From Doubt to Devotion: Rock Bottom to Redemption

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Hey everybody, this is Jake. I'm sitting here with my brother Wesley.
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We are starting out on this journey that the Lord has called us to.
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He's been calling me to do this probably for years, but specifically this podcast,
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he's been calling me to do this since January, and here we are.
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It's October 31st of 2025 So we've got about two months left in this year And
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I'm just now getting around to doing this So what we are or what we are doing
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First let me introduce you to Wesley Wesley say hi,
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So Wesley's going to be our IT guy He's going to be like the logistics and the
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brains behind getting all this together And getting it distributed out to y'all,
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and but he's going to be on on audio
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and also on video every once in a while we are going to have video set up for
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youtube we've already created the youtube page for that but this one is going
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to be strictly audio this kind of introductory and kind of give you an idea
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of what what to expect this is doubt to devotion so as i said in january i was i was.
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Part of a ministry. I was actually on a ministry. I wasn't serving on this ministry.
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I was partaking in this ministry.
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And a lot of the people that I come in contact with on that had come up to me
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and said, Hey, Jake, you need to start a podcast.
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Jake, you need to start a podcast. You're supposed to start a podcast.
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And basically was all telling me that I needed to do this.
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So to all my brothers who pushed me in that direction, I thank you.
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This is me finally getting to it. I didn't feel like I was the right guy or
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like I was qualified to do this, but as somebody once told me is,
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God doesn't call the qualified.
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He qualifies the called, and so I feel like that's what me and Wes are here to do.
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Wes felt like he was supposed to be a part of this. He wanted to be,
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he was led to help out with the stuff behind the scenes, but we're going to,
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no matter how begrudgingly, we're going to put him on air too sometimes.
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So this is going to be about testimony, So doubt to devotion,
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how to go from living a life of doubt to being completely devoted to Christ
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and following in the walk that he has for us. So a little bit about myself.
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I've just recently, over the last couple of years, I've given my life to Christ
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and have started trusting in that walk.
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I lived in doubt my whole life. I'm basically, I mean, I'm from a divorced family.
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My dad died when I was 14 years old.
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That was before we all had cell phones and stuff. Like cell phones were around,
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but like, so it was like the Motorola flip phones, you know,
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with the big old batteries on the back of them.
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So 2001, July 27th, 2001, I found out that my dad was dead by finding a note
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on my front door of my apartment.
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Because my mom's, she had a phone, but it was dead. And so nobody could get
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in touch with her. Thank you.
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So, me and my mom come home. My sister is gone with my stepmom.
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And I found a note that was left by my sister had called a friend of hers to
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try to get in touch with our mom.
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And so, that little girl ran over and just left a note on the door.
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And it was to my mom, but I'm the one that found it.
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And it said, hey, Renee, call Lauren. Her dad just died.
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That little girl had no idea that I was going to find that note.
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But you can imagine at 14 years old what that did.
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It was very much traumatic and kind of started me off on the wrong path, if you will.
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That's kind of where I started going down the wrong way.
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But to tell you how long seeds have been being sown in me, like a friend of
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mine that I went to school with, his name was David.
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And his mother, Trina, she was kind of that, she was the mom of all the boys in our friend group.
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You know, she kind of, she was everybody's mom. She was David's mom,
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but it was everybody's mom.
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So if you didn't have a place to go, you went to David's and you were going
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to be able to crash there.
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If you didn't, if you did not, and Ricky, his brother too, Ricky was a couple
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grades ahead of us in school, but David and Ricky's mom were always.
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Always looking out for us, you know, And Trina, she made sure you were going
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to have a place to eat, you were going to have a place to sleep,
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you were going to have a place to take a shower, wash your clothes.
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But when you were there, you were going to put in work and you were going to hear about the Lord.
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She was always sowing into us. Like if we were with her, we're going to church.
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We're watching, you know, TBN.
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We're doing all the things together.
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Wes, I don't know, I guess we talked earlier, we tried to do a trial run on
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this and kind of a rough draft copy.
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Apparently the Lord wanted us to do this again. He had, you know, it did not save it.
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But I remember we had mentioned earlier, we were talking about relationship
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and the difference between religion and relationship and what that means to us.
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And you had said something, what did you say? It was like, religion is just like going.
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And what did you say doing, like doing the show? like
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doing a performance right like you show up at sunday sunday or wednesday and
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you're doing the performance like hey brother everything's great you know less
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than highly favored blessed and highly favored right you know and so but yeah
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but i was a kid so for me it's more just like make sure i sung the words instead of,
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thought of this like you know i was a kid i didn't even know how to pray
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really right but that's a good one yeah that's a
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big one when praying came up i was like would we would like
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you know like this yeah yeah you
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kneel down yeah you kneel down yeah i went to a church like that yeah you
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kneeled on the pew yeah absolutely yeah i just always felt
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so awkward because i was like i'm not doing nothing you know i wasn't
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talking to god i just i didn't know god yet yeah
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i went to a few of the churches and they even had underneath the pew
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they had a little butt board like step that would like fold
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out and so that what you would kind of sit your knees or your
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shins on there so it was like the one the pew that's in
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front of you had a had a prayer stoop i
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guess i don't know it kind of like would fold out and so like you would yeah
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that's where you would kneel and then kneel that it just man i'd say it and
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i wasn't i was i did not i'd said before i did not i wasn't raised in the church
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and i've told people like we were we were seasonal southern baptist and you said ceo So, you know.
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Christians are Christmas and Easter only. Yeah, Christmas and Easter only.
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So, like, you know, we were not in church all the time.
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You know, I knew that my mom and dad, they believed in Jesus.
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We were Christian. I don't know if it was out of because we were Christian because
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their parents were Christian or what, you know.
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But, like, we'd go to church every once in a while. but it wasn't it wasn't
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we did not have a relationship you know I remember my dad from an early age
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praying with us before bed and stuff like that and so I know that that's what
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he believed I know that that's what we would do but like.
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It wasn't, it wasn't a relationship. I never even really heard that term relationship
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until David and Ricky's mama came along and she was the one who,
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who kind of taught that to me.
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But like, even then I didn't, I didn't, the seed was sown, but it wasn't,
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it didn't take, it didn't take root, if that makes sense.
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And so now I look back and like, I've got a Bible that David's mama gave me
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and she had prophesied that God has big plans for you and he's going to use
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you in a big way to advance the kingdom.
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And I never knew what that meant or what, like, I didn't feel qualified for that.
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I felt like, oh, you got the wrong guy, you know, like, what can I bring to the table type thing?
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And, and I can tell you this, like, it's starting to all, I'm seeing the fruit of that.
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So a little bit going fast forward to where I kind of had my altar call moment
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where, where I got saved was in 2023.
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You know, this is like two years, two years of, of being divorced and my kids not living with me.
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And like, I never, I never wanted any of that.
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Never want any part of that for my kids to have to go through that.
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And now I'm living in Virginia where we were, had been living and they're living in Ohio, right?
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And so I'm without my kids. It's November.
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It's right before Christmas. And my son, my youngest son at the time was in
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choir and he's in choir at school and they're doing a Christmas concert.
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I get a video of him, you know, and it kind of, as much as it's sweet to see,
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it kind of broke my heart.
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Cause it's like, man, I'm missing all this stuff. I'm missing all this stuff
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that I should be having with my kids, and I'm angry at the world for it.
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I'm angry at my ex-wife for it. I'm angry at everybody.
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And it kind of just broke me. I hit like rock bottom where when,
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when I got off of work, I'm at home and I'm still upset and busted up over this.
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And this is two years in, you know, and I'm just at this low point where I'm
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just like, I don't see why this happened to me.
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I don't see where, where the light is at the end of this tunnel.
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And I'm feeling broken. and I hit a moment where it kind of this,
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I believe this is God talking to me when this happened, but I had this thought
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because I wasn't thinking about suicide or self-harm or anything like that,
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but I had this overwhelming thought that, hey.
