Episode 20 Transcript:
[00:00:00] [🎵 Intro Music]
[00:00:16] Heather: Hi, welcome to Comically Exposed, uh, podcast about OCD and comedians and what we're doing, what we're not doing. My name is Heather Nye and my co host is...
[00:00:19] Gabbie: Gabbie Blachman.
[00:00:21] Heather: And, uh, welcome. Why do I keep saying welcome to the show?
[00:00:26] Gabbie: You're in the show now. You've been welcomed.
[00:00:28] Heather: I'm in the show. Everybody get on with this.
[00:00:33] Gabbie: Yeah. Get on with it. As Heather likes to say all the time. Really? You've made it to the beginning of the show. And if you're not welcomed, then I think that's on them. Do you know what I mean?
[00:00:45] Heather: Yeah. If you're not feeling the welcome, then it's your problem.
[00:00:48] Gabbie: Yeah. What can we do? Honestly, send everybody a welcome mat. Fine. We'll do it. Give us your address. Just say it out loud right now, wherever you are listening to this podcast, say your address.
[00:01:00] Heather: We're listening to you.
[00:01:01] Gabbie: Yes. Exactly.
[00:01:03] Heather: I'm writing them all down.
[00:01:05] Gabbie: Yeah. Oh, she's doing it, folks.
[00:01:08] Heather: I know. I'm doing it.
[00:01:09] Gabbie: All right. Well, hi, Heather.
[00:01:12] Heather: Hi, Gabbie. We're doing a podcast today.
[00:01:18] Gabbie: I mean, it's only been 20 episodes. So I think we're basically professionals at this point, which anyone would tell you by listening to this. All right, do you want to talk about OCD today or do you want to talk about comedy stuff to begin with?
[00:01:35] Heather: Hmm, I guess, I don't know, whatever, I have to decide.
[00:01:43] Gabbie: Okay, I'm just going to start talking.
[00:01:46] Heather: Just start talking. I'm, I'm, I've lost it.
[00:01:49] Gabbie: Doing great.
[00:01:51] Heather: I'm doing great. I am fantastic.
[00:01:53] Gabbie: That's right.
[00:01:53] Heather: Yes.
[00:01:54] Gabbie: We're just reassuring ourselves, which is an OCD thing, guys, because this Okay. Anyway, um, I'm going to talk about comedy last week. I said my goal was going to be going to a comedy show and I am pleased to announce that my social plans fell through for today.
So I will be taking myself to a comedy show tonight in Martinez, California, the birthplace of the martini or so they claim, which is like, really? Come on.
[00:02:22] Heather: That's where the martini came from?
[00:02:24] Gabbie: Right? Like, wouldn't other people know if that was the case who live outside of Martinez? I don't know.
[00:02:32] Heather: I don't know.
[00:02:32] Gabbie: I can't say that, you know, mart, martinis have really made up a large part of my life. Although I did used to be a bartender at a martini bar, it doesn't matter. The point is I'm going to a comedy show tonight, um, in Martinez. And then tomorrow night I am hoping to drive down to San Jose, which is where they do comedy sports, which is improv, but competitive. Um, Great. And then, uh, on Sunday, I'm hoping to finally make it to the women and queer folk open mic night in Oakland, California.
And I'm planning to not bring my car, so I won't be a part of a shootout involving a car or having my vehicle broken into. But I guess that's, it's a lot to ask, you know?
[00:03:25] Heather: Yeah, these days.
[00:03:26] Gabbie: Yeah, but that's, uh, yeah, that's how I'm spending Memorial weekend.
[00:03:33] Heather: Wow. Yeah. It sounds like fun.
[00:03:35] Gabbie: Yeah. Maybe.
[00:03:36] Heather: So, so you're going to do stand up?
[00:03:39] Gabbie: No, no, no, no. I'm, I'm observing. I'm observing.
[00:03:42] Heather: You're observing. Okay. Okay. You're taking notes.
[00:03:46] Gabbie: I'm just going to be writing up, you know, (keyboard typing sound) I'm going to be writing up a review at the, uh, I don't know where that joke was going. Anyway, the point is I'm checking out these comedy shows to see if eventually I get up the gumption to do them. Um, and. Um, I was watching, I think I sent it to you guys on Instagram. There's a, uh, uh, Jennifer Coolidge is talking about go see bad art, right?
[00:04:14] Heather: Yes, yes.
[00:04:14] Gabbie: Because there's nothing more soothing and motivating to put your own art into the world than to see other people's like, Ooh, yikes. Um, so I'm hoping to see some of that this weekend. So I feel better about myself. And I think that's healthy.
[00:04:31] Heather: Yeah. Yeah. That is healthy. That's, that's a good way to look at it. Yeah. I saw that Jennifer Coolidge thing. Cause it's going around Instagram, sure. Other socials too. And I felt it was really good advice, you know, on, on just putting yourself out there doing work.
I mean, yeah, I was talking to my husband about it and he was like, Oh yeah. Now you got to do something.
[00:04:56] Gabbie: What a jerk.
[00:04:58] Heather: What a jerk. Um, so yeah. So, so Gabbie. Yeah. Hi. Um, I'm really off today.
[00:05:10] Gabbie: Dude. Once again, doing great.
[00:05:12] Heather: Yeah, I know I'm doing great. Um, trying not to judge myself like very harshly. Um, I was going to ask you a question and it's now leaving my head. Okay. Um, so with stand up, is this the first of many steps or is this like, I mean, do you want to focus on stand up or?
[00:05:32] Gabbie: Um, yeah. So there are two things that I want, yeah. Oh my God. I cannot even tell you I miss improv so, so, so, so much, truly. The instant I get around anybody who's able to riff and just, like, go with me, I'm, I'm, it's, I, I need to make more improv things happen in my life. Okay, anyway, um.
[00:06:02] Heather: And by the way, audience, um, Gabbie's talented. An improv, very talented, extremely funny. I've actually seen her do improv and very funny.
I am terrible at improv, so I can't help her on this one. So.
[00:06:21] Gabbie: Okay. Well, I doubt that's true. And I've never actually, I've never actually seen your improv. Have I?
[00:06:28] Heather: You will never see it.
[00:06:32] Gabbie: Welcome to the part of the show where we threaten each other as you were complimenting me, I had to hold back from just like making a loud noise so that nobody could hear it. Um, and now I'm never going to see you improvise. Cause I don't know. I don't know how to threaten you back with that. Maybe, um, as Liam Neeson, I have a certain set of skills and that is forcing you to improv and watching.
[00:07:04] Heather: Yeah. That, hmm.
[00:07:07] Gabbie: Hmm.
[00:07:07] Heather: Yeah. This seems problematic.
[00:07:10] Gabbie: Well, it left a bad taste in my mouth. So I think that's, uh, Yeah, we've come to an understanding. Okay. So this summer, uh, there are two things I want to do. Uh, one of them is really apply to jobs, which is (snoring) So exciting and then I also want to do as much comedy as possible.
