Steven Wright

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Thank you.
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Good nights are about the people, the laughs, the real
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moments you don't want to miss. So why step outside?
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addictive substance. If you're new to Velo, start with Mellow.
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You should not use this product if you do not
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already use nicotine.
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Yeah, we know what you're thinking.
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How good can a coffee from Mackey's be?
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Well, when it's made with a new lighter roast, at
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a great price that means you can enjoy it every day,
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turns out pretty good.
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Subject to availability.
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Hashbrown served until 11am.
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Lighter roast available from 8th of September, 2026. Hi, my
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name is Stephen Wright and I feel.
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Anxious about being Conan O'Brien's friend.
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Hey there, welcome to Conan.
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O'Brien Needs a Friend.
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I am the aforementioned Conan O'Brien, famed in song and story,
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and I'm joined, as always, by Sonam of Session. Hi.
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You could work on that. And Matt Gourley.
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What songs are you famous for being in?
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Just songs about me. Oh, here he comes. He's the
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great Conan.
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Look at him go.
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He's the funniest guy in the whole wide world. You know,
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songs that are just sung in general in the popular
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American catalog. You know... Here comes Conan, funniest guy. He's
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as funny as a pizza pie.
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I was just going to say, my kids are obsessed with,
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there's this soccer player named Lucas Podolsky. Do you know
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who he is, Eduardo? He played a while ago.
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German, right? Yes.
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And there's this German song where they sing it for him. Like, lu, lu, lu,
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Lucas Podolsky. My boys are obsessed.
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With that song. Wait, how are they hearing it?
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Yeah.
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What station are they listening to?
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It's not on a station.
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Well, how do they know the song?
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It's like a fan-made song. Tack played it for them,
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and now they're obsessed with it. They just come up,
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and they're like, loo, loo, loo. And so we have
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to play it for them all day.
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It's funny.
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I've been playing my daughter the original Swedish Pippi Longstocking theme,
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and she's obsessed with that.
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Are you seriously playing it for her? When I was
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a kid, we found... We used to go stay at
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my grandfather's house down in Misquamacut, Rhode Island. And we
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went up in the attic once. It had one of
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those like, you know, ladders that you pull down. And
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it was this attic that, you know, stuff had been
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up there since the 30s and 40s. It was very musty.
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And we found these old comedy records. And so we
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would listen to these old records. I remember one of
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them was, Yay boo, yay boo, it's lots of fun
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to do. If you like it, holler yay. And if
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you don't, you holler boo.
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That's a comedy record.
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That's a comedy record. Yeah, exactly. And it was just
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these kooky records that we would listen to. And this is,
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you know, like long before internet or anything like that.
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So what else are you going to do on a
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rainy day at the state beach in Miskwamakut, Rhode Island,
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except listen to.
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Yay Boo, Yay Boo. It's lots of fun to do.
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If you like a holly yay and if you don't,
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a holly boo. So fast forward to years and years later,
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I'm hosting The Late Night Show. And this is on
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the air. I'm doing the show and whatever. We're a
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couple of years in, everything's rolling along. We're just cranking
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out a show every night. And so you just start
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to get so loose. And at one point I'm talking
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to the crowd and I made some joke that had
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like a maybe wordplay or something in it.
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And the crowd playfully was like, boo, boo.
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And I went, yay, boo, yay, boo. It's lots of
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fun to do. If you like it, holler yay. And
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if you don't, you holler boo. The whole crowd was like,
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what the fuck was that? My producer, Jeff Ross, Mike Sweeney,
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everyone's staring at me. And it just burbled out.
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And then I remembered this thing that I heard Johnny
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Carson said, he didn't say it to me, but he
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said it, to somebody years ago, he said, when you
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do a show every night for an hour, everything in
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you eventually comes out if you do it long enough.
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And I, it's right. This record that I listened to
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in the rain on a rainy day, you know, in 1971,
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that's completely nonsensical. Out of nowhere, the crowd, boo. Well, yay, boo, yay, boo.
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You know, and it's just craziness.
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We're going to go really back and talk about your birth.
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I know.
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Do you think that's scraping the bottom of the barrel
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or that's only like halfway down and there's still way more?
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Oh, man, there's so much. There's also records we listen
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to that now are completely just horrible in retrospect and
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politically incorrect. There's one called Slapper Down Again, Pa, which
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was horrible. I mean, we didn't know anything. We didn't
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even know what it was all about, but it was
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a comedy record about... I think we can figure it out.
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You get the idea.
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1947.
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1947.
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And it was just, there are all these records in
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the attic, and we would listen to one, and you think...
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just me even mentioning it might be triggering to people.
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The Prodigy came out with an album in 1998, 97.
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And one of the songs was Smack My Bitch Up.
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And I went to Coachella one year and we were
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singing it and dancing it and dancing to it.
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But you just weren't thinking about it.
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We weren't thinking about the lyric, but that's what they
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say throughout the whole song. And it's a great song,
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but that lyric is Very problematic.
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Right, right. I'll stick with yay boo.
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I'll stick with how come a pippi longstrumpf.
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Wait, how does it go? How come a pippi longstrumpf.
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Shula hop, shula hey, shula hop, song, song.
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What does it mean, though?
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Here comes pippi longstocking with a hope and a hey
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and a hope shana.
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Oh, so it does devolve into babble.
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Basically, yeah.
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Okay, I suspected that. I knew that that part... And
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the song is just... And your song goes... It's in German. Yeah,
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let's hear it.
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I don't know any of it.
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But your children know it.
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We listen to it constantly, but I'm just like, I'm
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not going to learn this song.
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I don't know it.
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I just know Lulu Lu Lucas Podolsky. It sounds like
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such a Euro song. Did you find it?
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Let's hear it. It's on YouTube.
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It's just the Lulu Lucas Podolsky song.
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And you're two one and a half year old... Yeah. Well,
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soon to be two year old twins.
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Yeah.
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That's right.
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Listen to this. They're obsessed with this. This is... how
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they're learning about life. This is what you're passing on
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to them. Yeah.
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And I don't know if.
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Yes.
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Oh, my God.
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Oh, my God.
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Triggering.
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And then it stops.
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Euro club.
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What?
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There he goes.
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Holy, holy hallelujah.
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Oh, it's glory, glory, hallelujah.
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No, I think it's Lodi Poldi Hallelujah.
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No, it's to the tune of.
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Yeah, I know.
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It's to the tune of Glory Glory.
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They say Goldi Poldi.
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Goldi Poldi Hallelujah, yeah.
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Hey, Eduardo.
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And then it gets very Euro.
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Bring up Inger Nielsen's version of Harcum of Pippi Longstrom.
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That was the meat of it.
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You didn't even get to the Lu Lu Lu part, Matthew.
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Trust me, we heard enough.
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Wait a minute.
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Guess what? When I hear a lot of Germans chanting,
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I get nervous.
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Now, check this out. This is from the original Pippi
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Longstocking series sung by Pippi herself, Inger Nielsen. Oh, this
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isn't it. I'm sorry. It's the one that has a
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samba beat. Starts with some bongos.
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Inger Nielsen.
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Is the key there.
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I think I'm calling child services on both of you.
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Yeah, I know.
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My kids listen to so many different languages.
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That's not it.
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That's not it either. I mean, he knows his Pippi
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Longstocking right away. I love that you're like, no, that's
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not it. That's not it. No, that's the studio mix.
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Yeah.
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No.
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This is the tune, but this.
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Is a remake.
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Fuck you, Eduardo. What's going on? You were hired to
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be able to call up Pippi Longstocking songs. Here, I
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got it. It's so catchy.
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Why is it a samba?
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It should be. Okay, now it's my turn. Find Ye
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Boo Ye Boo. Who is the artist? Let me see.
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Lil Nas.
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Because there's a few versions. Whoa. Let's go back. What
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do you think?
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Arthur Godfrey?
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Arthur Godfrey. Arthur Godfrey. Yeah, he's the one that also,
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I think, did the other... Yay, boo. Yay, boo. It's
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lots of fun to do. If you like it, holler yay.
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If you don't, you holler boo. Yep. I hear the
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public school burned down.
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Yay!
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What?
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But they saved old teacher Brown.
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Boo.
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Oh, my God. Hold it. They're upset that the.
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Yay!
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They're upset that the teacher didn't burn to death.
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Where does this go?
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Why does he sound like that?
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Oh, I don't know. It was a different time.
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He's doing a funny voice for a funny record.
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This is back when, if you wanted to be funny,
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you needed to use a funny voice.
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How come SiriusXM isn't calling us for DJ sets?
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I have no idea.
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It'd be great. I should have a channel on SiriusXM
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that's all music you can't play anymore. From the attic.
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Yeah.
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Music from my grandfather's attic. People get slapped around. Yeah,
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that was... What happened to those records? I don't know.
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Boo.
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Boo. Save the environment. Boo. Have a cupcake. Yay. The
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wealthy get wealthier. Yay. Ruin the environment.
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Yay.
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Yeah, they had different priorities back then. Yeah. All right. Well, listen,
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I think we've plumbed the depths of our childhoods, and
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I can't believe you're letting your kids hear those songs.
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Come on.
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Those are terrible songs.
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Mine's solid.
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Mine's not. Yeah, yours is awful. Yeah. Bunch of angry Germans.
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Here we go.
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It is a lot of angry Germans.
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You'll all be whistling, Pippi.
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We must move on to a man who's wiser than
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all of us, and he will show us the way.
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My guest today, very talented stand-up comedian and writer. To
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say that is ridiculous. He's not very talented. He's brilliant.
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He's a genius, and he's been performing for over 40 years.
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He changed the game. He now has a fantastic new
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novel entitled Harold, available on May 16th. I'm not just excited.
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I'm thrilled. he's here today. It's an honor. Stephen Wright, welcome.
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You have one of the most iconic voices in comedy,
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and I'm not even talking about your perspective, which is iconic,
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but just when you talking is such a delight to me.
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Every time I've had the chance to interview you, I
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think my heart beats maybe 200 beats a minute, and
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I think yours beats during leap years.
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Once.
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And I've always loved the contrast. When I get to
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talk to Steven Wright, I'm a Tasmanian devil, and you
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are a moon rock that's seen it all.
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It's really beautiful. A moon rock that's seen it all.
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Yeah, yeah, you have.
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I'm lucky I sound like this because obviously I'm not
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doing this. This is how I sound, and it's contributed
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to my whole career by complete accident. I mean, this
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is just accident. But I'm not, even though I sound
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like this and I appear to be so laid back,
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I'm not as laid back as you might think I am.
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I'm not like you. I'm not like, you know, like on,
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you know. But my mind is going.
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I'm glad you didn't finish that part. Because that wasn't
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going to be.
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All the ends of that sentence is I said, no, no, no.
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On one of my first jobs, a writer named Steve Barker,
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who was from the deep south, he looked at me
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one day and he used to drink like whiskey out
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of his desk. And he just took a long sip
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of whiskey and he went, one day, O'Brien, you're going
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to blow and you're going to leave a nasty stain.
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And I was like 22 but bouncing off the walls.
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But anyway, you said you're not as laid back as
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one might think you are.
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My mind is going faster than my being to the
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outside world. Like I exercise every day. I'm an exercise
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bike or a real bike. I can get off the bike,
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get a phone call and, hello, oh, did you just
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wake up?
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Right. And you were just working out.
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And you were just 40 minutes on the bike.
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Right.
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I can tell you, if me and you were made
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out of bamboo.
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00:13:07.509 --> 00:13:10.309
Yeah, I think about this all the time. Okay, let's
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00:13:10.350 --> 00:13:13.000
continue that. If you and I were made of bamboo.
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Bamboo poles, like 20, each person was 20 to make
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a person. And they have to wrap them around to
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hold them together. Yours are wrapped tighter than mine. So
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mine are looser.
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Yours rattle a bit when you shake them.
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Yes.
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And mine feels like one solid... Yes. I'm basically... It's
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wrapped so tightly, I'm like a steel pole.
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You use your version to drill for oil.
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Yes.
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I've always thought... I've always seen you like.
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00:13:43.860 --> 00:13:46.740
Can I tell you, Stephen, if I've heard this... Can
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I just say, if I've heard this once, I've heard
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00:13:48.360 --> 00:13:51.039
it a thousand times. I have so many people in
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my life that said like, do you have a second
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when I'm in the street? If you and I were bamboo,
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you're wrapped so tightly they'd use you to drill for oil.
309
00:13:59.809 --> 00:14:02.769
And I go, I know, I know. And Steven, I
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00:14:02.809 --> 00:14:05.009
finished their sentence. I go, I know, and you drill
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for oil. All the time.
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Oh my God.
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I'm going to embarrass you really quickly and then we
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can move on because you're not going to like this, but.
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00:14:17.019 --> 00:14:20.659
I am hard pressed to think of anybody who tickled
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00:14:20.700 --> 00:14:23.320
my mind more when I was very young and just
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interested in, I mean, early 1980s, I'm 18, 19, and
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you explode on the scene. It was such a revelation
319
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to me that somebody could be so funny and so
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smart in such an original way. It was very inspiring
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00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:45.710
to me and to I mean, tens of thousands of people,
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not just from my generation, but generations going on. And
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I don't know if you're aware, I know you're a
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very humble guy, but I don't know if you're aware
325
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how much you changed things.
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00:14:57.690 --> 00:15:00.970
I hear about that. I've influenced people. I've seen younger
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00:15:01.049 --> 00:15:05.519
people that I can tell are influenced by me, but
328
00:15:05.639 --> 00:15:07.759
that's very nice of you to say that. Very nice.