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You should probably, my next door neighbor's name was Greg,
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and it was like, you should probably take your shotgun and give it to Greg for
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a little while and just get it out of this house because you're in a dark spot,
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and just like a forewarning, like, hey, let's remove this option completely off the table.
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Wasn't an option that was in the forefront of my head, but it was like God was
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telling me, let's get that option off the table.
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And so I did that. And then I reached out to a stranger because I'm going through
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this heartache and this grief of missing my kids.
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And so I reached out to a stranger that we kind of followed each other on Facebook,
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but didn't know each other.
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And he's always posting these, these Jesus quotes and these,
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these Bible verses and, and, you know, all the things that you see people do
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and you're like, oh yeah, okay. Another one of those people, right?
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Well, this dude, I reached out to him and I was like, hey man,
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I always see you posting scripture and posting this and that. And I want to figure out.
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You know, I told him my story, what was going on and where I was, where I was at.
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And I said, Hey, I want to figure out what it is your God can do because I feel
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lost, man. I got nowhere else to turn.
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I'm at rock bottom. I miss my kids. I'm miserable.
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I'm working, I'm making money, everything, you know, but, but I'm falling behind
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on everything at the same time.
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And I'm doing all this stuff that's supposed to drink in and,
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and, and, and smoking pot and, and, and, you know, Now, having,
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at the time I had a girlfriend or whatever, but like, you know,
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the sex, drugs, and rock and roll type thing, right?
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I'm partying and living it up, and then when my kids are down,
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I'm spending time with my kids.
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But my kids were down few and far between, and I'm miserable,
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man, and I don't know where to go with this.
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What can your God do for me, right? And so he sent me a prayer for me to say
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this prayer, and I'm going to just sum it up.
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But it was basically, Jesus, I surrender everything to you.
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I'm tired of trying to do things my own way.
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I'm ready for you to lead me to the people and the places that you have ordained for me.
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Wish you to ordain the rest of my footsteps and take complete control.
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Surrender complete control to you. I want you to take control of my life.
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Take me over and make me over and lead me to what you have for me.
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I'm tired of fighting it. I'm tired of this burden I can't carry it anymore
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and so I hand it all over to you and I'm telling you I said that and by the time I said amen this,
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boulder was lifted off of my chest. I could breathe.
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I felt lighter and it was instantaneous. And it sounds to people who've never
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experienced that, it sounds hokey. It sounds cliche.
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It sounds whatever. To people who've experienced that though,
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you know exactly what I'm talking about.
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Like the room felt lighter, the darkness in this room.
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Like I was in my bedroom at the time and Ben, When I reached out to Ben,
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the one thing that he said was, he said, say this out loud.
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Don't read it quietly to yourself in your head. Don't, you know,
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whatever. Say it out loud. Declare it out loud.
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Jesus, I surrender to you. And I'm telling you, this darkness was removed from
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my life, from my room, the heaviness, the weight was, like, the whole house felt lighter.
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Like I said, I could breathe. It felt like I had just been carrying a giant
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boulder on my chest, and then somebody just came by and said,
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hey, let me grab that for you.
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And does that mean that everything just instantly fixed and all of a sudden
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life was hunky-dory and I didn't run into any problems and all of a sudden I'm
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just I'm living in the land of milk and honey and I've got I've got all the
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money in the world that I need and my kids are with me right,
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away no that's not what it means at all it wasn't it wasn't a an easy button
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hit the button and now everything's fixed.
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It was, now it is well.
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Does that make sense, Wes? Like, now it is well. Like, yeah,
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all this stuff's going on, but praise God, it is well.
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You know? Yeah, I miss my kids, but I'm going to have a chance to see them.
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Praise God, it is well. Yeah, I'm struggling financially.
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That will be provided for. Praise God, it is well. You know?
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It wasn't an instant fix all.
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It didn't take all these worldly problems and offer worldly solutions. It offered me peace.
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And so I tell you that to say that,
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surprise, surprise, I gave my life to Christ and I was still a sinner.
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Imagine that. I was walking in sin, still drinking.
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I was still smoking pot and cussing, living a worldly life, chasing after money,
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chasing after objects, objectifying women.
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I mean, if you want to go down the list, like lust, adultery, fornication.
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Alcoholism, drugs, all of it, you know, all of the sinful stuff, I was doing it.
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Perversion, all of the anger, rage,
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lots of anger and rage. Still had that issue, still had those issues.
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But you know what? I was heading in the right direction, and though I stumble,
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I was stumbling towards Christ instead of stumbling away from Him,
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if that makes sense. because I was chasing after God.
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I was stumbling in the right direction. So when I stumbled, I wasn't falling
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backwards. I was falling.
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I look at it as I tripped and I was falling forward. I was still chasing after
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God. I wasn't running backwards.
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And then some things happened in my life, surrounding my family and stuff that
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led me to be in contact with my wife, who is now my wife.
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At the time, it was just a friend. who.
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Was she was around my family. We had never met, you know, and this situation
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had happened that led us to meet, and we did, and we started talking,
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and it turned out that unbeknownst to her,
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through this whole thing, I'm praying, we're just being friends or whatever,
00:16:17.898 --> 00:16:23.718
but I start feeling this connection to her and feel drawn to her, and so through prayer,
00:16:24.038 --> 00:16:30.398
God told me, he said, hey, all these other women that you have that you're seeing
00:16:30.398 --> 00:16:33.138
and that you're doing things with that you know is not right,
00:16:33.138 --> 00:16:35.278
you know you're not supposed to be doing this,
00:16:35.658 --> 00:16:39.898
you're going to cut all that off and you're going to focus solely on this one.
00:16:40.158 --> 00:16:43.218
Now, this time she lives in Texas. I live in Virginia, right?
00:16:43.418 --> 00:16:46.718
I'm just north of Richmond, Virginia, just south of Washington, D.C.
00:16:47.938 --> 00:16:52.658
And so at this time, it doesn't make sense to me. I don't see a way.
00:16:52.998 --> 00:16:56.058
I don't make enough money for me to just pack up and move to Texas.
00:16:56.058 --> 00:16:58.938
I don't move back to Texas. That's where I'm originally from.
00:16:59.218 --> 00:17:02.338
I don't make enough money for any of that to work out. I don't make enough.
00:17:02.738 --> 00:17:07.538
I have a good job. I have a great job where I'm at, where I want to be at.
00:17:07.998 --> 00:17:10.558
As far as career-wise, that's where I wanted to be.
00:17:11.118 --> 00:17:14.898
I had a wonderful work relationship with the people that I worked with.
00:17:15.078 --> 00:17:18.058
I had a great career. I had plans. I had goals.
00:17:18.518 --> 00:17:21.078
And quite frankly, I was getting to a point where I was crushing them.
00:17:21.078 --> 00:17:27.498
There was no foreseeable path for me to move to Texas to kindle this relationship
00:17:27.498 --> 00:17:33.258
with this woman who is 1,400 miles away or whatever it may have been.
00:17:34.158 --> 00:17:37.838
But it's what God was telling me to do. And he said, this is what you're going
00:17:37.838 --> 00:17:41.178
to do. And I'm like, it doesn't make sense, but okay.
00:17:42.218 --> 00:17:46.678
I'll cut off all the other women, right? So I cut off all the other excess stuff
00:17:46.678 --> 00:17:48.938
that I had going on. And...
00:17:50.192 --> 00:17:57.552
Really fast after that point, I fly to Texas and, and, and visit.
00:17:58.072 --> 00:18:02.652
And then when I'm getting on the plane in Dallas to fly back to Virginia,
00:18:02.652 --> 00:18:08.572
it's like my heart's being ripped from my chest and, and somebody's like,
00:18:08.732 --> 00:18:12.472
it's like God is telling me like, you're coming back here.
00:18:12.592 --> 00:18:15.152
This is the woman you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with.
