WEBVTT
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This is Amplifying Autism, where every voice matters and every story shines.
00:00:10.480 --> 00:00:25.280
Join us as autistic authors, professionals, and trailblazers share their journeys, real stories, and real insight from those changing the world, one conversation at a time.
00:00:27.120 --> 00:00:31.280
Hi, this is Wendell of Wickham Marsh of Amplifying Autism.
00:00:31.440 --> 00:00:34.799
Today I want to talk about mixed marriages.
00:00:35.039 --> 00:00:40.719
That's where one partner is neuroprivileged and the other is neurodivergent.
00:00:41.039 --> 00:00:43.679
You know, these mixed marriages can work.
00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:44.640
I know.
00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:48.719
My late husband David was autistic, and I'm not.
00:00:49.200 --> 00:00:54.479
And our marriage worked brilliantly for the 27 years we had together.
00:00:54.880 --> 00:00:58.079
Now that's not to say that everything is always smooth sailing.
00:00:58.320 --> 00:01:02.240
No relationship is without its challenges and mixed signals.
00:01:02.560 --> 00:01:07.599
The thing to do is to recognize and then fix those mixed signals.
00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:12.480
But first, people often ask me, how do you find someone?
00:01:12.719 --> 00:01:16.560
How do neurodivergent people find each other and fall in love?
00:01:16.879 --> 00:01:26.879
Well, pretty much the same way that anyone meets someone through friends, work, clubs, online dating, anywhere people get together.
00:01:27.359 --> 00:01:30.079
I met David in a writer's support group.
00:01:30.239 --> 00:01:33.680
I learned there that he was a man who kept his word.
00:01:34.079 --> 00:01:40.079
If he said he would write 500 words, he would write 500 words, and then 500 more.
00:01:40.719 --> 00:01:45.120
We were friends first, and then we grew to love one another.
00:01:45.920 --> 00:01:51.280
Now, one autistic man I know, Thomas McDonald, wrote this.
00:01:55.840 --> 00:02:00.640
I think I love most her undeniable love for those people she loves.
00:02:00.879 --> 00:02:05.920
She goes above and beyond for them and has such a caring nature.
00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:12.639
Another friend, Wendy B, wrote, We met when I was at work and he came in.
00:02:12.879 --> 00:02:18.080
I was still getting over a divorce, so I friendlisted him for about two years.
00:02:18.319 --> 00:02:22.400
Unlike men from my past, he never gave up.
00:02:23.039 --> 00:02:28.879
So there's lots of different ways that autistic people have found their partner, their one and only.
00:02:30.639 --> 00:02:33.680
But mixed signals can come into the picture.
00:02:33.919 --> 00:02:46.879
However, you found each other, if you're in a neuromixed relationship, or one of you is autistic or has ADHD or another brain difference, you may struggle with mixed signals.
00:02:47.199 --> 00:02:55.199
He said one thing, she heard something else, and they both jumped to conclusions about what their partner really meant.
00:02:55.759 --> 00:03:06.000
Now, autism includes challenges to social communication, and nowhere is social communication more important than in a marriage or committed relationship.
00:03:06.960 --> 00:03:16.719
You may have experienced some communication problems in your relationship, but it's possible to turn those mixed signals into fixed signals.
00:03:17.360 --> 00:03:27.919
The most important thing to remember on your journey to understanding as a couple is that solutions to problems are never on the shoulders of just one of you.
00:03:28.240 --> 00:03:30.319
It's a two-way street.
00:03:30.719 --> 00:03:37.759
Now, if you think the autistic person should make all the changes and try to be more like the majority, you're wrong.
00:03:38.080 --> 00:03:41.439
Autistic people have a right to be as quirky as they want to be.
00:03:41.680 --> 00:03:43.280
And they can be different.
00:03:43.520 --> 00:03:47.199
Within legal and moral limits, of course, that's true for anyone.
00:03:47.680 --> 00:03:57.199
On the other hand, if you believe that the neuroprivileged partner should make all the changes because their partner has a disability and they don't.
00:03:57.520 --> 00:03:59.199
Well, you're wrong there too.