So that's gonna be Improv, I don't know if I'm gonna do improv jams or What but I am bound to determine and definitely open mics And stand up because I am no longer tutoring until 9 p. m. at night, so I can actually go do, uh, some kind of open mic situation. Although I was thinking if I just hold out for like three more months, then it will be a year in between my first stand up set and my second stand up set, which I think is how all successful comedians start out.
[00:08:09] Heather: Yes, yes, doing it once a year.
[00:08:11] Gabbie: Mm hmm. A nice round number, which is not OCD of me at all to want.
[00:08:17] Heather: Nope. Not at all. Not at all. Okay. Hey, just doing it anyway. I mean, that's the thing. You can't judge yourself on that one. Cause
[00:08:27] Gabbie: I mean, I can, you know?
[00:08:30] Heather: Yeah, that's true. You can actually can judge yourself very harshly if you want to. Thank you. Um, But, and, yes, and, but, and, but, and, I don't know, but, and? The more I say it, the more it's like, are these words?
[00:08:53] Gabbie: That's kind of what it sounds like. It also sounds like you're trying to figure out somebody's name and I don't know if, but is their first name or. It's their last name, but.
[00:09:07] Heather: Yeah.
[00:09:07] Gabbie: But, and.
[00:09:08] Heather: But, and, but, and, but, and, um, no, I was trying to say something genuine.
[00:09:13] Gabbie: Oh no. I'm so glad I derailed you.
[00:09:18] Heather: I think I derailed myself.
[00:09:21] Gabbie: Oh, okay.
[00:09:22] Heather: I derailed myself.
[00:09:23] Gabbie: Points for Heather.
[00:09:24] Heather: Oh, there we go. It's coming back. So no, I think putting stuff out there. I think that's the other pressure is, is, Oh, that's the one that I saw Maria Bamford posted something about being like, why are we trying to be perfect or something like that? I think I'm paraphrasing very terribly. Sorry, Maria Bamford, because I love you.
[00:09:53] Gabbie: Um, and she listens.
[00:09:55] Heather: I know she listens very, very carefully to everything I say.
Yeah. It was about like, why? And what's the need of this kind of like over productiveness and what is good, like, you know, how hard it is to not um, advance yourself to actually press it down and to not grow. And I, and I look at that as something else as, as maybe, maybe I'm taking it the wrong way, but I also look at that as saying you grow the way you grow.
And so, and right now in your current circumstance, it feels like everything, but time. Is, is so long in the scheme of things, you know, that, that just because you did it like a year ago, it's, it doesn't mean like you're not going to do it again. Or maybe it is. Maybe you never do it again. Maybe you never do stand up again and you find something else to find that creative outlet.
But I know you and I know you will find a direction that suits you. Um, so I just want you to keep going.
[00:10:59] Gabbie: Okay.
[00:11:01] Heather: I'm sorry. This is a really long.
[00:11:02] Gabbie: No, it was so positive. That's why I'm like, not that you're not positive, but me taking it in is like, do you know that Shel Silverstein poem about eating a whale and as she takes very small bites and she gets it. That's what I feel like. I'm just like chewing, chewing, chewing. Thank you. Yeah.
[00:11:21] Heather: You just want to get to the end. I know how that, I know that feeling.
[00:11:23] Gabbie: Yeah.
[00:11:24] Heather: I just want to jump to the end. I'm successful.
[00:11:27] Gabbie: Yes.
[00:11:28] Heather: I can, you know, tell people, give people advice from the top, which is like so worthless.
[00:11:37] Gabbie: I know. Although I was listening to Jerry Seinfeld on Neil Brennan's podcast and fucking Jerry Seinfeld, who has been in the game for however many years and is considered by many to be just One of the greats, right?
[00:11:53] Heather: Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. .
[00:11:55] Gabbie: Maybe not my particular like humor style, but his craft. I mean, you cannot, yeah.
[00:12:01] Heather: Yeah.
[00:12:02] Gabbie: He's amazing. So he was talking about how he goes on stage and every time the voice in his head says. You shouldn't be up here.
Like nobody wants to see this. You're really a writer. You shouldn't be a performer. Jerry Seinfeld has this voice in his head at like 70 years old. So even if we do make it, even if we are wildly successful, I guess we can hold onto the fact that we are always going to be super critical. We're going to feel like we've made it.
[00:12:41] Heather: Yeah. And that's, and that's. That is honestly the point of exposure, right? Of exposing our OCD and just living with the guilt, fear, shame, disgust, all those.
[00:12:56] Gabbie: Doing it anyway.
[00:12:58] Heather: Mm hmm.
[00:12:59] Gabbie: Yeah. Okay. Well, great. No, I had questions about you, actually.
[00:13:07] Heather: Oh, okay.
[00:13:08] Gabbie: Yeah.
[00:13:09] Heather: Okay. Uh, now it's my turn.
[00:13:10] Gabbie: It is your turn. Gabbie talked. Gabbie talked good. Gabbie talked a while. Gabbie done. Heather, go. Make funny, Heather, but, and, um, but, and my question for you is, um, you were going to give your humor piece to a bunch of quote unquote strangers and then.
[00:13:38] Heather: Oh yeah, no, I already did that part.
[00:13:40] Gabbie: Okay.
[00:13:41] Heather: Yeah. So I, um, did that part. I was actually going to take it and edit it, but somebody else. made comments or needed time to make comments. And so now I'm going through those comments and, um, and re editing my humor piece. So yeah, I'm doing it. I know it's exciting.
[00:14:03] Gabbie: Yes.
[00:14:05] Heather: It's like these little small victories. I think this is good because it's, it's progress. I'm feeling, I'm going to insert the OCD part of this because it's all intertwined in my world. Not sure about yours.
[00:14:18] Gabbie: Oh, yeah, no, I, mine is very clearly labeled and easy to disentangle from my day to day life. Thank you for noticing. So your OCD is coming up. How is that?
[00:14:30] Heather: Yeah. So, um, actually with, um, OCD stuff, um, I've noticed recently, and I'm just going to highlight this because this is a new thing. I have more space in my head.
[00:14:42] Gabbie: Uh huh.
[00:14:43] Heather: It's weird. Uh huh. I got bored.
[00:14:47] Gabbie: Oh! That is one hell of a victory. Please continue.
[00:14:54] Heather: I know.
[00:14:54] Gabbie: Yeah.
[00:14:55] Heather: I know. And for those of you that don't have OCD and don't, like, ruminate, you know, I, I, you're fortunate because your mind is filled. Yeah. I know. Good for you. Good for you. I had a moment where I was like, I have free time. I have more time. And it was bizarre. Like, I didn't know what to do with it.
[00:15:21] Gabbie: Yeah.
[00:15:21] Heather: And unfortunately, that's the OCD flip, right? Where you start to look, like, for the things that you feel like you're missing. Yeah. And, um, yeah. It was new. I don't, my, my, the way that my intrusive thoughts happen is that I don't have OCD. I have something else.
Um, and so when I talk about it, sometimes I feel embarrassed. Like I'm not, I don't, you know what I mean? Even though I'm fully aware that I have everything that is OCD, but in my mind I go, but is it enough? You know?