00:18:15.472 --> 00:18:19.712
And I'm like, I have to go back to Virginia. this is what, this is what,
00:18:19.772 --> 00:18:20.672
when it's supposed to happen.
00:18:21.212 --> 00:18:25.072
And I have no foreseeable plan on how to make this work.
00:18:25.852 --> 00:18:29.392
And then all of a sudden I'm, I'm here. I am, bam.
00:18:29.712 --> 00:18:33.012
Like I'm packing up. I get back and I tell my boss, I'm like,
00:18:33.092 --> 00:18:37.912
dude, I think I'm supposed to move to Texas. And he goes, really? And I was like, yeah.
00:18:38.672 --> 00:18:43.012
And then nobody wanted me to leave Virginia. They all wanted me to stay there.
00:18:43.012 --> 00:18:45.772
That everybody wanted me to stay at that company where I was at.
00:18:46.272 --> 00:18:52.092
But this one boss I had, Carl, who we were close and we talked about a lot.
00:18:52.432 --> 00:18:55.632
He told me, he said, dude, go get her.
00:18:56.092 --> 00:18:59.052
Like, if you believe that that's what God's telling you to do, go get her.
00:19:00.012 --> 00:19:06.472
And so I did. And then November 12th, we get married. And now we're coming up on a year.
00:19:07.312 --> 00:19:10.452
November 12th will be a one-year anniversary and we've got a newborn.
00:19:10.452 --> 00:19:14.952
And we are about to celebrate our one-year anniversary.
00:19:15.532 --> 00:19:17.332
We're both chasing after God.
00:19:20.172 --> 00:19:23.132
She's walking in her calling, doing what she's supposed to be doing,
00:19:23.132 --> 00:19:30.152
and here I am recording this podcast that I had no intentions or no want to.
00:19:30.292 --> 00:19:34.152
I've been fighting against it for so long, and I'm sitting here with Wes,
00:19:34.892 --> 00:19:40.832
and we're recording this to bring you testimonies Because I want you to know
00:19:40.832 --> 00:19:42.892
that when you can't see your.
00:19:44.233 --> 00:19:47.093
When you can't see through the trees, you can't see through the thicket and
00:19:47.093 --> 00:19:53.133
all the stuff that's in your way, God's just waiting on you to pick up the machete
00:19:53.133 --> 00:19:54.213
and start hacking, dude.
00:19:54.353 --> 00:19:57.753
Like, he's ready for you to take that path.
00:19:59.033 --> 00:20:01.713
He's going ahead of you and he's carving out the path and he's like,
00:20:01.753 --> 00:20:04.093
look, this is where you're going to go. There's going to be some stuff in your
00:20:04.093 --> 00:20:06.173
way, but I need you to trust me.
00:20:06.613 --> 00:20:12.593
I need you to trust me because I know the plans that I have for you.
00:20:13.153 --> 00:20:17.253
And I want for you to prosper, not to be harmed.
00:20:17.913 --> 00:20:23.593
He has a plan for us. And he also tells us that in this very same book,
00:20:23.773 --> 00:20:28.953
he tells us, following me, they will come for you.
00:20:29.053 --> 00:20:31.813
They will persecute you. You will not fit in with this world.
00:20:32.273 --> 00:20:35.413
You're not going to fit in with this world because you're not of this world.
00:20:36.213 --> 00:20:39.813
But I'm telling you that no matter what you're going through, whatever
00:20:39.813 --> 00:20:43.233
whether it's rage anger grief
00:20:43.233 --> 00:20:47.353
drugs alcohol sex abuse
00:20:47.353 --> 00:20:50.433
whatever it may be that you're battling in this world right
00:20:50.433 --> 00:20:56.333
now he's got a path out of it for you and he's asking you he's standing there
00:20:56.333 --> 00:21:00.253
like waiting on you to reach up and grab his hand so he can pull you up out
00:21:00.253 --> 00:21:05.253
of the hole that you're in and and guide you and that's what happened for me
00:21:05.253 --> 00:21:09.073
man all every all the statistics say that I should have died,
00:21:10.293 --> 00:21:15.773
several times, you know, drunk driving accidents or, or I should have been,
00:21:15.933 --> 00:21:18.633
I should have been, you know, in a, in a.
00:21:19.594 --> 00:21:25.194
A situation where my anger got the best of me and I got taken out and I got
00:21:25.194 --> 00:21:28.674
murdered or something because I popped off on the wrong person,
00:21:28.994 --> 00:21:33.634
or I should have been in prison for murdering somebody because I lost control
00:21:33.634 --> 00:21:41.954
of my anger, or I should have had a drug overdose or suicide or whatever it may be.
00:21:42.094 --> 00:21:45.614
There's several reasons that I shouldn't be sitting here talking to you about
00:21:45.614 --> 00:21:50.054
the grace and the glory of God and what he's done in my life.
00:21:50.214 --> 00:21:58.374
He's put people in my life like Ben Borja, who led me to Christ that night that
00:21:58.374 --> 00:22:02.614
I was sitting there thinking like, hey, man, that shotgun probably shouldn't
00:22:02.614 --> 00:22:04.314
be in this house because I might use it.
00:22:04.954 --> 00:22:10.894
He put people in my life like Trina, who led me to Christ by sowing these seeds
00:22:10.894 --> 00:22:15.034
from a young age to this young teenage boy who lost his dad,
00:22:15.254 --> 00:22:21.374
and she's sowing these seeds of, you're going to do great things for the kingdom of heaven.
00:22:21.574 --> 00:22:26.394
She's telling me all these things like that God has these big plans and she's seen them.
00:22:27.094 --> 00:22:30.994
She's dreamed about these plans that God has for me.
00:22:31.594 --> 00:22:37.974
He put this woman in my life who is, I love more than anybody in this entire
00:22:37.974 --> 00:22:40.854
world, and I I didn't think that that was possible.
00:22:41.074 --> 00:22:45.154
Like I thought like my kids, I put my kids first and now I've met this woman
00:22:45.154 --> 00:22:47.174
that I love more than anybody in this world.
00:22:47.334 --> 00:22:51.014
I put her second only to God.
00:22:52.425 --> 00:22:55.465
She's chasing after God, and it was her love of God,
00:22:55.825 --> 00:23:03.565
her excitement, and her passion to chase after God as she's sitting here going
00:23:03.565 --> 00:23:08.885
over these Bible dictionaries and going over this chronological Bible and going
00:23:08.885 --> 00:23:12.065
over all these different ways to study the Word of God.
00:23:12.465 --> 00:23:17.605
And we're doing this from FaceTime from 1,400 miles away, and I fell in love
00:23:17.605 --> 00:23:22.325
with her then, And God said, this is the woman that I have prepared for you.
00:23:22.745 --> 00:23:26.985
This is the woman you're going to dedicate your life to. You're going to spend
00:23:26.985 --> 00:23:29.985
life serving me with this woman.
00:23:30.545 --> 00:23:37.405
And I'm telling you that there's nothing in my past that from a worldly aspect
00:23:37.405 --> 00:23:39.585
would lead me to this point.
00:23:39.585 --> 00:23:45.645
But if you take it and you look at it through the lens of Christ having a hand
00:23:45.645 --> 00:23:51.205
in everything, I can go back to everything that happened in my life, and I can show you, one.
00:23:52.005 --> 00:23:58.005
Where there was personal responsibility for the, if not the situation that I was in,
00:23:58.105 --> 00:24:02.265
the response to the situation that I was in, and I can also show you where God
00:24:02.265 --> 00:24:08.045
had a hand in protecting and guiding and laying the groundwork for me to get
00:24:08.045 --> 00:24:10.225
from point A to where I am now.
00:24:10.225 --> 00:24:14.925
By all these different paths and no matter the detours that I took and the times
00:24:14.925 --> 00:24:19.285
that I turned my back on the Lord, because when Trina was sitting here telling
00:24:19.285 --> 00:24:24.845
me about God when I was young, I felt him talking to me then and I turned from it.
