WEBVTT
1
00:00:03.520 --> 00:00:11.519
For ola sopam and welcome to our Mercharito, the place
2
00:00:11.560 --> 00:00:13.960
where we showcase the brands that believe in us and
3
00:00:14.039 --> 00:00:20.480
help us make the show possible. Let's meet them a
4
00:00:20.519 --> 00:00:26.440
conversation was one of them. But here's the truth that
5
00:00:26.519 --> 00:00:34.479
Financier to steasla Savid Ladies just made it easier than
6
00:00:34.560 --> 00:00:38.320
ever to get financial help en Espanol. Their free helpline
7
00:00:38.399 --> 00:00:40.799
means your mama can ask a question without you having
8
00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:44.960
to translate shame, confusion or whatever her commander told her.
9
00:00:45.039 --> 00:00:51.119
Taies classes conseer, hoosts, respect and mistress, familiar's medicine portuli
10
00:00:51.520 --> 00:00:55.159
Financier luco is necess see that. So, whether it's you
11
00:00:55.280 --> 00:00:57.200
or your mama who's ready to take that first step,
12
00:00:57.520 --> 00:01:00.200
go Savi Ladies dot org. That is s A V
13
00:01:00.439 --> 00:01:04.359
Y l A d I E s dot RG and
14
00:01:04.480 --> 00:01:09.840
psy letting me that financie. If you've started making your
15
00:01:09.879 --> 00:01:13.280
cafecitos at home, to get on with that morning routine
16
00:01:13.879 --> 00:01:16.680
and build the habit of saving money, it could be
17
00:01:16.719 --> 00:01:20.560
a good strategy. Better, there might be an easier way
18
00:01:20.640 --> 00:01:22.920
to save. Did you know that if you open a
19
00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:26.680
new Savings Builder account at Bimo, you can earn a
20
00:01:26.920 --> 00:01:30.920
five dollars reward every month you grow your balance by
21
00:01:31.040 --> 00:01:34.920
two hundred dollars or more during the first year. Learn
22
00:01:34.959 --> 00:01:37.760
more about how Bimo can help you grow your savings
23
00:01:37.799 --> 00:01:41.719
by visiting bimo dot com, ford slash save b mo
24
00:01:42.120 --> 00:01:46.560
dot com ford slash save Condition supply accounts provided in
25
00:01:46.599 --> 00:01:49.840
the United States by BIMO Bank and a member FDIC.
26
00:01:55.599 --> 00:01:58.760
Welcome back to Cava Combump, the biling Wood podcast that
27
00:01:59.000 --> 00:02:01.799
celebrates the hour of our stories, the medicine and our
28
00:02:01.879 --> 00:02:04.239
voices and the magic of reclaiming who we are. Pull
29
00:02:04.319 --> 00:02:08.360
up your cavosio is parati. By the end of the episode,
30
00:02:08.520 --> 00:02:10.479
you're going to have a name for the thing you've
31
00:02:10.520 --> 00:02:14.159
been calling a confidence problem, which I'm so annoyed by.
32
00:02:14.319 --> 00:02:18.479
And once you have that name, I promise it's going
33
00:02:18.520 --> 00:02:25.599
to change everything about how you see yourself. Both Maulas
34
00:02:25.719 --> 00:02:30.960
never used measurements when they cooked, and neither just my mom, frankly,
35
00:02:32.199 --> 00:02:36.560
not once unless they were baking, but cooking No no teaspoon,
36
00:02:36.639 --> 00:02:40.840
nor cup crams noo. And I'm sure this you resonate
37
00:02:40.879 --> 00:02:43.599
with this because you ask them how much salt and
38
00:02:43.639 --> 00:02:46.759
they look at you and they just say al danteo
39
00:02:48.599 --> 00:02:55.520
dousa is guantus enough, and somehow they always know. Somehow
40
00:02:56.039 --> 00:03:02.719
us watching them helped us learn, yeah, from feeling, from
41
00:03:02.759 --> 00:03:06.439
standing close enough to catch what they knew in their hands.
42
00:03:07.000 --> 00:03:11.439
And I didn't realize until much later in life that
43
00:03:11.479 --> 00:03:15.759
what my grandmothers were teaching me, what they were actually modeling,
44
00:03:16.680 --> 00:03:18.719
was a way to navigate a world that was never
45
00:03:19.000 --> 00:03:24.080
going to hand us the instructions. Borge. We learned by feeling.
46
00:03:24.639 --> 00:03:27.479
We figure it out. We make something real out of
47
00:03:27.680 --> 00:03:32.719
nothing written down, and that is our superpower. Now I
48
00:03:32.759 --> 00:03:37.159
want us to go back to my college days a
49
00:03:37.199 --> 00:03:39.680
long time ago. It's my first semester of college in
50
00:03:39.719 --> 00:03:42.919
the US. I've just finished high school in Mexico City.
51
00:03:43.520 --> 00:03:48.400
My English is functional enough to get me here, enough
52
00:03:48.400 --> 00:03:53.439
to complete my college application barely. And I walk into
53
00:03:53.599 --> 00:03:57.120
my English one on one class and my professor says,
54
00:03:57.919 --> 00:04:01.280
your first assignment is to write an essay, and everyone
55
00:04:01.319 --> 00:04:05.280
around me just writes it down and they start. Everyone
56
00:04:05.319 --> 00:04:08.479
around me acts like they've done this before, because they
57
00:04:08.520 --> 00:04:12.240
have done it before. They were taught the structure, the format,
58
00:04:12.599 --> 00:04:16.839
the rules, the paragraphs, the thesis statement, the topic sentences,
59
00:04:16.920 --> 00:04:20.600
the sidations. There was a whole system, and somebody had
60
00:04:20.639 --> 00:04:23.959
handed it to my peers years ago, when they were
61
00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:26.639
in high school, when they were maybe even in middle school.
62
00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:31.800
Bet oh, nobody handed it to me. So I stared
63
00:04:31.800 --> 00:04:36.680
at the page for days, literal days. You know, I've
64
00:04:36.680 --> 00:04:40.519
always said on my recovering procrastinator, those where my procrastination
65
00:04:40.600 --> 00:04:42.839
days were, like, I wasn't even recovering. I would just
66
00:04:42.920 --> 00:04:46.959
like stare at blank pages. The assignment sat there, and
67
00:04:47.240 --> 00:04:51.839
I sat there with zero clue. I had no idea
68
00:04:52.000 --> 00:04:56.240
where to begin, because I didn't have a map. Everyone
69
00:04:56.600 --> 00:04:58.680
seemed to have a map they were reading from, and
70
00:04:58.720 --> 00:05:02.759
I didn't. The night before the paper was due, I
71
00:05:02.800 --> 00:05:05.920
took myself to good old Taco Bell. You want to
72
00:05:05.959 --> 00:05:07.959
sponsor sponsor us, I don't know. I don't need that
73
00:05:08.040 --> 00:05:13.360
much Taco Bell. No, But I got my reliable bah
74
00:05:13.360 --> 00:05:18.240
Blast and a one dollar burrito, and I sat down
75
00:05:18.720 --> 00:05:22.120
and wrote the whole thing in one night, from nothing
76
00:05:22.800 --> 00:05:28.399
from feel Altanto and I got a see. And when
77
00:05:28.399 --> 00:05:31.920
I got my paperback, with all those red lines and
78
00:05:33.319 --> 00:05:36.279
the big sea at the top, I thought something was
79
00:05:36.319 --> 00:05:39.399
wrong with me. I thought I wasn't smart enough, that
80
00:05:39.560 --> 00:05:43.759
maybe this wasn't the place where I belonged. I thought
81
00:05:43.800 --> 00:05:47.680
that maybe everyone else had something I didn't have, And
82
00:05:47.720 --> 00:05:52.639
actually I was right because they had something I didn't,
83
00:05:53.480 --> 00:05:56.439
but I was wrong about what it was. What they
84
00:05:56.600 --> 00:06:00.759
had was instructions. They had a manu, they had a
85
00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:04.360
set of rules that someone had handed them to them
86
00:06:05.079 --> 00:06:09.199
before they ever walked into that classroom. What I had
87
00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:11.800
was a bah blast and the stubbornness of a girl
88
00:06:11.800 --> 00:06:17.680
who learned to cook without measurements. I'm sure after the
89
00:06:17.759 --> 00:06:23.199
sea I had to learn, I had to learn what
90
00:06:23.279 --> 00:06:27.680
I do know now. But I went looking for help
91
00:06:27.879 --> 00:06:34.600
because I literally was nineteen years old in a tiny
92
00:06:34.680 --> 00:06:39.079
town in the Midwest with nobody. Nobody could help me.