00:03:59.520 --> 00:04:05.439
Autistic people are just as capable of learning, growing, and changing as anyone else.
00:04:05.840 --> 00:04:08.960
This cannot be a one-sided journey.
00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:20.720
There may be certain things which are non-negotiable for either one of you, and you each need to become aware of your partner's needs, but never at the expense of your own needs.
00:04:21.199 --> 00:04:31.680
When two people love each other as you do, you can always work toward the middle ground where everyone gets their needs met and no one is carrying the entire burden of change.
00:04:32.079 --> 00:04:33.920
You know, you're worth it.
00:04:34.240 --> 00:04:37.360
You are your partner's beloved and they are yours.
00:04:37.680 --> 00:04:47.040
You love one another, and you can learn together what each of you needs and how you can work together to honor one another's needs.
00:04:47.279 --> 00:04:50.079
You're probably already doing that in many ways.
00:04:50.399 --> 00:04:54.399
I know it's not easy, but I also know it's possible.
00:04:54.800 --> 00:04:59.360
Your relationship is worth the work you'll put in to make it strong.
00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:01.360
You've got this.
00:05:01.759 --> 00:05:14.000
Oh, if you want to hear more about neuromixed relationships, go to your public library and check out my book, Relating While Autistic: Fixed Signals for Neurodivergent Couples.
00:05:14.240 --> 00:05:18.399
It's book three in the five-part series Adulting While Autistic.
00:05:18.639 --> 00:05:23.279
Or you could buy it at a local independent bookstore or wherever you find your books.
00:05:23.519 --> 00:05:27.439
If you do read it, I hope you'll get back to me and tell me what you think.
00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:28.560
Thanks.
00:05:28.800 --> 00:05:32.399
I'm looking forward to next time on Amplifying Autism.
00:05:32.879 --> 00:05:39.920
You've been listening to Amplifying Autism, celebrating the voices that shape a more understanding world.
00:05:40.160 --> 00:05:42.000
Don't miss the next episode.
00:05:42.319 --> 00:05:47.279
More stories, more insight, and more voices that matter.
00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:10.000
This is Amplifying Autism, where every voice matters and every story shines.
00:00:10.480 --> 00:00:25.280
Join us as autistic authors, professionals, and trailblazers share their journeys, real stories, and real insight from those changing the world, one conversation at a time.
00:00:27.120 --> 00:00:31.280
Hi, this is Wendell of Wickham Marsh of Amplifying Autism.
00:00:31.440 --> 00:00:34.799
Today I want to talk about mixed marriages.
00:00:35.039 --> 00:00:40.719
That's where one partner is neuroprivileged and the other is neurodivergent.
00:00:41.039 --> 00:00:43.679
You know, these mixed marriages can work.
00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:44.640
I know.
00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:48.719
My late husband David was autistic, and I'm not.
00:00:49.200 --> 00:00:54.479
And our marriage worked brilliantly for the 27 years we had together.
00:00:54.880 --> 00:00:58.079
Now that's not to say that everything is always smooth sailing.
00:00:58.320 --> 00:01:02.240
No relationship is without its challenges and mixed signals.
00:01:02.560 --> 00:01:07.599
The thing to do is to recognize and then fix those mixed signals.
00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:12.480
But first, people often ask me, how do you find someone?
00:01:12.719 --> 00:01:16.560
How do neurodivergent people find each other and fall in love?
00:01:16.879 --> 00:01:26.879
Well, pretty much the same way that anyone meets someone through friends, work, clubs, online dating, anywhere people get together.
00:01:27.359 --> 00:01:30.079
I met David in a writer's support group.
00:01:30.239 --> 00:01:33.680
I learned there that he was a man who kept his word.
00:01:34.079 --> 00:01:40.079
If he said he would write 500 words, he would write 500 words, and then 500 more.
00:01:40.719 --> 00:01:45.120
We were friends first, and then we grew to love one another.
00:01:45.920 --> 00:01:51.280
Now, one autistic man I know, Thomas McDonald, wrote this.
00:01:55.840 --> 00:02:00.640
I think I love most her undeniable love for those people she loves.