00:24:24.925 --> 00:24:31.885
I turned from it because I wanted the shiny, the shiny treasures that the world promised.
00:24:32.145 --> 00:24:38.645
All the evils of this world do not appear to be evil. they appear to be exactly what you want in life.
00:24:38.845 --> 00:24:44.145
They appear to be exactly what you think you want because sin ensnares us.
00:24:45.188 --> 00:24:49.708
Because, and it tells us that in scripture, sin will ensnare you. Sin ensnares us.
00:24:50.108 --> 00:24:53.308
You're not going to ensnare something.
00:24:53.748 --> 00:24:59.388
A snare, if you use a snare as like hunting and trapping, to ensnare something,
00:24:59.768 --> 00:25:05.628
you're not going to get that by appearing to be evil and aggressive and all these things.
00:25:06.028 --> 00:25:07.848
That's not going to ensnare somebody.
00:25:08.788 --> 00:25:19.708
You're going to ensnare an animal by placing a trap with food or something else that it desires,
00:25:19.728 --> 00:25:23.848
and that's exactly what evil does with us.
00:25:23.848 --> 00:25:30.228
So everything in this world that we're chasing after that is worldly, that is, you know,
00:25:30.508 --> 00:25:35.868
money and fame and glory and sex and drugs and all these feelings that we're
00:25:35.868 --> 00:25:39.528
chasing after, all this stuff that we're chasing after, we're chasing after
00:25:39.528 --> 00:25:41.668
it because we think that's what we want.
00:25:41.668 --> 00:25:44.208
We think that'll make us happy, and it's not.
00:25:44.328 --> 00:25:48.448
It's not what's going to make us happy because you can have all of that stuff,
00:25:48.488 --> 00:25:53.088
and if you don't have a personal relationship with your Lord and Savior,
00:25:53.668 --> 00:25:55.948
then you're missing the whole boat.
00:25:56.228 --> 00:25:59.408
You're missing the whole boat, and I found that out.
00:25:59.508 --> 00:26:04.168
I found that out the hard way is I'm sitting there drowning my sorrows with
00:26:04.168 --> 00:26:13.348
drugs and alcohol and sex, and I'm sitting there crying to some stranger because I don't have peace.
00:26:13.368 --> 00:26:16.448
I don't have, I'm in turmoil because I'm
00:26:16.448 --> 00:26:21.908
literally trying to fill this void of this love that I want for my kids and
00:26:21.908 --> 00:26:26.968
this want to have them around when really what I should have been looking for
00:26:26.968 --> 00:26:31.308
was a relationship with my Lord and Savior so that I could have the peace and
00:26:31.308 --> 00:26:35.128
the fulfillment and the intimacy with the Father that.
00:26:35.870 --> 00:26:41.110
Brings me to the point of it is well, instead of sitting there going.
00:26:42.030 --> 00:26:45.710
Man, I wish I had this, or this isn't enough. I wish I had that. That's not enough.
00:26:46.050 --> 00:26:48.770
And then I get the, you know, you go to these things and I'm like,
00:26:48.830 --> 00:26:51.270
well, why do you smoke pot? Cause it makes me happy. No, it didn't.
00:26:51.630 --> 00:26:54.730
It just made me happy for a time period. Why do you drink? Well,
00:26:54.810 --> 00:26:57.610
because it makes me happy. It takes the edge off. No, it doesn't.
00:26:58.050 --> 00:27:01.190
Nine times out of 10, if I'm drinking, I'm okay for a little bit.
00:27:01.290 --> 00:27:02.850
I'll have a drink here, have a drink there.
00:27:03.570 --> 00:27:08.610
But like, if I'm drinking to get drunk, I get to a certain point where it's no longer happy.
00:27:08.890 --> 00:27:12.750
And like the slightest little thing sets me off or I go deeper,
00:27:12.910 --> 00:27:16.710
darker into my head, into the pit of this, this, this, this,
00:27:16.710 --> 00:27:20.110
this hell that I had created inside of my head.
00:27:20.410 --> 00:27:25.230
And I go picking at things that are from five, 10, 15 years ago. And I'm like.
00:27:26.310 --> 00:27:28.830
Haven't addressed that in a while. Let me pick at that and get it,
00:27:28.890 --> 00:27:31.070
get it all agitated and brought back up.
00:27:31.270 --> 00:27:34.930
And so none of that stuff was leading me to a happy place.
00:27:35.210 --> 00:27:37.730
It was honestly leading me further into hell.
00:27:38.210 --> 00:27:43.650
And now that I know that, I'm so grateful that, that God was like,
00:27:43.710 --> 00:27:47.550
you know what, I have a plan for you and you're going to run and you're going
00:27:47.550 --> 00:27:51.970
to buck and you're going to try to hide, but I'm coming in and I'm coming in to get you.
00:27:52.450 --> 00:27:56.270
You're going to be so buried in the depths of your own hell,
00:27:56.490 --> 00:27:59.330
but I'm going to come in and I'm going to fight the demons.
00:27:59.510 --> 00:28:02.030
I'm going to fight the monsters and I'm going to drag you out of it.
00:28:02.270 --> 00:28:07.530
And I'm going to do it by, in ways that make it feel like I did it on my own.
00:28:07.690 --> 00:28:13.590
Like, oh, I reached out to a stranger that helped me, but who put that stranger in my path?
00:28:13.690 --> 00:28:17.090
Who put that stranger in my life for me to reach out to him?
00:28:17.150 --> 00:28:20.350
You know what I mean? Like, it's so easy for us to reach and pat ourselves on the back.
00:28:20.470 --> 00:28:24.390
Oh man, I did this and I did that. And, you know, I kicked addiction,
00:28:24.570 --> 00:28:26.870
Wesley. Did you know that? Did you know that I kicked addiction?
00:28:27.650 --> 00:28:32.470
I kicked the drugs, right? Like, I did that. Did I? Or was that God,
00:28:32.610 --> 00:28:35.630
you know, who working through my life? You know what I mean?
00:28:35.930 --> 00:28:39.910
So, like, what are we talking about? Like, when we say a personal relationship
00:28:39.910 --> 00:28:44.490
with God is, like, you got to, one, surrender completely to Him,
00:28:44.670 --> 00:28:45.830
right? Would you agree with that?
00:28:46.330 --> 00:28:50.490
I'm rambling, dude. I'm sorry. You got to jump in. But, like—.
00:28:51.805 --> 00:28:55.985
I got the, like, you got a personal relationship with God where it's like,
00:28:56.165 --> 00:29:00.565
I talk to him now daily, multiple times a day, all day long.
00:29:02.225 --> 00:29:06.365
And I guess that's what was missing before is like, that's why when Ben told
00:29:06.365 --> 00:29:08.345
me, hey, say that prayer, say it out loud.
00:29:08.765 --> 00:29:13.145
Because if I'm just saying it to myself in my head, I'm just saying it to myself, right? Yeah.
00:29:13.385 --> 00:29:18.585
If I'm speaking it out loud, if I'm talking to you, I'm talking verbally, vocally, right?
00:29:18.925 --> 00:29:21.505
Well, yeah, you're declaring it. Declaring it, yeah.
00:29:21.865 --> 00:29:25.625
You don't declare something just like in your head. By thinking it. Right, right.
00:29:26.205 --> 00:29:29.605
We're going to declare bankruptcy in your head. Right, that's true. Yeah, absolutely.
00:29:30.065 --> 00:29:32.845
You got to make it a known. You got to make it a known, exactly.
00:29:33.165 --> 00:29:37.065
And so that's just a little bit, you know, I know I kind of went off on a tangent
00:29:37.065 --> 00:29:42.265
there, guys, but like I want to get the point across that like I've been through the rage.