93
00:06:39.120 --> 00:06:42.800
It was me, myself and I and my phone calling
94
00:06:42.839 --> 00:06:45.680
my mom, but she couldn't help me from Mexico City.
95
00:06:46.920 --> 00:06:50.680
So I realized the only way through was to ask
96
00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:55.120
for help. And I found this Center for Multicultural Education
97
00:06:55.600 --> 00:06:58.759
on campus. You've heard me talk about the CME before
98
00:06:59.319 --> 00:07:02.399
I walked in and not knowing what to expect at all,
99
00:07:02.480 --> 00:07:06.319
but the name seemed inviting in some way, and a
100
00:07:06.480 --> 00:07:10.879
beautiful black woman named Tay who's the director at the time,
101
00:07:11.120 --> 00:07:15.439
she looked up from her desk and she hugged me.
102
00:07:15.480 --> 00:07:19.319
It's like she knew. It's like she was expecting me
103
00:07:19.879 --> 00:07:24.240
at some point, and I showed her my paper and
104
00:07:24.279 --> 00:07:26.959
I was like, I don't know what to do next,
105
00:07:28.040 --> 00:07:32.199
and what she told me was really powerful. She looked
106
00:07:32.199 --> 00:07:34.360
at my paper, she went through it, and she said, look,
107
00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:38.680
everyone struggles with their first see in college. Just remember
108
00:07:39.160 --> 00:07:43.040
you can always improve moving forward. This is not at
109
00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:46.040
all the last paper you'll write, and you can only
110
00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:51.000
get better from here, she said. And I mean, she
111
00:07:51.040 --> 00:07:54.800
said more because I've shared this story before this paper.
112
00:07:54.839 --> 00:07:58.000
I was profiled by my professor, and so she helped
113
00:07:58.040 --> 00:08:00.920
me with that. But my inner belief at the time
114
00:08:00.959 --> 00:08:04.160
that I was showing up with she didn't fix it.
115
00:08:05.199 --> 00:08:09.959
She didn't fix me either. She fixed the story I
116
00:08:10.040 --> 00:08:15.560
was telling myself about my essay. She simply said, this
117
00:08:15.680 --> 00:08:18.920
isn't the end of the story. Keep going And that
118
00:08:18.959 --> 00:08:20.839
gave me a lot of hope. And I did, and
119
00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:24.439
she gave me resources. So I went to the library.
120
00:08:24.519 --> 00:08:28.800
I found a tutor, I learned the rules. Citation was
121
00:08:28.920 --> 00:08:32.639
a whole new world because citation is different and Espaniolia
122
00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:39.720
in GLZ. It was like imagine a lot. Eventually I
123
00:08:40.000 --> 00:08:44.240
started actually working with Tay directly, and I started planning
124
00:08:44.360 --> 00:08:49.080
multicultural events on campus. I started building community for students
125
00:08:49.120 --> 00:08:51.440
who look like me, who came from where I came from,
126
00:08:51.919 --> 00:08:54.200
who came from places like where I came from, who
127
00:08:54.279 --> 00:08:57.120
were also sitting with pages they didn't know how to
128
00:08:57.200 --> 00:09:02.320
fill out. And my invitation to you is, notice that
129
00:09:02.399 --> 00:09:04.519
I figure it out. I figured it out because I
130
00:09:04.559 --> 00:09:08.240
was resourceful enough to find it after the fact. And
131
00:09:08.279 --> 00:09:10.840
I think this is something that happens to us a lot.
132
00:09:10.919 --> 00:09:15.080
We kind of like show up to the thing and
133
00:09:15.120 --> 00:09:17.720
then we're like, oh, bummer, we don't have the manual. Well,
134
00:09:19.600 --> 00:09:22.159
we got to be stubborn. In this case, I was
135
00:09:22.200 --> 00:09:28.759
stubborn enough to stay because check this, my whole life,
136
00:09:29.320 --> 00:09:32.799
I had been trained by women who cooked aldento. I
137
00:09:32.919 --> 00:09:35.399
had been trained my whole life to figure things out
138
00:09:35.440 --> 00:09:40.120
by feel without the written recipe. And I know you
139
00:09:40.240 --> 00:09:44.519
have to. And so this is when I will argue
140
00:09:45.080 --> 00:09:49.360
Latinas don't have a confidence problem. We do have an
141
00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:53.840
instruction problem. We've been told for years that first and
142
00:09:53.960 --> 00:09:58.519
Latinas struggle with confidence, that we have imposter syndrome, that
143
00:09:58.559 --> 00:10:01.080
we have self doubts, that we I have a belief
144
00:10:01.120 --> 00:10:04.279
that we don't belong. And I'm going to have a
145
00:10:04.440 --> 00:10:07.320
pretty hard hot take here that might get me canceled,
146
00:10:07.320 --> 00:10:11.679
but here, Hey, I gotta say it because I believe it.
147
00:10:12.440 --> 00:10:15.440
What I've seen and my story and my clients and
148
00:10:15.480 --> 00:10:18.039
the women who've written to me after episodes of this
149
00:10:18.120 --> 00:10:24.159
show is that it's never confidence. It's instructions. The manual
150
00:10:24.279 --> 00:10:29.039
was written for someone else. The essay format, the networking script,
151
00:10:29.639 --> 00:10:35.720
the salary negotiation, the unspoken rules of corporate rooms, the
152
00:10:35.759 --> 00:10:39.000
way you're supposed to introduce yourself, the way you're supposed
153
00:10:39.000 --> 00:10:41.919
to ask for what you want, the way you're supposed
154
00:10:41.919 --> 00:10:45.200
to take up space without apologizing for it. None of
155
00:10:45.240 --> 00:10:49.039
that was handed to us. It was handed to other people.
