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Welcome back. My friend. It is ADHD. Coach Katherine. And today we are going to be looking at how to combine some of the things I've talked about. In previous episodes and which are a key part of the foundation of my framework. This is your critical trio. That allow you to work with your ADHD. And to still achieve whatever your desired outcome, maybe. Those three things which I've talked about in previous episodes. Are your executive functions. Your personal strengths and self-compassion. Again, I'm so grateful for the wonderful messages I get from people who have taken things from the Polk, cursed used them and are finding them, making a real positive change in their life. Bravo. I just want to give you a great big round of applause. I'm so impressed and. It's exactly why I make this podcast. And the last episode, we talked about understanding how your ADHD is different from other people's and why it's really important that you understand how it's affecting you. Because of course, if we don't really know. Why we findings difficult or what is helpful for us? We're not going to be able to create the strategies and structures that we need around us. And yes, we all need a routine, even if we don't particularly enjoy it. Building strategies and structures at work with your brain. Is only possible when you understand your version of ADHD. Now that you understand the need for self-awareness. We're going to build a foundation by looking at home executive functions. Focusing on your strengths. And adding in self-compassion. Allow you to create a really real. Bust foundation level. For both personal and professional success. As we unpack each of these elements, And I'm going to explain how they work together. And give you some practical strategies about how to use them every day. I want you to remember that whether you're struggling with time management. Whether you are feeling a bit overwhelmed in your business or in your personal life. Learning to use your strengths and use of compassion. Is really important. Whatever you are with your ADHD. Let's do a quick recap of executive functions. I love Dr. Russell Barkley's explanation of them as. Who, what, when, why and how models. And I've spoken before about where they are in your brain, because said are circuits rather than single elements. That affect your executive functions and how they work. These are the defining features of ADHD. Our executive functions are different from the neuro-typical standard model it's likely that you are going to struggle with one or two more than others. For example, some people with ADHD have no problem. Planning out. Complicated projects. And I know several who work in businesses and companies where that's their main job and they love it. They thrive on it. But there are others who literally can't see beyond next week. There are going to be some people with ADHD who are capable of switching into hyper-focus or floor really quickly. And that focus that laser beam is used every day is something that they thrive on. But there are going to be other people who struggle. And when you think is it. Most people. I find it hard to refocus when we have an interruption, either an internal or external one. And it takes about 20 minutes to regather your attention. It's no wonder that people with ADHD find it even more difficult. But basically your executive functions are the management system, the operating system of your brain and the connect different areas. They tell you. Who you are. What do you believe about yourself? What are you doing? And what order do you do things in. Why are you doing thing support? What's the meaning of them. Did manage your emotions. That you're hot circuit is your emotional circuit. And all of them tick is our create. Our experience of the world. But with ADHD brains. Both the structure and the level of neuro-transmitters in her brain. Are different. We may find it harder to keep up with the speed of conversation because we're processing what people are seeing and how they're talking. It's why many parents of children with ADHD. The first thing I tell them is give instructions one thing at a time. And if you're in a classroom, Make sure that you have a visual. On the board as well as a variable instruction. Because your executive functions take external. Stimuli and feedback and turn it into a message or instruction. And one of the main ways we assess ADHD is to. Determine how affected your executive functions are. So the first thing to do is think about. Where are my executive functions struggling. And I've talked about this in a previous episode, which I will include in the show notes. And I have a mini class, which is nearly ready to go about understanding your executive functions. And creating your unique profile. It's called brilliant brains. And it will be available. In June. 2024. And a few episodes ago, I talked about strengths and it specifically character strengths. And why those are so important. It's the second lake of your three legged stool for this particular foundation. And character strengths are those things which are universally recognized so for instance, creativity. Love of beauty and excellence. Zest is one that's very common for people with ADHD humor. Kindness love is a character strengths. There's about 24 that you can find on the via character strengths assessment. So when that I use. But that's different. From a skill. Skill is something that we learn through practice and training, and