00:29:42.385 --> 00:29:45.885
I've been through the grief. I've been through the addictions.
00:29:45.885 --> 00:29:52.365
I've been through the, the immorality and the, the, I've been in the evil and
00:29:52.365 --> 00:29:54.305
locked up in the wickedness of this world.
00:29:54.625 --> 00:29:58.465
And so whatever it is that you're doing, whatever it is that,
00:29:58.545 --> 00:30:02.685
that, that you, that makes you feel like you aren't good enough to turn to the
00:30:02.685 --> 00:30:05.785
Lord, that, that, that he wouldn't accept you.
00:30:06.465 --> 00:30:09.605
Well, I'm sorry, but that's not accurate.
00:30:09.905 --> 00:30:14.245
I'm not, I'm not sorry, but that's not accurate. Like, I've got a book right
00:30:14.245 --> 00:30:17.565
here in my hands with his living word.
00:30:17.685 --> 00:30:21.285
And like, Wesley, you said it earlier, this is a historical document.
00:30:21.825 --> 00:30:24.005
So we've got people in this book, right?
00:30:24.725 --> 00:30:29.905
That they lived and they had a life. And they, some of them did some pretty
00:30:29.905 --> 00:30:31.745
wicked, nasty, gnarly things.
00:30:33.017 --> 00:30:38.497
And God used them to advance the kingdom. He used them to spread the word.
00:30:38.717 --> 00:30:39.877
He used them to spread the gospel.
00:30:40.137 --> 00:30:46.377
And he used them to bring glory to his name, but also to reach other people
00:30:46.377 --> 00:30:50.897
so that they may seek and find the freedom and the grace, right?
00:30:51.117 --> 00:30:56.497
And so we talked about it earlier, and I had a slip up.
00:30:56.497 --> 00:30:59.897
And this is, you know, this is off of, this is not during the episode,
00:31:00.057 --> 00:31:04.357
but I had, I had a slip up where we were talking about this and I was like,
00:31:04.417 --> 00:31:06.557
yeah, you know, like these characters in the Bible.
00:31:06.737 --> 00:31:10.437
And it's one of my own, my very own pet peeves is to not call them characters
00:31:10.437 --> 00:31:17.157
because I know that these are true men and women that lived like these are real
00:31:17.157 --> 00:31:19.977
people, but we can get to a point where we're,
00:31:20.137 --> 00:31:22.677
where we feel so far removed from it.
00:31:22.677 --> 00:31:28.557
Because it's so long ago that we feel like they are characters in a story,
00:31:28.937 --> 00:31:31.137
you know? Yeah, we can take it as a fiction book. Right.
00:31:31.717 --> 00:31:37.057
You know, you're sitting here and you're talking about David, and, you know,
00:31:37.717 --> 00:31:42.117
in the same breath, you're viewing that as something like you're telling a story
00:31:42.117 --> 00:31:46.037
about a Captain America comic where, you know, it's like, well,
00:31:46.057 --> 00:31:48.577
you were talking about Steve Rogers, you know, or we're talking about David.
00:31:49.257 --> 00:31:55.117
And so it's not, if we look at it from that viewpoint, it's easy for people
00:31:55.117 --> 00:31:59.597
to look at these or just stories and fables and that's not what they are at
00:31:59.597 --> 00:32:01.417
all. It's historically accurate.
00:32:02.500 --> 00:32:07.120
It's also the living, breathing, breathing word of God. And so it's not just a history book.
00:32:07.600 --> 00:32:10.920
This is, this is living, breathing. And by what I mean by that is if you're
00:32:10.920 --> 00:32:15.000
not opening this thing up and you're not looking through it and you're not reading it,
00:32:15.520 --> 00:32:22.060
then you're missing a whole lot of, of truth because there's days where I can't
00:32:22.060 --> 00:32:24.700
think, like you said it earlier, you didn't know how to pray.
00:32:24.880 --> 00:32:26.220
Nobody taught you how to pray, right?
00:32:27.420 --> 00:32:31.120
So there's days when I don't know how to pray. There's days when I don't know
00:32:31.120 --> 00:32:32.220
what I'm supposed to ask for.
00:32:32.220 --> 00:32:34.460
There's days when I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing,
00:32:34.800 --> 00:32:38.880
where I feel lost, and I'll pray over this book, and I'll say,
00:32:39.000 --> 00:32:45.160
Lord, I feel lost. I feel like I'm disconnected. I feel like whatever. I'm not hearing you.
00:32:45.960 --> 00:32:48.780
Show me exactly what it is you want me to see.
00:32:50.220 --> 00:32:57.440
And with that, like, I'll open it up to a random page, and when I do so,
00:32:57.580 --> 00:33:00.020
it gives me a word that I'm supposed to have, right?
00:33:00.020 --> 00:33:06.400
So, I mean, it's just, he tells me exactly what it is that I'm supposed to hear
00:33:06.400 --> 00:33:07.440
what I'm supposed to know.
00:33:09.558 --> 00:33:14.298
Decision. There'll be times anyways that I will pray over my Bible and I'll
00:33:14.298 --> 00:33:17.258
ask him to show me what it is that he needs me to see, what it is I'm supposed
00:33:17.258 --> 00:33:21.458
to hear, and what it is he's trying to say to me, and I'll open it up.
00:33:22.038 --> 00:33:25.498
And I might have to read one or two pages, but I'll end up eventually finding
00:33:25.498 --> 00:33:30.078
what it is and I'll get a message out of it that fits exactly what I'm feeling,
00:33:30.218 --> 00:33:33.478
what I'm going through, or that makes perfectly good sense to me.
00:33:34.238 --> 00:33:39.078
But when people talk about having a relationship with God, and they tell me,
00:33:39.218 --> 00:33:42.238
well, I don't hear God talking to me. I don't hear God speaking to me.
00:33:42.998 --> 00:33:46.978
My first question in my head, and maybe should be on my lips,
00:33:46.998 --> 00:33:49.498
is like, is your Bible open?
00:33:49.558 --> 00:33:55.598
Because if you're not reading the Word, I don't necessarily know that you're
00:33:55.598 --> 00:33:57.618
going to understand when He's speaking to you.
00:33:57.878 --> 00:34:01.758
Now, that might just be from my own point and my own standpoint or whatever,
00:34:01.798 --> 00:34:06.118
because sometimes He speaks to me through feelings. Sometimes he speaks to me
00:34:06.118 --> 00:34:10.678
through like, I'll get these, these downloads, these thoughts in my head.
00:34:12.736 --> 00:34:19.716
Most of the time it's through scripture and it's through me reading the living word of God,
00:34:20.196 --> 00:34:26.136
whether it's Old Testament or New Testament, I'll be reading something and I'm
00:34:26.136 --> 00:34:27.876
like, oh, that's you speaking to me right now.
00:34:28.156 --> 00:34:33.776
Why does this book or this chapter or this verse that was written thousands
00:34:33.776 --> 00:34:39.436
and thousands of years ago, why does it fit what I'm going through or what I'm
00:34:39.436 --> 00:34:42.116
facing right now, you know, in 2025?
00:34:42.736 --> 00:34:48.316
And so it's just right here. Okay, so this is Psalm 135, right?
00:34:48.796 --> 00:34:52.896
So Psalm 135, verse 13, Your name, Lord, endures forever.
00:34:53.256 --> 00:34:57.336
You're renowned, Lord, through all generations. For the Lord will vindicate
00:34:57.336 --> 00:35:00.036
His people and have compassion on His servants.
00:35:00.196 --> 00:35:03.136
The idols of the nations are silver and gold.
00:35:03.476 --> 00:35:07.876
The idols. So we talk about having idols, right? And we're always chasing after
00:35:07.876 --> 00:35:09.176
money. We're chasing after fame.
00:35:09.356 --> 00:35:13.516
We're chasing after whatever. However, the idols of the nations are silver and
00:35:13.516 --> 00:35:15.476
gold made by human hands.