156
00:10:49.320 --> 00:10:51.000
It was handed to my friends, and I later learned
157
00:10:51.000 --> 00:10:55.080
it through them. I'm sure you have to because another
158
00:10:55.120 --> 00:10:57.879
home say happens, and other schools it happens, and conversations
159
00:10:57.879 --> 00:11:01.559
and other families at dinner take But those dinner tables
160
00:11:01.600 --> 00:11:06.399
we were not invited to yet until we walked into those,
161
00:11:06.559 --> 00:11:10.120
into the rooms, into the classroom, into the boardrooms, into
162
00:11:10.120 --> 00:11:15.159
the negotiation room, the interview without a map. And the
163
00:11:15.200 --> 00:11:17.799
good news is that we figure it out anyway altento
164
00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:23.000
by feeling it out, and then someone called it a
165
00:11:23.000 --> 00:11:28.320
confidence problem. So I want to make it clear because
166
00:11:28.360 --> 00:11:30.840
I think we all need to hear this. We are
167
00:11:30.919 --> 00:11:35.679
not to be fixed. The instructions were written for somebody else,
168
00:11:36.279 --> 00:11:41.200
and we learned, We taught ourselves. We moved through it anyway.
169
00:11:42.279 --> 00:11:46.320
And that is the most extraordinary thing about us, truly,
170
00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:48.480
if you think about it. Because one thing that I
171
00:11:48.480 --> 00:11:51.519
want us to understand is that the certainty gap was
172
00:11:51.559 --> 00:11:55.960
not built by our psychology. It was elevated by a system.
173
00:11:56.279 --> 00:12:00.840
And that listener, I hope when you hear that, you
174
00:12:00.960 --> 00:12:05.600
realize that the way the certainty gap, certainty gap that
175
00:12:05.639 --> 00:12:10.480
we carry was built, creates a different way for us
176
00:12:10.519 --> 00:12:14.159
to heal, because it's nothing for us to fix, but
177
00:12:14.320 --> 00:12:17.919
everything for us to dismantle the system. Here's what Kadeta
178
00:12:17.919 --> 00:12:21.320
culture does with this. It takes the instruction problem, which
179
00:12:21.360 --> 00:12:25.879
is external and systemic, the direct result of being the
180
00:12:25.919 --> 00:12:30.840
first many times, and it teaches us to internalize it.
181
00:12:30.840 --> 00:12:34.200
It teaches us to think of it as a personal failing.
182
00:12:35.159 --> 00:12:38.240
It tells us everyone else knows the rules and you don't,
183
00:12:38.559 --> 00:12:41.600
and this means that something's wrong with you. It says
184
00:12:41.639 --> 00:12:44.360
sometimes you got the c which means you're not smart enough.
185
00:12:45.039 --> 00:12:47.000
It says you didn't know how to write the essay,
186
00:12:47.240 --> 00:12:51.679
which means you don't belong here. And so when we
187
00:12:51.720 --> 00:12:57.080
hear those whispers for years, sometimes decades, we try to
188
00:12:57.120 --> 00:13:01.720
fix something that was never broken. We take the confidence courses,
189
00:13:01.840 --> 00:13:04.679
we do the affirmations, we fake it till we make it,
190
00:13:04.919 --> 00:13:08.519
We do the mindset work. And that is just another
191
00:13:08.559 --> 00:13:11.960
way of saying we performed instructions we were never given
192
00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:15.519
while hoping nobody noticing that we are actually doing improv
193
00:13:17.000 --> 00:13:22.279
we're improvising. So what happens when you finally name it
194
00:13:22.279 --> 00:13:26.039
as an instruction problem instead of a confidence problem? That's
195
00:13:26.080 --> 00:13:30.519
when we finally stop trying to fix ourselves and we
196
00:13:30.600 --> 00:13:34.679
start asking better questions because we stop asking what is
197
00:13:34.720 --> 00:13:38.279
wrong with me? And instead we begin asking why did
198
00:13:38.279 --> 00:13:41.159
I never get to learn? And where do I go
199
00:13:41.480 --> 00:13:44.240
to learn it? Now? Because we're not going to victimize,
200
00:13:44.240 --> 00:13:48.240
We're just going to move forward, onward, onward, we stop
201
00:13:48.320 --> 00:13:52.519
asking why don't I belong? And instead we say who
202
00:13:52.519 --> 00:13:54.639
built this room? And what were the rules they assumed
203
00:13:54.639 --> 00:13:57.279
everyone already knew. We stop asking why do I always
204
00:13:57.279 --> 00:14:00.240
feel like I'm improvising? Instead we say I was never
205
00:14:00.320 --> 00:14:05.399
given the recipe of course I'm cooking altante and listen,
206
00:14:05.960 --> 00:14:10.519
we're gonna work with it. Here's the moment when I
207
00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:13.039
give you something to carry out of this episode. And
208
00:14:13.080 --> 00:14:17.159
of course it's somatic because this time I don't want
209
00:14:17.159 --> 00:14:20.240
to give you a list or a framework or anything
210
00:14:20.960 --> 00:14:23.240
that you may need to write down. It's very simple.
211
00:14:24.279 --> 00:14:28.840
It's quite small and tiny, actually, and the invitation is
212
00:14:28.879 --> 00:14:30.879
for you to take this tool next time you walk
213
00:14:30.879 --> 00:14:33.159
into a room and feel that feeling that everyone else
214
00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:35.679
got a memo you didn't get, that you were skipped
215
00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:39.399
on the email, that they know something you don't, that
216
00:14:39.440 --> 00:14:43.360
you're somehow behind. So I want you to try something.
217
00:14:44.639 --> 00:14:47.960
We're gonna use your index finger and I actually I
218
00:14:48.080 --> 00:14:50.840
wore the wrong shirt for this, but we're going to
219
00:14:51.240 --> 00:14:57.759
find your supersternal notch, also known as the jugular notch.
220
00:14:58.919 --> 00:15:01.200
And if you see me take a breath, you see
221
00:15:02.679 --> 00:15:08.519
that little hole between your clavicle your sternum. That's why
222
00:15:08.559 --> 00:15:13.480
it's called the juggilar or super sternal notch. And it's
223
00:15:13.480 --> 00:15:15.799
a little hole and we're not going to dig into it.
224
00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:20.120
We're simply going to place our index finger and we're
225
00:15:20.159 --> 00:15:23.919
going to do tiny circles just like that. If you're
226
00:15:24.080 --> 00:15:27.399
watching me, you're seeing me, if you're listening. You put
227
00:15:27.519 --> 00:15:31.919
your index finger in that little indentation in the middle
228
00:15:31.960 --> 00:15:37.879
of your neck, below your throat, above your collarbone, and
229
00:15:37.919 --> 00:15:39.879
you can find it if you take a breath, and
230
00:15:39.960 --> 00:15:45.799
you can simply start doing little tiny circles whichever way
231
00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:52.320
doesn't matter. Allow your body to connect to that circle
232
00:15:52.360 --> 00:15:55.799
you're doing with your finger. This can take as fast
233
00:15:55.799 --> 00:16:03.039
as thirty seconds. As you're doing this, you simply say,
234
00:16:03.399 --> 00:16:10.320
I always figure it out. I'm resilient, I always find
235
00:16:10.360 --> 00:16:17.159
the answers. I got this. You keep doing the little
236
00:16:17.159 --> 00:16:20.960
circles until you may feel a sigh of relief, you
237
00:16:21.039 --> 00:16:24.360
may yawn, you may feel some emotions move through. This
238
00:16:24.440 --> 00:16:27.720
is not an activation type of exercise. This is more
239
00:16:27.840 --> 00:16:32.000
of a relaxation in some way because it connects to
240
00:16:32.039 --> 00:16:34.480
your vagus nerve. Thirty seconds is all you need. You
241
00:16:34.480 --> 00:16:36.039
don't have to repeat anything. If you don't need to,
242
00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:38.639
you can just simply put your finger there. I've done
243
00:16:38.639 --> 00:16:43.120
it in meetings like people. I pretend that I'm like
244
00:16:43.200 --> 00:16:47.799
scratching myself, and it helps so much because it gives
245
00:16:47.840 --> 00:16:51.399
your nervous system a different story to run on. If
246
00:16:51.399 --> 00:16:54.519
you say the words that I said, if you don't
247
00:16:54.519 --> 00:16:59.480
say anything, you simply allow your body to get back
248
00:16:59.519 --> 00:17:02.480
to yourself. Because if we're a lot in our head,
249
00:17:02.559 --> 00:17:04.279
which is what we've been taught to do, is we
250
00:17:04.359 --> 00:17:07.079
just think, they think we don't feel. When you get
251
00:17:07.079 --> 00:17:11.920
back to the body, then your body can give yourself
252
00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:15.480
that sigh, can give yourself the moment. You can do
253
00:17:15.519 --> 00:17:17.960
it for ninety seconds and then you allow the emotion
254
00:17:18.119 --> 00:17:23.160
to cycle through, and then you start realizing the lie.