these can be things that we use for ADHD support. Time management. Computer coding, learning to speak in public. Knitting. These are all skills. That we can learn and improve. And finally we have talent. Tell it to those natural aptitudes or abilities that we have. When we are given the opportunity to use an express, some. They can become something more. But a talent is obviously something like being musical. Being artistic. Some people are very good at sport. But there are other things. Some people have a real gift for catching mathematics, the instinctively understand the principles and the. The enjoy it. We can also develop a skill with mathematics, but it's not the same as a talent. But once you understand what your particular strengths are. Your character strengths. You can use them in areas that your executive functions are struggling a bit. When we work with our strengths. We have a level of resilience. And capability. Of what you call self efficacy, that feelings that we are able to do things. There is. Often lacking for those of us with ADHD. And sometimes it happens because people are well-meaning and they sink they're helping. And it just reinforces this idea. We can't do sayings. But when you're using your strengths, You can start to feel more capable, more confident. You can achieve more in your desired idiot doesn't mean you need to be. Going out. Setting up a company like Virgin or jet blue. But your strengths give you this foundation. And then you can use your skills and talents. To compliment. The areas that you need help with your executive functions. For example, if you are somebody who struggles with organization, And you feel that you just can't get on top of things. You may be lacking a skill. Which could be learned. But when you look at your strengths, you may find it. You have a strengths for creativity. Creativity doesn't mean that you can write music like Mozart. It just means that you're more likely to find an unusual solution to a problem. But when we take the pressure off for solving that. Challenge of our executive function syncing. Huh. One of my character strengths is creativity. Who can I. Adapt. This particular challenge. And use that character strengths to develop your unique system. The reason that a strengths based approach is so good for people with ADHD. Is because it moves away. From this deficit and yes, ADHD is a disability. But when we focus on our strengths, We're thinking about what is inherently powerful and good. About me. And the positive focus. Changes your motivation. And your confidence and I was asking clients for feedback this week. And so many of them said my confidence is so much higher. I feel really good. I know I can do things now and it's because we focus relentlessly. On what they're good at? What are their strengths? How can they use them to solve the challenges? That they have a knows they're doing it themselves, which is so great to see. So using your strengths. Boost your confidence. It gives you a feeling of competence allows you to accomplish things. Is that. Boost you even more. I know people talk about the carrot and the stick. People with ADHD, we worked so much better. With a big bucket of carrots. And lots of praise and. Positive feedback and warm sending. and enthusiasm you might be able to use the stick there. Negative reinforcement for a while. But ultimately it's not going to be good for your mental health or sustainable. So using your strengths. You build strategies around the executive function challenges. Means it tasks become manageable. Less stressful. And it allows you to adapt. As circumstances change. And as your. Challenges change. One is a foundation pieces in the. Framework is it. We focus on using your strengths. And showing you how to create customized. Methods of support and scaffolding that support your executive function gaps. Which means that it's all about what is going to work best for you. It's got to be customized. And that is the. Difficulty most people have when they try to. Sort of shoe horn themselves into an ADHD in quotes solution. Or app And the third element of this foundation that we're thinking about building for your future success is self-compassion. Self-compassion is a really tricky one for people with ADHD. Not just because we've had so many negative comments throughout our life. The little judgy remarks about things you've forgotten. Things you feel to do. And we end up judging ourselves really harshly. I certainly have in the past, given myself a fairly hard time for. Normal ADHD challenges before I knew that's what was going on. But without self-compassion. This can actually become really destructive. Because we know that all human beings have a negativity bias were drawn to this, the bad, which is stickier than the good. But with ADHD, we get stuck in rumination. That's partly because of the interplay between the TPN and the DMN, which is the task positive network and the default mode network. People with ADHD appear to slip in a note of those much more quickly. And also the default mode network is very helpful. And it's what. We might be in, if we're standing, waiting on a bus. If you're in the middle of a task and you end up in the default mode network, and instead of focusing on the task, you're thinking about what your boss said. Before you began, or the discussion you had with your toe before you began work for the day or your partner, something like that. That is where your focus starts to go. Your self efficacy takes a hit