00:35:15.616 --> 00:35:19.496
They have mouths, but cannot speak eyes, but cannot see.
00:35:19.656 --> 00:35:21.956
What does that sound like? Dude, it sounds like money, right?
00:35:22.096 --> 00:35:25.176
It sounds like the presidents on the coins or on the dollar bills, right?
00:35:25.676 --> 00:35:29.616
So they have ears, but cannot hear, nor is their breath in their mouths.
00:35:29.856 --> 00:35:33.876
Those who make them will be like them. And so will all who trust in them.
00:35:35.142 --> 00:35:40.542
So it's telling us that like, it's funny that it's like, I'm sitting here and
00:35:40.542 --> 00:35:44.602
talking about why something that's written thousands of years ago speaks to
00:35:44.602 --> 00:35:47.722
the situation that I'm feeling or going through in that moment.
00:35:48.102 --> 00:35:54.462
And then I open it up randomly to Psalm 135, your name, Lord, endures forever.
00:35:54.642 --> 00:35:57.162
And then we're talking about, I was just telling y'all how I was chasing after
00:35:57.162 --> 00:35:58.822
the dollar. I was chasing after this.
00:35:59.282 --> 00:36:02.302
And it's talking about this, you know, about idols.
00:36:02.302 --> 00:36:05.082
And so so many times we get caught up with these
00:36:05.082 --> 00:36:07.962
idols that we have we don't we're talking
00:36:07.962 --> 00:36:11.262
about it then snarement right sin ensnares us
00:36:11.262 --> 00:36:13.982
to have these idols because it feels like what we're supposed
00:36:13.982 --> 00:36:17.422
to do it feels like what the world is doing the world is chasing after money
00:36:17.422 --> 00:36:22.362
they're pumping all this hollywood lifestyle at us like this is what you're
00:36:22.362 --> 00:36:25.842
supposed to want the bigger house the bigger car the nicer clothes you know
00:36:25.842 --> 00:36:32.042
the the makeover and you want the the bombshell wife who's had 65 plastic surgeries, you know,
00:36:32.362 --> 00:36:38.062
the Lambo, you know, and like, dude, my wife is an absolute smoke show and she
00:36:38.062 --> 00:36:40.842
doesn't need plastic surgery. She doesn't need all that stuff to.
00:36:42.200 --> 00:36:47.140
And I can tell you this, like, you don't, the, the, all that,
00:36:47.260 --> 00:36:49.440
all that fakeness that they pump it at us.
00:36:49.540 --> 00:36:54.500
And it's from kids watching Nickelodeon and Disney, like from very,
00:36:54.660 --> 00:36:57.580
very young ages that are seeing this stuff.
00:36:57.960 --> 00:37:01.080
And then they grow up with it. And if they grow up with it, well,
00:37:01.120 --> 00:37:02.360
then it's just normal to them.
00:37:02.480 --> 00:37:05.080
And then when you come along and try to tell them that it's evil,
00:37:05.180 --> 00:37:06.480
they look at you like you're crazy.
00:37:07.040 --> 00:37:10.440
So, I mean, you know, that's ensnarement.
00:37:10.440 --> 00:37:14.480
Ensnarement that is what ensnarement means and and
00:37:14.480 --> 00:37:17.380
i'm not saying this to shame anybody because i
00:37:17.380 --> 00:37:20.080
was caught in that you know which i mean i don't
00:37:20.080 --> 00:37:22.860
know wesley i'm sure you would say the same thing like you
00:37:22.860 --> 00:37:26.320
you get caught up in that stuff yeah and you feel like it's the normal of the
00:37:26.320 --> 00:37:32.720
world and so yeah oh yeah for sure before you're walking with god yeah but now
00:37:32.720 --> 00:37:38.700
when i look at it right yeah yeah anything you know it's like you feel like
00:37:38.700 --> 00:37:42.040
and now they're putting you know Well, we can get into that, too.
00:37:42.200 --> 00:37:45.920
Like, they're pushing everything at us through TV and movies and music.
00:37:46.120 --> 00:37:49.640
And these kids, they think that this is normal stuff, and they don't realize
00:37:49.640 --> 00:37:51.600
that they're being ensnared in sin.
00:37:52.820 --> 00:37:57.100
And because their parents don't realize that they're being ensnared in sin.
00:37:57.340 --> 00:38:00.880
And so when you're a believer and you wake up and you see this stuff,
00:38:01.240 --> 00:38:05.080
it's really easy to—or, yeah, I guess—.
00:38:06.830 --> 00:38:09.810
I wake up and I see it and I want to grab everybody and shake them and shout
00:38:09.810 --> 00:38:14.770
at them and be like, hey, dude, what are you doing? But then at the same time, it feels easy to judge.
00:38:15.330 --> 00:38:17.790
And I don't want to do that. Yeah, but we were there. We were there,
00:38:18.010 --> 00:38:19.330
too, right? We were there.
00:38:19.850 --> 00:38:22.390
And so I don't want to be a hypocrite. Yeah, we got past that.
00:38:22.510 --> 00:38:24.730
We got past that, so that makes me holier than thou.
00:38:25.050 --> 00:38:27.970
And I don't feel like that makes me holier than thou. I feel like.
00:38:27.970 --> 00:38:29.090
We're not past that. We're not.
00:38:29.630 --> 00:38:33.030
We still. Everyone would say Romans or something. Everybody would stumble.
00:38:33.470 --> 00:38:37.450
Yeah, we're going to battle and be embattled with it. But that's what my point
00:38:37.450 --> 00:38:42.010
was like earlier when I was saying like now when I stumble, I'm stumbling at
00:38:42.010 --> 00:38:43.170
least in the right direction.
00:38:43.590 --> 00:38:46.470
When I stumble, I always fall towards God.
00:38:47.190 --> 00:38:51.350
I fall towards God and not falling away from God. And I think that's the trick.
00:38:51.510 --> 00:38:54.210
That's the or not the trick, but that's the the key.
00:38:55.190 --> 00:39:01.030
And what I want to do is like I want to get a podcast out there or get that.
00:39:01.250 --> 00:39:04.990
It's not what I want to do. It's what God is leading me to do, because as I've said.
00:39:06.090 --> 00:39:10.470
We're eight, you know, 10 months. Yeah. We're 10 months into this year.
00:39:10.930 --> 00:39:14.790
So 10 months ago, somebody was telling me you need to do this.
00:39:14.890 --> 00:39:16.450
You need to do this. You need to do this.
00:39:16.570 --> 00:39:18.690
And God was telling me, Hey, I want you to do this. Hey, I want you.
00:39:18.750 --> 00:39:19.970
And he even gave me the name.
00:39:20.190 --> 00:39:23.510
It was one of those like laying in bed, trying to go to sleep.
00:39:23.630 --> 00:39:25.610
And the name just came to me, doubt to devotion.
00:39:26.210 --> 00:39:31.370
Like, and I still embattled that doubt to get to this point because now we're
00:39:31.370 --> 00:39:34.990
in October from January, we're just getting started.
00:39:35.250 --> 00:39:41.350
So yeah, you're right. I mean, we still, you know, we have these idols that
00:39:41.350 --> 00:39:46.350
we're trying to recognize and it's telling us right here the exact same idols
00:39:46.350 --> 00:39:47.070
that we're trying to recognize.
00:39:48.322 --> 00:39:52.402
One of the main idols is exactly the same as what we're dealing with now.
00:39:52.562 --> 00:39:58.902
It's like we have this, we're chasing after money or we're chasing after whatever
00:39:58.902 --> 00:40:02.502
riches and the sins of this world.
00:40:02.962 --> 00:40:06.002
And there's no fruit in that. There's no fruit in it.
00:40:06.062 --> 00:40:10.582
But what we can do is we can recognize that and we can put this out there and
00:40:10.582 --> 00:40:13.242
say, hey, guys, I battle with that. I've battled with that.