255
00:17:23.400 --> 00:17:27.400
The Kayada culture told us that the sea meant something
256
00:17:28.200 --> 00:17:32.000
we had something wrong with us. But the truth is
257
00:17:32.039 --> 00:17:34.279
that the sea meant we showed up to a test
258
00:17:34.279 --> 00:17:38.000
where we're never prepared for, and we stayed anyway. And
259
00:17:38.039 --> 00:17:41.200
that is the most Latina thing I've ever heard, frankly,
260
00:17:42.480 --> 00:17:46.640
So that's your little exercise, okay, now to close us off,
261
00:17:48.160 --> 00:17:53.039
Miela never wrote down her recipes because the knowledge lived
262
00:17:53.039 --> 00:17:56.440
in her hands, in her heart, in her body, in
263
00:17:56.559 --> 00:18:00.960
decades of cooking by feel. You don't write down what
264
00:18:01.000 --> 00:18:05.640
you know in your bones. Now that I have won
265
00:18:05.680 --> 00:18:07.720
a wele a living, but she's far and then the
266
00:18:07.759 --> 00:18:10.599
other one is gone. I have to figure out the
267
00:18:10.680 --> 00:18:15.160
recipes by memory, by smell, by tasting, by adjusting and
268
00:18:15.200 --> 00:18:17.079
adding a little more of this, a little less of that,
269
00:18:18.759 --> 00:18:21.319
and without instructions. And even if we were to call,
270
00:18:22.079 --> 00:18:25.079
she would just be like, what do you mean, You
271
00:18:25.119 --> 00:18:30.559
don't know? And so we have to rely on ourselves,
272
00:18:30.920 --> 00:18:33.640
which I think it's really powerful that we've been taught
273
00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:39.480
since forever to listen to our bodies. Let's get back
274
00:18:39.519 --> 00:18:43.519
to it, because we've been doing this our whole lives. Now,
275
00:18:43.799 --> 00:18:48.039
let's connect that to our careers. We show up to
276
00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:50.960
rooms that had rules we were never taught. We write
277
00:18:51.119 --> 00:18:54.519
essays on one night and about a blast. We find
278
00:18:54.720 --> 00:18:58.279
the tastes in our buildings. We build a recipe for
279
00:18:58.400 --> 00:19:02.680
memory because nobody left it down for us. And I
280
00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:06.480
will say it once again, it's an instruction issue. We
281
00:19:06.559 --> 00:19:09.119
don't like confidence. We just don't have the instructions and
282
00:19:09.160 --> 00:19:13.839
we get to solve them anyway every single time. What
283
00:19:14.759 --> 00:19:18.519
if this episode named something you may have been caring
284
00:19:18.559 --> 00:19:23.519
without language, Let me know, share with your primas, with
285
00:19:23.640 --> 00:19:26.079
your colleague, with a woman in your life who's still
286
00:19:26.119 --> 00:19:29.839
calling her instruction problem a confidence problem, because she may
287
00:19:29.880 --> 00:19:32.440
need to hear this. And if you want to understand
288
00:19:32.440 --> 00:19:34.359
the conditioning that taught you to see yourself as a
289
00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:37.240
problem in the first place. I have a free quiz.
290
00:19:37.599 --> 00:19:42.680
Get you the Culture Quiz. It's free five minutes max,
291
00:19:43.400 --> 00:19:46.160
I frankly think it takes you three minutes, and it
292
00:19:46.160 --> 00:19:49.079
will give you language for something you've been carrying your
293
00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:52.400
whole career. You can head over to kfakubam dot com
294
00:19:52.440 --> 00:19:55.759
forort slash quiz. There's a link in the show notes.
295
00:19:55.960 --> 00:20:00.720
I am teaching a workshop on July second, and it's
296
00:20:00.759 --> 00:20:04.400
all about these topics that I've been talking about. It's
297
00:20:04.400 --> 00:20:08.680
called rooted immersion. It's going to be I'm debating between
298
00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:10.759
ninety minutes and two hours, frankly, because you'll hear me
299
00:20:10.799 --> 00:20:15.000
say to probably two hours to be frank and so
300
00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:17.680
we'll have a link in the show ups. Or you
301
00:20:17.680 --> 00:20:21.400
can go to bamgoria dot com for slash leadership. You
302
00:20:21.440 --> 00:20:29.960
want to notice, notice your your body signals. Your body knows.
303
00:20:30.559 --> 00:20:33.559
You've been taught this since we were little, since we
304
00:20:33.559 --> 00:20:37.039
were watching our theas a well as or Mama's cook
305
00:20:37.119 --> 00:20:46.359
without recipes. We've been taught to listen. You want tomis
306
00:20:46.440 --> 00:20:51.680
created by our small but mighty team. Content production by
307
00:20:51.799 --> 00:20:57.359
Nancy Chimes, Podcast management by Marulinardi. Social media and marketing
308
00:20:57.400 --> 00:21:02.160
by Brenda Figuero and meet your host. To keep the
309
00:21:02.200 --> 00:21:06.359
Kavasito brewing and the healing flowing, join the Supporters Club
310
00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:09.720
for only five dollars a month and access early episodes,
311
00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:13.319
behind the scenes vibes, and exclusive minnesotes you won't hear
312
00:21:13.400 --> 00:21:17.240
anywhere else. Screenshot this episode and tag me and share
313
00:21:17.240 --> 00:21:21.640
what resonated. I love seeing your takeaways. Follow on your
314
00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:25.119
favorite podcast platform and subscribe to our YouTube channel. Let's
315
00:21:25.200 --> 00:21:27.960
keep the conversation going with us on social media at
316
00:21:28.039 --> 00:21:32.119
Kava Compump podcast because your voice always matters there. We
317
00:21:32.240 --> 00:21:35.680
love being on Instagram and Facebook. Gracias for listening to
318
00:21:35.720 --> 00:21:39.880
Kafa Combum has spread ideas, move people, production for bird episodes,
319
00:21:40.039 --> 00:21:44.640
guest info or resources. Visit kavakombum dot com. And if
320
00:21:44.640 --> 00:21:47.880
you're healing from Gadiahta culture and don't know where to start,
321
00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:51.200
you can take the quiz gafa coombum dot com Ford
322
00:21:51.240 --> 00:21:58.640
Slash Quiz for Tia Wisdom and Karino just for you
1
00:00:03.520 --> 00:00:11.519
For ola sopam and welcome to our Mercharito, the place
2
00:00:11.560 --> 00:00:13.960
where we showcase the brands that believe in us and
3
00:00:14.039 --> 00:00:20.480
help us make the show possible. Let's meet them a
4
00:00:20.519 --> 00:00:26.440
conversation was one of them. But here's the truth that
5
00:00:26.519 --> 00:00:34.479
Financier to steasla Savid Ladies just made it easier than
6
00:00:34.560 --> 00:00:38.320
ever to get financial help en Espanol. Their free helpline
7
00:00:38.399 --> 00:00:40.799
means your mama can ask a question without you having
8
00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:44.960
to translate shame, confusion or whatever her commander told her.