329
00:15:07.840 --> 00:15:11.309
And I feel very lucky because I didn't, Like, this
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00:15:11.389 --> 00:15:14.210
is how I think. That's how I write. This is
331
00:15:14.269 --> 00:15:18.090
how I speak. And it just fell together. You know,
332
00:15:18.110 --> 00:15:20.860
there was no plan. If I do it like this,
333
00:15:21.000 --> 00:15:24.100
like this, then I'll be this different guy. It was like,
334
00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:27.019
go to the open mic night and think, okay, I'm
335
00:15:27.039 --> 00:15:29.139
going to go back in two weeks. Watch the open mic.
336
00:15:29.460 --> 00:15:31.879
I'm going to go back in two weeks. I wrote
337
00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:34.269
stuff I had never written anything, so I wrote it
338
00:15:34.590 --> 00:15:36.990
during the two weeks, and I came back, and then
339
00:15:37.029 --> 00:15:39.529
I was saying it. Like, I mean, half of it
340
00:15:39.570 --> 00:15:44.600
didn't work, but The distinctness is completely, by accident, it's
341
00:15:44.620 --> 00:15:47.379
like a fingerprint. Like your brain has a fingerprint. Everyone's
342
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brain has a fingerprint. And I'm so lucky that the
343
00:15:50.399 --> 00:15:53.000
thoughts and the way I speak went together. And I'm
344
00:15:53.080 --> 00:15:56.159
also lucky that it clicked with the audience because I
345
00:15:56.399 --> 00:15:58.940
wouldn't have another way to do it. But thank you.
346
00:15:59.000 --> 00:16:02.240
Thank you very much for the compliment. Another thing is
347
00:16:02.259 --> 00:16:04.570
when you're doing it, you're not thinking of a young
348
00:16:04.679 --> 00:16:08.190
kid watching it. You're just trying to make the audience laugh.
349
00:16:08.210 --> 00:16:10.629
You're trying to do a good TV appearance. You're not
350
00:16:10.649 --> 00:16:15.009
thinking of, you know, 14-year-old people. You're not thinking of that.
351
00:16:15.029 --> 00:16:17.419
No, of course not. I mean, if you are, there'd
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00:16:17.440 --> 00:16:21.139
be something wrong with you. If every time you performed,
353
00:16:21.159 --> 00:16:25.259
you were thinking of a 14-year-old boy, Stephen, that would
354
00:16:25.279 --> 00:16:30.019
be a real problem. Are there any boys out there watching? Hey,
355
00:16:30.070 --> 00:16:33.409
take it easy, Stephen. Any little boys watching?
356
00:16:35.179 --> 00:16:38.230
Oh, I'm going to be arrested. And I didn't even
357
00:16:38.289 --> 00:16:39.629
say it. I didn't even say it.
358
00:16:39.669 --> 00:16:42.470
No, you kind of did say it. And that hat
359
00:16:42.490 --> 00:16:47.210
you're wearing is real skeevy. Just saying. The hat goes
360
00:16:47.250 --> 00:16:48.029
with the whole thing.
361
00:16:48.070 --> 00:16:51.230
Does it say that? Does it say that?
362
00:16:53.350 --> 00:16:55.929
Okay, here's the thing I want to zoom in on.
363
00:16:55.970 --> 00:16:57.669
What I want to zoom in on that's important to
364
00:16:57.720 --> 00:17:01.830
me is that Yes, your brain is different and you
365
00:17:02.029 --> 00:17:04.839
have this way of seeing things and you come along
366
00:17:04.859 --> 00:17:08.099
at this certain time. The hard part is when you
367
00:17:08.180 --> 00:17:11.119
get up and you're in the clubs, there is a
368
00:17:11.599 --> 00:17:16.019
very powerful, powerful, powerful force that makes people want to
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00:17:16.059 --> 00:17:19.640
conform because there's a way to be that's a little
370
00:17:19.700 --> 00:17:23.009
safer if you're in front of an audience. You clearly,
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00:17:23.160 --> 00:17:25.809
whether you want to acknowledge it or not, are brave
372
00:17:26.109 --> 00:17:28.670
because this is the way you were going to do it.
373
00:17:29.200 --> 00:17:32.339
And I'm sure there were audiences that didn't know what
374
00:17:32.380 --> 00:17:36.160
the hell was going on initially, but you kept going.
375
00:17:36.420 --> 00:17:38.910
Well, I didn't think of it to not do it.
376
00:17:39.319 --> 00:17:41.720
I didn't even think, well, I'm not going to do that.
377
00:17:42.369 --> 00:17:46.529
It just came out like it happened. But I made
378
00:17:46.589 --> 00:17:49.670
up rules. I had these four rules that I wouldn't do.
379
00:17:50.049 --> 00:17:53.829
That was on purpose to not just stay like a
380
00:17:53.849 --> 00:17:54.890
little separated.
381
00:17:54.910 --> 00:17:56.829
Can you tell us the rules?
382
00:17:57.130 --> 00:17:57.230
No.
383
00:17:58.309 --> 00:18:01.789
Do you want me to tell you my rules? Yes.
384
00:18:01.849 --> 00:18:03.549
I have ten of them. You have ten of them?
385
00:18:03.750 --> 00:18:04.750
Yeah.
386
00:18:04.809 --> 00:18:09.140
Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.
387
00:18:10.500 --> 00:18:12.880
And maybe you should think about my ten rules.
388
00:18:12.920 --> 00:18:15.119
Your rules are much more known than mine.
389
00:18:17.980 --> 00:18:19.859
I love if your rules are just about comedy, but
390
00:18:19.880 --> 00:18:22.000
you're a sociopath about everything else.
391
00:18:22.220 --> 00:18:23.440
It's hilarious.
392
00:18:23.460 --> 00:18:24.539
What the fuck you doing?
393
00:18:24.799 --> 00:18:26.599
I was going to say, when you said thou shalt
394
00:18:26.619 --> 00:18:27.819
not kill, I don't have that.
395
00:18:30.519 --> 00:18:32.859
You come in, your hands are all dirty. There's a
396
00:18:32.920 --> 00:18:36.750
shovel in the back of your car. Very strict rules
397
00:18:36.829 --> 00:18:41.609
about non-topical comedy. Very strict. Hey, what happened to that lady?
398
00:18:41.690 --> 00:18:42.410
Don't ask.
399
00:18:46.309 --> 00:18:48.089
Oh my God.
400
00:18:48.309 --> 00:18:50.809
So you, you know what was interesting is that you're
401
00:18:50.829 --> 00:18:51.410
doing this.
402
00:18:51.750 --> 00:18:52.730
Can I tell you my rules?
403
00:18:53.029 --> 00:18:54.730
Yeah, but keep it quick because I want to get
404
00:18:54.779 --> 00:18:58.740
back to me talking. Okay? This isn't about you.
405
00:18:58.759 --> 00:19:00.700
It's not about you.
406
00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:08.190
Oh my God. Oh, my God. There's a clock running, Stephen.
407
00:19:08.470 --> 00:19:09.670
This isn't about you.
408
00:19:09.710 --> 00:19:10.019
No, it's not.
409
00:19:10.039 --> 00:19:11.319
This isn't about you.
410
00:19:11.440 --> 00:19:14.460
Oh, I have to talk to Stephen Wright and find
411
00:19:14.559 --> 00:19:18.180
out what he thinks and his story. This is my
412
00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:19.240
chance to shine.
413
00:19:19.259 --> 00:19:25.819
I apologize for speaking. I wouldn't swear for two reasons,
414
00:19:25.839 --> 00:19:29.079
because how I was raised was, you know, you wouldn't
415
00:19:29.180 --> 00:19:30.359
say that in front of people.
416
00:19:30.460 --> 00:19:30.640
Right.
417
00:19:30.700 --> 00:19:32.589
You wouldn't say that. The other thing is I noticed
418
00:19:32.769 --> 00:19:36.109
if you swore, the joke would get a bigger laugh
419
00:19:36.730 --> 00:19:38.369
than it really would without it.
420
00:19:38.410 --> 00:19:38.609
Yeah.
421
00:19:39.049 --> 00:19:41.589
You know, like, oh, then the horse fell down. Oh,
422
00:19:41.609 --> 00:19:44.910
then the fucking horse fell down. That second one gets big.
423
00:19:45.009 --> 00:19:47.230
I didn't say this. I just learned. So I wanted
424
00:19:47.250 --> 00:19:50.049
it to be real. on the get the laugh on
425
00:19:50.490 --> 00:19:52.589
just the thought of it and i didn't want to
426
00:19:52.630 --> 00:19:55.529
do topical things i didn't want to talk about with
427
00:19:56.130 --> 00:19:59.450
movie stars or something in the news or something like
428
00:19:59.519 --> 00:20:01.910
that because i wanted i wanted the joke to not
429
00:20:01.950 --> 00:20:04.940
be attached to time yes so that i could do
430
00:20:05.000 --> 00:20:08.150
it if it's 20 years. That, I guess, yeah. And
431
00:20:08.289 --> 00:20:13.450
what was the other one? That's two of them. There's
432
00:20:13.950 --> 00:20:14.789
four of them.
433
00:20:14.829 --> 00:20:15.809
I think that was three.
434
00:20:16.269 --> 00:20:18.930
No, was it? I think it was three. No, swearing.
435
00:20:19.190 --> 00:20:20.490
It's not swearing.
436
00:20:20.990 --> 00:20:22.309
It's not swearing.
437
00:20:22.410 --> 00:20:23.509
Attached to time.
438
00:20:23.569 --> 00:20:31.630
Don't list things. Oh, man.
439
00:20:31.990 --> 00:20:36.970
Oh, politics, yeah. TV shows, fun. You know, pop, pop culture.
440
00:20:37.029 --> 00:20:37.269
Yes.
441
00:20:37.569 --> 00:20:40.009
So, and I did that on purpose.
442
00:20:40.109 --> 00:20:40.349
Yeah.
443
00:20:40.630 --> 00:20:42.930
Not really so I could do the joke forever, which
444
00:20:43.009 --> 00:20:45.950
I did the joke forever, but because that was, I
445
00:20:46.029 --> 00:20:49.990
looked at things, did, well, everyone is kind of saying this,
446
00:20:50.009 --> 00:20:53.450
so I'm not going to say that. Right. So a
447
00:20:53.509 --> 00:20:56.269
lot of it helped me what I didn't say. And
448
00:20:56.349 --> 00:20:58.470
in the beginning, there was a lot that were like
449
00:20:58.529 --> 00:21:02.349
more like regular comedy, like 70% of it was the
450
00:21:02.430 --> 00:21:05.890
weird abstract. But then as I continued, even in the
451
00:21:06.269 --> 00:21:09.490
first eight months, that drift, that fell away. Then it
452
00:21:09.559 --> 00:21:11.019
was just remained was this.
453
00:21:12.559 --> 00:21:17.180
But it's this combination of like the writing was and
454
00:21:17.380 --> 00:21:21.380
is beautiful. Like it's beautiful writing. And I'm thinking of
455
00:21:21.779 --> 00:21:24.069
your famous joke. I want you to do it, but
456
00:21:24.089 --> 00:21:26.650
I went into a restaurant that said they serve breakfast anytime.
457
00:21:27.769 --> 00:21:29.990
So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
458
00:21:32.569 --> 00:21:37.660
It's just, I mean- I have this, always had this
459
00:21:37.799 --> 00:21:42.710
theory that a good joke actually has weight, like the
460
00:21:42.750 --> 00:21:47.930
way an element does. Like it has a really classic line.
461
00:21:48.529 --> 00:21:50.289
You can almost feel the weight of it in the
462
00:21:50.309 --> 00:21:51.230
palm of your hand.
463
00:21:51.529 --> 00:21:55.720
It's fascinating, the details of it all. You know, not
464
00:21:55.819 --> 00:21:58.740
connected to time, but that French toast joke, that was
465
00:21:58.799 --> 00:22:03.220
one of the only jokes I ever read, ever adjusted to.
466
00:22:03.769 --> 00:22:05.950
Because usually when I think of something, then I think
467
00:22:05.970 --> 00:22:09.779
of the wording, and then that's it. It's never changed.
468
00:22:10.160 --> 00:22:13.339
But that joke, first it wasn't the Renaissance. It was
469
00:22:13.400 --> 00:22:16.880
something else. I don't remember. It was another reference to time,
470
00:22:17.480 --> 00:22:20.029
but it wasn't the Renaissance. And then I thought, well,
471
00:22:20.089 --> 00:22:23.089
I'll change it to the Renaissance. And then you connect
472
00:22:23.109 --> 00:22:28.799
the French. It connects more. So it's just like it's fascinating,
473
00:22:28.839 --> 00:22:29.619
the details.
474
00:22:29.640 --> 00:22:29.920
Yeah.
475
00:22:30.079 --> 00:22:32.440
I'm fascinated by how people do it. Do you sit
476
00:22:32.599 --> 00:22:36.849
with a legal pad, typewriter? What were you doing? I mean,
477
00:22:36.869 --> 00:22:39.529
and you think I'm making a joke with typewriter. I
478
00:22:39.609 --> 00:22:42.750
actually do write stuff on a typewriter because I like, yeah,
479
00:22:42.829 --> 00:22:44.789
I have some old typewriters and I just love the
480
00:22:45.569 --> 00:22:47.710
mechanism of it. And I love the kind of, I
481
00:22:48.549 --> 00:22:50.769
think I think a little harder when I'm working on
482
00:22:50.789 --> 00:22:53.819
a typewriter. because it's being put on paper and it
483
00:22:53.859 --> 00:22:55.619
feels a little more formal.