00:40:13.442 --> 00:40:17.662
I'm still battling with that. Or I still trip up with certain things.
00:40:18.362 --> 00:40:22.342
Because people feel like, well, they have to fix themselves to come to God,
00:40:22.362 --> 00:40:24.782
and really you should come to God to fix yourself.
00:40:25.142 --> 00:40:30.162
You know, that's the key is I had to come to God to fix myself,
00:40:30.162 --> 00:40:35.642
not fix myself to be worthy of God because none of us are worthy of the glory of God.
00:40:35.782 --> 00:40:38.002
You know what I mean? Yeah, work for it. Yeah, we didn't get there.
00:40:38.362 --> 00:40:40.782
Yeah, if we had to work for it, we'd never make it, man.
00:40:42.742 --> 00:40:47.122
And that's the message that I feel like I'm called to deliver.
00:40:47.122 --> 00:40:50.482
You know, and I know that there's somebody that's out there that's going to
00:40:50.482 --> 00:40:54.102
be listening to this, that's going to say, hey, I struggled with lust.
00:40:54.102 --> 00:40:56.922
I struggled with, with perversion. I struggled with.
00:40:58.126 --> 00:41:05.166
Addiction or alcohol or, or, you know, wanting, wanting, chasing after riches or whatever.
00:41:05.506 --> 00:41:08.886
I got trouble with all those things. And it's like, cool, man,
00:41:08.946 --> 00:41:10.626
let me introduce you to this guy that I know.
00:41:10.906 --> 00:41:14.606
His name's Jesus Christ and he loves you. And he's got, he's got,
00:41:14.806 --> 00:41:16.386
he's got freedom right here.
00:41:16.566 --> 00:41:19.866
You know, all you gotta do is take his hand and walk with him and talk with
00:41:19.866 --> 00:41:25.586
him and, and, and, and surrender your life to him instead of chasing after these,
00:41:25.746 --> 00:41:30.606
these, these idols, Idols, yeah. Instead of chasing after these idols, you know?
00:41:31.206 --> 00:41:35.606
So that's what we're trying to bring to you. We've got folks that we want to talk to.
00:41:36.006 --> 00:41:40.606
I know I feel like I ramble in a tangent, and I'm just trying to get my message
00:41:40.606 --> 00:41:43.886
out there as far as like, or not my message, but my testimony out there.
00:41:43.886 --> 00:41:48.126
I'm trying to get my testimony out there so that you guys will know that I'm
00:41:48.126 --> 00:41:53.566
just one of y'all And and I don't feel qualified for this at all But like I
00:41:53.566 --> 00:41:56.886
said, somebody told me before like god doesn't call the qualified.
00:41:57.046 --> 00:42:02.286
He qualifies the called And I believe that that's absolutely the case with this Thank gosh.
00:42:02.286 --> 00:42:06.786
I have wesley here to help out And uh, I promise there's going to be episodes
00:42:06.786 --> 00:42:11.406
where I let him talk I feel like I kind of took the took over on this and just
00:42:11.406 --> 00:42:13.686
kind of started ranting All good, brother. Technical.
00:42:14.126 --> 00:42:18.566
Right. We are going to get it set up to where we have the YouTubes,
00:42:18.646 --> 00:42:22.286
guys, where we have the audio podcast as well.
00:42:22.406 --> 00:42:24.786
For those of you driving around and listening in the car.
00:42:25.346 --> 00:42:30.326
But I'm telling you this right now. I said this to my wife not too long ago.
00:42:30.866 --> 00:42:35.886
It doesn't matter where when you get so blinded by the forest,
00:42:36.106 --> 00:42:39.326
you know, you can't see the forest for the trees, I think is the saying.
00:42:39.326 --> 00:42:44.666
You get so blinded by the struggles where you're like, you're in the middle
00:42:44.666 --> 00:42:48.206
of this fight and you're like, I feel like I'm drowning. I feel like I can't
00:42:48.206 --> 00:42:49.606
see the light on the other side.
00:42:50.006 --> 00:42:55.786
And I looked at my wife and I said, baby, we're right in the middle of the miracle that we prayed for.
00:42:57.163 --> 00:43:01.163
Over a year ago, I was in Virginia. She was in Texas. Now, no,
00:43:01.163 --> 00:43:05.143
no, no, no thoughts on how we were going to be married or, or do any of this
00:43:05.143 --> 00:43:06.603
that we knew that we wanted to do.
00:43:06.943 --> 00:43:10.603
And now we're married. We're coming up on our one-year anniversary. We've got a newborn.
00:43:11.123 --> 00:43:15.683
That was not easy. There was complications there that we, we prayed,
00:43:15.923 --> 00:43:18.543
we prayed through to get to this point where we're at.
00:43:18.703 --> 00:43:23.083
And we're here, we've got my son here, which Wesley, my brother.
00:43:23.323 --> 00:43:26.423
Was on a random flight where
00:43:26.423 --> 00:43:30.283
he got bumped from the flight there he voluntarily got
00:43:30.283 --> 00:43:33.503
bumped from the flight because they needed somebody to volunteer and he
00:43:33.503 --> 00:43:36.443
thought they were gonna give him a ticket or or
00:43:36.443 --> 00:43:39.803
give him cash or whatever yeah i was like he's
00:43:39.803 --> 00:43:42.743
waiting for a cash you know like four hundred dollars cash or whatever and
00:43:42.743 --> 00:43:45.763
they end up giving him a flight voucher and and instead
00:43:45.763 --> 00:43:48.523
of that they didn't give him the cash and so
00:43:48.523 --> 00:43:51.383
he's sitting on this plane ticket and i'm sitting here
00:43:51.383 --> 00:43:54.723
struggling like battling quietly in my
00:43:54.723 --> 00:43:57.403
head like me and my wife were battling with it
00:43:57.403 --> 00:44:00.303
like she knew about it but nobody else knew that i was struggling
00:44:00.303 --> 00:44:02.963
with this this battle of i don't know how
00:44:02.963 --> 00:44:06.563
i'm going to get my son here because he was supposed to come visit for the summer and
00:44:06.563 --> 00:44:09.223
he lived in ohio we're in texas i didn't know how i was going to get him
00:44:09.223 --> 00:44:12.163
here i couldn't afford every time i tried to save for a plane ticket something
00:44:12.163 --> 00:44:14.883
happened i need to you know do this or
00:44:14.883 --> 00:44:18.243
buy that or pay that or whatever and so as
00:44:18.243 --> 00:44:22.023
as it happens with money the money just never would come and
00:44:22.023 --> 00:44:24.743
my wife said baby stay faithful we're gonna make it work
00:44:24.743 --> 00:44:27.463
God's gonna make it work out God's gonna make it work out and I
00:44:27.463 --> 00:44:30.423
said okay and I kept praying I kept praying I
00:44:30.423 --> 00:44:34.123
kept praying and I'd get battled and I'd feel like a failure and
00:44:34.123 --> 00:44:37.383
I'm like I don't know I don't know how this is gonna work I don't see it working
00:44:37.383 --> 00:44:42.263
I don't see it working and then I come to my brothers at work and I tell everybody
00:44:42.263 --> 00:44:46.323
I'm like hey this is what I'm battling this is what I'm going through and Wesley
00:44:46.323 --> 00:44:52.043
just pops up and he's like I got a flight voucher like I don't know what I'm ever going to use it for.
00:44:53.004 --> 00:44:56.224
Find a way to get him a ticket with that we can get him here and sure
00:44:56.224 --> 00:44:59.024
enough he did and i'll forever be grateful
00:44:59.024 --> 00:45:02.004
for that and i know that that was god using you
00:45:02.004 --> 00:45:05.784
in that situation but i want to say thank you again because now
00:45:05.784 --> 00:45:11.364
kendall not only came to visit he lives he lives here with us he decided to
00:45:11.364 --> 00:45:16.424
move in down here but he lives here with us and he's chasing after god and and
00:45:16.424 --> 00:45:19.844
he's becoming a little leader in in his middle school in this little eighth
00:45:19.844 --> 00:45:22.264
grade you know click of kids.