because you think I can't steal on task. I'm not doing a good job. And with self-compassion. That is the moment where your practice kicks in and you think, oh what is going on with me, I'm going to take a minute and just. Get my self back into center. It can be as simple as choosing to take a few mindful breaths. It can be having a daily self-compassion practice. And there is evidence that it changes how our brains are responding. But with self-compassion that conversation, when you knew that you slipped into rumination or distraction? It's so much easier to get back on task because you're not spending five or 10 or 30 minutes. Complaining to yourself about how terrible your brain is. You just noticing it. And then moving back. It reduces your judgment. And Being less judgmental about yourself. Is absolutely key. Two. Keeping your executive functions running smoothly. And the reason for that. Is because emotional regulation. Becomes a dominant. Sir, if you like, and your brain over time, your brain will change. Your amygdala will enlarge this. That pathway, if you like becomes well-trodden very quickly. And what self-compassion does. Is, it helps with the emotional regulation piece of ADHD. It reduces your stress, which we know has a physical impact. And when people with ADHD are more likely to have diabetes and other health problems. We need to work on our stress levels. And it also helps us with the resilience that I talked about before. Go back a couple of episodes and I mentioned resilience. But in a non-toxic. Sort of way. And what it means about being flexible. So self-compassion is essential. To all of those things. And although it sounds like I'm just going to be kind to myself. So many people have baggage with the word kind. I like to replace it. And instead of saying, oh, be kind to yourself. I think having compassion. For yourself. Is so much more expansive. When you think about what most people are trying to juggle. Especially if you're self-employed, you're running your own business or, you have a creative practice. You have a family. Any person living in the world today. Is dealing with a lot. And instead of seeing, be kind. B. Compassionate. It's so much more powerful kindness is like patting somebody on the shoulder and seeing they're there and doing the head toe. Making sympathetic noises. Compassion. For me. Is. Wrapping your arms around somebody. Giving them a long enough hook for their breathing to regulate their oxytocin, to kick in. And we know that oxytocin has a relationship with coaches. Also, the more oxytocin we have to Lord our cortisol goes. Compassion. Embrace as somebody changes their chemical state. And we can do that. And the way we communicate with people and ourselves. And it's important. You learn to do that for yourself. And as always, I refer to. Dr. Kristin Neff, who is the person I always go to for myself, compassion practice. And the reason we have to do that is because. We have to build in self-compassion along with understanding and working with our executive functions. And understanding or strengths. It's because the three of them are low you to stay balanced. Centered afloat. Even when things get really challenging. And obviously I go into this a lot more depth. And sessions with people. But sharing this with you isn't to make you think, oh, I've got all these other things that I have to learn to do. I'm trying to explain. These are skills and things we're not taught. In childhood. What if we are, they're filtered through a manual and then they're misunderstood and miscommunicated. But identifying all three of these elements. And spending time with them. It's going to allow you to Zane, move on to things like time management. Goal setting. That other areas of life that people with ADHD struggle with. But having this foundation. Letting go of your judgment. Acknowledging your need for self-compassion. All of these things. Work together. Bear with me. It's a bit like trying to build a garden shed. I have two, which sounds excessive. One is for garden toes. And that was built by my dad. He took out. A few inches of earth filled it with concrete, leveled it, put down some slabs and then put the shed on top. That one is rock-solid. The other garden shed was one put up in 2021. And it was. Not built on a foundation. I asked somebody to help and they. Threw down some slabs. I put some cement on the front of this labs. And then put the shed on top. And although it's still standing. It is definitely less robust. And as my house is on top of a steep hill, you can imagine which one copes better was so windy weather. When you're going through life, I want you to have the solid dad built foundation. Of cement and slabs that are level. And when we integrate all three. Supporting executive functions. Really diving in and focusing on your strengths. And Huge dollop of self-compassion. That is a physical practice as well as a mental one. Together, this three of them are so much more. Powerful. Than they are on their own. So here are three ideas for you to take away this week. The first is thinking about routines. And the reason I talk about routines is because our executive functions. Quick, they get overloaded. Routines are about reducing the demand. On your executive functions. If Steve jobs or jeans and a black polo neck every single day. Hit me well have been an affectation. Or as my ground would see, he might have had a ticket on himself. But the fact is he didn't need to waste. Any mental energy on choosing what to wear. You