484
00:22:55.759 --> 00:22:59.180
Oh, it's more of a physical combination of thing rather
485
00:22:59.480 --> 00:23:04.369
than a computer. There's an F physical effort. In the
486
00:23:04.430 --> 00:23:07.250
first six months, I would get the newspaper out and
487
00:23:07.710 --> 00:23:11.470
look through it and see if something would click, like
488
00:23:11.569 --> 00:23:15.700
to write, find a joke. But then after like six
489
00:23:15.740 --> 00:23:19.039
or eight months, my mind– became because it's all based
490
00:23:19.180 --> 00:23:22.900
on what you notice right all the comedy is noticing
491
00:23:23.460 --> 00:23:27.869
so my mind just became noticing i didn't no longer
492
00:23:28.329 --> 00:23:31.470
looked at the paper it was just like you go
493
00:23:31.609 --> 00:23:35.109
out and you just notice and uh one of my
494
00:23:35.170 --> 00:23:37.109
favorite jokes i ever did was i'm looking through the
495
00:23:37.150 --> 00:23:41.130
paper and i saw electrolysis you know an ad for
496
00:23:41.349 --> 00:23:45.960
electrolysis and i thought what a word The sound of
497
00:23:46.019 --> 00:23:49.200
that word is interesting, and what it means is interesting.
498
00:23:49.880 --> 00:23:53.180
So then my mind later came up with the, I
499
00:23:53.220 --> 00:23:55.619
lived in a building, they allowed pets, and I had
500
00:23:55.640 --> 00:23:58.910
a pony. I had a Shetland pony named Nicky, and
501
00:23:58.970 --> 00:24:04.009
he was involved in a bizarre electrolysis accident. All the
502
00:24:04.089 --> 00:24:07.369
hair was removed except for the tail. Now I rent
503
00:24:07.410 --> 00:24:16.339
him out to Hare Krishna family picnics. LAUGHTER And that
504
00:24:16.390 --> 00:24:20.190
was because I saw that. Because I saw the ad.
505
00:24:20.390 --> 00:24:20.529
Yeah.
506
00:24:28.250 --> 00:24:31.130
Good nights are about the people. The laughs.
507
00:24:31.650 --> 00:24:34.410
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508
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515
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516
00:24:56.589 --> 00:24:59.170
Due to the leaves falling in autumn and the challenges
517
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this brings, Eireann Road Airan wishes to advise customers that
518
00:25:02.490 --> 00:25:05.490
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519
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520
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524
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525
00:25:30.269 --> 00:25:33.309
And inside them are materials like aluminium, cobalt, copper and
526
00:25:33.329 --> 00:25:36.069
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527
00:25:36.089 --> 00:25:39.119
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528
00:25:39.430 --> 00:25:42.880
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529
00:25:42.920 --> 00:25:46.700
electricals for free recycling to your nearest participating retailer or
530
00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:50.220
your local recycling centre. Find your nearest free drop-off point
531
00:25:50.380 --> 00:25:51.880
at weireland.ie today.
532
00:26:00.549 --> 00:26:03.069
But, you know, I drew a lot. I think before
533
00:26:03.430 --> 00:26:07.349
growing up, elementary school, high school, drawing and painting, before
534
00:26:07.390 --> 00:26:10.980
I ever wrote anything. And when you draw something, you
535
00:26:11.099 --> 00:26:12.599
notice it realistically.
536
00:26:12.819 --> 00:26:13.039
Yes.
537
00:26:13.119 --> 00:26:16.059
I changed to abstract in my 20s. But before that,
538
00:26:16.079 --> 00:26:19.660
it was real. So you really notice stuff. Like if
539
00:26:19.700 --> 00:26:23.230
you're going to draw this glass and this bottle. the
540
00:26:23.289 --> 00:26:26.430
shape of the glass and the shape of the bottle,
541
00:26:26.549 --> 00:26:29.730
but the shape in between it is also a shape.
542
00:26:30.210 --> 00:26:33.650
And that helps you get it accurate, you know, to
543
00:26:33.690 --> 00:26:37.589
make it look real. And I think that exercised my,
544
00:26:38.009 --> 00:26:43.750
maybe my noticing abilities, like, cause it's just like all
545
00:26:43.789 --> 00:26:49.000
the comedy is from noticing. You know, in the tower
546
00:26:49.119 --> 00:26:53.049
in the airport, you know, the tower they have with
547
00:26:53.289 --> 00:26:57.950
the radar. So the radar sweeps like this, and then
548
00:26:57.990 --> 00:27:04.630
there's little dots of the planes. So my subconscious was scanning,
549
00:27:04.650 --> 00:27:08.789
was scanning. I'm not walking down the street. I need
550
00:27:08.849 --> 00:27:11.009
another joke. I need a new joke. I'm just walking
551
00:27:11.049 --> 00:27:13.589
down the street, but the scan is going like this.
552
00:27:13.940 --> 00:27:16.559
And it was because his mind is in that state.
553
00:27:16.859 --> 00:27:21.740
He's looking and looking and looking and it fascinates me.
554
00:27:22.220 --> 00:27:25.519
Especially when you get doing it enough where you, you're
555
00:27:25.779 --> 00:27:28.869
making a living, even if you're just barely paying the rent,
556
00:27:29.009 --> 00:27:31.690
you're making a living from the comedy, you know, a
557
00:27:31.750 --> 00:27:35.509
hundred dollars a week. That's three, you know, 300, 400
558
00:27:35.509 --> 00:27:37.809
pays the rent and even less than that. So you
559
00:27:37.849 --> 00:27:40.609
have time, you have time, you don't have to go somewhere.
560
00:27:41.039 --> 00:27:44.359
and do this, this, this. So you're wandering around, you know,
561
00:27:44.380 --> 00:27:47.269
like a four-year-old. You just wander. To me, the world
562
00:27:47.349 --> 00:27:50.470
is made up of like, oh, it's a giant mosaic painting.
563
00:27:50.549 --> 00:27:55.369
It's little tiny fragments that make up everything. I've noticed
564
00:27:55.430 --> 00:27:59.650
things where I combine, oh, this could be connected. This
565
00:27:59.769 --> 00:28:02.089
thing that has nothing to do with this does have
566
00:28:02.130 --> 00:28:05.569
a common denominator, maybe in the word or something. And
567
00:28:05.589 --> 00:28:08.460
then you combine that. I'm not thinking, when I make
568
00:28:08.700 --> 00:28:11.240
it up, I'm not doing what I just said to you.
569
00:28:11.299 --> 00:28:13.200
No, no, no, it's happening. It's happening.
570
00:28:13.319 --> 00:28:15.569
It's like, oh, that could mean that. Bang, bang, bang.
571
00:28:15.869 --> 00:28:19.170
Yeah, it really cracks me up that my dad's a
572
00:28:19.210 --> 00:28:23.130
scientist and he said once that he's not a good one.
573
00:28:25.289 --> 00:28:30.670
I mean, he's a shitty scientist. We don't even think
574
00:28:30.690 --> 00:28:33.299
he has a degree. He just walks around with a
575
00:28:33.980 --> 00:28:35.259
microscope that he found.
576
00:28:36.279 --> 00:28:37.240
A microscope.
577
00:28:37.289 --> 00:28:40.049
Yeah, and he tied it, he wore it around his
578
00:28:40.089 --> 00:28:43.509
neck like Mr. T with a medallion. And he said,
579
00:28:43.529 --> 00:28:44.990
I'm a scientist. And then he'd just hang out at
580
00:28:45.210 --> 00:28:47.809
the train station all day. At the train station. Yeah,
581
00:28:47.869 --> 00:28:50.529
eat grilled cheese sandwiches. We were like, no, he's a scientist.
582
00:28:51.130 --> 00:28:54.480
But he said, like, the job of your brain, the
583
00:28:54.519 --> 00:28:56.720
thing that's happened in evolution that's supposed to keep us
584
00:28:56.779 --> 00:29:01.000
alive is our brain making connections that make sense. Like, huh,
585
00:29:01.359 --> 00:29:03.619
got a fire here and I've got meat here. When
586
00:29:03.680 --> 00:29:05.779
I cook the meat, it actually tastes a little better.
587
00:29:06.329 --> 00:29:08.369
I'm going to start doing that. And I think there's
588
00:29:08.410 --> 00:29:12.650
something with the comedians I really admire, like you, there's
589
00:29:12.710 --> 00:29:17.450
almost something, a miswiring that wouldn't work in evolution, but
590
00:29:17.490 --> 00:29:21.099
we're connecting things that shouldn't be connected. And my dad
591
00:29:21.190 --> 00:29:23.940
once said to me, and I've said it before, but
592
00:29:23.980 --> 00:29:26.059
he looked at me once and he said, it's interesting
593
00:29:26.079 --> 00:29:28.500
because he's very honest and he's also very smart. And
594
00:29:28.519 --> 00:29:30.940
he said, you're making your living off of something that
595
00:29:31.099 --> 00:29:35.799
probably should be treated. And I realize he's not wrong.
596
00:29:35.859 --> 00:29:36.660
That's hilarious.
597
00:29:36.829 --> 00:29:40.539
It's taking, you know, you can have breakfast anytime or,
598
00:29:40.559 --> 00:29:44.000
you know, the electrolysis joke. You're taking things and putting
599
00:29:44.019 --> 00:29:47.440
them together and they live on completely different synapses that
600
00:29:47.539 --> 00:29:50.380
aren't supposed to cross. They're not supposed to be touching
601
00:29:50.420 --> 00:29:50.880
each other.
602
00:29:51.079 --> 00:29:51.380
Yes.
603
00:29:51.519 --> 00:29:55.319
But something's either wrong or right in a beautiful way.
604
00:29:55.460 --> 00:29:56.059
And that's what happens.
605
00:29:56.099 --> 00:29:57.740
Somehow you see a connection.
606
00:29:58.480 --> 00:30:00.880
You know, I remember- It was talked about a lot
607
00:30:00.900 --> 00:30:03.450
of the time, but you went on Johnny Carson in 1982.
608
00:30:03.440 --> 00:30:07.119
I believe it was your first spot. Very few comics
609
00:30:07.140 --> 00:30:09.900
get to go on. It's almost impossible. And if you
610
00:30:09.980 --> 00:30:12.380
do get on, it's a big deal. And you went on,
611
00:30:13.039 --> 00:30:16.900
if I'm remembering it correctly, Johnny was so impressed. You
612
00:30:16.920 --> 00:30:19.410
were so different and so smart that they invited you
613
00:30:19.450 --> 00:30:20.890
back very quickly. Is that true?
614
00:30:21.349 --> 00:30:24.690
Yes, I went on Friday and then the next Thursday.
615
00:30:25.069 --> 00:30:26.869
Which hadn't, I mean, that didn't happen.
616
00:30:26.910 --> 00:30:30.950
It was insane. When they called me on Wednesday, Jim McCauley,
617
00:30:31.130 --> 00:30:33.630
he started talking about the show and I thought he
618
00:30:33.670 --> 00:30:37.829
was referring to the one that happened. I didn't understand
619
00:30:37.869 --> 00:30:39.509
what he meant. He said, no, no, we want you
620
00:30:39.529 --> 00:30:40.650
to go on tomorrow.
621
00:30:40.970 --> 00:30:42.950
Did you have another set?
622
00:30:43.109 --> 00:30:46.269
I had another set, but I had like a total
623
00:30:46.349 --> 00:30:51.339
of 15 minutes of stuff that could go on there.
624
00:30:51.359 --> 00:30:53.039
And I remember saying to him, but if I go
625
00:30:53.160 --> 00:30:57.309
on there tomorrow, that's, Three years, more than half the
626
00:30:57.349 --> 00:31:00.410
stuff is gone. And he simply said, well, you're going
627
00:31:00.470 --> 00:31:04.839
to have to write new stuff anyway. And to go
628
00:31:05.000 --> 00:31:07.920
on twice in one week is so amazing.
629
00:31:08.319 --> 00:31:12.420
It was unprecedented at the time and seismic. And that
630
00:31:12.440 --> 00:31:14.380
was a time when if you went on that show,
631
00:31:14.880 --> 00:31:19.180
you were famous overnight. I mean, people recognized you the
632
00:31:19.240 --> 00:31:23.259
next day because that was all anybody was doing at 11.30
633
00:31:23.259 --> 00:31:25.099
at night was watching Johnny Carson.
634
00:31:25.220 --> 00:31:28.930
Yeah, because it was three channels and cable was just starting.
635
00:31:28.950 --> 00:31:33.450
It was like going through Alice in Wonderland, going through
636
00:31:33.490 --> 00:31:37.430
the door there. And Peter LaSalle, you know this, he
637
00:31:37.470 --> 00:31:42.589
saw me in the Ding Ho Chinese restaurant in Cambridge.
638
00:31:42.650 --> 00:31:44.690
He was the producer of The Tonight Show and then
639
00:31:45.309 --> 00:31:48.259
Two weeks later, I was on there. We were talking
640
00:31:48.299 --> 00:31:50.940
outside in the driveway. Do you remember when we were
641
00:31:50.960 --> 00:31:51.700
in the driveway?
642
00:31:51.740 --> 00:31:56.220
Yeah, it was about 15 minutes ago. I'm still capable
643
00:31:56.240 --> 00:31:59.180
of remembering things, but yes.
644
00:31:59.460 --> 00:32:02.420
There wasn't a judgment on you. It was just simply,
645
00:32:02.619 --> 00:32:07.509
I'm very accurate. I don't even know what I was saying.
646
00:32:08.109 --> 00:32:10.430
We were talking about, you were at the Ding Ho.