[00:16:00] Gabbie: Oh God. Yes.
[00:16:03] Heather: And I'm like I know. I hate it. I hate it so bad. And it's, it's not like any of these things are worse, you know, it's like, it's not autism or ADHD or whatever, but then it makes me like, think, am I doing the right kind of therapy?
[00:16:18] Gabbie: It just makes you question everything.
[00:16:20] Heather: Yeah. And you know, in some respects for some people, that is very true because especially after Maeve's interview, You know, like, and all of her diagnoses, you know, it's, you know, it would make you question like you should question if somebody said you're something, you know, was it so easy that somebody said I had anxiety and then all of a sudden I had OCD, but I didn't have to go through the whole rigor. But then I'm like, holy shit, I spent so many years of my adult life having OCD and not knowing I had OCD and wondering what the hell is going on.
[00:16:54] Gabbie: Yes.
[00:16:55] Heather: So.
[00:16:56] Gabbie: I mean, I kind of think of it like, you know, when Freud was around and diagnosing everybody with penis envy, which you got to be like, doth the man protest? Does he have penis envy? It doesn't matter. But like, so the psychoanalytical thing was the therapy. Right. Yeah. And then it kind of morphed into more talk therapy, less of the psychiatrist or psychologist like being like, ah, well this was your childhood that told you that, you know.
[00:17:31] Heather: Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. .
[00:17:31] Gabbie: And then now, or within the last 10, 15 years, it feels like that talk therapy has also gotten very branched out and we've figured out like, oh, you know what? For PTSD actually post-traumatic stress disorder, E-M-D-R eye movement desensitization something or other? Um.
[00:17:52] Heather: Mm-Hmm.
[00:17:53] Gabbie: And response.
[00:17:54] Heather: Mm-Hmm.
[00:17:55] Gabbie: Is better. Right? And for OCD. the exposure therapy is better, right? And then we find out exposure therapy is also really good for almost every kind of anxiety, you know? But you and I, or at least myself, and I think whatever you can talk for yourself, uh, have done so many years of just talk therapy with out the OCD diagnosis that felt like, you know, when I look back on it, it's like, Oh my God, did I waste 20 years of my life? You know, just talking to therapists and them being like, well, that sounds like magical thinking. And I'm like, and then that's the end of the session. Like there's nothing that's helpful after that.
[00:18:49] Heather: Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I, My thing was, um, was when my, uh, psychiatrist actually called me out on how, um, a train of thought can be a manipulation.
[00:19:02] Gabbie: A manipulation of what?
[00:19:04] Heather: Of not talking about what you want.
[00:19:07] Gabbie: Oh, okay.
[00:19:07] Heather: To talk about.
[00:19:08] Gabbie: Okay.
[00:19:09] Heather: So, like, for example, I would go to sessions and the, the common, and I'm going to state this because my husband can attest to this, is the common theme after I would come from a regular talk therapy session was, I don't know if I can do this again. Like I got nothing out of it, didn't really talk about the thing I really wanted to talk about.
[00:19:30] Gabbie: Mm hmm.
[00:19:31] Heather: And every time I would go in, I would never talk about what was actually bothering me. I would either complain about my mom, I would complain about work, I would complain about everything else. But then when, when I was done with the session, I was like, hooray, nothing else is bothering me. And then I would come home and I'd be like, oh, that was a waste of time.
[00:19:54] Gabbie: Fascinating.
[00:19:56] Heather: And so something that, I don't know why I was doing it because it's like I was paying for the sessions, you know, at the time out of pocket and then getting reimbursed. They weren't cheap. She wasn't cheap. Um, yeah. And yeah, it was, and it was weekly.
[00:20:15] Gabbie: Right? Okay. But question. Did you. Actually know what you wanted to talk about or what was bothering you. And then you were actively sort of allowing this train of thought to take you in another direction.
[00:20:32] Heather: With talk therapy, it was kind of like I was just having issues at work or something, and it was just at the top of my mind, but then deep down inside, I'm saying, but I feel like I'm a terrible person and I really don't understand why.
[00:20:48] Gabbie: Uh huh. And you never get to that.
[00:20:50] Heather: But I don't want to.
[00:20:50] Gabbie: Yeah.
[00:20:51] Heather: Yeah. And I don't want to expose why I feel like a terrible person. Yeah. And. and why I feel this way. And so then all I would talk about was work. And so it was just easier to just talk about that. But then afterwards it would be like, it would be like a confessional about work.
So it was almost like a compulsion to make the feeling go away. And so it was literally I think I was using talk therapy as a way to release the bad feeling.
[00:21:20] Gabbie: I was going to, yeah, like a compulsion and then you do the anxiety wave where then you do the compulsion and your anxiety goes back down, but because you didn't actually solve anything, your anxiety goes back up.
[00:21:32] Heather: Yes. Yes. But I was also steering the conversations because when she would get close to something, I would steer it. And the thing was, is that my, my, uh, psychiatrist was actually talking to me because we were discussing it. Cause I was sort of confessing to him, which is, you know, compulsive, compulsion -esk, or maybe just straight up compulsion.
And then that's when he like stopped me and said, Hey, that sounds like a manipulation. And I didn't realize because I was trying to control, like, like manage her and my view of me, you know, like what we were talking about, but it's like, in reality, I'm paying you to help me and I'm not letting you help me.
[00:22:13] Gabbie: Yeah. Uh, two things. One, I love that your current therapist can call you on your bullshits.
[00:22:21] Heather: Oh yeah. He does it all the time. Right. All the time.
[00:22:23] Gabbie: Which is, you know, So useful. And second, I also did my damnedest to make sure I was my therapist's favorite patients by manipulating the conversation and only showing whatever parts of myself I thought made me look shiny and whatever.
[00:22:43] Heather: It's like, I have no problems.
[00:22:44] Gabbie: Well, Or, or like, I just have tiny problems and you helped me so much, aren't you the most amazing therapist? And then they, you know, focus back on themselves and don't pay attention to me. And then I've gone undetected yet again and got to pay for it.
[00:23:03] Heather: Yeah. Yeah. I think. Um, yeah. All of that. All of that.
[00:23:09] Gabbie: Therapy's fun. You know? Like, people don't understand the levels. So anyway, OCD. Uh. No, I think this is a solid episode. But truly, I kind of do, because it's, I love that you have spaces to feel bored, and I kind of feel like that's what's happening in this episode. Not that I'm bored, but that there's spaces in this episode, you know?
[00:23:39] Heather: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:23:40] Gabbie: And also, it is so classic OCD. To attack when you have free space, to attack when you're feeling remotely good, to attack when you're feeling bad, to attack when whatever. Like really the only time, I think I've gotten better, but some of the only time I could get OCD to not attack is when I was currently like, pinning it down, staring it in the face, doing therapy, right?
[00:24:08] Heather: Mm hmm. Yes.