don't have to go to that extreme. I am not far away from it. But building as much routine and structure into your D is going to make your executive functions feel less stressed. No. The thing that most people miss. Is that they need to have both meaning and structure. There has to be a reason that matters to you. Why you're doing it. And you could use the five. Why is exercise? Which I'll include a link to in the notes below. But it might also mean you use a lot of external scaffolding. These are things that you set up. And that you don't need to use energy to maintain. You may need to adapt them because they will become invisible unless they are what I call bright lane. Structures things that have zero. Flexibility like you have no overdraft on your bank. That's no flexibility. That's a brief lane. But if you have an external structure that doesn't require energy to maintain. That allows you to function and set up a routine. It's going to slowly reduce the Lord on your executive functions. Which means you'll have more energy for emotional regulation. And you'll be able to think more about your other goals here. Other ideas here plans instead of. Firefighting every single day. The next thing to try. Number two is strengths-based planning. And problem-solving and. Obviously, I talked about this a lot more in the strengths episode. But when you are coming up against a new task or a challenge, that's cropped up. Look at your top five character strengths. You might have a list of your skills. Your talent. And then state of coming up was what's the most logical way to solve this. Spend half an hour. Really getting silly. I'm thinking this is my strength. What are the possible ways that I could use it to deal with this challenge or this task? I don't know if you've ever heard the exercise about the brick and how many different ways. You can use a brick. I'll include a link for you in the show notes as well, but. Use your strengths like that. And. Okay, messy with it. Use mind maps use braindumps use. Audio notes, but just. Explore. How many different ways can I use my strengths to solve this problem? Or is one of my number four or five strengths. The one that I should use for this particular challenge or this task. Because. You might not come up with the perfect solution first time. The fact you're spending so long thinking about stuff you're good at. Is going to. Regulate your emotions. And it's going to allow you to think of what's possible. And the last thing I'm going to invite you to do again. I know I've mentioned this before. Is a self compassion practice. Kristin Neff has them on her website. They are between five and 10 minutes long. If you have tame. You can do a 20 minute one. But the one that I phoned. Most powerful whistle, loving kindness. Self-compassion practice. That are fierce self-compassion exercises, which are really good to, if you're somebody who struggles with boundaries. All of the matter available on her website. But this allows you to build up your emotional battery, this like you're charging yourself up. With more flexibility. More resilience. And it allows you to focus more on the strengths because you're less emotionally dysregulated. And with the strengths as part of your routines. And your external structure, supporting them. You feel naturally more organized and allows you to stay more resilient and flexible when challenges come up and you need to adapt your strategies over time. Obviously, this is all part of the foundation of my ADHD. Rising. Great program, which is going to launch in June. The first program starts in September, but there will be special warmup sessions over the summer. And again, Going to talk about my executive function challenge class in. June, which has code brilliant brains. And you'll find out more about that in the show notes. Using these elements as part of the ADHD rising framework means that you're building from a very strong foundation. And it. Improves your personal and professional life. Because let's face it. It doesn't matter if you learn all these wonderful business techniques. If your personal life is a mace. It's eventually going to bite you in the bum. When you're trying to work. Please take the time to understand your executive function needs. What your strengths are. And how you can improve yourself. Compassion. I really hope you will come along to the live seminar on Monday, the 3rd of June, 2024. When I will explain about how the framework works is the summary of the experiences I've had myself and with clients. And brings together the most powerful elements. Adaptable by and for you. To create. The frameworks that you need. For personal and professional success. There is a signup link in the show notes below and M my social media profiles. And it's going to have a few extra bonuses for those people who come along live. And. I would love to hear about your experiences. With executive functions. What happens when you focus on your strains, you can share them. With me on social media, you can email me directly. And. Next week, I'm going to be talking about. My clear message, which is how I manage. A lot of my day-to-day work. And information. But I'm also going to talk about focus and flow because I think those are really important for so many people. So make sure you come back next week to hear more about the clear message, which is a favorable in my ebook and the link below. As well as focus and flow and how to manage it. Until next time. Take care of yourself. And keep in touch.