647
00:32:10.450 --> 00:32:11.769
Oh, at Flukes.
648
00:32:11.990 --> 00:32:12.410
Flukes.
649
00:32:13.289 --> 00:32:13.630
Different.
650
00:32:14.319 --> 00:32:17.680
Accidents, little things that happen to change the course of
651
00:32:17.700 --> 00:32:18.059
your life.
652
00:32:18.079 --> 00:32:21.849
Contribute, contribute. You know, someone wrote an article about that
653
00:32:22.269 --> 00:32:24.990
Chinese restaurant and went in the LA times. I don't
654
00:32:25.009 --> 00:32:27.950
know why. Then he saw it. Then eight months later,
655
00:32:27.990 --> 00:32:31.230
he was going to, in the summer to go to
656
00:32:32.029 --> 00:32:34.450
Massachusetts and New York because his kids were going to
657
00:32:34.470 --> 00:32:36.769
go to college. So they went on a college summer
658
00:32:36.869 --> 00:32:40.210
trip and he remembered the article. So he calls up,
659
00:32:40.630 --> 00:32:42.470
you know, just a lot of flukes.
660
00:32:42.930 --> 00:32:43.170
Yeah.
661
00:32:43.250 --> 00:32:44.329
I'm very fortunate.
662
00:32:44.569 --> 00:32:49.869
It's clear that impressionism or abstract, I'll use the word abstract,
663
00:32:50.069 --> 00:32:53.140
abstraction is really important to you. And there must have
664
00:32:53.160 --> 00:32:54.859
been a time in your life when you were a
665
00:32:54.920 --> 00:32:58.069
kid or something where you were saw abstract art or
666
00:32:58.130 --> 00:33:01.849
you read abstract writing and it rang a giant bell
667
00:33:01.890 --> 00:33:02.349
in your head.
668
00:33:02.690 --> 00:33:08.160
It wasn't the writing. It was Salvador Dali combined surrealism.
669
00:33:09.039 --> 00:33:13.059
When I had a art class, 11th grade in Burlington, Mass,
670
00:33:13.099 --> 00:33:15.559
we went into Boston to one of the main museums.
671
00:33:15.599 --> 00:33:18.220
And that's where I first saw surrealism. I never even
672
00:33:18.269 --> 00:33:20.849
heard of surrealism. And two of the paintings I remember,
673
00:33:20.869 --> 00:33:24.509
there was a painting of a clothespin in the middle
674
00:33:24.549 --> 00:33:27.430
of the field and it was the size of a silo,
675
00:33:28.109 --> 00:33:31.289
but it didn't look cartoonish. It didn't look ridiculous. It
676
00:33:31.309 --> 00:33:33.279
was like, oh my God. And then there was another
677
00:33:33.319 --> 00:33:35.799
painting of a road coming down like this. And then
678
00:33:35.839 --> 00:33:38.579
when it went down like that, it turned into a waterfall.
679
00:33:39.200 --> 00:33:42.940
And I mean, I was 16. I'm telling you these paintings.
680
00:33:43.339 --> 00:33:47.920
I was jolted. By the combining of these two realities,
681
00:33:48.180 --> 00:33:50.460
and a lot of the writing we were just talking about,
682
00:33:50.519 --> 00:33:53.759
the mosaic thing is like, oh, this, you know, this
683
00:33:53.779 --> 00:33:56.819
is not a close pin. You know, that jolted me
684
00:33:56.940 --> 00:34:00.579
more than what I read influencing. But your head is
685
00:34:00.599 --> 00:34:03.519
like a soup. Everyone's head is a soup. The only
686
00:34:03.559 --> 00:34:10.039
thing is the ingredients, you know, Kurt Vonnegut, surrealism, Monty Python.
687
00:34:11.340 --> 00:34:15.659
There's comedians all over The Tonight Show and listening to albums,
688
00:34:15.719 --> 00:34:18.070
and it all goes into Woody Allen. To me, he's
689
00:34:18.269 --> 00:34:21.409
still the best. He's the top guy. His writing and
690
00:34:21.610 --> 00:34:25.550
all that goes into your head. I was a big
691
00:34:25.650 --> 00:34:28.230
Bruins fan during the Bobby Orr days.
692
00:34:28.269 --> 00:34:31.449
You had to be, by the way, because I was
693
00:34:31.489 --> 00:34:33.289
growing up. I was in grade school then. I was
694
00:34:33.349 --> 00:34:37.119
in second, third grade, and all anybody talked about back
695
00:34:37.159 --> 00:34:43.429
then was Bobby Orr. and Phil Esposito and you know
696
00:34:43.449 --> 00:34:47.449
all and everybody because you know Bobby Orr was the
697
00:34:47.570 --> 00:34:51.349
biggest thing in the world and in Boston we just
698
00:34:51.389 --> 00:34:55.030
couldn't believe that we had this phenomenal phenomenal player who
699
00:34:55.070 --> 00:34:56.179
was changing the game.
700
00:34:55.949 --> 00:34:59.340
Yeah it was incredible that time was incredible and I
701
00:34:59.380 --> 00:35:01.860
would listen to the games in my bed and I
702
00:35:02.059 --> 00:35:03.820
had a radio in the bed and one night I
703
00:35:03.860 --> 00:35:06.340
was fooling with the dial and I stumbled on this
704
00:35:07.079 --> 00:35:11.539
show where a guy played two comedy albums every Sunday night.
705
00:35:12.360 --> 00:35:16.199
So I started tuning in. She played cut from one,
706
00:35:16.260 --> 00:35:17.739
cut from the other, and I'm laying in bed in
707
00:35:17.780 --> 00:35:20.119
the dark, and I'm listening for like two years I'm
708
00:35:20.159 --> 00:35:22.159
doing this. And I didn't know it, but I was
709
00:35:22.199 --> 00:35:27.329
like going to school, comedy school, because I'd be thinking, oh,
710
00:35:27.389 --> 00:35:30.929
I like that guy. Oh, I don't like that. But anyway,
711
00:35:30.949 --> 00:35:33.010
it goes back to the soup. Don't you think all
712
00:35:33.329 --> 00:35:36.530
your head is like made up of all these different
713
00:35:37.239 --> 00:35:41.119
random and sometimes on purpose ingredients.
714
00:35:41.480 --> 00:35:46.889
Yeah, I think that works. I prefer a stew. A stew? Yeah,
715
00:35:46.929 --> 00:35:49.789
it's a little heartier. I think yours is a very
716
00:35:50.010 --> 00:35:52.449
light broth.
717
00:35:52.590 --> 00:35:57.750
You're criticizing me during my analogy. Saying that yours is better.
718
00:35:57.949 --> 00:36:02.309
I want to win. I want to win. I want
719
00:36:02.329 --> 00:36:05.130
to win. Come on. It's a light. Listen, I'm not
720
00:36:05.170 --> 00:36:06.369
putting down a light broth.
721
00:36:06.530 --> 00:36:09.230
I'm not putting down a light broth. I never thought
722
00:36:09.289 --> 00:36:10.190
I heard you say that.
723
00:36:10.269 --> 00:36:14.409
It's a consomme. No, your brain is a consomme and
724
00:36:14.429 --> 00:36:16.119
you taste it and you're like, this is great. I've
725
00:36:16.159 --> 00:36:18.940
been a little sick and this is really helping. Now,
726
00:36:19.139 --> 00:36:22.679
I'm like, if you've been out in the woods felling trees,
727
00:36:23.420 --> 00:36:27.480
you don't want the Stephen Wright consomme. You're a between
728
00:36:27.500 --> 00:36:32.699
meal person. palate cleanser, which, and again, no put down.
729
00:36:32.719 --> 00:36:33.880
No put down.
730
00:36:33.920 --> 00:36:37.659
But I'm in a big crock pot. Yes. And just
731
00:36:38.079 --> 00:36:42.239
huge chunks of really good sirloin and potato and there's
732
00:36:42.260 --> 00:36:45.639
some Guinness in there that really thickens the broth.
733
00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:47.699
You keep going nine more minutes on that.
734
00:36:47.909 --> 00:36:51.809
Yeah. Do we have time? Steve, why don't you go
735
00:36:51.829 --> 00:36:54.789
get a sandwich? Go get a sandwich. I come back.
736
00:36:54.909 --> 00:37:03.199
So there's carrots, there's peas. There's some yam. There's all
737
00:37:03.239 --> 00:37:06.510
kinds of thickeners in the broth, you know? God, it's thick.
738
00:37:06.590 --> 00:37:09.030
It's a really thick broth. You put the wooden spoon
739
00:37:09.050 --> 00:37:10.969
in there and it stands up on its own.
740
00:37:11.610 --> 00:37:13.289
What if you put a spoon in my.
741
00:37:13.510 --> 00:37:15.349
Oh, if you put it in yours, it just immediately
742
00:37:15.449 --> 00:37:20.130
flips over and falls on the ground. And you have
743
00:37:20.150 --> 00:37:24.260
to put it in fast because yours evaporates quickly.
744
00:37:24.460 --> 00:37:28.440
The longer he goes, the worse. Mine's nothing.
745
00:37:28.659 --> 00:37:30.960
Yours diminished and mine keeps getting better.
746
00:37:31.059 --> 00:37:31.940
Time goes on.
747
00:37:32.039 --> 00:37:35.360
No, I mean, critics around the world want to taste my.
748
00:37:35.380 --> 00:37:36.159
Critics around the world.
749
00:37:36.219 --> 00:37:38.619
And yours, they'd taste it if it would stick around
750
00:37:38.659 --> 00:37:40.550
long enough. It's just a vapor before they can get
751
00:37:40.570 --> 00:37:40.710
to it.
752
00:37:40.829 --> 00:37:41.030
Oh, my God.
753
00:37:42.590 --> 00:37:44.119
But no, I agree with you. I agree with you.
754
00:37:44.170 --> 00:37:45.030
Oh, but I agree with you.
755
00:37:45.190 --> 00:37:51.630
There's all this... As long as we've established that mine's
756
00:37:51.710 --> 00:37:57.760
the better food, richer, more life-sustaining. Yes.
757
00:37:58.679 --> 00:38:01.420
Making, you know, that's the beauty of... I mean, imagine
758
00:38:01.559 --> 00:38:04.639
I feel very fortunate to have a career from making
759
00:38:05.300 --> 00:38:07.019
things up. It's unbelievable.
760
00:38:07.059 --> 00:38:07.300
Yeah.
761
00:38:07.559 --> 00:38:08.519
Do you ever feel like that?
762
00:38:08.780 --> 00:38:12.750
Oh, I feel that way... 24 hours a day. I mean,
763
00:38:13.110 --> 00:38:14.739
earlier in my life when I would think all of
764
00:38:14.760 --> 00:38:17.460
these strange things, and I love to cartoon and draw.
765
00:38:17.480 --> 00:38:18.079
Oh, I didn't know that.
766
00:38:18.099 --> 00:38:21.739
I was not a, I couldn't draw. That's fine, answer
767
00:38:21.760 --> 00:38:25.760
your phone. No, I'm- Clearly, I'm a priority.
768
00:38:25.880 --> 00:38:27.389
You would think I was shutting it off, but I
769
00:38:27.429 --> 00:38:30.289
want to see what this, no, I shut it off.
770
00:38:30.690 --> 00:38:31.510
I shut it off.
771
00:38:31.969 --> 00:38:33.389
I love it if you took the call and it
772
00:38:33.409 --> 00:38:34.309
was a spam call.
773
00:38:34.349 --> 00:38:36.690
It was a spam call. I'm arguing with the guy.
774
00:38:36.710 --> 00:38:38.449
What's involved? Well, I don't know.
775
00:38:40.219 --> 00:38:41.619
I don't need blinds.
776
00:38:42.969 --> 00:38:44.889
Hold on. Well, wait a minute. Tell me more. And
777
00:38:46.110 --> 00:38:51.090
I'm going on and on about the stew still. There's radishes.
778
00:38:51.150 --> 00:38:52.690
No, you're in it. You're sleeping.
779
00:38:52.750 --> 00:38:56.710
No, but what I'm saying is I'm constantly, anyone who's
780
00:38:56.730 --> 00:39:00.630
in this business and isn't, realize that it is a
781
00:39:00.690 --> 00:39:07.369
complete crazy privilege to get any money or rent or
782
00:39:07.429 --> 00:39:10.039
mortgage payment In this world. I think, I mean, Sona,
783
00:39:10.059 --> 00:39:12.239
you have a really good perspective on it because you
784
00:39:12.280 --> 00:39:16.500
came at this from this crazy angle and now it's just, well,
785
00:39:16.639 --> 00:39:18.480
I got to go in and talk to Stephen Wright.
786
00:39:18.719 --> 00:39:22.650
I know. And it's, I can't believe it. Like I, I.
787
00:39:22.929 --> 00:39:24.829
I would pay to do this. I can't believe I
788
00:39:24.829 --> 00:39:25.030
get that.
789
00:39:25.050 --> 00:39:25.789
Well, I'm glad you said that.
790
00:39:25.849 --> 00:39:27.130
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
791
00:39:27.170 --> 00:39:27.889
No, you should pay.
792
00:39:28.030 --> 00:39:28.309
Okay.
793
00:39:28.769 --> 00:39:29.880
I forget I said it.
794
00:39:29.889 --> 00:39:29.969
Yeah.
795
00:39:30.050 --> 00:39:32.210
No, no, no, no. $ 1, 000 a day. No, you're right. Oh,
796
00:39:32.510 --> 00:39:35.820
come on. You know, I'm curious. I know I'm very grateful.