[00:24:10] Gabbie: And then it was like, I'm currently in an exposure. So I don't need any more of your bullshit because I'm bullshitting you, you bullshitter. What came up for me in my Um, ADHD therapy, um, really reflected on the OCD stuff, which is my therapist was like, other people can take care of themselves. And I just started laughing.
[00:24:42] Heather: Oh yeah.
[00:24:43] Gabbie: Yeah. So like my therapist, She can take care of herself. I don't have to take care of her in the therapy session. That's crazy.
[00:24:53] Heather: Yeah. It's, it's weird how, I mean, I think, I think OCD has that same kind of hyper responsibility.
[00:24:59] Gabbie: Yes, it does for me. Yeah.
[00:25:01] Heather: And yeah. And for me as well. And you know, letting go of some of that has been also very strange.
[00:25:09] Gabbie: Yes.
[00:25:10] Heather: Um.
[00:25:11] Gabbie: What do you do with your free time? Sorry.
[00:25:13] Heather: Exactly. Exactly. Well, because sometimes it's helpful and it's not that you like, aren't responsible or for yourself and for others, you know, like sometimes it's important. But then you don't have to do it all the time. And that's the part that I'm, I'm having, you know, difficulty of like balancing, you know, and, but it's freed my mind. It's had, I've had so much space start to happen.
[00:25:42] Gabbie: Yeah.
[00:25:43] Heather: You know, and then now the ruminations are disappearing. And so that is starting to give me a lot of space, which is all of a sudden like, Oh, I can do other things.
[00:25:52] Gabbie: Yes. But what are those other things is the question.
[00:25:56] Heather: Well, I'm hoping, I'm hoping those things are filling it with comedy.
[00:26:00] Gabbie: Yes.
[00:26:01] Heather: Um, you know, and, but then I'm also balancing it because I know that. I can, at least based off of. Oh, I just caught something. Um, cause my psychiatrist likes to tell me, he goes, sometimes when you have a story about something in terms of how, why you can't do something, then it's just a story you're telling yourself, which is a rule.
And it's, I know. And I just, and my story was in my last, my previous career. I. Like basically fell into a hole of doing that was my main focus was my career. And my struggle now is to not make comedy my main focus. Um, that I allow myself to have other things, but I just heard myself in my head say something that sounded like a rule. And so I'm just checking that right now, um.
[00:27:01] Gabbie: Checking it, letting it go.
[00:27:04] Heather: I'm well, yeah, that's true. I'm checking it, but I am letting it, I'm slightly letting it go. I'm trying to let it go. That's what I'm trying to do right now. Um, because I know it's like, and if you can't see that we're shaking our hands.
[00:27:18] Gabbie: Um, if you can't see that.
[00:27:20] Heather: If you can't see that, oh my god, they can't see that. I can see that. Gabbie can see that. Maybe NSA, I don't know. Um, but I mean, why would them? Why would they? This would be the most boring show ever.
[00:27:36] Gabbie: Uh, no, I think we're number one on the NSA podcast watch list. But you were letting go of a rule.
[00:27:47] Heather: That I'm going to fill that space with comedy, but I would do want to fill it with other things as well in life. And, um, I think it's important to have balance. But, um, the thing I caught was the story that I was telling myself about not getting caught up into a career again. Um, yeah.
[00:28:07] Gabbie: I tell myself a very similar story.
[00:28:10] Heather: Mm hmm.
[00:28:11] Gabbie: And now that you've said that I recognize that as rules. Damn it Heather.
[00:28:14] Heather: Yeah.
[00:28:15] Gabbie: Don't.
[00:28:16] Heather: I know, I just pass it on
[00:28:20] Gabbie: How dare you come here To this house in this house, we believe in science and whatever stories I tell myself are not rules Except when they are all the time.
[00:28:38] Heather: They're sneaky ones though, because they're kind of like, they're, you feel like you're informing yourself and then in reality you're creating this, um, structure.
[00:28:47] Gabbie: Barrier. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. I know.
[00:28:50] Heather: Yeah.
[00:28:50] Gabbie: That's how I feel about the job search. I'm like, but I need to have a job where a bunny can come to the job with me or, but I need to have a job that meow, meow. You know?
[00:29:02] Heather: Mm hmm.
[00:29:03] Gabbie: Great. That's, that's great.
[00:29:06] Heather: We've solved it.
[00:29:07] Gabbie: Yeah, I know. Once again. Oh, brother. Well, high fives all around, I think.
[00:29:17] Heather: Yeah.
[00:29:18] Gabbie: Yeah.
[00:29:18] Heather: Yeah, this episode is gone. So weird.
[00:29:27] Gabbie: I really do. Welcome to the liminal space episode. What is in between heaven and hell?
[00:29:44] Heather: Purgatory.
[00:29:45] Gabbie: I know, but there's one that starts with a limbo limbo.
[00:29:48] Heather: Limbo.
[00:29:49] Gabbie: Okay. In my head, I could only hear the word libido and I was like, that's not it. That's not it. You need to let that go. Let go. Let God, as I'm always saying.
[00:30:00] Heather: It is the libido space.
[00:30:02] Gabbie: Everything is weird and we're feeling uncomfortable. So let's get sexual. Oh boy. Okay. Well, to sum up, you're manipulating. And I'm contemplating? No, I don't know.
[00:30:32] Heather: Yeah, yeah, that's The basis of everything we talked about.
[00:30:43] Gabbie: I think it's a good time to remind people that we have a website and they can communicate with us through that website. And I think we should encourage them to be just as weird. Just come as your natural self, no masking, just.
[00:31:01] Heather: Yeah, just send us a voice message, an hour long voice message.
[00:31:10] Gabbie: We can just make our next episode, just not edited, oh boy. Thank you for listening all the way to the end of the episode. We really do appreciate it. And we love you. We love your face. Um, hope you're having a weird day.
[00:31:31] Heather: Just like us.
[00:31:32] Gabbie: Just like us make the most of it. Find space, get weird.
[00:31:39] Heather: Bye everyone.
[00:31:40] Gabbie: Bye bye.
[00:31:40] Heather: Bye.
[00:31:40] [🎵 Outro Music]
[00:31:40] Gabbie: Welcome to the end of the show. This is Gabbie Blachman.
[00:31:48] Heather: And this is Heather Nye.
[00:31:49] Gabbie: Thank you for listening to Comically Exposed. We're just a little show with two creators who edit and produce each episode. We appreciate all your support.
[00:31:59] Heather: If you like what you heard, please follow us on Instagram at comicallyexp.podcast. That's C O M I C A L L Y E X P dot podcast.
[00:32:10] Gabbie: Oh, and check out our website at comicallyexposed.com. That's one word, comicallyexposed.com.
[00:32:19] Heather: Where you can contact us by text or even leave a voice message.
[00:32:23] Gabbie: Or subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts, new episodes drop every other Wednesday.
[00:32:31] Heather: Also special thanks to Track Club and Gxldxn Fxnch for providing the music.
[00:32:35] Gabbie: Thanks for listening. And hey, everybody today is a great day to expose yourself. Okay. Until next time
[00:32:43] Heather: in your face, Miriam!