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Welcome back. My friend. It is ADHD. Coach Katherine. And today we are going to be looking at how to combine some of the things I've talked about. In previous episodes and which are a key part of the foundation of my framework. This is your critical trio. That allow you to work with your ADHD. And to still achieve whatever your desired outcome, maybe. Those three things which I've talked about in previous episodes. Are your executive functions. Your personal strengths and self-compassion. Again, I'm so grateful for the wonderful messages I get from people who have taken things from the Polk, cursed used them and are finding them, making a real positive change in their life. Bravo. I just want to give you a great big round of applause. I'm so impressed and. It's exactly why I make this podcast. And the last episode, we talked about understanding how your ADHD is different from other people's and why it's really important that you understand how it's affecting you. Because of course, if we don't really know. Why we findings difficult or what is helpful for us? We're not going to be able to create the strategies and structures that we need around us. And yes, we all need a routine, even if we don't particularly enjoy it. Building strategies and structures at work with your brain. Is only possible when you understand your version of ADHD. Now that you understand the need for self-awareness. We're going to build a foundation by looking at home executive functions. Focusing on your strengths. And adding in self-compassion. Allow you to create a really real. Bust foundation level. For both personal and professional success. As we unpack each of these elements, And I'm going to explain how they work together. And give you some practical strategies about how to use them every day. I want you to remember that whether you're struggling with time management. Whether you are feeling a bit overwhelmed in your business or in your personal life. Learning to use your strengths and use of compassion. Is really important. Whatever you are with your ADHD. Let's do a quick recap of executive functions. I love Dr. Russell Barkley's explanation of them as. Who, what, when, why and how models. And I've spoken before about where they are in your brain, because said are circuits rather than single elements. That affect your executive functions and how they work. These are the defining features of ADHD. Our executive functions are different from the neuro-typical standard model it's likely that you are going to struggle with one or two more than others. For example, some people with ADHD have no problem. Planning out. Complicated projects. And I know several who work in businesses and companies where that's their main job and they love it. They thrive on it. But there are others who literally can't see beyond next week. There are going to be some people with ADHD who are capable of switching into hyper-focus or floor really quickly. And that focus that laser beam is used every day is something that they thrive on. But there are going to be other people who struggle. And when you think is it. Most people. I find it hard to refocus when we have an interruption, either an internal or external one. And it takes about 20 minutes to regather your attention. It's no wonder that people with ADHD find it even more difficult. But basically your executive functions are the management system, the operating system of your brain and the connect different areas. They tell you. Who you are. What do you believe about yourself? What are you doing? And what order do you do things in. Why are you doing thing support? What's the meaning of them. Did manage your emotions. That you're hot circuit is your emotional circuit. And all of them tick is our create. Our experience of the world. But with ADHD brains. Both the structure and the level of neuro-transmitters in her brain. Are different. We may find it harder to keep up with the speed of conversation because we're processing what people are seeing and how they're talking. It's why many parents of children with ADHD. The first thing I tell them is give instructions one thing at a time. And if you're in a classroom, Make sure that you have a visual. On the board as well as a variable instruction. Because your executive functions take external. Stimuli and feedback and turn it into a message or instruction. And one of the main ways we assess ADHD is to. Determine how affected your executive functions are. So the first thing to do is think about. Where are my executive functions struggling. And I've talked about this in a previous episode, which I will include in the show notes. And I have a mini class, which is nearly ready to go about understanding your executive functions. And creating your unique profile. It's called brilliant brains. And it will be available. In June. 2024. And a few episodes ago, I talked about strengths and it specifically character strengths. And why those are so important. It's the second lake of your three legged stool for this particular foundation. And character strengths are those things which are universally recognized so for instance, creativity. Love of beauty and excellence. Zest is one that's very common for people with ADHD humor. Kindness love is a character strengths. There's about 24 that you can find on the via character strengths assessment. So when that I use. But that's different. From a skill. Skill is something that we learn through practice and training, and