9
00:00:45.039 --> 00:00:51.119
Taies classes conseer, hoosts, respect and mistress, familiar's medicine portuli
10
00:00:51.520 --> 00:00:55.159
Financier luco is necess see that. So, whether it's you
11
00:00:55.280 --> 00:00:57.200
or your mama who's ready to take that first step,
12
00:00:57.520 --> 00:01:00.200
go Savi Ladies dot org. That is s A V
13
00:01:00.439 --> 00:01:04.359
Y l A d I E s dot RG and
14
00:01:04.480 --> 00:01:09.840
psy letting me that financie. If you've started making your
15
00:01:09.879 --> 00:01:13.280
cafecitos at home, to get on with that morning routine
16
00:01:13.879 --> 00:01:16.680
and build the habit of saving money, it could be
17
00:01:16.719 --> 00:01:20.560
a good strategy. Better, there might be an easier way
18
00:01:20.640 --> 00:01:22.920
to save. Did you know that if you open a
19
00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:26.680
new Savings Builder account at Bimo, you can earn a
20
00:01:26.920 --> 00:01:30.920
five dollars reward every month you grow your balance by
21
00:01:31.040 --> 00:01:34.920
two hundred dollars or more during the first year. Learn
22
00:01:34.959 --> 00:01:37.760
more about how Bimo can help you grow your savings
23
00:01:37.799 --> 00:01:41.719
by visiting bimo dot com, ford slash save b mo
24
00:01:42.120 --> 00:01:46.560
dot com ford slash save Condition supply accounts provided in
25
00:01:46.599 --> 00:01:49.840
the United States by BIMO Bank and a member FDIC.
26
00:01:55.599 --> 00:01:58.760
Welcome back to Cava Combump, the biling Wood podcast that
27
00:01:59.000 --> 00:02:01.799
celebrates the hour of our stories, the medicine and our
28
00:02:01.879 --> 00:02:04.239
voices and the magic of reclaiming who we are. Pull
29
00:02:04.319 --> 00:02:08.360
up your cavosio is parati. By the end of the episode,
30
00:02:08.520 --> 00:02:10.479
you're going to have a name for the thing you've
31
00:02:10.520 --> 00:02:14.159
been calling a confidence problem, which I'm so annoyed by.
32
00:02:14.319 --> 00:02:18.479
And once you have that name, I promise it's going
33
00:02:18.520 --> 00:02:25.599
to change everything about how you see yourself. Both Maulas
34
00:02:25.719 --> 00:02:30.960
never used measurements when they cooked, and neither just my mom, frankly,
35
00:02:32.199 --> 00:02:36.560
not once unless they were baking, but cooking No no teaspoon,
36
00:02:36.639 --> 00:02:40.840
nor cup crams noo. And I'm sure this you resonate
37
00:02:40.879 --> 00:02:43.599
with this because you ask them how much salt and
38
00:02:43.639 --> 00:02:46.759
they look at you and they just say al danteo
39
00:02:48.599 --> 00:02:55.520
dousa is guantus enough, and somehow they always know. Somehow
40
00:02:56.039 --> 00:03:02.719
us watching them helped us learn, yeah, from feeling, from
41
00:03:02.759 --> 00:03:06.439
standing close enough to catch what they knew in their hands.
42
00:03:07.000 --> 00:03:11.439
And I didn't realize until much later in life that
43
00:03:11.479 --> 00:03:15.759
what my grandmothers were teaching me, what they were actually modeling,
44
00:03:16.680 --> 00:03:18.719
was a way to navigate a world that was never
45
00:03:19.000 --> 00:03:24.080
going to hand us the instructions. Borge. We learned by feeling.
46
00:03:24.639 --> 00:03:27.479
We figure it out. We make something real out of
47
00:03:27.680 --> 00:03:32.719
nothing written down, and that is our superpower. Now I
48
00:03:32.759 --> 00:03:37.159
want us to go back to my college days a
49
00:03:37.199 --> 00:03:39.680
long time ago. It's my first semester of college in
50
00:03:39.719 --> 00:03:42.919
the US. I've just finished high school in Mexico City.
51
00:03:43.520 --> 00:03:48.400
My English is functional enough to get me here, enough
52
00:03:48.400 --> 00:03:53.439
to complete my college application barely. And I walk into
53
00:03:53.599 --> 00:03:57.120
my English one on one class and my professor says,
54
00:03:57.919 --> 00:04:01.280
your first assignment is to write an essay, and everyone
55
00:04:01.319 --> 00:04:05.280
around me just writes it down and they start. Everyone
56
00:04:05.319 --> 00:04:08.479
around me acts like they've done this before, because they
57
00:04:08.520 --> 00:04:12.240
have done it before. They were taught the structure, the format,
58
00:04:12.599 --> 00:04:16.839
the rules, the paragraphs, the thesis statement, the topic sentences,
59
00:04:16.920 --> 00:04:20.600
the sidations. There was a whole system, and somebody had
60
00:04:20.639 --> 00:04:23.959
handed it to my peers years ago, when they were
61
00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:26.639
in high school, when they were maybe even in middle school.
62
00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:31.800
Bet oh, nobody handed it to me. So I stared
63
00:04:31.800 --> 00:04:36.680
at the page for days, literal days. You know, I've
64
00:04:36.680 --> 00:04:40.519
always said on my recovering procrastinator, those where my procrastination
65
00:04:40.600 --> 00:04:42.839
days were, like, I wasn't even recovering. I would just
66
00:04:42.920 --> 00:04:46.959
like stare at blank pages. The assignment sat there, and
67
00:04:47.240 --> 00:04:51.839
I sat there with zero clue. I had no idea
68
00:04:52.000 --> 00:04:56.240
where to begin, because I didn't have a map. Everyone
69
00:04:56.600 --> 00:04:58.680
seemed to have a map they were reading from, and
70
00:04:58.720 --> 00:05:02.759
I didn't. The night before the paper was due, I
71
00:05:02.800 --> 00:05:05.920
took myself to good old Taco Bell. You want to
72
00:05:05.959 --> 00:05:07.959
sponsor sponsor us, I don't know. I don't need that
73
00:05:08.040 --> 00:05:13.360
much Taco Bell. No, But I got my reliable bah
74
00:05:13.360 --> 00:05:18.240
Blast and a one dollar burrito, and I sat down
75
00:05:18.720 --> 00:05:22.120
and wrote the whole thing in one night, from nothing
76
00:05:22.800 --> 00:05:28.399
from feel Altanto and I got a see. And when
77
00:05:28.399 --> 00:05:31.920
I got my paperback, with all those red lines and
78
00:05:33.319 --> 00:05:36.279
the big sea at the top, I thought something was
79
00:05:36.319 --> 00:05:39.399
wrong with me. I thought I wasn't smart enough, that
80
00:05:39.560 --> 00:05:43.759
maybe this wasn't the place where I belonged. I thought
81
00:05:43.800 --> 00:05:47.680
that maybe everyone else had something I didn't have, And
82
00:05:47.720 --> 00:05:52.639
actually I was right because they had something I didn't,
83
00:05:53.480 --> 00:05:56.439
but I was wrong about what it was. What they
84
00:05:56.600 --> 00:06:00.759
had was instructions. They had a manu, they had a
85
00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:04.360
set of rules that someone had handed them to them
86
00:06:05.079 --> 00:06:09.199
before they ever walked into that classroom. What I had
87
00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:11.800
was a bah blast and the stubbornness of a girl
88
00:06:11.800 --> 00:06:17.680
who learned to cook without measurements. I'm sure after the
89
00:06:17.759 --> 00:06:23.199
sea I had to learn, I had to learn what
90
00:06:23.279 --> 00:06:27.680
I do know now. But I went looking for help
91
00:06:27.879 --> 00:06:34.600
because I literally was nineteen years old in a tiny
92
00:06:34.680 --> 00:06:39.079
town in the Midwest with nobody. Nobody could help me.
