gave you, pick five of them and then
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rank them one through five. Most people will discover something
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very surprising from this exercise. They'll discover that their stated
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values and their lived values don't always match. That means
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that you have these values, these are things that are
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important to you, but your life is not showing you
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that those values are topping your life your life, you're
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not living out those values. So you can test out
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your values by looking at your calendar and seeing where
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you spend most of your time. Right, you may see
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a conflict there. I know I do. When I look
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at where I spend most of my time, there's a
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conflict between what I value and where I spend most
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of my time. Right. So, you may spend a lot
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of your time doing something that you know you're doing
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a great service for the world, and you're doing great work,
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but you know it may not contradict your values, but
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it may not be aligned with your top five Right,
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check your checkbook, your budget and look at where you're
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spending your money. Where do you invest your money? So,
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where do you spend your time, Where do you invest
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your money? Time and money reveal priorities, not intentions. Right,
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time and money, Where are're spending your time, where you
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are spending your money, where you are investing your money.
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Those are top back priorities for you. Make sure that
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they are aligned with your core values. If not, you
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may be experiencing some conflict. Right because remember, you want
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your life experiences to align with your core values. The
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life that your external life so values and your brand.
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You probably know what my brand is if you've been
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following me. Right, my brand is health, wealth, in relationships.
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So we're going to talk from that. From that perspective,
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I want you to ask yourself a health question. Do
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my daily habits reflect my values surrounding my health? That's
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a big one. Do my daily habits reflect my values
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surrounding my health? Right? How about your wealth? Do my
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financial decisions reflect my financial freedom values? If you have
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a value, if one of your top core values is
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financial freedom, do your daily financial habits reflect that you
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want to be aligned there? How about your relationships? Do
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my actions demonstrate my connection value? If that's important to you?
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Relationships are important to you, So we're using my brand here, health, wealth,
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and relationships. You'll pick your top ones. But for this exercise,
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I want you to ask you, so, do your actions
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demonstrate that connection is a value for you? Right? Awareness
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begins where honesty begins. We have to be honest with ourselves. Right,
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So identify your triggers and emotional teachers unpack that for you.
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Identify your triggers. Many people see triggers as problems, but
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as we're becoming self aware individuals, we'll know that self
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aware people see triggers as teachers. Whenever we experience anger, jealousy, fear, resentment, defensiveness,
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we need to pause and ask why is this feeling? What?
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I'm sorry? What is this feeling trying to teach me? So,
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first of all, we're going to be self aware if
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we're angry, if we're jealous, if we're feeling fear or
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resentment or defensiveness. Hey, we've identified what those emotions within ourselves.
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The question becomes, what are these feelings trying to teach me? See,
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there's a trigger formula that says what happened and ask
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us to say, what happened? That's the fact, Right, What
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did I feel when this happened? What did I feel?
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That's self aware? What belief did it activate in me?
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I felt something? And what do I believe about this?
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What need was underneath it? What do I need? A
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lot of us have a hard time identifying our needs. See,
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when we're talking about our relationships, this transforms our emotional
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reactions and it transforms it into emotional wisdom. Right, what happened,
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What did I feel? What belief was activated? What need
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did I discover as a result of this event? Happening.
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This helps us to transform an emotional reaction into emotional
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wisdom because we are becoming our best self and we're
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becoming more wise and were understanding ourselves. Seek feedback without defensiveness.
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As we are working on becoming the person that we
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want to become, improving our health, improving our wealth, and
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improving our relationships, stepping into the person that we want
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to be, We're going to seek feedback without becoming defensive.
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I know, I know, I know there's a lot of
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vulnerability here, right, but there are parts of ourselves that
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we cannot see. And I so appreciate this as a
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mother of two young adults, have a daughter and a son,
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and they point out blind spots for me all the time, right,
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and I I have learned over the years to trust
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them because I love them and they see parts of me, right,
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And so I have to listen with a heart and
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an ear to understand to become my best self, not
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in a defensive manner. So self aware people actively seek
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feedback from trusted individuals. Will ask trusted individuals the following questions,
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what strength do you see in me? What habit may
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be limiting me? I also have two really really good
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friends who are not shy about sharing these things with
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me as well, and I trust them as well. So
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I have four good people in my life. I have
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my two young adult children who I trust their opinions
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and we'll talk about that in a moment, and I
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have two very good friends. Find someone that you trust,
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people that you know have your best interests. How do
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people experience me? That's another question. There are three questions
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so far as what strength do you see in me?
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What habit may be limiting me? How do people experience me? See,
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the goal is not for me to agree with their opinions.
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You don't need to agree with them. We're just back finding.
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We're getting information because we're going to take this information
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back to the lab, which is to our internal lab,
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and get it sorted out. So we're just getting their opinion.
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So the goal is not that we agree with their opinion.