these can be things that we use for ADHD support. Time management. Computer coding, learning to speak in public. Knitting. These are all skills. That we can learn and improve. And finally we have talent. Tell it to those natural aptitudes or abilities that we have. When we are given the opportunity to use an express, some. They can become something more. But a talent is obviously something like being musical. Being artistic. Some people are very good at sport. But there are other things. Some people have a real gift for catching mathematics, the instinctively understand the principles and the. The enjoy it. We can also develop a skill with mathematics, but it's not the same as a talent. But once you understand what your particular strengths are. Your character strengths. You can use them in areas that your executive functions are struggling a bit. When we work with our strengths. We have a level of resilience. And capability. Of what you call self efficacy, that feelings that we are able to do things. There is. Often lacking for those of us with ADHD. And sometimes it happens because people are well-meaning and they sink they're helping. And it just reinforces this idea. We can't do sayings. But when you're using your strengths, You can start to feel more capable, more confident. You can achieve more in your desired idiot doesn't mean you need to be. Going out. Setting up a company like Virgin or jet blue. But your strengths give you this foundation. And then you can use your skills and talents. To compliment. The areas that you need help with your executive functions. For example, if you are somebody who struggles with organization, And you feel that you just can't get on top of things. You may be lacking a skill. Which could be learned. But when you look at your strengths, you may find it. You have a strengths for creativity. Creativity doesn't mean that you can write music like Mozart. It just means that you're more likely to find an unusual solution to a problem. But when we take the pressure off for solving that. Challenge of our executive function syncing. Huh. One of my character strengths is creativity. Who can I. Adapt. This particular challenge. And use that character strengths to develop your unique system. The reason that a strengths based approach is so good for people with ADHD. Is because it moves away. From this deficit and yes, ADHD is a disability. But when we focus on our strengths, We're thinking about what is inherently powerful and good. About me. And the positive focus. Changes your motivation. And your confidence and I was asking clients for feedback this week. And so many of them said my confidence is so much higher. I feel really good. I know I can do things now and it's because we focus relentlessly. On what they're good at? What are their strengths? How can they use them to solve the challenges? That they have a knows they're doing it themselves, which is so great to see. So using your strengths. Boost your confidence. It gives you a feeling of competence allows you to accomplish things. Is that. Boost you even more. I know people talk about the carrot and the stick. People with ADHD, we worked so much better. With a big bucket of carrots. And lots of praise and. Positive feedback and warm sending. and enthusiasm you might be able to use the stick there. Negative reinforcement for a while. But ultimately it's not going to be good for your mental health or sustainable. So using your strengths. You build strategies around the executive function challenges. Means it tasks become manageable. Less stressful. And it allows you to adapt. As circumstances change. And as your. Challenges change. One is a foundation pieces in the. Framework is it. We focus on using your strengths. And showing you how to create customized. Methods of support and scaffolding that support your executive function gaps. Which means that it's all about what is going to work best for you. It's got to be customized. And that is the. Difficulty most people have when they try to. Sort of shoe horn themselves into an ADHD in quotes solution. Or app And the third element of this foundation that we're thinking about building for your future success is self-compassion. Self-compassion is a really tricky one for people with ADHD. Not just because we've had so many negative comments throughout our life. The little judgy remarks about things you've forgotten. Things you feel to do. And we end up judging ourselves really harshly. I certainly have in the past, given myself a fairly hard time for. Normal ADHD challenges before I knew that's what was going on. But without self-compassion. This can actually become really destructive. Because we know that all human beings have a negativity bias were drawn to this, the bad, which is stickier than the good. But with ADHD, we get stuck in rumination. That's partly because of the interplay between the TPN and the DMN, which is the task positive network and the default mode network. People with ADHD appear to slip in a note of those much more quickly. And also the default mode network is very helpful. And it's what. We might be in, if we're standing, waiting on a bus. If you're in the middle of a task and you end up in the default mode network, and instead of focusing on the task, you're thinking about what your boss said. Before you began, or the discussion you had with your toe before you began work for the day or your partner, something like that. That is where your focus starts to go. Your self efficacy takes a hit