[00:00:00] [🎵 Intro Music]
[00:00:16] Heather: Hi, welcome to Comically Exposed, uh, podcast about OCD and comedians and what we're doing, what we're not doing. My name is Heather Nye and my co host is...
[00:00:19] Gabbie: Gabbie Blachman.
[00:00:21] Heather: And, uh, welcome. Why do I keep saying welcome to the show?
[00:00:26] Gabbie: You're in the show now. You've been welcomed.
[00:00:28] Heather: I'm in the show. Everybody get on with this.
[00:00:33] Gabbie: Yeah. Get on with it. As Heather likes to say all the time. Really? You've made it to the beginning of the show. And if you're not welcomed, then I think that's on them. Do you know what I mean?
[00:00:45] Heather: Yeah. If you're not feeling the welcome, then it's your problem.
[00:00:48] Gabbie: Yeah. What can we do? Honestly, send everybody a welcome mat. Fine. We'll do it. Give us your address. Just say it out loud right now, wherever you are listening to this podcast, say your address.
[00:01:00] Heather: We're listening to you.
[00:01:01] Gabbie: Yes. Exactly.
[00:01:03] Heather: I'm writing them all down.
[00:01:05] Gabbie: Yeah. Oh, she's doing it, folks.
[00:01:08] Heather: I know. I'm doing it.
[00:01:09] Gabbie: All right. Well, hi, Heather.
[00:01:12] Heather: Hi, Gabbie. We're doing a podcast today.
[00:01:18] Gabbie: I mean, it's only been 20 episodes. So I think we're basically professionals at this point, which anyone would tell you by listening to this. All right, do you want to talk about OCD today or do you want to talk about comedy stuff to begin with?
[00:01:35] Heather: Hmm, I guess, I don't know, whatever, I have to decide.
[00:01:43] Gabbie: Okay, I'm just going to start talking.
[00:01:46] Heather: Just start talking. I'm, I'm, I've lost it.
[00:01:49] Gabbie: Doing great.
[00:01:51] Heather: I'm doing great. I am fantastic.
[00:01:53] Gabbie: That's right.
[00:01:53] Heather: Yes.
[00:01:54] Gabbie: We're just reassuring ourselves, which is an OCD thing, guys, because this Okay. Anyway, um, I'm going to talk about comedy last week. I said my goal was going to be going to a comedy show and I am pleased to announce that my social plans fell through for today.
So I will be taking myself to a comedy show tonight in Martinez, California, the birthplace of the martini or so they claim, which is like, really? Come on.
[00:02:22] Heather: That's where the martini came from?
[00:02:24] Gabbie: Right? Like, wouldn't other people know if that was the case who live outside of Martinez? I don't know.
[00:02:32] Heather: I don't know.
[00:02:32] Gabbie: I can't say that, you know, mart, martinis have really made up a large part of my life. Although I did used to be a bartender at a martini bar, it doesn't matter. The point is I'm going to a comedy show tonight, um, in Martinez. And then tomorrow night I am hoping to drive down to San Jose, which is where they do comedy sports, which is improv, but competitive. Um, Great. And then, uh, on Sunday, I'm hoping to finally make it to the women and queer folk open mic night in Oakland, California.
And I'm planning to not bring my car, so I won't be a part of a shootout involving a car or having my vehicle broken into. But I guess that's, it's a lot to ask, you know?
[00:03:25] Heather: Yeah, these days.
[00:03:26] Gabbie: Yeah, but that's, uh, yeah, that's how I'm spending Memorial weekend.
[00:03:33] Heather: Wow. Yeah. It sounds like fun.
[00:03:35] Gabbie: Yeah. Maybe.
[00:03:36] Heather: So, so you're going to do stand up?
[00:03:39] Gabbie: No, no, no, no. I'm, I'm observing. I'm observing.
[00:03:42] Heather: You're observing. Okay. Okay. You're taking notes.
[00:03:46] Gabbie: I'm just going to be writing up, you know, (keyboard typing sound) I'm going to be writing up a review at the, uh, I don't know where that joke was going. Anyway, the point is I'm checking out these comedy shows to see if eventually I get up the gumption to do them. Um, and. Um, I was watching, I think I sent it to you guys on Instagram. There's a, uh, uh, Jennifer Coolidge is talking about go see bad art, right?
[00:04:14] Heather: Yes, yes.
[00:04:14] Gabbie: Because there's nothing more soothing and motivating to put your own art into the world than to see other people's like, Ooh, yikes. Um, so I'm hoping to see some of that this weekend. So I feel better about myself. And I think that's healthy.
[00:04:31] Heather: Yeah. Yeah. That is healthy. That's, that's a good way to look at it. Yeah. I saw that Jennifer Coolidge thing. Cause it's going around Instagram, sure. Other socials too. And I felt it was really good advice, you know, on, on just putting yourself out there doing work.
I mean, yeah, I was talking to my husband about it and he was like, Oh yeah. Now you got to do something.
[00:04:56] Gabbie: What a jerk.
[00:04:58] Heather: What a jerk. Um, so yeah. So, so Gabbie. Yeah. Hi. Um, I'm really off today.
[00:05:10] Gabbie: Dude. Once again, doing great.
[00:05:12] Heather: Yeah, I know I'm doing great. Um, trying not to judge myself like very harshly. Um, I was going to ask you a question and it's now leaving my head. Okay. Um, so with stand up, is this the first of many steps or is this like, I mean, do you want to focus on stand up or?
[00:05:32] Gabbie: Um, yeah. So there are two things that I want, yeah. Oh my God. I cannot even tell you I miss improv so, so, so, so much, truly. The instant I get around anybody who's able to riff and just, like, go with me, I'm, I'm, it's, I, I need to make more improv things happen in my life. Okay, anyway, um.
[00:06:02] Heather: And by the way, audience, um, Gabbie's talented. An improv, very talented, extremely funny. I've actually seen her do improv and very funny.
I am terrible at improv, so I can't help her on this one. So.
[00:06:21] Gabbie: Okay. Well, I doubt that's true. And I've never actually, I've never actually seen your improv. Have I?
[00:06:28] Heather: You will never see it.
[00:06:32] Gabbie: Welcome to the part of the show where we threaten each other as you were complimenting me, I had to hold back from just like making a loud noise so that nobody could hear it. Um, and now I'm never going to see you improvise. Cause I don't know. I don't know how to threaten you back with that. Maybe, um, as Liam Neeson, I have a certain set of skills and that is forcing you to improv and watching.
[00:07:04] Heather: Yeah. That, hmm.
[00:07:07] Gabbie: Hmm.
[00:07:07] Heather: Yeah. This seems problematic.
[00:07:10] Gabbie: Well, it left a bad taste in my mouth. So I think that's, uh, Yeah, we've come to an understanding. Okay. So this summer, uh, there are two things I want to do. Uh, one of them is really apply to jobs, which is (snoring) So exciting and then I also want to do as much comedy as possible.