00:02:00.879 --> 00:02:05.920
She goes above and beyond for them and has such a caring nature.
00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:12.639
Another friend, Wendy B, wrote, We met when I was at work and he came in.
00:02:12.879 --> 00:02:18.080
I was still getting over a divorce, so I friendlisted him for about two years.
00:02:18.319 --> 00:02:22.400
Unlike men from my past, he never gave up.
00:02:23.039 --> 00:02:28.879
So there's lots of different ways that autistic people have found their partner, their one and only.
00:02:30.639 --> 00:02:33.680
But mixed signals can come into the picture.
00:02:33.919 --> 00:02:46.879
However, you found each other, if you're in a neuromixed relationship, or one of you is autistic or has ADHD or another brain difference, you may struggle with mixed signals.
00:02:47.199 --> 00:02:55.199
He said one thing, she heard something else, and they both jumped to conclusions about what their partner really meant.
00:02:55.759 --> 00:03:06.000
Now, autism includes challenges to social communication, and nowhere is social communication more important than in a marriage or committed relationship.
00:03:06.960 --> 00:03:16.719
You may have experienced some communication problems in your relationship, but it's possible to turn those mixed signals into fixed signals.
00:03:17.360 --> 00:03:27.919
The most important thing to remember on your journey to understanding as a couple is that solutions to problems are never on the shoulders of just one of you.
00:03:28.240 --> 00:03:30.319
It's a two-way street.
00:03:30.719 --> 00:03:37.759
Now, if you think the autistic person should make all the changes and try to be more like the majority, you're wrong.
00:03:38.080 --> 00:03:41.439
Autistic people have a right to be as quirky as they want to be.
00:03:41.680 --> 00:03:43.280
And they can be different.
00:03:43.520 --> 00:03:47.199
Within legal and moral limits, of course, that's true for anyone.
00:03:47.680 --> 00:03:57.199
On the other hand, if you believe that the neuroprivileged partner should make all the changes because their partner has a disability and they don't.
00:03:57.520 --> 00:03:59.199
Well, you're wrong there too.
00:03:59.520 --> 00:04:05.439
Autistic people are just as capable of learning, growing, and changing as anyone else.
00:04:05.840 --> 00:04:08.960
This cannot be a one-sided journey.
00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:20.720
There may be certain things which are non-negotiable for either one of you, and you each need to become aware of your partner's needs, but never at the expense of your own needs.
00:04:21.199 --> 00:04:31.680
When two people love each other as you do, you can always work toward the middle ground where everyone gets their needs met and no one is carrying the entire burden of change.
00:04:32.079 --> 00:04:33.920
You know, you're worth it.
00:04:34.240 --> 00:04:37.360
You are your partner's beloved and they are yours.
00:04:37.680 --> 00:04:47.040
You love one another, and you can learn together what each of you needs and how you can work together to honor one another's needs.
00:04:47.279 --> 00:04:50.079
You're probably already doing that in many ways.
00:04:50.399 --> 00:04:54.399
I know it's not easy, but I also know it's possible.
00:04:54.800 --> 00:04:59.360
Your relationship is worth the work you'll put in to make it strong.
00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:01.360
You've got this.
00:05:01.759 --> 00:05:14.000
Oh, if you want to hear more about neuromixed relationships, go to your public library and check out my book, Relating While Autistic: Fixed Signals for Neurodivergent Couples.
00:05:14.240 --> 00:05:18.399
It's book three in the five-part series Adulting While Autistic.
00:05:18.639 --> 00:05:23.279
Or you could buy it at a local independent bookstore or wherever you find your books.
00:05:23.519 --> 00:05:27.439
If you do read it, I hope you'll get back to me and tell me what you think.
00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:28.560
Thanks.
00:05:28.800 --> 00:05:32.399
I'm looking forward to next time on Amplifying Autism.
00:05:32.879 --> 00:05:39.920
You've been listening to Amplifying Autism, celebrating the voices that shape a more understanding world.
00:05:40.160 --> 00:05:42.000
Don't miss the next episode.
00:05:42.319 --> 00:05:47.279
More stories, more insight, and more voices that matter.