because you think I can't steal on task. I'm not doing a good job. And with self-compassion. That is the moment where your practice kicks in and you think, oh what is going on with me, I'm going to take a minute and just. Get my self back into center. It can be as simple as choosing to take a few mindful breaths. It can be having a daily self-compassion practice. And there is evidence that it changes how our brains are responding. But with self-compassion that conversation, when you knew that you slipped into rumination or distraction? It's so much easier to get back on task because you're not spending five or 10 or 30 minutes. Complaining to yourself about how terrible your brain is. You just noticing it. And then moving back. It reduces your judgment. And Being less judgmental about yourself. Is absolutely key. Two. Keeping your executive functions running smoothly. And the reason for that. Is because emotional regulation. Becomes a dominant. Sir, if you like, and your brain over time, your brain will change. Your amygdala will enlarge this. That pathway, if you like becomes well-trodden very quickly. And what self-compassion does. Is, it helps with the emotional regulation piece of ADHD. It reduces your stress, which we know has a physical impact. And when people with ADHD are more likely to have diabetes and other health problems. We need to work on our stress levels. And it also helps us with the resilience that I talked about before. Go back a couple of episodes and I mentioned resilience. But in a non-toxic. Sort of way. And what it means about being flexible. So self-compassion is essential. To all of those things. And although it sounds like I'm just going to be kind to myself. So many people have baggage with the word kind. I like to replace it. And instead of saying, oh, be kind to yourself. I think having compassion. For yourself. Is so much more expansive. When you think about what most people are trying to juggle. Especially if you're self-employed, you're running your own business or, you have a creative practice. You have a family. Any person living in the world today. Is dealing with a lot. And instead of seeing, be kind. B. Compassionate. It's so much more powerful kindness is like patting somebody on the shoulder and seeing they're there and doing the head toe. Making sympathetic noises. Compassion. For me. Is. Wrapping your arms around somebody. Giving them a long enough hook for their breathing to regulate their oxytocin, to kick in. And we know that oxytocin has a relationship with coaches. Also, the more oxytocin we have to Lord our cortisol goes. Compassion. Embrace as somebody changes their chemical state. And we can do that. And the way we communicate with people and ourselves. And it's important. You learn to do that for yourself. And as always, I refer to. Dr. Kristin Neff, who is the person I always go to for myself, compassion practice. And the reason we have to do that is because. We have to build in self-compassion along with understanding and working with our executive functions. And understanding or strengths. It's because the three of them are low you to stay balanced. Centered afloat. Even when things get really challenging. And obviously I go into this a lot more depth. And sessions with people. But sharing this with you isn't to make you think, oh, I've got all these other things that I have to learn to do. I'm trying to explain. These are skills and things we're not taught. In childhood. What if we are, they're filtered through a manual and then they're misunderstood and miscommunicated. But identifying all three of these elements. And spending time with them. It's going to allow you to Zane, move on to things like time management. Goal setting. That other areas of life that people with ADHD struggle with. But having this foundation. Letting go of your judgment. Acknowledging your need for self-compassion. All of these things. Work together. Bear with me. It's a bit like trying to build a garden shed. I have two, which sounds excessive. One is for garden toes. And that was built by my dad. He took out. A few inches of earth filled it with concrete, leveled it, put down some slabs and then put the shed on top. That one is rock-solid. The other garden shed was one put up in 2021. And it was. Not built on a foundation. I asked somebody to help and they. Threw down some slabs. I put some cement on the front of this labs. And then put the shed on top. And although it's still standing. It is definitely less robust. And as my house is on top of a steep hill, you can imagine which one copes better was so windy weather. When you're going through life, I want you to have the solid dad built foundation. Of cement and slabs that are level. And when we integrate all three. Supporting executive functions. Really diving in and focusing on your strengths. And Huge dollop of self-compassion. That is a physical practice as well as a mental one. Together, this three of them are so much more. Powerful. Than they are on their own. So here are three ideas for you to take away this week. The first is thinking about routines. And the reason I talk about routines is because our executive functions. Quick, they get overloaded. Routines are about reducing the demand. On your executive functions. If Steve jobs or jeans and a black polo neck every single day. Hit me well have been an affectation. Or as my ground would see, he might have had a ticket on himself. But the fact is he didn't need to waste. Any mental energy on choosing what to wear. You