So that's gonna be Improv, I don't know if I'm gonna do improv jams or What but I am bound to determine and definitely open mics And stand up because I am no longer tutoring until 9 p. m. at night, so I can actually go do, uh, some kind of open mic situation. Although I was thinking if I just hold out for like three more months, then it will be a year in between my first stand up set and my second stand up set, which I think is how all successful comedians start out.
[00:08:09] Heather: Yes, yes, doing it once a year.
[00:08:11] Gabbie: Mm hmm. A nice round number, which is not OCD of me at all to want.
[00:08:17] Heather: Nope. Not at all. Not at all. Okay. Hey, just doing it anyway. I mean, that's the thing. You can't judge yourself on that one. Cause
[00:08:27] Gabbie: I mean, I can, you know?
[00:08:30] Heather: Yeah, that's true. You can actually can judge yourself very harshly if you want to. Thank you. Um, But, and, yes, and, but, and, but, and, I don't know, but, and? The more I say it, the more it's like, are these words?
[00:08:53] Gabbie: That's kind of what it sounds like. It also sounds like you're trying to figure out somebody's name and I don't know if, but is their first name or. It's their last name, but.
[00:09:07] Heather: Yeah.
[00:09:07] Gabbie: But, and.
[00:09:08] Heather: But, and, but, and, but, and, um, no, I was trying to say something genuine.
[00:09:13] Gabbie: Oh no. I'm so glad I derailed you.
[00:09:18] Heather: I think I derailed myself.
[00:09:21] Gabbie: Oh, okay.
[00:09:22] Heather: I derailed myself.
[00:09:23] Gabbie: Points for Heather.
[00:09:24] Heather: Oh, there we go. It's coming back. So no, I think putting stuff out there. I think that's the other pressure is, is, Oh, that's the one that I saw Maria Bamford posted something about being like, why are we trying to be perfect or something like that? I think I'm paraphrasing very terribly. Sorry, Maria Bamford, because I love you.
[00:09:53] Gabbie: Um, and she listens.
[00:09:55] Heather: I know she listens very, very carefully to everything I say.
Yeah. It was about like, why? And what's the need of this kind of like over productiveness and what is good, like, you know, how hard it is to not um, advance yourself to actually press it down and to not grow. And I, and I look at that as something else as, as maybe, maybe I'm taking it the wrong way, but I also look at that as saying you grow the way you grow.
And so, and right now in your current circumstance, it feels like everything, but time. Is, is so long in the scheme of things, you know, that, that just because you did it like a year ago, it's, it doesn't mean like you're not going to do it again. Or maybe it is. Maybe you never do it again. Maybe you never do stand up again and you find something else to find that creative outlet.
But I know you and I know you will find a direction that suits you. Um, so I just want you to keep going.
[00:10:59] Gabbie: Okay.
[00:11:01] Heather: I'm sorry. This is a really long.
[00:11:02] Gabbie: No, it was so positive. That's why I'm like, not that you're not positive, but me taking it in is like, do you know that Shel Silverstein poem about eating a whale and as she takes very small bites and she gets it. That's what I feel like. I'm just like chewing, chewing, chewing. Thank you. Yeah.
[00:11:21] Heather: You just want to get to the end. I know how that, I know that feeling.
[00:11:23] Gabbie: Yeah.
[00:11:24] Heather: I just want to jump to the end. I'm successful.
[00:11:27] Gabbie: Yes.
[00:11:28] Heather: I can, you know, tell people, give people advice from the top, which is like so worthless.
[00:11:37] Gabbie: I know. Although I was listening to Jerry Seinfeld on Neil Brennan's podcast and fucking Jerry Seinfeld, who has been in the game for however many years and is considered by many to be just One of the greats, right?
[00:11:53] Heather: Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. .
[00:11:55] Gabbie: Maybe not my particular like humor style, but his craft. I mean, you cannot, yeah.
[00:12:01] Heather: Yeah.
[00:12:02] Gabbie: He's amazing. So he was talking about how he goes on stage and every time the voice in his head says. You shouldn't be up here.
Like nobody wants to see this. You're really a writer. You shouldn't be a performer. Jerry Seinfeld has this voice in his head at like 70 years old. So even if we do make it, even if we are wildly successful, I guess we can hold onto the fact that we are always going to be super critical. We're going to feel like we've made it.
[00:12:41] Heather: Yeah. And that's, and that's. That is honestly the point of exposure, right? Of exposing our OCD and just living with the guilt, fear, shame, disgust, all those.
[00:12:56] Gabbie: Doing it anyway.
[00:12:58] Heather: Mm hmm.
[00:12:59] Gabbie: Yeah. Okay. Well, great. No, I had questions about you, actually.
[00:13:07] Heather: Oh, okay.
[00:13:08] Gabbie: Yeah.
[00:13:09] Heather: Okay. Uh, now it's my turn.
[00:13:10] Gabbie: It is your turn. Gabbie talked. Gabbie talked good. Gabbie talked a while. Gabbie done. Heather, go. Make funny, Heather, but, and, um, but, and my question for you is, um, you were going to give your humor piece to a bunch of quote unquote strangers and then.
[00:13:38] Heather: Oh yeah, no, I already did that part.
[00:13:40] Gabbie: Okay.
[00:13:41] Heather: Yeah. So I, um, did that part. I was actually going to take it and edit it, but somebody else. made comments or needed time to make comments. And so now I'm going through those comments and, um, and re editing my humor piece. So yeah, I'm doing it. I know it's exciting.
[00:14:03] Gabbie: Yes.
[00:14:05] Heather: It's like these little small victories. I think this is good because it's, it's progress. I'm feeling, I'm going to insert the OCD part of this because it's all intertwined in my world. Not sure about yours.
[00:14:18] Gabbie: Oh, yeah, no, I, mine is very clearly labeled and easy to disentangle from my day to day life. Thank you for noticing. So your OCD is coming up. How is that?
[00:14:30] Heather: Yeah. So, um, actually with, um, OCD stuff, um, I've noticed recently, and I'm just going to highlight this because this is a new thing. I have more space in my head.
[00:14:42] Gabbie: Uh huh.
[00:14:43] Heather: It's weird. Uh huh. I got bored.
[00:14:47] Gabbie: Oh! That is one hell of a victory. Please continue.
[00:14:54] Heather: I know.
[00:14:54] Gabbie: Yeah.
[00:14:55] Heather: I know. And for those of you that don't have OCD and don't, like, ruminate, you know, I, I, you're fortunate because your mind is filled. Yeah. I know. Good for you. Good for you. I had a moment where I was like, I have free time. I have more time. And it was bizarre. Like, I didn't know what to do with it.
[00:15:21] Gabbie: Yeah.
[00:15:21] Heather: And unfortunately, that's the OCD flip, right? Where you start to look, like, for the things that you feel like you're missing. Yeah. And, um, yeah. It was new. I don't, my, my, the way that my intrusive thoughts happen is that I don't have OCD. I have something else.
Um, and so when I talk about it, sometimes I feel embarrassed. Like I'm not, I don't, you know what I mean? Even though I'm fully aware that I have everything that is OCD, but in my mind I go, but is it enough? You know?