797
00:39:35.880 --> 00:39:39.050
I also think there's something about maybe I'd feel differently
798
00:39:39.110 --> 00:39:42.219
if I had grown up in Los Angeles or grown
799
00:39:42.280 --> 00:39:45.659
up around this, but it's very hard for me to
800
00:39:45.699 --> 00:39:49.139
explain to people how Massachusetts and especially the era that
801
00:39:49.159 --> 00:39:53.199
we grew up in, 60s, 70s, coming of age in
802
00:39:53.219 --> 00:39:59.530
that time, show business was further removed, not just Massachusetts,
803
00:39:59.550 --> 00:40:04.110
but Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, that area, the
804
00:40:04.210 --> 00:40:06.829
last thing in the world you ever thought could happen
805
00:40:07.170 --> 00:40:10.309
was that you could be in show business. I saw
806
00:40:10.389 --> 00:40:14.230
no evidence that show business existed. I didn't see famous people.
807
00:40:14.250 --> 00:40:17.489
I didn't know anybody who was related. My dad's a
808
00:40:17.670 --> 00:40:22.239
fake scientist at the bus station. You never thought that
809
00:40:22.300 --> 00:40:25.219
you would get any chance. And I think it's a
810
00:40:25.260 --> 00:40:29.039
different world now. People think about things differently. And Boston
811
00:40:29.079 --> 00:40:31.599
looks so different now. I mean, look at movies from
812
00:40:31.619 --> 00:40:35.780
the 60s and 70s that depict Boston. Look at The Verdict,
813
00:40:36.199 --> 00:40:39.309
Friends of Eddie Coyle. Look at these movies that show
814
00:40:39.369 --> 00:40:43.590
Boston in the 70s. It's so gray, and it's so
815
00:40:44.210 --> 00:40:47.849
unappealing in so many ways, and kind of depressed.
816
00:40:48.469 --> 00:40:49.130
And so real.
817
00:40:49.250 --> 00:40:50.920
And so real and kind of gritty.
818
00:40:50.940 --> 00:40:51.519
No slickness.
819
00:40:51.539 --> 00:40:54.000
Yeah, no slickness at all. And then I remembered leaving,
820
00:40:54.159 --> 00:40:57.380
coming to LA, getting involved in other stuff in my career,
821
00:40:57.639 --> 00:40:59.820
and then coming back to Boston in the late 80s.
822
00:41:01.559 --> 00:41:05.449
And suddenly there's like panquatidians everywhere, and people were saying,
823
00:41:05.469 --> 00:41:07.739
would you like a crepe? And I was like, this
824
00:41:07.780 --> 00:41:10.119
is not the Boston I grew up in. You can
825
00:41:10.139 --> 00:41:12.570
go back and look at those movies. And I go like,
826
00:41:12.690 --> 00:41:16.030
that's the Boston I remember. Cars that are rusted out.
827
00:41:16.550 --> 00:41:19.650
Everyone's wearing a gray jacket. Policemen are all really heavy.
828
00:41:19.989 --> 00:41:24.260
Their belts are like around their nipples and they're directing traffic,
829
00:41:24.300 --> 00:41:25.880
but I don't think they've ever shot a gun in
830
00:41:25.900 --> 00:41:30.000
their life. Nobody's, you know, people, people aren't that nice.
831
00:41:30.880 --> 00:41:34.800
It's cold. The snow all turns dark. Sooty right away.
832
00:41:35.019 --> 00:41:35.539
Right away.
833
00:41:35.800 --> 00:41:36.920
Somehow that all changed.
834
00:41:37.199 --> 00:41:40.500
It's all, it's like a whole different vibe. Yeah. And
835
00:41:40.539 --> 00:41:46.619
I think that realness that you just described makes us appreciate,
836
00:41:46.929 --> 00:41:49.590
what do you mean you're going to go do this
837
00:41:49.650 --> 00:41:52.130
show and that's how you're going to pay the rent?
838
00:41:52.170 --> 00:41:55.010
What do you mean? Because all you see is people doing,
839
00:41:55.349 --> 00:41:59.489
that's real, like, you know, jobs. That's why I appreciate
840
00:41:59.510 --> 00:42:03.000
it all the time. It's like a, it's playing. Don't
841
00:42:03.019 --> 00:42:04.059
you think this is playing?
842
00:42:04.079 --> 00:42:05.380
Oh, it's, it's totally playing.
843
00:42:05.400 --> 00:42:09.570
It's like being five or 10 and your finger painting,
844
00:42:09.619 --> 00:42:10.889
but with words.
845
00:42:11.050 --> 00:42:11.329
Yeah.
846
00:42:11.789 --> 00:42:13.789
Oh, imagine this. Oh, imagine, you know, you're in the
847
00:42:13.829 --> 00:42:16.949
cafeteria saying to your friend, oh, oh, oh, oh. Right.
848
00:42:16.989 --> 00:42:18.909
And then that's, this becomes your career.
849
00:42:18.929 --> 00:42:22.530
Now, what do you prefer? Obviously you're very comfortable on
850
00:42:22.570 --> 00:42:25.300
a stage. You're great on a stage. Do you like
851
00:42:25.340 --> 00:42:26.900
being up in front of people or do you prefer
852
00:42:26.920 --> 00:42:28.159
the part where you're crafting it?
853
00:42:29.980 --> 00:42:33.119
It's two different things, writing the material and then performing
854
00:42:33.159 --> 00:42:38.989
the material. The performance is very intense to me, even
855
00:42:39.030 --> 00:42:41.670
still now. I mean, I'm not nervous, but it's like
856
00:42:41.730 --> 00:42:45.909
walking a tightrope. It's like you were running across a
857
00:42:46.190 --> 00:42:48.329
lake of thin ice and you're trying to get to
858
00:42:48.389 --> 00:42:51.320
the other side without falling through during the length of
859
00:42:51.360 --> 00:42:55.989
the show. That's very intense. I would say that the
860
00:42:56.170 --> 00:43:01.030
writing is more of a, it's enjoyable. It has no intensity.
861
00:43:01.510 --> 00:43:04.969
You just mind your own business and then something happens.
862
00:43:05.250 --> 00:43:08.010
How do you feel about being in front of the audience?
863
00:43:08.469 --> 00:43:13.340
I can't imagine on television night after night after night. How? How?
864
00:43:13.500 --> 00:43:16.380
It was so funny because there's one of the great
865
00:43:16.480 --> 00:43:19.519
comedy writers of all time, George Meyer, worked at the
866
00:43:19.559 --> 00:43:22.860
Simpsons when I was there. And he's a legendary comedian.
867
00:43:23.469 --> 00:43:26.389
a brilliant guy. And he had worked on the early
868
00:43:26.429 --> 00:43:32.440
Letterman show. And I was being considered as possibly being
869
00:43:32.480 --> 00:43:34.559
one of the people who might replace Letterman. And my
870
00:43:34.619 --> 00:43:36.480
name is starting to show up in the trades. And,
871
00:43:37.019 --> 00:43:38.860
you know, I'm working at the Simpsons and my friends are.
872
00:43:38.820 --> 00:43:40.760
Like, this is crazy. This is insane.
873
00:43:40.780 --> 00:43:42.119
And I went, I know, I don't think it's going
874
00:43:42.139 --> 00:43:45.010
to happen, but it's crazy. And they're like, man, but
875
00:43:45.050 --> 00:43:46.590
you're a funny guy. This could be a funny show.
876
00:43:46.630 --> 00:43:48.409
I think you could do it. And they're all saying, no, no,
877
00:43:48.429 --> 00:43:50.730
I think you could do it. I remember George Meyer,
878
00:43:50.750 --> 00:43:52.210
I went out in the parking lot and George Meyer
879
00:43:52.230 --> 00:43:56.159
was walking with me It's like, oh man, I wouldn't
880
00:43:56.179 --> 00:43:59.000
do it if I were you. And I said, really?
881
00:43:59.059 --> 00:44:00.889
And this didn't come from anything, but he was just
882
00:44:00.909 --> 00:44:03.250
being honest. And he went, I worked on.
883
00:44:03.230 --> 00:44:09.530
One of those shows every day. Feed the dragon. Feed
884
00:44:09.590 --> 00:44:13.800
the dragon every day. And he was like, don't do it.
885
00:44:13.849 --> 00:44:18.400
It'll ruin your life. And you know what? He wasn't wrong, but.
886
00:44:20.030 --> 00:44:21.869
I'm also, it was the best thing I ever did.
887
00:44:22.389 --> 00:44:25.510
And what I found was this magical thing I realized
888
00:44:25.679 --> 00:44:27.989
very early on doing an hour a day. I remember
889
00:44:28.050 --> 00:44:30.380
the worst thing about this job is that you have
890
00:44:30.420 --> 00:44:33.039
to do it every day for an hour. The best
891
00:44:33.079 --> 00:44:35.480
thing about this job is that you get to do
892
00:44:35.519 --> 00:44:38.719
it every day for an hour. Because when you crank
893
00:44:38.780 --> 00:44:43.420
up the volume like that, over time, think, what the hell?
894
00:44:43.559 --> 00:44:46.210
What the fuck? Let's give it a shot. Masturbating bear?
895
00:44:46.429 --> 00:44:48.889
Let's give it a shot. You know, a dog puppet
896
00:44:48.909 --> 00:44:52.090
that insults people and says you suck. I don't want
897
00:44:52.110 --> 00:44:53.719
to poop on you. Let's try it.
898
00:44:53.730 --> 00:44:56.190
I don't know how you did it. I don't know
899
00:44:56.210 --> 00:44:59.570
how you did it over and over and over and over.
900
00:45:00.809 --> 00:45:03.809
Well, as I said to somebody once, they said, Jesus,
901
00:45:03.929 --> 00:45:09.619
you know, 4,300 something shows. How did you do it?
902
00:45:09.630 --> 00:45:11.829
And I said, the trick is some of them aren't
903
00:45:11.869 --> 00:45:16.500
very good. It was just kind of true. Like, yeah,
904
00:45:17.559 --> 00:45:19.360
you look at some and you go, oh, I see
905
00:45:19.449 --> 00:45:21.730
how he did it. That wasn't so good, but we
906
00:45:21.750 --> 00:45:24.889
always tried. But enough about me, a little about you
907
00:45:24.929 --> 00:45:25.809
and then more about me.
908
00:45:26.110 --> 00:45:28.489
Okay.
909
00:45:28.510 --> 00:45:30.650
So usually when I hear I'm going to talk to
910
00:45:30.670 --> 00:45:34.780
somebody and they've written a book, I get this feeling
911
00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:38.039
of apprehension, which is, I got to read the book.
912
00:45:38.619 --> 00:45:41.380
They booked you. And I'm very excited. And then I
913
00:45:41.420 --> 00:45:48.510
hear Stephen wrote a novel. I'm immediately very intrigued. So
914
00:45:48.530 --> 00:45:51.769
I get sent this copy of Harold, which is this
915
00:45:51.829 --> 00:45:56.610
novel you wrote. And it's beautiful. It's really funny and touching.
916
00:45:56.820 --> 00:46:00.159
It's beautifully written. I think only you could write this.
917
00:46:00.880 --> 00:46:04.139
And I love it. I really do. And it was
918
00:46:04.699 --> 00:46:07.000
such a nice thing for me to read the book
919
00:46:07.039 --> 00:46:09.880
and then know, I get to go and drive in
920
00:46:09.929 --> 00:46:12.699
and talk to, tell Steven, you got here a little
921
00:46:12.760 --> 00:46:14.659
early and I heard you were hanging out outside like
922
00:46:14.699 --> 00:46:18.380
a creep, but I was so excited. I had the
923
00:46:18.420 --> 00:46:20.179
book and I wanted to go down and tell you,
924
00:46:20.280 --> 00:46:21.960
I need to tell you how much I like your book.
925
00:46:22.380 --> 00:46:23.440
I really appreciate it.
926
00:46:23.460 --> 00:46:25.599
And it's funny because you mentioned Vonnegut and I'm like,
927
00:46:25.719 --> 00:46:29.460
I can feel like there's a, there's different strains. Like
928
00:46:29.480 --> 00:46:31.659
you say, there's a soup, but there's, I can see
929
00:46:31.679 --> 00:46:35.610
like Joseph Heller and Vonnegut. There's a, but it's very
930
00:46:35.809 --> 00:46:39.099
sweet and also at times sad. And there's such funny
931
00:46:39.159 --> 00:46:42.380
stuff in here. And it's all from the mind of
932
00:46:43.400 --> 00:46:45.179
an eight year old, seven or eight?
933
00:46:45.940 --> 00:46:46.320
Seven.
934
00:46:46.519 --> 00:46:46.780
Yeah.
935
00:46:47.239 --> 00:46:55.550
I didn't read it that thoroughly. I just skimmed to
936
00:46:55.590 --> 00:46:58.150
get his age. I'm very good at it. I'm pretty,
937
00:46:58.429 --> 00:47:00.539
you know, that's the one thing I will read is
938
00:47:00.579 --> 00:47:02.059
the age. No, but I was.
939
00:47:05.730 --> 00:47:07.630
I think eight would have been the better choice, but
940
00:47:08.269 --> 00:47:11.719
that's my stew brain versus your consomme brain.
941
00:47:11.739 --> 00:47:13.400
I don't know my broth brain.
942
00:47:13.579 --> 00:47:15.099
But you know, first of all, one of the first
943
00:47:15.119 --> 00:47:18.039
things that struck me because I'm so obsessed with myself
944
00:47:18.179 --> 00:47:23.260
is I read this thing at the front by the
945
00:47:24.019 --> 00:47:26.929
editor of the book from Simon & Schuster, who's clearly
946
00:47:26.989 --> 00:47:29.710
a big deal editor, and he's talking about how he
947
00:47:29.789 --> 00:47:32.719
stumbled upon you doing a set on my show, an
948
00:47:32.739 --> 00:47:33.860
interview on my show.