don't have to go to that extreme. I am not far away from it. But building as much routine and structure into your D is going to make your executive functions feel less stressed. No. The thing that most people miss. Is that they need to have both meaning and structure. There has to be a reason that matters to you. Why you're doing it. And you could use the five. Why is exercise? Which I'll include a link to in the notes below. But it might also mean you use a lot of external scaffolding. These are things that you set up. And that you don't need to use energy to maintain. You may need to adapt them because they will become invisible unless they are what I call bright lane. Structures things that have zero. Flexibility like you have no overdraft on your bank. That's no flexibility. That's a brief lane. But if you have an external structure that doesn't require energy to maintain. That allows you to function and set up a routine. It's going to slowly reduce the Lord on your executive functions. Which means you'll have more energy for emotional regulation. And you'll be able to think more about your other goals here. Other ideas here plans instead of. Firefighting every single day. The next thing to try. Number two is strengths-based planning. And problem-solving and. Obviously, I talked about this a lot more in the strengths episode. But when you are coming up against a new task or a challenge, that's cropped up. Look at your top five character strengths. You might have a list of your skills. Your talent. And then state of coming up was what's the most logical way to solve this. Spend half an hour. Really getting silly. I'm thinking this is my strength. What are the possible ways that I could use it to deal with this challenge or this task? I don't know if you've ever heard the exercise about the brick and how many different ways. You can use a brick. I'll include a link for you in the show notes as well, but. Use your strengths like that. And. Okay, messy with it. Use mind maps use braindumps use. Audio notes, but just. Explore. How many different ways can I use my strengths to solve this problem? Or is one of my number four or five strengths. The one that I should use for this particular challenge or this task. Because. You might not come up with the perfect solution first time. The fact you're spending so long thinking about stuff you're good at. Is going to. Regulate your emotions. And it's going to allow you to think of what's possible. And the last thing I'm going to invite you to do again. I know I've mentioned this before. Is a self compassion practice. Kristin Neff has them on her website. They are between five and 10 minutes long. If you have tame. You can do a 20 minute one. But the one that I phoned. Most powerful whistle, loving kindness. Self-compassion practice. That are fierce self-compassion exercises, which are really good to, if you're somebody who struggles with boundaries. All of the matter available on her website. But this allows you to build up your emotional battery, this like you're charging yourself up. With more flexibility. More resilience. And it allows you to focus more on the strengths because you're less emotionally dysregulated. And with the strengths as part of your routines. And your external structure, supporting them. You feel naturally more organized and allows you to stay more resilient and flexible when challenges come up and you need to adapt your strategies over time. Obviously, this is all part of the foundation of my ADHD. Rising. Great program, which is going to launch in June. The first program starts in September, but there will be special warmup sessions over the summer. And again, Going to talk about my executive function challenge class in. June, which has code brilliant brains. And you'll find out more about that in the show notes. Using these elements as part of the ADHD rising framework means that you're building from a very strong foundation. And it. Improves your personal and professional life. Because let's face it. It doesn't matter if you learn all these wonderful business techniques. If your personal life is a mace. It's eventually going to bite you in the bum. When you're trying to work. Please take the time to understand your executive function needs. What your strengths are. And how you can improve yourself. Compassion. I really hope you will come along to the live seminar on Monday, the 3rd of June, 2024. When I will explain about how the framework works is the summary of the experiences I've had myself and with clients. And brings together the most powerful elements. Adaptable by and for you. To create. The frameworks that you need. For personal and professional success. There is a signup link in the show notes below and M my social media profiles. And it's going to have a few extra bonuses for those people who come along live. And. I would love to hear about your experiences. With executive functions. What happens when you focus on your strains, you can share them. With me on social media, you can email me directly. And. Next week, I'm going to be talking about. My clear message, which is how I manage. A lot of my day-to-day work. And information. But I'm also going to talk about focus and flow because I think those are really important for so many people. So make sure you come back next week to hear more about the clear message, which is a favorable in my ebook and the link below. As well as focus and flow and how to manage it. Until next time. Take care of yourself. And keep in touch.