[00:16:00] Gabbie: Oh God. Yes.
[00:16:03] Heather: And I'm like I know. I hate it. I hate it so bad. And it's, it's not like any of these things are worse, you know, it's like, it's not autism or ADHD or whatever, but then it makes me like, think, am I doing the right kind of therapy?
[00:16:18] Gabbie: It just makes you question everything.
[00:16:20] Heather: Yeah. And you know, in some respects for some people, that is very true because especially after Maeve's interview, You know, like, and all of her diagnoses, you know, it's, you know, it would make you question like you should question if somebody said you're something, you know, was it so easy that somebody said I had anxiety and then all of a sudden I had OCD, but I didn't have to go through the whole rigor. But then I'm like, holy shit, I spent so many years of my adult life having OCD and not knowing I had OCD and wondering what the hell is going on.
[00:16:54] Gabbie: Yes.
[00:16:55] Heather: So.
[00:16:56] Gabbie: I mean, I kind of think of it like, you know, when Freud was around and diagnosing everybody with penis envy, which you got to be like, doth the man protest? Does he have penis envy? It doesn't matter. But like, so the psychoanalytical thing was the therapy. Right. Yeah. And then it kind of morphed into more talk therapy, less of the psychiatrist or psychologist like being like, ah, well this was your childhood that told you that, you know.
[00:17:31] Heather: Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. .
[00:17:31] Gabbie: And then now, or within the last 10, 15 years, it feels like that talk therapy has also gotten very branched out and we've figured out like, oh, you know what? For PTSD actually post-traumatic stress disorder, E-M-D-R eye movement desensitization something or other? Um.
[00:17:52] Heather: Mm-Hmm.
[00:17:53] Gabbie: And response.
[00:17:54] Heather: Mm-Hmm.
[00:17:55] Gabbie: Is better. Right? And for OCD. the exposure therapy is better, right? And then we find out exposure therapy is also really good for almost every kind of anxiety, you know? But you and I, or at least myself, and I think whatever you can talk for yourself, uh, have done so many years of just talk therapy with out the OCD diagnosis that felt like, you know, when I look back on it, it's like, Oh my God, did I waste 20 years of my life? You know, just talking to therapists and them being like, well, that sounds like magical thinking. And I'm like, and then that's the end of the session. Like there's nothing that's helpful after that.
[00:18:49] Heather: Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I, My thing was, um, was when my, uh, psychiatrist actually called me out on how, um, a train of thought can be a manipulation.
[00:19:02] Gabbie: A manipulation of what?
[00:19:04] Heather: Of not talking about what you want.
[00:19:07] Gabbie: Oh, okay.
[00:19:07] Heather: To talk about.
[00:19:08] Gabbie: Okay.
[00:19:09] Heather: So, like, for example, I would go to sessions and the, the common, and I'm going to state this because my husband can attest to this, is the common theme after I would come from a regular talk therapy session was, I don't know if I can do this again. Like I got nothing out of it, didn't really talk about the thing I really wanted to talk about.
[00:19:30] Gabbie: Mm hmm.
[00:19:31] Heather: And every time I would go in, I would never talk about what was actually bothering me. I would either complain about my mom, I would complain about work, I would complain about everything else. But then when, when I was done with the session, I was like, hooray, nothing else is bothering me. And then I would come home and I'd be like, oh, that was a waste of time.
[00:19:54] Gabbie: Fascinating.
[00:19:56] Heather: And so something that, I don't know why I was doing it because it's like I was paying for the sessions, you know, at the time out of pocket and then getting reimbursed. They weren't cheap. She wasn't cheap. Um, yeah. And yeah, it was, and it was weekly.
[00:20:15] Gabbie: Right? Okay. But question. Did you. Actually know what you wanted to talk about or what was bothering you. And then you were actively sort of allowing this train of thought to take you in another direction.
[00:20:32] Heather: With talk therapy, it was kind of like I was just having issues at work or something, and it was just at the top of my mind, but then deep down inside, I'm saying, but I feel like I'm a terrible person and I really don't understand why.
[00:20:48] Gabbie: Uh huh. And you never get to that.
[00:20:50] Heather: But I don't want to.
[00:20:50] Gabbie: Yeah.
[00:20:51] Heather: Yeah. And I don't want to expose why I feel like a terrible person. Yeah. And. and why I feel this way. And so then all I would talk about was work. And so it was just easier to just talk about that. But then afterwards it would be like, it would be like a confessional about work.
So it was almost like a compulsion to make the feeling go away. And so it was literally I think I was using talk therapy as a way to release the bad feeling.
[00:21:20] Gabbie: I was going to, yeah, like a compulsion and then you do the anxiety wave where then you do the compulsion and your anxiety goes back down, but because you didn't actually solve anything, your anxiety goes back up.
[00:21:32] Heather: Yes. Yes. But I was also steering the conversations because when she would get close to something, I would steer it. And the thing was, is that my, my, uh, psychiatrist was actually talking to me because we were discussing it. Cause I was sort of confessing to him, which is, you know, compulsive, compulsion -esk, or maybe just straight up compulsion.
And then that's when he like stopped me and said, Hey, that sounds like a manipulation. And I didn't realize because I was trying to control, like, like manage her and my view of me, you know, like what we were talking about, but it's like, in reality, I'm paying you to help me and I'm not letting you help me.
[00:22:13] Gabbie: Yeah. Uh, two things. One, I love that your current therapist can call you on your bullshits.
[00:22:21] Heather: Oh yeah. He does it all the time. Right. All the time.
[00:22:23] Gabbie: Which is, you know, So useful. And second, I also did my damnedest to make sure I was my therapist's favorite patients by manipulating the conversation and only showing whatever parts of myself I thought made me look shiny and whatever.
[00:22:43] Heather: It's like, I have no problems.
[00:22:44] Gabbie: Well, Or, or like, I just have tiny problems and you helped me so much, aren't you the most amazing therapist? And then they, you know, focus back on themselves and don't pay attention to me. And then I've gone undetected yet again and got to pay for it.
[00:23:03] Heather: Yeah. Yeah. I think. Um, yeah. All of that. All of that.
[00:23:09] Gabbie: Therapy's fun. You know? Like, people don't understand the levels. So anyway, OCD. Uh. No, I think this is a solid episode. But truly, I kind of do, because it's, I love that you have spaces to feel bored, and I kind of feel like that's what's happening in this episode. Not that I'm bored, but that there's spaces in this episode, you know?
[00:23:39] Heather: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:23:40] Gabbie: And also, it is so classic OCD. To attack when you have free space, to attack when you're feeling remotely good, to attack when you're feeling bad, to attack when whatever. Like really the only time, I think I've gotten better, but some of the only time I could get OCD to not attack is when I was currently like, pinning it down, staring it in the face, doing therapy, right?
[00:24:08] Heather: Mm hmm. Yes.