93
00:06:39.120 --> 00:06:42.800
It was me, myself and I and my phone calling
94
00:06:42.839 --> 00:06:45.680
my mom, but she couldn't help me from Mexico City.
95
00:06:46.920 --> 00:06:50.680
So I realized the only way through was to ask
96
00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:55.120
for help. And I found this Center for Multicultural Education
97
00:06:55.600 --> 00:06:58.759
on campus. You've heard me talk about the CME before
98
00:06:59.319 --> 00:07:02.399
I walked in and not knowing what to expect at all,
99
00:07:02.480 --> 00:07:06.319
but the name seemed inviting in some way, and a
100
00:07:06.480 --> 00:07:10.879
beautiful black woman named Tay who's the director at the time,
101
00:07:11.120 --> 00:07:15.439
she looked up from her desk and she hugged me.
102
00:07:15.480 --> 00:07:19.319
It's like she knew. It's like she was expecting me
103
00:07:19.879 --> 00:07:24.240
at some point, and I showed her my paper and
104
00:07:24.279 --> 00:07:26.959
I was like, I don't know what to do next,
105
00:07:28.040 --> 00:07:32.199
and what she told me was really powerful. She looked
106
00:07:32.199 --> 00:07:34.360
at my paper, she went through it, and she said, look,
107
00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:38.680
everyone struggles with their first see in college. Just remember
108
00:07:39.160 --> 00:07:43.040
you can always improve moving forward. This is not at
109
00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:46.040
all the last paper you'll write, and you can only
110
00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:51.000
get better from here, she said. And I mean, she
111
00:07:51.040 --> 00:07:54.800
said more because I've shared this story before this paper.
112
00:07:54.839 --> 00:07:58.000
I was profiled by my professor, and so she helped
113
00:07:58.040 --> 00:08:00.920
me with that. But my inner belief at the time
114
00:08:00.959 --> 00:08:04.160
that I was showing up with she didn't fix it.
115
00:08:05.199 --> 00:08:09.959
She didn't fix me either. She fixed the story I
116
00:08:10.040 --> 00:08:15.560
was telling myself about my essay. She simply said, this
117
00:08:15.680 --> 00:08:18.920
isn't the end of the story. Keep going And that
118
00:08:18.959 --> 00:08:20.839
gave me a lot of hope. And I did, and
119
00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:24.439
she gave me resources. So I went to the library.
120
00:08:24.519 --> 00:08:28.800
I found a tutor, I learned the rules. Citation was
121
00:08:28.920 --> 00:08:32.639
a whole new world because citation is different and Espaniolia
122
00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:39.720
in GLZ. It was like imagine a lot. Eventually I
123
00:08:40.000 --> 00:08:44.240
started actually working with Tay directly, and I started planning
124
00:08:44.360 --> 00:08:49.080
multicultural events on campus. I started building community for students
125
00:08:49.120 --> 00:08:51.440
who look like me, who came from where I came from,
126
00:08:51.919 --> 00:08:54.200
who came from places like where I came from, who
127
00:08:54.279 --> 00:08:57.120
were also sitting with pages they didn't know how to
128
00:08:57.200 --> 00:09:02.320
fill out. And my invitation to you is, notice that
129
00:09:02.399 --> 00:09:04.519
I figure it out. I figured it out because I
130
00:09:04.559 --> 00:09:08.240
was resourceful enough to find it after the fact. And
131
00:09:08.279 --> 00:09:10.840
I think this is something that happens to us a lot.
132
00:09:10.919 --> 00:09:15.080
We kind of like show up to the thing and
133
00:09:15.120 --> 00:09:17.720
then we're like, oh, bummer, we don't have the manual. Well,
134
00:09:19.600 --> 00:09:22.159
we got to be stubborn. In this case, I was
135
00:09:22.200 --> 00:09:28.759
stubborn enough to stay because check this, my whole life,
136
00:09:29.320 --> 00:09:32.799
I had been trained by women who cooked aldento. I
137
00:09:32.919 --> 00:09:35.399
had been trained my whole life to figure things out
138
00:09:35.440 --> 00:09:40.120
by feel without the written recipe. And I know you
139
00:09:40.240 --> 00:09:44.519
have to. And so this is when I will argue
140
00:09:45.080 --> 00:09:49.360
Latinas don't have a confidence problem. We do have an
141
00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:53.840
instruction problem. We've been told for years that first and
142
00:09:53.960 --> 00:09:58.519
Latinas struggle with confidence, that we have imposter syndrome, that
143
00:09:58.559 --> 00:10:01.080
we have self doubts, that we I have a belief
144
00:10:01.120 --> 00:10:04.279
that we don't belong. And I'm going to have a
145
00:10:04.440 --> 00:10:07.320
pretty hard hot take here that might get me canceled,
146
00:10:07.320 --> 00:10:11.679
but here, Hey, I gotta say it because I believe it.
147
00:10:12.440 --> 00:10:15.440
What I've seen and my story and my clients and
148
00:10:15.480 --> 00:10:18.039
the women who've written to me after episodes of this
149
00:10:18.120 --> 00:10:24.159
show is that it's never confidence. It's instructions. The manual
150
00:10:24.279 --> 00:10:29.039
was written for someone else. The essay format, the networking script,
151
00:10:29.639 --> 00:10:35.720
the salary negotiation, the unspoken rules of corporate rooms, the
152
00:10:35.759 --> 00:10:39.000
way you're supposed to introduce yourself, the way you're supposed
153
00:10:39.000 --> 00:10:41.919
to ask for what you want, the way you're supposed
154
00:10:41.919 --> 00:10:45.200
to take up space without apologizing for it. None of
155
00:10:45.240 --> 00:10:49.039
that was handed to us. It was handed to other people.