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It's just feedback. Feedback is data, right, We need data
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in order to create the life that we want to
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create for ourselves, so we don't have to agree with that.
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Feedback is not destiny, it's just data. So step find
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in developing ourselves into the person we want to become
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is to develop emotional literacy. It would surprise you that
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many adults can only identify three emotional states. Clearly, they
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can say it felt good, it felt bad, or it
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was fine indifferent right, good, bad or fine right. That
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would surprise us that most adults have that limited emotional state.
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But because we're moving into true self awareness, we're going
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to expand and our emotional vocabulary to give us a
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richer emotional vocabulary. So instead of saying things like I'm upset,
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we'll try saying things like I'm disappointed, I'm frustrated, I'm embarrassed.
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That's a hard one for us, right, there's a lot
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of that's a lot of transparency right in that one.
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But I am embarrassed, I'm lonely, I'm anxious, I'm overwhelmed,
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I'm discouraged, I'm grateful, I'm hopeful. Those are some richer words,
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richer emotional adjectives other than just saying I am upset. Right,
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we can use that. The more accurately we can describe
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and name our emotions, the better we can manage those
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emotions without letting those emotions manage us. Sixth Step two,
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becoming the person we want to become is to create
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a self awareness journal. Right. I love this, I love this.
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Us You hear me talk about journals all of the time. Now,
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I am a person who likes to keep a actual
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journal and I like to write it out. Lots of
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people out of my clients and my life coaching classes,
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they like to use an electronic journal of source. I'm
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sort of jumping on that bandwagon to a little bit
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because it does save some time. But however you want
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to do it pin or paper or using your phone
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or some other type of device. Journaling is important, and
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here are some daily questions that we want to ask.
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Is journaling prompts? Right? We want to be in a
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place where we have we're using our journaling time to
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really get to the core of things. So whether again,
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whether you're going to use pin or paper, or whether
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you're going to use an electronic device, you want to
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get in the habit of journaling every day. And here
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are some prompts. Ask yourself. What energized me today? Right?
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What drained me today? What did I learn about myself today?
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What challenged me today? Right? Another word for being angry?
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What challenged me today? Right? Where did I act in
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alignment with my values? You identified five core values and
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you prioritize them one through five. Right, so it gives
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youse a where to go. So you look at your
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core values and say, what did I do today that
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aligned with my values? Where did I act out of fear?
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That's big for me because I found when I started
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doing this exercise, then I did a lot of actions
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out of fear. Right, Nope, got to realign. It's got
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to meet my values. But I don't know that unless
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I'm doing my daily journal. Lean to figure out where
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did I act out of fear? Where did I say
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yes what I should have said no? Where did I
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say no what I should have said yes? Where did
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I hesitate when I should have moved forward? Where did
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I move forward too fast? Where I should have took
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a pause. A lot of those actions are out of fear?
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Where did I act out of fear? Now Here we're
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seeing awareness grows through reflection. That's the principle here journaling
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because reflection it helps awareness to grow, and awareness creates
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an opportunity adore for us to walk through to transform
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into our greater self. But this is all about us
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living our best life. So awareness grows through reflection. So
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here is a daily self awareness system. Most people think
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that self awareness is an occasional exercise. That is wrong,
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my friend, awareness is a daily, consistent practice. The truth
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is self awareness is a lifestyle. Get into it. This
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is our lifestyle. I'm so excited for us. So in
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our lifestyle, we start our first thing at the beginning
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of our day. We have a morning awareness ritual before
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we reach for our phone. Maybe you'll have these questions
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written now on a little index card on your nightstand.
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So before you reach for your phone, you reach for
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your awareness morning ritual index card, and the first question
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that you answer is how do I want to show
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up today? Today? Is your a day in your TV
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series that you're serious about yourself? You know, I'm an actress,
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so I love all the World's the stage, so this
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is you center stage, right, So how do you want
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to show up today? What matters most to you today?
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Second question on your index card? Right? Third question what
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kind of energy will I bring to today? You get
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to decide. You are the director, right, you get to
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decide what type of energy you want to bring today?
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What does my mind need today? How do I need
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to feed my mind today? What does my body need today?
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You get to determine that. Right, you get to determine
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what does your body need today? What does my spirit
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need today? You see, this creates intentional living. That's why
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you want to have this as your mourning ritual. Right,
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that is your mourning ritual. I'll just run through those
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questions once more, but you can always pause and go
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back to the video and to the audio and get
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this information. But the questions that you're going to have
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on your morning ritual index card, if you choose to
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do it that way, that's right on your nightstand. Is
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first thing. Don't pick up your phone, pick up your
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index card and ask me answer the following questions. What
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do I want to show up? How? Excuse me? How
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do I want to show up today? What matters most today?
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What kind of energy will I bring to today? What
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does my mind need today? What does my body need today?
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And what does my spirit need today? That's your morning ritual.