949
00:47:33.880 --> 00:47:34.579
Oh, yes.
950
00:47:34.760 --> 00:47:37.039
And he talks about how, this is why it all
951
00:47:37.090 --> 00:47:40.010
comes together. He talks about how he's always been a
952
00:47:40.030 --> 00:47:43.329
fan of yours. And then he said, he says here
953
00:47:43.349 --> 00:47:45.590
at the top of the book, starting to think about,
954
00:47:45.929 --> 00:47:47.619
you know, what could I do with Stephen Wright? And
955
00:47:47.659 --> 00:47:50.460
then he said, I had only started my job I
956
00:47:50.480 --> 00:47:52.280
guess it's Simon & Schuster, and I was spending a
957
00:47:52.280 --> 00:47:54.329
lot of time searching the internet, trying to come up
958
00:47:54.349 --> 00:47:57.210
with book ideas. I can't remember what weird YouTube algorithm
959
00:47:57.269 --> 00:47:58.929
led me to it, but I came across a clip
960
00:47:58.969 --> 00:48:02.250
of Stephen Wright on Conan O'Brien's late night show back
961
00:48:02.349 --> 00:48:05.340
in 2013 when he talked about writing a novel on Twitter,
962
00:48:05.440 --> 00:48:08.079
posting one sentence at a time. How long is the
963
00:48:08.139 --> 00:48:10.679
novel by now, Conan asked. 1500 pages, Wright said. 1500 pages,
964
00:48:10.699 --> 00:48:15.170
Conan said. And then you say, if there's one word
965
00:48:15.250 --> 00:48:20.150
on each page. And then I guess he thought, I
966
00:48:20.190 --> 00:48:21.889
got to check this out. So he went on Twitter
967
00:48:21.929 --> 00:48:24.710
and you really were doing that. And then he starts
968
00:48:24.769 --> 00:48:26.989
talking to you and you guys form a friendship and
969
00:48:27.050 --> 00:48:30.420
you do this book. So I was just thrilled that.
970
00:48:31.139 --> 00:48:33.719
That's amazing. The connection.
971
00:48:34.000 --> 00:48:34.900
Yeah. Yeah.
972
00:48:34.920 --> 00:48:35.559
Tremendous.
973
00:48:35.659 --> 00:48:40.079
Yeah. You would also think there might be a financial
974
00:48:40.219 --> 00:48:42.940
sharing in here. But we'll talk about that later. You'll hear.
975
00:48:42.960 --> 00:48:45.019
No, I love that. I love that.
976
00:48:45.079 --> 00:48:49.320
But I love the serendipity of you do this joke.
977
00:48:49.760 --> 00:48:54.170
This guy sees that. Then you start talking. Then this
978
00:48:54.230 --> 00:48:57.349
book comes along. And this book is really special because
979
00:48:57.409 --> 00:49:00.489
it's a boy and he's growing up in, you say,
980
00:49:00.510 --> 00:49:05.150
the mid 60s. He's in a classroom and he's daydreaming
981
00:49:05.170 --> 00:49:09.309
and thinking, you know, throughout the class and And his
982
00:49:09.389 --> 00:49:12.719
mind is taking him all around the universe. He talks
983
00:49:12.780 --> 00:49:15.679
about hanging out with his grandfather. And in there are great,
984
00:49:15.760 --> 00:49:17.949
I don't want to call them jokes, but really good,
985
00:49:18.070 --> 00:49:21.019
profound observations. And they're all very much the way a
986
00:49:21.119 --> 00:49:24.099
kid would think. And you have this idea about what
987
00:49:24.139 --> 00:49:26.559
if people were like trees and that they just kept
988
00:49:26.599 --> 00:49:29.039
getting taller as they got older. And I'd be walking
989
00:49:29.059 --> 00:49:31.559
down the street as a seven-year-old boy and I'd see
990
00:49:31.940 --> 00:49:36.010
an 80-year-old woman and she's 45 feet tall. And you
991
00:49:36.030 --> 00:49:39.369
have this conversation with her and I'm It just tickled.
992
00:49:39.750 --> 00:49:41.929
And then there's so many sweet things that happen in it.
993
00:49:42.199 --> 00:49:45.559
And it's very, it's almost also has some sort of
994
00:49:45.599 --> 00:49:49.119
a James Joyce quality because it's all happening very constrained
995
00:49:49.199 --> 00:49:52.300
period of time. But also the time is infinite because
996
00:49:52.340 --> 00:49:56.550
if you're daydreaming, a billion things can happen in 45 minutes.
997
00:49:56.929 --> 00:50:00.570
Yeah, he's in the class and he's thinking, he's daydreaming,
998
00:50:00.610 --> 00:50:04.369
he's thinking about dreams he's had, he's thinking about experiences
999
00:50:04.429 --> 00:50:07.679
that he really, he's thinking of memories. And it all
1000
00:50:07.760 --> 00:50:13.559
is in one day. In the class, it's great that
1001
00:50:13.960 --> 00:50:14.920
you like it so much.
1002
00:50:14.980 --> 00:50:16.519
I love it. How much of it is you, or
1003
00:50:16.539 --> 00:50:18.920
do you not want to say?
1004
00:50:18.940 --> 00:50:21.559
A lot of it. I think you can't write anything
1005
00:50:21.659 --> 00:50:26.639
be completely made up. See, the thing is, when I
1006
00:50:26.699 --> 00:50:28.940
was writing it on Twitter, I wrote like, I had
1007
00:50:29.000 --> 00:50:31.360
half a page on there. Then I stopped. And then
1008
00:50:31.420 --> 00:50:33.659
I didn't write it for like a year. And then
1009
00:50:33.679 --> 00:50:35.800
I thought, that thing, I should keep writing it and
1010
00:50:35.840 --> 00:50:38.179
just keep going. But I didn't put it on Twitter.
1011
00:50:38.260 --> 00:50:41.019
So I just kept going. And, you know, the jokes
1012
00:50:41.119 --> 00:50:44.159
I do are like, creatively, it's like going through a
1013
00:50:44.239 --> 00:50:48.630
narrow window. A couple sentences, two, three sentences, and hopefully
1014
00:50:48.650 --> 00:50:54.190
the audience laughs. You know, da-na-na-na-na-na, da-na-na-na-na. Okay, and I'm
1015
00:50:54.210 --> 00:50:57.590
not complaining. I'm just describing it. But I had a
1016
00:50:57.670 --> 00:51:00.829
lot of things in my mind that wouldn't go through
1017
00:51:00.869 --> 00:51:05.329
that window. It'd just be a two-couple-liner joke. So I
1018
00:51:05.389 --> 00:51:08.849
essentially used Harold's head. It's like I put a funnel
1019
00:51:08.969 --> 00:51:13.440
on his head, and I poured into that funnel everything
1020
00:51:13.659 --> 00:51:17.539
I think about being alive. You know, religion and war
1021
00:51:17.599 --> 00:51:23.199
and authority and the universe and is there a God?
1022
00:51:23.239 --> 00:51:24.739
That's all the way through there. That's repeated all the
1023
00:51:24.760 --> 00:51:25.500
way through the book.
1024
00:51:25.519 --> 00:51:25.900
Yeah.
1025
00:51:27.449 --> 00:51:29.849
Is God willing if there's a God? You know, I
1026
00:51:29.889 --> 00:51:32.469
hope God, if there's a God. So you're constantly questioning
1027
00:51:32.489 --> 00:51:33.110
that throughout.
1028
00:51:33.329 --> 00:51:36.230
When I first started writing it, I realized there was
1029
00:51:36.289 --> 00:51:39.309
no story. And then I thought, I can't keep this,
1030
00:51:39.730 --> 00:51:42.670
there's no story. And then I thought, I don't know.
1031
00:51:42.829 --> 00:51:45.030
So I stopped for a year. I thought, I don't
1032
00:51:45.050 --> 00:51:47.260
know how to write a story. I don't know how.
1033
00:51:47.280 --> 00:51:50.059
And then I thought, a year later, I thought, so what?
1034
00:51:50.739 --> 00:51:53.280
I want to just write it anyway. So it's not
1035
00:51:53.300 --> 00:51:55.340
like this happened and then this happened and then he
1036
00:51:55.400 --> 00:51:59.130
did and then because of that. So I just accepted
1037
00:51:59.190 --> 00:52:01.409
that I didn't know how to write a story. So
1038
00:52:01.469 --> 00:52:02.690
I just went.
1039
00:52:03.449 --> 00:52:06.190
The other thing I love is Harold's voice, very much
1040
00:52:06.230 --> 00:52:07.869
like your voice, but I'm imagining you as a kid.
1041
00:52:07.909 --> 00:52:11.349
But there's a great thing where his teacher is prominent
1042
00:52:11.369 --> 00:52:14.019
because she's running the class the whole time. Harold is
1043
00:52:14.119 --> 00:52:17.019
thinking all these incredible things and having these journeys in
1044
00:52:17.059 --> 00:52:21.179
his mind every now and then. At one point, he
1045
00:52:21.219 --> 00:52:23.360
remembers a time that she came up. and looked at
1046
00:52:23.380 --> 00:52:25.320
what he was drawing, what Harold was drawing, and said,
1047
00:52:25.360 --> 00:52:28.420
that's really beautifully done. You did a really good job here, Harold.
1048
00:52:28.460 --> 00:52:36.619
And he said, how dare you judge me? Because even
1049
00:52:36.719 --> 00:52:39.420
flattery is a judgment. Is a judgment. Is a judgment.
1050
00:52:39.619 --> 00:52:43.219
And it's just packed with those things. So I hope
1051
00:52:43.260 --> 00:52:45.880
you write more, but if all you wrote was this,
1052
00:52:45.940 --> 00:52:48.840
that is plenty, because it is fantastic. It's really good.
1053
00:52:48.940 --> 00:52:49.909
Thank you so much.
1054
00:52:50.070 --> 00:52:55.309
And I, you're such a, great, inspirational, and fascinating person
1055
00:52:55.349 --> 00:52:57.349
to talk to and laugh with that I hope you
1056
00:52:57.369 --> 00:52:59.690
come back. I would love to. You're one of those
1057
00:52:59.730 --> 00:53:00.889
people who needs to come back.
1058
00:53:00.989 --> 00:53:01.659
I would love it.
1059
00:53:01.960 --> 00:53:05.059
And I'll have more, we can have more competing analogies.
1060
00:53:05.440 --> 00:53:06.579
More soup analogies.
1061
00:53:06.719 --> 00:53:09.239
Or we can maybe change it to, you know, our
1062
00:53:09.260 --> 00:53:12.110
brains are like, you know, crackers, and yours is a very,
1063
00:53:12.929 --> 00:53:17.030
a dry Dutch cracker that's got a high seed count.
1064
00:53:17.269 --> 00:53:20.210
It's very good for your your bowels and I'm but
1065
00:53:20.250 --> 00:53:22.989
I'm like this rich savory buttery cracker.
1066
00:53:22.750 --> 00:53:27.030
I noticed that all yours are always oh they're good better.
1067
00:53:26.769 --> 00:53:29.639
Than mine oh yeah I see a pattern yeah there's
1068
00:53:29.659 --> 00:53:31.840
a pattern here yeah.
1069
00:53:31.420 --> 00:53:34.800
I think you are one of the fastest incredible comedy
1070
00:53:34.840 --> 00:53:38.780
minds ever that's what I would say to people what
1071
00:53:38.820 --> 00:53:41.099
is it like going on there I said you know
1072
00:53:41.159 --> 00:53:44.489
what I say something I think hope it's funny if
1073
00:53:45.070 --> 00:53:48.650
but if it's not it doesn't matter because you're like
1074
00:53:48.670 --> 00:53:51.980
a Laser. It's incredible. Really incredible.
1075
00:53:52.000 --> 00:53:53.420
Well, coming from you, that's huge.
1076
00:53:53.659 --> 00:53:55.500
So I get to- Yes, I mean that.
1077
00:53:55.519 --> 00:53:57.960
It's unbelievable. I get to feel good about myself for
1078
00:53:58.000 --> 00:54:03.159
an hour. No, coming, there's no higher praise I could
1079
00:54:03.179 --> 00:54:08.039
get than a compliment from you. So seriously, we all
1080
00:54:08.280 --> 00:54:11.510
owe you. I mean, we all, but you changed everything
1081
00:54:11.610 --> 00:54:14.329
for so many of us. Lucky that you came along.
1082
00:54:14.530 --> 00:54:17.130
We really are. I know you say it's a quirk,
1083
00:54:17.170 --> 00:54:21.449
it's an accident, but- You also, and I do think,
1084
00:54:22.159 --> 00:54:23.980
I give it up for quirks and accidents, but there's
1085
00:54:24.019 --> 00:54:28.320
also integrity and hard work and being a good person.
1086
00:54:28.400 --> 00:54:32.880
And those things aren't quirks. So that makes it all wonderful.
1087
00:54:33.199 --> 00:54:33.800
So thank you.
1088
00:54:33.940 --> 00:54:35.639
Thank you very much. Thank you.
1089
00:54:35.659 --> 00:54:36.599
Let's never speak again.
1090
00:54:36.619 --> 00:54:37.039
All right.
1091
00:54:40.730 --> 00:54:42.610
All right. Thank you very much, Stephen Wright. Thanks for
1092
00:54:42.630 --> 00:54:42.829
having me.