156
00:10:49.320 --> 00:10:51.000
It was handed to my friends, and I later learned
157
00:10:51.000 --> 00:10:55.080
it through them. I'm sure you have to because another
158
00:10:55.120 --> 00:10:57.879
home say happens, and other schools it happens, and conversations
159
00:10:57.879 --> 00:11:01.559
and other families at dinner take But those dinner tables
160
00:11:01.600 --> 00:11:06.399
we were not invited to yet until we walked into those,
161
00:11:06.559 --> 00:11:10.120
into the rooms, into the classroom, into the boardrooms, into
162
00:11:10.120 --> 00:11:15.159
the negotiation room, the interview without a map. And the
163
00:11:15.200 --> 00:11:17.799
good news is that we figure it out anyway altento
164
00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:23.000
by feeling it out, and then someone called it a
165
00:11:23.000 --> 00:11:28.320
confidence problem. So I want to make it clear because
166
00:11:28.360 --> 00:11:30.840
I think we all need to hear this. We are
167
00:11:30.919 --> 00:11:35.679
not to be fixed. The instructions were written for somebody else,
168
00:11:36.279 --> 00:11:41.200
and we learned, We taught ourselves. We moved through it anyway.
169
00:11:42.279 --> 00:11:46.320
And that is the most extraordinary thing about us, truly,
170
00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:48.480
if you think about it. Because one thing that I
171
00:11:48.480 --> 00:11:51.519
want us to understand is that the certainty gap was
172
00:11:51.559 --> 00:11:55.960
not built by our psychology. It was elevated by a system.
173
00:11:56.279 --> 00:12:00.840
And that listener, I hope when you hear that, you
174
00:12:00.960 --> 00:12:05.600
realize that the way the certainty gap, certainty gap that
175
00:12:05.639 --> 00:12:10.480
we carry was built, creates a different way for us
176
00:12:10.519 --> 00:12:14.159
to heal, because it's nothing for us to fix, but
177
00:12:14.320 --> 00:12:17.919
everything for us to dismantle the system. Here's what Kadeta
178
00:12:17.919 --> 00:12:21.320
culture does with this. It takes the instruction problem, which
179
00:12:21.360 --> 00:12:25.879
is external and systemic, the direct result of being the
180
00:12:25.919 --> 00:12:30.840
first many times, and it teaches us to internalize it.
181
00:12:30.840 --> 00:12:34.200
It teaches us to think of it as a personal failing.
182
00:12:35.159 --> 00:12:38.240
It tells us everyone else knows the rules and you don't,
183
00:12:38.559 --> 00:12:41.600
and this means that something's wrong with you. It says
184
00:12:41.639 --> 00:12:44.360
sometimes you got the c which means you're not smart enough.
185
00:12:45.039 --> 00:12:47.000
It says you didn't know how to write the essay,
186
00:12:47.240 --> 00:12:51.679
which means you don't belong here. And so when we
187
00:12:51.720 --> 00:12:57.080
hear those whispers for years, sometimes decades, we try to
188
00:12:57.120 --> 00:13:01.720
fix something that was never broken. We take the confidence courses,
189
00:13:01.840 --> 00:13:04.679
we do the affirmations, we fake it till we make it,
190
00:13:04.919 --> 00:13:08.519
We do the mindset work. And that is just another
191
00:13:08.559 --> 00:13:11.960
way of saying we performed instructions we were never given
192
00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:15.519
while hoping nobody noticing that we are actually doing improv
193
00:13:17.000 --> 00:13:22.279
we're improvising. So what happens when you finally name it
194
00:13:22.279 --> 00:13:26.039
as an instruction problem instead of a confidence problem? That's
195
00:13:26.080 --> 00:13:30.519
when we finally stop trying to fix ourselves and we
196
00:13:30.600 --> 00:13:34.679
start asking better questions because we stop asking what is
197
00:13:34.720 --> 00:13:38.279
wrong with me? And instead we begin asking why did
198
00:13:38.279 --> 00:13:41.159
I never get to learn? And where do I go
199
00:13:41.480 --> 00:13:44.240
to learn it? Now? Because we're not going to victimize,
200
00:13:44.240 --> 00:13:48.240
We're just going to move forward, onward, onward, we stop
201
00:13:48.320 --> 00:13:52.519
asking why don't I belong? And instead we say who
202
00:13:52.519 --> 00:13:54.639
built this room? And what were the rules they assumed
203
00:13:54.639 --> 00:13:57.279
everyone already knew. We stop asking why do I always
204
00:13:57.279 --> 00:14:00.240
feel like I'm improvising? Instead we say I was never
205
00:14:00.320 --> 00:14:05.399
given the recipe of course I'm cooking altante and listen,
206
00:14:05.960 --> 00:14:10.519
we're gonna work with it. Here's the moment when I
207
00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:13.039
give you something to carry out of this episode. And
208
00:14:13.080 --> 00:14:17.159
of course it's somatic because this time I don't want
209
00:14:17.159 --> 00:14:20.240
to give you a list or a framework or anything
210
00:14:20.960 --> 00:14:23.240
that you may need to write down. It's very simple.
211
00:14:24.279 --> 00:14:28.840
It's quite small and tiny, actually, and the invitation is
212
00:14:28.879 --> 00:14:30.879
for you to take this tool next time you walk
213
00:14:30.879 --> 00:14:33.159
into a room and feel that feeling that everyone else
214
00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:35.679
got a memo you didn't get, that you were skipped
215
00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:39.399
on the email, that they know something you don't, that
216
00:14:39.440 --> 00:14:43.360
you're somehow behind. So I want you to try something.
217
00:14:44.639 --> 00:14:47.960
We're gonna use your index finger and I actually I
218
00:14:48.080 --> 00:14:50.840
wore the wrong shirt for this, but we're going to
219
00:14:51.240 --> 00:14:57.759
find your supersternal notch, also known as the jugular notch.
220
00:14:58.919 --> 00:15:01.200
And if you see me take a breath, you see
221
00:15:02.679 --> 00:15:08.519
that little hole between your clavicle your sternum. That's why
222
00:15:08.559 --> 00:15:13.480
it's called the juggilar or super sternal notch. And it's
223
00:15:13.480 --> 00:15:15.799
a little hole and we're not going to dig into it.
224
00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:20.120
We're simply going to place our index finger and we're
225
00:15:20.159 --> 00:15:23.919
going to do tiny circles just like that. If you're
226
00:15:24.080 --> 00:15:27.399
watching me, you're seeing me, if you're listening. You put
227
00:15:27.519 --> 00:15:31.919
your index finger in that little indentation in the middle
228
00:15:31.960 --> 00:15:37.879
of your neck, below your throat, above your collarbone, and
229
00:15:37.919 --> 00:15:39.879
you can find it if you take a breath, and
230
00:15:39.960 --> 00:15:45.799
you can simply start doing little tiny circles whichever way
231
00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:52.320
doesn't matter. Allow your body to connect to that circle
232
00:15:52.360 --> 00:15:55.799
you're doing with your finger. This can take as fast
233
00:15:55.799 --> 00:16:03.039
as thirty seconds. As you're doing this, you simply say,
234
00:16:03.399 --> 00:16:10.320
I always figure it out. I'm resilient, I always find
235
00:16:10.360 --> 00:16:17.159
the answers. I got this. You keep doing the little
236
00:16:17.159 --> 00:16:20.960
circles until you may feel a sigh of relief, you
237
00:16:21.039 --> 00:16:24.360
may yawn, you may feel some emotions move through. This
238
00:16:24.440 --> 00:16:27.720
is not an activation type of exercise. This is more
239
00:16:27.840 --> 00:16:32.000
of a relaxation in some way because it connects to
240
00:16:32.039 --> 00:16:34.480
your vagus nerve. Thirty seconds is all you need. You
241
00:16:34.480 --> 00:16:36.039
don't have to repeat anything. If you don't need to,
242
00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:38.639
you can just simply put your finger there. I've done
243
00:16:38.639 --> 00:16:43.120
it in meetings like people. I pretend that I'm like
244
00:16:43.200 --> 00:16:47.799
scratching myself, and it helps so much because it gives
245
00:16:47.840 --> 00:16:51.399
your nervous system a different story to run on. If
246
00:16:51.399 --> 00:16:54.519
you say the words that I said, if you don't
247
00:16:54.519 --> 00:16:59.480
say anything, you simply allow your body to get back
248
00:16:59.519 --> 00:17:02.480
to yourself. Because if we're a lot in our head,
249
00:17:02.559 --> 00:17:04.279
which is what we've been taught to do, is we
250
00:17:04.359 --> 00:17:07.079
just think, they think we don't feel. When you get
251
00:17:07.079 --> 00:17:11.920
back to the body, then your body can give yourself
252
00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:15.480
that sigh, can give yourself the moment. You can do
253
00:17:15.519 --> 00:17:17.960
it for ninety seconds and then you allow the emotion
254
00:17:18.119 --> 00:17:23.160
to cycle through, and then you start realizing the lie.