00:45:23.004 --> 00:45:29.204
I see people swarm to him, you know, and, and it's good because he gets to be a beacon,
00:45:29.464 --> 00:45:32.304
you know, and he's going to go out there and he's, he, you know,
00:45:32.364 --> 00:45:35.784
he's got friends that they, they, they go to church and they talk about God
00:45:35.784 --> 00:45:39.644
and, and, and he's coming from a situation where he did not have that.
00:45:39.644 --> 00:45:42.244
He did not have me as a role model for that.
00:45:42.444 --> 00:45:47.344
And one last thing as far as my testimony, I think this is my testimony right here, guys.
00:45:47.984 --> 00:45:54.084
We were at church and my wife, she helps out in the youth on Wednesday night.
00:45:54.324 --> 00:46:00.844
So just so happens that Kendall falls in that age bracket where he's eighth grade.
00:46:00.964 --> 00:46:03.884
So he goes to the youth. Well, she's helping teach in there.
00:46:04.384 --> 00:46:07.544
And they're asking Hey guys, you know, what is,
00:46:08.064 --> 00:46:13.464
What is one Who's one person that you look up to and why You know And you know,
00:46:13.564 --> 00:46:16.104
people are saying Well, I look up to this person How do you look up to that
00:46:16.104 --> 00:46:19.784
person Or whatever, you know, for whatever reason And Kendall said,
00:46:20.364 --> 00:46:22.324
I look up to my dad And.
00:46:23.341 --> 00:46:26.121
Wife, she's, you know, she's off on the side, kind of, you know,
00:46:26.221 --> 00:46:27.641
she was feeding the baby or something.
00:46:27.781 --> 00:46:31.921
And so she's like, she, her ears perk up. And then he's like, I look up to my dad.
00:46:32.261 --> 00:46:34.901
And they're like, why do you look up to your dad, Kendall? And he said,
00:46:35.001 --> 00:46:36.741
because he didn't always know God.
00:46:37.501 --> 00:46:41.741
He said, because he didn't always know God, but now he does.
00:46:42.261 --> 00:46:43.801
And it's very important. And
00:46:43.801 --> 00:46:48.041
it's evident that it's important for him that other people know God too.
00:46:48.661 --> 00:46:52.061
And he used to not always be the nicest person, and now he's nicer,
00:46:52.181 --> 00:46:58.281
and he knows how to talk to people, and he doesn't always just turn angry,
00:46:58.281 --> 00:47:00.721
and if that's not a testimony,
00:47:00.961 --> 00:47:04.041
then I don't know what is, because my son didn't grow up with that.
00:47:04.161 --> 00:47:07.461
He grew up with a dad who was short-tempered. He grew up with a dad who was
00:47:07.461 --> 00:47:13.701
angry, who didn't believe in God, who doubted God, who was honestly mad at God,
00:47:13.701 --> 00:47:17.521
and and didn't steward him the right way.
00:47:17.721 --> 00:47:24.201
And now that he recognizes the fruit of my walk with the Lord,
00:47:24.541 --> 00:47:28.741
that to me, that's a testimony from everything that I've come through.
00:47:28.901 --> 00:47:33.081
So I want to share that with you guys. And we're going to end this with a prayer.
00:47:33.701 --> 00:47:38.881
Lord, I thank you for this opportunity. I thank you for calling me to do this.
00:47:39.001 --> 00:47:41.181
I thank you for convicting us to do this, Lord.
00:47:41.541 --> 00:47:46.001
I pray that we're doing this in the right way. I pray that we are glorifying you,
00:47:46.161 --> 00:47:51.681
and I pray that we are reaching someone out there who feels like they're not
00:47:51.681 --> 00:47:55.321
worthy, who feels like they're withdrawn from you,
00:47:55.441 --> 00:47:59.721
that they're separated from you, Lord, and that we're able to show them that
00:47:59.721 --> 00:48:06.001
it's okay to come to God with all the junk that you have, and he's going to
00:48:06.001 --> 00:48:07.581
unload that burden for you.
00:48:08.341 --> 00:48:12.581
We pray that we can show them that, Lord, that you love us no matter what we've
00:48:12.581 --> 00:48:16.241
done. There's nothing in our lives that we've done.
00:48:18.328 --> 00:48:22.688
Separates us from your love. As long as we're chasing after you,
00:48:22.808 --> 00:48:28.428
God, as long as we are trying to have that, we're building that relationship with you.
00:48:28.668 --> 00:48:31.428
This isn't a religion, it's a relationship.
00:48:31.868 --> 00:48:35.988
And we're trying to build that relationship with you and that that's what we strive for.
00:48:36.408 --> 00:48:39.808
Then even when we stumble, God, we still stumble into your direction.
00:48:39.988 --> 00:48:43.368
We stumble into your arms and we stumble at your feet.
00:48:43.708 --> 00:48:46.308
And that's where grace is found.
00:48:46.808 --> 00:48:50.208
And that's where the Father is going to pick us back up and put us back on the
00:48:50.208 --> 00:48:53.448
right track. He's going to dust us off and say, hey, it's okay.
00:48:53.968 --> 00:48:55.988
Get back on that bicycle and try again.
00:48:56.868 --> 00:48:59.948
So, Lord, it's my prayer that this reaches the people that it's supposed to
00:48:59.948 --> 00:49:03.948
reach. You know, what does my father-in-law always say?
00:49:04.548 --> 00:49:08.088
If it don't apply, let it fly. But, you know, if it does apply,
00:49:08.868 --> 00:49:15.388
grab hold of it and, you know, and heat it. Heed it so that we can continue
00:49:15.388 --> 00:49:17.708
on that path of chasing after God.
00:49:19.543 --> 00:49:23.403
Get what he has for us. We've tried to do it on our own for so long.
00:49:23.743 --> 00:49:27.843
Let's get what God has for us and try to do it his way. Let him take control.
00:49:28.843 --> 00:49:31.923
Jesus, that's my prayer. And I pray that you reach out, Lord,
00:49:31.983 --> 00:49:37.723
and you touch somebody so undeniably, like you work in their lives in such a
00:49:37.723 --> 00:49:43.503
way that's so undeniable that it could be anything but you, and that it draws them closer to you.
00:49:43.723 --> 00:49:46.623
Whoever hears this, I pray for favor. I pray for peace.
00:49:46.723 --> 00:49:51.243
I pray for healing. I pray for holy filters on your ears so that you don't hear
00:49:51.243 --> 00:49:53.823
the lies of the enemy, but you hear the truth of the Lord.
00:49:54.443 --> 00:49:58.543
And I pray for that. And I pray that I pray, God, that I'm doing what it is
00:49:58.543 --> 00:50:02.203
that you want me to do. In Jesus name. Amen.
00:50:02.983 --> 00:50:06.963
Love you guys. We'll see you for the next episode of Doubt to Devotion.
00:50:07.783 --> 00:50:09.843
And y'all reach out to us. We
00:50:09.843 --> 00:50:14.223
do have an email if you've got as testimony that you would like to share.
00:50:14.223 --> 00:50:25.843
The email is I believe it's Doubt2DevotionPod At gmail.com Doubt2 Number 2 DevotionPod At gmail.com,
00:50:27.743 --> 00:50:34.163
Doubt2DevotionPod At gmail.com The number 2 Alright Thank you guys Thank you
00:50:34.163 --> 00:50:38.903
for tuning in And I pray this is the This is the first of many episodes And
00:50:38.903 --> 00:50:42.703
I know this one might be A little bit rough draft But it's gonna just get better
00:50:42.703 --> 00:50:44.923
As it goes along Thank you and God bless.