1093
00:54:49.900 --> 00:54:52.780
Good nights are about the people. The laughs.
1094
00:54:53.280 --> 00:54:56.039
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1095
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1102
00:55:18.239 --> 00:55:20.800
Due to the leaves falling in autumn and the challenges
1103
00:55:20.860 --> 00:55:24.110
this brings, Eireann Road Airan wishes to advise customers that
1104
00:55:24.139 --> 00:55:27.150
a revised timetable will take effect on Dart and Dublin
1105
00:55:27.190 --> 00:55:32.150
commuter routes from Monday, September 21st until December 12th. Morning
1106
00:55:32.190 --> 00:55:35.170
and evening peak services will be affected with some earlier
1107
00:55:35.210 --> 00:55:38.269
departure times. Please check travel times on the Eireann Road
1108
00:55:38.349 --> 00:55:42.429
Airan app or irishrail.ie. Eireann Road Airan is part of
1109
00:55:42.469 --> 00:55:43.869
the Transport for Ireland network.
1110
00:55:47.679 --> 00:55:51.360
Batteries, tech, toys and tools. They power our everyday lives.
1111
00:55:51.920 --> 00:55:54.949
And inside them are materials like aluminium, cobalt, copper and
1112
00:55:54.989 --> 00:55:57.730
lithium that can be used again and again. So when
1113
00:55:57.750 --> 00:56:00.769
they're finished, don't let them go to waste. Recycle them
1114
00:56:01.090 --> 00:56:04.530
for free. It's easy. Just return your old batteries and
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00:56:04.570 --> 00:56:08.340
electricals for free recycling to your nearest participating retailer or
1116
00:56:08.360 --> 00:56:11.880
your local recycling centre. Find your nearest free drop-off point
1117
00:56:12.039 --> 00:56:13.519
at weireland.ie today.
1118
00:56:22.329 --> 00:56:24.989
I just had a fascinating experience. Uh, I was on
1119
00:56:25.010 --> 00:56:27.070
a work trip and I was in a country I'd
1120
00:56:27.130 --> 00:56:31.269
never been to before Thailand. I was in Bangkok and, uh,
1121
00:56:31.369 --> 00:56:34.449
doing some work there more on that later. Um, but
1122
00:56:34.469 --> 00:56:40.889
it was fascinating. And, uh, I sent you a little message, Mr. Gourley.
1123
00:56:41.429 --> 00:56:41.670
Yeah.
1124
00:56:42.150 --> 00:56:44.610
Um, I know you're a bond fan. And at one
1125
00:56:44.679 --> 00:56:48.739
point I met the floating market, uh, in, uh, in Bangkok.
1126
00:56:49.539 --> 00:56:52.260
Where you can get on a boat and go from
1127
00:56:52.519 --> 00:56:56.530
market to market and buy your wares, your souvenirs, and
1128
00:56:56.550 --> 00:56:58.449
then go on to the next markets. It's really a
1129
00:56:59.110 --> 00:57:03.909
famous venue. I had forgotten this, but someone that might've
1130
00:57:03.929 --> 00:57:06.789
been Aaron Blair was with me because we always traveled
1131
00:57:06.809 --> 00:57:11.380
together as lovers. And, um, yeah. So I don't have
1132
00:57:11.389 --> 00:57:12.059
to pay you also.
1133
00:57:12.159 --> 00:57:12.699
That's also right.
1134
00:57:12.820 --> 00:57:16.420
It's just a relationship. So, um, I'll have relationships with
1135
00:57:16.440 --> 00:57:18.019
people just so I don't have to pay them.
1136
00:57:18.079 --> 00:57:20.460
No money exchange hands, but a lot of other stuff exchange.
1137
00:57:20.480 --> 00:57:21.239
Okay, all right.
1138
00:57:21.280 --> 00:57:22.360
You do pay him.
1139
00:57:22.400 --> 00:57:23.380
Yes. She's my lover.
1140
00:57:24.159 --> 00:57:24.519
Oh, oh.
1141
00:57:24.699 --> 00:57:27.159
No one's going to voluntarily lay with this old bag
1142
00:57:27.199 --> 00:57:30.469
of bones. So anyway, this took a, I don't know.
1143
00:57:30.510 --> 00:57:31.449
Why did you do that?
1144
00:57:31.510 --> 00:57:33.369
No, why did I do it? He's the one that
1145
00:57:33.409 --> 00:57:37.110
said yes. Wait a minute. Now we're really. So here's
1146
00:57:37.130 --> 00:57:37.510
the point.
1147
00:57:37.650 --> 00:57:37.849
Yeah.
1148
00:57:38.030 --> 00:57:41.590
Which is, Blay mentioned, oh, this would make Gorley jealous.
1149
00:57:42.349 --> 00:57:44.369
And before he even said anything else, I was elated.
1150
00:57:44.920 --> 00:57:47.019
Because I didn't know what Blay was talking about, but
1151
00:57:47.039 --> 00:57:48.820
I was immediately happy that there was a way that
1152
00:57:48.840 --> 00:57:52.059
you could be unhappy. And he said, this is where
1153
00:57:52.079 --> 00:57:55.909
they shot the Bond, a famous sequence in the James
1154
00:57:55.969 --> 00:57:59.349
Bond film, Man with the Golden Gun. And then I remembered, oh, right,
1155
00:57:59.489 --> 00:58:04.050
Roger Moore is driving through the market and he's being chased.
1156
00:58:04.530 --> 00:58:07.090
And I immediately remembered that. So I made a video.
1157
00:58:07.110 --> 00:58:09.380
It must have been like three or four in the
1158
00:58:09.409 --> 00:58:15.289
morning here in Los Angeles. It was midday. Bangkok, and
1159
00:58:15.329 --> 00:58:19.050
I sent it to you. And I hope you took
1160
00:58:19.090 --> 00:58:21.219
that video in the spirit in which it was meant.
1161
00:58:22.099 --> 00:58:25.239
Well, first, let me clear something up. I'm not really
1162
00:58:25.280 --> 00:58:26.340
a James Bond fan.
1163
00:58:26.679 --> 00:58:26.760
Oh.
1164
00:58:27.440 --> 00:58:27.559
Oh.
1165
00:58:27.980 --> 00:58:28.639
James Bond.
1166
00:58:29.300 --> 00:58:31.139
Oh, my God. You're wearing a shirt that says James
1167
00:58:31.199 --> 00:58:32.280
Bond will return.
1168
00:58:32.300 --> 00:58:33.179
And second of all.
1169
00:58:35.139 --> 00:58:37.239
Did you know we were talking about this today? Wait
1170
00:58:37.260 --> 00:58:39.300
a minute, wait a minute. You didn't know we were
1171
00:58:39.320 --> 00:58:40.440
talking about this today?
1172
00:58:40.920 --> 00:58:42.420
You have a lot of James Bond clothes.
1173
00:58:42.440 --> 00:58:45.059
Wait a minute. You're just wearing a James Bond shirt
1174
00:58:45.179 --> 00:58:48.090
underneath your sweatshirt, and you happen to be wearing that
1175
00:58:48.309 --> 00:58:49.010
when we brought this up.
1176
00:58:49.050 --> 00:58:49.449
That's true.
1177
00:58:49.530 --> 00:58:52.909
That's sick. You're a sick person. You're a sick person.
1178
00:58:52.929 --> 00:58:54.750
Do you feel better or worse about doing this now?
1179
00:58:55.070 --> 00:58:57.170
I just feel like you need a- Pity? You shouldn't
1180
00:58:57.190 --> 00:58:59.969
have a family. Oh my God. I just think your
1181
00:59:00.010 --> 00:59:02.820
family should be, I think social services should come by
1182
00:59:02.880 --> 00:59:06.489
and take both your child and your wife away, which
1183
00:59:06.530 --> 00:59:09.789
they rarely do. They usually just take the child.
1184
00:59:09.929 --> 00:59:09.989
Oh.
1185
00:59:10.010 --> 00:59:12.880
This point, I think they should take both away. All right,
1186
00:59:12.889 --> 00:59:15.320
so you're, I didn't, wow, that blows my mind that you,
1187
00:59:15.610 --> 00:59:16.420
that's right, you didn't know.
1188
00:59:16.360 --> 00:59:17.900
What I was going to talk about. I mean, I'm
1189
00:59:17.920 --> 00:59:18.889
not even going to justify it.
1190
00:59:19.079 --> 00:59:21.079
Never mind. So I sent you a video. Yeah. And
1191
00:59:21.119 --> 00:59:22.320
how did you feel when you got the video?
1192
00:59:22.380 --> 00:59:22.659
Well.
1193
00:59:22.679 --> 00:59:23.829
Do you want to listen to it?
1194
00:59:23.960 --> 00:59:25.619
Yeah, let's play it here. I have it.
1195
00:59:27.219 --> 00:59:27.679
Hey, Matt.
1196
00:59:27.780 --> 00:59:32.239
Conan here. I am here at the floating market in Bangkok.
1197
00:59:32.280 --> 00:59:36.489
This is where they shot that iconic scenes in Man
1198
00:59:36.510 --> 00:59:38.469
with a Golden Gun. And I know that this is
1199
00:59:38.530 --> 00:59:40.550
on your bucket list. I just wanted you to know
1200
00:59:40.570 --> 00:59:41.469
I got here first.
1201
00:59:43.710 --> 00:59:47.789
Now, the biggest issue I take, do you understand the
1202
00:59:47.829 --> 00:59:49.429
meaning of the word psych?
1203
00:59:50.070 --> 00:59:53.519
So were you or were you not there? Oh, you
1204
00:59:53.539 --> 00:59:58.960
mean like....
1205
00:59:56.579 --> 00:59:57.340
You blew it.
1206
00:59:57.719 --> 01:00:00.659
I blew it. So you mean psych should have meant
1207
01:00:00.960 --> 01:00:02.280
I fooled you, I'm not really there.
1208
01:00:02.300 --> 01:00:04.179
Yeah, you're at like Venice, California.
1209
01:00:04.199 --> 01:00:06.920
Well, guess what? No, it does still make sense because
1210
01:00:06.960 --> 01:00:08.860
I don't think I was at the exact... I think
1211
01:00:08.900 --> 01:00:11.280
the exact location was about 100 yards away.
1212
01:00:11.400 --> 01:00:14.099
This is a very infamous scene in Bond history because
1213
01:00:14.260 --> 01:00:16.380
Roger Moore is in a little boat chasing a little
1214
01:00:16.400 --> 01:00:18.820
Thai boy, comes up to sell him something and he
1215
01:00:18.929 --> 01:00:20.800
face palms him and shoves him in the water.
1216
01:00:21.199 --> 01:00:21.820
What an asshole.
1217
01:00:21.880 --> 01:00:22.199
I know.
1218
01:00:22.219 --> 01:00:22.380
Yeah.
1219
01:00:22.420 --> 01:00:23.480
And this is Roger Moore.
1220
01:00:23.539 --> 01:00:25.989
Roger Moore, who's typically the kind of friendly Bond.
1221
01:00:26.139 --> 01:00:26.360
Right.
1222
01:00:26.550 --> 01:00:27.969
He's the Bond that used hairspray.
1223
01:00:28.179 --> 01:00:28.840
And a lot of it.
1224
01:00:29.050 --> 01:00:29.750
A lot of it. Yeah.
1225
01:00:29.969 --> 01:00:31.090
Yeah.
1226
01:00:31.289 --> 01:00:34.110
So, yes, I remember that scene, him shoving a little
1227
01:00:34.170 --> 01:00:37.590
boy into the water. Yeah. But yeah, I just wanted
1228
01:00:37.610 --> 01:00:38.750
you to know that I got there first.
1229
01:00:38.789 --> 01:00:41.150
You know what's worse? I've been to Thailand and I
1230
01:00:41.230 --> 01:00:42.309
didn't even get to see that.
1231
01:00:42.670 --> 01:00:42.909
Really?
1232
01:00:43.010 --> 01:00:43.670
Yeah.
1233
01:00:44.030 --> 01:00:45.210
Did you know that? Yeah.
1234
01:00:45.369 --> 01:00:46.409
I just was tired.
1235
01:00:47.710 --> 01:00:48.250
It was hot.
1236
01:00:48.269 --> 01:00:48.849
It was so hot.
1237
01:00:48.909 --> 01:00:51.280
How tired do you have to be to not go
1238
01:00:51.320 --> 01:00:52.280
to a Bond locale?
1239
01:00:52.500 --> 01:00:54.420
You know what? The only thing that beats me is heat.
1240
01:00:54.679 --> 01:00:56.820
I will, if it's hot out and like humid, I
1241
01:00:56.860 --> 01:00:57.659
don't want to go do it.
1242
01:00:57.800 --> 01:01:00.039
It was record setting heat when I was there. And
1243
01:01:00.059 --> 01:01:03.500
I could tell because the Thai people, I'd be walking
1244
01:01:03.539 --> 01:01:05.239
down the street and the Thai people were walking up
1245
01:01:05.260 --> 01:01:10.969
to me going, Jesus, it's hot. This is freaking hot.
1246
01:01:11.809 --> 01:01:14.190
And I said, like, so you're, I'm a native. Yes.
1247
01:01:14.389 --> 01:01:18.849
I've lived here my entire life. Good God! And, uh, yeah.
1248
01:01:18.989 --> 01:01:20.329
Did you go to the Pee Pee Island?
1249
01:01:20.590 --> 01:01:20.750
No.
1250
01:01:20.969 --> 01:01:22.369
I know that sounds like a setup to a joke,
1251
01:01:22.449 --> 01:01:22.949
but it's.