[00:24:10] Gabbie: And then it was like, I'm currently in an exposure. So I don't need any more of your bullshit because I'm bullshitting you, you bullshitter. What came up for me in my Um, ADHD therapy, um, really reflected on the OCD stuff, which is my therapist was like, other people can take care of themselves. And I just started laughing.
[00:24:42] Heather: Oh yeah.
[00:24:43] Gabbie: Yeah. So like my therapist, She can take care of herself. I don't have to take care of her in the therapy session. That's crazy.
[00:24:53] Heather: Yeah. It's, it's weird how, I mean, I think, I think OCD has that same kind of hyper responsibility.
[00:24:59] Gabbie: Yes, it does for me. Yeah.
[00:25:01] Heather: And yeah. And for me as well. And you know, letting go of some of that has been also very strange.
[00:25:09] Gabbie: Yes.
[00:25:10] Heather: Um.
[00:25:11] Gabbie: What do you do with your free time? Sorry.
[00:25:13] Heather: Exactly. Exactly. Well, because sometimes it's helpful and it's not that you like, aren't responsible or for yourself and for others, you know, like sometimes it's important. But then you don't have to do it all the time. And that's the part that I'm, I'm having, you know, difficulty of like balancing, you know, and, but it's freed my mind. It's had, I've had so much space start to happen.
[00:25:42] Gabbie: Yeah.
[00:25:43] Heather: You know, and then now the ruminations are disappearing. And so that is starting to give me a lot of space, which is all of a sudden like, Oh, I can do other things.
[00:25:52] Gabbie: Yes. But what are those other things is the question.
[00:25:56] Heather: Well, I'm hoping, I'm hoping those things are filling it with comedy.
[00:26:00] Gabbie: Yes.
[00:26:01] Heather: Um, you know, and, but then I'm also balancing it because I know that. I can, at least based off of. Oh, I just caught something. Um, cause my psychiatrist likes to tell me, he goes, sometimes when you have a story about something in terms of how, why you can't do something, then it's just a story you're telling yourself, which is a rule.
And it's, I know. And I just, and my story was in my last, my previous career. I. Like basically fell into a hole of doing that was my main focus was my career. And my struggle now is to not make comedy my main focus. Um, that I allow myself to have other things, but I just heard myself in my head say something that sounded like a rule. And so I'm just checking that right now, um.
[00:27:01] Gabbie: Checking it, letting it go.
[00:27:04] Heather: I'm well, yeah, that's true. I'm checking it, but I am letting it, I'm slightly letting it go. I'm trying to let it go. That's what I'm trying to do right now. Um, because I know it's like, and if you can't see that we're shaking our hands.
[00:27:18] Gabbie: Um, if you can't see that.
[00:27:20] Heather: If you can't see that, oh my god, they can't see that. I can see that. Gabbie can see that. Maybe NSA, I don't know. Um, but I mean, why would them? Why would they? This would be the most boring show ever.
[00:27:36] Gabbie: Uh, no, I think we're number one on the NSA podcast watch list. But you were letting go of a rule.
[00:27:47] Heather: That I'm going to fill that space with comedy, but I would do want to fill it with other things as well in life. And, um, I think it's important to have balance. But, um, the thing I caught was the story that I was telling myself about not getting caught up into a career again. Um, yeah.
[00:28:07] Gabbie: I tell myself a very similar story.
[00:28:10] Heather: Mm hmm.
[00:28:11] Gabbie: And now that you've said that I recognize that as rules. Damn it Heather.
[00:28:14] Heather: Yeah.
[00:28:15] Gabbie: Don't.
[00:28:16] Heather: I know, I just pass it on
[00:28:20] Gabbie: How dare you come here To this house in this house, we believe in science and whatever stories I tell myself are not rules Except when they are all the time.
[00:28:38] Heather: They're sneaky ones though, because they're kind of like, they're, you feel like you're informing yourself and then in reality you're creating this, um, structure.
[00:28:47] Gabbie: Barrier. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. I know.
[00:28:50] Heather: Yeah.
[00:28:50] Gabbie: That's how I feel about the job search. I'm like, but I need to have a job where a bunny can come to the job with me or, but I need to have a job that meow, meow. You know?
[00:29:02] Heather: Mm hmm.
[00:29:03] Gabbie: Great. That's, that's great.
[00:29:06] Heather: We've solved it.
[00:29:07] Gabbie: Yeah, I know. Once again. Oh, brother. Well, high fives all around, I think.
[00:29:17] Heather: Yeah.
[00:29:18] Gabbie: Yeah.
[00:29:18] Heather: Yeah, this episode is gone. So weird.
[00:29:27] Gabbie: I really do. Welcome to the liminal space episode. What is in between heaven and hell?
[00:29:44] Heather: Purgatory.
[00:29:45] Gabbie: I know, but there's one that starts with a limbo limbo.
[00:29:48] Heather: Limbo.
[00:29:49] Gabbie: Okay. In my head, I could only hear the word libido and I was like, that's not it. That's not it. You need to let that go. Let go. Let God, as I'm always saying.
[00:30:00] Heather: It is the libido space.
[00:30:02] Gabbie: Everything is weird and we're feeling uncomfortable. So let's get sexual. Oh boy. Okay. Well, to sum up, you're manipulating. And I'm contemplating? No, I don't know.
[00:30:32] Heather: Yeah, yeah, that's The basis of everything we talked about.
[00:30:43] Gabbie: I think it's a good time to remind people that we have a website and they can communicate with us through that website. And I think we should encourage them to be just as weird. Just come as your natural self, no masking, just.
[00:31:01] Heather: Yeah, just send us a voice message, an hour long voice message.
[00:31:10] Gabbie: We can just make our next episode, just not edited, oh boy. Thank you for listening all the way to the end of the episode. We really do appreciate it. And we love you. We love your face. Um, hope you're having a weird day.
[00:31:31] Heather: Just like us.
[00:31:32] Gabbie: Just like us make the most of it. Find space, get weird.
[00:31:39] Heather: Bye everyone.
[00:31:40] Gabbie: Bye bye.
[00:31:40] Heather: Bye.
[00:31:40] [🎵 Outro Music]
[00:31:40] Gabbie: Welcome to the end of the show. This is Gabbie Blachman.
[00:31:48] Heather: And this is Heather Nye.
[00:31:49] Gabbie: Thank you for listening to Comically Exposed. We're just a little show with two creators who edit and produce each episode. We appreciate all your support.
[00:31:59] Heather: If you like what you heard, please follow us on Instagram at comicallyexp.podcast. That's C O M I C A L L Y E X P dot podcast.
[00:32:10] Gabbie: Oh, and check out our website at comicallyexposed.com. That's one word, comicallyexposed.com.
[00:32:19] Heather: Where you can contact us by text or even leave a voice message.
[00:32:23] Gabbie: Or subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts, new episodes drop every other Wednesday.
[00:32:31] Heather: Also special thanks to Track Club and Gxldxn Fxnch for providing the music.
[00:32:35] Gabbie: Thanks for listening. And hey, everybody today is a great day to expose yourself. Okay. Until next time
[00:32:43] Heather: in your face, Miriam!