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We do that every day, seven days a week. Then
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we're going to have a mid day awareness check in
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why because it's important. The day is wearing on you,
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it's demanding of you. You're going to check back in
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and realign yourself. The best way to remember to do
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this for me is I set an alarm on my phone,
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a midday alarm. My day usually starts at four am
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in the morning and by eleven o'clock, I consider that
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my mid day and that my alarm goes off around
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eleven o'clock, usually exactly at eleven o'clock, and it asked
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for me to pause for sixty seconds, one minute. I
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know you're busy. I know you're doing great things in
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the world. Right your day is heatic. As many of
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you know that, I am a pharmacist. In my day,
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Michael said, my nine to five, but we'll call it
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a nine to five my full time gig, and I
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work in operations. I run an in patient hospital pharmacy.
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It is busy all of the time, giving, giving, giving,
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I love being able to give to other people, right
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so they can have a great life. And I know
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you do too, in whatever capacity that you're giving. But
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in order for that to happen, your cup has to
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be full. It is important. I hope I'm really making
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this a priority. I hope you can sense my urgency
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and my commit to the commitment to this midday awareness
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check in is for you. You need to recharge, so
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you set your alarm midday sixty seconds. You owe it
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to yourself because it's the best part of you giving
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to other people. And you're going to ask yourself a
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few simple questions, and the first one is how am
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I feeling? How am I feeling? Second question, am I stressed?
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I told you I work in hospital operations? The answer
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usually is yes, I'm stressed, right, but that's okay. We're
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checking in. We're going to realign right. The third question
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is am I aligned with my priorities? Am I aligned
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with my priorities? Fourth question, am I reacting or responding?
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Let's say, am I reacting or responding? No judgment, no condemnation,
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no shame. We are realigning with this midday check in?
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And final question do I need rest? What do I need?
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Do I need rest? Do I need food? Do I
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need movement? Do I need connection? Right? Small check ins
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prevent large breakdowns. That's why we do this mid day
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check in. And I'll tell you when I have my
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biggest breakdowns is what I do not do this check in.
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I can fill my battery running down inside of myself.
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And what I have done is decided that something is
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more important than sixty seconds given to myself. Don't make
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that mistake. Give yourself the sixty seconds. It will prevent
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a large number of other breakdowns that we have throughout
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the day. Right, if you're anything like me. Okay, so
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we got our morning ritual, we got our midday check in.
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Now here's where I call this is my going back
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to the lab exercise. This is our evening reflection ritual.
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This is back at the lab, right, and the evening
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is where wisdom develops. And we're going to ask ourselves
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these few questions to develop this wisdom. What went well today?
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What challenged me today? What did I learn about myself today?
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What am I grateful for that happened today? What will
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I do differently tomorrow? Careful with this question is very important.
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But make sure you approach this question without any shame, guilt,
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or condemnation. You are not here to punish yourself. Remember,
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this is the evening ritual. Is what I call being
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back in the lab. You're creating something. You get all
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your data from the day, and here's where you're going
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to transform that data into wisdom. So that final question
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is what will I do differently tomorrow based on the
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data that I gather today? Reflection converts experience into growth.
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That's what today was all about. You collecting data and
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experiences so you can grow into the person that you
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have decided that you want to be. So that's our
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daily practice. You have to do that every day, seven
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days in a week, even when you are on vacation.
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Guess what you're still learning, right, You're still learning. Don't
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cheat yourself. Here's a weekly awareness practice. That was our
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daily awareness practice. Remember you are cultivating, curating a lifestyle.
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Self awareness is a lifestyle. So our weekly awareness practice,
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once a week, ask these questions. What gave me energy
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this week? What drained me this week? What relationships nourished
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me gave me energy in life? What relationships depleted me?
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Like a vampire is just sugning out my life? Right?
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What relationships depleted me today this week? Excuse me? What
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relationships depleted me this week? What am I avoiding? You
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know those things? You know they're hard, right, we don't
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want to do them right away. I read a book
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by Brian Tracy years ago, and one of the things
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I learned from that book is he said eat the frog,
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the unpopular thing that you have to do. Do it
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early in your weekend it out of the way. So
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if you're still avoiding something, identify that what truth needs
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my attention? Come on, there are things we are avoiding.
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We don't want to see it, we don't want to
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address it. All we're doing is answering and honestly, what
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truth needs my attention? You see this weekly exercise, This
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weekly review accelerates our growth. Right. We all want to
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get there fast, I know we do. So we do
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that through having these lifestyle practices. We got our daily
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practices and we got our weekly practice because weekly review
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accelerates our growth. Right. Self awareness and health, wealth and relationships.
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That's my brand, guys. You know that health, wealthome relationship.
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I hope you embrace this with me. So self awareness
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will impact your health. It certainly will, because self aware
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people recognize stress before it turns into burnout. That recognize
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fatigue before it turns into illness. Right, taking care of yourself, don't.