1252
01:01:23.150 --> 01:01:25.949
Well, a setup for a joke you would do, but, uh.
1253
01:01:26.110 --> 01:01:27.090
How about Poopy Flats?
1254
01:01:27.230 --> 01:01:28.239
Nope, didn't go there either.
1255
01:01:28.340 --> 01:01:28.550
Okay.
1256
01:01:29.199 --> 01:01:32.280
That's where the beautiful, like, islands stick out of the water,
1257
01:01:32.320 --> 01:01:33.960
and that's from the end of that movie.
1258
01:01:34.340 --> 01:01:35.619
Ah, we did not... Where the villain's lair is. I
1259
01:01:35.659 --> 01:01:38.989
did not go, uh... Down to the islands. No, did
1260
01:01:39.030 --> 01:01:42.730
not go there. Shot almost exclusively in and around Bangkok,
1261
01:01:42.750 --> 01:01:46.469
which is fascinating. It's a fascinating place. Loved it. Food
1262
01:01:46.510 --> 01:01:51.650
was extraordinary. People are lovely. And we shot some stuff
1263
01:01:51.670 --> 01:01:53.409
there that I think people are going to really like.
1264
01:01:53.510 --> 01:01:58.099
Happy about that. But I mostly, I've been battling, I
1265
01:01:58.579 --> 01:02:01.059
think I got back two days ago. I had no
1266
01:02:01.139 --> 01:02:03.900
problem with the flight from LA, flew from LA to
1267
01:02:03.940 --> 01:02:07.739
Hong Kong and then to Thailand. No jet lag, nothing.
1268
01:02:08.119 --> 01:02:10.130
Just got right to work. Landed in the morning, got
1269
01:02:10.170 --> 01:02:12.869
right to work. And we were there for about nine days.
1270
01:02:13.510 --> 01:02:18.650
Then came back Hong Kong to LA and my heart
1271
01:02:18.690 --> 01:02:23.500
hasn't functioned properly. I have just been, my body's completely
1272
01:02:23.559 --> 01:02:27.059
screwed up, completely screwed up. And my mind doesn't work.
1273
01:02:27.480 --> 01:02:30.079
And I think I'm capable of any crime right now.
1274
01:02:30.099 --> 01:02:32.639
I think that's because when you get to Thailand, you're like, Oh,
1275
01:02:32.679 --> 01:02:35.500
it's time to shoot. And then it's like your adrenaline's running.
1276
01:02:35.519 --> 01:02:37.139
Because you've seen me in action. I've seen you.
1277
01:02:37.179 --> 01:02:38.480
It's not like you're going to be like, I need
1278
01:02:38.519 --> 01:02:40.760
a nap first. You're like, let's get the camera. Let's go.
1279
01:02:40.820 --> 01:02:43.510
But when you come back here, you don't shoot anything.
1280
01:02:43.530 --> 01:02:46.750
There's just a wife and a son. And they're like,
1281
01:02:46.869 --> 01:02:47.849
what's this all about?
1282
01:02:47.889 --> 01:02:51.510
Who should have their family taken away from them?
1283
01:02:51.829 --> 01:02:56.420
They've called. They've called social services. They're constantly calling social services.
1284
01:02:56.480 --> 01:02:58.449
I don't think it has anything to do with the
1285
01:02:58.489 --> 01:03:00.159
time change or the flight. I think it has to
1286
01:03:00.199 --> 01:03:02.349
do with the camera pointed at your face.
1287
01:03:03.849 --> 01:03:06.190
It is true. I was doing all this stuff that
1288
01:03:06.230 --> 01:03:08.190
I can only do when a camera's pointed at me.
1289
01:03:08.210 --> 01:03:10.869
I was doing all these stunts and things that... And
1290
01:03:10.889 --> 01:03:12.710
people were saying, hey, you're kind of old. You shouldn't
1291
01:03:12.730 --> 01:03:15.829
be like, I'm fine. Roll that camera. We just shot
1292
01:03:15.869 --> 01:03:18.409
him in the chest and he seems fine. Yeah. Shoot
1293
01:03:18.449 --> 01:03:20.190
me again. So we get it from the other angle.
1294
01:03:20.769 --> 01:03:22.449
Set me up to use the word psych.
1295
01:03:22.469 --> 01:03:24.469
Yeah. Teach me how to use that word.
1296
01:03:25.239 --> 01:03:27.659
I will say we we did and we put a
1297
01:03:27.679 --> 01:03:29.699
picture out on social media of you kickboxing.
1298
01:03:30.460 --> 01:03:33.860
And it's Muay Thai. Muay Thai. Muay Thai kickboxing. And
1299
01:03:33.900 --> 01:03:37.949
I should mention that although it was covered. It was
1300
01:03:38.010 --> 01:03:39.440
completely outside.
1301
01:03:39.579 --> 01:03:39.800
Yes.
1302
01:03:40.320 --> 01:03:42.940
And every day we would look at the temperature and
1303
01:03:43.079 --> 01:03:45.280
it would say 94 feels like 108.
1304
01:03:45.280 --> 01:03:48.929
I'm not exaggerating. That's what it said. And so with
1305
01:03:48.949 --> 01:03:50.030
the humidity. And that's wet.
1306
01:03:50.150 --> 01:03:53.250
Because of the humidity, it's 108. And it's wet. And
1307
01:03:53.570 --> 01:03:56.449
we did a shoot and I was just trying to
1308
01:03:56.510 --> 01:03:59.230
get out of the way. and was out of breath
1309
01:03:59.349 --> 01:04:03.929
and sweating through my clothes. You were literally jumping and kicking.
1310
01:04:03.949 --> 01:04:08.989
It was insane. Yeah, and I'm fueled by a terrible
1311
01:04:09.329 --> 01:04:13.150
hole in the middle of my soul that just powers
1312
01:04:13.210 --> 01:04:13.630
me on.
1313
01:04:13.750 --> 01:04:14.730
I know.
1314
01:04:14.849 --> 01:04:18.860
But no, I did. That was really fun. We did
1315
01:04:18.880 --> 01:04:21.579
all this stuff that I really enjoyed, but it was,
1316
01:04:21.599 --> 01:04:23.880
I mean, a highlight was getting to a Bond site
1317
01:04:24.119 --> 01:04:26.880
before you. And now I'm determined to go and visit
1318
01:04:27.309 --> 01:04:29.929
All the Bond sites I can without you.
1319
01:04:30.050 --> 01:04:30.400
It's on.
1320
01:04:30.429 --> 01:04:31.969
Without you. It's a race. No, no, no.
1321
01:04:31.969 --> 01:04:33.590
You got a lot to catch up on. I've been
1322
01:04:33.630 --> 01:04:34.230
to a lot of them.
1323
01:04:35.710 --> 01:04:37.909
First of all, I'm going to hire a cinematographer to
1324
01:04:37.949 --> 01:04:39.889
study those scenes and prove to you that you weren't
1325
01:04:39.909 --> 01:04:42.679
in the exact right place. I'm going to spend a
1326
01:04:42.719 --> 01:04:45.079
great deal of money. And then I am going to
1327
01:04:45.139 --> 01:04:47.320
go to all the exact correct places and I'll get
1328
01:04:47.360 --> 01:04:51.300
the permission of the Roger Moore estate. to examine all
1329
01:04:51.340 --> 01:04:52.400
the documents necessary.
1330
01:04:52.420 --> 01:04:54.239
Remember he died on my birthday?
1331
01:04:54.260 --> 01:04:54.360
Yeah.
1332
01:04:54.380 --> 01:04:55.320
No, I don't remember that.
1333
01:04:55.340 --> 01:04:56.070
I remember.
1334
01:04:56.090 --> 01:04:59.730
I don't, I, you leave my mind the minute.
1335
01:04:59.510 --> 01:05:00.409
I leave this studio.
1336
01:05:00.909 --> 01:05:02.570
I don't doubt that. I don't doubt that.
1337
01:05:04.230 --> 01:05:06.110
Remember he died on my birthday.
1338
01:05:06.130 --> 01:05:07.869
Well, I only say that not because I expect you
1339
01:05:07.889 --> 01:05:09.610
to remember that, but because when I said that before,
1340
01:05:09.650 --> 01:05:10.730
you hit me so hard.
1341
01:05:10.869 --> 01:05:12.949
You really hit me over the head with that fact.
1342
01:05:13.329 --> 01:05:13.510
Yeah.
1343
01:05:13.570 --> 01:05:15.090
So I thought maybe it did make an impression.
1344
01:05:15.150 --> 01:05:16.840
No. Okay, great. No.
1345
01:05:17.019 --> 01:05:18.820
I think the way for him to be nice to
1346
01:05:18.880 --> 01:05:21.400
you is if you just came with a handheld camera.
1347
01:05:21.440 --> 01:05:24.639
Matt, I think if you donated, if you were proven
1348
01:05:24.659 --> 01:05:27.119
to be an exact perfect match for my bone marrow
1349
01:05:27.360 --> 01:05:30.590
and you saved my life by going through an excruciating procedure,
1350
01:05:30.610 --> 01:05:31.829
I would quickly.
1351
01:05:31.570 --> 01:05:32.210
Forget about it.
1352
01:05:32.469 --> 01:05:34.289
Oh, I would also never do that.
1353
01:05:35.349 --> 01:05:38.110
No, no, no. You understand. I would hire people to
1354
01:05:38.170 --> 01:05:40.369
hold you down and we would extract the bone marrow
1355
01:05:40.650 --> 01:05:44.030
using simple gardening tools. I would then- There's nothing you
1356
01:05:44.050 --> 01:05:44.510
can do about it.
1357
01:05:44.510 --> 01:05:47.969
Drink a lot of Drano that would then osmosize into
1358
01:05:48.010 --> 01:05:48.329
my bone marrow.
1359
01:05:48.349 --> 01:05:50.510
Drano, as bad as it is for your body, really
1360
01:05:50.550 --> 01:05:52.349
does enhance bone marrow production.
1361
01:05:52.389 --> 01:05:52.670
Really?
1362
01:05:52.849 --> 01:05:53.929
Yeah. Oh, okay.
1363
01:05:53.969 --> 01:05:56.670
Well, you've got me there, you evil genius.
1364
01:05:57.710 --> 01:06:00.860
I say petting a cat. All right, well- If you
1365
01:06:00.880 --> 01:06:03.679
want to see a Bond site, write in. Write in.
1366
01:06:04.119 --> 01:06:06.719
Right in. And Gourley will tell you if he's been
1367
01:06:06.739 --> 01:06:07.119
there or not.
1368
01:06:07.820 --> 01:06:08.119
Psych.
1369
01:06:08.360 --> 01:06:08.639
Psych.
1370
01:06:10.309 --> 01:06:14.210
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian,
1371
01:06:14.469 --> 01:06:18.170
and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced
1372
01:06:18.210 --> 01:06:21.530
by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco,
1373
01:06:21.769 --> 01:06:25.369
and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song
1374
01:06:25.389 --> 01:06:28.550
by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
1375
01:06:28.889 --> 01:06:29.570
Take it away, Jimmy.
1376
01:06:32.699 --> 01:06:35.699
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent
1377
01:06:35.719 --> 01:06:40.199
producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production
1378
01:06:40.219 --> 01:06:44.309
support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista,
1379
01:06:44.570 --> 01:06:47.139
and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show
1380
01:06:47.199 --> 01:06:49.869
on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read
1381
01:06:49.969 --> 01:06:52.789
on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call
1382
01:06:52.809 --> 01:06:56.789
the Team Coco hotline at.
1383
01:06:56.429 --> 01:06:57.550
323-451-2821 and leave a message.
1384
01:06:57.869 --> 01:06:59.829
It too could be featured on a future episode.
1385
01:07:00.070 --> 01:07:02.750
And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien
1386
01:07:02.789 --> 01:07:06.409
Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine
1387
01:07:06.469 --> 01:07:07.719
podcasts are downloaded.
1388
01:07:21.690 --> 01:07:24.550
Good nights are about the people. The laughs.
1389
01:07:25.070 --> 01:07:27.829
The real moments you don't want to miss. So, why
1390
01:07:27.889 --> 01:07:32.869
step outside? Velo tobacco-free nicotine pouches fit seamlessly into your night.
1391
01:07:33.110 --> 01:07:36.480
Convenient and full of flavour. No breaks. No interruptions.
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01:07:37.000 --> 01:07:37.320
Velo.
1393
01:07:37.599 --> 01:07:41.900
Anytime, anywhere nicotine pouches. 18 and over contains tobacco-free nicotine
1394
01:07:41.960 --> 01:07:44.280
and addictive substance. If you're new to Velo, start with Mellow.
1395
01:07:44.360 --> 01:07:45.880
You should not use this product if you do not
1396
01:07:45.980 --> 01:07:46.780
already use nicotine.
1397
01:07:50.019 --> 01:07:52.590
Due to the leaves falling in autumn and the challenges
1398
01:07:52.639 --> 01:07:55.710
this brings, Eireann Road Air in wishes to advise customers
1399
01:07:55.750 --> 01:07:58.530
that a revised timetable will take effect on Dart and
1400
01:07:58.570 --> 01:08:03.349
Dublin commuter routes from Monday, September 21st until December 12th.
1401
01:08:03.590 --> 01:08:06.449
Morning and evening peak services will be affected with some
1402
01:08:06.630 --> 01:08:09.829
earlier departure times. Please check travel times on the Eireann
1403
01:08:09.849 --> 01:08:13.570
Road Air in app or irishrail.ie. Eireann Road Air in
1404
01:08:13.690 --> 01:08:15.650
is part of the Transport for Ireland network.