255
00:17:23.400 --> 00:17:27.400
The Kayada culture told us that the sea meant something
256
00:17:28.200 --> 00:17:32.000
we had something wrong with us. But the truth is
257
00:17:32.039 --> 00:17:34.279
that the sea meant we showed up to a test
258
00:17:34.279 --> 00:17:38.000
where we're never prepared for, and we stayed anyway. And
259
00:17:38.039 --> 00:17:41.200
that is the most Latina thing I've ever heard, frankly,
260
00:17:42.480 --> 00:17:46.640
So that's your little exercise, okay, now to close us off,
261
00:17:48.160 --> 00:17:53.039
Miela never wrote down her recipes because the knowledge lived
262
00:17:53.039 --> 00:17:56.440
in her hands, in her heart, in her body, in
263
00:17:56.559 --> 00:18:00.960
decades of cooking by feel. You don't write down what
264
00:18:01.000 --> 00:18:05.640
you know in your bones. Now that I have won
265
00:18:05.680 --> 00:18:07.720
a wele a living, but she's far and then the
266
00:18:07.759 --> 00:18:10.599
other one is gone. I have to figure out the
267
00:18:10.680 --> 00:18:15.160
recipes by memory, by smell, by tasting, by adjusting and
268
00:18:15.200 --> 00:18:17.079
adding a little more of this, a little less of that,
269
00:18:18.759 --> 00:18:21.319
and without instructions. And even if we were to call,
270
00:18:22.079 --> 00:18:25.079
she would just be like, what do you mean, You
271
00:18:25.119 --> 00:18:30.559
don't know? And so we have to rely on ourselves,
272
00:18:30.920 --> 00:18:33.640
which I think it's really powerful that we've been taught
273
00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:39.480
since forever to listen to our bodies. Let's get back
274
00:18:39.519 --> 00:18:43.519
to it, because we've been doing this our whole lives. Now,
275
00:18:43.799 --> 00:18:48.039
let's connect that to our careers. We show up to
276
00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:50.960
rooms that had rules we were never taught. We write
277
00:18:51.119 --> 00:18:54.519
essays on one night and about a blast. We find
278
00:18:54.720 --> 00:18:58.279
the tastes in our buildings. We build a recipe for
279
00:18:58.400 --> 00:19:02.680
memory because nobody left it down for us. And I
280
00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:06.480
will say it once again, it's an instruction issue. We
281
00:19:06.559 --> 00:19:09.119
don't like confidence. We just don't have the instructions and
282
00:19:09.160 --> 00:19:13.839
we get to solve them anyway every single time. What
283
00:19:14.759 --> 00:19:18.519
if this episode named something you may have been caring
284
00:19:18.559 --> 00:19:23.519
without language, Let me know, share with your primas, with
285
00:19:23.640 --> 00:19:26.079
your colleague, with a woman in your life who's still
286
00:19:26.119 --> 00:19:29.839
calling her instruction problem a confidence problem, because she may
287
00:19:29.880 --> 00:19:32.440
need to hear this. And if you want to understand
288
00:19:32.440 --> 00:19:34.359
the conditioning that taught you to see yourself as a
289
00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:37.240
problem in the first place. I have a free quiz.
290
00:19:37.599 --> 00:19:42.680
Get you the Culture Quiz. It's free five minutes max,
291
00:19:43.400 --> 00:19:46.160
I frankly think it takes you three minutes, and it
292
00:19:46.160 --> 00:19:49.079
will give you language for something you've been carrying your
293
00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:52.400
whole career. You can head over to kfakubam dot com
294
00:19:52.440 --> 00:19:55.759
forort slash quiz. There's a link in the show notes.
295
00:19:55.960 --> 00:20:00.720
I am teaching a workshop on July second, and it's
296
00:20:00.759 --> 00:20:04.400
all about these topics that I've been talking about. It's
297
00:20:04.400 --> 00:20:08.680
called rooted immersion. It's going to be I'm debating between
298
00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:10.759
ninety minutes and two hours, frankly, because you'll hear me
299
00:20:10.799 --> 00:20:15.000
say to probably two hours to be frank and so
300
00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:17.680
we'll have a link in the show ups. Or you
301
00:20:17.680 --> 00:20:21.400
can go to bamgoria dot com for slash leadership. You
302
00:20:21.440 --> 00:20:29.960
want to notice, notice your your body signals. Your body knows.
303
00:20:30.559 --> 00:20:33.559
You've been taught this since we were little, since we
304
00:20:33.559 --> 00:20:37.039
were watching our theas a well as or Mama's cook
305
00:20:37.119 --> 00:20:46.359
without recipes. We've been taught to listen. You want tomis
306
00:20:46.440 --> 00:20:51.680
created by our small but mighty team. Content production by
307
00:20:51.799 --> 00:20:57.359
Nancy Chimes, Podcast management by Marulinardi. Social media and marketing
308
00:20:57.400 --> 00:21:02.160
by Brenda Figuero and meet your host. To keep the
309
00:21:02.200 --> 00:21:06.359
Kavasito brewing and the healing flowing, join the Supporters Club
310
00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:09.720
for only five dollars a month and access early episodes,
311
00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:13.319
behind the scenes vibes, and exclusive minnesotes you won't hear
312
00:21:13.400 --> 00:21:17.240
anywhere else. Screenshot this episode and tag me and share
313
00:21:17.240 --> 00:21:21.640
what resonated. I love seeing your takeaways. Follow on your
314
00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:25.119
favorite podcast platform and subscribe to our YouTube channel. Let's
315
00:21:25.200 --> 00:21:27.960
keep the conversation going with us on social media at
316
00:21:28.039 --> 00:21:32.119
Kava Compump podcast because your voice always matters there. We
317
00:21:32.240 --> 00:21:35.680
love being on Instagram and Facebook. Gracias for listening to
318
00:21:35.720 --> 00:21:39.880
Kafa Combum has spread ideas, move people, production for bird episodes,
319
00:21:40.039 --> 00:21:44.640
guest info or resources. Visit kavakombum dot com. And if
320
00:21:44.640 --> 00:21:47.880
you're healing from Gadiahta culture and don't know where to start,
321
00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:51.200
you can take the quiz gafa coombum dot com Ford
322
00:21:51.240 --> 00:21:58.640
Slash Quiz for Tia Wisdom and Karino just for you