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There is a time to power through, right, But you
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cannot live in next at that pace, in that space forever.
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So self aware people recognize fatigue before it becomes illness.
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Emotional eating, they recognize emotional eating before it becomes weight gain.
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They recognize disconnection before it becomes depression. Self Aware people
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recognize emotional eating before it becomes weight gain undesirable weight
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gain because you know, you may want to put on
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a few pounds, but for a lot of us. I know,
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for me, I could point to a time in the
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day I know exactly what's happening. I'm self aware that
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I will start munching on one of my favorite stacts
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plantain chips. You know that I talk about a lot.
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I'll start lunching on that. And I know I'm self
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aware is because I have this stress that kicked up
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in my day and I have to really become self
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aware that, hey, this is how weight gain happens. So right,
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I recognize that's emotional eating. To deal with that stress,
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I got to get better stress and I do have
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better stress coping mechanisms around that. Not always perfect, but
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I'm still becoming. And another one, as I mentioned, self
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aware people recognize disconnection when you're pulling back from activities
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and people. You want to recognize that before it becomes depression.
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Awareness creates prevention around our wealth, our health. Excuse me,
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so becoming aware creates prevention in our health. Right now,
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let's talk about our wealth. Does self awareness impact your wealth?
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It certainly does. Self Aware people recognize scarcity thinking right,
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they recognize emotional spending. They recognize fear based decisions. Right,
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you won't get involved and I won't take a chance,
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you know, studying study on something, but you won't leap
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because you're fear based. You recognize that. Self aware people
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recognize self sabotage around their financial behaviors. Self Aware people
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recognize that awareness creates abundance. Awareness creates abundance in their wealth.
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Self Aware people recognize that does self awareness impact your relationships? Well,
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you probably already know it absolutely does. Self Aware people
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recognize communication habits, they recognize emotional triggers, they recognize boundaries,
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They recognize unmet needs. I hope you are self awareness
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enough to know that, yes, you have needs or become
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aware when they're not being met. Awareness creates connection in
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our relationships. There are four pillars to living a life
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long self aware lifestyle. I said that that's kind of jumble.
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So what are the four pillars of lifelong self awareness?
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There are four Curiosity, stay curious, my friend about yourself.
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The second pillar courage, be willing to face uncomfortable truths. Yep,
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you can do it. You've done hard things before. Third
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pillar for self awareness lifestyle is compassion. Growth requires kindness.
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You are learning, not judging, and guess who you need
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to be kind to? My friend? You need to be
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kind to you, no shame, no guilt, no condemnation. You
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are learning, not judging yourself. When you're kind to you,
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you'll find you be kinder to others. The fourth pillar
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for self awareness as a lifestyle is consistency. Small daily
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awareness practices creates extraordinary transformation. So the mirror and the
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window I want to be opened up with this in
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Part one, we're going to close with this in Part two.
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Self awareness is both a mirror and a window. The
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mirror helps us see yourself. The window helps us see
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our possibilities. The purpose of self awareness is not to
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be become obsessed with ourselves. No, the purpose of self
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awareness is to become aligned with ourself, to know our values,
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to understand our patterns, to recognize our gifts, to heal
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our wounds, to honor our purpose, to consciously choose who
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we are becoming. And as we continue this journey, remember,
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health improves when awareness increases. Wealth improves when awareness increases.
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Relationships improve when awareness increases. Peace increases when awareness increases.
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The life you desire is waiting for a different level
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of self awareness, for an improved level of self awareness.
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The life you desire is not waiting for a different
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version of you. No, no, not at all. You are you,
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your wonderful, just the way you are. The life you
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desire is waiting for a more aware version of you.
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So each morning, ask yourself these simple questions, who am
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I becoming? Who am I becoming? Who am I becoming?
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Then spend the day becoming that person, one thought, one choice,
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one action, and one moment of awareness at a time.
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Because the greatest transformation in life does not begin when
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the world changes. It begins when you see your self
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clearly enough to change from within. And that is the
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true power of self awareness. Now, thank you for joining
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me today. I'm doctor Jyvond James and this is an
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everyday piece podcast. If this conversation spoke to you, if
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it shifted something in your thinking, if it softened your
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heart or reminded you of who you truly are, don't
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let it in here. Share this episode with someone you love,
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00:36:00.199 --> 00:36:03.519
someone you may need, so when you may who you
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know may need a little more peace in their life today.
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Right we know as people who need peace in your life.
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And be sure to subscribe so you can continue this
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journey with me, because here we're not just talking about peace, No,
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we're practicing it, we're choosing it, and we are creating
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it every single day. So until next time, I'm doctor
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Draybon James reminding you peace is not something you wait for,
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it's something you become. Until next time, choose peace on purpose.